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1
00:00:23,006 --> 00:00:24,466
Yes, I'm smiling.
2
00:00:24,549 --> 00:00:26,269
It's a good day.
3
00:00:26,343 --> 00:00:29,143
It's Sunday,
and it's Bernie Mac Day.
4
00:00:29,221 --> 00:00:32,231
And every kid in this house
knows Bernie Mac Day.
5
00:00:32,307 --> 00:00:34,727
And that means,
you can't look at me.
6
00:00:34,810 --> 00:00:36,030
You can't touch me.
7
00:00:36,103 --> 00:00:37,493
You can't talk to me.
8
00:00:37,571 --> 00:00:39,861
And you better not breathe
around me.
9
00:00:39,940 --> 00:00:42,030
Uncle Bernie,
Jordan won't...
10
00:00:42,109 --> 00:00:46,699
Oops, I forgot--
it's Bernie Mac's Day.
11
00:00:46,780 --> 00:00:48,750
Bernie Mac's Day.
12
00:00:48,824 --> 00:00:50,124
♪ Bernie ♪
13
00:00:50,134 --> 00:00:52,634
♪ Bernie ♪
14
00:00:52,702 --> 00:00:53,752
♪ Bernie Mac ♪
15
00:00:53,829 --> 00:00:55,249
♪ Whoa. ♪
16
00:00:55,330 --> 00:00:57,130
Now hold on,
let me tell you something.
17
00:00:57,207 --> 00:00:59,877
I give them kids six days
out of the week.
18
00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:02,800
It's only fair
that I have one.
19
00:01:02,879 --> 00:01:06,559
Now, the Lord even said
we should rest on the seventh.
20
00:01:06,633 --> 00:01:08,893
Now, I'm not saying
I'm the Lord,
21
00:01:08,903 --> 00:01:11,523
but I will put forth
a mighty vengeance
22
00:01:11,596 --> 00:01:13,896
if I'm disobeyed.
23
00:01:13,974 --> 00:01:15,944
♪ Boom boom boom,
Bernie Mac Day ♪
24
00:01:15,951 --> 00:01:17,371
♪ Boom boom boom,
Bernie Mac Day ♪
25
00:01:17,444 --> 00:01:19,954
♪ Boom boom boom,
Bernie Mac Day ♪
26
00:01:20,021 --> 00:01:21,371
I love mac and cheese.
27
00:01:21,448 --> 00:01:23,738
You got
what you wanted, son.
28
00:01:23,817 --> 00:01:25,027
What's that?
29
00:01:25,110 --> 00:01:26,250
What's that?
30
00:01:27,630 --> 00:01:29,370
My Bernie Mac Day cereal.
31
00:01:29,447 --> 00:01:31,867
Okay.
(claps) That you picked out.
32
00:01:31,884 --> 00:01:33,594
♪ Bernie Mac Day ♪
33
00:01:33,669 --> 00:01:34,999
♪ Bernie Mac Day ♪
34
00:01:35,078 --> 00:01:36,378
♪ Bernie Mac... ♪
35
00:01:36,454 --> 00:01:38,064
(growls)
♪ Bernie Mac Day... ♪
36
00:01:38,132 --> 00:01:39,632
That's the way it works.
37
00:01:39,708 --> 00:01:40,718
It's tradition.
38
00:01:40,801 --> 00:01:42,511
On every Bernie Mac Day Eve,
39
00:01:42,586 --> 00:01:45,226
I let them pick out whatever
they want,
40
00:01:45,305 --> 00:01:48,715
from cereal, sugar, toys,
cookies, ice cream.
41
00:01:48,734 --> 00:01:53,104
I got them push-ups, roll-ups,
I don't care if they throw up.
42
00:01:53,180 --> 00:01:55,740
Just don't bother me
on Bernie Mac Day.
43
00:01:55,816 --> 00:01:58,236
SPORTS ANNOUNCER:
He said he still has some
44
00:01:58,318 --> 00:02:00,148
bad blood that he wants
to settle.
45
00:02:00,228 --> 00:02:02,288
(toilet flushing)
46
00:02:03,690 --> 00:02:05,910
(toilet flushing)
47
00:02:05,984 --> 00:02:08,094
Stop playing
with that toilet!
48
00:02:08,162 --> 00:02:10,702
That toilet is not made
for playing!
49
00:02:10,780 --> 00:02:12,830
Help me, help me!
50
00:02:12,908 --> 00:02:14,998
Commence...
51
00:02:15,076 --> 00:02:17,456
Underwater...
52
00:02:17,537 --> 00:02:18,667
Rescue!
53
00:02:18,747 --> 00:02:20,047
Aw, come on, come on!
54
00:02:20,123 --> 00:02:21,763
Where you going,
baby girl?
55
00:02:21,833 --> 00:02:24,683
Vanessa, I know you hear me.
Where you going?
56
00:02:24,753 --> 00:02:27,353
I can't talk to you.
It's Bernie Mac Day.
57
00:02:27,422 --> 00:02:29,472
You can't initiate conversation.
58
00:02:29,549 --> 00:02:33,309
But you can answer
a direct question.
59
00:02:33,386 --> 00:02:34,846
Addendum to the rule.
60
00:02:34,930 --> 00:02:37,480
Article Nine, Subsection C.
61
00:02:37,557 --> 00:02:39,977
Let's try it again.
Now, baby, where you going?
62
00:02:40,060 --> 00:02:41,030
Michele's.
63
00:02:41,102 --> 00:02:42,612
Michele?
64
00:02:42,687 --> 00:02:44,737
I thought you said
she moved out of town.
65
00:02:44,814 --> 00:02:46,504
All right, fine, Paula's.
