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1
00:00:19,970 --> 00:00:21,850
Hey, Uncle Bernie!
How you doing?
2
00:00:21,922 --> 00:00:23,522
Good.
Put 'er there.
3
00:00:23,599 --> 00:00:25,149
Man, get that out of my face.
I see what you do with your hands.
4
00:00:25,225 --> 00:00:26,525
But they're clean!
I swear!
5
00:00:26,602 --> 00:00:27,592
Oh, they're clean, huh?
6
00:00:27,670 --> 00:00:28,730
Let me see you
smell your thumb.
7
00:00:28,804 --> 00:00:29,944
(inhaling deeply)
8
00:00:29,947 --> 00:00:31,277
Mmm!
Like a Carolina pine forest.
9
00:00:31,356 --> 00:00:32,416
(laughing):
Is that right?
10
00:00:32,499 --> 00:00:34,149
The shaky hand--
smell that one.
11
00:00:34,160 --> 00:00:35,730
No, like this.
12
00:00:35,811 --> 00:00:37,031
Yeah.
Ow! Ow!
13
00:00:37,104 --> 00:00:38,534
Nice try, boy.
14
00:00:38,605 --> 00:00:40,105
Clean yourself up.
15
00:00:40,190 --> 00:00:41,910
(buzzer whirs)
16
00:00:41,983 --> 00:00:44,163
Pranks!
America, I love 'em!
17
00:00:44,236 --> 00:00:46,366
I been prankin' them kids
since they got here.
18
00:00:46,446 --> 00:00:48,296
They can't prank me,
oh, no!
19
00:00:48,373 --> 00:00:50,253
'Cause you're looking
at the master pranksman.
20
00:00:50,325 --> 00:00:52,375
Want to see some of
Bernie Mac classics?
21
00:00:52,452 --> 00:00:53,512
Pay attention.
22
00:01:00,669 --> 00:01:02,439
(groans)
23
00:01:02,513 --> 00:01:05,353
Uncle Bernie,
can you help me?
24
00:01:05,423 --> 00:01:07,023
What's up?
25
00:01:07,092 --> 00:01:09,272
I need to get my coat,
but the door's stuck.
26
00:01:09,344 --> 00:01:11,204
Your door's stuck, huh?
27
00:01:22,149 --> 00:01:23,909
Nice try, Nessa.
28
00:01:23,984 --> 00:01:25,544
Give you A for effort.
29
00:01:25,619 --> 00:01:26,709
Now clean it up.
30
00:01:35,829 --> 00:01:37,599
(squeals)
Help!
31
00:01:37,673 --> 00:01:40,133
I'm telling you, man,
I'm so doggone good,
32
00:01:40,208 --> 00:01:41,418
I should teach a class.
33
00:01:41,501 --> 00:01:42,551
What'd you think
about that, Ashton?
34
00:01:42,627 --> 00:01:44,467
That was good.
That was a quality prank.
35
00:01:44,546 --> 00:01:46,516
I'm telling you, baby.
Now, you're a master pranksman yourself.
36
00:01:46,598 --> 00:01:48,558
Now, you tell me,
the Mac Man,
37
00:01:48,633 --> 00:01:50,483
what makes a good
trickster, baby?
38
00:01:50,552 --> 00:01:51,982
You have to have
a devious mind.
39
00:01:52,053 --> 00:01:53,343
Tell everybody.
40
00:01:53,422 --> 00:01:55,062
You have to have that devious,
set, like, that thing
41
00:01:55,140 --> 00:01:56,150
that makes you want
to hurt people.
42
00:01:56,224 --> 00:01:57,224
Diabolical.
Uh-huh.
43
00:01:57,292 --> 00:01:58,362
Like you.
Yeah, yeah.
44
00:01:58,435 --> 00:01:59,395
Oh, yeah,
that little...
45
00:01:59,477 --> 00:02:00,487
I see it; you got it
in the eye.
46
00:02:00,562 --> 00:02:01,952
Yeah, I got it,
man, you know.
47
00:02:01,956 --> 00:02:03,236
I know you have it.
48
00:02:03,315 --> 00:02:04,325
I'm telling you, boy.
But you right.
49
00:02:04,408 --> 00:02:05,918
But you also got to
have good timing,
50
00:02:05,993 --> 00:02:06,953
like a good comedian.
51
00:02:07,027 --> 00:02:07,977
This is true.
52
00:02:08,062 --> 00:02:09,662
I got that heartbeat
like that.
53
00:02:09,738 --> 00:02:11,368
Yeah, but let's not forget
the one thing
54
00:02:11,382 --> 00:02:13,172
that makes a good prank
a great prank.
55
00:02:13,241 --> 00:02:15,831
Gasoline, gunpowder,
matches.
56
00:02:15,911 --> 00:02:17,501
I, I, I, haven't tried that.
57
00:02:17,579 --> 00:02:19,589
I was going to say
a camera crew.
58
00:02:19,664 --> 00:02:21,884
What's a camera crew
got to do with it?
59
00:02:21,958 --> 00:02:25,468
You have to record
the event.
60
00:02:25,545 --> 00:02:28,305
So other people
can laugh at the person.
61
00:02:28,381 --> 00:02:31,311
Like... (laughing)
62
00:02:31,384 --> 00:02:33,814
But if you don't
have the camera, you can't do that.
63
00:02:33,821 --> 00:02:35,151
(clears throat)
64
00:02:35,222 --> 00:02:36,522
He's young.
65
00:02:36,532 --> 00:02:37,522
Hey, baby!
66
00:02:37,599 --> 00:02:39,259
WANDA:
Yeah?
67
00:02:39,334 --> 00:02:42,194
I don't know if I dig
Halle Berry with this long hair.
68
00:02:42,270 --> 00:02:44,240
I mean, don't get me wrong,
she's still a fine nine,
69
00:02:44,314 --> 00:02:45,364
but she was a ten.
