Original subtitles

It's a Changing World

That Greets The Day

It's a Changing World

And It Spins away

And You Hold On

Or You Fall Off

You Hold On

Or You Fall

It's a Changing World

And It's Moving Fast

The Love It Brings

Doesn't Seem To Last

But You Hold On

Or You Fall Off

You Hold On

Or You Fall

Man On Radio: Looks Like That Fog's Lifting.

We're Going To Have Ourselves A Gorgeous Friday Here,

Even Better Weekend,

Maybe You Want To Start The Weekend a Little Early...

Lay Back, Stay In The Rack.

And I'll Keep The Music Coming.

Projected High Today Here In Marin Will Be In The High 70s.

Downtown San Francisco, 68.

The Traffic Is Flowing Pretty Smoothly

On The Golden Gate Bridge Inbound,

With Four Lanes Open.

All The Ferries Are Back In Service,

So Hop On The Boat There and Save The air.

Ok. Maybe Now Is The Time Of Year

You Want To Think About a New Car Stereo.

The Place To Get It Is Downtown Marin Stereo.

Good Morning, America.

Harvey!

I Think It's Time We Really Communicated

On an adult Level About Where This Marriage Is Headed.

Good-Bye, Hard-On.

Angela!

Martha, Just Which One are We Doing?

Just Put Your Right Foot Over My Left Leg, My Left arm

Under Your Right arm... Under Your arm.

Martha, Couldn't We Do It Like Regular People?

Yoga Says We Can Postpone Orgasm For Hours This Way.

But I Have To Catch The 8:30 Ferry.

Shh.

Good. Good. Very Good.

No, Joanie. I Told You Before.

Oh, Come On. Why Can �T I Have The Van?

You Know, I've Got Rights, Too, You Know.

Well, Of Course You Have Your Rights.

Doesn't She Have Her Rights, Harvey?

Absolutely. And So Do I.

I Have The Right To Not Eat Granola Every Morning.

Oh, Harvey, You're So Incredibly Full Of anger.

When are You Going To Come To Terms With That?

I'm Full Of Granola.

And I'm Trying To Come To Terms With Granola.

I Thought We Were Going To Talk About My Needs For Once.

Spencer and I Want To Split For Stinson Beach This afternoon.

And He Doesn't Want To Get Sand In His Porsche.

And I Thought He Was Irresponsible.

Can We Have The Volvo at Least?

No.

Thanks.

Joanie, I Don't Lend My Car

To anyone With Funny Eyes.

Kate, Did You ever Take a Look At Spencer's Eyes?

Wall-To-Wall Pupils.

Oh, I Can Really Groove On Your Sense Of Humor, Harv.

You're So Sick.

It's The Granola.

A Lot Of Rage, Harv.

A Lot Of Rage.

[Dog Barking]

Elton? Elton John?

Granola.

[Horn Honks]

Hey! Hiya, Harv.

Spencer.

Later, Dad

Hi. Hi, Joanie.

Stay Mellow, Harv.

Slow Down!

It's a Changing World

But It's Still Fun

It's a Crazy World

But The Only One

So You Hold On

Or You Fall Off

You Hold On

Or You Fall

You Think You've Got It Made

You're Master Of Your Fate

You're Doin' It Right

Then Overnight

Your Life Is Out Of Date

And So You Face The Facts

Your Future's On The Line

You Either Get In And Run The Race

Or You'll Be Left Behind

So You Hold On

Or You Fall Off

You Hold On

Or You Fall

Hi, Harv. Hi, Bill.

Bye, Baby. I've Got To Go.

Come On, Maria, Please?

I Will Not Do This Thing.

Stokeley, Darling, Hurry Up, You'll Be Late.

Andale, Maria.

Maria, It's Important To My Girlfriend Development.

Stop Begging To Me. I Will Not Do This Thing.

Please? I Promise I'll Never ask Again If You Do It Just Once.

You Promise?

I Swear!

Ok, Big Shot, Now What are You Going To Do?

I Don't Know. I Never Got This Far Before.

You Hold On

Or You Fall Off

You Hold On

Or You Fall

You Hold On

Or You Fall Off

You Hold On

Or You Fall

Hi, Harv.

Hey. What Do You Say, Carol?

Would You Mind Putting Them There, Please?

Sure.

Hey, This Van Is Really Hot.

So Is The Driver. Hey! Lady!

Lady! Wh... What are You Doing, Lady?

Hey! Lady, Gimme a Break. Relax.

It's Only Eight In The Morning.

Don't Knock It.

Kids.

Hi, Leonard. Hi.

Good Morning.

Morning.

Morning!

It's a Crazy World

That Meets The Day

It's a Crazy World

And It Spins away

And You Hold On

Or You Fall Off

You Hold On

Or You Fall

You Hold On

Or You Fall Off

You Hold On

Or You Fall

[Clunk]

Damn It.

Ah, Damn It.

Hi, Harv.

Sam, Hold On.

Can I Keep This In Your Trunk Today?

Sure, Harv.

My Chain Snapped. Brand-New.

Great. Now You Can Take Your Car Like a Normal Person.

Yeah. If I Was Married To a Normal Person, I Could.

But You Know Kate and The Way She Feels about Polluting The atmosphere.

What Has The atmosphere Ever Done For You?

Not Much Lately.

You Know, Angela's On That Ecology Committee Too.

Big Deal. Last Month They Saved The Condor.

D'you Ever See a Condor? Not Up Close.

Scare The Shit Out Of You.

Harvey, Will You Be Good To Yourself and Use Your Car?

Will You Take a Look at This?

6,000 Pounds Of Solid Comfort.

It Takes Up Space, It Pollutes The atmosphere,

It Scares The Birds.

Fuck �Em. I Love It.

Did You See Carson Last Night?

No, I Missed It.

Johnny Had This Chick On With Incredible Jugs,

And He Turned To The audience And He Says...

"We'll Be Right Back after A Few Tits From Our Sponsor."

Come On! I Swear To God! I Swear To God!

I almost Fell Out Of Bed!

Angela: Tony!

Tony!

Tony, What's Going On Here?

Nothing's Going On Here, That's What's Going On Here.

No, Thank You.

Hey, I Respect Your Space.

Tony, You Knew Weeks ago That I Wanted This Ready

For The Wedding Reception.

Angela, I'm Really Not Into This Kind Of Pressure Trip.

But You Told Me It Would Be Finished Tomorrow.

We Sent Out The Invitations.

I'll Cop To That. I'll Take Responsibility.

Sam Bought Five Cases Of Wine!

You're asking Me To Pay Some

Serious Mental And Physical Dues.

How Much are The Dues?

Well, It's Not as If I'm Making A Profit On These Dues.

I'm Giving You These Dues at Cost.

How Much Do These Dues Cost?

200 Bucks.

You Got It.

Prick.

Sam, Do You and Angela Spend a Lot Of Time

Having Meaningful Discussions

About Your Marriage?

You Didn't Get Laid This Morning Either?

No, No, I'm Serious.

Angela and I Don't Have To Talk About It anymore.

All We Do Is Look at Each Other. We Know We're In Hell.

Well, What Is It? There's Something Crazy Going On,

And I Don't Think It's Us.

Believe Me, Not Getting Laid This Morning

Has a Lot To Do With It.

That Is Certainly Part Of It, Yes,

But It's More Than That.

When I Start Getting Laid Every Morning,

Then I'll Start Looking around For The Other Part.

Harvey, I Figured It Out Once.

From The First Time You Whack Off To That Final, Feeble Fuck,

A Man Has Got Maybe Seven, Eight Thousand Bullets

In The Old Pistol.

I Got a Thousand, Fifteen Hundred Left.

At The Rate Angela and I Are Going,

When I Die, I'm Gonna Leave Behind a Major Munitions Dump.

So We Both Said Hey,

We've Got A Caring Relationship.

We're Each Willing To Give The Other The Space To Grow

And Nourish Our Basic aloneness.

Why Not Make A Total Commitment

In a Legalistic Sense?

So Tomorrow's The Big Day.

I Can Dig It. Who's The Chick?

Martha Stearns.

No, I Don't Know Her.

She Used To Be Martha Byers.

No, I'm Not Familiar.

Well, Before That, She Was Martha Crimm.

And Before That, Martha Peel?

You Know Her?

I'm Fred Peel.

Right. Her First Husband.

No, Her Second.

Right.

Well, Hey, Stokeley, What's Happening, Babe?

Nothing.

Darling, Will You Excuse Leonard and I For a Minute?

We're Gonna Have a Private Rapwhich Doesn't Concern You.

Bullshit.

Good. That's Cool, Martha.

Stokeley's a Patient.

I'm His Therapist. He Knows Why He's Here.

Why Don't We Informally Dialogue about It

Then Stokeley and I Can Go Inside and Rap

In a More Structured Manner?

Right. This Morning I Caught Stokeley...

Not In The Sense Of Spying, You Know How I Feel

About Violating a Child's Space.

I Hear Ya. This Morning I Caught Stokeley

Dealing With The Maid As a Sex Object.

Of Course, For Her Own Protection, I Had To Let Her Go.

