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1
00:00:02,222 --> 00:00:03,986
Hold still, Grandpa.
2
00:00:04,559 --> 00:00:08,860
The folks back in Transylvania
are really going to like this portrait.
3
00:00:08,817 --> 00:00:10,718
Lily, couldn't you
have thought...
4
00:00:10,706 --> 00:00:12,538
of a more imaginative pose?
5
00:00:12,531 --> 00:00:15,797
My family is accustomed
to seeing me in this position.
6
00:00:15,732 --> 00:00:17,496
Don't talk, Grandpa.
7
00:00:18,389 --> 00:00:19,618
When you talk...
8
00:00:19,639 --> 00:00:23,508
the blood flows to your head and
spoils the natural greenness of your face.
9
00:00:23,416 --> 00:00:25,817
I want this to
look true-to-life.
10
00:00:28,474 --> 00:00:30,102
You know something, Lily?
11
00:00:30,107 --> 00:00:32,906
You're setting a very artistic
mood with your painting, dear.
12
00:00:32,860 --> 00:00:34,658
And it's helping me compose.
13
00:00:35,646 --> 00:00:38,309
Hey, Herman, what
could you ever compose?
14
00:00:38,271 --> 00:00:41,366
You have a very difficult
time making your bed.
15
00:00:41,633 --> 00:00:43,329
Is that so? Yes!
16
00:00:43,969 --> 00:00:46,700
Well, it just so happens that
Mr. Gateman down at the parlor...
17
00:00:46,659 --> 00:00:50,061
has asked me to write some
poetry for the employee magazine.
18
00:00:49,988 --> 00:00:53,425
Herman, will you quiet down
and write your silly poetry?
19
00:00:53,350 --> 00:00:55,842
You're interrupting
my creative flow.
20
00:00:57,512 --> 00:01:01,506
If she calls my poetry silly, I'm
going to call her painting rotten.
21
00:01:02,474 --> 00:01:05,239
Mumble, mumble. What
are you saying, Herman?
22
00:01:06,156 --> 00:01:09,684
All right, I'll tell
you just what I said.
23
00:01:09,838 --> 00:01:12,706
I think it's darn mean of
you to call my poetry silly...
24
00:01:12,655 --> 00:01:15,147
so I called your
painting rotten.
25
00:01:15,440 --> 00:01:17,773
After looking at
your painting...
26
00:01:18,834 --> 00:01:21,030
I think I'll throw
in "crummy," too.
27
00:01:22,324 --> 00:01:24,759
Crummy, crummy, crummy...
28
00:01:27,766 --> 00:01:28,927
Help!
29
00:01:29,783 --> 00:01:31,513
Get me out of here!
30
00:01:31,512 --> 00:01:34,107
I'm in quicksand.
31
00:02:45,337 --> 00:02:46,862
Hi, Clyde.
32
00:02:47,162 --> 00:02:48,687
Hello, Herman.
33
00:02:49,468 --> 00:02:52,063
Herman, it's
beautiful, just beautiful.
34
00:02:52,124 --> 00:02:56,084
Thank you. I told the barber
to let the bangs grow out a little.
35
00:02:56,030 --> 00:02:57,089
No.
36
00:02:57,119 --> 00:03:01,056
I mean your poetry they
published in The Mortician Monthly.
37
00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:03,828
You weave magic with words.
38
00:03:03,778 --> 00:03:05,940
Well, I try.
39
00:03:05,955 --> 00:03:07,890
I'm no Carl Sandburg.
40
00:03:08,612 --> 00:03:11,446
"Going Out to Pasture
by Herman Munster.
41
00:03:12,102 --> 00:03:15,732
"When your grazing days are
over and you've gone to your reward
42
00:03:15,656 --> 00:03:19,388
"Let us plant you 'neath the
clover at a price you can afford."
43
00:03:19,721 --> 00:03:21,349
That's beautiful.
44
00:03:22,891 --> 00:03:24,416
Herman. Hmm?
45
00:03:24,779 --> 00:03:28,272
I might just as well come
out with it. I've got a problem.
46
00:03:28,461 --> 00:03:29,895
By all means.
47
00:03:30,702 --> 00:03:32,466
Lay it on me, Clyde.
48
00:03:33,071 --> 00:03:35,370
Well, I met a girl on a bus.
49
00:03:35,409 --> 00:03:37,275
A very beautiful girl.
50
00:03:37,265 --> 00:03:40,895
I fell head over heels in
love with her. You're in love?
