All language subtitles for The Bernie Mac Show s03e16 Whos That Lady.eng

Oh, man, why you just now
calling now?

Damn, that's some bull, man.

I'm sorry, man.

I don't mean to be
hollering at you, man,

but you wait so doggone
last minute, man.

Don't make no doggone sense.

Oh, Lord,
Flava Flav looking dead at me

with his no-golf-playing ass.

Hang up, Chuy.

No, hang up.

Man, I'm telling you.

Oh, my God.

Man, don't look over there, man.
Flava Flav over there.

Why not?

Chuy just called,
say he can't make it.

You know, if he find out,
he gonna want to be our fourth.

Is he coming?

Yeah, here he come.
Here he come.

How close is he?

Oh, he real
close, dawg.

He real close.
Look here, look here.

When he get here, man,
don't nobody like rap.

We can't stand it, man.

We like country.

Hey, don't get me wrong,
America.

Bernie Mac ain't no snob.

You can't be friends
with everybody.

You got to have
the right chemistry.

You know how it is.

That's why y'all be checking
your caller I.D. on your phone.

Who that? Who that?

Oh. Oh, yeah,
I missed three calls.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm just... I'm just real.

Hey, Smitty,
I just need some balls, baby.

I'm going to hit a few.

There you go,
Lynette.

Thank you, Poo.

Yo, man, this lady looks
like she could play.

Excuse me, sister.

You think you might be
interested in a fourth?

Am I interested?
Yeah?

Wait a minute. Bernie
Mac needs a fourth, and he asked me?

Hell, yeah, I'm interested.

Let's do it.

Yo, Bernie Mac, what's up, man?
You need a fourth, G?

No, no.
I'm playing my girl, uh...

Lynette.
Yeah. Yeah.

Lynette? What's up, Lynette?

Flava's my name.

Oh. I almost didn't recognize
you without your clock.

(laughing):
She's funny, Bernie, man.

Just like you, G.

Yeah, yeah, man.
We got to go, Flav.

Come on, baby.
See you, Flav.

All right, man.
Yeah, later, Flav.

But we could be five.

Yo, Bernie, we could be five, G.

Aw, man.

(groans)

Damn, y'all...
y'all smell that?

What?
What?

Oh, I'm sorry, baby,

(sniffs):
...but that was your putt.

(both chuckling)

Okay, we don't,
you know,

we don't really talk
trash while we play.

Oh, I'm sorry, baby.
You sensitive?

Okay, well,
when you start playing,

I'll stop talking trash.

Hey, my brother,
seems like she got you.

(laughing)
I ain't saying nothing.

(all chuckling)

Here's the thing.

This is what
y'all don't understand.

You know, I could
do the same thing

if I had a fancy
putter like that.

Panther 5690.

Wow, that's kind of nice.

Let me check that out.

Move.

You don't mind, do you?
Let me see what you got.

Okay.

Shoot, this thing
got a nice balance, man.

Uh-huh.

Let's see about this here.

See what's going on.

(all exclaim)

Come on, man.

(all chuckling)

Shoot, I'll get me
one of these, baby.

No, no, no.
I can get you one for free.

Is that right?
My company makes these.

You think you can
get another one?

I probably could, W.B.,

but which King of Comedy
were you again?

(laughing)

Hey.

I'm getting ready
to do laundry,

so get your dirty clothes
together, okay?

Okay, Aunt Wanda.

What is that
you're hiding?

Nothing.

This is the blankie
Uncle Bernie took from you.

Where'd you get it?
Nowhere.

Why don't I just
tell Uncle Bernie,

and he can bring
it back to nowhere.

So what?
I can get it again.

I know where he
puts all our stuff.

Even my cherry bombs?
You've got to take me there.

All right, well, girl,
just give me a call.

I will show you all
the ladies' golf wear.

Okay.
It's fabulous.

What's up, Nette?
What you doing here?

Hey, Bernie.
I brought your golf club.

Wow! Thank you, sweetheart.

Lynette was telling me
how you guys met

on the golf course this weekend.

Yeah, she beat W.B. and Kelly.

And...
That last shot's debatable.

They still talking about it.

The fellas in the back
right now.

Matter of fact,
come on say hi to them.

Hold that.
Okay.

Nice meeting you, Wanda.

The same.
All right, sister.

You want to play some?
Oh, please.

America, did you see how she
hit it off with my baby, Wanda?

That's what I'm talking about.

See, she's the kind of person
you want to be your buddy.

She's funny
and she fit right in.

