Original subtitles

So are you gonna tell me

what you're looking for,

or are you gonna keep making

a mess?

Um, Alex, you know my

Um, Alex, you know my

diamond stud earrings I wore

last week?

Bathroom sink.

Oh, thank god.

Oh, thank god.

How can you be so calm?

Aren't you excited about your

reunion?

Not really.

I already keep in contact

I already keep in contact

with the people I want

to keep in contact with.

[Laughs]

Don't you want to know who

got fat?

[Laughs]

[Laughs]

Who's losing their hair?

[Laughing]

You know, who married outside

their league.

Oh, so I should look forward

to making fun of people?

To making fun of people?

Yeah.

[Both laugh]

And just showing off.

I mean, come on,

you're holding up pretty good

you're holding up pretty good

there, sexy.

Well, thank you very much.

You're so welcome.

And I don't know.

I mean, I'm about, what,

I mean, I'm about, what,

like, ten pounds away

from being your trophy wife.

Oh, wait a minute.

What are you talking about,

what are you talking about,

losing ten pounds?

Don't go landscaping my

playground.

Oh, darling.

Oh, darling.

That was so well said.

You like?

Yeah, yeah.

You know why?

'Cause once again,

'cause once again,

you passed the good husband

test.

Yes, you did.

And you didn't fall for the--

the "I think I'm fat" bait.

The "I think I'm fat" bait.

Now, let's talk about my

playground.

It's nice, huh?

I like the slide.

I love the merry-go-round.

I love the merry-go-round.

That's my favorite part.

Me too.

Yes.

Hey, hey.

That's a door.

That's a door.

Go back out and knock

before you come in.

It was closed, guys.

Come on.

[Chuckles]

[Chuckles]

[Knocking on door]

Go away.

Come in.

Come in, you guys.

Go away.

You wanted to be on the road

by 10:00.

By 10:00.

Yeah, time's a-wasting.

[Claps]

Chop-chop.

Honey, our kids are in quite

a hurry for us to leave.

A hurry for us to leave.

I hope it's not because

they have some nefarious

teenage mischief planned.

You guys need to be

You guys need to be

on your best behavior

for Ms. Helen.

Of course.

Anything else would jeopardize

us from getting some her

peach cobbler.

Peach cobbler.

Ooh.

Crust actually melted

in my mouth.

But when you made it,

it kind of just sat there.

It kind of just sat there.

Okay, it just--

it's not funny, Alex.

It just sat there?

[Funky music]

[Funky music]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Seconds.

I love peach cobbler.

[Chuckling]

I can tell.

Oh.

Oh.

Must be hard having a mother

that works all the time

and can't cook.

And can't cook.

Mm.

No, it is.

She should take lessons

from you.

Oh.

I mean, this peach cobbler,

I mean, this peach cobbler,

it tastes like angel

fell from heaven,

got hit by a car,

and then you baked it.

[Chuckling]

[Chuckling]

Well, I'm glad you like it.

Want some more?

Oh, no, I can't.

Oh, no, I can't.

Yeah, I try to limit my dairy

and synthetic sugars.

So...

Darling, I am four times

Darling, I am four times

your age.

I have a glass of milk

every day.

My bones are stronger

my bones are stronger

than tree trunks,

okay?

You start limiting

your dairy, and watch,

your dairy, and watch,

your eyesight goes bad.

I thought we were talking

about strong bones.

About strong bones.

You itching for a whipping,

huh?

[Doorbell rings]

[Doorbell rings]

No, I got it.

Oh?

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, my god, it's yasmine black.

Oh, should I hide the baby?

Oh, should I hide the baby?

No.

What's going on?

She's the new girl

in the neighborhood that Keenan

has a crush on.

Has a crush on.

He gets all dumb

whenever she's around.

Hi.

Hey.

Hey.

I was flying my model plane,

and it accidentally

flew over your fence

and into your backyard.

And into your backyard.

Oh, backyard.

