Original subtitles

Good evening, I'm Marci Feld.

Oh, thank you.

Please! Oh, please, stop it!

Enough. That's enough.

Tonight, the American Jewish Federation...

You Jews, you wonderful Jews.

Who needs Santa Claus? Am I right?

Tonight, the AJF presents its highest honor,

its Global Humanitarian Award,

to the finest human being I have ever known.

This award goes to my father, Mr. Ben Feld.

We love you, bubby!

Ben! We're here for you!

Isn't he handsome?

And kosher, right?

Love you.

Now, most of you may think of my father as, first and foremost,

an incredibly successful corporate legend,

but he has always taught me about responsibility

and giving something back.

He would say, "Sweetheart, you are the prettiest, the smartest,

"the most perfect girl in the whole world,

so you must reach out to all of those who aren't."

Powerful.

Doesn't Marci look fabulous?

Ultra-Marci.

Mega-Marci.

The full Marci.

Ten years ago,

we opened our first shelter for the homeless,

helping those in need of a bed, counseling,

and shampoo and conditioner.

Next came a drug rehab program called "Marci Cares,"

and today, there are 25 branches of Marci Cares

all across the tri-state area.

Can you imagine being addicted to heroin?

Oh, it's heartbreaking.

But does the weight stay off?

I only wish that my mother Sheila could be with us

on this joyous occasion.

But, as some of you know, six years ago,

while we were opening a free clinic in Johannesburg,

she was tragically killed by a savage South African leopard.

It is in her memory

that I would now like to present this medal of mercy,

a medal from Marci.

Tonight, this award goes to my father,

Mr. Ben Feld!

We have problems, sir.

Daddy?!

Daddy, where are you going?

Was it the entree?

Daddy...

Daddy...

What's going on?

Marci, incoming.

This way, Miss Feld.

Daddy, what is wrong? I...

Shh! Sweetheart, sit.

The corporate crisis centering on Ben Feld

has begun to escalate out of control.

I got here as fast as I could.

Daddy, what is this?

Daddy's busy.

...include the notorious urban record label

called Felony Assault.

Earlier today, that label released

a new CD by controversial gangsta rap star Dr. S.

Dr. S has been a hard-core success...

I don't know this person.

He's a rapper.

His songs are known for their extreme sexual

and often violent content.

His latest release, however,

is by far his most provocative.

Controversy is erupting, protesters are converging

on Feldco headquarters in Manhattan.

An angry mob is calling for blood, specifically the blood

of mogul Ben Feld...

Oh, Daddy, is that your picture?

...honored tonight as a great humanitarian.

I am here with senator

and leading media watchdog Mary Ellen Spinkle.

Oh, no.

I am appalled.

Is she wearing a helmet?

I am outraged.

I am so disgusted

that I can barely speak... but I will.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God!

This recording is unspeakably offensive,

not just to all Americans,

but to all human beings everywhere.

I will not quote the lyrics because, as a Christian,

I cannot even pronounce some of the words.

But let me just read you some of the song titles:

"Shoot the Teacher."

Oh, my...

-Yes! -Not good.

"l Am the King of Your Mouth."

-Very nice. -Uh-oh. -Ooh!

"You My Special Bitch."

-Wait... -Mmm!

"l Love You Because I'm High."

"Six Grades Are Plenty."

Lane, did you ask Legal? Do I really own this label?

You bought it years ago as part of a package.

"lt Ain't My Baby Because I Don't Like You."

This is it.

...and "The Power in my Pants."

Has Dr. S gone too far?

I don't blame these rappers,

I blame the man who profits from this perversion!

I blame the man who makes his dirty millions

from the wholesale slaughter of our children's innocence!

I blame an American Satan, Ben Feld!

I am calling for a complete boycott of all Feldco products

including movies, newspapers, TV shows,

and DVDs!

A boycott? A boycott?!

Are you listening to this, Mr. Feld?

Or I should say "Mr. Filth."

Ben Feld...

you are a dead man!

-Ben? -Uh-oh...

Ben!

Daddy!

Ben, don't die!

The moral firestorm blazing around Ben Feld

has raged into a white-hot economic inferno.

A what?!

Pickets have closed record stores nationwide.

My God... I'm choking...

We have contacted Tubby Fenders,

the president of Felony Assault,

who is currently serving time

-in a penitentiary. -Look...

Yo.

Mr. Fenders, what about Dr. S?

Dr. S would never apologize!

He would never bow down to the white man's censorship!

Just like me, he has been unjustly oppressed and accused!

Tubby Fenders, the president of Felony Assault Records.

Give me that remote!

Big baby!

I can't believe this.

Everything I worked for my whole life,

it's all going to crumble.

Baby, I'm so sorry.

Daddy!

Because you have to see all this.

Because l...

I just wish I had a son.

Why would you want a son?

Someone to take over, to take charge,

so that you wouldn't have to worry.

Someone we could trust.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

I just two weeks, we are going to put Ben Feld on trial

before the entire civilized world and China...

That's it! That's it!

I'm out of here!

What?!

Uh-oh. Dr. Skellar!

I need Dr. Skellar!

Oh, Daddy! Look... Look what's happening.

I can't stay here! I... I...

You get back in that bed, Your Highness.

Mr. Feld...

Mr. Feld, you are an extremely sick man.

Now, no visitors,

and nurse, get rid of that television

and I need 10 cc's of Valium right now.

Oh, thank you.

For your father.

Oh.

-Ben... -What?

I'm going to put you in complete isolation

for two weeks for your own good.

No cell phones, no faxes, no lnternet, nothing.

Like the '80s?

I'm warning you, Ben.

If you have any more stress, it could kill you.

Sweetheart, please, just go.

You don't think

the rules apply to you, do you?

Ben, you're in real danger.

You're a very sick man.

Thank God you're rich.

You're here in this hospital

and you're going to stay here until I release you.

Sorry.

Marce!

Oh, Marci, I can't believe it!

Are you all right? Is your dad okay?

Have you bathed?

Look, chocolates!

Did you get a chance to bathe yet?

They're for you... and your dad.

But I feel so useless.

I love my father so much and I can't even help him.

And he doesn't... he doesn't really want me to try.

Why not?

He said he wished he had a son.

Maybe he's right.

Maybe I'm not strong enough or smart enough.

Maybe I am just a socialite.

