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Arliss (narrating):
For most of us,
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00:00:14,013 --> 00:00:16,223
the dream of
becoming a champion,
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00:00:16,282 --> 00:00:17,552
remains a fantasy.
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00:00:17,617 --> 00:00:18,787
(groans)
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00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:20,552
But for a special few,
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00:00:20,620 --> 00:00:22,990
it is very much a reality.
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00:00:23,056 --> 00:00:24,386
We cheer them,
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we live through them.
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Athletes are our last warriors.
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00:00:29,062 --> 00:00:32,532
My job is to make
their dreams come true.
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(water splashing)
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My name is Arliss Michaels,
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00:00:36,436 --> 00:00:38,506
I represent athletes,
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00:00:38,571 --> 00:00:40,041
these are my stories.
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00:00:40,106 --> 00:00:43,236
♪ Don't know what it is
that makes me love you so ♪
16
00:00:43,309 --> 00:00:46,809
♪ I only know I never
wanna let you go ♪
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00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:50,750
♪ 'Cause you started
something, oh, can't you see ♪
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00:00:50,817 --> 00:00:54,187
♪ That ever since we met
you had a hold on me ♪
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00:00:54,254 --> 00:00:57,824
♪ It happens to be true ♪
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00:00:57,891 --> 00:01:01,361
♪ I only wanna be with you ♪
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00:01:01,427 --> 00:01:05,197
♪ I just wanna be
beside you everywhere ♪
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00:01:05,265 --> 00:01:08,565
♪ As long as we're
together, honey, I don't care ♪
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00:01:08,635 --> 00:01:12,235
♪ 'Cause you started
something, oh, can't you see ♪
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00:01:12,305 --> 00:01:15,705
♪ That ever since we met
you had a hold on me ♪
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00:01:15,775 --> 00:01:19,605
♪ No matter what you do ♪
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00:01:19,679 --> 00:01:22,419
♪ I only wanna be with you ♪
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00:01:24,684 --> 00:01:26,224
(sizzling)
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Behold "The Fattyator",
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00:01:28,588 --> 00:01:30,358
the hot new innovation,
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00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:32,263
in healthy home grilling.
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00:01:32,325 --> 00:01:33,555
(coughing)
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Mm, mm, mm.
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It makes succulent meats
and eliminates excess fat.
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Just turn the patented
fat tap and watch the fat...
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00:01:42,602 --> 00:01:43,972
(sizzling)
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Aah!
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00:01:45,405 --> 00:01:48,205
And who better to
endorse losing pounds
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00:01:48,274 --> 00:01:50,844
than the best pound for
pound boxer in the world,
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00:01:50,910 --> 00:01:52,480
Roy Jones Jr.?
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00:01:52,545 --> 00:01:55,615
Ma, you gotta get out
of that neighborhood
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I can't hear you,
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the gunshots are
drowning you out.
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Look, I built a new giant home.
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Live with me, Ma, please!
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(mother continues, indistinct)
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Your mother is well, I trust?
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00:02:07,727 --> 00:02:09,957
Yeah, just trying to get
her out of our old hood,
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00:02:10,029 --> 00:02:11,929
but she doesn't want
to leave her house.
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00:02:11,998 --> 00:02:14,128
Oh, my mom wouldn't
leave her house either.
50
00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:17,170
My father's second wife
finally had to evict her.
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00:02:17,236 --> 00:02:19,136
Roy, George Foreman's
company sold for millions.
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00:02:19,205 --> 00:02:20,735
You should endorse
The Fattyator.
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00:02:20,807 --> 00:02:22,837
I can't think about
no Fattyator right now
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00:02:22,909 --> 00:02:24,539
with my mom
living in a gang land.
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00:02:24,611 --> 00:02:26,081
What if we got her to move?
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00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:28,250
What?
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00:02:28,314 --> 00:02:29,664
What if we got her
to move in with you?
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00:02:29,682 --> 00:02:31,482
You do that,
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00:02:31,551 --> 00:02:33,551
and I'll be your
Fattyator gladiator.
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00:02:41,527 --> 00:02:44,597
Why the hell did you say
we would talk to Roy's mama?
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00:02:44,664 --> 00:02:46,134
Arliss wants the Fattyator deal.
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00:02:46,199 --> 00:02:48,999
No, Arliss doesn't
want Allen Iverson
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00:02:49,068 --> 00:02:50,238
to get the Fattyator deal,
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00:02:50,303 --> 00:02:52,973
because Allen left
Arliss for Mike Armstrong.
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00:02:53,039 --> 00:02:55,009
Arliss is a vengeful god.
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00:02:55,074 --> 00:02:57,414
I hate this stupid
fuckin' Fattyator.
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00:02:57,477 --> 00:02:58,977
I like fat!
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00:03:07,620 --> 00:03:10,890
(sirens)
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00:03:26,472 --> 00:03:28,312
Evening Officer, was I speeding?
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00:03:28,374 --> 00:03:30,644
Sir, step out of
the vehicle, please.
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00:03:30,710 --> 00:03:32,610
- I'm sorry?
- Step out of the car, sir.
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00:03:35,014 --> 00:03:36,984
Officer, is there a...
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00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:38,750
Is there a problem?
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00:03:38,818 --> 00:03:41,148
What were you doing
in this neighborhood?
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00:03:41,220 --> 00:03:43,060
What the hell kind
of question was that?
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00:03:43,122 --> 00:03:44,272
Sir, you want to
open your trunk?
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00:03:44,290 --> 00:03:45,320
No, no, I do not.
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00:03:45,391 --> 00:03:47,831
Not until you tell me why
the hell you pulled me over.
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00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:49,864
Sir, you really
should cooperate.
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00:03:49,929 --> 00:03:53,269
No, I think you really should
read the fucking constitution.
81
00:03:53,332 --> 00:03:54,772
Oh!
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00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:59,710
Ned, this proposal you
drafted for the basic agreement
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00:03:59,772 --> 00:04:02,312
has as much chance of getting
past the Players' Association
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00:04:02,375 --> 00:04:04,005
as you do of
winning the Masters.
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00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:05,407
It's a fair proposal.
