Original subtitles

Brooke: Life hacks are supposed to make your life better.

Kevin: So if any of these hacks make it worse,

stop what you're doing immediately!

Brooke: Hack at your own risk, hackers.

[ Screams ]

Kevin: "Hack 911" is filmed on location as it happens.

Calling all units. We have a report of a dad

home alone and in way over his head.

Going to be another long day for "hack 911."

[ Siren wails ]

Let's roll.

♪♪

[ Siren wails ]

My son...I don't know what happened.

I only turned my back for one second.

I'm sure it is not as bad as --

-oh, my god! -Great googly moogly!

It looks like a unicorn exploded in here!

What am I going to do? My wife just bought this rug.

Okay, sir, I want you to breathe into this balloon, okay?

It's going to help calm you down.

Mack, you got your lint roller? Locked and loaded.

Sir, if this happens again,

just drag a lint roller across the rug like this.

It'll pick up most of the glitter.

And then you can take this little balloon

and rub it gently like this.

What Jack's doing is building up a static electrical charge.

And then rub it on the rug like this.

Which will pick up those last little bits of glitter.

You've saved the rug.

Looks brand-new!

[ Cat yowls ]

-Go! -Go, go, go, go, go, go!

Brooke: Tonight on "hack my life"...

Kevin: Brooke kicks us into gear

by hacking her own cross-training gym.

I want you to transform your body and your lives.

And we try your hacks to get number two off your shoe.

-Oh! -Oh, what? No!

[ Doorbell rings ] Brooke: Plus, my dogs

take the stage for even more hacks for your hounds.

Minty fresh.

Kevin: And we use hacks to face off

in the ultimate hand-to-hand combat.

One, two, three shoot!

Brooke: Set your watch to island time.

I'm going to try not hurt anybody.

Whoa!

This is "hack my life."

Brooke: Ooh!

[ Grunting ]

Yeah!

♪♪

[ Grunts ]

Okay, guys, cross training is a great way to get fit, I suppose.

But, who wants to pay hundreds of dollars

for the privilege of pushing junk around a warehouse.

Today, I'm going to help you hack a cross-training routine

using stuff you have around your home.

Free weights are a staple at any gym,

but don't waste your money on them

when you can hack your own out of soup cans.

And we're going to start with just some light reps.

Up we go! One...

Two...

Okay, enough of that. Let's do some...These.

Okay, you guys, let's shake that soup.

I don't know if there's some added value to this.

Shake your soup.

Mara is going to a modified version of the workout.

Go ahead and eat soup

until you've reach a desired weight that you can handle.

Okay, instead of spending money on expensive resistance bands,

why don't we use something you already have around the house.

A sports bra will do the trick in this case.

It's got just enough stretch

to give you the resistance you need.

And if you don't have a sports bra at home,

take the fitted sheet right off your bed.

Jason, your sports bra's looking good, buddy.

Okay, elastic in the air!

And resist like you just don't care.

All right, everyone step into your sports bra,

or in Mara's case, your fitted sheet.

Right, left. Right, left. Right, left. Right, left.

Right, left. Right, left. Okay, great job everyone.

Nothing builds muscle and endurance like sled pushes,

but big heavy weights are hard to come by.

Luckily, heavy furniture is not.

Hey, guys. Stay low. Use your legs. Doing great.

Mara, I know you got more in you. Let's get it out!

You're not working hard enough, you guys!

Deal with it!

I'm Brooke Van poppelen, the lazy trainer,

and I want you to get out there and live your best lazy life.

Okay, how 'bout we do another loop?

♪♪

♪♪

[ Sniffs ]

What's that smell?

Did you step in something?

Yeah, no, I definitely did.

See, today, Brooke, we're testing hacks

to get dog poo off of your shoe.

This is hack mail.

We've dirtied up three pairs of sneakers,

and whichever hack gets the crap off the best

will not only win our undying gratitude,

but our...

Together: Hack seal of approval!

All righty, guys, hack number one

comes from Nancy in Phoenix, Arizona.

Do we have freezer pops? Oh!

We got sneaker pops.

Nice and icy cold.

Let's get it going.

Let me just -- oh!

Oh! Ugh!

Oh!

I've never worked at a cold stone,

but that is not appetizing.

This -- no --

I mean, I'm not getting a lot of that chiseling action.

