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1
00:00:19,136 --> 00:00:20,426
Chess, America.
2
00:00:20,504 --> 00:00:21,554
I love it.
3
00:00:21,630 --> 00:00:23,010
It's my game.
4
00:00:23,090 --> 00:00:25,150
See, that's because Bernie Mac's
a thinking man.
5
00:00:25,225 --> 00:00:28,985
Unfortunately,
I'm playing by myself... again.
6
00:00:29,063 --> 00:00:30,753
No one to play with.
7
00:00:30,822 --> 00:00:32,902
See, my baby, Wanda,
she's more of a card player.
8
00:00:32,974 --> 00:00:34,864
And those kids... please.
9
00:00:34,935 --> 00:00:36,185
See, baby,
they ain't got it up here.
10
00:00:36,269 --> 00:00:38,649
See, it's the stuff
they into today.
11
00:00:38,730 --> 00:00:40,990
See, back in my day,
games like Monopoly--
12
00:00:41,066 --> 00:00:42,616
we learned about real estate.
13
00:00:42,626 --> 00:00:44,526
Operation-- being a doctor,
14
00:00:44,611 --> 00:00:45,901
learn surgery.
15
00:00:45,980 --> 00:00:48,370
Today,
it's all about video games.
16
00:00:48,448 --> 00:00:51,118
Learn to steal cars
and be a samurai.
17
00:00:51,201 --> 00:00:52,741
Yeah, that's right.
18
00:00:52,819 --> 00:00:54,459
Please, it turn their brain
into mush.
19
00:00:54,538 --> 00:00:58,258
I'm raising three stooges,
that's right. Check it out.
20
00:00:58,267 --> 00:00:59,927
♪ I'm a Nit Wit,
You're a Nit Wit ♪
21
00:01:00,001 --> 00:01:01,381
♪ We're a Nit Wit family. ♪
22
00:01:01,461 --> 00:01:02,761
Yippee!
23
00:01:02,838 --> 00:01:04,548
Baby girl, please,
not so loud.
24
00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:07,265
Uncle Bernie, will you buy me
another Nit Wit?
25
00:01:07,342 --> 00:01:09,522
One Nit Wit in the house
is enough.
26
00:01:09,594 --> 00:01:10,734
But I need it!
27
00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:11,944
They're sisters!
28
00:01:12,013 --> 00:01:13,663
She's an only child.
29
00:01:14,975 --> 00:01:17,065
See, America, if it was a book,
30
00:01:17,144 --> 00:01:19,034
I wouldn't have a problem.
Oh, no.
31
00:01:19,104 --> 00:01:20,114
But it's not.
32
00:01:20,188 --> 00:01:21,448
It's a Nit Wit.
33
00:01:21,523 --> 00:01:23,953
The latest fad of mindless,
worthless crap
34
00:01:24,025 --> 00:01:25,655
that's sweeping the nation.
35
00:01:25,735 --> 00:01:26,895
That's right.
36
00:01:26,978 --> 00:01:28,078
And it doesn't enrich the child.
37
00:01:28,155 --> 00:01:29,835
It de-riches the parent.
38
00:01:29,915 --> 00:01:31,215
I mean, come on, America.
39
00:01:31,291 --> 00:01:33,041
They call it "Nit Wits."
40
00:01:33,118 --> 00:01:34,678
Huh-- the name says it all.
41
00:01:39,833 --> 00:01:43,233
♪ ♪
42
00:01:50,886 --> 00:01:51,806
Hey, Mark!
43
00:01:51,887 --> 00:01:53,937
♪ ♪
44
00:01:53,948 --> 00:01:55,408
JORDAN:
Hey, Mark!
45
00:01:59,519 --> 00:02:00,239
Hey, Jordan.
46
00:02:00,246 --> 00:02:01,186
Whatcha guys doin'?
47
00:02:01,271 --> 00:02:02,711
Paintball wars.
48
00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:04,866
We play everyday after school
up at the wash.
49
00:02:04,941 --> 00:02:06,921
Pretty sweet, huh?
50
00:02:06,994 --> 00:02:08,044
Whoa.
51
00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:10,160
You gotta get
a gun, Jordan.
52
00:02:10,238 --> 00:02:11,548
It's so much fun!
53
00:02:11,623 --> 00:02:14,123
I got a welt on my arm
the size of an egg.
54
00:02:14,201 --> 00:02:15,471
You want to touch it?
55
00:02:17,254 --> 00:02:18,424
Does it hurt?
56
00:02:18,496 --> 00:02:19,296
Yeah.
57
00:02:19,372 --> 00:02:21,562
(inhales sharply)
Cool.
58
00:02:21,633 --> 00:02:24,263
(door bursts open)
Uncle Bernie! Uncle Bernie!
59
00:02:24,336 --> 00:02:26,136
Uncle Bernie!
I need a paintball gun.
60
00:02:26,213 --> 00:02:27,503
You need to learn
how to ask
61
00:02:27,580 --> 00:02:28,770
people more properly,
Jordan.
62
00:02:28,849 --> 00:02:31,519
Uncle Bernie, may I please
have a paintball gun?
63
00:02:31,593 --> 00:02:32,523
Hell, no.
64
00:02:32,594 --> 00:02:34,084
But why?
65
00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:36,024
You the last person
that need a gun of any kind, Jordan.
66
00:02:36,097 --> 00:02:37,147
Uncle Bernie,
that's not fair!
67
00:02:37,224 --> 00:02:38,574
Please!
No.
68
00:02:38,642 --> 00:02:39,572
Please?
No.
69
00:02:39,643 --> 00:02:40,393
Please?
No.
70
00:02:40,469 --> 00:02:41,359
Please?
Hell, no!
71
00:02:41,436 --> 00:02:42,736
Please?
No, Jordan!
72
00:02:42,812 --> 00:02:43,952
Please?
No.
73
00:02:44,022 --> 00:02:45,072
Please?
No.
74
00:02:45,148 --> 00:02:46,078
Please?
Hell, no.