You Were Reaffirming Her Selfhood

Without Denying Your Own Power Perimeters.

Exactly. Good Girl.

Now, As Far as Stokeley's Concerned,

It's Just a Question Of Puttin Him In Touch With His Childhood.

I'm Only Ten Years Old, You Dork.

Well, Then We Don't Have Too Far To Go, Do We?

Schmuck! Perfect!

[Streetcar Bell Ringing]

Ok. Bye-Bye.

Great.

[Mumbling]

Typing... 50 Words a Minute.

Shorthand Is 40.

Let's Face It...

Uh, Harvey.

Harvey.

Secretarial Skills Suck.

Mm-Hm.

You're Kind Of Cute, Though Hey, You Know That?

Uh, You are Real, Uh...

Cute, Too, Stella.

But, Darn It, This Job Calls For Someone With Skills.

Don't Worry, Harv, I'll Fake It.

When Do I Start?

Oh, I Wish It Was That Easy.

But I Have Got all Of These Other Girls To Look at.

Ok.

Hire One Of Them.

See You Around, Harv.

You Know, Stella.

I Seldom Speak More Than 40 Words a Minute.

Ok, Harv.

When's Lunch?

Oh, Yeah.

Man: Uh, Shin Splints.

[Man Chatting, Indistinct]

[Horn Honks]

Hey, Watch It!

Rachel?

Hi. Oh, Hi.

I'm Martha Stearns. Get In.

I'm So Glad You Were available.

My Regular Maid Maria, Uh, Quit,

Suddenly Gone Back To Panama.

And You Won't Be Lieve The Next Few Days.

My Consciousness-Raising Group Is Probably...

Waiting at The House Right Now.

And I Have To Get Everything Ready For a Big Wedding.

Oh. Mine. It's Not Far Off.

Oh, Wonderful.

Rachel.

Hmm?

This Is Gonna Be Hard To Verbalize

So I'm Just Gonna Be Right Up-Front With You.

I Realize What Kind Of A Statement You're Making

And I'm Sure It's Valid For You, But...

I'm Having Some Problems With It.

With What?

The Uniform.

Well, What's Wrong With It?

Oh, It's Not The Uniform, It's The Idea Of The Uniform.

Oh, You Want Me To Wear Regular Clothes

So People Will Think I'm Just Your Black Friend Who Dropped By

To Clean Your House �Cause I Ain't Got Nothing Better To Do.

Would You?

[Women Chatting In Next Room] Martha: Completely Negative.

Everything I Did.

Carol, I Swear.

When It's Your Turn To Bring The Goodies,

Your Taste Just Boggles Me.

Oh, Really! Look at This Brie! It's Gorgeous.

I Could Make A Meal Of It.

Well, Enjoy It �Cause It Almost Didn't Get Here.

This Kid at The Market Had The Hots For Me.

I Mean, He Followed Me Out To My Van Even.

I Practically Had To Hit Him With The Groceries Just To Get away.

Like I Said, It's a Problem Sometimes, But Tell Me, Carol,

I'm Dying To Know...

How Do You Cast A Spell Over Men?

First, She Grabs Their Balls.

That's a Really Negative Comment.

Well, Most True Things are. Don't Be a Bitch.

A Bitch?! Wait, Wait, Wait!

I... I'd Like To ask a Question.

I Mean, Not To Put Down The Group Or anything, You Know,

But We Have Been Coming Here For Months,

Rapping Like This,

And I Just Get The Feeling

That We Should Do Something.

Like What? Hold a Bazaar?

No, We Come, We Talk,

We Tell Each Other How Pissed Off We are,

And Nothing Happens!

Spare Me The Jane Fonda Impression.

Excuse Me, Mrs., Uh...

Martha.

Oh, Rachel. Hello.

Oh, I'd Like You To Me Et Some Friends Of Mine.

This Is Vivian, Carol, Angela, Kate.

Hi.

Would You Like Some Coffee, Rachel?

I Don't Know...

Absolutely! We're Just Raising Our Consciousness Here.

What's That?

What's That?

Rachel, We're Rapping about How Women Have Changed.

We're Not Buyingthat Drudge Bit anymore.

We're Not Just Taking Care Of Kids and Cooking,

Mopping Floors, Scrubbing Toilets...

Right. Where's The Comet?

Fuck The Comet. Sit Down, Rachel.

Now, Rachel, You Don't Have To Talk

Unless There's Something You Really Want To Talk about.

For Instance, Rachel, I'm Marrying Bill,

And I Guess I Wanna Talk about

Why I'm Having Trouble Talking about It.

Well, Could Be Because Bill Was Married To Vivian For 10 Years.

Right?

Vivian and I Got Clear On That Months ago.

I Think It's Really Nice

That Martha Is Carrying On Vivian's Work With Bill.

Darling, as I Recall, Martha Came To Work Early.

That's Not Fair, Vivian.

You and Bill Had an Open Marriage at That Point.

Bill Had An Open Marriage.

I Had A Yeast Infection.

Look, Can We Get Back To The Point?

I Mean, Martha Has Her Doubts, And I Think They're Valid.

I Mean, Does She Want To Wind Up Like Kate?

What's Wrong With Kate? I Don't Think It's Kate.

I Think It's Harvey.

Of Course It's Harvey, I Mean, Harvey's a Drag.

Harvey Is Not a Drag!

You... Uh...

There are Certain Things That He... He Has To Work Out.

Axelrod Has Been Having A Problem Lately.

[Whistles]

Very apt, Carol. Very apt.

God, You Don't Hold Nothing Back, Do You?

Isn't It Beautiful, Rachel?

Women Feeling Free To Say Whatever Crosses Their Mind.

How's Your Sexual Relationship, Rachel?

For Instance, What about This Morning?

He Was at Work Before I Woke Up.

How about Last Night?

He Brought Home a Six-Pack, I Made Pizza.

We Watched Merv Griffin,

Then He Looked at His Watch Like He always Does

And Says, "Well, It's Time To Play Hide The Salami."

He Makes Sam Look Like Cary Grant.

I Didn't Mind.

Didn't Mind?

Rachel, It's Supposed To Be A Richly Fulfilling Experience.

I Mean, First, A Tingling Feeling,

Then Wave after Wave Of Beautiful...

Oh, That.

It's Called An Orgasm, Darling.

I Know, I Had Seven Of �Em Last Night.

Seven?

Since We're all Being Perfectly Open With One another,

I'm Sure Rachel That Will Be Willing To Tell Us,

Purely From a Socio-Cultural Overview Of Course,

If all Those Stories We Hear About Black Men are True.

I Have No Idea.

I've Never Been To Bed With anyone But Wong.

All: Wong?

Fellow Members

Of The Human Community.

This Is a Wedding Of Two Separatenesses

Under The Cosmos.

Now, I'm Not Going To Pronounc These Children Married.

Great, Let's Go. Come On, Harvey.

Only They Can Do That.

They are Now Going To Recite Their Vows.

Martha.

You-Ness,

Me-Ness,

Us-Ness,

We-Ness...

[Snicker]

Your-Ness, My-Ness,

Our-Ness.

Happiness.

Sickness.

Harvey.

Now, Bill, I'd Like To Hear Where Your Head Is at.

Thank You, Martha, For Pushing My Button,

Thank You For Inviting Me To Participate In Your Life,

For I am an asshole,

And Being an asshole Is Neither Good Nor Bad.

It Just Is.

I Think That Says It all.

These are Exciting Times, Aren't They?

Gas Is Over a Dollar a Gallon,

And It's Ok To Be an asshole. Shh!

I Now Pronounce You...

Pair Bonded

For as Long as Your Relationship Continues

To Be Mutually Nourishing.

[Applause]

That Spike Is A Really Spiritual Person.

I Wonder If He Fools around.

Isn't This Beautiful?

Friends and Family And Music.

The Idea Of Telling Someone That You're Gonna Love Them Forever.

Kate, Have You Noticed How Martha's Forevers

Tend To Last About Two Months?

Yeah, Well, at Least She's Not Afraid To Make The Commitment.

Vivian, I Want You To Know That During The Ceremony

You Showed a Terrific Sense Of Dignity

And Maintained A Nearly Perfect Center.

Thank You, Leonard.

Coming From You, That's Totally Unnecessary.

Well, Were You Properly Moved, Sam?

Do You Believe This Garbage?

Kate Loved It.

Oh, Boy.

Who are They?

Weekend Freaks.

No, They're Gay. Homos?

Yeah. Well, No, No.

During The Week, They're Completely Normal.

But On Weekends, They Dress Up Like Hell's Angels

And Listen To a Lot Of Judy Garland Records

That's It? And They Beat The Shit

Out Of People Who Offend Them.

You Mean No Decorator Jokes?

No.

What The Hell Are They Doing Here?

Well, They Came To See Spike.

You See That Guy In The Silver Helmet There?

That's Skull. That's Their Leader.

He's Got a Crush On Spike.

So Spike Is A Little...

Oh, No, No, No, But Skull Is Sure Gonna Try To Change That.

Now There's a Wedding I Would Pay To See.

