Original subtitles

Gonna throw up?

Just give me two seconds.

This can't be your first, surely.

No, but I know her.

Well, knew her, that is.

We were in the same class at primary school.

You two dated for a while, was it?

- Wh... No, no, no. - No.

She was always so careful. I don't understand how she ended up here.

Certainly looks like it was a natural death.

Out here?

Yeah.

People walk straight across this field as a shortcut.

Do you think it's a little strange?

It's just so frustrating, sending 'em for an autopsy on "a little strange."

Blows the budget, you know? But...

- Dead young woman in a field. - We don't have a choice.

When's the ambulance due?

What do you think it'll do, Reinert?

- Transportation... - You watch too many films, don't you?

In films, the ambulance comes to pick up the bodies.

They even use blue lights, as if it's a matter of life or death.

It's too late. They're dead.

Yeah, but who's going to deal with her, then?

HALLANGEN FUNERAL AGENCY

Two.

Three. Hm.

Three. That's three behind the counter.

- What about the blue one? - Yes, the blue one's there.

Fine, good. Okay.

Plus 30...

Good. Plus six.

39. There are 39 urns here upstairs.

39? And then check...

- What about the caskets, then? - Yep.

And here, we have...

One, two... We have five of casket number 21.

Five... Hold on. Five 21s.

And then we have one mahogany-stain cherry wood special.

So Christmas is safe, then.

But no one dies here in Skarnes.

Hm?

- Police time. - Ah.

Uh-huh! Right?

Aah!

- Yes, this is... - Yeah. Yes, of course.

This is Hallangen Funeral Agency, and you're speaking to Arvid.

Finally!

♪ Og det er manda' morra blues... ♪

Hm? Yep. Ah... ♪ Manda' ♪

- ♪ Morra blues... ♪ - Hm?

♪ Tømmer kaffekoppen ♪

♪ Legger på en snus... ♪ Yes, thank you.

♪ Til manda' morra blues... ♪

Hm?

The funeral agency cannot pick up

Live Hallangen.

Why'd you say that?

Hallangen Funeral Agency.

Live Hallangen.

Even though it's your sister we are picking up...

a funeral agent navigates life like a swan.

Controlled and elegant on the surface, while at the...

While at the same time, the legs are working fast as hell. I know that.

Hm.

Odd. Remember.

One, and two... three.

Let's see, then.

So. Found in a field on the outskirts of Skarnes.

Know what they used to say about Skarnes?

- No. - In the '90s, they used to say,

if you're gonna kill someone, do it in Skarnes.

- Why? - Because the police were lazy.

- Or are lazy? - Huh.

I see no signs of superficial damages,

no trauma to the upper body, the legs or the head.

Oh.

I hate to say it, but this looks like a natural death.

Of a female in her early 30s?

A mild illness, a sudden seizure, blood clot caused by birth control pills,

- or maybe an overdose. - Yeah. But we're still...

Obviously, we'll still do the autopsy.

- It is our job, after all. - Hmm.

It costs half a year's budget

for these little sheriff's offices to send bodies for an autopsy.

So the Skarnes police become known for how they...

Huh.

- What? - That's strange.

What?

Bleeding from the deceased, post mortem.

- What? - Yes, look.

Oh.

What?

Nothing. It's just strange, that's all.

- That's what I said. - So what?

It's not like me writing "That's strange"

is stealing your brilliant observation that it was strange.

You gonna continue?

- Or is it a little strange for you? - No, it's not too strange for me.

Good. Then we declare Live Hallangen open

Then we declare Live Hallangen...

...open.

- Oh... - Uh...

What the hell?

Aaah!

A NETFLIX SERIES

POST MORTEM: NO ONE DIES IN SKARNES

HALLANGEN FUNERAL AGENCY

Hello, this is Arvid.

Yes, hi. Are you Live Hallangen's closest relative?

- Yes. Yes, I am. - Yeah, listen, uh...

It's a little hard to explain what has happened here,

uh, if it's a routine error or a miracle.

She's not dead. She woke up at forensics,

and has been transferred for observation...

Fuck.

Odd?

- Hi. - Hi.

Hi.

What's so funny?

Yeah.

What are we doing here?

You don't remember?

Hi, Live.

Hi.

- So, you're awake. - Yeah.

- How are you feeling? - Yeah...

- Tip-top. - Would you look up for me?

- Yeah. - What have you got to check?

You were dead.

Or we thought you were dead.

Huh?