75
00:02:46,158 --> 00:02:47,198
Ow. Please?
Hell-Hell no!
76
00:02:47,209 --> 00:02:48,879
Please... Please?
No.
77
00:02:48,952 --> 00:02:49,912
Please?
No.
78
00:02:49,986 --> 00:02:50,906
Please?
Let go!
79
00:02:50,987 --> 00:02:51,907
Please?
Shut up!
80
00:02:51,922 --> 00:02:53,002
Okay.
81
00:02:53,073 --> 00:02:55,083
(answering machine beeps)
82
00:02:55,158 --> 00:02:57,788
JORDAN (affected voice)
Hello, Mr. Mac.
83
00:02:57,869 --> 00:03:00,499
This Jordan's principle,Father Crumb.
84
00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:03,344
We're having a problemat the school.
85
00:03:03,416 --> 00:03:06,836
It seems he's the only boywithout a paintball gun.
86
00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:08,180
Shame on you.
87
00:03:08,255 --> 00:03:09,515
(beeps)
88
00:03:09,598 --> 00:03:12,058
JORDAN (affected voice)
Hi, Uncle Bernie.
89
00:03:12,133 --> 00:03:13,663
This is Aunt Wanda.
90
00:03:13,735 --> 00:03:16,895
I think you should really getJordan a paintball gun.
91
00:03:16,906 --> 00:03:18,656
BRYANA:
And a Nit Wit doll.
92
00:03:18,732 --> 00:03:20,232
(beeps)
93
00:03:20,308 --> 00:03:21,568
JORDAN (affected voice)
Hey, Bernie!
94
00:03:21,643 --> 00:03:23,153
This is your poker friend,
Chewy.
95
00:03:23,228 --> 00:03:24,538
I was just thinking
96
00:03:24,613 --> 00:03:26,283
you should go and get Jordan
a paintball gun.
97
00:03:26,356 --> 00:03:27,816
He really deserves it, man.
98
00:03:27,899 --> 00:03:28,819
(beeps)
99
00:03:28,900 --> 00:03:30,490
Can you believe that, America?
100
00:03:30,568 --> 00:03:32,038
They think they're slick.
101
00:03:32,112 --> 00:03:33,702
"This is Aunt Wanda..."
102
00:03:33,780 --> 00:03:35,160
(giggles)
103
00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:36,540
That boy is too soft and dumb.
104
00:03:36,616 --> 00:03:38,286
But see, this is what get me--
105
00:03:38,368 --> 00:03:40,208
the length those kids
will go through
106
00:03:40,287 --> 00:03:42,177
for a paintball gun
or a Nit Wit doll.
107
00:03:42,256 --> 00:03:44,546
Well, they better start bringing
108
00:03:44,624 --> 00:03:47,384
some better game than that,
America.
109
00:03:47,460 --> 00:03:51,400
They better start bringing
some better game than that.
110
00:03:53,091 --> 00:03:55,401
At least he tried.
111
00:03:57,053 --> 00:03:58,693
Hey, kid, what's up?
112
00:03:58,772 --> 00:04:01,152
Look, Uncle Bernie,
your toilet's sparkling clean.
113
00:04:01,224 --> 00:04:02,364
Wow, it sure is.
114
00:04:02,368 --> 00:04:04,158
You all did a good job.
115
00:04:04,236 --> 00:04:05,946
Do we get a reward,
Uncle Bernie?
116
00:04:07,647 --> 00:04:08,697
Ah!
117
00:04:08,773 --> 00:04:11,833
Nice try. Nice.
118
00:04:11,910 --> 00:04:14,120
Oh, I got your reward.
119
00:04:14,195 --> 00:04:17,615
Oh, I got your reward.
120
00:04:17,699 --> 00:04:18,919
Yeah.
121
00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:20,246
Here you go. Here.
122
00:04:20,327 --> 00:04:22,127
Dime for you,
and a quarter for you.
123
00:04:22,203 --> 00:04:24,253
Come on, let's go.
Scoot.
124
00:04:24,331 --> 00:04:25,381
Come on.
125
00:04:25,391 --> 00:04:28,171
Hey, kids, stand by.
126
00:04:28,185 --> 00:04:30,435
Bye.
127
00:04:33,974 --> 00:04:35,774
Towel, Uncle Bernie?
128
00:04:35,842 --> 00:04:37,562
(stammering)
Boy, wh-what you doing in here?
129
00:04:37,635 --> 00:04:39,345
I was just wondering
if you'd reconsider
130
00:04:39,429 --> 00:04:40,599
your position
on the paintball gun.
131
00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:42,110
Hell, no.
Boy, gimme that towel.
132
00:04:42,182 --> 00:04:46,112
(Jordan grunts defiantly)
133
00:04:46,186 --> 00:04:48,446
This has gone too far, America.
134
00:04:48,521 --> 00:04:51,241
That child got boundary issues.
135
00:04:51,316 --> 00:04:54,486
I can't get a moment peace
in my own house.
136
00:04:54,569 --> 00:04:56,449
He's on me like a leech.
137
00:04:56,529 --> 00:05:00,169
Walking around my own house
with a damp ass.
138
00:05:00,241 --> 00:05:02,001
So what?
139
00:05:02,077 --> 00:05:06,627
I mean, you had plenty
of stupid toys when you were a kid. A Slinky, Bernie?
140
00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,930
I mean, come on,
that doesn't require a whole lot of thinking.
141
00:05:09,009 --> 00:05:11,759
Babe, what you talking about?
Slinky walk up and down the stairs; that's physics.
142
00:05:11,836 --> 00:05:13,846
They just wanna
be kids, sweetie. Hey, Nessa.
143
00:05:13,922 --> 00:05:14,892
Hey, Nessa.
144
00:05:14,964 --> 00:05:16,934
Oh, freeze!
145
00:05:17,008 --> 00:05:19,228
H-Hold this, baby.
146
00:05:19,302 --> 00:05:21,142
What's that on
your lip, Nessa?
147
00:05:21,221 --> 00:05:22,311
What are
you talking about?
