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1
00:00:02,570 --> 00:00:07,172
For the last time, I'm not
looking for a great career!
2
00:00:07,174 --> 00:00:10,843
It's too much work...
Arrgh!
3
00:00:10,845 --> 00:00:13,746
You would not believe
the morning I've had.
4
00:00:13,748 --> 00:00:16,015
Oh? Did you finally realize
that your anger is a
5
00:00:16,017 --> 00:00:17,483
defense mechanism that
prevents you from
6
00:00:17,485 --> 00:00:19,118
meaningful introspection?
7
00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:20,786
I have been repeatedly--
8
00:00:20,788 --> 00:00:22,521
What?! No.
9
00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:23,489
What are you--?!
10
00:00:23,491 --> 00:00:24,656
Never mind.
11
00:00:24,658 --> 00:00:25,624
I have been inundated with--
12
00:00:25,626 --> 00:00:25,958
(phone RINGS)
13
00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:27,092
Arrgh!
14
00:00:27,094 --> 00:00:29,695
One second. Hello?
15
00:00:29,697 --> 00:00:35,034
No, I do not want a subscription
to "Knitting Today!"
16
00:00:35,036 --> 00:00:37,436
These stupid telemarketers
have been calling me
17
00:00:37,438 --> 00:00:40,439
every five minutes since
nine this morning!
18
00:00:40,441 --> 00:00:42,241
And, call me crazy here,
19
00:00:42,243 --> 00:00:45,010
but they all sound
like the same guy.
20
00:00:45,012 --> 00:00:49,048
Yes. Telemarketers are
wretched, soulless creatures,
21
00:00:49,050 --> 00:00:50,783
indistinguishable
from one another,
22
00:00:50,785 --> 00:00:55,554
kept alive by evil magics to
plague the world of the living.
23
00:00:55,556 --> 00:00:57,056
Weren't you a telemarketer?
24
00:00:57,058 --> 00:00:58,590
Those were dark times.
25
00:00:58,592 --> 00:01:01,193
(phone rings)
26
00:01:01,195 --> 00:01:02,011
Hello?
27
00:01:02,012 --> 00:01:02,828
(telemarketer on phone)
Hello, sir.
28
00:01:02,830 --> 00:01:04,463
Would you love to donate to the
29
00:01:04,465 --> 00:01:07,099
"Save the Tapeworms"
foundation? hmm?
30
00:01:07,101 --> 00:01:08,934
Stop calling me!
31
00:01:08,936 --> 00:01:09,968
Give me your phone.
32
00:01:16,143 --> 00:01:17,259
That should do it.
33
00:01:17,260 --> 00:01:18,376
I put you on the
super-do-not-call list.
34
00:01:18,379 --> 00:01:19,845
It blocks your number
from every telemarketing
35
00:01:19,847 --> 00:01:21,613
phone bank in the country.
36
00:01:21,615 --> 00:01:24,817
Good. Now buy me lunch.
37
00:01:32,460 --> 00:01:39,531
(phone rings)
38
00:01:39,533 --> 00:01:40,699
Hello?
39
00:01:40,701 --> 00:01:41,800
(telemarketer on phone)
Hello, Dan.
40
00:01:41,802 --> 00:01:44,536
You have won an exciting prize!
41
00:01:44,538 --> 00:01:46,839
Finally. What is it?
42
00:01:46,841 --> 00:01:47,706
(telemarketer on phone)
You have been randomly
43
00:01:47,708 --> 00:01:49,475
selected to be added
to our exclusive
44
00:01:49,477 --> 00:01:52,177
"Call all the time" list!
45
00:01:52,179 --> 00:01:55,447
We'll be calling you day and
night to let you know all about
46
00:01:55,449 --> 00:01:57,516
our exciting promotions,
specials, deals,
47
00:01:57,518 --> 00:01:59,218
and so much more!
48
00:01:59,220 --> 00:02:02,621
AAAAHHHH!
49
00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:07,960
TELEMARKETER!!!
50
00:02:26,814 --> 00:02:28,580
Chris! Did you hear that?
51
00:02:28,582 --> 00:02:29,648
Mmph. Wha..?
52
00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:31,450
Are you calling this
ship because the ship
53
00:02:31,452 --> 00:02:33,418
you're on has been captured?
54
00:02:33,420 --> 00:02:36,221
Never mind. I'll handle it.
55
00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:40,859
Dan.
56
00:02:40,861 --> 00:02:45,731
Oh, hey Elise.
You can't sleep either?