70
00:02:45,440 --> 00:02:48,070
Honey, Halle's not checking
for you.
71
00:02:48,151 --> 00:02:49,751
And I ain't checkin' for Halle.
72
00:02:49,828 --> 00:02:52,048
I'm checkin' for you,
because you're 11 and a half.
73
00:02:52,122 --> 00:02:53,802
Keep talkin' that smack.
74
00:02:53,874 --> 00:02:55,004
Ooh!
75
00:02:55,075 --> 00:02:56,205
What's wrong, Halle Berry?
76
00:02:56,284 --> 00:02:57,754
Honey, that's a rat right there.
77
00:02:57,827 --> 00:02:59,177
A rat right where?
78
00:03:01,748 --> 00:03:03,508
That ain't no rat.
79
00:03:03,583 --> 00:03:05,263
That's probably the kids
playing a prank.
80
00:03:05,335 --> 00:03:06,335
They been trying to get me
all week.
81
00:03:06,419 --> 00:03:07,559
That ain't no rat.
82
00:03:07,638 --> 00:03:10,518
You know, America,
I feel bad for them kids.
83
00:03:10,599 --> 00:03:12,349
They're like lambs
to the slaughter.
84
00:03:12,425 --> 00:03:14,035
Hey, I'm un-prankable.
85
00:03:14,119 --> 00:03:17,059
A master not only of pranks,
but counter-prank-a-patation.
86
00:03:17,138 --> 00:03:19,398
(sinister laugh)
87
00:03:19,474 --> 00:03:22,114
My defense make the '85 Bears
look real soft.
88
00:03:22,185 --> 00:03:24,285
Got it?
89
00:03:25,689 --> 00:03:27,079
I'm telling you...
90
00:03:27,157 --> 00:03:28,867
granted, the thing look real,
91
00:03:28,876 --> 00:03:30,116
and everything,
you know.
92
00:03:30,193 --> 00:03:31,653
I give the kids credit for that.
93
00:03:31,729 --> 00:03:34,039
I can tell, 'cause see how
its ears lay back...
94
00:03:34,114 --> 00:03:35,214
Babe, there's a rat in here.
95
00:03:35,282 --> 00:03:37,002
Look at that, baby,
it is a real rat!
96
00:03:37,075 --> 00:03:38,745
Oh, Lord...!
97
00:03:38,827 --> 00:03:39,917
Honey, don't...
98
00:03:39,995 --> 00:03:41,585
Are you...?
Don't pass out!
99
00:03:41,663 --> 00:03:43,513
Ooh! Honey?
100
00:03:46,001 --> 00:03:49,091
And your Uncle Bernie thinks
he is so un-prankable.
101
00:03:49,170 --> 00:03:52,390
Oh, but when he found out
it was real,
102
00:03:52,465 --> 00:03:54,265
he jumped up on the bed
and said, "Aah!"
103
00:03:54,342 --> 00:03:57,772
"Oh, Lord!" And
dropped like a lie!
104
00:03:57,846 --> 00:03:59,766
(all laughing)
105
00:03:59,848 --> 00:04:01,818
Whoo, we got him so good.
106
00:04:01,891 --> 00:04:04,191
Oh, oh... where's the nasty
little thing, anyway?
107
00:04:04,269 --> 00:04:05,629
I don't know.
108
00:04:05,703 --> 00:04:06,903
He jumped out of the box
before I put the lid on.
109
00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:08,914
What?!
Aunt Wanda, he was fast!
110
00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:11,746
And he was all zigzagging!
111
00:04:11,827 --> 00:04:14,077
WANDA:
Uh... uh...
112
00:04:14,154 --> 00:04:15,584
In here?
113
00:04:15,655 --> 00:04:17,615
Cahoots!
It's a conspiracy!
114
00:04:17,699 --> 00:04:20,579
And Wanda the ringleader.
Scandalous.
115
00:04:20,660 --> 00:04:22,460
Why would she go
and join up with them?
116
00:04:22,471 --> 00:04:24,341
American women,
y'all better learn
117
00:04:24,414 --> 00:04:27,634
which side your bread
is buttered.
118
00:04:27,709 --> 00:04:28,589
Hey, baby.
119
00:04:28,668 --> 00:04:29,878
Hmm?
120
00:04:29,895 --> 00:04:30,985
Baby...
Hmm?
121
00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:32,258
We got to deal
with this rat business.
122
00:04:32,339 --> 00:04:33,719
I'm talking about
quickly and permanently.
123
00:04:33,798 --> 00:04:36,468
Oh, uh, yeah, uh,
I guess you're right.
124
00:04:36,551 --> 00:04:37,391
(grunts)
125
00:04:37,403 --> 00:04:39,233
Maybe we should look into
126
00:04:39,304 --> 00:04:42,024
one of those
healthy traps, uh...
127
00:04:42,098 --> 00:04:44,938
you know, something, um...
humane?
128
00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:46,862
Healthy trap, huh?
129
00:04:46,936 --> 00:04:48,606
Yeah.
All right.
130
00:04:48,688 --> 00:04:49,898
I'll handle it.
131
00:04:49,981 --> 00:04:50,961
Okay.
132
00:04:52,817 --> 00:04:54,277
Humane.
133
00:04:54,361 --> 00:04:55,951
I'm opting for something
cruel and unusual,
134
00:04:56,029 --> 00:04:57,699
but I'm going to handle it.
135
00:04:57,781 --> 00:04:59,381
She's making a mistake,
y'all.
136
00:04:59,458 --> 00:05:01,428
'Cause when you bring a rat
in the Mac Man house,
137
00:05:01,501 --> 00:05:02,791
it's no longer a game,
baby.
138
00:05:02,869 --> 00:05:04,449
It's war.
