Original subtitles

Ahoy, Matey.

Ahoy, Matey.

Gosh.

What are you doing?

Me be ready for Alexis' field

trip.

Trip.

Now, pack up ye britches whilst

I eat me dinner.

Carla, don't eat that.

That Turkey leg is almost five

days old.

Ahh, smells fine to me,

Matey.

Pack up your gear.

Pack up your gear.

Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh.

Ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh.

I don't know, babe.

I'm having second thoughts about

chaperoning this overnight thing

for Alexis.

Yeah, when Mr. Guillory first

Yeah, when Mr. Guillory first

asked us to read up on pirates,

oh, I don't know.

I was a little annoyed.

You?

Look, I give homework

look, I give homework

assignments.

I don't take them.

Yeah, I know, but once I

started reading, it was actually

really fascinating.

Hmm.

Hmm.

I'm serious.

I think it's gonna be fun.

I mean, Alex, come on.

I got an eye patch and a Turkey

leg.

Wow.

Wow.

You know, being trapped

overnight with a bunch of

seven-year-olds and you with an

seven-year-olds and you with an

eye patch and Turkey leg sounds

like a lot of fun.

[Laughter]

I've got a lot of work to do,

babe.

I know, but you always work.

Alex, you need to blow off some

steam.

All right, but next year, if

the field trip does not involve

the field trip does not involve

a big-screen TV, a football

game, and an open bar, i'm

staying home.

Arr.

Ohh.

Ohh.

[Laughs]

[Camera beeping]

All right, and what are you

two doing?

Documenting any damage in the

house.

That way, when you two come back

from the field trip, you can't

accuse us of anything we didn't

do.

Oh, scuff Mark on the

southeast section of the living

room.

Room.

Dad, can you initial here, here,

and sign right here?

What?

What?

Wait.

Since when was there a grape

juice stain in the den?

That's not important.

The point is, it was here before

the point is, it was here before

you guys left us home alone.

Keenan, be quiet before mom

and dad change their minds.

Okay, Ms. Helen and Gabby's

Okay, Ms. Helen and Gabby's

numbers are on the fridge in

case of emergency.

There are first aid kits

upstairs in the bathroom and

upstairs in the bathroom and

in the kitchen, and there's fire

extinguishers right by the door.

Mom, mom, it is just

overnight, okay?

You guys will be back in time

you guys will be back in time

for breakfast.

All right, guys, you know the

rules: No fighting and no

company.

Now, I left $20 on the fridge

now, I left $20 on the fridge

so you can order a pizza for

dinner.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

I made dinner for them.

It's actually in the

refrigerator.

Hello.

Hello.

Oh, okay.

Thank you, mom.

Hey, here's an extra 5 to

Hey, here's an extra 5 to

order bread sticks.

[Funky music]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Ahh, I could get used to

having my own place,

having my own place,

no one to answer to, doing

whatever I want.

Look, kaci.

Look, kaci.

What's that?

Put my feet down?

Put my feet down?

Oh.

Oh, wait, wait.

I can be as comfortable as I

want to be, and there's no one

here to stop me.

Here to stop me.

[Laughs]

Wait, look at me.

Look at me.

I'm drinking grape juice and

eating chocolate on the couch,

eating chocolate on the couch,

and I didn't even get a

coaster.

Oops, I missed.

Oops, I missed.

Okay, but you do know that

you are gonna have to pick that

up.

Yeah, but not until tomorrow.

Yeah, but not until tomorrow.

[Doorbell rings]

Oh.

Oh.

Want to get that?

Hey, sheena.

Here's your book, kaci.

All right, thanks.

I cannot believe I left my

biology book at school.

I'll go get those notes that you

wanted.

Wanted.

What's up, sheena?

So what you got going on this

so what you got going on this

weekend?

Nothing.

My weekend's kind of dead.

What about you?

Oh, well, my parents are out

of town for the night.

Of town for the night.

Really?

Yeah, yeah, so I have to hold

it down here, you know, make

sure nothing happens to my

little sister.

I thought you two were twins.

I thought you two were twins.

We are.

We are, but, you know, I am the

we are, but, you know, I am the

protector.

