Original subtitles

Man on TV: I've never raised

a little brother and sister.

Woman: Your dad bit me last

night, and they don't allow

night, and they don't allow

vampires at the prom.

Keenan, you're in the exact

same place you were in when I

left this morning.

Are you ever going to put on

are you ever going to put on

some clothes?

Pajamas are clothes.

It's a beautiful day out.

Why don't you go outside and do

something?

Something?

I have four hours left of TV

time, and I'm using them to

watch "vampire high."

[ Sighs ]

Hey, how was basketball

hey, how was basketball

practice?

It was fine.

They want to move me from center

to small forward.

Yeah, and she doesn't want

Yeah, and she doesn't want

to move.

Keenan.

Keenan, we're talking, man.

Keenan, we're talking, man.

Ooh! "Vampire high."

Hey, did Cody get a date for

the prom?

Wouldn't know.

I couldn't hear over

the talking.

Keenan.

Carla, can I talk to you for

a second?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.

Hey, why is that cheerleader

rubbing garlic on her pom-poms?

Because she goes to

vampire high.

Mm. Smart.

Mm. Smart.

Hey.

Hey.

You know your son is lazy,

right?

[ Laughs ] Okay, great.

So when he gets all "as," he's

so when he gets all "as," he's

your son, and when he's lazy,

he's mine?

Look, when I was his age, I

couldn't wait to get out on

a Saturday afternoon.

A Saturday afternoon.

But this dude would rather sit

there and watch TV.

Alex, come on, he only gets

10 hours of TV a week.

He's got a few left.

He's got a few left.

Just let him have it.

He needs to be doing

something.

You know, he got too much idle

time.

He was on the soccer team.

He was on the soccer team.

That was months ago.

Kids need to be active year

round.

He needs to get out the house

more.

Oh, you know, now that you

Oh, you know, now that you

mention it, it was really nice

when y'all were gone and I got

me time around here.

This isn't about me time.

Do you want me to agree with

Do you want me to agree with

you or not?

Good point.

Right.

Hey, Keenan.

Mommy needs mommy time.

Yeah, but you can't --

Yeah, but you can't --

Hey, what's up?

Hey, Keenan, your mom and I

want you to be a little more

physically active.

Physically active.

Did I do?

Why am I being punished?

Oh, no, no, no, sweetie,

you're not being punished.

We just want you guys to keep

busy.

Busy.

Why can't I clean just my

room or something?

Come on, man, it'll be fun.

Tomorrow, I'm going to take you

down to the recreation center,

and you're going to sign up for

and you're going to sign up for

some kind of athletic program.

But I don't --

But nothing.

When I was your age, I played

when I was your age, I played

football, I was on the swim

team, and I wrestled.

Yeah, look at all this.

I'm in excellent shape.

Yeah?

Yeah?

Watch how many push-ups

I can do.

Okay, let's see.

One...

That's good.

Two, three.

Two, three.

Wow, you are in great shape,

Keenan.

Like I said.

You're in such great shape,

instead of me driving you to the

instead of me driving you to the

rec center, you can walk.

[ Laughing ]

♪ ah ah ah ah ♪

♪ ah ah ah ah ♪

♪ ah ah ah ah ♪

♪ ah ah ah ah ♪

♪ ah ah ah ah ♪

♪ ah ah ah ♪

♪ ah ah ah ah ♪

♪ ah ah ah ah ♪

And the cow was returned to

its natural owner.

Its natural owner.

[ Laughs ]

Good morning, Ms. Helen.

Oh, good morning, Gabriella.

Have you met Boris, our new

have you met Boris, our new

delivery guy?

Oh, no, nice to meet you.

Same to you.

Is Carla alone in her office?

Yes.

Yes.

So I don't want anything else

to do with any animals.

Ho!

Ho!

Carla, do I have anything in

my teeth?

No.

Okay, how's my breath.

Okay, how's my breath.

Okay, wow.

It smells like coffee.