Excuse me?

Just a socialite?

You serve on the boards of three major museums.

You are a guest editor

at Vogue, Vanity Fair, and Mademoiselle.

And last year alone, you raised over seven figures

for literacy, muscular dystrophy and cancer.

In this town, you are cancer.

No, but this involves law suits and spin control

and the whole worldwide entertainment industry.

Which is your life.

You introduced Princess Diana to Mother Teresa

at your bat mitzvah.

They had cake.

Well, not Diana.

Time Magazine has declared you

the most charming white woman in America under 50.

Oh, except we're talking about rap.

And, you know, the inner cities

and censorship and the cultural legacy of black people.

Well, I happen to adore black people.

-Word. -Word up.

Word perfect.

You can get anybody to do anything you want.

It's your gift.

Yeah, yeah,

yeah, and my dad is being isolated.

But I've only got two weeks until the hearings.

So get out there...

...and show your father just what you're capable of.

You say, "Watch out, America, here comes Marci."

Yeah, I'm going to go see that Dr. S,

in person, on his own turf.

I'll explain everything and we can work together.

Marci cares.

Marci loves.

Marci saves her father's life.

-Yay! -Oh!

So where is this Dr. S?

Uptown.

-Uptown. -All the way.

Yeah, someone call

for a doctor?

You say you want the power, the power to see

You say you want the power, the power to be

You want to see the power, then give it a glance

Come on, I got the power, the power in my pants

You say you want the power, the power so fine

Screaming for the power, the power that's mine

If I showed you all the power, you'd go into a trance

I have you in my power, with the power in my pants

We want the power

Try not to stare

We want the power

Give me some air

We want the power

Give, give, give

Give me some drums

We want the power

Here it comes

You say you want the power, the power to come

You want to ride the power to the maximum

You say you use the power to enhance romance

Come on, take some power, the power in my pants

You say you need the power, the power supreme

You want to touch the power, till you make it your dream

-You play with the power... -Excuse... Hi.

You know it's your chance

Got a magic wand, yeah, the power in my pants

Hold on to your purse.

We want the power

'Cause he got game

We want the power

You're playing games

-All right! -Yeah!

Feel my song inside your thong

The power that stick, that knows every trick

If you can't live with it, then you don't know dick.

Thank you.

Sit down.

Sit your asses down.

All right.

How y'all feeling?

Sick!

Ain't y'all glad there's a doctor in the house?

Yeah!

I want to give a special shout out

to someone who is near and dear to my heart.

I think you all know who I'm talking about.

That's right.

She's a recording artist,

and she's got a workout video

and her own perfume.

And she got an ass you just want to take pictures with.

You know who I'm talking about--

the Booty Monster herself...

Miss Yolanda Quinones.

Yolanda!

Am I late?

You're late, but you're right on time.

Come on, sit down

while the Doctor put on the clinic.

Hey, Medic, show 'em how we operate.

Hi.

Go. Go talk to him.

For your father.

Mingle.

Spanky, here.

Coming off,

coming through and going back.

Dr. S, hi. Marci Feld.

It's a pleasure.

Really.

Who are you?

Um, I'm Ben Feld's daughter.

Anyway, I can see you're very busy,

so I'm just going to take a second.

But we really do have to chat

about, you know, your new CD.

Why?

Well, I'm sure you know all about the hoo-ha.

Please. Ooh!

I'm also sure you're every bit as upset about it as I am.

You know.

You're upset? You're hot and bothered?

Um...

Anyway, I have a plan.

-You do, huh? -Yeah.

You're just going to love it.

I bet I will.

Oh, yeah.

Ew, this is... all covered with you.

You know, you could sell that.

Oh, yeah?

-On eBay. -Oh...

30 seconds.

Oh, okay.

Well, here it is.

Um... next week, you're supposed to appear live

at the MTV Awards.

Perfect-- it's global, millions of people watching.

Just the perfect place

for you to say to the entire world, "I'm really sorry.

"l went too far.

Ben Feld is fabulous, and I apo..."

I'm good. Thank you.

"...and I sincerely apologize."

Um, well, tomorrow morning at 10:00--

I thought we could kick things off, you know,

with a public relations event, sort of, in a way.

Five seconds.

How do I look?

You look amazing.

I got to run.

Stick around, all right?

Okay. You're too sweet. I mean that.

It went very well.

He said to wait here, and I don't know why.

Y'all take five.

What's happening?

Check this out.

I don't know if y'all been tracking it,

but a lot of people been coming down on the Doctor

for speaking his mind.

Folks like Senator Spinkle,

and the media.

And Mr. Ben Feld.

Guess who we got in the audience tonight?

Who?

We got his little

goddamn daughter, Marci Feld is here.

Kick her ass!

Kill her!

And she wants me...

-No. -...to apologize...

Hell, no!

...and do some public relation shit.

She wants me to change who I am.

No!

Say, bitch!

Oh, my God.

Bring your pasty white ass out here.

You get out there.

You tell him you are not a bitch. Not always.

That's your answer right there.

I'm a real nigger.

I don't change for no one.

I ain't changing shit.

Can I get an amen?

Amen!

You're out of your element, baby.

You're out of your league.

And you're out of your goddamn mind.

This is Harlem.

Get the hell out of my ghetto.

'Cause these people ain't feeling you.

You know why?

'Cause you're not real.

You're unreal.

You're where real goes to die.

What do you mean I'm not real?

Authentic.

Talking about down.

Real is who you are.

And it's what you ain't.

Kill that bitch!

Shoot that bitch!

Whack, whack, whack,

whack, whack, whack, whack,

whack, whack, whack, whack...

Whack, whack...

Lauren.

I'm sorry.

...whack, whack...

Okay, okay!

If I can get real, whatever the hell that means,

will you show up tomorrow morning?

And how you going to get real?

What you going to do? You going to rap for us?

No, I can't rap.

You can't rap? Then I can't go. Bye.

Bye-bye.

All right, all right.

If I do rap, do I have your word?

Word to your mother.

But you're going to need a little beat.

Hold on.

What do you mean, a beat?

You can't rhyme if you don't have no rhythm.

Hi, hi, hey, hey

Everybody have a nice day...

All right!

Okay.

It's okay.

Maybe she needs some bass. Give her some bass.

Yeah, I need bass.

Give her some S! Yes!

