Original subtitles

(laser beam pinging)

(hard rock music)

(slow trance music)

(liquid bubbling) (liquid fizzing)

(gas hissing) (static crackling)

- Hello?

Yeah, I need somebody over here to fix my shower.

It's been going everywhere except my head so.

Yeah, thank you, I appreciate it.

I'm at 664 Main Street.

Yeah, yeah, thank you.

Thank you so much, bye.

(fist knocking)

(lock clattering)

(door creaking)

- I hear you got a problem, I'm here to fix it.

- Yes, sir, it's right back here.

- But before I get my tools, why don't you just

show me what you've got going on in here.

- The problem's right back here.

(door creaks)

- You know, you got a hell of a mess out here.

(door slams) - Yeah, sorry.

(curtain rustling)

(water splashing)

Here's the problem.

(water splashing)

- Well, hell!

Look like you just need to turn it, did you try that?

- No.

- Look.

It looks to me like it's a damn good shower,

and you don't know what to...

Let me, excuse me.

Women don't know a goddamn thing, look here.

(water splashing)

You want to see?

- Uh, yeah.

- Well, look here.

This here is a shower.

This here is where the water come out.

Are you, can you follow?

Are you paying attention?

- [Girl] You act like I'm fucking stupid.

I know some stuff.

(water spraying)

You're acting like I'm fucking stupid.

- Let me tell you what,

the first mistake you done made was calling the other place

when you should've called old Barnabas.

I'll tell ya what.

- [Girl] Well, y'all both do the same fucking thing.

What's the difference?

- I fixed your shower.

- [Girl] I bet any other fucking smart person

could've done it.

- You couldn't.

So now... - I could've.

- I think I'm gon fix you.

(ominous music)

- [Girl] I'd like to see you fucking try.

Get the fuck off me!

(ominous music)

(bottle thumping)

(water spraying) (bottle rattles)

- You're in for it now, bitch!

(haunting music)

(door slams)

(girl panting)

(doorknob rattling)

(door thuds)

Where's that goddamn bitch?

(anxious breathing)

(floor creaking softly)

(boots pattering)

(boots scuffing)

(boots scuffing)

(soft whimpering)

(haunting music)

- No, no, no! (screams)

- [Barnabas] Girl, get out of your bed!

Argh, get out of your bed!

- No! (Barnabas shouts)

(hand thumping)

(both panting)

No, let me go, no! (screams)

(Barnabas grunts) (hands slapping)

Let me go, let go, let me go!

Let me go, please, I don't--

(Barnabas grunts) (girl gasps)

(girl crying)

(haunting music)

(girl gasping) (feet thumping)

(girl crying)

(screwdriver squelching) (blood dripping)

(girl gasping) (girl coughing)

- [Barnabas] The last time you call old Barnabas.

(girl panting)

(Barnabas laughing)

(girl sighing)

(slow haunting music)

(cheery alternative rock music)

(door creaking)

- Y'all have a good one.

Y'all go home, mow your grass,

and I'll see y'all on the flip side.

- I don't know how you put up

with them mother fuckers, Geovanni.

- I hate these inbred cock suckers.

(frustrated groaning)

Goddamn, they kill me.

- What time are they supposed to be here?

- I don't know but they're gonna be ready to party.

If I'm in this goddamn redneck get up,

they're gonna disown me.

(frustrated groaning)

Hell fire.

(grabber rattling)

- No, no, no, no, I got this.

I gotta learn how to do this shit.

(grabber creaking)

(grabber clicking) (grabber creaking)

- Come on, Wheels!

(grabber creaking) (grabber clicking)

- Lamont, we talked about this.

Your arms are fine.

You don't need a grabber.

- It's not my fault God took my legs.

- God didn't do this, okay?

You doing massive amounts of cocaine

and going down the bunny slopes,

and fucking hittin' a two-year old and killing him,

that's what did this.

And you fucking wrecked and severed your goddamn spine

and fucked your legs up.

(grabber creaking) (grabber clicking)

- Oh hey, what's up?

- Oh, I knew I heard a faggot ass Lamont.

Why didn't you help him?

- Hell, he's wanting to be Mr. Independent.

- Well, clearly he ain't.

God took his fucking legs, come on.

(wheelchair clicking) (metal rattling)

- Goddamn it, Lamont!

- [Geovanni] You're gonna break your goddamn knees.

- Always bitching.

(haunting music)

- Geovanni, I'm thirsty as fuck

after wheeling his ass around

in this hot ass sun all day long,

and I know you're rolling in dough

after your dad opened that new parts store.

You got anything to drink up in this jewel?

- Shit, I got the original Pale Ale.

- Hell yeah, my favorite, boy!

(grabber rattles)

- I wonder where old faggot ass Larry's at,

or punk ass Darnell, too.

(grabber creaking)

(trash clanging) (trash rattling)

Daddy said that he wanted

them mother fuckers here seven o'clock.

What time is it?

6:30, mother fuckers shoulda done been here, goddamn it.

(Geovanni sighing)

Well, they drive Fords.

(feet pattering)

(gravel crunching) (motor humming)

(birds chirping)

(motor humming)

(keys rattling)

(bird cawing) (man sighing)

So, you're telling me that the Lionel Ledbetter,

is gon sit here and tell me

that Destroyer by Kiss was a good album.

