All language subtitles for The Munsters s01e28 Movie Star Munster.eng

Good morning.
Good morning, Eddie.

Eddie, I'm very upset
with you this morning.

I told you to keep Spot's water dish
filled out in the yard.

Last night he got thirsty,
and he went down the street...

and drained
Mr. And Mrs. Hazlett's pool.

- I'm sorry. I forgot.
- Well, Mrs. Hazlett just phoned.

She was very embarrassed
when her husband went out
to take his morning dip...

and dove into an empty pool.

What kind of
a neighborhood is this...

where people begrudge a poor,
dumb animal a drink of water?

[Chuckling]
Good morning, everybody.
Good morning.

Morning, dear.
[Chuckles]

What are your plans
for the weekend, dear?

I just thought I'd
stick around the house.

As a matter of fact, I thought
I might work on the car.

It needs a thorough checkup.

Herman, please, take it
to the service station.

You're not very mechanical.
You're all thumbs.

No, I'm not. Hmph.

What, do you think I was put
together by some kind of nut?
Well, please be careful.

Every time you plan a weekend
project, you get in trouble.

Lily, please.
Don't be silly, dear.

How could a clear-thinking,
intelligent person such as I...

get in any kind of trouble?
[Laughing]

Hmm?
If you'll get up out of
the oatmeal, I'll tell you.

Alfred, that looks like the perfect spot
to stage our next accident...

the intersection of
Mockingbird Lane and Maple Drive.

Yeah, it's a nice, quiet
residential neighborhood.

But where are we gonna get a victim,
now that Double-jointed Benny's
been picked up by the cops?

Alfred, I gotta admit that
with that scarred face of his...

and his knack for being able
to throw his bones out of joint,

the insurance companies did
pay off without a second look.

Now, don't worry.
We'll find somebody to take his place.

But where?
This is a big city, Alfred.

Somewhere there must be
some big, stupid guy...

with a face that looks like it's been
in an accident before it happens.

What's new in the paper, Grandpa?
Oh, nothing much.

The New York Museum is sending
some archaeologist to Transylvania.

Hmm. Well, I hope they
don't dig up anyone we know.

Say, listen to this.

"Police Seek Accident Ring."
Oh, what's that about?

Well, they're after
a bunch of crooks...

who stage phony accidents
to gyp the insurance companies.

Phony accidents.
Yes. Isn't that terrible?

Everything is so synthetic these days.

[Wind Whistling]

Well, I checked the oil
and the transmission.

Now all I have to check
is the differential.

Are you gonna
jack up the rear end?
Exactly what I'm gonna do.

[Grunting]

[Laughing]

I'll go get the wrench, Pop.

The corner of Mockingbird Lane
and Maple Drive oughta be
around here somewhere.

But,J.R., what's the sense of
sizing it up for an accident
when we don't even have a victim?

First, we gotta get the lay
of the land, then the victim.

Look,J.R. There's some
character working under
that wild-lookin' hot rod.

Maybe he could tell us
where Maple Drive is.

Uh, say, buddy?

Uh, yes. Can I help you?

Uh, excuse me.

Did you ever see such a face?

That's a face?

It must be.
He's talking out of it.

That's the first time I ever saw
a ready-made victim.

Uh, tell me something, sir.

How would you like to get in
on a great moneymaking career?

Oh, I'm sorry, gentlemen,
but, you see,

I've already taken a course
in hotel management.

[Laughing]
No, it's nothing like that.

I'm J.R. Finlater, and this is
my associate, Alfred Swanson.

And have we got a deal for you.

Herman, you're
going to be a what?

You heard me, Lily.

I'm gonna be an actor and a star
in a million-dollar epic.

Herman, two men from Hollywood
happened to come along...

and discover you while you
were working on your differential?

Well, they said Lana Turner
was discovered exactly the same way,

only she was sitting
on a stool in a drugstore.

One of them's a writer,
and one of them's a producer.

That's just where I've been now.
They asked me to their office,

and I signed a contract,
and they start shooting me tomorrow.

- Shooting you?
- Lily, that's a show business
expression, like "Roll 'em,"

"Lights, '" "Action, '" "Anchors away, '"
that kind of stuff.