57
00:02:45,733 --> 00:02:47,699
I WAS sleeping just fine.
58
00:02:47,701 --> 00:02:48,934
How did you get in?
59
00:02:48,936 --> 00:02:50,536
Kitchen window was unlocked.
60
00:02:50,538 --> 00:02:54,573
Hey, since we're both up,
how about you-
61
00:02:54,575 --> 00:03:01,880
-toddle into the kitchen and
make us some dairy-free cocoa?
62
00:03:01,882 --> 00:03:06,018
What are you doing here?
63
00:03:06,020 --> 00:03:09,955
Waiting for my cocoa, Elise.
Chop-chop!
64
00:03:09,957 --> 00:03:11,757
Last chance before
I de-bone you.
65
00:03:11,759 --> 00:03:14,760
What are you doing in
our living room?
66
00:03:14,762 --> 00:03:17,629
I told you already,
I can't sleep.
67
00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:19,131
They keep calling me.
68
00:03:19,133 --> 00:03:19,965
Who does?
69
00:03:19,967 --> 00:03:21,300
Telemarketers!
70
00:03:21,302 --> 00:03:23,001
It's like you don't
even listen.
71
00:03:23,003 --> 00:03:24,770
Why don't you turn
your phone off?
72
00:03:24,772 --> 00:03:28,373
I can't. What if Chris needs me
in the middle of the night?
73
00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:31,210
Sometimes when a person is
in a toxic relationship,
74
00:03:31,212 --> 00:03:33,445
they need a friend they can
talk to.
75
00:03:33,447 --> 00:03:35,647
Okay, this has been
a hoot and a half,
76
00:03:35,649 --> 00:03:38,917
but if you don't leave right now
I'm going to emasculate you.
77
00:03:38,919 --> 00:03:41,220
I think you mean "eviscerate."
78
00:03:41,222 --> 00:03:43,956
I know what I said.
79
00:03:43,958 --> 00:03:46,358
Elise? You coming back to--
80
00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:47,426
Hey, Dan.
81
00:03:47,428 --> 00:03:49,294
What are you doing here?
82
00:03:49,296 --> 00:03:52,130
Chris, I'm glad you're up.
Go make me some cocoa.
83
00:03:52,132 --> 00:03:53,632
Dan! You are leaving!
84
00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:57,703
I can't! The telemarketers
know my every step!
85
00:03:57,705 --> 00:03:59,438
I think they work
for some kind of
86
00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:02,374
shadowy quasi governmental
organization.
87
00:04:02,376 --> 00:04:06,178
Trust me, you are of no interest
to the intelligence community.
88
00:04:06,180 --> 00:04:10,349
Then how do you explain how they
know where I am at all times?
89
00:04:10,351 --> 00:04:11,450
They don't!
90
00:04:11,452 --> 00:04:19,057
(phone rings)
Hello?
91
00:04:19,059 --> 00:04:21,326
It's for you.
92
00:04:21,328 --> 00:04:22,894
Yes?
93
00:04:22,896 --> 00:04:26,798
No, I am not interested in
your delousing service!
94
00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:30,769
How did you get this number?
95
00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:35,907
(phone rings)
96
00:04:35,909 --> 00:04:37,209
Well?!
97
00:04:37,211 --> 00:04:40,879
Chris, would you
make us some cocoa?
98
00:04:42,583 --> 00:04:43,915
They can mess with
Dan all they want.
99
00:04:43,917 --> 00:04:47,619
But call MY house?
I don't think so...
100
00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:50,789
Sixty-seven voicemail messages?
101
00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:53,258
Since when do they
leave voicemails?
102
00:04:53,260 --> 00:04:54,826
I kind of miss telemarketing.
103
00:04:54,828 --> 00:04:56,361
Good hours, steady work...
104
00:04:56,363 --> 00:04:59,364
Until they outsourced all
the call center positions.
105
00:04:59,366 --> 00:05:03,535
Then let's get on a plane to
India and kick some butts!
106
00:05:03,537 --> 00:05:04,803
It's probably a little
premature to fly
107
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:06,571
halfway around the world.
108
00:05:06,573 --> 00:05:08,240
Oh, you're so smart?
109
00:05:08,242 --> 00:05:09,708
What are you doing?
110
00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:12,611
And what is taking so
long with the cocoa?!
111
00:05:12,613 --> 00:05:15,047
Good cocoa takes time.
112
00:05:15,049 --> 00:05:18,517
I'm hacking the companies the
telemarketers were advertising
113
00:05:18,519 --> 00:05:20,185
to find out who does
their cold calling.
