Original subtitles

And I won't be with you for your birthday tomorrow night.

And not for the sea witch either.

You go, dear.

No, not without you.

Oh, I'll miss you so.

Oh, everything is impossible for us this way.

Philip...

could you possibly get a divorce and marry me?

Oh, I don't know why I said... said that.

Oh, please, please forgive me.

I... I don't know what came over me.

Anna, please-

I'm so sorry.

I had no right, and I know that.

Now you'll always remember that I asked you.

No, no, it's all right-

Promise me that you'll put it out of your mind.

You'll forget that it ever happened.

Promise me it never happened.

It never happened.

I never said it.

You never said it.

And we'll never refer to it as long as we live.

All right, darling.

Oh, I've done it again.

As long as we live- That's the same thing.

Oh, Philip, you are free.

You can go when you please.

I have no strings on you.

I do love you, Anna.

I don't see how.

Why don't you get up and leave?

I wouldn't blame you.

Come on.

You're very beautiful when you cry.

Oh, I'm sure.

Pink eyes... pink eyes are very becoming.

Listen to me.

Tomorrow night at midnight,

Let's drink a toast to your birthday.

Will you remember?

I'll drink, all right.

At the first stroke of Big Ben, raise your glass.

Where will you be? I'd like to picture you.

The fireplace. That's usual.

I did it in a play once.

I was wonderful in it.

Well, that must be Margaret and Alfred.

They know, of course.

Yes. Alfred feels very badly about it.

He should.

He was the one who tricked you into NATO.

Hello, dear.

Hello, Margaret.

Hello, Anna.

Hello, Judas.

There was no other choice.

I could've given you a list of names-

Yours on top.

As soon as he told me, Anna, I said, "why can't you go?"

Her exact words were, "why in hell can't you go?"

He told me he wasn't bright enough.

Philip is supposed to be very clever about money.

I haven't seen any evidence of it.

I think he's going to bankrupt England and America.

Never mind. We'll have a lovely time tonight.

We don't want you two to be alone.

Why not, may I ask?

You're taking the wrong attitude.

The time will go much quicker than you think.

I told you. Everyone says that.

I'm going to get dressed.

Oh, women.

I wish I were going with you.

Let's go to the club.

No. I think I ought to stay here.

They won't come out of that room for a couple hours.

I'll give you a game of snooker.

A game of what?

Snooker. What's that?

Come on. I'll show you.

The, uh, the group that's sailing tomorrow

Is using the four days on the ship for discussion.

I'm not in on that.

Would anyone object if I fly?

No, certainly not.

Oh, dear.

Because I'd like to spend those few extra days here.

Of course.

You see, tomorrow at midnight,

Anna and I had planned to drink a toast to each other.

She thinks I'll be on the high seas.

And you'll walk in the door?

Yes, that's the idea. That ought to surprise her.

Yes. It should do.

Well, that's very romantic.

I didn't mean that disparagingly.

I envy you your touch.

But it's my belief that success with women

Is something that you're born with.

You're not entitled to any of the credit.

I hope I'm not embarrassing you.

Not at all.

An interesting subject.

Yes, and quite popular.

There's one thing I'm very curious a.

I'm hesitant to mention it to you...

for fear you'll be offended.

Then perhaps you shouldn't.

I'll just have to chance it.

All right, if you must.

Ah... ah... thank you.

As I said, I'm just curious...

why do you pretend to be a married man when you're not?

How did you know?

Well, they made quite a security check.

Do you intend to tell Anna?

Of course not. What do you take me for?

Her brother-In-Law, for one thing.

But I'm not her guardian.

You must admit that it doesn't sound honorable.

Then let me make my position clear to you.

Actually, it's... it's clear enough.

No, no, no. Obviously it isn't.

Now, come along now.

Now just try to follow this.

Let's just take a... well, a usual case.

A man meets a woman. He's attracted to her.

He courts her.

They're old enough, and she, uh, favors him.

Eventually she'd like to get married.

He then says I am not the marrying kind.

Do you admire such a man?

