Original subtitles

In the not so distant future the world is at war once again.

Nuclear war has destroyed most of our beloved Earth.

Those who survived, still fight a deplorable battle between good and evil...

A battle of world power for some...

But for our boys back at home in the good ol' U S of A...

It's a battle for freedom.

The Soviets have created a new unstoppable force in weaponry.

Oh!

Dilbert.

Meddling in unnatural experiments with animal and human DNA they created a

super soldier half man half shark

Dilbert... It's alive, it's alive!

A creature that fights like a man.

But strikes fear into the hearts of all that

see him with his fierce jagged and soulless beady eyes.

We will not stand idly by while

these monsters destroyed our beloved country.

They may have brought the fight to our soil but this is where it ends.

This is where we make our stand.

They will be met with fire and fury like the world has never seen.

After the death of our leaders in Washington.

The states were split into separate militias.

Each county found leaders in civilians that were ready to die

to protect their beloved country against the red enemy.

The most notable and beloved leader of Free New York was Buck Morgan.

An All American Hero.

Buck was a gun enthusiast who owned a military surplus store in Western New York.

When the bombs fell.

He supplied his county with the means to defend themselves against tyranny.

But he didn't stop there.

Charge!

Buck spread his militia all across Free New York.

Taking back what was ours in the name of freedom.

Buck Morgan restored hope in our country's future

and paved the way for many followers to lead

America towards victory.

Until one fateful day where he came face to face

with his most powerful adversary the

abomination created by the sadistic Red Army.

The unsightly beast of a thousand nightmares.

The terror of unfathomable evil...

The Post Apocalyptic Commando Shark.

You puny Americans are no match for the great Soviet Army.

Today I may fall but never underestimate the strength of the American people.

We will rise from all of this.

A great American hero dies but the fight is far from over.

So how's it coming Marty?

If I keep at it, get a new head gasket,

flywheel clutch, she'll be running in no time.

So you're saying it's trash

Yeah, Cliff. This junker is never gonna run again.

Can I get you boys a beer?

No Meatball, stand down!

So we're looking for a few good men

in our fight against the Soviet Army.

Let me ask you, are you up for it?

Well Dante, my answer is... Better dead than Red.

Welcome aboard.

Grenade!

Charge!

Meatball, no!

It's okay it doesn't even hurt that bad.

Don't die on me, Meatball.

just give me some duct tape, I can still fight.

He's gone delirious.

Really, I'll be okay.

What in the name of Sam Jackson is that?

A deep blue Commando Shark?

Kill them all!

Sweet mother of the Jersey Devil.

It's a damn Shark Commando!

No!

I'm not gonna make it, save yourself.

Fall back, I'll cover you.

Not without Cliff.

(Russian)

Damn you!

Let's call this a great FIN-ish to a glorious battle.

You can take my life.

But don't take my Meatball.

Your friend is chum.

Take the other one as a prisoner.

We will torture him for information of the American Militia.

Nooooooooooo!

Aggghhh!

Hidden away in a mysterious lab.

American Scholar Dermot Jackson Washington

tests new formulas in hopes to create his own

super human soldier for the American side.

Agatha Hudson.

What a sight for normal guys. Welcome to my laboratory.

Hello Dermot, have your experiments provided any new discoveries that might be

useful to our troops?

Unfortunately everything has fallen short thus far.

While experimenting on human and canine DNA has been met with moderate success.

I have yet to meet the standards that I had hoped to achieve.

Where lies the success of said experiment doctor?

Why don't you ask old Bruno over there?

You want me to ask a dog about the experiment?

Are you feeling all right?

Have you? How do you fallen ill from being cooped up here too long

alone in this lab doctor, should I send word for help?

I'm feeling hungry, can I have a treat?

Did that dog just talk?

Precisely that is what I am trying to tell you.

Ol' Bruno there can talk just like you or I.

However, he is as dumb as a bag of marbles.

I could really go potty soon too.

But I'm more concerned about eating.

Can I have that treat now?

Where's my ball, have you seen my ball?

Sweet potatoes.

While creating a talking dog has made it much more simpler for taking care of him.

I have failed to meet the likes of the Soviet Shark Commando.

I need to find the missing link between brains and brawn.

Ball, did you say ball?

I said brawn, Bruno, brawn.

Have you seen my ball?

I have not seen your ball, Bruno and if it goes underneath the couch again.

I am not going to get it.

Now leave me alone I am very busy here.

Tell the woman to get my ball.

I am not gonna tell Agatha Hudson to get your ball.

Ball, where's my ball?

Oh... Can you see my frustration, Agatha?

Meanwhile, on American soil the Soviet threat hits close to home...

In fact, it hits so close that it's right at our doorsteps.

Step away from that woman soldier.

