Original subtitles

Brooke: Life hacks are supposed to make your life better.

Kevin: So if any of these hacks make it worse,

stop what you're doing immediately!

Brooke: The following is a paid advertisement

for the hamper champ deluxe.

Man: Boxing's a great way to knock out those extra pounds,

but paying for a trainer

can leave you down for the count.

That's why I came up with a workout

that combines the sweet science with your washing appliance.

Introducing hamper champ, the punching bag

that turns dirty laundry into your sparring partner.

Step one -- just stuff your dirty clothes

into a laundry bag.

Step two -- hang the bag on a hook.

Step three -- get out all that laundry-day aggression.

Boxing gyms rope-a-dope their members

for hundreds in fees.

But all of this home-fitness equipment

is already in your home.

The hamper champ --

it's a laundry bag filled with clothes.

Brooke: Tonight... [ Party horn blows ]

...prepare to get lit.

Kevin: We test hacks to keep birthday candles burning bright.

-We got one down. -We got a candle down here.

Brooke: Plus, a hack master

helps Kevin fulfill his boyhood laser dreams.

Ha ha ha! I told you not to kick me out of the house!

Kevin: The lazy cook's got a solution for stale wine.

Ahh. It smells like a problem.

Brooke: And we show you how to lower your cable bill

without raising your voice.

Goodbye, my love.

Kevin: Let's get this hack party started.

Mission accomplished.

This is "hack my life."

Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!

Get it, bvp! Yeah-okay.

Oh, god!

Kev, you know I like my beer ice-cold for a chug sesh.

-Come on, dude. -I'm sorry. I totally forgot.

But you know what? Maybe the viewers at home can help.

Them? They're all drunk.

Yeah, exactly.

This is "hack mail."

We're here in our balmy hack lab

to test out your beer-chilling hacks.

The one that gets our brewskis the coldest the fastest

will be awarded a tall, frosty glass of...

Both: ...Hack seal of approval!

Our first hack comes to us from Paul in Toronto, Canada.

-Brooke, before we begin... -Uh-huh.

...how warm is this beer?

What's that? That reading?

It's about 70.7 degrees fahrenheit.

-That's our control. -Okay.

Now, we've got our empty container.

I'm just gonna poke a hole or two

in the side for our compressed air.

Go ahead and load the brewskis in.

-Sure. -Let's seal it up.

-Okay, well, here goes nothing. -All right.

Shove that in there and then...

Oh, yeah! That's ice forming.

You can see it coming out, and I can feel it is ice-cold.

Whoo! Frost, frosty.

We were at 70.5 degrees,

and now we're at a whopping...

50 degrees. ...50 degrees!

Not bad for a few minutes' work.

That's a chilly beer.

We dropped the thing 20 degrees in a matter of seconds

with a simple can of compressed air.

Mission accomplished. What more do you need?

Let's move on to our second hack.

Let's!

George in Miami, Florida says...

Okay, that's got to feel great.

It's a wet sock.

Trick or treat? Here we go.

Whoo-oo-oo!

Turn on the table fan.

Whoa, oh-oh. Right.

I'm gonna guess that George has a lot of time on his hands,

so this is gonna take a little bit.

Big moment. Let's do a dunk-a-roo.

Mmm. Basically 3 degrees, Brooke.

Wow!

-Let's do the next hack. -Yep.

Carla writes...

"It does the job in only one minute"?

I've got some ice water right here.

-Okay. -You've got some salt.

Yep. The more, the merrier.

It should make everything nice and cool-like,

but it is gonna take a good minute and some mixing.

Go ahead. Pop 'em open.

Once again -- whoops. Here we go.

Tell me what we got.

Hoo, mama! Hey.

60 seconds later, we're down to 48 degrees.

-Really? -I did not expect that.

That's even colder than the compressed air.

Ooh, that's a good mother-frigging hack.

By the way, salt and ice --

hell of a lot cheaper than compressed air.

Yes.

If you want to take 60 seconds

and chill your beer by 20 degrees,

this is the hack for you.

So, cheers to you, salty ice-water bath hack.

Carla, you win our...

Both: ...Hack seal of approval!

Cheers, bud.

Oh, yeah. Bottoms up.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, it's so salty!

Okay. Yeah. Clean the rim.

Ugh!