- That's what I'm fucking telling you.

- And they wasn't a piece of shit band?

- They wasn't no goddamn piece of shit band.

There's a reason that the album cover has been replicated

by so many goddamn people, all right?

Detroit Rock City, God of Thunder, and Beth, by God.

That's all you fuckin' need.

I've dropped so many fucking panties playing Beth.

All right? - Well by God,

I know you ain't 'cause you was wearing

that fucking polyester shirt you got on,

you gay son of a bitch.

- Hey, listen here.

You can talk all the shit you want to

about any of these other mother fuckers out here,

but you don't talk shit about Paul Stanley

and goddamn Gene Simmons, all right?

- Gene Simmons sucked more dick than you have.

- Listen here, goddamn it.

- I'm about sick of this shit.

I ain't fucking talkin'

about Gene Simmons. - G!

(birds chirping)

- I'm going here, deal with these cock suckers.

Let's do it, let's do it.

Gotta be nice to the boss's son.

(truck dinging)

(door slamming)

- Gene Simmons is a sorry son of a bitch.

And you can take every Kiss song ever wrote

and put 'em on a greatest hits album,

and you still gotta skip shit

because it ain't worth a goddamn.

- You know, boys, I'm pretty fond of Pink Floyd.

- What?

We ain't even talking about Pink Floyd.

(feet thudding)

- Fuck David Gilmour.

Fuck David Gilmour.

- Goddamn it. (hand slapping)

David Gilmour is one of the greatest guitarists ever,

all right?

Slash can't shit in his back yard.

- Right, fuck David Gilmour.

- Y'all sons of bitches stupid.

Why are we talking about Pink Floyd

when we should be talking about Kiss, mother fucker>

- Why we are talking about it at all?

(hand thumping) - I agree.

- I'm here, Geovanni.

- [Geovanni] Aw, hell.

6:40, he's supposed to be here.

6:30.

- You said seven.

- The hell, I know you're supposed to be here at 6:30.

- You said seven.

- [Geovanni] Well, you still supposed to be here at 6:30.

- Makes no fucking sense.

Why you always trying to tell me what to do?

- [Geovanni] Well, Daddy's gonna whoop your ass

for being late.

- Man, I ain't worried about your daddy.

- Oh, God damn, buddy!

If he wasn't in all his glory,

selling goddamn parts right now

to make me some fucking money,

he'd be whooping your bitch ass!

- You need to get off your ass and make your own money.

- Fuck I, hey, son of a bitch, I said Daddy, not me.

Me and you ain't gonna fight.

- G, calm down.

- I ain't here to fight you.

You told me to come over, I'm here.

- Well, I'm glad you're here, goddamn.

- Fucking Larry ain't here, is he?

- Hey, Kiss ain't worth shit, are they?

- Eh.

You can get some ass with Beth.

- [Lionel] Whoo!

Told you, by God, you can pull ass to Beth!

- Geovanni fucking Hicks! (door slams)

(menacing music)

I heard you was back on my goddamn mountain.

- Her name's Chevy. - It's Chevy.

- By God, her goddamn name's shit, okay?

Just like my goddamn truck.

- [Geovanni] Well your truck's a piece of shit, so.

- You're a piece of shit.

- I'm surprised you got up here

on my mountain, mother fucker.

I run this goddamn place.

- [Man] Since when is it your goddamn mountain, by God?

- Well, you gonna whoop my fucking ass for it,

you son of a bitch?

- I'll whoop your goddamn ass up and down this parlor.

- Well fucking try it, you son of a bitch.

Let me take this headband off, goddamn it.

- [Man] Come down here then

and I'll kill you, mother fucker.

- All right, by God. - You better watch your ass.

- (screams) Hee!

(fist smashing)

(bright trippy music)

I heard you couldn't fuck.

- I heard you don't eat ass, bastard.

- That's a goddamn lie, ass is delicious.

- You know it, son of a bitch.

- Then you weren't eating it right, mother fucker.

- All right, all right, get off of him.

Don't stop unless you eat his ass.

- Well I do it better than that mother fucker.

- By God, if I was gonna eat ass,

I'd eat it to the best of my ability,

especially if it's my own ass, you dumb son of a bitch.

- You're in my fucking house, you cock sucker.

- Used to be mine. - Shut the fuck up.

And I wanna see you eat your own ass.

- This used to be your house? - That used to be mine.

- This is my Daddy's house.

- Fuck your daddy.

- Hey, by God, you say it to him, by God.

- Well, where's he at?

- Not in here with you!

(hands smacking)

- (chuckles) Look how weak.

- Stop it! (couch creaking)

It's his house, sit!

- [Man] Now by God, boys, that is two on one.

- It'd still be one on one ass whoopin', mother fucker!

- [Man] Whoa, hey.

- Wait boys, do you wanna go fight somewhere?

- Darnell whoop your fuckin' ass worse than I would.

- Hey, hey!

- [Man] Who the hell is Charles Xavier?

- [Geovanni] Don't make fun of my cripple, son of a bitch,

or we'll put your ass in a wheelchair.

- Wait, wait, that's your cripple?

- [Geovanni] You goddamn right, bastard.

- Your daddy bought you a cripple?

- What'd your daddy buy you, mother fucker?