66
00:02:49,236 --> 00:02:50,536
(turns off TV)
67
00:02:50,612 --> 00:02:52,452
You're just going to sit there
68
00:02:52,530 --> 00:02:54,370
and tell me a lie like that,
right?
69
00:02:54,449 --> 00:02:56,579
A bold-faced lie like that,
huh, Nessa?
70
00:02:56,660 --> 00:02:58,540
If you don't want me to lie,
don't talk to me.
71
00:02:58,620 --> 00:03:00,340
You know what,
let me tell you something.
72
00:03:00,413 --> 00:03:01,933
If I'd have ever talked
to Big Mama
73
00:03:02,007 --> 00:03:03,377
the way you talk to me,
girl
74
00:03:03,458 --> 00:03:05,718
she'd a knocked me up
to kingdom come.
75
00:03:05,794 --> 00:03:09,314
Kingdom Come?
Is that near Child Services?
76
00:03:09,389 --> 00:03:10,649
(exasperated sigh)
77
00:03:10,724 --> 00:03:11,694
-(toilet flushing)
-I don't what to say...
78
00:03:13,802 --> 00:03:15,282
Major malfunction.
79
00:03:16,596 --> 00:03:19,806
I done told y'all about playing
with that doggone toilet!
80
00:03:19,825 --> 00:03:22,445
(screaming)
81
00:03:25,188 --> 00:03:26,288
St... stay right there.
82
00:03:26,365 --> 00:03:27,275
We're not done.
83
00:03:27,357 --> 00:03:28,457
We're not done.
84
00:03:32,445 --> 00:03:34,905
Boy, you begged me
for those army men.
85
00:03:34,990 --> 00:03:36,250
-(laughing)
-(mock laugh)
86
00:03:38,243 --> 00:03:39,793
You got all that hair in there.
87
00:03:39,869 --> 00:03:42,129
Ruined my Bernie Mac Day.
88
00:03:42,205 --> 00:03:44,715
WANDA:
Bernie, don't you think you'rebeing a little dramatic?
89
00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:46,090
Nope.
90
00:03:46,167 --> 00:03:47,647
They lie.
91
00:03:47,727 --> 00:03:49,177
They don't know right
from wrong, Wanda.
92
00:03:49,254 --> 00:03:50,724
They're heathens.
93
00:03:50,797 --> 00:03:51,717
They're kids.
94
00:03:51,798 --> 00:03:52,848
(knocking at door)
95
00:03:52,924 --> 00:03:54,484
We're busy!
96
00:03:58,138 --> 00:04:00,108
Did you hear
what I said?
97
00:04:00,181 --> 00:04:01,441
Can I have my army men back?
98
00:04:01,516 --> 00:04:02,566
You're just not listening.
99
00:04:02,642 --> 00:04:03,872
Didn't I tell you
to get out?
100
00:04:03,944 --> 00:04:06,904
See that?
You see what I'm talking about?
101
00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:08,410
You see what
I'm talking about.
102
00:04:08,481 --> 00:04:09,911
They couldn't have gotten
away with that
103
00:04:09,983 --> 00:04:11,033
when Big Mama was around.
104
00:04:11,109 --> 00:04:11,949
You can't tell me that.
105
00:04:12,027 --> 00:04:13,487
Right.
You're right.
106
00:04:13,570 --> 00:04:15,060
Man, baby, let me
tell you something.
107
00:04:15,138 --> 00:04:17,458
Big Mama had two things
that kept us in line.
108
00:04:17,532 --> 00:04:20,082
That was church,
and whippings.
109
00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:22,000
Church and whippings.
110
00:04:22,078 --> 00:04:23,868
Well, you can't whip
those kids.
111
00:04:23,947 --> 00:04:27,377
It's just been a bad Bernie
Mac Day all the way around.
112
00:04:27,459 --> 00:04:31,469
Your Aunt Wanda and I
have decided that you kids
113
00:04:31,546 --> 00:04:33,556
need to get churched.
114
00:04:33,631 --> 00:04:34,681
Church?
115
00:04:34,358 --> 00:04:37,058
Is that like
a whupping?
116
00:04:37,135 --> 00:04:40,055
No, it's like,
bad English.
117
00:04:40,138 --> 00:04:40,978
Now see.
118
00:04:41,056 --> 00:04:42,606
Like that.
119
00:04:42,682 --> 00:04:43,732
Talking back.
120
00:04:43,808 --> 00:04:45,278
You don't see nothing
wrong with that.
121
00:04:45,352 --> 00:04:47,692
So you kids gotta learn.
122
00:04:47,771 --> 00:04:52,701
You all gotta get the fear of
God in ya.
123
00:04:52,776 --> 00:04:56,996
Honor thy mother and thy father
figure.
124
00:04:57,072 --> 00:05:00,332
So, next Sunday...
(chuckles)
125
00:05:00,408 --> 00:05:03,128
We're all
going to spend it in church.
126
00:05:03,203 --> 00:05:05,553
But what about Bernie Mac Day?
127
00:05:05,622 --> 00:05:07,172
We'll spend it in church.
128
00:05:07,248 --> 00:05:09,508
Don't the Bears play
the Raiders next Sunday?
129
00:05:09,584 --> 00:05:12,894
-You sure?
-Mm-hmm.
130
00:05:12,962 --> 00:05:14,352
I thought they had a bye.
131
00:05:14,422 --> 00:05:16,512
Uh, no, you must be thinking
of the Vikings.
132
00:05:16,591 --> 00:05:17,941
They have bye next week.
133
00:05:20,946 --> 00:05:22,586
(clears throat)
134
00:05:22,664 --> 00:05:24,984
Well, they just going to have
to play without us.
135
00:05:25,058 --> 00:05:29,148
Because next Sunday, we'll give
our day to the Lord-a.