Well, darling,
this is such a surprise.

I know you've got
the looks and the personality,
but you've never had any training.

Well, Lily, they explained that it's
a documentary, like Naked City.

What they're after
is stark realism.

And they said I was as stark
as anything they've ever seen.

Herman, oh, this is...
this is wonderful.

You, a movie star!

Yes. And, Lily, I'm doing it
all for my family.

We're gonna move to Hollywood,
to a nice, expensive house
in Beverly Hills.

And you'll have diamonds,
and Eddie will go to a private school...

where they'll spoil him rotten.

And, Grandpa, you can fly
back and forth to the Old Country.

I do that all the time, anyway.

No, but I mean in an airplane,
and first-class.

That might not be bad
for a change,

to see how the other half flies.

Oh, my son-in-law,
the movie star.

Herman, where's that contract?
You better have me look it over.

They're keeping it for me
down there on file.

And there's no need to worry.
I looked it over very quickly
before I signed it.

And it's got everything in it,
including double indemnity.

Double indemnity?
What's that doing in a contract?

Well, they explained
that's the title of the picture.

It's a remake, and I'm doing
the old Fred MacMurray part.

Oh, dear.

Herman, if you have to kiss
your leading lady, I'll just die.

Oh, don't put yourself out, dear.

But if it bothers you, I'll have them
use doubles for all that mushy stuff.

Uh, when does this great epic
start, uh, shooting?

First thing tomorrow morning
on the corner of Mockingbird Lane
and Maple Drive.

Oh!
How thrilling.

We'll all be down to watch you.

Oh, no, you don't.
Uh, not tomorrow morning.

You see, they're shooting the big scene.
They're shooting the end of the picture.

They shoot the end
of the picture first?

Oh, they always do.

And I know it's the end
because as I was leaving the office,

I heard the producer say to the writer,
"Tomorrow will really be
the finish for him."

[Laughing]

Would you run through the scene
just once more, Mr.J.R.?

Why, certainly. Now, this is
the climax of the picture.

Now, you, as the hero, are
on your way to meet the girl,

when, suddenly, you step
off the curb and, whammo!

You are struck down
by a speeding car.

Couldn't that be a little dangerous?
Yeah, well, it don't
actually hit you.

It kind of swerves and
misses you at the last minute.
Gotcha.

Excuse me.
Yeah?

Excuse me,
but where's the camera?

Oh, uh, the camera.
Well, uh, I'll tell you, Munster.

For the sake of realism,
we've got the camera hidden
in that mail truck over there.

Very clever.

[Chuckling]
Get ready, Alfred!

Just one more question.

Why is your writer driving the car
that's almost gonna hit me?

My writer? Uh, well, because...

not only is Alfred another
Tennessee Williams,

but he also happens to be
the greatest stunt driver
in Hollywood.

Well, that's nice.

Okay, Alfred!

[Tires Squealing]

J.R.?
Yeah, what is it now?

Well, you forgot to yell, "Roll 'em,"
and all that kind of stuff.

We can't forget that, can we?

I forgot to say "Roll 'em."

Let's go again, Alfred!

Roll 'em!

[Sighs]

You know something,J.R.?

What, Munster?

If he doesn't write any better
than he drives, we're in big trouble.

May I have my tea now,
Aunt Lily?

In a minute, Marilyn, as soon
as the whistling teakettle boils.

[Factory Whistle]

There we are.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, by the way, Herman phoned.

He said they're gonna shoot the movie
in a vacant alley this afternoon.

They ran into some kind
of trouble on the street.

It'll be neat, having a father
who's a real movie star.

It's a very colorful
profession, Eddie.

When I was younger
in the Old Country,

I used to hang around the stage door
and put the bite on all the actors.

You borrowed money from them?

No, I put the bite on 'em.

I bet Herman'll be tired and hungry
when he gets home.

I think I'll put a little something
out on the table for him to nibble on.

[Sighs]
He just loves his little snacks.

Now, Herman, in this scene,

you're leaning against the building
right over here.

You're reading this newspaper,
and you're waiting for your sweetheart.

I see. Uh... Oh.