Wow.

You've been working out.

Oh, yeah, just a little bit.

Oh, yeah, just a little bit.

So you want something to drink?

The kitchen is right over there.

I'm fine.

So you two have the house all to

so you two have the house all to

yourselves?

Yeah, why?

You should totally throw a

You should totally throw a

party.

Uh, what's that about a

party?

You're teenagers with a big

house all to yourselves.

House all to yourselves.

It's practically criminal to not

take advantage of it.

No, I don't think that's such

a good idea.

A good idea.

I mean, our parents trust us.

We don't want to mess that up.

[Cell phone rings]

It's too late.

Gira and hakeem are already

Gira and hakeem are already

on their way.

Come on.

It's just a few people.

How old are you guys, 14 or 40?

How old are you guys, 14 or 40?

All right, I guess a few

people couldn't hurt.

Okay, but only a few.

Okay, but only a few.

[Upbeat music]

♪ ♪

Um, hey, Keenan, I'm not sure

Um, hey, Keenan, I'm not sure

this was a good idea.

I'm having too much fun to

care.

Go, Keenan.

[Together] Go, Keenan.

[Together] Go, Keenan.

Go, Keenan.

Go, Keenan.

Go, Keenan.

Go, Keenan.

Go, Keenan.

Go, Keenan.

Go, Keenan.

Go, Keenan.

Go, Keenan.

Go, Keenan.

Babe, are you okay?

Babe, are you okay?

No, I'm fine.

I'm fine.

Please, it's--I'm fine.

I told you not to eat that

Turkey leg.

It's fine.

I'm--oh, god.

I'm--oh, god.

Okay, class, so we have a

special guest with us here

tonight, the famous privateer

Christopher Newport, who's

Christopher Newport, who's

here to help us bring history to

life.

[Applause]

Okay.

Okay.

Yay.

Okay, so...

Okay, so...

Okay, excuse me.

Okay, class, why don't we

Okay, class, why don't we

take a little break while the

famous privateer Christopher

Newport searches the vessel for

Newport searches the vessel for

Spanish treasures?

Spanish treasures?

Is mommy going to be okay?

Yeah, she's gonna be fine,

honey.

I have the feel it has something

to do with that week-old Turkey

to do with that week-old Turkey

leg I told her not to eat.

Hey, Alex, do you think maybe

Hey, Alex, do you think maybe

you can finish the presentation?

Me?

Why can't you do it?

Well, Carla did the homework.

Well, Carla did the homework.

Here.

I can't read her handwriting.

Oh.

Oh.

Ahh, good one.

All right, class, okay, quiet

down, okay?

Mr. Reed is gonna tell us about

some more of Christopher

Newport's adventures.

Newport's adventures.

Mm-hmm.

Okay, uh, "the--the pirate ship

okay, uh, "the--the pirate ship

attacked over a dozen Spanish

ships, and most of the gold and

ships, and most of the gold and

the spices were given to the

English crown with the

privateers only taking a small

privateers only taking a small

portion of...

Taking a small portion of...

Taking a small portion of...

The loot!

The loot!

But on particular expedition,

Christopher Newport spied the

Christopher Newport spied the

most prized ship in the Spanish

armada, the Isabella.

Armada, the Isabella.

Boom!

Her Cannon roared.

Boom! Boom!

Boom! Boom!

His Cannon roared."

[Light funky music]

♪ didn't I make you feel ♪

♪ didn't I make you feel ♪

♪ like you were the only man ♪

♪ like you were the only man ♪

♪ yeah-ahh ♪

♪ didn't I give you ♪

♪ didn't I give you ♪

♪ nearly everything ♪

♪ a woman possibly can ♪

♪ honey you know I did ♪

I didn't know kaci was such a

I didn't know kaci was such a

good singer.

Yeah, talent runs in our

family.

I could tell by the way that

you were dancing.

You were dancing.

Well, you know.

It's in the blood.

It's in the blood.

Nice.

I'm thirsty.

Oh, well, water is in the

kitchen.

Kitchen.

The kitchen's over there, and

the water's in the refrigerator.

