All language subtitles for SurrealEstate.S01E07

Previously, on
"SUREALESTATE"...

We stole her from
Livingston‐Kent.

Bob Livingston fired me.

I pushed him back
into the arms of his wife.

You should have pushed
him into a woodchipper.

She spent eight years straight
in the Platinum Ring of Esteem.

What's the
Platinum Ring of Esteem?

It's just this club for people
who do ten million dollars

in volume over a
12‐month period.

The world always assumes that
people who investigate heresies

must be heretics.

I would remind you
of the Travis house.

Those things,
they can hurt you.

They are dangerous.

Post‐mortem in five, kids.

What exactly
was that thing?

We call it
a Roadie.

We're going to cover
it all in the wrap‐up.

Those poor people.

Nearly killed each other.

Speaking of
near‐death experiences,

tomorrow night is
the big night.

Platinum Ring of Esteem
annual banquet.

Prom with business cards.

We mock what we
do not understand.

Seriously, though.

Lifetime Achievement Award
at your tender age.

Some of us choose to
measure our lives in closings

rather than years.

Look, sorry, Anthony. Um...

No, that's great.

Yes, no, thank you
for cleaning the house.

I'm sure the
adoption agency people

are going to be very impressed.

Ah, just one more quick meeting
and then I'll be home.

I'll heat it up.

God, Anthony, it's a meatloaf,
not a donor organ.

It'll keep.

Yes, okay.

I love you.
I gotta go. Bye.

All right, how long
is this thing going to take?

It shouldn't be too long.

Remarkable resilience
for a Roadie.

I've never seen one
with such...

Violent tendencies.

Okay...

Let's wrap this up;
get into the weekend. ‐

Oh! You've got two new calls
from that reporter ‐‐

Maria something?

Uh, channel seven.

Yeah, she's been bugging
the cops, too.

Where is Susan?

God, can we please
start without her?

I've got places to be.

Sorry, I was just packing up a
little homework for the weekend.

Martyr.

Can we do
this please? Phil?

Okay...

We worked the Jackson house
for two weeks.

Mid‐level engagement
associated with an old fella

who died in the upstairs bedroom
20 years ago

but never got the memo.

Luke helped him move on
but, in doing so,

revealed our next contestant.

Basically a class‐three
shapeshifting demon

that bounces from person
to person looking for a home.

They are attracted
to our type of houses.

They feed on
the spiritual turbulence.

Heavier the engagement,
tastier the meal.

Basically, it looks for
bad places to live

and makes them worse.

What do they look like?

See, that's the thing
about Roadies...

they have no corporeal mass
of their own‐‐

only the host they occupy
at any given moment.

So, you've seen
these things before?

Only twice.

Fortunately, that was enough
for our man, August,

to figure out how modify the
M. E. D. to take it apart nicely.

And that is what
saved our bacon tonight.

Yeah!

To be prepared
is half the victory.

Cervantes.

Man, those Roadies
played rough.

You saw what those Jackson kids
did to their parents.

Yeah. But that's
not the worst of it.

Mm‐mm. If they manage to stay
in the host long enough,

they can take over.

Take over... how?

You know those stories you
hear about the nice, responsible

insurance guy with a nice yard
who goes crazy one day

and kills his entire family
with an axe?

My god.

Doesn't always go that way,
but often enough to, you know‐‐

Ooh. That's not
a happy sound.

That is the breach alarm.

Zooey,

lock down the elevators
and the stairwell, please.

Talk to me, Augie.

Checking now.

What? Is there a fire?

I wish.

I think something
followed us home.

Opening score...

Bear in mind that this

merely indicates presence,
not location.

Now, how did it survive
that blast from the M. E. D.?

It didn't.

It was gone.

Ontologically disassembled.

And yet here it is.

I killed it.

It's dead.

So, I talked to
the building sup.

He's shutting down the elevators
at the ninth floor

and securing
the stairwell.

We have to walk down ten
flights of stairs to get out?

Do you want to
tell her or can I?