51
00:03:41,140 --> 00:03:42,369
Good.
52
00:03:42,644 --> 00:03:44,613
Well, that's no problem.
53
00:03:44,693 --> 00:03:47,754
As the hipsters say,
"Man, that's a groove."
54
00:03:49,047 --> 00:03:50,811
No, it isn't, Herman.
55
00:03:50,903 --> 00:03:53,737
I'm so shy around girls.
56
00:03:54,137 --> 00:03:57,335
I tried to talk to her on the
bus and I got all tongue-tied.
57
00:03:57,274 --> 00:04:00,335
I couldn't even work up enough
courage to ask her for a date.
58
00:04:00,284 --> 00:04:02,412
Gee, I wish I could
help you. You can.
59
00:04:02,397 --> 00:04:05,231
How? You can write
love letters to this girl.
60
00:04:05,182 --> 00:04:07,913
I can write love
letters to the girl...
61
00:04:09,568 --> 00:04:10,763
Clyde.
62
00:04:11,297 --> 00:04:12,993
I'm a married man!
63
00:04:13,410 --> 00:04:14,901
And besides...
64
00:04:14,914 --> 00:04:17,577
how do I know she and
I would be compatible?
65
00:04:17,540 --> 00:04:19,566
No, Herman, don't you see?
66
00:04:19,557 --> 00:04:22,425
You're a poet. You're
an established writer.
67
00:04:22,918 --> 00:04:27,049
You could compose the love poems
for me and I could sign my name.
68
00:04:27,464 --> 00:04:29,956
Well, that's very flattering...
69
00:04:30,890 --> 00:04:33,860
but I've never written
mush to girls before.
70
00:04:33,867 --> 00:04:37,998
I usually write my mush to
flowers and sunsets and waterfalls...
71
00:04:37,902 --> 00:04:39,268
and junk like that.
72
00:04:39,278 --> 00:04:40,803
But, Herman, I
know you can do it.
73
00:04:40,815 --> 00:04:44,343
Just write me a letter that will
tell my girl how much I love her.
74
00:04:44,273 --> 00:04:46,265
How much you love her?
75
00:04:46,802 --> 00:04:47,895
Love.
76
00:04:48,146 --> 00:04:50,445
Love, dove, above...
77
00:04:51,059 --> 00:04:53,619
Well, I'll try. I'll go home
tonight and I'll write you one.
78
00:04:53,588 --> 00:04:55,614
I'll deliver it to you first
thing in the morning.
79
00:04:55,605 --> 00:04:57,597
You got yourself a deal.
80
00:04:59,031 --> 00:05:00,294
Love, dove...
81
00:05:04,794 --> 00:05:07,263
There, that does it.
82
00:05:07,227 --> 00:05:09,856
One romantic love
letter, all finished.
83
00:05:11,581 --> 00:05:15,518
Herman, if you're going to write love
letters, why do you have to use my dungeon?
84
00:05:16,255 --> 00:05:18,486
Because I'm hiding from Lily.
85
00:05:18,656 --> 00:05:22,218
She thinks my poetry is
silly, and that deflates my ego.
86
00:05:22,978 --> 00:05:25,447
And why do you
have to use my tub?
87
00:05:25,764 --> 00:05:26,823
Why?
88
00:05:27,524 --> 00:05:30,824
Because I once read that Thoreau
did some of his best writing...
89
00:05:30,758 --> 00:05:32,556
while sitting in a tree.
90
00:05:32,551 --> 00:05:35,487
Kipling once wrote a
whole poem on horseback.
91
00:05:35,912 --> 00:05:40,008
And I prefer to court
the Muse in a hot tub.
92
00:05:46,958 --> 00:05:48,893
Oh, boy!
93
00:05:49,166 --> 00:05:50,964
Here, listen to this:
94
00:05:52,208 --> 00:05:56,373
"I am enchanted beyond belief,
Having you to fill my dreams
95
00:05:56,658 --> 00:05:58,456
"My life was nothing
96
00:05:58,483 --> 00:06:01,783
"Until your sweet presence
breathed the breath of love
97
00:06:01,716 --> 00:06:03,241
"Into my soul."
98
00:06:04,469 --> 00:06:05,903
How does that grab you?
99
00:06:05,910 --> 00:06:08,880
Well, I'll tell you, right
after I get violently ill.
100
00:06:09,848 --> 00:06:12,579
Now, there's no
need to be sarcastic.
101
00:06:12,890 --> 00:06:17,453
After Clyde's girl reads these delicate
and poetic tender words of love...