Okay...

Hi, hi, I'm so real

Let me tell you how I feel...

God, this is so embarrassing.

She's so white.

I can't watch.

We know how you feel.

And I know what you want to feel.

Oh!

But he's mine, bitch.

Okay, just give me another beat.

We're running out of beats.

Give her another one. Go on.

Okay.

Now listen, I know I suck at this, okay?

But it's my very, very first time.

And I'm just not very musical.

Although I did love Lion King.

All right, so, but rapping.

Let me just think

for a minute, okay?

So, okay, so rapping, it's about being...

about being honest...

"real," right?

Okay.

So, okay, okay, okay.

I would really like to talk to all the women

in the audience...

in the house.

As you say.

Give me what you gave him.

Okay.

Mar-say!

Girlfriend.

Get down.

He says he's got the power

Somewhere in his pants

He says that I'm not real

That I don't stand a chance

Okay, I'm white, I'm blonde, I'm Jewish

Could it get any worse?

But I have got a secret

The power in my purse

When I was very little, my mom said to me

A man's just a man, nothing comes free

Well, who can I trust in this universe?

She said you trust the power, the power in your purse

We've got the power

This one's Chanel

We've got the power

Mm, new purse smell

We've got the power

Yes, it's all right here

We've got the power

Come on, dawgs, get it in gear.

You tell it, girl!

Go on!

It's au courant, just what you want

Hermes, Versace, Saint Laurent

Please give me more of Michael Kors

And Gucci, Pucci, Miss Dior

Louis Vuitton just gets me gone

Ferra, Dolce, turn me on

Halston, Calvin, hip hooray

Herve Leger and Gaultier

Give me Ralph or give me Donna

Valentino, yes, I wanna

Lagerfeld, and in all candor

Balenciaga and Jill Sander

Armani, please, you know I gotta

And Missoni, Boss and Prada

Badgley Mischka, Courreges, Cardin

Can I keep going? Yes, I can

De la Renta and Kamali

Lecroix, Bill Blass, bravo, Cavalli!

Betsey Johnson, Anna Sui

I see me in a Givenchy

Von Furstenburg and Perry Ellis

Please, Mark Jacobs, don't be jealous

I love them all, it's like a curse

It's fashion power in my purse

She's got the power

Oh! I love this thing

She's got the power

Everyone, sing, sing, sing

She's got the power

God, what it stores

She's got the power

So come on now, what's in yours?

-I got powder -I've got gloss

-I got Kleenex -I got floss

-I've got Visa -MasterCharge

Yo, girlfriends, you're living large

-I've got gum -A bra with lace

-I've got tweezers -I've got mace

-I got my smokes -I've got a light

I've got the sun in the morning and the moon at night

Thank you, Jesus Thank you, Jesus

For my heavenly purse...

Me?

Okay, all right.

And I am telling you

I'm not going-ah...

That's all I know.

We've got the power

We cannot lose

We've got the power

Look, it matches our shoes

We've got the power

Come on, everyone dance

We've got the power

See, we don't need pants

Power

-Yeah -Power

Power

Power, we've got the power

Power, Power

Power

Power, we've got the power

Power, Power

Power, we've got the power!

You my goddamn lawyer, just get me out of here.

Dr. S is joining a public service campaign

to promote sexual abstinence.

Still, Feldco stock continues to plummet.

Yo, Tubby!

Go, mama.

Did you hear about that Marci?

How could you let that happen to me?

Baby, I'm in the joint, boo.

Tubby, you and I have a deal.

You promised me total personal management.

That is why I signed with your label.

You gave me your word on Dr. S.

You said that we could be a power couple.

It's under control.

I know we got to do something about that bitch.

When, Tubby?

I'm on it. I'll let you know, baby.

But he'll be here any second.

He gave me his word.

He's already cost us over two hours.

You know, he's on his way.

He's in the car. His people called.

Yo.

Oh, Dr. S.

I told you.

Oh, you look great.

Doctor, this is your director, Todd.

Okay, what is this shit?

Well, we're making a public service spot

sponsored by the Save Our Families Foundation

and you are going to be its spokesperson.

Isn't that the best?

Hold on, spokesperson for what?

Yes.

Let me introduce you to your costars.

This is so major.

Just last week they sold over 1 2 million copies

of their new CD.

What are you doing?

Look, they are huge.

This way.

Parents love them

because they are non-threatening.

Now if you appear with them,

people will see that you're not so, you know,

filthy and evil and disgusting.

Not that those are bad things.

You know, last night,

I thought you were just some crazy-ass bitch.

Now I have three little words to say.

"Thank you, Marci"?

"Bye, bye, bye."

If you don't do this, I will call Feldco

and we will stop shipping your CDs today.

And you will be dead meat.

Which also describes abstinence.

Okay, what do I got to do?

Come on, the press will be here soon.

We've got all the magazines and the papers.

Don't you love this?

Oh, it reminds me of my playhouse when I was little.

Did you have a playhouse?

-I did. -I did. -I did. -I did.

Okay. Dr. S, this is Mikey,

Jonathan, Adam and Kelly.

Dr. S, may I present Boyz R Us.

-What up? -Props to the Doctor.

Okay, why don't we run through the song

so Dr. S can see what it is he'll be doing with you.

Okay.

Watch it. Here.

Bell, please.

Okay, this will be a full rehearsal

with cameras and everything.

-You want to sit? No. -Can I get some lights, please?

And... action!

"A" mark.

Sexual abstinence spot, take one.

Hold on... Hold on

Let's wait... Let's wait

Let's hold hands in the sunset

Let's date

What I feel for you is special

So let's not spoil it

Our bodies are a temple

Not a public toilet

Take care... Take care

Say whoa... Say whoa

If you see me coming

Girl, it's time to go

Let's be patient till our wedding day

Till God tells us that it's okay

Till then, let's stay six feet away

Girl, shut that gate

Hold off... Hold off

Hold off, Hold off

Let's wait

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

Let's wait.

Cut!

-Love of God. -Perfect!

-Wonderful! -Beautiful! -Wasn't that something?

Guys, that was really nice.

Can you get through?

Yeah, that was something.

Bravo.

Honestly.

And you're going to introduce them.

Isn't that inspiring?

We have a responsibility to our fans.

Yeah, we get so many beautiful letters

from these sweet little girls.

