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1
00:00:22,623 --> 00:00:23,603
Okay,
give me a verb.
2
00:00:23,673 --> 00:00:25,023
I'm done with the
Mad Libs, Jordan.
3
00:00:25,026 --> 00:00:26,306
Come on, just one verb.
4
00:00:26,384 --> 00:00:27,104
Hush.
5
00:00:27,177 --> 00:00:28,097
Oh, Thanks.
6
00:00:28,178 --> 00:00:29,448
Hey, baby.
Yeah, honey.
7
00:00:29,529 --> 00:00:31,159
You know we got some people
moving in next door?
8
00:00:31,231 --> 00:00:32,271
I didn't know the other
people moved out.
9
00:00:32,349 --> 00:00:33,569
What was their name...?
10
00:00:33,642 --> 00:00:34,782
Uh... Um...
11
00:00:34,851 --> 00:00:36,201
I don't know.
12
00:00:37,738 --> 00:00:39,028
I have no idea.
13
00:00:39,106 --> 00:00:40,526
Okay give me
an adjective.
14
00:00:40,607 --> 00:00:41,527
Bothering.
15
00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:42,782
Bothering me.
16
00:00:42,859 --> 00:00:44,369
Okay, now, that's
not an adjective.
17
00:00:44,444 --> 00:00:45,874
Bothersome.
18
00:00:45,946 --> 00:00:47,826
Can you teach me to whittle?
19
00:00:47,906 --> 00:00:49,656
Give me this... Wanda.
20
00:00:49,741 --> 00:00:50,671
Look at this fool.
21
00:00:50,751 --> 00:00:51,881
Baby, can we put him
back into karate?
22
00:00:51,952 --> 00:00:52,942
Okay,
23
00:00:53,020 --> 00:00:54,670
can I at least
have a BB gun? No.
24
00:00:54,746 --> 00:00:55,796
Moped?
No.
25
00:00:55,881 --> 00:00:57,061
Tree house?
26
00:00:58,851 --> 00:01:01,971
A little box in the tree
27
00:01:02,045 --> 00:01:05,805
where he can spend
all his free time.
28
00:01:05,882 --> 00:01:07,682
America...
29
00:01:07,693 --> 00:01:09,273
you thinking what I'm thinking?
30
00:01:09,344 --> 00:01:11,354
We'll pick the lumber
up in the morning.
31
00:01:11,429 --> 00:01:12,149
Yeah!
32
00:01:12,222 --> 00:01:13,282
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
33
00:01:44,930 --> 00:01:46,370
Ooh, what happened?
34
00:01:46,448 --> 00:01:48,098
The new neighbors
turned their sprinklers on me
35
00:01:48,175 --> 00:01:49,975
just 'cause I was
sitting on their lawn.
36
00:01:50,051 --> 00:01:51,401
You sure it wasn't
no accident?
37
00:01:51,478 --> 00:01:54,238
Their sprinklers
are probably on timers, sweetie.
38
00:01:54,314 --> 00:01:56,734
I saw a man look at me
before they came on.
39
00:01:56,808 --> 00:01:57,908
He did it
on purpose
40
00:01:57,985 --> 00:01:59,225
and you don't even care.
41
00:01:59,311 --> 00:02:00,621
Wait a minute.
Wait, wait.
42
00:02:00,696 --> 00:02:02,276
I'm going to go over there
and get to the bottom of it.
43
00:02:02,355 --> 00:02:03,355
Can you pick up
Bryana and her friend
44
00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:04,530
from soccer
for me please?
45
00:02:04,375 --> 00:02:06,865
Sure honey,
I'll take your car.
46
00:02:06,943 --> 00:02:08,463
I got lumber in my car.
47
00:02:09,779 --> 00:02:11,369
Side bar.
48
00:02:11,448 --> 00:02:13,078
She doesn't like us in her car.
49
00:02:13,158 --> 00:02:15,828
Now, I don't mind
taking them to school
50
00:02:15,911 --> 00:02:17,081
or to the doctor,
51
00:02:17,154 --> 00:02:18,594
but picking them up
from soccer?
52
00:02:18,663 --> 00:02:21,173
I may as well haul pigs
out to the market.
53
00:02:21,249 --> 00:02:22,459
Yeah, that's true.
54
00:02:22,434 --> 00:02:24,934
Look, I will unload
the lumber myself.
55
00:02:25,003 --> 00:02:26,893
Where is your
weight belt? Wanda.
56
00:02:26,963 --> 00:02:29,853
It's not like
I don't love the kids.
57
00:02:29,925 --> 00:02:31,135
I know that.
I love the kids.
58
00:02:31,218 --> 00:02:32,978
Yeah, I know.
Okay, so did I hesitate
59
00:02:33,053 --> 00:02:34,773
to give up my office
for Vanessa's room?
60
00:02:34,780 --> 00:02:36,900
Mm-mm.
No. I did not.
61
00:02:36,973 --> 00:02:38,143
Okay, and did I flinch
62
00:02:38,117 --> 00:02:40,397
when Bryana threw up
on me last week?
63
00:02:40,411 --> 00:02:41,781
You should have.
But I didn't.
64
00:02:41,787 --> 00:02:43,027
No, you didn't.
65
00:02:43,104 --> 00:02:44,994
And I didn't
say one word
66
00:02:45,065 --> 00:02:47,155
when that boy
broke my high heels
67
00:02:47,234 --> 00:02:48,664
playing dress up.
68
00:02:48,735 --> 00:02:49,775
What?
69
00:02:49,795 --> 00:02:53,955
But, honey,
it's my car.
70
00:02:54,032 --> 00:02:55,042
It's the last thing
71
00:02:55,116 --> 00:02:57,296
that says "Wanda"
and not "Mom."
72
00:02:58,703 --> 00:02:59,843
Wow.
73
00:02:59,913 --> 00:03:00,923
Baby, you're right.
