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1
00:00:01,570 --> 00:00:04,470
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
2
00:00:04,820 --> 00:00:08,400
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
3
00:00:08,670 --> 00:00:12,630
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
4
00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:16,729
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
5
00:00:16,830 --> 00:00:20,750
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
6
00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:23,190
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
7
00:00:23,720 --> 00:00:24,719
[laughs]
8
00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:26,423
Ooh!
[growls]
9
00:00:26,458 --> 00:00:27,299
- Mommy!
- Aaaaaaah!
10
00:00:27,300 --> 00:00:29,290
- Duncan!
- Duncan!
11
00:00:32,750 --> 00:00:36,830
♪ Ah, Papa's in the kitchen
flippin' them pancakes ♪
12
00:00:36,980 --> 00:00:38,430
♪ Making 'em bitchin' ♪
13
00:00:38,480 --> 00:00:40,900
Duncan, I can make
a quarter disappear, watch.
14
00:00:40,920 --> 00:00:43,090
- [blows sharply]
- No, that's my lunch money.
15
00:00:43,240 --> 00:00:45,670
Aww, it didn't work.
16
00:00:45,820 --> 00:00:48,490
Oh, thank God.
It's fries as an entrée day.
17
00:00:48,510 --> 00:00:51,520
Ugh, I need to be magic
by Wednesday for show-and-tell.
18
00:00:51,530 --> 00:00:54,330
Bradley's bringing in a big seashell.
19
00:00:54,420 --> 00:00:56,000
When they hear
you're from Boca Raton,
20
00:00:56,010 --> 00:00:58,350
they're gonna lose their minds.
21
00:00:58,540 --> 00:01:00,040
Mmm, mmm, mmm,
22
00:01:00,120 --> 00:01:04,230
black on the outside,
liquid on the inside.
23
00:01:04,380 --> 00:01:05,569
Where's Kimberly?
24
00:01:05,570 --> 00:01:07,550
Okay, Kimberly, you just gotta say,
25
00:01:07,570 --> 00:01:09,550
"Marcus, you wanna get Froyo sometime?"
26
00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:12,390
You can do this.
[line rings]
27
00:01:12,410 --> 00:01:14,630
Oh, hey, Marcus.
[meekly] It's me, Kimberly.
28
00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:17,560
I was just calling to see, um,
if there's school today.
29
00:01:17,660 --> 00:01:19,750
On a weekday?
Yeah, there's school.
30
00:01:19,820 --> 00:01:22,750
Interesting. Interesting...
[chuckles nervously]
31
00:01:22,900 --> 00:01:27,150
Mm, yup.
So I gotta go... to school.
32
00:01:27,170 --> 00:01:28,920
Right, right. Froyo?
33
00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:31,600
- What?
- Bye!
34
00:01:33,430 --> 00:01:35,670
[sniffles] Morning.
35
00:01:35,820 --> 00:01:37,599
You sound and look terrible, honey.
36
00:01:37,600 --> 00:01:41,080
But I took that vow,
so here I am.
37
00:01:41,180 --> 00:01:42,680
Call in sick, Mom.
Watch "Maury."
38
00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:44,660
It's uncles who dress like sluts day.
39
00:01:44,670 --> 00:01:47,590
Tempting, but I've never
taken a sick day.
40
00:01:47,670 --> 00:01:49,350
The people in this town
count on me
41
00:01:49,500 --> 00:01:52,100
to keep our streets
uncongested and running.
42
00:01:52,170 --> 00:01:56,270
Speaking of running, you have
some snot running into your mouth.
43
00:01:56,340 --> 00:01:58,950
As long as we both shall live.
44
00:01:59,100 --> 00:02:02,290
My medicinal shake
will clear this right up.
45
00:02:02,440 --> 00:02:05,180
Let's see.
Warm ginger ale.
46
00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:07,690
Add a little apple cider vinegar,
47
00:02:07,710 --> 00:02:09,830
equal parts DayQuil and NyQuil,
48
00:02:09,831 --> 00:02:11,950
and a touch of Grammy's ashes.
49
00:02:12,030 --> 00:02:14,040
[liquid fizzing]
50
00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:15,950
[gulping]
51
00:02:16,030 --> 00:02:17,309
Ah!
52
00:02:17,310 --> 00:02:20,030
Parking scofflaws
of Oakdale, beware. [music]
53
00:02:20,130 --> 00:02:24,370
The streets will run red with
the ink of my fuzzy troll pen.
54
00:02:24,390 --> 00:02:26,460
Let's get 'em!
55
00:02:26,540 --> 00:02:29,780
I'm pouring Grammy
on my pancake.
56
00:02:33,550 --> 00:02:35,320
Hate to do this to you, Coach Walters,
57
00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:38,050
but you're parked in front
of a fire hydrant.
58
00:02:38,070 --> 00:02:41,900
It was an emergency!
Mega Ball hit $60 million today.
59
00:02:42,060 --> 00:02:44,910
Well, I hope you win,
but I still have to give you this.
60
00:02:45,060 --> 00:02:48,230
I don't recognize the
authority of a woman in pants.
61
00:02:48,250 --> 00:02:49,399
[grunts]
62
00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:51,080
[gasps]
[fabric rips]
63
00:02:51,230 --> 00:02:52,680
Mm.
