Original subtitles

Brooke: Life hacks are supposed to make your life better.

Kevin: So if any of these hacks make it worse,

stop what you're doing immediately.

Welcome to "the hackchelor."

Man, that does not roll off the tongue.

I'm your host, Chris hackison.

Tonight -- is there a hack for true love?

We'll find out.

Ladies, it's time to meet the hackchelor.

What did he say?

I thought this was "the bachelor."

♪♪

Hello, ladies.

I'm Ben.

I wanted to give each of you something

that shows you who I am.

Go ahead, open them.

Thanks, Ben.

But, Ben, what is it?

They're bagel totes.

They're made from old cd holders

to keep your bagels fresh on the go.

What are cds?

How do you open it?

At first I thought the hack was a little weird.

But by the end of our introduction,

I was falling for him.

Well, grab your bags 'cause we're going on a group date.

-Ooh! -Whoo!

Will Ben find true love?

We'll see up next on "the hackchelor."

Oh!

-Tonight... -Pony up!

Brooke: ...On "hack my life"...

I'm gonna go hack to the future.

Kevin: We've got all the gift-wrapping hacks

you could ever need.

That's amazing attention to detail.

Brooke: Plus -- who needs an expensive grill?

We try a flame-less barbecue hack you need to see to believe.

Now, that's a nice sizzle!

Brooke: And lazy cook Brooke shows you how to stop

letting your old wine go to waste.

There's no last call for this girl.

And the many surprising uses of aspirin,

the hard-working hacker in your medicine cabinet.

Kevin: Get back in the saddle!

This is "hack my life."

Hey, kev, it's barbecue time!

Uh, yes, it is!

Where's the grill?

Oh, I sold it! Cha-ching.

[ Chuckles ] What do you mean?

We're gonna cook with the power of the sun!

[ Sighs ] What?

Why do I even ask anymore?

This is hack or wack.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking --

"it's a post-apocalyptic barbecue."

No. That's not what's happening.

No, actually, we're attempting to cook these patties

using nothing but a parabolic mirror,

the power of the sun, and a chain link fence.

We've got all the materials we need.

We're just gonna set up some pillars with these buckets.

And then the fence is going to be our grilling surface,

so we're gonna lay that on top of the buckets.

All right, set it right on there.

So, you're seeing the grill form, right?

Whoo-hoo! But we need

the heating element, which is not charcoal or wood.

It is a -- well, why would it be?

No. Come on. Parabolic mirror.

Yeah, got to be safe, by the way...

Okay. ...'Cause they will

melt retinas in addition to flank steaks.

Now, a parabolic mirror is just a concave mirror.

Its unique shape allows it to harness energy,

but also project it back.

And you can easily buy one online.

Do you see the fence lighting up?

Oh, wow! Less talk, more cooking, kev.

All right, fair enough, fair enough.

So, our starting point is about 114 degrees fahrenheit.

So we'll just let this sit for a little bit and heat up.

All right. Holy smokes!

That's a hot skillet!

Whoa. That is 455 degrees.

Whoo! Wow.

I think we can actually throw some meat on it.

Oh, we -- yeah, that is perfect grill temperature.

Let's do it. Ooh!

Now, that's a nice sizzle.

Look -- it's getting hot enough to cook.

I mean, there's no denying that.

No, this is cooking this burger in normal stovetop time.

I feel like it needs a flip, right?

I needs a flip. There we go.

Oh! Flippy, flip, flip.

This is dangerously hot, but it's really effective.

How well done do you like your meat?

I like a burger medium-rare.

All right, b.V.P., you're so hungry I'll let you...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. ...Do the honors.

♪♪

[ Sniffs ] Smells like a burger.

We just used the power of the sun, a parabolic mirror,

a chain link fence, and some buckets to cook

a slab of meat on a skillet.

We used no fuel. The proof is in the pudding --

or the Patty, I guess, in this case.

If that's remotely edible, I say it's a hack.

But, Brooke, it's not up to me.

It's not. It's up to you.

I mean, obviously, may not your everyday set-up,

but you nailed this burger.

This is definitely a hack, kev.

It's a hack.

Whoo!

♪♪

Hmm.

♪♪

♪♪

Kevin: Sometimes an item is so useful

it ascends into the pantheon of great hacking tools.

Today we celebrate one that truly has become

a hack all-star --

aspirin.

