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1
00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:10,542
(tires screeching)
2
00:00:10,544 --> 00:00:12,244
Oh, come on!l
3
00:00:12,246 --> 00:00:15,214
It's the pedal on
the right, idiot!
4
00:00:15,216 --> 00:00:16,715
(phone rings)
5
00:00:16,717 --> 00:00:17,549
Hello?
6
00:00:17,551 --> 00:00:18,751
Why are people so stupid?!
7
00:00:18,753 --> 00:00:20,853
Uh... Which people?
8
00:00:20,855 --> 00:00:22,621
Everyone except me.
9
00:00:22,623 --> 00:00:24,490
Yeah, this sounds like
a longer conversation,
10
00:00:24,492 --> 00:00:25,924
and I'm kind of busy so...
11
00:00:25,926 --> 00:00:27,192
(honking)
What are you doing?!
12
00:00:27,194 --> 00:00:28,927
Move it!
13
00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:34,967
(frustrated scream)
14
00:00:34,969 --> 00:00:38,904
And what ever happened to the
concept of the passing lane?
15
00:00:38,906 --> 00:00:40,873
They stopped teaching that
a couple of years ago.
16
00:00:40,875 --> 00:00:43,142
They found it too complicated
for people to grasp.
17
00:00:43,144 --> 00:00:44,777
What's complicated?!
18
00:00:44,779 --> 00:00:48,480
If you're not moving faster
than the people on your right,
19
00:00:48,482 --> 00:00:49,681
GET OVER!
20
00:00:51,452 --> 00:00:54,820
It's like there's some
conspiracy of idiots and jerks
21
00:00:54,822 --> 00:00:56,522
that make it
impossible to get--
22
00:00:56,524 --> 00:00:57,656
(gasps)
23
00:00:57,658 --> 00:01:00,626
What in the name of
all that is holy?
24
00:01:00,628 --> 00:01:02,161
Dan? What's wrong?
25
00:01:02,163 --> 00:01:06,498
They made ANOTHER
Humongobots movie?
26
00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:09,034
Of course they did.
The first five were huge hits.
27
00:01:09,036 --> 00:01:15,007
But they're awful! It's another
sequel to a reboot of a remake,
28
00:01:15,009 --> 00:01:18,077
that was originally based
on a toy that, by the way,
29
00:01:18,079 --> 00:01:22,581
was based on another toy.
Why do people keep going?
30
00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:25,017
Hey, Dan, I'd love to talk
about the current state of the
31
00:01:25,019 --> 00:01:26,285
American entertainment
industry,
32
00:01:26,287 --> 00:01:29,588
but there's a show on
TV that I can't miss.
33
00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:33,058
All right! Humongobots 6!
Can't wait!
34
00:01:33,060 --> 00:01:36,095
You're going to pay
money to see that?
35
00:01:36,097 --> 00:01:38,831
It's gonna be krinkled,
bro-face!
36
00:01:38,833 --> 00:01:41,600
"Krinkled?" Wha..
What are you saying?
37
00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:43,469
Mott the hoople, chuckle-truck!
38
00:01:43,471 --> 00:01:45,237
Now there's something meatier!
39
00:01:45,239 --> 00:01:47,539
Are you talking like that
because you're intentionally
40
00:01:47,541 --> 00:01:49,975
trying to sound stupi--whoa!
41
00:01:54,915 --> 00:01:57,149
Krinkled, bro-face...
42
00:01:57,151 --> 00:01:59,551
Stop calling me "bro-face!"
43
00:01:59,553 --> 00:02:01,487
And you! What happened?
44
00:02:01,489 --> 00:02:05,924
Ooh, sorry, bro-face.
I's all, um texty?
45
00:02:07,428 --> 00:02:11,930
STUPIDITY!!!
46
00:02:39,193 --> 00:02:42,161
Turn off the idiot-box,Chris.
We have work to do.
47
00:02:42,163 --> 00:02:43,629
Just once, I'd like
you to open with
48
00:02:43,631 --> 00:02:46,031
"Hey, Chris!
How are you today?"
49
00:02:46,033 --> 00:02:48,634
Grow up.
50
00:02:48,635 --> 00:02:51,236
We have to end stupidity in
this country once and for--
51
00:02:51,238 --> 00:02:53,405
What are you watching?
52
00:02:53,407 --> 00:02:56,008
Is that guy eating a
bucket of mayonnaise?
53
00:02:56,010 --> 00:02:57,643
It's a competitive eating
contest.
54
00:02:57,645 --> 00:02:58,977
Want to watch with us?
55
00:02:58,979 --> 00:03:01,780
This is your "must-see"
television show?
56
00:03:01,782 --> 00:03:05,450
Yep. The Gullet Bowl.
57
00:03:05,452 --> 00:03:07,553
What? It's good.