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00:04:05,478 --> 00:04:07,348
It'll maintain a
competitive balance
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00:04:07,413 --> 00:04:09,623
between big market
and small market teams,
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00:04:09,682 --> 00:04:11,522
while sustaining the
integrity of the game,
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00:04:11,584 --> 00:04:13,054
by instituting a luxury tax.
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00:04:13,119 --> 00:04:15,129
This is the Players'
Association you're dickin' with.
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00:04:15,154 --> 00:04:17,394
You can't steamroll them
like you did the umpires.
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00:04:17,457 --> 00:04:18,617
Arliss, that's enough.
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00:04:18,691 --> 00:04:21,491
Do not bring this up at
Sarah's coming out party tonight.
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00:04:21,561 --> 00:04:23,531
Gee, I can't believe Sarah's 16.
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00:04:23,596 --> 00:04:25,466
That's because she's 18.
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00:04:25,531 --> 00:04:28,011
Teenage girls just aren't the same
as they were when we were young.
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00:04:28,034 --> 00:04:30,104
I got to run, see you tonight.
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00:04:30,169 --> 00:04:32,169
Wear a clean shirt.
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00:04:33,272 --> 00:04:35,052
Kekee, this has been
in my family a long time,
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00:04:35,074 --> 00:04:37,214
are you sure you can clean it?
101
00:04:37,276 --> 00:04:39,676
Castro once gave
me his medals to clean
102
00:04:39,746 --> 00:04:41,246
and I dumped them in shit.
103
00:04:41,314 --> 00:04:43,624
But for you, I make
nice and shiny.
104
00:04:43,683 --> 00:04:46,393
Thank you. Hey!
105
00:04:46,452 --> 00:04:49,792
Feast your eyes on
the next cover of "S.I."
106
00:04:49,856 --> 00:04:53,586
Oh, congratulations,
how'd you get this shot?
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00:04:53,659 --> 00:04:54,989
I snuck up on the catwalk.
108
00:04:55,061 --> 00:04:57,561
Security kicked me
out, after I got the shot.
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00:04:57,630 --> 00:05:00,500
- Nice.
- Rita, my tux come back from the cleaners?
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00:05:00,566 --> 00:05:03,136
Rita: Yeah, it's
right over there.
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00:05:03,202 --> 00:05:05,812
Oh, Arliss, this is my
friend, Penny Larson.
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Have we met?
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00:05:08,708 --> 00:05:11,038
De La Hoya/Trinidad, I
was trying to get a shot,
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00:05:11,110 --> 00:05:12,480
and you kicked me in the ass.
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00:05:13,546 --> 00:05:15,476
I paid a thousand
dollars for that seat.
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00:05:15,548 --> 00:05:18,648
A thousand dollars, you
should've kicked harder.
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00:05:18,718 --> 00:05:20,788
Penny just got
the cover of "S.I."
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00:05:20,853 --> 00:05:22,823
Really, the cover?
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00:05:22,889 --> 00:05:25,289
Ever consider shooting
the inner sanctum
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00:05:25,358 --> 00:05:26,488
of a powerful sports agent?
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00:05:26,559 --> 00:05:27,639
Oh, Arliss, she's
not interested.
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00:05:27,660 --> 00:05:28,800
I'd love to!
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00:05:28,861 --> 00:05:30,361
(whispers) She'd love to.
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00:05:33,866 --> 00:05:35,836
It was a total violation
of my civil rights!
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00:05:35,902 --> 00:05:37,502
What did you
expect? It's Bel Air.
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00:05:37,570 --> 00:05:39,770
To drive down a
public thoroughfare,
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00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:41,039
and not be harassed.
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00:05:41,107 --> 00:05:42,377
Why don't they
arrest Roy Jones?!
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00:05:42,408 --> 00:05:44,678
Because they know
Roy, they don't know you!
130
00:05:44,744 --> 00:05:46,854
- What happened?
- Stanley got arrested last night.
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00:05:46,913 --> 00:05:48,853
Not arrested, profiled.
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00:05:48,915 --> 00:05:51,045
I had the temerity
to be black in Bel Air,
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00:05:51,117 --> 00:05:52,887
well, I'm not gonna
sit still for this.
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00:05:52,952 --> 00:05:55,522
- Well, you're gonna sit still for class.
- What class?
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00:05:55,588 --> 00:05:57,588
Oh, the cops agreed
to drop the charges
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00:05:57,657 --> 00:06:00,057
if Stanley attends an
anger management class.
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00:06:00,126 --> 00:06:02,726
Why the fuck do I need an
anger management class?
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00:06:02,795 --> 00:06:04,695
What the hell is
going on out here?
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00:06:04,764 --> 00:06:05,774
Stanley has an anger problem.
140
00:06:05,798 --> 00:06:08,198
I do not have an anger problem!
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00:06:08,267 --> 00:06:09,737
Well, I'm gonna have
an anger problem
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00:06:09,802 --> 00:06:12,272
- if you didn't close the Fattyator deal.
- We're...
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00:06:12,338 --> 00:06:13,408
We're working on it!
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00:06:13,472 --> 00:06:15,742
No, I'm working on it,
because Stanley has to attend
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"Pissed off 101"!
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00:06:19,245 --> 00:06:21,275
Rita, you're, uh,
friend's pretty cool.
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00:06:21,347 --> 00:06:24,047
Oh, no, Arliss,
you're not her type.
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00:06:24,116 --> 00:06:26,046
Ready? Shoot
starts in 20 minutes.
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00:06:26,118 --> 00:06:27,748
Okay, Rita, I'll
be out of the office
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00:06:27,820 --> 00:06:29,220
the rest of the day.
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00:06:29,288 --> 00:06:30,558
Can I help you with these?
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00:06:30,623 --> 00:06:32,493
Ah, no, $20,000 worth of lenses,
153
00:06:32,558 --> 00:06:34,458
I'll carry them.
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00:06:34,461 --> 00:06:36,661
As you wish, after you.
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00:06:37,797 --> 00:06:38,897
You were blocking my view.
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00:06:40,333 --> 00:06:41,733
Hmph.
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00:06:41,801 --> 00:06:43,071
You're all here
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00:06:43,135 --> 00:06:46,205
because you have
one thing in common.
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00:06:46,272 --> 00:06:48,642
You are all emotional people.
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00:06:50,176 --> 00:06:52,776
Emotions are a good thing.
