Original subtitles

[Funky music]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

All right, Keenan, here you

go.

All right.

Just what I need to bulk up.

I did 30 push-ups this morning.

I did 30 push-ups this morning.

30?

Got to feed the machine.

Know what I mean?

If your body is a machine,

then it is past its warranty.

Then it is past its warranty.

Hey, play nice, kaci.

It's too early for all that

sniping.

Here's your lunch.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Dad, are you serious?

What do I look like,

a linebacker?

Hey, I had some free time on

Hey, I had some free time on

my hands so I made you something

special.

In there, you have baked

chicken, scalloped potatoes,

roasted asparagus, and chocolate

cake.

Really?

I'm selling this.

Hey, babe.

Hey, babe.

Oh, you're gonna do a little

yoga this morning, huh?

Yeah, I got a light schedule

this week.

Thought I'd get a little

thought I'd get a little

exercise in.

I could get some exercise if

I had a cat to walk.

Oh, well, honey, cats don't

Oh, well, honey, cats don't

need to be walked.

I'd know that if mom would

let me get one.

Yeah, well, Alexis said that

Yeah, well, Alexis said that

she's ready for a kitten, and I

explained to her that you and I

don't think she's quite ready

for a pet.

For a pet.

I promise to take care of it.

Yeah, that's the same thing

your brother and sister said

when they were your age.

Mm, I still feel bad for what

Mm, I still feel bad for what

happened to Ali-fishes.

Yeah, who knew you weren't

supposed to feed a goldfish

19 times a day?

Uh, I think the bigger issue

Uh, I think the bigger issue

was that you fed him bacon bits.

Who doesn't like bacon?

Apparently, fish.

Apparently, fish.

[Laughs]

Yeah, good point.

Oh, well, we'll see you guys

later.

Have a good day, you guys.

Have a good day, you guys.

Bye.

[Chuckles]

What does the fish have to do

with my kitten?

Kittens really do like bacon.

Kittens really do like bacon.

Well, that may be true, but

you're still not getting one.

[Groans]

Hey, hey.

If it makes you feel any better,

if it makes you feel any better,

in this sack right here, I have

a peanut butter and jelly

sandwich cut into the shape

sandwich cut into the shape

of a unicorn.

Oh, boy.

It's got a horn and everything.

You're the best.

You're the best.

Give me one right here.

Thank you.

Love you guys.

Hey, love you back.

Hey, love you back.

Gosh, it's so easy to please

at that age.

Must be nice.

Must be nice.

Well, you know the toilet

paper in our bathroom was down

to, like, four squares

so I replaced it.

[Gasps]

[Gasps]

Oh, my god!

Oh, my god, Alex.

You're the best.

I love you.

I love you.

[Chuckles]

Oh, god.

I got to go catch her.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Alexis, sweetie, wait for me.

[Funky music]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

And Reed attempts a 13-foot

And Reed attempts a 13-foot

putt to make birdie.

Ah, yes!

And Reed wins the masters!

Ah!

[Laughs]

[Laughs]

Hey.

Wow.

You won, huh?

Yes.

Whoo.

Whoo.

You're having a lot of fun

with all this free time since

Alexis is at school, huh?

Indeed, I am.

Indeed.

[Chuckles]

[Chuckles]

Oh, my goodness.

Oh, man.

I forgot about this fundraising

committee meeting

committee meeting

for St. augustines.

Oh, you mean for the gym?

Yeah.

Wait, that's today?

Yeah.

Looks like I'm gonna have to cut

my golf short.

Oh, no, no.

No, no, no, babe.

I'll do it.

I mean, come on.

I told you I have such a light

schedule.

Schedule.

I'll take your place.

Uh, no, no, baby.

You don't have to do that.

I want to.

Come on.

You always get to do all the fun

you always get to do all the fun

school stuff.

You had a ball planning the last

fundraiser.

Yeah, but I promised I'd make

dessert.

You don't have time anyway.

You don't have time anyway.

I'll just pick something up.

Really?

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

Hey, thank you, babe.

Hey, thank you, babe.

All right.

Well, I am off to become the

next Tiger Woods.

Oh, yeah, you better not be.

Oh, yeah, you better not be.