148
00:05:22,389 --> 00:05:23,499
You know what
I'm talking about.
149
00:05:23,582 --> 00:05:24,502
You weren't born
with that color.
150
00:05:24,574 --> 00:05:25,364
Go in there and scrub
that stuff off.
151
00:05:25,433 --> 00:05:26,553
What's the big deal?
152
00:05:26,626 --> 00:05:28,026
All the girls at school
wear lipstick.
153
00:05:28,103 --> 00:05:29,453
Good. You be the only one
that ain't pregnant.
154
00:05:29,529 --> 00:05:30,949
Now go in there and
scrub it off, Nessa.
155
00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:32,241
Your fair self.
156
00:05:32,249 --> 00:05:33,659
All you young girls today,
157
00:05:33,733 --> 00:05:35,953
walking around with y'all
popping hot ass!
158
00:05:35,961 --> 00:05:37,331
And all that Fahrenheit!
159
00:05:37,404 --> 00:05:38,374
More mindlessness.
160
00:05:38,446 --> 00:05:39,366
Makeup at 14?
161
00:05:39,447 --> 00:05:41,537
Oh, I'm telling you, America.
162
00:05:41,616 --> 00:05:43,956
See, raising kids is like
playing chess.
163
00:05:44,035 --> 00:05:47,205
You gotta counter
every idiotic move they make.
164
00:05:47,288 --> 00:05:49,168
'Cause what is parenting anyway?
165
00:05:49,249 --> 00:05:50,799
I tell you what it is.
166
00:05:50,875 --> 00:05:53,835
See, it's keeping your kids'
ignorance in check.
167
00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:55,164
It's really very simple.
168
00:05:55,238 --> 00:05:57,678
Considering they never formulate
anything more
169
00:05:57,757 --> 00:05:59,717
than a basic attack, anyway.
170
00:05:59,735 --> 00:06:00,975
Watch this.
171
00:06:01,052 --> 00:06:03,322
What's on your
mind, baby girl?
172
00:06:03,397 --> 00:06:05,357
I want
another Nit Wit doll.
173
00:06:05,432 --> 00:06:07,022
Well, what's your
opening move?
174
00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:08,190
Hmm...
175
00:06:08,268 --> 00:06:10,858
I want it!
176
00:06:10,937 --> 00:06:12,857
Dazzling, huh?
177
00:06:12,939 --> 00:06:14,069
No!
178
00:06:14,149 --> 00:06:15,279
Check.
179
00:06:15,358 --> 00:06:17,028
Dig it.
180
00:06:17,110 --> 00:06:18,490
Take your
best shot, Nessa.
181
00:06:18,570 --> 00:06:20,700
I don't see
why I can't wear makeup.
182
00:06:20,780 --> 00:06:22,790
You want me to act
like an adult,
183
00:06:22,866 --> 00:06:24,746
but you won't treat me
like one,
184
00:06:24,826 --> 00:06:25,916
and it's not fair.
185
00:06:25,994 --> 00:06:27,044
It's not fair.
186
00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:28,380
Pathetic effort.
187
00:06:28,455 --> 00:06:30,545
Real basic stuff.
188
00:06:30,623 --> 00:06:32,473
A simple counter
should do it.
189
00:06:32,542 --> 00:06:35,222
Nessa, no self-respecting
14-year-old girl
190
00:06:35,295 --> 00:06:37,345
need to be covered up
with makeup
191
00:06:37,422 --> 00:06:38,852
to go to English class.
192
00:06:38,923 --> 00:06:40,603
Well, Jennifer Wang
wears makeup,
193
00:06:40,675 --> 00:06:42,265
and she's class valedictorian.
194
00:06:42,343 --> 00:06:43,813
Well, I tell
you what, gorgeous.
195
00:06:43,887 --> 00:06:45,557
When you become
valedictorian
196
00:06:45,638 --> 00:06:46,688
and head of your class,
197
00:06:46,764 --> 00:06:48,274
then you can wear makeup.
198
00:06:48,349 --> 00:06:50,479
Check.
199
00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:52,440
America, it's really too easy.
200
00:06:52,520 --> 00:06:54,330
See, these kids don't realize
201
00:06:54,406 --> 00:06:56,606
they playing
with the grand master.
202
00:06:56,691 --> 00:06:58,071
You heard of Big Blue?
203
00:06:58,151 --> 00:07:00,041
Well, Bernie Mac is Big Black.
204
00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:01,670
Now, Jordan, your turn.
205
00:07:03,656 --> 00:07:05,626
Good news travel fast.
206
00:07:05,709 --> 00:07:07,089
But where is that boy?
207
00:07:12,665 --> 00:07:14,015
Was this supposed to be me?
208
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:15,974
You wouldn't buy me
a paintball gun,
209
00:07:16,044 --> 00:07:17,434
so I made one myself. See?
210
00:07:17,438 --> 00:07:18,688
( inhales)
211
00:07:28,515 --> 00:07:30,615
(retching and coughing)
212
00:07:31,768 --> 00:07:33,858
Well, Jordan,
you proved my case.
213
00:07:33,937 --> 00:07:36,647
But paintball's fun.
214
00:07:36,731 --> 00:07:37,781
I see.
215
00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:39,211
(retching)
216
00:07:40,527 --> 00:07:42,987
Check they ignorance, America.
217
00:07:43,071 --> 00:07:45,251
Huh. Check they ignorance.
218
00:07:45,323 --> 00:07:47,553
Check.
219
00:07:51,371 --> 00:07:52,701
There you are,
baby girl.
220
00:07:52,781 --> 00:07:54,841
Hey, I bought you something
from the toy store.
221
00:07:54,916 --> 00:07:56,516
Is it a Nit Wit doll?
222
00:07:56,593 --> 00:07:58,433
No, ma'am. Something
better than a Nit Wit doll.
223
00:07:58,503 --> 00:08:00,223
A Nit Wit camper?
224
00:08:00,296 --> 00:08:01,636
Nope. It's Professor Hoo.
