Original subtitles

Brooke: Life hacks are supposed to make your life better.

Kevin: So if any of these hacks make it worse,

stop what you're doing immediately.

[ Screams ]

♪♪

We're sworn to protect and serve hackers

wherever they're in distress.

And sometimes, it means working the beat here.

Hot damn, I love this job.

Man: Attention, all units.

We have reports of an spf 115 in progress.

-Whoa. -Spf?

Copy. Serious parenting fail.

Let's ride.

All right, let's do it!

♪♪

♪♪

You're right. It is harder to ride in the sand.

-Basically impossible. -I-I-I don't know what happened.

I guess I forgot to pack towels.

And where are we supposed to sit, Dale?

On the hot sand? I don't think so.

All right, uh, step away from the bag, sir.

We'll take it from here.

Jack, you got a fitted sheet in your bag?

You got to be, uh...

Sheeting me.

Great. So, what you're going to want to do is,

stretch out a fitted sheet and place heavy objects,

like this cooler, in each corner.

Last cooler's in place.

See these sides?

They're gonna act as a barrier,

keeping the three of you comfy and grit-free.

This is a life-saver. I don't know how to thank you.

Eh, just doing our jobs.

Woman: My purse! Somebody, help! My purse!

On it! Oh, go, go, go, go, go!

♪♪

-Tonight... -Ready?

-Unh-unh. -...On "hack my life"...

-Ahh! -Ahh!

Brooke: Stuck ketchup slowing you down?

We've got the hack to get the sweet stuff

racing out of the bottle.

That totally loosened it up.

Wondering what to do with that drawer full of plastic spoons?

Kevin upcycles them into modern decor.

Ha-ha!

Kevin: Plus, lazy cook Brooke

hacks a record-breaking 3-minute lasagna.

Holy [bleep] that is next-level lazy.

It's time to place your bets.

I would say that you're aces.

This is "hack my life."

Kev, what's wrong, buddy?

Can't get the ketchup out of the bottle!

Yeah, look at how dry that hot dog is.

It's so dry!

That's so sad.

Good news is, we've got three viewer-submitted hacks

to find the best way to get ketchup

flowing from a glass bottle.

Oh.

Both: This is hack mail.

We've got some very sad French fries, screaming for ketchup.

These dry guys just want to get wet.

So, the hack that gets the ketchup

flowing the best will be awarded our...

...hack seal of approval.

Our first hack comes from Tania,

a college professor in St. Paul, Minnesota.

Ketchup bottle.

Can confirm -- ketchup stuck.

It's the saddest sight.

All right, so, neck meets base.

Yes. Yes.

Right. Karate chop.

Just start chopping it.

Full Norris.

Yah!

Yah! Yah!

-One of my enemies. -All right.

It's coming out. Oh, that's a lot.

That totally loosened it up.

It's effortless and it works quick.

-Let's move it on. -All right.

Hack number two comes from Greg in York, Maine.

He's says...

Cool. I'm gonna hide in the bunker while you attempt this.

I don't even know what Greg means.

Are you gonna air-guitar solo it?

-I don't know. -Just check your clearance.

Let's get it most effective.

-I'll get my other arm going. -Okay.

-Yeah. -You know, just saying.

Full nordictrack. Okay, there we go.

Now she's windmilling.

Ketchup and a rotator-cuff injury.

Wow, that's two hacks in one.

Let's see. Come on.

Whole room's watching.

Now's not the time to be shy.

Greg's hack is having performance anxiety.

This never happens at the deli.

Oh.

Well, that is not enough ketchup for me.

I need more than a teaspoon.

Let's move on, Kevin.

Our third and final hack comes from Craig in Tucson, Arizona.

Craig writes...

Well, buddy, get to suckin'.

Okay.

This is -- this is so wrong.

All right, here we go.

-See it? -Yeah, I see it.

I'm gonna get it to right there.

Okay.

So, now, when I lift my finger...

Nothing.

No. You're gonna have to blow-dart it.

[ Laughter ]

I'll blow-dart it.

I don't know if a diner's gonna really appreciate this.

This'll get you banned from an in-n-out real fast.

All right. Let's figure out

which was the least effective first.

I have some thoughts.

They mostly involve a straw, blasting ketchup in a plate.

Very fun visually, but let's never, ever,

see anyone do that again.

Okay, let's talk about the second and first hack.

Yeah, the centrifugal force, while fun, could be cause

for a concussion if anybody is standing around you.

-It could be very dangerous. -And it didn't work.