No, I don't, but go on.

Well, I, too, don't care to be married.

On the other hand, I don't care to give up women.

I understand that.

Now, since I have no intention of getting married,

I feel honor-Bound to declare myself in the beginning.

But before the favors?

Certainly before the favors.

That's where the honor comes in.

Now, how do I declare myself?

By saying I will never marry?

What woman really believes that?

If anything, it's a challenge to them.

What do you do?

Well, I say I am married.

I'm married, and I can't get a divorce.

Now our position is clear.

There can't be any misunderstanding later.

It sounds reasonable.

Well, it is reasonable.

I think NATO has got you in the wrong job.

I know there's a big hole in your argument.

I haven't come to it yet, but there must be.

Why must there be?

You've got it all wrong.

You're the exception.

Most people do get married.

I don't resent that.

That's very tolerant of you.

I merely ask them to respect my indifference.

You're just against marriage for yourself.

Oh, indeed I am.

And whether you believe it or not, I love Anna.

I love Anna as I've never loved before.

But I wouldn't marry any woman

If you held a gun to my head.

I haven't got any gun.

Anyway, I don't think it's a brother-In-Law's place.

It has to be a blood relative.

Come on. Let's go home.

Hello there.

I'm back.

Where's Philip?

He's downstairs in his apartment getting dressed.

When Philip gets off the Elizabeth,

I'm going to meet him on the dock.

I'll fly while he's sailing.

What's that?

You heard me.

You heard her.

I was hoping I didn't.

Well, you were wrong.

What about your play?

It's a big hit now.

They can get somebody else less expensive.

They won't mind. They'll be delighted.

Anna, be practical.

I am practical.

I will not be separated from him for five months.

You're talking like a schoolgirl.

A schoolgirl can afford to wait five months.

See that expression on her face?

The first time we saw it, she was 4 years old.

We couldn't budge her then.

Did Philip ask you to come to New York?

Philip? Oh, no, he'd never.

He'd be too concerned about my reputation.

He's the most considerate, unselfish, honorable man

That ever lived.

I'm burning candles for him.

You say something.

You're a diplomat. Talk her out of it.

What do you advise?

Be brilliant. Just start me off.

Please, don't say anything, Alfred.

Please.

Well... I'll have to say this much.

There's no use your flying over to New York

To meet the Queen Elizabeth when she docks

Because he won't be on her.

He won't?

He has his own surprise.

As you two are drinking toasts to each other

At midnight tomorrow,

He's coming through that door.

Oh, oh!

So you'll have another three days together.

There, you see?

Three whole days. That's enough, isn't it?

No, that's not enough!

He's so wonderful. He's...

oh, Margaret.

Oh, Anna.

I'd like not to have told you this,

And in some way, I shall get the blame for it, I'm sure.

But there's no use your flying over there

To meet him at the dock

If he isn't going to be on the ship in the first place.

That's going to be my story anyway.

Anna, darling, pull yourself together.

I don't like to be told secrets.

Whenever anyone says to me,

"Would you like to hear something confidential,"

I always say no.

And I've never regretted it.

Oh, Margaret.

Oh, Anna.

This is going to be quite a day.

Oh, he's so wonderful.

No, he's not.

He's no good.

He's been fooling you.

Anna...

he isn't married.

What did you say?

He's single.

He's a single... bachelor.

Yes, this is going to be quite a day.

How dare you?

But it's true!

I know it's true.

How do you know?

I saw it in a Scotland Yard report on Alfred's desk.

What the devil do you mean by reading things on my desk?

You've no right to take advantage

Of your position as my wife

To endanger the security of our government.

I forbid you to come into my office

Unless you're announced and I am there.

Oh, shut up.

I was down on my knees asking his forgiveness

Because I asked him to marry me.

On my knees!

How dare he make love to me and not be a married man!

Damn!

Astonishing.

What was that?

Perfume bottle through the mirror.

You know, when you come to think of it,

It's all very strange.

It was perfectly all right when he was married,

When you'd think that it wouldn't be,

And now that we know that he's single,

When it should be all right, if you know what I mean,

Well, it isn't.