114
00:05:20,187 --> 00:05:22,587
That could take forever!
115
00:05:22,589 --> 00:05:24,556
Let the record show I
was done before Chris.
116
00:05:24,558 --> 00:05:28,427
Do you want good cocoa, or
rushed cocoa?
117
00:05:28,429 --> 00:05:30,896
Looks like it's the company you
used to work for, after all.
118
00:05:30,898 --> 00:05:33,365
I knew it! I'm flying
to Mumbai.
119
00:05:33,367 --> 00:05:35,801
You'll be about eighty-seven
hundred miles off, then.
120
00:05:35,803 --> 00:05:36,601
How do you mean?
121
00:05:36,603 --> 00:05:38,370
They outsourced to Reseda.
122
00:05:38,372 --> 00:05:41,039
What? That's just
ten miles away.
123
00:05:41,041 --> 00:05:43,175
I would have commuted there.
124
00:05:43,177 --> 00:05:44,976
Come on, guys.
125
00:05:44,978 --> 00:05:47,312
It's up to us to stop
this evil menace from
126
00:05:47,314 --> 00:05:49,448
destroying countless lives.
127
00:05:49,450 --> 00:05:52,784
As long as we're
back by brunch.
128
00:05:52,786 --> 00:05:54,353
Are you coming?
129
00:05:54,355 --> 00:05:56,254
You do NOT ask me to make cocoa
130
00:05:56,256 --> 00:05:59,891
in the middle of the night and
then leave before it's ready.
131
00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:00,809
But--!
132
00:06:00,810 --> 00:06:01,726
Sit down!
133
00:06:03,130 --> 00:06:05,297
Okay, that's really good.
134
00:06:09,370 --> 00:06:11,536
So how do we get inside?
135
00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:13,538
Same as any force infiltration.
136
00:06:13,540 --> 00:06:16,308
Identify a weak spot in the
defenses and exploit it.
137
00:06:16,310 --> 00:06:19,277
Chris, you throw a brick
through a window and run away.
138
00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:22,247
When they chase you,
I'll sneak inside.
139
00:06:22,249 --> 00:06:25,317
That's your plan?
You never cease to underwhelm.
140
00:06:25,319 --> 00:06:28,720
You never cease to
mamana-mamana!
141
00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:30,222
All right, you two.
142
00:06:30,224 --> 00:06:32,557
None of us have had any sleep,
so let's try and remember
143
00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:34,459
that we're all on the same side
here.
144
00:06:34,461 --> 00:06:35,560
Fine.
145
00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:37,796
Completely forgiven.
146
00:06:37,798 --> 00:06:42,634
Hey, that's my old boss!
I bet he could get us inside.
147
00:06:42,636 --> 00:06:43,435
I'm on it.
148
00:06:57,518 --> 00:07:00,485
Piece of cake. What?
149
00:07:00,487 --> 00:07:02,654
I meant he's a nice guy.
150
00:07:02,656 --> 00:07:04,423
He probably would have
let us into the building
151
00:07:04,425 --> 00:07:06,091
if I asked him to.
152
00:07:06,093 --> 00:07:08,560
Oh. Eh...Oh well.
153
00:07:20,174 --> 00:07:23,942
Poor Mr. Zimmerman.
He never hurt anyone.
154
00:07:25,746 --> 00:07:28,180
So can you erase my number
from their system, or what?
155
00:07:28,182 --> 00:07:30,515
Huh. That's odd.
156
00:07:30,517 --> 00:07:34,085
According to the call logs,
all the calls to Dan's phone
157
00:07:34,087 --> 00:07:37,889
were made by the same employee.
158
00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:40,459
Him.
159
00:07:40,461 --> 00:07:42,394
I'll handle it from here.
160
00:07:42,396 --> 00:07:50,202
All right, you filthy
telemarketer! You!
161
00:07:50,204 --> 00:07:52,037
Hey, it's that guy who
stole Dan's identity
162
00:07:52,039 --> 00:07:54,039
and tried to ruin his life.
163
00:07:54,041 --> 00:07:57,075
Hiya, Dan. How've you been?
164
00:08:06,854 --> 00:08:12,357
It's me! I mean, I'm you! I
mean, you know who you are!
165
00:08:12,359 --> 00:08:14,092
Stop calling me!
166
00:08:14,094 --> 00:08:17,596
Oh, I can't do that now, can I?