136
00:05:29,229 --> 00:05:31,149
We're going to church.
137
00:05:31,231 --> 00:05:32,821
Church!
138
00:05:32,899 --> 00:05:34,999
(grunting and preaching)
139
00:05:38,405 --> 00:05:40,905
♪ Send it on down,
Send it on down ♪
140
00:05:40,990 --> 00:05:44,050
♪ Lord, it's the Holy GhostCome on down ♪
141
00:05:44,127 --> 00:05:46,127
♪ Lord, send it on down ♪
142
00:05:46,204 --> 00:05:47,424
♪ Send it on down... ♪
143
00:05:47,497 --> 00:05:48,417
Come on, now.
144
00:05:48,498 --> 00:05:51,218
Come on. Come on.
145
00:05:51,292 --> 00:05:53,352
Come on.
146
00:05:53,428 --> 00:05:55,718
Stand up. Come on now.
147
00:05:55,797 --> 00:05:57,387
Stand up, baby.
148
00:05:57,399 --> 00:05:58,559
Ain't this nice?
149
00:05:58,633 --> 00:05:59,893
This real nice.
150
00:05:59,968 --> 00:06:00,918
Uncle Bernie?
151
00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:02,564
Shh, no talking in church.
152
00:06:02,637 --> 00:06:04,227
What if I have to use
the bathroom?
153
00:06:04,305 --> 00:06:05,725
Jordan, you can hold it
for an hour.
154
00:06:05,807 --> 00:06:07,267
A whole hour?!
155
00:06:07,342 --> 00:06:10,492
You mean to tell me you can't
hold your urine for God?
156
00:06:10,562 --> 00:06:12,072
Do it for the Lord, Jordan.
157
00:06:12,147 --> 00:06:13,357
All right.
158
00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:16,490
Good boy, good.
159
00:06:16,568 --> 00:06:18,788
♪ Come on down. ♪
160
00:06:18,870 --> 00:06:20,250
Come on, sit down.
161
00:06:20,321 --> 00:06:21,411
(cheers)
162
00:06:21,489 --> 00:06:23,959
Get up. Get up.
163
00:06:24,033 --> 00:06:26,633
Come on, now!
164
00:06:26,703 --> 00:06:30,463
♪ I love to praise Him ♪
165
00:06:30,540 --> 00:06:33,800
♪ I love to praiseHis name ♪
166
00:06:33,877 --> 00:06:39,057
(song ending)
167
00:06:42,260 --> 00:06:45,730
(organ plays)
168
00:06:45,805 --> 00:06:48,435
Come on, get up.
Get up.
169
00:06:48,516 --> 00:06:51,396
(choir sings)
170
00:06:51,412 --> 00:06:56,572
♪ Yes, it is!
Yes, it is! ♪
171
00:06:56,649 --> 00:07:01,039
Stand back up,
stand back up.
172
00:07:01,112 --> 00:07:04,512
Baby, stand back up.
173
00:07:10,038 --> 00:07:12,588
And you're visiting us
from where?
174
00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:14,879
Church of the Lord
in, uh, Tyler, Texas
175
00:07:14,959 --> 00:07:17,259
where the Reverend Joe McQueen
presides.
176
00:07:17,337 --> 00:07:18,787
Praise God.
177
00:07:18,564 --> 00:07:20,104
CONGREGATION:
Praise God. Amen.
178
00:07:20,173 --> 00:07:21,393
Welcome to First Faithful.
179
00:07:21,466 --> 00:07:24,476
Thank you.
180
00:07:24,552 --> 00:07:27,652
Glory be to God!
181
00:07:27,722 --> 00:07:29,772
Are there any other visitors?
182
00:07:29,849 --> 00:07:32,529
BRYANA:
We're visitors!
183
00:07:32,602 --> 00:07:35,492
Uh, yes, uh...
184
00:07:35,563 --> 00:07:38,663
First, I'd like to say, uh,
giving honor to God.
185
00:07:38,733 --> 00:07:40,833
Bishop, members, and friends.
186
00:07:40,911 --> 00:07:44,501
My name is Bernie Mac,
and this is my lovely wife Wanda,
187
00:07:44,572 --> 00:07:47,212
and we're taking care
of my sister's kids,
188
00:07:47,217 --> 00:07:49,747
and my wife and I have decided
189
00:07:49,827 --> 00:07:53,177
that we want to try to get
the fear of... I mean,
190
00:07:53,256 --> 00:07:54,916
the love of God...
191
00:07:54,999 --> 00:07:56,009
ALL:
Amen.
192
00:07:56,084 --> 00:07:57,044
...into these children.
193
00:07:57,119 --> 00:08:00,849
Because every child need
the Lord.
194
00:08:00,922 --> 00:08:01,812
(all assent)
195
00:08:01,881 --> 00:08:02,721
Did I say it right?
196
00:08:02,799 --> 00:08:04,929
Did I say it right?
197
00:08:05,009 --> 00:08:05,969
Well, Mr. Mac.
198
00:08:05,944 --> 00:08:07,254
Yes, sir.
199
00:08:07,196 --> 00:08:08,606
Everyone needs the Lord.
200
00:08:08,688 --> 00:08:10,268
Needs the Lord!
201
00:08:10,348 --> 00:08:13,188
He's one
of the Original Kings.
202
00:08:13,202 --> 00:08:15,192
Oh, the "Original Kings."
203
00:08:15,204 --> 00:08:18,754
Well, that's a mighty high
claim, your majesty.
204
00:08:18,823 --> 00:08:21,533
It's just a name, Bishop,
to sell tickets.
205
00:08:21,609 --> 00:08:22,869
That's all it is.
206
00:08:22,944 --> 00:08:24,374
Do you sell a lot of tickets?