Yeah, some joggers found you in the field by the old barn, and then...

they called the police,

then the police put in the call to us, and we came and...

had to collect you, then we took you to pathology

and you woke up on the dissecting table.

Came... Came to collect? What are you talking about?

What, you and Papa?

I mean, who else?

So, just as Odd said, you were found in a field, and, uh...

we think you must have had some kind of seizure,

perhaps while you were out walking.

Do you happen to remember if you were out walking?

Um...

No.

I guess that was yesterday?

- Uh, or was it? - On Thursday evening.

What's today, then?

Today is Monday.

How could you possibly think that I was dead?

Medically speaking, it can occur because of hypothermia, that's a sort of cooling.

It can cause suspended animation.

With hypothermia, the body temperature falls drastically,

and all the bodily functions, the cellular metabolism, slows down a lot.

It can be life-threatening. The heart can stop.

We've had cases where the heart stopped for seven hours,

in the most serious cases.

Hey, Odd. Can you go and tell Judith and Reinert that Live is awake, yeah?

- Yeah. - They're waiting in the cafeteria.

- All good, yeah. - Great.

- Could you get me a drink? - Yep.

- Hello? - Papa?

- Hi, Odd. - She's awake now.

Hmm. Is she... different?

She seems great, actually.

A little tired, of course, but, um...

You can come now, she's fine.

- Hmm. No. - No, or...

- Or yes? - I'll see you at home.

- See you at home, then. - Yes.

- Bye. - Yeah, okay.

Huh.

For a while, I'd like you to come for check-ups, if you wouldn't mind.

So we can take blood tests and keep an eye on you.

Yeah, absolutely. Uh...

Yeah, but it still doesn't make any sense.

What is wrong with me?

Oh, it's nothing.

All your tests are absolutely fine.

So if you're up for it, you can be discharged today.

Yeah...

Only if you feel ready, that is.

Where are you going?

To find the chocolate machine, of course.

Hmm. Yeah, it was a bit of a shock, of course, but, you know...

- Hey, you. - Hey.

The police want a chat with you, so I'll be in your room, yeah?

Yeah.

- Hi, there. - Bunkering up for the winter?

- Don't you want a couple more? - Um...

Life is often proved to be too short

to choose just one chocolate.

Have you got five minutes?

- Yeah... - Yeah.

I have your clothing for you. From the pathology lab.

Yeah, ta.

Yes, well. You must allow us to be clear. We apologise for the situation.

Let's not forget, we are responsible..

For sending me for an autopsy

when strictly speaking, I wasn't as dead as one should be when they're sent there?

Well, in our defence, you looked very dead.

Very.

What we wanted to say now is...

What it is, you see...

As you know, the press will want to make a case out of this, right?

- The local paper? - No. The whole shebang.

TV 2, NRK. They want to make a sensational case out of this little business.

Yeah. "Police send living girl for an autopsy and to be buried...

by her own family."

- Ahem! - Or something.

Pfft.

- Isn't that exactly what you did? - Yeah.

- Uh, no. - No.

- Mm-hm. - Don't forget,

we were only trying to take care of you the whole time, Live.

I mean, she seems angry with me now.

Mmm. - I mean, you know?

No?

I just felt there was a negative energy between us.

Fuck, man.

So how long did it take before, uh...

Papa started making funeral arrangements?

Picking flowers, measuring caskets? And what was he going to play?

"You Raise Me Up," was his decision.

That's not funny.

Not trying to be. I'm talking about a funeral.

Imagine...

♪ You raise me up ♪

♪ So I can stand on mountains ♪

- ♪ You raise me up... ♪ - Oh, Odd!

- ♪ To walk on stormy seas... ♪ - Aah! Odd!

♪ I'm strong ♪

- ♪ When I am on your shoulders ♪ - That's enough!

I guess it's lucky that I didn't die. That would've been horrific.

Wouldn't it?

Then it goes, like...

Key change!

♪ You raise me up ♪

♪ So I can stand on mountains ♪

Gosh, looks like a right mess.

Hah!

- For fuck's sake! - Careful!

I'll just go up to Papa to say hi.

Do that.

Papa?

Papa?

Papa?

What's going on?

Hmm... I think he just feels pretty bad because he didn't realise you were alive.

You know, he's been doing this for a while,

but he's used to picking up dead people.

He's not used to them coming back.

No. I guess..

- Hello. - Hi, dear.

- No, I'm good. Oh. - I've got it.

Thanks.

- Hello. - Hi, darling.

