Original subtitles

Kevin: On the next gripping episode of "Dr. Hack"...

Hello, there.

You must be Dr. Hack.

And you must be...

Nausea, too much birthday cake.

I'm not proud of myself,

but I knew if anyone could help, it'd be you.

Take my hand.

♪♪

I feel better already.

You really do have the touch.

That's because I'm applying that touch here,

between the two tendons in your wrist.

It's an acupressure point

that relieves nausea and anxiety.

[ Ding! ]

Are there any acupressure points

on my thigh?

No. None.

"Dr. Hack" -- the pressure is on.

Coming up on "hack my life"...

No! Yes!

[ Chuckles ] Oh!

Kevin: ...We've got hacks to make packing even more fun.

Ohh!

Brooke: Plus, we dine deep under cover

to show you how to score free food

by gaming the system.

Sorry about the douche bag in your section.

Kevin: And learn how to hold more booze than you ever thought possible.

-Bottoms up. -Aah!

Aah! Aah!

Brooke: This is "hack my life."

Hey, kev. Beer me, bro.

Okay, bro. Come on. I'm gonna knock back some suds.

"Bro" Van poppelen. [ Laughs ]

I can't. It's not happening.

Ugh.

Ever wish you had an extra set of hands?

Today, we are trying out some hacks

to help you carry a little bit more.

In today's tumblr's hack mail.

My drinking buddy and I, well,

we're testing out your hacks

for carrying multiple adult beverages

at the same time. Right you are.

Now, the hack that allows us

to carry the most drinks with the least amount of effort

will be awarded our...

Hack seal of approval. Hack seal of approval.

Our first hack comes from Taylor in Boise, Idaho.

Taylor writes, "when I was in college,

my friend and I would use coasters to make beer towers.

Cover the top of your first cup with a coaster,

and then start stacking more cups on top.

By senior year,

we were carrying 10 cups at once.

Wow. Sounds like you developed a problem.

All right, I'm just assuming he meant this.

Yeah. You put one on top.

-Seems good. -All right, all right.

All right.

There we go.

I mean, I just think maybe the pressure behind it --

yeah, not a problem. Let's do six.

-Get -- get out of -- -no, don't you want some beer?

You're not thirsty? Want a beer, bro?

No, wait, don't put it on while it's mobile.

We're not doing a mid-air refueling.

-We're doing fine. -I'm not an f-16.

Aah, aah, aah!

Yahtzee!

Okay. Next hack.

Billy writes, "grab your first cup

in between your thumb and index finger,

your second cup between your middle finger and pinky,

and final cup in the palm of your hand.

All right, classic bartender move.

Step one, turn your palm out like so.

And then you cradle one beer between these fingers,

another between your -- you kind of make a claw.

-Okay, yeah. -Like a cradle claw.

And then you should be able

to balance a third drink on your palm.

Ah! See? There you go.

Well, hello, world.

-That's pretty solid. -It's pretty solid.

All right, let's move on to our third and final hack.

Joanne writes, "whenever I go to my kid's soccer games,

I like to have a bunch of drinks on hand.

So I decided to string several beer koozies onto a belt.

This way, I'm always locked and loaded with drinks."

All right, joanne.

[ Ta-da! ]

You got it.

As you can see, she's taken beer koozies,

cut two slits in the back,

and then slipped a belt right on through.

-Yeah. -So let's strap this around.

Okay, I got you. Suck it in.

Oh, yeah, like a boozy corset.

You are locked and loaded.

I'm locked, but I ain't yet loaded, milady.

-Oh, you're so right. -You know what I'm saying?

So, now I'm gonna jam 'em into my koozies.

I just need you to put your arm up...

-Stuff that kooz! -...So we can get this one on.

Yeah, just jam it on.

[ Chuckles ] Sweet gold in my kooz.

-Whoo, mama! -That hurt.

Using two hands?

Yeah, do it. [ Laughs ]

Look me in the eye.

Look me in the eye. Yeah.

Whose mom does this?!

[ Laughs ]

-Oh, my god. -Whoo!