139
00:05:04,529 --> 00:05:08,129
And Bernie Mac got a secret
weapon: chemical warfare.
140
00:05:08,208 --> 00:05:09,168
(chuckles)
Okay.
141
00:05:09,250 --> 00:05:11,800
Hoo. Bring it on.
142
00:05:11,878 --> 00:05:13,298
Ya dirty rat.
143
00:05:13,380 --> 00:05:15,760
(door shuts)
144
00:05:15,774 --> 00:05:16,944
Hey, baby.
145
00:05:17,017 --> 00:05:18,217
Thank God you're back.
146
00:05:18,301 --> 00:05:19,811
Don't tell me--
that rat again.
147
00:05:19,886 --> 00:05:21,976
It's worse.
It's a dead dog, and it's back here.
148
00:05:22,055 --> 00:05:24,305
Aw...
149
00:05:24,325 --> 00:05:26,185
BERNIE:
Come out here and get me, man.
150
00:05:26,201 --> 00:05:27,401
What you talking about?
151
00:05:27,477 --> 00:05:28,447
WANDA:
I gotta show you something.
152
00:05:28,528 --> 00:05:29,488
It better be good.
153
00:05:29,562 --> 00:05:30,492
Oh, it's better than good.
154
00:05:30,563 --> 00:05:31,493
We've got a situation.
155
00:05:31,564 --> 00:05:32,564
I found the rat poison,
156
00:05:32,641 --> 00:05:33,781
and how could you be
so irresponsible?
157
00:05:33,858 --> 00:05:35,948
Me?! It's your fault.
My fault?!
158
00:05:36,027 --> 00:05:37,827
Doggone right! You tried
to prank me with that rat.
159
00:05:37,904 --> 00:05:39,334
I heard you in there
talking to the kids.
160
00:05:39,406 --> 00:05:41,826
Okay, fine.
That was a prank, all right?
161
00:05:41,908 --> 00:05:43,518
You left
the poison out,
162
00:05:43,593 --> 00:05:45,673
and it turned into something
a little bit more serious.
163
00:05:45,745 --> 00:05:47,665
Aw... Aw!
Look at that!
164
00:05:47,747 --> 00:05:49,587
Dog! Look at that!
He foaming at the mouth!
165
00:05:49,666 --> 00:05:51,506
Cover it back up,
sweetheart-- go on!
166
00:05:51,584 --> 00:05:53,644
He's foaming at the mouth,
'cause that's the poison.
167
00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:55,980
I think we should call
Animal Control.
168
00:05:56,056 --> 00:05:58,676
Yeah. Poor little thing.
169
00:05:58,758 --> 00:06:00,128
He wasn't bothering
nobody.
170
00:06:00,210 --> 00:06:02,190
I'm going to go on in and
get a pitchfork and a wok.
171
00:06:02,262 --> 00:06:03,692
You know what?
I think you've done enough.
172
00:06:03,763 --> 00:06:05,983
Why don't you just go inside,
and I'll handle this.
173
00:06:05,991 --> 00:06:06,981
Okay.
174
00:06:06,992 --> 00:06:09,482
Go!
175
00:06:09,495 --> 00:06:11,395
This is horrible, America.
176
00:06:11,479 --> 00:06:13,569
I was just aiming
to kill a vermin,
177
00:06:13,648 --> 00:06:14,998
but a dead dog, that's
man's best friend.
178
00:06:15,075 --> 00:06:16,955
I'm lucky it was a stray.
179
00:06:18,695 --> 00:06:19,785
Nobody lost
a friend tonight.
180
00:06:19,863 --> 00:06:21,043
That's the good
thing about it.
181
00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:22,178
Nobody lost a friend.
182
00:06:22,257 --> 00:06:24,207
Bernie, I-I don't think
that pranks
183
00:06:24,218 --> 00:06:27,508
are supposed to have
body counts.
184
00:06:27,587 --> 00:06:30,377
Not another word,
Ashton, okay?
185
00:06:30,457 --> 00:06:33,017
You either.
186
00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:35,053
That's just wrong.
187
00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:36,092
I know it is.
188
00:06:36,171 --> 00:06:37,761
It's a dog.
189
00:06:37,839 --> 00:06:39,219
I killed it.
190
00:06:39,299 --> 00:06:40,389
Didn't you ever see
Old Yeller?
191
00:06:40,467 --> 00:06:42,597
No. What was that about?
192
00:06:42,677 --> 00:06:43,767
How do you think
that little boy...
193
00:06:43,845 --> 00:06:46,975
about the dog...
died from the thing.
194
00:06:47,056 --> 00:06:48,186
I'm going to feel bad...
195
00:06:48,033 --> 00:06:49,573
Where the Red FernGrows?
196
00:06:49,642 --> 00:06:51,032
I feel bad enough, Ashton.
I don't need all that.
197
00:06:51,111 --> 00:06:52,401
I feel like
a gang-banger.
198
00:06:52,479 --> 00:06:54,029
I killed my dog.
199
00:06:54,039 --> 00:06:56,079
(stifled sob)
200
00:07:00,528 --> 00:07:03,498
America, I learned my lesson.
201
00:07:03,573 --> 00:07:06,213
This war has had
one casualty too many.
202
00:07:06,284 --> 00:07:08,174
I've pranked my last prank.
203
00:07:08,244 --> 00:07:09,464
The high priest
of hijinks
204
00:07:09,537 --> 00:07:11,177
is hanging up
his whoopee cushion.
205
00:07:11,256 --> 00:07:13,466
(blatting and squeaking)
206
00:07:36,874 --> 00:07:38,504
(sighs)
207
00:07:42,237 --> 00:07:43,587
(groans)
208
00:07:44,906 --> 00:07:49,506
(announcers calling gameon TV)
209
00:07:53,289 --> 00:07:55,849
(scary music playing)
210
00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:07,650
(Jordan and Vanessa laughing)
211
00:08:11,182 --> 00:08:12,282
(laughing)
212
00:08:14,644 --> 00:08:16,874
(basketball game changes
to scary music playing)
213
00:08:20,125 --> 00:08:22,195
Dang.