64
00:02:53,830 --> 00:02:55,280
Hmm?
65
00:02:57,330 --> 00:02:58,569
Excuse me, ma'am.
66
00:02:58,570 --> 00:03:00,020
Your truck is parked
in two spots,
67
00:03:00,020 --> 00:03:03,430
- but you only fed one meter.
- Ain't my fault I got a big un.
68
00:03:03,580 --> 00:03:05,930
Maybe your spots are too small.
69
00:03:06,010 --> 00:03:09,690
I'm citing you for being over
the line and a naughty bumper.
70
00:03:09,770 --> 00:03:12,840
Your son did not kick
my honor student's ass.
71
00:03:12,860 --> 00:03:14,589
That ain't
how the sticker tells it.
72
00:03:14,590 --> 00:03:17,850
Suck my fumes, lady.
73
00:03:17,870 --> 00:03:19,660
[coughing]
74
00:03:23,950 --> 00:03:27,930
- Neil LaDouche.
- Oh!
75
00:03:27,950 --> 00:03:30,769
- When are you due?
- When are you due?
76
00:03:30,770 --> 00:03:32,220
You did not just say that.
77
00:03:32,220 --> 00:03:33,770
Sorry, I'm hormonal.
78
00:03:33,790 --> 00:03:36,700
- Okay, we're done with this.
- Oh, my water's breaking.
79
00:03:36,780 --> 00:03:38,370
[shouts]
80
00:03:38,450 --> 00:03:40,720
[growls]
Eat it, LaDouche!
81
00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:42,300
Eat it.
Swallow.
82
00:03:42,450 --> 00:03:44,730
This is a miscarriage...
of justice.
83
00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:46,350
[gasps]
84
00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:48,570
[camera shutter snaps]
85
00:03:49,990 --> 00:03:52,640
"Eat it, LaDouche.
Eat it. Swallow."
86
00:03:52,740 --> 00:03:54,629
What do you have to say
for yourself?
87
00:03:54,630 --> 00:03:57,300
Everyone in this town sucks
and treats me like crap.
88
00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:58,910
You're suspended for a week.
89
00:03:58,980 --> 00:04:00,970
No! I love this job.
90
00:04:00,990 --> 00:04:03,910
- Turn in your ticket book.
- [sighs]
91
00:04:04,060 --> 00:04:07,370
- And the one in your sock.
- Damn it.
92
00:04:09,230 --> 00:04:11,250
But who's gonna take my place?
93
00:04:11,530 --> 00:04:15,780
- Hey, Duncan's hotheaded mom.
- Mr. Mitch? You're a teacher.
94
00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:17,880
What do you know about dealing
with ungrateful people
95
00:04:17,950 --> 00:04:20,619
that don't realize you just
want what's best for them?
96
00:04:20,620 --> 00:04:22,130
I took the civil service test.
97
00:04:22,230 --> 00:04:23,680
I could do any government job.
98
00:04:23,710 --> 00:04:25,619
Next week,
I'm postmaster general.
99
00:04:25,620 --> 00:04:27,310
Come on,
I'll give you a lift home.
100
00:04:27,460 --> 00:04:28,459
[grunts]
101
00:04:28,460 --> 00:04:30,230
If your back feels a little wet,
102
00:04:30,390 --> 00:04:33,823
- don't worry, it's just my tears.
- Okay.
103
00:04:33,858 --> 00:04:36,130
[upbeat music]
104
00:04:36,150 --> 00:04:38,410
Time to get branch.
105
00:04:38,490 --> 00:04:39,649
[grunts]
106
00:04:39,650 --> 00:04:41,230
Can't start the day without that.
107
00:04:41,310 --> 00:04:43,640
[grunts]
I got mad ups.
108
00:04:43,660 --> 00:04:45,580
Bam, shout-out
to my growth spurt.
109
00:04:45,660 --> 00:04:47,330
Come on, big D, branch it up.
110
00:04:47,400 --> 00:04:51,910
That's so stupid, right, Mia?
Jumping up and hitting a branch?
111
00:04:51,980 --> 00:04:53,760
- What does it even mean?
- Yeah, totally.
112
00:04:53,830 --> 00:04:55,590
It's just a stupid immature ritual
113
00:04:55,670 --> 00:04:57,340
that separates the alphas
from the betas.
114
00:04:57,490 --> 00:05:00,430
Be right back.
[shouts]
115
00:05:00,510 --> 00:05:02,600
Come on, Duncan, do something tight.
116
00:05:02,750 --> 00:05:05,600
Uh, I had a big breakfast
and I'm wearing my low-tops,
117
00:05:05,750 --> 00:05:08,010
and I actually jumped
so high yesterday
118
00:05:08,170 --> 00:05:10,590
that my doctor said
I should stay on the ground.
119
00:05:10,610 --> 00:05:13,373
It's okay if you can't do it, Duncan.
120
00:05:13,500 --> 00:05:16,780
It just feels so, so good
when you can.
121
00:05:16,930 --> 00:05:20,740
- So good.
- Ugh, okay, I'll do it.
122
00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:23,529
[grunting]
123
00:05:23,530 --> 00:05:25,460
Hup, hup!
[grunting]
124
00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:28,960
Whoa-ho, ass over teakettle.