♪♪

[ Zoom! ]

[ Film projector runs ]

Announcer:Glue! fixer of broken things.

Attacher of stuff to other stuff.

But did you know this sticky substance

is also a hack from history?

The stone age. 2.6 million years ago.

Neanderthals looked for a way to make stronger tools.

By heating birch bark over a fire,

they extract a tar-like substance

which they use to stick rocks to wood.

Thanks, sharpest tool in the shed.

But glue as we know it

didn't take hold until Egypt, 2000 bc.

Hoping to get more meat off the bone,

butchers boiled cattle skeletons after slaughter.

The result is a thick, white paste.

It tastes bad but is so adhesive

that woodworkers start using it to hack together furniture.

This chair is sturdy as an ox!

[ Laughs ] You have no idea.

Glue remains more or less unchanged

until world war ii.

American chemist Harry coover

sets out to invent a clear, scratch-proof substance

that can replace glass in rifle sights.

One day, while mixing chemicals,

he creates a resin that sticks to everything.

Super. Just super.

He traces the resin's adhesive properties

to a compound called cyanoacrylate,

and super glue is born!

So, here's to you, glue.

No matter what the future holds,

it will be held together by you.

And that's why you're a great hack from history.

Kevin: The party's only just begun, hackers.

Up next, hacks to prevent a birthday-candle blow-out.

Brooke: And we show you how to light up your dinnerware.

Let there be hacks!

Kevin: When "hack my life" returns.

Brooke: The following is a paid advertisement

for cold's gym smart bells.

Here's a cold, hard fact

for everyone paying for a gym membership --

you're not getting ripped, you're getting ripped off.

Quit being a dumbbell and start lifting these instead --

cold's gym smart bells.

They're free weights that are 100% free of charge.

Just fill two old milk jugs with water

and freeze for three hours.

Once your timer hits zero,

it's time for you to hit the weights.

♪♪

[Bleep] Are we done yet?

Go to your kitchen and make your own set

of cold's gym smart bells today!

♪♪

Hey there, friends. Welcome to let's make a thing,

where one man's trash is another man's treasure.

Let's see what we're working with today.

Oh, look at that.

It's some fine dinnerware

from a fancy, Swedish, prefab retailer.

Ike-an't remember the name right now, but it doesn't matter.

What matters is that these things are delightful.

In fact, today, they're gonna light up our lives,

because we are hacking them into a funky modern lamp.

So, here's what you need.

Well, first, you need a wooden salad bowl.

You need yourself a pendant kit and a light bulb.

So, let's make a thing!

Step one -- we're gonna have to drill

a hole in the bottom of our bowl,

and for that, we need a hole saw.

So, this is a regular old drill,

but it's got a hole-saw attachment.

It's an inch and three-quarters,

which is exactly the same size as our pendant kit.

We all know drilling can get dangerous.

Let's gear up.

♪♪

In we go.

♪♪

There we go. Beautiful.

So, I'm gonna pass the top of the pendant kit

right on through.

And then to make sure this stays in place while it's hanging,

we're gonna thread this bad boy on.

This already looks fantastic,

but I can't help but feel like I'm missing one small thing.

Oh!

The light bulb.

And...let there be hacks!

Ooh, you feel that on your face? That warm, Swedish glow.

I could bask in it for hours. But it's so hip.

That makes me want to hop on a fixie

and sprout a moustache and cold-brew some coffee.

And it saved so much money.

It just costs you a couple bucks and a few minutes of time,

and you can hack yourself an amazing lamp.

Project complete.

Now I got to go assemble a...Blarmfumf.

♪♪

[ Zoom! ]

[ Pop! Pop! ]

[ Pop! Pop! ]

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ happy birthday, dear kev ♪

[ Gasps ]

Brooke, the candles blew out.

Now what am I supposed to wish for?

I don't know -- maybe three hacks

so this tragedy will never happen again?

Actually, that's a great idea.

And this is a hack vs. Hack.

Today, we've got Justin, Patrick, and Ross,

who will be competing to deliver a bright

and glowing birthday cake to birthday boy here.

[ Party horn blows ]

So, honored guests, underneath this box

we have three very different hacks

that should help prevent candles from blowing out

before your cake reaches the birthday boy or girl.

Here they are!

Your first hack is a plate.

Hack number two is a portable fan.

