All language subtitles for iCarly s01e12 iPromise Not to Tell.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,870 --> 00:00:06,370 Oh, I don't know, do you want me to hold your paintball trophy 2 00:00:06,474 --> 00:00:07,744 -while you open the door? -Oh. 3 00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:10,081 Trophy-holding's only for winners. 4 00:00:10,178 --> 00:00:12,178 Ouch. 5 00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:14,550 No, but, seriously, today was so fun. 6 00:00:14,648 --> 00:00:16,848 What are you up to tomorrow? You want to grab dinner? 7 00:00:16,950 --> 00:00:18,920 Uh, actually I can't. I have to go to a thing 8 00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:21,289 with another woman. 9 00:00:22,090 --> 00:00:24,860 And now it's my turn to say, "Ouch." 10 00:00:24,958 --> 00:00:26,358 I-It's my nonna. 11 00:00:26,460 --> 00:00:28,160 Uh, she's old-school Italian, 12 00:00:28,262 --> 00:00:30,132 so the two of us always do Sunday dinner together. 13 00:00:30,231 --> 00:00:31,501 Uh, don't get jealous, 14 00:00:31,599 --> 00:00:33,469 but she does always kiss me good night. 15 00:00:33,567 --> 00:00:35,397 I lived in Italy for a few years. 16 00:00:37,338 --> 00:00:39,568 Sì, uh... 17 00:00:42,976 --> 00:00:45,746 [chuckles] Okay, someone only learned the food words. 18 00:00:45,846 --> 00:00:48,476 Well, I couldn't cook. How else was I supposed to eat? 19 00:00:48,582 --> 00:00:51,022 Tell me more about this Sunday dinner. 20 00:00:51,119 --> 00:00:53,989 Nonna goes all out-- I mean, Sunday sauce, handmade pasta. 21 00:00:54,088 --> 00:00:56,258 She spends the entire day in the kitchen. 22 00:00:56,357 --> 00:00:58,957 How cool. You know, I love dinner. 23 00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:01,799 And I'd love to meet your grandmother. 24 00:01:01,895 --> 00:01:03,525 Uh... yeah. 25 00:01:03,631 --> 00:01:05,171 I'm not sure we're there yet. 26 00:01:05,266 --> 00:01:07,236 Oh, really? 27 00:01:07,335 --> 00:01:09,035 I mean, I just thought we were. 28 00:01:09,137 --> 00:01:11,237 Uh, yeah, no, it's ju-- it's just that her place is 29 00:01:11,339 --> 00:01:13,669 really, really small, so... 30 00:01:13,774 --> 00:01:15,814 Well, I'll make Sunday dinner. 31 00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:18,409 Didn't you just say you can't cook? 32 00:01:18,512 --> 00:01:20,312 Well, I couldn't cook then, 33 00:01:20,414 --> 00:01:22,884 but now... I'm amazing. 34 00:01:22,983 --> 00:01:26,023 Handmade pasta? I'm a master at that... 35 00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:28,420 cranky machine thingy. 36 00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:30,489 Come on, it'll be fun. 37 00:01:30,591 --> 00:01:31,961 Tomorrow night. 38 00:01:32,059 --> 00:01:34,089 Okay... sure. Yeah, uh, 39 00:01:34,195 --> 00:01:37,125 we'll see you tomorrow night for dinner at Carly's Cucina. 40 00:01:38,332 --> 00:01:39,372 That means kitchen. 41 00:01:39,467 --> 00:01:41,197 Yes, it does. 42 00:01:41,302 --> 00:01:42,542 * I know * 43 00:01:42,636 --> 00:01:43,996 * You see * 44 00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:46,544 * Somehow the world will change for me * 45 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:49,610 * And be so wonderful * 46 00:01:49,710 --> 00:01:53,380 * So wake up the members of my nation * 47 00:01:53,481 --> 00:01:55,581 * It's your time to be * 48 00:01:55,683 --> 00:01:58,623 * There's no chance unless you take one * 49 00:01:58,719 --> 00:02:01,319 * And the time to see the brighter side * 50 00:02:01,422 --> 00:02:04,592 * Of every situation * 51 00:02:04,692 --> 00:02:06,332 * Some things are meant to be * 52 00:02:06,427 --> 00:02:09,957 * So give your best and leave the rest to me. * 53 00:02:11,999 --> 00:02:14,999 Spencer, can I host a really important dinner party 54 00:02:15,102 --> 00:02:17,242 here tomorrow night, so I can meet Wes's grandma? 55 00:02:17,338 --> 00:02:18,568 I can? Thank you. 56 00:02:18,672 --> 00:02:20,842 Ooh! Meeting the family? 57 00:02:20,941 --> 00:02:22,941 Sounds like you're getting serious, 58 00:02:23,043 --> 00:02:25,383 like me and Maeve and our perfect relationship. 59 00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:28,449 Oh, there's my Sleeping Beauty, 60 00:02:28,549 --> 00:02:31,049 freshly risen from dozing the day away. 61 00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:32,821 Mmm. Well... 62 00:02:32,920 --> 00:02:35,590 I wouldn't need a nap if my sweet baby 63 00:02:35,689 --> 00:02:37,589 didn't snore all night. 64 00:02:37,691 --> 00:02:40,591 Oh. I could've sworn I was the one up all night, 65 00:02:40,694 --> 00:02:44,234 thanks to your ocean noise machine. 