Can you show me?

Yeah, yeah, sure.

Excuse me, latonia.

Excuse me, latonia.

♪ take another little piece ♪

♪ of my heart now darling ♪

♪ please yeah ♪

Do you have any water

upstairs...in your bedroom,

upstairs...in your bedroom,

maybe?

No.

Why would I have water in my

bedroom?

No, silly.

No, silly.

Maybe we can go up there and...

You know.

No, I don't know.

No, I don't know.

What--there's nothing to do up

there.

You want to do what?

You want to do what?

♪ looking good ♪

♪ but baby deep down ♪

♪ in your heart ♪

♪ I guess you know ♪

♪ it ain't right ♪

♪ never, never, never ♪

♪ never hear me when I cry ♪

♪ never hear me when I cry ♪

♪ break another ♪

♪ little piece of my heart ♪

♪ now darling ♪

♪ now darling ♪

♪ please yeah ♪

♪ have another little piece ♪

♪ of my heart now baby ♪

♪ of my heart now baby ♪

Everybody, party's over.

Leave.

Keenan, come on, man.

Why you trippin'?

I'm not trippin', okay?

I'm not trippin', okay?

You were right.

This whole party was wrong.

Everybody leave.

Thank you for coming.

Get out.

Bye, Keenan.

Bye, Keenan.

See ya.

Wait, sheena.

What happened with you and

my brother?

Nothing.

Nothing.

Isn't that right, Keenan?

Keenan, what was sheena

talking about?

Nothing.

Let's clean up.

Let's clean up.

Mom and dad will be here in the

morning.

This was a huge mistake.

Keenan...

Keenan...

All right, I went upstairs

with sheena.

Why?

Why?

She wanted to...Do it.

What do you mean, she wanted

What do you mean, she wanted

to do it?

I don't--

Kaci, how many "its" are

there?

Wait, she wanted to have sex

with you?

With you?

Oh, my...

Wait, I had no idea that sheena

was like that.

Well, she is.

Well, she is.

Well...

Did you guys...

Did you guys...

No.

I thought I would have wanted

to, but I didn't.

Wow, I can't believe sheena

Wow, I can't believe sheena

wanted to do that...

And with you, like, out of all

people--

Okay, all right, I don't want

to talk about it.

To talk about it.

"The privateers swarmed the

captain of the Isabelle.

They fight hand-to-hand."

They fight hand-to-hand."

Take that and that and that.

Hey, what's that?

Ahh, got you.

"But soon the crew of the

"But soon the crew of the

Isabella is overwhelmed, and

the English take the ship."

You want some of--you want

some of this.

Wait, wait, wait.

Wait, wait, wait.

Augh, wait.

Augh, no, no, no.

Oh.

Ohhhh.

Ohhhh.

"The captain presents queen

Elizabeth the first with the

treasure they took from the

Spanish.

Spanish.

And as a reward for their

bravery and service to the

crown, Newport and his crew are

knighted."

Knighted."

I dub thee lord of Newport.

I dub thee lord of Newport.

"And that is the history

of the amazing ship."

Okay, class, come on, let's

okay, class, come on, let's

thank Alexis' parent--yay--

for helping us bring history to

life.

And now it's time for all you

And now it's time for all you

little pirates to go brush your

teeth.

Okay, give me your swords.

Give me your knives.

Give me your knives.

Give me your knives.

Give me your swords.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Oh, all right.

Oh, all right.

I'm so glad you came.

You're the best daddy I ever

had, and now everybody knows it.

Oh, what?

Oh, what?

That was nice.

Oh, well, I feel better.

You feel better?

I'm feeling so much better.

I'm feeling so much better.

Thank you so much for covering

for me.

No, I should be thanking you

for make me take time off work.

I should do this more often.

I should do this more often.

Yeah, well, good,

because I signed you up to

chaperone the strawberry-picking

chaperone the strawberry-picking

field trip next weekend.

Uh, is there a big-screen TV

on the strawberry field?

On the strawberry field?

We talked about that.

Alex...

Open bar?

Alex...

Oh, come on.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Thank you.

Good morning.