74
00:03:00,997 --> 00:03:02,447
I, I wasn't thinking.
75
00:03:02,524 --> 00:03:03,634
But I always put
a quarter in Bryana's sock.
76
00:03:03,708 --> 00:03:05,048
I'm quite sure
she'll figure out
77
00:03:05,126 --> 00:03:06,136
to call somebody else
78
00:03:06,220 --> 00:03:07,680
to come pick her
and her friends up.
79
00:03:07,754 --> 00:03:08,564
Don't worry about it.
80
00:03:10,131 --> 00:03:14,391
Oh, that's good.
81
00:03:14,469 --> 00:03:16,189
Fine.
I'll go get her.
82
00:03:16,263 --> 00:03:17,283
Thank you.
83
00:03:18,490 --> 00:03:19,410
Dress-up.
84
00:03:23,895 --> 00:03:25,285
(clearing throat)
85
00:03:26,439 --> 00:03:27,699
Hey, what's up?
86
00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:28,758
My name is Bernie Mac
87
00:03:28,833 --> 00:03:30,063
and this is
my niece, Vanessa.
88
00:03:30,135 --> 00:03:31,825
We live next door--
welcome to the neighborhood.
89
00:03:31,903 --> 00:03:33,293
Well, Marcus Chatman.
90
00:03:33,363 --> 00:03:35,253
Nice to meet you.
I'm a big fan.
91
00:03:35,323 --> 00:03:36,343
Hello, Vanessa.
92
00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:39,088
Um, uh...
93
00:03:39,169 --> 00:03:40,589
Marcus, this is kind
of awkward, but...
94
00:03:40,662 --> 00:03:42,382
earlier, my niece
was sitting on your lawn
95
00:03:42,455 --> 00:03:43,845
and your sprinklers came on.
96
00:03:43,924 --> 00:03:45,134
Did you get wet?
97
00:03:45,208 --> 00:03:46,848
I'm so sorry, Vanessa.
98
00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:48,547
I saw you
look at me.
99
00:03:48,628 --> 00:03:49,888
Oh, right.
100
00:03:49,972 --> 00:03:51,012
Yeah, I saw you
drawing out there,
101
00:03:51,089 --> 00:03:52,179
but by the time
the sprinklers went on
102
00:03:52,191 --> 00:03:53,471
I was just
as surprised as you.
103
00:03:53,550 --> 00:03:55,230
They're on timers,
you know.
104
00:03:55,302 --> 00:03:57,232
That's what we tried
to tell her, but she didn't...
105
00:03:57,304 --> 00:04:00,774
Man, is that a
52-inch flat screen?
106
00:04:00,849 --> 00:04:01,859
61-inch.
107
00:04:01,933 --> 00:04:03,403
No kidding.
108
00:04:03,476 --> 00:04:04,986
You know once you
go flat, you don't go back.
109
00:04:05,061 --> 00:04:06,321
I like that.
110
00:04:06,396 --> 00:04:07,986
Yeah, I tried
to turn them off, you know,
111
00:04:08,064 --> 00:04:09,514
but I still don't know where
112
00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:11,323
all the light switches
are in this place yet.
113
00:04:11,401 --> 00:04:13,581
Well, we knew it was a
reasonable explanation.
114
00:04:13,653 --> 00:04:14,743
(sniffing)
115
00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:16,025
Man, is that a Cuban?
116
00:04:16,106 --> 00:04:17,746
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Why don't you come by later?
117
00:04:17,824 --> 00:04:19,874
I got a walk-in humidor
full of them.
118
00:04:19,951 --> 00:04:21,011
You're kidding.
Huh-uh.
119
00:04:21,086 --> 00:04:22,416
How about 7:00?
I'll see you then.
120
00:04:22,495 --> 00:04:24,705
Oh, and I still
haven't quite figured out
121
00:04:24,789 --> 00:04:27,379
those sprinklers yet,
so you better be careful.
122
00:04:27,459 --> 00:04:29,019
Hey, welcome.
Mmm.
123
00:04:29,094 --> 00:04:29,934
Okay.
Yeah.
124
00:04:30,003 --> 00:04:31,853
See you later.
Come on.
125
00:04:31,921 --> 00:04:33,451
I like him.
126
00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:39,136
The girl just doesn't know good
neighbors when she see one.
127
00:04:39,220 --> 00:04:40,650
They could be like
back in the day
128
00:04:40,722 --> 00:04:42,562
when we were sitting
on the stoop
129
00:04:42,574 --> 00:04:44,774
talking all hours
of the night, sipping wine.
130
00:04:44,851 --> 00:04:48,251
I mean, I don't mean to make the
guy my new best friend, America.
131
00:04:48,322 --> 00:04:50,452
Hell, I don't even know
if the boy play golf,
132
00:04:50,523 --> 00:04:52,503
but if he does,
he gonna be my buddy.
133
00:04:59,049 --> 00:05:00,299
Stop.
134
00:05:05,830 --> 00:05:08,170
Okay.
135
00:05:08,249 --> 00:05:10,089
Who wants to be powder fresh?
136
00:05:10,168 --> 00:05:11,468
Oh, great,
137
00:05:11,544 --> 00:05:15,314
and, baby girl, you'll
learn to like it, cheer up.
138
00:05:19,969 --> 00:05:20,889
Oh.
139
00:05:20,970 --> 00:05:22,150
Hey, baby.
140
00:05:22,230 --> 00:05:23,450
Hey.
141
00:05:23,523 --> 00:05:25,943
To the sexiest
soccer chauffeur in town.
142
00:05:25,951 --> 00:05:26,981
Oh. Thanks.
143
00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:28,400
Sorry about your car.
144
00:05:28,478 --> 00:05:30,288
My car is fine.
145
00:05:30,364 --> 00:05:31,754
Oh, it's fine?
Mm-hmm.
146
00:05:31,831 --> 00:05:33,321
You mean to tell me
no Cocoa Puffs on the seat?