66 00:02:44,332 --> 00:02:46,832 -Nothing more soothing than the sounds of seagulls. -Mm. 67 00:02:46,934 --> 00:02:49,144 -Squawk! Squawk! [chuckles] -Mmm. 68 00:02:49,237 --> 00:02:50,697 I love those birds. 69 00:02:50,804 --> 00:02:52,574 Maybe more than I love you. 70 00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:54,283 [chuckles softly] Just kidding. 71 00:02:54,375 --> 00:02:55,935 [both laughing] 72 00:02:56,043 --> 00:02:58,853 -Bye. [chuckles] -[both smooching] 73 00:03:00,581 --> 00:03:02,521 [smooches] 74 00:03:03,317 --> 00:03:04,387 See? 75 00:03:04,485 --> 00:03:06,145 Aren't we adorable? 76 00:03:06,254 --> 00:03:07,564 That was my nightmare. 77 00:03:08,289 --> 00:03:10,459 Seems like you burned right through the honeymoon phase, 78 00:03:10,558 --> 00:03:11,988 and now you're on to the next one. 79 00:03:12,092 --> 00:03:12,832 Which is what? 80 00:03:12,926 --> 00:03:14,456 The "smean" phase-- 81 00:03:14,562 --> 00:03:16,202 where everything's mean... 82 00:03:16,297 --> 00:03:18,167 but with a smile. 83 00:03:21,001 --> 00:03:23,841 Carly, check it out-- the perfect look 84 00:03:23,937 --> 00:03:27,037 for Double Dutch's first music video with a real budget. 85 00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:30,240 It's kaleidoscope like her first single "Kaleidoscope." 86 00:03:30,344 --> 00:03:33,414 And it's tattered like her second single "Tatters." 87 00:03:33,514 --> 00:03:35,584 And it's elegant like her third single... 88 00:03:35,683 --> 00:03:37,593 -"Ugly." -Uh... 89 00:03:37,685 --> 00:03:39,245 yeah, so ugly. 90 00:03:39,353 --> 00:03:42,123 Wow, the disrespect. 91 00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:44,430 Double Dutch is on the rise, 92 00:03:44,525 --> 00:03:47,255 and she's counting on me to help her get to the next level. 93 00:03:47,361 --> 00:03:49,731 Like, where would Gaga be without her meat dress? 94 00:03:49,830 --> 00:03:52,270 Or where would Katy Perry be without her cupcake bra? 95 00:03:52,366 --> 00:03:54,896 Wait, should I be doing something with food? 96 00:03:55,002 --> 00:03:57,342 I don't know, I don't want to think about food. 97 00:03:57,438 --> 00:04:00,908 I invited Wes and his grandmother over for dinner, 98 00:04:01,008 --> 00:04:03,608 and he said we weren't there yet. 99 00:04:03,711 --> 00:04:05,181 But you've been on nine dates. 100 00:04:05,279 --> 00:04:06,849 I know. So after that, 101 00:04:06,947 --> 00:04:08,817 I pushed him just a little... 102 00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:11,416 and he said, "Sure." 103 00:04:11,519 --> 00:04:13,089 Ooh. 104 00:04:13,186 --> 00:04:14,356 I know. 105 00:04:14,455 --> 00:04:15,955 Now I have to make this gourmet feast. 106 00:04:16,056 --> 00:04:18,026 -You don't cook. -So I can impress his grandma. 107 00:04:18,125 --> 00:04:19,655 Who he didn't want you to meet. 108 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:21,330 And then maybe he'll define the relationship 109 00:04:21,429 --> 00:04:22,729 and ask me to be his girlfriend. 110 00:04:22,830 --> 00:04:24,100 You two haven't done that yet? 111 00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:26,568 Oh, I mean, yes! 112 00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:28,737 Great plan. Manifest, queen. 113 00:04:28,836 --> 00:04:31,366 But, look, you don't have to pretend to cook. 114 00:04:31,472 --> 00:04:33,172 Just be your authentic self. 115 00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:34,783 [phone rings] 116 00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:37,349 [British accent]: Hello, Harper Designs, 117 00:04:37,445 --> 00:04:39,805 Miss Pennyfeathers speaking. How may I help you? 118 00:04:39,913 --> 00:04:40,953 [normal voice]: It's Dutch. 119 00:04:41,649 --> 00:04:44,619 [British accent]: I'll see if Miss Harper's available. 120 00:04:44,718 --> 00:04:46,818 Aw, Miss Pennyfeathers, 121 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:48,920 the hardest-working fake assistant in the biz. 122 00:04:49,022 --> 00:04:50,962 [normal voice]: Mm-hmm. Dutch! 123 00:04:51,058 --> 00:04:52,528 How are you? 124 00:04:53,226 --> 00:04:55,056 I hear you're having a dinner party, 125 00:04:55,162 --> 00:04:57,002 which is perfect timing because 126 00:04:57,097 --> 00:04:59,197 I just finished the beta version of the app I'm developing. 127 00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:01,539 Can I give you the Barracuda Boardroom pitch? 128 00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:03,595 Fine. I'll pretend to be a wealthy, 129 00:05:03,704 --> 00:05:05,474 overly judgmental investor 130 00:05:05,573 --> 00:05:07,173 that can make or break you. 131 00:05:07,274 --> 00:05:09,444 [clears throat] 132 00:05:09,543 --> 00:05:11,283 Freddie Benson is an app designer 133 00:05:11,379 --> 00:05:12,579 from Seattle, Washington. 