Whoever said sharks don't like

the taste of human flesh clearly never met me.

Not another move tuna breath, or I'll pop ya.

I'd really like to sink my teeth into you.

Do you think you can kill me before I fit you in my jaws?

Why don't we find out?

I don't think you have the guts.

I've got plenty.

Prove it, show me what they look like.

For the Motherland.

Corporal. Sir?

Get a hold of Hornet Squad and tell them we need reinforcements.

Sergeant we split up with Hornet Squad about ten clicks back, they're MIA.

Damn it.

These Commando Sharks are tearing our army apart.

I'll try to reach 'em again, Sir.

Don't even bother they're all dead I could just feel it right here.

What are your orders?

Orders? Put your head between your legs and kiss your ass goodbye.

Sir?

No, don't do that...

Get to HQ and tell them we need air support immediately.

Yes Sir.

Sir, your orders um...

I... I was listening.

I just... I forgot I gotta write it down.

Are you serious?

Call HQ thank them for their support.

No you moron I said call HQ tell them we need air support...

Air support.

I'm sorry, you know... I...

I didn't eat breakfast today I'm just not thinking right.

You can't skip breakfast.

What's the first thing that Uncle Sam taught you?

It's the most important meal of the day.

Hooah. Hooah.

Please leave.

I'm leaving.

Corporal.

Sir.

I hate you.

Sorry.

This is exactly why we're losing... Son of a...

Somewhere away from the battlefield.

Some of the surviving youth of America debate world politics and the war.

I mean screw the Russians Bro.

I mean they want to come here and try to fight me.

I'll take them all out.

You just wait an' see. I'd just to go to their country and waste 'em all Bro.

Dwayne you can't blame an entire country for what their military is doing.

I can blame whoever I want to Chip, all right?

This is America and for now I'm still free.

Well Dwayne I'm just saying when the war started.

It affected everyone.

New people rose to power and some bad dudes took over the military.

But I'm willing to bet you the average Russian is just like you or me.

Whatever Bro.

If it was up to me I would just hit a button and I would kill 'em all.

Bro.

You can't have double standards like that Dwayne.

That makes you just as bad as the rest of them.

Shh.

Listen Roxy, can you see...

The men... We're talking.

Wow, yeah and here you are talking such a big game while our own

people are fighting a war defending us and our right to be free.

It's pretty big words coming from someone who's sitting at home

safe.

Away from any real threat.

I mean what is it is it that time of the month?

Cuz you're acting like a real

B - I - T - C - H.

Ha ha yeah Bro that's right, woo.

Back off Dwayne she has the right to an opinion just like you.

Whatever Dude.

I'm just gonna get up.

Take a whiz.

Cuz I don't care what you think

you think.

I like you, Bro.

Woo.

Dorks.

I suppose you make up for that little thing with your large ego.

Holy mackerel.

Nah, I'm a shark.

Dwayne?

Do you mind if I join you for a bite?

Hey, where are you going?

What do you want from us?

Simply to fertilize the Earth with your human blood.

W... Would ya settle for a kidney?

No thanks, I just filled up on your comrade over there.

Oh.

What about a belly full of lead?

Huh?

My God you saved us.

Just doing my job protecting America

from one Soviet Shark at a time.

What's your name Sir I'd like to know the name of the man who saved us.

It's Marty, Marty Warbuck.

Be safe fellow Patriots.

What a hero.

Did you piss yourself?

I suppose I did.

Yuck.

God bless America.

State your name for the camera.

I am Sergeant Dante Buchanan of the New American Resistance Force.

Where is a resistance base located?

We are everywhere.

You cannot defeat us, you cannot stop us.

What are you doing?

What is that?

That is truth serum you'll be forced to tell me what I want to know.

Then I'll say nothing.

Then you will die.

Death before dishonor.

You have no choice you'll be singing like a song bird.

Once the serum kicks in it's best not to fight it.

Damn you.

Tell me where to find your American allies!

My name is Sergeant Dante Buchanan

of the New American Resistance Force and I will not answer your questions.

More serum.

I will not answer your questions.

What is your favorite color?

Green.

Do you prefer dogs or cats?

Dogs.

Son of a...

Where is the resistance base located?

We... Are... Everywhere.

More serum, Doctor?

No... No... We don't want to kill him.

Yet.

What is your favorite food?

Cheeseburgers and fries...

Darn it...

Very American.

Where is the base?

Guitar Center.

Not bass guitar, more specific.

Right right.

If I was driving around here on Main street.

And decided to stop for a coffee at the local cafe

and then suddenly realized I left my wallet back at the resistance base.

How would I go about getting back there?

Well you see.

Ya go down Main until you hit West Ave.

And then about 2 miles past Saunders you get to the old church.

Hang a left and go

four miles off the beaten path.

