All language subtitles for Hack My Life s02e15 Dr Hack Is Back.eng

Kevin: On a shocking episode
of "Dr. Hack"...

-What do we have?
-Non-lethal spider bite.

It's very sore and itchy.

Aha!

Nurse.

Water.

Clear!

Oh. The pain's gone!

The battery current De-natured
the bite's venom,

neutralizing the pain.

But some pain
can never be neutralized.

Dr. Love!
What are you doing here?

They transferred me
from county.

The only doctor
we need from county

is one who can mend
a broken heart.

Kevin: Will Dr. Love
ever be forgiven?

Find out on the next "Dr. Hack."

Tonight on "hack my life"...

-Let's get to hacking!
-All right.

Yeah!
[ Baby crying ]

Brooke: Don't cry.

We've got baby-toting hacks
for hands-off dads.

Brooke: Here he goes.

Kevin: Down the slide.
Oh, he's crowning.

Kevin: Plus, raw and unfiltered
coffee hacks.

Aah!

Brooke: Home hacks to impress
your special lady friend.

Bob.

Kevin: And a self-tanning hack
that tastes as good as it looks.

Yeah,
it's got body lotion in it.

I don't know
why you would...

Brooke: Smile.
This is "hack my life."

Mm!

Is it possible
to achieve a gorgeous glow

without having to fry
under a sun

or ever step foot
in a tanning bed?

Today we're testing
a chocolaty hack

that could give you
that sun-kissed look

without the skin damage.

This is hack or wack?

Now, I know
what you're thinking.

"Kevin, you're
a beautiful bronze god.

You don't need a fake tan."

And you're right, mom.
Thank you for watching.

That's why I've got
Daniel and Ryan here

to help me
with this hack or wack?

Daniel, just couldn't help
but notice you are tan.

Yeah, thank you.

Now, your friend Ryan,
you're not so big on tanning,

'cause you and I
are very --

yeah, we're pasty white,

and I try to get
to his bronzeness,

but I was overdoing it,
just getting really red.

Well, Ryan, today
we're gonna try a hack

to get you
as tan as Daniel,

and then we'll compare
your hacked tan

to the real thing.

I have the hack ingredients
right here.

Cocoa powder
and body lotion.

-That should work.
-That's a tan.

-Yeah, I guess.
-Daniel's very confident.

He's all for it
'cause he's not putting it on.

Right.
You add 1/4 cup of cocoa powder,

and with a little bit
of moisturizer.

Mix it up.

The resulting consistency should
resemble, like, a cake batter

or maybe like a frosting.

Oh, but you shouldn't
taste it.

Yeah, you shouldn't --
it's got body lotion in it.

I don't know
why you would...

Well, it's time for my favorite
part of any hack.

Gentlemen,
take your shirts off.

♪♪

It's actually kind of working,
I think.

This is really nice.

This looks like you got
elbow deep in jabba the hutt.

It looks pretty natural.

Yeah, I mean, this is great.

Can't tell at all that
there's anything on your skin.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!

Hungry?
Some chocolate?

[ Click ticking ]

Okay.
So, it's been about 10 minutes.

That is absolutely
a darker shade.

Yeah.

Daniel,
we'll start with you.

Do you think
this is hack or wack?

Looks pretty wack.

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

[ Buzzer ]

Folks at home,
if you want a hacked tan,

stay out of the pantry
and go into the sun.

This is absolutely wack.

This is "oh,
I didn't read the manual

on how to clean
the septic tank" bad.

You look just, like,
covered and caked in [bleep]

♪♪

[ Sizzling ]

[ Squeak! Squeak! ]

Oh.
God, it's broken again.

Crap! You know what happens
if I don't get caffeine, Kevin.

[ Deep voice ]
It gets weird.

Okay, I know, I know.

We don't have to let all
of america know, though, okay?

'Cause today
we've got hacks

that'll get you your precious
brew without needing a machine.

This is
tumblr's hack mail.

-Let's get to hacking!
-All right.

Our first hack comes
from Kristin in California.

So, the first step is we need
to steep our coffee grounds.

Now we have to actually make
our "French press."

So, we're just gonna poke some
holes into the bottom of a cup

with a pen or a paperclip,
whatever you have.

Look at these filters.
Look at how perfect these are.

Ooh!

Oh, I got some coffee
filtering on through.

I'm gonna be honest.

I got some coffeegrounds
filtering on through. Same. I know.

There are some grounds
down there.

Not a ton.

Yeah, I'd drink that.

Looks like it's got
a little body to it.

Tastes like a cup of coffee.
It's not amazing,

but the actual end product
is pretty okay.