207
00:08:24,379 --> 00:08:27,039
Yes, sir.
208
00:08:27,115 --> 00:08:28,535
Praise God.
209
00:08:28,616 --> 00:08:31,326
And so you had a big audience,
thousands of people.
210
00:08:31,411 --> 00:08:32,341
Amen.
211
00:08:32,421 --> 00:08:33,881
Would you call that a multitude?
212
00:08:33,955 --> 00:08:38,465
No, sir, Bishop, I wouldn't call
it a multitude,
213
00:08:38,543 --> 00:08:41,053
but, uh, we was
all up in there.
214
00:08:41,129 --> 00:08:42,509
(laughing)
215
00:08:42,589 --> 00:08:45,519
Yeah, and while you was
all up in there,
216
00:08:45,592 --> 00:08:47,482
did you feed that multitude
217
00:08:47,552 --> 00:08:49,982
with two fish and five loaves
of bread?
218
00:08:50,054 --> 00:08:51,484
I don't think so!
219
00:08:51,556 --> 00:08:53,566
You see, there's only
one original king,
220
00:08:53,641 --> 00:08:55,231
and his name is what?
221
00:08:55,244 --> 00:08:56,204
CONGREGATION:
Jesus!
222
00:08:56,278 --> 00:08:59,148
-Tell him!
-Jesus!
223
00:08:59,230 --> 00:09:00,910
Welcome to First Faithful.
224
00:09:00,982 --> 00:09:03,292
(cheers)
225
00:09:09,616 --> 00:09:12,246
The ushers will now lead
the children under five
226
00:09:12,327 --> 00:09:14,087
to the assembly hall.
227
00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:17,760
What's going on?
228
00:09:17,832 --> 00:09:19,272
Oh, we always do this
229
00:09:19,342 --> 00:09:21,382
about halfway
through the service.
230
00:09:21,461 --> 00:09:23,221
-Halfway?
-Halfway.
231
00:09:23,296 --> 00:09:24,096
Take me with you,
baby girl.
232
00:09:24,106 --> 00:09:25,096
Baby girl?
233
00:09:25,173 --> 00:09:26,563
Uncle Bernie, let go.
234
00:09:26,633 --> 00:09:28,123
Bernie Mac.
235
00:09:28,192 --> 00:09:30,482
Ouch! What are you giving
me that Big Mama pinch for?
236
00:09:30,553 --> 00:09:32,403
Because you are acting
like a fool up in here.
237
00:09:32,472 --> 00:09:34,032
It's taking too doggone long.
238
00:09:34,107 --> 00:09:36,437
Black churches,
make up your mind.
239
00:09:36,517 --> 00:09:37,777
I gotta get outta here.
240
00:09:37,852 --> 00:09:39,492
(clearing throat)
241
00:09:39,562 --> 00:09:41,702
Vanessa?
242
00:09:41,773 --> 00:09:43,223
I left my Bible in the car.
243
00:09:43,299 --> 00:09:45,119
Let me slide by you,
right quick. Excuse me.
244
00:09:45,193 --> 00:09:47,953
Oh, I got it,
I got it. It's cool.
245
00:09:48,029 --> 00:09:49,299
Here you go.
246
00:09:52,700 --> 00:09:54,290
What makes you
so helpful today?
247
00:09:54,369 --> 00:09:56,419
I'm filled with
the Holy Ghost.
248
00:09:56,496 --> 00:10:00,016
BISHOP:
...and your faith must lead.
249
00:10:01,793 --> 00:10:05,433
Forgive me, Big Mama, huh,
for what I'm about to do.
250
00:10:05,505 --> 00:10:09,135
Hmm. I'm about to bust a move.
251
00:10:09,217 --> 00:10:11,137
Pop.
Psheww!
252
00:10:11,219 --> 00:10:13,739
Gone, split.
See ya'!
253
00:10:13,813 --> 00:10:15,983
(whispers)
Wet yourself. Wet yourself.
254
00:10:16,057 --> 00:10:18,227
What are you talking about,
Uncle Bernie?
255
00:10:18,309 --> 00:10:19,899
I want you to use
the gift God gave you.
256
00:10:19,977 --> 00:10:21,897
Start wheezing and coughing.
257
00:10:21,979 --> 00:10:23,609
You know what you can do.
258
00:10:23,690 --> 00:10:24,950
Is there a problem?
259
00:10:25,024 --> 00:10:26,824
Yes, sir. My nephew, he has
to use the bathroom.
260
00:10:26,901 --> 00:10:28,411
I don't want to interrupt
the service, so...
261
00:10:28,486 --> 00:10:30,196
-Not a problem.
-No, no...
262
00:10:30,279 --> 00:10:31,659
-I'll take him.
-No, no, no, no. No, I'll take him. I'll take him.
263
00:10:31,673 --> 00:10:33,163
No, no, no.
You just stay there
264
00:10:33,241 --> 00:10:34,541
and enjoy the word.
265
00:10:34,617 --> 00:10:35,797
Stop it, Bernie Mac.
266
00:10:35,877 --> 00:10:37,007
You are making
a spectacle of yourself.
267
00:10:37,087 --> 00:10:38,337
I'm not making no
spectacle of myself.
268
00:10:38,413 --> 00:10:40,343
You are.
We will be home soon.
269
00:10:40,415 --> 00:10:41,685
When is soon, baby?
270
00:10:41,766 --> 00:10:42,966
I got to get out of here.
I can't take it.
271
00:10:43,042 --> 00:10:44,772
I'm sorry, Big Mama,
I gotta get out of here.
272
00:10:44,844 --> 00:10:46,484
Why didn't you just leave
with Vanessa?
273
00:10:46,554 --> 00:10:49,604
Well, Vanessa...