147
00:05:33,334 --> 00:05:34,824
No wet boogies on the window?
148
00:05:34,901 --> 00:05:36,031
None of that.
149
00:05:36,103 --> 00:05:37,953
See, you just have
to know how to manage
150
00:05:37,963 --> 00:05:39,073
the situation.
151
00:05:39,148 --> 00:05:40,248
Oh, and by the way,
I told Bryana
152
00:05:40,257 --> 00:05:41,207
I would pick her up again
153
00:05:41,282 --> 00:05:42,332
on Sunday.
154
00:05:42,409 --> 00:05:44,579
Sweetheart, you
lucked up on this one.
155
00:05:44,661 --> 00:05:46,131
I did?
Yes, you did.
156
00:05:46,204 --> 00:05:47,504
I'm telling you
playing with fire.
157
00:05:47,580 --> 00:05:49,130
That pristine driving
machine you got
158
00:05:49,141 --> 00:05:50,171
going to turn
into a Mom's car.
159
00:05:50,250 --> 00:05:51,480
Now, you watch
what I tell you.
160
00:05:51,551 --> 00:05:53,681
I don't think so--
just because it happened
161
00:05:53,753 --> 00:05:55,723
to yours doesn't mean
it's going to happen to mine.
162
00:05:55,797 --> 00:05:58,097
See, I know what I'm doing.
163
00:05:58,174 --> 00:05:59,544
Oh, is
that right? That's right.
164
00:05:59,318 --> 00:06:00,668
Okay, you know
what you doing, do what you do.
165
00:06:00,611 --> 00:06:02,101
I'll do what I do.
You do what you do.
166
00:06:02,178 --> 00:06:03,348
Well, it's done.
167
00:06:03,430 --> 00:06:05,060
Ooh. What is that?
Talk to me later.
168
00:06:05,140 --> 00:06:06,110
Stop.
169
00:06:07,267 --> 00:06:08,327
This is the den.
170
00:06:08,402 --> 00:06:11,692
Oh, man, this is nice.
Real nice.
171
00:06:11,771 --> 00:06:12,331
Thank you.
172
00:06:12,406 --> 00:06:13,356
I'm telling you...
173
00:06:13,374 --> 00:06:14,374
(dog growling)
174
00:06:14,249 --> 00:06:15,569
Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
175
00:06:15,650 --> 00:06:17,170
What the hell
is that unholy creature?
176
00:06:17,244 --> 00:06:18,344
Oh, that, that's Oscar.
177
00:06:18,412 --> 00:06:20,122
These guys are
bred to fight bulls.
178
00:06:20,196 --> 00:06:22,116
I look at him,
I see myself.
179
00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:24,122
No, no, you're
not that ugly.
180
00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:26,540
I don't mean nothing,
you know that.
181
00:06:26,619 --> 00:06:28,169
I'm a lawyer, see,
I'm a litigator.
182
00:06:28,246 --> 00:06:29,376
I get you in
that court room,
183
00:06:29,390 --> 00:06:30,300
I lock down,
I don't let go.
184
00:06:30,373 --> 00:06:31,383
Right, Oscar?
185
00:06:31,458 --> 00:06:34,298
(barks, growls)
186
00:06:34,377 --> 00:06:35,887
Scotch? Single-malt?
187
00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:38,006
Yeah. Yeah,
I'll take a little bit.
188
00:06:38,089 --> 00:06:39,639
Thank you.
189
00:06:39,650 --> 00:06:40,920
Now, don't take this
the wrong way, Bernie,
190
00:06:40,992 --> 00:06:42,562
but when I heard
I was moving in next door
191
00:06:42,635 --> 00:06:43,725
to a couple with three kids,
192
00:06:43,803 --> 00:06:45,093
you know, I
was worried,
193
00:06:45,172 --> 00:06:47,902
but then, when I heard
it was you, I was cool,
194
00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:51,278
because when it comes to
kids, Bernie Mac don't play.
195
00:06:51,352 --> 00:06:52,582
Let me tell
you something.
196
00:06:52,654 --> 00:06:54,274
I'm from the old school.
197
00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:57,541
Marcus, I feel a kid shouldn't
speak unless he's spoken to.
198
00:06:57,617 --> 00:06:59,537
If you're old enough
to talk back...
199
00:06:59,619 --> 00:07:01,159
...you're old enough
to get hit
200
00:07:01,237 --> 00:07:02,287
in the throat or the stomach.
201
00:07:02,363 --> 00:07:03,663
My man. My man.
202
00:07:03,674 --> 00:07:05,334
You want some
more Scotch?
203
00:07:05,408 --> 00:07:06,458
Well, I-I
really shouldn't.
204
00:07:06,534 --> 00:07:07,554
I got an early day
with the boy tomorrow.
205
00:07:07,627 --> 00:07:08,747
Oh.
206
00:07:08,828 --> 00:07:11,208
I mean, well I said
I shouldn't.
207
00:07:11,289 --> 00:07:13,469
I didn't say
I wouldn't, though.
208
00:07:13,541 --> 00:07:17,221
Yeah. I'll take
a little splash.
209
00:07:17,295 --> 00:07:18,635
The pool is deep.
210
00:07:18,713 --> 00:07:22,183
Lifeguard on every station.
211
00:07:22,258 --> 00:07:26,058
Somebody drowning.
212
00:07:26,137 --> 00:07:27,527
Good man.
213
00:07:29,015 --> 00:07:31,435
JORDAN:
Uncle Bernie, this is awesome.
214
00:07:31,452 --> 00:07:34,192
I can't believe
we built this. It's the best.
215
00:07:34,270 --> 00:07:36,320
Okay.
216
00:07:36,397 --> 00:07:38,037
Watch yourself, son.
217
00:07:40,276 --> 00:07:41,196
Good.
218
00:07:41,277 --> 00:07:42,567
Hey, Uncle Bernie.
219
00:07:42,646 --> 00:07:46,326
-Huh?
