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1
00:00:01,044 --> 00:00:02,785
[bell rings]
2
00:00:02,828 --> 00:00:05,048
PROFESSOR:
Why do we have a damn bell?!
3
00:00:05,092 --> 00:00:06,832
This is a college!
4
00:00:06,876 --> 00:00:08,486
Sorry I'm late.
5
00:00:08,530 --> 00:00:10,619
The dean is getting
his ass kicked
6
00:00:10,662 --> 00:00:11,968
in the parking lot.
7
00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:15,450
It's so messed up.
Nobody is stopping to help.
8
00:00:15,493 --> 00:00:18,322
Yeesh. So this is old
Corpsey herself, huh?
9
00:00:18,366 --> 00:00:19,497
[sniffs] Ugh!
10
00:00:19,541 --> 00:00:21,108
What'd,
they leave her out in the sun?
11
00:00:21,151 --> 00:00:22,718
- [gasps]
- Aah!
12
00:00:22,761 --> 00:00:25,199
Oh, I didn't miss anything,
did I?
13
00:00:25,242 --> 00:00:27,288
I was just trying
to catch a little catnap
14
00:00:27,331 --> 00:00:29,072
before class started.
15
00:00:29,116 --> 00:00:31,118
G-G-G-G-G-Going on is what?
16
00:00:31,161 --> 00:00:32,728
Hayley, this is
our new lab partner.
17
00:00:32,771 --> 00:00:34,208
She's a SNAB.
18
00:00:34,251 --> 00:00:36,645
A Student of Notable Age
or Background.
19
00:00:36,688 --> 00:00:38,299
And her name's Anus.
20
00:00:38,342 --> 00:00:40,431
Eunice.
21
00:00:40,475 --> 00:00:42,433
- [bell rings]
- PROFESSOR: Yahh!
22
00:00:42,477 --> 00:00:44,305
Dammit!
23
00:00:44,348 --> 00:00:46,785
Wow. 98 years old,
24
00:00:46,829 --> 00:00:48,961
and you're going
back to college.
25
00:00:49,005 --> 00:00:51,486
You're never too old
to follow your dreams.
26
00:00:51,529 --> 00:00:54,097
I find that so inspiring.
27
00:00:54,141 --> 00:00:56,578
I'll tell you
what I find inspiring.
28
00:00:56,621 --> 00:00:59,102
The student bodies.
29
00:00:59,146 --> 00:01:00,799
[whistles]
30
00:01:00,843 --> 00:01:04,586
Sweet Georgia Brown.
31
00:01:04,629 --> 00:01:07,676
I happen to have an interest
in the fellas and the gals.
32
00:01:07,719 --> 00:01:10,896
Daaamn, old lady!
33
00:01:10,940 --> 00:01:13,595
[beeping]
34
00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:19,905
[suspenseful music plays]
35
00:01:19,949 --> 00:01:25,607
♪
36
00:01:26,825 --> 00:01:29,437
Ooh, ooh, and another thing
about my new friend Eunice...
37
00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:32,222
another thing is,
she is so funny.
38
00:01:32,266 --> 00:01:34,137
Check out
this hilarious picture of us
39
00:01:34,181 --> 00:01:36,008
pretending to hump
the tope-liary animals
40
00:01:36,052 --> 00:01:37,290
out front
of the Women's Center.
41
00:01:37,314 --> 00:01:39,273
[all gasp]
42
00:01:39,316 --> 00:01:42,537
You didn't tell us
she was an old age person.
43
00:01:42,580 --> 00:01:44,974
Barf City,
population no thank you.
44
00:01:45,017 --> 00:01:46,323
Now, Francine,
45
00:01:46,367 --> 00:01:49,152
I too was once put off
by old people,
46
00:01:49,196 --> 00:01:51,111
but then I had
an adventure about them
47
00:01:51,154 --> 00:01:52,721
that changed my mind.
48
00:01:52,764 --> 00:01:53,983
I'm always having adventures
49
00:01:54,026 --> 00:01:56,377
and learning
life-changing lessons from them.
50
00:01:56,420 --> 00:01:59,641
This week, I'm converting
our mud room into a man cave.
51
00:01:59,684 --> 00:02:02,296
I wonder what I'll learn
from that.
52
00:02:02,339 --> 00:02:05,560
Well, I say,
"Go young or go home."
53
00:02:05,603 --> 00:02:07,257
No old-o.
54
00:02:07,301 --> 00:02:10,652
Well, I think Eunice is
a deeply inspirational SNAB.
55
00:02:10,695 --> 00:02:13,133
And I hope I'm just like her
when I get old.
56
00:02:13,176 --> 00:02:16,745
Oh, you're not going
to be like Eunice.