Hack number three, your own body.

I'm talking about the backwards walk. Okay.

Block the air with your person, and you should be set.

Anyone immediately drawn to a hack?

-The fan, right off the bat. -A fan of the fan.

-A fan of the fan. -A fan of the fan.

Patrick, what's going on in there?

I think I got to go with the walk.

For a cake of this size, you need a bigger shield.

The plate -- too small.

Ross, how do you feel about the plate?

I mean, I would like to contest

and have the backwards walk for myself.

But I have a lot of years of waiting-tables experience,

so that might come into play.

All right, here's how this race is going down --

each of you will have one flaming cake,

which you have to navigate through our very challenging

and highly unrealistic birthday obstacle course.

At any point throughout this race,

if a candle goes out, you must stop, relight it,

and then continue with your journey.

-Are we clear? -Yes.

-Crystal clear? -Yes.

Crystal.

♪♪

Brooke: Everybody, on your Mark, get set, and...

[ Whistle blows ]

-All right, they're off. -Okay.

Going through the birthday present minefield there.

Oh, my god. With no problem is Justin.

Justin is just gliding through with his portable fan.

Hot-stepping his way.

I'm a little bit worried for Patrick.

I'm moonwalking.

The backwards walk is tough, Brooke.

He easily could trip on a dump truck or a scooter.

Justin is just cruising.

Oh, Ross -- Ross is making a go, here.

She's trying to cut on the inside.

The plate windshield doing a good job of blocking it.

-Watch out for the piñatas. -Yep.

We don't want to set one of those on fire.

Oh, no!

Oh, we got an extinguished candle.

Patrick is struggling. It seems like the backwards walk

just isn't blocking the air flow.

Meanwhile, Justin's mini fan is entering the wind tunnel.

Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Oh, my god.

It's still lit. It's still got life.

I am shocked at the effectiveness

of this fan, Brooke.

It's pushing all of that incoming air away.

-We got one down. -We got a candle down, here.

-Candle down. -Ohh!

Not quite big enough to block that wind.

Justin, coming through like a champ all-pro.

Just using that fan

to blow those balloons right out of his way.

I don't see a single candle out.

And coming across the finish line.

The fan wins. We have it.

That's a w right there.

Coming in for a strong second is Ross and her plastic plate.

Oh, I think the plate is melting.

-Yeah, that is absolutely toxic. -Oh, no.

Same old story -- Patrick's candles are out.

Patrick, stop ruining Kevin's birthday!

Let's go, Patrick!

This is embarrassing.

Brooke: Come on! All right.

Okay. Oh. Hey.

♪♪

Kevin: Well, we definitely had some mixed results.

Let's start with that melted plate.

It was sitting here for a length of time.

I think that the hack actually does work

with the realistic amount of time that someone would have.

Backwards walking --

we just threw that out the window.

I let you down, Kevin, on your birthday.

Kevin: Wow. Yeah, you absolutely did let me down.

We do have to declare a clear winner.

Mm-hmm. And, Justin, I'm a bigfan

[ ding! Ding! ]

Normally, we give a cash prize,

but today you just get to eat cake with Kevin.

Yeah!

Oh, it's got to Pierce through the wax.

That's a firm film on top of my birthday cake.

Delicious victory.

Justin: The wax is where you get the protein.

Brooke: Up next, see how easy it is

to beat the cable company at its own game.

-Ready to do this? -Bring it on.

Kevin: And never throw away booze again.

Salud!

The lazy cook rescues your stale vino

when hacky hour returns.

Brooke: The following is a paid advertisement

for the dyno-sphere 2.0.

Do you want to put a lunge and twist

on your regular workout?

Too bad you need a doctor's salary

to afford one of these.

They're called medicine balls for a reason.

Let me write you a prescription

for a new kind of workout.

Introducing the dyno-sphere 2.0.

The medicine-ball alternative

that big fitness doesn't want you to know about.

Just steal a kickball from a local elementary school

and poke a small hole in it.

Next, use a funnel to fill it with sand.

And finally, seal it all up with duct tape.

Now, you are ready to have a ball,

and you didn't even have to squat

and reach for your wallet.

Dyno-sphere 2.0.

Just put some sand in a kickball.

You know what? Almost everyone in america

has cable, including you --

you know, 'cause you're watching TV right now.