167
00:08:17,598 --> 00:08:18,897
Not after I spent six months in
168
00:08:18,899 --> 00:08:21,533
jail because the police
thought I was you.
169
00:08:21,535 --> 00:08:25,036
Because you stole my identity!
170
00:08:25,038 --> 00:08:26,705
Whose fault is that?
171
00:08:26,707 --> 00:08:29,841
So... I should just
let it go then?
172
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:31,877
I would!
173
00:08:31,879 --> 00:08:33,578
By the way, hi,
Chris and Elise.
174
00:08:33,580 --> 00:08:36,748
You guys look stunning! You do.
175
00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:39,351
Have you been working
out? tell? tell?
176
00:08:39,353 --> 00:08:41,686
Oh stop, you.
177
00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:44,756
Hey! Don't be charmed
by this miscreant!
178
00:08:44,758 --> 00:08:48,026
Need I remind you that he's
calling your house, too?
179
00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:51,897
Dan's right. I get one more
sales call at four a.m.
180
00:08:51,899 --> 00:08:56,935
and you find out how hard it
is to dial without fingers.
181
00:08:56,937 --> 00:08:58,403
Whoa now, tigress.
182
00:08:58,405 --> 00:09:00,405
Im gonna have to put
you on a leash.
183
00:09:00,407 --> 00:09:02,874
I don't have a problem
with you guys.
184
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:04,843
I wont call you anymore. heh?
185
00:09:04,845 --> 00:09:06,912
Huh. All right, then.
186
00:09:06,914 --> 00:09:08,480
And you'll stop
calling me, too?
187
00:09:08,482 --> 00:09:10,949
(telemarketer laughs)
188
00:09:10,951 --> 00:09:14,553
It's adorable that
you think that.
189
00:09:14,555 --> 00:09:18,356
Oh, come on! Look, I got
you thrown in jail.
190
00:09:18,358 --> 00:09:21,493
Fine. But this is
just sub-human.
191
00:09:21,495 --> 00:09:22,594
Listen man-cookie.
192
00:09:22,596 --> 00:09:25,931
I learned all about
"sub-human" on cellblock 2.
193
00:09:25,933 --> 00:09:28,667
Well, I got what I
wanted. I'll be outside.
194
00:09:28,669 --> 00:09:31,703
I demand to know why you've
called me over two hundred
195
00:09:31,705 --> 00:09:33,939
times in the last twenty
four hours.
196
00:09:33,941 --> 00:09:38,109
Ha. Maybe I have a dream,
Dan. You ever think of that?
197
00:09:38,111 --> 00:09:41,446
Um... I had not thought
of that..
198
00:09:41,448 --> 00:09:44,115
Maybe I just want to be the best
telemarketer I can be.
199
00:09:44,117 --> 00:09:45,951
You'd, uh, probably
be better at it
200
00:09:45,953 --> 00:09:47,953
if you called more
than one person.
201
00:09:47,955 --> 00:09:49,120
Chris has a point.
202
00:09:49,122 --> 00:09:51,189
Maybe that's not my
dream after all.
203
00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:54,326
Stop playing games and
tell me what you want.
204
00:09:54,328 --> 00:09:58,997
To drive you absolutely batty.
Nutso. Around the bend.
205
00:09:58,999 --> 00:10:01,132
And I have to say, I don't
expect it to take long.
206
00:10:01,134 --> 00:10:03,535
Now, I've enjoyed our little
chat here, but if you don't
207
00:10:03,537 --> 00:10:07,105
leave immediately, I'll have
you arrested for trespassing.
208
00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:11,242
And Dan? We're on parole.
209
00:10:11,244 --> 00:10:14,813
You abysmal excuse
for a human being!
210
00:10:14,815 --> 00:10:17,682
I will find a way to--
211
00:10:17,684 --> 00:10:19,985
I'll call you.
212
00:10:21,188 --> 00:10:23,154
Man, I hate that guy!
213
00:10:23,156 --> 00:10:26,157
And how could you ditch
me in my moment of need?
214
00:10:26,159 --> 00:10:28,493
He's trying to make
me crazy, you know.
215
00:10:28,495 --> 00:10:30,028
You mean crazy-er?
216
00:10:30,030 --> 00:10:33,064
He clearly doesn't know
who he's messing with!
217
00:10:33,066 --> 00:10:35,033
Uh-huh.
218
00:10:35,035 --> 00:10:40,005
You hear me in there!?
You can't drive me mad!
219
00:10:40,007 --> 00:10:42,107
I laugh at you!