Do you follow me?

No, I don't follow you.

Well, I guess we better call the party off.

I'll make our excuses. I'll say-

No.

We'll not call off the party,

And you're not going to tell him anything.

We'll spend the evening just as we had planned...

as if nothing had happened.

Anna, dear, don't you think it'd be much bet-

As if nothing had happened.

That's what we are going to do.

Oh, delicious steak. Never tasted better.

How's yours?

Mmm. It's very good.

Good.

Margaret, you're not eating.

I can't swallow.

Why not?

I'm just not hungry.

Oh, that's a pity.

Nice to be in this place again, isn't it?

This is where we spent our first evening together.

Yes, dear.

Let's hope it won't be the last.

Ladies and gentlemen, take your places

For an eightsome reel.

Oh, we ought to learn that.

Come on, darling, let's learn it.

It's a party. Let's celebrate.

Whoops.

Ah. Oh.

Wonderful.

Oh, I like that.

That's nice.

Hee!

Oh.

What about that?

Pretty good, huh?

Hoo! Uh-Oh, look out.

Whoo! Oh.

Ooh. Slippery.

Ooh, sorry.

Slippery.

Swing it.

That's it.

Look out.

Over and change.

Hi. Hey, where you going?

Hey, wait a minute, fellows.

Hey, fellows,

Hey, fellows, hey.

Oh, well.

Like that?

What a performance.

Too bad the critics can't see it.

You know, I'm too old for this sort of evening.

I always was.

Margaret, how about the next dance with me?

Feeling better, Alfred?

Yes, fine.

Good.

Your stomach any better?

No.

This drink I invented- Bourbon and Bicetol-

It'll never catch on.

What impressed me was the way

That you could swallow anything at dinner.

That was acting.

I couldn't eat a thing.

Now, he ate for everybody.

Look at him.

He's certainly in good spirits,

Dancing every dance, singing.

You'd think that it was his wedding night.

Oh, excuse me.

Anna, I should like to say how much I admire

The way you're carrying the whole thing off.

You're sweet, charming, smiling...

just right.

When he's in America,

You'll write him a little note

Explaining that you can't possibly leave your play,

And the whole relationship will peter out naturally.

No scene, no fuss.

A gentleman asked me to lay this on your table.

Thank you.

A red rose- Who sent it?

David sent it. He's here.

David? Your David?

Your old David?

My old David.

Where is he? I didn't see him.

He was on the dance floor.

Say, I liked David.

I even fancied him for a moment as a brother-In-Law.

I always meant to ask you what happened to him.

What's the matter?

Anna, what is it?

I'm sorry that was such a short whirl.

You owe me another.

How's everything at this table, may I inquire?

Everything is fine.

Just fine.

Uh, let's all go home now, shall we?

Well, if we must. No difference to me.

Yes. It's getting late.

Call me at home later.

Well...

I will now draw the first clear breath

That I have drawn all evening.

Did you see all that signaling in the elevator?

Wigwagging over our heads,

Asking to come up here after we've gone.

Well, we'll just stay the night here.

That's all there is to it.

Well, I guess that's best. That'll do it to him.

Anna, call downstairs,

Say we're in the guest room,

And you couldn't get rid of us.

Saying good night in the elevator, smirking.

Really, he's not very subtle.

He manages to fool people,

People who think they're rather bright.

You have nothing to blame yourself for.

You're a woman, and you were deceived.

It happens every day, oftener.

Not to me.

Even our staying here tonight

Doesn't settle the whole problem.

He means to surprise you at midnight tomorrow

Whilst you're supposedly drinking toasts to each other

In honor of your birthday.

I'd forgotten that. He's going to be here for three days.

I can't stay for three days.

I can. I shall have some things sent down.

We'll make it a visit, have a lovely time.

I don't remember inviting you.

What are you saying?

You will please leave and now.

Leave? Leave?

Leave.

Do you mean to let him come up here?

I mean to let him come up here.

But why?