And their families.

And college-educated older men.

Dr. S?

Okay, I'm there.

But first, I'm gonna need somewhere private to rehearse.

Of course.

With my dawgs.

Bell, please.

Okay.

You see? I told you he'd be into this.

He's gonna make America say,

"Hey, let's give this guy another chance."

-We're lucky to have him. -Yeah.

"A" mark.

Sexual abstinence spot, take two.

And action!

Hey, kids.

Gather 'round.

It's me, Dr. S.

And I know, especially when you're young,

this world can be a very complicated place.

So I want you to listen up

to some good pals of mine

'cause they got a very important message for today's teens.

Hey, guy... Hey, guy

Let's date... Let's date

Let's date... Let's date

'Cause we're both something special

Not straight

What I feel for you is groovy

So let's enjoy it

I think your sister's pretty

But let's boy and boy it

I saw... I saw

You wink... You wink

And life is so much better

Now that we're in sync

Ah...

I really like your smiling face

My beach house has a fireplace

We'll watch reruns of Will and Grace

Let's fornicate

Hold on... Hold on

Hold tight... Hold tight

Let's date, let's date, let's date

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

Let's date.

-That was so good. -Wasn't it?

Now please keep in mind this is your last chance

to clean up your act.

You're lucky I thought of bringing you tonight.

This party is such a fabulous idea for our campaign.

Now people will see that you're really decent

and helpful and nice.

Nice, my ass.

When you gonna wake up and smell the brother?

What is that, rabbit?

Siberian chinchilla, 300 Gs.

What's that you got on?

Lab rat?

This is classic white mink.

Is that platinum?

Yes, ghetto fabulous.

What about your earrings, those real diamonds?

-Of course. -Wow.

I didn't know they made them that small.

You know, you remind me of someone in that outfit

with the jewelry and the hair.

Yeah, who?

Biggie? Tupac? DMX?

My Aunt Esther.

Welcome.

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen,

to our annual auction to benefit CWNFlTA,

Children With No Feeling In Their Arms.

Okay.

It is a terrible illness still affecting far too many wee ones.

Wee ones?

It's tragic.

They can't dial.

Ouch! Stop it!

Marvelous.

Thank you.

That's great. All right.

Our first item is something truly, deeply exciting.

It's dinner for two with the handsome,

the totally dreamy Mr. Donald Trump.

I love Donald.

She can't be real.

Who wants dinner with Donald Trump?

You don't have to touch him.

Maybe he's changed.

That's his real hair.

-This is whack. -Whack?

Oh, that means "bad."

I do volunteer work, teaching black teenagers

to wear the correct size.

I'll be back. Excuse me.

Is that Chuck Berry?

Wow.

What is he doing?

You need some help, baby.

I'm here to back you up.

I'm... I'm working, okay?

Just go back to your seat.

It's okay.

We're working together as a team.

They're old. They don't have much time left.

Look,

shout out to the wee one.

Throw your hands up.

Stop it.

Hey.

We got to get these wee ones some arms.

My first item up,

I need to talk to just the ladies.

Fellas, take five.

He is so sexy.

He's a gangsta.

He raps about guns and bitches and hos.

That's what I said.

'Cause I know you ladies all beautiful and bangin' and alone.

Are you alone, mama?

I'm with my husband.

Yeah, you're alone.

Bam.

And you're all here

with your husbands and your ex-husbands

and future ex-husbands, but you're all alone.

I see it in your eyes.

Who's dis?

He's my fourth husband.

Your fourth husband.

Is he rich?

Not rich enough.

Then you're still alone.

And what do we have here?

Look at these lovely creatures over here.

Hi, ladies.

Tell me the truth, y'all ever get it on?

One bed, four bitches? Be honest.

I'm telling you,

this room is just full of lush, lonely,

Iovely

Iadies.

Hey!

Don't touch.

Now, who's wearing that perfume

that got me all worked up, turned on, turned out, huh?

-Me. -Me. -Me.

Hey, hey,

now, now, don't fight, delight.

That's right, ladies,

because you all deserve something mo' better,

mo' blacker, mo' me.

Late at night you want something hot

and homey.

You're not homey.

So, right now, I'm offerin' a house call

from the doctor of love.

We gonna start the bidding at 20 Gs.

20,000.

Ladies... it's for the wee ones.

They can't touch themself no place.

Do I hear 30 Gs?

30,000!

31,000!

35,000!

40,000!

50,000!

70,000!

100,000!

That's great.

For the kids.

All right.

Thank you.

I'm so embarrassed.

Oh, stop it.

You made the bid.

He's got you.

That's true.

He's the man.

He's a player.

We're his bitches.

Yo, Yolanda, I just got word they headed for the club.

Get over there.

Tubby?

What?

On the way, boo.

What is this place?

This is my club. My hang.

Do you own it?

Damn right. And I will open up

branches in L.A., Atlanta, and Miami.

Plus a hotel and casino in Vegas.

He's a mogul.

Like your father.

Very nice.

Stop it.

Yo, S!

Ladies, may I present

to you T-Bill, Freekazoid and Quantrelle.

They all have such funny names.

Kirsten Blatt.

Caitlin Mellowitz.

Lauren Farb.

Hey, baby.

You know, I did make the winning bid

at the auction for a house call.

So where does it hurt?

I'm not sure.

Does it hurt right there?

-Does that hurt? -Maybe.

What about right over here?

Ouch.

You must got a fever.

Well, maybe I'll feel better down on the dance floor.

Stop. You dancing, gettin' down busy?

I love dance.

Oh, my God, there was this one piece

in college during Black History Month,

we learned this dance celebrating diversity.

Do you want to see it?

Oh, come on!

Okay, we need room.

This some good weed.

This is perfect.

Wait, wait, wait. Excuse me, D.J.

We're going to explore multi-cultural harmony

through self-expression.

Hector, cut it.

We're going to reach out.

We're going to celebrate understanding.

Yo, what's up with those white chicks?

They gonna go dance the black experience.

Okay.

We are in Kenya.

Kenya.

Yeah.

Okay.

And I'm an African princess

strolling along the Nile with my handmaidens.

Our princess is proud.

But lonely.

She fears she will never find

her perfect rainbow soul mate.

We dance the tragic despair of the unmarried princess.

Oh... Oh...

Oh, Oh.