No, this is a mess.

I am putting this back in the bag.

Can we move on?

Sure. Ugh!

Hack number two comes from Richard in gretna, Nebraska.

"Go nuts on the mess."

Oh, man.

Whoa, kev!

What? Little too close.

Oh, sorry. Okay. Okay.

Okay, gonna take my spray-on lubricant here...

[ Spray hissing ]

Oh, yeah. Oh, god.

Just going nuts on that mess.

And then just a nice little brushing.

Oh, my god!

Just...oh, god! Splashing back!

Oh, look at the brush!

Aah!

Let's call it.

[ Brush clatters ]

Our third and final hack comes from Laurie in Casper, Wyoming.

[ Toothbrush whirring ]

♪♪

Oh, what! No! It jumped.

What? You got some splatters?

You know, really work it in there

like you're going for those molars.

You know, it does get in there,

but it is making a mess on the head of the brush,

you can see that.

The electric toothbrush is not the way to go.

No.

We are generous, patient people

and it's gone too far this time.

There is no hack seal of approval, okay?

None of you are getting it.

How about just don't jump with force and glee

into a mountain of [bleep]

Brooke: Up next, which hack gets the best crack?

Whoa! Whoa!

Kevin: Plus, need to cover your tracks?

We show you hacks for ditching your fingerprints

when we come back.

Kevin: We now return to "hack 911."

[ Cat yowls ]

-Go! -Go, go, go, go, go, go!

-Oh! What happened? -Where? Where?

Mr. Sushi ran out.

My wife loves that cat, maybe more than me.

If he's not here when she gets back from work,

I don't know what's going to happen.

Okay, sir, sir, sir, we need to act fact, all right?

So I need you to track down Mr. Sushi's litter box, okay?

-On it. -And as for you,

be a good helper, and get me that baby monitor

from that table, okay?

That's the one. Thank you.

-I have the box. -Great!

All right, we're going to take this, put this outside the door.

Cats can actually smell their own litter

for miles and miles away.

Mr. Sushi has to go eventually.

And when he does,

you'll be able to see it all on this.

Wait, are we pulling a sting operation on my cat?

[ Laughs ]

That's exactly what we're doing.

Game, set, hack.

Mm, there is nothing as refreshing

as a tropical drink straight from coconut.

It is the perfect way to relax after all the blood, sweat,

and tears that you've shed

actually trying to get inside of one of these things.

Sounds like it's time for a hack vs. Hack.

I'm joined by Brielle, bill, and tabby.

Have you guys ever cracked into a coconut?

Not successfully, no.

Yes, back in Hawaii, where I was born.

Oh, you've got experience, then?

Got a little bit experience with the coconut.

-What about you, tabby? -I've sliced my finger trying.

All right, you guys ready to see your hacks?

-Yes. -Yes.

Let's get to it!

Ta-da!

We've got a spatula, we have a corkscrew,

and we have a golf club.

All right, the rules are very simple.

You got to crack the coconuts open and get as much water

as you can into the pitcher in front of you.

You'll have three minutes.

Whoever gets the most juice will be declared the winner.

Time to pick your hacks. Who would like to go first?

-Okay, bill. -What?!

-No! -That surprises me.

Why the corkscrew, bill?

Well, you know, at my house, without a machete,

I would go straight for the corkscrew.

So, Brielle, which hack would you like?

Oh! Going with the spatula!

Yeah, I think this will work the best for me,

and I think I'll be able to crack open a couple.

I like that. I like that optimism.

Tabby, how do you feel about that golf club?

I'm going to try not to hurt anybody. [ Laughs ]

Three...

Two...

One...hack!

♪♪

Whoa! Whoa!

Brielle has cracked right into her first coconut.

It looks -- oh, no!

Bill has actually lodged a coconut into his pitcher.

Brielle is cracking into her second coconut.

What?!

And the golf club and tabby -- oh!

Okay. It's open.

It's still anyone's game. Now we got a bleeder.

And that's a lot of liquid.

Yeah, it is.

-Bill, what happened there? -This whole thing bent.

Oh, no!

Okay, now Brielle's just taking out her aggression on the table.

Tabby is still swinging away.

It looks like she might've actually gotten into it.

Get in there, girl! You have a chance to win this!

Such a close, close race. And we got five seconds left.