220
00:10:42,109 --> 00:10:47,178
Ha! Ha! Ha-ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
221
00:10:47,180 --> 00:10:51,549
You come down here right
now so I can bite you!
222
00:10:51,551 --> 00:10:56,955
Rarh! Rarh!
223
00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:01,126
(grumbling to himself)
Bite his stupid face off.
224
00:11:01,128 --> 00:11:02,694
That's what I'll do!
225
00:11:02,696 --> 00:11:03,728
Calm down, Dan.
226
00:11:03,730 --> 00:11:05,597
Listen, I made it look
like I was ditching you,
227
00:11:05,599 --> 00:11:07,132
but really I was sneaking
away so I could--
228
00:11:07,134 --> 00:11:08,733
You don't need to explain.
229
00:11:08,735 --> 00:11:12,203
It's like I told Chris when I
was driving him to your wedding.
230
00:11:12,205 --> 00:11:15,407
"Don't marry Elise.
She's a jerk."
231
00:11:15,409 --> 00:11:18,510
What?! Okay, you are
going to have to beg,
232
00:11:18,512 --> 00:11:23,748
and I mean BEG, on bended
knee, for me to help you now.
233
00:11:23,750 --> 00:11:26,184
When the devil goes
ice-skating, missy.
234
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:31,656
Some friends.
235
00:11:31,658 --> 00:11:34,492
Don't expect my help when
the people YOU sent to jail
236
00:11:34,494 --> 00:11:37,162
for six months come
back for revenge.
237
00:11:46,707 --> 00:11:48,406
You'll see, Mr. Mumbles.
238
00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:52,644
This will all seem better
after a good nights sleep.
239
00:11:52,646 --> 00:11:53,111
(phone rings)
240
00:11:53,113 --> 00:11:54,079
Mrroww!!!
241
00:11:54,081 --> 00:11:56,247
Whaa! Ow!
242
00:11:56,249 --> 00:12:00,085
Why is your first instinct
always to claw my face?!
243
00:12:00,087 --> 00:12:00,585
And what--?
244
00:12:06,293 --> 00:12:07,876
(telemarketer on phone)
Hello, sir.
245
00:12:07,877 --> 00:12:09,460
Did you know that many people
with your aesthetic have signed
246
00:12:09,463 --> 00:12:11,896
up for our reduced-rate
cosmetic surgery?
247
00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:13,398
Aaargrhh!
248
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:22,073
(phone rings)
249
00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:23,675
(telemarketer on phone)
Interested in dirt-cheap
250
00:12:23,676 --> 00:12:25,276
disposable cell phones?
Our prices are so low,
251
00:12:25,278 --> 00:12:27,679
you'll think you're going CRAZY.
252
00:12:27,681 --> 00:12:29,514
Aah!
253
00:12:29,516 --> 00:12:32,684
(phones ring continuallly)
254
00:12:55,876 --> 00:12:58,309
Elise, I'm sorry I was
rude to you earlier.
255
00:12:58,311 --> 00:13:00,945
I need your help. Please.
256
00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:02,080
Come on in.
257
00:13:02,082 --> 00:13:03,081
Jerk.
258
00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:03,948
What was that?!
259
00:13:03,950 --> 00:13:05,984
I said, "Thank you!"
260
00:13:05,986 --> 00:13:07,986
As I was trying to
tell you in the car,
261
00:13:07,988 --> 00:13:10,955
when I walked away I went back
to Mr. Zimmerman's office--
262
00:13:10,957 --> 00:13:13,024
I hear he's off the
respirator.
263
00:13:13,026 --> 00:13:17,095
--and printed out the
telemarketer's employee file.
264
00:13:17,097 --> 00:13:19,597
It has his home address.
265
00:13:23,537 --> 00:13:25,336
You know, I think I
get more use out of
266
00:13:25,338 --> 00:13:26,604
my ski mask than most people.
267
00:13:26,606 --> 00:13:29,340
Stay focused.
268
00:13:29,342 --> 00:13:35,013
We go in hard, nab him, and then
introduce him to Mr. Crowbar.
269
00:13:35,015 --> 00:13:40,018
Ha! Now who's-- --not here.
270
00:13:40,020 --> 00:13:42,620
Huh.
271
00:13:42,622 --> 00:13:44,722
(phone rings)
272
00:13:44,724 --> 00:13:48,126
Saw that coming.
273
00:13:48,128 --> 00:13:50,328
I am really beginning
to dislike you.
274
00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:52,497
(telemarketer on phone)
You can't...
275
00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:54,665
(laughs)
Oh gosh. You silly boy.