125
00:05:29,110 --> 00:05:30,610
[gasps]
[ducks quacking]
126
00:05:30,690 --> 00:05:34,165
Hey, you're treading water.
That's... tight.
127
00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:35,880
[ducks quacking]
128
00:05:37,710 --> 00:05:41,710
Get that muffler fixed,
you noisy jerk. Ugh!
129
00:05:41,870 --> 00:05:44,620
You parked in the red zone, pally.
130
00:05:44,700 --> 00:05:45,809
[tires squealing]
131
00:05:45,810 --> 00:05:47,039
ALL: Aww!
132
00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:51,150
- [howls]
- Wolf, no car surfing!
133
00:05:51,300 --> 00:05:53,800
- You'll break your neck!
- Honey, the neighbors called.
134
00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:55,800
They asked if you would please shut up.
135
00:05:55,820 --> 00:05:59,550
Where are they?
Show yourselves, cowards!
136
00:05:59,570 --> 00:06:02,480
Ugh, what am I supposed to do
for a week, Jack?
137
00:06:02,550 --> 00:06:06,980
I literally have nothing in the
world as fulfilling as my job.
138
00:06:07,060 --> 00:06:08,229
Your children? Me?
139
00:06:08,230 --> 00:06:11,060
- Nothing.
- Look, Annie, you can't just
140
00:06:11,061 --> 00:06:13,840
sit out here yelling at cars
and throwing beer cans at people.
141
00:06:13,910 --> 00:06:17,510
You gotta redirect it and find
something that gives you joy.
142
00:06:17,660 --> 00:06:19,590
Okay, I'll check in with you
143
00:06:19,740 --> 00:06:21,830
when you're in a less throw-y mood.
144
00:06:21,910 --> 00:06:25,720
Without my job
I just have no purpose.
145
00:06:26,410 --> 00:06:30,750
[chirping]
146
00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:33,820
Either I'm drunk,
or that can's tweeting.
147
00:06:36,010 --> 00:06:39,030
Oh, no.
Hang on little one, I'll help you.
148
00:06:39,180 --> 00:06:40,419
[warm music]
149
00:06:40,580 --> 00:06:41,939
[chirping]
150
00:06:41,940 --> 00:06:44,600
No need to thank me.
It just felt good to help you.
151
00:06:44,760 --> 00:06:47,440
[gasps]
Are you my new purpose?
152
00:06:47,590 --> 00:06:49,940
- [burps]
- How much beer did you have?
153
00:06:50,090 --> 00:06:52,700
I can't let you fly home like this.
154
00:06:52,850 --> 00:06:55,080
Come inside.
I'll make some coffee.
155
00:07:00,450 --> 00:07:02,450
This cereal needs some berries.
156
00:07:02,530 --> 00:07:05,880
Some for me, some for you.
157
00:07:06,030 --> 00:07:07,219
Chirp, chirp, chirp.
158
00:07:07,220 --> 00:07:09,540
Ah, I wish I knew
what I was saying to you.
159
00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:11,300
Is Mom losing her mind?
160
00:07:11,370 --> 00:07:13,619
'Cause if she is, we should
keep her in the basement.
161
00:07:13,620 --> 00:07:15,210
I still wanna have friends over.
162
00:07:15,230 --> 00:07:17,560
Your mom's having
a tough time without her job,
163
00:07:17,640 --> 00:07:19,619
and that bird seems
to make her happy.
164
00:07:19,620 --> 00:07:23,720
So for the next week, let's
just smile and nod supportively.
165
00:07:23,740 --> 00:07:25,900
ALL: Mm-hmm.
166
00:07:27,220 --> 00:07:29,910
Ugh, I'm not eating that.
That touched beak.
167
00:07:29,980 --> 00:07:30,979
[wolf whistle]
168
00:07:30,980 --> 00:07:32,430
Well, when you put it that way.
169
00:07:32,490 --> 00:07:33,749
[grunts]
170
00:07:33,750 --> 00:07:36,660
Mommy, can you tie my ribbon?
171
00:07:36,810 --> 00:07:39,310
Aww, he thinks I'm Cinderella.
172
00:07:39,920 --> 00:07:42,590
He's picking out my gray hairs.
173
00:07:42,660 --> 00:07:45,150
So long, Annie's mascara.
174
00:07:45,820 --> 00:07:48,670
- What the...
- He's cleaning your teeth.
175
00:07:48,740 --> 00:07:50,820
No brushing? Have at it.
176
00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:53,750
See, isn't he adorable?
His name's Kyle.
177
00:07:53,770 --> 00:07:56,750
That's great.
He looks like a Kyle.
178
00:07:56,770 --> 00:07:58,600
You seem so happy.
You know what?
179
00:07:58,750 --> 00:08:00,600
Instead of us playing
video games while you run
180
00:08:00,760 --> 00:08:02,920
our Saturday errands,
we're gonna do 'em for you.
181
00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:06,520
You stay home and relax
with your feathered friend.
182
00:08:06,670 --> 00:08:07,859
Chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp,
183
00:08:07,860 --> 00:08:09,310
chirp, chirp, chirp,
chirp, chirp.
184
00:08:09,860 --> 00:08:12,170
[grunts]
Easy money.
185
00:08:12,180 --> 00:08:13,189
Hup, hup!
186
00:08:13,190 --> 00:08:14,509
Aww, come on.