Four...

Three...

Two...

One...and that is time! Hands up, nuts down!

Let's see who has the most coconut juice

and declare a winner of this hack vs. Hack.

Brielle...

Couple meaty bits in there, but we'll let it slide.

Thanks.

Yes. Well, it's a little over 24 ounces.

Yeah, that's good!

-Damn! -All right, bill.

-Give it a pour. -All righty, let's see it.

There it goes.

Getting up there. It's getting up there, bill.

You're getting clo-- oh!

All right, bill, not quite. We didn't hit the 24 ounce Mark,

so unfortunately, you're dead to us.

Tabby, if you have more than 24 ounces of juice

in your pitcher, you and the golf club

will win this hack vs. Hack.

If not, Brielle, you are going home the winner.

Please empty your pitcher.

That's a lot of juice.

-It's a lot. -That's a lot of hooch.

That's a lot of hooch. And that's 25 ounces of juice!

Congrats to tabby!

The golf club is the winner in this hack vs. Hack.

Tabby, you're going home with the golden coconut.

[ Screams ]

Thank you so much!

This is awesome. [ Laughs ]

[ Smooching ]

♪♪

Brooke: She's cunning, she's calculating,

and she's using unscrupulous hacks

to get the better of every Tom, dick, and Harry in her path.

Beware the cold-blooded hacker.

The cold-blooded hacker was constantly using hacks

to slither into places where she didn't belong.

Watch and learn, so you don't become her next Mark.

Tonight, she was sneaking into the museum after hours.

She had her eyes set on their crown Jewel.

But the stone was well-guarded

and she'd already earned herself quite the reputation.

She donned a disguise,

but her wig kept sliding off her head,

threatening to reveal her true identity.

This crafty crook had a solution.

She quickly fashioned a headband out of velvet

because its texture helps prevent wig sliding.

Not a hair out of place.

Getting past security -- easier said than done.

But she had something up her sleeve to convince

that doofus security guard that she belonged there.

Studies show people view clipboards

as a symbol of official business.

Her clipboard gave him the impression

that she was there as a worker, just like him.

Poor sap let her right through.

Now she was free to get her hands on that big hunk of Jewel.

♪♪

Uh-oh! The cat burglar just left a paw print.

She needed to clean up her act

but had left her glass cleaner at home.

Instead, she reached for a nearby newspaper.

The light-grade paper absorbed the oil her fingers left behind

and rubbed out the prints.

[ Siren wails, tires squeal ]

Damn! He got us again.

Yeah, there used to be a diamond there.

Next time, look out for her trail of hacks

before you get screwed.

And beware the cold-blooded hacker.

Kevin: Coming up, we hack Brooke's dog's breath

into something more bearable. -Minty fresh!

-And still to come. -Are you ready for round one?

-Oh, yeah! -Place your bets.

Which host will triumph in our battle royale?

Choose your fighter when we return.

Kevin: We now return for the conclusion of "hack 911."

Where the hell is this cat? Jesus!

Daddy, nap time.

He's right, but I can't put him down now.

We're still using the baby monitor.

No. What do I do?!

Okay, he looks like a pretty big guy.

Can he skip one?

You don't want to see what happens when he's cranky.

We got to get that kid to sleep.

Dad, take the other end of this tablecloth.

Get over there. Great.

Now, by securing the top with a square knot,

we can hack a kid-friendly hammock

that is perfect for a little catnap.

[ Cat meows ]

Speaking of cats, look who I just found

scratching around the litter box.

Mr. Sushi, you're home! [ Laughs ]

Ich!

And so are you, my lovely wife!

Duane, why are the cops here?

Oh, [chuckles] We're not cops.

Then what are you doing in our house?

Hacking.

And serving.

Kevin: "Hack 911," to serve and hack.

Brooke: Hey, it's me, Brooke.

I've been hacking all your lives for years.

I look like Jabba the Hut.

Here we go.

Okay, that easily holds a lard.

But lately, I'm realizing my own life

could use some hacking, too.

Oh, mama, no! Can't have shoes.

This is hack Brooke's life.

I love being a dog mama, but it's kind of a handful.

Lucky for me, my brother is a pet trainer and groomer,

and thank god, he's going to drop by and show my good friend

Joselyn and I some hacks for our dogs.