There's the new resistance base.

You can't miss it.

That worked!

It really did!

You can continue with a little bit of

torture, or whatever floats your boat Sharky.

I might just skip right to the part where I'm eating him alive.

Really it's your call from here on out so do as you please.

I appreciate it thank you Doctor.

You're very welcome, enjoy now.

You won't get away with this.

You've been a wonderful guest

as my Russian counterparts would say "Pahkah".

So you're gonna eat me?

Yes most likely I think.

Well that's reassuring.

Did you prefer I let you go?

Yeah, if I had a choice in the matter.

You don't.

Damn.

Yeah, that bites.

So you do bleed?

You'll never stop us.

There are more.

We are a collective of Shark Commandos.

When one is in danger.

It is like blood in the water to the rest.

They will find you and kill you.

Then I shouldn't waste any more time.

Over here!

I heard the shot.

He must not be far.

Find him... And kill him.

You can't hide forever shark killer. I will find you.

Not if I find you first.

Sweet dreams.

Russian Soldier Number 1 do you copy?

I repeat, Russian Soldier Number 1 do you copy?

Still no answer.

Why are you calling him like this? Why are you not calling him by his name?

Shut up Russian Soldier Number 2. You are all expendable.

You are hurting my feelings.

Enough.

I have name you know...

It's Valery!

I refuse to call you that.

Why do you gotta be so...

I said enough, Number 2.

Boroslav!

It's Valery!

Give it to me! Do you copy?

Give it to me!

No, Mister Bully Shark Man

Boroslav... Do you copy?

Marty Warbuck managed to narrowly escape the Soviet jaws of death.

So he moved onward towards the New American Resistance Force Base Camp

in Free New York.

There he had hoped to tell his brothers in arms of his latest discovery.

I'm tellin' ya.

There's more than one superhuman shark out there.

Each one of them leads their own assault group.

They're all linked together like the freakin' Borg or something.

Well thank you, Mr. Idiot.

But we already know that.

I hope you didn't have to travel too far down Moron Lane

to find us and to tell us that load of horse manure.

That we're already aware of.

That would be embarrassing.

Roger that.

I didn't... I thought... How'd everybody else know?

I'd expect a candy ass like you wouldn't listen to the news now would you?

I didn't think they're still broadcasting on television after the bombs.

Oh son of a motherless goat.

You are the dumbest rat turd in the whole damn world.

And you're fighting on our side. Oh thank the baby Jesus.

Why's he so mean?

Don't take it too hard kid he's a tough nut to crack.

Y'all ain't got radios out where you're at kid?

Most of the news getting out that way.

Hell the Internet still works.

I didn't think the check I guess.

I'm not gonna lie I feel pretty dumb right now.

Good news is I killed one of 'em

One. I've got six.

Keep one mounted in each of my favorite rooms...

This being one of 'em..

Don't feel bad kid the Corps is proud of you.

Oh yeah you just happen to wander

yourself into a place with far superior human beings and now you're acting like

you're the bee's knees.

I'm sorry kid I'm coming off as a bit of a jerk.

Keep up the good fight, you're doing just swell.

Gee thanks.

Son, the country is proud for your service.

You grab a gift bag on the way out complimentary grenades inside.

Wonderful, I just ran out.

Bye bye now.

And so Marty's epic journey had led to a discouraging chapter.

He would now walk aimlessly into the unknown unsure of his future.

Without a friend or companion by his side.

In this moment he knew what it felt like to be truly alone.

Are you kidding me?

Until we meet again fearful hero.

Ladies and gentlemen I have gathered you here together to discuss our plans

on destroying the Soviet opposition.

We will not go quietly as these scumbags try to

take over our beloved country.

We will sneak behind enemy lines

and cut straight to the heart of their command we will infiltrate their base of

operation and destroy it from the inside out.

They won't even know what hit 'em.

We will bring the battle right to their doorsteps.

We have located the...

Don't interrupt me when I'm talking son.

You'll get your turn.

But it's important...

I was just curious as to what your plan was

if the enemy already have achieved these things you say

and we're standing inside your base with their weapons trained on you.

Oh boy.

How the hell did they get past us did I fall asleep?

Well Young Man if the Reds are here

as you say they are... As they most certainly appear to be...

I would have them know that we Americans don't die without a fight.

Medic!

Kill them all!

That General had an explosive personality.

I'm kind of sad I didn't get to know him better.

He seemed like my kind of chum.

I'm in for five dollars and...

Buy one get one chicken fried chicken.

Well since your coupon holds no value whatsoever.

I'll see your five dollars and raise you 100 in caps.

Well played Sir, well played.

Oh hey guys do you uh... Do you have some duct tape I could borrow?

Yeah there's some in the other room in a drawer under the microwave.