Right on this chalk mark.
Right.

That's it.
Ah-ah, not quite so far.

A little bit to the left, Herman.
A little bit more.

That's the idea.
[Laughing]

That's good.

That's fine, Hermie.
Just like that.

Perfect.

Yeah, that's great.
Oh.

Excuse me, Mr.J.R.,
but where's the camera this time?

Oh, uh, the camera?
Oh, uh, you see that
ice cream truck over there?

Hmm?
Here. Over here.

- Oh, yes.
- It's hidden inside.

Good thinking. But,J.R.,
it occurred to me that the camera...

Look, Herman, why're you
making a big thing out of it?

All you have to do is stand
right here on the chalk mark and
don't do nothin' till I yell, "Action!"

- Well, what about "Roll 'em"?
- "Action"!

I never realized how hard moving pictures
were on producers and writers. Hmm.

Herman, the first day of shooting,

and they're shutting down
the picture already?
I hope they haven't called it off.

You said you were
gonna be a movie star,

and I've been out all afternoon
pricing mink shrouds.

Yeah, and I've been practicing
to be a precocious little brat,

so I'll be ready when
I move to Hollywood.

Now, listen, everybody.
Just calm down.

They said it was just a temporary
postponement till the producer
gets out of the hospital.

He's got a concussion.

They said it was one of those
temporary little delays that happen
all the time in Hollywood.

Well, I'm glad everything's
gonna be all right.

Oh, Herman, I just can't wait
to see your face on a wide screen,

40 feet wide and 20 feet tall.

The audiences' eyes
will just pop out.

Oh, I think it's gonna be
an excellent picture.

J.R. Told me they're working
on a new ending for tomorrow
that's gonna be a killer.

How does it look,J.R.?
Great, Alfred.

Now, all we have to do is to get
Munster to go through that door,

and then it's one, two, three,
instant double indemnity.

[Alfred Whistles]

I just hope he don't land on somebody
and get us a counterclaim.

Stop worrying, will you?
We'll be at that claims office,

collecting on a policy
before he even hits the ground.

Uh... Uh, close the door.
I can't stand heights.

I just told Spot about moving to
Hollywood, and he's real excited.

Oh, good!

Hey, Spot, how would you
like to meet Lassie?

[Growling]

How would you like to meet
Ed, the talking horse?
[Growling]

Hey, uh, Spot, would you like
to meet Carroll Baker?

[Growling]

Oh, Grandpa, stop that.

Spot was never that way
till you let him eat...

that copy of The Carpetbaggers.
Good morning, all.

[All]
Ooh.!

Herman, you're magnificent!
You look so glamorous.

Pop, you're a gas!

Please, fans, no autographs.

The Method Actor?

One must dig deep to come up
with the right character.

You're telling me.
That's how I found my first 10 wives.

Well, I must be going.

Good-bye, dear.
We're shooting interiors today.

I'll try to give you a blast
on the horn between takes.
[Chuckles]

This is the most exciting thing
that ever happened...

you in pictures.

Lily, dear, tut, tut, tut, tut.

When one has talent,
one must take these things in stride.

Bye, all.

[Sighs]

Now, Munster, this is the most crucial
scene of the whole picture,

although it's a simple one.

Simple?
Right. Now, when we open up,
you're seated at the desk.

I'm seated.
Right. When I give you the cue,

you get up,
run across the room,

fling open that door marked
"private" and step inside.

I think I get it.
I get up, go across the room,

fling open that door
and step inside.

Right.
Just a minute now,
and I'll check the set.

All set.
All set?

Uh, no.
No?

No?
No.

What's the motivation?

Alfred, give him the motivation.
Uh, uh, me? Uh, uh...

Oh. Uh, well...

Well, you see, you're working
here at the office, see,

and it's, uh...
it's late at night.

And then suddenly from
the other room you hear a scream.
It's your sweetheart.

You jump up,
and you run to the door,

and you say, "I'm coming, darling!"

And you dash inside.

All right. Shall we...
Shall we make it?

Uh, no.
No?

No. As they say in Hollywood,

it... just doesn't grab me.

It's right here, Lily... another
article about that accident ring.

Good heavens, Grandpa!