Well, I mean, what for?

I mean, how could you?

Now, what have you got in mind?

None of your business.

Anna, I want to talk to you.

I've known you ever since you were born,

And there's one thing about your character I don't admire:

You go to extremes.

What do you mean to do?

Look, you're a prominent person.

You have to think of scandal.

Oh, you haven't got a gun, have you?

Shooting is too good for him.

That's how I like to hear you talk-

No violence.

What do you intend to do?

Just give us an idea. We're family.

What is it?

A rose?

Yes, a rose, a red rose.

David sent it to our table.

I didn't see him.

Why didn't you tell me?

Philip. He wants to know if we're out

And if the coast is clear.

Well, we're not, and it isn't, and it's not going to be.

It's not Philip.

It is David. I asked him to call.

Hello?

Hello, David.

Certainly I'm alone.

There is no sincerity like a woman telling a lie.

It was nice seeing you again.

Tomorrow night would be fine.

Anywhere you say.

As a matter of fact, I'm not very keen on going out.

This was a big evening, and when I'm working,

I don't feel like two in a row.

Why don't you join me for supper here after the play?

For heaven's sakes.

Well, let's make it 11:30.

Well, that's 11:30.

You've got that right now?

11:30 here.

All right, David.

Bye-Bye.

Won't it be a little crowded?

You haven't forgotten you've another suitor coming at 12:00?

I haven't forgotten.

That's all I've been thinking of,

His walking through that door at midnight

And surprising me with another man!

That's how I was able to keep on smiling at him,

To keep from smashing him over the head with a lamp.

Anna, what's gotten into you?

Tomorrow night, I can see the expression on his face-

The shock...

the unbelief...

the horror.

He catches me with another man.

Him-So charming, so handsome,

So generous,

And still she took another.

How could she?

It'll be a nightmare

That he'll remember the rest of his life.

He'll go over it and over it a thousand times,

And each time, it will burn deeper and deeper

Until he won't have to recall it at all.

It will just be there.

How am I going to exist until tomorrow night?

And to think how carefully you were brought up.

Well, I'm against it.

It's my considered opinion, Anna,

That you're playing with fire.

Alfred's right. You're overdoing it.

Let's all keep calm. Let's sleep on it.

Tomorrow, when we're cooler,

We'll discuss it rationally.

After all, we're grown men and women.

Very well put, dear. We're all overwrought now.

We're not thinking clearly.

Well, I'm thinking clearly.

No, you're not.

You have the feeling that you're a wronged woman.

I am a wronged woman!

You know what I mean.

You know what I mean.

I'm the wrongedest woman you ever saw,

And I'm going to pay him back with interest,

2 or 3,000 % of interest.

Well, there he is now, sooner than usual.

So impatient, so flattering.

Anna, we're staying over.

Hello?

Yes, dear, they've gone.

How nice of you to call and say goodnight.

Oh, by the way,

Why don't you come up for a nightcap,

Just this once?

No? All right.

Good night.

Oh, good.

It's all right.

He's not coming up.

Of course he's coming up.

He says that so the operator won't know.

So considerate about my reputation.

Well, get going. He'll be here any minute.

I'm not going, and you can't make me.

Good night, dear sister.

Anna, you're just being impulsive.

I've only got your interests at heart.

Good night.

I'll tell you one thing.

I shall telephone you every 15 minutes,

If somebody doesn't answer the phone,

I shall be right back.

Good night, Anna.

I'll send for our clothes in the morning.

Remember, nothing in anger.

Hurry, dear. If he catches us, we'll be embarrassed.

Why should we be embarrassed?

He's the one that's sneaking up here.

Come on!

Remember mama!

Hello?

Good evening, darling.

It isn't the beginning of the evening.

It is for me.

Champagne for the occasion.

Some for you.

Some for me.

I'll swizzle it with my nose.

May I?

Of course.

Ooh.

You dressed for bed?

Mm-Hmm.

I smell perfume.

Oh.

Well, what happened to that?

Oh, just a little accident.

