Original subtitles

The numbers don't lie.

The minimum wage in New York is

$7.25 per hour.

$7.25 per hour.

Right, and you give us $15 a

week, and since our chores take

week, and since our chores take

more than two hours a week, you

can see that we're earning below

a living wage.

Huh.

Huh.

Earning.

See, what you don't understand

is, allowance is not payment

for your chores.

Chores are what you do to make

chores are what you do to make

this household work, and

allowance is just an added

bonus.

It's a bonus.

Then we need a bigger bonus.

Then we need a bigger bonus.

Need?

I mean, given the cost of

living, our allowance just

doesn't cut it anymore.

Doesn't cut it anymore.

Cost of living?

Wh--what cost do they have?

Well, I mean, sometimes

they get froyo after school.

They get froyo after school.

Right?

If we don't get a raise, then

we have no choice

but to go on strike.

But to go on strike.

[Laughing]

What the hell are you striking

against?

Eating free food?

Wearing free clothes?

Wearing free clothes?

Sleeping in a free bed?

You guys, what do you need

the money for?

Well, okay, the cost of

movies went up.

Movies went up.

Yeah.

Not to mention the price of

snacks when we get there.

Mm.

Now, I've developed a taste

for toppings on my froyo.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Mm-hmm.

And they don't come free...

Yo.

No.

[Laughing]

Well, I am developing a taste

well, I am developing a taste

to end this damn conversation.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Come on.

What? What?

Babe.

Babe.

I mean, they do more around here

than when we first started

giving them allowance.

So I'll tell you what.

So I'll tell you what.

You guys throw in an extra hour

of yard work, and we will throw

in an extra $2 a week.

In an extra $2 a week.

What?

Carla, what are you doing?

Oh, my god.

Oh, thank you so much.

You're welcome.

I am so happy that we settled

this.

This.

It really takes so much energy

to stay mad at you guys.

It was a good presentation.

I liked it.

No, no, it was not a good

presentation, Carla.

Presentation, Carla.

Alex, it's great.

No, it was not.

It was on oak tag.

Did you guys use a protractor

to make it?

Yeah.

Yeah, well, did you

buy the protractor?

Okay, come on.

Okay, come on.

Hey, sweetie, what's up?

What would I have to do to

earn enough to get a pony?

Both: Aww.

Both: Aww.

Sweetie, you would have had

to be born into another family.

[Laughing]

Am I adopted?

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

No.

No, no, no, sweetie.

I was joking.

No, no. Sweetie, sweetie.

No, no, baby, look, you look

just like me.

You do.

You look just like your daddy.

It's okay.

It's okay.

[Funky music]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Hey, what's up, dad?

Hey, man.

Hey, man.

Oh, dad, I like how you

Oh, dad, I like how you

arranged those groceries.

You put all the dairy there.

You put all the fruits and

you put all the fruits and

vegetables where it says "fruits

and vegetables."

You even put the eggs in those

little dimple spots.

Little dimple spots.

Man, you're so smart.

I'm not loaning you any

money, Keenan.

Just hear me out.

Just hear me out.

A limited edition pair of

creamsicle-colored sneakers

is about to drop.

And what do a pair of

overpriced sneakers have to do

overpriced sneakers have to do

with you?

They go on sale tonight at

midnight, but only for an hour.

My boy Justin's dad said he'll

take us.

Well, do you have money for

Well, do you have money for

these sneakers?

I have $100.

All I need is another 50,

all I need is another 50,

and I'll be on my way.

Mm, son, I could give you $50

and let you waste it on some

sneakers, or you can do the

sneakers, or you can do the

smart thing.

Ask mom?

Ask mom?

No.

You can take that money and put

it in the bank.

Then we can talk about

investing.

Look, in today's market, you can

look, in today's market, you can

expect a return rate

of 3% to 5% a year.

But the shoes go on sale at

midnight tonight.

Midnight tonight.

Hey, remember what Benjamin

Franklin said, "a penny saved

is a penny earned."

That's just like,

"it's not over till it's over."

I don't understand either one of

I don't understand either one of

them.

I'll just call my pops.