-Shouldn't the lock be on the inside?
220
00:07:46,341 --> 00:07:47,591
Yeah.
221
00:07:47,667 --> 00:07:50,497
I don't know
what I was thinking.
222
00:07:50,578 --> 00:07:52,498
Uh oh. What are
you so happy about?
223
00:07:52,580 --> 00:07:55,340
Because I'm coming in
and he's staying out.
224
00:07:55,416 --> 00:07:57,586
Baby, I'm free at last,
free at last.
225
00:07:57,603 --> 00:07:59,473
Uncle Bernie, can I
eat dinner in my tree house?
226
00:07:59,546 --> 00:08:01,846
♪ Hallelujah ♪
227
00:08:01,923 --> 00:08:03,473
You can eat
any meal you want.
228
00:08:03,550 --> 00:08:04,830
That's your tree house.
229
00:08:04,909 --> 00:08:06,739
That's your home,
that's your castle,
230
00:08:06,811 --> 00:08:08,731
and you ain't
even gotta ask,
231
00:08:08,805 --> 00:08:09,765
'cause I ain't
going to say boo.
232
00:08:09,781 --> 00:08:11,481
I might lay some carpet.
233
00:08:11,558 --> 00:08:13,488
I'll get the staple gun.
234
00:08:16,980 --> 00:08:18,320
What?
235
00:08:18,332 --> 00:08:20,742
Oh, baby, you...
you babying the boy.
236
00:08:20,817 --> 00:08:22,577
That boy should be able
to handle a staple gun.
237
00:08:22,652 --> 00:08:24,462
You should have saw him
with the hammer, Wanda.
238
00:08:24,538 --> 00:08:26,498
I saw him.
239
00:08:26,573 --> 00:08:30,043
Damn. All right, I'll do it.
240
00:08:30,118 --> 00:08:32,668
The whole idea was
to get the boy off my back.
241
00:08:32,745 --> 00:08:34,995
He treat me
like a pack mule.
242
00:08:35,081 --> 00:08:37,601
Jordan!
243
00:08:42,255 --> 00:08:44,215
America, look at me.
244
00:08:44,299 --> 00:08:45,769
Every time I think I'm done,
245
00:08:45,850 --> 00:08:47,230
the boy wants something else.
246
00:08:47,310 --> 00:08:48,390
He wants a skylight.
247
00:08:48,469 --> 00:08:49,779
Now, America, you tell me,
248
00:08:49,854 --> 00:08:52,734
what's a boy who's used
to sleeping three to a bed
249
00:08:52,807 --> 00:08:54,477
know about a damn skylight, huh?
250
00:08:54,559 --> 00:08:57,859
I'm sick of that damn tree house
and I'm sick of trees.
251
00:08:57,937 --> 00:08:59,567
Well, honey,
just say no.
252
00:08:59,581 --> 00:09:00,811
If I say no, baby,
253
00:09:00,890 --> 00:09:02,740
I mean he going
be unhappy up there,
254
00:09:02,817 --> 00:09:06,157
and that mean he going
to come back down here.
255
00:09:06,237 --> 00:09:08,327
BRYANA:
Look what I've got.
256
00:09:08,406 --> 00:09:10,286
What?
257
00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:14,300
"My child is a star
student at Wellington."
258
00:09:14,379 --> 00:09:15,799
Oh, congratulations, honey.
259
00:09:15,806 --> 00:09:17,756
Oh, baby girl,
this is nice.
260
00:09:17,832 --> 00:09:19,222
It's for you,
Aunt Wanda.
261
00:09:19,292 --> 00:09:21,262
Okay.
Oh, okay.
262
00:09:21,336 --> 00:09:23,006
You're supposed
to put it on your bumper.
263
00:09:23,087 --> 00:09:24,687
I can't put this on my bumper.
264
00:09:25,798 --> 00:09:26,728
Hmm.
265
00:09:30,094 --> 00:09:31,984
Because I can't
see it back there.
266
00:09:32,055 --> 00:09:33,605
So
267
00:09:33,615 --> 00:09:35,605
I am going to put this
268
00:09:35,617 --> 00:09:36,857
on the refrigerator.
269
00:09:36,934 --> 00:09:38,444
That way
the whole family
270
00:09:38,519 --> 00:09:40,069
can see it every time
we get something to eat.
271
00:09:40,146 --> 00:09:41,196
Okay?
Okay.
272
00:09:41,206 --> 00:09:42,926
Okay, let's go do that.
273
00:09:43,007 --> 00:09:44,617
JORDAN (on radio):Uncle Bernie. Rememberwhen you told me
274
00:09:44,692 --> 00:09:47,542
not to leanagainst the wet paint?
275
00:09:47,612 --> 00:09:52,042
Well, bring a rollerand a new shirt.
276
00:09:52,116 --> 00:09:54,076
Over.
277
00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:55,300
This...
278
00:09:56,087 --> 00:09:58,137
(doorbell rings)
279
00:10:02,227 --> 00:10:03,257
Hey, Marcus.
280
00:10:03,336 --> 00:10:04,216
What's happening, man?
281
00:10:04,295 --> 00:10:05,765
What's up with you?
282
00:10:05,647 --> 00:10:07,647
I noticed your new
addition in the backyard.
283
00:10:07,724 --> 00:10:09,684
You didn't tell me
you were adding on.
284
00:10:09,759 --> 00:10:12,189
Oh. You're talking
about the tree house.
285
00:10:12,261 --> 00:10:13,481
Don't get me started.
286
00:10:13,488 --> 00:10:15,148
See, I built the tree house
287
00:10:15,223 --> 00:10:17,873
for my nephew to keep him
out of my hair,
288
00:10:17,942 --> 00:10:19,662
but he ended up
being a big pain.
289
00:10:19,736 --> 00:10:21,146
The thing is, see,
290
00:10:21,229 --> 00:10:23,149
I had this incredible Zen garden
291
00:10:23,231 --> 00:10:24,161
built in my backyard.