102
00:06:17,340 --> 00:06:19,775
they're gonna knock
her right in the kisser.
103
00:06:19,740 --> 00:06:22,835
Herman, you better
knock off this letter-writing.
104
00:06:23,070 --> 00:06:25,596
If Lily finds one of
these mushy missiles...
105
00:06:25,567 --> 00:06:27,798
she's liable to get
the wrong idea.
106
00:06:27,776 --> 00:06:29,904
Pish-tosh. Hand me the soap.
107
00:06:33,378 --> 00:06:34,437
Thank you.
108
00:06:34,467 --> 00:06:37,995
Herman, why are you taking
a bath with your clothes on?
109
00:06:40,006 --> 00:06:43,943
Because I consider you the kind of
rude person who wouldn't turn his back.
110
00:06:54,348 --> 00:06:56,112
There you are, Eddie.
111
00:06:56,110 --> 00:06:59,012
Hi, Mom. I'm practicing
for when I grow up.
112
00:06:59,087 --> 00:07:00,350
Good boy.
113
00:07:00,815 --> 00:07:02,147
Have you seen your father?
114
00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:06,120
I'm cleaning all the bedrooms and I
want him to help me turn Grandpa's slab.
115
00:07:06,033 --> 00:07:07,661
Pop went out a while ago.
116
00:07:07,667 --> 00:07:11,104
He said he was going downtown
to see some guy named Clyde.
117
00:07:11,540 --> 00:07:13,031
Where is Grandpa?
118
00:07:13,045 --> 00:07:15,480
He's out in the
yard taking a nap.
119
00:07:15,638 --> 00:07:17,334
Isn't that just like
your grandfather?
120
00:07:17,335 --> 00:07:21,136
Whenever there's work to be
done, he'll always crawl into his hole.
121
00:07:22,073 --> 00:07:23,564
Can I help you, Mom?
122
00:07:23,770 --> 00:07:25,261
No, thank you, Eddie.
123
00:07:25,755 --> 00:07:27,917
I think I'll go and
tidy up the dungeon.
124
00:07:27,900 --> 00:07:31,564
There's no telling what I'll
find lying around down there.
125
00:07:35,295 --> 00:07:38,231
"Your sweet presence
breathes the breath of love
126
00:07:38,176 --> 00:07:40,042
"Into my soul."
127
00:07:40,034 --> 00:07:41,764
That's beautiful, Herman.
128
00:07:41,762 --> 00:07:42,991
Thank you.
129
00:07:43,011 --> 00:07:45,981
Now, all I have to do is copy
this letter in my handwriting...
130
00:07:45,924 --> 00:07:48,450
sign my name and
mail it to my girl.
131
00:07:48,613 --> 00:07:52,880
You know, Clyde, it makes me feel very
good to have been of some help to you.
132
00:07:53,031 --> 00:07:56,092
I mean, there have been
hundreds of ghosts in our family...
133
00:07:56,041 --> 00:07:58,135
but never a ghostwriter.
134
00:08:01,259 --> 00:08:02,386
Yeah.
135
00:08:02,412 --> 00:08:05,109
Well, Herman, I can't
thank you enough.
136
00:08:05,805 --> 00:08:08,866
You must have a very understanding
wife, who'll let you spend your time...
137
00:08:08,814 --> 00:08:10,942
writing love letters
to strange girls.
138
00:08:10,927 --> 00:08:12,156
My wife?
139
00:08:12,176 --> 00:08:14,008
No, she's no problem.
140
00:08:15,666 --> 00:08:19,034
Believe me, Clyde, my wife
doesn't know a thing about it.
141
00:08:22,197 --> 00:08:23,825
Listen to this, Marilyn:
142
00:08:23,829 --> 00:08:26,025
"I am enchanted beyond belief
143
00:08:26,039 --> 00:08:28,031
"Having you to fill my dreams
144
00:08:28,023 --> 00:08:32,017
"My life was nothing until your sweet
presence breathed the breath of love...
145
00:08:31,929 --> 00:08:33,488
"Into my soul."
146
00:08:34,138 --> 00:08:36,573
Are you sure that that's
Uncle Herman's handwriting?
147
00:08:36,540 --> 00:08:39,066
Yes, it is. I found
this in the lab.
148
00:08:39,036 --> 00:08:40,766
Well, I think it's sweet.
149
00:08:40,765 --> 00:08:44,031
He's writing a love poem
to you after all these years?