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00:06:52,845 --> 00:06:55,615
Uncontrolled rage is not.
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00:06:55,681 --> 00:06:58,821
We are here today to
explore the difference.
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00:06:58,885 --> 00:07:00,185
Please rise.
164
00:07:02,321 --> 00:07:05,091
This exercise helps
release tension.
165
00:07:05,157 --> 00:07:06,577
It begins with...
166
00:07:06,577 --> 00:07:07,987
Fuck you!
167
00:07:11,197 --> 00:07:13,767
There we go.
168
00:07:13,833 --> 00:07:15,773
Penny: It's sad,
from $200,000 a year
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00:07:15,835 --> 00:07:17,995
to two jobs at minimum wage.
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00:07:18,070 --> 00:07:19,870
The Umpires'
Union really blew it
171
00:07:19,939 --> 00:07:21,369
with those mass
resignations, huh?
172
00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:24,010
First rule in
negotiating, never bluff,
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00:07:24,076 --> 00:07:25,906
unless you can live
with the consequences.
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00:07:25,978 --> 00:07:27,648
Baseball took back
some of the umps,
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00:07:27,713 --> 00:07:29,223
why not Greg?
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00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:31,182
He was one of the
outspoken ones.
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00:07:31,250 --> 00:07:33,650
Besides, if they had
your paper wouldn't
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00:07:33,719 --> 00:07:35,089
have given you this assignment.
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00:07:35,154 --> 00:07:37,094
Arliss Michaels?
180
00:07:37,156 --> 00:07:38,416
Hey, Greg.
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00:07:38,491 --> 00:07:39,831
What are you doing here?
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00:07:39,892 --> 00:07:41,292
Friend of the photographer.
183
00:07:42,628 --> 00:07:44,058
You got good taste.
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00:07:44,130 --> 00:07:46,970
I'm not sure about yours though.
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00:07:47,033 --> 00:07:49,873
So, "USA Today"
doing a piece on you,
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00:07:49,936 --> 00:07:51,656
think it'll maybe help
you get the job back.
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00:07:52,672 --> 00:07:55,142
Grant me the serenity
to accept the things
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00:07:55,207 --> 00:07:56,407
I cannot change,
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00:07:56,475 --> 00:07:58,735
courage to change
the things I can
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00:07:58,811 --> 00:08:00,651
and wisdom to
know the difference.
191
00:08:01,847 --> 00:08:03,727
Your idiotic union head
should've had the wisdom
192
00:08:03,749 --> 00:08:05,219
not to make an idiotic threat.
193
00:08:05,284 --> 00:08:07,124
Our strike would've
settled in one day,
194
00:08:07,186 --> 00:08:08,786
if the players had backed us up
195
00:08:08,854 --> 00:08:10,894
and not crossed the picket line.
196
00:08:10,957 --> 00:08:13,037
You didn't really expect the
players to do that, did you?
197
00:08:13,059 --> 00:08:14,859
Why not, they're
union just like us,
198
00:08:14,927 --> 00:08:17,057
I thought unions
protected unions.
199
00:08:17,129 --> 00:08:18,529
You know, we're
fighting the same...
200
00:08:18,597 --> 00:08:20,327
(kids chattering)
201
00:08:20,399 --> 00:08:22,799
Excuse me. It's my son.
202
00:08:22,868 --> 00:08:24,548
Oh, well, let's get a
picture of the two of you.
203
00:08:24,570 --> 00:08:25,710
Sure.
204
00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:28,840
So, he's a man of principal.
205
00:08:29,842 --> 00:08:31,512
Hey. How's it going?
206
00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:36,850
Maybe another time.
207
00:08:36,916 --> 00:08:38,216
Thank you.
208
00:08:41,420 --> 00:08:42,620
Come on, guys.
209
00:08:45,124 --> 00:08:48,664
So, Mr. Big Shot Agent,
let me check my schedule,
210
00:08:48,728 --> 00:08:50,628
oh, you know, I'm free tonight.
211
00:08:50,696 --> 00:08:52,396
What are we gonna do?
212
00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:57,000
(indistinct chatting)
213
00:09:03,676 --> 00:09:05,676
This is nice.
214
00:09:05,745 --> 00:09:08,045
I'm usually trying to set
up shots at these affairs.
215
00:09:08,114 --> 00:09:09,894
I'm usually trying to
stay out of the line of fire.
216
00:09:09,915 --> 00:09:11,245
(laughs) Oh.
217
00:09:13,052 --> 00:09:15,222
- Thank you.
- Oh, are you having one also?
218
00:09:15,287 --> 00:09:16,817
(both laugh)
219
00:09:20,259 --> 00:09:21,939
I've got to run to the
bathroom and fix that.
220
00:09:21,961 --> 00:09:24,001
Oh, c'mon, it's nothing,
you can hardly see it.
221
00:09:24,063 --> 00:09:25,703
I will, I'll be back.
222
00:09:28,100 --> 00:09:29,870
Ned! Good to see you.
223
00:09:29,935 --> 00:09:31,435
Thanks for coming, Arliss.
224
00:09:31,504 --> 00:09:32,844
You remember my wife, Blythe.
225
00:09:32,905 --> 00:09:35,265
Of course, how is the
prettiest flower in the garden?
226
00:09:35,341 --> 00:09:36,381
Uh!
227
00:09:36,442 --> 00:09:38,342
Arliss, you're
always so full of shit
228
00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:40,211
and I love you for it.
229
00:09:40,279 --> 00:09:42,109
Hey, Ned, um...
230
00:09:42,181 --> 00:09:43,421
I ran into Greg Harvey today.
231
00:09:43,482 --> 00:09:44,822
Oh, yeah, what was he doing,
232
00:09:44,884 --> 00:09:46,394
unionizing Little League?
233
00:09:46,452 --> 00:09:47,762
You know, Greg was
a pretty good umpire.
234
00:09:47,787 --> 00:09:50,017
Greg was a loud
mouth pain in the ass.
235
00:09:50,089 --> 00:09:51,869
The players respect him,
maybe we should think about
236
00:09:51,891 --> 00:09:53,861
- getting him his job back...
- Wait, wait, wait.
237
00:09:53,926 --> 00:09:56,656
Wasn't it you who
once philosophized,
238
00:09:56,729 --> 00:09:59,229
"Fuck the umpires,
who pays to see them?"
