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Arliss: For most of us,
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00:00:14,180 --> 00:00:16,350
the dream of becoming a champion
3
00:00:16,416 --> 00:00:18,846
remains a fantasy.
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00:00:18,918 --> 00:00:20,418
But for a special few,
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00:00:20,487 --> 00:00:23,257
it is very much a reality.
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00:00:23,323 --> 00:00:24,363
We cheer them.
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00:00:24,424 --> 00:00:26,164
We live through them.
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Athletes are our last warriors.
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00:00:29,429 --> 00:00:32,699
My job is to make
their dreams come true.
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My name is Arliss Michaels.
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I represent athletes.
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These are my stories.
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00:00:40,306 --> 00:00:43,306
♪ Don't know what it is
that makes me love you so ♪
14
00:00:43,376 --> 00:00:47,076
♪ I only know I never
wanna let you go ♪
15
00:00:47,146 --> 00:00:50,646
♪ 'Cause you started
something oh, can't you see ♪
16
00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:54,017
♪ That ever since we met
you had a hold on me ♪
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00:00:54,087 --> 00:00:57,957
♪ It happens to be true ♪
18
00:00:58,024 --> 00:01:01,664
♪ I only wanna be with you ♪
19
00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:05,098
♪ I just wanna be
beside you everywhere ♪
20
00:01:05,164 --> 00:01:08,674
♪ As long as we're
together, honey, I don't care ♪
21
00:01:08,735 --> 00:01:12,265
♪ 'Cause you started
something oh, can't you see ♪
22
00:01:12,338 --> 00:01:15,938
♪ That ever since we met
you had a hold on me ♪
23
00:01:16,009 --> 00:01:19,309
♪ No matter what you do ♪
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00:01:19,379 --> 00:01:23,749
♪ I only wanna be with you ♪
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Man's voice: Welcome
to "Jonny L's Lyons Den."
26
00:01:26,152 --> 00:01:29,062
In your face talk radio.
27
00:01:29,122 --> 00:01:30,922
"Fat Jack" from El Cerritos,
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00:01:30,990 --> 00:01:32,230
You're in the Lyons Den,
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00:01:32,292 --> 00:01:34,262
good morning to you, Fat Jack.
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00:01:34,327 --> 00:01:35,327
Fat Jack: Yeah, Jonny,
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00:01:35,395 --> 00:01:37,025
I want a lion's
chomp for Eric Karros.
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00:01:37,096 --> 00:01:39,096
Another chomp for the chump.
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00:01:39,165 --> 00:01:42,835
And not just once, but
twice he fanned last night,
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00:01:42,902 --> 00:01:44,842
with the bases loaded.
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00:01:44,904 --> 00:01:46,874
Karros has left more
men in scoring position
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00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:48,070
Than Anne Heche!
37
00:01:48,141 --> 00:01:49,781
Man's voice: Say what?
38
00:01:49,842 --> 00:01:51,642
Doug from Del Mar,
39
00:01:51,711 --> 00:01:52,851
you're in the Lyons Den.
40
00:01:52,912 --> 00:01:54,552
Doug: Hey, give Karros a break!
41
00:01:54,614 --> 00:01:55,624
He's playing on a bum leg!
42
00:01:55,648 --> 00:01:58,248
Yeah, and you wanna
know how he hurt that knee?
43
00:01:58,318 --> 00:02:01,148
Dancing at Bar One
last Tuesday night!
44
00:02:01,220 --> 00:02:03,090
Charise from Simi Valley
45
00:02:03,156 --> 00:02:07,426
said he was rocking and
rolling 'till 3:00 in the a.m.
46
00:02:07,493 --> 00:02:09,803
Arliss: Sticks and
stones can break bones.
47
00:02:09,862 --> 00:02:11,472
Funny thing happened
on the way to the stadium.
48
00:02:11,497 --> 00:02:12,597
I tuned in your show.
49
00:02:12,665 --> 00:02:15,695
Oh, lookie here, Eric
Karros is in the den.
50
00:02:15,768 --> 00:02:17,398
Arliss: But words
can ruin careers.
51
00:02:17,470 --> 00:02:18,940
Choking? I'll show you choking!
52
00:02:19,005 --> 00:02:20,005
Eric, I'm live!
53
00:02:20,039 --> 00:02:21,869
Right now, but in five
minutes you'll be dead!
54
00:02:21,941 --> 00:02:23,441
Come on, man, take it easy!
55
00:02:23,509 --> 00:02:24,809
It's just a radio show!
56
00:02:24,877 --> 00:02:26,007
Yeah, is that right?
57
00:02:26,079 --> 00:02:27,149
C'mon, man, easy!
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00:02:28,615 --> 00:02:30,575
Arliss: So when abusive
shock jock Jonny L
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00:02:30,650 --> 00:02:31,680
slandered my client,
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00:02:31,751 --> 00:02:33,751
he stepped over the line.
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00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:35,790
I went right to the top.
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00:02:35,855 --> 00:02:37,255
- Screw it.
- (groans)
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00:02:37,323 --> 00:02:40,433
(sirens)
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00:02:40,493 --> 00:02:42,933
Please inform Sir Hubert
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00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:44,996
that if Jonny Lyons
goes back on the air,
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00:02:45,064 --> 00:02:46,704
I will not permit
any of my clients
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00:02:46,766 --> 00:02:48,896
to appear on any
KBLB talk shows.
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00:02:48,968 --> 00:02:51,038
While being chased
by your client,
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00:02:51,104 --> 00:02:52,974
Jonny Lyons tripped
on a microphone
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00:02:53,039 --> 00:02:54,839
and broke his throat.
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00:02:54,907 --> 00:02:57,477
He won't be bothering
your clients for two weeks.
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00:02:57,543 --> 00:03:00,053
With all due respect,
that's not good enough.
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00:03:00,113 --> 00:03:02,083
Eric Karros was with
me last Tuesday night
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00:03:02,148 --> 00:03:04,078
and nowhere near Bar One.
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00:03:04,150 --> 00:03:06,390
I've advised my client
to sue for slander.
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00:03:06,452 --> 00:03:08,162
(Englishman yelling)
Goddammit, I don't bloody care!
77
00:03:08,187 --> 00:03:10,217
It's brand-fuckin' new!
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00:03:10,289 --> 00:03:11,459
You think!
79
00:03:11,524 --> 00:03:13,364
That's the trouble,
you don't think!
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00:03:13,426 --> 00:03:14,556
Incompetent bastard!
81
00:03:14,627 --> 00:03:15,747
Something wrong, Sir Hubert?
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00:03:15,795 --> 00:03:17,255
Oh, me satellite went out again.
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00:03:17,330 --> 00:03:18,530
Arliss: Oh, I feel for you.
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00:03:18,598 --> 00:03:20,768
My dish goes out three,
four, five times a month.
85
00:03:20,833 --> 00:03:21,983
It's the Santa Ana
winds, you know.
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00:03:22,001 --> 00:03:23,041
When they blow, forget it!
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00:03:23,069 --> 00:03:24,579
I'm not talkin' about
a satellite dish,
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00:03:24,604 --> 00:03:27,044
you stupid cunt!
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00:03:27,106 --> 00:03:28,166
It's me bloody satellite!
90
00:03:28,241 --> 00:03:30,141
Four billion dollars!
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00:03:30,209 --> 00:03:32,409
Four billion dollars.
92
00:03:32,478 --> 00:03:34,218
Well, I hope it's still
under warranty. (chuckles)
93
00:03:34,247 --> 00:03:35,947
Oh, piss off!
94
00:03:36,015 --> 00:03:37,275
Who's the court jester?