He stopped flipping.
214
00:08:22,277 --> 00:08:23,587
Huh?
215
00:08:27,132 --> 00:08:28,502
Look at them stupid kids.
216
00:08:28,575 --> 00:08:30,535
And I'm not even
pranking back.
217
00:08:30,618 --> 00:08:32,288
And that's the best
they can do.
218
00:08:32,370 --> 00:08:34,210
They're lucky
I hung up my guns.
219
00:08:34,289 --> 00:08:35,629
But they keep it up,
220
00:08:35,641 --> 00:08:37,381
I'm still not above
a ass-whuppin',
221
00:08:37,392 --> 00:08:40,092
and that's almost as good
as a prank.
222
00:08:40,169 --> 00:08:42,139
(doorbell rings)
223
00:08:42,147 --> 00:08:44,807
(whistling)
224
00:08:46,601 --> 00:08:47,941
Hey, Carl!
225
00:08:48,019 --> 00:08:49,059
How you doing?
226
00:08:49,137 --> 00:08:51,227
Not too good, uh...
227
00:08:51,306 --> 00:08:53,476
My dog Morrie, he's missing.
228
00:08:53,558 --> 00:08:54,728
Morrie?
229
00:08:54,809 --> 00:08:57,439
I didn't know
you had a dog.
230
00:08:57,520 --> 00:08:58,740
That poor fellow's
been house-bound
231
00:08:58,813 --> 00:09:00,953
since he was hit by a car
six years ago.
232
00:09:01,024 --> 00:09:03,874
Don't ever take your
hips for granted.
233
00:09:03,943 --> 00:09:07,083
Two good hips--
they don't come easy.
234
00:09:07,155 --> 00:09:08,785
Yeah. That's too bad.
235
00:09:08,865 --> 00:09:10,045
How long he been missing?
236
00:09:10,125 --> 00:09:12,745
Well, Morrie likes
to keep to himself.
237
00:09:12,827 --> 00:09:14,087
Uh-huh.
It's not uncommon
238
00:09:14,162 --> 00:09:15,922
to go a few days
without seeing him.
239
00:09:15,997 --> 00:09:17,417
Usually...
240
00:09:17,498 --> 00:09:19,548
it's only a matter of
finding his humpy toy,
241
00:09:19,626 --> 00:09:21,586
and he's never
very far away.
242
00:09:21,669 --> 00:09:24,189
Well, anyhoo...
243
00:09:24,264 --> 00:09:26,264
The maid was worried
244
00:09:26,341 --> 00:09:28,981
that she might've left the
door open yesterday and...
245
00:09:29,060 --> 00:09:31,810
we can't find him anywhere.
You haven't seen him, have you?
246
00:09:31,888 --> 00:09:33,938
No, I ain't seen him!
What makes you think I saw him?
247
00:09:34,015 --> 00:09:36,695
Yeah, well, no, I'll go check
some of the neighbors.
248
00:09:36,776 --> 00:09:38,186
Go check the neighbor.
Yeah.
249
00:09:38,203 --> 00:09:39,193
( whistles)
250
00:09:39,270 --> 00:09:40,190
Morrie!
251
00:09:40,205 --> 00:09:41,605
( Carl whistling)
252
00:09:41,689 --> 00:09:43,949
No, I ain't seen him!
253
00:09:44,025 --> 00:09:45,705
I know what you're thinking,
America:
254
00:09:45,785 --> 00:09:47,285
Dead dog in my yard.
255
00:09:47,362 --> 00:09:48,582
Carl missing a dog.
256
00:09:48,589 --> 00:09:49,999
Got to be Carl's dog.
257
00:09:50,073 --> 00:09:51,793
But it ain't like that.
Can't be.
258
00:09:51,866 --> 00:09:54,956
No, no, just one of those
horrible coincidences.
259
00:09:55,036 --> 00:09:57,586
You know, like you're living
with your heart in your throat.
260
00:09:57,664 --> 00:09:59,844
Ain't none of y'all had
no pregnancy scare?
261
00:09:59,916 --> 00:10:02,216
Think about it:
That dog in my yard?
262
00:10:02,293 --> 00:10:04,313
There wasn't a humpy toy
nowhere near him.
263
00:10:05,880 --> 00:10:07,930
WANDA:
Honey, what's wrong?
264
00:10:08,007 --> 00:10:10,347
Carl Reiner's dog
is missing.
265
00:10:10,426 --> 00:10:11,846
His dog?
266
00:10:11,928 --> 00:10:12,778
Yep.
267
00:10:14,239 --> 00:10:15,809
Where the heck
you been?
268
00:10:15,890 --> 00:10:17,900
I was helping Mr. Reiner
put up these flyers
269
00:10:17,975 --> 00:10:19,115
around the neighborhood.
270
00:10:20,561 --> 00:10:21,691
Look.
271
00:10:21,771 --> 00:10:22,991
You ever seen that dog
before, baby?
272
00:10:22,998 --> 00:10:24,158
Uh...
273
00:10:24,232 --> 00:10:25,402
JORDAN:
That's okay.
274
00:10:25,475 --> 00:10:27,245
Mr. Reiner already brought in
a dog psychic.
275
00:10:27,327 --> 00:10:28,727
And the guy
already suspects
276
00:10:28,803 --> 00:10:30,623
there may be some foul play
involved.
277
00:10:30,697 --> 00:10:31,657
BRYANA:
How do you know some
278
00:10:31,739 --> 00:10:33,159
mean old dogcatcher
didn't get him?