What was in that weed?

That's what I'm sayin'.

The tribal drummer feels our pain.

And his ancient rhythms fill our souls.

To lift our spirits, we sing our

favorite tribal chant.

Oom-bolly-nana-woka, Oom-bolly-nana-woka

The words mean, "Maybe I should

-Oom-bolly-nana-woka -become a lesbian."

Oom-bolly-nana-woka

Suddenly, one of the handmaidens breaks away.

She runs across the fields discovering freedom

and joy,

and her own personal creativity.

Ooh, aah, aah, aah, ooh.

That one's craziness is catchy, right there.

Handmaiden...

All right, chill, handmaiden.

Calm down, dear.

The princess... Back...

-Sorry. -Yeah.

...wonders if she will be alone forever.

Then late one night

a noble prince arrives from the village far away.

No, no. Don't push me.

A village called Harvard Law School.

He is handsome and regal.

Hello, ladies.

Do I know you?

Kenya.

There is a gathering with music and movement.

Your Highness.

You, too.

Don't talk too much.

Don't eat anything.

Ask about his hobbies.

You will have many strong children.

When you're ready.

When he's king.

There is fire!

There is heat.

He's a great dancer.

Yo, what?!

Oh, snap, Yolanda's here.

Uh-oh.

You on your own, brah.

Baby, I was just...

Back!

I'm just gonna be right there.

I'm sorry. I was just dancing.

I was telling...

You have insulted my people.

Your people?

You've insulted Ricky Martin, Marc Anthony,

Christina Aguilera, on her father's side...

I'm... I'm sorry.

Yolanda, baby, you look so fine

in your little Peter Pan outfit.

I wouldn't dog you, you know that.

But does she?

You kicked me.

Stop it! This is so wrong.

Women do not have to fight each other over a man!

Not without mud, y'all.

Stop it! Stop kicking me!

Okay, ladies, just stop it, okay?

Y'all calm down,

otherwise somebody's blouse might get pulled open.

I'm warning you

I-I know Tae-Bo.

-Tae-Bo? -Uh-huh.

I could kill you

while I sculpt and tone my midsection.

Tae-Bo!

Oh, shit.

-She hit her. -You have touched me!

-And you've affected my hair! -Yeah.

Check this out: six bills on the white chick.

Yeah, I got that.

Yolanda!

Oh, oh, stop! Put that down!

Give me that.

No!

Drop it!

-Marci! -Marci! -Marci!

Everybody freeze!

White girl, she's got the gun.

Well, it's not mine.

Drop your weapon!

On the floor? It's filthy.

Do it now!

Okay.

Cuff her.

Cuff me?

My skin's very dry.

So... But it's going to chafe.

Ow.

Ow.

Oh, S, I was so scared.

I was bleeding and bleeding.

I think I need a photographer.

Dateline: depravity.

Last night, out-of-control heiress Marci Feld

was arrested in an exclusive uptown nightspot

where she allegedly fired 1 8 rounds of live ammunition

into a crowd of innocent bystanders.

How will this rampage affect Marci's father, Ben Feld,

who remains hospitalized?

Is Marci now the gangster gal of notorious rap demon Dr. S?

All across America, outraged citizens are asking:

"Has Marci gone mad?"

-Marci Feld? -Yes.

Get movin'. Somebody posted bail.

Who? I told them, no one is allowed to call my father.

You'll never guess.

You?

You posted my bail?

How 'bout "thank you"?

"Thank you, Dr. S."

Well, "thank you"?

Yeah, thanks to you, this happened to me.

Look at my shoe.

And this gown was new, you know.

Oh, my skin-- I had to give my moisturizer

to this huge transvestite with a razor blade.

You smell like fuzz.

Oh, thank you...

...for the information.

Oh, my God!

No!

This could ruin everything!

God.

I look beautiful.

Please put the paper down.

I got you covered.

Oh... Ow... Why?

Why did I think I could fix everything?

Because you're daddy's spoiled little girl,

that's why.

You know, I spent all night with these women in that cell.

Hookers and pickpockets, drug dealers.

I thought I was so superior,

and just now I'm realizing...

they have a skill.

They can take care of themselves.

I mean, yeah, they're all criminals, but...

they know who they are.

Who am l? I'm nothing.

Look, you know what you are?

You're a baller.

I am?

A bo'n thug.

Me?

I don't even know what that is.

You know, when you were dancing in that club...

you was kind of loose.

Kind of bangin'.

I banged?

You was down.

Ah, how low?

When you was doing all that Tae-Bo shit

waving that gun around...

Oh, yeah. That was kind of hot.

-That was some sexy shit. -Yeah.

You was illin'.

I was da bomb.

You were da shit.

I was the big smelly turd. Is that one?

Give me this.

Come on, get in the car.

Why?

Because it's a limo.

All right.

-Got some right there. -Thank you.

Well... don't.

Where are we going?

To my crib.

Mm-hmm.

We can't do this.

Okay. I'll take you home.

Okay.

But first can I ask you a question?

Mm-hmm.

When black people make love,

is... is it different?

From white folks?

Oh, yeah.

Mm-hmm. How?

It's good.

Oh, no.

Mm, mm, mm, wait.

But first, you have to tell me one thing.

What is your real name?

Can I trust you?

Yes.

Kelvin. Kelvin Drell.

I like that. It's real.

Wait.

Now you got to tell me something.

Something you've never told anyone else.

Like what?

-Your weight. -No. Oh, no.

No, that-that... I couldn't do that.

No, that's-that's too intimate.

No, I'm saving that for my wedding night.

Trust me. You'll feel better.

Why should I tell you, of all people?

Because I don't care.

Oh, Kelvin.

Dr. S's posse is so hot.

It turns out Freekazoid went to Harvard Business School

with my brother!

T-Ville is going to open his own restaurant.

-Quantrelle isn't just a lawyer. -He isn't?

He's a new form of Pilates.

Marci spent the whole night in jail.

-She did? -With Martha Stewart.

Okay...

Okay! Oh, that's great.

That's great.

Oh, almost a quarter mile.

I'm exhausted.

Hi, hi! Hi!

The club!

-Yolanda! -Jail!

How are you?

Well, you know how just forever

I've been going out with one guy after another

and it's never really worked out?

Like that gorgeous investment banker.

-And the senator. -And Bill Gates.