[ Disco Music Playing]

What You Got With Meat In It?

Nothing. Try This Lentil Loaf, Man.

No, Thanks.

Leonard, Have You Seen Kate?

Yeah, But Not Nearly Enough.

You Know, Harv, I Think Kate Should Come and See Me

Three Times a Week. Sustained Therapy...

Leonard, Leonard... Lenny!

Here. Now.

No.

Spike?

Hi, Harv.

Great. Thanks.

Carol. Carol?

Have You Seen Kate?

Oh, Harvey. I Don't Think I've Seen anything

In The Last 20 Minutes.

That Spencer Deals Some Heavy Shit. Ha Ha.

I'm Telling You, Joanie, I Know One When I See One,

And Harvey Is One.

For The Last Time, Spencer, My Father Works at Wells Fargo.

He's Not a Narc.

Just Look at The Man's Shoes.

People Don't Buy Shoes Like Those.

Want To See a Narc?

This Guy Coming Over, He's a Narc.

Jim Is No Narc. He Used To Be Such a Stoner

He'd Come To Parties With a Seeing-Eye Dog.

Hey, Jim.

Say Hello To Joanie. Hi.

Hello, Joanie.

So, Where Have You Been?

Oh, I've Been Getting My Life Together.

It's all Beautiful Now.

Oh, Right. Did You Make That Big Score?

Oh, No, Spence. I'm Out Of That.

I'm Living With Some Beautiful, Loving Peop Le.

We Have a Big House In The City.

"Church Of Oriental Harmony."

I'm Not Into Organized Religion.

Come See Us, Joan.

You'll Like Us.

Sam, Get In That Tub. Angela, I'm Not Gonna Do It.

Maybe I'll Try When Everybody Goes Home

But Not In Front Of all These People!

It's No Good Unless a Lot Of People Get In It Together!

What's Everybody So Uptight about?

All Right! I'll Do It!

I Need You To Help Me With The Hors D'oeuvres.

Oh, Sam, It's Good

I'll Be Back.

Look, I'm Ok, You're Ok. Ok?

No, You're Not Ok. Ok?

Ok. So Long, Spike.

Harv. Yeah.

You Know What I Think?

It's Beautiful.

I Think It's Wonderful

That Martha and Bill Have a Marriage Contract

That Spells Out Everything.

I Wish We Had a Contract.

You Mean Like Who Takes Out The Garbage?

That Kind Of Everything?

Every Kind Of Everything.

How Often? Who Starts It? Everything.

You Mean Nooky? Sam!

Sexual Responsibilities Are Covered, Yes.

He Means Nooky! Oh, Sam, For God's Sake!

Where Do I Sign? It's Gotta Be Better Than My Present Deal.

Where Have You Been? Where You Weren't.

I Don't Want Any Trouble.

Well, Thanks. I Had To Talk To That Idiot Leonard.

See? That's What I Mean. What?

You're attacking Leonard.

I'm Not attacking Leonard. I'm Supporting Leonard.

I'm Giving Him $240 a Month Every Month For Your Therapy.

Oh, Well, I'll Pay For It Myself.

With What? I'll Get a Job.

Doing What? You've Got a B.A. In Literature.

You're Gonna Go Door To Door a Explain The Hidden Meanings

Of Huckleberry Finn?

A Lot Of Rage, Harvey. A Lot Of Rage.

Harvey: 8:30. I Wonder If Bill And Martha are Still Married.

Kate: Do You Care? No. I Just Wonder.

[ Music Playing] [Dog Barking]

Harvey: What The Hell Is Going On In Our House?!

Jesus Christ!

No. No, Thank You. What's Going On Here?

Harvey! Joanie. Joanie!

Harvey! Joanie!

Harvey!

Get Down. No...

Get Down! All Right, all Right.

He Didn't Mean It. Spencer!

Hey, Man, Just In Time. We're Out Of Beer.

When You Wanna... Shut Up, Spencer.

I Don't Believe This.

Will You Just Take It Easy?

You Don't approve Of This, Do You?

No, But There's A Way Of Handling It.

Right. How's This? All Right! Everybody Out!

Come On, Out! Out!

This Is a Private Home! [Music Stops]

Bye. Nice To See You again.

Joanie! What Is This? I Hope You Had a Good Time.

Where Do You Find These People? Under Rocks, Or Something?

Off My Bike! Hey, Uncool, Harv.

Spencer, Get Out Your ass Out Of This House Now!

Stay Mellow!

You're Really Sick, You Know?

You're a Sickie On a Power Trip.

Sit Down.

Harvey!

I'll Do This! I Wanna Talk To You.

You Don't Talk To Me, You Talk at Me!

What's The Difference? You Don't Listen anyway.

Because You Don't Make Any Sense.

Try This. I'm The Father And You're The Daughter.

Why Don't I Make You Real Happy And Just Split?

Joanie! Joanie, You're Grounded!

[Dog Barking] I'm Not Finished!

Oh, Yes, You are!

You Know What You've Just Done To Her Peer Group Dynamic.

Her What? Her Socialization,

Her Individuation, Not To Mention

The Father-Daughter Interface.

What are You Talking about?

What Is "Interface"? A New Word For Oral Sex?

Kate, For Christ's Sake,

Can't You Just Speak English?

All Right.

I am Tired Of Living With Someone

Whose Mind Is Closed,

Who Is Unwilling To Grow And Will Not accept Reality.

What Reality?

Coming Home and Finding Out That My House

Has Been Turned Into an Opium Den

After Watching a Couple Of Self-Proclaimed assholes

Getting Pair-Bonded By a Priest From The Gong Show.

Kate, Do You Call Lentil Loaf Reality?

I Call This Reality.

I'm Unhappy, Your Daughter Is Unhappy,

And apparently You are Unhappy.

Well, My Unhappiness Counts around Here.

You're Not Hearing Me.

I Heard The Part about My Not Being Happy.

Oh, Yes, Take It Back To Yourself!

We Were Talking About Me!

I Might as Well Talk To a Wall.

I Might as Well Sleep With One.

Oh Ho Ho! Well...

Oh, That... That's It, Harvey.

You Move Out Or Do I?

Who Is Talking About Moving Out?

I've Never Felt Such Hostility Towards Harvey Before. [Sniff]

You Felt This Incredible Hostility.

Right. So I'm alone Now,

I'm Picking Up The Pieces.

And, Well, Joanie's No Help.

No Help at all.

You Know, Of Course, She's Confused, She's Not Home M'Uch.

She's Gone.

I Don't Know If She's Trying Lay a Guilt Trip On Me Or What.

Who Knows?

I Just, Uh... Phew.

I Can't Handle any More Emotional Input Right Now.

I Really Can't Handle It.

You Can't Handle Any More Emotional Input.

Not Right Now, You Just Can't Handle It.

That's It. I've Got Enough On My Mind.

I am alone, I've Got Money Problems.

You Got Money Problems?

Yes, Sir.

Mr. Luckman Will See You Now.

Sir?

Oh. He Left. Ha.

It's Me.

Thank You.

You Know Why They Call Me The Head-Hunter, Holroyd?

No. No, I Don't.

Well, It's Because I'm Out There In That Jungle,

Beating The Bushes For Guys With Brains.

Thank You.

Well, That's Why I'm Here.

I Think I'm In a Place Right Now, In My Life

Where a Change Of Jobs Is Important.

You Know, It's Funny, I Hired a New Secretary,

Here I am Looking To Bust Out, But, Uh...

I Feel I Have Talent.

Talent Isn't Enough, Holroyd.

What My Clients are Looking For

Is a Guy Who Can Take A Big Company By The Balls

And Squeeze.

Now, Holroyd.

This Is Where Most Guys Turn To Cheese.

Salary. 52,000.

Hey, a Young Dude Like Y Ou Pulling In 52,000?

They Must Love You Over at Wells Fargo.

No, No, No. See, 52,000 Is What I Feel I am Worth

And It's What I Would Want In My Next Position.

Hold It, Holroyd, Hold It.

What's Your Salary Now? Now?

Now. Now Would Be, Uh...

Uh... 33,000.

Holroyd, You are 38 Years Old,

For Christ's Sake. So?

Well, In My Business, We Have a Rule Of Thumb

That any Guy Who Isn't Earning At Least His age Is a Loser.

That Means You've Been a Loser For, Uh...

Five Years. Right.

[Doorbell Chimes]

Hi. Hey, Joan.

It's Beautiful To See You.

Come On In. You're Just In Time For Dinner.

No, Thanks. I Was Just In The Neighborhood.

Oh. How are Your Folks?

They Split Up.

Hey, I Understand.

It Can Be Really Tough When You Don't Have a Family To Turn To.

Want To Come In and Rap about It For a While?

Ok.

Welcome To Our Home.

Thanks.

Come.

Wow, This Is Really Heavy.

I Mean, You Know, From The Outside,

It Just Looks Like A House.

Well, We Don't Like To Be Ostentatious

Come, Joan.

Meet Some Of The Others.

Everybody, This Is Joan.

Joan, This Is My Family.

Hi.

All: We Love You, Joan.