Thanks I appreciate it.

Oh man, you feeling okay?

It's not that bad. I'll be all right.

Really cuz it kind of looks that bad.

It's alright. I'll be okay.

Okay Dude.

Whatever you say.

You know those mega low douche bags they did me like Delilah did Samson.

And they shaved me.

And then they waterboarded me

with shark caviar.

I'll be right back guys.

Oh man.

What do you got?

Hold it!

It says leave your weapons here before entering.

I don't think so.

Any last words, Suckers?

Don't shoot.

he tasted like barbecue sauce and cheap beer.

American scum.

Come on, let's get out of here.

Oh I'm so sorry.

you think I would have heard all this happen from the other room.

The American Resistance Force suffered.

A huge loss today as our top secret base of

operations in western New York, which I may add was cleverly hidden off Route 31.

Was ambushed by the Red Army

among the casualties were General William Spark.

Sergeant Diane Packert.

Captain Bubba Dick Henry.

And some other background soldiers

just trying to make their way in this dog eat dog world.

While the enemy is still at large

and slaughtering our boys in great numbers daily.

We will not give up on the fight for freedom.

In other news our top secret base on

Goat Island in Niagara Falls has not been detected by the enemy.

And will be our main point of operations from here on out.

Godspeed my fellow Americans

I was just there.

Must have narrowly escaped with my life.

If only I could have saved their lives from the cold clammy hands of evil.

Just be happy you're still alive Marty you're one of the lucky ones.

You know, now I just wonder how they found out about the base camp.

Now, is our new headquarters on Goat island going to be safe?

Nelson unless the Russians own a radio.

There's no way humanly possible they could even know about it.

You really don't think they're listening to our radio frequencies?

Don't be an idiot Marty.

Russkies can't listen to our stations from Russia...

Moron.

Well they're invading our country don't you think they could just grab a radio and...

Damn it, Marty. Alfonzo is our leading expert

psychologist on Russian behavior just listen to his knowledge.

Forgive me Nelson, I just think it's cut and dry that...

I have a freakin' degree knucklehead.

From where?

I took an online course nothing your small brain

could comprehend... Dick Potato.

Online course? Why would I doubt your credentials.

Was it from U Dummy U?

I've never heard of that school it was offered through the KGBU

and what in the F is that?

The knowledge of getting brighter University.

You Sir are being brainwashed by Russian hackers

Well you Sir are a conspiracy theorist.

Gentlemen whoa whoa whoa we have enough trouble in the world right now.

No need to fight each other. This just in...

Wait, wait, quiet. Breaking news.

We've just recieved word that since our last report the Red Army has dropped

heavy airstrikes down on Goat Island the results of the tragedy are still unknown.

But we are expecting heavy casualties

Need I say more?

What a strange coincidence.

Sure is.

Thanks for throwing this party Jimmy I was just gonna stay at home and drink

the bottle to the end and do that by myself but I'd much rather be doing that in the

company of friends.

No problem Stacy I feel like the only

patriotic thing I can do when the whole world was at war is throw a party drink

amongst friends and maybe blog my personal uneducated experiences about

10 beers later.

You're a real American Hero Jimmy.

Thanks, Pat. Want a wiener?

Wanted it for years.

There's a little bit of gay undertones when you said that, such an oddball.

It's the end of the world, just thought I'd be honest.

What a riot.

Never mind.

Ooh.

This guy never quits.

So Jimmy what are you doing later on tonight?

After I blog I usually just go right to sleep.

Well... Would you like some company?

I prefer to blog alone. It's really hard to write with someone standing over you.

Well what about after that?

I don't have a spare bed in my place and I already promised a couch to someone else.

But if you drank too much you could always sleep in a garage.

I think you're missing the point.

I'll go ask Pat...

Hey!

Hey what can I do you for pal?

I'll take a hotdog and cheeseburger...

Can you serve me up a human slathered in barbecue sauce

with some beer battered pompous douchebag.

We don't serve people here... I mean we serve people but not on the menu.

Maybe if I walked you through it you'd change your mind.

Sweet.

Anybody hungry?

The hell?

What are you doing? These are civilians.

I'm about to school you in FIN dining, my comrade.

White meat is jaw some.

Goodbye, cruel world!

Bottoms up.

Oh man, I think I got a buzz when I bit into that one.

Meanwhile in Russia, the war rages on...

While the Red army invades on American soil.

North Korea drops bombs down on the Soviet bases in Siberia.

Marshall... Wolfgang I...

Speak...

We are in the middle of a war. I do not have time for this.

Sir, I was sending Snaf chats

back and forth with my cousin in the United States when he sent me

disturbing news.

All news is disturbing news...

Well except for good news, often that is very good...

Go on comrade, get on with the punch line.