He should be back from Turks

and Caicos.

No, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no.

You will not be calling your

father, all right?

Marcus and I agreed not to let

you kids play us against each

other.

So no advance.

So no advance.

Look, next time you want to buy

something, you save up for it.

All of it.

Understand?

Understand?

Yes, dad.

My man.

Limited edition creamsicle

limited edition creamsicle

sneakers.

Hmm.

Oh, those are pretty hot.

Oh, those are pretty hot.

I wonder if I could rock those.

Good morning, Ms. Helen.

Good morning, Dr. Reed.

Good morning, Dr. Reed.

I see you have a young assistant

with you.

I do.

It's bring your daughter to

work day, so I have to spend the

day with my mom at her job and

write a report on it.

Oh, that sounds like fun.

Oh, that sounds like fun.

I would have loved to go to work

with my mother.

Oh, but she wouldn't let us

oh, but she wouldn't let us

children around the grieving

families.

Oh, my parents were morticians.

Oh.

Yeah, they thought hanging

around the funeral parlor would

around the funeral parlor would

freak us out, like the caskets

in the garage didn't already do

that.

Ms. Helen, gosh, you just--

you get more fascinating every

day.

Day.

Every single day.

Oh, stop.

After you.

See you later.

Okay.

Hey, let me know when my 9:30

Hey, let me know when my 9:30

gets here.

All right.

Thank you.

So before my first client gets

so before my first client gets

here, you want to see what it's

like to be me?

Well, all right.

Carla.

Carla.

[Laughing]

Yes, Dr. Reynolds.

Why don't you lie down and

Why don't you lie down and

tell me, what's bothering you?

Oh, yes.

Well, um, my brother, Keenan--

well, um, my brother, Keenan--

he's, like, always bothering me,

and he so, like, gets on my

and he so, like, gets on my

nerves, and he's annoying.

Okay, I so do not talk like

that.

You so do.

You so do.

Come on.

[Laughing]

You should hear yourself

sometimes.

Sometimes.

He's so, like, oh, my god.

So really?

This is what you do?

Well, yeah.

I mean, as a psychologist,

I help people to identify their

problems and then I give them

the tools to use so they can

the tools to use so they can

improve their lives.

But I mean, what about all

the fun stuff?

I mean, did you ever talk to

somebody with split

somebody with split

personalities?

Or--ooh, did you ever diagnose

a serial killer?

What?

Or wait; Did you ever help

Or wait; Did you ever help

the FBI do a profile?

Honey, this isn't

law & Order, okay?

Law & Order, okay?

This is real life.

Right here.

I think we need to get you on

this couch.

Yeah, so we can figure out why

yeah, so we can figure out why

you think serial killers are fun

stuff.

No, come on.

[Knocking on door]

Come in.

Come in.

Dr. Reed, Mr. Nichols

is here.

Oh, god, thanks.

Wow, it's 9:30?

I lost track of time.

I lost track of time.

Kaci--

I know. I know.

Confidentiality. It's fine.

Okay.

I'm sure Ms. Helen can

I'm sure Ms. Helen can

entertain me with some stories

from the funeral home.

Oh, my god.

Oh, hey, I wonder if they

Oh, hey, I wonder if they

ever buried somebody that was

still alive.

Okay, yeah, we really do need

to talk.

To talk.

So do you mind me asking,

what exactly do you do?

What exactly do you do?

[Laughing]

You mean what don't I do?

You mean what don't I do?

I'm the nerve center of this

place.

Really?

Yes.

Would you like to write this

would you like to write this

down?

Sure.

As the office manager, my

As the office manager, my

responsibilities range from

ordering office supplies to

organizing the files, making

organizing the files, making

sure that the kitchen is stocked

with coffee and everything else,

and then answering the phones.

And then answering the phones.

Well, that doesn't really

sound like the nerve center.

I haven't given you the

details yet.

Yeah.

Yeah.

One time, a patient passed out

on the floor right there.

I sprang into action.

I sprang into action.

I checked his files.

I found out he was diabetic.

I went to the kitchen.

