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1
00:00:09,198 --> 00:00:11,132
[Sighs]
2
00:00:11,200 --> 00:00:14,658
Hi, Grandpa. Where's Lily?
3
00:00:14,594 --> 00:00:16,528
She's gone to bed.
4
00:00:16,515 --> 00:00:18,506
You better go up
and tell her where you've been.
5
00:00:18,500 --> 00:00:21,401
You've been out
three nights in a row. What are you up to?
6
00:00:21,350 --> 00:00:25,116
Grandpa, I don't want
Lily to know,
7
00:00:25,032 --> 00:00:28,968
but I'm engaged in a project
that is going to benefit mankind...
8
00:00:28,875 --> 00:00:30,843
and keep the streets
of our country safe...
9
00:00:30,829 --> 00:00:32,797
for women
and children everywhere.
10
00:00:32,782 --> 00:00:36,013
No.
Yes.
11
00:00:35,951 --> 00:00:38,476
I'm a detective.
12
00:00:38,449 --> 00:00:41,714
What? You, a detective?
13
00:00:41,652 --> 00:00:43,677
Herman. Herman,
14
00:00:43,669 --> 00:00:45,830
do me a favor.
Hmm?
15
00:00:45,814 --> 00:00:47,805
When the boys
from the happy hatch come...
16
00:00:47,799 --> 00:00:49,733
to fit you with that
canvas housecoat,
17
00:00:49,720 --> 00:00:52,780
please, don't tell 'em
you're my son-in-law!
18
00:00:54,940 --> 00:00:57,966
[Laughing]
19
00:01:59,653 --> 00:02:02,588
What time did Uncle Herman
get home last night, Aunt Lily?
20
00:02:02,535 --> 00:02:04,594
Not till 11:00.
21
00:02:04,584 --> 00:02:08,520
He had some vague excuse
about getting lost on the way home from work.
22
00:02:09,643 --> 00:02:13,670
- Hey, maybe Pop is leadin' a double life.
- A double life?
23
00:02:13,581 --> 00:02:16,277
Yeah. He's really
a criminal on parole,
24
00:02:16,239 --> 00:02:19,538
and he has to go out at night
and pay blackmail to some crooks,
25
00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:22,408
so they won't tell everybody
his mother runs a saloon in New Orleans.
26
00:02:23,956 --> 00:02:28,222
Eddie Munster, wherever
do you get such ideas?
27
00:02:28,119 --> 00:02:30,679
It was on the second feature
at the kiddies' matinee.
28
00:02:30,649 --> 00:02:33,140
Oh, those horror shows!
29
00:02:33,114 --> 00:02:35,742
Eddie, you should spend
Saturday afternoons at home...
30
00:02:35,708 --> 00:02:37,642
doing something
more wholesome,
31
00:02:37,629 --> 00:02:41,360
like digging up bones
in the backyard with Spot.
32
00:02:41,279 --> 00:02:43,440
Where's Uncle Herman now,
Aunt Lily?
33
00:02:43,424 --> 00:02:45,915
He's down in that lab again
with Grandpa.
34
00:02:45,890 --> 00:02:49,087
I don't know what they're up to.
It's awfully quiet down there.
35
00:02:49,028 --> 00:02:52,088
I'd feel a lot better if I could
hear a few explosions.
36
00:02:52,038 --> 00:02:54,029
"Follow that man.
37
00:02:54,023 --> 00:02:57,015
"Learn to be a detective
in your spare time.
38
00:02:56,969 --> 00:03:00,063
"Earn up to $75 a week.
39
00:03:00,011 --> 00:03:01,945
"Glamour, excitement...
40
00:03:01,932 --> 00:03:05,629
Official badge with first lesson."
[Chuckles]
41
00:03:05,550 --> 00:03:10,852
"United States National Federal
Detective Academy.
42
00:03:10,705 --> 00:03:14,835
Box 14, Tijuana, Mexico."
[Snickers]
43
00:03:14,741 --> 00:03:19,610
Oh, boy.
My son-in-law, the wetback detective.
44
00:03:19,479 --> 00:03:21,913
Herman, this is a gyp outfit.
45
00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:24,007
Oh, no, they're not.
[Chuckles]
46
00:03:23,994 --> 00:03:26,189
That's where
I have you, Grandpa.
47
00:03:26,171 --> 00:03:28,662
They sent me
this official detective kit.