Until we manage to wipe this
thing out properly,

we can't take a chance
on letting it out.

Lockdown, baby.

You're kidding?

He's kidding, right?

Nope.

So, we're stuck here?

For how long?

Well, hopefully not for long
but you saw how that thing

hopped from person to person.

We can't risk it
getting out of here.

Can it pass through
walls and doors?

Were you not
paying attention?

It doesn't have a body
except for the host.

It's a Roadie;
never travels alone,

only with the band.

So, how did
it get up here?

It found a host.

♪ Suspenseful music ♪

Oh, come on!

The truth is
we don't know.

This thing can sit dormant
in a person for...

Phil, help me out here.

Latency seems to be
uncomfortable for Roadies.

They...

They like to move around,
like a virus.

It infects different people
and takes control

after varying periods of
dormancy and the host

never knows until...

he wakes up holding the axe.

It was around eight P. M.
When we last saw this thing‐‐

when August thought
that he killed it.

Oh, August
killed it, all right.

Your tech says otherwise.

Then there was
more than one.

A Mary‐Kate and Ashley?

Uh...

I guess it's possible.

Okay.

We stay here for now.

We keep an eye on each other
and we see what pops up.

For how long?

Until we find it and August
smokes it for real.

Phil, do your thing.
See what else you can find out‐‐

And you might want to
look at your own device.

We are on the buddy system.

Susan, you and I can talk
about the Menendez proposal

in my office.

You guys
stick together.

Eyes on each other
all the time.

You've got somebody
to feed Schrodinger?

Yes, I‐‐I'll
call my neighbor.

I gotta call Anthony.
He's gonna freak out.

Yeah, I got people
I gotta call, too.

Why don't you go ahead and get
us some food while you're at it.

Okay, what sounds good?

Mm... a morphine drip?

How's Chinese food?

Is that okay with everybody?

Chinese.

Great. And get the usual.

In the meantime...

Let's all keep our eyes
on each other.

Susan?

Hello?

No, it's just one of
those work things, Megan.

It could be late.

Certainly no longer
than absolutely necessary.

Okay, bye.

Just how long are we
going to be stuck here?

It's hard to say.

I don't have to tell you that
I am accepting a major award

in less than 24 hours

and there are certain acts of...
personal maintenance

that need to take place
between now and then.

You look great.
You always look great.

To the untrained eye.

In my own mind, I'm the chick
in the tub in room 237

of the Overlook Hotel.

Look, you are just being
too hard on yourself.

But it is my night, Luke.

It's my one night!

I'll never win an Oscar,
or a Stanley Cup

and the Nobel Prize committee
has an obvious

anti‐real estate bias.

Are you really going to
deny me exfoliation

on my very special day?

Are you that cruel?

I am not denying you anything.

But if this thing
is inside of you,

you don't want it popping out
in the middle of your

acceptance speech and do
some kind of Roadie Rumspringa.

It's going to do nothing
for your personal brand.

Now, do you want to talk
Menendez or not?

♪ Gentle music ♪

Yes.

I don't know, Jeffrey!
It's part of my job.

Well, maybe if you ever
had a job, you'd understand.

I thought you'd understand,
but I guess not.

You're stressed out?

Anthony, how do you
think I feel?

Quite honestly, the longer
I stand here talking to you,

...the longer cat food soaks
in the warm water,

the better she likes it.

No, I'm all out of
the canned food she prefers.

I didn't get to the, uh...

♪ Ominous music ♪

To the, uh...

store.

I'm afraid we'll all have to
struggle through this together.

Boy, it's a crowded field.

Okay...

The Slavs call it a Leshy.

The Japanese have a
shape‐shifting trickster fox

called a Kitsune.

For the Algonquins,
a Wendigo.

When it possessed somebody,

it developed
a violent compulsion

to feast on human flesh.

Hn! Who's hungry?

I had no idea you could
break them down by income.

Used to be you couldn't.

But I developed
this algorithm

that scrapes the
property tax database

and extrapolates
household income

on a separate tab.

Whew. It's fantastic.