187
00:08:14,510 --> 00:08:16,270
[chirping]
188
00:08:16,290 --> 00:08:18,360
Well, hello there.
189
00:08:18,520 --> 00:08:20,610
- I'm Annie.
- [chirping]
190
00:08:20,630 --> 00:08:25,610
Well, this is just delightful.
Am I a bird person?
191
00:08:25,690 --> 00:08:28,630
[upbeat music]
192
00:08:28,780 --> 00:08:31,140
That uniform fits you nicely, Mavis.
193
00:08:31,290 --> 00:08:32,449
[grunts]
194
00:08:32,450 --> 00:08:33,639
I'm not just saying that.
195
00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:36,180
Uh-oh. Parking bad guys.
196
00:08:37,630 --> 00:08:40,699
- Please don't write that ticket.
- Okay.
197
00:08:40,700 --> 00:08:42,200
Oh, come on, I only left it there
198
00:08:42,220 --> 00:08:44,389
because I didn't feel like
paying for...
199
00:08:44,390 --> 00:08:45,980
- did you say okay?
- Yeah.
200
00:08:46,060 --> 00:08:48,940
You seem like a decent dude,
and you said please.
201
00:08:50,900 --> 00:08:54,049
- Are you gonna give me a ticket?
- I was thinking about it.
202
00:08:54,050 --> 00:08:56,940
Don't you have anything
better to do than gouge
203
00:08:56,941 --> 00:08:59,830
law-abiding citizens for
not abiding by the law?
204
00:08:59,910 --> 00:09:01,570
You know what?
I do.
205
00:09:01,730 --> 00:09:03,910
Mavis and I are going to get
a couple's massage.
206
00:09:04,060 --> 00:09:06,000
You got room for one more?
207
00:09:06,150 --> 00:09:09,410
Not really the definition
of couple, but sure, why not?
208
00:09:09,570 --> 00:09:10,989
[barks]
209
00:09:10,990 --> 00:09:14,090
# #
210
00:09:14,180 --> 00:09:18,240
Okay, we need berries,
a sports bra, contact lenses,
211
00:09:18,260 --> 00:09:20,580
a backyard screened-in porch,
and a big old candle.
212
00:09:20,590 --> 00:09:22,835
Who's coming with me,
and who's waiting
213
00:09:22,836 --> 00:09:24,599
- in a hard plastic chair?
- Chair.
214
00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:26,050
- Chair.
- Chair.
215
00:09:27,770 --> 00:09:30,590
Wanna see my magic trick?
You bet, Jing. Okay.
216
00:09:30,680 --> 00:09:32,420
Does anybody in the
audience have a quarter?
217
00:09:32,440 --> 00:09:35,590
- How about you, lady?
- Fine, here.
218
00:09:35,610 --> 00:09:37,060
[blows sharply]
219
00:09:37,090 --> 00:09:39,540
[gasps] I did it.
I'm magic.
220
00:09:39,690 --> 00:09:41,370
I'm going to win
show-and-tell tomorrow
221
00:09:41,560 --> 00:09:44,370
and that Fun Size Snickers is mine.
222
00:09:44,530 --> 00:09:45,980
Hmm?
223
00:09:46,700 --> 00:09:48,380
[gasps] I'll be right back.
224
00:09:48,530 --> 00:09:50,200
[panting]
225
00:09:50,220 --> 00:09:52,790
It's just Froyo, Kimberly.
Just ask him to Froyo.
226
00:09:52,940 --> 00:09:54,779
- [line rings]
- What's up?
227
00:09:54,780 --> 00:09:57,109
Hey, Marcus.
It's Kim... berly.
228
00:09:57,110 --> 00:10:00,779
We don't have school
'cause it's Saturday.
229
00:10:00,780 --> 00:10:02,139
[laughs]
230
00:10:02,140 --> 00:10:04,710
Saturday, where did you
come up with that?
231
00:10:04,730 --> 00:10:07,899
- Yeah, I gotta go.
- Wait. I can see what you're wearing.
232
00:10:07,900 --> 00:10:11,070
- What?
- I mean I'm in men's underwear.
233
00:10:11,140 --> 00:10:12,690
[shrieks]
234
00:10:13,560 --> 00:10:15,300
So where'd the quarter go?
235
00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:18,318
A magician never reveals her tricks.
236
00:10:18,730 --> 00:10:20,740
Oh, I can't lie to you.
It was in my pocket.
237
00:10:20,820 --> 00:10:23,385
I'll be crying in the dumpster.
238
00:10:23,420 --> 00:10:25,228
- Okay.
- Bye, lady.
239
00:10:25,263 --> 00:10:27,420
Mr. Mitch, I checked the
daily count of parking tickets,
240
00:10:27,490 --> 00:10:29,920
as all mayors do, and
you haven't busted anyone.
241
00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:32,650
Yeah, turns out,
I don't like being the man.
242
00:10:32,670 --> 00:10:34,670
I want people to be happy
to see me.
243
00:10:34,780 --> 00:10:36,649
Like that Publishers
Clearing House dude.
244
00:10:36,650 --> 00:10:39,909
He gives out giant checks and
balloons, and they give him hugs.
245
00:10:39,910 --> 00:10:41,430
Because of you
coddling these idiots,
246
00:10:41,454 --> 00:10:44,624
people think they can just park
wherever they want.