48
00:03:31,647 --> 00:03:35,208
See? Here's my
fingerprinting equipment.
49
00:03:37,218 --> 00:03:40,813
- [Grunts]
- [Laughs]
50
00:03:40,740 --> 00:03:43,834
And these are what is
commonly known in the trade...
51
00:03:43,782 --> 00:03:45,875
as restraining cuffs.
52
00:03:45,864 --> 00:03:47,798
[Clatters]
53
00:03:49,802 --> 00:03:54,239
Well... Oh, it doesn't matter anyway.
They didn't send me the key.
54
00:03:54,126 --> 00:03:57,323
And, eh-eh, what is this,
a Tijuana phone book?
55
00:03:57,263 --> 00:04:00,323
No. This is
my 20 easy lessons.
56
00:04:00,273 --> 00:04:04,972
See? Here's a chapter
on how to follow men. Eh?
57
00:04:04,852 --> 00:04:07,343
Here's a chapter
on how to follow women.
58
00:04:08,278 --> 00:04:11,805
Here's a chapter on how to follow men
disguised as women.
59
00:04:12,697 --> 00:04:15,689
You see, Grandpa?
I am too a detective.
60
00:04:15,643 --> 00:04:17,873
Okay. Okay.
61
00:04:17,852 --> 00:04:19,786
Good. Good.
[Chuckles]
62
00:04:19,773 --> 00:04:22,333
You're a detective.
What do you do now?
63
00:04:24,257 --> 00:04:26,487
What do I do now?
64
00:04:26,466 --> 00:04:29,230
I give up my present
low-salary job...
65
00:04:29,187 --> 00:04:31,121
for the high-paying rewards...
66
00:04:31,108 --> 00:04:34,339
of a career in law enforcement.
67
00:04:34,278 --> 00:04:36,576
You mean quit your job
down at the parlor?
68
00:04:36,552 --> 00:04:38,850
Herman, you're a big man
down there.
69
00:04:38,825 --> 00:04:42,192
You, who started out
12 years ago as a nail boy.
70
00:04:42,123 --> 00:04:44,353
I'm not quitting
right now, Grandpa.
71
00:04:44,332 --> 00:04:46,459
I need more experience.
72
00:04:46,447 --> 00:04:48,472
That's why I've been out
the last three nights...
73
00:04:48,464 --> 00:04:50,557
practicing how
to shadow people.
74
00:05:00,023 --> 00:05:03,515
Grandpa? Grandpa...
Oh!
75
00:05:03,449 --> 00:05:05,383
Herman, hmm?
76
00:05:08,412 --> 00:05:11,006
Not only will you
get Lily mad,
77
00:05:10,974 --> 00:05:13,101
but if you
keep shadowing people,
78
00:05:13,087 --> 00:05:16,523
you will wind up
with what is known in the trade...
79
00:05:16,449 --> 00:05:18,644
as a belt in the mouth!
80
00:05:18,626 --> 00:05:21,026
Grandpa, you can laugh
if you want to,
81
00:05:20,996 --> 00:05:24,989
but I'm on the verge
of a career in law enforcement.
82
00:05:24,903 --> 00:05:29,567
I've already sent in my application
to the Kempner Detective Agency right here in this town.
83
00:05:30,474 --> 00:05:32,408
They said they'd call me.
84
00:05:32,396 --> 00:05:34,330
Are you sure about that?
85
00:05:34,317 --> 00:05:37,684
That's just what they said:
"Don't call us, we'll call you."
86
00:05:47,093 --> 00:05:49,027
Herman?
87
00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:54,999
And just where do you think
you're going again tonight?
88
00:05:54,938 --> 00:05:57,304
Uh... Eh, just out, dear.
89
00:05:57,275 --> 00:05:59,402
There's some secret work
I have to do...
90
00:05:59,389 --> 00:06:02,415
that will eventually be
of great benefit to my family.
91
00:06:02,366 --> 00:06:04,300
All right, go ahead.
92
00:06:04,288 --> 00:06:08,349
I don't suppose it matters to you
that you're completely ruining my plans for the evening.
93
00:06:08,259 --> 00:06:11,558
Oh? What plans
are those, dear?
94
00:06:11,493 --> 00:06:13,427
Oh, just that I'm supposed
to go out tonight...
95
00:06:13,414 --> 00:06:17,180
and collect for our favorite charity,
Bundles for Transylvania.