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00:03:37,350 --> 00:03:39,450
Arliss Michaels,
Sir Hubert Lynch.
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00:03:39,519 --> 00:03:41,289
Arliss Michaels, right.
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00:03:41,354 --> 00:03:42,924
The sports procurer.
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00:03:44,257 --> 00:03:45,857
What do you want?
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00:03:45,925 --> 00:03:48,165
All I want is a venue where
my clients can be treated fairly
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00:03:48,194 --> 00:03:49,874
and still provide your
listeners entertainment.
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00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:53,796
Mr. Michaels is threatening
litigation against KBLB.
102
00:03:53,866 --> 00:03:56,066
Litigation, is it?
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00:03:56,135 --> 00:03:57,935
Lawsuits.
104
00:03:58,004 --> 00:03:59,384
You know what I
think about lawsuits?
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00:03:59,405 --> 00:04:01,105
Like pimples on me bum.
106
00:04:01,174 --> 00:04:03,644
I pop 'em, and get
on with me business.
107
00:04:03,710 --> 00:04:05,040
Ah, sound advice.
108
00:04:05,111 --> 00:04:06,911
Now look, I own airwaves.
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00:04:06,979 --> 00:04:08,719
You represent sports figures.
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00:04:08,781 --> 00:04:11,481
Sports figures represent money.
111
00:04:11,551 --> 00:04:13,151
I quite like money.
112
00:04:13,219 --> 00:04:15,049
But I ain't making
any money here.
113
00:04:15,121 --> 00:04:17,991
Sittin' here talking
to the likes of you!
114
00:04:18,057 --> 00:04:19,957
So... how can we
clean all this up,
115
00:04:20,026 --> 00:04:21,856
then make it go away?
116
00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:24,758
Have you thought of a
replacement yet for Jonny L?
117
00:04:25,898 --> 00:04:28,198
We have a short list of
names we're considering.
118
00:04:28,267 --> 00:04:29,367
No one definite.
119
00:04:29,435 --> 00:04:33,065
Well, then, perhaps I
could make a suggestion.
120
00:04:34,841 --> 00:04:37,411
Announcer: You're listening
to Pete Rose on KBLB.
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00:04:37,477 --> 00:04:38,947
Welcome back to
Gezaba's Sports Bar.
122
00:04:39,011 --> 00:04:40,781
And coming up next,
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00:04:40,847 --> 00:04:44,277
the author of "Walking
Concussion, My life in the NFL",
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00:04:44,350 --> 00:04:45,790
sitting in for Jonny L,
125
00:04:45,852 --> 00:04:47,492
that should've
been a great one...
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00:04:47,553 --> 00:04:49,063
Kirby Carlisle.
127
00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:52,190
And if I was a betting man,
128
00:04:52,258 --> 00:04:54,328
I'd say you're gonna
be a huge success.
129
00:04:55,695 --> 00:04:56,925
Good luck.
130
00:04:56,996 --> 00:04:58,696
(cheers and applause)
131
00:04:58,765 --> 00:05:00,675
I could use something to
try and take the edge off.
132
00:05:00,700 --> 00:05:02,070
No drinking! No drinking!
133
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:03,195
Here are the questions.
134
00:05:03,269 --> 00:05:04,769
Okay. Thank you Pete Rose!
135
00:05:04,837 --> 00:05:08,977
Um, and, uh, it's great to be
here at Gezaba's sports c... bar
136
00:05:09,041 --> 00:05:10,411
in lovely El Segundo.
137
00:05:10,476 --> 00:05:12,676
Thank you for
inviting KBLB out here!
138
00:05:12,745 --> 00:05:14,175
Man: You suck!
139
00:05:14,247 --> 00:05:15,717
(laughing)
140
00:05:15,782 --> 00:05:19,152
Uh, with me today is, uh,
Japanese, uh, baseball star
141
00:05:19,218 --> 00:05:21,088
and international free agent,
142
00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:22,964
Yoshi Kobiashi.
143
00:05:23,022 --> 00:05:24,722
And his agent, Arliss Michaels.
144
00:05:24,791 --> 00:05:25,961
Welcome to the show.
145
00:05:26,025 --> 00:05:27,925
Thank you for having us.
146
00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:32,374
(speaking Japanese)
147
00:05:32,431 --> 00:05:34,571
He says thank you very
much for having us also.
148
00:05:34,634 --> 00:05:35,784
Uh, he speaks
very little English,
149
00:05:35,802 --> 00:05:37,502
so I guess I'll do
most of the talking.
150
00:05:39,472 --> 00:05:40,472
Kirby.
151
00:05:40,540 --> 00:05:42,240
Oh, uh, we've got a caller.
152
00:05:42,308 --> 00:05:45,308
Uh, Nathan from Santa
Monica. You're on the air.
153
00:05:45,378 --> 00:05:47,288
Nathan: Yeah, Yoshi, hey listen,
where... where do you wanna
154
00:05:47,313 --> 00:05:48,923
play ball in the states?
155
00:05:48,981 --> 00:05:53,121
Uh... (speaking Japanese)
156
00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:54,886
Uh, Rake Tahoe.
157
00:05:54,954 --> 00:05:57,424
Lake... Lake Tahoe?
158
00:05:57,490 --> 00:05:59,290
Yoshi's a big fan of "Bonanza."
159
00:05:59,358 --> 00:06:00,758
That's where the Ponderosa is.
160
00:06:00,827 --> 00:06:02,157
Rove rittle Hoss!
161
00:06:04,130 --> 00:06:06,170
Can you believe
they gave a talk show
162
00:06:06,232 --> 00:06:07,402
to this washed up loser?
163
00:06:08,501 --> 00:06:10,841
All the hosts on sports
radio are ex-jocks.
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00:06:10,903 --> 00:06:11,943
Kirby'll fit right in.
165
00:06:12,004 --> 00:06:13,584
Kirby, I think I speak
for everyone here,
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00:06:13,606 --> 00:06:14,716
when I say that for a rookie,
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00:06:14,740 --> 00:06:17,710
you're doing one hell of a
job with these questions.
168
00:06:17,777 --> 00:06:20,447
So, uh, does Yoshi
like American girls?
169
00:06:21,581 --> 00:06:23,481
What's a weird, chain-smoking,
170
00:06:23,549 --> 00:06:26,149
day-drinking guy like
you doing in joint like this?
171
00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:27,619
Actually, I'm a neurosurgeon.
172
00:06:27,687 --> 00:06:29,287
Wednesday's are just my day off.
173
00:06:29,355 --> 00:06:31,385
(laughing) Oh, yeah?
174
00:06:31,457 --> 00:06:32,987
Uh-huh.
175
00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:34,359
Matt Miller.
176
00:06:36,329 --> 00:06:38,629
Rita Wu.
177
00:06:38,698 --> 00:06:41,728
Rita, do you play pool?
178
00:06:41,801 --> 00:06:44,441
Oh, a little.
179
00:06:44,503 --> 00:06:45,573
Shall we?
180
00:06:46,639 --> 00:06:47,639
Okay.
181
00:06:49,041 --> 00:06:50,281
You're on the air.
182
00:06:50,343 --> 00:06:53,183
Caller: Yeah, how
old is this Yoshi?
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00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:54,246
Hello?
184
00:06:54,280 --> 00:06:55,350
- He's 27.
- He's 19!
185
00:06:55,414 --> 00:06:57,194
Yoshi just turned 19
years old just the other day,
186
00:06:57,216 --> 00:06:58,346
and we had a great birthday,
187
00:06:58,417 --> 00:06:59,347
it was a happy birthday, right?
