Original subtitles

- I'm fine, no really, don't get up.

- Trouble at work sweetie?

- Oh, you know, life of a chicken mogul.

They're rolling out a new fried giblet bowl next week.

And they want all the employees to try it.

It looks like shit.

Smells like shit too,

but I figured you'll pretty much anything so.

- Give it here pussy.

- What the fuck are you staring at?

Seems kind of late in the semester

to be moving in don't you think?

- Who gives a shit?

Just enjoy the show.

No one's ever rented that place.

The owners wants too much if you ask me.

- Who gives a shit?

They seem like don't mind it.

- We should go help 'em.

- Hey girls, do you need some help with that?

- Hey, you guys need a hand?

- Hi, actually I think we're okay.

Hey, I got it.

- Don't worry about it, I got it.

Don't worry, I'll pick it up.

- Oh my God.

- You guys are awesome.

- No, we got it.

- Fucking figures, forget about it.

They're probably some snobby ass sorority bitches anyways.

Definitely out of our league.

- How do you figure?

- Bro, come on, chicks like them don't fuck

with guys like us.

It's just straight up facts.

- Dude, we're two guys and they're two chicks.

You gotta back out there sometime.

Why not now?

- Yeah, yeah, look, they're probably all about

that Greek life hoe shit, man.

The way they look, probably some rich ass bitches too.

Definitely don't dig swines like us.

- You're looking at it wrong, okay?

You're in college and I just joined the workforce early,

climbing up the corporate ladder.

Two enterprising dudes looking for a good time.

- Okay, one, I'm flunking community college.

Two, you smell like old chicken grease.

Look, fuck it, let's just go smoke a bowl,

play some shooty dudes on the Flex Box.

I get first.

- Split-screen. - Dude, hot seat only.

You know how it is.

- Dude, fuck that noise, you kill.

Plus I need to level up my character.

You play that shit all day.

- Fine, fine, fine, stop being a whiny ass bitch about it.

This fried giblet ain't too bad.

Gravy's not bad either.

- There isn't any gravy.

Goddamn.

- Dude, can you just let it go or some shit, man.

Come on, just grab a tube sock and some lube

and just yank it right here.

- You would just love that.

You just wanna stare at my dong

and have some for your spank bank later you sick fuck.

- Shit yeah dawg.

I mean, we can go storm chasing,

find ourselves a good tornado.

We can have a good old cyclone jerk.

That sounded really bad, but you know what I mean.

And then after that, mother nature can take its rest.

- What the fuck is wrong with you dude?

- So many things, but seriously dude, out of our league.

Please, please, stop looking through that door like a creep.

I mean there's plenty of fish out in the sea.

- Yeah, yeah, but not those fish.

- Those fish ain't into guys like us.

- You don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Okay.

You're just too much of a pussy to get off your ass

and give it a shot.

- Dude, what the fuck man?

You're being a real fucking asshole right now.

I can go across the street and nail one of the girls

if I wanted to, okay.

What are you gonna do huh?

Bring them some leftover chicken or what?

You make minimum wage with a crappy ass car.

You make it seem like you have something to offer them.

Fuck you, man.

At least I'm willing.

- Willing to do what?

Waste my time talking about two girls you don't even know.

Two girls that don't even know you exist.

All you're doing is just looking through that door,

looking like a serial killer or some shit.

- Dude, fuck you, okay.

I just said that I was gonna give it a shot

and I'm not fucking lazy like you.

It's been six months.

- Don't. - Six fucking months.

You and Cherie have been broken up for,

no fuck that, it wasn't a break up, she dumped your ass.

- It wasn't like that.

- It was exactly like that. Okay?

Now, you don't even go to school.

You just sit at home and smoke weed all day

in that dirty ass bathrobe.

- You don't know shit man.

You know I have anxiety.

You're being a fucking dick right now.

- No Chad, I'm being your fucking friend.

In fact, I'm being the last fucking friend you're gonna

have.

Believe me, it's hard to fucking do

because you walk around this fucking house

with a storm cloud all over your head

and I get home from work and try to cheer your ass up,

but bro, you've been a real fucking downer lately.

- Well, if you don't like it, then get the fuck out man,

like I give a shit.

- Yeah, that's the fucking problem.

You act like you don't give a shit about anything anymore.

There are messages piling up on that fucking machine.

You don't even go to school anymore.

You're on fucking academic probation for non attendance.

And not to mention, the fucking bill collectors

that are calling for tuition all damn day.

- Screw that noise, man.

They can't get blood out of a stoner right?

Look man, just, I get it, I'm sorry.

Look, it's just I'm working on it.