It turns out, our shark commandos are not just killing the American resistance.

They are also slaughtering civilians.

When we dropped nuclear weapons on America.

It was never my intention to harm innocent civilians.

Killing innocent people goes against everything this war is being fought for.

Is it though? I mean if... If you think about it...

I mean when you created the super commandos you made them to wipe out...

To wipe out the American scum.

There is no place in this world for

a Post Apocalyptic Commando Shark

who feeds on the flesh of perfectly innocent

succulent American booty.

Send word for the man responsible for creating these

treacherous creatures.

I need to speak with him immediately.

After I catch up on the next episode of Ray Donovan.

The last one was a cliffhanger

Yes, Wolfgang. I will send your message with haste!

Back in the U.S.A. Dermot Jackson Washington

rummages through years worth of paperwork.

Hoping to uncover his mistakes and rectify his failed experiments.

Blast these infernal experiments!

What's wrong why are you throwing things?

Oh Bruno...

I don't expect you to understand.

Stand? I don't want to stand, I wanna sit.

Of course you do Bruno... You poor simple dog.

The world is falling apart

and our beloved country is being invaded by super human sharks.

And with all my brilliance and education.

All I've come up with is a feeble minded talking dog.

I'll choose to forgive you for that seeing as

you're not thinking clearly 'cause your angry.

Eureka, Bruno!

Wait... What?

I've been going at the equation all wrong.

I've done all my experiments on a canine host.

When I should have been testing on a human host after all.

Goody goody gumdrops, I've solved the equation!

Hot diggety dog!

Jumpin' jelly beans!

Jiminy Christmas.

That sure was a humdinger

Ziggety damn!

Heavens to Betsy.

Bingo!

Now you're talking.

I'll be doggoned!

The only question now... Is where do I find a human host?

The only other question is... When do we eat?

Soon my furry friend, very, very soon.

Not only will we taste the sweet success of victory.

But we will also see if there's any

Post Apocalyptic Pizza Places that still deliver.

You're a genius!

And soon the rest of the world will know

that we are on the brink of liberation, Bruno.

Marty Warbuckand his new companion Alfonzo

Itani searched for a fight against the Red army

under the cover of the woods.

Blood was in the water and this time America was the

shark searching for its prey.

What's the plan Marty?

We're apparently on our own in the shark infested country we call home.

Well the plan is... Find those Soviet dirtbags.

Send them back to Hell where they came from.

When we're done with those scumbags there will be no vacancy in hell.

Quiet!

You hear that?

Sounds like...

Russians.

It's hammer time.

La la, la vidly vodka.

Vodka!

La vidly vodka.

Vodka!

La vidly va, la vidly va

Vidly... Vodka

Vodka! eh!

Vodka!

Don't even think about it.

Damn dirty rotten vodka stenched Russkies.

They didn't need to die.

But they chose to.

All this killin' can make a man go insane.

Sometimes I wonder who I am when I do what I have to keep doing.

Nobody ever said killing came easy.

I just try to think of every American life I

might have just saved by vanquishing the red enemy.

And that Marty... That gives me peace.

God bless America.

Ain't that the truth.

We should keep moving. There's probably more Red Army around here.

And with this small victory, Marty

Warbuck and Alfonzo Itani brought America

just one small step closer to winning the war against our deranged enemy.

What some men called the Red Devil.

Hello my liege and welcome to America the land of diminishing freedoms.

To what do I owe the pleasure of the great Wolfgang Sokolov entering my lair.

Perhaps you're here to congratulate me of my recent successes.

Quite the contrary doctor. Well I find your experiments a smashing success.

I grow suspicious of your intentions.

My intentions are only to please you my master.

I created these super sharks to do your bidding.

Tell me what it is I can do differently and I will surely do the best I can to

gratify your requests... My fearless leader.

Well I wanted to conquer this world and

rule over this country.

I did not want it to be at the expense of innocent lives.

That is strange with a whole nuclear war and all.

Why does everyone keep saying that?

I only wanted to nuke the bad guys not kill everyone in the whole country.

Well you can't really pick and choose.

Whatever I am not a scientist.

That is besides the point.

Which is?

I want the slaughtering of civilians to stop.

These sharks they can't really be told what to do in such ways.

You programmed them.

They only do what you ask.

Otherwise we would all be dead.

You see you are missing the bigger picture Wolfgang they do only kill whoever I

command them to. Yes.

And they are sparing your Russian army for now.

For now?

Yes.

But you see I am not a Russian.

I am a simple German doctor.

Doing work for the Russians.

And we appreciate what you have done for us in this war so far.

But it must end.

I'm afraid it only ends the way that I write the story in history

you poor buffoon.

Excuse me?

You see while I have been mass producing

these shark commandos you've been annihilating the military in both

America and North Korea.