And you know something, America?

It's hard to make friends
when you're grown.

I'm gonna tell you, it's hard.

When's the last time
you made new friends?

I think the last time
I made friends was, uh, 1978.

His name was Chauncey.
Yeah. Yeah.

(chuckles)

This is sweet.

She good people.

Oh! What is that?
(all groaning)

What is that?
Again!

Hey, I told you
she was lucky.

Oh, now, come on.
Come on, Kelly.

Don't put it on luck.

Just like
I whupped you in golf,

I will whup you in tennis,
I will whup you in air hockey,

I will whup you
in tiddlywinks.

Tiddlywinks.

(all laughing)

I heard that.

So, Nette, what you're saying,

dominoes,
you'd put a hurting on him, huh?

Dominoes?
Bernie, I invented dominoes.

Player, look.

If y'all want
to play dominoes,

put your money
on the table.

Put your money on the table.

Dominoes?

Now, they know...

Y'all that's my territory.

We talking about dominoes?

You better ask somebody...

Hey, hey, W.B.,
don't let me take your money

and put it in a trophy case
next to your pride.

KELLY:
Oh! Oh!

Trash-talking
machine right here.

That's 'cause I'm confident,
player.

But a little luck
ain't never hurt nobody.

(all laughing)

W.B.:
Rubbing the head.

KELLY:
Watch it.

Getting me a little excited,
rubbing my head like that.

LYNETTE:
Oh, boy, stop playing.

(all talking, laughing)

This is great.

My whistle.

My Chinese yo-yo.

My Click-Clacks.

(loud clacking)

I don't know why Uncle Bernie
took these from me.

Shh! We'll get caught.

This is our little secret, huh?

(talking, laughing
in other room)

Hey, honey.

Look what Lynette sent.

Ooh.

Oh, hi, Lynette.
Hey, Wanda.

I-I didn't know
you were here.

Wanda got stuff, too?

Look, can a brother at
least just get a hat?

Of course you get a hat, W.B.

Look, go down
to Club and Drivers,

the Racket Shack,

or Haven Sporting Goods.

Fabulous selection.

W.B.'s always trying
to get the hookup.

Remember, honey,

when Jordan was selling that
candy for two dollars a bar,

and he ate $20 worth
and trying not to pay?

I don't remember that.

Well, yeah.

I don't see what that
got to do with anything.

What that got
to do with anything

is your ass is cheap.

If I check your wallet
right now,

I'm going to get some lint
and tumbleweed.

(all laughing)

"Lint and tumbleweed."

"Lint and tumbleweed."

She a trip, man.

That's what
I was trying to say.

That Lynette is a sweetheart.

Did you see her bail my baby out

when her story
got a little fuzzy?

Poor baby.

Now that right there, America,
is a buddy.

Huh. Lynette good people.

Good morning,
little people.

Hey, honey, do you
have any plans tonight?

Mmm. Uh-uh. Nothing. Why?

Good. I thought that we
could go-- oh, thanks, honey--

that we could go dancing.

What?!
Dancing?

You know
dancing's changed.

We ain't been dancing
since, uh, I don't know.

That's what I mean.

Come on,
let's do our thing.

Honey, we do our
thing every day.

It'll be fun.

Come on, I haven't
had fun in a while.

I know you have your friends
to have fun with and all,

but I would like
to have fun with my man.

All right, baby,
I'll dance.

Give me some.

Have a good day.

All right.

What are you two doing?

We just found
our stuff.

Uncle Bernie hid it,
but we got it back.

Pineapple-mango lip gloss
with jojoba for softness.

My lip gloss?

I had this in my book bag.

When did he find it?

I don't know,
but there it is.

What else is in here?

(loud music playing)

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Excuse me.

No, excuse me.

I mean, damn,
I'm standing here.

I said excuse me, lady.

"Excuse me" ain't gonna make
my feet feel any better

just 'cause
you Bernie Mac.

What?
Hey, sign this for my mama.

I'll say holler.

Holler!

Hey, thank you, honey.

You're welcome, baby.

You having fun?

Yeah. You having fun?

Baby, I...

I'm ready to go.

Honey, we haven't
danced yet.

Dance where, Wanda?
We can't see the dance floor.

And, I swear, if somebody step
on my foot one more time,

I'm telling you
we're gonna be on the news.

There's gonna be
a discrepancy up in here.

Okay, well, let's go
listen to some jazz.

Wanda, baby,
we got jazz at the house.

I'm tired.

Okay, um, let me
just finish my drink.

