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1
00:00:22,164 --> 00:00:25,364
America,
let me show you something.
2
00:00:26,968 --> 00:00:28,508
Look at that.
3
00:00:28,587 --> 00:00:32,307
America, that's Bernie
Mac in happier times.
4
00:00:32,390 --> 00:00:35,360
A sparkle in my eye,
a song in my heart.
5
00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:37,739
Now, this is me now,
one year later.
6
00:00:37,747 --> 00:00:39,607
A beaten man.
7
00:00:39,689 --> 00:00:41,359
No sparkle, no song.
8
00:00:41,441 --> 00:00:43,161
I think I even
lost a shade.
9
00:00:43,235 --> 00:00:44,625
But you know why?
10
00:00:44,703 --> 00:00:45,913
It's them kids.
11
00:00:45,987 --> 00:00:47,337
They're relentless,
12
00:00:47,414 --> 00:00:49,544
pecking at me
like a bunch of woodpeckers.
13
00:00:49,616 --> 00:00:50,706
JORDAN:
Uncle Bernie?
14
00:00:50,784 --> 00:00:51,884
Woodpecker.
15
00:00:51,952 --> 00:00:53,092
I'm off duty!
16
00:00:53,161 --> 00:00:54,211
Uncle Bernie!
17
00:00:54,287 --> 00:00:57,127
America, I ain't never off duty.
18
00:00:57,207 --> 00:00:59,427
What is it, Woody?!
19
00:01:01,428 --> 00:01:02,838
Guess who?
20
00:01:02,921 --> 00:01:07,221
♪ Cause I got work to do ♪
21
00:01:07,300 --> 00:01:08,810
♪ I got work, baby ♪
22
00:01:08,819 --> 00:01:09,769
♪ Got work to do ♪
23
00:01:09,845 --> 00:01:11,185
♪ I've got to give ♪
24
00:01:11,263 --> 00:01:12,063
♪ Got work to do ♪
25
00:01:12,139 --> 00:01:13,319
♪ I got work to do ♪
26
00:01:13,398 --> 00:01:14,428
♪ Got work to do ♪
27
00:01:14,508 --> 00:01:17,448
♪ So much work,yeah yeah ♪
28
00:01:17,528 --> 00:01:18,188
♪ Work ♪
29
00:01:18,204 --> 00:01:20,114
♪ Work ♪
30
00:01:20,188 --> 00:01:21,278
♪ I'm taking careof business ♪
31
00:01:21,356 --> 00:01:23,366
♪ Woman can't you see ♪
32
00:01:23,441 --> 00:01:25,781
♪ Got to make it for you ♪
33
00:01:25,861 --> 00:01:28,451
♪ Got to make it for me ♪
34
00:01:28,530 --> 00:01:33,220
♪ But sometimes it might seemthat I've neglected you ♪
35
00:01:33,293 --> 00:01:35,593
♪ But I would love tospend more time ♪
36
00:01:35,662 --> 00:01:38,842
♪ I've got so many
things to do ♪
37
00:01:38,915 --> 00:01:42,835
♪ I got work to do ♪
38
00:01:42,919 --> 00:01:44,179
♪ I've got work, baby ♪
39
00:01:44,254 --> 00:01:45,224
♪ Got work to do ♪
40
00:01:45,064 --> 00:01:46,654
♪ I've got to give ♪
41
00:01:46,723 --> 00:01:47,743
♪ Got work to do ♪
42
00:01:47,483 --> 00:01:49,603
♪ I've got work to do ♪
43
00:01:49,676 --> 00:01:53,056
♪ Got so much work,yeah yeah ♪
44
00:01:53,072 --> 00:01:53,942
♪ Woo ♪
45
00:01:54,014 --> 00:01:57,164
♪♪
46
00:02:07,736 --> 00:02:08,786
Hey, baby.
47
00:02:08,862 --> 00:02:09,912
Hey, baby.
48
00:02:09,922 --> 00:02:11,002
Kids in bed?
49
00:02:11,072 --> 00:02:12,492
Mm-hmm.
50
00:02:12,565 --> 00:02:16,165
Good, because I've
been waiting for this.
51
00:02:16,244 --> 00:02:17,924
Oh, yeah?
52
00:02:17,996 --> 00:02:20,006
I'm gon' rock your world, baby.
53
00:02:20,081 --> 00:02:21,811
(sexy chuckle)
54
00:02:24,270 --> 00:02:25,730
(spritzing perfume)
55
00:02:30,067 --> 00:02:33,817
♪♪
56
00:02:40,143 --> 00:02:41,493
(snoring softly)
57
00:02:43,271 --> 00:02:45,461
Not again.
58
00:02:48,902 --> 00:02:50,842
Guess it's
ladies night.
59
00:02:54,449 --> 00:02:57,629
(snoring)
(bath water running)
60
00:03:00,163 --> 00:03:04,173
That's a damn shame.
61
00:03:04,251 --> 00:03:05,631
Hold on, now.
62
00:03:05,710 --> 00:03:07,240
Don't listen to him.
63
00:03:07,321 --> 00:03:09,551
America, Bernie Mac's
still packin' the heat.
64
00:03:09,631 --> 00:03:11,511
But y'all seen the day I had.