Our next hack comes to us
from Camille in south Carolina.

Camille writes...

Wow.

This is also known
as "cowboy coffee."

Whoo!
It's the kind of coffee you make

I'm getting hints
of burnt ramen.

Did we clean this thing
before we heated it up?

I feel like
a lifetime has passed,

but it's only been
three minutes.

-Should we pour this?
-Let's pour it.

Avoid the grit.

A lot of grit already
floating up to the top here.

Ahh.

If you were
really desperate,

I can completely see
how this is a hack.

It is technically
a cup of coffee.

Why am I
still drinking it?

Our last hack comes
from Jamie in Kansas City.

Jamie writes...

Best cup of Joe
I ever hacked.

All right, here you go.

Okay.
Cinch up the filter.

Tie it off nice and tight.

The amount of time
that you let it steep,

that's going to affect
the drink,

so I think, what, two to three
minutes is pretty much average.

Sure.
If you want to let it go five to seven,

could really
hate yourself.

This cup of coffee
is not as strong

because the other ones

were just grounds straight
into hot water, but --

the tradeoff
of oil and body

versus coffee grounds
in your teeth...

Oh, yeah.
...Might be worth it in this case.

So, let's run down
these tumblr hacks here,

because we had
three really distinct

but really effective hacks.

Look, we ended up with a cup
of coffee at the end of each.

We started
with a hacked French press.

It was really hot, sloppy,
it got everywhere.

You just described
prom night.

I know.

Next up, we made
some cowboy coffee!

If I'm camping, I would do that,
but I hate camping.

Which brings me
to our third and final hack --

the coffee filter satchel.

It was easy, clean,
and look, coffee.

Yeah.
No grounds.

I think it's
an incredibly viable hack.

Congratulations, Jamie.

Your coffee "tea bag"
gets our...

Both: Hack seal of approval!

So, if you're watching this
and thinking,

"man, I would love my hacks
to be on the show,"

well, stop dreaming and just go
to hackmylifetrutv.Tumblr.Com

and send us your hacks today.

Uh, kev, I think you got
something in your teeth.

Huh?

Brooke: Up next, broke ass Bob

shows you how to put
the shabby into chic.

Kevin: And Brooke reveals a hack

the pringles people
don't want you to know.

Chips in a microwave?

That is the sound of success.

Kevin: Bet you can't hack
just one when we return.

♪♪

Kevin: On the next hair-raising
chapter of "Dr. Hack"...

-Jack.
-Not here, not now.

-Then when?
-You know when.

-Do I?
-Don't you?

Help!
I cut myself shaving!

There's so much blood.
Am I gonna die?

It's superficial.
You'll be fine.

It just needs some...

Both: Ground black pepper.

It's a natural coagulant.

Hurry! Everything's starting
to get dark.

Supply closet!

-No pepper.
-None here.

-Damn!
-Oh! I found lip balm.

That will also stop
the bleeding.

Well done, Dr. Love.

No. No.

Tell me you know
another way out.

Damn it, man, I'm a doc-Tor,
not a door-doc.

Man: Help!
There's so much blood!

Kevin: Will Dr. Hack
and Dr. Love ever escape?

Find out
on the next "Dr. Hack."

♪♪

[ Clattering ]

Oh, hey there, couch potatoes.

You hankering for a salty snack?

Yeah. Me, too.

Good news is all you need is
a few minutes and a microwave

to hack some potatoes
into chips.

Yes! All right,
let's get hacking, people.

So, I'm gonna use a nice,
everyday vegetable peeler,

and we're just
gonna go around the potato

to make little thin chips.

After you do that,

just plop the slices
in a bowl of cold water.

Once your potatoes are sliced,
we want to pat dry

because they'll get crispier
the drier they are.

♪♪

I'm gonna spray the plate
with a layer of olive oil.

Olive oil's heart healthy.

Put your potato slices
on the olive oil plate,

and you don't want them
touching one another

so they cook through
and they cook faster.

Ugh! Health.

You want to season them
to make them fancy? Fine.

I'm gonna go the route
that I'm most comfortable with,

which is...

Takeout salt and pepper packets.

And you thought
I was never gonna use these.

You're gonna want to zap them

for anywhere
from three to five minutes.

You're going to turn
into beautiful crispy chips

in no time.

What's that, you say?

Chips in a microwave?

Okay.
Some shrinkage occurred.

Oh, my god,
these chips look so good.

Oh, these are --
wait, I'm gonna...

[ Crunching ]

You hear that, guys?

That is the sound of success.

That's really good.

♪♪

This is Bob.

He may not look like much,

but back in the day,
Bob had some big dumb dreams

which didn't quite work out.