-Oh, man. -I'm loving it.

Well, when did you lose custody there, joanne?

[ Laughs ]

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

Hands-free.

And look at this mobility. It kind of works.

It totally works.

Look at this!

Why are we even talking anymore?!

-Clean sweep. -I know a seal when I see it!

Let's make it official!

Girl, you get our...

Hack seal of approval! Hack seal of approval!

If you guys have crazy ideas like this and want to submit,

you can go to hackmylifetrutv.Tumblr.Com

and submit today.

♪♪

[ Sparkle! ]

Brooke: This is Bob.

He may not look like much,

but back in the day, Bob had some big, dumb dreams

which didn't quite work out.

Now Bob's a broke ass,

and he needs every hack in the book to survive.

This is broke ass Bob's guide to date night.

[ Cellphone rings ]

Hello? Hey, you.

You want to get together tonight?

Maybe go for a walk?

Oh, let's go to that new French restaurant downtown.

Is she nuts?

Doesn't she know you're a broke ass?

Last I checked, you only had $20 in the bank, dude.

You cannot afford to drop 100 bucks

on some fancy date

with expensive food, overpriced wine, and flan.

Flan!

They always order the flan!

What if you come over

and I make you a nice dinner tonight instead?

Great.

Oh, can't wait to see howthis

all right, let's start by picking out a shirt for you.

Oh, Bob, did you fall asleep with a box of wine again?

Look at those stains!

They're barely noticeable!

A woman always notices, Bob.

If you're not gonna throw it out,

at least try to clean up that shirt.

[ Cash register dings ]

Or, sure, just dye the damn thing instead.

Chop up some beets.

A little hot water.

That two-toned shirt, and 20 minutes later,

who's that handsome devil in red?

Oh, it's just you, Bob.

Now that we've zazzed up your gross shirt,

what can we do about those baggy blue jeans?

[ Snaps fingers ] Maybe there's some junk

in those cabinets behind you.

Ah, bungee cords. Of course.

These chips went bad a year ago, anyway.

What a dreamboat.

And ladies, get this --

[ singsong voice ] He's single!

[ Creak! Bang! ]

Aah!

[ Doorbell rings ]

Hi.

Por vous, madame.

I like your suspenders.

For the record, we told her to say that.

Sorry, Bob.

To set the mood,

Bob does what any gentleman would do.

He cuts the cheese.

All it takes are some cheese rinds and string,

some heat, a dash of vanilla,

and a really, really sweet date.

Mmm. That smells good.

Where'd you get those at?

The dairy section!

Okay, Romeo.

Isn't it about time you started making

that dinner you promised?

Hey, why don't you gaze at the moonlight

while I prepare you a secret brocasa family recipe?

Yes, chef!

Quick, while she isn't looking.

Time to turn that cold pizza

into the first hot meal you've had in months.

A dollop of ricotta,

touch of tomato, and a mound of mozzarella.

And you, my cheapo friend,

just hacked yourself a lasagna without spending a dime.

Mmm. This looks delish.

I can't believe you pulled it off, Bob.

I think she might actually be into you.

The best part is this old pizza didn't go to waste!

What? What?

Nothing.

Looks like being a cheap date actually paid off.

With your frugal hacks,

tonight cost you less than 10 bucks,

which means you've still got money in the bank

for next time.

Way to go, bobbo.

How about another date?

Yes.

And next time, it's on me.

Marry this one. Okay, Bob?

Kevin: Keep watching, hackers.

-Whoo! -Up next,

an ice-cold hack that Sushi chefs

don't want you to know about.

Thanks, buddy!

Brooke: Then, cheap ways to protect your expensive crap.

Aah!

[ Object shatters ]

I heard a little rattlin' from up here.

It's all going down when the "hack" comes back.

♪♪

Ah, moving.

It's one of life's great pleasures.

You know, like parking tickets

or getting kicked in the soft bits.

But what do you do when you're out of fancy packing materials?

We're gonna find out right now.

It's a metropcs hack vs. Hack.

Today's hack vs. Hack,

it's all about unconventional packing materials.