It was very thoughtful of you

Not letting the telephone operator know you were coming up.

That was the least I could do.

It's typical of you,

Consideration in small things.

You don't think we're fooling anyone?

Indeed, I do.

Oh, the whole building will know.

Now, how could that be true? How could they know?

The elevator operator.

I used the stairs.

Oh, did you, really?

Don't start admiring me again.

It's only one flight.

Mmm.

Oh.

I have here a token of my esteem and regard.

You've given me quite enough presents.

Yes, but this is your birthday present.

This must not be opened before midnight tomorrow night.

I'd like to ask you something.

What?

Did you give your wife as many presents

Before you were separated?

Well, that's not much of a subject.

I'm very curious. Tell me.

Well, yes, I guess so.

Why do you ask?

I'm trying to figure out whether you are truly generous

Or if it is your conscience.

Many people get credit

For doing admirable things that they rarely do

Because they'd feel uncomfortable if they didn't.

I hope that's from a play you're in

Because it's pretty silly.

It's from the play I'm in now.

I don't remember that.

Oh. Now, about this present.

It looks very expensive. It's so small.

Well, it is expensive.

I'll take it. I deserve it.

Anna, what is the matter with you?

You've taken the best years of my life.

Why are you behaving so strangely?

You've been in a dozen different moods,

Most of which I've never seen before.

Mystery, that is my stock in trade.

I'm a woman, you know.

I know. I'll testify to that.

I...

will you-Will you get into another mood?

Something less, uh, flippant, please.

I'll wait.

What kind of mood would you like?

Nothing makes a man feel more ridiculous

Than being sentimental when a woman is not.

Oh, you want sentiment, huh?

You sure it's expensive?

Well, then, I can do that.

I'm an actress.

You couldn't deceive me.

Mmm. You'd be surprised.

Oh, darling.

Oh, I'll miss you terribly.

I'll walk into a crowded room.

Someone will be standing the way you stand.

He'll hold his head the way you hold your head,

The way you hold your knife and fork.

I don't hold my knife and fork in any special way.

Yes, you do. You hold your fork straight up,

As a little boy does.

Now, that is in your play.

You see?

Well, you are in a strange mood.

Ahh.

What character are you playing now?

Delilah.

Delilah-From the bible?

I don't see the parallel.

It's my own interpretation.

If I'm going to be destroyed anyway-

Is it going to be that sort of an evening?

It's only Margaret.

Margaret. The woman loves the telephone.

What would she have done 100 years ago?

Probably have sent carrier pigeons. Hello?

The skies would have been black with them.

Hello, David.

Oh, this is quite a surprise.

Uh, you think I ought to...

don't you dare leave.

You may wish to speak privately.

Why, Philip, you're not jealous?

That's not jealousy.

That's just common courtesy.

You're beginning to blush.

Huh? No, no. I'm not alone.

Doris is here.

Doris is leaving.

She's just leaving.

I'm not interested in Alfred's advice.

Oh, Margaret.

Then let Alfred take a sleeping pill.

Good night.

You can come back now, Doris!

You know, I think I ought to point out to you

That I'm not jealous.

Oh, I'm glad.

I was so afraid when you left the room just now

That you were displeased.

No-Well, yes, as a matter of fact, I was displeased,

But that's not the same as jealousy.

You see, I'm a very honest man,

And I'll admit that I was displeased at his calling you.

Yes, you are honest,

And I'm going to match your honesty.

What do you mean?

I've been hiding this from you.

Well, what is it?

A red rose.

Now, where did you get it?

Where did it come from?

David?

I wasn't going to let you know about it.

I didn't have confidence in you.

I'm ashamed of myself.

Did he give it to you this evening? Where?

Was he at the dance?

Was there a note with it?

Did he bring it over himself?

A waiter brought it over.

Oh, then he didn't speak to you.

He did.

When? How? I danced with you all evening.

I was with you every minute.

When I went to the powder room, he followed me.

He followed you to the p-

Well! I will not lower myself

To discussing such behavior.

I will merely say that he does not flatter you.