65
00:03:11,591 --> 00:03:12,521
Come on, now.
66
00:03:12,592 --> 00:03:13,852
But ain't no need to worry.
67
00:03:13,927 --> 00:03:14,937
It ain't no thing.
68
00:03:15,011 --> 00:03:16,391
I take care of my baby Wanda.
69
00:03:16,471 --> 00:03:17,781
I keep her plenty happy.
70
00:03:19,266 --> 00:03:21,576
Four weeks, baby.
71
00:03:24,980 --> 00:03:26,240
It's been four weeks.
72
00:03:26,314 --> 00:03:27,744
I-I-I know, baby,
I know.
73
00:03:27,816 --> 00:03:29,026
H-Hold that thought.
74
00:03:29,109 --> 00:03:30,599
Yo, kids!
75
00:03:30,677 --> 00:03:32,907
Come on and get your breakfast
'fore I go 'side your head!
76
00:03:32,988 --> 00:03:34,338
See what I go through,
sweetheart?
77
00:03:34,414 --> 00:03:35,704
And I'll be
the first to admit
78
00:03:35,774 --> 00:03:37,714
I know I ain't been hitting
for average lately.
79
00:03:37,784 --> 00:03:39,044
Or power.
80
00:03:39,119 --> 00:03:40,879
Oh, baby, come on,
that's cold.
81
00:03:40,954 --> 00:03:42,134
I mean,
these kids 24-seven.
82
00:03:42,139 --> 00:03:43,709
Only free time I got
is peeing.
83
00:03:43,790 --> 00:03:46,220
I mean, I clean
this house up from top to bottom
84
00:03:46,293 --> 00:03:47,343
so they
can come ruin it.
85
00:03:47,419 --> 00:03:48,809
They wearing me out.
86
00:03:48,887 --> 00:03:51,047
I mean, Bernie, I
would love to help you,
87
00:03:51,131 --> 00:03:52,221
but I'm at
work all day.
88
00:03:52,299 --> 00:03:53,889
Yeah, I know.
89
00:03:53,967 --> 00:03:56,387
Uh, maybe we
should considr hiring someone.
90
00:03:56,469 --> 00:03:58,349
I'm not getting no maid.
91
00:03:58,430 --> 00:04:00,730
Ugh! But if you had
some help,
92
00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:04,731
it would free you up
to do some... other things.
93
00:04:04,811 --> 00:04:07,751
Wanda, I wasn't raised
to have no maid.
94
00:04:07,823 --> 00:04:09,413
I was raised by a maid.
95
00:04:12,536 --> 00:04:15,546
I'll leave you
with that thought.
96
00:04:19,626 --> 00:04:21,256
Dirty.
97
00:04:23,788 --> 00:04:25,278
And before that,
98
00:04:25,357 --> 00:04:27,217
I was a personal maid
to Barbara Streisand,
99
00:04:27,292 --> 00:04:28,432
and before that.
100
00:04:30,503 --> 00:04:33,513
I sense evil in this house.
101
00:04:33,590 --> 00:04:38,140
♪♪
102
00:04:38,219 --> 00:04:39,479
Next!
103
00:04:39,554 --> 00:04:43,154
I do windows, I do floors,
I do closets.
104
00:04:43,224 --> 00:04:44,984
Is there anything
that you won't do?
105
00:04:45,060 --> 00:04:46,990
Next!
106
00:04:47,062 --> 00:04:48,752
I know what you're thinking,
107
00:04:48,822 --> 00:04:49,902
but I'm as fit as a...
108
00:04:49,981 --> 00:04:51,291
(coughing)
109
00:04:53,068 --> 00:04:54,878
(hacking cough)
110
00:05:03,203 --> 00:05:05,593
(wheezing gasps)
111
00:05:05,663 --> 00:05:07,553
I could start right away.
112
00:05:07,558 --> 00:05:10,058
♪♪
113
00:05:13,254 --> 00:05:14,564
No.
114
00:05:16,383 --> 00:05:19,813
Broiler hasn't been
cleaned in a month.
115
00:05:19,886 --> 00:05:21,976
You eat a lot of meat.
116
00:05:22,055 --> 00:05:23,805
London broil..
117
00:05:23,890 --> 00:05:25,270
(sniffing)
118
00:05:25,350 --> 00:05:27,150
heavily seasoned.
119
00:05:27,227 --> 00:05:28,817
Wow.
120
00:05:28,895 --> 00:05:30,855
That's some nose
you got on you, woman.
121
00:05:30,873 --> 00:05:32,743
You better not go
in that boy room.
122
00:05:32,816 --> 00:05:34,736
Oh, Señor Bernie,
I have three sons.
123
00:05:34,752 --> 00:05:36,662
Believe me,
I have smelled it all.
124
00:05:36,736 --> 00:05:39,406
Anything you need me
to do, I can do it.
125
00:05:39,489 --> 00:05:40,789
When can you start?
126
00:05:40,865 --> 00:05:42,705
Ahorita.
127
00:05:42,784 --> 00:05:43,684
Ahorita.
128
00:05:43,752 --> 00:05:45,232
This is stupid.
129
00:05:45,303 --> 00:05:47,673
If you hired a maid,
why are we cleaning our rooms?