- Mm‐hm.
- Is it legal?

Susan Ireland:
real estate renegade.

Dinner's downstairs.

Why is it downstairs?
He usually brings it upstairs.

Ah, 'cause he can usually
use the elevator.

So where is our dinner?

Down at the security desk.

Larry is probably sniffing
your Crab Rangoon as we speak.

Larry the, uh...

Larry the
security guard.

You know ‐the one
who looks at Susan the way

Kanye looks at Kanye.

♪ Mischievous music ♪

Yeah. Just do
the voice.

Larry!

Hey, you!

What are these?

The Jacksons had 'em
up on the fridge.

Think the youngest kid drew 'em
when he was chock full o' demon.

What do they mean?

Swirls, chaos...

Two parents,
one sibling...

Who knows?

We should probably
take turns

getting some sleep.

Two of us need to be awake
at all times.

Well, I need a tool
from my workshop.

Who would like to
accompany me to witness

any horrid transformations
that might take place?

Oh, I'd buy
a ticket for that.

♪ Gentle music ♪

It's like

Marie Curie/
Edgar Allen Poe

gave birth to Steve Jobs
and we're

looking inside
of its brain.

I've been meaning to tidy up

but there always seems to be
some more compelling need.

Ooh!

Sweet Virgin Airlines!
What is that?

It was living in the furnace
of a mid‐century bungalow

some years ago.

It, uh, obstructed
the ventilation.

Made it impossible to pass the
buyers' pre‐closing inspection.

- Can't have that.
- Plus...

it ate their cat.

Uh, I don't even understand
most of this shit.

It must be difficult to focus
when you're always

busy trying to formulate
your next ironic remark.

Rather lazy
intellectually, though.

Excuse me?

Uh, I need to take this.

Oh, I know you do.

What is your problem?

You're strong.

Makes me sad to see you
act so needy.

Needy?

You think I'm needy?

I‐I'm gonna take this and
when I get back, you and me,

we're going to have
a little chat.

What is it, Jeffrey?

Why, what did she say?

So, this one version
of the Roadie

supposedly manifests
in a large

red, bird‐shaped rash

on the infected person's
left buttock.

What exactly am I supposed
to do with that information?

Hm.

Oh, God.

Trouble at home?

I told you Anthony and I
are trying to adopt?

Well, the people are
coming over tomorrow morning.

Anthony's freaking out.

They're gonna love you.

I hope so.

You can trust me
on two subjects...

adjustable‐rate mortgages
and screwed‐up families.

You and Anthony will be
the best dads ever.

I wish you would adopt me!

We could never afford
the wardrobe.

I cannot believe you are
breaking up with me

over the phone right now!

At least it's not a text.

Can you hold that
whiny rationalization

for a hot second?

Augie?

We're su‐supposed to be...

You okay?

Oh, it was just
that stupid dream

where you're doing a closing

and Justin Timberlake's
the buyer

and just as he's about to
sign the HUD‐One statement,

he looks straight into your eyes
and starts singing

"I'm Lovin' It"
and then his pen

turns into this big snake.

Oh, come on.
You've never had that dream?

Where's Zooey
and, uh...

August?

Luke...

I'm‐‐

afraid we have a problem.

I was certain I'd blasted
that thing to smithereens.

I still believe...

Where's Zooey?

I don't know.

I sat down at my workbench,

trying to figure out
how to integrate the...

chopping mechanism
into an M. E. D.

The next thing I knew, my‐‐

My arms felt like they were
out of joint and‐‐

Zooey was nowhere
to be found.

We are on lockdown.

She is in this office.

We'll find Zooey.

And we somehow need to
find the blades to a

Karnaj model number 6800

FYB food processor.

There's plenty
of time for that.

No!

The demon focused
on those particular blades.

It took a file
and dulled them

Destroyed them!

If it made that effort,

there is something there.

Okay.

You guys look for Zooey.

And you keep an eye
on each other.

Luke,

what if I did to her
what those...

boys did to‐‐?

I can't.

Hey. It's me.