292
00:10:24,232 --> 00:10:25,162
Zen garden.
293
00:10:25,233 --> 00:10:26,373
Flew in the top guy from Japan.
294
00:10:26,442 --> 00:10:27,332
Wow.
295
00:10:27,402 --> 00:10:28,582
Oh, yeah, he arranged
296
00:10:28,653 --> 00:10:30,043
every rock, every
grain of sand.
297
00:10:30,047 --> 00:10:31,947
This is, it's a freaking
piece of art.
298
00:10:32,031 --> 00:10:33,081
It cost me 50 large.
299
00:10:33,157 --> 00:10:34,327
$50,000?
300
00:10:34,409 --> 00:10:35,669
Just for some sand?
301
00:10:35,743 --> 00:10:37,683
Yeah, see, the thing
is, it's all designed
302
00:10:37,754 --> 00:10:39,004
around this focal point.
303
00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:41,840
See, it's where
your eye is drawn,
304
00:10:41,916 --> 00:10:42,966
but not anymore.
305
00:10:43,042 --> 00:10:44,672
As of yesterday,
306
00:10:44,744 --> 00:10:48,904
your eye is drawn to a child
wearing a cape in a shack...
307
00:10:48,973 --> 00:10:50,273
right above it.
308
00:10:55,012 --> 00:10:56,852
Did you hear that?
309
00:10:56,931 --> 00:10:59,271
Sounds like music to my ears.
310
00:10:59,284 --> 00:11:01,694
Maybe you didn't hear
like I did.
311
00:11:01,769 --> 00:11:03,399
Listen.
312
00:11:03,479 --> 00:11:06,069
Marcus, are you, uh...
313
00:11:06,083 --> 00:11:08,953
asking me to tear
the tree house down?
314
00:11:09,026 --> 00:11:10,196
(whispers):
Thank you.
315
00:11:10,278 --> 00:11:11,368
You heard him.
316
00:11:11,446 --> 00:11:14,366
America, the man
has a focal point.
317
00:11:14,449 --> 00:11:17,999
I mean, what was I supposed
to do, tell him no?
318
00:11:18,077 --> 00:11:19,537
He's my neighbor.
319
00:11:19,554 --> 00:11:21,254
You got to be good
to your neighbor.
320
00:11:21,330 --> 00:11:23,130
The Lord says so.
321
00:11:23,207 --> 00:11:25,127
My hands are tied,
322
00:11:25,209 --> 00:11:28,139
but fortunately,
I can handle a crowbar.
323
00:11:28,212 --> 00:11:30,012
I brought that tree house
into the world,
324
00:11:30,089 --> 00:11:31,559
and I'm going to take it out.
325
00:11:31,566 --> 00:11:32,856
(birds chirping)
326
00:11:37,406 --> 00:11:39,226
I can't believe you're
going to take down
327
00:11:39,307 --> 00:11:40,877
Jordan's tree
house for that guy.
328
00:11:40,959 --> 00:11:42,399
Well, believe it-- that's what
a good neighbor does.
329
00:11:42,477 --> 00:11:44,107
Jordan, come on down here;
I need to talk to you, son.
330
00:11:44,187 --> 00:11:45,397
You don't want to talk.
331
00:11:45,480 --> 00:11:46,860
You want to take down
my tree house.
332
00:11:46,939 --> 00:11:48,279
Vanessa told me.
333
00:11:48,357 --> 00:11:49,567
Stool pigeon.
334
00:11:49,584 --> 00:11:51,124
Look, come on down
from there now, son.
335
00:11:51,194 --> 00:11:52,164
Come here.
No.
336
00:11:52,236 --> 00:11:53,996
You said this was my home.
337
00:11:54,071 --> 00:11:55,091
I'm defending my home.
338
00:11:55,165 --> 00:11:56,565
Well, you've been evicted...
339
00:11:57,825 --> 00:12:00,135
and don't act like
no stranger to being evicted.
340
00:12:00,211 --> 00:12:01,451
Is there a problem, Bernie?
341
00:12:01,454 --> 00:12:02,924
Oh, hey, hey, neighbor,
no, it ain't nothing.
342
00:12:02,997 --> 00:12:05,717
You know, the young blood
is just a little...
343
00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:06,830
high strung right now.
344
00:12:06,901 --> 00:12:08,231
Man, I figure give him
a couple hours
345
00:12:08,303 --> 00:12:09,973
to be starving to death'll bring
his butt right down.
346
00:12:10,046 --> 00:12:12,926
Eh... wait, is that...
is that a bucket of food?
347
00:12:13,007 --> 00:12:14,107
Nessa!
348
00:12:14,184 --> 00:12:16,184
Ne... Nessa, come on, now,
what you doing?
349
00:12:16,260 --> 00:12:17,900
Just being a
good neighbor.
350
00:12:24,519 --> 00:12:26,359
How'd you expect
him to react when you tell him
351
00:12:26,437 --> 00:12:28,567
you're going
to rip down his little tree house?
352
00:12:28,648 --> 00:12:29,568
He's stubborn
just like you.
353
00:12:29,649 --> 00:12:31,069
You keep saying I'm stubborn.
354
00:12:31,150 --> 00:12:32,030
I'm trying to tell you
that I'm not.
355
00:12:32,043 --> 00:12:33,923
(snickers)
356
00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:39,618
What's wrong?
357
00:12:39,700 --> 00:12:42,080
The bumper sticker is gone.
358
00:12:42,161 --> 00:12:43,131
Baby, forget that
bumper sticker.
359
00:12:43,204 --> 00:12:44,464
I'll get you another one.
360
00:12:44,539 --> 00:12:46,009
I'm trying to talk
about something serious.
361
00:12:46,082 --> 00:12:47,182
Come on over here.
No, no, no.
362
00:12:47,258 --> 00:12:48,548
See, it has to be here
somewhere.