247
00:10:44,830 --> 00:10:47,329
I'm gonna walk around
City Hall hitting on women.
248
00:10:47,330 --> 00:10:49,763
- Okay to leave it here?
- I don't see a problem with that.
249
00:10:49,764 --> 00:10:51,830
You're the best.
250
00:10:51,850 --> 00:10:54,500
He said I'm the best.
That's a verbal hug.
251
00:10:54,510 --> 00:10:56,600
[whimpers]
252
00:10:56,620 --> 00:10:58,460
Wait till your mom
sees this tiny bird mirror
253
00:10:58,484 --> 00:11:01,950
I bought for Kyle.
She's gonna flip.
254
00:11:02,100 --> 00:11:03,618
ALL: Whaaat?
255
00:11:03,680 --> 00:11:07,200
Welcome to Jurannie Park.
256
00:11:07,290 --> 00:11:11,910
[birds chirping]
[dramatic orchestral music]
257
00:11:12,110 --> 00:11:14,940
Honey, what the hell happened?
258
00:11:15,020 --> 00:11:16,940
Uh, long story short,
one thing led to another,
259
00:11:16,950 --> 00:11:18,690
and now we have a lot of birds.
260
00:11:18,710 --> 00:11:20,710
Did you know we have
a store in town
261
00:11:20,860 --> 00:11:24,030
that sells nothing but bird supplies?
Neither did I.
262
00:11:24,090 --> 00:11:26,450
But they've been here 50 years
and they deliver and install.
263
00:11:26,530 --> 00:11:29,470
- Have a seed bell.
- How much did all this cost?
264
00:11:29,620 --> 00:11:32,699
You'd be surprised. A lot.
There were no sales at all.
265
00:11:32,700 --> 00:11:34,790
I think it's beautiful.
266
00:11:34,810 --> 00:11:37,059
[with Jing's voice]
I think it's beautiful.
267
00:11:37,060 --> 00:11:40,650
- How did he do that?
- Birds are really smart.
268
00:11:40,730 --> 00:11:42,800
Some exotic birds
are natural-born mimics.
269
00:11:42,880 --> 00:11:43,989
That's kind of cool.
270
00:11:43,990 --> 00:11:45,810
[with Duncan's voice]
That's kind of cool.
271
00:11:45,820 --> 00:11:48,140
Ugh, is that really
what my voice sounds like?
272
00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:49,309
Afraid so.
273
00:11:49,310 --> 00:11:51,140
Wait, they can sound like anybody?
274
00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:53,465
[with Kimberly's voice] Wait,
they can sound like anybody?
275
00:11:53,500 --> 00:11:56,000
- This one's mine.
- I told you, they're really smart.
276
00:11:56,150 --> 00:11:57,990
I know I probably should have
checked with you,
277
00:11:58,080 --> 00:12:01,000
but these birds
bring me so much joy.
278
00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:02,990
They're always so happy to see me,
279
00:12:03,010 --> 00:12:06,399
unlike the grumps in this town.
And they're so sweet.
280
00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:08,660
I mean, who couldn't love this face?
281
00:12:08,680 --> 00:12:10,590
- Oh, my!
- Not that face.
282
00:12:10,670 --> 00:12:13,000
This face.
Are you okay with this?
283
00:12:13,020 --> 00:12:15,520
Well, you did put up
with my cowboy boot years,
284
00:12:15,670 --> 00:12:18,769
- so I guess I can support this.
- Thank you.
285
00:12:18,770 --> 00:12:20,220
And I promise
you'll get used to this
286
00:12:20,250 --> 00:12:22,840
and eventually love
these birds like I do.
287
00:12:22,860 --> 00:12:25,589
Oh, make sure when you leave,
you walk backwards,
288
00:12:25,590 --> 00:12:27,040
because if he sees your butt,
289
00:12:27,090 --> 00:12:28,700
he's gonna try to mate with you.
290
00:12:28,850 --> 00:12:31,125
Don't ask how I know.
291
00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:32,850
[birds chirping]
292
00:12:32,870 --> 00:12:34,950
Okay, Marcus thinks I'm crazy.
293
00:12:35,100 --> 00:12:37,690
That's why you, a bird,
are gonna take my place.
294
00:12:37,710 --> 00:12:40,450
Froyo. Got it?
295
00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:42,709
Froyo. Got it.
[line ringing]
296
00:12:42,710 --> 00:12:44,790
[rock music playing over TV]
297
00:12:44,880 --> 00:12:46,700
- 'Sup?
- 'Sup?
298
00:12:46,780 --> 00:12:49,410
- I don't know, chilling.
- Chilling.
299
00:12:49,460 --> 00:12:51,800
When you're not spazzing
about what days we have school,
300
00:12:51,870 --> 00:12:53,949
you're actually
pretty easy to talk to.
301
00:12:53,950 --> 00:12:56,390
[gasps]
I'll take it from here.
302
00:12:56,540 --> 00:13:01,163
- Mm.
- So where were we?
303
00:13:02,720 --> 00:13:03,959
And did I mention
304
00:13:03,960 --> 00:13:08,240
this seashell is from... Boca Raton?
305
00:13:08,390 --> 00:13:09,479
[all gasp]
306
00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:11,799
Oh, he showed and told.