57
00:02:16,788 --> 00:02:19,443
You're going to be
like... your mom.
58
00:02:19,487 --> 00:02:21,010
Pff.
Sha-yeah-hah right.
59
00:02:21,053 --> 00:02:22,533
It's fate.
60
00:02:22,577 --> 00:02:24,927
Every woman eventually
becomes her mother.
61
00:02:24,970 --> 00:02:26,798
- Will I become my mother?
- No.
62
00:02:26,842 --> 00:02:29,192
Every man marries
his mother.
63
00:02:29,236 --> 00:02:30,628
Noice.
64
00:02:30,672 --> 00:02:32,152
Hayley, think of all the ways
65
00:02:32,195 --> 00:02:34,110
you're already like Francine.
66
00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:36,068
Laid-back, except
for quick bursts of anger.
67
00:02:36,112 --> 00:02:37,374
Lazy.
68
00:02:37,418 --> 00:02:38,984
Heavy substance abuse.
69
00:02:39,028 --> 00:02:40,464
For you, weed.
70
00:02:40,508 --> 00:02:42,858
For Francine, collectible
Guardians of the Galaxy
71
00:02:42,901 --> 00:02:44,642
Big Gulp cups
full of white wine.
72
00:02:44,686 --> 00:02:47,210
You should consider
yourself lucky, Hayley.
73
00:02:47,254 --> 00:02:49,908
This is Francine
we're talking about here.
74
00:02:49,952 --> 00:02:51,606
I'm an icon.
75
00:02:51,649 --> 00:02:53,260
I'm sorry,
but me become like you?
76
00:02:53,303 --> 00:02:55,087
Gross.
77
00:02:55,131 --> 00:02:58,482
It's like, Barf City,
population no thank you.
78
00:02:58,526 --> 00:03:00,049
- [all gasp]
- Oh, see, right there?
79
00:03:00,092 --> 00:03:01,722
Francine just said that
like two minutes ago!
80
00:03:01,746 --> 00:03:03,246
-No, she didn't.
-FRANCINE: Barf City,
81
00:03:03,270 --> 00:03:04,793
population no thank you.
82
00:03:04,836 --> 00:03:06,969
Roger, why were
you recording us?
83
00:03:07,012 --> 00:03:08,797
I'm recording everything
these days.
84
00:03:08,840 --> 00:03:10,929
I'm afraid
the political atmosphere
85
00:03:10,973 --> 00:03:13,497
inside my improv team,
Pizza Party Weekend,
86
00:03:13,541 --> 00:03:15,543
has me... a bit paranoid.
87
00:03:15,586 --> 00:03:17,066
There's snakes in the grass.
88
00:03:17,109 --> 00:03:19,286
Certain members want me out.
89
00:03:19,329 --> 00:03:20,678
- Which ones?
- All of them.
90
00:03:20,722 --> 00:03:21,679
Every single one of them.
91
00:03:21,723 --> 00:03:24,334
Well, Hayley, too bad for you
92
00:03:24,378 --> 00:03:26,336
that you're gonna end up
being like me,
93
00:03:26,380 --> 00:03:28,730
whether you like it or not.
94
00:03:28,773 --> 00:03:31,689
Now, I see it's time
for my 10:00 AM nap, so...
95
00:03:31,733 --> 00:03:33,343
Ugh!
Here comes another one
96
00:03:33,387 --> 00:03:35,954
of your obnoxious
little sayings.
97
00:03:35,998 --> 00:03:37,869
Give Momma some sugar
98
00:03:37,913 --> 00:03:41,351
so she can have
them sweet dreams.
99
00:03:41,395 --> 00:03:42,483
- [moans]
- Ugh!
100
00:03:42,526 --> 00:03:43,962
Barfsylvania...
101
00:03:44,006 --> 00:03:46,443
BOTH: Population nothankyula.
102
00:03:46,487 --> 00:03:48,532
- Aah!
- [laughs]
103
00:03:48,576 --> 00:03:50,795
[sipping]
104
00:03:50,926 --> 00:03:55,104
♪
105
00:03:55,147 --> 00:03:58,847
Oh! You don't have
a big squiggly mustache!
106
00:03:58,890 --> 00:04:00,979
For the last time, Jeff,
we are listing the ways
107
00:04:01,023 --> 00:04:03,504
I am different from my mom,
not Wario.
108
00:04:03,547 --> 00:04:05,245
Oh, Hayley!
109
00:04:05,288 --> 00:04:08,204
Looky what I found
in the old picture album.
110
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,598
You can barely tell us apart.
111
00:04:10,641 --> 00:04:12,339
Yeah, only because
you were always trying
112
00:04:12,382 --> 00:04:15,298
to make me a frilly, princessy
little clone of yourself.