Why do you think they call

it that?

Because, I mean, a yard

is, like, three feet,

is, like, three feet,

unless everybody's yard

is 36 inches or one yard.

Then it would make sense.

You know?

You know?

People are tripping, right?

Better go save your brother.

Okay.

Okay.

Um, hello.

I am Helen Wilson.

Yasmine black.

Oh.

Oh.

Well, let's go in the backyard

and find your little plane.

Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah, you do that.

Yeah, you do that.

I'm just gonna work on my

Chinese, the language, that is.

I'll just be here conjugating

I'll just be here conjugating

because I speak it.

Bye.

Tell me I wasn't as bad

tell me I wasn't as bad

as I thought.

It was pretty bad.

What is wrong with me?

What is wrong with me?

I mean, I never have trouble

talking to girls.

Why does she do this to me?

Okay, Keenan, relax.

Okay, Keenan, relax.

I can help you.

How?

When she comes back in,

When she comes back in,

I'll tell you what to say.

That's a great idea.

That way I can be myself

and not think.

And not think.

Wait, wait, wait.

What do you get out of this?

Just do my chores

Just do my chores

for a week.

Oh, come on,

a week's too long.

Found it.

Yes, yes.

Found it, yes.

Found it, yes.

[Speaks in Chinese]

That's Chinese.

Yes, well, would you like

some cobbler?

Some cobbler?

Yes, please.

Oh.

Well, I have some in the

kitchen.

Kitchen.

Eating out of the bowl?

Nasty.

Make that two weeks.

Make that two weeks.

Oh.

This is so exciting.

This is so exciting.

I can't wait to meet the

reedettes.

The reedettes?

Yeah, your ex-girlfriends.

That's what I've been calling

that's what I've been calling

them in my head.

Well, there is no reedette.

Alex.

My man.

J.J. Norris.

J.J. Norris.

What's up?

Happening, man?

How you doing, bro?

Doing well.

Good, good.

Ooh, this must be the other

doctor Reed.

Doctor Reed.

Hello.

Ooh.

All right, not so long,

brother, not so long.

Oh, I'm going for another.

[Laughs]

Not so tight.

[Laughter]

I heard so many great things.

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, my gosh.

Wait, j.J., congratulations.

Alex told me about your

massage license.

Oh, thank you, thank you.

Look, if you know anybody

look, if you know anybody

in Scranton that needs

some shiatsu,

tell them to go somewhere else.

I do Swedish.

Oh.

My hands are too soft

My hands are too soft

for all that rough stuff.

That's right.

You still in Scranton, man?

Yeah, yeah.

Scranton.

J.J.!

J.J.!

Hey, good to see you.

What's up, man?

[Laughing]

Corey, what's up, baby?

Hey, I'm sorry.

Hey, I'm sorry.

Can I help you?

Alex.

Wrestling team.

They called me "swagger."

They called me "swagger."

Oh, the only swagger I knew

was a little scrawny dude.

We thought he was special.

Oh!

Oh!

[Laughter]

What's happening?

Yeah, you finally made it

to one of these things.

How you been?

How you been?

I'm good, good.

Better late than never.

Hey, Corey this is my

lovely wife Carla.

Hi.

Ah, the psychologist.

Yeah, it's so nice to meet

Yeah, it's so nice to meet

you.

Nice to finally meet you

in person.

Oh, you too, you too.

You look familiar.

Have we met before?

Come on, man.

Come on, man.

Get a new line.

He's been using that line

since tenth grade.

No, no, no, honey,

I don't think it's a line.

I feel the same way.

I feel the same way.

Wait a second.

What college did you go to?

Well, his mother didn't think

college was supposed to be fun,

so she sent him to Princeton.

So she sent him to Princeton.

Oh, my goodness.

Just because I didn't go

to a school with a sea

of beautiful women and party

a lot doesn't mean I didn't

a lot doesn't mean I didn't

have fun.

[Clears throat]

Okay, I didn't.