And

Dude, just

Look, just hit this man.

Just, don't you wanna get high?

Dude, come on just hit this, shoot some dudes with me.

Look, I got the split screen ready so you can level up

- No man, I'm fucking tired okay.

I have morning shift tomorrow.

The drive through is a fucking bitch.

- Dude, com on, Derek!

Fuck, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

- You're listening to FM90, The tiger,

Langley University's number one station for today's hits.

We'll get back to the hits in just one second.

But first, Langley Police Department has asked us

to broadcast this important message.

Two men are missing, 22 year old James Van Der Fluke

and 23 year old Jack Joshua had been reported missing

from their fraternity house late last week.

If you have seen these two men,

please report it

to the Langley Police Department immediately.

This next hit has been brought to you

by Mr. Cluck-Clucks Fried Chicken.

Try their all new Fried Giblet Bowl today.

And speaking about giblets,

we have Susie and Candy

from Sorority Sigma Lamda Upsilon Tau coming in

to talk about their new charity drive.

Maybe I can get 'em

to shake their young firm giblets

for me, oh yeah.

- Chad?

Yo!

Chad?

Good for you bro.

# Is it what you wanted #

# You can feel it #

- I was just returning this book.

- I don't know, what do you wanna get me?

Have some goody goody to give me?

Oh, there's a nice smile.

Look at you, do you like my mustache.

- No, I don't. - No?

Oh, I'll shave it, it's okay.

You okay?

Looking all nervous, you don't have to be nervous.

- It's my first time.

- It's your first time?

Oh my goodness, it's hot in here now, bye.

- Hey, I'm just returning this.

# Make it what you want it #

# You can feel it #

# You just have to take it #

# If we can be honest #

# And we feel it #

- Hey, I'm here to return these.

I don't need it for my class.

I brought the receipts.

- It's past 30 days.

I can't take these for a refund.

- Wait, what?

- I can't take these.

It's past 30 days.

- Is there any way I can sell these back to you?

I mean, is there anything else we can do with that?

- I'll give you $13 for this one.

These are now out of date and we don't take those.

- Are you serious?

I spent $600 on these.

This is trash.

I mean, come on $13?

Is that the best you can do?

I can't even use these as a blunt wrap man, come on.

- Next!

- Is there anything else you can do?

- Let me check.

Nope, nothing. - Come on.

- Look, do you want the $13 or not?

- Sure.

- Thank you, bye.

- Fuck!

Team death match.

- Come on, step up the stairs.

Oh, we're gonna have some fun.

- Chad is full of fucking shit.

Dude, that guy is old enough to be their fucking dad.

Fuck it!

That's right baby girl, no one's watching.

- That's not so bad is it?

Now, just stay put and let the drugs do their thing.

I'm gonna take such good care of you,

dirty boy.

- Welcome to Sapiens,

how many will be dining with us tonight?

- Hey Cherie, party for two.

Look, I was just walking by and I just saw you

I just wanted to come say hi

and see if we can talk, sit down and talk about us.

You know.

- What do you mean us?

There is no us Chad.

- Yeah, I know.

I just thought we can, you know, maybe fix things.

- You don't get it do you?

I don't get what? I just

- I broke up with you.

What, like a year ago?

- It's actually six months, two weeks, and a day

but who's counting, right?

- Okay, it is sad that you know the specifics of the date,

but whatever, I broke up with you.

Get over it.

I honestly don't need you stalking me anymore.

- I wasn't stalking.

I was just checking up on you.

- You call standing outside my work

and hiding in the bushes at school checking up on me?

For the love of God,

I thought the restraining order was enough

to get rid of you.

- It did, it's just I thought you were playing a game

of cat and mouse with me.

But now, I can't even go to school until

you you know, you graduate.

Look, Derek got into my head and just was talking to me.

And just look, I just thought about you.

- You thought what?

What were you thinking Chad?

That after all the stalking and mental harassment

that you would what, come in here and rekindle the romance?

- Look, I know I'm not a smooth talker, but come on,

I treated you right didn't I?

The sex was great?

Treated me right is stalking me?

And we had sex like what, once?

And it was the worst 30 seconds of my life.

- Time was going slow, I thought it was a minute.

- That is so sad Chad.

You are such a creep.

Just get a grip and move on.

There was never an us.

We were never together and we will never be together.

So can you like get the fuck out

or I'm calling the cops.

- Look Cherie, I'm just-

- Hey, hey, hey, is this guy bothering you?

- Yes. - Well hey, hey-

- We're just talking, okay?

Just no trouble.

- Oh, keep working on those, you'll catch up to me soon.