I pictured more of a - a gentleman.

David is a gentleman. Take my word for it.

Oh, come now!

You'd like him.

Yes, you would.

You'd get along beautifully together.

Hardly. You know, I don't consider myself a snob,

But I'm sure there's no one among my acquaintances

Who follow women to powder rooms.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe he didn't follow me.

Maybe it was just a coincidence.

No. He was following you.

In any case, did I do the right thing in telling you?

Certainly, you did.

And you're not upset?

Not the slightest. I'm pleased.

Pleased?

Frankly, I was curious to know what sort of a man he is.

I'm not anymore.

I'm glad. That's the way to look at it.

What did he say to you on the phone?

On the phone?

I'm sorry. I wasn't asking,

But you were explaining about him,

And I thought you intended to tell me.

I was just trying to help the conversation along.

I don't mind telling you.

I'd rather not hear it.

I'd like to tell you.

It's of no interest to me whatsoever.

He asked me to go out with him.

And what did you say?

Here or at the dance?

He asked you at both places?

Well, he asked me there, and I said no,

And now he asked me again.

And what did you say?

What do you think I said?

Absolutely not.

Oh. Oh, well.

If you feel like it,

Why don't you go out with him?

You're such old friends.

I like you better when you're jealous.

No, I mean it. You'll be lonely while I'm away.

I won't mind.

Oh, I couldn't. I couldn't.

What I like about you is you're so fair.

Yes, I think I am. I try to be objective.

Sending a rose to the table,

That's really adolescent, isn't it?

Well.

He's not very considerate,

Calling you at this time of night.

He knows I don't go to bed until later.

Oh, I'm sorry.

That was the wrong thing to say, wasn't it?

Try to forget it.

Put it out of your mind.

For an evening at started out well,

This has turned into one of the most exasperating evenings

Of my whole life.

Your life isn't over yet.

I think an ex-Suitor who doesn't realize

He's an ex-Suitor and doesn't stay ex'd

Is the most despicable kind of human being-

I'd tell him so to his face.

He's taller than you are.

That's enough. I'm leaving.

Good night, dear.

I'm terribly sorry, darling.

Oh, that's all right.

Forgive me, please.

Mmm! Mmm.

What is it?

Oh, I have a splitting headache.

Oh, don't be irritated now.

It's only your vanity.

I'm not irritated.

Yes, you are. Oh, don't be.

You're going to leave so early in the morning,

And I won't see you anymore.

I wish I'd left yesterday.

Well, I can't help the headache.

That's why I've been acting so strangely.

I've been trying to hide it.

I'm awfully sorry, dear. And I haven't been behaving too well.

Yes, you have, considering that you are worried

Whether I got a splitting headache

Only after the telephone call,

Aren't you?

No more.

Oh, darling.

Oh, good night, dear. Good night.

Good night.

Take care.

I will.

And write.

I'll phone.

Oh, here's your present, darling.

Don't forget. At the first stroke of midnight-

I'll raise my glass.

Yes, dear.

Goodbye.

I've seen plays with wonderful goodbye lines in them.

I'm trying to remember one.

I've heard them all.

Yes, I guess you have.

Well, goodbye, dear.

Very clever and to the point.

Uh, don't forget. Tomorrow at midnight.

I'm thinking about it right now.

You think we've overdone the flowers?

We've never had this many before.

How many are there?

You told me to get five dozen,

And Mr. Wilson sent two.

That's seven dozen altogether.

It is a bit thick, and it smells like a flower shop.

Shall I take some of them out?

No. I want them to be noticeable.

They have to stick out.

I want them to be seen at first glance.

Yes, ma'am.

Grilled lobster,

And I've taken the champagne

Out of the icebox so it's cold.

Very good, Doris.

I cannot understand why Mr. Wilson hasn't come yet.

What time is it?

20 minutes to 12:00.

Oh.

Mayfair 5-1-0-1.

Mr. Wilson, please. David Wilson.

Oh, uh, could you tell me how long ago he left?

Did he leave any message?

He didn't.