150
00:08:43,967 --> 00:08:46,493
How do I know he didn't write
this for some other woman?
151
00:08:46,464 --> 00:08:47,693
Uncle Herman?
152
00:08:47,713 --> 00:08:51,206
He's so proper and loyal,
and... What's that word?
153
00:08:51,811 --> 00:08:55,242
Square. Exactly... but
in a very sweet way.
154
00:08:56,453 --> 00:09:00,481
I guess it would be terrible of
me to accuse him, if I was wrong.
155
00:09:00,390 --> 00:09:03,554
But if he did write these
beautiful love words for me...
156
00:09:03,496 --> 00:09:06,125
he'll be sure to mention it
soon. Of course he will, Aunt Lily.
157
00:09:06,089 --> 00:09:07,421
I think it's so romantic.
158
00:09:07,434 --> 00:09:10,461
And if the sweet dear
doesn't mention it to me...
159
00:09:10,411 --> 00:09:14,371
I intend to remain calm and
adult about this whole thing.
160
00:09:14,285 --> 00:09:15,719
Now, do you really mean that?
161
00:09:15,726 --> 00:09:20,096
Of course not. I'll
kill him! I'll kill him...
162
00:09:23,921 --> 00:09:26,390
"The breath of
love into my soul"
163
00:09:29,044 --> 00:09:31,912
Ann, this is the most romantic
thing that's ever happened to me.
164
00:09:31,861 --> 00:09:34,228
Do you mean that Clyde
actually sent you that love letter?
165
00:09:34,198 --> 00:09:37,066
That skinny little shrimp
you said you met on the bus?
166
00:09:37,015 --> 00:09:39,348
It's his signature right there.
167
00:09:39,481 --> 00:09:41,074
You know something?
168
00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:42,413
I think I'm in love.
169
00:09:42,425 --> 00:09:44,553
But, Clara, you said this
Clyde was kind of creepy.
170
00:09:44,539 --> 00:09:46,667
You said he even
reminded you of the man...
171
00:09:46,652 --> 00:09:49,281
the Board of Health sent
around when our monkey died.
172
00:09:50,173 --> 00:09:52,972
You know, I wouldn't care
if he looked like a monster.
173
00:09:52,927 --> 00:09:55,453
Any man who can write
a love letter like that...
174
00:09:55,424 --> 00:09:57,290
that's the man for me.
175
00:09:59,778 --> 00:10:02,247
He must have a
truly beautiful soul.
176
00:10:02,884 --> 00:10:05,444
Well, Herman, did
you enjoy the fish?
177
00:10:05,828 --> 00:10:08,354
The sole? I certainly did, dear.
178
00:10:08,326 --> 00:10:11,956
There's nothing I like better
than a truly beautiful sole.
179
00:10:13,768 --> 00:10:16,761
Well, I've got to hurry. I'm
dropping by to see Clyde.
180
00:10:18,218 --> 00:10:19,652
Clyde again?
181
00:10:20,172 --> 00:10:21,231
Why?
182
00:10:21,932 --> 00:10:23,798
We sit around and talk shop.
183
00:10:23,789 --> 00:10:26,156
He's been at the parlor
a long time, you know?
184
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:28,891
He really knows
where the body's buried.
185
00:10:39,380 --> 00:10:42,043
He didn't even mention the...
186
00:10:42,902 --> 00:10:45,565
L-E-T-T-E-R.
187
00:10:46,648 --> 00:10:49,709
You're absolutely R-I-G-H-T.
188
00:10:49,656 --> 00:10:52,285
I better not find out
he's becoming a...
189
00:10:52,442 --> 00:10:55,310
P-H-I-L-A-N...
190
00:10:56,123 --> 00:10:57,182
A-N...
191
00:10:57,212 --> 00:10:59,306
I don't know what you
guys are talking about...
192
00:10:59,293 --> 00:11:03,389
but "philanderer" is spelled
P-H-I-L-A-N-D-E-R-E-R.
193
00:11:06,496 --> 00:11:09,056
Yeah, no, Clyde, Herman
left some time ago.
194
00:11:09,026 --> 00:11:11,757
But I got a date to take
my girl to Lovers' Lane...
195
00:11:11,715 --> 00:11:14,810
and he was coming over here
with some more love poems.
196
00:11:14,757 --> 00:11:16,225
I gotta leave now.
197
00:11:16,229 --> 00:11:18,391
Sorry, Clyde. I guess
you'll just have to get by...
198
00:11:18,374 --> 00:11:20,343
on your own personality.