274
00:10:49,674 --> 00:10:51,774
Why she didn't
take me with her?
275
00:10:51,843 --> 00:10:53,693
You know
she don't like you.
276
00:10:53,761 --> 00:10:54,941
She act like
she hate me.
277
00:10:55,012 --> 00:10:56,532
I could left my sister,
I took all those...
278
00:10:56,606 --> 00:10:57,816
Shh!
279
00:11:00,101 --> 00:11:01,281
Cut it out.
280
00:11:01,352 --> 00:11:03,372
Just listen
to the preacher.
281
00:11:03,446 --> 00:11:06,196
You're acting worse
than the kids.
282
00:11:06,274 --> 00:11:08,874
(wrapper crinkling)
283
00:11:08,943 --> 00:11:09,663
Shh!
284
00:11:09,736 --> 00:11:12,416
(snoring)
285
00:11:19,036 --> 00:11:21,046
(snorts)
286
00:11:22,373 --> 00:11:23,633
(sneezes)
287
00:11:23,708 --> 00:11:25,468
(sniffles)
288
00:11:25,543 --> 00:11:26,613
(snores)
289
00:11:29,630 --> 00:11:31,720
Bernie.
Bernie Mac, wake up.
290
00:11:31,799 --> 00:11:33,819
You fell asleep,
you missing everything.
291
00:11:33,893 --> 00:11:35,483
BISHOP:
Well, now, brothers and sisters,
292
00:11:35,553 --> 00:11:39,903
all I need is just one more soul
to save today,
293
00:11:39,974 --> 00:11:41,774
and then we can all go home.
294
00:11:41,851 --> 00:11:42,871
WOMAN:
A soul for Jesus!
295
00:11:42,944 --> 00:11:44,364
Just one, just one.
296
00:11:44,437 --> 00:11:46,737
He said if we save one
more soul, we can go home?
297
00:11:46,748 --> 00:11:48,998
Just one?
298
00:11:50,285 --> 00:11:51,285
Yes!
299
00:11:51,369 --> 00:11:52,329
Hallelujah!
300
00:11:52,403 --> 00:11:53,333
Yes!
301
00:11:53,338 --> 00:11:56,538
Praise God!
Praise God!
302
00:11:56,616 --> 00:11:58,216
Hallelujah!
303
00:11:58,293 --> 00:12:00,753
Save one!
304
00:12:00,828 --> 00:12:02,628
Saved, I'm saved.
305
00:12:02,705 --> 00:12:04,295
-Yes!
-Yes, sir.
306
00:12:04,373 --> 00:12:06,593
Yes, sir!
307
00:12:06,667 --> 00:12:07,927
Lord, it's a wonderful day!
308
00:12:08,002 --> 00:12:09,182
Thank you, Jesus!
309
00:12:09,253 --> 00:12:11,763
Well, that's our service
for today.
310
00:12:11,839 --> 00:12:14,359
You all will follow me
in a minute.
311
00:12:14,434 --> 00:12:19,104
New member orientation shouldn't
take more than a few hours.
312
00:12:19,180 --> 00:12:22,110
But I'm feeling the spirit
today, so don't hold me to it.
313
00:12:22,117 --> 00:12:23,317
Amen!
314
00:12:23,392 --> 00:12:26,782
CONGREGATION:
Amen!
315
00:12:26,854 --> 00:12:28,534
And for the rest of you,
I'll see you next week.
316
00:12:28,606 --> 00:12:30,196
Have a blessed one.
317
00:12:30,274 --> 00:12:32,424
Yes, sir!
318
00:12:32,494 --> 00:12:34,794
Yes, sir, God bless you.
319
00:12:34,862 --> 00:12:37,332
Welcome, welcome to the church.
320
00:12:37,406 --> 00:12:38,836
God bless you,
sister.
321
00:12:43,079 --> 00:12:45,169
Handle that, huh?
322
00:12:45,248 --> 00:12:48,508
The Lord giveth,
and Bernie Mac taketh.
323
00:12:48,584 --> 00:12:49,814
Oh, man.
324
00:12:49,886 --> 00:12:51,636
-(doorbell chimes)
-God must be letting you win,
325
00:12:51,646 --> 00:12:52,746
because He knows
that's the only way
326
00:12:52,831 --> 00:12:54,561
He can get you
back in church.
327
00:12:54,566 --> 00:12:56,606
(laughter)
328
00:12:56,685 --> 00:12:58,305
Let me tell you something.
I ain't never going back in that church.
329
00:12:58,386 --> 00:13:00,976
I don't care
if Moses's speaking.
330
00:13:00,989 --> 00:13:02,439
I ain't never...
331
00:13:02,515 --> 00:13:03,645
-Man, that was
the most boring church -Uncle Bernie.
332
00:13:03,658 --> 00:13:04,518
I ever been in my life.
333
00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:05,560
Uncle Bernie.
334
00:13:05,635 --> 00:13:08,685
Yeah, baby?
Bishop, Bishop.
335
00:13:08,771 --> 00:13:10,451
Hey, Brother Bernie,
how you doing?
336
00:13:10,523 --> 00:13:12,823
-I'm...
-Well, this is Deacon Willis,
337
00:13:12,900 --> 00:13:14,950
and we just wanted
to stop by
338
00:13:15,027 --> 00:13:17,997
and personally welcome you
to the First Faithful family.
339
00:13:18,072 --> 00:13:20,162
First Faithful family.
340
00:13:20,241 --> 00:13:21,671
Now, if this is
not a good time,
341
00:13:21,742 --> 00:13:23,582
we can always come back.
342
00:13:23,661 --> 00:13:24,671
Oh, no, no,
no, no, no--
343
00:13:24,745 --> 00:13:26,635
y'all are family.