276
00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:56,634
You cant win, Dan.
277
00:13:56,636 --> 00:13:59,704
Because I know what you're
going to do before you do it.
278
00:13:59,706 --> 00:14:01,890
Says you.
279
00:14:01,891 --> 00:14:04,075
(telemarketer on phone)
I've BEEN you, remember?
280
00:14:04,077 --> 00:14:07,045
I know how that tiny
brain of yours works.
281
00:14:07,047 --> 00:14:09,214
It's proportional to my body!
282
00:14:09,216 --> 00:14:10,815
(telemarketer on phone)
I know you so well,
283
00:14:10,817 --> 00:14:14,552
I could even predict where Chris
would be standing when you guys
284
00:14:14,554 --> 00:14:16,421
broke into my apartment.
285
00:14:16,423 --> 00:14:17,255
Aaahhh!
286
00:14:17,257 --> 00:14:18,556
Chris!
287
00:14:18,558 --> 00:14:21,125
I left a little something
special for him.
288
00:14:21,127 --> 00:14:23,995
(chris o.s.)
A pie? Awesome!
289
00:14:23,997 --> 00:14:25,797
Hey Dan, thank him for me.
290
00:14:25,799 --> 00:14:32,437
Don't worry.
No trap door for you.
291
00:14:32,439 --> 00:14:33,571
Uh-oh.
292
00:14:33,573 --> 00:14:36,741
(telemarketer on phone)
Nighty night, Dan.
293
00:14:47,153 --> 00:14:53,424
Ugh. Oh...
294
00:14:53,426 --> 00:14:55,927
Has my apartment
been redecorated?!
295
00:14:55,929 --> 00:14:57,362
(telemarketer o.s.)
That's the thing, Dan.
296
00:14:57,364 --> 00:14:59,864
Aaahh!
297
00:14:59,866 --> 00:15:04,936
Meaow.
298
00:15:04,938 --> 00:15:05,570
You just never know
what I'll do.
299
00:15:05,572 --> 00:15:06,916
Isnt that fun?
300
00:15:06,917 --> 00:15:08,261
Maybe I'll redecorate
your place.
301
00:15:08,262 --> 00:15:09,606
Maybe I'll dress up as
your cat. Do you love it?
302
00:15:09,609 --> 00:15:14,846
Or I could dress up as you
and steal a police car.
303
00:15:14,848 --> 00:15:19,851
Who knows? Buh bye now.
304
00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:26,208
Hello?
305
00:15:26,209 --> 00:15:27,292
Come and pick me
up right now.
306
00:15:27,294 --> 00:15:29,327
Dan! Hey, I'm glad
you're all right.
307
00:15:29,329 --> 00:15:31,396
By the time I finished the pie
and climbed out of the pit,
308
00:15:31,398 --> 00:15:32,397
you were gone.
309
00:15:32,399 --> 00:15:34,699
Wait, you finished
the pie first?
310
00:15:34,701 --> 00:15:36,668
Well yeah.
311
00:15:36,670 --> 00:15:40,004
Unbelievable.
Just get over here.
312
00:15:40,006 --> 00:15:42,040
(phone rings)
313
00:15:47,981 --> 00:15:50,415
I don't know what took you so
long, but we have got to--
314
00:15:50,417 --> 00:15:52,850
Oh, no.
315
00:15:52,852 --> 00:15:57,655
Ohh!! Got to what, buddy?
316
00:15:57,657 --> 00:16:08,433
Oof! Ow! Ah! Darn it! Ouch!
Ahhhhh!
317
00:16:08,435 --> 00:16:10,868
Run this by me one more time.
318
00:16:10,870 --> 00:16:13,404
Fine! There's this guy, okay?
319
00:16:13,406 --> 00:16:15,406
He tried to steal my identity.
320
00:16:15,408 --> 00:16:17,375
While you were in jail?
321
00:16:17,377 --> 00:16:19,377
No. HE went to jail, not me!
322
00:16:19,379 --> 00:16:23,014
But it was for something I
did. Because he was me.
323
00:16:23,016 --> 00:16:24,215
So...he's you?
324
00:16:24,217 --> 00:16:26,317
No! But kind of.
325
00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:29,988
And now he's a telemarketer
who won't stop calling.
326
00:16:29,990 --> 00:16:32,390
And then he attacked you?
327
00:16:32,391 --> 00:16:34,791
Yes! He knocked me unconscious
so he could dress up as my cat
328
00:16:34,794 --> 00:16:36,928
and redecorate my apartment.