134 00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:14,180 He's cool with fish, 135 00:05:14,281 --> 00:05:16,381 cruel with bedtimes, and he's come here today 136 00:05:16,484 --> 00:05:19,654 to share an app that's going to revolutionize cooking. 137 00:05:20,488 --> 00:05:21,858 Hey, Barracudas. 138 00:05:21,955 --> 00:05:23,655 Whipping up a big meal is hard. 139 00:05:23,757 --> 00:05:26,757 With all the different recipes and ingredients and timing, 140 00:05:26,860 --> 00:05:28,600 who can keep it straight? 141 00:05:28,696 --> 00:05:31,126 That's why I created Bon Appe-timer, 142 00:05:31,231 --> 00:05:34,001 the app that takes the guesswork out of kitchen work. 143 00:05:34,101 --> 00:05:36,771 Just drag in your recipes and the app alerts you 144 00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:38,610 every step of the way. 145 00:05:38,706 --> 00:05:40,906 This is exactly what I need. 146 00:05:41,742 --> 00:05:43,782 -Well, I'm in. -You're right. 147 00:05:43,877 --> 00:05:46,647 Kaleidoscope, tatters, elegance-- it's so passé. 148 00:05:46,747 --> 00:05:49,017 I don't know why my assistant pulled that. 149 00:05:49,116 --> 00:05:51,216 [British accent]: Please don't fire me, Miss Harper. 150 00:05:51,318 --> 00:05:54,518 I need this job to feed me family. 151 00:05:54,622 --> 00:05:56,822 [normal voice]: All right, I'll give you one last chance. 152 00:05:56,924 --> 00:05:59,734 Yeah, girl, she been messing up a lot. 153 00:06:04,097 --> 00:06:06,927 I got to say, Freddie's app is saving my butt. 154 00:06:07,034 --> 00:06:09,844 I couldn't decide between rigatoni, ziti, or spaghetti, 155 00:06:09,937 --> 00:06:11,867 so I found a recipe that uses them all. 156 00:06:11,972 --> 00:06:14,342 It's called Raviolo Maximo. 157 00:06:14,442 --> 00:06:16,712 It's the Turducken of pasta. 158 00:06:16,810 --> 00:06:18,810 Yeah, Turducken, yum. 159 00:06:18,912 --> 00:06:21,682 Wow, the disrespect. 160 00:06:21,782 --> 00:06:24,282 Sorry, I'm distracted. 161 00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:27,054 Dutch has hated the last five looks I've shown her. 162 00:06:27,154 --> 00:06:29,024 If this one's not a hit, I'm probably fired. 163 00:06:29,122 --> 00:06:30,562 Do you think she'll like this? 164 00:06:30,658 --> 00:06:32,828 Reminder, I am very fragile. 165 00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:34,596 Yeah, she's gonna love it. 166 00:06:34,695 --> 00:06:37,765 But if she doesn't, are you just gonna bail on it again? 167 00:06:37,865 --> 00:06:39,225 If I want to keep my job! 168 00:06:39,332 --> 00:06:41,202 I can't just tell Double Dutch what I think. 169 00:06:41,301 --> 00:06:43,941 But isn't that exactly what you're hired to do? 170 00:06:44,037 --> 00:06:45,507 Carly... 171 00:06:45,606 --> 00:06:47,136 sweet Carly. 172 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:48,780 You know nothing. 173 00:06:50,478 --> 00:06:52,508 I've been saying that for years. 174 00:06:52,613 --> 00:06:55,453 Oh, that reminds me. Millicent, I am begging you, 175 00:06:55,549 --> 00:06:57,019 please be nice to me tonight. 176 00:06:57,117 --> 00:06:58,987 You got it, Aunt Carly. 177 00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:01,756 Wes really hit the jackpot when he met you. 178 00:07:03,657 --> 00:07:04,757 Already bribed her? 179 00:07:04,858 --> 00:07:06,588 Yep. I wanted you to be able 180 00:07:06,694 --> 00:07:08,134 to focus on what matters the most tonight. 181 00:07:08,228 --> 00:07:09,798 Defining my relationship with Wes? 182 00:07:09,897 --> 00:07:11,797 No, the real star of this evening-- 183 00:07:11,899 --> 00:07:13,129 my app. 184 00:07:13,233 --> 00:07:14,643 [bell dings] 185 00:07:14,735 --> 00:07:16,395 -Ooh, pasta's ready. -Great news! 186 00:07:16,504 --> 00:07:19,074 Figured out how to stay in the honeymoon phase. 187 00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:21,742 I found this book How to Stay in the Honeymoon Phase. 188 00:07:21,842 --> 00:07:23,042 Listen. 189 00:07:23,143 --> 00:07:24,753 "The first thing you should know is that 190 00:07:24,845 --> 00:07:26,745 "for every relationship, the honeymoon phase 191 00:07:26,847 --> 00:07:28,747 ends at some point." 192 00:07:28,849 --> 00:07:31,249 This book was written by a mean liar. 193 00:07:32,185 --> 00:07:32,885 [knocking] 194 00:07:32,986 --> 00:07:34,686 Okay, he's here. 195 00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:38,288 Uh, remember, this dinner is really important to me, 196 00:07:38,391 --> 00:07:40,991 so everyone be on their best behavior. 197 00:07:42,763 --> 00:07:44,203 Welcome. 