Now we are slowly becoming the greatest power

in the world.

For the greater strength of the motherland.

For now, but as soon as I flip this switch.

My shark army will turn on the Soviet scum and I will become the

ruler of the new world.

You will never get away with this.

Who will stop me, you?

What have you done?

I have injected you with my experimental shark DNA.

While the original was designed to be put in sharks I created

another drug that works on humans as well.

It takes longer but it has the same result.

You mean?

Within eight hours you will become

a Shark Commando ready to kill or die for me at the push of a button.

Impossible!

So very possible Wolfgang.

Each shark man is injected with a microscopic chip that

gives me complete control of their actions. With this device I can program

who they attack and adjust their aggressiveness.

What if they were to turn against you?

I've put a kill switch in the remote just in case.

Which button is that?

The big red one?

Stop asking me questions...

Yes the red one.

I was just curious.

If you have family now would be the time to say your goodbyes.

You're a monster.

Soon you will find that you are the monster.

Oh ho ho... Jackpot!

Hey man you got any change?

I'll tell you what if you come back to my lab.

I will give you $20 a pizza and let you take a shower.

Oh ho.

What do you say to that?

One rule.

Anything.

Mm hmm no sodomy.

Sir, I can assure you, I am a gentleman.

That was never in the plan.

Then count me in haha.

Well come this way. Oh yeah

Happy days are here again! Happy days.

This is some damn good pizza I can't believe they still deliver.

I know quite mind boggling isn't it?

Thanks for this...

You know, it's hard to find someone who will help out an old homeless guy

without any ulterior motives.

Ulterior motives... Right.

Ya know whenever anyone says there

ain't any good people left in the world well I can tell them... They're wrong.

Of course... Say can you do something for me?

Oh sure man.

Anything for a friend hmm

I'd like to inject you with some canine DNA.

Stem cells...

A hint of strange chemicals that I derived from a scientific formula.

That you wouldn't understand even if I explained it to you.

What's it gonna do?

It's gonna turn you into a Superhuman Weredog.

Where at my command.

You would defend America... From its enemies.

I don't have anything else going on so...

Sure I guess.

Brilliant... Brilliant

I can't believe you suckered someone into letting you do it

I thought you would have had do drug him.

Did you drug me?

I think that dog was talking to me.

Shut up Bruno.

Don't pay attention to that dog he's just messing with you.

Okay... So we gonna do this before my shower?

Ow ow ow.

You should have said go or something...

It surprised me.

Are you feeling any of the effects yet?

No, I don't think so.

Do you want a biscuit?

I may be homeless but I am not an animal.

Oh my life's works all been for nothing.

I wouldn't say you spent your entire

lifetime trying to turn a man into a weredog.

Shut up Bruno.

I was trying to be dramatic.

Oof.

You alright, Boy?

He's taking on the characteristics of a canine...

But he hasn't started the transformation yet.

Now is probably a good time to say that whole bit about your experiment

being a waste.

Shut up Bruno.

It's rolling.

You're live.

Hello, people of the world.

If anybody is listening.

My name is Wolfgang Sokolov.

I am the Marshal of the Russian Federation.

And appointed leader of the

reinstated Soviet Army.

I have written this letter to you the people.

To understand me and the things I have done.

I am a troubled man.

That has made a huge mistake

by overthrowing my own government.

And commencing this nuclear war.

I have destroyed so much of the world that was still good.

I had hired a German scientist

named Siegfried Schröder.

To create these Post Apocalyptic Shark Commandos.

My plan was to crush the military and

government presence in America and so on for the

rest of the world.

I dreamed of a united world all serving under the Soviet flag.

But.

My dream soon became a nightmare

once I discovered that Schroeder was

slaughtering innocent civilians.

And had full power over the Shark Commandos.

I confronted him.

He has injected me with a virus

that will transform me into one of his mindless shark drones.

My time left here is limited.

So I beg you...

Whoever is listening to stop Schroeder

and end this war.

He alone holds a device capable of stopping these creatures.

He is currently located in Western New York.

Here is a picture of us together so that

you may identify him.

Stop the scientist.

Save the world.

Your cell phone still works?

Yes Marty.

It was just another run of the mill nuclear war.

You act like the world ended or something.

Well I mean it kind of did.

There's a lot of stuff in the tank.

I can't even watch my stories on cable anymore.

Why is that the most important thing you want to talk about.

Did you not just watch this video with me?

Wolfgang Sokolov just informed us

that the key to ending this war lies right here in our general area.

How do we know there's not lies, how do we know it's not a trap or something?

They already have the upper hand what would it benefit him giving us the

information he just did think about the facts Marty.

Well if you were some evil scientist with secret lab where would you hide?

If I was an evil scientist bent

on destroying society.