329
00:16:36,930 --> 00:16:38,496
Because...
330
00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:44,035
He's trying to make it seem
like I'm losing my marbles!
331
00:16:44,037 --> 00:16:45,737
Which I'm not!
332
00:16:45,739 --> 00:16:48,906
I assure you sir, we
will give this matter
333
00:16:48,908 --> 00:16:51,409
all the attention it deserves.
334
00:16:51,411 --> 00:16:53,945
(telemarketer o.s.)
Which means none, of course.
335
00:16:53,947 --> 00:16:55,780
Did you hear that?!
336
00:16:55,782 --> 00:16:57,849
Uh... Hear what?
337
00:16:57,851 --> 00:17:00,518
(telemarketer o.s.)
He can't hear the
338
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:03,287
voices in your head, silly.
339
00:17:03,289 --> 00:17:04,455
Come on.
340
00:17:04,457 --> 00:17:06,157
You leave me alone!
341
00:17:06,159 --> 00:17:08,359
With pleasure. The
door's that way.
342
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:09,861
I'm not talking to you!
343
00:17:09,863 --> 00:17:11,896
(telemarketer o.s.)
Hey now, don't be a jerk.
344
00:17:11,898 --> 00:17:13,164
You're a jerk!
345
00:17:13,166 --> 00:17:16,334
Do not call me names,
sir. I carry a gun.
346
00:17:16,336 --> 00:17:19,003
I said, "I'm not
talking to you!"
347
00:17:19,005 --> 00:17:21,606
I'm talking to the
telemarketer!
348
00:17:21,608 --> 00:17:23,541
Oh, so he's here now?
349
00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:27,678
No! Yes! I mean-- No.
350
00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:29,113
(telemarketer o.s.)
That was very smooth.
351
00:17:29,115 --> 00:17:33,317
SHUT UP!
352
00:17:33,319 --> 00:17:35,219
(telemarketer o.s.)
Why you so upset?
353
00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:37,120
(telemarketer o.s.)
Where having fun together!!
354
00:17:37,123 --> 00:17:38,389
(telemarketer o.s.)
And think this is
355
00:17:38,390 --> 00:17:39,656
only the beginning!
356
00:17:39,659 --> 00:17:41,692
He's in my brains!
357
00:17:45,598 --> 00:17:47,732
Sign me up for the
laughing academy, Chris!
358
00:17:47,734 --> 00:17:50,201
Book me a room at
the padded hotel!
359
00:17:50,203 --> 00:17:51,502
Hey, Dan. What's new?
360
00:17:51,504 --> 00:17:53,137
He's done it!
361
00:17:53,139 --> 00:17:56,641
I'm completely round the bend!
362
00:17:56,643 --> 00:17:59,143
Yeah? Well no one asked you!
363
00:17:59,145 --> 00:18:01,846
Stupid voice in my head...
364
00:18:01,848 --> 00:18:04,082
You're hearing the
telemarketer in your head?
365
00:18:04,084 --> 00:18:07,418
Uh-huh. Except when I ran
under some power lines.
366
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:12,790
Then it changed to smooth
jazz for some reason.
367
00:18:12,792 --> 00:18:15,426
Dan, do you trust me?
368
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:17,028
Of course not!
369
00:18:25,038 --> 00:18:28,106
Blah! Stop it!
370
00:18:28,108 --> 00:18:29,340
What happened?!
371
00:18:29,342 --> 00:18:32,143
I have been unconscious
quite enough for one day!
372
00:18:32,145 --> 00:18:35,246
It's okay now, Dan.
We can talk openly.
373
00:18:35,248 --> 00:18:37,281
Fine. I've never liked you.
374
00:18:37,283 --> 00:18:39,083
She means she's muted the
transmitter that the
375
00:18:39,085 --> 00:18:41,552
Telemarketer put in
one of your molars.
376
00:18:41,554 --> 00:18:43,554
The what? Oh.
377
00:18:43,556 --> 00:18:45,990
It's a very sophisticated
piece of equipment, actually.
378
00:18:45,992 --> 00:18:47,625
He must have spent a
fortune on it.
379
00:18:47,627 --> 00:18:49,093
Well, I'm worth it.
380
00:18:49,095 --> 00:18:50,862
Anyway, looks like
our little friend
381
00:18:50,864 --> 00:18:52,497
has finally made a mistake.
382
00:18:52,499 --> 00:18:53,882
Why's that?
383
00:18:53,883 --> 00:18:55,266
Because he's got to be
transmitting from somewhere.