58
00:03:07,555 --> 00:03:09,388
I'm not going to say
anything, Chris.
59
00:03:09,390 --> 00:03:12,891
I'm just going to give
you the slow, sad,
60
00:03:12,893 --> 00:03:14,893
head-shake of disapproval.
61
00:03:14,895 --> 00:03:16,728
What are you doing here, Dan?
62
00:03:16,730 --> 00:03:19,198
What are YOU doing here, Elise?
63
00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:21,400
I could see Chris
watching this drivel,
64
00:03:21,402 --> 00:03:23,302
but I'd expect better from you.
65
00:03:23,304 --> 00:03:24,469
Oh, he's not just watching it.
66
00:03:24,471 --> 00:03:26,004
He's going to
compete this year.
67
00:03:26,006 --> 00:03:29,241
That's right! In the deep-fried
bacon eating contest.
68
00:03:29,243 --> 00:03:31,610
I've finally found my sport!
69
00:03:31,612 --> 00:03:34,546
There are so many things
wrong with that statement
70
00:03:34,548 --> 00:03:36,215
I don't even know
where to begin.
71
00:03:36,217 --> 00:03:38,650
You actually want him to do
this?
72
00:03:38,652 --> 00:03:40,852
Of course not.
It's terrible for his health.
73
00:03:40,854 --> 00:03:43,922
But you can't stand between
Chris and empty calories.
74
00:03:43,924 --> 00:03:48,527
I come over here to enlist your
aid in destroying the stupidity
75
00:03:48,529 --> 00:03:52,764
epidemic, and instead I find
myself knee-deep in it!
76
00:03:52,766 --> 00:03:55,167
It's not an epidemic, Dan.
77
00:03:55,169 --> 00:03:58,003
Sure it is!
And it's getting worse.
78
00:03:58,005 --> 00:04:02,274
Every aspect of our society is
serving to make us dumber.
79
00:04:02,276 --> 00:04:04,026
Come on...
80
00:04:04,027 --> 00:04:05,777
Spell-check means you
don't have to spell.
81
00:04:05,779 --> 00:04:08,113
People don't use encyclopedias,
82
00:04:08,115 --> 00:04:11,350
they just get the wrong
information from the Internet!
83
00:04:11,352 --> 00:04:13,151
Dan, could you move?
84
00:04:13,153 --> 00:04:16,154
You're blocking the TV.
85
00:04:16,156 --> 00:04:17,923
(announcer on tv)
Wow, folks, Thompson's
86
00:04:17,924 --> 00:04:19,691
just CRAMMING those fishsticks
into his gullet...
87
00:04:19,693 --> 00:04:21,960
He's the one to beat.
88
00:04:21,962 --> 00:04:23,195
Listen to you!
89
00:04:23,197 --> 00:04:26,732
Our whole society is getting
dumber as we speak.
90
00:04:26,734 --> 00:04:29,735
TV shows just quote
older TV shows.
91
00:04:29,737 --> 00:04:31,837
Even if you're right, Dan,
how do you expect to--
92
00:04:31,839 --> 00:04:33,122
(announcer on tv)
We now pause for
93
00:04:33,123 --> 00:04:34,406
breaking news from the
Government Action Center
94
00:04:34,408 --> 00:04:36,041
for Action in Los Angeles.
95
00:04:36,043 --> 00:04:38,310
Aw, I wanted to see
how the contest ends!
96
00:04:38,312 --> 00:04:40,545
With clogged arteries
for the contestants.
97
00:04:40,547 --> 00:04:42,581
(announcer on tv)
Let's go live to
98
00:04:42,582 --> 00:04:44,616
the Governor of California,
with a special announcement.
99
00:04:44,618 --> 00:04:48,754
Uh... heh... Is this
thing on? Heh, heh...
100
00:04:48,756 --> 00:04:51,757
Well, hello.
My fellow Californians.
101
00:04:51,759 --> 00:04:53,025
I'll get right to it.
102
00:04:53,027 --> 00:04:55,394
Due to budget cuts,
the school year is
103
00:04:55,396 --> 00:04:58,096
being downsized
to three months.
104
00:04:58,098 --> 00:05:02,634
Also, textbooks will be
replaced by the Internet.
105
00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:04,903
So, uh... that's happening.
106
00:05:04,905 --> 00:05:06,038
Heh, heh...Yes sir.
107
00:05:06,040 --> 00:05:09,541
Mister Governor?
Is this a good idea?
108
00:05:09,543 --> 00:05:11,910
Further cuts in education?
109
00:05:11,912 --> 00:05:15,280
Are you saying you
WANT higher taxes?
110
00:05:15,282 --> 00:05:17,516
I'm just asking if the school
system will be able to--
111
00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:18,550
I don't know about that, son.