130
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:49,671
Because I don't want
the lady to know
131
00:05:49,749 --> 00:05:51,169
how disgusting
you kids are.
132
00:05:51,251 --> 00:05:52,341
Why?
133
00:05:52,419 --> 00:05:53,639
Respect,
that's why.
134
00:05:53,645 --> 00:05:55,675
That lady is somebody's mother.
135
00:05:55,755 --> 00:05:58,345
Now, I want this
place spick-and-span.
136
00:05:58,359 --> 00:06:00,679
I want to make Lydia's job easy,
you hear?
137
00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:03,020
Can I have some privacy,
please?
138
00:06:03,096 --> 00:06:06,026
Oh, stankin'!
139
00:06:07,267 --> 00:06:09,067
Oh, my God.
140
00:06:09,144 --> 00:06:12,074
Lydia, what's going on
around here?
141
00:06:12,147 --> 00:06:13,907
Looks so clean,
it feel like heaven.
142
00:06:13,982 --> 00:06:15,072
Thank you.
143
00:06:15,150 --> 00:06:16,570
Thank you, Señor Bernie.
144
00:06:16,651 --> 00:06:19,961
Um, Lydia, is there anything
I could do to help?
145
00:06:21,489 --> 00:06:23,039
You are so kind, Señor Bernie.
146
00:06:23,116 --> 00:06:24,866
Uh, please--
147
00:06:24,951 --> 00:06:26,351
this is what I do.
148
00:06:26,427 --> 00:06:29,457
Now... you go do
what you need to do.
149
00:06:29,539 --> 00:06:33,059
♪ At last ♪
150
00:06:36,838 --> 00:06:40,308
♪ My love hascome along ♪
151
00:06:40,383 --> 00:06:45,193
(contented groan)
(chuckling)
152
00:06:45,263 --> 00:06:48,063
Ah, tomorrow she gets a raise.
153
00:06:48,141 --> 00:06:49,901
Okay.
Okay.
154
00:06:49,976 --> 00:06:51,906
(chuckling)
Mmm.
155
00:06:58,526 --> 00:07:00,616
Mm... smell that.
156
00:07:00,695 --> 00:07:04,285
America, the whole house
smells like clean.
157
00:07:04,299 --> 00:07:07,829
That woman is fantastic,
and that's not a plug.
158
00:07:07,911 --> 00:07:10,961
See, I personally can't believe
I ever survived without Lydia
159
00:07:11,039 --> 00:07:13,059
and it make me feel good, too,
160
00:07:13,133 --> 00:07:15,343
because now I have
the opportunity to give her
161
00:07:15,418 --> 00:07:18,138
one big thing that Big Mama
never had on her job
162
00:07:18,213 --> 00:07:19,673
and that's respect.
163
00:07:19,748 --> 00:07:21,848
See, keeping this house clean
is a big task
164
00:07:21,925 --> 00:07:25,225
and I'm going to make sure
she knows I appreciate it.
165
00:07:25,303 --> 00:07:27,153
WANDA:
You hungry, Bernie?
166
00:07:32,435 --> 00:07:34,655
You think I ain't?
167
00:07:36,314 --> 00:07:38,454
Listen, as soon as you're
all done with your plate
168
00:07:38,525 --> 00:07:40,075
I want you to go
and clean it up.
169
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:42,450
Just because we got a maid
don't mean you get to be slobs.
170
00:07:42,529 --> 00:07:43,339
Okay?
171
00:07:48,284 --> 00:07:49,974
Oh, my God.
172
00:07:50,045 --> 00:07:51,595
Lydia, when you get a chance,
173
00:07:51,671 --> 00:07:53,631
can you please clean out
the refrigerator.
174
00:07:53,706 --> 00:07:54,796
It smell funky in there.
175
00:07:54,874 --> 00:07:56,264
Si, Señor Bernie.
176
00:07:56,101 --> 00:07:57,681
I do it after
I clean the bathroom.
177
00:07:57,752 --> 00:07:58,842
Thank you, sweetheart.
178
00:07:58,920 --> 00:08:00,850
Is there somethg
I could get you?
179
00:08:00,922 --> 00:08:02,192
Would you like
a sandwich?
180
00:08:02,265 --> 00:08:03,345
No, ma'am.
181
00:08:03,424 --> 00:08:04,354
Uh, I'll take one.
182
00:08:04,425 --> 00:08:05,895
Me, me.
183
00:08:07,762 --> 00:08:08,812
You shut your mouth.
184
00:08:08,888 --> 00:08:10,018
She's not your slave.
185
00:08:10,098 --> 00:08:11,518
And y'all clean your plate up.
186
00:08:11,599 --> 00:08:13,609
Get up.
187
00:08:13,619 --> 00:08:15,619
Oh, no,
por favor, mis hijos.
188
00:08:15,695 --> 00:08:16,865
I will do that.
189
00:08:16,947 --> 00:08:18,997
But Uncle Bernie...
190
00:08:19,074 --> 00:08:20,324
BOTH:
Thank you, Lydia.
191
00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:21,320
Thank you.
192
00:08:21,335 --> 00:08:23,195
Por nada.
