Original subtitles

Now remember, when Alex gets

here, act like you just,

you know, happened to stop by.

You know, happened to stop by.

Okay. Okay, yeah.

Now come on, Mr. Reed.

Now in the middle of

the afternoon, Julius and I,

two wildly successful

two wildly successful

professionals, we just happen

to be free?

[Laughs] Excuse me,

you mean three professionals.

You mean three professionals.

I'm wildly successful, too.

No, you just wild.

Can everybody stay focused on

Can everybody stay focused on

supporting my son?

Right. Yes, yes, yes.

I mean he may look fine, but

dealing with Carla being in

L.A. has to be tough on him.

Of course it is.

Of course it is.

Yeah. Yeah.

I just hope she comes back

before she gets hooked on...

The reefer.

Miss Helen, you've spent ten

hours a day with her.

Simone: Mm-hmm.

Oh, now give us somethin'.

Oh, now give us somethin'.

Listen, I know exactly what

you know.

She went to the conference

and ended up getting offered

a job she couldn't pass up.

And she took the job and

pawned the kids off on Alex.

But I can't blame her though.

But I can't blame her though.

If I had three kids, I would run

away too.

Aren't you a pediatrician?

Aren't you a pediatrician?

What's her point?

Well, at least she didn't

leave you alone with this

new therapist--this

Dr. Bruce Miller.

Dr. Bruce Miller.

He actually thinks I'm supposed

to go and fetch his dry

cleanin'.

Cleanin'.

Oh, hey son.

Simone: Oh, hey!

[Mixed overlapping greetings]

[Mixed overlapping greetings]

How, how long you been home?

Long enough to hear that

people who supposedly care about

me, pick over my life like

buzzards on fresh road kill.

Thank you...Dad...

Thank you...Dad...

Well, uh...

Best friends.

Hm.

Hm.

My wife's ex-receptionist.

Mmm.

Anybody else wanna weigh

Anybody else wanna weigh

in on something they know

absolutely nothing about?

I'd--I'd like to say

something, bro.

Something, bro.

Oh, go ahead, Julius.

The way you sneak in here,

listenin' to people's private

conversations...

Sneak?

That's just rude, man.

No wonder why Carla left you.

She did not leave me.

She did not leave me.

She did not leave me.

[Laughing]

All: She left him.

♪ good thing we've got ♪

♪ one another ♪

♪ read between the lines ♪

♪ read between the lines ♪

♪ stuck between a rock ♪

♪ and a hard place ♪

♪ could be a hard place to be ♪

♪ if I didn't have ♪

♪ my village holdin' me ♪

♪ my village holdin' me ♪

♪ my father, son ♪

♪ two daughters ♪

♪ and two best friends ♪

♪ surroundin' me with ♪

♪ the strength of 10,000 men ♪

♪ ha-ha, yeah, I got this ♪♪

♪ ha-ha, yeah, I got this ♪♪

[Laughing]

And why are you all sitting

And why are you all sitting

in my living room like you're at

a wake, anyway?

I...I was missing your pop's

catfish.

Catfish.

Yeah, right.

My pop's catfish isn't that

good.

Whoa, wait a minute, son.

Now don't start talkin'

now don't start talkin'

wife left ya.

She did not leave me.

Look, Carla called, asked me

Look, Carla called, asked me

to make sure you had a little

extra support so I called them.

No.

Carla called you?

Carla called you?

Mm-hmm.

She's been gone a couple of

months and she thinks I can't

handle this.

But I'm sure she didn't expect

you to call my immature,

you to call my immature,

stuck in middle school,

best friends.

Simone: Hold on now--

Simone: Hold on now--

Her words, not mine.

Look guys, I'm only gonna say

this one time.

This one time.

Carla and I love each other,

we love our kids, our marriage

a-a-and a question for you.

A-A-And a question for you.

Who are you to judge my

marriage?

You and your wife don't even

live together?

Yeah, but we're not in denial

about it.