112
00:05:18,552 --> 00:05:19,918
I just let the teachers teach.
113
00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:24,423
Because unlike you,
I believe in America.
114
00:05:24,425 --> 00:05:26,258
I... believe in America, too.
It's--
115
00:05:26,260 --> 00:05:28,093
Good, then we're in agreement.
116
00:05:28,095 --> 00:05:29,628
Thank you. Thank you very much.
117
00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:33,665
Thank you Govenor! And now,
back to the Gullet Bowl!
118
00:05:36,103 --> 00:05:38,270
I think I know where to start.
119
00:05:38,272 --> 00:05:41,473
Come on, Chris, let's go
talk to the Governor.
120
00:05:41,475 --> 00:05:42,974
I should get something
to eat anyway.
121
00:05:42,976 --> 00:05:45,210
Gotta stretch out the guts.
122
00:05:45,212 --> 00:05:46,678
Gross!
123
00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:49,514
You have no idea.
He's been sweating bacon fat.
124
00:05:51,452 --> 00:05:54,786
And NOW, the cash registers
at Burgerphile have pictures
125
00:05:54,788 --> 00:05:56,855
of the food on the buttons!
126
00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:59,091
Okay, Dan.
127
00:05:59,093 --> 00:06:00,559
And leashes for children?
128
00:06:00,561 --> 00:06:03,795
I mean, sure, if they had
choke collars on them for
129
00:06:03,797 --> 00:06:04,863
training purposes, but---
130
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:06,665
You know what I think is
stupid?!
131
00:06:06,667 --> 00:06:10,702
Complaining endlessly about
things you can't change!
132
00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:15,540
Just shut up about it,
you angry little troll!
133
00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:18,143
Wow, Chris.
134
00:06:18,145 --> 00:06:21,246
That hurts my feelings.
135
00:06:21,248 --> 00:06:26,685
I'm sorry. I'm just under a lot
of pressure, inside and out.
136
00:06:26,687 --> 00:06:29,054
Outside, because I've got
to win this contest.
137
00:06:29,056 --> 00:06:32,224
Inside, because I've been
eating a LOT of stuff lately.
138
00:06:32,226 --> 00:06:35,660
So then why do it?
No one is forcing you.
139
00:06:35,662 --> 00:06:39,698
Don't you see?
It's for Elise.
140
00:06:39,700 --> 00:06:41,233
She's just so good at
everything she does.
141
00:06:41,235 --> 00:06:43,402
I want to excel at
something, and prove
142
00:06:43,404 --> 00:06:45,637
I'm worthy of her love.
143
00:06:45,639 --> 00:06:48,673
So your plan is to prove
yourself worthy of Elise
144
00:06:48,675 --> 00:06:52,677
by eating huge amounts of fatty
foods as quickly as you can,
145
00:06:52,679 --> 00:06:55,981
even though Elise is
dead-set against it?
146
00:06:55,983 --> 00:06:57,449
Yes.
147
00:06:57,451 --> 00:07:00,986
You're a weird guy, Chris.
148
00:07:05,926 --> 00:07:08,026
I demand to see the Governor.
149
00:07:08,028 --> 00:07:09,628
Whizza-what?
150
00:07:09,630 --> 00:07:12,097
The Governor.
151
00:07:12,099 --> 00:07:13,832
Happy-pologies, scuba tank.
152
00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:16,701
No doma. Yerba mat-tay.
153
00:07:16,703 --> 00:07:18,370
This is going nowhere.
154
00:07:18,372 --> 00:07:21,406
I think physical violence
is our only recourse.
155
00:07:21,408 --> 00:07:23,642
Agreed.
156
00:07:23,644 --> 00:07:26,545
Hey! Don't squeezy the
cheesy, bro faces!
157
00:07:26,547 --> 00:07:30,649
I WANT TO SEE THE GOVERNOR!
158
00:07:30,651 --> 00:07:32,284
(governor o.s.)
Uh, maybe I can help you
159
00:07:32,286 --> 00:07:34,119
with that. Heh-heh.
160
00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:35,353
Finally!
161
00:07:35,355 --> 00:07:37,255
Your Eminence.
162
00:07:37,257 --> 00:07:39,157
What are you doing?
163
00:07:39,159 --> 00:07:41,526
I don't know what the correct
greeting is for a governor.
164
00:07:41,528 --> 00:07:43,662
Do you curtsy?
165
00:07:43,664 --> 00:07:47,532
So, uh, why are you assaulting
my work-release volunteer?
166
00:07:47,534 --> 00:07:48,700
That is not important.
167
00:07:48,702 --> 00:07:51,770
I am a constituent and I
have some grievances.
168
00:07:51,772 --> 00:07:54,072
Which you, as an
elected official,
169
00:07:54,074 --> 00:07:58,210
are legally required to
listen to and resolve.