Not a goddamn thing!

Bitch!

This is my house, get the fuck out.

- He bought me some manners, by God, and I'm gonna use 'em.

- [Geovanni] Well, by God, get your--

- Because, let me tell you, let me tell you.

You got Darnell over here. - Hey I work for his daddy!

- [Man] You got this hairy mother fucker over here.

- [Geovanni] This hairy mother fucker will kill you.

- [Man] You got the guy in the wheelchair.

I don't know who fanny pack is over here.

By God, you got the two girls in back.

One of 'em used to be mine, by God.

- [Geovanni] By God, she ain't no more.

- Well, we'll see how this plays out.

- We'll see, you punk bitch. - Because Geovanni,

I will leave your house for now.

- [Geovanni] You're goddamn right.

- The next time you see me, it's gonna be my house.

- [Geovanni] The next time I see you,

you're dead, mother fucker.

- Not if I don't see you first, goddamn it.

- [Geovanni] Bastard, I'm right here.

You can see me, you stupid bastard.

- I'm leaving. - Turn your goddamn hat right!

You look like a fucking idiot. - By God.

Like you know how to wear a goddamn hat.

- [Geovanni] You look like a fucking idiot.

And it says Grundy County, fuck you.

- You live in Grundy County, mother fucker.

- [Geovanni] Mother fucker, I own this place.

- I'm leaving cause I want to.

- [Geovanni] I'm better than you.

- I'm leaving cause I want to. - Get out of my house.

- Leaving cause I want to!

- I'm better than you. - Last word.

- I'm better than you. - Last word.

- I'm better than you. - Last word.

- Fuck you! - Last word.

- [Geovanni] My daddy owns a parts store.

- Last word!

(door slams)

- Whoop!

By God, this party's just gettin' better and better.

(crickets chirping) (feet scuffling)

(motor humming)

(menacing music)

(hand slamming)

(belt rattling)

(distant thumping)

(leaves rustling) (fence creaking)

(haunting music)

(fence clanging)

(leaves crunching) (feet pattering)

(leaves crunching) (feet pattering)

(fence rattling)

(distant dog barking)

- Dog gone, two on one, sons of bitches.

Shoo, I'm gonna move to Marion!

At least they know how to treat somebody down there.

(haunting music) (bells tolling)

(leaves crunching)

(drill humming)

(haunting music)

Used to be my house.

Used to be my woman.

Shoo, Chevy.

Her name's Chevy.

Like my damn truck.

(haunting music)

(leaves crunching)

(dog barking)

Shoo, I know what I'll do.

I'll let them know.

I'll let them know what I'm gon do.

Shoo, send me to voicemail.

What kind of bullshit's this, man?

Hey, Geovanni, I want you to know something.

I'm gon come back.

I'm gon come back in the middle of the night,

and I'm gon kill your goddamn daddy.

And I'm gon make him turn into one of them little pigs

you see on the BBQ table,

with the little red apple in his mouth.

And I can tell ya what,

I'm probably gonna fuck his corpse, too.

How you like that, Geovanni?

Is that good for ya, you son of a bitch?

In there with my old lady.

By God, you don't know how to make the liver quiver

and the back crack, boy!

(trippy electronic music)

I'm gon be back.

Bet on it.

Now I need to call my cousin

and get some help to whoop his ass

'cause I know how they play things around here.

(trippy electronic music) (drill buzzing)

(traffic humming)

Fuck!

What the fuck, what are you doing?

(drill whirring)

Hey!

Aw, you picked a bad day, boy.

It's one on one.

I ain't goin' down without a fight, en garde!

(trippy electronic music)

- I reckon...

you just in the wrong place at the wrong time so.

Well I reckon that,

I'm gonna have to take this damn good drill,

and make me a damn good hole in your head.

- Well I reckon you're just gonna have

to do your best, Barnabas.

(drill clicking)

(brush rustling)

You know what, Barnabas?

This here ain't good enough for you.

(brush rustling)

(man shouts)

- I'm gon make a damn good grave!

(foot smashing) (man groaning)

(brush rustling) (man muttering)

(trippy electronic music)

(brush rustling)

- [Man] Oh, you did me in, Barnabas.

Oh, you bastard, right in the kid maker.

(birds chirping)

(man screaming) (drill squelching)

(haunting music)

- [Barnabas] Sorry, boy.

I just put a damn good hole in your eye socket.

(traffic humming)

(Barnabas laughing)

(engine roaring)

- Sorry I'm late, guys.

- By God, Geovanni, no offense to your daddy,

but if he's gonna be here, I ain't.

- No, you ain't gotta go nowhere.

- No, fuck it, I'm out. - Hey now, goddamn it!

Larry, you fuckin' son of a bitch.

You run everybody off.

- Where's my shit?

(door slams)

Fucking Larry Duckworth.

(knob clatters)

Goddamn it, Duckworth.

(door slams)

You stole my goddamn tools, didn't you?

Well, how come my fuckin' truck's open?

Well, ain't nobody else come in after you did.

You stole my goddamn, my new drill.

I just got that Harbor.

I waited 6 months for the coupon to come out for that drill.

- Steal, I didn't steal no tools.

I got me a dandy little set from Harbor Freight.

Master Craftsman at that.

- Took my fuckin' wrench set.