I got a sugar cube and placed it

I got a sugar cube and placed it

under his tongue.

And then I called the ambulance.

And then I called the ambulance.

Wait, you saved his life?

That's my job.

I'm professional.

[Phone rings]

[Phone rings]

Oh, don't you want to get

that?

I'm busy.

Want to take a picture?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Now, just wait.

Wait.

Wow, thank you so much.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Daddy, I'm reading this book

of fairy tales, and I have some

questions.

All right. Shoot.

All right. Shoot.

In goldilocks and the three

bears, why are the bears eating

porridge?

On animal planet, they eat fish,

and they don't sleep in beds.

Oh, honey, well--

Oh, honey, well--

And in little red riding

hood, how could she not know

that was a wolf?

She even said, "my, what big

teeth you have."

Teeth you have."

She knows her grandma's teeth

aren't sharp and pointy.

[Chuckling]

Honey, those stories are

honey, those stories are

allegories.

You know, they're based on

sociopolitical events that

happened during the time they

happened during the time they

were written.

See, during the medieval period,

right?

There was--

hey, where you going?

Hey, where you going?

To color.

Fairy tales are too complicated.

[Laughs]

[Laughs]

Dad.

Yo.

You'll never guess what I

just did.

What's that?

What's that?

I took my money and invested

it like you told me to.

Really?

Well, how'd you make

a transaction?

Saint augustine's had a

raffle, and I invested my money

raffle, and I invested my money

into it.

A raffle, Keenan?

Didn't you hear the advice

I gave you?

I did.

I did.

I found out the school was

selling 3,000 raffle tickets at

$1 each, right?

So I went ahead and bought 60

so I went ahead and bought 60

of them.

Why?

Because that raised my odds of

winning to 1 in 50,

even higher, assuming all the

even higher, assuming all the

tickets weren't sold.

[Chuckling]

You know, for a boy who gets all

you know, for a boy who gets all

"a"s in math, that is the

dumbest thing I've ever heard.

I can see how you would say

that...

That...

If I didn't win.

You won?

I won!

I won!

How hot is that?

Look at all this money.

Gonna have to buy me

a new wallet.

A new wallet.

Kaci and I had the greatest

day.

I had her pretend to be my

I had her pretend to be my

therapist.

[Laughing]

She got to see a little bit of

what I do.

Oh, babe, we've got to stop her

oh, babe, we've got to stop her

from watching vampire high.

Well, it sounds like a better

day than I had with Keenan.

Day than I had with Keenan.

I should just take his money and

put it in the bank.

Alex, it's his money.

Carla, the boy gave the

Carla, the boy gave the

delivery guy a $20 tip on a $20

pizza.

And tomorrow he wants me to take

and tomorrow he wants me to take

him to the mall so he can

elevate his hotness.

[Laughing]

Don't laugh.

Your son is out of control.

Your son is out of control.

Wait, other than pizza,

what's he spending his money on?

Well, he wants to buy a

gaming system with all the bells

gaming system with all the bells

and whistles.

What's wrong with that?

It's $300.

$300 of money he won.

And $300 that we will not have

and $300 that we will not have

to take out of our budget at

christmastime.

Carla, that is not the point.

What's the point, Alex?

The point is, he needs to be

more responsible with his money.

Oh, psh.

[Knocking on door]

Come in.

Come in.

Hey.

Hey.

Is anybody gonna be here

tomorrow?

I have a delivery coming in.

Somebody needs to sign for it.

Hm.

A delivery?

What'd you order?

Five different kinds of bath

salts to keep your skin smooth

and smelling fresh.

[Stammering]

[Stammering]

Carla, you see what I mean?

He's throwing his money away.

Okay.

The bath salts are for mom.

Ah, whoo-whoo!

Ah, whoo-whoo!

But I looked out

for you too, dad.

I got you a loofah for those

elbows.

Oh, a loofah.

Oh, a loofah.

Keenan, why aren't you doing

Keenan, why aren't you doing

your chores?

They're being taken care of.

That's all the trash, Keenan.

That's all the trash, Keenan.

I'm going to take it to the

curb.

Ah, thanks, little bit.