I was so jealous of you guys.

[Laughter]

[Laughter]

What?

Oh, don't get quiet

just because I walked by.

I'm sure all you guys had fun

I'm sure all you guys had fun

in college.

Oh.

[Chuckles]

[Chuckles]

[Clears throat]

What was that about?

I'm thirsty.

Corey, you want a drink?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, I want to get something

hot.

I mean, it just got real chilly

in here.

Both: Burr.

Both: Burr.

You got jokes.

You got jokes,

and you're gonna walk away.

They are hysterical.

Yeah, funny.

Yeah, funny.

[Chuckles]

What was that about?

Oh, that was my high school

girlfriend Vanessa.

Oh.

Oh.

A reedette.

Yeah.

[Laughs]

So what was she so upset about,

babe, huh?

Babe, huh?

I mean, oh, did you guys have

a bad break-up?

Oh, did you break her heart?

Uh, well, yeah.

You did?

You did?

You wanted to see other people,

Mr. Hot stuff?

[Laughing] Yes and no.

I wanted to see other people,

but I didn't break up with her.

But I didn't break up with her.

Wait, so you--

so you cheated on her?

Yeah.

Yeah.

With her sister.

With her sister.

And I was a cheerleader

at my old school.

I bet you were amazing.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, thank you.

So, Ms. Yasmine black,

tell us about yourself.

Tell us about yourself.

Where are your people from?

Mostly Alabama.

Mobile, I think.

Mobile, I think.

Mobile?

Are you related to judge

Gus black?

I'm not sure.

I'm not sure.

My mom's from there.

I grew up here.

Oh, I'm sure you're related

to him and you just don't

to him and you just don't

know it.

Yes, girl,

your granddaddy, coz,

he was determined to finish

he was determined to finish

law school...

Do me a favor

and keep Ms. Helen busy

and away from yasmine.

Favor, hmm?

Favor, hmm?

That's sounds free.

And I tell you,

And I tell you,

all those children learned

to stop playing with matches.

And that was the legacy

and that was the legacy

of judge Gus black.

Okay, five bucks.

Okay, five bucks.

♪ I'm a fairy Princess ♪

♪ oh, I'm a fairy Princess ♪

Yes, okay.

Yes, okay.

What?

I'm supposed to study

fairy princesses for school.

What school do you go to

What school do you go to

again?

Gentilly prep.

Your parents are spending

all that money on you at school,

and all they're teaching you

and all they're teaching you

is about fairies?

Yes.

And now the fairy Princess

is very thirsty.

Oh, okay, your majesty.

Oh, okay, your majesty.

Excuse me.

I'm gonna go get you some milk

quick.

Okay, I got stories for you.

Okay, I got stories for you.

I'll be back.

Hoo-hoo.

[Clears throat]

[Clears throat]

Ah.

You slept with your

girlfriend's sister?

Girlfriend's sister?

Not this week.

20 years ago.

Alex, when we first started

Alex, when we first started

dating, I asked you

if you'd ever cheated

on a girlfriend,

and you said no.

And you said no.

You lied to me.

Carla, I was 17.

How is that a lie?

Didn't you just give Keenan

Didn't you just give Keenan

a whole speech about lying?

What was it you said?

Oh, wait, wait, wait.

You said,

"who you are as a teenager

"who you are as a teenager

impacts who you become

as an adult."

Carla, those are two

completely different things.

Completely different things.

I don't quite see what the big

deal is.

And that is precisely the

problem.

Problem.

I'm going to the bathroom.

I, uh, figured out

I, uh, figured out

where I know you from.

I'm sorry.

Now's not a good time, Corey.

Now's not a good time, Corey.

Yeah, I understand.

I just didn't want to say this

in front of Alex.

Cancun, spring break, '93.

Were you there?

Were you there?

Yeah.

Wait. Why?

Remember, there was a bunch

of people playing quarters,

of people playing quarters,

whip cream, honey.

Skinny dipping.