188
00:06:59,418 --> 00:07:00,888
Right.
189
00:07:00,953 --> 00:07:03,963
Ohhh! Beauty. Beauty.
190
00:07:05,024 --> 00:07:07,494
Uh... Damn!
191
00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:09,100
Look, sister, if you
don't know your way
192
00:07:09,128 --> 00:07:10,698
around a pool table, don't play.
193
00:07:10,763 --> 00:07:13,103
Hey, listen, buddy, you
don't talk to the lady that way.
194
00:07:13,165 --> 00:07:16,635
The lady just cost me 50
bucks when I missed that shot!
195
00:07:16,702 --> 00:07:17,742
I'm sorry!
196
00:07:17,803 --> 00:07:19,283
Rita, please, he never
would've made the shot.
197
00:07:19,305 --> 00:07:20,865
Aw, bullshit!
198
00:07:22,141 --> 00:07:24,041
Five hundred bucks says I can.
199
00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:25,210
Oh, you're on.
200
00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:26,278
Oh... No, c'mon, guys,
201
00:07:26,312 --> 00:07:28,152
this is not the
battle of the testes.
202
00:07:28,214 --> 00:07:29,924
I've got 200, we go for 200.
203
00:07:29,982 --> 00:07:31,852
No, no, no, no, no,
it's 500 or nothing,
204
00:07:31,918 --> 00:07:33,518
and take Shanghai Lil with you.
205
00:07:38,524 --> 00:07:39,664
What are you doing?
206
00:07:39,725 --> 00:07:41,255
Here is 300 bucks.
207
00:07:42,361 --> 00:07:43,641
Let's see the
asshole put his money
208
00:07:43,663 --> 00:07:44,803
where his mouth is.
209
00:07:52,104 --> 00:07:54,914
It's a... It's a pleasure
doin' business with you.
210
00:07:56,075 --> 00:07:57,205
Come any time.
211
00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:00,582
Rita, I'm sorry.
212
00:08:00,646 --> 00:08:01,746
Let me go to an ATM.
213
00:08:01,814 --> 00:08:03,724
Uh, no no no no no, no no. No.
214
00:08:03,783 --> 00:08:06,023
In for a dime...
215
00:08:06,085 --> 00:08:08,145
in for my car payment.
216
00:08:08,220 --> 00:08:10,090
Don't worry, um...
217
00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:12,086
I'll just go to the restroom.
218
00:08:13,659 --> 00:08:15,659
Other teams Yoshi
would entertain offers for
219
00:08:15,728 --> 00:08:18,928
are Los Angeles,
Atlanta, Milwaukee...
220
00:08:18,998 --> 00:08:20,068
Milwaukee?
221
00:08:20,132 --> 00:08:21,702
Schlemiel! Schlimazel!
222
00:08:21,767 --> 00:08:23,537
Hasenpfeffer Incorporated!
223
00:08:26,605 --> 00:08:28,645
"Listen, buddy, you don't
talk to the lady that way."
224
00:08:28,674 --> 00:08:31,914
- (laughing)
- You were scared when I did that. You were.
225
00:08:31,978 --> 00:08:34,678
You fuckers!
226
00:08:34,747 --> 00:08:36,887
I guess her mama never told
her that pool halls ain't for girls.
227
00:08:36,916 --> 00:08:38,726
Caller: Hey, Kirby, I've
seen harder hitting interviews
228
00:08:38,751 --> 00:08:40,191
on "Regis and Kathy Lee"!
229
00:08:40,252 --> 00:08:41,902
You're just letting your
boss hype the market
230
00:08:41,921 --> 00:08:44,021
for his carpetbagger
client, scumbag!
231
00:08:44,090 --> 00:08:46,260
Excuse me, if I
may respond to that.
232
00:08:46,325 --> 00:08:48,225
Arliss Michaels does not hype.
233
00:08:48,294 --> 00:08:50,134
In fact, there's a
firm offer on the table
234
00:08:50,196 --> 00:08:52,966
that unfortunately, I'm not
at liberty to speak about...
235
00:08:53,032 --> 00:08:55,572
Um... I... listen,
I'm sorry, we ha...
236
00:08:55,634 --> 00:08:57,704
Uh... uh, Kirby, we've gotta go.
237
00:08:57,770 --> 00:08:59,370
Uh... You've really
done a great job.
238
00:08:59,438 --> 00:09:00,578
Hasn't he done a
great job, people?
239
00:09:00,606 --> 00:09:01,606
(crowd boos)
240
00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:03,410
Man: You still suck!
241
00:09:03,476 --> 00:09:05,306
- (booing continues)
- Thank you.
242
00:09:10,816 --> 00:09:13,116
Please, I need you to
come out and visit me.
243
00:09:13,185 --> 00:09:14,745
But I haven't seen
you in so long.
244
00:09:14,820 --> 00:09:16,790
You're my favorite cousin.
245
00:09:16,856 --> 00:09:19,056
I've got something
really special planned.
246
00:09:20,226 --> 00:09:22,026
Rita, hello!
247
00:09:22,094 --> 00:09:23,164
Very nice day.
248
00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:24,299
Hi!
249
00:09:24,363 --> 00:09:25,533
Very nice day.
250
00:09:25,598 --> 00:09:26,598
- Bye.
- Bye-bye.
251
00:09:26,632 --> 00:09:29,542
Goodbye. Goodbye.
252
00:09:29,602 --> 00:09:32,342
(In clear English) You
said we have an offer.
253
00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:33,435
From who?
254
00:09:33,506 --> 00:09:34,566
Shh, not so loud!
255
00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:35,810
No, no, no, Arliss,
256
00:09:35,875 --> 00:09:38,335
I'm tired of all this "fresh
off the boat" bullshit.
257
00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:39,811
Look, you can't speak English.
258
00:09:39,879 --> 00:09:41,259
There would've been
no Fernando-mania
259
00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:43,190
if... if Valenzuela would've
sounded like Olivier.
260
00:09:43,215 --> 00:09:45,185
You know, sooner or later,
everyone's gonna find out
261
00:09:45,217 --> 00:09:47,787
my dad moved from Kansas
City to Japan when I was 12.
262
00:09:47,853 --> 00:09:49,993
And when they do, you
tell them you forgot English.
263
00:09:50,056 --> 00:09:51,616
Just go with me on this one.
264
00:09:51,690 --> 00:09:52,960
It's a marketing tool.
265
00:09:53,025 --> 00:09:55,755
You'll wind up with your
own bobblehead doll.
266
00:09:55,828 --> 00:09:56,858
Bobblehead, my ass!
267
00:09:56,929 --> 00:09:58,629
Tell me about the offer!
268
00:09:58,697 --> 00:09:59,727
There is none.
269
00:09:59,799 --> 00:10:01,499
- What?
- Yet, yet.
270
00:10:01,567 --> 00:10:03,297
But I'm just startin'
to chum the waters.
271
00:10:03,369 --> 00:10:04,579
I'm gonna make the
rounds next week.
272
00:10:04,603 --> 00:10:05,813
Don't worry, you're
gonna get a deal.
273
00:10:05,838 --> 00:10:06,848
What team you wanna play for?
274
00:10:06,872 --> 00:10:08,382
White Sox, Red Sox,
Yankees, Angels...?
275
00:10:08,407 --> 00:10:09,487
Shit, I don't care, Arliss.
276
00:10:09,542 --> 00:10:11,942
The team that pays me
the most, I'll love the most.
277
00:10:12,011 --> 00:10:14,311
Hi. Excuse me. Arliss.