Buy yourself something nice.

Yes, sir.

Alexis, put that trash down

Alexis, put that trash down

now.

But I already paid her.

No refunds!

No refunds!

What do you think

you're doing?

Ballin'.

I hired kaci and Alexis to do my

chores.

Chores.

Those are your chores,

Keenan.

What difference does it make?

It's getting done.

You pay people to wash your car,

you pay people to wash your car,

mow the lawn.

Why can't I pay somebody to take

out the trash and clean my room?

Your soda. Okay.

Your soda. Okay.

You have your sister acting

as your maid?

Actually, I think of her as

Actually, I think of her as

a Butler.

Hey, I'm not really feeling

these rectangular cubes.

Can I get some crushed ice in

this?

Oh, right away.

Thanks, doll.

Kaci, kaci, why are you

letting your brother exploit you

like this?

$10 a soda?

Who's exploiting who?

Who's exploiting who?

Um, would you like a half or

a full glass of ice?

Surprise me.

Very well.

Very well.

Excuse me.

Have you completely lost your

mind?

What'd I do, dad?

You are throwing your money

away by being lazy.

Away by being lazy.

I'll just make some more.

All right, you know what?

Put your shoes on.

We're going for a ride.

We're going for a ride.

Alexis, bring me my shoes.

Boy, if you don't get

yourself up and put your shoes

on...

On...

All right.

All right.

Gas and electric are included

in the rent.

Neither one of you is a parolee,

right?

No, sir.

Oh, finally.

Bed, bathroom, hot plate, all

bed, bathroom, hot plate, all

conveniently located in this one

room.

[Glass shattering]

[Car alarm wailing]

Hey!

Hey!

P-dog.

Get away from my car.

Get--

ugh.

I'll be right back.

I'll be right back.

Dad, why are we here?

Son, this is where I lived

when I was in grad school.

When I was in grad school.

You lived here?

Yup.

Like, on purpose?

Like, on purpose?

Where's the rest of it?

[Chuckling]

It was all I could afford.

But I knew back then, if I

but I knew back then, if I

stayed on my grind and saved my

money, I could move into

someplace nicer.

You mean like a big cardboard

You mean like a big cardboard

box?

[Chuckles]

Keenan, when I lived here, I was

paying my own way through

paying my own way through

school.

Now, back then, this apartment

cost $600 a month.

And of course, that didn't

include electricity or water,

and I still had to eat and get

around town.

You mean I can win a raffle

every month and still not be

able to afford this place?

Exactly.

Exactly.

See, Keenan, the thing is, I

know a lot of people who put too

much value on material things

like video games and clothes.

And they put too much value

in being cool.

My man.

Now, look, I'm not gonna tell

you how to live your life, all

right?

But in a few years, you're gonna

be on your own.

Be on your own.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

What do you mean, "in a few

years"?

Well, in four years, you're

gonna be 18.

You're not gonna be living with

you're not gonna be living with

your mother and me.

Where am I supposed to go?

Hmm...

This place might be available.

This place might be available.

Nuh-uh.

[Chuckles]

So are you gonna take the

place?

Place?

No, I'm good.

I'm gonna save my money so I can

afford a place better than this

$600-a-month apartment.

What are you talking about?

This baby goes for $1,800.

And that's with a student

discount.

Discount.

Dad, let's go.

[Chuckling]

Well, you better keep your money

in your pocket, son.

P-dog might still be out there.

P-dog might still be out there.

Oh, mom.

You look so pretty.

[Laughing]

Thank you, sweetie.

God, it's been so long since

your dad and I went on a date

your dad and I went on a date

night.

We're gonna have fun.

[Doorbell rings]

Oh, will you get it?

Oh, will you get it?

Yeah.

Hey, do you want me to look

over your paper before I leave?

Oh, no, I'm still

proofing it, but thanks.

Oh, okay.

I can't wait to read it,

I can't wait to read it,

sweetie.

I know.

Hi.

Hello.

Ms. Helen.

Ms. Helen.

Ooh.

Thank you. Thank you.

Okay.