239
00:09:59,298 --> 00:10:00,768
Now, shut up about it.
240
00:10:00,833 --> 00:10:02,603
I want to savor the way my wife
241
00:10:02,668 --> 00:10:03,998
is pissing away my money.
242
00:10:04,070 --> 00:10:05,400
(scoffs)
243
00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:10,080
Oh, much better.
244
00:10:10,142 --> 00:10:12,282
Oh, Blythe, Ned,
this is Penny Larson.
245
00:10:12,344 --> 00:10:15,614
Penny, that's a lovely dress.
246
00:10:15,681 --> 00:10:16,951
Valentino?
247
00:10:17,016 --> 00:10:19,146
Yes, it's part of his
watermark collection.
248
00:10:20,152 --> 00:10:21,822
You look familiar, have we met?
249
00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:25,459
Yeah, the all-star
game in Seattle.
250
00:10:25,524 --> 00:10:26,574
You chased me off the field,
251
00:10:26,592 --> 00:10:28,132
while I was trying
to get a shot.
252
00:10:28,194 --> 00:10:30,264
A-ha.
253
00:10:30,329 --> 00:10:31,599
Oh, Penny's a photographer.
254
00:10:31,664 --> 00:10:33,714
She's got the cover of
"Sports Illustrated" this week.
255
00:10:33,732 --> 00:10:36,702
Speaking of photographers,
256
00:10:36,769 --> 00:10:38,369
what the hell's
going on with ours?
257
00:10:38,437 --> 00:10:39,707
Excuse me.
258
00:10:43,109 --> 00:10:44,809
I'm sure there's
probably somebody here
259
00:10:44,877 --> 00:10:45,917
you haven't pissed off yet.
260
00:10:45,945 --> 00:10:48,375
Oh, probably, but
the night is young.
261
00:10:48,447 --> 00:10:50,317
(chattering)
262
00:10:50,382 --> 00:10:51,782
What is...
263
00:10:51,851 --> 00:10:52,991
I caught him red-handed.
264
00:10:53,052 --> 00:10:54,262
You been drinkin', haven't you?
265
00:10:54,286 --> 00:10:55,396
How many drinks have you had?!
266
00:10:55,421 --> 00:10:56,821
What's goin' on?
267
00:10:56,889 --> 00:10:58,389
They caught this
drunken sonuvabitch
268
00:10:58,457 --> 00:11:00,697
- trying to take pictures up in the girls' dressing room.
- (gasping)
269
00:11:00,726 --> 00:11:02,496
Get him the hell out
of here! Get him out!
270
00:11:02,561 --> 00:11:04,361
Wait, wait, it's Sarah's
coming out party.
271
00:11:04,430 --> 00:11:05,900
Yeah, it's Sarah
coming out party.
272
00:11:05,965 --> 00:11:07,565
I want pictures, damnit!
273
00:11:08,567 --> 00:11:10,297
Arliss, I think we
have a shot to set up.
274
00:11:12,004 --> 00:11:13,644
Hey, that's, that's mine.
275
00:11:13,706 --> 00:11:15,636
- We'll mail it to you, get him out!
- God.
276
00:11:17,977 --> 00:11:20,047
C'mon, let's go.
277
00:11:20,112 --> 00:11:21,612
Where are you goin'?
278
00:11:23,215 --> 00:11:25,145
♪ ♪
279
00:11:28,187 --> 00:11:29,817
Thanks, Dad.
280
00:11:31,624 --> 00:11:36,964
♪ No matter where
I go these days ♪
281
00:11:37,029 --> 00:11:39,169
(camera clicking)
282
00:11:39,166 --> 00:11:41,296
♪ No matter who I see ♪
283
00:11:41,367 --> 00:11:43,437
Can I have that other lens?
284
00:11:43,502 --> 00:11:46,772
Um, couldn't you get
this shot from down there?
285
00:11:46,839 --> 00:11:49,039
Not this shot, look,
286
00:11:49,108 --> 00:11:51,278
dancing with his daughter
as seen by the stars.
287
00:11:51,343 --> 00:11:52,853
Where are you goin'?
288
00:11:52,912 --> 00:11:54,082
Well, c'mon.
289
00:11:54,146 --> 00:11:55,676
That does not look safe.
290
00:11:57,383 --> 00:12:00,003
Whoa, whoa, you're caught. You're caught,
you're caught on something over here.
291
00:12:00,019 --> 00:12:01,919
(tearing)
292
00:12:01,987 --> 00:12:03,587
Don't tell Valentino.
293
00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:06,286
Uh, this is a great angle.
294
00:12:10,262 --> 00:12:12,572
Oh, shit, I missed the moment.
295
00:12:12,631 --> 00:12:14,971
Too bad. It really
is a great angle.
296
00:12:19,438 --> 00:12:22,008
♪ Shining brightly ♪
297
00:12:22,074 --> 00:12:26,184
You know, Arliss Michaels,
with this moon and this music,
298
00:12:26,245 --> 00:12:30,275
if I wasn't working right
now, I could probably kiss you.
299
00:12:30,349 --> 00:12:32,919
Well, you're not working,
technically speaking.
300
00:12:33,953 --> 00:12:36,123
Technically
speaking, I guess not.
301
00:12:36,188 --> 00:12:38,058
And you wouldn't want
to miss the moment again.
302
00:12:38,123 --> 00:12:39,633
Perish the thought.
303
00:12:42,428 --> 00:12:45,628
♪ No wonder I'm
in love with you ♪
304
00:12:45,698 --> 00:12:49,568
Mmm, might've missed it,
maybe we should try again?
305
00:12:53,405 --> 00:12:57,535
♪ To be the one that
you want to please ♪
306
00:12:57,610 --> 00:13:02,010
♪ And boy, I've got it bad ♪
307
00:13:04,049 --> 00:13:06,249
Here you go, nice and shiny.
308
00:13:06,318 --> 00:13:08,488
Kekee, it's beautiful,
what do I owe you?
309
00:13:08,554 --> 00:13:10,794
Dodger tickets, Thursday, two?
310
00:13:11,790 --> 00:13:13,300
Arliss, are you going to
the game on Thursday?
311
00:13:13,325 --> 00:13:15,395
Arliss (on intercom): No, but
Alonzo Mourning was asking about...