279
00:10:33,233 --> 00:10:35,673
Oh, now, look, look,
shut up about that doggone dog!
280
00:10:35,743 --> 00:10:37,133
Okay? I don't want
to hear nothing about no dog!
281
00:10:37,203 --> 00:10:39,593
Everybody just shut up about
talking about dogs and stuff,
282
00:10:39,664 --> 00:10:41,014
and just be quiet,
and let's eat.
283
00:10:41,082 --> 00:10:42,382
I'm sure we'll find Chester,
too.
284
00:10:42,458 --> 00:10:43,758
He's probably just hiding.
285
00:10:43,769 --> 00:10:44,929
Did you hear what
I just said, Jordan?
286
00:10:45,002 --> 00:10:47,892
Chester's not a dog.
He's my pet rat.
287
00:10:47,964 --> 00:10:49,644
Pet rat?!
Yeah!
288
00:10:49,716 --> 00:10:51,676
He was a surprise
from Aunt Wanda.
289
00:10:51,759 --> 00:10:53,639
We were going to use him
as a prank, but...
290
00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:55,280
we just bonded.
291
00:10:55,355 --> 00:10:57,015
Chester.
292
00:10:57,098 --> 00:10:58,578
Chester?!
293
00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:00,528
Stupid boy shouldn't have
brought that vermin in here!
294
00:11:00,601 --> 00:11:03,031
Now Chester's dead
and Morrie's dead,
295
00:11:03,038 --> 00:11:06,288
and I gotta go tell my neighbor
that I killed his best friend.
296
00:11:06,366 --> 00:11:08,786
Dang.
297
00:11:08,868 --> 00:11:10,578
Carl, listen...
298
00:11:10,587 --> 00:11:14,497
You killed my dog Morrie...
as a prank?!
299
00:11:14,574 --> 00:11:15,874
No, Carl, it
wasn't like that.
300
00:11:15,950 --> 00:11:18,460
You are a sicko.
Carl, it was...
301
00:11:18,470 --> 00:11:19,960
it was the rat.
I...
302
00:11:20,037 --> 00:11:21,707
Sicko!
303
00:11:21,789 --> 00:11:23,299
L-Listen, Carl,
it wasn't like...
304
00:11:23,308 --> 00:11:25,338
You're a sicko!
305
00:11:25,418 --> 00:11:26,688
It wasn't like that.
306
00:11:26,761 --> 00:11:28,721
Sick, sick, sick,
sicko!
307
00:11:28,796 --> 00:11:30,216
Today, you kill my dog.
308
00:11:30,298 --> 00:11:31,558
Tomorrow, what?
309
00:11:31,566 --> 00:11:33,216
You going to burn a cross
on my lawn?
310
00:11:33,301 --> 00:11:34,561
You're a sicko!
311
00:11:34,635 --> 00:11:35,725
Carl, I'm black.
312
00:11:35,803 --> 00:11:37,523
Well, act like one!
313
00:11:37,597 --> 00:11:38,557
What?!
314
00:11:38,639 --> 00:11:39,689
You're a sicko!
315
00:11:39,766 --> 00:11:41,406
You're a black sicko!
316
00:11:44,312 --> 00:11:46,332
Listen, I've...
317
00:11:46,406 --> 00:11:47,986
Yeah, go.
318
00:11:48,065 --> 00:11:51,215
Go seek professional help,
you sicko!
319
00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:56,580
Keep your dogs on a leash!
320
00:11:56,657 --> 00:11:57,817
There's a sick man around
321
00:11:57,901 --> 00:11:59,931
who thinks it's funny
to kill your dogs!
322
00:12:11,464 --> 00:12:13,354
Hey, Carl, how you doing?
323
00:12:13,358 --> 00:12:15,018
Um, I just
came by
324
00:12:15,101 --> 00:12:16,851
to pay my respect,
and I brought Wanda with me,
325
00:12:16,928 --> 00:12:18,138
who's partially to blame.
326
00:12:18,221 --> 00:12:20,811
Uh... but we're not here
to point fingers.
327
00:12:20,890 --> 00:12:24,030
Well, as long as you're here.
328
00:12:24,101 --> 00:12:25,241
Come in.
329
00:12:31,275 --> 00:12:34,035
Wow. He's dead.
330
00:12:34,111 --> 00:12:36,951
This must be his
little toy, huh?
331
00:12:37,031 --> 00:12:39,621
I'm sorry,
old boy.
332
00:12:39,634 --> 00:12:43,304
I, uh, see you found
Morrie's humpy toy.
333
00:12:51,095 --> 00:12:52,545
Program?
Thank you.
334
00:12:52,564 --> 00:12:53,524
Thank you.
335
00:12:57,760 --> 00:12:59,640
Hey, what you all
doing here?
336
00:12:59,720 --> 00:13:01,770
The whole neighborhood
was invited.
337
00:13:01,782 --> 00:13:03,192
We're here
for Mr. Reiner.
338
00:13:03,266 --> 00:13:06,186
It's not easy
missing a pet.
339
00:13:06,269 --> 00:13:07,689
Chester.
340
00:13:07,770 --> 00:13:09,860
They'll find out
who did it.
341
00:13:09,939 --> 00:13:11,919
The dog psychic must
be getting close.
342
00:13:11,991 --> 00:13:13,701
REINER:
I'd like to begin our ceremony
343
00:13:13,776 --> 00:13:15,236
with a poem that
Morrie and I
344
00:13:15,319 --> 00:13:16,789
wrote together.
345
00:13:16,797 --> 00:13:20,207
Well, actually, Morrie inspired
the poem.
346
00:13:20,283 --> 00:13:24,793
It's entitled
"The Sooner I Die,
347
00:13:24,871 --> 00:13:28,431
The Sooner
I Shall See You Again."
348
00:13:31,502 --> 00:13:34,062
"The sooner I die...