You got a point.

[Laughs]

[Laughs]

[Doorbell ringing]

Hi.

I'm here for the meeting.

You must be Alex Reed's wife.

He said you'd be joining us.

He said you'd be joining us.

Please, come in.

Oh, thank you.

Gosh, you look so pretty.

Everyone, this is Alex Reed's

Everyone, this is Alex Reed's

wife.

Carla.

Hi, I'm Carla.

Hi.

[Chuckles]

Oh, and just so you know, i'm

oh, and just so you know, i'm

gonna put the fun in fundraiser.

What?

[Laughs]

Oh, god.

I almost forgot.

I brought you rice crispy

I brought you rice crispy

treats, because I love them so

much, and I swear to god,

I could eat a million of them.

Oh.

Store bought.

I can give them to my maid.

I can give them to my maid.

Oh.

Thank you.

Alex didn't make his

turnovers?

Oh.

We were all looking forward

to them.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Gosh, he didn't have time.

So, um, yeah, he went--he went

golfing with some buddies, so.

Golfing with some buddies, so.

All: Aw.

Oh.

We're surprised to see you.

You're usually working.

Oh, well, I was available,

and I just thought, "hey, you

and I just thought, "hey, you

know, I want to pitch in."

So you know what it's like just

juggling a schedule with work.

Juggling a schedule with work.

It's crazy.

Uh, most of us are

stay-at-home moms.

We find it more rewarding.

Oh, god, absolutely.

Oh, god, absolutely.

Are you kidding?

It's the toughest job

you'll ever love.

I mean, you're growing a person.

Like, whoa.

Like, whoa.

What are you talking about?

It's a child, not a carrot.

Well, no, I know.

I was just trying to say that

it's--

it's--

Of course.

Oh.

Hi, I'm Joyce Spencer.

Hi.

I'm Jordan's mom.

Oh, my goodness.

How are you?

We just adore your husband.

Aw.

He has the cutest stories.

Ooh, like that time that Alexis

said she wanted to be a puppy

when she grows up.

He couldn't get her to stop

lapping her juice up out the

bowl.

[Laughing]

[Laughing]

You didn't know that?

Oh, well, not that one.

I mean, there's just--there's so

many stories, so.

Oh, that's too bad.

I know how working moms

can miss out on a lot: Sleep,

can miss out on a lot: Sleep,

quality time with the kids,

hair appointments.

Now, if we could all take

a seat, we can get started.

A seat, we can get started.

I'll just--oops.

Gosh, sorry.

I'll just squeeze in here.

You just all look so pretty.

You just all look so pretty.

Yes.

[Clears throat]

For this year's fundraiser,

I propose an old-fashioned

I propose an old-fashioned

country fair.

All in favor?

Yay me.

Yay me.

I was thinking we should do

something very traditional,

with hayrides, country music,

and down-home cooking.

And down-home cooking.

Any objections?

No, but I have a suggestion.

Oh, great.

Um, please, go ahead.

Um, please, go ahead.

Should--should I stand up?

Okay.

[Chuckles]

Okay, um, when I was a kid,

I used to go to my grandfather's

I used to go to my grandfather's

farm, and we would chase

chickens.

So I was--i was just thinking

that maybe we could build a pen

and sell tickets to see who

and sell tickets to see who

could catch the chickens

the fastest.

And then we could give out

prizes.

I think the kids would love it.

It's so much fun.

As a member of p.E.T.A.,

As a member of p.E.T.A.,

that sounds a lot like animal

cruelty.

Okay, I'll just--I'll sit

Okay, I'll just--I'll sit

down.

Now, moving on to

group leader assignments.

Oh, Joyce, how about...

Wait, hold on.

Wait, hold on.

Daddy, before you go, um, when

are you gonna come to New York

to see us?

Okay, cool.

Yeah, I love you too.

Yeah, I love you too.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye, dad.

Bye.

What did pops say?

He said he's not sure when

He said he's not sure when

he's coming, but he said it

would be soon.

Look what I've got.

[Screams]

[Screams]

It's just a gerbil.

I know.

[Chuckles]

You better not tell anybody

you better not tell anybody

you heard me scream like that.

[Chuckles]

Too late.