How was the field trip?

It was great.

I beat dad in a sword fight.

I beat dad in a sword fight.

Yes, you did, sweet stuff.

Now, go put your stuff away.

Okay.

You know, it looks really

You know, it looks really

clean in here.

Why?

Why does there have to be a

reason to clean up?

Reason to clean up?

Uh-huh.

Hey, dad, whatcha looking

for?

For?

I don't know.

You tell me.

There's nothing to tell.

Mm.

So you and Alexis had a sword

So you and Alexis had a sword

fight, huh?

That's got to be an interesting

story.

How did you like being home

How did you like being home

alone for the first time?

It was weird, kind of lonely.

Yeah, well, now you know how

Yeah, well, now you know how

I feel every time--

thank you--

you and your sister go for a

you and your sister go for a

sleepover.

I don't know how I'm gonna

handle it when you guys grow up

and move out.

Me either.

Me either.

You want to help me count

those?

Yeah, sure.

Okay.

So what did you guys do

while we were gone?

While we were gone?

Nothing much.

Mom, can I ask you something?

Mom, can I ask you something?

Sure.

Is there something wrong with

a guy if a girl wants to have

sex, but he gets scared?

Sex, but he gets scared?

I mean, shouldn't it be the

other way around?

Well, I mean, that depends on

Well, I mean, that depends on

a lot of things.

Is it their first time?

Is it their first time?

Yeah, for the guy,

but I'm not really sure about

the girl.

What exactly are we talking

What exactly are we talking

about, sweetie?

Is there something you want to

tell me?

No, no, no, forget it.

It's no big deal.

It's no big deal.

Oh, okay, so--wait.

It's forgotten, totally

forgotten, but just to answer

your question,

your question,

there's nothing wrong with you.

Me?

I never said anything about me.

I never said anything about me.

No, no, I was talking in

general.

I was talking in general.

So the--the guy, you know, if--

if...

If...

If he's not ready, then he

shouldn't do it.

I mean, a guy's first time

I mean, a guy's first time

should be--should be special.

Right.

Right.

Thanks, mom.

Sure.

Sure.

Hey, hey, if...

Hey, hey, if...

You ever want to, you know,

tell me a little more about what

tell me a little more about what

happened with the, you know, the

guy--that guy,

i'm...

I'm...

I'm always here, okay?

Dad, what is the big deal?

Keenan, kaci, now, which one

of you want to tell me about the

little party you had?

Little party you had?

What makes you think we had a

party?

What makes me think you had a

party?

You didn't use the money I left.

You didn't use the money I left.

Okay, now, I'm guessing one

pizza didn't feed enough of you

and your friends, and you were

too cheap to spend your own

too cheap to spend your own

money, and, Carla, I found this

in the trash can in bathroom

downstairs.

Downstairs.

It's just a water bottle,

dad.

A plastic water bottle,

Keenan, and there is no way that

Keenan, and there is no way that

kaci would let a plastic water

bottle go unrecycled.

I might have been about to

I might have been about to

recycle when you walked in.

Which brings me to the clean

house.

We walk in, and you're cleaning

we walk in, and you're cleaning

house?

That can only mean you're hiding

something.

Something.

Well?

Well, it's an interesting

theory, but personally, I

think--

think--

Yeah, well, you know what?

We might go easy on the first

one of you who confesses.

It was Keenan's idea.

Kaci did it.

Kaci did it.

Wow.

All right, I am so very

disappointed in you two.

I will deal with you later.

Go upstairs.

Go upstairs.

Hmm.

Hmm.

[Laughs]

I knew it.

I knew the minute we told them

we were gonna be away overnight.

We were gonna be away overnight.

I could practically hear the

wheels turning in their heads.

I got them.

I got them.

Yeah.

Hey, hey, babe, you okay?

Your stomach bothering you

again?

Some girl tried to get Keenan

to have sex.

Keenan who?

Keenan who?

Our Keenan.

Listen, apparently, some girl

tried to get him to sleep with

her at the party, and he got

scared, and he didn't do it.

Wow.

Wow?

That's all you have to say?

Babe, our boy is growing up

right before our eyes.

