Original subtitles

[ Romantic music plays ]

>> Should we take this to the

bedroom?

>> There's just one problem --

[ sour note plays ]

-- My zipper's stuck!

>> Looks like you two need to

get to the point.

>> Try this.

>> [ Chuckles ]

>> Graphite naturally lubricates

the zipper, allowing for the

smoothest zipping experience.

>> [ Gasps ]

>> Both: Thanks, graphite man!

>> Pencil me in, then pull it

out.

>> Tonight on "hack my life"...

>> Confetti!

>> ...it's a celebration of

hacks big and small.

>> Aha!

>> See what happens when a

bicycle, a lawnmower, and Kevin

join forces.

>> [ Laughs ]

[ Bell rings ]

[ Crashes ]

>> Learn the best way to brush

your teeth without a toothbrush.

>> And never fear a public

toilet again.

>> Oh! Whoa!

>> This...

May the best hack win.

What?!

...is hack my life.

>> The best part about living in

the 'burbs -- the luscious lawn.

The worst part -- mowing it.

>> Bike-mower 3000!

[ Crashes ]

>> This is hack or wack?

>> Mowing a lawn is tedious,

it's time-consuming, and there's

nothing fun about it whatsoever.

>> Not totally true.

>> Well, that could all change

today, thanks to the

bike-mower 3000.

[ Rock-'n'-roll music plays ]

>>Wham, Whoo!

>> That was electric-guitar

noises.

>> Oh. That's fantastic.

>> Let me walk you through this

hack here, okay?

>> Oh, please do.

>> All you got to do is take off

the front tire of your bike and

replace it with the blade and

wheels of an ordinary push

bam!

Right there.

Bike-mower 3000!

That's it.

>> In this hack or wack? I'll be

using a regular push mower to

mow --

>> boring!

>> I know, I know, I know.

And Kevin will be on the

bike-mower 3000 to see if this

hack, uh, can hack it.

>> And the first mower to finish

their side of the lawn gets the

crown.

Well, friend, ready to see if

this is hack or wack?

>> Yep. I'm ready to turn your

ass to grass, kev.

>> Oh! Well, may the best hack

win -- what?!

>> Mine's not a hack, mine's not

a hack.

>> Oh! Hey, friend, high five to

you.

>> A proved way to do it.

>> 3, 2...

Motown.

[ Motor whirring ]

Yeah -- hey, hold on!

Okay.

Yeah!

[ Shouts indistinctly ]

It's an uneven surface.

Here we go.

Ha! All right.

Yeah!

[ Grunts ]

Yes, yes!

So close.

Five more yards, and...

And then the rest of the world.

So just -- oh, yeah!

Oh, oh, suck it, Brooke!

>> [ Sighs ]

How's it going over there, kev?

Oh, I can't even hear you over

the sound of all this grass i'm

chopping up.

Yeah, baby!

[ Groans ]

>> Kev, you want to call it?

>> [ Groans ]

This is wack.

[ Buzzer ]

This is impossible.

>> [ Sighs ]

>> It's incredibly difficult to

get going.

It's unbalanced.

You're going everywhere.

Just push the mower at this

point.

>> Yeah. I mean, that's why it

was a push mower.

>> I do feel like I was making

progress, though.

>> Well, do you want to finish

your half?

I'll give you a push.

>> I'll take that push.

>> All right, buddy.

>> [ Gasps ] I'm doing it!

[ Mouse squeaking ]

[ Whistle! ]

[ Mouse squeaking ]

>> What's up, hackers?

Hope you've been paying

attention, because it's time for

today's pop quiz.

>> [ Groans ]

>> Hey, goldilocks, you fed up

with your hair?

You want to cut bangs, but

you're scared of getting

snip-happy.

Lucky for you, there's a hack

nearby that can help you try out

bangs without the commitment.

All you need is either, "a,"

hair gel, "b," a bandana, "c,"

hair extensions, or, "d," an

old mop.

Which is it, my little hacker?

>> An old mop?