193
00:08:23,278 --> 00:08:26,698
Why does Uncle Bernie get
to enjoy the maid and we don't?
194
00:08:26,781 --> 00:08:28,291
Yeah, I want a slave.
195
00:08:28,366 --> 00:08:29,876
Not a slave...
196
00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:34,670
We do chores, why can't she
make our lives easier, too?
197
00:08:34,747 --> 00:08:36,427
Hmm...
198
00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:48,726
Oh, you need something
from the fridge?
199
00:08:48,803 --> 00:08:51,023
Uh, could you
make us a snack?
200
00:08:51,097 --> 00:08:53,107
Oh, I'm sorry, mis hijos,
201
00:08:53,182 --> 00:08:54,902
I have to clean this
for Señor Bernie.
202
00:08:54,976 --> 00:09:00,356
Oh, Señor Bernie said
to tell you to make us a snack.
203
00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:01,530
Oh, I see, Mr. Jordan.
204
00:09:01,608 --> 00:09:02,868
What would you like?
205
00:09:02,942 --> 00:09:04,332
A ham and cheese.
206
00:09:04,402 --> 00:09:05,332
Okay.
207
00:09:05,403 --> 00:09:06,523
With turkey
208
00:09:06,463 --> 00:09:07,873
and lightly toasted
wheat bread,
209
00:09:07,947 --> 00:09:12,377
mayo, uh, mustard, onions,
tomatoes and a pickle?
210
00:09:12,452 --> 00:09:14,042
Bryana?
211
00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:16,420
I'll take
coconut shrimp.
212
00:09:16,497 --> 00:09:18,767
(sighs)
213
00:09:24,339 --> 00:09:25,489
Oh, Lydia,
thank God.
214
00:09:25,399 --> 00:09:27,389
Look, I need you to iron
something for me.
215
00:09:27,401 --> 00:09:30,101
Miss, I must clean the kitchen
for Señor Bernie.
216
00:09:30,178 --> 00:09:31,408
No, it's ok.
217
00:09:31,321 --> 00:09:33,101
Uncle Bernie said you
could do my stuff first.
218
00:09:33,181 --> 00:09:34,451
Come on.
219
00:09:37,578 --> 00:09:38,948
Thanks, Lydia.
220
00:09:40,697 --> 00:09:42,447
Oh...
221
00:09:42,523 --> 00:09:44,783
Riper than a diaper.
222
00:09:44,859 --> 00:09:47,369
I thought... Lydia!
Lydia...
223
00:09:47,445 --> 00:09:48,605
Si, Señor Bernie?
224
00:09:48,689 --> 00:09:50,619
Lydia, I thought
I asked you to clean this.
225
00:09:50,698 --> 00:09:52,018
What's going on?
226
00:09:52,100 --> 00:09:53,720
I am sorry, I was just
finishing the laundry.
227
00:09:53,793 --> 00:09:55,133
Well, I guess that's okay.
228
00:09:55,203 --> 00:09:57,343
Long as you get it right now.
229
00:09:57,413 --> 00:09:58,763
Right away, Señor Bernie.
230
00:09:58,831 --> 00:10:00,061
Yeah, thank you.
231
00:10:07,882 --> 00:10:08,812
Be cool, Bernie.
232
00:10:08,883 --> 00:10:10,413
Cut her some slack.
233
00:10:10,485 --> 00:10:12,685
You know, just think about
how they treated Big Mama.
234
00:10:12,762 --> 00:10:14,732
Yup.
235
00:10:14,806 --> 00:10:16,686
But I just
don't get it, America.
236
00:10:16,766 --> 00:10:19,316
What could she
have been doing all day?
237
00:10:19,394 --> 00:10:21,454
(Bryana whinnying)
238
00:10:21,529 --> 00:10:23,449
Faster, faster.
239
00:10:23,457 --> 00:10:25,027
(Lydia panting)
240
00:10:25,042 --> 00:10:27,082
Oh, all right, Bryanita,
241
00:10:27,151 --> 00:10:28,621
I have to put you down.
242
00:10:28,695 --> 00:10:29,995
I have to get my work done.
243
00:10:30,080 --> 00:10:32,870
Okay, we can play later.
244
00:10:32,949 --> 00:10:34,339
Si, mija.
245
00:10:38,797 --> 00:10:41,597
♪♪
246
00:10:43,751 --> 00:10:45,681
Man, isn't this great?
247
00:10:45,753 --> 00:10:47,553
Hey, why don't you
get us some drinks?
248
00:10:47,630 --> 00:10:48,850
Don't mind if I do.
249
00:10:48,923 --> 00:10:50,943
(bell ringing)
250
00:10:53,261 --> 00:10:56,201
Oh, that bell.
251
00:11:00,702 --> 00:11:03,152
Oh, God.
252
00:11:03,229 --> 00:11:05,539
You got to be kidding me.
253
00:11:08,868 --> 00:11:10,418
♪♪
254
00:11:18,703 --> 00:11:19,803
Lydia.
255
00:11:19,879 --> 00:11:21,669
Oh...
256
00:11:21,748 --> 00:11:22,928
Listen, we have to talk.
257
00:11:23,007 --> 00:11:24,667
Oh, Señor Bernie...