[ Doorbell rings ]

[ Dogs barking ] He's here!

You guys...

-Hi, Brad. -Hey, sis. Hey, sis.

-Hi. -How are you?

-Hey, you pups! -Yay!

What are you guys doing?

-Oh. -Okay, yep, she jumps,

especially when she's being territorial or being dominant.

I definitely have a hack for that.

This is a great deterrent for jumping.

It's just simply a can,

a piece of cellophane, and a rubber band.

Here, you've got coins right here.

Put the coins in the can like that,

piece of plastic at its top, put a rubber band on.

As soon as the bad behavior kicks,

you just want to do a really quick just --

[ coins rattle ]

Just one quick kind of just...

[ Coins rattle ]

A lot of dogs respond to it.

That's a jarring noise. Okay, earlier, one of our crew,

Paul, walked through and she did what I fear most.

To demonstrate, hey, Paul! Can you come in here again?

[ Doorbell rings ] When...

[ Dogs barking ] Paul: Whoa! Hey, guys.

That's the behavior. I want her to stop doing that.

There you go.

[ Dogs barking ]

[ Coins rattle ]

Ohh! Yes! Went there, like, "hell, no".

-Okay. -Yeah, her focus changed

from him to you. -Yep. 100%

and like I said, a short, quick shake,

and you don't want to do it too often

because you can sometimes desensitize.

Oh, baby!

Okay, so we also mentioned winnie's breath

is kicking most of the time.

And that's even after she stopped eating turds,

which was, like, a year and a half ago.

-[ Laughs ] Yeah. -Yeah, that's all right.

I've actually got a really cool hack for that.

Pretty much everybody, right,

has ice cubes in your home, ice cube tray.

Go out, get some mint,

put some little leaves of mint in these trays.

You fill it up with water.

So it this how you make ice? I've never done it.

Yeah! Yeah!

So you just pop these in the freezer.

Voilà!

Winnie loves ice cubes as, like, a special treat.

Totally healthy, and you tackle that dumpster breath.

Okay.

-Ohh! -There you go.

You know, let her suck on that for a little bit.

And give it a little whiff test.

Come on, let me smell.

Minty fresh!

Yes. All right, come on, let me get a hit of that.

At the very least, it's neutral.

Yes. [ Laughs ]

♪♪

Windshield sticker. Take one!

Maybe you accidently ignored a "no parking" sign.

Or you danced the the night away with your friends.

Either way, there's a bunch of stickers on your window

and they've got to come off.

That's why we've got hidden cameras here,

and over there, and up here, across the street,

and even inside of the whip to see

if the people of Los Angeles will lend me a hack.

Excuse me, ma'am? Miss?

I just need some help. You stopped, that's half the battle.

These stickers have got to come off this window.

You tried peeling it already?

I tried -- I don't want to scrape off the sticker

and then have a bunch of torn-up pieces left behind.

So I'm using a towel to try to wipe it off clean.

Do you have anything

that you can think that will get these off?

I mean, I have some chapstick. Do you want to use that?

I will use anything. I'm desperate right now.

Okay.

[ Trumpet sounds ]

[ Sniffs ] Winter Berry. There might be something in here

that would break down the sticker and help it come off.

Okay, here we go.

It's shinier. Yeah.

Wow, that absolutely did nothing.

Excuse me, ladies?

Hi. Do you guys have anything that can get a sticker

off of a window?

Do you have anything, like, in your purses

that might be able to get it off?

It's okay. Thanks, though.

Man!

Hi, do you have two seconds, sir?

I'm just trying to get these stickers off this window here.

I know it's crazy, but I don't know

if maybe you had something in your backpack, or...

Well, let's see. I would appreciate that.

-Some hand sanitizer. -Yeah.

[ Trumpet sounds ]

Let's give it a little drizzle here.

Thank you. Let me give it a wipe.

Nah. Oh, well.

I thought maybe the methyl alcohol

would get in there and eat off some of the gummy stuff.

Excuse me, miss?

I'm trying to see if anybody has anything

that can get a sticker off a window.

-Well, I'll see what I have. -I've tried a lot of stuff.

-Nail Polish remover. -Yeah, at this point,

I'll try anything.

[ Trumpet sounds ]

All right, I'm going to try it right here.

Little pour.

Oh, look at that!