You know that 24‐hour
Sav‐Mor on Brighton?

Yeah, the one across
from the park.

Do you know if they have any
high‐end small appliances?

Elevators are
still locked down.

Stairway door
shows locked.

Zooey!

I mean, it's
a small office.

Come on, Zooey,
quit screwing around!

Anything?

Let's check his workshop.

Augie.

- Any luck?
- No.

I've been texting her.
Nothing.

Not Zooey's style
to run away.

Maybe Zooey
wasn't driving.

I need to find her.

You stay where you are.

Luke, we need
to talk to you.

Outside.

You can speak
in front of me.

We looked in
your workshop.

The M. E. D is dismantled.

I told you, the Roadie
filed down the blades.

And what did
you do to Zooey?

Mm, guys, chill out.

- Zooey!
- Where the hell were you?

- I was in the hallway.
- And before that?

Um...

I was...

Ooh.

I was, um...

Talking on the phone
with Jeffrey and...

I think he broke up with me.

On the phone?

Classy.

Um, I think you're
automatically disqualified

from commenting
on awkward breakups.

Anyway, I was talking
on the phone with Jeffrey

and then I was...

outside the conference room.

Let me see your eyes.

- It's too bright in here.
- I know.

It's a text from my mom.

"Turn on the TV, local news,
channel seven."

...where an unidentified couple

are in critical condition
tonight,

their two pre‐teen sons
in the care of social services

following a confrontation that
occurred earlier this evening.

Details are sketchy,
but early reports say that

one or both sons are responsible
for their parents' injuries.

However, Spotlight Seven
has discovered a strange link

between tonight's incident
and a tragedy

that occurred under a year ago.

Questions still linger
about the explosion

that caused the death
of the Travis family...

Oh, dear.

...but we've discovered

that both the Travises

and the unidentified victims
of tonight's incident

were clients of the same
shadowy real estate firm.

Um, we are
so not shadowy.

We're a little shadowy.

...and the police
will not comment

on the details
of tonight's incident

or the Travis explosion.

But does this
seeming coincidence

raise some troubling questions

for other clients
of the mysterious firm?

Reporting live, I'm Mari‐‐

We're so screwed.

No!

Nice to see you, too.

How'd you get in here?

The security guy
brought me up.

He has a key.

The security guy has a key?

Yeah, I think they gave it to
him roughly around the same time

they started calling him
"the security guy."

- What's going on here?
- It's a long story.

The punch line is you're
gonna be stuck in here

with us for a while.
I'll explain in a minute.

Is that the food processor?

Uh, the last one in stock!

Plus I had a coupon
for ten percent off.

Model number 6800‐FYB.

Brilliant.

Thank you.

I, uh, hope the color's okay.

Lovely.

Are you going to
give it to somebody?

I'm certainly going to try.

♪ Mysterious music ♪

So, if that machine
didn't work the first time,

what makes you think
it's going to work now?

First, I maintain
that it did work.

Second, on the remote
possibility that I am wrong,

I am significantly
increasing the speed,

efficiency

and lethality of the device.

So...

we never did deconstruct
that "needy" remark.

Well, perhaps I was commenting
on your apparent need

to be with a certain...

type.

Okay, I do not have a type.

I‐Jeffrey was nothing
like A. J. who was nothing ‐‐

nothing like Chris.

I stand corrected.

I mean, none of them had,
like, careers to speak of but,

once again, that's not a type.

A.J. was studying to
become a bartender.

Took the exam, like,
three times.

Always tripped up
on the mojito.

So, I came up with this
secret phrase,

it's like a memory aid for him
to remember the ingredients ‐‐

rum, lime, mint,
club soda, sugar, ice...

Real Life Murders,
Crime Scene Investigators.

That's so simple, right?

Mmm... Not for A. J.

And Chris?

Chris wrote poetry.

Used to go on these huge rants

about how social media
was commoditizing free verse.

"If everything's a poem,
nothing's a poem."

So, I suggested that maybe she
was better suited for something

like construction.