258
00:11:24,751 --> 00:11:25,881
It's about your work.
259
00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:27,720
(bell ringing)
Second bell.
260
00:11:27,795 --> 00:11:28,925
Second what?
261
00:11:29,005 --> 00:11:30,095
Mr. Jordan call.
262
00:11:30,107 --> 00:11:32,767
He's not as nice
as Señor Bernie.
263
00:11:32,842 --> 00:11:34,022
Ly...
264
00:11:34,093 --> 00:11:35,243
(bell ringing)
265
00:11:37,305 --> 00:11:38,485
Yes, Mr. Jordan?
266
00:11:38,565 --> 00:11:40,055
Um, Lydia,
Uncle Bernie said
267
00:11:40,141 --> 00:11:41,901
you should
get us some drinks.
268
00:11:41,976 --> 00:11:43,536
What would you like?
269
00:11:43,611 --> 00:11:44,821
Ah, surprise us.
270
00:11:44,830 --> 00:11:46,410
You got it.
271
00:11:52,612 --> 00:11:53,952
You believe that?
272
00:11:54,030 --> 00:11:56,040
Do you believe that, America?
273
00:11:56,115 --> 00:11:59,415
Those kids are misapprotiating
my doggone work force,
274
00:11:59,494 --> 00:12:02,594
forging my work orders
and the worst part about it,
275
00:12:02,663 --> 00:12:06,633
that sweet, lovable Lydia
almost lost her job, I tell ya.
276
00:12:06,709 --> 00:12:07,879
Oh, I should have known.
277
00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:09,430
I should have known.
278
00:12:09,504 --> 00:12:12,184
Always trust a stranger
over those kids.
279
00:12:12,256 --> 00:12:14,096
Always trust a stranger.
280
00:12:14,175 --> 00:12:16,095
A stranger, I tell ya.
281
00:12:16,177 --> 00:12:17,607
Trust a stranger.
282
00:12:20,231 --> 00:12:23,581
Oh, Lydia, I can't
apologize enough.
283
00:12:23,651 --> 00:12:24,611
I'm so sorry.
284
00:12:24,685 --> 00:12:26,525
It's okay, Señor Bernie.
285
00:12:26,604 --> 00:12:27,864
I have five kids of my own.
286
00:12:27,939 --> 00:12:29,359
Well, you understand.
287
00:12:29,374 --> 00:12:30,494
Actually, no.
288
00:12:30,566 --> 00:12:32,026
My children would
never behave this way.
289
00:12:32,109 --> 00:12:33,589
If they did,
I would have their heads.
290
00:12:33,661 --> 00:12:35,621
Well, why would you let
them behave that way?
291
00:12:35,630 --> 00:12:37,290
They're not my kids.
292
00:12:37,365 --> 00:12:39,465
But what if they
were your kids?
293
00:12:44,205 --> 00:12:45,545
Ah...
294
00:12:45,623 --> 00:12:47,673
Come on,
come on, now.
295
00:12:47,750 --> 00:12:49,390
Come on.
296
00:12:49,469 --> 00:12:51,939
(speaking Spanish)
297
00:12:52,013 --> 00:12:53,143
Uh-huh.
298
00:12:53,214 --> 00:12:54,904
(speaking Spanish)
299
00:12:54,974 --> 00:12:56,974
Yeah.
300
00:12:57,051 --> 00:12:59,901
Hey, Bruno,
Bruno Sammartino, yeah.
301
00:12:59,979 --> 00:13:01,979
I don't know
what she said, America,
302
00:13:02,056 --> 00:13:04,816
but I think it needs to be done.
303
00:13:04,892 --> 00:13:07,082
It's gonna be
a ass-whipping fiesta.
304
00:13:11,357 --> 00:13:14,577
America, I still can't get over
how nasty those kids were
305
00:13:14,652 --> 00:13:17,422
to Lydia, but things
are going to change.
306
00:13:17,497 --> 00:13:21,167
I've given her full authority
to do as she pleases.
307
00:13:21,242 --> 00:13:24,172
And if she want to string 'em up
like a pinata,
308
00:13:24,179 --> 00:13:26,999
and beat the candy out of them,
so be it.
309
00:13:27,081 --> 00:13:28,931
I'm turning off the Nanny-cam.
310
00:13:29,008 --> 00:13:31,298
Go ahead, Lydia,
do what you got to do.
311
00:13:31,377 --> 00:13:32,507
I ain't mad at you.
312
00:13:32,587 --> 00:13:34,897
Bernie Mac is right behind you.
313
00:13:39,260 --> 00:13:40,440
Chiclets.
314
00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:42,190
(chuckles)
315
00:13:42,263 --> 00:13:44,773
(bell rings)
316
00:13:44,849 --> 00:13:47,359
Lydia, didn't you hear
us ringing for you?
317
00:13:47,369 --> 00:13:50,539
You mean your
little bell?
318
00:13:50,613 --> 00:13:52,623
Yes, I heard it.
319
00:13:58,112 --> 00:13:59,662
Hey!
320
00:13:59,739 --> 00:14:00,839
I sent away for that.
321
00:14:00,915 --> 00:14:02,665
That was a genuine Liberty Bell.