278
00:10:14,380 --> 00:10:15,580
Uh... Rita!
279
00:10:15,648 --> 00:10:17,118
Uh, Nanu-nanu!
280
00:10:17,183 --> 00:10:18,383
Uh, hi, Yoshi.
281
00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:20,391
Um, Arliss, I really need
next Wednesday off,
282
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:21,953
My cousin is coming into town.
283
00:10:22,021 --> 00:10:23,161
Cousin, family.
284
00:10:23,222 --> 00:10:25,092
Family... yes...
285
00:10:25,157 --> 00:10:26,327
No, I'm sorry.
286
00:10:26,326 --> 00:10:27,556
Yes.
287
00:10:27,561 --> 00:10:28,631
No.
288
00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:29,628
Yes!
289
00:10:29,695 --> 00:10:30,895
Yes, sure!
290
00:10:30,963 --> 00:10:32,263
Okay, thank you, Arliss.
291
00:10:32,331 --> 00:10:34,431
Thank you, Yoshi.
292
00:10:36,168 --> 00:10:39,438
So when the fuck am I gonna
see some money, Arliss?
293
00:10:39,505 --> 00:10:42,435
♪ Kirby in the morning ♪
294
00:10:42,508 --> 00:10:44,078
Okay, we're, uh, finishing up
295
00:10:44,143 --> 00:10:45,983
with Jim Harbaugh
of the Chicago Bears.
296
00:10:46,045 --> 00:10:47,675
That's Indianapolis Colts.
297
00:10:47,746 --> 00:10:48,946
Yes, you didn't let me finish,
298
00:10:49,014 --> 00:10:50,984
the, uh, formerly of
the Chicago Bears,
299
00:10:51,050 --> 00:10:53,120
now quarterback for
the Indianapolis Colts.
300
00:10:53,185 --> 00:10:55,985
And, um... the last time we
saw you was in the playoffs,
301
00:10:56,055 --> 00:10:58,115
and you had your
tooth knocked out...
302
00:11:01,127 --> 00:11:02,387
did that hurt?
303
00:11:03,996 --> 00:11:06,426
Yeah, that hurt. That hurt.
304
00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:10,369
Uh, the Colts have
a good dental plan?
305
00:11:10,436 --> 00:11:13,036
You know, I really
gotta get going. Sorry.
306
00:11:13,105 --> 00:11:15,365
All right, great. Uh, all
right, thanks for stopping by.
307
00:11:15,441 --> 00:11:17,381
(crowd booing)
308
00:11:21,147 --> 00:11:22,777
Hey, sweetie...
309
00:11:22,848 --> 00:11:24,648
get me a Guinness?
310
00:11:27,253 --> 00:11:29,193
You know you give
me an offensive line
311
00:11:29,255 --> 00:11:30,955
that's more than
five speed bumps,
312
00:11:31,023 --> 00:11:32,663
you give me a Jerry Rice,
313
00:11:32,725 --> 00:11:34,225
and I'll be in the mother...
314
00:11:35,261 --> 00:11:36,901
I'll be in the goddamn
Hall of Fame.
315
00:11:36,962 --> 00:11:38,702
(cheers)
316
00:11:38,764 --> 00:11:39,884
Caller: Hey, Kirby,
who do you like
317
00:11:39,899 --> 00:11:41,899
in the pro wrestling
Super Brawl this weekend?
318
00:11:41,967 --> 00:11:43,797
Oh, oh, that's
right, that's right.
319
00:11:43,869 --> 00:11:46,009
I'm sorry, I forgot that
that's what you called about.
320
00:11:46,071 --> 00:11:48,971
Well, listen, let me tell you
something about pro wrestling.
321
00:11:49,041 --> 00:11:50,581
(shouting) Pro
wrestling is fake!
322
00:11:50,643 --> 00:11:51,683
(cheering)
323
00:11:51,744 --> 00:11:53,614
Jesus, and you're not an adult,
324
00:11:53,679 --> 00:11:55,209
you're a loser
masquerading as one.
325
00:11:55,281 --> 00:11:59,221
(crowd chanting)
Kirby! Kirby! Kirby!
326
00:11:59,285 --> 00:12:02,215
Tim from Redondo Beach...
327
00:12:02,288 --> 00:12:04,518
Tim: Kirby, you got
some major stones!
328
00:12:04,590 --> 00:12:06,090
Big as boulders, baby.
329
00:12:06,158 --> 00:12:08,358
This Yoshi dude
hasn't played one game!
330
00:12:08,427 --> 00:12:09,697
How can they offer him millions?
331
00:12:09,728 --> 00:12:12,058
No, no, it's not just Yoshi.
332
00:12:12,131 --> 00:12:16,041
All professional
athletes are mercenaries.
333
00:12:16,101 --> 00:12:19,471
You know, the Kirby thinks guys
like Albert Bell and Dennis Rodman
334
00:12:19,538 --> 00:12:22,038
are greedy,
self-centered crybabies.
335
00:12:22,107 --> 00:12:23,337
Yeah, well I think...
336
00:12:23,409 --> 00:12:24,409
Shut up!
337
00:12:25,544 --> 00:12:28,414
Only the quarterback
talks in the huddle.
338
00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:29,520
Next caller.
339
00:12:30,916 --> 00:12:33,916
Hey-hey, Ken
Caminiti, David Justice!
340
00:12:33,986 --> 00:12:35,516
How's my two favorite guys?
341
00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:37,918
We got... We got a little
bone to pick with, uh, Kirby.
342
00:12:37,990 --> 00:12:39,600
We're hearin' Kirby's
talking a lot of smack
343
00:12:39,625 --> 00:12:41,195
about the ball players.
We don't appreciate it.
344
00:12:41,227 --> 00:12:42,287
Kirby? My Kirby?
345
00:12:42,361 --> 00:12:43,361
I don't know about Ken,
346
00:12:43,395 --> 00:12:44,765
but I'm gone if you
don't take care of it.
347
00:12:44,797 --> 00:12:46,137
No, no, sure, no,
I'll take care of it.
348
00:12:46,165 --> 00:12:48,525
You know me, Arliss Michaels,
the working man's friend.
349
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:49,601
All right.
350
00:12:49,668 --> 00:12:50,878
Thank you, thank
you for telling me,
351
00:12:50,903 --> 00:12:53,383
- Appreciate it.
- Bringing it to my attention, it's important.
352
00:13:02,948 --> 00:13:04,948
All right, baby!
353
00:13:05,017 --> 00:13:06,147
Rrrooar!
354
00:13:07,186 --> 00:13:11,116
♪ A love machine in every way ♪
355
00:13:11,190 --> 00:13:13,530
Rita, honey, do me a favor...
356
00:13:13,592 --> 00:13:15,432
answer my fan mail.
357
00:13:15,494 --> 00:13:17,434
And if you find any
enclosed panties,
358
00:13:17,496 --> 00:13:18,526
you forward them to me.
359
00:13:18,597 --> 00:13:19,967
Okay, cowboy.
360
00:13:20,032 --> 00:13:21,602
I'll be in my office.
361
00:13:21,667 --> 00:13:22,897
Pow!
362
00:13:27,473 --> 00:13:28,713
Where'd he go?
363
00:13:30,142 --> 00:13:32,712
♪ He's a big man ♪
364
00:13:35,281 --> 00:13:37,551
All of my clients are overpaid,
365
00:13:37,616 --> 00:13:39,646
greedy, self-centered?
366
00:13:40,953 --> 00:13:42,663
It's the truth, isn't it?
367
00:13:42,721 --> 00:13:45,791
Besides, it's my job to
provoke conversation.