199
00:11:20,807 --> 00:11:21,866
Bye.
200
00:11:22,856 --> 00:11:25,291
Now, why did he
have to say that?
201
00:11:25,257 --> 00:11:27,385
I'm nervous enough as it is.
202
00:11:28,170 --> 00:11:31,004
I got it. I'll leave
a note for Herman.
203
00:11:33,901 --> 00:11:35,802
Aunt Lily, is the garbage
disposal working?
204
00:11:35,790 --> 00:11:38,089
Yes, dear. He's out there.
205
00:11:45,970 --> 00:11:47,529
Good boy, Spot.
206
00:11:50,869 --> 00:11:53,998
Marilyn, the
more I think of it...
207
00:11:53,943 --> 00:11:55,673
the angrier I get.
208
00:11:55,671 --> 00:11:57,663
Herman not
mentioning that letter...
209
00:11:57,656 --> 00:11:59,989
and then going over
to Clyde's again tonight.
210
00:11:59,962 --> 00:12:02,727
I'm really beginning
to get suspicious now.
211
00:12:02,683 --> 00:12:05,847
But Uncle Herman interested
in another girl, at his age?
212
00:12:05,788 --> 00:12:08,849
I mean, he's over 150 years old.
213
00:12:08,798 --> 00:12:10,994
Age has nothing to do with it.
214
00:12:11,071 --> 00:12:15,270
There's an ancient Transylvanian
proverb we used to have in the old country:
215
00:12:15,168 --> 00:12:18,468
"Always put the shortest
chain on the oldest wolf."
216
00:12:21,091 --> 00:12:23,560
"Have taken my
girl to Lovers' Lane.
217
00:12:23,524 --> 00:12:26,824
"Meet me there. I am
desperate. Your friend, Clyde.
218
00:12:27,718 --> 00:12:30,813
"P.S. If I lose Clara,
I will kill myself."
219
00:12:32,456 --> 00:12:34,254
Well, if he does that...
220
00:12:34,249 --> 00:12:37,481
I'm sure Mr. Gateman will
give him the employee discount.
221
00:12:37,930 --> 00:12:39,592
Lovers' Lane.
222
00:12:39,851 --> 00:12:40,851
Hmm.
223
00:12:43,085 --> 00:12:44,576
Good evening.
224
00:12:57,876 --> 00:13:01,005
Come on, Clyde, look
at this romantic setting.
225
00:13:01,270 --> 00:13:03,432
This should provide
the perfect inspiration...
226
00:13:03,414 --> 00:13:05,610
for you to recite some
of that beautiful poetry.
227
00:13:05,591 --> 00:13:08,390
But, Clara, I'm not
really in the mood.
228
00:13:10,330 --> 00:13:12,492
Clyde, what on earth
is the matter with you?
229
00:13:12,475 --> 00:13:15,668
Well, you see, I...
230
00:13:18,206 --> 00:13:19,970
I'll be right back.
231
00:13:20,479 --> 00:13:23,381
I always get my inspiration
when I walk around.
232
00:13:30,019 --> 00:13:31,681
Herman, am I glad you're here.
233
00:13:31,683 --> 00:13:34,653
Quick, shoot me some of that love
poetry, while she's still in the mood.
234
00:13:34,596 --> 00:13:35,596
Here you go:
235
00:13:35,621 --> 00:13:38,785
"Your lips are ruby red
Your skin is pearly white
236
00:13:38,855 --> 00:13:41,017
"My flames of love you've fed
237
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:42,798
"I love you day and night."
238
00:13:42,792 --> 00:13:45,762
Lips ruby red, skin pearly
white, flames fed, day and night.
239
00:13:45,706 --> 00:13:47,732
I've got it. Don't go away!
240
00:13:51,436 --> 00:13:53,462
"Your lips are ruby red
241
00:13:53,453 --> 00:13:55,319
"Your skin is pearly white
242
00:13:55,823 --> 00:13:57,951
"My flames of love you've fed
243
00:13:57,936 --> 00:14:00,371
"I... I..." Yes?
244
00:14:00,753 --> 00:14:02,346
Yes?
245
00:14:03,603 --> 00:14:04,969
Excuse me.
246
00:14:07,732 --> 00:14:09,564
What's the last line?
247
00:14:10,614 --> 00:14:12,640
"I love you day and night"
248
00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:17,894
"I love you day and night"
249
00:14:18,137 --> 00:14:19,366
Now can we smooch?
250
00:14:19,385 --> 00:14:21,650
Not yet. Recite me another one.