198 00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:46,727 Uh, sorry, I came straight from work. 199 00:07:46,834 --> 00:07:48,674 Carly, this is my nonna Sylvia. 200 00:07:48,769 --> 00:07:50,439 [CARLY]: It is so nice to meet you. 201 00:07:50,538 --> 00:07:52,638 Uh, this is my brother Spencer, that's Freddie 202 00:07:52,740 --> 00:07:55,340 and his daughter Millicent, and my roommate Harper. 203 00:07:57,545 --> 00:07:58,945 [ALL]: Hello! 204 00:07:59,046 --> 00:08:02,646 What a nice-looking bunch you are. 205 00:08:02,750 --> 00:08:05,650 And, Carly, aren't you a stunner. 206 00:08:05,753 --> 00:08:07,253 Thank you, Sylvia. 207 00:08:07,354 --> 00:08:08,624 Oh, call me Nonna. 208 00:08:09,289 --> 00:08:11,359 -I'm gonna change real quick. -I'll take your coat. 209 00:08:11,458 --> 00:08:14,088 -I'll finish setting the table. -I'll get drinks. 210 00:08:16,463 --> 00:08:19,333 Well, I guess it's just me and you, Nonna. [chuckles] 211 00:08:19,432 --> 00:08:22,772 Oh, good, because I have something to tell you. 212 00:08:22,870 --> 00:08:24,940 I don't like you. 213 00:08:31,144 --> 00:08:32,384 This is a disaster. 214 00:08:32,479 --> 00:08:34,079 Wes's nonna hates me. 215 00:08:34,181 --> 00:08:36,321 If she doesn't like me, there's not gonna be a relationship. 216 00:08:36,416 --> 00:08:38,086 -[bell dings] -Aah! 217 00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:41,015 Time to layer the three pastas inside the raviolo! 218 00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:44,091 Uh, Spencer, Harper, go entertain Nonna. 219 00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:46,031 You got it. 220 00:08:46,126 --> 00:08:48,396 Don't leave it to the amateurs when you've got 221 00:08:48,495 --> 00:08:51,195 a pro in the house. Grannies can't resist 222 00:08:51,298 --> 00:08:53,368 this. 223 00:08:54,401 --> 00:08:56,301 Carly, I will not let you down. 224 00:08:57,605 --> 00:08:59,635 Wow. What did you bribe her with? 225 00:08:59,740 --> 00:09:01,640 Bon Appe-timer stock options. 226 00:09:01,742 --> 00:09:03,742 She said it would round out her portfolio. 227 00:09:05,145 --> 00:09:07,045 Hi, Nonna Sylvia. I'm Millicent. 228 00:09:07,147 --> 00:09:08,947 Want to see me do a cartwheel? 229 00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:10,319 I'd love to. 230 00:09:10,417 --> 00:09:11,987 Why don't you do a few out in the hallway? 231 00:09:12,085 --> 00:09:14,085 But then you won't be able to see me. 232 00:09:14,187 --> 00:09:15,987 Exactly. 233 00:09:18,458 --> 00:09:20,688 Yeah, you're screwed. 234 00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:23,161 [gasps] Oh! 235 00:09:23,263 --> 00:09:26,133 Here's my handsome Wesley! 236 00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:28,403 Carly? You're the angel 237 00:09:28,501 --> 00:09:31,711 I prayed would land on this earth 238 00:09:31,805 --> 00:09:33,705 for my grandson. 239 00:09:34,675 --> 00:09:37,305 -She's really into praying. -[chuckles] 240 00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:38,880 To who? 241 00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:42,253 -[bell dinging] -Oh. Uh... 242 00:09:42,349 --> 00:09:45,019 Time to put the raviolo in the oven. 243 00:09:45,819 --> 00:09:48,319 Wait, this doesn't make sense. 244 00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:50,061 How am I supposed to put the raviolo in 245 00:09:50,157 --> 00:09:52,357 when the garlic bread's already baking at another temperature? 246 00:09:52,459 --> 00:09:54,589 -Hang on a second. -Okay. 247 00:09:54,695 --> 00:09:57,225 -Uh, here. -[phone rings] 248 00:09:57,330 --> 00:09:58,670 Oh. 249 00:09:58,766 --> 00:10:00,396 [British accent]: Hello, Harper Designs. 250 00:10:00,500 --> 00:10:02,300 May I place you on a brief hold? 251 00:10:02,402 --> 00:10:04,912 [vocalizing] 252 00:10:09,176 --> 00:10:10,276 At least Spencer's still there. 253 00:10:10,377 --> 00:10:12,507 -[MAEVE]: Spencer! -Got to go. 254 00:10:14,547 --> 00:10:16,517 Great news, nothing wrong with the app. 255 00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:18,216 It was user error. 256 00:10:18,318 --> 00:10:20,918 How do people on TV make dinner parties look so easy? 257 00:10:21,021 --> 00:10:24,021 That Barefoot Contessa is a lying she-devil. 258 00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:25,064 Do you need some help, chef? 259 00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:26,558 Oh, no need. 260 00:10:26,660 --> 00:10:28,360 Everything's running smoothly. 261 00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:30,361 I'm very impressive. [chuckles] 262 00:10:31,364 --> 00:10:32,934 Wow. 263 00:10:33,033 --> 00:10:36,243 Look at all these people that no one told me were coming over, 264 00:10:36,336 --> 00:10:38,766 my little social butterfly. 