225
00:08:01,648 --> 00:08:03,388
And you know what else?
226
00:08:03,466 --> 00:08:05,016
It's fun, and it's smart.
227
00:08:05,093 --> 00:08:07,313
And I got a surprise
for you, look.
228
00:08:07,387 --> 00:08:08,847
Hello, baby girl.
229
00:08:08,930 --> 00:08:09,900
He knows me!
230
00:08:09,907 --> 00:08:11,607
He sure does.
231
00:08:11,683 --> 00:08:13,023
And he's going to
teach you how to spell and do your math.
232
00:08:13,101 --> 00:08:14,031
Yay!
233
00:08:14,102 --> 00:08:15,282
Hey, son,
how you feeling?
234
00:08:15,353 --> 00:08:16,493
You feel better?
235
00:08:16,563 --> 00:08:18,223
My poops are still blue.
236
00:08:18,165 --> 00:08:20,155
You're lucky they didn't
have to pump your stomach.
237
00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:21,743
I just wanted to play
a war game.
238
00:08:21,818 --> 00:08:23,948
Son, that's
why I'm trying to teach you chess.
239
00:08:24,028 --> 00:08:25,868
It's the greatest
war game ever played.
240
00:08:25,881 --> 00:08:26,801
Really?
241
00:08:26,881 --> 00:08:28,131
Why you think kings play it?
242
00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:29,748
Kings play it?
243
00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:30,980
Come here, boy.
244
00:08:31,061 --> 00:08:33,881
Not just kings,
it's a Mac family tradition.
245
00:08:33,955 --> 00:08:36,915
My Uncle Allistar taught me,
and his father taught him.
246
00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:38,550
Uncle Allistar taught you?
247
00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:40,090
Sure did.
That's why I'm gonna teach you.
248
00:08:40,169 --> 00:08:41,389
Can I be the horses?
249
00:08:41,462 --> 00:08:42,852
This ain't Monopoly...
Hey-hey-hey.
250
00:08:42,922 --> 00:08:44,642
That's two down.
251
00:08:44,716 --> 00:08:48,386
You see? I just change my play
to fit the boy's personality.
252
00:08:48,469 --> 00:08:49,599
Yeah, it's true.
253
00:08:49,679 --> 00:08:51,099
My man Jordan like guns.
254
00:08:51,180 --> 00:08:52,690
He like killer stuff.
255
00:08:52,765 --> 00:08:56,075
But deep down inside,
he's a sweet little normal kid.
256
00:08:56,152 --> 00:08:57,492
That's right.
257
00:08:57,562 --> 00:08:59,872
Who likes to do things
with his uncle.
258
00:09:01,408 --> 00:09:05,868
In fact, I hope he don't cry
when I beat him.
259
00:09:05,945 --> 00:09:09,865
Now Nessa... she requires
a different approach.
260
00:09:09,949 --> 00:09:11,329
WANDA:
Here we come!
261
00:09:11,343 --> 00:09:13,933
(mutters)
262
00:09:15,955 --> 00:09:18,165
Good Lord. Baby, what'd you use,
a whole doggone thing on her?
263
00:09:18,249 --> 00:09:20,929
Honey, this is
the same amount of makeup I wear.
264
00:09:21,002 --> 00:09:22,092
And I think I look good.
265
00:09:22,170 --> 00:09:23,400
All right, listen.
266
00:09:23,313 --> 00:09:24,763
You and I make a deal.
267
00:09:24,839 --> 00:09:27,599
You bring that "C" in algebra
up to a "B"...
268
00:09:27,675 --> 00:09:29,635
And I can wear
anything I want?
269
00:09:29,719 --> 00:09:31,099
No. You can wear
a little cheek stuff
270
00:09:31,179 --> 00:09:32,439
and maybe some petroleum jelly
271
00:09:32,513 --> 00:09:33,283
on your lips.
272
00:09:33,356 --> 00:09:34,806
No stick. Clear?
273
00:09:34,891 --> 00:09:36,771
Well, what if I get
straight "A"s?
274
00:09:36,851 --> 00:09:39,691
(stammering)
If you get straight "A"s, then...
275
00:09:39,771 --> 00:09:42,201
you can dress yourself up
like a rodeo clown,
276
00:09:42,273 --> 00:09:43,413
all I care.
277
00:09:43,483 --> 00:09:44,703
Get a "B."
278
00:09:44,776 --> 00:09:47,196
See? Nessa just needed
a little opportunity
279
00:09:47,278 --> 00:09:48,328
to prove me wrong.
280
00:09:48,404 --> 00:09:49,584
And I hope she does.
281
00:09:49,656 --> 00:09:51,046
And if I keep it up,
282
00:09:51,124 --> 00:09:53,634
she'll probably get into
Harvard. Wouldn't that be good?
283
00:09:53,701 --> 00:09:57,251
See, America? It's like I said.
It's all about chess.
284
00:09:57,330 --> 00:10:00,380
I got each and every one
of those kids right where I want 'em.
285
00:10:00,458 --> 00:10:04,468
America, a little strategy
go a long way.
286
00:10:04,545 --> 00:10:05,435
♪ You better think ♪
287
00:10:05,513 --> 00:10:06,993
♪ Think ♪
288
00:10:07,064 --> 00:10:09,144
♪ Think about what you'retrying to do to me ♪
289
00:10:09,217 --> 00:10:10,097
♪ Think ♪
290
00:10:10,176 --> 00:10:11,556
♪ Think think ♪
291
00:10:11,403 --> 00:10:13,693
♪ Let your mind go,let yourself be freem ♪
292
00:10:13,763 --> 00:10:15,403
♪ Let's go back,let's go back ♪
293
00:10:15,407 --> 00:10:18,227
♪ Let's go wayon back when ♪
294
00:10:18,309 --> 00:10:20,109
♪ I didn't evenknow you ♪
295
00:10:20,186 --> 00:10:21,436
Wait-wait. Hol-Hold.