-Hey! -I haven't even touched it

and it's already peeling up on the corners.

I think that's going to work.

Oh, my god! Wow!

Oh, sweet sassy molasses!

There you have it, friends.

You have a sticker you want to get off a window,

just roll up to the salon, ask for the nail Polish remover.

It works!

Thank you, Los Angeles, for lending me a hack.

Brooke: Coming up, we showcase winning hacks

in a rock-paper-scissors showdown.

Don't you touch my rock with that paper!

Get ready to rumble when the hack comes back.

For centuries, one game has been used to settle disputes

and determine who rides shotty.

Rock-paper-scissors. Shoot!

But what if there was a way to turn the odds of this

seemingly random game in your favor?

Today, we go inside the mind of a master

to unlock the power of our fist and our palm and our fingers.

This is gaming the system.

Friends, today we're joined by Jason Simmons,

one of the all-time great rock-paper-scissors players.

Fire off some of the greatest hits.

What is your rock-paper-scissors résumé?

From an early age, I was kind of considered

the Bobby fischer of rock-paper-scissors.

At even 4 and 5 years old,

I could regularly beat players twice my own age.

Since then, it's been a never-ending stream

of product endorsement deals,

color commentary, and, of course, the street hustle,

which is where the real money is to be made in the sport.

-[ Laughs ] Whoa. -[ Laughs ]

I humbly submit this with all do respect.

It's a one out of three chance! You can't gain this.

You can influence what the other person's going to do.

You can read what the other person's going to do.

Here's the deal, Kevin and I are going

in a best of five showdown.

I will have master ro sham Bo in my corner

whispering into my cauliflower ear.

I will be entering the ring armed with nothing

but my guile and my feline quick fists.

All right, you guys ready to go?

I'm ready. All right, get in the ring.

Let's see it.

[ Bell dings ]

[ Applause ]

Kevin: Let's hear it for me! Ha-ha!

Let's hear it for Kevin, everybody.

-Whoo! -Players, are you ready

for round one?

Oh, yeah! All right.

[ Bell dings ]

One, two, three. Hyah!

[ Audience "ooh"s ]

Whack a mole.

We got 1-0. Players to your corners.

Kevin's head is so big right now.

So are you giving me hacks?

We got him right where we want him.

This is a three-throw sequence called

"the fistful of dollars". I like that!

Now, "the fistful of dollars" is a rock followed by two papers.

The fistful and here are the dollars.

I'll virtually guarantee you he's going

to keep throwing rock. That's the amateur throw.

That's what most beginning players...

That's so Kevin! Right.

Let's get in there, champ.

[ Cheers and applause ]

[ Bell dings ]

One, two, three. Shoot!

Mmm.

Okay, okay.

What the [bleep] is going on out there, dude?

I'm sorry. This is more of an ex--

[ bell dings ] We're looking to kind of --

whoa!

[ Laughter ]

I guarantee you this dude is all tell and no show.

But stick with the "fistful of dollars" for right now.

That'll take us right into the mid-game.

[ Bell dings ]

Together: One, two, three. Shoot!

Nice, nice.

Don't you touch my rock!

Don't you touch my rock with that paper!

Save it for the sport, baby.

I think he's going to keep throwing rock.

Trust your training. Do us proud.

Ow! Okay.

[ Bell dings ]

Together: One, two, three. Shoot!

Oh, nice, nice! Good match!

Deuce, deuce, on the loose!

This is match point. You have one more throw.

Let's see how much of a verbal player he is.

Can I have a massage? Yeah, absolutely.

Give me your throwing hand.

Oh, okay, yeah. Oh, I -- okay.

We're trying to get him a throw of paper.

Yeah. So I'll tell you what,

right before you release, just yell "paper",

and see if it works. Yeah.

[ Cheering ]

[ Bell dings ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

Players, we are now at match point.

Stop. I'm going to do this round blindfolded.

[ Audience "ooh"s ]

I'm looking right through you.

What? Impossible!

Fists up.

And...

[ Slow motion ] One...

Two...

Three...

Paper!

Scissors cuts paper, for the win!

Our champion.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Aah!

[ Sobs ]

[Bleep]

The system was gamed here today, my friends.

Matter of fact, I bequeath upon you

your rps nickname, "the system."

The system! Oh!

[Bleep] That's a cool band name.

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0