265 00:10:38,872 --> 00:10:41,342 It's almost like you heard them, knew they were here, 266 00:10:41,441 --> 00:10:43,281 and chose not to say hi, 267 00:10:43,376 --> 00:10:45,006 my precious hermit crab. 268 00:10:45,112 --> 00:10:48,122 What a fun, little play you must be rehearsing for. 269 00:10:48,215 --> 00:10:51,445 Since nobody fights at important dinner parties. 270 00:10:52,886 --> 00:10:55,616 [BOTH]: Love you! [smooching] 271 00:10:59,192 --> 00:11:00,492 Big problem. 272 00:11:00,593 --> 00:11:01,963 There's a problem? 273 00:11:02,062 --> 00:11:03,332 -Here, I can help you. -Oh, no. No, you can't. 274 00:11:03,430 --> 00:11:04,430 'Cause there's no problem. 275 00:11:04,531 --> 00:11:06,401 You're not gonna leave, are you? 276 00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:08,839 Of course not. Dutch is coming here. 277 00:11:08,936 --> 00:11:11,436 -What? When? -[knocking] 278 00:11:11,538 --> 00:11:13,768 Now-ish? Look, 279 00:11:13,874 --> 00:11:15,314 I promise it'll be real quick. 280 00:11:15,408 --> 00:11:17,138 She insisted on seeing her video outfit in person. 281 00:11:17,244 --> 00:11:20,014 Carly, if I don't nail this assignment, I could lose my job. 282 00:11:20,113 --> 00:11:22,923 Okay, just keep it inconspicuous. 283 00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:25,616 Of course. Nonna won't even know that she's here. 284 00:11:26,619 --> 00:11:32,589 * Hello... * 285 00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:35,232 I assume everyone knows who I am. No. 286 00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:36,698 I don't need your names. 287 00:11:36,797 --> 00:11:38,627 I will call all of you Josephine, 288 00:11:38,732 --> 00:11:41,702 after my sister, whoms I don't like. 289 00:11:43,303 --> 00:11:45,173 Please-please tell me this is not the outfit you wanted me 290 00:11:45,272 --> 00:11:46,812 -to see. -Uh... [laughs] 291 00:11:46,907 --> 00:11:48,837 This dumb thing? [scoffs] 292 00:11:48,942 --> 00:11:50,812 No! No. 293 00:11:51,578 --> 00:11:53,578 I don't think it's dumb. I think it... 294 00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:55,320 It's smoking! 295 00:11:55,415 --> 00:11:57,645 It's on fire! 296 00:12:00,687 --> 00:12:03,087 Dinner is moments away. 297 00:12:03,190 --> 00:12:04,720 [chuckles] 298 00:12:04,825 --> 00:12:06,855 You screwed me, Benson. 299 00:12:07,627 --> 00:12:09,527 You had the garlic bread too close to the broiler. 300 00:12:09,629 --> 00:12:11,559 That's not on me. 301 00:12:13,867 --> 00:12:16,097 Ugh! Where is my outfit? 302 00:12:16,203 --> 00:12:17,873 The shoot is tomorrow. 303 00:12:17,971 --> 00:12:20,441 Um, I'm gonna be totally honest with you. 304 00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:24,380 My assistant Miss Pennyfeathers is on her way with it. 305 00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:26,177 Okay, well, how far is she? 306 00:12:26,279 --> 00:12:28,449 'Cause I was already hungry, and now the smell 307 00:12:28,548 --> 00:12:31,578 of charred garlic bread has me ravenous. 308 00:12:31,684 --> 00:12:33,324 Oh, well, do you want to...? 309 00:12:33,420 --> 00:12:34,690 Stay for dinner? 310 00:12:34,788 --> 00:12:36,818 Oh, I would love to! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. 311 00:12:36,924 --> 00:12:38,834 * Feed me, feed me * 312 00:12:38,926 --> 00:12:40,586 * If you really need me! * 313 00:12:40,693 --> 00:12:42,003 That just came out of me. 314 00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:43,695 Carly... 315 00:12:43,797 --> 00:12:45,797 do you mind if Dutch stays for dinner? 316 00:12:45,899 --> 00:12:47,699 Oh, cool. 317 00:12:47,801 --> 00:12:49,701 An unexpected guest, 318 00:12:49,803 --> 00:12:52,573 who also happens to be a high-maintenance indie darling, 319 00:12:52,672 --> 00:12:55,982 at the most important dinner of my life. 320 00:12:56,076 --> 00:12:58,606 [laughing] 321 00:12:59,379 --> 00:13:01,609 We're having fun! 322 00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:06,386 Um, I'm not a huge fan of tomatoes, 323 00:13:06,486 --> 00:13:08,286 so I'm not gonna do the pasta. 324 00:13:08,388 --> 00:13:09,858 Um, but it's okay. Don't worry. 325 00:13:09,957 --> 00:13:12,387 I will just take whatever the chef's alternate meal is. 326 00:13:12,492 --> 00:13:14,962 [smooches] Thank you, Josephine. 327 00:13:17,664 --> 00:13:20,274 You screwed me, too, Bettencourt. 328 00:13:23,603 --> 00:13:25,543 [chuckles] Carly, if you don't let me help, 329 00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:27,208 I'll never come over again. 