322
00:14:02,742 --> 00:14:05,082
It had a crack in it
and everything!
323
00:14:05,095 --> 00:14:08,845
Aw... maybe I put a crack
in your head.
324
00:14:08,923 --> 00:14:10,383
You have to do what we tell you.
325
00:14:10,458 --> 00:14:11,758
Uncle Bernie said so.
326
00:14:11,834 --> 00:14:13,804
Oh, really?
327
00:14:13,878 --> 00:14:14,928
Maybe we go and ask him.
328
00:14:15,004 --> 00:14:15,934
ALL:
No, no, no.
329
00:14:16,005 --> 00:14:17,175
No.
330
00:14:17,256 --> 00:14:18,976
VANESSA:
We don't have to ask him.
331
00:14:19,058 --> 00:14:20,978
We live here.
You work for us.
332
00:14:21,052 --> 00:14:24,402
Yeah, and now I command you
to do my math homework!
333
00:14:24,472 --> 00:14:26,612
You want to do the math?
334
00:14:26,682 --> 00:14:30,152
Okay. I will count
to the number three.
335
00:14:30,227 --> 00:14:33,197
If you are still here,
I kill you.
336
00:14:33,272 --> 00:14:35,362
You can't threaten us.
337
00:14:35,441 --> 00:14:39,081
Who is going to stop me?
338
00:14:39,153 --> 00:14:41,203
And then she crushed
Jordan's bell,
339
00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:43,040
and then
she threatened us.
340
00:14:43,115 --> 00:14:45,115
Come on, Nessa, I
don't believe that.
341
00:14:45,201 --> 00:14:46,131
Yeah, I know.
342
00:14:46,202 --> 00:14:47,382
Wow. Were you afraid?
343
00:14:47,453 --> 00:14:49,383
How about baby girl,
was she trembling?
344
00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:50,879
Jordan, he wet
on himself?
345
00:14:50,957 --> 00:14:52,087
Tell me everything.
346
00:14:52,166 --> 00:14:54,086
Wait, you're cool with this?
347
00:14:54,168 --> 00:14:55,378
Cool with it?
348
00:14:55,461 --> 00:14:57,051
I authorized it.
I'm Bernie Machiavell.
349
00:14:57,129 --> 00:14:59,679
Don't nothing go down
in this house unless I know about it.
350
00:14:59,757 --> 00:15:01,187
You-all been messing
with my maid.
351
00:15:01,267 --> 00:15:02,847
I'm gon' tellu
something, Nessa,
352
00:15:02,927 --> 00:15:04,307
that's very disrespectful.
353
00:15:04,387 --> 00:15:05,767
Now it's time for you all
to pay the piper.
354
00:15:05,846 --> 00:15:06,896
Ugh!
355
00:15:06,973 --> 00:15:08,733
"Ugh" nothing-
that's right,
356
00:15:08,808 --> 00:15:11,228
Nessa, there's a new sheriff
in town.
357
00:15:11,310 --> 00:15:12,610
Her name is Lydia.
358
00:15:12,687 --> 00:15:15,107
Now you make sure you tell
baby girl and Jordan
359
00:15:15,189 --> 00:15:17,369
she be coming,
because she be coming!
360
00:15:20,236 --> 00:15:24,046
JORDAN:
Man, that's wrong. He's turned her into a monster.
361
00:15:24,123 --> 00:15:26,423
It's like having two
Uncle Bernies.
362
00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:28,456
Yeah, and that's
two too many.
363
00:15:28,536 --> 00:15:29,956
One of them's
got to go.
364
00:15:29,971 --> 00:15:31,121
Which one?
365
00:15:31,197 --> 00:15:33,087
And Uncle Bernie's
not going to fire her,
366
00:15:33,165 --> 00:15:35,755
so we're going to have
to make her quit.
367
00:15:35,835 --> 00:15:37,385
It's up to you,
Jordan.
368
00:15:37,461 --> 00:15:39,431
You can drive
anyone away.
369
00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:42,939
Oh, you think?
Aw, shucks.
370
00:15:43,017 --> 00:15:45,937
( crazy laughter)
371
00:15:47,138 --> 00:15:48,398
Stop it!
372
00:15:48,472 --> 00:15:52,112
(crazy laughter)
373
00:15:52,184 --> 00:15:54,614
Just warming up.
Great.
374
00:15:54,687 --> 00:15:55,487
(crazy laugh)
375
00:15:55,563 --> 00:15:57,863
Okay, stop.
Okay.
376
00:15:57,940 --> 00:15:59,830
♪ ♪
377
00:16:01,235 --> 00:16:02,485
Good luck,
Jordan.
378
00:16:02,570 --> 00:16:05,000
Luck has nothing to do with it.
379
00:16:10,420 --> 00:16:11,640
♪♪ (Mexican music playing) ♪♪
380
00:16:18,177 --> 00:16:20,397
♪ ♪
381
00:16:30,931 --> 00:16:33,491
♪ ♪
382
00:16:34,894 --> 00:16:35,794
(scream)
(yells)
383
00:16:35,870 --> 00:16:38,320
(screeching):
Oh! You monster!
384
00:16:38,397 --> 00:16:40,157
You did that on purpose!