So to help, we got three professional movers.

It's Brandon, Steve, and Ethan.

Gentlemen, welcome.

Ready to see what you're working with?

[ Drumroll ]

-Whoa. -[ Laughs ]

-Okay. Okay. -Okay.

So, instead of bubble wrap, we have inflated plastic bags,

and instead of packing peanuts, we've got cheesy puffs.

And instead of crumpled-up newspaper, we have diapers.

Choose wisely, because this isn't a typical moving job.

You're gonna pack seven plates into a box,

which I will then drop from this scissor lift.

And whoever has the least-shattered plates

will be declared our winner.

Brandon, you're my favorite.

-I'm gonna let you pick first. -Cheesy puffs.

-Ah! -Why the cheese puffs?

It looks like they have more cushion,

and they can absorb the shock.

Ethan, you're next.

I think I'll have to go with the plastic bag.

You don't think it's gonna pop right away?

No, I think the seal there will keep.

Steve, by process of elimination,

you get some baby diapers.

♪♪

All right, let's do it.

What's the strategy here, Brandon?

I'm do about like four to five hard chips in between each plate.

To get an equivalent amount of packing peanuts,

you could spend 4 or 5 bucks.

This... It's only $1.

Diapers. Talk to me, Steve.

Steve: So I got the elastic here,

and it wraps around. Oh, look at that.

It's almost like... Nice and secure.

Yeah, I feel like I'm the front-runner now.

Ethan, how we doing?

Uh, okay.

So, this hack is a substitute for bubble wrap.

Are these, like, half inflated?

I think the fact that they're less filled,

less likely to burst.

But I think they'll be okay.

Kevin: All right, guys. Seal up your boxes.

I'm taking them on the lift.

Gentlemen, good luck.

I'll see you in 20 feet.

[ Dramatic music plays ] [ Lift beeping ]

[ Music stops ] Can I just get...

Oh.

[ Music resumes ] [ Lift beeping ]

All right, we're gonna start off with Brandon's cheesy-puff box.

Together: Three, two, one.

Aah!

[ Object shatters ] Ohh.

-[ Chuckles ] Ooh! -Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

I heard a little rattlin' from up here.

I think all seven plates are fine.

-Steve. -Okay.

Godspeed to you and your pampers.

Together: Three, two, one.

Aah!

Oh! That sounded really good.

I did not hear a single plate rattle there.

One more hack to go.

Ethan, how many plates are gonna remain?

I'll say four.

And how confident are you in your answer, Ethan?

I'll say three, actually.

Yep. [ Laughs ]

Hah!

[ Object shatters ]

Ooh! Ow.

Ethan: Not necessarily any worse than the cheese puffs.

It certainly wasn't better.

[ Plates rattle ]

-Ohh. -That was telling.

Shall we? Let's do it.

Let's see how many plates your hacks saved.

[ Suspenseful music plays ]

Not too bad. That's one, buddy.

-Plate number two. -Oh.

Okay, not too shabby.

Okay, let me just dig through these cheesy poofs here.

This could be a -- this could --

ah. Sorry, Brandon.

Okay, I've got some unexploded plastic bags.

-That's a good sign. -Yeah.

And look at this.

Right away, no time finding plate number one.

Oh, big plate number -- ooh.

That's not good.

Well, maybe there's something under these bags.

Wait, wait a second.

Oh, we might have a survivor here.

I'm calling that a second plate.

-[ Laughing ] What?! -That is two plates.

-Somehow. -What?!

Those diapers sounded real good.

Steve: I'm thinking I may have all of them intact.

♪♪

Searching away, searching away.

No! Yes!

-[ Chuckling ] Oh! -What?! What?!

-What?! -Oh!

No!

It was misleading 'cause it was silent.

That is not good.

Here we -- oh! Oh, wait!

-Yes! Yes! -That's one.

-That's one. -Yes!

-[ Laughs ] -Yes! Can I hold it?

And, uh... No, that was it.

That's a whole box of fail.

Kevin: Which means cheese puffs

and plastic bags were the right call.