368
00:13:45,858 --> 00:13:48,558
Your job? This is your job!
369
00:13:48,627 --> 00:13:50,127
Not some stupid radio show
370
00:13:50,195 --> 00:13:52,355
which is turning into
a conflict of interest!
371
00:13:52,431 --> 00:13:54,631
Let me ask you a question,
who pays you more?
372
00:13:54,700 --> 00:13:55,900
Radio or me?
373
00:13:55,968 --> 00:13:57,068
You do.
374
00:13:57,136 --> 00:13:58,136
Remember that.
375
00:13:58,170 --> 00:13:59,410
For now.
376
00:14:00,539 --> 00:14:02,109
Meaning what?
377
00:14:03,809 --> 00:14:05,509
HLI broadcasting
378
00:14:05,577 --> 00:14:08,447
is considering
syndicating my show.
379
00:14:08,514 --> 00:14:10,424
Which means more money for me
380
00:14:10,482 --> 00:14:13,352
and wider exposure
for our clients.
381
00:14:13,419 --> 00:14:15,389
So you can flog them nationally
382
00:14:15,454 --> 00:14:18,424
instead of just In the second
largest market in the country?
383
00:14:18,490 --> 00:14:21,190
Hey, I don't flog
'em. I tell it like it is!
384
00:14:21,260 --> 00:14:23,360
Well, Tex, let me
tell you like it is.
385
00:14:23,429 --> 00:14:26,669
Either you lay off my
clients, or I layoff your ass!
386
00:14:31,637 --> 00:14:33,807
You can't tell me
how to run my show!
387
00:14:33,872 --> 00:14:35,912
I got you that show,
me, remember?
388
00:14:35,974 --> 00:14:38,184
And it's successful
because of me, remember?
389
00:14:38,243 --> 00:14:40,423
You know, you just can't
handle it that I don't need you.
390
00:14:40,446 --> 00:14:42,946
You're jealous because
I'm a radio personalty,
391
00:14:43,015 --> 00:14:44,815
and I got the hottest
show in the city!
392
00:14:44,883 --> 00:14:46,363
Unless you count
the Mexican stations!
393
00:14:46,385 --> 00:14:47,445
Listen, Kirby...
394
00:14:47,519 --> 00:14:48,689
No, no, you listen to me.
395
00:14:48,754 --> 00:14:52,664
Every morning,
780 on your AM dial.
396
00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:54,525
♪ Kirby in the morning ♪
397
00:14:54,593 --> 00:14:56,933
Woo-woo! Kirby Carlisle!
398
00:14:56,995 --> 00:14:59,095
You wanna stick this
up his ass, or should i?
399
00:15:01,533 --> 00:15:03,573
Go ahead.
400
00:15:03,635 --> 00:15:04,835
I'll do it.
401
00:15:10,075 --> 00:15:12,135
(phone rings)
402
00:15:12,211 --> 00:15:13,211
Y-'ello!
403
00:15:13,245 --> 00:15:14,705
Hey, it's me.
404
00:15:14,780 --> 00:15:16,750
Listen, uh, sorry
about yesterday.
405
00:15:16,815 --> 00:15:18,475
You know, I... I do
owe you everything.
406
00:15:18,550 --> 00:15:20,090
Oh, forget it.
407
00:15:20,152 --> 00:15:21,422
No, I mean really,
408
00:15:21,487 --> 00:15:22,687
without you, jeez,
409
00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:24,885
I'd probably be sitting
in a bar somewhere
410
00:15:24,957 --> 00:15:27,527
boring people telling
old football stories.
411
00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:29,133
Wait a minute, I do that now.
412
00:15:29,194 --> 00:15:30,304
(Arliss chuckling)
413
00:15:30,362 --> 00:15:33,302
So, uh, what's on the
agenda today, boss?
414
00:15:33,365 --> 00:15:34,725
More Yoshi business.
415
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:36,270
Now he wants it
written in his deal
416
00:15:36,335 --> 00:15:37,795
that his mother
has to get a house.
417
00:15:37,870 --> 00:15:39,310
We should make this
a standard deal point
418
00:15:39,338 --> 00:15:40,638
in all our client's contracts,
419
00:15:40,706 --> 00:15:43,836
Item 6-a, company
must buy mama a house.
420
00:15:43,909 --> 00:15:47,179
Yeah, like, the, uh standard deal
points in, uh, Barry's contract, huh?
421
00:15:47,246 --> 00:15:50,916
(chuckling) What do we got,
satin sheets, jacuzzi suites,
422
00:15:50,983 --> 00:15:52,123
two-line phones on the road.
423
00:15:52,184 --> 00:15:53,594
You name it, he's got it.
424
00:15:53,652 --> 00:15:58,192
Hey, question: Who's a bigger pain in
the ass, Jeff George or Barry Bonds?
425
00:15:58,257 --> 00:16:00,657
Whoa, that's a
Hitler/Stalin argument.
426
00:16:00,726 --> 00:16:03,826
Uhhh, Barry. No one's
more demanding than Barry.
427
00:16:03,896 --> 00:16:06,196
Arliss! Arliss!
428
00:16:06,265 --> 00:16:07,295
Hold on.
429
00:16:07,366 --> 00:16:08,496
What are you doing?
430
00:16:08,567 --> 00:16:10,097
Working out,
talking on the phone.
431
00:16:10,169 --> 00:16:11,169
What are you doing?
432
00:16:11,236 --> 00:16:12,636
Listening to you on the radio.
433
00:16:12,704 --> 00:16:13,944
Kirby has you on the air!
434
00:16:14,006 --> 00:16:15,336
Whaaaat!
435
00:16:15,407 --> 00:16:16,607
(crash)
436
00:16:16,675 --> 00:16:18,405
Kirby, you cocksucker!
437
00:16:18,477 --> 00:16:21,647
Whoa! Thank God for
the seven-second delay!
438
00:16:21,713 --> 00:16:23,123
You put me on the air?
439
00:16:23,182 --> 00:16:24,822
Now why don't you
tell all our listeners
440
00:16:24,883 --> 00:16:26,593
about the time that
you and Michael Irvin
441
00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:29,222
were on that Ferris
wheel in Atlantic City.
442
00:16:29,288 --> 00:16:31,918
Kirby, you are a
dead man talkin'!
443
00:16:31,990 --> 00:16:33,160
(laughing)
444
00:16:33,225 --> 00:16:34,785
Is our client base too big?
445
00:16:34,860 --> 00:16:36,900
Is this a part of your
master plan to thin the herd?
446
00:16:36,962 --> 00:16:38,262
I was ambushed!
447
00:16:38,330 --> 00:16:39,570
Ambushed? If you were ambushed,
448
00:16:39,631 --> 00:16:41,141
then our clients were
shot in their sleep!
449
00:16:41,166 --> 00:16:42,466
Maybe nobody was listening.
450
00:16:42,534 --> 00:16:44,644
(ring) (ring) (ring)
451
00:16:48,941 --> 00:16:49,941
Hello, there.
452
00:16:50,008 --> 00:16:53,978
So, Arliss, Which one
am I, Hitler or Stalin?
453
00:16:54,046 --> 00:16:55,576
When I called you
a pain in the ass,
454
00:16:55,647 --> 00:16:57,447
I meant that only in a good way!
455
00:16:57,516 --> 00:17:00,516
I mean this in a nice way
too. You're an asshole!
456
00:17:00,586 --> 00:17:01,946
I am down with that.
457
00:17:02,020 --> 00:17:03,190
No time for him.
458
00:17:03,255 --> 00:17:04,915
- Got the message!