Aww, and you know it's gonna

aww, and you know it's gonna

happen, eventually, and, I mean,

then what?

Then what?

Oh, my god.

Oh, my god.

Oh, god, then there's kaci.

Ohhhh.

[Gasps]

[Gasps]

And Alexis.

Oh, god.

Oh, babe.

Oh, Carla, Carla, Carla,

Oh, Carla, Carla, Carla,

wait, babe.

Hold on.

No, listen.

Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

Oh, god.

Hold on.

Slow down, turbo.

Slow down, turbo.

Okay, now, before you have

Alexis with six kids on the talk

Alexis with six kids on the talk

show, let me finish.

They're so small.

Listen.

I said "wow," because Keenan

I said "wow," because Keenan

didn't do it.

Think about it.

He did exactly what we taught

him: Not to have sex until he

him: Not to have sex until he

was ready.

And he came and told you about

and he came and told you about

it.

Ohhh.

We gave our son a game plan

for life, and he followed it.

For life, and he followed it.

We must be doing something

right.

Ohhh, yeah.

Ohhh, yeah.

Mm.

Mmm.

Oh, god, everybody knows.

Oh, god, everybody knows.

No, okay, it's just in your

head.

Let's go.

Come on.

Come on.

Hey, Keenan, it's good to see

that you're not afraid of all

girls.

Girls.

Whatever, man.

I didn't want to do anything

with sheena, so I didn't.

And what Disney Princess

movie are you from?

I'm just kidding with you, dog.

I'm just kidding with you, dog.

I mean, she's probably not his

type...being a girl and all.

Whoa.

Whoa.

Okay, my brother likes girls,

all right?

Leave him alone.

Like you've been with a ton of

girls.

I have been.

I have been.

Yeah, right.

Michelle said she tried to hold

your hand at the movies, and you

started sweating like you stole

something.

Something.

[Laughter]

Okay, whoa.

I know you're not laughing,

Devin.

You made everybody think that

you and Rita did it, okay, when

you and Rita did it, okay, when

the only "it" you two did was

agree to not tell people that

your grandmother chaperoned your

date.

Date.

Devin, you lied?

They're all liars and fakers,

They're all liars and fakers,

Keenan.

They're all trying to be big

men, when the only real man is

the one who told the truth.

Who's that?

Who's that?

You, moron.

Oh.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Later, losers.

Later, losers.

Thanks, kaci, but I don't need

you to fight my battles.

You to fight my battles.

Okay, well, it wasn't your

battle.

You diss one of us, and you diss

both of us, and I, for one, I

both of us, and I, for one, I

don't like being dissed.

Hey, Keenan, I just wanted

you to know that I think it's

nice the way you dealt with

nice the way you dealt with

sheena.

Don't listen to those other

guys.

Thanks, nataya.

If you want, maybe we could

If you want, maybe we could

hang out sometime.

I'd really like that, but

because kaci and I threw that

party, we're grounded until we

party, we're grounded until we

graduate...

College.

Oh, well, call me sometime?

Oh, well, call me sometime?

Yeah, we can't use the phone

either...

Or email...

Or text, so...

Or text, so...

Wow, that sucks for you.

I guess I'd better get to class.

I guess I'd better get to class.

Think she'll wait for me?

You're not that cute.

Speak for yourself.

Speak for yourself.

Queen Elizabeth...

Yes?

Please give me thine hand in

matrimony.

Alas, sir Dudley, I cannot,

Alas, sir Dudley, I cannot,

for my privy council, William

for my privy council, William

Cecil, has advised agaaaainst

it.

It.

But why?

He loves you.

Well, why?

You have to wait for part two,

sweetie.

Sweetie.

It's time for you to go to bed.

Oh, man.

Yep.

Come on, good night kisses.

Come on, good night kisses.

Both: Muah!

Both: Muah!

[Laughs]

All right.

All right.

Well, it's time for us to go to

bed too.

Aww, man.

Well, I'll tell you what.

Well, I'll tell you what.

You get to leave the crown on.

Ohh, sir Dudley.

After you.

Oh, please.

Yes, please.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0