[Laughing] Oh, yes.

Wait, wait, wait.

[Laughing]

[Laughing]

Do you remember the guy

with the pet monkey?

[Laughing] Yeah.

That was my monkey,

Mr. Giggles.

Shut up.

Shut up.

Yeah.

That was you?

Yeah.

Oh, my god.

[Laughing] Wait.

So if that was you,

then that means we...

Then that means we...

Yeah.

No.

No, no, no, no.

This is so crazy.

Alex is gonna freak.

Yeah.

I already want to tell him.

Okay, no, no, no.

I think--okay.

I think--okay.

I think I should handle this.

What...

No, whoo.

No.

So...

So...

Eh...

Okay, so...

Hey.

Oh, hi, hi.

Oh, hi, hi.

Listen, about this lying

situation.

Oh, god, please.

Oh, god, don't even worry

about it.

Oh, my god, babe,

we've all done some things.

We've all done some things.

Crazy things.

Things we're not proud of.

Do you want to dance?

I want to dance.

No, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no.

No, listen.

I want to tell you I'm sorry

for being dismissive with you.

Just because I don't see

just because I don't see

something as a big deal

does not mean it's not

a big deal to you.

And I respect that.

And I am wrong for lying to you.

And I am wrong for lying to you.

I'm sorry.

Alex, why didn't you just

tell me when I asked you?

Oh, babe,

Oh, babe,

do you remember where you were

emotionally when we met?

You were just recovering

from a husband who cheated

from a husband who cheated

on you.

And you just found out

that your dad had been cheating

on your mom.

Oh, god.

At the time, it was just

easier to say no.

I mean, come on, you would not

have believed if I said to you,

"yes, I've only cheated once,

"yes, I've only cheated once,

and that was in high school."

Yeah.

Yeah, you're right.

I was a wreck.

Uh...

I was a wreck.

I was a wreck.

I would have freaked.

Yes, you would have.

But, I mean, come on,

let's just put all our cards

on the table.

Baby, there is nothing

else to put on the table.

Else to put on the table.

All right, I discovered quickly

that I was more of a player

than a cheater.

Well, I mean, I knew

you were a player.

You were a player.

Yeah, you liked that too.

I did.

[Laughs]

But, I mean, really?

But, I mean, really?

It only happened that one time?

Yes.

After what happened with

Vanessa, I realized that I was

Vanessa, I realized that I was

not a relationship person.

Hmm.

Until I met you.

Alex.

No, really.

No, really.

[Both laugh]

Really.

And those are all my cards

on the table.

You got anything you want

you got anything you want

to get off your chest?

Be right back, yasmine.

I'm gonna go get something

I'm gonna go get something

sweet.

[Whispering] Sort of like

you.

Sort of like you.

Girl, you gonna give me

a cavity.

No.

No.

What did I tell you

about going off script?

"Give me a cavity?"

Corny.

I got all Drake on her

I got all Drake on her

with that one.

But you set me up with this,

sis.

Good looking out.

Guess what?

Ms. Helen's going to make me

Ms. Helen's going to make me

a real fairy Princess costume.

Oh, yeah.

Your majesty's been keeping me

very busy.

Very busy.

Shucks, I forgot to wash

the dishes.

Kaci, could you please

wash them?

Wash them?

Oh, no problem.

Actually, Keenan will do them

for me.

He owes me, so--

Well, I can't.

I have--i have company.

I have--i have company.

Okay, now, I don't care

who owes who what, all right?

I just want the dishes washed.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you, thank you, sis.

Ooh.

Come, my loyal subject,

Come, my loyal subject,

we've got work to do.

Oh, yes.

And to think,

and to think,

I was hoping my son

would give me grandchildren.

Would give me grandchildren.

[Sighs]

[Chuckling]

[Chuckling]

Okay, for the sake of cards

on the table, funny story.

Okay.

Corey and I figured out

how we know each other.

Wet met during spring break.

Really?

Mm.