And I'm pretty sure,

you might have stole my bubble gum too out of the truck.

- Hey, I don't need no gum either.

I dominate at havin' good breath.

- I ain't puttin' up with this shit.

- G's daddy invited me to this party.

- You know what, Geovanni,

no offense again to you or your daddy,

but if you're gonna have a thief in your house,

I don't wanna be here.

Fuck him, fuck everybody that looks like him.

- [Geovanni] Hey, hey, hey goddamn it.

Hey, Darnell, Daddy's gonna make this right.

You know it. - No, no.

That coupon ain't coming back out for another six months.

- [Geovanni] Hey, I got one, goddamn it.

You ain't gotta. (door slams)

Fuck!

(birds chirping) (drill clicking)

(haunting music)

(Barnabas whispering)

- Not in there, you don't.

Go ask fuckin' Larry.

(Darnell muttering indistinctly)

(leaves crunching)

(tool clicking)

(Barnabas grunts) (fist smashes)

(tools rattle)

There's my damn tool belt.

You're the damn one took it.

You earned this ass whoopin'.

Come on, Barnabas.

(Barnabas groans)

(head banging) (Barnabas grunts)

Get my rake.

(rake thwacking) You like my tools, huh?

Get up! (rake thwacking)

(Barnabas groans)

Where's my damn gum?

You stole that too?

(pliers squelching)

(Barnabas laughing)

(Barnabas grunting)

(Barnabas laughing)

(Barnabas growling) (branches rustling)

(Barnabas laughing)

(Barnabas hissing) (Barnabas laughing)

- Yep.

(laughs) You're a big boy, uh huh.

(laughs) Yep, yep.

These goddamn Harbor Freight tools ain't workin'.

(Barnabas growling) (shirt ripping)

(Barnabas laughing)

(haunting music)

Whoa now, whoa, lookie here. (laughs)

Looks like I'm gonna be eatin' more. (laughs)

(Barnabas grunting)

(Barnabas yelling)

(tool thumping) (tool squelching)

(flesh crunching) (Barnabas laughing)

(Barnabas grunting) (flesh crunching)

(Barnabas laughs)

Whoa ho, I got a little bit of some damn good guts there.

Didn't I, boy? (tool rattles)

Look at that. (laughs)

I guess I got more of ya.

I got some damn good business to attend to. (laughs)

(birds chirping)

(leaves rustling)

(Barnabas groans)

Fuck!

(vehicles humming)

I got some damn good tape!

(Barnabas grunts)

(Barnabas grunts)

I got more business.

(people chattering)

- Yo Lionel, I gotta holler at you for a minute.

- Yeah buddy?

- My legs don't work, I'm not fucking retarded.

- Aw, I'm sorry.

- Let me holler at you for a minute.

- All right, let's go.

I got you, bud.

(Lionel grunting) (wheelchair thumping)

- Goddamn!

- What do you got?

- Now, listen, man.

Women are like ice cream.

There's plenty of flavors out there.

- What?

- I think you gotta leave Sierra.

- What?

What do you mean ice cream and leave Sierra?

- All I'm saying is, women are like ice cream.

You went through your whole life only trying one flavor.

There's all these flavors out there, man.

You got chocolate, strawberry, vanilla.

You got some orange creamsicle.

You just need to get out there

and try some different flavors, man.

- Look man,

I don't like to try a bunch of different flavors, all right?

I stick with one thing.

I like vanilla, I'm gon keep eating vanilla, by God.

What if I get out there,

and I get something that tastes like praline and dick?

I don't want that!

I think you're doing a little bit

too much cocaine still, man, all right?

I know your dick don't work.

You're probably mad about that, but I can't help that.

- All right listen, man.

I do cocaine because it's the only thing

that lets me feel my dick again, all right?

And the point of this is, you need to fucking leave Sierra.

(hand slams) - Lionel!

What are you talking about?

Cripple!

- [Lionel] Aw fuck!

Sierra, don't leave!

Sierra! - Sierra!

- [Lionel] Come on!

(door slamming)

- [Geovanni] Good going, Lamont, you crippled bastard!

- [Lionel] Fuck, Lamont!

(latch clicking)

(distant dog barking)

- Ah, there it is.

Stupid hobgoblin.

It's literally too cold for this, and I'm over it.

(trunk door slamming)

- Come on, man!

Larry, Octavius, will one of y'all go get her, please?

- Why don't you go get her?

- Man, it is dark in Grundy County.

I ain't goin' out there.

- Somebody needs to go get her.

- [Lionel] Please man, go get her.

I've got to deal with Lamont.

- (sighs) All right.

If I bring her back with a limp, don't get mad.

- He's gonna fuck her.

(latch clattering)

(door creaking) (crickets chirping)

- Can't believe they're gonna make me come out here.

(door slams) Shoo!

It's not even my old lady to find.

Sierra!

(crickets chirping)

Jesus Christ, where is she?

It's too dark to walk out there.

(haunting music)

(Octavius grunts) (fist smashing)

I got it now.

(men grunting) (fist smashing)

(hammer whacks)

(haunting music)

- Well, that was damn good hammer,

worth spending money on. (hammer thuds)

Over here's what we're gonna need!

Goddamn hand saw.

