Original subtitles

Captioning made possible by Turner entertainment group and U.S. department of education

Dexter, voice-over: Captain's log 6789.10.

We are en route to the galactic federation conference on celos 5.

Chief science officer spork, ship's surgeon Dr. Mcboy,

as well as myself have been chosen as space fleet delegates of the zeta quadrant.

So, Jimmy boy, you think this conference will be as good as last year?

That all depends on the alurian ambassadors.

Hoo-wee! They don't call 'em green animal women for nothing. [Purr]

Captain irk, we are approaching solovian space.

Excellent. Ensign, set course for celos 5, warp factor 6.

Aye, aye, captain.

Dexter, voice-over: Space, a great big area of unknown stuff.

Nobody knows all the stuff that's out there.

That is why our mission is to check it out.

[Woman humming]

[Humming]

Well, here we are--

westside convention center.

Now, you boys have fun at your little star check convention.

Oh, and Dexter, honey,

don't get attacked by those nasty grab-ons.

Ha ha ha!

Hee hee hee!

They are called hang-ons, mother!

The ruthless hang-on empire!

Now, maintain a synchronous orbit above our position

and meet back here at 1600 hours!

Mcboy: Grab-ons. Hee hee!

She's a mom.

Spork: I admit, my mother is equally ignorant of the hang-on empire.

Mcboy: We saw plenty of hang-on treachery

on last-night's episode, huh?

Indeed. Episode 47, "seeds of fear,"

was most intriguing.

Yeah, but I still really like the one

where the captain gets bit by the magachu

and the witch lady used that wiggly root to suck out the poison.

Yeah, but the best one was when the transporter accident

creates two captain irks.

What the...

This does not look like a federation conference.

Mcboy: And since when was celos 5 so pink?

Spork, where are we?

Sensor readings confirm

that this is not the galactic federation conference on celos 5.

And what's your analysis, doctor?

Well, they're not green, but, uh...[Purr]

Skin! Snap out of it!

We are on an alien world with mystery at every turn,

so stay alert and keep together.

We need to figure out where we are

and how to get back to the federation conference.

And in the meantime, I'll see about rustling up some grub.

I would like a large tranya and some cerarium candy.

That'll be 4 bucks.

Ah ho ho!

We federation members have evolved beyond archaic concepts

like capitalism and the use of currency.

Well, then I guess you've evolved beyond concepts like eating.

How about a trade?

Woman: 4 choros!

It seems we are dealing with a barbaric, capitalistic people

driven by greed.

I'll say. Have you noticed the larger of the species

buying and selling the small ones like blasted slave traders?

Indeed. I have also

observed a great deal

of totemic idol worship.

It is obvious. This is a primitive and backward society,

so try to play along so as not to arouse their suspicions.

Woman: So, are you boys gonna block my booth all day,

or are we gonna do business?

Well, ahem. I don't know.

Spork, is there anything we need?

Our reserve power is running low.

The warp reactor could use a new bilithium crystal.

Bicentennial kristal?

Ok, you want the nrfb or mnb?

What?

Nrfb--never removed from box.

Mnb--mint condition, no box.

If the containment field has been tampered with,

the kristal would become contaminated,

thusly unsuitable for our needs.

Nrfb.

Of course.

Thanks. Hold on to this, skins.

You mentioned a trade...

Spork, voice-over: This woman seems to be suspended in cryogenic stasis.

And by the look of her attire, she's been in hibernation for centuries.

I've got to revive her.

[Rip]

You've ruined the collector's value!

Never remove from box!

Nrfb.

Nrfb.

[Gong]

A box was opened.

There must be retribution.

I am the commanding officer.

I take full responsibility for my crew.

Then you shall bear the punishment.

Bring forth the turpoles.

You're dead, Jim.

Grr!

Hmm?

Argh!

Hyah!

[Crash]

[Panting]

Ah!

Seize them!

[Everybody yelling "nrfb"]

We're safe for now.

But how do we get out of here without drawing attention?

Hmm...

I have got a plan.

Get ready. Here comes one.

There it is-- the federation conference.

At last! We've made it!

Oh, my gosh! Original irk, spork, and mcboy dolls!

Never removed from their boxes!

Nrfb? Nrfb?

Nrfb? Nrfb?

Nrfb? Nrfb?

[Excited murmuring]

Yech! I am a mess!

I might as well get this over with.

Keep the change.

[Ratcheting]

[Ratcheting]

[Hammering]

Phew.

I am growing weary of all this washing business.

[Burp]

[Tools clattering]

[Electrical zap]

[Sizzling]

Dexter, Dee Dee, lunch is ready!

Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy!

Wait for me!

Ok, you two, let's see those hands.

Very good, Dee Dee.

[Buzzing]

Ah!

Dexter, you're a mess!

You march in there and wash up this instant!

But I'm hungry.

March!

[Grumbling]

Dee Dee: Thanks, mom! That was great!

Ooh...

Dex, it's time for your bath.

But I'll miss my show!

Don't argue with me, young man! Just do it!

[Grumbling, stamping feet]

Dee Dee!

Hey, Dexter, are you gonna get squeaky clean like me?

[Ears squeaking]

[Pop]

[Screaming gibberish]

I must figure out a way to eliminate bathing from my life forever.

But how?

[Bubbling]

Hello, o disgusting dirty one.

You dropped this downstairs.

Hey, it is my laminated lab access card!

Hmm. The water just slides right off.

That's it!

[Feet squeaking]

Eureka! I'm laminated!