96
00:06:17,096 --> 00:06:20,259
I thought that my husband
could at least be with me...
97
00:06:20,201 --> 00:06:22,192
when I knock on strange doors.
98
00:06:22,187 --> 00:06:24,121
But that's all right.
99
00:06:24,108 --> 00:06:27,737
Go ahead, stay out all evening
with your "secret" work.
100
00:06:27,663 --> 00:06:30,097
- But, Lily!
- Oh, no.
101
00:06:30,064 --> 00:06:32,191
Go on. And while you're out,
102
00:06:32,177 --> 00:06:35,476
why don't you send
a one-word telegram...
103
00:06:35,411 --> 00:06:37,777
to our poor friends
in the Old Country...
104
00:06:37,749 --> 00:06:39,717
"Starve!"
105
00:06:39,702 --> 00:06:41,636
But...
106
00:06:42,584 --> 00:06:44,518
[Groans]
107
00:07:02,020 --> 00:07:03,954
[Gasps]
108
00:07:05,318 --> 00:07:07,616
Oh, it's only you.
109
00:07:52,676 --> 00:07:55,167
Well, w-why don't you
sit closer?
110
00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:58,372
What for?
So I can give you a kiss.
111
00:07:58,312 --> 00:08:00,405
Oh, l-I'd be embarrassed.
112
00:08:00,394 --> 00:08:03,261
Well, then close your eyes.
Will you close yours?
113
00:08:03,211 --> 00:08:05,975
Uh-huh.
Okay.
114
00:08:05,933 --> 00:08:09,664
One, two, three.
115
00:08:10,992 --> 00:08:14,689
[Speaking With Chinese Accent]
Oh, um, me no Peeping Tom. Me number-one detective.
116
00:08:14,610 --> 00:08:16,544
Oh!
117
00:08:21,623 --> 00:08:23,818
Well, he's not at the office.
118
00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:25,734
[Scoffs]
Secret work, my foot.
119
00:08:25,722 --> 00:08:29,158
I'll just bet he's seeing
another woman. Oh, Aunt Lily.
120
00:08:29,083 --> 00:08:31,017
I'm going down
first thing in the morning...
121
00:08:31,004 --> 00:08:34,496
to the Kempner Detective Agency
and have your Uncle Herman followed! [Door Creaking]
122
00:08:34,430 --> 00:08:36,625
Well, what do you suppose
he's been doing, Aunt Lily?
123
00:08:36,608 --> 00:08:38,599
Well, I don't know.
But the next time he does it,
124
00:08:38,593 --> 00:08:40,959
there'll be a detective
behind him taking notes!
125
00:08:46,630 --> 00:08:50,122
Well, I'm sure we can
handle this case, Mrs. Munster.
126
00:08:50,056 --> 00:08:53,048
Would you give us
a description of your husband?
127
00:08:53,002 --> 00:08:56,904
Well, he's average height,
about 7 foot 3.
128
00:08:56,813 --> 00:08:58,838
Seven foot 3?
129
00:08:58,830 --> 00:09:01,230
[Chuckles]
Did he ever play basketball?
130
00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:04,363
No. J- Just in the backyard
with our son, Eddie.
131
00:09:04,305 --> 00:09:07,934
But he had to give it up.
He kept catching his head in the hoop.
132
00:09:09,269 --> 00:09:12,568
- How about his weight?
- Three spins.
133
00:09:12,503 --> 00:09:14,232
Three spins?
134
00:09:14,232 --> 00:09:16,223
Yes. When he gets
on the bathroom scale...
135
00:09:16,217 --> 00:09:19,118
you know the little dial...
well, it spins around three times.
136
00:09:20,796 --> 00:09:22,730
Put down "heavy."
137
00:09:22,717 --> 00:09:25,584
How does he wear his hair?
138
00:09:25,536 --> 00:09:28,528
Well, um, he wears it
a little long on the sides...
139
00:09:28,481 --> 00:09:30,415
and, uh, flat on top.
140
00:09:30,402 --> 00:09:33,098
- Ears?
- Mm-hmm, two.
141
00:09:33,060 --> 00:09:35,961
Oh, they're not a matched set,
but only the family can tell.
142
00:09:38,119 --> 00:09:41,555
Herman has a very
distinguished lantern jaw...
143
00:09:41,481 --> 00:09:43,506
and piercing eyes.