It says, "They pose
as movie producers...

"to lure their victims
into accidents.

Then they collect the insurance."

And that big dummy Herman signed
a contract with double indemnity.

Now they're gonna wreck him
and collect on the accident.

Oh, my poor Herman!

They'll hurt my sweet baby.
What'll we do?

I can't let anything happen to him.
Who's gonna support me in my old age?

Oh, this is terrible.
[Growling]

Don't panic, Spot.
Turn down your burner.
Give us a chance to think.

We've gotta keep cool.
The thing to do is call the police.

Oh, come on, Grandpa. Let's.

Well, what's the matter?

I forgot where the phone is.
Oh, Grandpa!

Now, look, Munster.
I rewrote the whole scene for you.

Will you listen to it?
Shoot.

This is the office of the boss
of the syndicate.

Right.

Now, it's late at night.
Yeah?

And you're going through the desk,
looking for the papers...

that'll save the United States
from being blown to bits.

Huh.
Now, suddenly,

from the next room,
you hear a scream.

Uh, but it's not
my sweetheart again.

What sweetheart?
It's... It's your mother.
Yeah.

Mother?
Yeah, your mother that you
haven't seen in 26 years.

I think it might be
a little too clich�.

Well, y-y-you
didn't let me finish.

You see, because after
the scream, you hear a bark.

Bark?
Yeah, a bark... woof, woof!

Because tied up in there
with your mother...

is the collie dog that
pulled you out of the well...

when you was a little
bitty boy in Scotland.

Now you're talking motivation.

All right now!
Then let's make a take.
What do you say?

Right.
Right.

There we go.
All right.

Sit down... in the seat.

That's the idea. Ready. A...

Action!

Start going through the drawers.

Now you hear your mother scream.

[J.R. Screaming]

And the dog bark!
Woof, woof!

- Now what's the matter?
- We left the camera in the ice cream truck.

No, no!

That's right, Officer. And now
they're gonna stage an accident...

and collect on his insurance.

Tell them to hurry, Grandpa.

They may be doing away with
Herman at this very moment.

He says, unless someone stole
our bicycle, he can't help us.

Oh!
He's giving me another department.

Now, look, Munster.
Everything is all set.

Now, pay attention. Here.

The camera is behind
this picture. All right?

Your mother and the dog
are in the other room.

Now, let's make a take, huh,
for the final and last time?
You ready?

Uh...

Ready.
All right. Action!

Now you hear your mother
scream. Aaah!

Woof, woof.

Coming, Mother!

Here! Here!

Here.!

You're in the closet!

Look, it's not this door.
It's this door!

A baby can do it, it's so simple!

All you do is you go to this door,
open the door...

and step inside!

Say, uh,

uh, there's no mother in there,

or a dog or anything.

Uh, there's not
even a room in there.

They must've moved it.
I think you fellows
are trying to hurt me.

You know, if you keep this up,
I might get very angry.

I might even report you
to the Better Business Bureau.

Mm, so there.

So you see, Herman,

they were trying to injure you
to collect on the policy you signed.

You know, Lily,

there oughta be a law
against things like this.

Law? Of course there's a law.
And as law-abiding citizens,

we are gonna go to the police station
and file a complaint against these crooks.

Herman, you had us so worried.

One of these days,
you'll put us all in an early grave.

Isn't that just like Lily?

Always looking at
the bright side of things.

And let's be thankful
we've seen the last of these men.

Yeah,J.R., I think the big goon
finally got wise to us.

Our next move
is to get out of town.
Yeah?

But first we're gonna make a little call
on our friend Herman Munster...

and put him
on permanent suspension...

in that big movie studio
in the sky.

Gee, what a creepy place.
Looks like rigor mortis set in.

Yeah, and it's about to set in
on Mr. Herman Munster.

Open the door.
Why me?

Open the door!

[Door Creaking]

He must be upstairs.
Call him. We'll take care of him.

Mr. Munster. Herman, baby.

Come on down.
We got something for ya.

[Growling]
[Yelling]

[Gasps]
Did you hear that?
I think something frightened Spot.

Boy, Spot must've been
really shook up.

He burned all the paint
off the door.