>> All right, put down the

dirty, old mop, cinderella.

The answer's "b," a bandana.

Here's how it works.

Pull your hair into a ponytail.

Section off the front of your

hair.

Put the ends of your ponytail

right on top of your eyebrows.

Secure the hair in place with

Bobby pins and cover with a

bandana.

And just like that, you've got

beautiful bangs, no cutting

required.

Girl, you look banging.

>> Thanks, pop-quiz lady.

>> That's been today's pop quiz.

Class dismissed.

[ Boing! Boing! Boing! ]

[ Boing! ]

>> Sometimes, a household item

is so useful, it ascends into

the pantheon of great hacking

tools.

Today, we celebrate one that's

truly become a hall all-star --

the old t-shirt.

When you're faced with an old,

smelly tee, you may be wondering

whether or not to throw it out.

Well, don't.

House pet need a home?

Hack a hideaway for fluffy by

making a wire-hangar frame and

stretching a t-shirt over the

top.

The door's built right in.

>> All-star!

>> Caught in the sun without a

hat?

Protect your head and neck from

burning with an instant turban.

Roll, wrap, and then tie.

Spf a million!

>> All-star!

>> Cutting board won't stay put?

Show it who's boss by laying

down an old t-shirt underneath

to eliminate sliding from the

menu.

>> All-star!

>> Tees can be fashionable in

more ways than one.

Braid strips and secure with

colorful electrical tape for a

nautical necklace.

>> All-star!

>> In a laundry pinch?

Wrap an old t-shirt over a

pillow as an emergency

pillowcase.

>> All-star!

Garden getting grungy?

Tame your vegetables by tying

them to a trellis.

>> All-star!

>> Run out of ribbon?

Cut an old t-shirt, and it

becomes an eco-friendly,

reusable gift wrap.

She'll never know the

difference.

>> All-star!

>> So basic, you're basically

genius.

Congratulations, t-shirt.

You're a true all-star.

Coming up, find out which pantry

items can save you a trip to the

spa.

>> Whoa!

>> And no toothbrush?

No problem.

>> I like the double-swab

technique.

That's amazing.

[ Dramatic music plays ]

>> Sometimes, ordinary people do

extraordinary things, all in the

name of hacking.

Take Nellie, just a regular

newlywed looking forward to date

night with her hubby.

[ Cellphone buzzes ]

But when word comes in that her

mother-in-law is visiting...

>> Mom's coming over. Awesome.

>> [ Screams ]

>> ...Nellie hacks her way into

action, because she's a

hack hero.

And her sidekick --

>> [ groans ]

>> -- Well, he'll try to keep

what a mess.

Before the queen of

nightmares -- I mean mother --

arrives, Nellie clears the

clutter, tucking away her

storage bags and foil into a

file holder fastened inside the

cabinet door.

Equally hack-worthy, an old wire

file rack makes for a great way

to tidy up bulky items.

Good thing Nellie loves stealing

office supplies.

Only a supervillain would find

fault with this kitchen.

[ Doorbell rings ]

>> Mom's here.

>> Oh. Here's one now.

This isn't Nellie's first battle

with the beast.

To help mother feel like she's

the star of the family photo

wall, Nellie hacks together

double-sided picture frames,

made by attaching two frames

back-to-back with krazy glue.

Enter "the dragon."

And Nellie braces herself for

combat.

[ Smooch! ]

Mother likes the pictures.

But, of course, she finds

something to gripe about.

Oh, she's cold.

Must be her heart.

To hack a neck warmer for

mother, Nellie fills a sock with

rice and pops it in the

microwave, where the rice can

absorb the heat.

[ Microwave beeps ]

Perfect for warming up a loved

one.

And mother-in-law's, too.

>> Hmm.

>> Not that easily vanquished,

mother brandishes her aching

feet like some sort of fungal

foot bomb.

>> [ Retches ]

>> Nellie's not going anywhere

near those terrible talons.

She hacks a foot massager

instead.