Woo! I'm so shiny.

[Squeaking]

Whoa!

I am free! No more cleaning for me!

Now, back to my work.

[Shoes squeaking]

Hmm.

A minor inconvenience.

[Shoes squeaking]

[Squeak]

[Squeak squeak]

[Snap]

[Squeak]

Hi, Dexter!

Woo, Dexter, you're so smooth and shiny.

Well, don't just stand there! Help me up!

[Squeak]

Dee Dee, you are so stupid! Can't you do anything right?

I ask you to do one thing!

You are so incompetent! Blah blah blah!

♪ Oo-Dee-lay-hoo-hoo

[echoing] ♪ oo-Dee-lay-hoo-hoo

[crash]

Dexter: And furthermore...

I'm tired of y...

Ah, Dee Dee, why are you

looking at me like that?

Aah!

Dee Dee, stop us!

Ha ha ha!

Dexter: Aah!

[Crash]

Dexter!

Just look how clean you are!

[Mmwaa]

Whatcha doin'?

Reading up on animal biology.

I bet I know more about animals than you!

Ah, you think?

Yep.

Ok, why are storks' legs so long?

So their feet can reach the ground.

Why do kangaroos only live in Australia?

So they can be near their families.

Did you know deers don't have uncles?

They just have antlers!

♪ Cha cha cha cha cha cha cha cha ♪

[Metal creaking]

Argh-ya!

Whew! That is enough for today!

I need a break.

[Ice cream truck bell jingles]

The ice cream man!

Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Oh, boy!

Ice cream!

That is not money.

Dad, money, ice cream--now!

Hmm? What?

Well, let's see here.

Hmm. No.

Ok--

whoa, there! Hey, what's this?

Oop!

Hey, you've got money coming out of your ears, son!

Ta-da!

Ha ha ha!

Mom!

Mom, money, ice cream--now!

Mmm? What?

Mom, give me some money for the ice cream truck! Hurry!

Oh, let's see.

[Humming]

[Ice cream truck bell jingles]

Hmm. Here's a nickel.

And here's another nickel.

Oh! Here's a quarter.

No. Wait. It's only a nickel.

Come on, mom! Move it!

Dexter!

Sorry!

[Slurping]

How come I always--

[drip drip]

Mmm!

[Slurp]

Huh?

Hey, I've got drips coming out of my popsicle.

Ahh...

[Cash register rings]

Hey, there's a quarter!

It's a--

mmm...

Yee-ha!

Woo woo woo!

I do not think money is going to be a problem today.

Huh?

Give me a chocolate kronksicle.

I have to make it to the ice cream.

Wait!

Wait!

Aw, drat!

[Clang]

Presto!

Yoo-hoo! Mr. Ice cream man!

Yoo-hoo!

Yes. Hello.

And now that I finally have your undivided attention--

hey! Hey!

Well, sooner or later--what?

Ah, very clever.

Here's your paper!

Wah!

I've got some good news, and I've got some bad news, Mr. Ice cream man.

Aha!

Good news is, today I get the ice cream.

The bad news is...

Father: Hey, the ice cream man!

What the...

Wait! I've got some money!

Dad, no!

Father: Whoa!

Father: Hmm. Never seen this place before.

Is this a converted den? Strange.

No more mister nice guy.

Halt!

That is what I thought!

Bang!

Argh!

Man: That you, Dexter?

Um, you mind letting me drive my truck?

Ah ha ha! Whoops! Sorry, mailman Mel.

I thought this was the ice cream truck.

Well, what do you know. It's not.

Look! There it is.

Get alongside him.

You're kidding, right?

[Tires squeal]

Oh, no!

Whoa!

Why won't you stop for me?

[Tires squeal]

You are wanting to know why?

You mean you do not remember?

Remember what?

April 19, one year ago.

It is first day on job.

Everything is going great...

Until you come.

You wanted most expensive ice cream.

I make suggestion of cheaper ice cream.

But no. You want expensive one.

And after I am giving you ice cream,

you pay with pennies.

Do you know how long it took me to count those pennies?

Um, at an average human rate,

I'd estimate about 5 hours and 33 minutes.

Precisely.

And when the counting was done,

it is time to put pennies in safe,

when I am noticing my shoelace is untied.

Now, I couldn't very well stop to tie my shoes

since somebody had given me heavy jar of pennies to hold

and the ice cream man rules say to keep any amount of money over a dollar in the safe.

So I trip, and I break my tooth. The pain, it is so bad.

My girlfriend left me. I lose apartment. I lose car.

I'm forced to live under freeway with wild animals.

I can't even eat ice cream because of the pain,

all because of your stupid pennies!

Argh!

[Gasping]

Ah heh heh.

You know, I still have all of my baby teeth.

Um, I'm sorry.

I'm really, really, really, really sorry.

Forget about it, kid.

Well, in that case... Can I order my ice cream now?

Sure.

I'll just have a chocopop, please.

At last. Ice cream treat!

$1.50, please.

You got change for a hundred?

Aah!

Captioning made possible by Turner entertainment group and U.S. department of education

captioning performed by the national captioning institute, inc.

Enter into your own peril,

past the vaulted door,

where impossible things may happen

that the world's never seen before.

♪ In Dexter's laboratory

♪ lives the smartest boy

♪ you've ever seen

♪ but Dee Dee blows his experiments ♪

♪ to smithereens

♪ there is gloom and doom

♪ while things go boom

♪ in Dexter's lab

public performance of captions prohibited without permission of national captioning institute

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