(saw buzzing)

(Barnabas laughing)

Boy, you ain't damn good, aye.

(haunting music)

(saw buzzing)

(Barnabas chuckles)

I got me an arm!

That looks like a damn good arm! (laughs)

(leaves crunching)

(haunting music)

(leaves crunching)

(leaves crunching)

(shoes tapping)

(leaves crunching)

(Sierra gasps)

Well, by God, there's another one!

And she walked right in front of me.

What a dumb bitch.

(haunting music)

- No!

No!

(haunting music)

- Well, yeah!

(leaves rustling)

That'll do it.

(leaves rustling)

- No, no, no!

- What do you think there, Mr. Nine Iron?

You think she's about a par four, par five?

(sniffs) Yeah.

- No! (leaves rustling)

No!

- Stay still!

(club thumping)

(grunts) Oh yeah.

I'm gon go the distance, mm-hm, yep, right there!

Won't you quit movin'! (foot smashes)

You quit moving!

(Barnabas shouts)

(club thwacks)

(haunting music)

- [Geovanni] Hey, Daddy's gon be here any minute.

And you're in the damn shitter, hurry up!

- [Chevy] G, I'm in here in the bathroom

trying to revamp my hair,

so I can make a good impression on your daddy.

- (growls) Well, we're gonna find us

some damn good tools.

(tools rattling)

Ooh, there's a damn good wrench, yep.

Whoop, staple gun!

Might need that.

(tools clanking)

Hate these dumb nails.

People keep trying to put the wrong man out of business!

Well, shit.

(metal scraping)

I don't know if I'll need that.

Unless I wanna get their nuts and put 'em in it

and just twist the goddamn hell out of 'em there.

(parts thunking)

(metal clanging) (Barnabas murmuring)

I won't need that.

(parts clanging)

Don't need that.

Oh, there's a square.

Well, square-headed bastards. (square rattles)

I can't stand these people tryin' to come

into my town taking my business.

I'll tell ya what, I got something for 'em.

That's for damn sure.

I got something for 'em right there.

Ratchet, yep. (tool clangs)

Oh, hold up.

Ooh, look at you pretty birdie.

Look what I can do with this here.

Ooh, it's gonna be slow and it's gonna work so good.

Yeah, I like that. (tool slams)

Well now. (metal clanking)

Nope, I don't need that.

Not unless I'm plumbing.

Maybe I'll do some plumbing, yep.

(tool thudding)

(indistinct murmuring)

Oh, hell!

I earned me a saw. (saw clicking)

Oh, the thing don't work.

Well, it ain't workin'.

Oh, hell, I know why it ain't workin'.

It's a Hitachi!

Goddamn Japanese bullshit (saw crashes)

ain't worth a damn!

What else? (items rustling)

Aw, hell!

I'm a tearin' shit up.

(pot banging) (angrily murmuring)

I can't find a damn thing in here to use.

Oh hell, here we go!

Wow, a miter saw!

Yeah, I know what it needs, is a...

Now, who in the shit?

They find a miter saw, they goddamn.

That's a damn good level right there.

What, they tryin to saw that for?

(level thudding) Oh, damn it.

Wait a minute?

Goddamn how, this is a big son of a bitch.

I can't, nope. (tool rattling)

(sighs) How am I gonna get this out of here?

Not now, huh, push it.

Yeah, it work good.

Well...

(loud groaning)

(Barnabas yelling)

I want Geovanni, that fat son of a bitch,

can come down and help me with his here shit.

Hell. (mutters indistinctly)

(objects clattering)

What in the hell is this?

Wormwood, what in the hell is this?

Vote for who?

Belocki?

Oh, fuck this shit.

I don't, I ain't votin' for no damn body.

I got shit to do and people to do it to.

God damn, this is.

All this shit in the way, goddamn.

How you get out of here?

(door rattling) Well, hell!

This is stuck.

God damn door. (foot smashing)

Shit, how do you get out of this damn place? (grunts)

- [Lionel] Where in the hell is Sierra and Octavius?

- I told you he was gonna fuck her.

So, here in a few minutes if they don't come back,

I guess we'll send Larry's dumb ass out there

and see if he can get a whiff of puss.

- A whiff of what?

- [Geovanni] Pussy!

- Man, I ain't goin' out there.

I'm scared of the dark.

- Oh you fuckin' pussy! - Kind of, maybe.

- Listen you... - Daddy's gonna fire--

- Dillweed! - Oh, fuck you!

Daddy is gonna fire your ass!

- He ain't gonna fire me! - Bullshit!

If I tell him to, he'll do it.

So take your ass on out there.

- Oh, whatever. - I'm telling you.

Carry on with that bitch-ass Star Wars shirt.

You cock suckers ain't never been to the Death Star.

So fuck Bobo Fett and them Jughead-ass kids,

and fuck Ahblee Kanahblee.

- I'm goin', G, I'm goin'.

- So fuck Yodi.

Right in the crack of his green goblin ass, mother fucker.

Don't you know, Frankenstein got way more pussy

than this goblin.

Hell!

(sandals scuffing) (Larry sighing)

(crickets chirping)

- I don't even know who these people are.

Who the piss am I even looking for?

Sierra and Oct, Oct, Octavius, Octopus?

I don't know.

(haunting music)

(leaves crunching)

- Well who in the?