170
00:07:58,212 --> 00:07:59,478
I don't think he's legally--
171
00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:01,346
Of course, son.
172
00:08:01,348 --> 00:08:05,150
I'd, well, I'd love to
hear your complaints.
173
00:08:05,152 --> 00:08:08,387
Thank you. First of all--
174
00:08:08,388 --> 00:08:11,623
--just email them to my office
and I promise they'll be read.
175
00:08:11,625 --> 00:08:13,625
By whom? This guy?!
176
00:08:13,627 --> 00:08:16,127
Psh. Like I can read.
177
00:08:16,129 --> 00:08:17,496
That's not good enough!
178
00:08:17,498 --> 00:08:21,266
I demand immediate and
comprehensive action!
179
00:08:21,268 --> 00:08:23,702
Oh, I can do that.
180
00:08:24,238 --> 00:08:28,540
Hey! Let go! Ow!
181
00:08:28,542 --> 00:08:31,877
Well, I'm sure not voting
for that guy again.
182
00:08:40,521 --> 00:08:42,321
Get up, Chris.
183
00:08:42,322 --> 00:08:44,122
The Governor hasn't
seen the last of us.
184
00:08:44,124 --> 00:08:46,157
I don't know, Dan.
185
00:08:46,159 --> 00:08:48,593
I really need to get back
to my bacon training.
186
00:08:48,595 --> 00:08:50,962
This is no time for face
stuffing!
187
00:08:50,964 --> 00:08:52,664
We are in crisis!
188
00:08:52,666 --> 00:08:55,934
I just don't understand
what your GOAL is.
189
00:08:55,936 --> 00:08:58,503
You're not going to magically
make everyone smarter.
190
00:08:58,505 --> 00:09:00,906
I'm not trying to
make people smarter,
191
00:09:00,908 --> 00:09:03,942
I just want to stop
the downward spiral.
192
00:09:03,944 --> 00:09:06,478
I'm supposed to be following
a strict regimen.
193
00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:10,682
People are putting sweaters
on dogs as we speak!
194
00:09:10,684 --> 00:09:12,918
But how do you expect to talk to
the Governor when we just got
195
00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:14,753
kicked out of his office?
196
00:09:14,755 --> 00:09:16,087
We need to catch him in public.
197
00:09:16,089 --> 00:09:18,823
Then he'll have to hear us
out.
198
00:09:18,825 --> 00:09:21,660
I did read something
about the Governor's
199
00:09:21,662 --> 00:09:23,628
"Jes' Folks" campaign.
200
00:09:23,630 --> 00:09:25,864
He's going to be eating lunch
at a local diner today.
201
00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:29,167
Are you just saying that so
I'll take you to a deep fryer.
202
00:09:32,439 --> 00:09:35,507
I think I'm going with a double
order of mozzarella sticks,
203
00:09:35,509 --> 00:09:37,642
some onion rings,
and a large fries.
204
00:09:37,644 --> 00:09:39,811
Hey, when it gets here, time me!
205
00:09:39,813 --> 00:09:42,847
Ugh. For the last time, no!
206
00:09:42,849 --> 00:09:45,951
An athlete needs a
support network, Dan.
207
00:09:45,953 --> 00:09:48,553
Don't you want to be my
athletic supporter?
208
00:09:48,555 --> 00:09:50,188
Don't make this weird.
209
00:09:50,190 --> 00:09:52,290
I need to find out if
I have what it takes.
210
00:09:52,292 --> 00:09:54,526
I mean, I'm a pretty
gifted amateur,
211
00:09:54,528 --> 00:10:00,899
but some of these guys have
been training since childhood.
212
00:10:00,901 --> 00:10:02,567
There he is!
213
00:10:02,569 --> 00:10:04,703
...and that's why, back on
the farm, they used to--
214
00:10:04,705 --> 00:10:06,938
So, Governor, we meet again.
215
00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:10,942
Your majesty.
216
00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:14,579
We're here to talk to you about
concerns we have regarding the
217
00:10:14,581 --> 00:10:19,384
growing stupidity epidemic.
218
00:10:19,386 --> 00:10:25,223
Well, heh, I always have
time for constituents.
219
00:10:25,225 --> 00:10:28,793
Okay, first off, Chihuahuas
are not real dogs.
220
00:10:28,795 --> 00:10:31,246
I agree.
221
00:10:31,247 --> 00:10:33,698
So anyone who purchases one
should be thrown in jail.
222
00:10:33,700 --> 00:10:36,501
I'll have to take a look at
the polling on that one.
223
00:10:36,503 --> 00:10:39,237
Second, we can't cut
education any further.
224
00:10:39,239 --> 00:10:41,306
We're falling behind the rest
of the world in math and
225
00:10:41,308 --> 00:10:44,075
science at an alarming rate.