- (phone ringing)
459
00:17:04,990 --> 00:17:06,160
Arliss,
460
00:17:06,225 --> 00:17:08,725
It was your idea to
put Kirby on the air.
461
00:17:08,794 --> 00:17:10,534
Now you want him off the air?
462
00:17:10,596 --> 00:17:12,556
Kirby Carlisle is
poisoning the airwaves
463
00:17:12,631 --> 00:17:15,271
by perpetuating lies about
America's role models
464
00:17:15,334 --> 00:17:17,074
at a time when this
country needs to hear
465
00:17:17,135 --> 00:17:18,245
the sound of America's heroes!
466
00:17:18,270 --> 00:17:20,140
(toilet flushing)
467
00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:23,480
Kirby Carlisle's show is a hit!
468
00:17:23,542 --> 00:17:26,482
The numbers have spiked
since he took over for Jonny L.
469
00:17:26,545 --> 00:17:27,745
I think you should fire him.
470
00:17:27,813 --> 00:17:29,923
Sir Hubert: Fire him?
471
00:17:29,982 --> 00:17:33,522
We just signed him to a three-year
personal services contract.
472
00:17:33,585 --> 00:17:36,315
"Personal services contract"?
473
00:17:36,388 --> 00:17:38,558
We intend to syndicate
his show nationally.
474
00:17:38,624 --> 00:17:41,394
We expect to put him
in over 75 markets.
475
00:17:41,460 --> 00:17:45,660
Hah... Stupid Yanks! Can't stop listening
to other stupid Yanks, then, can they?
476
00:17:47,966 --> 00:17:49,666
Well, thank you very
much for your time.
477
00:17:49,735 --> 00:17:51,435
No, no, hang on, hang on, then.
478
00:17:51,503 --> 00:17:54,013
We can still do
business... can't we?
479
00:17:54,072 --> 00:17:55,942
What kind of business
are we gonna do?
480
00:17:56,008 --> 00:17:58,008
What, are you gonna trade
me Italy for Barry Bonds?
481
00:17:58,043 --> 00:17:59,413
I don't want Barry Bonds.
482
00:17:59,478 --> 00:18:00,718
Oh, he'll be happy to hear that.
483
00:18:00,746 --> 00:18:03,616
I want Yoshi Kobiashi.
484
00:18:03,682 --> 00:18:06,452
For what? The new anchor
on your Fort Worth news team?
485
00:18:06,518 --> 00:18:09,758
No. For my baseball team.
486
00:18:09,821 --> 00:18:11,061
Excuse me, Sir Hubert,
487
00:18:11,123 --> 00:18:13,593
but you don't own
a baseball team.
488
00:18:13,659 --> 00:18:16,899
Today. But one must
build towards the future.
489
00:18:18,797 --> 00:18:20,297
The future?
490
00:18:20,365 --> 00:18:24,235
Last month I bought a fledgling
Japanese television network.
491
00:18:24,303 --> 00:18:26,073
A real steal.
492
00:18:26,138 --> 00:18:28,168
368 million.
493
00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:29,470
A real fixer-upper, huh?
494
00:18:29,541 --> 00:18:32,811
Well, like all fledgling networks,
it, uh, needs programming.
495
00:18:32,878 --> 00:18:36,978
You know, most of the world's
wealth is spent between...
496
00:18:37,049 --> 00:18:39,619
right here and right here.
497
00:18:39,685 --> 00:18:41,785
Now you Yanks and the Nips
498
00:18:41,853 --> 00:18:44,423
have a few things in common.
499
00:18:44,489 --> 00:18:47,659
Traffic, big-titted blondes,
500
00:18:47,726 --> 00:18:49,826
And baseball.
501
00:18:49,895 --> 00:18:51,825
Now I can't do nothing
about the first two.
502
00:18:51,897 --> 00:18:54,127
But I can do something
about baseball.
503
00:18:54,199 --> 00:18:55,599
Relocate it.
504
00:18:55,667 --> 00:18:59,297
So you buy an American
team with a Japanese star,
505
00:18:59,371 --> 00:19:00,771
program your network around it,
506
00:19:00,839 --> 00:19:03,879
and then finally
relocate the team.
507
00:19:03,942 --> 00:19:06,612
The numbers are
gonna be staggering!
508
00:19:06,678 --> 00:19:10,018
Makes me wanna shag
the night away. (laughs)
509
00:19:10,082 --> 00:19:12,852
I get it, so, today,
the Pittsburgh Pirates,
510
00:19:12,918 --> 00:19:14,988
tomorrow...
511
00:19:15,053 --> 00:19:16,323
First things first.
512
00:19:16,388 --> 00:19:17,918
Steve Brenner from the Yankees,
513
00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:19,870
he signed his import for,
how much was it, then?
514
00:19:19,891 --> 00:19:20,991
13 million.
515
00:19:21,059 --> 00:19:22,059
Right.
516
00:19:22,094 --> 00:19:24,704
I'll give your lad, uh... 20.
517
00:19:24,763 --> 00:19:26,133
Twenty?
518
00:19:26,198 --> 00:19:27,828
But it's gotta be quiet.
519
00:19:27,899 --> 00:19:29,229
Just between us.
520
00:19:29,301 --> 00:19:30,971
Until after the
owners' meetings.
521
00:19:31,036 --> 00:19:32,666
There might be some
who'd be opposed
522
00:19:32,738 --> 00:19:34,968
to Sir Hubert owning
a baseball team.
523
00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:36,640
Provincial bastards.
524
00:19:36,708 --> 00:19:38,738
So, is this deal closed?
525
00:19:38,810 --> 00:19:40,080
Closed...
526
00:19:40,145 --> 00:19:41,545
on the money.
527
00:19:41,613 --> 00:19:43,253
Not closed on the deal.
528
00:19:43,315 --> 00:19:45,875
Don't waste my time playing
"who's pecker's bigger."
529
00:19:45,951 --> 00:19:47,651
What else do you want?
530
00:19:47,719 --> 00:19:49,689
Sir Hubert,
531
00:19:49,755 --> 00:19:52,815
I too, want to
build for the future.
532
00:19:56,595 --> 00:19:58,325
20 million.
533
00:19:58,397 --> 00:20:00,667
20 million bones, baby!
534
00:20:00,732 --> 00:20:01,772
Where do I sign?
535
00:20:01,833 --> 00:20:02,833
Hold on a second.
536
00:20:02,901 --> 00:20:04,971
Understand, this is a
personal services contract,
537
00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:06,367
Not a playing contract.
538
00:20:06,438 --> 00:20:08,468
I mean, if Sir Hubert
doesn't get a franchise,
539
00:20:08,540 --> 00:20:10,650
you could wind up pitching
for his company's softball team.
540
00:20:10,676 --> 00:20:12,036
Yeah, I don't give a shit.
541
00:20:12,110 --> 00:20:13,980
20 million, man,
where do I sign?
542
00:20:19,718 --> 00:20:20,718
You are the man, Arliss.
543
00:20:20,786 --> 00:20:22,386
You are the man.
544
00:20:22,454 --> 00:20:23,724
Congratulations.
545
00:20:23,789 --> 00:20:26,189
I'm just so jacked, Arliss,
I wanna tell someone.
546
00:20:26,258 --> 00:20:27,628
No, don't do that.
547
00:20:27,693 --> 00:20:29,463
You keep your
mouth shut about this.
548
00:20:29,528 --> 00:20:31,448
If this gets out, it could
blow Sir Hubert's plan
549
00:20:31,496 --> 00:20:33,526
to get a franchise
to kingdom come.