330 00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:28,737 Okay, fine. 331 00:13:28,842 --> 00:13:30,942 Um, could you just make sure that there...? 332 00:13:31,044 --> 00:13:32,884 Serving spoons? Already got 'em. 333 00:13:35,482 --> 00:13:36,752 What are you wearing? 334 00:13:36,850 --> 00:13:38,350 Something downright adorable 335 00:13:38,451 --> 00:13:40,251 to make that old broad like me. 336 00:13:40,353 --> 00:13:41,553 Ah. 337 00:13:44,524 --> 00:13:47,094 Well, hello, Mrs. Wes's Grandma. 338 00:13:47,194 --> 00:13:49,064 I was hoping that we could sit next to each other 339 00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:51,762 during dinner, and you could tell me about the good old days. 340 00:13:51,865 --> 00:13:53,665 Oh, I would love to. 341 00:13:53,766 --> 00:13:55,766 There was this glorious time 342 00:13:55,869 --> 00:13:57,599 a few minutes ago 343 00:13:57,704 --> 00:13:59,614 when you weren't here. 344 00:14:01,141 --> 00:14:02,341 It's official. 345 00:14:02,442 --> 00:14:04,082 I've lost my mojo. 346 00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:08,576 [bell dings] 347 00:14:09,616 --> 00:14:12,186 "Meal complete. You are done." 348 00:14:12,285 --> 00:14:14,215 I am? That was so fast! 349 00:14:15,155 --> 00:14:17,685 -[sighs] -Moment of truth. 350 00:14:25,032 --> 00:14:28,202 Uh... is it supposed to be... 351 00:14:28,301 --> 00:14:29,941 pulsating? 352 00:14:30,037 --> 00:14:32,907 The pulsating's how you know it's done. 353 00:14:33,673 --> 00:14:35,213 I did it. 354 00:14:35,308 --> 00:14:37,838 I can't believe I did it. 355 00:14:38,678 --> 00:14:40,878 Everyone, let's eat! 356 00:14:41,748 --> 00:14:42,878 Oh! 357 00:14:42,983 --> 00:14:45,893 This is a beautiful table! 358 00:14:45,986 --> 00:14:49,556 And look at the pulsation on that raviolo! 359 00:14:49,656 --> 00:14:52,156 Thank you, Nonna. 360 00:14:52,259 --> 00:14:55,429 Uh, Maeve, my sweet love, would you like to sit next to me? 361 00:14:55,528 --> 00:14:56,628 No. 362 00:14:58,198 --> 00:15:00,628 I'm really happy we did this. 363 00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:03,403 I knew we were ready. 364 00:15:04,104 --> 00:15:07,274 I just love seeing all your faces around the table. 365 00:15:07,374 --> 00:15:08,514 It's so great that... 366 00:15:08,608 --> 00:15:10,978 -[coughing] -She's choking! 367 00:15:11,078 --> 00:15:13,808 Nonna's choking! Here, get up! 368 00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:16,883 Okay. [screaming] 369 00:15:18,851 --> 00:15:20,721 Let go of me! 370 00:15:20,820 --> 00:15:22,690 [whimpering] 371 00:15:22,789 --> 00:15:24,159 What are you doing? 372 00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:25,557 You were choking! 373 00:15:25,658 --> 00:15:27,658 -Are you okay? -I wasn't choking. 374 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:29,700 I ate a bite of raw sausage 375 00:15:29,796 --> 00:15:32,966 and was trying to spit it out, when this one jumped on me! 376 00:15:33,066 --> 00:15:35,036 I thought you were dying! 377 00:15:35,135 --> 00:15:38,205 I'm sorry, did you say "raw sausage"? 378 00:15:42,009 --> 00:15:43,939 I have a broken rib. 379 00:15:44,044 --> 00:15:46,384 And I have a broken app. 380 00:15:46,479 --> 00:15:48,849 I am so, so sorry. 381 00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:51,018 I need to lie down. 382 00:15:51,118 --> 00:15:53,288 Uh, you can use my place. Here, I'll take you. 383 00:15:53,386 --> 00:15:54,886 Aah! Don't touch me! 384 00:15:54,988 --> 00:15:57,888 Yeah, Carly. I'll take her. 385 00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:03,028 [DUTCH]: So... 386 00:16:03,130 --> 00:16:05,400 do you think it's safe to eat the salad? 387 00:16:11,071 --> 00:16:12,771 Well, this seals it. 388 00:16:12,872 --> 00:16:14,942 I don't think Wes wants to be in a relationship 389 00:16:15,042 --> 00:16:17,112 with an elder abuser. 390 00:16:17,210 --> 00:16:19,050 Come on, I'm sure his grandma's fine. 391 00:16:19,146 --> 00:16:21,606 That's why we have so many ribs. 392 00:16:21,714 --> 00:16:23,584 Oh, I could go for some ribs! 393 00:16:23,683 --> 00:16:25,423 I'm just gonna say what everyone's thinking. 394 00:16:25,518 --> 00:16:27,748 -Outback. -Chili's. 395 00:16:30,157 --> 00:16:33,857 Okay, I can't just sit here feeling sorry for myself. 396 00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:37,030 I'm gonna go apologize to Wes and Sylvia. 397 00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:39,370 [dog whines] 398 00:16:40,300 --> 00:16:42,200 Aw! Who's this little guy? 399 00:16:42,302 --> 00:16:44,102 Her name is Kevin. 400 00:16:44,204 --> 00:16:46,814 And she lives in my purse. 