385
00:16:40,232 --> 00:16:41,172
Ugh!
386
00:16:41,242 --> 00:16:44,042
(sighing)
387
00:16:44,045 --> 00:16:45,035
Hey, hey, Lydia!
388
00:16:45,121 --> 00:16:46,121
Where you going?
389
00:16:46,197 --> 00:16:47,747
Señor Bernie, I'm sorry.
390
00:16:47,823 --> 00:16:50,083
I cannot stay
in this place.
391
00:16:50,159 --> 00:16:51,129
Lydia, don't mind us,
392
00:16:51,202 --> 00:16:52,432
we just acting
a little crazy--
393
00:16:52,503 --> 00:16:54,053
you know how this family is.
394
00:16:54,130 --> 00:16:55,170
That's not it.
395
00:16:55,247 --> 00:16:57,297
I raised my hand in anger.
396
00:16:57,374 --> 00:16:59,224
I never did this before.
397
00:16:59,293 --> 00:17:00,763
But it's not like
you hit the boy.
398
00:17:00,836 --> 00:17:03,556
You don't understand--
if I stay here one more day,
399
00:17:03,639 --> 00:17:04,899
I will kill this boy!
400
00:17:09,095 --> 00:17:12,855
Lydia... don't deny yourself.
401
00:17:15,559 --> 00:17:20,029
He's going to have
fun giving it to us.
402
00:17:20,106 --> 00:17:21,396
Maybe not.
403
00:17:21,473 --> 00:17:23,503
America, I can't
believe them kids
404
00:17:23,576 --> 00:17:26,196
acting that way
to my poor Lydia.
405
00:17:26,278 --> 00:17:30,708
It's outrageous, despicable--
they're like evil concentrate,
406
00:17:30,783 --> 00:17:32,433
and I'm going to tell you
something.
407
00:17:32,502 --> 00:17:33,582
I won't stand for it.
408
00:17:33,661 --> 00:17:35,251
They're going to regret
this one...
409
00:17:35,329 --> 00:17:36,629
Uncle Bernie,
410
00:17:36,705 --> 00:17:39,175
we really regret
what we did.
411
00:17:39,258 --> 00:17:40,878
What you say, girl?
412
00:17:40,960 --> 00:17:42,930
We shouldn't have
treated Lydia like that.
413
00:17:43,003 --> 00:17:44,163
We were wrong.
414
00:17:44,239 --> 00:17:45,439
You damn right it was wrong.
415
00:17:45,515 --> 00:17:47,215
What you-all did
was just totally out of...
416
00:17:47,299 --> 00:17:48,219
Unacceptable.
417
00:17:48,300 --> 00:17:49,640
Totally unacceptable.
418
00:17:49,718 --> 00:17:52,058
We weren't trying
to hurt the slave...
419
00:17:52,138 --> 00:17:53,318
I mean, Lydia.
420
00:17:53,397 --> 00:17:55,057
We were trying
to hurt you.
421
00:17:55,141 --> 00:17:56,071
Yeah, hurt you.
422
00:17:56,142 --> 00:17:57,942
Me?
423
00:17:58,018 --> 00:17:59,308
That's scandalous.
424
00:17:59,386 --> 00:18:01,236
It still doesn't make
it right. We know.
425
00:18:01,313 --> 00:18:02,403
Yeah, you know.
426
00:18:02,481 --> 00:18:03,691
Well, do you also know...
427
00:18:03,766 --> 00:18:04,906
BRYANA:
We were wrong?
428
00:18:04,984 --> 00:18:06,504
Yeah, we know.
429
00:18:09,655 --> 00:18:11,535
Well, I hope you kids
don't think
430
00:18:11,615 --> 00:18:12,915
this is going
to get you out of...
431
00:18:12,992 --> 00:18:13,922
Our punishment
432
00:18:13,993 --> 00:18:15,503
is no TV for a week.
433
00:18:15,578 --> 00:18:17,378
And no ice cream.
434
00:18:17,454 --> 00:18:18,674
JORDAN:
And now we're going
435
00:18:18,747 --> 00:18:23,047
to our rooms to think
about what we did.
436
00:18:23,127 --> 00:18:26,347
Go to their rooms?
437
00:18:26,430 --> 00:18:29,060
And go Nessa, "Yeah, and
we're going to think
438
00:18:29,133 --> 00:18:30,473
about what we're done."
439
00:18:30,551 --> 00:18:33,941
I bet they not going to whup
their own asses.
440
00:18:34,013 --> 00:18:35,103
All right, fine.
441
00:18:35,181 --> 00:18:36,741
Let them punish themselves.
442
00:18:36,816 --> 00:18:39,436
And I'm going to go
to their rooms
443
00:18:39,518 --> 00:18:44,738
and commend them
for their good behavior.
444
00:18:44,815 --> 00:18:46,195
BERNIE:
Hey, Nessa?
445
00:18:46,275 --> 00:18:48,985
Can you take a break from
feeling sorry for yourself
446
00:18:49,003 --> 00:18:50,133
and come here, please?
447
00:18:50,204 --> 00:18:51,964
Thank you!
448
00:18:54,033 --> 00:18:55,503
Hi.
449
00:18:55,576 --> 00:18:57,636
Come here, baby, sit down.