307
00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:15,560
Okay, Jing,
good luck following that.
308
00:13:15,640 --> 00:13:17,160
Showtime, little man.
309
00:13:17,230 --> 00:13:20,980
I cannot tell a lie.
You're gonna crush this, Jing.
310
00:13:21,070 --> 00:13:25,070
Lil' Joey, would you verify
this is an ordinary quarter?
311
00:13:25,090 --> 00:13:25,979
[chomps]
312
00:13:25,980 --> 00:13:27,819
That's George, all right.
313
00:13:27,820 --> 00:13:32,150
I place the quarter in my hand,
wave the wand, and...
314
00:13:32,170 --> 00:13:34,600
Hi, am I too late
for Jing's magic act?
315
00:13:34,830 --> 00:13:37,920
Ey, check out the "boids"
on that broad.
316
00:13:37,990 --> 00:13:40,180
Kids, Jing didn't finish her trick.
317
00:13:40,250 --> 00:13:42,999
Yeah, but you've got birds.
You win.
318
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:46,000
Look, Jing, I got
a Fun Size Snickers bar.
319
00:13:46,020 --> 00:13:48,169
[annoyedly] Ta-da.
320
00:13:48,170 --> 00:13:50,360
Hold me up.
I wanna see the birds.
321
00:13:50,510 --> 00:13:52,520
[growls]
322
00:13:52,760 --> 00:13:55,609
Is it just me, or does lunch
taste better on a branch?
323
00:13:55,610 --> 00:13:58,780
I would eat every meal
on a branch if I could,
324
00:13:58,930 --> 00:14:02,690
even soup, dude.
Duncan, jump up and join us.
325
00:14:02,700 --> 00:14:04,900
Yeah, sorry, I can't.
326
00:14:04,970 --> 00:14:06,269
My hammies are tight
327
00:14:06,270 --> 00:14:08,870
from dunking a basketball
all night... in a hoop.
328
00:14:08,940 --> 00:14:10,540
Yeah, and my future's bright.
329
00:14:10,610 --> 00:14:11,949
[laughter]
330
00:14:12,110 --> 00:14:13,770
Duncan, everyone in their life
331
00:14:13,790 --> 00:14:16,480
has a branch they're just
trying to jump and reach.
332
00:14:16,490 --> 00:14:18,370
For me,
it's reversing climate change
333
00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:20,300
and equality for women
at the workplace.
334
00:14:20,370 --> 00:14:23,040
For you, it's...
well, it's that branch.
335
00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:24,570
I believe in you, Duncan.
336
00:14:24,690 --> 00:14:28,120
Uh, usually that's all it
would take 'cause you're you,
337
00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:31,699
- but I forgot my lunch.
- Duncan, I brought your lunch.
338
00:14:31,700 --> 00:14:34,140
Cleopatra, take this to your brother.
339
00:14:36,720 --> 00:14:38,170
[squawks]
[laughter]
340
00:14:38,170 --> 00:14:39,720
Hup, hup!
[grunts]
341
00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:41,023
Mom, make her give it to me.
342
00:14:41,024 --> 00:14:44,400
Oh, for crying out loud.
Hup, hup! [grunts]
343
00:14:46,220 --> 00:14:48,660
Damn, she got that off vert.
344
00:14:48,740 --> 00:14:51,890
[birds squawking]
345
00:14:51,900 --> 00:14:54,650
Mama's coming.
Mama's coming.
346
00:14:54,720 --> 00:14:57,409
Annie, we need to talk
about the birds.
347
00:14:57,410 --> 00:14:59,150
Okay, but choose
your words carefully.
348
00:14:59,230 --> 00:15:01,080
They understand everything.
349
00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:03,899
They stole my thunder
at show-and-tell today.
350
00:15:03,900 --> 00:15:05,329
And that one took my man.
351
00:15:05,330 --> 00:15:08,990
We haven't made love in days
without them watching,
352
00:15:09,010 --> 00:15:10,660
and they're so judgmental.
353
00:15:10,740 --> 00:15:13,574
[with Jack's voice] I'm so sorry.
This never happens.
354
00:15:13,670 --> 00:15:15,670
We know how much happiness
this brings you, Mom,
355
00:15:15,690 --> 00:15:16,999
but we're over it.
356
00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:19,510
Where are those birds?
You made a fool of me.
357
00:15:19,580 --> 00:15:21,970
So now I'm eating your cousins.
358
00:15:22,090 --> 00:15:24,530
[slow-motion chomping]
359
00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:25,939
[birds squawking]
360
00:15:25,940 --> 00:15:27,860
[gasps]
361
00:15:27,940 --> 00:15:29,420
Ow, ow! Ow, ow!
362
00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:31,940
Kris, Caitlyn,
Kourtney, Kim, Khloé, Kendall,
363
00:15:32,020 --> 00:15:34,610
Kylie, Scott Disick, put him down.
364
00:15:34,760 --> 00:15:35,949
[grunts]
365
00:15:35,950 --> 00:15:37,269
Everyone get behind me.
366
00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:40,439
I learned this control technique
from "Jurassic World."
367
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:43,710
[dramatic music]
368
00:15:43,860 --> 00:15:46,200
That's right, listen to Mama.
369
00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:48,130
See?