296
00:10:21,521 --> 00:10:23,361
Jordan, Jordan,
come on, come on.
297
00:10:23,439 --> 00:10:24,699
Why did you do that?
298
00:10:24,774 --> 00:10:26,584
I don't know.
Remember, Jordan
299
00:10:26,660 --> 00:10:28,490
it's not just
the pieces itself,
300
00:10:28,569 --> 00:10:29,659
this is just a tool.
301
00:10:29,737 --> 00:10:31,287
But you playing the man
302
00:10:31,298 --> 00:10:32,958
on the other side
of the board,
303
00:10:33,032 --> 00:10:35,632
and understanding his nature
is how you become
304
00:10:35,710 --> 00:10:37,170
a great chess player.
305
00:10:37,245 --> 00:10:38,455
You understand?
306
00:10:38,538 --> 00:10:39,628
Good.
307
00:10:39,706 --> 00:10:43,006
Now, son..
try it again.
308
00:10:43,084 --> 00:10:45,014
But this time...
309
00:10:45,086 --> 00:10:48,926
(no audio)
310
00:10:49,006 --> 00:10:49,906
♪ Freedom ♪
311
00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:51,683
♪ Freedom ♪
312
00:10:51,759 --> 00:10:53,229
BERNIE:
Hey, hey, hey.
313
00:10:53,302 --> 00:10:54,822
Remember what I told you now.
314
00:10:54,696 --> 00:10:57,726
The key to the chess is
always thinking ahead, Jordan.
315
00:10:57,807 --> 00:10:59,897
Now, once you're able
to do that, son,
316
00:10:59,976 --> 00:11:01,276
you got it.
317
00:11:01,352 --> 00:11:02,742
Uncle Bernie?
Yeah, baby?
318
00:11:02,821 --> 00:11:05,031
I don't understand money.
319
00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:05,940
Well, that's all right.
320
00:11:06,016 --> 00:11:07,656
A lot of women got that problem.
321
00:11:07,734 --> 00:11:10,374
PROFESSOR HOO:
How many one dollar billsare in a five dollar bill?
322
00:11:10,445 --> 00:11:11,735
Oh.
323
00:11:11,821 --> 00:11:13,381
Hold on, let me
show you somethin'.
324
00:11:13,456 --> 00:11:14,996
All right, now, look,
pay attention.
325
00:11:15,074 --> 00:11:17,004
Sweetheart, this
a five dollar bill.
326
00:11:17,076 --> 00:11:18,286
See that? Five.
327
00:11:18,369 --> 00:11:20,669
And these are five singles.
328
00:11:20,681 --> 00:11:23,381
Their value is
worth five dollars.
329
00:11:23,458 --> 00:11:27,258
One, two, three, four, five.
330
00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:28,210
You understand?
331
00:11:28,288 --> 00:11:29,178
I think so.
332
00:11:29,255 --> 00:11:30,305
Good.
333
00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:31,470
Uncle Bernie?
Hmm?
334
00:11:31,549 --> 00:11:33,669
Can I practice with those?
335
00:11:33,485 --> 00:11:37,195
Sure, baby girl.
You practice your money. Make your uncle proud.
336
00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:40,900
Now, I don't want to say
she's slow, America,
337
00:11:40,975 --> 00:11:43,315
but she's not even
bright enough to realize
338
00:11:43,394 --> 00:11:44,744
she's learning something.
339
00:11:44,746 --> 00:11:47,026
And she like talking
to that owl so much,
340
00:11:47,106 --> 00:11:49,696
she's forgotten about the
Nit Wit doll. Sure enough.
341
00:11:49,776 --> 00:11:51,906
(chuckling, mumbling)
342
00:11:51,986 --> 00:11:54,616
BERNIE:
Baby, you bought baby girlanother Nit Wit?
343
00:11:54,697 --> 00:11:55,747
WANDA:
I didn't buy it.
344
00:11:55,823 --> 00:11:56,803
I just took her
to the store.
345
00:11:56,875 --> 00:11:58,205
She saved her own money.
346
00:11:58,284 --> 00:11:59,504
How she save her own money?
347
00:11:59,577 --> 00:12:00,917
She's six;
she ain't got no money.
348
00:12:00,995 --> 00:12:03,085
What'd she do,
liquidate her portfolio?
349
00:12:03,164 --> 00:12:05,144
Baby girl, where'd you get
the money to buy this doll?
350
00:12:06,426 --> 00:12:07,886
PROFESSOR HOO:
You!
351
00:12:07,969 --> 00:12:09,059
Me?!
352
00:12:10,630 --> 00:12:12,430
That little skunk.
353
00:12:12,441 --> 00:12:14,601
I didn't get over on her,
America.
354
00:12:14,675 --> 00:12:16,435
She got over on me.
355
00:12:16,519 --> 00:12:19,019
Taking my money
to buy that little ugly rag.
356
00:12:19,096 --> 00:12:22,726
But at least I still have Jordan
and Nessa under my control.
357
00:12:22,809 --> 00:12:25,569
Do you know that Nessa
was getting up an hour early
358
00:12:25,645 --> 00:12:27,275
to go to study group
before school?
359
00:12:27,355 --> 00:12:28,785
See this book report?
360
00:12:28,865 --> 00:12:31,905
She was in such a rush
to go study, she forgot it.
361
00:12:31,984 --> 00:12:34,294
I better go run it over to her.
362
00:12:37,448 --> 00:12:38,968
America...
363
00:12:41,786 --> 00:12:43,336
I think I'm proud of her.
364
00:12:54,674 --> 00:12:56,604
I don't know
if this is my color.
365
00:12:56,676 --> 00:12:58,526
I mean, I think
I need something
366
00:12:58,603 --> 00:12:59,883
a little bit darker.
367
00:12:59,954 --> 00:13:01,694
Not to make too big
of a statement,
368
00:13:01,764 --> 00:13:03,274
but just something
that says...
369
00:13:03,349 --> 00:13:04,659
BERNIE:
Nessa.
370
00:13:06,561 --> 00:13:08,141
You forgot
your book report, baby.