Leonard Says Joanie Can't Take Any More Upheavals Right Now.

She's Hardly Home anymore.

She Has Some New Friends In San Francisco.

Won't Tell Me Who They are.

Kate, Our Children Are Through Us, Not Of Us.

Right.

You Know, Maybe I Should Give Harvey another Chance.

No Shoulds And No Ought S!

Right.

Kate...

You're Handling This Whole Thing So Beautifully.

You Know What You're Giving Me?

You're Giving Me a Woman Who Knows Where She's Going

Because She Knows Where She's Been.

That's Where I'm at.

You Know What?

I Just Want To Experience Me,

Relate To Me, Just Be Me.

You Got To Be You,

Because You're You, And You Gotta Be.

If You're Not Gonna Be Y Ou,

Well, Who's Gonna Be You? Right?

Right.

So, Stella, Will You Just Have Dinner With Me? That's all.

Just Dinner. Will You Get Off My Case, Harv?

Stella, What's Wrong With Me? Can You answer Me That?

If I am Such a Loser, Why Did You Come On So Strong Before?

You Were Married Before.

Well, Now Is Better.

I'm a Single Man.

That's a Hassle, Harv.

Married Guys Make Clean Deals.

Single Ones Want To Get Into Your Life as Well as Your Pants.

It's Just a Hassle, That's all.

So Will You Have Dinner With Me Sometime Next Week?

Maybe. We Can Talk about It. Ok.

Would You Mind Backing Off, Though?

I Don't Dig People Copping Feels.

I Did Not Even... Ha Ha!

I Don't Understand This. I Promise You, No Commitments.

Ok, Harvey, Ok.

Are You Ready For This?

Yes.

I'm Inviting You To an Orgy.

Well, What Do You Say, Harvey?

If You're Coming, I Want You To Say So Right Now

And No Cop-Outs.

I'll Come. In Fact, I Came When You Invited Me! When Is It?

Three Weeks.

I Know The Guy Who's Opening That New Sex Club Downtown,

The Chamber Of Venus. Mm-Hm.

Mm-Hm.

So, Three Weeks, The Chamber Of Venus.

And Just So You Don't Forget, Harv,

I'm Gonna Write It Down In Your Calendar.

Right. That Is Why You Hired Me.

Yeah.

The Chamber Of Venus.

Three Weeks.

Ok, I am Taking The Secret Passageway,

And I'm Making This accusation.

Colonel Mustard With The Rope

In The Conservatory.

Wrong, Schmuck.

Not Wrong, Stokeley, Mistaken.

The Man Is a Genius.

I Had No Idea Till The Wedding That Stokeley Had Such Hatred

Of Homosexuals.

What Direction Is He Taking Him In?

How's This For Brilliance? A Doll.

A Doll?

Gay Bruce. It Comes In a Little Box Shaped Like a Closet.

You Know, Stokeley,

I Really Think It's Important

For You To Continue To Enjoy Gay Bruce.

Have You Taken Him To School Yet?

No.

Well, Did You Play With Him This Morning?

No.

How about Tonight?

Why Don't You Guys Sit around Together and Watch Television?

I Can't. Why Not?

I Killed Him.

Why Did You Kill Gay Bruce?

�Cause He Was a Fag.

Did You Feel Threatened By Gay Bruce, Then?

No.

Well, Did Gay Bruce Remind You Of Someone In Real Life?

Someone You Know? Someone You Might Want To Hurt?

Ok, Stokeley, How Do You Feel About, Let's Say, Me?

How Do You Feel about Your Good Old Buddy Leonard?

I Hear Ya.

Man On P.A.: Manager's Service On Number Nine.

Here's Your Change.

Have a Nice Day, Ma'am.

No, Over Here, Sir

Sorry. I'm New at This.

No, I Do That

Right.

So, How's This?

Fine.

I'm Getting The Hang Of It.

Oh, Wow. Sure You Want This Yucky Bread?

What's Wrong With It?

Everything. It's Not Even Food.

It's White Flour And Chemicals.

You Know There's Even Sawdust In It?

Sawdust.

Well, Cellulose. The Same Thing.

Are You Gonna Put This In Your One and Only Body?

I Have a Spare.

Look at all This Garbage You Got Here.

Bar Nuts, Frozen Pizza, Instant Coffee.

You're Poisoning Yourself.

Me No Good, Huh?

Do You Know How They Kill These animals?

I Try Not To Think About It.

Listen, Do You See anything In There That You Like?

The Onion. You Shouldn't Buy Your Veggies Here Though...

They're Not Organic.

Ok, Marlene, That's It, You're Fired.

Oh, Wow.

Hey, Wait a Minute.

I Warned Her. Over and Over, I Warned Her.

I'm Only Trying To Keep People From Killing Themselves.

Yeah, aren't You Overreacting a Little?

Do You Have any Idea What This Stuff Does To Rats?

I Don't Sell To Rats. Take Off The apron,

I'll Finish Up Here.

Sorry.

You Know, I Wouldn't Mind One Bit Going Back In There

And Giving That Manager A Real Piece Of My Mind.

No, Hey...

That Was Such A Crummy Thing To Do.

Well, anyway, Thanks.

It Was Really Far Out Of You To Get Involved.

You're Really A Beautiful Person, You Know?

Hey, Want To Go Have A Cup Of Coffee?

Oh, I Don't Drink Coffee, It's an artificial Stimulant.

Of Course.

Then You Wouldn't Want To Have A Drink Either.

So What Do I Offer You?

Bite Of My Onion?

I'll Tell You What.

How about If I Just Go Home With You and We Go To Bed Together?

We Could Do That.

Sure.

Whoops!

Oh, Thank Goodness!

He's Very Ha... Hard To Handle.

Dogs are My Business.

You're Coming To El Perro?

Oh, Yes. I Was Going To Have Him Trimmed.

He's a Big Dog. He Bites?

No, No. He's Never Ever Bitten anybody.

He's a Pussycat.

His Name Is Pussycat?

No, No. I Mean He's Very Sweet.

But Don't Trim Him Too Much.

Do Not Worry. I am an artist

I Trim Dogs For Now, Until I am Established

Alicia!

My Name Is Paco.

Paco. Paco.

I'm Kate.

So You're an artist, Hmm?

That's Wonderful.

In Argentina, My Home, I am Renowned.

I Have Many Exhibitions. Here Is Very Difficult.

All Galleries Is Controlled By The Mafia.

Mafia?

This Is True.

Ooh.

Well, I Guess I... ahem... Better Be Going.

You Come For Pussycat at Five O'clock When I Close.

We Will, Um, Maybe Celebrate How Beautiful He Is

With a Glass Of Wine.

I Don't Know...

My Husband, Uh...

[Dog Whining]

Five O'clock?

Yes.

That's Fine.

That's... That Is Just...

That's Fine.

Five O'clock. Goodbye.

[Dogs Barking]

Shut Up, You Sons Of Bitches!

[Knock On Door]

Just a Minute!

Hi, Harvey.

Harvey?

Marlene.

Hi

What's That Funny Smell?

I Don't Smell anything.

Have You Been Eating Meat?

Meat? Wouldn't Touch It.

It's Protein-Flavor Tooth Paste.

Hey, I Made This Fantast Ic

Millet and Okra Casserole For Dinner.

My Favorite.

Harvey, When are You Gonna Tell Kate

That We're Living Together? Pretty Soon. Any Day.

When She's, Uh, Stronger.

Why Can't I Even Meet any Of Your Friends?

They Have To Get Stronger Too.

Well, We Can't Just Spend The Whole Time In Bed.

It's Gross Absolutely Right.

To The Hot Tub.

We Love You, Joanie

Oh, Yes We Do

We Love You, Joanie

Oh, Yes We Do

We Love You, Joanie

We Do

Joanie, We Love You

Sam: How Often?

Do I ask You about You and Angela?

There's Nothing To Tell.

Come On, Now, Tell Me... How Often?

Sam...

Well, Sam, It's Like Anything Else, Ok?

At First, We Couldn't Get Enough.

And Now Not So Often, But...

But We Both Know The Other One Is There Whenever We Want It.

How Often?

Three, Four Times.

Three Or Four Times a Week?

A Day. Oh, My God.

It's Not What You Think It Is.

You almost Start To Dread It.

I'd Risk It.

Good, Baby, Good!

Dancin' Dan!

Go, Corduroy Pants!

Good, Go, Go, Go!

Go, Great Legs!

Hey, That's Beautiful, People, Just Beautiful.

Hey, Sam, Out Front, Come On, Here With Me.

No. Come On, Sam.

I'm Fine Where I am. You Get Out There, Sam

You're acting Like This Is a High School.

I Didn't Dance Like This At High School.

Get Out There, Sam

[Telephone Rings] I'll Get That.

I'll Get It. You Dance.

Ok, Sam, Come On, We're Gonna Lead With The Left Foot.

Take Your Hands Off Me, Ok?

Ok, Left Foot Forward. Go!

Together. There.

Hey, Move The Torso, Sam, Come On!

Hands Off!

Sam! Sam! What?