- Hi. - Hi. It's so good to see you.

Gosh. Is there any wine left for anyone else in town, do you reckon?

No. Um...

When they've died and come back, only then is it their turn to get the wine.

They can't drink our...

CHLOROFORM

- Odd? - Yeah?

You sure you didn't find my jewellery

- that I mentioned, then? - Yeah.

I'm pretty sure we didn't find your necklace,

or your telephone charger, or headphones.

Yeah, well, I don't always go around with my charger and headphones.

Are you eating chocolate before dinner?

Odd, I've just come back from the dead, and I'll do whatever I want to.

Yes, but Rose is about to cook a whole moose.

You big kid.

You're a big kid.

I'm not the one who's 32 and living in my childhood bedroom.

No, you're the one that keeps insisting that I don't move away.

Shall I go up and get Papa?

No, my God, he's probably coming soon.

Everyone at work says hi. They're really glad to hear the news, Live.

They're all really glad that you're... not dead.

That's so lovely to hear.

Hi.

There you are.

Papa, everything's fine.

Is it just me, or is it really dark in here?

Almost there.

[hissing and crackling[

- And dinner is served. - No, thanks, I'm not hungry.

Papa?

Sorry, I need some fresh air.

Um...

Yeah.

Hm.

Hm.

There are all sorts of reactions that just seem strange.

Well, rather special circumstances caused this.

She woke up on an autopsy table.

- It's not strange she has trouble... - Yes, but doesn't she seem...

- ...different? - She was in suspended animation!

- But she seems... - Of course.

- Of course she does. - But don't you think...

...she seems strange?

- I agree. But... - It doesn't seem like you agree.

- You're not listening to me. - Okay. Can...

- ...end this conversation... - I don't...

Okay, fine, but I think we shoud...

- It's stressful for everyone. - Oh, Jesus. She can't hear us.

- No. But it's still... - Okay...

By the time you hear this, I will be dead.

For good, this time.

I have really tried,

for you...

and for the children,

but I have no other choice.

Take care of yourself.

And you have to take care of our children, Arvid.

Should you ever see my darkness in Live...

You have to keep an eye on her.

Look for the change that you saw in me.

You have to keep an eye on her.

Look for the change that you saw in me.

POLICE

Hello!

Reinert!

- What's happened? Are you okay? - Someone tried to kill me.

- What, now? - Not now! By the barn. Where you found me.

I'm starting to remember.

Someone attacked me.

- Uh... Okay. - You're not going to do something?

I think you need some rest, yeah?

Live.

- Live. Wait there. - For what? You don't believe me.

No, it's not that. It's not that. It's just, you weren't injured.

The doctors didn't find a sign of you being attacked, did they? Huh?

I don't have any explanation for this. I just know what I'm starting to remember.

- Right. - Even if you...

- you think I'm absurd. - No.

No. No, I absolutely don't, Live.

Have a nice evening, yeah? I mean, considering the circumstances.

They took a necklace off me.

Who?

No, I don't know who they were.

But I...

know I had my necklace on me.

And Mum's old wedding ring,

that I wear all the time, without exception.

But now it's gone.

The most important thing, though, you're safe now. Yeah? Hmm?

The most important thing is that it doesn't happen again, isn't it?

Hmm.

- Good night. - Hmm.

Where have you been?

Uh...

- Well, I... - Are you feeling all right?

Hmm.

Okay.

The man who followed you home...

- Yeah? - Yes, was that Reinert?

Yeah.

How's Reinert doing?

Uh... Well, I suppose. I didn't especially ask him.

Huh.

- Papa? - Hm?

What's going on?

Would have been nice to have seen you at least once in hospital,

after you had driven me to the autopsy, you know?

Huh...

You didn't even look me in the eye when I came home.

Excuse me.

I'm sorry.

♪ Se Norges blomsterdal ♪

♪ Farvel, du kvalme fangekrog ♪

♪ Den vilde graneskog ♪

♪ Er nu så dejlig sval ♪

♪ Tra-la-la-la, la-la ♪

♪ Ja, lysteligt det er i Nord ♪

♪ Blandt fjeld og li og fjord ♪

♪ Blandt fjeld og li og fjord... ♪

Odd?

Live?

♪ Ja, lysteligt det er i Nord ♪

♪ Blandt fjeld og li og fjord... ♪

What are you doing?

I'm attempting to get rid of the smell of a man

who lay on some heating cables for a couple of weeks before coming to us.

I laid him here.