All right,
finish our drink.

I said I wasn't upset.

You slammed that door
pretty hard, baby.

You know, I'm going
to check on the kids.

I'm going to check with you.

Jordan, what are you
doing out of bed?

Man, what you doing
to your sister, man?

I was checking on her.

You going to need
somebody to check on you

if you don't get your
little self back in bed.

Is it wrong to care?

(yelps)

BERNIE:
Hey, baby, we got a message.

LYNETTE (on machine):
Bernie Mac.

I scored five tickets

to the Friday's
Bulls-Lakers game, player.

Floor seats.

Now get ready to run 'cause
I plan on trippin' somebody up.

Let me know in the morning.
Holler.

(chuckling)

Um, you ain't planning on going
dancing tomorrow, now, are you?

No. Go to the game.

Thanks, baby.

Floor seats.

You know,
that's special.

You still have fun
with me, don't you?

Huh?

I mean, yeah.

I mean... come on.

I just didn't feel like
dancing tonight, that's all.

Just answer me.

Am I still fun?

Come on now, Wanda,

what's this
all about?

I know this ain't about
Lynette and I, is it?

No. Lynette's
cool people.

I like her a lot.

I was going to say,

'cause you know she like
a play cousin to me,

now, you know
that, right? You know that.

Yeah, I know that.

Did you see that, America?

My baby gave me her back.

America,
I think I got a problem.

What you think,
Dr. Phil?

Well, I'll tell
you what, Slick.

What am I going
to do with you?

You're a man in
a relationship with a woman.

That means,
if she's got a problem,

you got a big problem.

I know that's right,
I know that,

but we could
work it out.

I think I'll deal
with it after the game,

don't you think?

Look, Lassie
could figure this out.

You need to talk to her
before the game,

don't you think?

Yeah.

Yeah.

How much I owe you?

How much you got?

Hey, Wanda?
Yeah?

Let's talk.
Okay, let's talk.

What's going on with you, baby?

Ah! That's not how
you start a talk.

You trying
to change the subject?

What's the subject?

Do you want to talk
to me or not?

I want to talk
about whatever you want to talk about.

Women! That's why men
don't like to talk to y'all.

All that back and forth.

Took me forever.

Make me itch.

It just seems like

she makes you guys
laugh so hard.

She's funny.

I'm funny, too.
What?

What I'm trying
to say is...

I've always associated you
hanging out with your friends

as... guy time.

Okay.

So, when you made Lynette
a part of that,

that just...
didn't sit too well with me,

and it made me feel
a little left out.

Baby, let me tell
you something.

You're my queen bee,
and they're my friends.

When I'm done with them,
I come home to you

because
you're part of me.

And that's straight
from my heart.

You're so mushy.

Come here.

You see that, America?

That's black love.

We just had to talk.

Communicate.

Now my baby's cool,
cool as a fan.

And I can keep my friend--
problem solved, easy, discussed.

You open up your heart, share.

(chuckling)

Black love.

Hey, hey,
you can laugh,

but you still
got a problem.

Man, shut up.

You don't know
every doggone thing.

Well, I know no woman likes
another hen in her henhouse.

Well, how the heck
you going to the game?

Oh, I didn't tell my wife
about Lynette.

I know better.

I told her a friend of yours
invited us-- Pete.

(laughter)

Come on, man, you see,
women are crazy, man.

That's why I can't have
a steady relationship.

(falsetto):
Player!

I thought it because
nobody wanted you.

Hold up. No.

I'm sure it's because
nobody want you.

Yeah, whatever.

BERNIE:
But he is right, though, man.

Women are crazy, man,
but that ain't why

you can't have
no steady relationship.

What you talking about?

I ain't talking about nothing,
but it's all

on the bathroom wall.

(laughter)

Hey, kids,
you want to put that up

and go wash your hands
and get ready for dinner, okay?

Hey,
where's Vanessa?

She's at the mall with
her stupid friends.

Ew! What is
your problem?

I just wanted to
show Uncle Bernie

how much I love
my big sister.

I love her.

Well, do it again,
and I'm going to pop you in the mouth.

That boy is too doggone
attached to his sister.

That's unnatural,
baby-- like a freak.

Getting ready
for the game?

Yeah. We cool, right?

Everything's cool.

All right.

Out in the open,
in the clear.

Go to the game;
have a good time.

Thanks, baby.

Hey, which one you think,
the red or the black one?

The red one.

Me, too.

Mm-hmm. I mean, it is
five seats on the floor

with good old Lynette.