Listen, big guy listen, you can't come in here okay?

You know you were told you can't be here, right?

So let's get to stepping

before I show you I put the man in manager.

- Oh, okay. - Yeah.

- This is- - Let's go, lets' go.

That's right, that's right.

This time, you're gonna fucking stay out.

- Fuck you dude. - Loser!

- You okay, man? - Get off me!

Can I help you?

Derek?

Derek?

Good for you, man.

Hey, Derek!

You up yet you d-bag?

Derek?

- You've gotta get over here.

It's fucking awesome, come on.

- Hi. - Hi.

Hey there again.

- Oh, hi, hi, hi.

- Hi, I'm Chrissy.

- No, that's my name?

- Oh, my name is Shit.

- Your name is Shit?

You must have some pretty cool parents.

- No, no, I mean, my name's not Shit of course not.

I mean, unless you like that sort of shit.

- So what is it? - What's what?

- Your name? - My name?

Oh shit, no, no it's not shit.

It's just Chad, just Chad, no shit, no shit.

- Well, nice to meet you just Chad.

You got another one of those for me?

- Oh no, it's my last one.

You can have it,

but it's a little warm if you like it like that I guess.

- I'm good, but tell you what,

why don't you come over for some a little later?

I think my sister is still got a bunch in the fridge

you know, since you're out.

And it's cold, so that's nice.

- Yeah, I'm down with that little, yeah.

A little later?

- A little later tonight.

- All right.

What the fuck just happened?

- Are you kidding me?

Jesus, Chrissy, not again.

You can't do this to us again.

I am knee deep in this shit over here.

I need you to focus.

- Why can't we do something I want?

We always do what you want.

Why can't I do something that makes me happy?

- All this, everything we've been doing, it's for you.

You think money grows on trees?

You wanted a better life.

You wanted to run away from the institution.

You wanted to get away from dad.

You wanted to go to college.

- I didn't wanna do it like this.

- Chrissy, the shit I had to do to relocate us again,

the shit I had to do to get us new identities twice.

- I didn't wanna hurt anybody, anybody else.

- Dad deserved it.

He was a pig.

They all are.

- Not Chad, he is different.

No, he isn't.

- He is, you'll see.

- Whatever, time to stop fucking around

and get back to work.

Grab the mop and bucket.

I mean, if you're not too busy.

- Look, hey dude.

Look, I'm sorry for leaving here on another voicemail.

Look, I'm just calling just to check in, man.

Look, I know we haven't talked since the other night,

but I hope you're good.

And I get it that you're pissed at me,

but you're right, I was wrong.

And I'm taking your advice.

Get off my ass and try to live a little.

Look, can you just please call me back, man?

Oh!

I don't remember ordering a stud.

- Is Chrissy home?

- Chrissy is not here right now.

Can I do something for you?

Oh, don't be shy.

Any friend of my sister's is a friend of mine.

Don't you wanna be my friend?

Come on, don't you wanna come inside?

- I got to shave my cat.

- Wash my cat, the fuck?

# I played my hand and showed my cards #

# I took my togs right from your heart #

# I laid 'em down before your eyes #

# Game over blow the whistle #

Dammit, ass butt!

Chad, it's mom.

I haven't heard from you in weeks.

The school has been calling too.

Are you okay with all the things

that have been going on over there

and then those boys missing?

Just give me a call would you please?

Your father and I are worried sick, love you.

- Yep, Langley Campus Police Department.

Is this an emergency?

- No, I don't think so.

How can we help, sir?

- Yeah, my friend, he didn't come home last night

or the night before.

- Is he a student? - No, we just live off campus

so the off campus police is the only number I have.

- Okay sir, so how old is your friend?

Is he your roommate?

- 23, I think so.

Yeah, yeah, he is my roommate.

- So he's been missing for two nights then?

Approximately what time did he go missing?

- About midnight, two nights ago.

He was with this girl and he seemed pretty trashed.

- Okay look, honestly, he is probably fine.

Guys that age take off all the time

for sometimes days on end.

We really can't make a missing persons report until an adult

has been missing for at least 48 hours.

- Okay then, okay, fine, sorry.

Dude, where the hell are you?

- Hey, where were you?

Oh, hey.

- Last night, you didn't come?

- Last night, yeah, I did come by.

Your sister said that you left or something.

I mean, it's no big deal.

- Oh yeah, silly me, I totally forgot I had an errand to run

for school and yeah, you're right.

I am so sorry.

I totally forgot about that.

- Oh, it's cool.

I mean, I got stuff that I needed to do too.

- I hope you weren't really disappointed

because I kind of was.

You know?

I was really looking forward to our little date.