No, Corey only went to one

No, Corey only went to one

spring break, and I all remember

is hearing about this drunk

monkey and...

[Chuckling]

[Chuckling]

Don't tell me you're

the whip cream girl.

The whip cream girl.

Look, honey, we--

we were just drinking,

and, I mean,

and, I mean,

u can't touch this came on.

And you know how I get

when I hear an mc hammer song.

You hardly even drink.

You hardly even drink.

Now.

I mean...

One of my boys, Carla?

Honey, I didn't even know

you then.

You then.

I need some air.

Okay.

Okay.

Ms. Helen is exhausting.

But I'm going to buy

a pet frog with the money

Keenan's giving me.

Keenan's giving me.

I'll name him Rupert.

[Laughs]

Well, you better hope that

Keenan pays you.

Keenan pays you.

He totally went back

on his promise to me.

But I'm gonna get him back.

Watch.

"Yasmine, you smell so good."

How is that getting him back?

How is that getting him back?

You'll see.

Come here.

Yasmine, you--

you smell so good.

Like sweat.

Excuse me?

Excuse me?

Oh, uh, no.

No, 'cause it's not--

I love the smell of sweat.

I love the smell of sweat.

I...

Mm.

[Phone buzzing]

[Phone buzzing]

Also, um,

have I told you that your teeth

look like tiny tombstones today?

Oh, what?

Okay, I'm leaving.

Yasmine, please.

Please, wait, stop.

Tombstone teeth?

What happened?

What happened?

You used to be so nice before.

Truth is, none of the things

I said were from me.

I said were from me.

They were all stuff kaci texted

me to say.

Look.

But why would you do that?

So you'd think I was smooth.

So you'd think I was smooth.

I get so nervous around you,

I don't know what to say.

So kaci was helping me out.

So kaci was helping me out.

Just say how you feel.

All right.

All right.

I really like you.

But when I'm around you,

my stomach hurts.

Oh, it does?

Oh, it does?

Yeah.

What in the name of teenage

What in the name of teenage

pregnancy?

So you sent Helen upstairs

so you sent Helen upstairs

to make dresses

so you can fool around, huh?

Huh?

I was just leaving.

I was just leaving.

I think that's a good idea.

All right, take your plane

with you.

Uh!

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

So what was going on around

here, huh?

Nothing.

You?

Nothing.

Nothing.

You?

Unless you want to end up

in the Princess dungeon,

you better start talking.

You better start talking.

Huh?

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Okay.

When you first told me

about Corey, I felt like

about Corey, I felt like

he took my favorite toy

and spit on it.

Okay, that is a disgusting

Okay, that is a disgusting

image.

Please continue.

It's just,

in high school,

we were always competing

we were always competing

with one another--

grades, sports, girls.

And until tonight,

and until tonight,

we were neck and neck.

But you and i--

No, let me finish.

Okay.

Go ahead.

Go ahead.

Then it hit me.

I've got you.

Who does he have?

Who does he have?

He had a weekend.

You--

you have a lifetime.

You have a lifetime.

Exactly.

I won.

Yeah, you won, babe.

[Laughing] You got me.

[Laughing] You got me.

I love you.

I love you too.

♪ you can't touch this ♪

Naw.

Naw.

Uh-oh.

No, no, no.

Next song.

[Humming rhythmically]

Can't wait to get these shoes

off.

My little stilts.

Hold on.

What?

Something's different.

Oh, my god.

This kitchen is spotless.

This kitchen is spotless.

There are no crumbs

on or near the toaster.

Babe, there's no juice

Babe, there's no juice

on the floor.

What's going on here/

Put your back into it.

Put your back into it.

You kids thought you were

so smart,

running Ms. Helen ragged

while you got over.

While you got over.

[Laughs]

Oh, you have something to say?

Oh, you have something to say?

Text me.

I'm the queen now.

I'm the queen now.

And I want this place

to sparkle!

[Laughs]

[Laughs]

[Funky music]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0