Aspirin will cure whatever ails you

and all the headaches that come with it.

There's nothing more callous than a callous,

but you can break through that hard exterior

by making a paste with aspirin and water

and giving yourself a well-earned foot rub.

All-star.

Keep your pit stains in check.

Aspirin and water will remove those stains,

and you won't even break a sweat.

All-star.

And keep your scalp flake-free

by dropping an aspirin into your shampoo bottle.

A quick rinse will stop dandruff in its tracks.

All-star.

To keep your flower arrangements from wilting,

add some aspirin to the bouquet.

All-star.

Applying a crushed aspirin

to a pimple helps clear your skin in no time.

All-star.

And you can celebrate your headache-free life

by using your aspirin bottles as maracas.

All-star.

Congratulations, aspirin.

You've made our problems much less painful.

You truly are a hack all-star.

♪♪

So, you've popped open a third bottle of wine

and pass out after only two sips.

Of course you've lost the cork,

and now you've got to kill that bottle before it goes bad.

Well, today I'm gonna show you

some hacks to get more action out of that old bottle.

There's no last call for this girl.

I'm going to hack together a cocktail called kalimotxo,

which is the ultimate easy, lazy beverage

when you need to finish an old bottle of wine fast.

50% red wine, 50% cola --

it's really refreshing for a hot day or a beach day.

I love it.

All right, I know a lot of you are like, "let's call it a day,"

but we've got another hack for totally undrinkable wine,

which requires some next-level hacking.

We can use it to make

a delicious chocolate wine cake, huh?

All you need to get started are some basic pantry staples.

So, we'll do our wet ingredients first.

I'm going to mix olive oil with vanilla extract.

Here's another hack to give it a fruity flavor --

add some jelly.

And then, of course,

I'm just gonna throw in the red wine, as well.

That will do. Our dry.

So here's our wheat flour, add our sugar, salt,

and some cocoa powder, and these guys together.

You guys, there's no need to waste perfectly good bad wine.

Give these guys a nice stir.

This is like a double whammy for everyone with alcohol

and

this is a twofer.

Okay, the oven is preheated to 350 degrees,

and I'm gonna pop bundt pan with our chocolate wine cake

in there for about 40 to 50 minutes.

Let's go! Oh, my god!

It's leftover-wine o'clock somewhere.

Let's -- wha -- flip this bad boy.

Yeah.

Now you can have your drink and cake

and drink and eat it, too.

I'm drunk.

Kevin: Up next a hack master shows us how to present

any present with amazing gift wrapping hacks.

I like to say I put the "present" in "presentation."

And we see if this pony-riding hack

is all it's cracked up to be.

[ Screams ]

♪♪♪

Who will Ben decide to share his life hacks with forever,

and whose life will be ruined?

"The hackchelor" returns now.

♪♪

Ben: Today I'm taking the girls on a surprise group date.

That's me on a date with three girls,

because that's a normal thing to do.

I'm so glad you're all here with me today.

So I've brought you out to one of my favorite places --

the backyard.

-Wow. -Wow.

Today I prepared a romantic picnic breakfast.

Sarah, I was wondering, do you have a portable

butane curling iron with you?

[ Laughs ] Do I have one?

Uh, of course.

So prepared -- I love that about you.

Winning.

I'm gonna share with you one of my favorite recipes --

curling iron eggs.

The heat from the curling iron

cooks the eggs right in the bowl.

I knew I should have packed my hair curler.

Bon appétit.

Is that sanitary?

I don't know what her problem was.

Maybe it wasn't sanitary.

It's one of my best hacks.

Amanda, I didn't know you felt that way about hacks.

Why are you even here?

How dare you?

-Girls, don't fight! -You don't know my struggles,

and I thought I was going on a different TV show.

Oh, my god, Ben! Are you okay?

♪♪

♪♪

[ Groans ] Kev. Oh, my god.

Ah, threw my back out.

I was hanging out with the niece this weekend.

She pretends she's a jockey and I'm a pony,

and it's a -- it's -- I threw it out.

It hurts so bad.

Well, I think I've got something

that can get you back in the saddle.

Together: This is hack delivery.

[ Doorbell rings ]

In hack delivery, we test out an existing product

you can buy online and decide if it's

a sleeper or a keeper.

Don't waste your money on potentially bogus products.

Let us do that for you.

Oh, here she be -- the original pony up daddy.