371
00:13:11,866 --> 00:13:13,736
I can't believe you
betrayed my doggone trust
372
00:13:13,818 --> 00:13:15,488
because you want
some rosy cheeks.
373
00:13:15,504 --> 00:13:16,694
I can't believe that.
374
00:13:16,671 --> 00:13:18,961
But you did.
Okay, fine.
375
00:13:19,031 --> 00:13:20,921
Now you want rosy cheeks,
you're going to get it,
376
00:13:20,992 --> 00:13:22,402
to the point where
you can't sit down.
377
00:13:22,477 --> 00:13:23,757
Go on and get in your room.
Get out of my face.
378
00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:28,760
Give y'all everything,
you still ain't satisfied.
379
00:13:28,833 --> 00:13:31,513
At least I still have
the boy, America.
380
00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:33,800
He won't let me down.
381
00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:36,980
That's my boy.
382
00:13:40,928 --> 00:13:43,098
Figure out your next move?
383
00:13:43,114 --> 00:13:44,444
Maybe.
384
00:13:44,449 --> 00:13:45,769
Oh-oh-oh.
385
00:13:45,850 --> 00:13:47,570
Cocky, huh?
386
00:13:47,643 --> 00:13:50,203
Yeah,
I like that.
387
00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:51,570
It's nice, real nice.
388
00:13:51,647 --> 00:13:54,027
Bust a move.
389
00:13:54,108 --> 00:13:55,878
Sha-boom.
390
00:13:56,777 --> 00:13:58,207
Sha-bang.
391
00:13:59,322 --> 00:14:00,372
Mate.
392
00:14:00,448 --> 00:14:01,908
Mate?
393
00:14:01,991 --> 00:14:03,761
What you mean, "mate"?
That ain't no mate.
394
00:14:07,538 --> 00:14:09,468
Doggone, Jordan, it is.
395
00:14:09,549 --> 00:14:12,469
That's a mate, Jordan,
look at you.
396
00:14:12,543 --> 00:14:13,643
Good move, son.
397
00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:15,040
I'm proud of you.
398
00:14:15,113 --> 00:14:17,013
You used your head on that one,
good move.
399
00:14:17,089 --> 00:14:18,849
Thanks, Uncle Bernie,
that was fun.
400
00:14:18,859 --> 00:14:20,469
Maybe we could
do other stuff together.
401
00:14:20,485 --> 00:14:22,135
I don't mind. Like what?
402
00:14:22,219 --> 00:14:23,639
Like paintball.
403
00:14:23,721 --> 00:14:26,981
Yeah, you could buy us guns,
and we could play together.
404
00:14:27,058 --> 00:14:29,608
I see.
405
00:14:29,685 --> 00:14:31,995
So this what it's all about,
right, Jordan?
406
00:14:32,071 --> 00:14:34,991
You never was interested
in no doggone chess.
407
00:14:35,066 --> 00:14:37,156
You're just buttering me up
so I can buy you a gun, huh?
408
00:14:37,234 --> 00:14:38,924
Kind of.
409
00:14:53,593 --> 00:14:55,023
I hate my Uncle Bernie.
410
00:14:55,094 --> 00:14:56,094
Why?
411
00:14:56,170 --> 00:14:57,770
He made me learn chess
for nothing.
412
00:14:57,847 --> 00:14:59,217
He won't buy me
a paintball gun.
413
00:14:59,298 --> 00:15:00,558
So just take mine.
414
00:15:00,633 --> 00:15:01,933
What will you use?
415
00:15:02,009 --> 00:15:03,889
I'll just get another one.
416
00:15:03,970 --> 00:15:05,770
Your parents'll do that?
417
00:15:05,846 --> 00:15:07,906
My dad ran off
with his hygienist.
418
00:15:07,982 --> 00:15:10,572
My mom buys me anything
I want.
419
00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:12,913
You're so lucky.
420
00:15:19,944 --> 00:15:22,094
(Bernie humming)
421
00:15:25,032 --> 00:15:26,622
What y'all happy about?
422
00:15:26,701 --> 00:15:28,251
Nothing.
I'm just in a good mood.
423
00:15:28,327 --> 00:15:30,087
Yeah, okay.
424
00:15:32,498 --> 00:15:34,338
Hey, hey, hey, baby girl, hey.
425
00:15:34,417 --> 00:15:35,477
Come here, come here.
426
00:15:35,551 --> 00:15:36,681
What's up?
427
00:15:36,752 --> 00:15:39,302
Can I play paintball, too?
428
00:15:39,380 --> 00:15:41,350
What's up with y'all
and this paintball stuff?
429
00:15:41,424 --> 00:15:42,464
Jordan got a new
430
00:15:42,542 --> 00:15:45,022
paintball gun
and hid it under my bed.
431
00:15:45,094 --> 00:15:46,194
What?
432
00:15:47,438 --> 00:15:49,158
Let me see this, baby.
433
00:15:51,350 --> 00:15:54,030
I hope you gave up something
real nice for this,
434
00:15:54,103 --> 00:15:55,703
'cause you ain't never
gonna play with it.
435
00:15:55,771 --> 00:15:57,031
The only way you're
gonna play
436
00:15:57,106 --> 00:15:58,486
with this paintball gun
is with me,
437
00:15:58,500 --> 00:16:00,120
and that ain't
never gonna happen.
438
00:16:04,506 --> 00:16:06,116
Stupid Uncle Bernie.
439
00:16:06,198 --> 00:16:08,788
I've been saying that
since we got here.
440
00:16:08,868 --> 00:16:09,998
I mean, how does
he always catch us?
441
00:16:10,077 --> 00:16:12,127
It's like he's always
two steps ahead.
442
00:16:12,204 --> 00:16:16,264
Yeah, it's like he's using
our nature, like in chess.
443
00:16:16,333 --> 00:16:18,183
Like in chess.
444
00:16:22,598 --> 00:16:23,968
I've got an idea.