226
00:10:44,077 --> 00:10:47,679
Good. Science is for
nerds. And hypocrites.
227
00:10:47,681 --> 00:10:48,647
What?
228
00:10:48,649 --> 00:10:50,181
Scientists.
229
00:10:50,183 --> 00:10:53,551
You know they say Pluto's
not even a planet anymore?
230
00:10:53,553 --> 00:10:56,421
We're down a planet
because of them!
231
00:10:56,423 --> 00:10:59,391
Do you have any idea what effect
that will have on our economy?
232
00:10:59,393 --> 00:11:01,793
Uh... no. What?!
233
00:11:01,795 --> 00:11:05,463
Now if you'll excuse me,
I'm late for Humongobots 6.
234
00:11:05,465 --> 00:11:07,399
Are you kidding me?!
235
00:11:07,401 --> 00:11:09,868
Oh, I never joke about
Humongobots, son.
236
00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:12,337
I saw the first five.
237
00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:14,739
Or maybe I saw one
of 'em five times.
238
00:11:14,741 --> 00:11:16,307
Heh heh.
I'm not sure!
239
00:11:16,309 --> 00:11:18,476
You are part of the problem.
240
00:11:18,478 --> 00:11:21,246
Why do you hate America?
241
00:11:21,248 --> 00:11:24,049
I don't hate America,
I love America!
242
00:11:24,051 --> 00:11:26,484
That's why I want
to make it better!
243
00:11:26,486 --> 00:11:28,019
You can't improve
on perfection!
244
00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:31,289
I read that on the inside
of an iced tea bottle cap!
245
00:11:31,291 --> 00:11:33,825
USA! USA! USA! USA!
246
00:11:33,827 --> 00:11:38,630
USA! USA! USA! USA
247
00:11:39,966 --> 00:11:42,867
How does that guy keep
getting re elected?
248
00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:44,769
He has a foolproof defense.
249
00:11:44,771 --> 00:11:47,439
Any time his opponents point out
he's wrong about something,
250
00:11:47,441 --> 00:11:49,908
he accuses them of
being elitist.
251
00:11:49,910 --> 00:11:51,676
I'll "elitist" him!
252
00:11:51,678 --> 00:11:53,611
Where did you get that
briefcase?
253
00:11:53,613 --> 00:11:55,647
Elise has one just like it.
254
00:11:55,649 --> 00:11:58,283
I stole it. From the Governor.
255
00:11:58,285 --> 00:11:59,417
Why?
256
00:11:59,419 --> 00:12:02,620
We'll talk about it while
we bust this baby open.
257
00:12:06,326 --> 00:12:08,326
One, two...
258
00:12:08,328 --> 00:12:10,095
Stop right there!
259
00:12:10,097 --> 00:12:14,599
Do. Not. Hit. That. Case.
260
00:12:14,601 --> 00:12:15,834
Why not?
261
00:12:15,836 --> 00:12:17,135
I have one of those.
262
00:12:17,137 --> 00:12:18,903
It's a Zembik Mark 5.
263
00:12:18,905 --> 00:12:20,705
Mine's a prettier shade
of brown, though.
264
00:12:20,707 --> 00:12:23,091
So why shouldn't we...
265
00:12:23,092 --> 00:12:25,476
Because the Zembik Mark 5 self
destructs if you force it open,
266
00:12:25,479 --> 00:12:27,312
spraying a super-acid that
disintegrates everything
267
00:12:27,314 --> 00:12:31,249
within a four-foot radius.
268
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:32,951
Why do you have one of these?
269
00:12:32,953 --> 00:12:35,687
Because it matches
my wallet, silly.
270
00:12:40,627 --> 00:12:42,193
Okay.
271
00:12:42,195 --> 00:12:44,963
Against my better judgement...
272
00:12:44,965 --> 00:12:46,498
GO!
273
00:12:49,402 --> 00:12:51,903
Et, voila!
274
00:12:51,905 --> 00:12:53,304
Eight seconds.
275
00:12:53,306 --> 00:12:58,376
Pathetic. I'm ashamed to
call myself an eater.
276
00:12:58,378 --> 00:13:02,881
I have to say, that was
disgusting, terrifying,
277
00:13:02,883 --> 00:13:06,818
and yet somehow exhilarating
to witness firsthand.
278
00:13:06,820 --> 00:13:10,955
Guys? The case is open.
279
00:13:10,957 --> 00:13:17,996
Pickled herring? Gross.
280
00:13:17,998 --> 00:13:19,297
What is this?
281
00:13:19,298 --> 00:13:20,597
It's all in some kind of code.
282
00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:24,969
It's not code. It's French.
This one's in Russian.
283
00:13:24,971 --> 00:13:29,007
Spanish, German, Latvian,
Polish...