Using two balls, Nellie shows

mother how to self-massage her

tootsies, rolling them on

pressure points to stimulate

circulation and prevent murder.

To further subdue the beast,

Nellie applies warm chamomile

tea bags to ease mother's tired

eyes.

Now, with the enemy out cold,

it's time for Nellie and her man

to make a quick escape.

They tiptoe into the other room,

and it looks like Nellie may

have saved date night after all.

[ Crashes ]

>> Keep it down in there!

>> Well, almost.

Hack on, hack hero.

Today, I'm gearing up to help

tame the wild mouths of

Manhattan.

I'm on the hunt for some willing

participants to help me answer

the age-old question, in a world

without toothbrushes, where do

you turn -- to your finger or to

a cotton swab?

>> It's a hack vs. Hack.

[ Bell dings ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

Teeth, huh?

>> Yeah.

>> You guys got them?

[ Whistles ]

Hey, guys. How's it going?

>> Hi.

>> Have you guys ever brushed

your teeth, like, without a

toothbrush?

>> I used my finger one time.

>> If you had to use a finger or

use a cotton swab, which do you

think would be more effective?

>> My finger.

>> You'd probably have more

texture with the cotton swab.

>> Finger, 'cause it's more

flexible.

>> Ooh!

>> Cotton swab.

>> Finger.

>> Okay, the battle lines have

been drawn.

This is the hack vs. Hack.

[ Bell dings ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

All right, here's how this

hack vs. Hack is going down.

We start with delicious

chocolates.

>> Mm-hmm.

>> You guys get those pearly

whites covered in disgusting

chocolate.

Even the chewing is competitive.

Then, you're gonna brush with

your hack.

I'm gonna give you a nice line

of toothpaste on that chocolaty

finger of yours.

>> Uh, when.

>> Mm-hmm.

We'll treat it like soft serve.

You just go until you're happy.

Wait, now?! Right now?!

Okay, okay, okay!

All right, 30 seconds,

gentlemen.

3...2...brush!

>> [ Laughs ]

>> I like the double-swab

technique.

That's amazing.

Okay, that's some aggressive

brushing.

I don't want you to jab an

artery.

5...4...3...2...

That's it. That's time.

[ Buzzer ]

Into the bucket.

You ate the cotton off that

swab.

>> [ Laughs ]

>> Did you spit on a squirrel?

>> She did.

>> [ Laughs ]

>> We have the technology to

find out which has been more

effective.

These are plaque-disclosing

tablets that I stole from my

dentist.

Go ahead and pop those in your

mouth.

Chew them up.

These tablets stain your teeth

red in all the areas that are

still covered in plaque.

Oh, yeah.

That's delightful progress.

All right.

It's time for the big reveal.

And we're gonna show off those

choppers.

Oh, that is close.

[ Camera shutter clicks ]

They're stained in between each.

I kind of feel like finger wins

on this one.

[ Bell dings ]

>> Yay!

>> A little red down here, some

up there.

It's actually a pretty good job.

Oh, that's really clean.

[ Camera shutter clicks ]

It's cotton swab versus finger.

I'm gonna say cotton swab gets

[ bell dings ]

Ooh!

[ Camera shutter clicks ]

I'm seeing a little bit of

residue on cotton swab.

And the winner of this

hack vs. Hack is the finger!

[ Bell dings ]

>> No!

>> So versatile.

[ Bell dings ]

[ Party favor blows ]

>> Don't worry.

You're not leaving empty-handed.

Here you guys go.

>> Do you always walk around

like this?

>> I mean, sometimes, I don't

actually wear shorts, but --

>> [ laughs ]

>> Very clear winner of this

hack vs. Hack.

It is not the cotton swab.

That is effective in a pinch.

But if you got to clean your

choppers and you don't have a

toothbrush, just reach for your

finger.

It's right there, silly.

>> Coming up, we show you how to

turn some pipe into a party.

>> Confetti!

>> And think you know how to go

to the bathroom?

Think again.

>> We're flushed with hacks for

keeping your tushy nice and dry.