Oh, give me a mint, please.

Hurry! Come on, come on!

Okay, okay.

Okay, okay.

What is going on?

Oh, Carla, the most gorgeous

man is at Ms. Helen's desk.

He's so gorgeous.

I think a little extra cleave...

I think a little extra cleave...

Okay.

Ought to do the trick.

Gabby.

[ Laughs ]

So, um, Boris...

So, um, Boris...

How long have you been with the

company?

Uh, just a couple weeks.

Uh, just a couple weeks.

Ms. Helen, I'll see you later.

Yeah, okay.

Bye, baby.

Bye, baby.

Mm, mm, mm.

All hooched up and nowhere

to go.

Whatever.

Whatever.

I'll see him next time.

Won't make a difference.

See, you young girls don't know

how to get a man.

Oh, yeah, and you do?

Oh, yeah, and you do?

Raise your hand if you got

some last night.

Honey, trust me.

Try this.

You smile, you see stare man in

you smile, you see stare man in

his eyes, and then you agree

with whatever he says.

Okay?

Okay?

I call that

"the eye and comply."

Ms. Helen, that's no

different than the touch

different than the touch

and giggle.

See, that's another thing

wrong with you young girls.

You don't listen.

No grown woman needs to touch

no grown woman needs to touch

or giggle.

Ugh.

Hello.

Nice day, isn't it?

Nice day, isn't it?

Yes, the nicest.

I'm sorry.

Hmm, who knew.

Okay, now the trick to

Okay, now the trick to

kneading dough -- ah -- is you

got to be aggressive, right.

If you're too gentle, it won't

mix thoroughly.

Mix thoroughly.

All right, hands warmed up?

Check.

All floured up, ready to go?

Check.

All right, ladies, start

kneading.

No, no, no, you're not

massaging it.

Massaging it.

Knead it.

Show it who's boss.

I'm the boss, dough!

You don't know who you're

You don't know who you're

messing with!

There you go.

Ah ha ha.

What is going on in here?

Showing the girls their way

around the kitchen.

Around the kitchen.

Yeah, beating up some dough.

This feels weird.

I like it.

[ Laughs ]

[ Laughs ]

Can I help, honey?

Of course.

Nobody eats for free around

these parts.

You can start chopping

you can start chopping

vegetables.

I'm going to chop it up.

Dad, found an

extracurricular activity.

I'm going to do rhythmic

I'm going to do rhythmic

gymnastics.

What's that?

What's that?

It's --

i-i-i don't know, but I'll look

it up.

I'll look it up.

I'll look it up.

You look ridiculous.

I know, my tights are a

little loose in the hip,

but other than that, I look

but other than that, I look

great, right?

I was going to sign up for

wrestling, but then I thought to

wrestling, but then I thought to

myself, how can I use that in

everyday life?

And you can use rhythmic

gymnastics?

My coach said the tendon

My coach said the tendon

strength my forearms make me

a natural ball roller.

Check this out.

[ Laughs ] Nice.

That was nice.

That was nice.

That was not nice.

It was cute.

And if I develop the tendon

strength, I can become a faster

strength, I can become a faster

texter.

It's a win/win, right dad?

What do you think?

I think you didn't do what

I told you to do.

I told you to do.

You said pick an activity.

I said I wanted you to be

more physically active, Keenan.

You know how demanding

You know how demanding

this is?

I think, once again, you're

trying to get over.

Trying to get over.

But that's all right.

Tomorrow morning, we're going

back to that recreation center,

and you're going to sign up for

a real sport.

A real sport.

But --

But nothing.

And before you ask, no, you

can't keep the uniform.

These tights are very

These tights are very

comfortable.

Alex, rhythmic gymnastics is

real sport.

Real sport.

Gymnastics is real sport.

This is something nobody's ever

heard of.

There's a lot of people who

would disagree.

Would disagree.

Well, Keenan is not one of

those people.

He's just trying to get over.