251
00:14:21,914 --> 00:14:23,746
You want another one?
252
00:14:25,212 --> 00:14:27,977
Well, inspiration time again.
253
00:14:31,935 --> 00:14:35,838
Quick, Herman, shoot me another
poem. She's really in the mood.
254
00:14:38,466 --> 00:14:42,335
"Our love is as the rose is
You are the petal, I'm the thorn
255
00:14:42,244 --> 00:14:44,440
I really poured my
heart into this one.
256
00:14:44,421 --> 00:14:45,946
Go, Clyde, go.
257
00:14:50,408 --> 00:14:52,741
Clyde, where do you keep
going when you keep...
258
00:14:52,713 --> 00:14:54,807
"Our love is as the rose is
259
00:14:54,794 --> 00:14:57,525
"You're the petal, I'm the thorn
260
00:14:57,483 --> 00:14:59,918
"So let's start rubbing noses
261
00:14:59,884 --> 00:15:02,547
"'Cause I can't tell
right from wrong."
262
00:15:03,086 --> 00:15:05,282
Clyde, kiss me, you fool.
263
00:15:05,263 --> 00:15:07,129
I'll be right back.
264
00:15:12,082 --> 00:15:13,846
"The sky is blue above me" No!
265
00:15:13,843 --> 00:15:15,971
"The mountains,
too, are blue" No!
266
00:15:15,988 --> 00:15:18,150
"When I'm with you..." I
don't need any more, Herman.
267
00:15:18,132 --> 00:15:21,625
That did it. Thanks a
lot. You can go now.
268
00:15:22,007 --> 00:15:24,238
You sure? Absolutely.
269
00:15:24,760 --> 00:15:26,126
Well, okay.
270
00:15:26,489 --> 00:15:27,650
You're on your own.
271
00:15:39,839 --> 00:15:42,502
One more poem, Clyde.
You broke the spell.
272
00:15:42,720 --> 00:15:44,211
One more?
273
00:15:44,897 --> 00:15:47,264
But I... Come on. Please?
274
00:15:50,435 --> 00:15:52,301
"Roses are red
275
00:15:53,637 --> 00:15:57,233
"Violets are pink
276
00:15:57,511 --> 00:15:59,309
"I'm in love with you
277
00:15:59,496 --> 00:16:00,759
"I think?"
278
00:16:00,777 --> 00:16:03,770
That's nothing like the
ones you've been reciting.
279
00:16:03,721 --> 00:16:06,122
Well, that was
a different style.
280
00:16:06,987 --> 00:16:09,957
Clyde, have you been hiding a
book of poetry out in those bushes?
281
00:16:09,900 --> 00:16:12,995
Oh, no. Then where did
you get all those words?
282
00:16:12,942 --> 00:16:16,839
Well... I may as well tell you.
283
00:16:16,752 --> 00:16:20,348
It was a friend of mine
out there, Herman Munster.
284
00:16:20,498 --> 00:16:24,094
He's the one who wrote
the letter and the poems.
285
00:16:24,019 --> 00:16:25,715
Herman Munster.
286
00:16:26,004 --> 00:16:28,473
What a poetic
ring. Get him for me.
287
00:16:30,038 --> 00:16:31,631
I sent him away.
288
00:16:33,047 --> 00:16:34,572
Clyde, I have a
terrible headache.
289
00:16:34,584 --> 00:16:36,576
Would you mind taking me home?
290
00:16:43,964 --> 00:16:46,729
You broke up with Clyde, and
now you want me to drive you over...
291
00:16:46,685 --> 00:16:48,325
to some man's house
you've never even met?
292
00:16:48,318 --> 00:16:50,287
That's right. His name
is Herman Munster.
293
00:16:50,272 --> 00:16:53,003
And I looked up his address,
and I've fallen in love with him...
294
00:16:52,960 --> 00:16:55,623
through those wonderful letters
and poems that he wrote for Clyde.
295
00:16:55,585 --> 00:16:57,713
You've really flipped over
this Herman, haven't you?
296
00:16:57,699 --> 00:16:59,224
It's my destiny.
297
00:17:00,483 --> 00:17:04,284
I think I've finally found my Prince
Charming and I'm gonna meet him tonight.
298
00:17:05,735 --> 00:17:07,863
Are you really going
over to Clyde's?
299
00:17:07,847 --> 00:17:09,406
I certainly am.
300
00:17:10,473 --> 00:17:14,774
I think that Herman is meeting his
female pen pal at Clyde's apartment.