312
00:13:15,427 --> 00:13:17,127
- They're yours.
- Hey, play ball!
313
00:13:17,196 --> 00:13:18,776
Is Stanley back from...
314
00:13:18,782 --> 00:13:20,372
(screaming)
315
00:13:20,432 --> 00:13:21,502
What the fuck?
316
00:13:21,567 --> 00:13:23,037
He's been doing that all day.
317
00:13:23,102 --> 00:13:24,642
(screaming)
318
00:13:30,709 --> 00:13:31,979
What the hell is going on?!
319
00:13:32,044 --> 00:13:34,884
Primal scream, it's
a calming exercise.
320
00:13:34,947 --> 00:13:37,677
Calming for who? Not
anyone within earshot.
321
00:13:37,750 --> 00:13:40,550
Watch, inhale, exhale.
322
00:13:40,619 --> 00:13:41,789
Inhale.
323
00:13:41,854 --> 00:13:45,224
Ahh...!
324
00:13:45,291 --> 00:13:47,661
See how serene I
am? You should try it.
325
00:13:47,726 --> 00:13:49,976
Inhale, exhale, inhale...
326
00:13:49,980 --> 00:13:52,230
C'mon, I wasn't the black
man driving in Bel Air.
327
00:13:52,298 --> 00:13:55,098
Hey! I was exercising my rights!
328
00:13:55,167 --> 00:13:56,637
In Bel Air at midnight,
329
00:13:56,702 --> 00:13:59,102
exercising your
right to be stupid!
330
00:13:59,171 --> 00:14:02,781
Ahh...!
331
00:14:02,841 --> 00:14:04,311
(cell phone ringing)
332
00:14:05,644 --> 00:14:06,644
Kirby Carlisle.
333
00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:08,649
Kirby, have you
talked to Mom yet?
334
00:14:08,714 --> 00:14:10,454
I'm out the door as we speak.
335
00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:11,976
My mom should be living with me.
336
00:14:12,051 --> 00:14:14,551
And when she does, then
you'll endorse the Fattyator, right?
337
00:14:14,620 --> 00:14:16,960
Just take care of the
business like I asked, okay?
338
00:14:18,223 --> 00:14:19,833
Fattyator update?
339
00:14:19,892 --> 00:14:22,492
Okay, inhale, exhale.
340
00:14:22,561 --> 00:14:24,461
- So, how'd it go?
- How'd what go?
341
00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:25,700
Yesterday with Penny.
342
00:14:25,764 --> 00:14:27,404
Oh, fine, nice girl.
343
00:14:27,466 --> 00:14:29,206
What'd I tell you, she
didn't go for it, huh?
344
00:14:29,234 --> 00:14:31,004
Oh, by the way, um...
345
00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:33,735
Hello.
346
00:14:33,806 --> 00:14:35,066
Greg Harvey is here.
347
00:14:38,377 --> 00:14:39,507
Sorry to drop in like this,
348
00:14:39,578 --> 00:14:41,208
but I wanted to thank
you for last night.
349
00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:42,550
Last night?
350
00:14:42,614 --> 00:14:44,484
Buddy of mine worked
security at that party
351
00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:46,090
overheard you
sticking up for me.
352
00:14:47,519 --> 00:14:48,989
Yeah, well, um...
353
00:14:49,054 --> 00:14:53,064
Greg, I wouldn't get
my hopes up too high.
354
00:14:53,125 --> 00:14:56,295
Yeah, well, anyway,
I appreciate the effort.
355
00:14:56,362 --> 00:14:58,162
Sure.
356
00:14:58,230 --> 00:14:59,630
And I...
357
00:15:02,534 --> 00:15:05,544
I thought you might
like to have this.
358
00:15:05,604 --> 00:15:08,674
I wore this when I called
Ryan's sixth no-hitter.
359
00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:09,911
Greg, I don't think...
360
00:15:09,975 --> 00:15:11,205
Take it.
361
00:15:11,276 --> 00:15:13,476
I don't have much
use for it anymore.
362
00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:17,318
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
363
00:15:18,984 --> 00:15:20,224
Hey, Greg, um...
364
00:15:20,285 --> 00:15:22,645
That son of yours.
365
00:15:22,721 --> 00:15:24,591
Is he a Sammy Sosa fan?
366
00:15:24,656 --> 00:15:26,156
Shit, what do you think?
367
00:15:26,225 --> 00:15:28,555
I think maybe he'd like to
have an autographed bat.
368
00:15:32,331 --> 00:15:34,231
Where the hell's my Sammy?
369
00:15:34,299 --> 00:15:35,769
How about a Manny Ramirez?
370
00:15:35,834 --> 00:15:37,174
Hey.
371
00:15:41,907 --> 00:15:43,237
Thanks.
372
00:15:44,676 --> 00:15:45,836
And thanks.
373
00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:50,320
(door opens)
374
00:15:56,455 --> 00:15:59,165
Arliss (on intercom): Rita, has anyone
been moving around my Sammy Sosa?
375
00:15:59,191 --> 00:16:00,531
Not that I know of.
376
00:16:00,592 --> 00:16:01,762
- Hi.
- Hey!
377
00:16:01,827 --> 00:16:03,227
Is he in?
378
00:16:03,230 --> 00:16:04,630
Yeah. Why?
379
00:16:04,696 --> 00:16:06,026
Did he come on to you?
380
00:16:06,098 --> 00:16:08,728
On to me, into
me, all night long.
381
00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:11,801
- What?!
- Rita, I have been with men, but your boss...
382
00:16:11,870 --> 00:16:13,270
I-I-I don't need to hear this.
383
00:16:13,338 --> 00:16:15,568
For hours, he's
like an 18-year-old.
384
00:16:15,641 --> 00:16:17,541
It's the first time I
haven't faked an orgasm,
385
00:16:17,609 --> 00:16:18,839
since the World Cup.
386
00:16:18,911 --> 00:16:22,281
Ho, and let me tell you,
he is hung like War Emblem.
387
00:16:22,347 --> 00:16:24,917
Ugh, ugh, would you excuse me?
388
00:16:24,983 --> 00:16:26,653
Oh God, ugh, watch out!
389
00:16:28,887 --> 00:16:30,457
Arliss Michaels for Ned Balfour.