Come on in.
344
00:13:26,714 --> 00:13:28,014
Oh, well, God bless you.
345
00:13:28,082 --> 00:13:29,852
-Amen.
-Amen.
346
00:13:29,926 --> 00:13:34,546
Uh...
Here, I kind of missed last Sunday.
347
00:13:34,630 --> 00:13:36,150
(chuckling)
348
00:13:37,466 --> 00:13:42,226
And, uh... couple Sundays
before that.
349
00:13:42,305 --> 00:13:43,975
(chuckling)
350
00:13:44,056 --> 00:13:45,976
Amen, Brother.
351
00:13:46,058 --> 00:13:49,028
In Jesus' name.
352
00:13:49,103 --> 00:13:50,283
Why don't y'all
pull up a seat?
353
00:13:50,354 --> 00:13:51,454
Uh, yeah, yeah.
354
00:13:51,531 --> 00:13:52,701
Well, now, no,
we've really got to go,
355
00:13:52,773 --> 00:13:55,493
but, uh, well,
if you insist.
356
00:13:55,568 --> 00:13:56,578
Yeah, yeah, sit down.
357
00:13:56,652 --> 00:13:59,412
Bernie don't
mind, right?
358
00:13:59,488 --> 00:14:00,578
I guess not.
359
00:14:00,656 --> 00:14:01,956
Let me put my cigar out.
360
00:14:02,033 --> 00:14:03,083
Oh, no,
no, no, no.
361
00:14:03,159 --> 00:14:05,839
You go on
and enjoy your cigar.
362
00:14:05,912 --> 00:14:09,262
See, God wants us
to have pleasures.
363
00:14:09,332 --> 00:14:12,052
Lord, bless him,
and relieve him
364
00:14:12,126 --> 00:14:15,636
of that evil
tobacco demon.
365
00:14:15,713 --> 00:14:17,013
Evil demon.
366
00:14:17,089 --> 00:14:18,759
-Amen.
-Amen.
367
00:14:18,841 --> 00:14:19,941
ALL:
Amen.
368
00:14:28,017 --> 00:14:29,197
(clearing throat)
369
00:14:32,772 --> 00:14:38,162
Well, you, um... mind
if we join you?
370
00:14:38,235 --> 00:14:40,285
Well, um, we're playing poker.
371
00:14:40,363 --> 00:14:43,123
Well, we know
how to play poker.
372
00:14:43,199 --> 00:14:44,789
Just 'cause
we men of the cloth
373
00:14:44,867 --> 00:14:46,457
don't mean
that we ain't men.
374
00:14:46,535 --> 00:14:48,285
Amen.
375
00:14:48,371 --> 00:14:49,341
Join in, dawg.
376
00:14:49,413 --> 00:14:51,513
Hey, all right.
377
00:14:51,591 --> 00:14:56,971
Uh, now, y'all, y'all, y'all
ain't, ain't playing for money, are you?
378
00:14:57,046 --> 00:15:00,346
Uh, a little pocket change,
that's all.
379
00:15:00,424 --> 00:15:01,814
Uh-uh-uh.
380
00:15:01,884 --> 00:15:04,314
Mmm-mmm-mmm.
381
00:15:04,387 --> 00:15:07,557
Well, I'm not here
to judge what you did before.
382
00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:10,270
-Amen.
-But the rest of this night why don't we
383
00:15:10,351 --> 00:15:12,231
-Bishop, Bishop...
-these chips aside
384
00:15:12,311 --> 00:15:15,491
and play for the glory
of the Lord?
385
00:15:15,564 --> 00:15:17,114
Glory of the Lord.
386
00:15:17,191 --> 00:15:18,121
Glory of the Lord.
387
00:15:18,192 --> 00:15:19,772
-Yeah.
-Amen.
388
00:15:23,072 --> 00:15:24,002
BISHOP:
I'm going to deal.
389
00:15:24,007 --> 00:15:24,997
Go on, deal, man!
390
00:15:25,074 --> 00:15:26,624
Shake it up, Deacon.
391
00:15:26,701 --> 00:15:27,761
Yes, sir.
392
00:15:27,835 --> 00:15:30,835
(phone ringing)
393
00:15:30,913 --> 00:15:32,173
Hello?
394
00:15:32,248 --> 00:15:34,088
No, Bishop, I won't be able
395
00:15:34,166 --> 00:15:36,926
to cut the homeless' hair
this morning, I'm sorry.
396
00:15:37,003 --> 00:15:38,473
What they need a haircut
for anyway?
397
00:15:38,546 --> 00:15:40,136
They homeless.
398
00:15:40,214 --> 00:15:43,394
If I cut their hair,
they'll lose their strength.
399
00:15:43,467 --> 00:15:45,347
What?
400
00:15:45,428 --> 00:15:47,808
You, you really gettin'
on my nerve
401
00:15:47,888 --> 00:15:50,148
in the name of the Lord,
you really are.
402
00:15:50,224 --> 00:15:52,364
Look, Bishop, I got,
I got to take a leak.
403
00:15:52,435 --> 00:15:54,685
What?
A salaam alaikum.
404
00:15:54,704 --> 00:15:56,574
I mean, praise the Lord.
405
00:15:56,581 --> 00:15:59,371
These people
just don't leave you alone.
406
00:15:59,442 --> 00:16:01,662
I thought church
ended on Sunday.
407
00:16:01,736 --> 00:16:05,116
They got it leakin'
through the rest of the week.
408
00:16:05,197 --> 00:16:06,827
Now, don't get me wrong.
409
00:16:06,907 --> 00:16:08,817
There's nothing I'd rather have
410
00:16:08,901 --> 00:16:12,501
than a long-term commitment
with the Lord at any church.