- Yeah, I was looking forward to it too.

I mean, I would've stayed and waited,

but your sister just...

- Janet can be a little extra, sorry.

But I will definitely be home tonight

if you wanna come over again I mean?

- Yeah, yeah, I'm down.

I mean, yeah, I can come by a little bit later

if that's cool.

I'm just gonna go get dressed

and get ready then I'll be there.

- It's a date.

Oh, and for the record,

I think you look just fine just the way you are right now.

- Hey! - Hey.

- Are those for me?

- Yeah, yeah, I mean, yeah.

- Oh my God, where'd you get them?

- Well, I don't have the car and I didn't want you to wait.

I just picked him up on the way over.

You know, I thought of you

I thought you'd like 'em.

- On the way over?

- Yeah, I just got them on the neighbor's yard.

I mean, they're not gonna use 'em

and I don't think they're gonna complain to us.

They're renters, but they're probably gonna get destroyed

in the next party or something.

- They're very sturdy.

They're perfect, thank you.

I'm gonna go put them in a vase, come on.

Make yourself comfortable.

Come on in.

They're plastic. Okay cool.

Beer? - Yeah, sure.

Cool, one sec.

Yeah, we, you know, college girls, jello shots.

Janet loves cherry.

Come on, get comfortable over here.

- Oh, this is a lot of cool stuff you have.

This is really cool.

- I learned it in wood shop.

- Cool, so you built this?

- Yeah, I got really into archery.

You know, It really helped me at the institution.

- Yeah. I hated high school too.

- I knew you'd get me.

- Oh this is good, really needed it.

- Yeah I mean, I figured you'd been gone for at least a day

you know, with your friend.

- How'd you know?

- Oh, his car. His car has been gone for a full day.

He came over to hang out with Janet the other night,

but he never came back after the first night.

We figured it was because of the fight you guys had.

We don't mean to pry,

but you guys were a little loud that's all.

- Yeah. No, you're right.

I mean, just think he's at his parents' house or something.

He'll probably show up in the morning,

but yeah, we just tend to fight all the time.

I mean, kind of like an old married couple,

but we always make up afterwards.

Sorry, it's not you- - No, it's okay.

I get it. - It's not you.

It's not you.

I mean, it's just I don't open up

to people most of the time.

I mean, it's been a while, so it's just me.

- Why don't I get you a refill

and we'll start over, sound good?

- Yeah, that sounds great.

- Okay, I'll be right back.

- Do you know where your restroom's at?

- Oh yeah, definitely.

First door on your left.

- This time you got this.

You got this, you got this.

Hey tiger.

- Chrissy, I think I'm gonna be heading home a little bit.

I'm not feeling good.

I'm not feeling good.

- We were just starting to have fun.

I don't think you're in any condition

to go anywhere sweetheart.

- What did you do?

- Okay, maybe you're right.

I threw everything at him and nothing.

He didn't even wanna stay

and watch me and roofie guy in there.

Are you sure he's not gay?

- He didn't want you.

And he didn't wanna watch because he is different.

- Oh, he's different? - He's special.

I will say, the new roofies this guy is giving you,

I thought they only worked like that in the movies.

- I know! - They're so much faster

that what we've been using.

- I know, better than a bat that's for sure.

- Wait, he was getting away.

He saw you.

He was a pervert.

- Look, if you kill him first,

we can't get as much out of him.

Buyers need 'em fresh.

It doesn't matter how.

Look, he's almost done.

We can pack him up, take roofie guy up there next.

He is huge though.

Not sure how we're gonna get him upstairs

without taking his IV out.

- Okay but, before we take your other guy out,

we've got to find out where he buys his stuff.

- Agreed, I wonder if it's good for the liver though.

The liver's our biggest money maker.

Okay, pack him up, let's go.

- Hey, hey, hey, don't move, don't move.

You're gonna pinch your wrists.

You gotta be quiet all right?

You don't want my sister to know that you're awake.

She's so wrong about you.

She thought you'd run like my last boyfriend.

That's why we had to leave.

That's why we had to come here.

She's pissed because she had had to get fake identities,

and fake college credits and all of that.

Now, she is pissed, but she was wrong about you.

You would never hurt me.

You would never leave me.

As soon as we take care of that so call friend of yours,

he is no friend of yours.

He's a pig.

I will be back soon my love.

- God, his tolerance is crazy.

Remind me to stay clear of chronic potheads in the future.

Would you shut the fuck up!

I think we have some aspirin.

It's in here somewhere.

Are you kidding me?

Get your ass back here.

You're the reason we have a pile of men around here.

You should have to do some of your dirty work.