445
00:16:24,050 --> 00:16:25,520
He said the only way
I'm going to play paintball
446
00:16:25,593 --> 00:16:27,773
is if he's playing it with me.
447
00:16:27,845 --> 00:16:29,685
And that's exactly
what he's going to do.
448
00:16:29,764 --> 00:16:31,524
How are you going
to get him to do that?
449
00:16:31,599 --> 00:16:33,319
I'm going to use his nature.
450
00:16:33,392 --> 00:16:35,652
And I'm going
to cover him in paint.
451
00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:36,952
You in?
452
00:16:37,030 --> 00:16:39,610
Yeah, but you know
he's going to beat our butts.
453
00:16:39,690 --> 00:16:42,290
Probably,
but it could be worth it.
454
00:16:42,368 --> 00:16:45,418
I'm going to start by using
that little tattletale.
455
00:16:52,971 --> 00:16:56,341
Uncle Bernie's making me
return my Nit Wit doll.
456
00:16:56,415 --> 00:16:58,755
Serves you right
for getting me in trouble.
457
00:16:58,834 --> 00:17:00,244
I'm sorry.
458
00:17:00,319 --> 00:17:02,299
Doesn't matter, 'cause
I'm still playing paintball
459
00:17:02,379 --> 00:17:04,099
as soon as you guys
leave the house.
460
00:17:04,173 --> 00:17:05,583
Really?
461
00:17:05,658 --> 00:17:06,808
Yeah, but you
can't tell Uncle Bernie.
462
00:17:06,884 --> 00:17:08,684
You already
got me in trouble once.
463
00:17:08,761 --> 00:17:10,491
I won't, I promise.
464
00:17:15,910 --> 00:17:17,860
BERNIE:
Come on, baby girl.
465
00:17:17,937 --> 00:17:19,647
That's right.
466
00:17:19,664 --> 00:17:21,704
And in case you get
any bright ideas,
467
00:17:21,774 --> 00:17:22,964
I'm taking this with me.
468
00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:33,180
You can pout all you want to, B.
469
00:17:33,252 --> 00:17:35,472
That'll teach you to try
to play your Uncle Bernie.
470
00:17:35,546 --> 00:17:37,926
I don't know why you
three kids won't wise up.
471
00:17:38,007 --> 00:17:39,557
And I tell you
something else,
472
00:17:39,634 --> 00:17:41,934
you ain't gonna be half as mad
as your brother going to be.
473
00:17:42,002 --> 00:17:43,102
Come on, get in there.
474
00:17:44,088 --> 00:17:46,218
He's not mad,
he's playing paintball.
475
00:17:46,298 --> 00:17:47,428
Oops.
476
00:17:47,508 --> 00:17:48,598
What you mean, "oops"?
477
00:17:48,610 --> 00:17:49,900
Brother ain't playing
no paintball.
478
00:17:49,977 --> 00:17:51,857
That's what he said.
479
00:17:51,938 --> 00:17:53,058
How he gonna be playing
paintball
480
00:17:53,139 --> 00:17:55,279
when I got his gun
right here?
481
00:17:55,358 --> 00:17:56,528
Look at...
482
00:17:57,643 --> 00:17:58,573
You know something?
483
00:17:58,644 --> 00:17:59,744
You kids are something else.
484
00:17:59,812 --> 00:18:00,902
Where your brother at?
485
00:18:00,980 --> 00:18:02,410
Where your brother at,
baby girl?
486
00:18:02,490 --> 00:18:03,710
But I promised.
487
00:18:03,791 --> 00:18:05,781
I don't care.
Where your brother at?
488
00:18:05,860 --> 00:18:07,190
At the empty lot.
489
00:18:07,269 --> 00:18:08,949
Yeah, I figured that.
That's where we going.
490
00:18:09,029 --> 00:18:10,659
Matter of fact, that's where
y'all gonna be living,
491
00:18:10,673 --> 00:18:11,713
at the empty lot.
492
00:18:11,791 --> 00:18:13,121
I'm sending
y'all back to the state.
493
00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:15,970
Hope they feed y'all apple
sauce with graham crackers.
494
00:18:17,246 --> 00:18:18,456
♪ You better think ♪
495
00:18:18,473 --> 00:18:19,953
♪ Think ♪
496
00:18:20,024 --> 00:18:21,674
♪ Think about what you'retrying to do to me ♪
497
00:18:21,750 --> 00:18:22,680
♪ Think ♪
498
00:18:22,685 --> 00:18:23,635
♪ Think think ♪
499
00:18:23,719 --> 00:18:27,059
(guns firing)
500
00:18:31,519 --> 00:18:32,939
Jordan!
501
00:18:37,558 --> 00:18:38,358
Jor...
502
00:18:38,434 --> 00:18:39,734
Hey that's mine.
503
00:18:39,744 --> 00:18:41,244
(gun firing)
Ow, ow, ow.
504
00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:42,440
Jordan!
505
00:18:42,521 --> 00:18:43,651
(gun firing)
506
00:18:43,731 --> 00:18:45,361
I see you,
Jordan.
507
00:18:45,441 --> 00:18:46,671
Come on.
508
00:18:46,742 --> 00:18:47,632
Let's go, we're going home.
509
00:18:47,702 --> 00:18:49,032
No!
Who you talking to, son?
510
00:18:49,111 --> 00:18:51,411
I said let's go and I mean now.
511
00:18:51,488 --> 00:18:52,828
All right.
512
00:18:52,907 --> 00:18:54,367
Can I at least keep the flag?
513
00:18:54,384 --> 00:18:55,884
Jordan, you're not
keeping nothing.
514
00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:57,000
Let's go and I mean now.
515
00:18:57,077 --> 00:18:58,037
But Uncle Bernie..
What?
516
00:18:58,120 --> 00:18:59,630
He's got the flag!
517
00:18:59,705 --> 00:19:00,965
(gun firing)
518
00:19:03,792 --> 00:19:04,802
Uncle Bernie,
use the gun!
519
00:19:04,877 --> 00:19:06,887
Yeah, you think I ain't?