It's Kate. She Just Got A Call From Joanie.

Are You Ready For This? She's Joined The Church

Of Oriental Christian Harmony.

Go Find Harvey.

Angela: Ok. Yeah.

Man: Two Kamikazes, a Black Russian, a Rusty Nail...

[Organ Playing Michael, Row The Boat ashore]

Uh-Uh. It's... The Boat ashore?

A... It Goes Up Not ashore

Harvey. Boy, am I Glad To See You.

I've Been Going around To Every Bar In Marin.

Me, Too.

Harvey, You Got To Go Home. Why?

Kate Called.

Joan Joined The Church Of Oriental Christian Harmony.

Oh, My God. How's Kate?

She Needs You. Yeah.

Check. I'll Get It.

Sam, Do Me One More Favor. Stop By My Little apartment There

And Tell Marlene...

Gimme a Break, Will You, Harv? I'm Gonna Miss Johnny Carson!

Come On, Sam, You Gotta Do This.

What am I Supposed To Tell Her?

Tell Her That There's A Emergency In My Family.

I Think This Qualifies.

Ok. Thank You.

Harvey!

Angela Said She's a 15-Year-Ol Nymphomaniac. Is That True?

She's 19.

And a Half.

Harvey. I Came as Fast as I Could, Kate.

Well, You're a Little Hard To Reach These Days.

I Guess Driving Your Little Friend

To Girl Scout Meetings Takes Up A Lot Of Your Time.

Kate, You Still Get Be Ing Liberated Mixed Up

With Being a Bitch

Oh, Let's Stop This, Huh?

We Haven't Even Said Hello Yet.

Hello, Harvey.

Hello, Kate.

What are We Going To Do? We're Going To Get Her Back.

Kate: Ginger Gallagher Has A Lot Of Experience With This.

Her Cousin Lost Two Kids To The Hare Krishnas

And One Was Clubbed To Death By a Baby-Seal Hunter.

Whatever Happened To Running Away and Joining The Circus?

You Know, They Say This Group Finds Kids Who are alienated

And Love-Bombs Them

Until The Feeling Of Being Wanted Is Irresistible.

So The Only Way To Fight It

Is To Smile all The Time And Love-Bomb Them Right Back.

An To Perfect. �Cause I Pl

Love-Bomb The Shit Out Of Those Bastards.

Yes? Hi. We're The Holroyds.

We'd Like To See Our Daughter Joanie.

Joanie Holroyd. Oh, We Love Her So, and We Love You, Too.

Well, We Don't Love You, You Little Zombie,

So Just Cut The Shit And Get Our Kid.

Harvey.

Oh, That's all Right, Mrs. Holroyd.

We Love Joanie So, And She's So Happy Here,

And When Mr. Holroyd Sees That, He'll Love Us, Too.

Yes.

Joanie!

Oh, My God!

Careful, Kate, You Might Get an answer.

Wait Here, Please.

It's Hard To Believe

They Can Afford all This

From Just Selling Carnations.

I Have a Feeling Some Poppies Were Involved.

Hello.

Hello. Hello.

I'm Daphne, Joan Ie's Spiritual Big Sister.

That's Great News.

I'm So Happy To Know You. We Just Love Joanie.

We Just Love Joanie, Too.

And We Love You.

And I Love You.

And I Love You.

And I Love You,

And We Would Love To See Joanie.

Lovely. Follow Me.

Harvey, I'm Scared.

Don't Worry.

Oh!

Worry.

Joanie!

Mrs. Holroyd, I Love You.

Please Be Seated.

Yes.

Mr. Holroyd...

You Love Me.

And I Love This Chair, And I'll Be Seated.

Hi, Honey.

I... I Thought You Were Doing Your Own Thing, Harv.

Well, Harvey Wanted To Come With Me To See You

Because We Both Love You So Much.

And Why Don't We Just Jump In The Old Volvo

And You Can Come Back and Play With Your New Pals

Anytime You Want.

Because If I Even Went Near The Old Volvo, Harv,

You'd Probably Kidnap Me.

Oh, Don't Be Silly, Dear.

Why Would I Wanna Steal You away

From a Dynamite Place Like This?

Because You Have No Respect For My Rights.

I'm Old Enough To Make My Own Decisions.

This Is My Decision.

You See? She's Happy.

You Can Write Her.

Why Don't You Withdraw?

Withdraw? Don't You Tell Me To Withdraw From My Own Child!

Joanie.

What Kind Of a Religion Is This?

This Is My Baby! You are Breaking Up a Family!

I Nursed Her At My Breast.

God, Kate, You're So Gross.

You Get Back! Harvey: Kate, Calm Down!

Joan, Come... Joan, Come Here!

Harvey: Kate, Kate! Joan!

I Can't Believe I Called The High Priest a Cocksucker.

I Thought You Were Terrific.

I Think That We've Lost Her, Harvey.

No.

Maybe For A Little While.

Kate, She's a Smart Girl,

Besides, She Hates Purple.

Kate, I Think We Oughta Give Us Another Shot.

We Have a Negative Family Dynamic.

I Don't Know. I Think We Have

Some Important Stuff Going For Us.

Yeah. Anger, Mistrust, alienation,

Lack Of Communication...

Right. And God Damn It,

I'm Not Gonna Give That Stuff Up Without a Fight.

In?

Yeah.

Night. Night.

Stella.

Tonight's The Night, Harv.

You Know What? I'm, Uh...

I'm Having a Little Bit Of Trouble With This Whole Thing

Because, See, My Wife and I Are Back Together again.

See, �Cause My Kid Joined a Cult

And Really Kinda Got Us Where We Live.

So What Is It I'm Trying To Say?

That's The Question, Really, Isn't It?

So, Uh, Really The Answer Is That

I'm Going To, Uh,

I'm Gonna Have To Take A Rain Check On The Orgy.

No Hard Feelings.

Oh, God, Harv. Haven't You Rea Open Marriage?

I'll Get To That As Soon as I Finish

Meter Maids In Bondage, Ok?

You Know, I've Thought all along

That You've Had These Sexual Hang-Ups, Harv.

I Have No Sexual Hang-Ups.

Your Mother Probably Taught You Sex Was Dirty.

Leave My Mother Out Of This.

[ Soul Music Playing]

Mmm, Good Party.

Just Because Vivian's Your Ex-Wife

Doesn't Mean You Can't Have A Relationship.

I Have a Relationship With Vivian... We Hate Each Other.

I Don't accept Hate. Work It Out, Work It Through.

No Working Out.

One, Two, Three. A One, Two. One, Two, Three.

Oh, Doesn't an Gela Look Marvelous?

You'd Never Know Sam Had Moved In

With That Little Girl Harvey Was Fucking

Harvey's Little Friend.

It's all Right, I'm Not Uptight about It.

I Love The Thought Of You and Harvey Being Together again.

Of Course, You Know, We're Still Defining

The Parameters Of Our Relationship,

But I Think This Time Harvey Realizes

That We're Never Going Back To That Other Trip.

Nunca.

Nunca?

"Never" In Spanish.

Then It Is True. What?

What I Heard about You and That Argentinean Dog Clipper.

He Is Not a Dog Clipper, He's an artist.

He Can't Get a Gal Lery Because Of The Mafia.

Kate, You Devil. How Often Do You See Him?

When Elton Needs Clipping.

How Often Is That?

Once, Twice, Three, Four Times a Week.

Sam!

Hey, Harv! Harvey.

I Think I'm Going To Get My Purse.

I Think I'll Stay.

Harvey: What are You Doing Here?

Hey, Harv.

My Friends are Having a Party

Yeah, But Do You Want To Go Through all This?

Harv, I'm Not Ashamed Of anything.

You Know, Sam Stone Has a Right To Live In This World,

The Right To Be Happy.

More Than anybody, Sam.

Come On, Baby, Let's Dance.

Harv, Sam's Great But He's Really Freaky.

I Mean, He's a Sex Maniac.

He Wants Me To Do It With Him Standing In a Hammock.

That's Kinky And Dangerous.

Marlene! Come On, Baby!

So You Can Boogie, You Bastard.

Sam: Cool Out, Angela. Look at Him.

Sales Manager For a Baby-Food Company

And He Thinks He's a Hippie.

You Know What's Gonna Happen To Him?

He's Gonna Have a Coronary.

I Won't Have a Coronary!

If God Is Listening, You're Going To Have a Coronary!

Man: My God, What Is That? Kate: It's Elton John.

Man: He Doesn't Even Look Like a Dog anymore.

Kate: Never Mind about That. What about Me?

You're Right. You're Right. Shelly!

It's absolute Hay!

Shelly, Wash This Or Burn It.

Shelly: Ok?

Ok, Hurry It Up.

All Right.

Katie!

Oh, Hi, Carol.

Now, Donald, What I Would Like Is Something...

You Will Take What I Give You and Love It.

I Wish He Wouldn't Kiss Me On The Mouth Like That.

Eww, Right. You Never Know Where His Lips Have Been.

Carol!

What The Hell, He's a Genius.

Well, I'm Gonna Need It. Look at This.

Really. Well, You've Gotta Work With What You've Got.