284
00:13:29,009 --> 00:13:30,909
This is strange...
285
00:13:30,911 --> 00:13:32,194
What's it say?
286
00:13:32,195 --> 00:13:33,478
Well, the one that's in
Russian seems to be a
287
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:36,047
plan to introduce a phrase
into the popular culture.
288
00:13:36,049 --> 00:13:39,717
Krinkled. As in,
"That's totally krinkled."
289
00:13:39,719 --> 00:13:43,421
I heard some moron say that
very thing this morning!
290
00:13:43,423 --> 00:13:47,125
So, some Russian group is trying
to introduce a new phrase?
291
00:13:47,127 --> 00:13:48,593
That's a bit odd.
292
00:13:48,595 --> 00:13:49,961
Huh.
293
00:13:49,963 --> 00:13:52,664
This looks like a new
Drivers' Ed curriculum.
294
00:13:52,666 --> 00:13:55,834
They're going to teach people to
change lanes without looking.
295
00:13:55,836 --> 00:13:59,304
And this looks like a marketing
plan for Humongobots 6.
296
00:13:59,306 --> 00:14:01,039
What's going on here?
297
00:14:01,041 --> 00:14:05,944
I don't know, but it's
high time we found out.
298
00:14:10,083 --> 00:14:16,187
So my head is, like, going to
explode in two seconds, kay?
299
00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:18,256
Figuratively!
300
00:14:18,258 --> 00:14:19,257
Okay, Dan, we're here.
301
00:14:19,259 --> 00:14:20,525
What's your plan?
302
00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:22,961
First, we kidnap the Governor.
303
00:14:22,963 --> 00:14:25,597
Then, we hit him with
two-by-fours until he tells
304
00:14:25,599 --> 00:14:27,098
us what's going on.
305
00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:28,032
Here.
306
00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:29,467
What? No way.
307
00:14:29,469 --> 00:14:31,769
Don't be a wet blanket, Chris.
308
00:14:31,771 --> 00:14:33,471
Besides, we're here already.
309
00:14:33,473 --> 00:14:36,241
I really need to start asking
you what the plan is BEFORE
310
00:14:36,243 --> 00:14:38,209
we break into someone's office.
311
00:14:38,211 --> 00:14:42,580
Someone's coming! Hide!
312
00:14:42,582 --> 00:14:43,815
Thanks for letting me tag
along with you today,
313
00:14:43,817 --> 00:14:44,582
Mister Governor.
314
00:14:44,584 --> 00:14:46,150
Oh, my pleasure. Heh, heh.
315
00:14:46,152 --> 00:14:50,054
But if you'll excuse me,
I've got governor stuff to do.
316
00:14:50,056 --> 00:14:52,156
Oh, of course.
317
00:14:56,162 --> 00:14:59,230
Yes, hello. Geoffrey,
Please inform the
318
00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:02,834
higher-ups that everything's
ahead of schedule.
319
00:15:02,836 --> 00:15:06,304
The American public grows
more stupid by the day.
320
00:15:06,306 --> 00:15:07,939
Oh, hold the line,
would you, Geoffers?
321
00:15:07,941 --> 00:15:11,509
That's our Russian friend
calling.
322
00:15:11,511 --> 00:15:14,679
Zdrastvuiche.
Dmitri, Kak djela?
323
00:15:14,681 --> 00:15:19,117
Eh, nichivo. Nyet. Nyet.
"Yech talla ecki Islandskur."
324
00:15:19,119 --> 00:15:20,184
(he laughs)
325
00:15:20,186 --> 00:15:21,920
Do svidanya.
326
00:15:31,331 --> 00:15:33,698
Yes, well, I'm glad to hear that
things are going smashingly in
327
00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:37,468
Texas, but when we're finished
MY state will make a Houston
328
00:15:37,470 --> 00:15:40,471
barbecue look like the
Italian Renaissance.
329
00:15:40,473 --> 00:15:41,773
Cheerio.
330
00:15:50,984 --> 00:15:53,618
So... if I'm interpreting
events correctly,
331
00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:56,788
our Governor is, in fact,
a foreign spy sent here
332
00:15:56,790 --> 00:15:58,790
to make America dumber?
333
00:15:58,792 --> 00:16:01,326
Just as I suspected all along.
334
00:16:01,328 --> 00:16:03,194
And it sounds like they're
replacing governors
335
00:16:03,196 --> 00:16:05,596
to dumb down other states too.
336
00:16:05,598 --> 00:16:07,231
That explains Utah.
337
00:16:07,233 --> 00:16:08,333
So who do we call about this?
338
00:16:08,335 --> 00:16:10,568
Homeland Security? NASA?
339
00:16:10,570 --> 00:16:14,772
No. It's clear this conspiracy
of dullardry has compromised
340
00:16:14,774 --> 00:16:17,275
our nation from the
bottom to the top.