Now Bob's a broke ass,

and he needs every hack
in the book to survive.

This is broke ass Bob's
guide to moving in together.

You see?

This orange cat hates mondays,
but he loves lasagna.

[ Sighs ]
Bob, we need to talk.

Since we've been spending
so much time together,

maybe it makes sense
if...I move in.

Whoa!
Slow your roll there, chief.

You've only got 50 bucks
to your name.

You can't afford to hire movers,
redecorate,

and shell out
for stylish new furniture.

No way.

Please? For me?

Actually, save a lot
of money on rent.

And I love you, too.

Okay, let's do it.

Great!

Oh, can't wait to see
howthis

time to turn
this broke-ass batch pad

into some place a woman
would actually want to live.

Which means storage space
for all her stuff.

With a couple of ladders
and some leftover wood,

you've got everything you need

to hack a bookshelf fit
for a broke ass.

Pays to be a hoarder, huh, Bob?

You know, in Brooklyn,

someone would pay $4,000
for this.

Your business sense
is astonishing.

♪♪

Whoa, careful there,
twinkle toes.

You better do something
about all those shoes,

or you could have a lawsuit
on your hands.

To tidy up his new roomie's
shoe collection,

Bob hacks a rack
with an old cardboard box,

some colored duct tape,
and a whole lot of love.

'Cause love is free.

True, but love
isn't load bearing,

so don't be stingy
with the tape, Bob.

That shoe rack is looking good,

but it'll take more than that
to impress your Princess.

Oh, more trash. Perfect.

Just pop the legs
off that old chair,

dab on some glue,
top with a suitcase,

and you just nickel and dimed
a nightstand

for your lucky lady.

Time to tackle
that disaster of a bed.

This isnot
where the magic happens.

Hey!

To make that bed
more lady friendly,

all you need is a hula hoop
and a bed sheet,

and you've hacked yourself
a draping canopy on the cheap.

Bob,
you did all of this for me?

-Yeah.
-I can't believe it.

You really went for broke
on this one.

No. I really didn't.

Who knows
what she sees in you, Bob,

but it's clear that
you saved a ton of money.

With your shabby hacks,

you only spent 36 bucks
turning this pad into a palace.

That's savings

you can put toward
all the back rent you owe.

I'm just wondering,
now that we live together,

can you start paying for half
the streaming accounts?

Kevin: Coming up...

We push personal hygiene hacks
to the Max.

Yeah!

And three dads compete

to see who can provide
the most child support...

You got to
shut that baby up.

...when the hack crawls back.

Kevin: On the breathtaking
finale of "Dr. Hack"...

Help us, please!

This day
couldn't get any worse.

[ Hiccuping ]

Oh. I get the hiccups
when I get stressed out.

I remember, Dr. Love.
Here.

Sucking water
through a paper towel

forces the diaphragm

to counteract
its own muscle spasms.

It worked.

You always were so smart,
Dr. Jack hack.

♪♪

Three in one day,
Dr. Hack?

That must be a record.

♪♪

Gentlemen, welcome
to the daddy dash 500!

-Whoo!
-Yes!

This is
a competition so fierce,

we had to leave
the baby mamas at home.

That's...

-Sexist, right?
I just realized that.

Anyway, you three dads
will be competing

to find out which hacked
baby carrier is most effective

for transporting your kiddos
on the cheap.

Dads! Dads! Dads! Dads!
I know what you're thinking,

and yes, this is
a metropcs hack vs. Hack!

To help us test
these hacks,

we've enlisted the help
of three dads.

Yeah!

So, in terms of mobility
with your kids,

what's
your preferred method?

We have a young child.

You know, say you're cooking,
you're making coffee.

It's much easier if they can
be kind of strapped to you.

You want to be hands-free when
you're carrying around the kid.

-Of course.
-Yes.

Well, luckily for us,

you've each brought
a baby-carrying hack with you,

which will be tested
under the extreme conditions

of our death-defying
dad-stacle course.

For our babies today,
we're actually using

the most advanced
baby simulators you can find.

They will whine and cry
just like an actual child

if you fail to support
their neck.

[ Baby crying ]
Wow.

That is --
that's a thing that happens.

As you're running the course,
if you upset them,

you've got to stop,
tend to their needs,

and then you can resume
your race.

All right, gentlemen,
let's prepare these hacks

and get ready
for the daddy dash 500.

Yeah!

Brooke: First up is Steve.

This is
the t-shirt method.

Brooke:
He's cutting across the shirts

right under the arms

so he's left
with three bands of fabric.

Okay, so you've got one
across each shoulder.