Maybe we shouldn't assume

Maybe we shouldn't assume

what's in his head.

I mean, he might really enjoy

rhythmic gymnastics.

Come on, Carla, it's the same

story.

He doesn't apply himself,

he doesn't apply himself,

and you enable him.

Enable him?

By supporting him?

Exactly.

The boy takes the easy way out

the boy takes the easy way out

because you let him.

Okay, you know what, I just

told you it's a real sport,

and you say it's not.

And you say it's not.

I say I'm supporting him,

and you say I'm enabling him.

Clearly, you have all of

the answers, Alex, so I don't

know what the point in us having

this conversation is.

Have the twins left for

Have the twins left for

school already?

Yeah.

Thank you for cooking

breakfast so I could have that

teleconference.

I just put it in the toaster

oven.

Oven.

I guess I took the easy way out

of cooking.

It was good, mommy.

Aw, thanks, sweetie.

You want to go upstairs and get

dressed?

Dressed?

Okay.

Okay, bye-bye.

I guess I could have toasted you

I guess I could have toasted you

some breakfast, too.

But you know, I wouldn't want to

you get used to that and think I

you get used to that and think I

was enabling you.

[ Chuckles ] Okay.

Let's clear the air.

Maybe there are some things I

maybe there are some things I

said last night that I didn't

mean.

Okay, fine.

What I heard you say is that

what I heard you say is that

rhythmic gymnastics is not a

real sport, that Keenan was

lazy, and there was no way he

lazy, and there was no way he

would really like it, and I was

enabling him by supporting him.

So which part of that didn't you

so which part of that didn't you

mean?

I guess I mean all of those

things.

Mm, great, so I'm glad we

cleared the air.

Carla, hear me out,

all right?

Look, I don't know how to be

copilot when your support is the

copilot when your support is the

exact opposite of how I feel.

Well, why didn't you just say

that, Alex?

That, Alex?

Because I was upset.

You know how I grew up.

If I ever stepped out of line,

my father would immediately pull

my father would immediately pull

me back, and my mother would let

him because her philosophy was

"let that man raise that boy."

When I get upset, I fall back on

when I get upset, I fall back on

that philosophy.

Are you guys done fighting?

Baby, we are not fighting.

Okay.

I just thought I'd give you guys

I just thought I'd give you guys

a few minutes.

Well, it seems like you need

a few more minutes, 'cause you

didn't get dressed.

Didn't get dressed.

Go upstairs and get dressed.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you, too.

But you're wrong.

But we can just agree to

disagree.

Disagree.

Done.

Still don't have any water.

You know I called that man last

week.

I guess I'll get some New York

I guess I'll get some New York

tap from the spigot.

Mm-hmm.

Hey.

Sorry it took me so long to get

here.

The water demand has been

the water demand has been

unusually high this season.

It's okay.

I totally understand.

I totally understand.

Really?

Oh, yeah, and we probably

shouldn't wait till we get so

low to call.

Low to call.

Hey.

We haven't met.

We haven't met.

I'm James.

Oh, my pleasure.

Gabriella.

Well, have a good day...

Well, have a good day...

Gabriella.

Oh, thank you.

[ Laughs ]

Nice!

Oh, my god, did I just witness

oh, my god, did I just witness

a love connection?

Oh, I don't know, but I got

skills, huh?

You sure do.

Oh, he's so cute.

Oh, he's so cute.

Oh, he's adorable.

You got the empties?

Yep.

Uh, Gabriella?

Uh, Gabriella?

Hey, I was wondering, do you

think it's possible I could get

your number?

Your number?

Oh, yeah, sure.

Oh.

Write it on this parking ticket.

Write it on this parking ticket.

[ Chuckles ]

Because you have got fine

written all over you.

Written all over you.

Okay, now, that was corny.

But I'll let it slide 'cause

you're so cute.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I'll call you later?

Okay.

[ Laughs ]

You are on fire!

I know.

Look at you.