Well, thank you.

I don't know what has happened.

Hello?

Yes.

Who?

Oh, no.

Oh.

Yes. Thank you, doctor.

Remember me to him.

Tell him he has my sympathy.

Thank you.

Is anything the matter?

They carried Mr. Wilson off the tennis court this afternoon

With acute appendicitis.

Oh, my!

He was on the operating table 45 minutes.

The operation was very successful.

Oh, I'm glad.

The first thing he said when he came out of the ether was,

"Call miss Kalman and apologize for me."

Wasn't that considerate?

Considerate?

What the hell was he doing playing tennis?

Would you like some lobster?

No.

It will make you feel better.

No, it won't.

You haven't had anything to eat

Since before the show.

I'll give you a little.

I don't want a lobster. I want a man!

I need a man tonight- Here, right now.

A man? Do you want to lift something?

Carl's outside.

Carl's not very big, but he's very strong.

You'd be surprised.

Carl?

Shall I ask him to come in?

Yes. We'll audition him.

Carl?

Carl, come in here.

You want me?

Come over here. Stand there.

What do you want him for?

Of course he knows you. Still...

turn the lights off.

It will only be for a few seconds.

Walk around, Carl.

Walk.

Where?

Over there.

Up and down. Can't you just walk?

Does Carl have a nice dressing gown or robe or something?

Yes, he has. The one you gave him last Christmas.

Oh, yes. Bring that.

You can stop walking now, Carl.

Take your glasses off.

Put them down.

Don't you see well without your glasses?

Not small things, miss Kalman.

Oh.

Give it to him.

Walk some more.

I'm thinking of playing a practical joke on a friend of mine,

And I wonder if you care to help.

Certainly, he will.

Practical joke?

Yes.

Will anybody be hurt?

Not physically.

It's none of your business.

I only asked 'cause I'm the one who-

What do you want him to do?

Exactly at midnight, I want him to open that door

And let Mr. Adams see you just for one second,

Then jump back into the room and close the door behind you.

Mr. Adams?

That's who we're playing the joke on.

I wouldn't want to spoil it for you.

I don't think I could do it well.

But there's no danger, if that's your concern.

I've seen many plays in my time,

And jealous lovers always have a knife or gun

Or the poker from the fireplace.

Anyway, somebody's always lying on the floor.

Carl, you're a coward.

That's true. All my life, I've been a coward.

You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

I am ashamed.

Mr. Adams won't harm you.

You can lock the door behind you.

And hide under the bed.

Why am I wasting everybody's time?

Oh, thank you, Carl.

But I'm going to lock the door.

What did you want me to do?

All you have to do is to listen for the chimes

And come out on the 12th chime.

Just step out. One step. That's enough.

Step back and close the door.

And lock it.

The important thing is to count the chimes

And come out on the last one.

Maybe we ought to have a rehearsal.

What's the matter with you? Can't you count to 12?

I can count fine,

But this stepping out and stepping back, it has to be right.

Yes, we need a rehearsal. What time is it?

18 minutes to 12:00.

You get in there and listen for the chimes.

Doris will be the chimes

And come out on the 12th one.

Right. The 12th one. That'll be my cue.

My hero.

All right. Ready, Doris?

Begin.

Bong.

Philip, what are you doing here?

He'll stand there disappointed.

He'll take a moment.

To understand. What he sees-

Supper for two, the red roses.

Then he'll look back at me.

I'll look at the door, frightened.

I'll run to the door.

I'll stand in front of it, speechless,

Hand to my mouth.

Ohh! Bong.

What can I say?

Then I'll say I'm sorry he had to find out.

I'm sorry it had to end this way.

Then I'll open the package,

And I'll say...

this is a beautiful bracelet.

I hope you can return it.

It is a beautiful bracelet.

Oh, it is.

The one thing you can't call him is cheap,

But you can call him everything else.

Maybe he won't take it back.

How was I?

You were fine, Carl.

You'll steal all the notices.

What time is it? Put the food on the plates.

Go back in the room and do it just the way you did it.