[ Horse neighs ]

This is, apparently, a saddle that an adult would wear

to more evenly distribute a child's weight

and keep them from falling off

without tearing up their shirt or hurting their back.

I know it says "pony daddy," but it's 2018.

I'm a pony mommy.

Look at this -- like an airline safety brochure.

And you're just bypassing the 11 steps required.

Hey, everyone. This is Amara.

Amara, everyone.

Hi! In just a few moments,

Brooke is going to basically go through

the pony equivalent of the Kentucky derby

with Amara on her back.

So we're gonna try the pony up daddy,

do a lap, then we'll take it off

and see which provides the smoother riding experience.

Throw you up here -- here we go.

Three, two, saddle up.

Boom. [ Neighs ]

I'm gonna throw this on you.

Yeah, will you guys have some carrots

and a bag of hay for me after this?

Yeah, we'll get you a little feed bag or something.

Perfect. We'll put some chipotle in it.

Great. Wonderful. Okay.

In three, two, pony up!

Here we go, Amara.

Okay.

Whoa!

And it's 5:00 somewhere coming around the first bend.

And it looks like she's avoided the cone.

Almost kicked over a robot, and there we go.

It's still 5:00 somewhere coming around in the lead.

[ Giggling ]

Great job.

Record time.

But this time we're gonna do it

the old-fashioned way. Okay.

We'll see if this is an improvement.

All right -- off with my girder.

Now, no natural grip, so you got to figure

that one out, Amara. That's okay.

Don't go for the tufts of hair.

And three... Okay.

...two, pony up!

Okay. Oh, that's okay.

You're gonna use my collar as the break.

Amara's on, but she's shifting all over the place.

If only there was a saddle.

-It's not -- oh, oh! -Whoa.

-I got -- -you almost lost Amara.

Okay. Here we go-- whoa!

All right, Amara, time to saddle down.

Off you go. How was that ride?

-Okay. All right. -Oh!

It says that on the box.

Yeah, it says "more good."

[ Laughs ]

It seems like without the saddle,

the weight distribution was all over the place.

Oh, yeah, and my back definitely felt better with it on.

It seemed like without the saddle you were getting

choked by your own shirt. Yes.

And Amara almost fell off without it.

So all things considered, Brooke,

we keeping the pony up daddy, or are we sending it back?

I say keep it.

It's Amara-approved.

This whole parenting thing, I think we'll do good at it

one day. [ Screams ]

Not like you and -- not like you and me, but --

right, right. Or also...

[ Screams ]

Never. ...Maybe never.

Kevin: Coming up --

I learn gift-wrapping hacks from a pro.

It's hack master.

You're amazing.

Brooke: And stop tossing and turning.

We're trying out hacks to fight insomnia.

Ugh.

♪♪

I'm a little shaken up.

But I'm okay.

I want to show you all something that can fix this.

It's a hack.

But I'm gonna have to take my shirt off to show you.

-Wow. -Wow.

Ooh.

Ben: I always carry around with me a bottle of hydrogen peroxide

and dish soap.

Mix them together, and it'll remove the mud stain like this

and a lot of other stains like it.

See?

Okay, but wouldn't it just be easier to use, like,

a stain pre-treater or something like that?

You know, because...

Claire: [ Scoffs ] Amanda, what is your problem?

Don't you even want to win this thing?

That's when I knew.

Amanda, my time with you has been amazing,

but you've made me realize that

I need to spend the rest of my life

with someone who loves hacks as much as I do.

I can't give you a Rose.

I'm sorry.

I don't care about hacks.

Goodbye, Amanda.

All right. Where's my limo?

I thought this was "the bachelor."

[ Thunder crashes ] There is nothing worse

than rain running your day.

Oh, yes, there is -- rain ruining your outfit.

No, seriously. I rarely remember to bring

an umbrella with me.

Okay, well, in lieu of proper rain gear,

today we're gonna test some hacks that could

keep you dry during a downpour.

Okay, we're good. We're done.

Thank you. Thank you.

This is hack vs. Hack.

Today we're joined by three brave shoppers

who are going to test out these hacks --

aissa, Karen, and Raul.

Now, they will be racing through our farmers' market

and doing their best to dodge a downpour.

And if you failed to notice,

they're all wearing gray from head to toe

so that way we can see which water they missed,

and that'll let us know which hack is most effective.