And let's just say
that ended badly.

And Jeffrey...

Jeffrey does stand‐up.

Not very funny.

Not intentionally, at least.

Would you, uh, mind handing me
that small Allen wrench?

All I'm saying is that
you seem to need...

projects rather than people.

That's a terrible
thing to say.

You should be with someone...

wonderful.

But such people are
available fully assembled.

You needn't keep
acquiring them

in kit form.

I'm not needy.

You're needy.

I can't believe it.

What?

That I believe it.

More things than
heaven and earth, Horatio.

I'm a science girl, Luke.

This haunted house demon stuff
is really a leap for me.

The Travis thing,
that really bothers you.

So, what
really happened?

I got sloppy.

Complacent.

Naive.

I was so eager to believe that
everything would be all right

that I ignored
that voice in my ear.

It's just, I'm‐‐

You already know this...

I have this kind of connection
to these things all my life.

I don't just see them,
I can feel them.

And I can talk to them.

And I can hear them talk
to me, if I listen.

Sometimes people around me,

they can see them.

They can talk to them

just because I'm there.

So, then, what happened
at the Travis house?

I didn't listen
close enough.

What a waste.

Excuse me?

God, look at you.

You're so smart.

Fairly well‐adjusted,
all things considered.

Objectively attractive.

But you are just like these
houses we're trying to sell.

Damaged.

Horribly damaged.

Susan!

Oh, come on!

You go from that Brock guy
to Luke here?

You are the luckiest woman
on the planet.

You should be
buying lotto tickets.

What?

You guys okay?

Well, Roadies seldom occupy
the same individual twice.

August, Zooey, is the Roadie
inside either of you?

- What?
- Just answer the question.

No.

- How about you?
- No.

- Megan?
- Of course not.

Susan?

Come on, it's not
going to just tell you.

It's this old
Nordic legend I found‐‐

a demon called a Tregastar.

When this thing
takes you over,

you say

what you feel

and you cannot lie.

Were you always this dorky?

Or was that something
that happened

when you and God broke up?

Susan, is it inside you?!

Ah! Oh!

The house!
You live in the house!

Screw this.

The wonderful house.

Ah!

Get off!

Get her off of me!

Oh, my god!

Where is it, Augie?
Did we get it?

It rests in pieces.

Put it up on the scope
and make sure.

We got five green.
We're all good.

Nice work.

Ow!

Yeah, there's gonna be
some residual stiffness.

After having that thing bounce
around inside you a while.

No... kidding. This must be
what it feels like to be 30.

Ohh.

I seriously need to sleep
for, like, two days.

Okay, I gotta
get outta here.

Zooey, call down and
have them unlock the elevator.

Oh, yeah. Um...

One thing.

So, just before we all
group hug and go home,

can we just acknowledge that

some of us...

said some really hurtful
shit tonight and meant it?

We've been in each other's
faces all night and you‐‐

probably had enough of me.

Last thing you all
need to do is

go to some stupid
banquet tomorrow.

It's tonight.

Sorry.

♪ Thumping party music ♪

Is that her mother?

It's got to be her mother.

None of the others had
the guts to show their faces.

I think that's best.

But, Bob, seriously,

who brings their mother
to one of these things?

Leo DiCaprio brought
his mom to the Oscars.

Leonardo DiCaprio
was king of the world.

Susan Ireland is, basically,
Daphne in Scooby Doo.

Well, they did
give our industry

a huge slap
in the face.

Can we just...
not hand out the award?

Not an option.

Well, perhaps
I can talk to her.

We used to be, uh...

- Colleagues.
- Mmm.

And what are you going to say?

I'll ask her to keep it
brief and tasteful.

She'll listen to me.

I'm a bit of a mentor.

Mm.

Mentor.

Oh, go easy, honey.
Remember, you're speaking soon.

I'm targeting that fine line
that separates relaxed and witty

from actually
opening with a dick joke.

I hope you hit it.

Susan,

you look radiant.

A vision.

How are you, Bob?

Fantastic!

And this must be
your sister?