And I was just revealed to the world I'd probably go into hiding.

Well if you were an evil scientist that wanted the fame of

starting the biggest war in all of history, then where would you hide?

I'll check online and see what's trending.

Well if I had to guess I'd say he's probably out there creating some sort of...

Gargantua Shark!

Do you see it Dilbert?

Do you see the monster I have created?

Yeah master, it's beautiful!

Nobody can stop me now.

The world is my oyster.

My enemies will crumble before me.

For the love of cheesecake, would you shut up already?

That's really getting annoying.

I agree, Bruno. I absolutely agree.

But I don't know what to do.

All the time I’ve spent trying to create my own super human soldier has been a waste.

I've failed once again old friend.

Maybe instead of creating your own superhuman.

You should just try to come up with something to repel the existing sharks.

You know, like flea medicine.

Bruno you're a genius!

When I was trying to

remove the cancerous tumor from your buttocks.

I stocked up on a substantial

supply of Pardaxin.

Which I collected from the secretions of the Red Sea Sol...

You lost me on butt cancer.

What I'm trying to say Bruno is I hoarded an

excessive amount of Pardaxin.

Which happens to be alternatively used as a

shark repellent.

Brilliant!

If we sprayed this Pardaxin into the face of a shark man it will result in

severe struggle mouth paralysis and temporary leakage of urea from the gills.

Giving our soldiers enough time to fight the good fight.

Shut up! Bad, Human. Stop.

Something bad is happening.

Thank you!

Really?

I'm getting weird looks from you.

You're a walking talking shark man, come on.

What are the odds that I'd create that shark repellent

as soon as the killer shark man entered my lab.

And how convenient that he left his gun leaning

on the wall instead of just shooting you.

How that series of events happened to play out so well and just in the nick of time.

Is beyond even my comprehension.

Hello Agatha.

I think I've stumbled across something

that could change the pace of this war.

Come quickly.

We have sharks to kill.

Bruno, stop licking that!

I found it.

What is it?

I was following trending videos on social media.

And it just came across this video of a giant land walking shark.

Jumping jaguars, that thing is huge.

I think this evil scientist just created a far bigger threat to this war than just

commando sharks.

You're telling me there's a shark of Megalodon proportions.

Crushing and eating its way through New York?

That's exactly what I'm saying, Marty.

And I know the exact location of this building it just leveled.

Let's go there's no time to waste.

Let's rock and roll baby.

It's fishing time.

I have a shark to kill.

Let's kick some monster fin.

Dude stop trying to one up me every time

I drop a good one liner.

I like one liners too what's the big deal?

There's no one around here anyway.

Well it's just kind of my thing.

And I feel like you're kind of taking that from me.

I didn't know I'm sorry.

It's fine, let's just go.

Bring me sharks or bring me death.

Dude!

My last one, I swear.

Wolfgang, are you alright?

I am turning into one of those creatures.

How can you be sure?

I am transforming!

Wha... What can I do to help you?

There is nothing.

Anyone can do.

It is too late for me.

There must be something.

I hope.

That when people look back in history

they will not remember me as the monster I was

or the monster I will be.

You're a good man deep down inside Sir.

People will know that.

Then shoot me in the head.

End my suffering.

I... I can't do that

I am sworn to protect you Comrade.

Then give me your pistol.

Let me do the job myself.

Please.

You are going to get through this.

Everything is going to be fine.

I wish that were the case.

Hey come quickly, watch this video.

Schröder has created a Gargantua Shark that is

leveling cities with its girthy body.

I'll come in a minute I'm checking on Wolfgang.

Holy peanut butter and crap sandwich!

Its even eating us Russians, nobody is safe!

Just pause it I'll be there soon.

Wolfgang?

You should have killed me when you had the chance.

Hey you're not looking so well Wolfgang.

(Indistinct)

So this shark walks into a bar with a drink in his hand

and the bartender says.

"Hey you gotta FIN-ish that before you come in here."

So the shark wastes every sucker in the bar.

Dermot, hello.

Thank you

for that shark repellent, it's going to save many lives.

My pleasure Agatha.

Yes... Well...

The Russians have just signed a peace treaty and we're

one step closer to taking down those shark devils.

We couldn't have done it without you.

Thank you, Agatha.

With enough repellent.

We might even be able to take down that gargantuan shark that is currently

terrorizing New York.

Orangutan shark?

Gargantuan shark... Is an enormous shark

that can breathe out of the water and is flopping around the city.

Eating civilians and wrecking everything in its path.

How curious.

Indeed.

Narf?

New American Resistance Force

Well it's just that it reminded me of Pinky and brain is all.

Anyway old Bruno is sweating it out in the car I don't want to keep

a hot dog waiting.

No you shouldn't.

Thank you again Dermot for your service

to our great country.