Simone: Mm-hmm.

Simone: Mm-hmm.

Alex, I am here for you.

I am right by your side,

but not right now.

But not right now.

I've got to get back to

the office.

Can you believe this fool only

It's good to see you, Helen.

Good to see you, too.

Good to see you, too.

Walk to her car alone.

Probably why Carla left you.

Probably why Carla left you.

Would you quit sayin' that?

[Cell phone rings]

[Cell phone rings]

Alex Reed.

Really?

I see.

Ah, okay thank you.

Ah, okay thank you.

I'll, I'll be there shortly.

All right, thanks a lot. Bye.

All right?

All right?

Is he making catfish tonight?

I don't think so.

But I appreciate the support.

I will see you soon. Okay?

All right. See you later.

Hey, dad.

Hey, guys, I gotta go.

I'll be back in time for dinner,

all right?

Do your homework.

Bye.

Bye.

You said that dad would freak

about my skirt, and he didn't

even notice.

Even notice.

Okay, but my friends did.

All right.

Somebody's gonna ask me,

somebody's gonna ask me,

"how much for your sister?"

Liar.

Come on, nobody asked you that.

Come on, nobody asked you that.

I've made myself clear.

I'm done, kaci.

Done.

Done.

The St. Clair school has

spent over 100 years shaping

the hearts and minds of

the hearts and minds of

tomorrow's leaders.

Both: Your point being?

Your daughter's

unshaped-able.

[Laughing]

[Laughing]

I'm sure she isn't.

Look, we both know this is

only the second school Alexis

has attended that isn't in

has attended that isn't in

the family kitchen.

Excuse me, I shaped my

daughter to be a critical

thinker.

Her last teacher--

Ah, didn't want an eight year

Ah, didn't want an eight year

old bringing in, um,

self-prepared study guides and

demanding her classmates burn

the old ones.

The old ones.

I did not.

Burning things is bad for

the environment.

I suggested composting.

I suggested composting.

Her big sister is

an environmentalist.

Perhaps you should ease her

into the school system more

into the school system more

gradually.

Or find a school worthy of

her intellectual capacity.

I hear mit is starting a baby

I hear mit is starting a baby

genius program.

Both: Already applied.

On the waiting list.

On the waiting list.

Good afternoon, class.

My daughter is going to be

joining us today.

She's in the process of

transferring to a more

academically challenging

institution, and she wanted to

watch her father at work.

I got kicked out of school.

I got kicked out of school.

Why don't you sit in the

chair back there, sweetheart.

Congratulations, class.

Congratulations, class.

You have survived the first four

weeks of my rigorous look at

Shakespeare's tragedies.

And on the last day to drop

and on the last day to drop

a class, you are still here.

Wait. Today is the last day?

Yes, it is.

Yes, it is.

I forgot to feed my meter.

Excellent.

Excellent.

That means only we smart ones

remain.

Now does anyone have any

questions before we delve into

questions before we delve into

the treachery, revenge,

and moral corruption that

is "Hamlet, prince of Denmark"?

Is "Hamlet, prince of Denmark"?

Alexis Reed.

When's mommy coming home?

When's mommy coming home?

Ah, very soon, sweetheart,

very soon.

Good because this is boring.

Everybody knows Hamlet dies at

everybody knows Hamlet dies at

the end.

Students: Oh...

Kaci: Keenan!

What's up?

Where are my clothes?

You don't remember where you

put your clothes?

Put your clothes?

Do we need to have you pee

in a cup?

That's funny, but let's just

That's funny, but let's just

wait until I go into your

bedroom and take your

"magazines."

Oh, yeah, I know.

Oh, yeah, I know.

You better stay out of

my room.

Then tell me where my clothes

are, or me and my friend lysol

will brave your funky room

will brave your funky room

and find them.

You want your clothes?

Mm-hmm.

You're gonna have to go

dumpster diving.

Look, they weren't even mine.

Go get the stuff,

or I'm telling dad.