401 00:16:46,906 --> 00:16:48,406 And now... 402 00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:51,608 she lives in my lap. 403 00:16:51,711 --> 00:16:53,551 Can I talk to you really quick over...? 404 00:16:53,646 --> 00:16:55,006 Oh, yeah. 405 00:16:55,115 --> 00:16:56,775 You want to order a pizza? Anything but pineapple. 406 00:16:56,883 --> 00:16:59,323 Unless you like pineapple, in which case, mahalo. 407 00:16:59,419 --> 00:17:00,949 I'm starting to think that your assistant 408 00:17:01,054 --> 00:17:02,364 isn't coming with my outfit. 409 00:17:02,455 --> 00:17:04,015 No, she's coming. 410 00:17:04,124 --> 00:17:05,734 Uh, maybe her quintuplets got sick. 411 00:17:05,825 --> 00:17:08,195 Or she had to take her baby to the airport. 412 00:17:08,295 --> 00:17:09,455 Look, if you and I can't work together 413 00:17:09,562 --> 00:17:11,202 like a well-oiled machine, 414 00:17:11,298 --> 00:17:12,728 I'm gonna have to hire someone else. 415 00:17:12,832 --> 00:17:15,072 Well-oiled machine? 416 00:17:15,168 --> 00:17:17,698 Wes's coveralls. Wait, hold that thought. I need to work. 417 00:17:17,804 --> 00:17:20,644 -If-if that's okay with you. -Yes, go! 418 00:17:20,740 --> 00:17:24,310 I'll fire Miss Pennyfeathers when she gets here. 419 00:17:26,913 --> 00:17:28,523 Nonna Sylvia? 420 00:17:28,615 --> 00:17:31,545 I'll let you sleep. 421 00:17:31,651 --> 00:17:34,551 I'm so sorry that I hurt you. 422 00:17:36,022 --> 00:17:39,862 And... I lied about knowing how to cook. 423 00:17:42,095 --> 00:17:43,895 I just wanted to impress Wes. 424 00:17:43,996 --> 00:17:47,596 And you, 'cause you mean so much to him. 425 00:17:48,468 --> 00:17:51,038 And I like him a lot. 426 00:17:51,138 --> 00:17:53,608 Like, a lot a lot. 427 00:17:53,706 --> 00:17:55,836 Sorry, maybe that's too many lots. 428 00:17:55,942 --> 00:17:57,442 I like him a sane amount. 429 00:18:00,947 --> 00:18:03,547 I just really hope that maybe you can forgive me. 430 00:18:03,650 --> 00:18:05,350 And... 431 00:18:05,452 --> 00:18:06,852 Oh, no. 432 00:18:06,953 --> 00:18:10,723 Why is your hand so cold and clammy? 433 00:18:10,823 --> 00:18:13,163 Nonna? Nonna? 434 00:18:13,260 --> 00:18:15,090 Oh, my God. 435 00:18:15,195 --> 00:18:16,895 This can't be happening. 436 00:18:16,996 --> 00:18:19,266 Okay, I-I can do this. 437 00:18:19,366 --> 00:18:21,866 I saw a CPR video online once. 438 00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:26,506 -Clear! -[both screaming] 439 00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:29,737 -Get off of me! -Oh, my God! 440 00:18:29,842 --> 00:18:31,442 Wes! 441 00:18:31,544 --> 00:18:32,954 She tried to kill me again! 442 00:18:33,045 --> 00:18:35,105 No! No, no, no. I was trying to save you. 443 00:18:35,215 --> 00:18:36,645 Carly, what are you doing? 444 00:18:36,749 --> 00:18:38,549 I-I'm sorry. I thought she was dead! 445 00:18:38,651 --> 00:18:40,651 -Well, I'm not! -A-And I'm glad! 446 00:18:40,753 --> 00:18:42,863 I am so glad you're not dead. 447 00:18:42,955 --> 00:18:44,155 [chuckles] 448 00:18:44,257 --> 00:18:45,957 Again. 449 00:18:46,058 --> 00:18:47,428 Come on, Harper. 450 00:18:47,527 --> 00:18:49,757 Let's see it. 451 00:18:53,065 --> 00:18:54,965 May I present... 452 00:18:55,067 --> 00:18:56,537 Greased Lightning. 453 00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:58,166 Aah! No, you may not. 454 00:18:58,271 --> 00:18:59,571 Oh, I'm sorry. 455 00:18:59,672 --> 00:19:02,842 I don't love Grease. 456 00:19:02,942 --> 00:19:04,442 First of all, 457 00:19:04,544 --> 00:19:07,484 you need to put some respect on Olivia Newton-John's name. 458 00:19:07,580 --> 00:19:09,950 -Oh. -And second of all, 459 00:19:10,049 --> 00:19:11,619 this is the look. 460 00:19:11,718 --> 00:19:14,218 It says you are the well-oiled machine. 461 00:19:14,321 --> 00:19:16,091 You're in the driver's seat. 462 00:19:16,189 --> 00:19:17,689 -Skrr, skrr. -Oh. Oh. 463 00:19:17,790 --> 00:19:19,690 -You leave the competition in the dust. -Ooh. 464 00:19:19,792 --> 00:19:21,662 Honey, you're miles ahead. 465 00:19:21,761 --> 00:19:24,001 Oh! Okay, enough car puns. 466 00:19:25,097 --> 00:19:26,767 I'm into it. 467 00:19:26,866 --> 00:19:28,796 You are? Um, I mean, of course you are. 468 00:19:28,901 --> 00:19:30,201 It's so Dutch. 469 00:19:30,303 --> 00:19:31,373 Oh! 470 00:19:31,471 --> 00:19:33,111 I love Dutch. 471 00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:36,740 Where has this Harper been this whole time? 472 00:19:36,843 --> 00:19:39,113 Terrified of losing her job. 473 00:19:39,212 --> 00:19:41,752 Aw. Well... 474 00:19:42,649 --> 00:19:45,649 ...maybe she can be slightly less terrified. 