363
00:12:48,626 --> 00:12:51,596
It can't just... walk away.
364
00:12:55,883 --> 00:12:57,393
Oh, Lord.
365
00:12:57,402 --> 00:12:59,982
(car alarm blaring)
(screaming)
366
00:13:00,054 --> 00:13:00,954
(alarm stops)
367
00:13:02,306 --> 00:13:04,146
Your car scared me.
368
00:13:04,225 --> 00:13:07,145
Uh, sweetie,
what were you doing?
369
00:13:07,162 --> 00:13:09,542
I was trying to
put the sticker on the bumper for you.
370
00:13:10,565 --> 00:13:13,195
Uh... tell you what.
371
00:13:13,276 --> 00:13:15,496
Let's forget
about the refrigerator, okay?
372
00:13:15,578 --> 00:13:17,838
I am going to frame that,
373
00:13:17,914 --> 00:13:19,584
and I'm going to hang that up
in my office
374
00:13:19,657 --> 00:13:21,787
so all of my coworkers can see
375
00:13:21,868 --> 00:13:24,378
what a good student
you are, okay?
376
00:13:24,453 --> 00:13:26,853
Okay.
All right, give me a little something.
377
00:13:29,709 --> 00:13:31,179
Jordan!
378
00:13:31,252 --> 00:13:32,552
Jordan!
379
00:13:32,628 --> 00:13:33,738
(over radio)
Use the walkie-talkie,Uncle Bernie.
380
00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:35,263
I can hear you,
and you can hear me.
381
00:13:35,339 --> 00:13:36,809
Ain't no need to use
no walkie-talkie.
382
00:13:36,891 --> 00:13:39,231
Jordan, stick your head
out the window right quick.
383
00:13:39,310 --> 00:13:40,430
Now, let me tell
you something.
384
00:13:40,511 --> 00:13:42,581
If you don't come down
this second,
385
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:43,595
you going without television
for a whole month now, you hear me?
386
00:13:43,681 --> 00:13:45,521
I don't have TV in here anyway.
387
00:13:45,534 --> 00:13:47,984
America, how can you punish
a kid
388
00:13:48,060 --> 00:13:49,900
who's happy living in a box?
389
00:13:49,979 --> 00:13:53,279
A boy his age
should be addicted to TV.
390
00:13:53,357 --> 00:13:54,907
Where did I go wrong?
391
00:13:54,984 --> 00:13:56,454
I mean, look at you.
392
00:13:56,527 --> 00:13:58,697
You and your kids--
you're all watching TV.
393
00:13:58,779 --> 00:14:01,709
You're good parents, America.
394
00:14:01,716 --> 00:14:03,436
Son, listen.
395
00:14:03,218 --> 00:14:05,958
Why are you willing to give up
television for a whole month
396
00:14:06,037 --> 00:14:08,837
and get a whooping for an old
ugly box in a tree, huh?
397
00:14:08,849 --> 00:14:12,599
Because we built it...
together.
398
00:14:12,677 --> 00:14:15,397
It's ours.
399
00:14:17,131 --> 00:14:18,511
Damn.
400
00:14:18,582 --> 00:14:21,392
Turn the TV off
and do something with your kids,
401
00:14:21,469 --> 00:14:26,399
because the rewards
are immeasurable.
402
00:14:26,474 --> 00:14:31,914
"We... we built it together,
you... and me."
403
00:14:39,612 --> 00:14:40,752
Thanks. As I
was saying,
404
00:14:40,830 --> 00:14:42,620
you know how little boys
get attached to things.
405
00:14:42,632 --> 00:14:45,002
I remember when I was his age,
I had a truck tire.
406
00:14:45,010 --> 00:14:47,590
I used to play with it all day,
roll down the hill in it.
407
00:14:47,662 --> 00:14:49,302
You ever have a tire,
Marcus?
408
00:14:49,372 --> 00:14:51,342
No. Listen,
let me be clear.
409
00:14:51,415 --> 00:14:52,375
The tree house comes down.
410
00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:53,382
I've checked it out.
411
00:14:53,459 --> 00:14:54,639
It violates zoning laws.
412
00:14:54,719 --> 00:14:56,549
You're going to be like that?
Oh, yeah.
413
00:14:56,629 --> 00:14:58,439
I told you,
don't mess with the bulldog, Bernie.
414
00:14:59,632 --> 00:15:01,392
All right then, bulldog.
415
00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:03,231
You have a nice day...
416
00:15:03,302 --> 00:15:05,272
fake-ass Johnny Cochran.
417
00:15:05,346 --> 00:15:06,896
(growls)
418
00:15:06,973 --> 00:15:09,153
Fake-ass pit bull.
419
00:15:09,225 --> 00:15:11,395
Nobody runs my nephew off.
420
00:15:11,477 --> 00:15:13,577
Oh, no. We can't have that.
421
00:15:16,816 --> 00:15:19,666
Okay, girls, you know the drill.
422
00:15:21,862 --> 00:15:23,302
How come your mom
423
00:15:23,373 --> 00:15:25,723
didn't put your bumper
sticker on her car?
424
00:15:27,243 --> 00:15:28,843
She's not my mom;
she's my aunt.
425
00:15:35,376 --> 00:15:37,796
That's so... yellow.
426
00:15:37,878 --> 00:15:39,048
I know!
427
00:15:39,130 --> 00:15:40,770
(laughs)
428
00:15:43,944 --> 00:15:45,894
I wish we could stay up here
forever, Uncle Bernie.
429
00:15:45,970 --> 00:15:47,600
What happens when you grow up
and get married?
430
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:49,010
I'll put up a curtain right here
431
00:15:49,089 --> 00:15:51,689
so you can't see
my wife's boobies.
432
00:15:51,767 --> 00:15:52,627
(laughs)
433
00:15:52,701 --> 00:15:53,871
Jordan, you know eventually
434
00:15:53,945 --> 00:15:55,145
we'll have to tear
this tree house down.