349
00:13:34,138 --> 00:13:37,568
(French horn playing)
350
00:13:43,890 --> 00:13:46,730
That was Morrie's
favorite.
351
00:13:46,809 --> 00:13:48,899
I want to thank you all
for coming
352
00:13:48,978 --> 00:13:51,698
and making today
a celebration,
353
00:13:51,772 --> 00:13:54,162
otherwise, it would have been
354
00:13:54,233 --> 00:13:56,843
just another day
without Morrie.
355
00:13:56,911 --> 00:13:59,201
I especially want
to thank my wife,
356
00:13:59,280 --> 00:14:01,210
my wonderful wife,
Estelle.
357
00:14:01,282 --> 00:14:04,332
She's always been my rock,
never more than today.
358
00:14:04,410 --> 00:14:05,960
And Ira and Helen
359
00:14:06,037 --> 00:14:08,797
for coming all the way
from Palm Springs
360
00:14:08,873 --> 00:14:11,013
with that delicious
potato kugel.
361
00:14:11,083 --> 00:14:14,013
I only wish I had
the stomach for it.
362
00:14:14,086 --> 00:14:19,716
And of course, the star
of stage and screen,
363
00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:21,850
and murderer
of Morrie,
364
00:14:21,862 --> 00:14:24,492
Mr. Bernie Mac.
365
00:14:24,564 --> 00:14:25,774
( gasping)
366
00:14:25,848 --> 00:14:28,358
( indistinct talking)
367
00:14:28,434 --> 00:14:30,444
Oh, come on.
Stop.
368
00:14:30,519 --> 00:14:31,489
It was
an accident.
369
00:14:31,562 --> 00:14:32,992
Y'all don't understand.
370
00:14:33,064 --> 00:14:34,504
I loved Morrie, too.
371
00:14:34,574 --> 00:14:35,784
( murmuring)
372
00:14:35,858 --> 00:14:37,178
Now, now.
373
00:14:37,260 --> 00:14:40,240
If the Pope can forgive
the man who shot him,
374
00:14:40,255 --> 00:14:43,955
I can forgive the man
who murdered my Morrie.
375
00:14:44,033 --> 00:14:46,503
You ain't got
to say it like that.
376
00:14:46,577 --> 00:14:47,877
Now, please,
please.
377
00:14:47,954 --> 00:14:50,684
Bernie didn't
mean to kill my dog.
378
00:14:50,757 --> 00:14:52,627
It was all
an accident.
379
00:14:52,708 --> 00:14:54,178
He was simply trying to kill
380
00:14:54,251 --> 00:14:56,801
his nephew's pet rat
with some rat poison.
381
00:14:56,879 --> 00:14:58,299
(gasping)
382
00:14:58,315 --> 00:14:59,715
Rat poison?
383
00:14:59,799 --> 00:15:02,849
Oh, no...
Chester.
384
00:15:02,927 --> 00:15:05,807
I thought he was
just hiding.
385
00:15:05,822 --> 00:15:08,982
Uncle Bernie, how could you?
386
00:15:08,992 --> 00:15:10,152
Oh, come on.
387
00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:12,660
Look, look,
it was a prank.
388
00:15:12,737 --> 00:15:14,037
It was all part
of a prank.
389
00:15:14,113 --> 00:15:15,663
I didn't know that was
your pet rat, Jordan.
390
00:15:15,731 --> 00:15:18,491
I swear I didn't.
391
00:15:18,567 --> 00:15:20,447
Jordan, would you care
to come up here and join me?
392
00:15:20,528 --> 00:15:24,208
(crying)
393
00:15:26,867 --> 00:15:28,047
Miles.
394
00:15:32,581 --> 00:15:34,021
( plays horn)
395
00:15:43,718 --> 00:15:44,848
Jordan, I'm sorry.
396
00:15:44,927 --> 00:15:46,437
Sorry doesn't
bring him back.
397
00:15:46,512 --> 00:15:47,522
It's just a rat.
398
00:15:47,596 --> 00:15:49,436
He was a rat
with a name.
399
00:15:49,515 --> 00:15:52,485
Chester the Jester
Timberlake Houdini.
400
00:15:57,523 --> 00:15:58,453
Mm...
401
00:15:58,524 --> 00:16:00,044
( knocking)
402
00:16:02,445 --> 00:16:03,735
Ta-da.
403
00:16:03,821 --> 00:16:05,201
I thought
404
00:16:05,215 --> 00:16:06,865
you could use
a surprise, Carl.
405
00:16:06,949 --> 00:16:08,209
Hey, hey, hey.
406
00:16:08,284 --> 00:16:09,464
Don't worry
about it.
407
00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:10,879
It's the least
I could do for you.
408
00:16:10,953 --> 00:16:12,963
Bernie, can I ask
you something?
409
00:16:12,973 --> 00:16:14,053
Sure, Carl.
410
00:16:14,123 --> 00:16:16,883
If I killed one
of your kids,
411
00:16:16,959 --> 00:16:19,389
how would feel if
I swung by an orphanage
412
00:16:19,462 --> 00:16:21,722
and presented you
with a new child?
413
00:16:21,797 --> 00:16:22,707
Why don't...
414
00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:24,099
why don't
you just let me
415
00:16:24,175 --> 00:16:26,305
grieve in peace?
416
00:16:26,385 --> 00:16:27,935
(mutters)
417
00:16:28,012 --> 00:16:30,442
You're a sicko.
418
00:16:30,514 --> 00:16:31,494
(slams)
419
00:16:33,642 --> 00:16:34,572
Hey.
420
00:16:34,643 --> 00:16:35,573
Hey, baby.
421
00:16:35,644 --> 00:16:36,904
How'd it go?
422
00:16:36,979 --> 00:16:38,859
I think Carl seeing
that new dog
423
00:16:38,939 --> 00:16:40,359
just made him
feel worse.