520
00:19:06,962 --> 00:19:09,472
Gimme that,
gimme that.
521
00:19:09,548 --> 00:19:10,968
(guns firing)
522
00:19:11,050 --> 00:19:14,980
♪ Hey, think about it,think about it ♪
523
00:19:14,988 --> 00:19:16,308
♪ There ain't nothingyou could ask ♪
524
00:19:16,388 --> 00:19:18,978
♪ I could answer youbut I won't ♪
525
00:19:19,058 --> 00:19:21,108
♪ I was gonna change,but I'm not ♪
526
00:19:21,185 --> 00:19:22,815
♪ To keep doingthings I don't ♪
527
00:19:22,829 --> 00:19:23,939
♪ You better think ♪
528
00:19:23,955 --> 00:19:25,205
♪ Think ♪
529
00:19:25,289 --> 00:19:26,159
You're playing paintball,
Uncle Bernie.
530
00:19:26,240 --> 00:19:28,530
Yeah, I know.
Tell them to stop.
531
00:19:28,543 --> 00:19:29,703
I can't.
532
00:19:29,777 --> 00:19:31,157
We're not
on the same team.
533
00:19:31,171 --> 00:19:32,831
You think I don't know that?
534
00:19:32,905 --> 00:19:34,745
Checkmate!
535
00:19:34,757 --> 00:19:36,077
"Checkmate"?
What's that mean?
536
00:19:36,158 --> 00:19:38,048
I told Bryana
not to tell you,
537
00:19:38,127 --> 00:19:40,417
but I knew she would,
'cause that's her nature.
538
00:19:40,496 --> 00:19:42,246
And I knew you'd try
to come and stop me
539
00:19:42,331 --> 00:19:43,841
because that's your nature.
540
00:19:43,916 --> 00:19:45,136
But I tricked you
into playing paintball
541
00:19:45,218 --> 00:19:46,928
because that's my nature.
542
00:19:46,936 --> 00:19:48,476
Yeah, okay, nature.
543
00:19:50,214 --> 00:19:52,064
I don't know what
you're cackling for, son,
544
00:19:52,141 --> 00:19:53,721
'cause I got you
dead in my sight.
545
00:19:53,801 --> 00:19:56,191
(guns firing)
546
00:19:56,196 --> 00:19:58,446
VANESSA:
And I got you in mine.
547
00:19:59,890 --> 00:20:00,700
Nessa?
548
00:20:00,775 --> 00:20:03,025
How do you like my makeup?
549
00:20:03,102 --> 00:20:04,072
You want some more makeup?
550
00:20:04,144 --> 00:20:07,914
(clicking)
551
00:20:07,982 --> 00:20:08,782
Come on, Ness.
552
00:20:08,857 --> 00:20:09,867
Come on, come on,
come on.
553
00:20:09,942 --> 00:20:12,532
Come on... hey.
554
00:20:12,611 --> 00:20:14,541
Don't do it.
555
00:20:14,547 --> 00:20:15,697
Don't-don't-don't do it.
556
00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:17,075
Catch, Uncle Bernie.
557
00:20:17,157 --> 00:20:18,917
Fire in the hole!
558
00:20:18,993 --> 00:20:20,093
(explosion)
559
00:20:22,288 --> 00:20:24,708
Can you believe that, America?
560
00:20:24,790 --> 00:20:28,140
The whole time I was playing
chess with those kids,
561
00:20:28,219 --> 00:20:29,549
one was playing back.
562
00:20:29,628 --> 00:20:32,758
And all because I wanted
to expand their mind.
563
00:20:32,774 --> 00:20:35,224
America, don't do it.
564
00:20:35,301 --> 00:20:37,691
See, because they're already
smart enough.
565
00:20:37,761 --> 00:20:41,231
Because if you do,
you might end up like me.
566
00:20:41,307 --> 00:20:43,607
Did you know there was something
called a "paintzooka"?
567
00:20:43,684 --> 00:20:45,994
Look at this.
568
00:20:46,061 --> 00:20:48,781
Well, there is,
and it's very accurate, too.
569
00:20:48,790 --> 00:20:50,240
But I got news for you, America.
570
00:20:50,250 --> 00:20:51,910
I know you're all against it,
571
00:20:51,984 --> 00:20:53,584
but I got whoop
both of their asses.
572
00:20:53,661 --> 00:20:55,171
That's right.
573
00:20:55,246 --> 00:20:57,076
Oh, that smart boy probably
already figured it out,
574
00:20:57,156 --> 00:20:59,076
but I'm gonna do it anyway.
575
00:20:59,158 --> 00:21:01,078
People with glasses,
they always something.
576
00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:03,040
Had a guy I knew
name Jonathan Sale.
577
00:21:03,120 --> 00:21:05,090
He had bifocals.
578
00:21:05,164 --> 00:21:08,014
You know, he can do
the whole encyclopedia.
579
00:21:08,083 --> 00:21:10,013
Backwards.
580
00:21:10,019 --> 00:21:13,269
Old wiz, yeah.
581
00:21:14,673 --> 00:21:16,143
Is it coming off?
582
00:21:16,216 --> 00:21:18,276
They said it don't.
583
00:21:22,431 --> 00:21:23,371
I'm sorry.
584
00:21:23,449 --> 00:21:25,689
Look, son, this is your knight.
585
00:21:25,702 --> 00:21:27,822
It's the defender of the realm.
586
00:21:27,895 --> 00:21:31,025
It protects and it guards, okay?
587
00:21:31,106 --> 00:21:34,366
You not just got... trying
to find out... understand...
588
00:21:34,443 --> 00:21:36,083
You stupid...
589
00:21:36,153 --> 00:21:41,873
(laughing)
590
00:21:41,950 --> 00:21:43,380
WOMAN:
Let him chew on it for a while.
591
00:21:43,452 --> 00:21:46,212
He'll get it.
592
00:21:46,288 --> 00:21:48,758
Captioned by VISUAL DATA
593
00:21:48,808 --> 00:21:53,358
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