390
00:16:30,522 --> 00:16:31,922
Yeah, I'll hold.
391
00:16:31,990 --> 00:16:34,390
(knocking)
392
00:16:34,460 --> 00:16:37,600
C'mon in, c'mon, c'mon.
393
00:16:37,663 --> 00:16:39,873
You busy, or should I say tired?
394
00:16:39,932 --> 00:16:42,272
Ah, a bit.
395
00:16:42,334 --> 00:16:44,904
I came to say thank
you for last night.
396
00:16:44,970 --> 00:16:46,740
What, and not this morning?
397
00:16:46,805 --> 00:16:47,935
This is for this morning.
398
00:16:50,442 --> 00:16:51,942
(box rattling)
399
00:16:53,145 --> 00:16:54,775
Wow.
400
00:16:56,181 --> 00:16:59,351
- Gold?
- Mm, I figure if the sex didn't get me a second date
401
00:16:59,418 --> 00:17:00,918
That definitely would.
402
00:17:00,986 --> 00:17:02,016
You didn't have to...
403
00:17:02,087 --> 00:17:03,657
- Ned: Arliss!
- Ned, one second.
404
00:17:03,722 --> 00:17:04,962
I got to take this, tonight?
405
00:17:05,023 --> 00:17:06,243
See you then.
406
00:17:06,242 --> 00:17:07,462
B'bye.
407
00:17:08,594 --> 00:17:10,134
So, Ned...
408
00:17:10,195 --> 00:17:11,995
I got a "Sports
Illustrated" photographer
409
00:17:12,064 --> 00:17:14,574
to pinch hit for you,
it's pay back time.
410
00:17:14,633 --> 00:17:17,243
A quid pro quo, huh?
What do you want?
411
00:17:17,302 --> 00:17:19,472
I want you to give Greg
Harvey his job back.
412
00:17:20,806 --> 00:17:22,106
Not a chance in hell.
413
00:17:22,174 --> 00:17:23,314
Listen, Ned...
414
00:17:23,375 --> 00:17:25,375
Greg made his bed, now
he can have a coma in it.
415
00:17:25,444 --> 00:17:26,954
Do this as a personal favor.
416
00:17:27,012 --> 00:17:29,392
By the way, you didn't happen
to see a gold cigarette lighter
417
00:17:29,414 --> 00:17:31,524
lying around last
night, did you?
418
00:17:31,583 --> 00:17:32,583
A what?
419
00:17:32,651 --> 00:17:34,851
A gold cigarette lighter,
belongs to my sister-in-law.
420
00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:36,920
Airhead thinks she
left it in the ladies room.
421
00:17:36,989 --> 00:17:38,619
We couldn't find it.
422
00:17:38,690 --> 00:17:39,890
Um...
423
00:17:39,958 --> 00:17:42,128
Ah, somebody must've
pinched it, probably the kids.
424
00:17:42,194 --> 00:17:43,334
I got to run.
425
00:17:45,964 --> 00:17:47,204
(sets receiver down)
426
00:17:52,271 --> 00:17:53,741
Rita, how well do
you know Penny?
427
00:17:53,805 --> 00:17:55,305
Oh, please, spare me,
428
00:17:55,374 --> 00:17:57,344
she already gave
me all the lurid details.
429
00:17:57,409 --> 00:17:59,579
Uh-huh, did she
mention the detail
430
00:17:59,645 --> 00:18:01,205
about lifting a
cigarette lighter?
431
00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:02,710
What are you talking about?
432
00:18:02,781 --> 00:18:04,351
She just gave me this as a gift.
433
00:18:04,416 --> 00:18:06,946
- It was stolen from Ned Balfour's party.
- (gargling)
434
00:18:07,019 --> 00:18:09,389
I think she may have stolen
my Sammy Sosa bat, too.
435
00:18:09,454 --> 00:18:11,924
That is the shittiest
thing I've ever heard.
436
00:18:11,990 --> 00:18:13,060
Shame on you!
437
00:18:13,125 --> 00:18:15,485
If you don't want to see
her again, just say so.
438
00:18:15,561 --> 00:18:16,961
Calling her a thief.
439
00:18:18,330 --> 00:18:19,970
Yeah, well, maybe you're right.
440
00:18:20,032 --> 00:18:23,442
It's probably just
a coincidence.
441
00:18:23,502 --> 00:18:26,202
There's more than one
gold lighter, you know.
442
00:18:26,271 --> 00:18:27,921
Plus, what the hell would
she want with your bat?
443
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:30,680
Really.
444
00:18:30,742 --> 00:18:31,952
What's the matter
with me, I'm sorry.
445
00:18:31,977 --> 00:18:33,347
Please accept my apologies.
446
00:18:34,813 --> 00:18:36,583
You know, Kekee could
clean this up for you.
447
00:18:36,648 --> 00:18:38,718
He did a really great
job on my broach.
448
00:18:38,784 --> 00:18:40,524
(objects rattling)
449
00:18:40,586 --> 00:18:42,016
Hey, no, wait, wait, wait.
450
00:18:43,021 --> 00:18:44,191
Where's my broach?
451
00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:48,629
Okay, Kekee came
in and then he left,
452
00:18:48,694 --> 00:18:50,734
and then you came
in and then you left,
453
00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:53,966
then Penny came in
and she told me about...
454
00:18:54,032 --> 00:18:55,672
Ugh.
455
00:18:55,734 --> 00:18:57,204
And then I went
to the ladies room.
456
00:18:57,269 --> 00:18:59,909
And where was
Penny when you, ugh...
457
00:19:01,506 --> 00:19:02,906
That bitch!
458
00:19:02,975 --> 00:19:04,335
Arliss, she stole my broach.
459
00:19:04,409 --> 00:19:05,849
Fuck your broach, she's
got my Sammy Sosa.
460
00:19:05,877 --> 00:19:07,847
- What are we gonna do?
- What are we gonna do?
461
00:19:07,913 --> 00:19:08,923
Maybe we should call the cops?
462
00:19:08,947 --> 00:19:10,357
Nah, nah, nah, I
hate to call the cops
463
00:19:10,382 --> 00:19:11,822
on someone I just slept with.
464
00:19:11,883 --> 00:19:15,123
Well, then, War Emblem,
you better think of something.