411
00:16:12,580 --> 00:16:14,090
But this church--
412
00:16:14,165 --> 00:16:16,255
I'd rather have
a one-night stand.
413
00:16:16,333 --> 00:16:17,633
Now, understand something--
414
00:16:17,710 --> 00:16:20,640
I know the Lord got soldiers
working for him,
415
00:16:20,713 --> 00:16:25,273
but for some reason, I feel like
they just attacking me.
416
00:16:28,855 --> 00:16:30,065
Excuse me.
417
00:16:34,393 --> 00:16:35,863
-Bernie Mac.
-Yes.
418
00:16:35,936 --> 00:16:37,736
We saw you get saved
at First Faithful.
419
00:16:37,813 --> 00:16:38,863
Hallelujah, yeah.
420
00:16:38,939 --> 00:16:39,939
We sure proud of you.
421
00:16:40,016 --> 00:16:40,866
You sure enough
blessed.
422
00:16:40,941 --> 00:16:42,341
Thank you.
423
00:16:42,418 --> 00:16:44,908
We hopin' the Lord
will bless us with a car one day.
424
00:16:44,987 --> 00:16:45,907
Amen.
425
00:16:45,988 --> 00:16:47,278
He will.
426
00:16:47,357 --> 00:16:49,577
-Pray for us.
-For sure.
427
00:16:49,658 --> 00:16:52,788
Don't have to be
as nice as this, though.
428
00:16:52,804 --> 00:16:53,754
As long as it's nice.
429
00:16:53,829 --> 00:16:54,639
Yeah.
430
00:16:54,714 --> 00:16:56,314
Sure, you're right.
431
00:16:56,057 --> 00:16:57,757
Could she just get a little bit
of air conditioning?
432
00:16:57,833 --> 00:16:59,593
You never know when that bus
is going to come.
433
00:16:59,668 --> 00:17:00,968
Yes, ma'am.
434
00:17:01,045 --> 00:17:02,795
Let me turn it on max
for you, okay?
435
00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:04,020
How's that?
436
00:17:04,098 --> 00:17:05,508
(people sighing)
437
00:17:05,591 --> 00:17:09,191
Uh, listen,
how far are you all going?
438
00:17:09,261 --> 00:17:12,941
God going to bless you
real good, Bernie Mac.
439
00:17:13,015 --> 00:17:14,765
-Thank you.
-Thank you.
440
00:17:14,850 --> 00:17:16,530
I just...
441
00:17:18,979 --> 00:17:20,119
(doorbell chiming)
442
00:17:21,207 --> 00:17:22,667
Nessa, Nessa,
Nessa, Nessa.
443
00:17:22,742 --> 00:17:24,622
Don't answer the door.
444
00:17:24,693 --> 00:17:25,623
Why?
445
00:17:25,694 --> 00:17:26,494
It's the Bishop!
446
00:17:26,570 --> 00:17:27,660
The Bishop.
447
00:17:27,738 --> 00:17:28,918
That's why.
448
00:17:28,998 --> 00:17:30,758
Look here, I'm
going to the den.
449
00:17:30,833 --> 00:17:31,923
Tell them I'm busy, okay?
450
00:17:32,001 --> 00:17:34,001
You want me to lie?
451
00:17:33,845 --> 00:17:36,045
No, I don't want you to lie.
Just tell them I'm not in. Can you do that?
452
00:17:36,122 --> 00:17:37,672
So, you're hiding?
453
00:17:37,748 --> 00:17:39,288
Ain't nobody hiding.
454
00:17:39,366 --> 00:17:40,766
Every time I ask
you to do something you can't never do
455
00:17:40,843 --> 00:17:41,953
you act like
I'm a cell mate.
456
00:17:41,895 --> 00:17:42,885
I'm your blood.
457
00:17:42,962 --> 00:17:44,552
Just do it.
458
00:17:44,630 --> 00:17:45,940
Okay, but...
459
00:17:46,015 --> 00:17:48,885
what would Jesus do?
460
00:17:48,968 --> 00:17:50,678
Jesus got nothing
to do with this.
461
00:17:50,761 --> 00:17:51,741
Go to your room,
Vanessa.
462
00:17:51,820 --> 00:17:52,650
(doorbell chimes)
463
00:17:54,348 --> 00:17:57,098
Why folks always
got to bring the Lord in it?
464
00:18:00,729 --> 00:18:02,119
Hey. Brother Bernie.
465
00:18:02,198 --> 00:18:03,528
Bishop. Bishop.
466
00:18:03,607 --> 00:18:04,657
Yes, sir.
467
00:18:04,733 --> 00:18:06,333
Brother Bernie.
468
00:18:06,402 --> 00:18:07,842
Deac.
469
00:18:10,364 --> 00:18:12,164
Y'all bring the
choir with you?
470
00:18:12,175 --> 00:18:14,455
(laughing)
471
00:18:14,535 --> 00:18:16,035
So, um...
472
00:18:16,120 --> 00:18:17,600
How you all doing?
473
00:18:17,672 --> 00:18:20,462
Just fine. Just fine.
474
00:18:20,541 --> 00:18:24,051
Listen, forgive us
for intruding like this,
475
00:18:24,128 --> 00:18:25,608
but the last time
we was here,
476
00:18:25,688 --> 00:18:30,138
we couldn't help but notice
how much space you've got.
477
00:18:30,151 --> 00:18:33,731
God has blessed you
with a beautiful home.
478
00:18:33,804 --> 00:18:35,244
Beautiful home.
479
00:18:35,314 --> 00:18:38,324
Well, uh, also I've
saved my money, Bishop,
480
00:18:38,392 --> 00:18:42,282
and I've worked hard over
the last past years, so...