341
00:16:17,277 --> 00:16:19,577
Please don't say it's up to us
now.
342
00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:24,232
Dancing Shadow to Eagles' Nest.
343
00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:25,816
I've discovered an EU
conspiracy designed to ensure
344
00:16:25,819 --> 00:16:28,920
our complacency and incompetence
for generations to come.
345
00:16:28,922 --> 00:16:30,321
I recommend immediate action.
346
00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:31,522
(spyboss)
Negative, Dancing Shadow.
347
00:16:31,524 --> 00:16:33,257
We are aware of the EU plot.
348
00:16:33,259 --> 00:16:34,926
Operations are delicate
at this point.
349
00:16:34,928 --> 00:16:36,311
Highly volatile.
350
00:16:36,312 --> 00:16:37,695
The last thing we need is
interference by someone who is
351
00:16:37,697 --> 00:16:40,031
not fully apprised
of the situation.
352
00:16:41,735 --> 00:16:49,540
How do you get to the trap
door under this thing!?
353
00:16:49,542 --> 00:16:50,742
Jump higher!
354
00:16:50,744 --> 00:16:52,477
I think I saw it give a little!
355
00:16:52,479 --> 00:16:57,348
This is as high as I- whoaaa!
356
00:16:57,350 --> 00:16:59,917
Yo, Governator, everything
krinklin' in there.
357
00:17:02,122 --> 00:17:04,188
And we're working on
the new fashion trend.
358
00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:08,059
We've tried pants too
tight, pants too baggy.
359
00:17:08,061 --> 00:17:11,162
How about "No pants at all?"
360
00:17:11,164 --> 00:17:14,932
If you must.
You know at some point
361
00:17:14,934 --> 00:17:16,968
we're bound to get
diminishing returns.
362
00:17:16,970 --> 00:17:19,237
Some day soon, it will be time
363
00:17:19,239 --> 00:17:22,673
to pack up this operation
and move it elsewhere.
364
00:17:22,675 --> 00:17:24,375
How will you know
when that time is?
365
00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:28,346
Oh, we'll know.
366
00:17:28,348 --> 00:17:33,751
A bomb. Now that's what
I'm talking about!
367
00:17:33,753 --> 00:17:37,121
Help me find it so we can blow
this place to kingdom come.
368
00:17:37,123 --> 00:17:38,856
There's no bomb here, Dan.
369
00:17:38,858 --> 00:17:41,926
Looks like this is the AI that
generates slang terms to be
370
00:17:41,928 --> 00:17:43,861
injected into our
popular culture.
371
00:17:43,863 --> 00:17:48,599
Looks like the next one's
"moldy" to mean "good."
372
00:17:48,601 --> 00:17:50,902
Man, I hate Europe.
373
00:17:50,904 --> 00:17:52,003
(spyboss)
Dancing Shadow,
374
00:17:52,004 --> 00:17:53,103
the situation has changed.
375
00:17:53,106 --> 00:17:54,539
Please report to the
Government Action Center
376
00:17:54,541 --> 00:17:55,991
for Action immediately.
377
00:17:55,992 --> 00:17:57,442
Finally. What do I do
when I get there?
378
00:17:57,444 --> 00:17:59,644
Make contact with our field
agent in charge to receive
379
00:17:59,646 --> 00:18:00,511
further orders.
380
00:18:00,513 --> 00:18:01,679
Anything else I need to know?
381
00:18:01,681 --> 00:18:04,215
(spyboss)
Yes. Don't see Humongobots 6.
382
00:18:04,217 --> 00:18:05,183
It's terrible.
383
00:18:07,787 --> 00:18:10,555
There has to be something
here we can use as a weapon.
384
00:18:10,557 --> 00:18:12,423
I'm just seeing a
lot of video games.
385
00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:14,225
Most of which I own.
386
00:18:14,227 --> 00:18:16,027
Ah, ha!
387
00:18:16,029 --> 00:18:17,261
New plan.
388
00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:20,331
We tie the Governor down and
put fire ants down his pants
389
00:18:20,333 --> 00:18:22,900
until he agrees to stop
making us dumber.
390
00:18:22,902 --> 00:18:23,835
Ooh! Ooh!
391
00:18:23,837 --> 00:18:26,237
What did you find? A weapon?
392
00:18:26,239 --> 00:18:27,238
A mini-fryer!
393
00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:28,606
A what?
394
00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:30,241
It's a portable deep-fat fryer!
395
00:18:30,243 --> 00:18:34,212
This is really going to take my
eating game to the next level.
396
00:18:34,214 --> 00:18:36,147
Come on, let's get back
to the Governor's office
397
00:18:36,149 --> 00:18:37,281
so we can ambush him.
398
00:18:39,486 --> 00:18:41,986
Yes, my pretties.