144
00:09:43,498 --> 00:09:47,332
And, um, a classic nose.
Oh, and an overhanging forehead.
145
00:09:47,245 --> 00:09:49,179
Overhanging forehead?
146
00:09:49,166 --> 00:09:52,465
Yes. It keeps the water
out of his eyes when he's in the shower.
147
00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:55,528
Any, uh, scars or birthmarks?
148
00:09:55,474 --> 00:09:57,840
No. Oh.
149
00:09:57,811 --> 00:10:00,609
He does have
a cute little dimple... right here.
150
00:10:00,566 --> 00:10:03,399
- Dimple?
- It's about five inches long,
151
00:10:03,351 --> 00:10:07,014
and this wide and all "jaggedy."
152
00:10:08,795 --> 00:10:12,162
Do you suppose you could
have him followed and find out what he's up to?
153
00:10:12,093 --> 00:10:16,291
Well, uh, I tell you, Mrs. Munster,
we're pretty busy right now.
154
00:10:16,192 --> 00:10:21,061
We got a lot of husbands to follow.
It always happens when the warm weather sets in.
155
00:10:22,979 --> 00:10:26,437
Uh, suppose I talk this over
with my partner,
156
00:10:26,373 --> 00:10:28,705
and we'll get right back to you.
157
00:10:28,680 --> 00:10:32,377
Well, l-I certainly hope
you don't find out it's another woman.
158
00:10:32,297 --> 00:10:34,356
I'd hate to lose Herman.
159
00:10:34,347 --> 00:10:36,508
He's one in a million.
160
00:10:40,591 --> 00:10:42,582
One in a million?
161
00:10:42,576 --> 00:10:46,478
From the description,
I'd say the odds are a lot higher than that.
162
00:10:46,386 --> 00:10:48,911
Mike, I'd hate to put
one of our men on this case.
163
00:10:48,884 --> 00:10:50,818
The whole thing
sounds so weird.
164
00:10:50,805 --> 00:10:52,898
There's no telling
what might happen.
165
00:10:52,887 --> 00:10:55,515
Yeah, but...
[Phone Ringing]
166
00:10:57,594 --> 00:10:59,528
Kempner Detective Agency.
167
00:10:59,515 --> 00:11:01,608
This is 702 speaking.
168
00:11:01,596 --> 00:11:04,292
I mailed an application
and called you several times last week.
169
00:11:05,502 --> 00:11:08,994
It's that crank
who calls himself 702 calling back.
170
00:11:08,929 --> 00:11:11,898
You know,
that boob who wants to be a detective?
171
00:11:11,843 --> 00:11:13,777
Shall I tell him
to get lost again?
172
00:11:13,764 --> 00:11:16,790
Wait a minute.
We got nothing to lose.
173
00:11:16,742 --> 00:11:20,974
Why don't we put him
on this case, have him follow this Munster character?
174
00:11:20,872 --> 00:11:24,774
If he gets his head bashed in,
at least the union won't be on our necks.
175
00:11:27,533 --> 00:11:30,297
Uh, look, uh, 702,
176
00:11:30,254 --> 00:11:32,586
we got a case for you.
177
00:11:32,560 --> 00:11:35,154
Ajealous woman wants
her husband followed.
178
00:11:35,121 --> 00:11:37,385
We'll send you the details.
You take it from there.
179
00:11:37,363 --> 00:11:39,763
Oh, golly. Oh, gee.
180
00:11:39,732 --> 00:11:42,792
But don't send it to my house.
Uh, send it to my place of business.
181
00:11:42,742 --> 00:11:45,006
Oh, and use my code name.
182
00:11:44,983 --> 00:11:46,951
I don't want anyone to know
what I'm up to.
183
00:11:46,937 --> 00:11:48,871
Good-bye.
184
00:11:48,858 --> 00:11:51,258
Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Oh, boy!
[Laughing]
185
00:11:51,228 --> 00:11:53,526
I'm a detective!
I'm a detective!
186
00:11:54,974 --> 00:11:57,033
Now, Grandpa,
187
00:11:57,023 --> 00:12:00,823
the agency sent me
this description of the man I'm supposed to follow.
188
00:12:00,738 --> 00:12:04,037
Evidently he goes out
late at night without any explanation,
189
00:12:03,972 --> 00:12:06,668
and his wife is suspicious.
190
00:12:06,629 --> 00:12:09,496
This man is a philanderer.