My mom, Constance.

Mom, Bob Livingston.

He's the guy who stepped out
of the left‐hand tub

in that boner pill commercial.

So much for that fine line.

What a magical evening.

Susan, could I borrow you
for half a shake?

Yep.

Great.

A pleasure to meet you,
Constance.

Die in a fire, Bob.

How you doin'?

You know, we were
all very surprised

when you took the job
with Roman.

It's so...

Off‐brand.

Running around with
that bunch of misfits.

You're too good for this.

You fired me, Bob.

I obviously wasn't
too good for that.

Yeah, well that was because
of my wife and she insisted.

Oh, yeah, how is Twyla?
I saw her in here earlier,

checking that big fur coat
made from Dalmatian puppies.

I was hoping we could
keep this civil.

Look, I'm just here as a friend
to ask you to keep your comments

brief and tasteful.

And not to reference your
current employer or his,

you know, band of weirdos.

It's my agency.

And those are my friends.

Oh.

Yeah?

Why aren't they here?

To support you.

I'm here, as a friend,

asking you to please,

please don't
embarrass yourself.

And the rest of us.

And Susan...

Congrats!

Are you okay?

Good evening!

Everyone, please
return to your seats.

Good evening

and welcome to the awards
portion of our program.

Ladies and gentlemen,

please join me in‐‐

♪ Funky music ♪

God.

Sorry we're late.

You were right about
the personal maintenance.

Yeah.

As I was saying,
please join me...

- Hey.
- Hey.

...in welcoming the new
eight‐time laureate

of the Platinum Ring of Esteem

and the recipient of
our special award

for lifetime achievement
in the real estate arts

and sciences...

Susan Ireland!

Have none of these people
seen the movie "Carrie"?

Thank you.

There are many people
I want to acknowledge.

My mom, who is here.

My dad, who isn't,

although I kinda
feel like he is.

I hope he'd have
made time for it.

My current colleagues:

Luke, Phil, August and Zooey,

who gave me a work‐home.

My former colleagues,

who made me realize
I deserved one.

Hope they're wearing
their asbestos underwear.

But I want to thank
all of you, too,

for believing in...

something.

Anything.

Some of you believe in me,
and for that I am

more grateful
than you could know.

♪ Emotional music ♪

Some of you believe
in other things.

Odd things,

amazing things,
beyond imagination.

You've opened my mind

and that's never a bad thing.

But, most of all,
I want to thank you ‐‐

all of you,
everyone in this room,

for believing in this business.

Our business.

The good we do,

helping people move on
and find their way home.

Thank you.

- Oh!
- Ah!

The adoption police loved us.
They weren't mean at all.

They just wanted
to check us out.

You know, get our views on
education and nutrition.

Running with scissors.

So, what's next?

Well, there's still a lot of
flaming hoops to jump through,

but so far so good.

What's wrong?

There's just something
about last night.

Can't put my finger on it.

Hm.

You were great.

Hey. Thank you
for coming.

That was a fine speech.

What you said about
belief, believing...

Very true.

Mm‐hm.

But the truth isn't
always welcome, is it?

♪ Thumping music
from Zooey's car ♪

It often comes with a cost.

Get in, Mister Needy.

I think I shall be
paying for it for a while.

Hm.

Hey, Susan!

You were pretty badass tonight.

You really
didn't have to come.

Yeah, we really did.

What are we gonna do?

That news story's
gonna kill us.

We'll figure it out.

I just...

I always try so hard
to be positive.

To make people feel good
and like me.

But I don't always say
everything I'm thinking.

I mean, who does?

But, Susan,

on your worst day,

I like you a lot.

Still think she's lucky.

Thank you.

Hey! So, where to now?

Wanna grab a bite?

I want to go home.

You want to go
to my place?

Mine.

My place.

I don't‐‐

Why do you want to go there?
I mean, we agreed...

I didn't‐‐

Did you call an Uber?

Megan?

Megan, what's going on?

How are we tonight?

We are wonderful.

Now take us home.

Closing credit theme ...