But cable bills can be pricy.

In fact, the average cable bill

has increased 40% in recent years.

Oh, no, that will not do.

So today, we're gonna show you how to save a couple bucks

by cutting down your cable bill.

This is "gaming the system."

Today, we're gonna show you how to lower your cable bill

by as much as $500 a year,

all by successfully navigating the customer-service system.

Now, what you're about to see is a re-enactment

based on a phone call from one of our producers

to their actual cable company.

I'll be playing the esteemed role of cable-company rep,

following the script provided in my trusty binder,

which mimics the script actual cable-company reps use.

And I will be playing the role that I was born to play --

a disgruntled cable customer looking to get

at least 10% knocked off my monthly cable bill.

And rather than a script, I've just got

a customer cheat sheet.

Ready to do this?

Bring it on.

♪♪

Hello. Thank you for calling timecast cable.

Who do I have the pleasure of speaking with today?

I don't know if this is gonna be a pleasurable experience

for you, sweetheart,

but this is television's Kevin pereira.

Pleasure.

How may I assist you today?

Hack number one -- do not be afraid to drop the c-bomb --

cancel.

'Cause if they know you want to cancel your service,

they're gonna send you right to the retention department,

and those are the people with any power.

Well, I was looking over my bill,

and it's almost doubled in this last month.

I was paying $79.99.

This month, jumped way up to 160 bucks.

I'm afraid I'm gonna have to cancel my service.

Yeah, I see that you were on a year-long promotion

that expired last month.

All right, I didn't realize it was a year-long promotion,

so is there any way I can keep the old rate?

Well, Mr. Pereira, unfortunately,

that is the plan you signed up for, [bleep]

I'm sorry? If you would like to lower your rate,

I could switch you over to our standard package of channels.

Hack number two -- do your homework.

When you bring up the competition,

you let the retentions agent know two things --

one, that you're serious about saving money,

and, two, you still want to keep cable service.

I really don't want to lose any channels.

Thing is, I've got some offers

from some different companies in the area.

So I feel like the smart thing would be to just --

yeah, I'm gonna have to go ahead with that cancelation,

there, Brooke. How do you feel about that?

Okay. Well, Mr. Pereira, I can't speak to other companies,

but I can offer six free months of premium movie channels

in addition to your current package.

I got to tell you -- I appreciate the offer,

and I would love to have those channels,

but here's the thing...

Hack number three -- when all else fails,

just say you simply can't afford it.

There's nothing you could do.

I can't afford it.

Okay. I'm sorry to hear that, sir.

I'll just check a couple of things with my manager.

Would that be okay for you, Mr. Pereira?

Sure. Anything would be great because I can't afford it.

I'm sorry to say it. I can't afford it.

Okay. Wonderful. Well, I'm just gonna put you on hold again.

Thank you.

I can't afford it.

Mr. Pereira, I apologize for the wait.

Get ready.

I spoke with my manager, and today I've been authorized

to offer you a rate reduction on your current plan

to $69.99 per month for the entire year,

including the service upgrade to our premium movie package,

which we do not do for everybody, sir.

So that's $10 a month less

than what I'm paying for now, for more channels?

Sir, you are right as rain.

[ Scoffs ]

♪♪

That's it, friends. It really worked.

I mean, yes, our re-enactment was a little silly,

but our producer used these hacks

and walked away like a champion.

Let's not forget the final hack -- Patience.

Our producer was actually on the call for over an hour,

but it seems to be worth it.

I actually can't wait to check out all the sweet new channels.

In fact, I'm gonna call all my friends over right now.

The phone's not plugged in, hon.

Jared. What's up, buddy? Want to come watch "taken" again?

It's not plugged in, Kevin.

♪♪

♪♪

[ Crash! ]

[ Sniffs ] Ugh!

If you're as lazy as I am, there's a good chance

you've ruined your fair share of red wine

by passing out before you can put the cork back in the bottle.

Luckily, all you need to hack yesterday's stale wine

into today's sangria is an ice-cube tray.

[Laughter

so, come on, everybody, it's 5:00 somewhere.

All you need to get started is aforementioned stale wine.

You'll need a pitcher, berries of your choice,

some sugar, and some ice-cube trays.