191
00:12:09,447 --> 00:12:12,280
Herman, this man is a bum!
192
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:14,166
That's what he is!
193
00:12:14,154 --> 00:12:17,646
Be that as it may.
According to lesson 12 of the correspondence course,
194
00:12:17,580 --> 00:12:20,845
the first thing to do
is make a composite drawing of the suspect.
195
00:12:20,782 --> 00:12:23,683
I suppose
you could do that. Fine.
196
00:12:23,632 --> 00:12:26,032
Now, you read the description
while I make the drawing,
197
00:12:26,001 --> 00:12:29,937
like the shrewd,
well-trained detective I am.
198
00:12:29,844 --> 00:12:31,778
Good.
[Groans]
199
00:12:34,679 --> 00:12:37,443
What's the matter?
200
00:12:37,401 --> 00:12:39,494
Somebody stole my crayon!
201
00:12:39,482 --> 00:12:42,918
Will you calm down?
Here. Here's a pencil.
202
00:12:42,844 --> 00:12:44,778
Oh, thank you, Grandpa.
203
00:12:47,070 --> 00:12:49,538
What's the matter now?
204
00:12:49,504 --> 00:12:51,995
There's no point on it.
205
00:12:51,970 --> 00:12:54,632
Give me that.
206
00:12:54,596 --> 00:12:57,565
[Grinding]
207
00:12:59,175 --> 00:13:01,166
Thank you.
208
00:13:05,322 --> 00:13:08,758
Now, you read the description
of the man I'm supposed to follow...
209
00:13:08,685 --> 00:13:11,245
while I make the sketch.
210
00:13:11,214 --> 00:13:13,910
Good.
211
00:13:13,872 --> 00:13:15,840
Now,
212
00:13:15,825 --> 00:13:18,191
"Height: 7 foot 3."
213
00:13:19,860 --> 00:13:22,988
My, he's a big one.
214
00:13:22,934 --> 00:13:24,993
"Weight: Heavyset.
215
00:13:27,001 --> 00:13:30,368
"Hair: Long on the sides,
216
00:13:30,298 --> 00:13:32,562
very flat on top."
217
00:13:32,540 --> 00:13:34,565
Long on sides,
218
00:13:34,557 --> 00:13:36,821
flat on top.
219
00:13:40,993 --> 00:13:42,927
What are you looking at?
220
00:13:42,914 --> 00:13:45,576
Nothing.
221
00:13:45,540 --> 00:13:49,067
"Ears: Do not match."
222
00:13:48,998 --> 00:13:50,989
"Ears do not match."
223
00:13:57,099 --> 00:13:59,533
What are you
looking at now? Nothing.
224
00:14:00,814 --> 00:14:02,748
"Lantern jaw."
225
00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:06,174
"Lantern jaw."
226
00:14:06,161 --> 00:14:08,652
"Piercing eyes."
227
00:14:10,003 --> 00:14:11,937
"Piercing eyes."
228
00:14:11,925 --> 00:14:16,225
"Classic nose."
"Classic nose."
229
00:14:17,111 --> 00:14:21,047
Lantern jaw, piercing eyes,
classic nose.
230
00:14:21,947 --> 00:14:25,508
Ist das nicht ein classic nose?
231
00:14:25,437 --> 00:14:28,804
Ja, das ist ein classic nose.
232
00:14:28,736 --> 00:14:32,297
Flat on top, lantern jaw,
long on sides,
233
00:14:32,225 --> 00:14:34,159
piercing eyes, classic nose.
234
00:14:34,146 --> 00:14:37,411
Oh, du sch�ne, oh, du sch�ne,
oh, du sch�ne classic nose.
235
00:14:37,349 --> 00:14:39,647
Herman, will you knock it off?
236
00:14:39,622 --> 00:14:42,523
I'm sorry, Grandpa.
I guess I just got carried away.
237
00:14:43,689 --> 00:14:46,385
After all,
I was made in Germany.
238
00:14:46,346 --> 00:14:48,280
[Chuckling]
239
00:14:49,484 --> 00:14:52,214
"Protruding brows."
240
00:14:52,174 --> 00:14:54,335
"Protruding brows."
241
00:14:57,617 --> 00:14:59,551
What are you looking at now?
242
00:14:59,539 --> 00:15:01,473
Nothing.
243
00:15:03,029 --> 00:15:05,759
"Jagged dimple on forehead."