It gave me one little squirt.

Look at that.

If you want to get ketchup out of the bottle,

just tap the thing where the neck meets the base.

It may be an oldie, but a goodie.

No one has improved upon it yet.

Tania, from St. Paul, Minnesota, congrats to you.

Your ketchup Chuck Norris karate-chopping hack gets our...

Hack seal of approval.

-Ready? -Unh-unh.

Aah!

That delicious?

Mmm. I love hacks.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Don't be cruel to a hack that's true.

It's time for pop quiz.

So, you're an Elvis impersonator,

hoping to make your big break.

But your lunch left a hunka-hunka

burning nacho cheese on your blue suede shoes.

Oh, man!

I knew I should've stuck to fluffernutter sandwiches.

No worries.

I've got a hack that'll leave

your shoes stain-free for the big show.

It's time for pop quiz.

Whoa!

You got me all shook up.

Man, you really stay in character.

Unh-huh.

Now what's the best way to get rid of the stain

on your blue suede shoes?

Should you, "a," lift the stain off

with a small piece of duct tape?

"B," use an Emery board to file the stain off the shoes?

Or "c," soak up the stain

by covering it with coffee grinds?

Seems like that sticky duct tape

would just leave a different kind of stain,

and I don't know nothin' about Emery boards,

except maybe filing nails.

I'm gonna go with "c." Soak it up with coffee grounds.

Final answer.

Oh, sorry, but the answer is "b," Emery board.

It's not just for fingers.

After wiping away the excess,

gently rub an Emery board on the stain

and it will work like sandpaper to wear the stain off.

All right, pop quiz lady. Thank you.

Thank you very much.

It's -- it's an Elvis thing.

Yep. I got it.

♪♪

Narrator: Nail Polish, concealer of cuticles,

first mate to manicurists,

and the best emoji for showing your nonchalance.

Man: Yeah, whatever.

But this cool cosmetic is also a hack from history.

China, 3,000 b.C. -- For a glossy finish,

women soaked their fingers overnight

in a solution of beeswax, egg whites, and gelatin.

Good thing I brought this gossip rag.

I'm gonna be here for a while.

Egypt, 30 b.C. -- Following Cleopatra's lead,

Egyptian noblewomen dye their nails red with henna,

to prove they don't have to work.

We're, like, so asp-irational.

Totally.

Nail decor remains a sign of affluence,

until 1920s, america.

A new-fangled invention, called cars, flood the streets.

Get a horse!

Makeup artist Michelle menard admires their shiny paint finish

and gets an idea.

Wait a second.

By mixing enamel paints with solvent

and tiny threads of cotton, called nitrocellulose,

menard hacks a lacquer that dries quick

and is safe to use on people.

-Nailed it! -Nail Polish is born!

Flash forward to...Today!

Global sales of nail Polish reach almost $1 billion,

as women, men, and goths the world over paint their nails.

So, here's to you, nail Polish.

You've got us all covered, because you're

a hack from history.

Brooke: Coming up... No time for laundry day?

We've got the hacks to speedily spray and spin the stink

out of your clothes.

Kevin: And can this famous movie hack really stall a car?

That's a pretty jammed tailpipe, if you ask me.

We find out, when the "hack" comes back.

♪♪

We now return to "hack 911."

Go, go, go, go, go!

-My purse! Somebody, help! -What?

My purse!

Hack 911 to dispatch.

There is a robbery in progress.

Ma'am, which way did he go?

Wait. My purse is right here.

What?

False alarm, dispatch.

No, no, no. Ido

I was about to take my baby for a swim when I realized,

"who's gonna watch my purse?"

Dale? He can't even remember to pack towels.

Hey!

Ma'am, would you mind opening up that bag for me?

♪♪

All right, let's see.

Phone...

Keys...

Wallet.

Aha! Bingo.

See, now, ma'am, if you absolutely have to leave

your valuables on the beach, unattended,

why don't you try stashing them inside of anunused

it won't stop a thief from going through your bag,

but chances are, he won't go digging for gold

inside one of these.

Who's ready for a swim?

-Oh, that's cute. -Coochy-coochy-coochy-coo.

Wait. Where's Dale?

-Dale? -Dale!

-Dale?! -Dale!

-Dale! -Dale!

-I'm hungry. -Dale?

Come on!

♪♪

Ever find yourself being tailed

by someone suspicious in a vehicle

and you want to stop it?

Today, I'm testing a hack from one of my favorite '80s films,

"Beverly Hills cop."