You're telling dad?

You're telling dad?

Oh, please do.

Oh, please do.

I'm begging you. Hm...

Hm...

Hm...

Hey, morning Dean Caldwell.

Morning...Grade Nazi.

Morning...Grade Nazi.

Excuse me?

Well, that's what they call

you, you know?

You, you know?

Who calls me that?

Mm.

Don't you play coy with me,

professor pretty boy.

Your students are dropping

like flies.

Yeah. I know.

Yeah. I know.

This isn't nyu, Reed.

Most of our funding comes from

the state.

The state.

No students equals no money.

Yeah, well Dean, you brought

me here to increase the quality

of the English department.

Of the English department.

Yeah, but you left nyu to

teach closer to home, remember?

I've got three kids at home.

And I've got 5,000 of my own

right here.

Right here.

You got what you needed,

now give me what I need.

But Dean, I can't raise

But Dean, I can't raise

the standing of a department,

if I have to tolerate lazy

thinkers, disinterested

time-wasters,

and plain old dummies.

And plain old dummies.

Reed, butts in seats.

That's what I need.

Well, how do you suggest

Well, how do you suggest

I do that?

Well, I don't know,

professor.

But a department head that can't

figure that out shouldn't

figure that out shouldn't

be a department head.

[Guitar strumming]

♪ goodbye baby ♪

♪ goodbye baby ♪

♪ goodbye ♪

♪ oh goodbye ♪

♪ oh goodbye ♪

♪ oh goodbye ♪

Woo.

[Laughing] Man, when was

the last time the three of us

got together like this?

Wait, wait.

Without you checking your watch

every five minutes?

And texting home every two?

And texting home every two?

Had to be PC.

PC? Ah.

Both: Pre-Carla.

[Laughing]

I told you not to marry

a mother with a deadbeat ex.

A mother with a deadbeat ex.

Got to give it to you, man.

Raising someone else's kids.

Julius, I'm raising my kids.

Julius, I'm raising my kids.

What time do the strippers

go on?

Helen.

Oh, hey.

Oh, hey.

I did not know you hung

out here.

Well, not usually,

but a couple of my peeps

invited me over.

Invited me over.

They don't look like they

would hang out with you.

And you don't look like

the kind of husband a wife

would come back to.

Would come back to.

Alex: Whoa.

Simone: Oh, now.

Take that back.

[Laughs]

Hey. Those are some of, those

Hey. Those are some of, those

are some of Carla's ex-patients.

We get together every Tuesday

and trash the new therapist.

[Laughs] Wait, oh, you know

[laughs] Wait, oh, you know

what I think I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna open up a tab under

your name.

Your name.

Consider it part of my severance

package.

So Julius, what's new with

you, man?

You, man?

I'm building Rita her dream

home.

Even though you're separated?

Because we're separated.

Because we're separated.

I got her with my money and I'll

get her back with my money.

Mm. Mm-mm.

I've never met a woman who

can say no to a bidet.

Right.

Right.

So, Simone?

What?

What's up with you?

Oh, I get it.

You want to know why I'm still

you want to know why I'm still

single.

No.

That's because I wanna

be, okay?

No, I am single by choice.

No, I am single by choice.

Plus her boyfriend

dropped her.

So anyway, how, how does

it feel to be back in

the classroom?

Oh, I got kids droppin'

Oh, I got kids droppin'

my class left and right.

And the Dean seems think all

the classrooms need to be full.

The classrooms need to be full.

Do you hear yourself?

What?

Alex, you're about to get

fired.

Fired.

You're runnin' off your

students, you ran off your wife.

You sure you don't need to

change your deodorant, bro?

[Laughing]

[Laughing]

Excuse me one second.

Excuse me one second.

Hey.

Hey, man, how are you doin'?

Hey.

Listen, um, I'm sure everyone

here has had a long day so would

you mind playin' somethin'

you mind playin' somethin'

a little more upbeat.

Got you, boss.