But if you were watching what I just watched,

the smart move here is to invest in bubble wrap.

How does it feel out of three people

to be the only loser of a hack vs. Hack?

It feels horrible. Ha!

Oh! Yes!

[ Laughter ]

It's Karma.

[ Squeak! ]

[ Doy-oy-oy! ]

[ Sparkle! ]

♪♪

[ Shaker thuds ]

Brooke: Ugh.

Guys, the Sushi struggle is real.

Luckily, there's a hack lurking in your freezer

that will take the pain out of making Sushi forever.

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

All you need is an ice-cube tray

to hack your way into being a Sushi sensei.

[ Laughs ]

More like Sushi "sensei-tion." [Sensation]

[ Laughter ]

Hello!

Okay, I'm gonna lay down my first ingredient.

I'm feeling tuna right now.

So I'm gonna pop that in.

Then I'm gonna add avocado, ginger, cucumber,

a little dollop of wasabi,

and of course some Sushi rice.

Dig in here.

I'm gonna just shove this down into the ice-cube tray.

A little piece of nori on top.

Look at how cute this is.

With the ice-cube tray,

you can do multiple styles of Sushi.

You know who this hack is perfect for?

People who are afraid of commitment.

I'm able to kind of press the bottom of it

and coax the little sushis out.

Look at these babies.

Wow! Wow! Wow!

I don't know what I'm waiting for.

Uh-oh, it's tall.

Mmm! Whoa.

Next time you find yourself craving Sushi,

don't bother going out.

Just play it cool and reach for the ice-cube tray.

Thanks, buddy!

Kevin: Still to come, bvp and I dine undercover

to try to hack our way to some free food.

Dine and dash. Dine and dash.

Just going to the restroom.

Brooke: Plus, five hacks for your six-pack

when we come back.

♪♪

♪♪♪

Kevin: On the next death-defying installment of "Dr. Hack"...

I heard there was a hack-mergency!

Oh!

Snake! Snake!

No, the other doctor's taken care of this.

It's my husband.

My arm's asleep!

Can you do something, Dr. Hack?

Can you move your head side to side for me?

Of course I can.

My head's not asleep. It's my...Arm. Oh.

A sleeping arm is often the cause

of a compression of the nerves in your neck.

Loosening the neck muscles

relieves that pressure

and brings a sleeping arm to life.

Oh, gosh. Thank you, Dr. Hack!

Now...

About that snake bite.

[ Sucking ] Oh.

Is this part of the treatment? [ Moans ]

Hacking isn't all duct tape,

paper clips, and pool noodles.

Oh, no, my friends.

No, sometimes when a problem is big enough,

you need street smarts and subterfuge.

This is gaming the system.

I get the feeling that sometimes people

sitting around me in restaurants

are getting far better treatment than I am.

Kevin: Getting free stuff at restaurants

is a time-honored tradition.

Who hasn't said it's their birthday

to try to score some cake?

Brooke: That's why Kevin and I are dining out undercover

to try and get some of that special treatment.

For my hack tonight, I will be playing the part

of a high-powered online food critic.

-How are you? -I'm doing very well, thank you.

[ Camera shutter clicks ] Thank you very much.

Kevin: My mission will be to see

if leaning on my "credentials" can get me some serious perks.

Good luck with that.

I'm going to act normal.

Hi, how are you?

Brooke: I'll just be nice to my server

and just use a little bit of empathetic language and charm

to get some items knocked off my bill.

May the best hacker win.

Hi, how are you? Hey.

How are you? Doing well.

Thank you so much. You're welcome.

Can I get you anything to drink besides water?

I'll have a whiskey and soda.

May as well bring two.

I usually tend to suck 'em down kind of fast.

Save you a trip to the bar. I like your style.

All right.

Hey, there. Hi.

Okay, I think I am ready for my review.

I would love to write up something

about that steak of yours.

There's like a quarter of a million people

waiting for this review.

So I want to -- I want to go all out.

The lobster Mac and cheese...

Okay. ...Sounds awesome.

But I would love to get that without lobster,

if that's possible.