And you know how they're all great,

but none of them ever quite measured up

to this dream I had of the perfect man?

Someone incredibly successful.

-And incredibly sexy. -And incredibly strong.

Well, last night, I found him. He found me.

-Oh, my God! -This is so beautiful.

Oh, Marce!

There's just one day to go before the MTV Music Awards,

and the story the world can't stop talking about

is the rumored romance between Dr. S and Marci Feld.

What's going on between the princess and the player?

Is it the real thing?

Mary Hart.

Man, she don't write back.

Nah...

Oh... man!

My brother!

-Dawg! -Cat!

-S! -T!

Yo!

Bro!

'Sup? You wanted to see me?

Yeah, I wanted to know,

all those years ago in the projects,

who found you?

-Huh? -Who? -Who?

You was living next-door.

You were hungry. You broke in.

But who gave you the beats?

Who taught you to bounce?

Who made the first tape?

Who duped the demo?

-Straight up. -Who? Who did it?

We did it together,

we started the label,

and you kept getting busted,

and I kept you on board.

But who believed?

What's up? What's going down?

You, my brother-- and I'm saying that because I love you.

I love you, too, dawg.

And you're whack.

What?

I tried to help you.

I sent Yolanda out to get your attention.

You passed on by, you passed on over, you passed on out.

Sure did.

What are you talking about?

Watch.

Today we dealing

with Dr. S,

with a special BET jam which I'm calling...

"He Real?"

So what do you think of Dr. S? Is he real?

I don't know, man, he used to be a bad-ass baller,

but now, what up?

He's supposed to be with Yolanda.

He ain't down; he ain't real;

he ain't even Dr. S, not no more.

Man, he Dr. Seuss.

Th-Those are just kids talking.

They're consumers.

-Buy your records! -Right. Pay the bills!

Dr. S? I used to love him.

When I was doing it with my last boyfriend,

I would put Dr. S's head on him.

But not now.

I hate him. I hate him.

Oh, what, did he run out of black women?

There's none left?

She don't know what's going on.

So with you and that Marci bitch for the whole last week,

what's really been going down, dawg?

Yeah, talk to us, S.

We just like spending time together, having a meal.

Last night we rented DVDs. So what?

Which ones?

They were kind of fabulous.

I mean, we saw, uh, Sleepless in Seattle, City of Angels,

You've Got Mail, stuff like that.

Meg Ryan?!

Shit!

Not-not just Meg Ryan, nah, man.

I mean, we did some-some hard-core

-inner-city shit, too. -All right, all right.

Like this one where this chick teaches these little ghetto kids

how to play violins.

Meryl Streep?!

Damn!

This is like some sci-fi shit.

What?

You're turning into a Jewish chick.

Mazel tov.

Son, you got to choose: the bitch or the brothers!

-That's right. -'Sup?

What's it gonna be?

The MTV Awards are tomorrow night,

and everyone wants to know.

Dr. S-- will he apologize?

Should he?

To get some answers, we're here outside the Eastside home

of heiress Marci Feld.

Here she comes right now!

Marci! Marci!

Marci! Marci!

-Hi, Marci. -Hi.

Marci, what are you planning to say to Congress next week?

Marci, what are you planning to testify?

Okay, one at a time, though. You, yes.

Marci, how's your dad?

Better and better. Don't you just love him?

-What about Dr. S? -Who?

-Are you really involved? -What about Yolanda?

What about Congress?

Okay, I will tell you this.

Everyone should really watch the MTV Awards tomorrow night,

because you are going to see a whole new Dr. S.

He's really not about sex and violence, not anymore.

He's all about love.

Yesterday, we rented Kate and Leopold.

Global Premiere Video.

I'm a woman of color

Color me blue

Because I fell in love

With an asshole like you

I hate you, bitch Marci

Marci...

Look at you! Who's my daddy?

Well, I really shouldn't allow this,

but remember, it's just for tonight,

and after the show,

I want him right back here in his bed.

Okay.

But the MTV Awards?

Daddy...

Iast week you told me that you wished you had a son.

I was upset. I was... crazy.

-I never should have said that. -It's okay.

You were right.

You need someone that people respect.

Someone real.

Daddy, tonight,

I think you're going to see that finally,

after all these years, just maybe...

I can be that person.

Of course you can, baby.

Oh, and there's someone

I want you to meet--

someone who has made all the difference.

Oh, Daddy, he is so wonderful.

Who?

Bring your medication.

We're here live at the MTV Awards,

and the question on everyone's mind is,

Dr. S-- will he apologize?

Is he over, or is he just getting started?

Senator Spinkle.

If Dr. S has not completely changed his so-called music,

tonight will be the end of him

and Ben Feld.

-We will crush them. -Really, Senator?

But I don't want people to think I'm some right-wing ogre.

I enjoy contemporary sounds,

and so does my son Chip.

So, Chip, who are your favorites?

Oh, he loves that Mariah Carey and Cher and--

what is that group that you like so much?

Boyz R Us.

Well, thank you, Chip. Thank you, Senator.

Thank you very much.

This place is packed.

Yeah, isn't it great?

It's really full.

Ow!

-Oh! You okay? -Excuse me. What happened?

Oh, you look good. I love this hat.

It's not too much?

No. Not too much.

-Now, ladies and gentlemen, -Okay.

and MTV viewers worldwide, it's the moment

we've all been waiting for.

Please welcome, please give it up for

"Let's Make Some Nasty" with Dr. S and the NNPP!

Yo, what's up?

Yo, live global interface, what's up?

People everywhere, what's going on?

Everybody's waiting.

Everybody's wondering, what's he gonna say?

There's been a lot of controversy

surrounding my music,

my mind, my action.

Folks been saying stuff like, "ls he righteous? Is he real?"

So I decided to make a statement.

This ain't about Congress.

Ain't about Ben Feld.

It's about a very special lady.

This lady got it going on.

I mean, she make a plan, and she makes it happen.

She's something else.

This-this is a whole

other level of lady...

and she's really made an impression on me.

Because this lady likes

to play doctor.

Baby, I'm thinking of you.

Want to show you how much I love you.

I'm so into you, a little kiss won't do,

so you gotta let me love you, baby,

through and through.

So sweet.

I already touched your face...

Isn't he something?

Oh.

This is the guy.

Oh, honey.