424
00:16:40,441 --> 00:16:43,741
Asked me if I got that thing
neutered for a sick thrill.
425
00:16:43,819 --> 00:16:45,749
Oh, uh, where's
the dog, honey?
426
00:16:45,830 --> 00:16:47,410
I took him
to the park.
427
00:16:47,490 --> 00:16:48,620
And?
428
00:16:48,699 --> 00:16:50,169
And I took him
to the park.
429
00:16:50,242 --> 00:16:51,962
Jordan come out
of his room yet?
430
00:16:52,036 --> 00:16:54,086
Uh, no, honey,
I'm sorry, not yet.
431
00:16:54,163 --> 00:16:56,013
Dang, Wanda,
how'd a little
432
00:16:56,016 --> 00:16:58,966
sick prank like this
lead into all this?
433
00:16:59,043 --> 00:17:00,933
Well, honey,
this is your first
434
00:17:01,003 --> 00:17:02,153
prank to end
in death,
435
00:17:02,221 --> 00:17:03,801
but not your first
to hurt someone.
436
00:17:03,815 --> 00:17:06,135
Oh, thank you, Wanda.
437
00:17:06,151 --> 00:17:08,731
I honestly thought I
couldn't feel any worse.
438
00:17:08,803 --> 00:17:10,533
I need to be
alone for a while.
439
00:17:13,015 --> 00:17:14,315
Okay, honey.
440
00:17:16,527 --> 00:17:20,497
Morrie, if I only knew you.
Mm...
441
00:17:22,024 --> 00:17:23,744
Hey!
442
00:17:23,818 --> 00:17:24,868
Come here. Come here.
443
00:17:24,944 --> 00:17:26,414
What the...
444
00:17:26,487 --> 00:17:27,687
(laughing)
445
00:17:27,763 --> 00:17:30,753
Gotcha! Gotcha! Gotcha!
Gotcha! Gotcha!
446
00:17:30,825 --> 00:17:32,495
What?
Come on, man.
447
00:17:32,576 --> 00:17:33,296
This can't be.
448
00:17:33,377 --> 00:17:35,207
I saw this dog
foaming dead.
449
00:17:35,287 --> 00:17:37,167
He wasn't dead,
Bernie.
450
00:17:37,248 --> 00:17:38,958
He's a trained
actor.
451
00:17:39,041 --> 00:17:40,011
What the hell?
452
00:17:40,084 --> 00:17:41,764
How can this be?
453
00:17:41,836 --> 00:17:43,006
(laughs)
454
00:17:43,087 --> 00:17:45,297
Bernie, you
have been played.
455
00:17:45,315 --> 00:17:47,425
The man who says
he is un-prankable,
456
00:17:47,508 --> 00:17:51,058
the King of Comedy,
has been smacked.
457
00:17:51,071 --> 00:17:52,391
You got got.
458
00:17:52,471 --> 00:17:55,111
Man, I mean, I've pulled
off some sweet pranks,
459
00:17:55,182 --> 00:17:56,182
but, Bernie, what
these guys did,
460
00:17:56,259 --> 00:17:58,829
that was just,
that was art.
461
00:18:01,831 --> 00:18:02,911
You're a trip.
462
00:18:02,982 --> 00:18:05,412
That was funny.
463
00:18:05,484 --> 00:18:06,994
And he always
foams
464
00:18:07,069 --> 00:18:08,879
after a nice
egg cream.
465
00:18:26,147 --> 00:18:28,597
So you mean to tell me
all that being crushed
466
00:18:28,674 --> 00:18:31,024
in that funeral was
just an act, huh?
467
00:18:31,093 --> 00:18:33,113
Hey, I'm the one
who trained Morrie.
468
00:18:33,187 --> 00:18:34,737
And, uh, that was
my poker day.
469
00:18:34,814 --> 00:18:37,404
But the guys, they were
coming over anyway.
470
00:18:37,408 --> 00:18:39,068
He's coming, he's coming.
471
00:18:39,143 --> 00:18:40,543
He's coming.
472
00:18:40,611 --> 00:18:46,291
♪ Everybody playsthe fool sometime ♪
473
00:18:46,367 --> 00:18:51,837
♪ No exception to the rule ♪
474
00:18:51,914 --> 00:18:55,214
♪ It may be factual,may be cruel ♪
475
00:18:55,284 --> 00:18:57,544
And the French horn,
my nephew.
476
00:18:57,620 --> 00:18:59,220
Not bad, huh?
477
00:18:59,297 --> 00:19:01,757
So you're telling me that
rat was just a feeder?
478
00:19:01,766 --> 00:19:02,926
It wasn't a real
pet.
479
00:19:03,009 --> 00:19:04,339
No, Chester was my pet,
480
00:19:04,418 --> 00:19:06,178
I just don't know
where he is.
481
00:19:06,187 --> 00:19:07,597
So, Jordan, you mean
to tell me,
482
00:19:07,671 --> 00:19:09,811
you got a real rat
running around loose in my house?
483
00:19:09,882 --> 00:19:11,392
Boy, I put down
rat poison.
484
00:19:11,467 --> 00:19:13,307
Actually,
Uncle Bernie,
485
00:19:13,385 --> 00:19:14,725
what you put down
was just table salt.
486
00:19:14,803 --> 00:19:16,903
Chester may have
high blood pressure,
487
00:19:16,981 --> 00:19:18,021
but he's not dead.
488
00:19:18,098 --> 00:19:19,318
He's just missing.
489
00:19:19,391 --> 00:19:21,401
Okay, you know you
messed up, don't you?
490
00:19:21,477 --> 00:19:23,647
You messed with
the king of the pranks.
491
00:19:23,729 --> 00:19:24,559
It's on, now.
492
00:19:24,639 --> 00:19:26,859
Y'all hurt me
to the fullest.