I'm a little bit nervous.

Oh, stop it, Carl. Go on.

All right, Doris.

I'll be listening.

Philip, what are you doing here?

What can I say?

I'm sorry.

Philip.

Happy birthday, darling.

What are you doing here?

Why aren't you at the fireplace?

What can I say?

Don't say anything. Just listen to me.

I have the most astonishing news.

Darling, we can be married!

I've just had word from my wife.

She's willing to give me a divorce.

She's fallen in love with a ski instructor in Sun Valley.

Darling, will you marry me?

Oh.

What is it, darling?

Oh.

Uh...

what...

who is that?

No, no, no. Wait a minute.

Calm down.

Now, who is that?

Oh, Philip.

Well, I knew you were going to say that.

Who is that?

It's of no importance now.

It's important to me. Now, who is it?

That's Carl, dear.

Carl? In a bathrobe in your bedroom?

That's David.

Oh, what am I going to say?

I don't know. I'd like to hear it.

What are you going to say?

Well, I know what I was going to say.

I was going to take this bracelet and say,

"This is a beautiful bracelet. I hope you can return it."

Don't you understand?

No, I don't understand.

And to think I actually proposed marriage.

Marriage.

But, Philip...

but you don't understand at all.

Oh, miss Kalman, it didn't go very well, did it?

There was nothing I could do. Nothing.

There was nothing anybody could do.

How was I?

Oh, shut up, Carl.

How was I? Somebody tell me.

Please, Carl.

Miss Kalman, maybe if you told him truth...

I did tell him the truth, and he wouldn't believe me.

Oh, it is all over.

Did I spoil something?

No, not you, Carl. I did...

with my little hatchet.

I can go to him and explain the whole thing.

Maybe he'll believe me.

Did something go wrong?

Nothing much. A small thing-

My life, that's all.

I don't want this bracelet.

It's yours.

This wasn't a gift.

Consider it as payment.

And while you are there,

Will you please give a message to my rival.

Tell him I'm indebted to him.

I can think of no man to whom I'm more indebted.

Wait a minute. You can tell him yourself.

Come out. It's all right.

Why, it's Carl.

I didn't do anything.

They made me do it.

Well, that was a cheap and shoddy thing to do.

I didn't start being cheap and shoddy.

It didn't become you. It didn't become our relationship.

What was our relationship, may I ask?

Something fine and spiritual.

On whose part? On my part!

I contributed to the fine and spiritual.

You lied and cheated.

You're not married. You're dishonest.

I was honorable. I stuck to the rules.

You're not going to bring up the rules again.

What can man go by but rules?

When you found out I wasn't married,

You shouldn't have done anything about it.

That's what a clever woman would've done.

I'd had come around to marrying you.

You notice I did.

You wouldn't have if I hadn't made you jealous,

Not in a thousand years.

I might've proposed a little later, but it was inevitable.

No, it's not true.

What's inevitable is that we are fated not to be married.

We had the chance for a moment, and we lost it.

It's too bad, too, because I love you very much,

And we could've been very happy.

We can still be happy.

I wonder.

Well, I suppose any happiness

Is difficult enough to find.

It's not too becoming from a woman, but...

we are hardly strangers,

And knowing your passion for rules,

I'll make the proposition.

If you're willing, I'm willing.

The last two days never happened.

What do you mean?

I mean we'll go on as before.

And not be married?

That's right.

That's the most improper thing I've ever heard.

What?

I can hardly believe my ears.

What are you so shocked about?

I didn't think you were capable of it.

Well, what is different?

We're not married.

We weren't before.

But you didn't know I wasn't married.

You knew.

I knew you didn't know.

What's the matter with you?

How could you ask me to do such a thing?

Haven't you been following what I've been saying?

Oh, I tell you, women are not the sensitive sex.

That's one of the great delusions of literature.

Men are the true romanticists.

I'd-

What are you crying about?

Oh, shut up, Philip.

Don't cry, Anna. I love you.

Everything will be all right.

You'll like being married.

You will. You'll see.

Yes.