Now, these are all hacks that you might have on you

if you are out and about running some errands

when it's raining and you don't have

an umbrella in your car.

Are you ready to see your hacks?

-Yes. -Absolutely.

Hack number one -- it's a floor mat.

This can supposedly shield you from the storm.

Just go full "handmaid's tale."

Flop it over your head -- that's it.

Our second hack -- a child car seat.

Just remove the child first.

That's our only request.

Last but not least -- a gym back.

Desperate times call for desperate hacks, okay?

No one likes getting wet.

Which hack do you want?

I want the gym bag.

-The gym bag. -Karen?

I'm gonna go with the car seat.

Okay. I like this. Raul?

I think I'm gonna go with the mat.

-Here you go. -Why, thank you, thank you.

All right, friends, here's how this

farmers' market relay is going down.

You will all start in the vehicle.

You will then need to sprint past

our three water towers to the fruit stand.

While you're there, you want to get two of each fruit,

and then race back, dodging the water again.

Whoever is the driest, will be the winner of this

hack vs. Hack.

Okay, let's get a little rain dance going.

Please shower us!

Can we get the rai--

[ thunder crashes ]

Okay, cool. There we go.

Okay, great, great.

Hackers, are you ready?

-Yeah! -Yeah!

Let's hack, guys.

I like the effort. Oh, wow.

Look at that car seat!

Karen coming in from out of nowhere.

She may just have to choose speed to stay dry.

Raul: Oh, that water's cold!

Raul is soaked.

I don't think he realizes

he should pull the flap the other way.

Got to adjust.

And aissa -- she's now wearing the gym bag

like a vest-backpack combo,

and it does seem to be keeping her d--

okay, Raul is failing... Yeah.

...miserably right now.

Aah!

Raul's hot stepping back.

Come right on in here, sir.

First to the finish.

Aissa headed back with her bag, tip-toeing.

Oh, Karen, this is it.

This could be make or break, Karen.

And, wow, that is it. It is done.

Let's kill the rain.

Would you guys mind giving us a quick once-around

so we can assess the damage?

Yes, this is a very wet runway.

Wow. Okay.

Aissa, let's start with you. You had the gym bag.

What happened once you got there?

I tried to protect my back, but I guess that failed.

Your arms are pretty soaked, and your lower back got nailed.

Raul, you had the mat on sideways.

Were you not able to rotate it

at the risk of exposing your shoulders?

Between fighting for the fruit

and trying to keep the bag dry, my mat gave out.

The mat was maybe not the most effective hack.

It's anybody's game, except for yours.

And, Karen, who knew with that car seat?

I did not think that was gonna work at all.

You are surprisingly dry.

When I saw this, I figured I'd be able to

balance on me so that I could get the fruit

and still stay dry at the same time.

I think we have to run it down and make it official here.

We'll make it official.

This hack vs. Hack goes to the child seat.

[ Bell dings, cheering ]

Congratulations, Karen!

You won this hack vs. Hack!

Friends, I'm here with a certifiable hack master.

Alton, you are, in fact,

the world's most famous gift-wrapping artist.

That's right.

So, you know, a lot of people say

it's the thought that counts...

Liars. ...But what I always say

is it's the gift wrap that counts.

Yes! It's the look.

It's the presentation. I like to say

I put the "present" in "presentation."

Kevin: This is hack masters.

How long have you been wrapping gifts?

Professionally, for, like, about 10 years.

Okay. So, help me out here.

How can I use old wrapping paper,

"out-of-season" wrapping paper?

So, all I have is this

kind of holiday-themed antler paper.

So, what I'm gonna do is

I'm gonna use the back of this paper.

So a lot of times the paper will be white on the back.

This happens to be a craft paper.

What I have here is just a bunch of celery.

Yeah, I was gonna ask you about that,

but I figured you were gonna get to it.

I'm just going to whack off the excess there,

and then I'm using an ink pad.

So, this is just what you use for rubbing stamping, so --

sure. Oh, wait. So, you're making

a celery stamp... I am.

...for the wrapping paper.

Who knew that mother nature had a little Rose

inside the celery?

That's a fantastic hack in and of itself.

You end up with a gift wrap...

That's stunning!

...that looks like this.

[ Harp plays ]

Alton, I've got a nephew. He's graduating very soon,

and I know what he wants, and that's cold-hard cash.

Let me show you how to make a gift wrap

out of dollar bills.