Dude, Twitter is awesome.

Wait, where did you get that?

Wait, where did you get that?

It was show-and-tell in class

today, and I traded my lunch

for it.

Well, didn't mom say you

Well, didn't mom say you

couldn't have a pet?

She said, "no kittens."

This is not a kitten.

This is not a kitten.

Kaci, Keenan, Alexis.

Please don't tell on me.

Hide it.

Hide it.

I need you guys...

I need you guys...

Uh, you all up to something?

[Scoffs]

[Scoffs]

Dad, really?

I'm just saying.

You all have that look.

These are just looks of

These are just looks of

hunger.

Is dinner ready yet?

Uh, yes, it is.

Why don't you all get washed up?

Why don't you all get washed up?

Okay, yes, sir.

Hey, mom.

Hi, mom.

Hey, mom.

Hey, well, look who's just in

Hey, well, look who's just in

time for dinner.

How was the fundraising meeting?

It was terrible, Alex.

It was terrible, Alex.

I just felt so out of place.

And I don't think Kim likes me.

Ah, well, you know, she can

be a little controlling, but i'm

be a little controlling, but i'm

sure she'll warm up to you.

Hey, what was your assignment?

Hey, what was your assignment?

She put me in charge of hay.

I mean, other people got p.R.,

entertainment, vendor booths.

Entertainment, vendor booths.

I got hay.

Hay, Alex.

Hey, everybody has to start

Hey, everybody has to start

somewhere.

Remember, when I started,

I had cleanup.

I just felt like they were

judging me.

Oh...

Oh...

Anyway, I am hosting the next

meeting here.

And I'll show her that she's not

and I'll show her that she's not

the only one that's good at that

fundraising stuff.

That's right.

You go for it.

Thank you.

Now wash up.

Dinner's ready.

Okay.

Did I come through, or what?

Cool.

Where did you get the cage?

From my friend.

From my friend.

He used to have a pet mouse.

What happened to it?

He got a pet snake.

Ooh.

Ooh.

I'm impressed.

I mean, I didn't think you liked

squeaky.

I don't like him, with his

I don't like him, with his

soft fur and little whiskers.

Can't wait to show him his new

house.

House.

He's not in here.

You lost him.

What?

What?

Squeaky.

Squeaky.

Squeaky.

And I got us a discount on

And I got us a discount on

the hay.

And I'm talking alfalfa, okay.

Not the cheap stuff.

Not the cheap stuff.

Plus, I got us free delivery.

Well done, Carla.

Well done, Carla.

And good job on these

appetizers.

Thank you.

I just--i ordered from

delmonico's.

God, we love that place.

God, we love that place.

Their food is a bit rich for

my taste.

But I guess it's the best you

could do since you don't have

time to cook for your family.

Time to cook for your family.

Wow.

Are you uncomfortable with me

being a working mother?

No.

It doesn't bother me at all.

I just feel sorry for you.

You don't have time to cook or

you don't have time to cook or

help your children with their

homework or even clean.

We keep a very clean house.

We keep a very clean house.

Rat!

[Screaming]

Why would you bring a gerbil

into this house without

permission?

Permission?

You said I couldn't have

a kitten.

Alexis, you know what I

meant.

Meant.

I got squeaky from a friend

at school.

Kaci and Keenan were going to

help me take care of him.

Really?

Really?

Why are you throwing us under

the bus?

Mom, I never said that.

But you knew it was here and

But you knew it was here and

you didn't say anything.

Well, it's not that we

weren't going to tell you.

We just didn't.

We just didn't.

And that is better how?

Why do your mind tricks

always work on us

and not on you?

And not on you?

I know he's around here

somewhere.

[Sighs]

[Sighs]

Squeaky.

Hey, uh, if you guys are

trying to catch Alexis, she's

trying to catch Alexis, she's

right here.

Mm.

Why don't you tell your dad what

you did?

Uh-oh.

Uh-oh.

First of all, I love you,

daddy.

Uh-oh, this must really be

Uh-oh, this must really be

bad.

Mm.

I brought a gerbil into the

house without telling you

or mom.

Oh, baby, why would you do

Oh, baby, why would you do

that?

Because if I asked for one,

you would have said no.