There's no reason
370
00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:50,390
we can't all
live together in harmony.
371
00:15:50,540 --> 00:15:53,800
Whaa!
372
00:15:53,870 --> 00:15:55,870
[squawks]
[birds squawking]
373
00:15:55,890 --> 00:15:57,440
[all scream]
374
00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:01,069
[all sigh]
375
00:16:01,070 --> 00:16:03,590
That was close,
but we showed them
376
00:16:03,591 --> 00:16:06,570
- who the superior species is.
- Uh, guys.
377
00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:08,890
[birds squawking]
378
00:16:08,910 --> 00:16:11,629
I hate them,
but that's pretty cool.
379
00:16:11,630 --> 00:16:13,910
[all scream]
380
00:16:13,990 --> 00:16:19,940
# #
381
00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:27,410
They took our home!
382
00:16:27,470 --> 00:16:29,820
The age of humans is over.
383
00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:32,990
The age of birds has begun.
384
00:16:33,010 --> 00:16:35,250
Well, how would you
describe it?
385
00:16:38,100 --> 00:16:39,339
[birds squawking]
386
00:16:39,340 --> 00:16:41,100
Well, this was a fun place
to grow up.
387
00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:42,659
Where to next?
388
00:16:42,660 --> 00:16:45,490
Intercourse, Pennsylvania?
[laughs] Nice.
389
00:16:45,550 --> 00:16:47,180
Can we move to Pepperidge Farm?
390
00:16:47,330 --> 00:16:50,680
- The commercials look fun.
- We're not leaving.
391
00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:53,780
Step aside.
This is a job for the Jack man.
392
00:16:53,850 --> 00:16:56,260
Helen, I need to borrow your gun.
393
00:16:56,340 --> 00:16:57,950
All right,
but what am I gonna wave
394
00:16:58,100 --> 00:17:00,620
at my ex if he comes back
for his power tools?
395
00:17:00,730 --> 00:17:04,530
Oh, Helen, we all know
he's never coming back.
396
00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:05,360
That hurts.
397
00:17:05,361 --> 00:17:08,349
- [gasps] Don't hurt them.
- I'm sorry, honey.
398
00:17:08,350 --> 00:17:11,850
But it's time
to fight feathers with bullets.
399
00:17:11,870 --> 00:17:13,450
[shouts]
400
00:17:13,460 --> 00:17:15,189
[birds squawking]
401
00:17:15,190 --> 00:17:16,629
Well, they have a gun now.
402
00:17:16,630 --> 00:17:19,540
Ugh, who would have thought
that using wild birds
403
00:17:19,620 --> 00:17:23,029
to deal with my psychological
issues would backfire?
404
00:17:23,030 --> 00:17:24,459
Don't blame yourself.
405
00:17:24,460 --> 00:17:27,580
- Okay, then whose fault is it?
- It's yours, Mommy.
406
00:17:27,700 --> 00:17:30,940
She's right. If you had just
called in sick and watched "Maury"
407
00:17:30,964 --> 00:17:33,039
like I said, none of this
would have happened.
408
00:17:33,040 --> 00:17:34,820
I begged you to watch "Maury."
409
00:17:34,970 --> 00:17:37,210
Yeah, this one
is kind of on you, Mom.
410
00:17:37,230 --> 00:17:41,880
Hey, the houses in Knob Lick,
Missouri, have good Zestimates.
411
00:17:41,900 --> 00:17:43,720
- [laughs]
- Duncan, stop.
412
00:17:43,740 --> 00:17:46,240
Zestimates are lies
that are dividing our country.
413
00:17:46,310 --> 00:17:50,330
[sighs] You're all right.
I brought this on myself.
414
00:17:50,480 --> 00:17:54,229
I inspire the hatred of people
and birds alike.
415
00:17:54,230 --> 00:17:55,840
Just leave me
on the side of the road
416
00:17:55,990 --> 00:17:59,159
- to die like a caribou.
- We can't do that here,
417
00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:02,350
but we can do it
in Dildo, Canada.
418
00:18:02,420 --> 00:18:04,180
[laughs] Canada.
419
00:18:04,260 --> 00:18:05,669
Duncan's mom?
420
00:18:05,670 --> 00:18:07,310
What are you doing
on the side of the road
421
00:18:07,334 --> 00:18:10,000
- like a dying caribou?
- Annie, I need you back.
422
00:18:10,020 --> 00:18:13,340
Mr. Mitch is too much of
a softie to give out tickets.
423
00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:16,249
- I just like to be liked.
- [barks, grunts]
424
00:18:16,250 --> 00:18:17,419
I know, you warned me.
425
00:18:17,570 --> 00:18:19,784
Turns out, the money
generated by your overzealous
426
00:18:19,785 --> 00:18:21,999
ticketing pays for our
school lunch program,
427
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:23,670
and your boy
does not brown bag it.
428
00:18:23,680 --> 00:18:27,579
Without cartons, I have to
carry milk to school in my hands.
429
00:18:27,580 --> 00:18:30,045
Maybe you need me back,
but the townspeople
430
00:18:30,046 --> 00:18:32,509
don't want that.
They hate me.
431
00:18:32,510 --> 00:18:34,680
No, we don't.
I just hate your pants.
432
00:18:34,770 --> 00:18:37,860
Truth is, I miss trading
verbal blows with you.