So you finally took my advice

so you finally took my advice

and tried the eye and comply.

Well, maybe he just likes me.

Oh, please.

Oh, please.

Are you going to tell me you

weren't standing there

eyeballing that man?

Okay, well, even if I was, it

wasn't because of anything

wasn't because of anything

you said.

Okay, well, let me give you

some more advice to claim you're

not using.

That guy has problems.

You might want to walk away.

You might want to walk away.

Ms. Helen, do you know him?

I don't need to.

I saw how he invaded her space,

I saw how he invaded her space,

then hovered over her.

It's a true sign of being

a little clingy or a lot crazy.

Ms. Helen.

Ms. Helen.

Okay, how can you tell all

that by just looking at him?

Let me tell you, experience

Let me tell you, experience

trumps intelligence when it

comes to matters of heart.

But you know what?

You do you, I'll do me.

You do you, I'll do me.

[ Squeals ]

I told you, I got this.

I told you, I got this.

Okay, class, gather around.

We're going to have a little

demonstration.

Henry, let's see your floor

Henry, let's see your floor

exercises.

All right.

Which one of you would like to

go next?

Keenan?

Keenan?

Come on.

Come on, Keenan, you got it.

Come on, Keenan, you got it.

You're good.

[ Chuckles ]

There you go.

There you go.

Ms. Helen...

Who are all these flowers for?

Oh, you.

Oh, you.

That water head boy, James, has

been bringing them every few

been bringing them every few

minutes.

"Drip, drip, drip.

I'd really like to kiss your

I'd really like to kiss your

lip.

Water is good, but it's not

punch.

Stay close to the bathroom if

you drink too much."

You drink too much."

Okay, this has got to stop.

I know.

He can't even rhyme.

[ Sighs ]

[ Sighs ]

So, you want to stand there

and tell me that you didn't use

and tell me that you didn't use

the eye and comply on that boy?

Huh? Huh? Huh?

Okay.

Okay.

I knew it, I knew it.

If you had listened to me, I

could have told you this --

Okay, okay, Ms. Helen.

What do I do now?

What do I do now?

Wait, wait, you going to cut

me off, you want me to talk now.

I'm so confused, I don't know

what to do.

Please, Ms. Helen.

Please, Ms. Helen.

Say it in Spanish.

Por favor, Ms. Helen.

Por favor, Ms. Helen.

Mean it in Spanish.

[ Sighs ]

[ Chuckles ] Fine.

[ Chuckles ] Fine.

Por favor, doña Helen.

Okay.

Okay.

[ Laughs ]

There's only one way to beat

there's only one way to beat

this.

The propose and dispose.

The what?

The what?

Propose and dispose.

You have to match his energy,

you have to match his energy,

and then you tell him you want

to get married.

To get married.

Okay, that's crazy.

I don't want to marry him.

Drip, drip, drip.

Drip, drip, drip.

Here comes the bride.

Here comes the bride.

See, I can't rhyme either.

Yeah, you guys are here,

and dad and I will sit here.

Dad, I'm confused.

I thought you didn't want to see

I thought you didn't want to see

Keenan dance in his underwear.

I don't.

No, no, sweetie, it's not

underwear.

They're tights, okay?

They're tights, okay?

It's not funny.

Whatever, it looks like

something you would sleep in.

Kaci, come on, don't do that.

Keenan does not make fun of your

Keenan does not make fun of your

sports.

Don't make fun of his.

Okay, I'm sorry.

You're right, this is a sport.

Very important.

Very important.

Yeah, a stupid one.

Keenan, what are you doing

here?

Why aren't you back there

with your team?

With your team?

I don't want to do this

anymore.

This whole class doesn't make

sense.

I'm going to look foolish.

I'm going to look foolish.

Oh, Keenan, listen, man, I

owe you an apology.

I no longer think this is

foolish.

When I came to practice the

when I came to practice the

other day, I could see how

difficult this is.