I'm like -- I'm like Axel Foley.

[ Laughs ]

♪♪

Kev, what are you doing?

Hey, Brooke.

Banana-in-the-tailpipe hack.

This is "hacked or fiction."

In "hacked or fiction," we test out hacks from pop culture

to see if beloved icons of the big and small screen

were actually great hackers,

or if their hacks were totally fiction.

Now, in the '80s film "Beverly Hills cop,"

Axel Foley, played by Eddie Murphy,

manages to stall a vehicle

by jamming bananas into its tailpipe.

Now, if this works, it's because of the back pressure

created by the bananas.

You see, they clog up the tailpipe.

The engine won't be able to take in fresh air. Yep. Exactly.

It's gonna cause the entire thing --

more or less, right, right, right.

The bad guys won't be able to follow you anymore.

Bingo.

We ourselves are going to test out this hack today.

Kevin, would you like to do the honors

and jam a banana into a tailpipe?

I'll have a good 'Nana cram.

Okay.

♪♪

Yep. [ Breathes deeply ]

[ Chuckling ] Yep.

Well, that's a pretty jammed tailpipe, if you ask me.

I mean, in the movie, they did two bananas,

so I'm worried that one's just gonna...

I know, but some people have bigger tailpipes.

You know what I'm saying?

Okay, Brooke, you ready? Oh, yeah.

In three, two, one...

Go.

[ Engine starts ]

[ Pops, splats ]

-[ Laughs ] -W-- Brooke, what happened?

[ Chuckling ] I have limited visibility.

All it did was shoot a banana straight out the tailpipe.

-Just farted it right out. -Oh.

You want to jam another one in there?

I'm gonna try and just re-jam it, okay?

-Yep. -[ Grunts ] All right.

Are you clear of the banana blast zone?

I can always use a little extra potassium.

One potassium blast, coming up.

Three, two, banana jam!

Stall that car! [ Engine starts ]

[ Pops ]

[ Laughs ] Did it just do it again?

-I want to see it so bad. -How funny is it?

Let me try.

Okay, this has just turned into

-a whole different thing. -Yeah.

Hold on. I'm gonna get out.

-Okay. -Yeah.

All right, all right. -Okay.

Here we go.

[ Engine starts ]

[ Pops, splats ]

[ Laughs ]

That was it!

This looks like the tail end of a "Mario kart" rally.

-Well... -So, what did we learn, friends?

Was it hilarious? Absolutely.

Great visual, solid noise, comical through and through.

But here's the issue.

It was "hacked or fiction,"

-and the car did not stall... -No.

...because of the banana in the tailpipe.

I'm sorry, Axel Foley.

"Beverly Hills" disappointment, my friend.

We're gonna have to call it. It was fiction.

These movie hacks never work.

-Want to do it again? -Of course I do.

-Okay. -Yes, yes.

♪♪

[ Sparkle! ]

♪♪

Oh, hey, friends. Welcome to "let's make a thing,"

where one man's trash is another man's treasure.

Let's see what's in the box.

[ Clattering ]

It's a whole lot of spoons.

There's already a giant island of plastic floating out there.

You don't have to add anything to it.

Let's save the planet

and upcycle all these plastic spoons --

you know, the drawerful you have

from all those nights ordering takeout --

into a wonderful chandelier.

So, here's what you're gonna need.

Got a hot-glue gun, got a plastic bottle,

a basket, a pair of snippers, and a little utility knife,

and key ingredient...

...plastic spoons.

Let's make a thing.

Step one -- we're gonna cut a hole in the base

of what will become a chandelier.

Gonna go right about so.

I mean, if your bottle has these ridges,

it's great for guidelines and for pleasure.

We're gonna start slicing around.

Got it a quarter of the way.

Yeah! There we go.

Bottom is cut.

We need to now prep our spoons.

We're gonna use our snippers and clip right at the base.

Let's get to the gluing.

Okay, get a little glue onto this bad boy here,

and we're going to press.

The spoon chandelier is the patient man's game.

So now we're gonna repeat this process

500 mind-numbing times.

I think there's an artistic argument

to say that this is done.

She would say I always finish too soon.

Fine, Deborah, you win!

Let's keep gluing.

This took me 16 hours.

And on the 16th hour,

Kevin said, "let there be light."

[ Dramatic music plays ]

But I need a light source for that.

Lighting source.

Make sure to use a low-wattage bulb so nothing melts.

Oh.

That's gonna be something.

Chandelier.

Hmm. Sounds like a million-dollar word, doesn't it?