(hand thumps)

Just exactly how many of you sons of bitches is in there?

I had to kill so many of you all damn night.

Let me ask you something.

Do you know karate?

- (chuckles) You want some smoke?

(laughs) I got something better.

(lightsaber hisses)

- Well that...

Looks like a damn good lightsaber?

(haunting music)

(crickets chirping)

(lightsaber thumps) (lightsaber hisses)

(lightsaber whooshing) (Barnabas shouting)

(lightsaber thwacks) (Barnabas groans)

(lightsaber thwacks)

(lightsaber hisses)

(haunting music)

Now I'm gonna show you how to do this...

(lightsaber hissing)

Damn good.

(lightsaber hissing)

(haunting music)

(lightsaber hissing)

(lightsaber thwacking) (lightsaber hissing)

I got somethin' for your dark side.

(haunting music)

(lightsaber squelching)

(man sighs)

- Goddamn mother fuckers.

My son better be in this mother fucker's house.

I'm gonna kick somebody's goddamn ass.

Geovanni, where the fuck you at,

you inbred son of a bitch?

I'm over here trying to watch a goddamn race

and I hope you know it's a goddamn populated area

and mother fucker's are driving by calling my fuckin' house.

If I miss Dale Earnhardt, Jr.

- Pappy, you old wrinkled up son of a bitch!

You a dumb mother fucker.

You gotta be the stupidest, oldest,

dumb looking bastard I've ever met.

- Young enough to kick your scrawny ass, junior.

- Fuck you.

- Mother fuckers is callin' saying goddamn Barnabas

is out there killing people.

- Goddamn, just leave me alone.

I don't give a fuck, I got so much goin' on.

I got my people missin'.

Mother fucker's ain't seen 'em in goddamn month of Sundays,

and here you come in here with this whole

"Oh goddamn, Imma kill somebody."

Fuck you, go home.

- What the hell you think he's doin'

to all those people out there then?

- He's fuckin' 'em, just like I'm gon do your momma.

- You're lucky they called my goddamn phone

and not the police.

'Cause if I miss junior crossing that goddamn finish line,

I'm gon call 'em my goddamn self.

- Leave my fucking house!

Go get your walker.

- Only thing I need a walker for

is to shove it up your queer ass.

Goddamn son of a bitch. (lock clattering)

(door slamming)

- Maybe you should listen to him, Geovanni.

You go check it out, goddamn.

Go out there with him, hell, y'all figure it out.

Y'all could be like Sherlock and that little dumb ass dog.

Or whatever the fuck.

Just go, go.

You help the mother fucker, I don't give a god damn.

I'm waitin' on Daddy to come.

(haunting music)

- That son of a bitch is talking about making me

miss my goddamn race here.

If I miss Junior cross that finish line,

Imma come over here and make sure everybody's ass

being whooped. (mutters indistinctly)

What the fuck is all this shit?

Goddamn Geovanni, damn doctors office all the goddamn time.

Some of this shit cleaned away.

(Pappy mutters indistinctly)

(dog howling)

(dramatic music)

(haunting music)

(leaves crunching)

- [Barnabas] Look here, boy.

I got you a nice little pretty hat.

There you go, let me fit it to you.

Oh yeah, you GQ now.

- What the fuck is going on?

(rope rattling)

- [Barnabas] Let me just hit the keys here.

- Barnabas.

- [Barnabas] I think I programmed it.

Fire, hell. - It was you.

You son of a bitch.

- Would you shut up? - You been out here...

- I got to do this. - Killing mother fuckers?

Just one more thing, man, before you goddamn

hit the goddamn button, man.

Can I get one--

- I done got it programmed! - Can I get one more sip

of Natty Light?

Just for old time's sake?

- But I wasn't drinking it.

I usually buy, you know, they ain't cheap.

- It's just one.

- I was gon take me a swig on it.

- Just go on, man, I just want one.

- Wait a minute.

- Don't drink it all.

Leave me one.

- All right, mm, that's good, oh, that's good.

Whew, that's good.

- If this is gon be my last time, last drink,

before I go and meet Dale Senior,

just one sip of Natty Light.

- [Barnabas] Oh, I think there's about one left.

- Thank you, thank you, really.

For you, buddy.

I'm coming to see you, man.

- L-I-R, yeah, I hope that beer's good.

E, ha! (laughs)

(beer splashing) (beer can rattling)

(electricity buzzing)

(haunting music)

(Barnabas laughing)

I told you I'd get you, you son of a bitch. (laughs)

(electricity buzzing) (beer splashing)

(bowl clanging)

Aw, hell.

That somebody's damn good work truck, yeah!

What we got in here?

Mm-hm, there's a bag, there's another bag.

Hmm, boss teach, don't know right words

so there probably ain't nothin' damn good in there.

Just wait, what we got here?

Oh yeah.

Yeah, them work, them are good.

Oh, hell, what a damn good hammer, mm-hm.

(hammer banging) Yup, damn good hammer.

And a...

What in the hell? (tool clicking)

What are these, sharps or?

(tools rattling) Let's see.

Oh hell, what in the shit is this here?

(tool rattling) (Barnabas grunting)

They want the jack in the box to come out

of this son of a bitch.

I don't know how they gon do it but.