All right thank you, boss.

Appreciate it.

[Guitar strumming]

[Guitar strumming]

Simone: Oh, there you go!

You got it!

All right.

Woo!

[Guitar strumming]

[Guitar strumming]

♪ I hate you ♪

♪ I hate you ♪

♪ I hate you ♪

♪ oh yeah ♪

Oh.

You know we do have a guest

You know we do have a guest

room, grandpa.

Well, when guests come,

show 'em to it.

Show 'em to it.

I'm just spendin' the night.

I'm going to kill him.

I'm going to kill him.

Whoa.

Who's about to, ah,

bite the dust?

Bite the dust?

Your psycho grandson took

my stuff.

What kinda stuff?

Stuff.

Just stuff, grandpa.

Just stuff, grandpa.

Girl stuff.

Girl stuff, huh?

Oh, now I'm really worried

oh, now I'm really worried

about the boy.

Well, that's better.

Look, your brother loves you.

If he didn't, he wouldn't care

about you runnin' around passin'

off a napkin as a skirt.

Off a napkin as a skirt.

Oh, I pay attention.

Okay.

Look, grandpa, things are

different now from when you

different now from when you

were growing up.

Okay, wearing all that wool on

wool on wool...

Wool on wool...

Well, maybe that's why he's

trying to protect you--

because things are different

now, especially around here.

Now, especially around here.

I think he misses mom.

I mean maybe we shouldn't have

I mean maybe we shouldn't have

said we didn't want to move

to L.A. with her.

It's just that our friends are

here and our life is here--

here and our life is here--

And it's the middle of

the school year.

That's why your parents decided

you kids should stay.

You kids should stay.

I...i...I'm very glad you did.

I would've missed you like

crazy.

Both: [Laugh]

Come here. Come here.

[Laughs]

[Laughs]

Hey, man, I missed you

in class.

You're the grade Nazi.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

That was the old me.

Guess what, the new me has cut

guess what, the new me has cut

half the required papers and

I've been keepin' your seat

empty.

Pretty sure I missed

the deadline to add a class.

No, no, no.

No, no, no.

Not if you have one of these.

This right here is a faculty

approval form signed by me.

Approval form signed by me.

Cookie?

I...

Uh...

Mmmmm...

Mmmm...

Mmmm...

Simone: I guess it's too late

to ask if we should wait for

Alex and the kids.

Hey, when I was a kid nobody

waited for me.

It was every man for himself.

It was every man for himself.

Operation kill them with

cookies was a resounding

success.

Hey!

Hey!

All right.

Thank you for the assist,

dad.

Mm.

Hey, Simone?

Hey, Simone?

Hm?

I gotta thank you.

You see now, I look forward to

the challenge that these kids

present.

Present.

See there I was saying Alexis'

school was failing her and I was

failing my own students.

Now you know we graduated

Now you know we graduated

high school the same year.

Mm.

And you're lookin' way

younger than me.

I know you use Botox.

I know you use Botox.

Bottom line is I believe

all students deserve a good

all students deserve a good

education and inspiration.

Am I right?

What is it? Cocoa butter?

What is it? Cocoa butter?

I know you have my charger.

No, I don't.

You can't just steal

my stuff.

You stole my stuff.

You stole my stuff.

You were dressing like you

wanted to give your stuff away.

Oh, hey.

I thought we'd settled this.

I thought we'd settled this.

Settled what?

I never said there wouldn't

be payback.

Payback, whoa.

Relax, kaci corleone.

Now tell me what's goin' on.

Now tell me what's goin' on.

Both: Nothing.

Nothing?

Nothing?

All right, dad.

You're the adult here.

Somethin' you want to tell me?

I'm not your real father?

Okay. That was a disagreement.

Okay. That was a disagreement.

I thought it was over.

Didn't seem worth bothering you.

Didn't seem worth

bothering me?

Bothering me?

Right.

Julius, Simone!

Ev...everybody, sit down.