...you're the one for me.

Let me tell you where my love should be.

In the butt, in the butt, let me love you in the butt

In the butt...

Take it, take it, take it, take it

Take it, take it, in the butt

Down she goes!

Who's the boss?

You the man! You the man!

...where the sun don't shine

Take it, take it, take it, take it

Take it, take it, in the butt

Daddy.

Okay, go.

Take it, take it, take it, take it

Take it, take it, in the butt

Take it, take it, take it, take it

Take it, take it, in the butt!

I love it.

For the past 24 hours, Feldco has once again

been making headlines all over the world.

The troubled corporation is now near complete bankruptcy

and Ben Feld remains hospitalized.

I'm speaking with concerned parents.

Flush Ben Feld! Flush Ben Feld!

"ln the Butt"-- your reaction?

That man is the devil!

Please join me in wearing this brown ribbon of protest

when the hearings begin tomorrow.

Let us send our message to Dr. S

and the Feld family filth machine!

Stop the music!

Wipe it clean!

Excuse me, ma'am?

No. Stop.

I'm no one.

I'm just visiting.

I'm not camera-ready.

I'm not camera...

Okay.

Oh, bye-bye.

Bye.

Marce?

Sweetie.

Marce, it's Kirsten.

It's time for some sunshine.

And some Prozac.

Look, honey. Look.

And I just had to come over...

just to tell you...

Everyone hates you.

I know.

Knock-knock. The butler let me in.

Oh, it's awful. It's shocking.

How can you bear it?

All those people.

What about the pickets and the reporters?

Are they still out there?

All the networks.

Plus CNN.

And Stone Phillips.

Oh, he's cute.

He called you a whore.

So how's your father?

Well, the doctor said it was just stress,

not another heart attack, but you never know.

Oh, Marce, first you lose your mom.

And now you kill your dad.

Is she all right?

No.

No, I haven't bathed, I haven't slept.

Have you eaten anything?

I can't. I'm too upset.

-Oh, good! -Oh, good girl!

That's a good thing.

So, what about that Dr. S.?

How could he do this?

How could he sing that song?

Marce,

did you ever let Dr. S...?

Never.

What about you and T-Bill?

In his dreams.

What about you and Freekazoid?

Not in this lifetime.

What about you and Quantrelle?

It was his birthday.

Here...

The committee is now in session.

Please be seated.

Will you please state your names?

Marci Michelle Jennifer Rebecca Feld.

No.

Yes.

Dr. S.

And the "S" is for?

Snatchcatcher.

And is that your given legal name?

No.

And that would be?

Horndog Tittyman Pussyhound Snatchcatcher.

I see.

And this is precisely why this committee

must take aggressive action

against Feldco and its hip-hop criminals,

especially as a result of this week's

MTV Awards program.

Because on that night,

Dr. S told the entire world

that America is the land of the foul

and the home of the butt.

Isn't that the case?

No. Senator Spinkle,

members of the committee and everyone, no.

No, what happened that night...

This whole mess...

would...

Please just don't, don't blame my father, okay?

Just don't... and don't even, don't even blame this person.

If you want to blame someone,

blame me.

You?

Yes, I put myself in charge of this whole situation, and...

I just, of course, made things so much worse,

because I thought that I could just

save my father and Felony Assault

and the whole world.

I don't know.

I just thought that I was so right and so real

and, and just this morning,

I put on five pounds

from the vending machines in the lobby.

I...

Uh... Uh... Senator Spinky...

Spinkle.

Yeah.

This whole deal-- with you

and with these hearings and with my song

has been one big, complete misunderstanding.

What?

A misunderstanding?

Oh, really?

I'm sorry, but I believe that your message

has been, in fact, far too clear.

No.

Just like the history

of the proud black people,

once again, we've been misunderstood.

We've been accused

and oppressed.

Ain't that right?

What are you talking about?

So l...

Miss Feld and l...

are gonna educate y'all.

We are?

Oh, please do.

As African-Americans, we got us a proud oral tradition.

That's right, mama.

Proud.

We've even got our own language.

Ain't that right?

I said, ain't that right?

Yes. Yo!

See, and this is a language

that white folks just ain't, like, down with.

They don't get it. Ya dig?

No, they don't. They don't.

Uh, as in, for example, maybe, when "bad" means "good."

Or "illin'."

It means "happening."

Who knew?

And like "phat."

That's a black word,

but in white English, it would probably mean...

"Just swell."

You phat.

Thank you, motherfucker.

Which means

"my dear friend."

-Right on. -Peachy.

See, we can connect.

Can I get an "amen"?

Brothers and sisters?

Amen.

Hallelujah.

So, like the joint I was dropping

at the awards show,

I say, "Let me love you in the butt."

That's all.

You see what I'm saying?

No! We do not know what you're saying.

Just hear him out. Don't be crack.

-Whack. -Whack.

See...

in the hood, "in the butt"--

that don't mean like no sex thing.

Huh?

No, no. Please.

No, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no.

Hell, no.

No, it means, it means,

I would imagine something entirely

and completely different...

...in the... in the... in the rich, vivid

dialect of a disenfranchised people,

a people we once enslaved.

You know, my mama was a slave?

At Wendy's.

So, Dr. S, we're all eager to hear, then,

in that...

poetic, triumphant language, just what does

the phrase mean?

It means, "Let me love you with respect."

"Let me love you in a very special way."

"Let me love you

forever."

It's really so beautiful.

Know what I'm saying?

You dig?

No, I don't dig.

Two days ago, controversial rap star Dr. S

told a Congressional committee

that in his song, "ln the Butt," the title phrase actually means,

"with love and respect."

Is this just a desperate ploy to save his career

and the future of Feldco lndustries?

Or has the slang remark actually begun to take hold?

Is Dr. S becoming the new American hero?

All across America, the cultural crossfire has begun.

We are gonna hang him high!

A national survey shows

strong youth support for Dr. S.

Please. These polls are pure media distortion.

I am here to protect and defend the American people,

not to listen to them.

Dr. S, you are doomed.

You heard her: We're doomed. Finished.

Senator Spinkle

is so powerful, so determined.

But "ln the Butt" is going triple platinum.

I bought five copies as gifts.

Plus, we're making all this money.

It's the biggest selling single in the history of the label.

Celine Dion wants to do a remix-- as a duet.