301
00:17:14,827 --> 00:17:17,661
What will you do if
you find out it's true?
302
00:17:17,612 --> 00:17:19,137
What will I do?
303
00:17:19,437 --> 00:17:21,030
I will take Herman apart...
304
00:17:21,037 --> 00:17:25,168
so that even Dr. Frankenstein
couldn't put him back together again.
305
00:17:26,736 --> 00:17:28,364
But, Aunt Lily...
306
00:17:30,930 --> 00:17:33,627
All right, explain
it to me, Grandpa.
307
00:17:34,548 --> 00:17:38,679
Lily's not here, but she's circled
Clyde's address in the phone book.
308
00:17:39,190 --> 00:17:40,954
Now, why would she do that?
309
00:17:40,951 --> 00:17:42,579
Don't you get it?
310
00:17:43,224 --> 00:17:46,023
Clyde told me he
met a girl on a bus.
311
00:17:46,105 --> 00:17:47,596
Right? Right.
312
00:17:47,674 --> 00:17:50,940
But Clyde never told me the
name of the girl he met on a bus.
313
00:17:50,875 --> 00:17:52,400
Right? Right.
314
00:17:52,476 --> 00:17:55,310
Every day, Lily takes
the bus to go shopping.
315
00:17:55,261 --> 00:17:56,752
Right? Right.
316
00:17:56,990 --> 00:18:00,893
And Lily acts very funny every
time I mention the name of Clyde!
317
00:18:01,984 --> 00:18:03,509
Hmm.
318
00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:04,818
So...
319
00:18:05,314 --> 00:18:07,681
viz., to wit, and ergo...
320
00:18:07,811 --> 00:18:09,939
the girl on the bus is Lily.
321
00:18:10,436 --> 00:18:14,897
And I've been helping sly old
Clyde romance her with my letters!
322
00:18:16,070 --> 00:18:18,198
Herman, you really think so?
323
00:18:18,183 --> 00:18:20,948
I know so. I know
how these things work.
324
00:18:21,641 --> 00:18:24,076
I read Dear Abby every morning.
325
00:18:24,202 --> 00:18:26,364
Now, assuming that
any of this is true...
326
00:18:26,348 --> 00:18:29,079
Herman, what do
you plan to do about it?
327
00:18:29,197 --> 00:18:31,428
I plan to confront Clyde.
328
00:18:33,615 --> 00:18:35,447
And so, farewell.
329
00:18:35,440 --> 00:18:39,309
I am going to sally forth into
the night and punish the guilty.
330
00:18:39,346 --> 00:18:42,544
And restore the treasured
sanctity of my marriage.
331
00:18:43,507 --> 00:18:46,033
A man like this deserves
to be horsewhipped.
332
00:18:46,004 --> 00:18:47,973
Thoroughly horsewhipped!
333
00:18:57,594 --> 00:18:59,620
What's the matter, Sir Lancelot?
334
00:19:00,603 --> 00:19:02,799
I forgot my crummy horsewhip.
335
00:19:05,278 --> 00:19:07,975
Herman Munster, I
know you're in there!
336
00:19:10,143 --> 00:19:12,237
He's not here!
337
00:19:13,633 --> 00:19:15,124
Where is he, Clyde?
338
00:19:15,138 --> 00:19:17,471
Where is my two-timing husband?
339
00:19:17,539 --> 00:19:20,475
But I keep telling you, Mrs.
Munster, Herman isn't here.
340
00:19:20,420 --> 00:19:21,820
Don't you cover up for him!
341
00:19:21,829 --> 00:19:24,094
Where's that girl he's
been writing love letters to?
342
00:19:24,070 --> 00:19:27,768
Herman wasn't writing letters for
himself, he was writing them for me.
343
00:19:28,745 --> 00:19:31,305
I think I'm getting a nosebleed.
You'll get something worse...
344
00:19:31,273 --> 00:19:35,233
than a nosebleed if you don't give
me the lowdown on playboy Munster.
345
00:19:37,292 --> 00:19:41,252
Tonight my girlfriend claimed she
had a headache and she ditched me.
346
00:19:41,166 --> 00:19:43,658
You don't suppose
she and Herman...
347
00:19:43,631 --> 00:19:46,760
I don't know, but you'd
better come with me.
348
00:19:46,704 --> 00:19:49,868
That big goofball may
owe us both an explanation.
349
00:19:50,482 --> 00:19:53,975
Wait a minute, Mrs. Munster!