244
00:15:05,719 --> 00:15:08,051
"Jagged dimple on forehead."
245
00:15:10,938 --> 00:15:14,704
Gotcha. Well, Grandpa?
246
00:15:14,620 --> 00:15:18,351
Here's what the poor boob looks like.
247
00:15:19,551 --> 00:15:21,485
What's the matter?
248
00:15:21,472 --> 00:15:25,272
Herman, I've got news for you.
249
00:15:25,187 --> 00:15:28,020
This poor boob... is you!
250
00:15:27,973 --> 00:15:30,601
Me? No.
251
00:15:30,567 --> 00:15:33,559
No, i-i-it couldn't be me.
252
00:15:33,512 --> 00:15:36,572
Grandpa, this man
is a philanderer.
253
00:15:36,522 --> 00:15:39,616
If I were chasing women,
I'd be the first one to know it.
254
00:15:42,382 --> 00:15:45,010
Wait a minute, Herman.
I've got the answer to the whole thing.
255
00:15:44,976 --> 00:15:47,103
Look, it says here...
256
00:15:47,089 --> 00:15:49,717
that the woman who wants
this man followed...
257
00:15:49,682 --> 00:15:51,616
is Mrs. Lily Munster.
258
00:15:53,045 --> 00:15:55,070
But why would Lily
want me followed?
259
00:15:55,062 --> 00:15:56,996
Because you've been
going out at night.
260
00:15:56,983 --> 00:16:00,942
She hired the detective agency
to find out what you've been up to.
261
00:16:00,857 --> 00:16:02,791
Oh, I get it.
262
00:16:02,778 --> 00:16:05,246
Then the man
I'm supposed to follow is Herman Munster.
263
00:16:05,212 --> 00:16:07,146
Right.
264
00:16:11,040 --> 00:16:14,134
Herman, may I ask
what you're doing?
265
00:16:14,082 --> 00:16:16,607
Th-There must be a chapter
on how to follow yourself.
266
00:16:18,917 --> 00:16:22,978
Herman, look,
you can't tell Lily you're a detective.
267
00:16:22,888 --> 00:16:26,289
But I have a scheme.
Now, you go out tonight...
268
00:16:26,218 --> 00:16:28,982
and stay out as late as usual.
269
00:16:28,939 --> 00:16:32,466
Then, then as Agent 702,
270
00:16:32,398 --> 00:16:37,062
you file a very favorable report
on Herman Munster.
271
00:16:36,945 --> 00:16:39,243
The agency gives
this report to Lily.
272
00:16:39,218 --> 00:16:43,678
Lily is happy, you're happy,
and the agency is happy!
273
00:16:47,287 --> 00:16:50,313
Marilyn, I want you
to sit over there on the sofa.
274
00:16:50,265 --> 00:16:52,790
Grandpa, in your chair.
275
00:16:52,763 --> 00:16:54,697
And Herman,
276
00:16:54,684 --> 00:16:57,710
I want you to sit right here
so you'll be next to me.
277
00:17:02,273 --> 00:17:04,798
Oh, why all
the formality, Aunt Lily?
278
00:17:04,770 --> 00:17:07,170
It almost seems like
the reading of a will.
279
00:17:07,139 --> 00:17:09,607
I'm afraid it's not
that happy an occasion.
280
00:17:09,573 --> 00:17:13,202
- Then, uh, what is it, Lily?
- I've brought you all together...
281
00:17:13,127 --> 00:17:15,322
because a certain member
of our family...
282
00:17:15,305 --> 00:17:19,207
has indulged in many
unexplained absences in the evenings.
283
00:17:19,116 --> 00:17:22,711
Now, rather than accuse
this person unjustly,
284
00:17:22,638 --> 00:17:25,937
I have had
this woman chaser followed.
285
00:17:25,872 --> 00:17:27,806
How do you like that, Grandpa?
286
00:17:27,793 --> 00:17:30,785
My own wife, Lily,
has had me followed.
287
00:17:31,635 --> 00:17:35,799
I can't believe it.
Now, what kind of creatures are we turning into?
288
00:17:35,701 --> 00:17:38,135
Anyway, I got this report...
289
00:17:38,103 --> 00:17:40,936
from the detective agency
this morning.
290
00:17:40,889 --> 00:17:44,347
And I'm going to
read it right now... in front of all of you.
291
00:17:44,283 --> 00:17:46,513
Go right ahead, Lily.