Which Reminds Me, Have You Still Got Harvey?

Why Do You always Talk about Harvey Like He Was a Used Car?

Of Course I Still Have Harvey.

But... But Nothing.

Well, That's Not What I Heard.

What Did You Hear? Well, Martha Told Me

That Were Getting It On With another Man.

I Can't Stand It.

I Said, "My God. It's about Time."

I Never Thought Kate Would Make With anyone But Her Husband.

Details, Details.

Well, Martha Wouldn't Tell Me Who.

Anyone I Know?

Carol, I Really Don't Th Ink It's any Of Your Concern.

Well, Of Course It's My Concern.

I Mean, all This Time I Thought

You Were This Little Goody Two-Shoes.

Tell Me about It. Well, Now You Turn Out

To Be This Incredibly Real Human Being.

I Think It's Fantastic.

You Little Dickens!

So?

Well...

Hmm?

He's an artist.

An Artist?

Mm-Hm.

What's He Look Like?

He's Sort Of, Um...

He's Gorgeous!

Gorgeous! Harvey Will Shit!

He's Really Dark and...

Is He Younger Than You? Yes.

He's Argentinean, Actually.

And His Name, I Love His Name. It's Paco.

Paco.

Ah, I Love To Say It.

Paco, Paco, Paco.

Paco From El Perro?

Yes, Paco!

Small World, Donald.

Donald, Wait! Wait! Donald!

[Barking] Wait, Stop It! Aah!

You'll Match Your Dog.

What are You... Please!

Kate, Paco and Donald Are Lovers.

He Didn't Say anything about Being Bisexual.

Oh, No, He's Nothing...

You Said You Were Lovers.

No, No, She Said It.

Martha Said It, Everybody Said It, But...

Oh, My... God!

[Telephone Rings]

Have a Nice Weekend, Brad.

Good Night, Jackie.

Harvey, Telephone.

Yes, It Is a Telephone, Stella. Who Is It?

Uh, It's Your Chick From The Checkout Stand

Returning Your Call.

Marlene.

Marlene?

Hi. Listen, I'm Glad You Called Back.

I'm Really Worried about Sam.

Is He Ok? Is He Worse? Is He Better? Is He What?

Worse. He Got Fired.

Jesus, He Was The West Coast Sales Manager.

They Caught Him Smoking Dope In His Office.

That'll Do It.

Listen, I'm Really Glad You Called, Harv,

Because There's Some Thing I Really Wanna Be

Upfront With You about.

I'm Doing This Because I Really Feel You Gotta Learn

To Get Behind Pain, You Know?

Send Me The Pain.

Harvey, I Found Out That Kate Is Just Incredibly Committed

To another Relationship.

What's His Name?

I Needed To Share This With You, Harvey.

So Share It. Who's The Guy?

Let Me Just Say She's Really Relating To The Third World.

Comprende?

No. Not The Dog Clipper She Takes Elton John To.

No, Not Paco.

Harvey, Listen, I'm Gonna Hang Up Now,

But I Want You To Know I Feel Really Good

About This Whole Conversation.

Well.

My Wife Is Balling A Banana Republic Paul Newman

Who Runs A Dog Beauty Parlor.

And I Think That I Am Going To Kill Him.

Harv, Wait!

Just... Just Relax, Harv.

Go With It. What?

If You Can't Beat Them, Harv, Join Them.

Remember That Date Of Ours

You've Been Trying To Get Out Of For So Long?

Not That Club, The Chamber Of Venus.

Mm-Hm.

There's One Tonight, Harv.

And, Uh, I Think It Would Do You Good To Get Your Oil Changed.

Oh, Christ, Stella, I Don't Know, Really.

Harvey.

Couple Of Drinks First, It Might Not Be So Bad.

[ Disco Music]

Sir? Beer, Please?

First Time Here?

Yes. Yes, It Is.

I'll Bring It To You. Thank You.

Hi.

Come On, Harv.

Listen, Stella, I Have Been Thinking.

Maybe I Shouldn't Rush Into This Thing.

Maybe Just You and I alone...

Harvey, If You're Not There, I'm Gonna Start Without You.

Oh, I'll Be There. I Will Be There.

No, No, No. Bring Me a Double.

Of What?

Everything. Everything.

Oh, My God.

Stella.

Stella? Stella.

Man: Is That Your Back, Or...

Man: That's My Elbow.

Harvey: Very Nice.

Stella? Stella?

Excuse Me.

You Look a Lot Like Stella.

Excuse Me.

Ex... Excuse Me.

Man: Oww!

Right Through There and...

Both: Oww!

No, No!

Sir? Sir, I Realize This Is a Bad Time

But, Uh, My Foot.

Right, Thanks.

Man: are You Coming Or Going? Stella? Excuse Me.

Harvey Holroyd!

Harvey, This Is Mark.

Hi, I'm, Uh, Harvey, Uh, Smith.

You Better Hurry, Girls. I'm Gonna Eat all The Cake.

Woman: Don't You Dare!

I Really Love Your Hair, Kate.

Really? I Love It. Who Did It?

A Couple Of People. What Do You Call It?

Poodle Cut. Carol.

By The Way,

I Saw Harvey Last Night

With His Secretary.

Oh, Yeah, I Know, He S Aid They Were Working Late.

At an Orgy?

Carol, You Know, You've always Been Really Open With Me,

And I'd Like To Be Open With You, Too.

You're a Cunt.

But Extremely Well Dressed.

Thank You. You're Welcome.

Martha. Martha? Martha, Don't Give Me That

"Sisterhood Is Powerful" Stuff.

Kate Has Moved Out.

"Right On" Your ass. This Is Serious!

She Even Took The Cuisinart!

I'd Help You Carry That Stuff But, Like, It Would Be Sexist.

Oh, That's all Right, This Is all.

God, These Stairs Are a Killer.

They're Not Bad If You're In Shape.

You Know, This Is Exactly The Kind Of House We Had In Mind

When We Moved To Mill Valley.

Well, You Made It.

I'll Show You Where To Put That Stuff.

Are The Other People Here?

Uh, Well, Uh, Woman's around And Millie and Gunther...

He Collects The Rent And Fixes Things,

And, Like Harold's Working.

Oh, I Hope They Like Me.

Hey, There's No Problem, Because The Main Thing Is

You're Exactly The Kind Of Person

We Hoped Would Answer The ad.

You're a Mature, Mellow Female

Into Shared Responsibilities, Creativity, Meditation,

An Ex Graduate, And a Vegetarian.

I Suppose I Could Become a Vegetarian.

Hey, Just Remember, Like,

No Meat In The House

Because, Like, Harold Goes Into anaphylactic Shock.

Martha? Harvey.

Listen, I Was Kind Of Wondering Sitting Here,

Do You Think It's Possible For You To Tell Me

Where To Find Kate Without Giving Me a Speech?

That's a Speech.

Angela, Listen, Before You Start Screaming

about How I Ruined Your Life By Introducing Sam To Marlene,

I Just Want To Know Where To Find Kate!

Flower?

No, No, Leave Me alone.

You Want a Flower?

No. I Don't Want any.

Thanks.

Flower?

Uh-Uh. Thanks.

Flower?

Thanks.

Flower?

Ah, Go On. Peace.

May I Have Some More Flowers, Joanie?

Sure. I Love You, Joanie.

You Bet.

Daddy?

Daddy?

Daddy, Over Here!

Joanie?

Daddy! Wait a Minute. This Is My Father.

Joanie! Joanie!

Just Watch It, Buster. That Is My Daughter.

We Love You. I Don't Care!

Joanie. Wait a Second, Honey.

Joan.

Joanie.

Joanie!

Joanie.

Don't Sit On The Turd.

Huh? Ok.

Stokeley. Yeah?

What are You Doing Here?

I Practically Live Here.

Really? Why The Plastic Turd?

It's My Homework.

He Says My Mind Is Not In Touch With My Body,

So I'm Supposed To Learn My Body's Beautiful,

Starting With Shit.

Stokeley, My Man. Ah, You Remembered Your Little Turd!

Nummy, Nummy, Nummy.

Oh, Hi, Harv.

Leonard, This'll Only Take a Minute.

I'd Love To, But It's Not My Decision.

See, This Is Stokeley's Hour.

Are You Kidding? Take The Whole Hour.

Beautiful, Babe. Kid's Learning To Share.

Thanks, Stoke. Screw You.

Attaboy!

Leonard...

Leonard, My Family Is In Big Trouble.

You Want To Rap about That? No. I Want To Find Kate.

Yeah, Well, You Know, Separations are Painful.

Now, If You Like, I Can Put You In Our Grief Program.

I Just Want To Find Out Where She Is.

Hey, Harv. That's Her Space.

Right. And What's The address Of Her Space?

Harvey...

You Ever Been Primaled?

No. Rolfed?

No. Fischer-Hoffmann?

No! Orgonomy?

No. Silverman?

No. Actualized?

No. Transactional analysis?

No! Feldenkrais?

Have You Ever Had Your Head Shoved Up Your ass?

715 Blythedale Canyon.

I'd Like To Reserve The Living Room For Wednesday?