- Where do I start?

- Come on, where the spleen is.

- Where is that?

- Have you not paid attention to anything I've been doing?

- I guess, I don't know.

- Jesus, Chrissy, this is

why you're barely passing your classes.

You know no one's gonna hire you in the real world

if you can't hold-

- You're the one who's supposed to be pre-med.

Look, I'm the looks and you're the brains, remember?

- Sure, yeah, I guess

that's why you're a liberal arts major.

No fair, I like it.

- It's useless. - Whatever.

- Can we just get started?

- Where?

- Upper left that the abdomen.

God! - Okay, jeez!

His left, not your left!

- Okay, look!

- Wait, hold on.

- I'm on the left side which is the right side.

What is it?

What could it possibly be?

- Is that my top you're wearing?

- No, it's mine.

- Like hell it is.

I have been searching for that top for weeks.

I even asked if you had seen it.

- You asked if I had seen your pink top.

I thought you were asking if I had seen your pink top,

not this pink top.

- That is mine.

- No, it's not.

You gave this one to me.

- I would've never given it to you.

I let you borrow it.

It looks way better on me.

- As if, and you did.

You said I could have it.

Remember that frat party last month?

- Yeah, and you said you had nothing cute to wear.

- I wanted to wear my lighter pink one,

but I got blood all over it.

- When you were trying to get rid of that fat guy's torso.

Oh, that's so fucking disgusting.

- Oh, you were gonna blow him.

- I was not, that's fucking gross.

You were, I saw it.

- I had to get down there to get close to a visible vein.

I had no other choice.

- What was it like being under all that fromunder cheese?

Fucking gross.

- I bet he smelled like an Italian sub down there.

- Can you not?

I'm gonna throw up.

Well, before we cut into this asshole,

why don't we take our shirts off so we don't get blood

on these ones too? - Totally, makes sense.

Oh, you should fold them though.

- What, why?

- They're gonna get wrinkled and misshapen like that.

- Whatever.

- Unbelievable, okay, you are about to get dissected.

- Vivisected.

- Whatever, you are about to die

and this is what you're thinking about?

Incredible! - I told you dear sister,

they are all the same.

Let's do it already.

- Ah, oh fuck!

I think I got some in my mouth.

- I think I hit the artery thingy.

- You think?

Oh shit, shit!

The fuck are you looking at?

Go, do something.

- Chad, Chad, don't worry, I can fix it.

Janet was right about you just like all the others,

just like all the others.

You were supposed to be different.

You were never supposed to leave me.

You were supposed to love me.

Why don't you love me Chad?

Crossbow clicking

Why don't you love me?

Why don't you love me Chad?

Why?

- Chrissy, look at me.

Your sister's wrong.

She's wrong about me.

I am different.

You know me.

I'm not gonna leave. I'm right here

- You're not gonna leave?

And you love me?

You do love me?

Liar!

# Looking at me boy #

# You're looking at me girl #

# You're looking at me #

# Keeping that love #

# But you're looking at me #

# I keep it rad but they're keeping it coming #

# Not saying I'm bad #

# I can do you no harm #

# But if you're gonna make me mad #

# No honey that'll make me mad #

# 'Cause if you're gonna make me mad #

# Make me mad #

# Got a lot of keys #

# But keep it chic #

# Nothing I will do will never click #

# So how about that #

# I am bringing the shining #

# Not that I'm bad #

# I would do you no harm #

# I keep it rad even though you are doubting #

# It's just my style #

# I am keeping it coming #

# Well I saying that you're never giving #

# Our chance to thrive but you are never saving #

# I got a lot of keys #

# But I keep it chic #

# Nothing I would will never click #

# You and I we don't see eye to eye #

# Will never fly #

# Don't let it die #

# Looking at me boy #

# You're looking at me girl #

# You're looking at me #

# Keeping that love #

# But you're looking at me #

# I keep it rad but they're keeping it coming #

# Not saying I'm bad #

# I can do you no harm #

# But if you're gonna make me mad #

# No don't ever make me mad #

# 'Cause if you're gonna make me mad #

# Make me mad #

# I've got a lot of keys #

# But I keep it chic #

# Nothing I will do will never click #

# Got a lot of keys but keep it chic #

# Nothing I will do will never click #

# I wonder why #

# Looking at me boy #

# You're looking at me girl #

# You're looking at me #

# Keeping that love but you're looking at me #

# I keep it rad but they're keeping it coming #

# Not saying I'm bad #

# I can do you no harming #

# But if you're gonna make me mad #

# No don't ever make me mad #

# 'Cause if you're gonna make me mad #

# Make me bad #