465
00:19:15,187 --> 00:19:16,687
"War Emblem"?
466
00:19:16,755 --> 00:19:19,555
Woman: I've lived in this
neighborhood my whole life.
467
00:19:19,625 --> 00:19:22,455
Now just because my
rich son's movin' on up,
468
00:19:22,527 --> 00:19:24,257
does not mean that I want to.
469
00:19:24,329 --> 00:19:26,369
- (sirens and gunshots)
- He's concerned about you.
470
00:19:26,431 --> 00:19:28,631
He wants you to
have a better life.
471
00:19:28,700 --> 00:19:31,070
What do I need with
a big fancy house?
472
00:19:31,136 --> 00:19:33,136
Besides my friends are here.
473
00:19:33,205 --> 00:19:34,905
This house has memories for me.
474
00:19:34,973 --> 00:19:36,483
That spot over there,
475
00:19:36,541 --> 00:19:39,881
is where little Roy
kicked his very first ass.
476
00:19:39,945 --> 00:19:42,145
His neighborhood
is just slightly safer.
477
00:19:42,214 --> 00:19:43,754
Now, that's a bum rap.
478
00:19:43,815 --> 00:19:45,355
There hasn't been
a crime on this block,
479
00:19:45,384 --> 00:19:48,054
since, I don't know when.
480
00:19:48,120 --> 00:19:50,260
I do. Goddammit!
481
00:19:53,091 --> 00:19:54,831
Goddamn little shit!
482
00:19:55,827 --> 00:19:58,297
(siren wailing)
483
00:19:59,297 --> 00:20:01,497
Why are they... Jesus Christ.
484
00:20:02,968 --> 00:20:05,168
Why are they stopping
me, they're getting away!
485
00:20:05,237 --> 00:20:08,237
Hey, you guys, oh, man,
why are you stoppin' me?
486
00:20:08,306 --> 00:20:11,136
- They're gettin' away.
- Sir, what are you doing in this neighborhood?
487
00:20:11,209 --> 00:20:13,149
- I'm here on business.
- Drug business?
488
00:20:13,211 --> 00:20:15,211
- What?!
- Sir, step out of the car, please.
489
00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:17,150
- Inhale.
- Step out of the car, sir.
490
00:20:17,215 --> 00:20:18,875
Exhale.
491
00:20:18,950 --> 00:20:20,090
Don't make me ask you again.
492
00:20:20,152 --> 00:20:21,892
Step out of the car.
493
00:20:21,953 --> 00:20:23,693
- Ahh...!
- (guns click)
494
00:20:25,824 --> 00:20:28,834
(moaning)
495
00:20:30,262 --> 00:20:34,802
Oh, yummy.
496
00:20:38,303 --> 00:20:40,843
I want you.
497
00:20:40,906 --> 00:20:43,176
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
498
00:20:43,241 --> 00:20:45,211
How about the bedroom tonight?
499
00:20:45,277 --> 00:20:48,077
Oh, I just love a
horny traditionalist.
500
00:20:48,146 --> 00:20:50,076
- C'mon.
- (chuckling)
501
00:20:53,485 --> 00:20:55,085
Here I come.
502
00:21:11,269 --> 00:21:14,169
(Arliss moaning)
503
00:21:14,239 --> 00:21:17,109
Arliss: Yes, yes.
504
00:21:26,952 --> 00:21:29,792
Oh, yeah, yeah,
don't stop, don't stop.
505
00:21:29,855 --> 00:21:31,715
Keep going, keep going,
oh, yeah, that's good.
506
00:21:31,790 --> 00:21:33,830
That's good, that's good.
507
00:21:33,892 --> 00:21:36,392
Oh, yeah, keep moving.
508
00:21:36,461 --> 00:21:37,801
Go, go, go, oh,
yeah, right there.
509
00:21:37,863 --> 00:21:39,843
Right there, right there.
Right there, oh, that's the spot.
510
00:21:39,865 --> 00:21:43,265
Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.
511
00:21:45,103 --> 00:21:47,743
(moaning)
512
00:21:47,806 --> 00:21:49,366
Move!
513
00:21:51,643 --> 00:21:54,713
(moaning) Go! Go!
514
00:21:54,780 --> 00:21:56,250
Don't stop.
515
00:22:22,974 --> 00:22:24,784
Holy shit.
516
00:22:25,777 --> 00:22:27,107
There's my broach.
517
00:22:31,449 --> 00:22:32,529
Ahh!
518
00:22:32,535 --> 00:22:33,615
(clattering)
519
00:22:33,685 --> 00:22:35,145
Someone's in the house.
520
00:22:35,220 --> 00:22:36,760
I didn't hear anything.
521
00:22:38,156 --> 00:22:39,516
C'mon.
522
00:22:39,591 --> 00:22:40,591
My Sammy.
523
00:22:41,626 --> 00:22:43,726
Help me!
524
00:22:43,795 --> 00:22:46,295
Someone get me out of here!
525
00:22:46,364 --> 00:22:47,774
Oh, you sonuvabitch.
526
00:22:47,833 --> 00:22:49,843
No, no, no, no!
527
00:22:52,804 --> 00:22:54,444
Rita!
528
00:22:54,506 --> 00:22:56,006
What are you doing here?
529
00:22:56,074 --> 00:22:58,384
What are you doing with my...
530
00:22:58,443 --> 00:23:00,153
My broach!
531
00:23:00,212 --> 00:23:02,312
Ah, is that your broach?
532
00:23:02,380 --> 00:23:04,450
Yes, it is and this is my bat.
533
00:23:04,516 --> 00:23:05,846
And you stole this lighter too!
534
00:23:05,917 --> 00:23:07,417
What gives, Penny?
535
00:23:07,485 --> 00:23:08,695
Are you selling
this stuff on Ebay?
536
00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:11,560
No, I don't sell it, I just...
537
00:23:11,623 --> 00:23:13,063
Collect it.
538
00:23:13,124 --> 00:23:14,464
I have issues.
539
00:23:14,526 --> 00:23:16,896
I don't mean to take stuff,
I just can't help myself.
540
00:23:16,962 --> 00:23:19,202
Don't help yourself to my stuff.
541
00:23:19,264 --> 00:23:21,304
My God, it looks like
Nordstrom's in here.