Mm.

Mm.

Okay, guys, here's what's gonna

happen.

You've got two hours to find

that little rodent.

And if you don't, I will,

all right?

All right?

And squeaky is not gonna like

that.

Mom, please don't hurt him.

Wait, you like gerbils?

Wait, you like gerbils?

I thought you were afraid of

little animals.

He kind of grew on me.

Really, he grew on you?

Really, he grew on you?

Well, you guys need to grow

some...some detective brains

and find him.

And find him.

Detective brains?

It's the best I could do!

They find it yet?

Not yet.

Not yet.

But they have narrowed it down

to someplace upstairs.

You're not gonna really do

anything to squeaky, are you?

Anything to squeaky, are you?

No.

But I don't want to put on my

shoes and he's in there or get

in bed and, ugh, he crawls on

me.

Me.

Ooh, I don't want to think

about that.

Let's change the subject.

How was golf?

Yeah, it was fine.

Yeah, it was fine.

You know, I think I'm getting

burned out on it.

I need to find something else to

do with my time.

Do with my time.

Yeah.

You bake those?

Yes, I did.

Yes, I did.

All the moms have to make

something for the fair.

And I'm gonna show them that i'm

a good homemaker too.

A good homemaker too.

Mm.

So you're still feeling like

they don't respect you 'cause

you work, huh?

Oh, babe, we are way past

feelings, okay.

Feelings, okay.

She just came right out and said

she doesn't think I'm a good

mother.

She said what?

Get out of here.

Get out of here.

You're an amazing mother.

Yeah, well.

I can't help but think that--

I can't help but think that--

that she's right.

I mean, maybe just a little bit.

Carla, don't start with that.

No, but really, Alex.

I mean, I didn't even get to

I mean, I didn't even get to

pick Alexis up from her first

day of school.

And you're the one that does the

homework with the kids.

And I didn't even know about

and I didn't even know about

Alexis wanting to be a puppy

and licking juice out of the

bowl.

Bowl.

I mean, for goodness sakes,

I would have let her do that.

I think that's so cute.

I mean, why didn't you tell me

that?

You should have told me that.

You should have told me that.

I forgot.

Well, I would have known if I

hadn't been at work.

I was working so I missed it.

I was working so I missed it.

Carla, look, you have tea

parties with Alexis.

You play video games

with the kids.

With the kids.

Babe, that is not parenting.

No, no, no, no.

Don't trivialize what you do as

a parent.

Those are important things.

Plus, you are always there to

plus, you are always there to

help them with their problems.

And this is why you're working.

You have an incredible

relationship with our kids.

Relationship with our kids.

You know what?

What?

You inspire me every day to

You inspire me every day to

be a better father.

Really?

Yes, really.

You know, when we met up again

you know, when we met up again

and I first saw you with Keenan

and kaci, I knew right then and

and kaci, I knew right then and

there that there was no other

woman that I would want to have

children with.

Thank you.

Thank you.

That's very sweet.

No, I'm not trying to be

sweet.

I'm just calling it as I see it.

I'm just calling it as I see it.

Okay.

Look, remember, we agreed

seven years ago when you were

pregnant with Alexis that since

my career was more flexible,

my career was more flexible,

I would stay home--why?

Because we didn't want strangers

because we didn't want strangers

raising our kids.

I know, I know.

I know.

I know.

You're right.

You're right. You're right.

It doesn't matter what anybody

thinks.

Thinks.

Mm-mm.

'Cause we're happy.

Exactly.

Just like we are.

Exactly.

Thank you.

Thank you.

You don't have anything to

prove to those women.

Thank you.

So, class, I want you to

review my analysis of faulkner's

review my analysis of faulkner's

view of southern culture, and,

please, don't forget to have

your notes ready for the next

lecture.

Lecture.

Good afternoon.

[Phone ringing]

[Phone ringing]

Hey, babe.

Hey, babe.

Yeah, I just finished my

lecture.

No, no, I don't feel like going

golfing with the guys today.

Golfing with the guys today.

But, you know, I can think of

other ways to pass my afternoon

if you're interested.

If you're interested.

Oh, well, damn, take me off

speaker phone.

How was I supposed to know?