Can't you let go of my ear, now?
350
00:20:03,096 --> 00:20:04,655
Is this Herman Munster's house?
351
00:20:04,665 --> 00:20:07,191
This is it. 1313
Mockingbird Lane.
352
00:20:08,123 --> 00:20:09,614
This is just the
kind of place...
353
00:20:09,627 --> 00:20:12,529
I would expect my mysterious
romantic writer to live in.
354
00:20:12,476 --> 00:20:14,741
I guess the place looks
a lot better in the daytime.
355
00:20:14,717 --> 00:20:16,208
Ann, I'm so excited.
356
00:20:16,222 --> 00:20:18,885
Hey, thanks for driving me.
Are you really gonna go through...
357
00:20:18,847 --> 00:20:21,316
with this nutty plan? Just like
I saw in a Doris Day movie...
358
00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:23,681
I'm gonna walk up to the
door, I'm gonna knock on it...
359
00:20:23,649 --> 00:20:26,710
I'm gonna close my eyes and
I'm gonna embrace my dream man.
360
00:20:26,659 --> 00:20:30,994
Good luck. Hey, if he's really good-looking
maybe he'll have someone for me, too.
361
00:20:33,030 --> 00:20:34,931
Where's the horsewhip?
362
00:20:42,602 --> 00:20:44,594
No, I couldn't use that.
363
00:20:50,093 --> 00:20:52,289
No, that's not the horsewhip.
364
00:20:59,122 --> 00:21:01,023
No, it would kill him.
365
00:21:02,387 --> 00:21:04,219
One crummy horsewhip.
366
00:21:04,885 --> 00:21:07,286
Well, I'll just have to go
over to Clyde's place...
367
00:21:07,254 --> 00:21:10,224
and bust up this eternal
triangle with my bare hands.
368
00:21:17,050 --> 00:21:19,884
Don't say a word. Just
take me in your arms.
369
00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:49,082
You big gigolo, you!
370
00:21:49,065 --> 00:21:52,331
But... Don't you dare
speak to me ever again!
371
00:21:52,266 --> 00:21:55,896
But, what, me? Lily, what are
you doing with my best friend?
372
00:21:55,820 --> 00:21:59,257
And what were you doing
with your arms around my girl?
373
00:22:07,985 --> 00:22:12,320
This kind of thing could be very
disturbing to a man of my sensitive nature.
374
00:22:17,429 --> 00:22:20,331
So, you see, dear,
it's just like Clyde said.
375
00:22:20,471 --> 00:22:24,067
I wrote all those love letters
for him to give to his girl.
376
00:22:23,993 --> 00:22:27,691
But I never thought she'd find out
who it was and come all unglued.
377
00:22:27,898 --> 00:22:30,891
Well, I guess
that explains it all.
378
00:22:32,509 --> 00:22:36,503
I suppose it was silly of me,
getting so upset in the first place.
379
00:22:36,511 --> 00:22:38,980
I agree, Aunt Lily. So do I.
380
00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:42,830
After all, no girl would ever go
for that stale poetry Herman wrote.
381
00:22:42,754 --> 00:22:45,815
It's rancid, absolutely rancid.
382
00:22:46,115 --> 00:22:48,141
I don't know about that.
383
00:22:48,740 --> 00:22:52,040
I thought I had one line
there that was pretty good:
384
00:22:53,703 --> 00:22:55,501
"My life was nothing
385
00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:59,173
"Until your sweet presence..."
386
00:23:02,378 --> 00:23:05,212
"My life was nothing
until your sweet..."
387
00:23:09,326 --> 00:23:10,658
Maybe Grandpa is right.
388
00:23:10,670 --> 00:23:13,640
My poetry is so rancid, I
can't even remember it.
389
00:23:14,032 --> 00:23:17,332
"My life was nothing until
your sweet presence..."
390
00:23:19,347 --> 00:23:23,341
"Until your sweet presence
breathed the breath of love
391
00:23:23,572 --> 00:23:25,598
"Into my soul."
392
00:23:25,941 --> 00:23:28,638
Lily. You remembered it.
393
00:23:28,951 --> 00:23:30,647
Of course, Herman.
394
00:23:30,712 --> 00:23:33,841
And I don't think your
poetry is rancid at all.
395
00:23:36,090 --> 00:23:39,492
Dear, that's the sweetest
thing you've ever said to me.
396
00:23:40,444 --> 00:23:42,413
Thank you, sugar fangs.
397
00:23:42,463 --> 00:23:47,013
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