[ Film projector clicking ]

>> Fertilizer -- the farmer's

best friend, the crap that makes

plants grow.

But did you also know it was a

hack from history?

The pilgrims' food supply

dwindles in the harsh weather of

the new world.

Their English methods of

fertilization fail.

Enter squanto, a local native of

the patuxet tribe.

He teaches the pilgrims to

repurpose their leftover fish in

the ground as fertilizer.

>> Don't lick it? Stick it.

>> The nitrogen-rich fish

revitalizes the soil.

Corn flourishes.

>> This is great!

Our people are gonna be lifelong

friends.

>> As thanks, the settlers never

d anything mean or unfair to

native Americans again.

Which brings us to today.

Most nitrogen fertilizers are

man-made, but fish are still

touted as a natural, organic,

and great way to fertilize.

>> Let's keep the fish where

they belong, in the land!

>> Squanto's fish fertilizer --

a truly nourishing

hack from history.

[ Twinkle! ]

[ Hip-hop music plays ]

>> Welcome to

let's make a thing, where one

man's trash is another man's

treasure.

Today, I'm combining my two

favorite things on this

planet -- parties and weaponry.

That's right.

I'm gonna teach you how to make

a confetti Cannon.

To make this confetti Cannon,

you'll need a few things that

you can get at any hardware

store.

You'll need some pvc pipe...

A reducer.

You'll want a bike pump.

It will be the source of our air

pressure.

Got a ball valve.

Last, but not least, we got a

pressure Gauge.

Now let's hack a party!

We actually need to cut a

segment of this pipe to place it

here, between the ball valve and

the reducer, so let's get

started.

Now, some people would secure

the pipe to the table, but not

okay.

Now that all of our pieces are

laid out, you can see the Cannon

starting to take shape.

We have to glue everything

together nice and secure.

Before we get to glue, we need

to prime it.

So, I'm gonna start here by

lining the inside of this end

cap.

Now, we have to put primer on

all of the places that the

pvc pipe is going to make

contact.

Now, while I'm priming these

things, I should let you know

you're saving a lot of money.

This ball valve, these pipes,

the pressure Gauge, the glue,

and the primer -- you're looking

at maybe 40 bucks.

That's a huge savings -- a

savings so huge, I'm gonna take

a second look at it on the

screen.

Holy [bleep]

I hope an editor put numbers

there.

Next, we have to put the actual

glue everywhere we put the

primer to seal the deal.

The fumes are making me hear a

whole marching band.

[ Marching band plays ]

Ohh! So good.

Everything about this is a joy.

Screw it in nice and tight.

All right, final piece is glued.

Set that down.

But now we need a way to get air

into this confetti Cannon.

And for that, I'm gonna use an

air valve from a bike tire.

Now that we have our air valve,

we need to drill a hole in the

pvc pipe so that it can actually

fit in.

Gonna wrap this plumber's tape

around the threads.

That's not going anywhere.

This pipe is rated for 210 psi,

but we're never gonna get near

that.

That's where this is coming in,

my friends.

Exact same process.

We're gonna drill a hole and pop

in our pressure Gauge so we know

exactly how much pressure is

building up in here, keeping us

nice and safe.

The Gauge is in.

I get it.

You're ready to party!

But hold the celebration.

[ Album scratches ]

Because this actually has to sit

overnight, 24 hours, then you're

ready for confetti.

That was kind of a rhyme.

Sweet! 24 hours is up!

First things first, we got to

connect the bike pump, make sure

that the valve here is closed.

And we should see some pressure

building up.

We're gonna aim for like

120 psi.

All right, let's disconnect our

pump, stick in some wonderful

confetti.

[ As Tony Montana ] And it's

time to say hello to my little

hack!

Time to s[ Drumroll ]my little

3...2...

Confetti!

[ Laughs ]

Hours of work, seconds of fun.

[ Blows ]

You just hacked a thing.

>> Coming up, we reveal your

number-one hack for going

number two.

[ Slow-motion screaming ]

>> Next in tumblr's hack mail.