493
00:19:26,941 --> 00:19:28,121
It's on. Mr. Prank.
494
00:19:28,192 --> 00:19:30,742
I'm telling you,
it's on.
495
00:19:30,819 --> 00:19:34,159
Come on, aw, now
don't be like that.
496
00:19:34,240 --> 00:19:37,210
Admit it, we out-
pranked the master.
497
00:19:37,284 --> 00:19:38,804
I ain't talking
to you, Wanda.
498
00:19:38,878 --> 00:19:40,208
I thought I could
trust you.
499
00:19:40,287 --> 00:19:41,917
I'm sorry...
500
00:19:41,997 --> 00:19:43,417
(baby talk)
501
00:19:43,433 --> 00:19:45,383
...I'm sorry.
(mumbles baby talk)
502
00:19:45,459 --> 00:19:47,179
Yeah, all is fair in
love and war, right?
503
00:19:47,187 --> 00:19:48,597
Yeah, I guess so.
504
00:19:49,055 --> 00:19:49,885
(screams)
505
00:19:49,964 --> 00:19:50,724
♪ Everybody plays ♪
506
00:19:50,798 --> 00:19:52,818
(laughing)
507
00:19:52,892 --> 00:19:55,352
♪ Sometime ♪
508
00:19:55,427 --> 00:19:56,977
♪ No exception ♪
509
00:19:56,988 --> 00:19:58,898
(laughs)
510
00:19:58,973 --> 00:20:01,443
That is a double
prank.
511
00:20:01,517 --> 00:20:04,777
Now, okay, look, you've
been pranked twice.
512
00:20:04,853 --> 00:20:06,113
They got you twice.
513
00:20:06,122 --> 00:20:07,282
Stop it,
stop it.
514
00:20:07,356 --> 00:20:09,946
Now, I've never seen
this before.
515
00:20:09,959 --> 00:20:11,109
I've heard about it,
516
00:20:11,185 --> 00:20:12,485
but I always thought
it was, like, a myth.
517
00:20:12,569 --> 00:20:15,199
Like, a lore--
the double prank.
518
00:20:15,281 --> 00:20:17,461
(laughs)
519
00:20:17,533 --> 00:20:19,543
Stop, Ashton.
Come on, now.
520
00:20:19,618 --> 00:20:21,288
Hell, no, I can't
go out like that.
521
00:20:21,370 --> 00:20:22,290
I'm too
doggone good.
522
00:20:22,371 --> 00:20:23,961
I'll tell you that
right now.
523
00:20:24,039 --> 00:20:25,459
I got to get
my respect back.
524
00:20:25,541 --> 00:20:27,171
I'm coming out
of retirement.
525
00:20:27,251 --> 00:20:29,431
Good luck with that.
That's great.
526
00:20:29,503 --> 00:20:30,973
You have to, okay,
what are you going to do?
527
00:20:30,980 --> 00:20:32,250
Well, first of all,
528
00:20:32,332 --> 00:20:35,392
I think Wanda...
Wanda and the kids...
529
00:20:35,467 --> 00:20:37,357
No, no, I'm not
going to mess with
530
00:20:37,436 --> 00:20:38,636
Wanda and the kids.
531
00:20:38,655 --> 00:20:39,975
I would say
that's a good call.
532
00:20:40,055 --> 00:20:41,105
I'll tell you
something.
533
00:20:41,181 --> 00:20:42,651
You know George
Clooney's out of town.
534
00:20:42,725 --> 00:20:44,395
His house could use
a good painting.
535
00:20:44,476 --> 00:20:47,146
You know, what do you think
about dirty diaper brown?
536
00:20:47,229 --> 00:20:48,649
What do you think
about that?
537
00:20:48,731 --> 00:20:50,161
I'd go with, like,
a lime green.
538
00:20:50,166 --> 00:20:51,616
Yeah, that's
sweet, too.
539
00:20:51,692 --> 00:20:54,122
So it disappears
with the lawn.
540
00:20:54,194 --> 00:20:55,624
But I tell you,
somebody out there
541
00:20:55,696 --> 00:20:57,496
that deserves the most
biggest prank
542
00:20:57,573 --> 00:21:00,003
of all though, somebody
still lurking out there.
543
00:21:00,009 --> 00:21:01,129
Who?
544
00:21:01,201 --> 00:21:02,331
I'm just saying,
545
00:21:02,411 --> 00:21:04,211
somebody's still
out there
546
00:21:04,288 --> 00:21:06,048
who needs to get got.
547
00:21:06,057 --> 00:21:07,597
Who's that?
548
00:21:12,346 --> 00:21:13,716
Somebody's
still out there.
549
00:21:13,797 --> 00:21:14,897
Who?
550
00:21:18,510 --> 00:21:20,350
What, me?
551
00:21:20,429 --> 00:21:22,189
(both laughing)
552
00:21:22,264 --> 00:21:23,564
No, that's not
going to happen.
553
00:21:23,574 --> 00:21:24,904
It's not going
to happen?
554
00:21:24,975 --> 00:21:27,145
You don't never know
when it's going to come.
555
00:21:27,227 --> 00:21:28,237
Oh, yeah?
556
00:21:28,312 --> 00:21:29,702
See, you're
falling for me.
557
00:21:29,772 --> 00:21:30,902
It's starting
right now.
558
00:21:30,915 --> 00:21:33,235
(laughing)
559
00:21:33,317 --> 00:21:34,737
It's not going
to happen.
560
00:21:34,818 --> 00:21:36,578
It's not
going to happen.
561
00:21:36,587 --> 00:21:39,367
Drop your (beeped out)
562
00:21:39,448 --> 00:21:41,578
(laughing)
563
00:21:41,658 --> 00:21:43,798
Captioned by VISUAL DATA
564
00:21:43,848 --> 00:21:48,398
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