Pour about 1/3 of a cup of sugar into the pitcher,

drop some berries into your sugar down here,

and you're just gonna smash everything up into small pieces.

Ooh!

These berries are as smashed as you're gonna be.

[Laughter

once the berries are good and muddled,

pour in that bottle of red wine.

Salud!

The berries and sugar will mask

any of the tainted, stale-wine taste.

Ah. It smells like a problem.

Last up, we're just gonna pour this into our ice-cube tray.

There we go.

No boozy fruit left behind.

All right, now I'm just gonna pop this in the freezer.

If you'd like to make a single serving,

you just need one ice cube per glass.

But I'm gonna make a serving for multiple people.

[ Ting! ]

Once you've got your ice cubes in the pitcher,

mix it up like a traditional sangria.

Little splash of Brandy and some o.J.

This hack is perfect for a party

because you can make it ahead of time

and the ice cubes will melt as the guests arrive.

Give your concoction a stir, and it's go time, baby.

Ahh!

Well, it's time to get this party started.

Cheers! Yeah. Who needs a glass?

Kevin: Coming up...

-Oh! -There you go.

...a rocket scientist makes my fiery dreams come true...

Boom.

...when the "hack" blasts back.

♪♪

Growing up, I loved Sci-Fi movies,

'cause I just loved the promise

that, in the future, I was gonna have a laser blaster.

But it's the future now,

and I don't have a frigging laser blaster.

But I got me an engineer,

and he's gonna teach us how to build one.

It's safe and legal. Don't worry.

-Uh, I don't know about safe. -No, no, nope!

This is "hack masters."

This is kosta grammatis, and he is an engineer

because it says so somewhere on the screen.

That makes it official.

So, you were hacking at a young age,

just out of curiosity? Absolutely.

Okay, and that snowballed, somehow,

into a career where you ended up working at SpaceX?

How the hell does that happen?

After a lifetime of hacking, people start to notice.

And they're like, "wow. Come hack for us."

And I've worked in everything,

from building bionic eyes for cyborgs

to telecommunications for developing countries.

Kosta, how are we gonna make a laser blaster?

It's actually surprisingly easy.

A little-known secret -- inside this blu-ray burner

is a high-powered laser

that has the power to set things on fire.

That's terrifying. So, let's get inside this bad boy.

First step, basic disassembly. There we go.

So, we're inside. Okay.

This is like a Roomba's reproductive system.

I have no idea where or how it goes.

Inside are all the optics that write onto the DVD drive.

There we go. So, these are the optics,

and inside -- you can see it right here --

is the diode.

Oop. There we go.

There's your laser. That's it?

That's the laser? That's the laser.

This teeny-tiny little piece that you just pulled off?

Yep.

This is the guy that's gonna spit out a frigging laser beam

for our blaster that's powerful enough

to potentially start fires? Yep.

So, now we got to connect the laser diode

to the power supply.

And what this does is it controls the current

that goes into that laser. Okay.

And you didn't pull this out of the blu-ray drive.

This is something that you just get online?

Yep. We'll wire it up.

♪♪

And then, we hit "on." [ Imitates explosion ]

This is already impressive and interesting.

This doesn't scream "laser blaster" to me.

I agree with you 100%. What we need is a blaster.

Yes! Please!

I've got two diabolical laser blasters

that I built just for us.

And we took out the guts and we rewired it

to have all those components in there.

These are dangerous.

And we have some specialty-made goggles

that are designed

to block this specific wavelength of light.

We got to put these on before we do anything

with these lasers.

Hack. Master.

Okay. It's on.

Now -- now hold it steady.

There. It's smoking. There you go.

Whoo! Happy birthday, mom!

Ha ha ha! I told you not to kick me out of the house!

Don't cross the streams. See what happens.

Oh, yeah. That is toasty.

This'll get you kicked out of the boy scouts.

Absolutely.

What you got?!

There you go.

Oh-ho-ho! That is satisfyingly dangerous!

♪♪

Every good Sci-Fi hero did an under-the-leg balloon-pop shot.

Boom. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Blat! Mission accomplished.

[ Blows ]

Childhood dreams -- realized.

Local authorities -- terrified.

But, hey, that doesn't mean anything.

You're still a hack master.

Thank you for making me a laser blaster.

-Pleasure. -Can we take these outside now?

-Yes. -Okay, great.

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