Kind of fits in there
like that.

Bring the little yellow guy
up here.

Wow.

Oh, not jostling around
at all.

It's real snug.
Oh, some wind sprints.

Brooke: Next we've got Johnny,

who's hacking a sling
with a bed sheet.

Kevin: To build his sling,
he's taking one end,

threading it up and over
to make a loop,

and then pulling the end
of that sheet through the loop

to make a slipknot.

So, you put Ruby sunshine
into the sling.

Okay.

And then you can tighten it at
the knot right here like a tie.

This isn't only a hack,
it's the best hack.

Brooke: Finally,

Nick is building
his backpack baby carrier.

Kevin: Looks like he's
cutting holes in the sides

for the baby's
legs to go through.

And now he's using
the straps on the backpack

to clip the baby in

and make sure
she stays good and secure.

Can you give her
a little shake?

Oh, that's really snug.

She's good to go.

-Are you ready?
-I'm ready!

-Sling on you!
-Three, two, one.

[ Whistle blows ]

Kevin: Time has started.
Whoa, wasting no time.

Already at the slide.
Adjusting the bag.

Popping out just like
his young child did.

Oh, he's crowning!

[ Baby crying ]

Oh, and Johnny's baby
is already crying.

He's got to stop and console
that baby.

But look
at those hips sway.

Steve's at the coffee
filling up.

No lid.

I don't know if that's
actually a smart idea,

but the baby
is quiet so far.

♪♪

Now it's time for
the baby diaper changing.

This is one of
those parts on the course

that could really slow
some dads down

because some hacks
are more difficult

to get your children in
and out of, and there we go.

That's an upset baby!

He will have to hold
for that baby.

[ Baby crying ]

Aah!

You got to
shut that baby up.

On the other hand,
Steve slides his cyborg baby

right out of
that comfy t-shirt sling

with no problems.

He's blazing through
this course.

He's up.
He is going across the bridge.

Very close.
This is the last bit here.

Down the slide.
2 minutes and 57 seconds.

Steve, excellent run.

And Nick finishes with
a semi-respectable time

of 3 minutes
and 25 seconds.

Johnny going over the bridge.
Oh, he's heading back down.

Oh, no!
We got a coffee spill.

The baby's
out of his sheet!

Ah, Johnny, are you okay?

I'm fine.

That's it. We're calling
the course right there.

3 minutes, 48 seconds.

Oh, man,
what happened, Johnny?

Well, I got caught up
in the moment.

Did the leap.
The hack didn't perform well.

It's what happens when pigs fly.
They fall hard.

They never talk about
the landings, do they?

-They do not.
-Here's the thing.

If we're running down the hacks
in this hack vs. Hack,

I think the backpack
was incredibly effective

until it came to loading
and unloading the child.

Yeah, that was a little tricky
'cause I think one of her feet

got snagged at the bottom
of the backpack.

Steve, what about your hack?
That baby didn't make a sound.

I feel like this is
one of the better hacks

because the baby's
kind of really supported,

really comfortable,
kind of warm.

Actually, I would
totally use this. No joke.

Kevin: Congratulations, Steve.
You have it all figured out.

Three t-shirts
are the smart choice.

Slip them around your person,
and you're good to go.

Hands-free all day.

Up next, the maxi pad
spreads its wings.

See how it can be used
any time of the month

when the hack comes back.

♪♪

Kevin: The hack mvp.

A heisman for the household.

Today, we honor an item

that's always going
with the flow --

the maxi pad.

Need to play
a little "d" against light

during your disco nap?

Tie a string around a maxi pad,

and you've got yourself
a cozy sleep mask.

Maxi pad 1, restlessness 0.

Breaking in new shoes
forcing you to take a timeout?

Turn a thin maxi pad
into a shoe insert,

and you'll be back in the game
in no time.

Do you suffer from sweat head?

Stick a maxi pad to the front
of your bike helmet,

and soon
you'll be switching gears

from hot mess
to cool and dry.

Let's see that again
in instant replay.

Tackling a monster mess?

Reach for the maxi pad --

the ultimate masculine
hygiene napkin.

Plus, maxi pads can also provide
amazing insulation

for your game-day brew.

Fans might keep you cool,
but cleaning them sure isn't.

Attach a pad
to the end of a broomstick

and take a hack
at all that dust.

Come up lame
with a gruesome leg injury

miles away from
the nearest trainer's room?

Don't rub dirt in it.

Slap on a maxi pad,

and you'll be back
on the field in no time.

Congratulations, maxi pads.

You play the game the right way,

no matter what
time of the month it is.

And for that, we appoint you
this week's hack mvp.

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