>> Oh, oh, oh!

[ Water splashes ]

Dropping bombs! Ha.

Knowledge bombs.

[ Explosion ]

Folks, today, we're dealing with

the unpleasant reality that is

toilet-water splash back.

>> [ Groans ]

Lower the lid and jiggle the

handle, because we're flushed

with hacks for keeping your

tushy nice and dry.

It's tumblr hack mail.

Here's how we're testing things.

I will be dropping balls this

big into the toilet.

>> And the balls represent --

>> they -- they know, they know.

Also, we'll be lining the throne

with some toilet-seat

protectors.

That will absorb the splash back

and let us measure which hack is

the most effective.

>> Shall we get started?

>> Let's take the kids to the

pool.

>> Okay.

Hack number 1.

Abby l. Suggests...

Well, Abby sounds like a pro at

dropping bombs.

>> Sounds like Abby's on a watch

list.

>> Sound>> [ Chuckles ]N a watch

>> all right. Let's test it.

Here we've got our foaming hand

soap.

Here we've g>> hmm.Foaming hand

>> so let's just do a couple

pumps here.

>> All right, okay.

I can see why Abby says use some

soap.

It's kind of creating a layer,

sort of like some shock

absorption.

>> Okay. Let's line it.

>> Ready for a drop?

>> Yeah.

>> We're gonna have contact in

3...deuce...

[ In slow-motion ] 1!

[ Drumroll ]

Whoa, whoa!

>> Okay.

>> Oh, that is actually not good

at all.

>> It's a little messy.

>> You can see there is quite a

bit of splash back around the

rim.

Bthat would be all thigh ande

buttock contact.

The foam is lighter than the

water itself.

>> Yeah.

>> So rather than weight it

down, the water just shot up.

>> Okay.

>> Hack number 2, from susie.

I think susie's going through

people's cabinets for more than

saline solution, but she might

be on to something.

>> She might be.

>> We're looking for a solution

to unwanted contact, are we not,

Brooke?

>> Oh! Good way to put it.

>> Let's try it.

>> Saline has salt in it, which

I guess could make the water

more dense, if you will.

>> And I don't know if that will

actually help anything, but,

scientifically speaking, I think

that's correct.

>> Okay. 3, 2...

[ In slow-motion ] 1!

Bombs away!

Susie, we need to talk.

>> Yeah, we do need to talk, but

wipe your butt first, 'cause

it's probably wet.

Does this look particularly

worse than the soap?

>> They look about the same in

terms of just being fails.

>> Let's call it.

Time of death -- who cares?

Hack 3!

>> Okay, our final hack comes

from Kathy with a "k," who

says...

>> Ah. I like this hack, if it

actually works, because this is

something that's available.

I'm imagining timing is of the

essence here, 'cause once I put

this in, it's gonna start

absorbing the water, and it's

probably gonna sink down.

>> Mm.

>> So I'm gonna place.

>> Okay.

>> And then you'll drop in.

Ready?

>> Mm-hmm.

>> 3...2...

[ In slow-motion ] Okay!

[ Drumroll ]

Wow!

>> Oh!

>> It's a Christmas miracle!

>> Oh, man.

>> Brooke, that was crazy.

The toilet paper completely

caught it and absorbed all of

the impact.

That was an olympic dive there.

>> I mean it.

They did not even break the

water.

>> Perfect 10.

>> Perfect 10.

>> I'm holding it up.

Amazing job.

Kathy, who knew?

>> Wow!

>> You stealthy crapper, you.

You done did it.

We are awarding folded toilet

paper our hack seal of approval.

>> You get the gold, Kathy.

If you'd like your own

hack seal of approval, go to

hackmylifetrutv.tumblr.com and

submit your hack today.

>> You guys know Brooke, my

sweetheart of a co-host.

She doesn't know that I hacked

this amazing thing, so I figure

I should surprise her, 'cause

that's what friends do.

Look what I made!

Oh, my god!

I hacked a thing!

>> Nice work, guys.

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