I'm so glad that you were

I'm so glad that you were

available to babysit tonight.

No problem.

My boyfriend canceled a date

with me.

With me.

He wanted to spend more time

with his children.

I don't know why.

They look older than me.

Hey, Alex, Ms. Helen's here.

Hey, Alex, Ms. Helen's here.

So there's dinner in the fridge

if you want to heat it up.

Oh, did you cook?

I can order Chinese.

I can order Chinese.

No, Alex cooked.

Oh, good.

I'll save my money.

Okay.

I'm not that--you know--

I don't--

I don't--

Hey, Ms. Helen.

Hey.

Ooh!

Wow.

Whoo!

Look at you.

Hubba-hubba.

Mmm.

I hope you don't bruise

I hope you don't bruise

easily.

Mm, yeah?

Yeah, 'cause, you know,

ladies are gonna be throwing

themselves at you.

Well, you look pretty

nice yourself.

Nice yourself.

Thank you.

And if didn't know you,

I'd certainly want to know you.

[Laughing]

[Laughing]

Okay, fix your face.

Milady.

Oh, thank you so much.

All right.

We will see you guys later.

We will see you guys later.

Okay.

It's good to see your parents

kiss, honey.

[Laughing]

Alexis and Keenan, good-bye.

Alexis and Keenan, good-bye.

Both: Bye, mom.

Scoot over.

I got to look at the antique

road show.

Road show.

I know my junk is worth

something.

Okay.

So what you working on?

So what you working on?

Oh, this report I have to do

for school.

Want to see it?

Oh, of course.

[Gasps]

[Gasps]

Oh.

[Giggles]

Oh.

Oh, this is fabulous.

Oh, this is fabulous.

There's something missing.

There's something missing.

What?

Your mother.

This is supposed to be about

what your mother does for a

living.

Living.

Well, that's in there.

I mean, but, come on.

What she does is so boring.

She just talks to people.

I do that with my friends,

I do that with my friends,

but you?

You are the nerve center for the

entire floor.

Entire floor.

I am.

But what your mother does is

but what your mother does is

pretty important too, now.

I mean, I've seen those clients

go in there looking broken, and

go in there looking broken, and

after a few weeks, they come out

looking a whole lot better.

I didn't know that.

I mean, she can't talk about her

I mean, she can't talk about her

work.

No, she can't talk about her

work a lot, but your mother is

helping people every day.

Helping people every day.

I never thought about it like

that.

Well, apparently, everybody

Well, apparently, everybody

cannot express what's in their

hearts, and it causes a lot of

pain in their life, and she

pain in their life, and she

helps them put into words what

they're feeling inside.

They're feeling inside.

Now, all this therapy stuff is

not for me, but a lot of

not for me, but a lot of

people, it seems to work.

Huh.

I think I'm gonna go take

another look at my paper.

Yeah, I think you should.

Um, but, kaci?

Yeah?

See if there's a way that you

See if there's a way that you

could still work my picture in.

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Peanut butter and jelly with

the crusts cut off.

Enjoy.

Enjoy.

Daddy usually cuts mine

into a shape of a unicorn.

I'm not your father, sweetie.

Eat your circle.

Eat your circle.

Mom, guess what.

What?

I got an "a" on my paper.

Oh, my god. Let me see.

Oh, my god. Let me see.

Oh, sweetie.

"My mom, my shero."

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, sweetie, this is so

lovely.

Oh, goodness.

Hey, kaci.

This letter is addressed to me,

this letter is addressed to me,

but I think it's supposed to go

to you.

Um.

Oh, no, no, no, it's right.

I donated all the money that you

I donated all the money that you

gave me to a woman's weaving

collective in Kenya, and I put

the donation in your name.

Sweetie, that's wonderful.

Sweetie, that's wonderful.

Weavers.

That's cool.

Hey, you think the could make me

a whole suit with a Paisley tie

and a hat and an ascot?

Keenan, what are you gonna do

Keenan, what are you gonna do

with an ascot?

Look better than I

already do.

Oh, my gosh.

Yeah, just smile and nod.

Mm-hmm.

That's nice, sweetie.

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