550
00:20:33,598 --> 00:20:35,468
You better cut
me off then, dude.
551
00:20:35,534 --> 00:20:38,344
Right, right. Look, I
gotta go hit the head
552
00:20:38,403 --> 00:20:40,483
and make a couple of phone
calls, I'll be right back, okay?
553
00:20:40,505 --> 00:20:41,565
You're the man, Arliss.
554
00:20:41,640 --> 00:20:43,510
Yeah, I'm the man.
555
00:20:46,712 --> 00:20:47,812
Excuse me.
556
00:20:47,879 --> 00:20:49,779
My friend's celebrating
his birthday over there,
557
00:20:49,848 --> 00:20:51,578
Could you get us a
couple of kamikazes?
558
00:20:51,650 --> 00:20:53,320
Thanks, make 'em doubles.
559
00:20:57,155 --> 00:20:58,685
So you gonna go to
the family reunion?
560
00:20:58,757 --> 00:21:00,187
I hear it's B.Y.O.B.
561
00:21:00,258 --> 00:21:01,688
Bring your own baggage.
562
00:21:05,630 --> 00:21:08,030
Hi, sweetie. Miss me?
563
00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:09,570
C'mon, Jeanette, let's go.
564
00:21:09,634 --> 00:21:10,674
Wait, he's cute.
565
00:21:10,736 --> 00:21:11,996
No, he's not, he's a jerk.
566
00:21:12,070 --> 00:21:15,170
Oh, don't. Don't hold a grudge.
567
00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:17,220
If you like, we'll give you a
chance to make your money back.
568
00:21:17,242 --> 00:21:18,582
No, thank you, let's go.
569
00:21:18,643 --> 00:21:22,583
Wait. Let's stay.
I've got some money.
570
00:21:22,647 --> 00:21:23,877
You heard the girl.
571
00:21:23,949 --> 00:21:25,919
Jeanette, you don't understand.
572
00:21:25,984 --> 00:21:27,624
They're hustlers.
573
00:21:29,187 --> 00:21:30,317
So hustle me.
574
00:21:31,823 --> 00:21:32,993
Oh, yeah.
575
00:21:55,046 --> 00:21:56,046
(burps)
576
00:21:57,749 --> 00:22:00,719
Yoshi, hey, man!
577
00:22:00,786 --> 00:22:03,656
Where's your chaperon?
Where's Arliss?
578
00:22:03,722 --> 00:22:05,622
Head.
579
00:22:05,690 --> 00:22:07,390
Phone.
580
00:22:07,459 --> 00:22:09,759
Right, right, right, headphone.
581
00:22:09,828 --> 00:22:11,898
Let's get this guy
some headphones.
582
00:22:13,965 --> 00:22:15,695
Fish took the bait.
583
00:22:16,902 --> 00:22:19,302
Well, mine swallowed the hook.
584
00:22:26,378 --> 00:22:28,308
Well, look who just
came into the huddle.
585
00:22:28,380 --> 00:22:30,450
Yosh, you stud, what up?
586
00:22:30,515 --> 00:22:33,315
Beer for everyone,
on the Yosh man!
587
00:22:33,385 --> 00:22:35,185
All right!
588
00:22:35,253 --> 00:22:37,363
Must have come into
some money, huh?
589
00:22:37,422 --> 00:22:40,632
Try 20 million dollars, babe.
590
00:22:40,692 --> 00:22:42,862
Your English is
coming along, dude.
591
00:22:42,928 --> 00:22:45,628
I'm gonna be playing
baseball for Sir Hubert Lynch!
592
00:22:45,697 --> 00:22:47,727
Lynch doesn't own a team.
593
00:22:47,799 --> 00:22:50,469
Yet. But he's going to.
594
00:22:50,535 --> 00:22:52,235
Then he's moving
the team to Japan!
595
00:22:52,304 --> 00:22:55,544
(crowd booing)
596
00:22:55,607 --> 00:22:57,477
That Limey can't do that.
597
00:22:57,542 --> 00:22:59,142
He's gonna ruin baseball!
598
00:22:59,211 --> 00:23:00,311
Lynch should be lynched!
599
00:23:00,378 --> 00:23:02,678
Let's take a call,
hey, from Queens.
600
00:23:02,747 --> 00:23:04,547
Man's voice: Yo,
Kirby, I wanna know
601
00:23:04,616 --> 00:23:06,216
where does this prick come off
602
00:23:06,284 --> 00:23:07,564
getting our
baseball team, right?
603
00:23:07,586 --> 00:23:09,856
I mean forget about
it! The guy's a scavoze.
604
00:23:09,921 --> 00:23:12,161
He don't know no
more about baseball
605
00:23:12,224 --> 00:23:13,334
than I know about cricket!
606
00:23:13,391 --> 00:23:14,391
You know what I'm sayin'?
607
00:23:14,459 --> 00:23:15,499
I know what you're saying.
608
00:23:15,527 --> 00:23:16,557
You know what I'm saying?
609
00:23:16,628 --> 00:23:17,668
I know what you're saying!
610
00:23:17,696 --> 00:23:18,696
You know what I'm saying?
611
00:23:18,763 --> 00:23:20,373
I know what you're saying,
why don't you shut up?
612
00:23:20,398 --> 00:23:21,808
We're not gonna let
him get away with this,
613
00:23:21,833 --> 00:23:23,483
and we're not gonna
let you get away with this!
614
00:23:23,501 --> 00:23:27,041
Uh... Rake Tahoe,
um... rittle Hoss...
615
00:23:27,105 --> 00:23:28,235
Uh, nanu-nanu!
616
00:23:28,306 --> 00:23:30,146
Oh, yeah, that's right!
Rake Tahoe, little Hoss,
617
00:23:30,175 --> 00:23:31,875
why don't you get
outta here, you a-hole?
618
00:23:31,943 --> 00:23:33,553
Go buy everybody a beer,
619
00:23:33,612 --> 00:23:34,662
Maybe that'll make 'em happy!
620
00:23:34,679 --> 00:23:36,209
Get outta here, you bum!
621
00:23:36,281 --> 00:23:37,351
(crowd booing)
622
00:23:37,415 --> 00:23:38,525
Now, listen, let
me hear from you!
623
00:23:38,550 --> 00:23:39,580
I wanna hear from you!
624
00:23:41,186 --> 00:23:43,386
There's no way that
this is your cousin.
625
00:23:43,455 --> 00:23:44,515
Oh, yes, she is.
626
00:23:44,589 --> 00:23:47,659
She just happens to
be "the Black Widow."
627
00:23:47,726 --> 00:23:49,726
(sighs)
628
00:23:49,794 --> 00:23:51,764
Your turn, Rita.
629
00:23:57,102 --> 00:23:59,772
Three hundred bucks
says I clear the table.
630
00:23:59,838 --> 00:24:00,938
You're on.
631
00:24:07,479 --> 00:24:08,479
Yes!
632
00:24:08,513 --> 00:24:10,783
(laughing)
633
00:24:10,849 --> 00:24:12,419
Oh... (clears throat)
634
00:24:13,418 --> 00:24:15,448
Thank you. Thank you.
635
00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:19,420
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
636
00:24:19,491 --> 00:24:21,291
Of course he's
gonna move the team,
637
00:24:21,359 --> 00:24:24,099
and baseball owners should
grow some Kirby-sized nad
638
00:24:24,162 --> 00:24:26,002
and vote to block this sale!
639
00:24:26,064 --> 00:24:28,934
And stoppin' these poofies
from stealin' our game, you know,
640
00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:31,000
am I right, am I right?