I'm Having My Sierra Club, Uh, Hiking Group Over.

That's Cool, Millie.

Speaking Of Reserving The Living Room,

Do You Mind Letting Us Know

When You Invite The Sisters Home?

It Freaks Me Out To Walk Into Some Seminar

On Gynecological Self-Examination.

I Noticed You Hung around Long Enough.

Kate! Kate! Oh, God.

Kate. Excuse Me. Who's That?

That's My Husband. Harvey, Not Now.

Yes, Right Now. Hey, Brother, Come On In,

Sit Down. This Is The Weekly Rap. Join In.

Get Lost. I Wanna Talk With My Wife.

What Is This "My Wife" Crap?

Who are You?

Woman.

Woman Who?

Just Woman.

How Do You Get Your Mail?

Kate, For Christ's Sakes, Come Home.

I am Home.

I'm Sure You People Have Some Cosmic Crap To Discuss.

Excuse Me. Kate!

Boy, Is He Fucked Up. Did You See That Suit?

Ah, Come On. This Is So Crazy.

Kate. Kate.

Go away!

Kate. Kate.

Please, Go away.

That's Tough, Harv, But I Don't Exactly Know What I Can Do.

Well, Look, She's Tight With Martha,

I Mean, She Respects Martha. Yep.

So Maybe If You Could Talk To Martha

And Have Her Talk To Kate.

It's Got a Flaw, Harv.

What's That?

See, Martha and I are Split also

I Thought You Were Writing a Book Together.

We Were. Marriage alternatives. Yeah.

We're Finishing It Through The Mail.

Isn't That Sam?

Sam.

Sam!

Hi, Harv.

You all Right?

I'm Fine, Harv. I'm Beautiful. How are You?

I'm Good. Where's The Beard And The Jeans?

I Don't Know.

Leonard Said I Had A Nervous Breakdown.

I Thought I Was Having A Good Time.

Leonard? You're Not Seeing Leonard. Come On, Sam Stone?

Harv. Oh, He's Very Good,

He Showed How My Conflict With My Job

Was Traceable To My Birth Trauma.

In The Tank With The Snorkel? Rebirthing?

Oh, I Love The Water. Getting Into The Water

Was Like Going Back To The Womb, It's Wonderful.

You are Seeing Leonard.

What about Marlene?

That's Over. I Made a Terrible Mistake.

But You Seemed So Happy.

I Was Wrong.

What about Your Thousand, Fifteen Hundred Extra Bullets?

I Guess I'll Have To Use Them Up On Angela.

Course, They'll Last A Lot Longer That Way.

Did You See Carson Last Night?

Carson Johnny Carson.

Oh, No.

Between The Hot Tub And My Quaaludes,

Gone. By Eleven O'clock I'm

You're Not Taking Quaaludes, Sam.

Leonard Says You Can�T Bring Down An Elephant With a B.B. Gun.

Sam... Let's Have Lunch, Huh?

Sure, Harv, Sure, I'll Call You.

No. Tomorrow, For Sure.

Sure, Harv. Sure.

Tomorrow. I'll Call You.

Tomorrow, Sam.

Sure.

Christ, I Don't Believe What's Happened To Sam.

Yeah. I Heard Leonard Had Kinda Helped Him To Mellow Out.

Mellow Out? Look at Him!

Sam?

Sam?

Sam. Sam.

Sam!

Sam!

Stop The Boat! Stop It!

[Chanting and Drumming]

Thank You, Chief Billy Jack George.

I Think That Really Says Something

Not Only about Physical Death,

But about all Of Us

Being at One With The Cosmos.

[Woman Wailing]

Before We Scatter Sam's ashes...

I Wonder If We Might all Just Express Our Feelings

About The Loss Of Someone We all Cared about.

John Will Be Passing The Microphone

So Our Beloved Angela

Will Have A Memorial Cassette

Of This Experience.

Join Hands, Please.

Life Stinks.

He Jumped. What?

He Jumped.

Sam Didn't Fall Off The Ferry.

Sam Jumped! He Killed Himself.

[Angela Wailing]

Beautiful, Babe.

But Now It's Time To Do The ashes Thing.

What ashes Thing?

To Return Sam To His Favorite Place.

This Is Not His Favorite Place.

It's His Favorite Place. No!

You Wanna Put Sam In His Favorite Place,

Put This In Front Of a 24-Inch Sony.

Jesus Christ! Didn't anybody Know This Man?

Harvey, Stop It!

Will You Please Just Stop It?

Don't You Think You're Overreacting Here, Harv?

I Don't Know. My Friend Died!

What's The Right Reaction, Leonard?

You Want Me To Mellow Out Or Stay Loose and Stay Cool?

He Was a Part Of Me.

Because I Loved Him!

I Loved The Way He Loved His Stinking Cigars

And That Big, Dumb Car Of His

And The Johnny Carson Show and The Broads With The Big Tits!

Can You Relate To That?

He Probably Loved Angela,

He Maybe Even Loved Marlene.

[Wails] I'm Sorry!

All I Know Is That That Poor Dumb Bastard

Thought He Knew How To Be Happy

Until You Made Him Think He Didn't Know How To Be Happy!

You Know What He'd Say If He Was Here Right Now?

He'd Say, "Take Those ashes...

And Shove �Em Up Your ass!"

Hey, Harvey! Give Me Back My Husband!

[All Shouting]

Angela: Sam!

Give Me Back My Husband!

Just Hold Him. I'll Go In The Car and Get Something.

Ow! Sam.

Hey, Watch It!

Luckman?

Hello, Holroyd.

I Can Explainall This. Call Me. Call Me, Yes.

Give Me My Husband!

Certainly, Madam.

Oh, God.

Stokeley, Don't Bother Harvey.

He's Been asleep For a Year.

Yeah, More Like 17 Hours.

I Want To Talk To Him.

Just Wait a Moment. Kate's Gone In To Check On Him.

Think He's all Right?

I Don't Wanna Be Judgmental, Stokeley, But...

I Never Thought Harvey Was all Right.

Harvey, How Do You Feel?

Ok.

Do You Have a Headache?

Mm-Hm.

I'm Sorry.

I Remember Knocking Luckman's Helmet Off.

Luckman? And Then after That...

Leonard Gave You a Shot.

Oh, Good Old Leonard.

Yeah, Well, Somebody Had To Do Something.

Angela Was Begging The Police

To Shoot You In Self-Defense.

I Got Their attention, Didn't I?

God Damn It, Harvey,

You Really Frightened A Lot Of People Yesterday.

It's Exactly What Sam Would Have Done.

See, Sam and I Understand Each Other.

Or Stood.

I Mean, an Indian Chief, Come On.

When Was The Last Time That Sam Hung Out at a Powwow?

It Was Kind Of Dumb.

How's The Patient?

Who Let Him In?

Back Off, Harvey. This Is My First House Call In Ten Years.

Kate, Did You Give Him The Medication?

Not Yet.

Actually, He's a Lot Better. Mm-Hm.

Kate. Harvey.

What We're Talking about Here

Is a Complete Mental Meltdown.

Now Do You Two Want To Just Stand around

And Watch Your Lives Collapse around You,

Or Do You Want To Do Something Before It's Too Late?

I Vote For Meltdown.

Harvey, I Really Think He's a Lot Better.

Harvey, We've Got To Get You Back Into The Real World

As a Functioning Human Being.

I am Putting You On My Re-Entry Program.

What's That, Leonard?

Therapy. Three Days a Week.

Forget It. You Rest. Kate?

In a Minute, Leonard.

The Man Is a Horse's ass.

Maybe, But He's The Only Horse's ass We've Got.

If You're Worried About The Money,

I'll Pay For It.

I Got So Sick and Tired Of That Filthy Commune,

That I Went Out and Got a Job.

You Did? Mm-Hm.

Doing What?

Selling Real Estate.

Isn't That Gonna Cut Into Your Consciousness-Raising Time?

Yes.

Mm-Hm. Mm-Hm.

[Knocks]

Stokeley.

Come On In.

How You Doing, Harv?

Oh, about Medium.

I Guess I'll Be Seeing You At Leonard's Laughing academy.

I Thought You Were Out On Parole.

No, I'm Back. They Caught Me Slashing axelrod's Tires.

Vivian's Axelrod?

Ow. No, That's Over. He's Seeing My Mom Now

Perfect.

Martha: Stokeley!

I Just Wanted To See If You Were Ok.

I'm Fine. Why?

Well, You Know, People Talk.

Mm-Hm. And What Do They Say?

Well, Do You Believe Them, Do You?

In an Insane Society,

The Sane Man Must appear Insane.

Where Did You Get That?

Star Trek.

God, I Miss That Show.

I Want To See My Family.

We are Your Family Now, Joanie.

No, I Mean My Real Family.

Forget about Them. You Have Us Now.

Great, But I Want To See Them.

No, You Don't. Just Stay Here And Think about It,

And Let Us Know When You've Changed Your Mind.

But You Don't... We Love You, Joanie.

We Love You, Joanie.

We Love You, Joanie.