How was I supposed to know?

Right, okay.

Yeah, sure, I can pick her up.

No problem.

Um, but I'm still interested in

um, but I'm still interested in

that afternoon delight if you

have time.

Have time.

Okay.

I'll see you when you get home.

Love you.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Squeaky?

Oh, brother, you have no idea

oh, brother, you have no idea

how lucky you are I found you

first.

[Doorbell ringing]

Hi.

Oh, hi.

How are you?

Would you like to come in?

Uh, sure.

Uh, sure.

I, um, I was just dropping off

the cupcakes for the fair.

Oh, I see Alex wasn't

Oh, I see Alex wasn't

available to make them.

With that rat loose, I hope

these are actually chocolate

chips.

Chips.

It wasn't a rat by the way.

It was my daughter's gerbil,

squeaky.

Squeaky.

Still a rodent.

You know, Kim, I have been

You know, Kim, I have been

trying to figure out why you've

been so nasty to me since we

met.

I don't know what you're

talking about.

Yeah, you do.

You know, in my field, we call

people like you compensatory

people like you compensatory

narcissists.

You only feel better if you're

making someone else feel worse.

Oh, so you're gonna throw

Oh, so you're gonna throw

some fancy professional words at

me because you have a couple

degrees and a great career?

Degrees and a great career?

Oh, so that's what this is

about.

About.

You--you think I think i'm

better than you because I work.

No, Kim, a lot of mothers work

no, Kim, a lot of mothers work

because they have to,

not because they want to--

like I had to when I was a

single mother with my twins.

Single mother with my twins.

But you can't criticize us

because of the choices we made.

[Sighs]

[Sighs]

Are you finished?

Sure.

Yes.

Enjoy the cupcakes.

Enjoy the cupcakes.

Damn.

They're actually good.

They're actually good.

Your mother and I are very

Your mother and I are very

disappointed in you three.

You brought something into

this house without permission.

And the two of you knew about it

and the two of you knew about it

and didn't do anything.

What do you think your

punishment should be?

I think we need a stern

I think we need a stern

talking to so that we don't go

down this road again.

One week without cell phones?

One week without cell phones?

Why are you helping them out?

I think I've suffered enough.

I think I've suffered enough.

Well, all three of you are

wrong.

Alexis, you will write a

two-page essay on honesty and

two-page essay on honesty and

why you shouldn't sneak behind

your parents' backs.

And the two of you, for

aiding and abetting, will have

aiding and abetting, will have

to take full responsibility for

squeaky.

That means cleaning up after him

and feeding him,

both of which will come out of

both of which will come out of

your allowances.

Both: Okay.

So get upstairs, get your

money.

We're going to the pet store to

we're going to the pet store to

get some supplies now.

Thanks for letting us keep

Thanks for letting us keep

him, dad.

You're welcome.

Pull up your pants.

Baby girl, you might want to get

started on your assignment.

Started on your assignment.

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

Squeaky stays with me.

I think that went pretty well.

I think that went pretty well.

We were tough but fair.

Yep.

[Country and western music]

♪ ♪

[Imitating southern accent]

Come on, everybody.

We're gonna be late for the

country fair fundraiser.

Country fair fundraiser.

[Imitating cowboy accent]

Well, howdy, ma'am.

Howdy, partner.

How you do?

How you do?

Okay, when we get home

tonight...

Mm-hmm.

Bee-ow, bee-ow.

You need to keep that hat on.

It sound like my lucky night.

It sound like my lucky night.

[Laughs]

Come on, kids.

Aw, look at that.

Aw, look at that.

Uh, Keenan, where are your

boots, man?

Uh, don't need them.

I'm a cool cowboy.

I'm a cool cowboy.

I'm wearing a crown.

I'm a cowgirl Princess.

Very pretty.

Why does everybody seem to be

Why does everybody seem to be

missing the theme here?

[Laughs]

Kaci, hurry up.

Come on, we're gonna be late.

Come on, we're gonna be late.

I am only going to protest

the unethical treatment of cows.

The unethical treatment of cows.

I'm right here.

It's okay.

Take a step.

Come on, everybody.

Take a--one more step.

Make a right.

Make a right.

Make a right.

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0