641
00:24:31,069 --> 00:24:33,569
(cheering)
642
00:24:35,340 --> 00:24:37,480
That's a pack of lies!
643
00:24:37,542 --> 00:24:38,542
Piss off!
644
00:24:38,576 --> 00:24:40,476
(phones ringing)
645
00:24:40,545 --> 00:24:43,745
What... Don't tell me
how to run my business!
646
00:24:43,815 --> 00:24:44,915
Bugger off!
647
00:24:44,983 --> 00:24:46,153
Commissioner's office.
648
00:24:47,252 --> 00:24:49,892
Well, fuck your
antitrust legislation.
649
00:24:49,955 --> 00:24:51,485
Fuck your fellow owners,
650
00:24:51,556 --> 00:24:53,326
and fuck you!
651
00:24:54,392 --> 00:24:57,932
Get that blabbermouth
son of a bitch on the phone!
652
00:24:57,996 --> 00:24:59,166
We're not gotta gonna take this.
653
00:24:59,197 --> 00:25:00,997
We kicked those Brits
out of the country once,
654
00:25:01,032 --> 00:25:02,272
we're gonna kick 'em out again!
655
00:25:02,334 --> 00:25:05,304
Hubie from Manhattan, you're
in the huddle, call the play.
656
00:25:05,370 --> 00:25:07,470
Hubert: Kirby, your stones
are as big as coconuts.
657
00:25:07,539 --> 00:25:08,869
You got that right, bro.
658
00:25:08,940 --> 00:25:10,810
But mine are bigger!
659
00:25:10,875 --> 00:25:12,735
You're fired!
660
00:25:12,811 --> 00:25:14,311
Yeah, right.
661
00:25:14,379 --> 00:25:16,149
(power shutting down)
662
00:25:16,214 --> 00:25:18,184
Hello?
663
00:25:18,249 --> 00:25:20,519
We got no juice, we're dead.
664
00:25:20,585 --> 00:25:21,595
What are you talking about?
665
00:25:21,619 --> 00:25:23,049
He can't kick me off the air!
666
00:25:23,121 --> 00:25:24,861
No one can kick me off the air!
667
00:25:24,923 --> 00:25:27,063
I'll get a job at
another radio station!
668
00:25:27,125 --> 00:25:29,225
No... you won't.
669
00:25:29,294 --> 00:25:32,364
Oh, he can't fire me! I got a
three year contract with HLI!
670
00:25:32,430 --> 00:25:34,430
Noooo, you don't.
671
00:25:34,499 --> 00:25:37,999
You see, once you went off the
air, your contract reverted to me.
672
00:25:38,069 --> 00:25:40,139
What are you talking about?
673
00:25:40,205 --> 00:25:42,105
You know that Kobiashi
deal I just made?
674
00:25:42,173 --> 00:25:43,173
Yes?
675
00:25:43,241 --> 00:25:46,081
Well, part of it was, I
traded Yoshi to Sir Hubert
676
00:25:46,144 --> 00:25:48,554
for a jerk to be
named later, you.
677
00:25:49,748 --> 00:25:51,648
You... You traded for me?
678
00:25:51,716 --> 00:25:53,316
Yeah! (chuckles)
679
00:25:53,385 --> 00:25:55,745
But don't worry, I
recognize talent.
680
00:25:55,820 --> 00:25:57,420
I got plans for you.
681
00:25:57,489 --> 00:26:00,489
You're still gonna
be on the air!
682
00:26:00,558 --> 00:26:02,788
Huh?
683
00:26:02,861 --> 00:26:05,661
Kirby: Uh, checking the
weather, it's a typical L.A. day,
684
00:26:05,730 --> 00:26:08,900
hazy with continued haze
throughout the afternoon,
685
00:26:08,967 --> 00:26:10,937
followed by twilight.
686
00:26:11,002 --> 00:26:14,212
Uh, the AMM company
picnic is this Sunday,
687
00:26:14,272 --> 00:26:16,172
Cherry Creek Field.
688
00:26:16,241 --> 00:26:18,311
I know how much fun
everyone had last year,
689
00:26:18,376 --> 00:26:19,606
so be there.
690
00:26:19,677 --> 00:26:21,607
Fan mail.
691
00:26:21,679 --> 00:26:23,779
(giggles)
692
00:26:23,848 --> 00:26:25,278
And don't forget at 11:30,
693
00:26:25,350 --> 00:26:26,380
my hard-hitting interview
694
00:26:26,451 --> 00:26:28,651
with Stanley in
Business Affairs.
695
00:26:28,720 --> 00:26:31,120
He's so unpredictable.
696
00:26:31,189 --> 00:26:33,289
I don't hear the time horn.
697
00:26:33,358 --> 00:26:34,638
Arliss, I think you've
made your point!
698
00:26:34,659 --> 00:26:37,199
I don't hear the time horn!
699
00:26:38,563 --> 00:26:40,303
(horn sounds)
700
00:26:40,365 --> 00:26:42,225
It's three minutes past ten.
701
00:26:42,300 --> 00:26:44,340
Arliss: My name
is Arliss Michaels.
702
00:26:44,402 --> 00:26:46,002
I represent athletes.
703
00:26:46,071 --> 00:26:48,241
These are my stories.
704
00:26:48,306 --> 00:26:50,776
Kirby: And don't forget to
place your frappuccino orders.
705
00:26:50,842 --> 00:26:53,512
I'll be making a run.
706
00:26:53,578 --> 00:26:54,978
Oh, let's thank Sal
707
00:26:55,046 --> 00:26:57,416
for the bagels and cream
cheese this morning.
708
00:26:58,883 --> 00:27:01,223
Oh, we've got our
box seats available
709
00:27:01,286 --> 00:27:04,156
for the Sparks and Liberty
this Friday at the Forum.
710
00:27:04,222 --> 00:27:06,862
Uh, WNBA at its finest...
711
00:27:06,925 --> 00:27:09,585
uh, for the person who
can answer the question:
712
00:27:09,661 --> 00:27:12,131
What Pac-Ten
quarterback holds the record
713
00:27:12,197 --> 00:27:15,427
for most interceptions
returned for a touchdown
714
00:27:15,500 --> 00:27:17,270
in a single year?
715
00:27:17,335 --> 00:27:19,435
This may take a while.
716
00:27:19,504 --> 00:27:22,074
Oh! Also Jimmy
and Margarite Mudo
717
00:27:22,140 --> 00:27:25,080
celebrate their 14th
anniversary tomorrow.
718
00:27:25,143 --> 00:27:26,883
Congratulations.
719
00:27:26,945 --> 00:27:30,075
Arliss Michaels Management
is treating them to dinner
720
00:27:30,148 --> 00:27:32,518
at Stub's Ranch Kitchen.
721
00:27:32,584 --> 00:27:35,554
Hmm? Oh, we've got a winner.
722
00:27:35,620 --> 00:27:36,960
That was fast.
723
00:27:37,021 --> 00:27:40,131
Uh, Freddy in Inventory
says that yours truly,
724
00:27:40,191 --> 00:27:41,661
Kirby Carlisle,
725
00:27:41,726 --> 00:27:45,696
holds the record with
13 interceptions in 1974.
726
00:27:46,731 --> 00:27:50,801
Thanks for remembering
so fast, Freddy.
727
00:27:50,869 --> 00:27:53,039
Enjoy the ladies.
728
00:27:53,104 --> 00:27:54,104
It's...
729
00:27:54,139 --> 00:27:56,209
(horn sounds) 10:08.
730
00:28:02,046 --> 00:28:06,676
♪♪
731
00:28:06,726 --> 00:28:11,276
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