542
00:23:21,366 --> 00:23:23,736
Well, if you see anything
you like, feel free.
543
00:23:23,802 --> 00:23:25,502
There's a cute Dolce
jacket in your closet.
544
00:23:25,570 --> 00:23:26,710
That's mine.
545
00:23:26,771 --> 00:23:29,211
Penny, Penny.
546
00:23:32,711 --> 00:23:34,051
Pictures from last night, huh?
547
00:23:34,112 --> 00:23:35,782
Pretty good.
548
00:23:35,847 --> 00:23:37,347
Oh, my God.
549
00:23:37,415 --> 00:23:39,615
Those are the photos the
other photographer took.
550
00:23:39,684 --> 00:23:40,694
Look at this.
551
00:23:40,686 --> 00:23:41,686
Ow!
552
00:23:41,753 --> 00:23:44,323
Why would a young girl
do that with an old fart?
553
00:23:44,389 --> 00:23:45,819
Is that Ned Balfour's daughter?
554
00:23:45,891 --> 00:23:48,061
No, it's one of her friends.
555
00:23:48,126 --> 00:23:50,556
But the old fart
sure looks familiar.
556
00:23:50,629 --> 00:23:54,029
(chuckles)
557
00:23:59,738 --> 00:24:01,138
Play ball!
558
00:24:03,475 --> 00:24:05,775
It's good to see your dad
back where he belongs.
559
00:24:05,844 --> 00:24:08,054
He's a good man, fine man,
hell of an umpire. Good man.
560
00:24:08,113 --> 00:24:09,183
Sonuvabitch.
561
00:24:09,247 --> 00:24:10,647
Blythe, I have your photos.
562
00:24:10,715 --> 00:24:12,515
Ooh, wonderful.
563
00:24:13,685 --> 00:24:16,415
And these are for you
with Arliss' compliments.
564
00:24:22,560 --> 00:24:24,530
Give him my best.
565
00:24:24,596 --> 00:24:26,896
Why when I can give him mine?
566
00:24:26,965 --> 00:24:29,725
Look. Oh, look.
567
00:24:29,801 --> 00:24:31,071
They're beautiful.
568
00:24:31,136 --> 00:24:33,566
She looks great.
569
00:24:33,638 --> 00:24:35,168
Did you take those...
570
00:24:35,240 --> 00:24:36,240
What?
571
00:24:36,242 --> 00:24:37,242
Binoculars?
572
00:24:37,309 --> 00:24:38,379
What, I gave them to you.
573
00:24:40,745 --> 00:24:42,975
Maybe they fell over here...
574
00:24:43,048 --> 00:24:45,948
I'm glad you're
finally doing this.
575
00:24:46,017 --> 00:24:48,717
My boy back in my home.
576
00:24:48,787 --> 00:24:51,457
But remember, Mom,
it's only temporary, okay?
577
00:24:51,523 --> 00:24:52,823
Temporary.
578
00:24:52,891 --> 00:24:54,691
(gunshots and sirens)
579
00:24:56,127 --> 00:24:57,357
Listen!
580
00:24:57,429 --> 00:24:59,229
The next person to
bust a cap around here,
581
00:24:59,297 --> 00:25:00,797
I'm busting your ass, alright?!
582
00:25:00,865 --> 00:25:02,695
(silence)
583
00:25:02,767 --> 00:25:04,437
Thank you!
584
00:25:08,373 --> 00:25:10,643
Roy, what ever happened
to that Fattyator deal
585
00:25:10,709 --> 00:25:12,539
they wanted you for?
586
00:25:12,610 --> 00:25:14,750
(all screaming)
587
00:25:17,015 --> 00:25:19,545
How do you like being profiled?!
588
00:25:19,617 --> 00:25:22,717
Fuck you! Your anger
management exercises have put me
589
00:25:22,787 --> 00:25:24,657
into anger management class!
590
00:25:24,723 --> 00:25:25,923
(both screaming)
591
00:25:25,991 --> 00:25:28,331
Slow down, slow down,
now, one of the keys
592
00:25:28,393 --> 00:25:30,663
to controlling anger
is eating healthy,
593
00:25:30,729 --> 00:25:33,399
So, I would like to
introduce you guys today
594
00:25:33,465 --> 00:25:36,465
to the Allen Iverson Fattyator.
595
00:25:37,869 --> 00:25:40,039
(both screaming)
596
00:25:40,105 --> 00:25:43,575
(cheering)
597
00:25:43,641 --> 00:25:45,711
(blows landing)
598
00:25:50,849 --> 00:25:52,879
He's safe!
599
00:25:52,951 --> 00:25:54,421
So, did everything work out?
600
00:25:54,486 --> 00:25:57,186
Yeah, Greg's got his
job, you got your broach,
601
00:25:57,255 --> 00:25:58,665
I got my bat.
602
00:25:58,674 --> 00:26:00,094
Are you gonna still see Penny?
603
00:26:00,158 --> 00:26:01,988
Yeah, just not at my house.
604
00:26:02,060 --> 00:26:04,100
In fact, check out the
watch she sent me.
605
00:26:05,897 --> 00:26:07,467
Arliss, you can't wear that.
606
00:26:07,532 --> 00:26:08,772
Why not? It fits.
607
00:26:08,833 --> 00:26:10,303
It's probably stolen!
608
00:26:10,368 --> 00:26:12,598
So, I suppose you don't
want the one she sent you.
609
00:26:12,670 --> 00:26:13,870
Oh, yes, I do.
610
00:26:13,938 --> 00:26:16,208
- No, no, no, you'll feel terrible.
- No, I feel fine!
611
00:26:16,274 --> 00:26:18,384
It's okay, I can live with it.
612
00:26:18,443 --> 00:26:20,313
I want it!
613
00:26:20,378 --> 00:26:22,308
Please, give it to
me, give it to me!
614
00:26:22,380 --> 00:26:23,380
My...!
615
00:26:23,415 --> 00:26:25,245
Name is Arliss Michaels.
616
00:26:25,316 --> 00:26:27,146
I represent athletes.
617
00:26:27,218 --> 00:26:29,448
These are my stories.
618
00:26:32,624 --> 00:26:37,364
♪ ♪
619
00:26:37,414 --> 00:26:41,964
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