Who could pass that up?

I was on my way out!

Shouldn't have said nothing!

I'm a sorry fool's.

I'm so just disgusted
I don't know what to do.

Bernie, you know
you don't have to stay here.

You can go to the game.

Come on.

Hey, we were
just in the basement,

and our box is gone.

Where is it?

There is no more box--

at least not until
you get your act together.

What?

Come in. We need to talk.

Look, Jordan,
I don't know what...

Shut up! Just shut up!

You two
are going to shut up,

and you're going to listen.

Put the juice box down!

Juice boxes

are for careful people.

You two are reckless,
and you two are careless,

and, until
you get your act together,

you can forget about the box.

I lost my precious stuff once,

and I'm not going
to lose it again.

Just because you want
to sleep with your blankie,

and you want
to walk around

looking like
Miss Juicy Lucy Lips--

uh-uh, I'm not having it.

Why do you get
to keep your stuff?

Because I am careful.

Ow!

Way to be
careful, idiot.

But you can't tell,
because if you do...

If I go down,
we all go down.

Hey! Ow! It was an accident!

So what?

That's what you get,
Mr. Careful.

Shut up!

Just shut up!
That's it.

You're dead.
(screaming)

Ow! Get off!

I wonder if
they feel bad

when they get
substituted like that.

I know I would.

Mmm.

Isn't that
W.B. and Kelly?

I'll be dang--
Chuy, Lynette and Flava.

What the heck
Flava doing there?

That's my ticket!

This is some bull!

Man, I'm telling you,

how in the hell did Flav
get to make it to the game

with my friends?!

I swear, America, I swear,
he's always horning in!

Justice, America.

Looks like your friends

went out and got themselves
a new friend.

How's that
make you feel, there, buddy?

It makes me
feel left out.

Yeah? Like who?

Like Wanda.

Damn, Doc, you good.

You're just now
figuring that out?

You a trip.

Am I driving you crazy

by asking you all these
questions about the game?

No, baby.

You can ask me
any question you want.

I'm cool.

Actually, I'm a
visual kind of person,

so, how about we take it
outside and you show me?

(chortling)
What you call that?

Huh?

I think

you struggling.

You struggle
on that. Ooh!

(chortling)

Get that, get that.

Go in there,
go in there.

Come on, baby.

You ready?
You ready?

What?

I ain't going to
be responsible if you break a nail.

What you got?

Senior citizen, senior citizen.

What you doing?
What's that right there?

Whoo!
Oh! What you...?

It's the cha-cha defense.

Can you handle it?

Oh!

(clattering)

Baby, look there.
What?

Look at what
they doing.

What are they doing?
Come on.

What y'all doing?

ALL:
Nothing.

What in your hand,
Jordan?

You all up in here
doing dirt.

You two, look at me.

What happened
to your faces?

(all yelling)

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

What you say?

You said, "Jordan hit me
with some Click-Clacks"?

Where you get the Click-Clacks
from, Jordan?

I found them in a box
in the basement.

I told y'all
about fighting each other.

That's why
I take stuff from y'all.

You see that?

See why I take stuff?

Yes, sir.

Go to your rooms.

Look like they need
to go to a hospital.

Uh, no, half-
time is over,

so you can get
back to your game.

Hey, hey, no, baby.

I'm coming with you.

What's their punishment
going to be?

Look like they punish
themselves already.

Baby girl, did they stomp you?

America, that game don't matter.

Now, my baby Wanda--
that's what matter.

I don't need no new friends
anyway.

I got enough.
(phone ringing)

Hold on, America. Excuse me,
excuse me. Hold on, hold on.

Yeah, what's up?

Hey, Josie, how you doing, baby?
Yeah.

Oh, you saw Chuy on TV?

(chuckling):
I saw him, too.

What? He said he'd be with me?

Oh, no, no, no.

I'm not that type of a person.

No. He's at the game
with the guys

and that new woman friend
they been hanging out with.

I'm here at home with my wife,
and we're tending the kids.

Okay, baby, talk to you later.

Keep your head up.

(chuckling softly)

What?

If I can't have no new friends,

Chuy can't have no new friends
either.

Stool pigeon, trick, gum--
call it what you want.

I did it.

(man talking off screen)

All right. Oh, we're
on a two-shot deal?

I thought... Oh. Oh.

Oh, I didn't know that.

Yeah, tell me now!

Keep the
camera rolling.

Keep the camera
rolling.

What you plan on doing
after this gig?

Hell, I can get this
kind of treatment at Paramount.

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