399
00:18:41,988 --> 00:18:46,657
Soon you will have a target for
your horrible, painful bites.
400
00:18:46,659 --> 00:18:49,026
Yesss....
401
00:18:49,028 --> 00:18:54,132
I'm going to make sure
this thing works.
402
00:18:54,134 --> 00:18:59,003
He's coming! Get ready!
403
00:18:59,005 --> 00:19:01,205
Oh, no.
404
00:19:01,207 --> 00:19:07,979
Ahh! Ahhh! I'm on
fire! Help me!
405
00:19:07,981 --> 00:19:12,049
I'm on it, buddy!
406
00:19:12,051 --> 00:19:17,088
When are you going to
learn to hold still!?
407
00:19:17,090 --> 00:19:19,457
Daaaannn!
408
00:19:19,458 --> 00:19:21,825
You were supposed to
be on MY side! Ow!
409
00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:24,662
I'll teach you to bite
me, you little pests!
410
00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:26,264
Ow! Ow!
411
00:19:32,438 --> 00:19:35,039
Our work in America
is finished.
412
00:19:35,041 --> 00:19:36,140
Pack up.
413
00:19:36,142 --> 00:19:40,545
We're moving all stupidity
operations to China.
414
00:19:40,547 --> 00:19:41,579
Pardon me.
415
00:19:41,581 --> 00:19:45,082
Wahhh-oof!
416
00:19:45,084 --> 00:19:46,517
Thank you.
417
00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:47,818
Quite welcome.
418
00:19:47,820 --> 00:19:49,987
There's a garden hose out back.
419
00:19:49,989 --> 00:19:51,822
You can wash the ants off.
420
00:19:51,824 --> 00:19:52,924
I'll get you for this!
421
00:19:52,926 --> 00:19:54,425
Highly unlikely!
422
00:19:54,427 --> 00:19:55,927
Good day.
423
00:19:59,432 --> 00:20:02,333
I spent ten months undercover
and you ruin it in oneday.
424
00:20:02,335 --> 00:20:04,502
Do you have any idea of
what this investigation
425
00:20:04,504 --> 00:20:06,003
cost the taxpayers?
426
00:20:06,005 --> 00:20:06,938
A lot?
427
00:20:06,940 --> 00:20:08,039
I'm out of here.
428
00:20:08,041 --> 00:20:09,373
Dancing Shadow.
429
00:20:09,375 --> 00:20:11,576
Agent Bro-Face.
430
00:20:11,578 --> 00:20:12,577
How are you?
431
00:20:12,579 --> 00:20:13,778
Okay, I guess.
432
00:20:13,780 --> 00:20:16,447
I know what will make
you feel better.
433
00:20:16,449 --> 00:20:18,883
Let's get you some
deep-fried bacon.
434
00:20:22,422 --> 00:20:25,356
Ladies and gentlemen,
our next event is...
435
00:20:25,358 --> 00:20:28,326
Deep Fried Bacon Eating!
436
00:20:28,328 --> 00:20:30,328
I hear this sport's really
taking off in China.
437
00:20:30,330 --> 00:20:32,930
Ugh. I'm so nervous.
438
00:20:32,932 --> 00:20:35,233
You don't have to
do this, you know.
439
00:20:35,235 --> 00:20:36,534
Of course I do.
440
00:20:36,536 --> 00:20:38,936
I have to show you that
I'm good at something.
441
00:20:38,938 --> 00:20:40,838
You're doing this for me?
442
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:43,407
Chris, I don't need you
to win any competitions.
443
00:20:43,409 --> 00:20:47,578
You're already good at
something - being my husband.
444
00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:52,516
So, I don't have to do this?
445
00:20:52,518 --> 00:20:54,986
No.
446
00:20:54,988 --> 00:20:58,689
What? You absolutely
have to do this!
447
00:20:58,691 --> 00:21:01,125
Not for Elise, because
who cares about her,
448
00:21:01,127 --> 00:21:02,927
but for yourself.
449
00:21:02,929 --> 00:21:03,928
For myself?
450
00:21:03,930 --> 00:21:05,863
Listen, I have been
watching you eat
451
00:21:05,865 --> 00:21:08,566
for more years than
I care to remember.
452
00:21:08,568 --> 00:21:13,404
My friend, a gift like yours
comes along once in a lifetime!
453
00:21:13,406 --> 00:21:14,905
You really think so?
454
00:21:14,907 --> 00:21:16,240
I know so.
455
00:21:16,242 --> 00:21:20,011
Now you get out there,
and you win this thing!
456
00:21:20,013 --> 00:21:21,345
Thanks, Dan.
457
00:21:28,721 --> 00:21:31,555
In retrospect, that may
have been a mistake.
458
00:21:31,605 --> 00:21:36,155
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