If there's ever anything you need please don't hesitate to ask.

Well I could use a new vehicle. Mine barely passed inspection last time

within reason Dermot.

You make it sound so insincere when you say it that way.

Anything.

Don't you have a dog to check on?

Yes I do.

Farewell.

Okay goodbye Der... Good... No goodbye Dermot, that's inappropriate.

Run along now.

Thank you.

Till we meet again peculiar little science man.

Sorry.

It's okay?

As the story nears its dramatic

conclusion our heroes face their evil foes on the

battlefield.

On their way to fight the evil scientist Siegfried Schröder.

Marty Warbuck and Alfonzo Itani

recruited help from any American willing to lend a hand

along the way.

Our whole lives have led up to this moment people.

The outcome of what happens today

will define us for generations.

'Cause this is the day we stare tyranny in the face.

And we say go back to the hell you came from tyranny.

This is our country.

Let's show what it means to be American.

Do you think the small band of misfits are capable of fighting my gargantuan shark?

The very thought of it is complete poppycock.

You don't stand a chance against my monster.

They might not but I will.

I built my trusty shrink ray years ago.

To help me transport loads of surplus supplies

back and forth to my lab.

I am a bit of a hoarder.

And when Agatha Hudson

told me about the giant shark creature

destroying our city.

I figured I would come

and check it out.

Coincidentally I brought my shrink ray with me.

It is always in the glove compartment

A shrink ray? How convenient!

Quite.

I could have you shot now

though I am curious to see if you are bluffing.

So I will hesitate just long enough for you to test your shrink ray and then I

will doltishly watch as the next events unfold.

I don't know what to make of that.

But here we go.

Leave him alive.

After we've eradicated the rest of these American vermin.

I would like to talk to the brilliant scientist and pick his brain.

He is now our prisoner.

Yes, Sir.

Now that the threat of the giant shark...

Gargantua Shark.

Forgive me.

Now that the threat of the Gargantua Shark

is over let's show

these apex predators how to bleed.

Open fire! Kill them all!

Oh snap!

Take cover!

We're under heavy fire!

Marty!

Yeah?

What do we do now?

Don't die and keep firing.

That's reassuring

Sorry, it's all I got.

Oof?

Come on man, he wasn't even armed.

Sorry.

Foul play, Sir.

Dude?

He was a bad guy.

Not really he was pretty nice... He just worked for me.

Not cool.

Poor Dilbert.

Air support was a nice touch I'm not going to lie.

We've got him.

It's over Schröder you no longer have Russian support.

Your shark army is as good as chum.

Surrender now and we'll see you have a proper trial.

All good things must come to an end I suppose.

Schröder

Wolfgang, here to save me I presume?

Alfonzo, no!

He was a shark.

Don't judge all sharks by the actions of a few.

I'm sorry...

I thought...

How did you resist my orders?

You made a fatal mistake, Schröder...

You told me that you injected me with a microscopic chip which gives you

complete control of me at your command.

So I removed the chip with a knife

and a lot of painful digging.

I shouldn't have told you that I just wanted someone to know how brilliant I was.

It was a great twist on your part

and yours with the whole digging the chip out thing.

Very clever.

Thank you (Russian)

Likewise.

I see a bright light.

I suppose this is the end.

Funny... All I see is darkness.

Check this scientist's pocket for a remote the red button is a kill switch

for the rest of the shark army.

It's over.

I think you're right.

Did I really show up late for the grand finale?

Dooohhh!

Sorry, I didn't see him there.

Bruno you fool.

My paw is sticky.

Please forgive me he must have got it into my formulas.

Let me go find the shrink ray and I'll take care of this problem.

Stay put Bruno.

Okay

It's been a very strange week.

You can say that again.

It's been a very strange week

I didn't mean you should literally say it again.

Then why did you say it?

It's a figure of speech.

You're a figure of speech

I'm gonna figure my fist into your speech .place

I'm gonna figure my face into your fist and break it with it.

I never liked you.

I never liked you more.

Medic!

And so our courageous heroes fought valiantly to

restore the country back to the American people.

While the rest of the world ordered a cease fire and were

forced to sit in the corner and think about what they did.

Marty Warbuck and Alfonzo Itani might have been small fish in a large stinky pond.

But they proved to the rest of humanity that even one...

Or two small seemingly insignificant individuals can still

make a substantial impact if given the motivation to try.

America thanks you Marty and Alfonzo...

And all the other brave Americans that fight

to protect our beloved country every day.

Until we meet again, I bid you farewell.

Hello resistance fighters this is your host DJ Guerrilla Warfare bringing you

the latest news and the hottest tunes on this side of New America we'll be right

back after a short break from our sponsors.

Freedom Radio AM.

Your source for Resistance Force News.