435
00:15:55,229 --> 00:15:56,279
You know that. That's the law.
436
00:15:56,355 --> 00:15:57,695
Yeah, I know...
437
00:15:57,707 --> 00:15:59,407
but can't we stay up here
all night
438
00:15:59,483 --> 00:16:01,003
just to drive
old Marcus crazy?
439
00:16:02,236 --> 00:16:04,116
Yeah.
440
00:16:04,196 --> 00:16:06,086
Ain't nothing going to get us
down out of this tree,
441
00:16:06,165 --> 00:16:08,285
not tonight.
442
00:16:08,367 --> 00:16:10,247
(sizzling noise)
443
00:16:10,327 --> 00:16:12,377
(sniffs)
444
00:16:12,455 --> 00:16:15,215
Jordan... you
smell something?
445
00:16:15,299 --> 00:16:17,219
He's setting the tree
on fire!
446
00:16:17,293 --> 00:16:19,103
Help!
447
00:16:19,178 --> 00:16:20,638
Over.
448
00:16:20,713 --> 00:16:22,563
Hey, Marcus,
my nephew got asthma.
449
00:16:22,631 --> 00:16:24,391
Oh, good, then one more log
450
00:16:24,467 --> 00:16:26,097
should do the trick.
451
00:16:26,177 --> 00:16:27,607
Don't even try it-- I'm telling
you he's just a child.
452
00:16:27,687 --> 00:16:29,057
Man, this is between me
and you.
453
00:16:29,138 --> 00:16:30,058
Okay, then come down,
454
00:16:30,139 --> 00:16:31,209
then he can come down,
455
00:16:31,116 --> 00:16:32,266
then the tree house
can come down,
456
00:16:32,349 --> 00:16:33,439
and we'll talk,
just you and me.
457
00:16:33,517 --> 00:16:35,147
It ain't going to happen,
not tonight.
458
00:16:35,227 --> 00:16:36,897
Alright, I don't know why
you want to make this difficult.
459
00:16:36,979 --> 00:16:38,489
Well, I'll tell
you what, Marcus.
460
00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:40,528
Damn it. You just made it
difficult.
461
00:16:40,608 --> 00:16:42,628
No, Uncle Bernie,
where are you going?
462
00:16:42,702 --> 00:16:44,662
We're about to have
a discrepancy of epic proportions.
463
00:16:44,737 --> 00:16:46,127
Move now.
You can't leave, Uncle Bernie--
464
00:16:46,205 --> 00:16:47,165
not in the middle
of a war.
465
00:16:49,384 --> 00:16:51,584
America, if it was just me,
466
00:16:51,660 --> 00:16:53,880
I'd go down there
and kick Marcus' ass,
467
00:16:53,954 --> 00:16:56,424
but it's not always
about us grownups.
468
00:16:56,499 --> 00:16:58,419
You see how much fun
that boy's having?
469
00:16:58,501 --> 00:17:01,091
I'm at war,
but he's playing war.
470
00:17:01,170 --> 00:17:05,510
Sometimes you got to listen
to the wisdom of a child.
471
00:17:05,591 --> 00:17:07,681
Back in the day, America,
I'm telling you,
472
00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:11,020
I'd let the pop go to weasel
until the weasel go pop.
473
00:17:11,097 --> 00:17:12,687
(coughs)
Let me put over your nose.
474
00:17:12,765 --> 00:17:14,855
(coughs):
Okay, how's that?
475
00:17:14,934 --> 00:17:16,694
That's better?
476
00:17:16,769 --> 00:17:18,319
What do we got to do,
Uncle Bernie?
477
00:17:18,395 --> 00:17:20,655
I don't know, but
I can't let you choke to death.
478
00:17:20,740 --> 00:17:21,700
VANESSA:
Hey, Uncle Bernie!
479
00:17:21,774 --> 00:17:22,954
Hold on, hold on.
480
00:17:22,959 --> 00:17:24,019
Heads up!
481
00:17:24,794 --> 00:17:26,794
Hey, good looking out,
Nessa.
482
00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:29,758
Hmmph!
483
00:17:30,449 --> 00:17:32,539
Load up.
484
00:17:32,618 --> 00:17:33,918
Ready?
Ready.
485
00:17:33,994 --> 00:17:35,134
Let's go.
486
00:17:35,204 --> 00:17:37,054
♪♪
487
00:17:37,123 --> 00:17:38,263
Hey, hey, hey!
488
00:17:38,266 --> 00:17:40,266
Hey!
Hey!
489
00:17:40,343 --> 00:17:41,383
Hey, cut that!
490
00:17:41,460 --> 00:17:43,550
Hey, stop that!
491
00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:45,393
(screaming)
Yeah!
492
00:17:45,464 --> 00:17:46,564
Hey, I think
we put the fire out.
493
00:17:46,632 --> 00:17:47,982
Hey, what's he doing?
494
00:17:49,301 --> 00:17:51,891
Ow! Stop that!
You cut that out!
495
00:17:51,971 --> 00:17:53,901
Look how mad he is,
Uncle Bernie.
496
00:17:53,973 --> 00:17:55,363
War is hell!
497
00:17:55,432 --> 00:17:56,692
Oops, I cussed.
498
00:17:56,701 --> 00:17:58,401
Well, well, we're
in the foxhole.
499
00:17:58,477 --> 00:17:59,577
Anything goes.
500
00:18:00,604 --> 00:18:01,574
What's he doing?
501
00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:03,161
Incoming.
502
00:18:03,232 --> 00:18:04,212
Look out, get down!
503
00:18:04,283 --> 00:18:05,583
You see what you get?
504
00:18:05,660 --> 00:18:06,660
You play with the bulldog,
505
00:18:06,735 --> 00:18:08,575
you're going
to get bit.
506
00:18:08,654 --> 00:18:10,634
Hey, what you
think he doing?