475 00:19:45,752 --> 00:19:47,852 She loves that for her. 476 00:19:53,092 --> 00:19:55,132 There you are. 477 00:19:55,895 --> 00:19:58,765 This is where I go when I need to get some air. 478 00:20:00,500 --> 00:20:02,370 Did we move too fast? 479 00:20:02,469 --> 00:20:04,869 Only according to everyone we know. 480 00:20:04,971 --> 00:20:06,441 [chuckles] 481 00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:08,479 I mean, I built you the Titanic for our first date. 482 00:20:08,575 --> 00:20:10,535 Do you think that was a bad omen? 483 00:20:12,011 --> 00:20:15,111 I love you, Maeve, but I think we need some space. 484 00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:17,084 Hmm. Of course we do. 485 00:20:17,183 --> 00:20:19,653 Because my immature sweetie has never been 486 00:20:19,752 --> 00:20:22,392 in a real relationship before. 487 00:20:22,489 --> 00:20:24,919 Because my honey bunny has trust issues 488 00:20:25,024 --> 00:20:27,364 from lying to her friends and family for four years. 489 00:20:27,460 --> 00:20:28,900 [chuckles] 490 00:20:30,663 --> 00:20:33,903 I guess we both got some growing up to do. 491 00:20:34,701 --> 00:20:37,041 Maybe one day we can grow back towards each other. 492 00:20:37,136 --> 00:20:39,436 Hmm. I'd like that. 493 00:20:39,539 --> 00:20:41,669 I'm not gonna live on a boat. No. 494 00:20:50,016 --> 00:20:51,376 You okay, Spence? 495 00:20:51,484 --> 00:20:53,854 [both coughing] 496 00:21:06,333 --> 00:21:08,673 Nonna's waiting in the car. 497 00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:11,568 So... I should head out. 498 00:21:12,372 --> 00:21:14,642 I'd say today was fun, but... 499 00:21:14,741 --> 00:21:16,411 I know it wasn't. 500 00:21:16,509 --> 00:21:18,549 And I'd say see you later, 501 00:21:18,645 --> 00:21:21,445 but I know you're never gonna call me. 502 00:21:21,548 --> 00:21:23,578 You were right. 503 00:21:23,683 --> 00:21:25,183 We weren't ready. 504 00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:26,594 Carly... 505 00:21:26,686 --> 00:21:28,716 no one is ready to meet my nonna. 506 00:21:28,821 --> 00:21:31,261 You probably didn't notice 'cause I told her 507 00:21:31,358 --> 00:21:33,828 to be on her best behavior... 508 00:21:33,926 --> 00:21:36,496 but she can be a serious pill. 509 00:21:36,596 --> 00:21:38,696 I don't think so. 510 00:21:38,798 --> 00:21:41,068 Most pills have healing properties. 511 00:21:41,167 --> 00:21:42,437 [chuckles] 512 00:21:42,535 --> 00:21:43,965 You know... 513 00:21:44,070 --> 00:21:46,510 my last girlfriend would have let her choke. 514 00:21:46,606 --> 00:21:50,176 Are you saying that I'm your girlfriend? 515 00:21:51,678 --> 00:21:54,078 Does this answer your question? 516 00:21:58,317 --> 00:22:01,687 -Not really. I mean, am I your girlfriend? -How about this? 517 00:22:05,057 --> 00:22:06,527 [horn honking] 518 00:22:06,626 --> 00:22:09,096 Damn it, Nonna, stop salting my game. 519 00:22:12,932 --> 00:22:14,202 Mmm. 520 00:22:14,300 --> 00:22:16,470 Can't go wrong with spaghetti tacos. 521 00:22:16,569 --> 00:22:18,809 Mm-hmm. 522 00:22:19,872 --> 00:22:21,412 This was so worth the wait. 523 00:22:21,508 --> 00:22:24,038 You know what, I get it now. 524 00:22:24,143 --> 00:22:27,853 * Feed me, feed me a spaghetti taco * 525 00:22:27,947 --> 00:22:29,677 -Yes. -* But not * 526 00:22:29,782 --> 00:22:32,052 * In that outfit. * 527 00:22:32,919 --> 00:22:34,749 Kevin, I know we just met a few minutes ago, 528 00:22:34,854 --> 00:22:36,694 but would you be interested in moving in with me? 529 00:22:36,789 --> 00:22:38,789 I'll build you a boat. 530 00:22:38,891 --> 00:22:41,391 Kevin's more of an independent woman, 531 00:22:41,494 --> 00:22:43,134 but if you want, 532 00:22:43,229 --> 00:22:45,029 you can watch her tomorrow during my video shoot. 533 00:22:45,131 --> 00:22:46,831 [gasps] I would love that. 534 00:22:46,933 --> 00:22:48,403 This little lady's gonna help me through 535 00:22:48,501 --> 00:22:49,641 the toughest day of my life. 536 00:22:49,736 --> 00:22:51,566 You know, studies have shown 537 00:22:51,671 --> 00:22:53,771 that petting a dog is very therapeutic. 538 00:22:53,873 --> 00:22:55,513 Unless your allergic. 539 00:22:55,608 --> 00:22:57,678 Then you'll just get hives. 540 00:22:58,911 --> 00:23:00,551 And too bad there's no way to connect people who need 541 00:23:00,647 --> 00:23:02,377 pet sitters with... 542 00:23:02,482 --> 00:23:04,622 people who need therapy animals. 543 00:23:04,717 --> 00:23:07,987 Like an Airbnb but for pets. 544 00:23:08,087 --> 00:23:09,557 [gasps] 545 00:23:09,656 --> 00:23:11,416 I'll call the app... 546 00:23:11,524 --> 00:23:13,764 Kevin. 547 00:23:14,694 --> 00:23:16,964 Yeah, I need her back now. 548 00:23:17,014 --> 00:23:21,564 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 38517

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