384
00:18:55,268 --> 00:18:57,068
Once we remove the device--
385
00:18:57,070 --> 00:18:58,136
Wait, is that going to hurt?
386
00:18:58,138 --> 00:19:01,005
No. It's just clamped on
to one of your teeth.
387
00:19:01,007 --> 00:19:02,974
Should come right off.
Then, we trace the
388
00:19:02,976 --> 00:19:05,543
signal back to its source,
and we've got him.
389
00:19:05,545 --> 00:19:07,378
I like it.
390
00:19:07,380 --> 00:19:08,946
Okay. Hold still.
391
00:19:08,948 --> 00:19:10,214
(garbled) Be gentle!
392
00:19:10,216 --> 00:19:14,152
It won't hurt, Dan,
trust me. One, two...
393
00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:21,893
Ah! Oh! Holy mother
of-- My face!
394
00:19:21,895 --> 00:19:25,062
I thought you were just going
to remove the transmitter!
395
00:19:25,064 --> 00:19:28,699
I didn't even pull that hard!
Dan teeth are like egg shells.
396
00:19:28,701 --> 00:19:33,571
Ah! Whoa, mamma
that's pain! Ahh!
397
00:19:33,573 --> 00:19:36,607
Uh... sorry, Dan. But you
really need to start
398
00:19:36,609 --> 00:19:38,209
brushing and
flossing regularly.
399
00:19:38,211 --> 00:19:39,644
I'll floss your neck!
400
00:19:39,646 --> 00:19:40,645
Woah. Alright.
401
00:19:40,647 --> 00:19:42,480
Save it for the telemarketer.
402
00:19:45,818 --> 00:19:47,535
There he is.
403
00:19:47,536 --> 00:19:49,253
So he lives in that apartment,
404
00:19:49,255 --> 00:19:52,123
and rented the one above
it just to trap me?
405
00:19:52,125 --> 00:19:54,725
I wondered why his downstairs
neighbors didn't complain about
406
00:19:54,727 --> 00:19:56,427
the trap door in their ceiling.
407
00:19:56,429 --> 00:19:59,931
Dan? Dan, are you awake yet?
408
00:19:59,933 --> 00:20:02,833
I need to talk Dan.
Are you there?
409
00:20:02,835 --> 00:20:05,903
Common It's me, it's the
Telemarketer. Cut it out.
410
00:20:05,905 --> 00:20:06,871
CRASH! Ha!
411
00:20:06,873 --> 00:20:10,575
Whuh-oh.
412
00:20:10,577 --> 00:20:13,477
After him!
413
00:20:13,479 --> 00:20:14,979
Hey, look!
414
00:20:14,981 --> 00:20:22,286
It's a trap, Chris. See how
it's on a pressure plate?
415
00:20:22,288 --> 00:20:24,922
Oh, he's good.
416
00:20:24,924 --> 00:20:27,258
Oh no Dan. Oh no.
417
00:20:27,260 --> 00:20:29,260
You can't hide in there!
418
00:20:29,262 --> 00:20:33,297
You've got to help me!
He's crazy! He's crazy!
419
00:20:33,299 --> 00:20:34,398
Who's crazy?
420
00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:36,334
Now I've got you!
421
00:20:36,336 --> 00:20:37,435
Don't Dan.
422
00:20:37,437 --> 00:20:39,737
You again? Put down
the weapon, sir.
423
00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:43,040
Back off, copper. This
is between me and--
424
00:20:47,814 --> 00:20:50,314
I dont wanna be rude
but, He's still moving.
425
00:20:50,316 --> 00:20:51,182
Could you---
426
00:20:51,184 --> 00:20:56,153
I really shouldnt, but okay.
427
00:20:57,890 --> 00:21:00,958
So in conclusion, I'm using
my one phone call to let
428
00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:03,861
you know that, while it would
appear to the untrained
429
00:21:03,863 --> 00:21:09,400
observer that I have lost this
battle, I have, in fact, won.
430
00:21:09,402 --> 00:21:12,803
I get to spend the next
six weeks in a place
431
00:21:12,805 --> 00:21:20,044
where no telemarketer
can call me. So, ha-ha!
432
00:21:20,046 --> 00:21:28,653
All right, Danno,
I guess you did win.
433
00:21:28,655 --> 00:21:33,424
Man, that guy should
learn to let stuff go.
434
00:21:33,426 --> 00:21:33,457
(whistles)
435
00:21:33,507 --> 00:21:38,057
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