(tool thumping)

Oh wait, what's that, ooh.

(object rattling)

Let's see, I know what this is.

(sniffs) Oh, yup, that's a drill bit.

I figured there'd be something else

better than that in there.

Somebody have my whole, play a trick.

Tools, this here green.

I like green, whoop, that's a nose clipper.

You can get up somebody's nose and pool them out.

Hope they got some damn good Slim Jims

or some potted meat or something.

Man, I'm getting hungry out here and shit.

Ngh-nigh.

It don't look like it though.

Bastards. (sighs)

Ah, hell, I'll follow back now.

- [Chevy] Where the hell is that son of a bitch?

Ain't nobody come back in yet.

- [Lionel] Is this Palmer or the goddamn Bermuda Triangle?

Everybody that fucking goes outside, goes missing.

- They're probably looking for your stupid ass a new shirt.

- All right, goddamn it.

I'm sick of hearing about this fuckin' shirt

and these fuckin' glasses and shit.

I'm tired of dressing like a fuckin' preppy ass Zach Morris.

- Go on. - I'm done with it.

- So just go find the bitch.

I don't give a goddamn what you gotta do.

Go find her.

Love you.

Thank you.

Fuck you, bye.

Get the fuck out my face.

Thank you, fuck you, bye.

And when you find her out there,

sucking the neighbor's big old cat buddy.

Come back and tell me what you think about it.

- Why is everybody fucking around out here in the rain?

(distant rumbling)

Oh shit, the neighbors' house.

That must be where the fuckin' party's at.

(fist knocking)

Hey, looking for some people.

Coming in. (door creaking)

(lock clattering)

(hand thumping)

- Oh my god dang, they ain't got no god damn good bologna.

- Oh shit.

Hey, buddy.

- The heck, hey. - Slow down now.

I didn't mean to scare you, I'm just looking for my baby.

- What the hell is you doin' in Old Man Cagney house?

- I didn't mean to, man.

I didn't mean to bust in.

I didn't mean to freak you out.

- Well, if you're looking for the bologna it done been ate.

- Naw, brother, that bologna is all you.

I'm just looking for my friends, that's all I want.

- Well, it look like you done run

into the wrong damn house now.

- [Lionel] Aw, fuck.

- So, we're gonna have to find out

what we're gonna do about that here.

(haunting music)

- Now, hold on buddy, take it easy.

I got money, I can pay you.

- [Barnabas] I don't need your goddamn money.

Old boy took my damn beer.

- You need a goddamn onion!

(Barnabas groaning) (onions thudding)

(screwdriver clicks)

(haunting music)

Oh shit.

Take it easy.

- Oh boy, you done done it now.

Now, I'm gon dice you, I'm gon dice you.

I'm gon peel you back and them I'm gon saute that ass.

(Lionel mutters)

(men grunting) (feet shuffling)

(onion thumping)

(screwdriver squelching) (Lionel groaning)

(haunting music)

(body sliding)

- There's only three of us left.

- I don't give a goddamn.

I'm waiting on daddy to call.

- You need to go out there.

- (clears throat) Why?

(haunting music)

- Why don't you go out there and get on him?

- Send the cripple, I'm waiting on Daddy to call.

- He's in there taking a shit.

- You're telling me that he's in their blowing the back,

pulling the goddamn plunger out of my shitter.

And we're sitting here, ain't nobody help him.

He can't use his legs.

His arms are just pieces of shit.

And he can't even wipe his ass and you come.

You really love him, that's starting hell.

- If it's between you and me,

you're the fucking man so you need to go out there.

- Between you and me, by god.

I'm worth more money than your family's house.

So I ain't moving out of this chair

till I hear from my goddamn Daddy.

Hit the road.

I don't got time for this bullshit.

- Well fine, by God, I'll go.

- Well, that's what I told you do, whatn't it?

I'll tell you what. (door slamming)

I'm gon have to reevaluate my choices on women.

I'm gon have to start fucking a bitch

named Toyota, not Chevy.

That's what happen.

(crickets chirping) (shoes thudding)

(door creaking)

(Barnabas mutters)

- (sighs) Not a goddamn 'nother one.

Aw, hell.

(haunting music)

- Pappy, is that you?

- No, not really.

I'm the one that's about to give you

a damn good choo-choo-choo. (laughs)

(wind howling)

- Please stop.

(Chevy crying)

(blade squelching) (Chevy groaning)

(Chevy whimpering) (blade thudding)

(Barnabas muttering distinctly)

- I'll be goddamn, where she goin' now?

(laughs) There you go.

(Barnabas grunting) (racket whacking)

(Chevy groans)

(racket rattles) (Barnabas grunts)

(shoes thudding)

(tool squelching)

- Goddamn.

(hand slapping)

Where the fuck's everybody at?

Where's my bitch?

I need some of these pinter beans! (sighs)

(objects crashing)

I gotta get some goddamn smoke.

My mother fucking nerves are shot!

I'm talking to my goddamn self.

(Geovanni coughs)

I hope Daddy didn't use this on his old, decrepit dick.

(door creaking) (Geovanni exhaling)

(clears throat) if they don't make you, don't mind it.

- Hell, I reckon I'm in here by myself.

(floor creaking) (chair rattling)

What they fuckin' got in here to eat?

Yeah, here we go.