292
00:17:46,493 --> 00:17:48,859
I'm ready for the worst.
293
00:17:49,695 --> 00:17:53,461
"Report submitted by Agent 702
on Herman Munster.
294
00:17:53,377 --> 00:17:55,971
"8:17, suspect left house.
295
00:17:55,938 --> 00:17:59,135
"8:20, suspect patted
stray dog on head.
296
00:17:59,076 --> 00:18:02,842
"Proceeded to Maple Avenue.
Helped old lady across street.
297
00:18:03,656 --> 00:18:05,920
"9:06, attended church.
298
00:18:05,897 --> 00:18:08,957
"9:38, prevented man
from beating horse.
299
00:18:10,732 --> 00:18:13,701
9:41, attended church."
300
00:18:13,646 --> 00:18:17,309
Well, so far, it sounds like
an evening with Pat Boone.
301
00:18:17,232 --> 00:18:21,794
"10:03, followed suspect
to Gaiety Burlesque Theater."
302
00:18:21,683 --> 00:18:23,651
Oh, Uncle Herman!
303
00:18:27,222 --> 00:18:32,216
"10:04, suspect crossed street
to avoid Gaiety Burlesque Theater.
304
00:18:35,004 --> 00:18:38,770
10:15, suspect entered
Rudy's Bar and Grill."
305
00:18:38,686 --> 00:18:42,315
Aha! "10:16, suspect
showed picture...
306
00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:45,107
"of wife and child to Rudy.
307
00:18:45,058 --> 00:18:47,356
Refused free beer. '"
308
00:18:47,331 --> 00:18:49,925
I always carry that picture.
[Snorts]
309
00:18:49,893 --> 00:18:53,294
"10:30, visited park.
Fed starving pigeons.
310
00:18:53,223 --> 00:18:55,191
"Bought matches
from little match girl.
311
00:18:56,233 --> 00:18:58,463
"Attended church.
Came home.
312
00:18:59,787 --> 00:19:01,721
"Found wife asleep.
313
00:19:02,733 --> 00:19:05,201
"Kissed wife good night.
314
00:19:05,166 --> 00:19:07,691
Went to bed. '"
315
00:19:07,664 --> 00:19:10,690
Herman, I'm so sorry.
316
00:19:11,570 --> 00:19:14,471
L-I never should have
blamed you...
317
00:19:14,420 --> 00:19:17,389
for doing anything wrong,
pussycat.
318
00:19:17,334 --> 00:19:19,700
L-I'll never
mistrust you again...
319
00:19:19,672 --> 00:19:21,606
in all my lives.
320
00:19:23,098 --> 00:19:26,659
There, there, Lily.
Uh, I forgive you, dear.
321
00:19:27,485 --> 00:19:30,079
Uh, but I always want you
to remember this...
322
00:19:30,046 --> 00:19:33,311
I want you to remember
one thing.
323
00:19:33,249 --> 00:19:36,844
In the great vegetable market
of life,
324
00:19:36,771 --> 00:19:39,763
I have never been one
to pinch the tomatoes.
325
00:19:54,990 --> 00:19:57,322
- Herman!
- [Gasps]
326
00:19:59,409 --> 00:20:01,570
You're not going out
again tonight.
327
00:20:01,555 --> 00:20:04,422
You want to get
in trouble again? No, Grandpa.
328
00:20:05,301 --> 00:20:07,929
It's just that I did
such a good job as Agent 702,
329
00:20:07,894 --> 00:20:10,795
the Kempner Agency called me up
and gave me another case.
330
00:20:10,744 --> 00:20:12,678
I'm gonna be a bodyguard.
331
00:20:12,665 --> 00:20:16,066
There's some poor unfortunate woman
whose husband has been threatening her.
332
00:20:15,995 --> 00:20:18,589
And my orders are,
if he comes around,
333
00:20:18,557 --> 00:20:21,492
not to get violent,
just scare him away.
334
00:20:21,438 --> 00:20:23,668
[Laughing]
You?
335
00:20:23,649 --> 00:20:25,742
How could you scare anybody?
336
00:20:31,590 --> 00:20:33,558
[Honks]
337
00:20:35,528 --> 00:20:38,895
It's nice of you to help me
with my charity drive tonight, Marilyn.
338
00:20:38,825 --> 00:20:42,625
With all these problems,
I've been neglecting my house-to-house calls.