Well, now you can make one out of plastic spoons

for like $1.50.

[ Claps hands twice ]

Ha-ha! Congrats to you.

You just made a thing.

♪♪

Coming up...

Brooke reveals the secret ingredient

to a 3-minute lasagna.

Brooke: And everyone's had nightmare roommates,

but only we've got the hacks to survive them.

♪♪

♪♪

We now return to "hack 911."

Where's Dale?

-Crap. -Dale?

-Dale? -Dale?!

Oh, hey, found him. Hey, bud.

Dale, are you okay? What happened?

-Dale? -Dale?

Went for a swim.

Ah. Can't hear.

Mack: [ Sighs ] Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Oh, yeah.

Textbook case of water in the ears.

Dale, don't worry. Let's fight fire with fire.

Or, more accurately, water with water.

I'm gonna need you to take a sip of water, okay?

With me.

-On three. -Yeah.

One, two, three.

Pinch his nose. Pinch the nose.

There it goes. Until you swallow.

-Good, good. -Until he swallows.

Until he swallows. Let go of me!

Come on. Dale, can you hear me?

-Dale? -Of course I can hear you.

Well, then...

Hey, my swimmer's ear is gone.

That's because swallowing while pinching your nostrils shut

opens the eustachian tubes in your inner ear,

which relieves the pressure and hearing loss

associated with getting water in your ear.

Dale, now that you can hear,

there's something I need to tell you.

-What? -I hate the beach.

Oh. Whew.

I hate the beach, too.

I only said we should come because I thought you liked it.

You know, mack, it's days like this

that really make me think,

"hot damn, I really love this job."

Yeah, I know.

That's why I said that exact same thing like four hours ago.

Could I have a moment?

-No. -A moment.

♪♪

Kevin: Congratulations, recent college graduate.

On Monday, you start your first grown-up office job.

[ Roommates chanting "chug!" ]

Unfortunately, your roommates didn't get the memo to grow up.

[ Roommates cheer ]

In order to become a convincing adult,

you'll need a hack line of defense

against your party-animal roommates.

It's laundry day. [ Urinating ]

Unfortunately, your hungover roommate forgot

where the actual bathroom is.

But, luckily, there is a mini washer/dryer in your kitchen.

That salad spinner will finally get some use.

Put your dirty boxers inside with some water and detergent,

spin it clean, rinse it out, and then spin it dry.

Your roomies will wake and bake anywhere.

And now your cardigan smells like a phish concert.

Good thing your kitchen is stocked

with odor-eliminating hooch.

Pour some cheap vodka into a spray bottle

and spritz away that skunky stank. [ Sniffs ]

Off to work and smelling fresh you go.

You survived your first day in corporate america.

Now you're ready to unwind and enjoy a beer with your roomies.

Oh, no!

These dummies don't have a bottle opener.

But if you have a key, you have everyone covered.

Use your key to twist up the bottle cap's prongs,

give it a push, and the cap will pop right off. Ah!

Congratulations.

You've convinced the world you're a functional adult.

You can turn a living nightmare

into a much more livable nightmare

when you have a hack line of defense.

♪♪

[ Whoosh! ]

[ Splat! ]

[ Whoosh! ]

[ Vrrr! ]

♪♪

[ Creak! ]

♪♪

[ Whoosh! ]

[ Crunch! Crunch! Crunch! Crunch! ]

[ Sparkle! ]

♪♪

I love lasagna, but, dude, it is a pain in the ass to make.

I mean, what is going on with all those layers?

Today, I am gonna show you how to hack a lazy lasagna

in half the time, making half the mess.

The solution to all of your lasagna problems --

frozen ravioli. [ Crowd oohs ]

Best part -- you don't even have to let them thaw out.

Holy [bleep] that is next-level lazy.

Out of the freezer, into the oven.

[ Laughter ] Boom.

So, to make this extra delicious,

I'm gonna use three different types.

I've got a meat ravioli, a spinach ravioli,

and just good old cheese ravioli.

Layer it with some shredded mozzarella and marinara...Jar,

because I'm a lazy s.O.B. --

and you've got lasagna in less than an hour.

[ Applause ]

So I'm gonna do a very thin layer of marinara to start.

Just gonna grab a little handful of the meat ravioli.

King of sprinkle them in here, Willy nilly.

I'm gonna cover this guy with a little more marinara.

This layer of ravioli is in a nice, little red gravy bath.

So then, we come in with our first big dose of cheese.

[ Crowd oohs ]

Oh, my god, this is gonna be ridiculous.