Then that piece of shit conked out, stuff started running down on him,

which ended up on the floor, and now the stench is stuck under the bloody lino.

Four months ago, but, uh...

...he's still with us.

The lingering smell, anyway.

I don't understand what's the matter.

It's not always easy to understand him.

But, uh... you know what he's like.

How it is in this line of work. You can't be too oversensitive, otherwise,

- then you just won't handle it. - Oversensitive?

- Him? - Huh.

It's not that. No, he's completely weird.

He hasn't even asked anything.

He obviously doesn't care. But he's desperate to hear how Reinert's doing.

Reinert?

Yes! He followed me home from the police station earlier.

The first thing Papa says to me is, "How's Reinert doing?"

What were you doing at the police station?

- Are you okay? Nothing's happened? - No, I was just walking by.

- Oh, yeah? - Saw he was standing there.

He's relieved I'm not dead, and I'm still alive.

Or he'd be forced to start a full-on murder investigation.

Oh, Reinert would have loved a murder investigation in Skarnes.

Believe me.

But who would want to do that anyway? Kill me?

I haven't done anything, not one thing, not ever,

that would make someone hate me so much.

I've lived...

an average life.

So if someone really was attempting to kill me,

I must have been a random victim or something, don't you think?

Yeah, I think you ought to, for your own good,

cut down on your true crime podcasts from now on.

Hmm?

Hey, police did say that they couldn't find anything criminal, didn't they?

Yeah.

Wasn't it just one of those weird accidents, a little seizure or something?

Yeah.

- Probably was, yeah. - Yeah.

Hm.

Aah!

Double death?

- You were scared! - No.

Yeah, you were, I saw you.

You're not that good an actor.

Yeah, but you know, there's something to be said for these near-death experiences.

Something that makes you think, you know, what you have

- and what you don't have in your life. - Mmm.

Like a job, or family, friends, deadly enemies.

That kind of thing.

I almost wish there was a killer on the loose in Skarnes.

- You'd have something to do, at least. - My point.

Live?

Yeah?

Would you come in here for a bit?

Odd.

What is it?

- I mean, fuck that! - What is it?

- You've just been working. - Yeah, but I scrubbed myself.

Yes, but you smell of AntiBac and formaldehyde.

That's no better, is it?

- AntiBac is no better than a corpse? - No.

- I disagree. - No, it's not.

Hmm-hmm-hmm!

No, don't even think about doing that now.

- You stink! - I'll sleep on the sofa.

You will shower,

as I am ovulating.

It's all right. It's all right.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Shit.

Ready...

Papa?

Uh... Yeah?

- Hi. - Hi.

What are you doing?

I'm heading down to the crematorium to tidy up the equipment store.

I can't sleep when I know those candlesticks haven't been polished.

- Okay. Drive safely, then. - Yeah.

Hmm.

Ooh-la-la!

- Now you smell good. - Thanks.

Very good, actually. Mmm.

What is it?

I wonder if I really should have gone with Papa.

- You're thinking about Arvid now? - Mm-hm.

Odd!

Those candlesticks are normally up to me. Tell me, honestly.

Do you think he was having a dig?

It's too late, anyway. He's leaving.

So bloody typical of him that he can't wait until morning.

- Then, I wouldn't mind doing them. - I know. You're right, he's thoughtless.

- Shall we fuck? - Yeah, yeah.

He's already left, so...

Help! Please, help!

Help!

Help me!

Help!

Help me!

Help!

Will somebody help me get out of here?

Help! Help!

Help!

Help!

Help! Help!

Help!

Help!

Help! Help!

Papa?

It was you who... Oh!

No. No, it wasn't me.

And I don't know who killed you that day.

You were dead.

And then, when you woke up again, then there was no other choice.

I had to do it...

for your own sake.

For my own sake?

If only you knew what Madeleine had to go through...

- If only... - How dare you?

- What does Mum have to do with this? - I didn't stop it, or help Madeleine!

Papa. You're sick.

Come home with me to the apartment, and I'll show you.

And then you will understand...

that you are not...

what you believe you are.

- Odd... - Have you seen my phone?

- No! - Oh, it's charging.

- I just fell asleep. - If someone calls early, it's work.

- Please! - Oh, It's work.

Shh!

Uh...

Hallangen Funeral Agency, you're through to Odd.

Yes.

A corpse? Yeah. Well, that's good, right?

I was just kidding. But, um...

Where is it, then?

Mmm?

Live?

It's Papa...