450
00:18:59,180 --> 00:19:02,800
Well, first of all, I want
to say I'm truly impressed
451
00:19:02,875 --> 00:19:06,385
with the way you-all was able
to look deep down inside
452
00:19:06,470 --> 00:19:07,640
and see the wrong of your ways.
453
00:19:07,713 --> 00:19:12,023
You-all seem
genuinely remorseful.
454
00:19:12,026 --> 00:19:13,476
That makes me proud.
455
00:19:13,552 --> 00:19:16,482
Matter of fact,
I like that feeling.
456
00:19:16,555 --> 00:19:18,685
I want to feel even prouder.
457
00:19:18,700 --> 00:19:21,160
I want to swell with proud.
458
00:19:24,897 --> 00:19:27,827
♪♪
459
00:19:30,837 --> 00:19:32,747
Nessa, you call
this a crease?
460
00:19:32,821 --> 00:19:35,721
Come on, baby, you can
do better than that.
461
00:19:36,792 --> 00:19:39,292
All right, listen,
everybody.
462
00:19:39,370 --> 00:19:43,710
I want the nightgowns in cold
water wash and tumble dry low.
463
00:19:43,791 --> 00:19:46,631
I want my pants hung
and my jeans folded.
464
00:19:46,710 --> 00:19:48,680
And that there looks like
it's about five loads,
465
00:19:48,754 --> 00:19:50,384
so, that should take
you up to bedtime.
466
00:19:50,456 --> 00:19:53,686
And if you don't make it,
I'll let you stay up late.
467
00:19:55,427 --> 00:19:58,977
And don't come upstairs
until you're done.
468
00:19:59,056 --> 00:20:01,516
Oh, by the way--
469
00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:02,690
it's not nice
470
00:20:02,768 --> 00:20:05,188
when you treat people
like this, is it?
471
00:20:05,271 --> 00:20:06,901
(giggles):
Whoo!
472
00:20:06,915 --> 00:20:08,945
What did we do
to deserve this?
473
00:20:09,024 --> 00:20:11,674
I guess we were
pretty mean to Lydia.
474
00:20:12,995 --> 00:20:16,995
Whoa! Look what I found
in Uncle Bernie's pocket...
475
00:20:17,074 --> 00:20:19,794
$100!
476
00:20:19,868 --> 00:20:22,468
Maybe we should send
that to her.
477
00:20:22,546 --> 00:20:25,346
Yeah, send her $100.
478
00:20:25,424 --> 00:20:27,224
Or let's send her $20.
479
00:20:27,293 --> 00:20:29,563
(evil laugh)
480
00:20:30,504 --> 00:20:33,064
(clears throat)
481
00:20:33,132 --> 00:20:34,312
(groans)
482
00:20:34,383 --> 00:20:35,933
(giggle)
483
00:20:36,010 --> 00:20:38,600
America, I think those kids
have learned their lesson.
484
00:20:38,679 --> 00:20:41,059
They won't be mistreating
people anymore.
485
00:20:41,140 --> 00:20:43,780
And you don't have to worry
about Lydia.
486
00:20:43,859 --> 00:20:45,729
She got a better job--
that's right.
487
00:20:45,811 --> 00:20:48,401
She got hired by Kiefer
Sutherland up the street,
488
00:20:48,414 --> 00:20:50,244
and he ain't got
no bad-ass kids.
489
00:20:50,316 --> 00:20:54,036
And speaking of bad-ass kids,
my drink need refreshing.
490
00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:56,620
(bell rings)
491
00:20:56,697 --> 00:20:59,917
Ah, thank you, Jordan,
for refreshing my drink.
492
00:20:59,992 --> 00:21:01,012
Thank you.
493
00:21:01,085 --> 00:21:02,755
Will there be
anything else, sir?
494
00:21:02,837 --> 00:21:05,087
I don't think so, Jordan,
I don't think so.
495
00:21:05,164 --> 00:21:06,094
Very good, sir.
496
00:21:06,165 --> 00:21:07,625
Very good.
497
00:21:07,708 --> 00:21:13,548
And very good, America.
Very, very good.
498
00:21:13,630 --> 00:21:16,180
My tea. Good boy.
499
00:21:16,258 --> 00:21:18,648
♪♪
500
00:21:23,599 --> 00:21:24,819
She been taking advantage
501
00:21:24,701 --> 00:21:27,651
of my Bernie Mac
good dog disposition.
502
00:21:27,728 --> 00:21:29,268
I'm sorry, America,
503
00:21:29,347 --> 00:21:32,747
there's about to be a domestic
disturbance up in this piece.
504
00:21:32,825 --> 00:21:34,985
She got to go.
505
00:21:35,069 --> 00:21:38,329
(mumbling):
"All Latinos ain't lazy." You saw her.
506
00:21:38,405 --> 00:21:40,705
(imitates snoring)
507
00:21:40,783 --> 00:21:43,213
Legs wide open.
508
00:21:43,285 --> 00:21:48,545
Good thing I'm a Christian.
509
00:21:48,624 --> 00:21:52,234
You know, move on.
510
00:21:53,128 --> 00:21:55,308
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00:21:55,358 --> 00:21:59,908
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