(grabber rattling)

(bag rustling)

Yeah.

(bag rustling)

(bag rustling)

(food crunching)

Yeah.

(bag rustling)

(food crunching)

(haunting music)

(bag rustling) (Lamont groaning)

- That's some damn good Cocoa Puffs. (laughs)

(Lamont groans)

Go goddamn die.

(grabber rattling)

Are you ready to go for a damn good ride, Imma tell ya.

(Barnabas shouts) (wheelchair rattles)

(haunting music)

(feet pattering)

- Goddamn.

(Geovanni sighs)

Goddamn, what a day.

(pills rattling)

(floor creaking)

(haunting music)

(door slamming)

(shoes thudding)

- You're a lazy son of a bitch.

That's my seat.

- What'd you do?

Daddy, bring your crook neck ass in here and sit down.

(drill thuds)

(clears throat) What the hell did you do?

- I done kill dem sum bitches.

Old man in that goddamn parts store.

- But it's our fucking parts store, Daddy!

You dumb ass.

- Huh, what you talkin' 'bout, boy?

- That is our parts store, me and you opened it.

- What year is it then, by god?

- It's 2019, Dad.

We just opened the parts store.

- Them other sons of bitches is opening a parts store.

- That's me and you!

- I done took care of 'em now.

I got 'em laid out all over the place.

- So you killed every goddamn body that was here?

- I guess, yeah, by God. (hand slapping)

- Did you kill 'em all, Daddy?

Every goddamn last one of 'em?

- By god.

- Maybe you oughta take your pills, Daddy.

- I can't find my goddamn pills.

- [Geovanni] You lookin' for these pills, Daddy?

(pills rattling)

- [Barnabas] What you doin' with my pills, boy?

- 'Cause I am gonna be the money holder now, boy.

Take one capsule by mouth at bedtime, Daddy.

Okay?

You get back on these.

You need to go in there.

You need to take this shit and go to bed, okay?

All right?

- Boy, just give me my goddamn pills!

I know how to take them. (mutters)

What I tell you?

(pills rattling)

They gone do everything, man, them pills, them boys.

These are damn good pills.

- Go to bed.

It'll make it all go away.

It'll make it all go away, Daddy.

(coughs) Go to bed, Dad.

I'll see you in the morning, I love you.

(haunting music)

Yes, I'd like to report multiple murders.

(dramatic thudding)

(slow trance music)

(Barnabas sniffling)

- Goddamn it.

Hell, damn football, OJ killing people.

Oh, hell, I killed people.

Shit, I hope OJ get away with it and damn I can too.

Goddamn Geovanni.

Where the hell's my pills, fuckin' shit!

Wow, done killed all the employees.

(sighs) This a damn good story here, OJ.

Imma kill the whole Duckworths, shit.

Hell, these employees are Moms too, yeah running.

Yeah, that now.

I don't know what I'm gon do now with this boy.

Damn, he's one of them darkies.

Goddamn, I can't believe I killed the lawyer.

He was a damn good one.

Hell, he sold me this house.

Well, ya dead now.

What the?

Maybe he'll be some damn good fertilizer.

(thudding) (liquid splashing)

(groans) Guess I'm done.

Shit, where the damn?

Is that the only goddamn? (sighs)

I have to use my hand again.

I'm sorry, buddy, here I go.

(boots tapping)

(flatulence booming) (Barnabas muttering)

(boots thudding)

(Barnabas sighing)

(hand thumping)

(Barnabas sighing) (boots thudding)

(Barnabas groaning) (Barnabas sighing)

(boots thudding)

(liquid squishing) (Barnabas groaning)

Oh god.

Oh shit. (mutters)

(boots rattling)

(Barnabas sighing) (hand thumping)

(Barnabas shouts)

(Barnabas groans)

(Barnabas sighs)

(band slapping)

(feet thumping) (Barnabas sighing)

(feet thumping) (hand slapping)

All right, everybody out their mind.

I killed them, everybody.

(Barnabas groaning)

(hand thumping)

(Barnabas sighing)

(Barnabas snoring)

(incoherent gurgling)

(loud snoring)

(mutters) Goddamn.

- [Man] Hey!

(mellow drumming music)

(Barnabas muttering) (hat slapping)

- Geovanni, he done set me up, goddamn, my boy.

Oh hell no.

(trippy electronic music)

(feet thudding)

(Barnabas muttering)

(Barnabas grunting)

(trippy electronic music)

(boots thudding)

(boots thudding) (boots slamming)

(Barnabas muttering)

(sighs) I have to buy me some damn good boots.

(Barnabas grunting)

I'm gon get this boy.

(trippy electronic music)

(window rattling)

Aw heck no, I want somebody else.

(Barnabas grunting)

(hands thumping)

I know what I have to do.

(trippy electronic music)

(Barnabas grunting)

(object crashing)

(Barnabas grunting) (Barnabas groaning)

(Barnabas muttering indistinctly)

One of them got to call the cops and tell them

I know where them damn shits is. (mutters)

(trippy electronic music)

(insects chirping)

(objects crashing)

Come on here, now. (gravel crunching)

I hold the pills, I hold them.

(gravel crunching)

(Barnabas muttering) (gravel crunching)

(distant siren wailing)

(slow trance music)

(haunting music)