507
00:18:11,615 --> 00:18:12,755
Incoming!
508
00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:15,590
What is that?
509
00:18:15,670 --> 00:18:17,090
That's a bonsai tree.
510
00:18:17,163 --> 00:18:19,053
The fool's tearing
up his Zen garden.
511
00:18:19,123 --> 00:18:20,593
That's not very Zen!
512
00:18:20,666 --> 00:18:21,586
You're coming down.
513
00:18:21,667 --> 00:18:23,087
You haven't seen anything yet.
514
00:18:23,169 --> 00:18:24,969
You get in the way
of my Zen garden,
515
00:18:25,045 --> 00:18:26,715
and you're going to pay
the price.
516
00:18:26,797 --> 00:18:28,857
I haven't even started with you!
517
00:18:28,933 --> 00:18:30,853
I'm beginning to think he turned
the sprinklers on Vanessa.
518
00:18:30,926 --> 00:18:33,646
Son, I think we better
settle in.
519
00:18:33,729 --> 00:18:34,859
It's going to be a long night.
520
00:18:36,515 --> 00:18:38,475
Ow, I've been hit.
521
00:18:38,559 --> 00:18:41,949
Medic, medic, man
down, man down!
522
00:18:46,483 --> 00:18:48,923
(birds chirping)
523
00:19:01,707 --> 00:19:03,927
Uncle Bernie, we did it.
524
00:19:04,010 --> 00:19:06,010
We made it through the night.
525
00:19:06,086 --> 00:19:07,936
We won the war.
526
00:19:10,016 --> 00:19:11,636
Yeah.
527
00:19:11,717 --> 00:19:13,317
(laughing):
We won. We won.
528
00:19:20,309 --> 00:19:22,229
Come on, wake up.
529
00:19:22,311 --> 00:19:24,451
You got to wake up.
530
00:19:24,521 --> 00:19:26,411
Come on, wake up.
531
00:19:28,585 --> 00:19:31,535
Oh, God, did you fall
out of the tree house?
532
00:19:31,612 --> 00:19:34,792
Baby, just a couple of heroes
returning from battle, huh?
533
00:19:34,799 --> 00:19:36,579
Well, welcome home, General.
534
00:19:36,659 --> 00:19:38,329
Yes, ma'am.
535
00:19:38,410 --> 00:19:40,340
Private.
536
00:19:40,421 --> 00:19:41,801
Baby, little man earned
his stripes.
537
00:19:41,872 --> 00:19:43,432
I'm proud of him.
538
00:19:43,507 --> 00:19:45,177
Oh, man... look
at you guys.
539
00:19:46,543 --> 00:19:47,683
You stink.
540
00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:49,847
That's what battle
does to a man.
541
00:19:49,922 --> 00:19:51,512
(sniffs):
Mad Natural.
542
00:19:51,590 --> 00:19:52,820
And I'll tell
you what.
543
00:19:52,892 --> 00:19:54,522
To celebrate, I'm taking us
all out to breakfast.
544
00:19:54,593 --> 00:19:55,733
How about that?
545
00:19:55,803 --> 00:19:56,693
Come on,
let's get cleaned up.
546
00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:57,556
Aw, do we have to?
547
00:19:57,638 --> 00:19:59,188
Uh, no.
548
00:19:59,265 --> 00:20:00,775
Let's go in my car.
549
00:20:01,850 --> 00:20:03,650
BERNIE:
Good. Come on.
550
00:20:03,727 --> 00:20:04,947
Baby, you should've
seen us.
551
00:20:04,829 --> 00:20:06,199
The guy threw
this bonsai tree, right,
552
00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:08,160
And I smell good.
and it came against the wall,
553
00:20:08,232 --> 00:20:09,782
Oh, no, you don't.
and then Jordan...
554
00:20:09,858 --> 00:20:11,028
Who threw a tree?
The-the neighbor.
555
00:20:11,110 --> 00:20:12,080
I tell you, I
kicked his ass.
556
00:20:12,152 --> 00:20:13,662
Just when we thought we found
557
00:20:13,737 --> 00:20:15,097
a way to work around these kids,
558
00:20:15,181 --> 00:20:17,711
we learned the only way
to make it is with 'em.
559
00:20:17,783 --> 00:20:18,973
Now, I know what you say.
560
00:20:19,043 --> 00:20:20,013
You say we should know that
by now,
561
00:20:20,086 --> 00:20:21,666
but I don't care what you say.
562
00:20:21,745 --> 00:20:24,165
In our own little way,
Wanda and I...
563
00:20:24,248 --> 00:20:26,218
we're getting the hang of this,
y'all.
564
00:20:26,226 --> 00:20:28,806
Yes, sir, we're getting
the hang of it.
565
00:20:32,881 --> 00:20:34,861
I know what
I'm doing. Is that right?
566
00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:36,644
Yes, I do.
567
00:20:36,719 --> 00:20:37,939
Well, put it on there.
568
00:20:38,012 --> 00:20:39,172
Well, thank you.
You like it?
569
00:20:39,246 --> 00:20:40,466
Yeah, if you put it there,
I'll find out.
570
00:20:40,548 --> 00:20:42,188
Well, you know, I'm
going to get it in there.
571
00:20:42,266 --> 00:20:43,656
Yeah.
Pick something I can put in there.
572
00:20:43,734 --> 00:20:45,534
Yeah, well, put some crazy glue
on there, then.
573
00:20:45,602 --> 00:20:47,362
Why do I want to
put some crazy glue in my hair?
574
00:20:47,438 --> 00:20:50,028
Well, you know,
let's move on, let's move on.
575
00:20:50,107 --> 00:20:52,957
(rolling tongue):
Carmen. Yeah.
576
00:20:54,069 --> 00:21:00,969
Sweet... sweet... yeah.
577
00:21:02,661 --> 00:21:04,601
Captioned by VISUAL DATA
578
00:21:04,651 --> 00:21:09,201
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