So if you don't want to do this

because you think I'm going to

because you think I'm going to

think you're a fool, no.

I know how hard this is.

Thought you'd make me quit

long before you figured that

long before you figured that

out.

Keenan, it's okay if you

make a mistake.

No, it's not.

I'm going to look stupid.

Look, if it's bothering you

Look, if it's bothering you

that much, Keenan, we're not

going to make you do it.

It's your decision.

It's my decision?

It's my decision?

Yes.

Cool, let's go home.

No, no, no, no.

You made a commitment.

You got to follow through.

You got to follow through.

But, dad, people have cameras

in here.

I can mess up, and it can end up

I can mess up, and it can end up

on the Internet.

And you shouldn't worry about

what strangers think.

Look, you heard your mother.

It's okay if you mess up.

Now, we feel that way because

we're your family.

But I think you would really be

a fool to walk away from an

a fool to walk away from an

opportunity to show what you can

really do in front of people who

love you just because you're

scared.

Scared.

But it's still my decision?

Of course.

Okay, let's go home.

Okay, let's go home.

Son, quitting is taking

the easy way out.

You have worked too hard to give

you have worked too hard to give

up now.

So what you're going to have to

do is man up, go out there,

and juggle that ball like a pro.

And juggle that ball like a pro.

You hear me?

Yeah, I got it.

I can't hear you.

Yeah, I got it.

All right.

All right.

Now show me your game face.

What time is it?

It's game time, man.

What time is it?

Game time.

What time is it?

What time is it?

Game time!

Take these, dad?

You got it.

You got it.

You know, I always imagined

giving that speech when he was

at the free throw line about to

at the free throw line about to

make the winning basket at the

final four.

You could always give that

speech to me.

Speech to me.

You're absolutely right.

[ Applause ]

[ Techno music playing ]

[ Techno music playing ]

[ Alex laughs ]

Yes!

Whoo! Whoo!

Whoo! Whoo!

Hey, baby.

Hey, baby.

Oh, I missed you, papi.

Oh, I missed you, papi.

Really?

Because I missed you, too.

Bam!

Bam!

Oh! [Giggles]

Papi.

Yeah?

Why are we playing these

Why are we playing these

games?

I mean, we love each other.

We should just go to Vegas and

get married.

What?

Yeah, I mean, I'm not getting

Yeah, I mean, I'm not getting

any younger, and we need to get

started if I'm going to have six

kids!

Wow, six kids?

Wow, six kids?

Yeah.

Me, too.

Baby, you and I, we -- we here.

Baby, you and I, we -- we here.

Oh, my gosh, I want you to

talk to my mom.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute, wait a sec.

No, no, no.

I can talk to her in a minute.

I can talk to her in a minute.

I want you to talk to my mom

first.

Let me just go down to the truck

and get my cell phone.

I'll be right back.

Okay.

Okay.

Ah!

Wow!

Six kids.

Six kids.

I'm going to take the stairs.

I'm going to take the stairs.

Okay.

Don't you move.

Wow!

Ugh, do you see that?

Ugh, do you see that?

Now he wants me to talk to his

mom.

Your little nursery book story

rhymes didn't work, Ms. Helen.

Honey, he ain't coming back.

Honey, he ain't coming back.

Okay, what's up with

the water guy?

He almost knocked me down

he almost knocked me down

running for the stairs.

See, he's not thirsty

anymore.

I told you.

I told you.

I said it.

It's harder than you think,

It's harder than you think,

right?

Yeah, I never thought a pair

of rings would be this hard to

maneuver.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think I'm doing this right.

♪ ah ah ah ah ♪

♪ ah ah ah ah ♪

♪ ah ah ah ah ♪

♪ ah ah ah ♪

♪ Ah ah ah ♪

♪ ah ah ah ah ♪

♪ ah ah ah ah ♪

♪ ah ah ah ah ♪

♪ ah ah ah ♪

♪ ah ah ah ah ♪

♪ ah ah ah ah ♪

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