481
00:18:42,354 --> 00:18:43,964
Yeah, that goes
without saying.
482
00:18:44,031 --> 00:18:45,611
Well, I just thought
I'd say it anyway.
483
00:18:45,691 --> 00:18:46,621
Amen.
484
00:18:46,692 --> 00:18:48,992
(all laughing)
485
00:18:49,069 --> 00:18:52,289
Brother Mac, we felt that, uh,
486
00:18:52,364 --> 00:18:55,004
since you have
all these blessings
487
00:18:55,075 --> 00:18:57,205
that the best way
for a baby Christian
488
00:18:57,286 --> 00:19:00,916
like yourself
to evolve into the fold
489
00:19:00,998 --> 00:19:04,258
is to invite the fold
to your house on Thursday night
490
00:19:04,335 --> 00:19:06,175
for Bible study.
491
00:19:06,187 --> 00:19:08,677
Which used to be
your poker night.
492
00:19:08,756 --> 00:19:10,926
Used to be.
493
00:19:11,008 --> 00:19:12,478
-Amen.
-Amen.
494
00:19:13,677 --> 00:19:15,017
Mm-mmm.
495
00:19:15,095 --> 00:19:16,345
I'm sorry.
496
00:19:16,430 --> 00:19:17,730
What am I supposed to do?
497
00:19:17,806 --> 00:19:20,316
Y'all see this relationship
ain't working for me.
498
00:19:20,392 --> 00:19:22,482
If I wait too long,
stuff going to get messy.
499
00:19:22,561 --> 00:19:24,201
Feelings going to get hurt.
500
00:19:24,205 --> 00:19:25,435
Might be name calling.
501
00:19:25,515 --> 00:19:27,525
No, uh-huh. That's it.
502
00:19:27,608 --> 00:19:29,748
One thing, make a clean break.
503
00:19:31,612 --> 00:19:35,372
You're smothering me.
Smothering me.
504
00:19:35,449 --> 00:19:40,089
I, I, I, I, I thought everything
was going so well.
505
00:19:40,162 --> 00:19:42,562
Uh...
Is it another church?
506
00:19:46,502 --> 00:19:48,892
I didn't want to say
in front of the children.
507
00:19:48,963 --> 00:19:50,683
-No.
-Yeah.
508
00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:53,270
But... it's okay.
509
00:19:53,342 --> 00:19:55,182
It's okay.
510
00:19:55,261 --> 00:19:58,311
I just hope
we can still see each other.
511
00:19:58,389 --> 00:20:01,189
A-As friends.
512
00:20:01,201 --> 00:20:03,031
In Christ.
513
00:20:07,832 --> 00:20:09,372
I'll call you.
514
00:20:16,073 --> 00:20:17,633
He ain't gonna call.
515
00:20:20,661 --> 00:20:22,541
♪ Boom boom boom,
Bernie Mac Day ♪
516
00:20:22,621 --> 00:20:24,311
♪ Boom, boom,
boom, boom... ♪
517
00:20:28,711 --> 00:20:32,101
I'm ready for church,
Uncle Bernie.
518
00:20:32,172 --> 00:20:35,022
Oh, baby girl, I
forgot to tell you.
519
00:20:35,026 --> 00:20:36,476
We're not going
to church today.
520
00:20:36,552 --> 00:20:41,942
But, Uncle Bernie,
won't God be mad at us?
521
00:20:42,016 --> 00:20:43,816
Well, see, um... look, uh...
522
00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:48,400
I can't lie to you, baby.
523
00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:50,570
Church is too long
for Uncle Bernie.
524
00:20:50,649 --> 00:20:54,539
But, Uncle Bernie,
don't we love God?
525
00:20:57,757 --> 00:21:00,417
See the thing is,
it's not about God.
526
00:21:00,492 --> 00:21:03,502
It's just the service
takes forever.
527
00:21:03,579 --> 00:21:06,259
You know, if I
knew a church that had shorter time
528
00:21:06,332 --> 00:21:08,302
and go half that length,
529
00:21:08,375 --> 00:21:11,635
baby, I would take you
to church right now.
530
00:21:11,712 --> 00:21:13,012
Right now.
531
00:21:13,088 --> 00:21:15,148
You know what?
532
00:21:15,224 --> 00:21:17,394
Catholic mass is only one hour.
533
00:21:17,468 --> 00:21:19,598
-Really?
-Really?
534
00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:21,732
I'll get the car keys.
535
00:21:21,805 --> 00:21:22,695
(laughing)
536
00:21:25,351 --> 00:21:27,151
Go and get dressed.
537
00:21:27,227 --> 00:21:31,827
(monks singing)
538
00:21:31,907 --> 00:21:34,327
Captioned by VISUAL DATA
539
00:21:34,335 --> 00:21:36,035
JORDAN: (laughing)
540
00:21:39,531 --> 00:21:40,661
Oh, baby,
it wasn't that bad.
541
00:21:40,675 --> 00:21:43,125
Uncle Bernie,
you were right.
542
00:21:43,202 --> 00:21:47,502
We learned so much
in Sunday school.
543
00:21:47,581 --> 00:21:48,981
Oh, son.
544
00:21:49,057 --> 00:21:51,807
Uncle Bernie,
I'm sorry I talk back to you.
545
00:21:54,439 --> 00:21:56,309
My ignorant child.
546
00:21:57,400 --> 00:22:01,600
Uncle Bernie, I love you.
547
00:22:01,678 --> 00:22:03,688
This is what it's all about.
548
00:22:03,764 --> 00:22:06,154
Bernie Mac.
549
00:22:06,225 --> 00:22:07,655
Bernie.
Bernie Mac, wake up.
550
00:22:07,705 --> 00:22:12,255
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