Okay, so we're turning this into the gift wrap.

What we do is we turn them upside-down

and tape them together. Okay.

How much money are we talking about giving, here?

You've already exceeded my limit.

And, like, here I put 10 of them together.

10 almost makes a decent-size...

Yeah. ...Gift wrap.

Here's one I've done where I've wrapped a box with it.

Oh, that's gorgeous.

So this is $15 worth of gift wrap --

could have nothing inside of it.

This prohibits the "great, what'd you get me?"

Rip, rip, rip. I don't even care because this is the gift.

Savor the moment.

The gift wrap is

and then if you are giving a gift card, here's what I did.

So, the gift card's inside.

These are the little gift-card boxes

that you get wherever. Yeah.

And then I take nine dollar bills and made this bow.

You just fold it in half, and then you just turn these

into these little loops like this.

And then you just stack these up.

That's amazing attention to detail.

Thank you. When your nephew gets it,

he can go and spend it on strippers

or whatever he wants to spend it on.

You've met him. [ Laughs ]

So, how do I wrap something that's oddly shaped

or that's incredibly large?

Do I have to get a refrigerator box?

You can wrap it to look exactly like what it is.

"Wrap it to look like it is"?

Yes.

Please walk me through this.

What I did with this is I looked at the individual pieces.

I just used boxes, the gift-wrap tubes,

and I repurposed them to cover each individual piece.

The seat is just the basic box.

The tire -- see, it's just cardboard on the back,

so it just slides right in.

You're amazing!

Of course you deserve the title of hack master.

Thank you... Thank you.

...for sharing these wonderful hacks.

Would you show me how to ride a bike, too?

Do you have any hacks for that,

because I really lack a father figure.

Let's see.

Kevin: Coming up -- trouble falling asleep?

[Bleep]

"Criminal intent: San Diego"?

Kevin: We've got insomnia hacks

to help you rest easy.

-[ Yawns ] -So stick around.

Hi. I'm Brooke Van poppelen from the future.

Back in your time, I used to learn tons of hacks

I could do with pool noodles and toilet brushes.

But none of them could save me

from all the cringeworthy moments life can deal you.

Luckily, in the future I've got emotional hacks

and a brand-new time machine.

To fix the past, I'm gonna go hack to the future.

[ Tires squealing ]

When I look back on my life and think of my greatest

enemies, one tops them all -- insomnia.

I mean, just look at this video from 2016.

Call sheet for tomorrow.

Ugh. 5:00 A.M.?

[Bleep].

Oh, my god. I'm never gonna be able to fall asleep.

Not tired.

"Criminal intent: San Diego"?

[Bleep]

[ Cuckoo clock chiming ]

[ Sighs ]

Hurts to watch.

[ Telephone rings ]

[Bleep]

Man:Brooke, you overslept and missed the shoot.

-Oh, god. -We're replacing you

with Billy eichner. -What?! No!

I've seen enough.

To prevent my professional demise,

I think I'm gonna have to go hack to the future.

[ Beeping ]

♪♪

I left a box on the bed with some hacks inside and a note.

Ugh. 5:00 A.M.?

Oh, guess I'm going to bed now.

[ Sighs ]

What?

Oh, come on. What is this?

Oh, I bet it's from the producers.

[ Chuckles ]

"Brooke, I know you sometimes have insomnia."

Well, they know me pretty well. [ Chuckles ]

"You can make a lavender pillow spray

which helps promote restfulness.

Just add a few drops of lavender oil into that spray bottle

and lightly spray your linens.

The scent of lavender reduces blood pressure and heart rate."

I'm closer.

What else we got?

"Move your pillows to the foot of the bed.

Changing your setting will help you disassociate

from the stress you experienced where you were unable to sleep.

[ Sighs ]

A weighted blanket can help ground your body

in a similar way to deep-pressure touch.

It's proven to reduce levels of the stress hormone cortisol."

Ugh.

♪♪

[ Birds chirping ]

Oh, wow!

Ah. Up and at 'em.

All right, b.V.P.

Let's go take over Hollywood.

Take over Hollywood?

That could change the entire course of history.

I better get hack to the future.

Well, I'm back, and, boy, are things different.

After using those hacks that night that I got great sleep,

I had a dream that I invented

the most realistic robotic dog.

They don't eat, poop, or bark.

I'm worth billions.

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