Am I supposed to stop eatin'

for this?

For this?

Just sit down, man.

Now here's the deal.

I am the head of this household.

I am the head of this household.

Why do I need to know this?

Just because your mother is

temporarily on the west coast,

does not mean the rules have

does not mean the rules have

changed.

The parent in this household

is always in charge.

And, dad, that means me.

And, dad, that means me.

But isn't mommy coming

back soon?

[Sighs] You know,

sweet stuff, you and I need

to have a talk.

To have a talk.

Come on.

You all know, I'm the one

that's runnin' this, right?

Yeah, of course.

Yeah, of course.

Yeah, we know.

Baby, I don't know when your

mommy's coming back home.

Because she took that

Because she took that

job in L.A.?

Yup.

Because she took that job

in L.A. and I'm really sorry

in L.A. and I'm really sorry

I wasn't clear about that.

I've been clear for a while,

daddy.

When mommy came back from

the conference she packed

the conference she packed

her big suitcase.

I asked her how long she'd

be gone.

She said not long.

When I asked you when she'd be

when I asked you when she'd be

back, you said soon.

I'm not a baby.

Not long and soon always

not long and soon always

means it's longer than you want

it to be.

[Laughs] You know, you are

absolutely right.

You are not a baby.

You are not a baby.

Sometimes I think you're smarter

than your old man.

I want mommy to come home.

I want mommy to come home.

I do, too, sweetheart.

Come here.

[Sighing]

Really, dude?

Really.

Really.

I gotta tell you guys,

it gives me extreme pleasure

to see you all here today.

I know there are some of you who

I know there are some of you who

are new to the course.

And for those of you who are

returning, welcome back.

Now in the past, I may have been

now in the past, I may have been

a little harsh.

Inflexible.

Demanding, even.

And for that I apologize.

And for that I apologize.

You see, today is a new day.

But make no mistake,

young bright ones.

Young bright ones.

We will delve deeply into

the classics.

Deep into "Hamlet."

Deep into "Hamlet."

It's my approach that will

change.

In other words, I am here

for you.

For you.

So let's jump into "Hamlet:

"The tragedy of the prince of

Denmark."

Denmark."

So, who's the main character

in "Hamlet."

My god...

You know what?

You know what?

What's your name?

Dave.

Dave, Dave, I am glad you

asked that question.

Because I am going to give

you a shot at answering that

question.

Question.

Okay, Dave, give it a go.

Hamlet?

Hamlet?

How brilliant! Brilliant!

Rice krispies treats for

everyone.

That you, son?

That you, son?

Yeah, pop.

Sorry to awake you.

Come, come sit with

Come, come sit with

your old man.

[Sighing]

I know you're a grown man with

I know you're a grown man with

three kids, but I still can't

sleep 'til I hear you come

through the door.

Through the door.

[Sighs]

You think I ran Carla away?

I don't know.

I don't know.

All I ever saw was you two

lovin' each other.

And I saw you put your career

on hold, stayed at home,

on hold, stayed at home,

while Carla built her practice.

Apparently it wasn't enough.

Apparently it wasn't enough.

Are you kidding?

You took a job on the Internet.

You took a job on the Internet.

I mean if that's not

a commitment, I don't know

what is.

What is.

Why won't you call her?

Or do what most men do to forget

or do what most men do to forget

their troubles?

What's that?

Drive fast cars, chase loose

Drive fast cars, chase loose

women.

I'm sorry, have we met?

I'm sorry, have we met?

[Laughs] Or you could write

about your troubles.

I mean you're an English

I mean you're an English

professor.

At least the grammar will be

good.

Good.

Both: [Laughing]

Alex: [Thinking] Title.

Alex: [Thinking] Title.

I need a good title.

♪

♪

Hm...

Hm...

Becoming a married, single dad

after your wife gets a job in

L.A. even though her husband

L.A. even though her husband

and three kids live in New York.

Colon.

Colon.

Marriage is complicated.

♪

♪

♪

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