339
00:20:42,540 --> 00:20:45,509
Well, Bundles for Transylvania
is a worthy cause.
340
00:20:45,454 --> 00:20:48,252
Why, back in the Old Country
they should get down on all fours...
341
00:20:48,208 --> 00:20:50,733
and thank you
for what you've done.
342
00:20:50,705 --> 00:20:52,639
Come on, dear.
Let's go.
343
00:20:58,006 --> 00:21:01,032
I, um, l-I just wanted
to thank you, Mr. Kempner,
344
00:21:00,984 --> 00:21:05,250
for sending over a bodyguard
wearing such a frightening disguise.
345
00:21:05,147 --> 00:21:09,208
Yes. Yes, I'm sure
he'll scare my husband away if he comes around.
346
00:21:09,117 --> 00:21:11,551
[Gasps]
Oh, and, um,
347
00:21:11,519 --> 00:21:16,547
I want to apologize for fainting
when Agent 702 showed up.
348
00:21:16,418 --> 00:21:20,684
Yes. For a minute
I thought he really looked like that.
349
00:21:20,581 --> 00:21:23,448
Yes. Well, thank you again,
Mr. Kempner.
350
00:21:23,398 --> 00:21:25,332
Good-bye.
351
00:21:30,122 --> 00:21:33,956
You're sure I can't get you
some coffee or something?
352
00:21:33,869 --> 00:21:37,066
Oh, no, thank you.
I'm-I'm very comfy.
353
00:21:37,007 --> 00:21:39,976
[Doorbell Rings]
354
00:21:41,298 --> 00:21:43,698
Don't worry.
I'll get it.
355
00:21:52,088 --> 00:21:55,216
[Doorbell Rings]
[No Audible Dialogue]
356
00:21:57,147 --> 00:21:59,342
Good evening.
I'm collecting for...
357
00:21:59,325 --> 00:22:01,793
Herman!
What are you doing here?
358
00:22:01,758 --> 00:22:04,192
Oh, Lily.
359
00:22:04,160 --> 00:22:07,561
W-Well, you see, l...
[Woman] If that's my husband, get rid ofhim.
360
00:22:07,490 --> 00:22:10,482
Uncle Herman!
Eh... Lily,
361
00:22:10,435 --> 00:22:15,065
you may not believe this,
but I'm Secret Agent 702.
362
00:22:14,951 --> 00:22:17,920
Herman, you may not
believe this,
363
00:22:17,865 --> 00:22:20,197
but I'm Sonny Liston!
364
00:22:24,013 --> 00:22:25,947
Come on, Marilyn.
365
00:22:30,897 --> 00:22:32,831
And when
the Kempner Detective Agency...
366
00:22:32,818 --> 00:22:35,116
gave me the job
of being bodyguard to Mrs. Andrews,
367
00:22:35,092 --> 00:22:38,425
I was on my way
to fame and fortune as a detective.
368
00:22:38,357 --> 00:22:42,088
Tsk. But tonight
when you knocked me out, they fired me.
369
00:22:44,346 --> 00:22:46,974
There, there.
L-I'm sorry, dear.
370
00:22:46,939 --> 00:22:51,535
I had no idea you were
trying so hard to make good for Eddie and me.
371
00:22:51,422 --> 00:22:53,481
Come on, Marilyn.
Let's go in the kitchen...
372
00:22:53,471 --> 00:22:56,235
and fix sweetie
a glass of warm milk.
373
00:23:00,643 --> 00:23:03,407
[Laughing]
Boy, Herman,
374
00:23:03,366 --> 00:23:06,460
you sure got yourself
into a mess this time.
375
00:23:06,407 --> 00:23:09,001
Don't worry, Grandpa.
I'll never try to be a detective again.
376
00:23:08,969 --> 00:23:10,903
Good.
377
00:23:14,956 --> 00:23:16,890
But you know
something, Grandpa,
378
00:23:17,838 --> 00:23:20,272
I saw this ad in a magazine
at Mrs. Andrews's house...
379
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:22,174
for something
where I can't fail.
380
00:23:22,161 --> 00:23:24,721
What ad?
See?
381
00:23:24,691 --> 00:23:26,659
I'm gonna study hairdressing
in my spare time...
382
00:23:26,644 --> 00:23:29,272
and make a fortune
with my own beauty parlor.
383
00:23:29,322 --> 00:23:33,872
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