433
00:18:37,940 --> 00:18:39,029
Makes me feel alive.
434
00:18:39,030 --> 00:18:41,370
And you're the only one
who ever reads
435
00:18:41,440 --> 00:18:43,930
my naughty bumper stickers.
436
00:18:43,950 --> 00:18:45,189
Thanks for seeing me.
437
00:18:45,190 --> 00:18:46,640
[howls]
438
00:18:46,690 --> 00:18:47,949
[grunts]
439
00:18:47,950 --> 00:18:49,769
And without you to tell me
to stop car surfing
440
00:18:49,770 --> 00:18:51,790
or I could break my neck,
I could break my neck.
441
00:18:51,940 --> 00:18:54,610
Aww, well, I've learned
that I need you, too,
442
00:18:54,620 --> 00:18:56,880
for my life's purpose
and health insurance.
443
00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:58,960
But I have a house full
of birds that turned on me.
444
00:18:59,110 --> 00:19:02,390
- Thoughts?
- This looks like a job for Animal Control.
445
00:19:02,460 --> 00:19:05,280
All right, let's see.
Bird infestation.
446
00:19:05,300 --> 00:19:07,990
Oh, this is easy.
They'll fly south in the winter.
447
00:19:08,050 --> 00:19:09,379
It's August.
448
00:19:09,380 --> 00:19:12,469
- In that case, you got a gun?
- Not anymore.
449
00:19:12,470 --> 00:19:14,720
Okay, you elected me,
Mayor Jen,
450
00:19:14,810 --> 00:19:19,150
to solve your problems,
so I'm actually going to help.
451
00:19:19,220 --> 00:19:23,299
- Wait, you voted for me, right?
- Uh, yeah, of course.
452
00:19:23,300 --> 00:19:27,230
[festive music]
453
00:19:27,250 --> 00:19:29,139
[laughs]
454
00:19:29,140 --> 00:19:32,900
# #
455
00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:35,900
[motors whirring]
456
00:19:35,980 --> 00:19:38,090
# #
457
00:19:38,170 --> 00:19:40,666
[squawking]
458
00:19:44,490 --> 00:19:47,340
[gasps] It's working.
They think it's winter.
459
00:19:47,490 --> 00:19:50,840
I'm a hero. Spending the
town's emergency funds.
460
00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:52,450
Vote Jen.
461
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:55,730
[ball thudding]
[whistles]
462
00:19:56,780 --> 00:19:57,999
[laughter]
463
00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:01,190
[both squawking]
464
00:20:01,340 --> 00:20:03,650
They're coming back.
Close the house.
465
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:04,679
[all panting]
466
00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:06,580
Duncan, your window's open.
467
00:20:07,850 --> 00:20:09,500
[whimpers]
468
00:20:10,110 --> 00:20:11,269
Hup, hup!
469
00:20:11,270 --> 00:20:12,849
[grunts]
470
00:20:12,850 --> 00:20:14,940
[dramatic orchestral music]
471
00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:16,870
[grunting]
472
00:20:16,950 --> 00:20:19,300
# #
473
00:20:19,450 --> 00:20:22,749
- He got roof!
- Roof beats branch any day.
474
00:20:22,750 --> 00:20:24,800
I knew you could do something tight.
475
00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:28,869
# #
476
00:20:28,870 --> 00:20:30,320
[squawks]
477
00:20:32,630 --> 00:20:34,869
I'll never forget you either, Kyle.
478
00:20:34,870 --> 00:20:36,970
[chirping]
479
00:20:36,980 --> 00:20:39,470
Enjoy Florida.
480
00:20:39,550 --> 00:20:41,800
Well, the house
really stinks, honey.
481
00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:44,870
Oh, yeah, we're gonna have
to gut the place.
482
00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:48,850
Welcome back to "Maury."
483
00:20:48,970 --> 00:20:52,049
I'm Maury Povich, and I sold
my journalistic soul years ago.
484
00:20:52,050 --> 00:20:54,230
Kimberly, Marcus has
brought you on the show today
485
00:20:54,330 --> 00:20:57,050
because he has something
he wants to say to you.
486
00:20:57,070 --> 00:20:59,330
[gasps]
A proposal on "Maury."
487
00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:00,980
Dreams do come true.
488
00:21:01,060 --> 00:21:04,240
Kimberly, I'm cheating
on you with a bird.
489
00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:07,010
[cheers and applause]
490
00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:08,399
That's right, bitch.
491
00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:11,097
I introduced you!
[growls]
492
00:21:11,570 --> 00:21:12,909
[grunting]
493
00:21:12,910 --> 00:21:15,510
Uh, uh, uh, Kimberly, no,
he's not worth it.
494
00:21:15,590 --> 00:21:19,580
Go to hell, Maury. You got
me here under false pretenses.
495
00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:21,240
Ow! Please, Kimberly.
496
00:21:21,250 --> 00:21:23,150
Ah! I'm 82 years old.
497
00:21:24,620 --> 00:21:27,860
- He looks great for 82.
- I like this show.
498
00:21:27,940 --> 00:21:29,440
Kick her ass, Maury.
499
00:21:29,590 --> 00:21:32,280
I am so glad
I took a sick day for this.
500
00:21:32,845 --> 00:21:35,856
sync & correction by f1nc0
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