Um, I can definitely check,

but I-I doubt it. That's interesting.

I heard you guys were, like, super accommodating with --

with requests like that. Well, we are.

I mean, like I said, I'll just check with the chef.

-Okay. -I can't guarantee it.

But we have a regular Mac and cheese.

I think I wanted, like, the hint of the lobster,

but no chunks of lobster.

I have, like, a texture thing.

So it's not an allergy or anything, it's just...

No, it's just a preference.

I don't know if that's actually possible.

Okay, sounds like a five-star meal already.

[ Laughs ] But I have to wait to eat it.

Hey. Ugh. Hi, your drinks are coming right out.

Great. Sorry about the douche bag in your section.

Oh, it's fine.

-I've seen worse, honestly. -I feel ya. I feel ya.

Okay. I haven't.

-I'm gonna do a burger. -Okay.

-Everything? -Sure.

-Okay. -All right, thank you.

So, I did talk to the chef.

We are unfortunately not able

to do the lobster Mac and cheese without the lobster.

-Aw! -I'm so sorry about that.

No, that's all right. Thank you for checking.

And you're okay with drinks?

Doing great with this, yeah, thank you.

Appreciate it.

I think she hates me.

Thank you, thank you. Whiskey and soda.

I appreciate you bringing them both.

I figured you might be in the weeds a little bit, so...

Well, it's a little crazy, but not too bad, so...

Good, all right. I'll get out of your hair.

Mmm.

Oh, wow, that was fast. Thank you.

We have the burger, loaded, no fries.

Great.

Anything else you need?

No, I'm so good. Thank you.

-Enjoy. -Great.

Lil' hack. Yeah.

[ Clock ticking ]

Wow, you guys have food back there.

That looks -- that looks good.

I like to eat food.

All right, here we are.

Medium-rare steak.

-Thank you. -You're welcome.

-That looks very -- -anything else you need?

No, I think that's gonna do it.

[ Camera shutter clicks ]

All right, you're all set there.

Thanks again.

And I'll be back to take care of that whenever you're ready.

Hold on, I can just give it to you right now.

Oh, you only charged me for the one drink.

No problem. No one will even notice. Thank you so much.

Brooke: Looks like a little charm

paid off big in the form of a free drink for me.

How did you do, Kevin?

I'm just gonna leave that there for you whenever you're ready.

Thank you, Erin. You're welcome.

Ooh.

Kevin: Pretending to be a high-powered food blogger

got me exactly nothing, Brooke.

Charm definitely beats credentials.

I'm also not paying.

Dine and dash! Dine and dash!

What? Just going to the restroom.

Just the restroom. Three stars.

Kevin: Hey! You on the couch!

Don't throw out that six-pack yet.

Can hacks aplenty when we come back.

♪♪

Kevin: The hack mvp --

a heisman for the household.

The Stanley cup of saving money.

Today, we honor an item

that has crushed its competition --

the aluminum can.

Want to keep your herbs in mint condition?

Use an opener to pop the can's lid off,

spray-paint with your team's colors,

add a cup of potting soil,

and you just hacked a can into your garden's starting lineup.

Need to take a time-out from reading your playbook?

Tear a tab off your can and never lose your page again.

Whoo!

Looking for inexpensive holiday ornaments?

Snip the sides off a can,

trace and cut your favorite design,

and boo-Yah!

Watch as that tin man goes up and over the competition.

Now, that is some serious hang time.

Want to impress the guys

with some tasty sports-themed cookies?

Cut through the competition with an assist from your can.

Slice a strip of aluminum from the side.

Wrap it around a pre-cut cardboard design.

Tape up the ends.

And go into a full-court press.

Mm-mmm!

Kevin: That tastes like victory.

Find yourself playing an unexpected night game?

Then hack your tall boy into a lantern.

Draw a pattern on the can,

make some strategic cuts,

pop in a tea candle, and you're on fire.

I mean,it's

congratulations, aluminum can.

You've proved your mettle.

Make some room in your trophy case,

because you're a hack mvp.

Way to crush it, bro.

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0