We Love You, Joanie.

We Love You, Joanie.

Shit.

We Love You, Joanie.

It's a Rough Business, Holroyd And We all Need Escape Valves.

One Guy's Might Be Tennis, Another Guy's Might Be Women...

And another Guy's Might Be A Faggot Motorcycle Gang, Huh?

Different Strokes, Right?

I Sat Here Like an asshole,

And Let You Pass Judgment On My Life

Because I Couldn't Earn My age.

And Then You Turn around, Put On a Silly Little Helmet,

Jump On a Harley and Ride Off With a Bunch Of Pansies.

My Men are Not Pansies.

We Have Terrorized Entire Communities.

We are Tough Dudes, Holroyd.

I Like This Job And I'll Take It.

Well, It's Not That Easy.

Oh, You'll Make It That Easy, Skull.

I Believe In You.

Damn It, Holroyd, I...

Does Your Boss Know about The Little Leather Leotard?

Well, We Do Deal With Some Very Large Corporations

And Some Of Our Clients Have Certain Victorian Prejudices

About What Guys Do With Their Weekends.

Ooh, That's another Thing.

Here Is What You're Going To Do This Weekend.

What You Need Is a Celebration.

Damn It, You're Right.

Harvey!

I'm Sorry, Kate, But I Like What Martha's Saying.

I Mean, We're Together again.

Why Not Tell The World?

Great, Harvey. We'll Get Mother Good Earth

To Do Something Creative, Maybe Just a Whole Sushi Number.

I Want It.

How about Just a Small Cocktail Party?

Kate, It'll Be Like My Pair Bonding.

You'd Love That He Hated It.

That Was Light-Years ago.

Can We Do It This Weekend?

Oh, absolutely.

This Weekend? But Why This Weekend?

Because It all Fits In.

Fits Into What?

You Know. The Whole Thing.

Really.

Are You Sure You Wanna Go Through With This?

Kate, The Way I Look at It, I'm Doing Something Today

I Should Have Done A Long Time a Go.

Well, Would You Hurry Up And Get Out Of The Shower?

I'm Hurrying!

Listen, I'm Late.

I Gotta Go Pick Up Your Present.

Present?

You Got Me a Present?

Of Course.

Ok, Honey, You Take The Car

And I'll Meet You There.

You Didn't Have To Get Me A Present, Harvey.

Well, Sure I Did. This Is a Very Special Day.

You Really Got Me A Present, Huh?

Mm-Hm.

Well, aren't You Nice?

Let's Go, Luckman!

Skull, Damn It! Skull! Skul L.

Put That On And Put Your arms around Me.

Hold It.

Ok, Fall On Your ass. What Do I Care?

Get Your Motor Running

Head Out On The Highway

Lookin' For adventure

And Whatever Comes Our Way

Yeah, I Gotta Go And Make It Happen

Take The World In A Love Embrace

Fire all Of The Guns At Once and

Explode Into Space

And Like a True Nature's Child

We Were Born, Born To Be Wild

We Can Climb So High

I Never Want To Die

Born To Be Wild

Born To Be Wild

Spike: Kate, It's So Meaningful For Me about Harvey's New awareness.

Kate: Oh, I Know.

These Flowers Symbolize Rebirth.

Kate: Lovely, Spike. There Seem To Be Two Missing.

Life Is a Mound Of Space.

Oh, Yes, Yes. That's Beautiful.

Really Beautiful, Spike.

By The Way, Does Harvey Have The Check?

Of Course.

Beautiful.

Beautiful.

Hi. Welcome. Hi.

I'm Here For Joanie Holroyd.

I'm Her Father.

Oh, We Love Joanie. I Know That.

But Joanie Doesn't Want To See You again, Ever.

You Know, I'd Like To Hear That From Her.

We Love You, Mr. Holroyd,

But That's Impossible.

Excuse Me. Could You Hold This

Just For a Second?

You Know, It's Interesting.

These Days almost Nothing Is Impossible.

[Blows Whistle]

You Say You Love Me?

You're Gonna Be Wild About These Guys.

Holy Shit!

Get Joanie!

Joanie!

Joanie's Father's Here To Kidnap Her!

Great!

All: We Love You, Joanie.

Holroyd!

Is This Her?

No!

Daddy!

Joanie! Daddy!

All: We Love You! We Love You!

Please, Let Me Through! Just Let Me Through!

Skull! All: We Love You!

Operator, Operator, Get Me The Police!

I Want To Report A... A...

I Don't Know What To Call It! It's an Emergency!

You Bet Your ass It's an Emergency!

Aaah!

Joanie! Daddy!

Joanie, You're Coming Home.

What Do You Think I'm Doing This For?

Occupational Therapy?

And When We Get Home

We're Going To Straighten Out a Few Things

About Who Is The Father, Who Is The Mother

And Who Is The Kid. But...

And I Do Not Wanna Hear About Your Rights

Or Your Decisions Or any Of That Smart-ass Teenage Crap.

God, Harv, You're So Gross.

We Love You.

Well, That's Very Easy To Say, But...

Are You Willing To Prove It?

I Got Her!

Skull, Skull, I Got Her!

Come On!

Joanie, Get On!

I Got Her, Skull.

Thanks. Thank You, Holroyd.

As a Matter Of Fact, It's Been One Of Our Better Days.

Let's Get The Hell Out Of Here.

Uh, Just a Moment. Somebody Missing.

I Think That's All Of Us.

Carol: Kate, I've Got To Talk To You.

Leonard Figured It Out.

My attraction To Men Is Really an aversion.

It's So Simple!

I Mean, Once You Come To Terms With Being a Woman,

You've Got To Relate To Other Women.

So I've Come Out Of The Closet.

Kate!

What? What? Oh, What Did You Say?

I'm Sorry. What?

I'm Gay! I Mean, Who Needs Men anymore?

What Do You Need Harvey For?

No, What Does anybody Need Harvey For?

Uh, Carol...

You Know, Gay Or Straight, Um,

You Still Have That Certain Something.

You're a Cunt.

Still?

Work On It.

Kate, We Need Harvey. Where Is He?

I Know We Need Him. He's Comin He'll Be Here any Minute.

Born To Be Wild

Martha: Kate, Peopleare Getting Into

A Really Heavy Eating Trip.

Well, I Know, But Don't Worry, He'll Be Here.

He Said He Was Coming.

Man: Hey, Look! It's Skull!

Oh, My God, It's Harvey!

He's Got Joanie!

He's Got Joanie, My God!

Oh, I Love It!

Fellow Beings...

We are Here To Celebrate a Wedding.

Not One Imposed By An Uptight Consumer Society

Which Kills Whales, Builds Nuclear Reactors,

But a Real Marriage.

Will You Touch Each Other, Please?

Beautiful.

Harv...

Can You Relate To Making A Heavy Commitment

To Share Your Space With Kate,

Respecting Her Identity As a Free Being?

No.

No?

No.

I Promise To Love, Honor, and Cherish

Kate Lindell Holroyd,

In Sickness And In Health,

For Richer, For Poorer,

Forsaking all Others,

For as Long As We Both Shall Live.

You asshole!

Woman: Oh! Uncalled For. Man: Uncalled For.

Kate...

Will You Tell Us all Where You're Coming From?

I Think Harvey Took The Words Right Out Of My Mouth.

All Of Them?

Including The "asshole."

Harvey: Honeymoon Time. Come On.

Friends... and Neighbors...

It's Been a Slice.

[Chatter]

Harvey: We Can't Make It Here. We Gotta Get away.

Kate: I Know. You Do?

Yes.

Well, Then What Do You Guys Think

About Denver? Denver?

What's In Denver Except a Lot Of Snow?

Well, My New Job And Our New Place,

And Joanie's New School.

It's Gonna Be Rough at First,

But I Think If We Keep an Eye On Our Spending

We're Gonna Be all Right.

It Won't Be That Rough.

I Gotta Hand It To You Guys...

You're Weird But You've Got Balls.

Thank You, Joanie, But Watch Your Language, Ok?

They Don't Talk That Way In Denver.

Denver. That's Near Aspen. Yeah.

Isn't That Where They Have The Institute

For Humanistic Studies?

I Hope Not. You Know,

It'd Be Sort Of Good For Us,

Relating To a Community That Isn't...

Well, You Know, Superficial.

Harvey: Hey...

It's a Changing World

That Greets The Day

It's a Changing World

And It Spins away

And You Hold On

Or You Fall Off

You Hold On

Or You Fall

It's a Changing World

And It's Moving Fast

And The Love It Brings

Doesn't Seem To Last

But You Hold On

Or You Fall Off

You Hold On

Or You Fall

You Think You Got It Made

You're Master Of Your Fate

You're Doing It Right

Then Overnight

Your Life Is Out Of Date

And So You Face The Facts

Your Future's On The Line

You Either Get In And Run The Race

Or You Get Left Behind

It's a Changing World

And It's Been Fun

It's a Crazy World

But The Only One

So You Hold On

Or You Fall Off

You Hold On

Or You Fall

Yes, You Hold On

Or You Fall Off

You Hold On

Or You Fall