Moving on to our spinach ravioli.

Gonna do another layer of marinara.

Right now, someone making lasagna

would already be cursing while rolling out some dough.

Not on this show.

[ Applause ] Another big handful of cheese.

That is two layers for this lazy lasagna.

I'm loving this.

We're gonna do a layer of regular cheese ravioli now.

[ Crowd ahhs ]

Just throw these guys in here.

So that's great.

A little more marinara.

Okay, this is looking rad.

One more layer of cheese.

[ Crowd oohs ]

And this is ready to go. [ Bell dinging ]

Guys, that was like 3 minutes of lasagna prep.

-Wow! -Wow!

I've got the oven preheated to 400 degrees,

and I'm gonna pop it in there for 40 minutes.

Well, look what we have here.

[ Crowd oohs ] Ooh-ee!

We're comin' in hot.

Look at this.

[ Cheers and applause ] It's crunchy. It's gooey.

It's got all the hallmarks of delicious lasagna.

Pasta la vista, baby.

[ Laughter ]

Yeah, that was a bad joke. Stand by it.

Up next, Kevin uncovers the hacks

casinos use to rip you off.

They're never gonna win.

It's literally rigged.

♪♪

Hi. I'm Brooke Van poppelen

from the TV show you're watching right now.

Today, I want to talk to you about buying not-so-fresh bread.

If it's happened to you, you don't need to feel ashamed.

There's a hack that's hiding in plain sight.

This colored tab is actually a cheat sheet.

Each of the five colors represents which day of the week

the bread was actually baked.

Blue -- Monday.

Green -- Tuesday.

Red -- Thursday.

White -- Friday.

And yellow -- Saturday.

Bakers don't work on Wednesday and Sunday.

Need help remembering?

Here's a pneumonic device to help you out --

"bread gargles really well, y'all."

Nobody deserves to buy stale bread.

You've got hacks.

And you've got this.

♪♪

[ Static crackles ]

Oh, hello. And congratulations on your new casino.

By the end of this training video,

you'll be armed with all the hacks you need

for a casino that is strong, successful,

and raking its customers over the coals.

[ Laughs ]

Just make sure none of your customers

ever see this tape and learn our secrets.

When you're finished, burn it or eat it --

I don't care -- just destroy it.

[ Mid-tempo music plays ]

But first things first -- let's set the mood.

[Jazz music plays you hear that?

That's not just the sound of smooth jazz.

It's also the sound of a hack

to put more money into your pocket.

A study published by thejournal of behavioral addictions

found that gamblers listening to low-tempo music

became more relaxed, and in turn,

placed a considerably large number of bets

than they normally would.

But that's not the only sound hack you can use.

Tune all slot and game machines to the musical key of "c."

[ Note plays ]

♪ Ahhhh ♪

Pitch perfect. Was born with it.

Your casino will be positively harmonious,

boosting customer moods, which leads to --

you guessed it -- stupider increased betting.

Just make sure none of your customers

ever see this tape and learn our secrets.

♪♪

What the -- huh? Where am I?

[ Chuckles ] Let's talk layout.

There's a hack in the logic to how you design your casino,

which is... It's completely illogical.

Randomly place slot machines and game tables

according to your weirdest whims.

Or blindfold your cat and place machines

wherever he roams. [ Meows ]

However you do it, a random, illogical layout

makes it difficult for gamblers to recall any path,

so they're more likely to stop for a game of roulette

while hopelessly searching for the bathroom.

[ Chuckles ] Good luck finding it.

I couldn't.

[ Whispering ] I'm soaked in my own urine.

Let's talk about time, which, in a casino, does not exist.

A casino's favorite architectural hack

is to remove all the windows.

Gamblers forget that there's a world out there.

Missed your daughter's birthday?

That is not important!

You were on fire at that craps table.

She will understand.

Come on, baby.

[Bleep] You, jumbo slot!

[Bleep]

While most of your players won't hit it big,

you want them to think they can.

So, whenever someone does win,

deploy this fun manipulation hack.

Bring on the lights, the sirens...

Heck, throw a parade. [ Siren wailing ]

Because psychologists say that, if a win is visible,

victory feels more possible for the other player.

And no scene is too big, no win is too small.

So, go ahead and celebrate that 200-penny victory.

[ Horn blares, coins clinking ] [ Laughs ] It's hilarious,

'cause they're never gonna win.

It's literally rigged.

Now it's up to you.

You've got a handful of hacks.

And I would say that you're aces.

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