But this, this isn't about money anymore.

Right? Isn't it, isn't it about freedom of speech?

Yes.

-Yes. -Yes. -You're right.

Oh, for sure.

You're going to have to take the single

and the CD off the shelves.

That's what Senator Spinkle is demanding.

You now what she needs.

Botox.

Everywhere.

But that isn't going to change her mind.

What else can we do?

You know, the ladies are right.

We are?

What are you thinking?

No. We can't.

It'll be wrong, it would be low.

It would be the title of my next CD.

Which is?

Play dirty.

I've got it!

For your mama.

Who was that?

It's after midnight.

Delivery. Mom, are you still working?

Sweetheart, the hearings end tomorrow.

I have to prepare my decision.

It's from Dr. S.

The note says he made it just for you.

Oh, please. Put that down.

And wash your hands.

But, Mom, everyone loves Dr. S.

That's not true.

There are millions more just like me.

It's called Utah.

Will you at least listen to it... for me?

Yes.

Now, go to bed.

And no Boyz R Us.

Senator Spinkle,

I know that we've had our differences,

but I've been thinking

about me... and you

and I know you're up

for re-election.

so maybe there's something I can do...

Oh, well, I promised Chip.

Vote for Spinkle, vote for Spinkle

Yeah, you heard that right

Vote for Spinkle, vote for Spinkle

I seen the light

Vote for Spinkle, vote for Spinkle

-Oh... -That's what I'd do

Oh, my God.

Vote for Spinkle, yeah...

I am a United States senator.

Mary Ellen

That's what I'm sellin'

That's what I'm yellin'

Soon you'll be jellin'

Come on, Senator Spinky

You're on the brinky

Don't need no shrinky

You make me kinky

Uh-uh-uh, don't you touch it

Vote for Spinkle, vote for Spinkle

'Cause she's the one

Vote for Spinkle, vote for Spinkle

And keep your gun

Vote for Spinkle, vote for Spinkle

-Oh... -'Cause she's pro-life

Vote for Spinkle, vote for Spinkle

But don't tell your wife

Hey

Thank you

Th-Th-Th-Thank you

Twinkle, twinkle, little Spinkle

You're in the pink

So just unwrinkle

Come on, you're the one

Yeah, you make me hum

So watch out, White House

'Cause here she comes!

Vote for Spinkle

Vote for Spinkle, that's one fine bitch

-Vote for Spinkle -lf you vote for Spinkle, huh

She'll help the rich

Vote for Spinkle, vote for the Spinkle

My sister

-Wow! My brother

Just vote for Spinkle

'Cause she's a mutha!

So, you have requested a private meeting...

before I announce my findings.

And I assume that you are hoping for,

that you've come begging for some sort of plea bargain.

-She's psychic. -Oh, she knows.

Well, I'm sorry,

but it is far too late for apologies or special favors.

Dr. S, it is time to take your medicine.

I know.

My music can infect anyone.

Can you imagine the damage one of my beats could perpetrate

if it got into the wrong booty?

Oh, what would happen to the country...

our families, these hearings?

If even a senator

wasn't safe...

Who are you talking about, Mrs. Clinton?

I mean what if the American people,

on every network, in prime time,

was exposed to a Spinkle

shaking her thing

to a Dr. S song?

But that's impossible.

That's entertainment.

Where did you get that?

Chip!

You were taping me?

You're just like your father.

It's for your own good.

I love you, Mom.

In the butt.

After deep and sincere deliberations,

the committee and I have come to a decision

regarding Mr. Feld, Dr. S and his music,

and we have determined that not only

is this CD not harmful in any way, it is, in fact...

the most important

cultural document since the Declaration of lndependence.

And it is every American's duty

to purchase as many copies as possible.

And do not download or borrow or burn.

Buy.

Miss Feld.

Thank you.

I would just like to say

how proud and grateful I am--

we all are-- as citizens.

And I know that my father and Dr. S

join me in saluting this decision

in the name of justice,

freedom and the American

way of life.

In fact...

...these two men,

these selfless, unbelievably generous,

all-American citizens have also decided

to donate 1 00%

of their profits from this recording

to the United Negro College Fund.

How about that!

Isn't that something? Good for you!

Huh?

Good for you!

And on this occasion, President Bush himself has asked

that Dr. S address the nation.

Yes.

Who?! The president?!

I want to talk about being real.

Because whatever you do and whoever you are,

you've got to be real.

The problem is who decides who's real and not.

Mm-hmm.

And I say there's only one way to find out.

What?

And remember you are both still under oath.

All right, she's real.

There was a time I had no drive

I breathed, but barely was alive

But fate changed what my life's about

Whoever thought that I would shout

I've got a job, it's like a dream!

High fashion gives me self-esteem

So shop hip-hop, it all connects

I call my label Marci X

I'm real, I'm down, I'm total sex

I made parole in Marci X

Once they called her Stinky Spinkle

But in this look, she starts to twinkle

I'm real, I'm down, so clear the decks

I'm downright on in Marci X

Hey, Marce, hey, Marce

We're glad, we're glad

'Cause we love your collection

It's bad

I never judge, I don't condemn

He's oh-so-butch!

He's kind of femme

We just had sex with Eminem

Yo Marce, yo Marce!

My father now is feeling great

I dressed him for a special date

I'm down, I'm real, but hold the phone

You've got the Doc, but I'm alone

I've made a match, I think they meld

Meet my new stepmom, Yolanda Feld

I'm a woman of color, I make him twitch

Te amo, Ben, so color me rich

I fly by my couture du jour

It's de rigueur for him and her

It fades, it balls, it's total sex

You'll catch your match

In Marci X

Who's real, who's bad, who's hittin' da butt?

Who says, "Now stop it"

Then shut up!

Who's real, who's bad, who is da bomb?

Email us at Ho-dot.com

I must confess, she was a mess

Not more, just less, since she met the S

The doctor shocked her, the doctor mocked her

The doctor rocked her, then he wed-locked her

Who's real, who's down, check out the dress

Don't hide the bride, it's Marci X

Who's real, who's down, who's total sex?

Just say the name: It's Marci X

Who's down, who's dope, who's total sex?

Just say the name, it's Marci X.

Come, come, come, come on!

Who's real, who's down, who's total sex?

Just say the name: It's Marci X

Don't mess with my music.