113
00:04:15,342 --> 00:04:19,041
Oh, excuse me for ever trying
to bond with my daughter.
114
00:04:19,084 --> 00:04:20,999
Bond?! Ha!
115
00:04:21,043 --> 00:04:22,958
You just wanted
your own personal Mini-Me.
116
00:04:23,001 --> 00:04:25,090
Like that Halloween
that you went as Mini-Me
117
00:04:25,134 --> 00:04:26,875
and you made me go
as Mini-Mini-Me.
118
00:04:28,833 --> 00:04:31,096
But I didn't wanna be Mini-Me.
119
00:04:31,140 --> 00:04:32,770
[voice breaking] I wanted
to be Minnie Mouse.
120
00:04:32,794 --> 00:04:34,839
Or at least Mini-Minnie Mouse.
121
00:04:34,883 --> 00:04:37,277
But that's what Dad and Steve
got to go as!
122
00:04:38,930 --> 00:04:40,280
But it's okay.
123
00:04:40,323 --> 00:04:42,630
Because I couldn't be
more different from you.
124
00:04:42,673 --> 00:04:44,196
Oh, yeah?
125
00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:48,418
Why don't you check
my old senior picture?
126
00:04:48,462 --> 00:04:49,854
HAYLEY: You...
127
00:04:49,898 --> 00:04:51,334
wore a headband, too?
128
00:04:51,378 --> 00:04:53,118
Face it, Hayley.
129
00:04:53,162 --> 00:04:55,773
There's too much of me
in you already.
130
00:04:55,817 --> 00:04:57,297
My genes.
131
00:04:57,340 --> 00:04:58,733
My cooking.
132
00:04:58,776 --> 00:05:01,039
My double-jointedness.
133
00:05:01,083 --> 00:05:02,127
You're double-jointed?
134
00:05:02,171 --> 00:05:03,694
Yes.
135
00:05:03,738 --> 00:05:04,391
- [bones crack]
- [gasps]
136
00:05:04,434 --> 00:05:06,654
And so are you!
137
00:05:06,697 --> 00:05:08,960
- [bones crack]
- [gasps]
138
00:05:09,004 --> 00:05:12,529
Toodle-oo, Future Me!
139
00:05:12,573 --> 00:05:15,010
Well, Steve,
through ruthless cunning,
140
00:05:15,053 --> 00:05:17,317
I seized control
of Pizza Party Weekend
141
00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:18,927
and fired all the other members.
142
00:05:18,970 --> 00:05:20,972
Had to be done.
It was a nest of vipers.
143
00:05:21,016 --> 00:05:23,714
A den of... vipers.
144
00:05:23,758 --> 00:05:26,108
Plus, none of them
could do characters for crap.
145
00:05:26,151 --> 00:05:27,892
But now I gotta find
a whole new team!
146
00:05:27,936 --> 00:05:29,981
What about me and my friends?
147
00:05:30,025 --> 00:05:32,854
Our drunk driving skit
got big laughs
148
00:05:32,897 --> 00:05:34,508
at the pre-prom assembly
last year.
149
00:05:34,551 --> 00:05:36,466
Hmm.
How was the prom?
150
00:05:36,510 --> 00:05:37,511
It was a bloodbath.
151
00:05:37,554 --> 00:05:39,121
Drunk driving was way up.
152
00:05:39,164 --> 00:05:40,644
I don't know.
153
00:05:40,688 --> 00:05:42,342
Maybe we could do
a trial practice,
154
00:05:42,385 --> 00:05:44,735
test the chemistry,
play a little Splooch Magooch.
155
00:05:44,779 --> 00:05:47,477
What's that?
Classic improv warm-up game.
156
00:05:47,521 --> 00:05:49,784
You don't know Splooch Magooch?
157
00:05:49,827 --> 00:05:51,307
Oh, my God.
This is not gonna work.
158
00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:52,656
No way.
But I'm up against it.
159
00:05:52,700 --> 00:05:54,310
You're in.
All of you.
160
00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:56,114
Full member status.
Welcome to the big leagues.
161
00:05:56,138 --> 00:05:57,835
We practice in a public park.
162
00:05:58,880 --> 00:06:00,447
Gotta get rid of my headbands.
163
00:06:00,490 --> 00:06:02,623
No, wait!
Mom got rid of hers!
164
00:06:02,666 --> 00:06:04,407
But does that mean
I need to keep mine?
165
00:06:04,451 --> 00:06:06,409
[gasps]
CannisterCo?
166
00:06:06,453 --> 00:06:08,019
That's Mom's brand!
167
00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:12,589
Babe?
168
00:06:12,633 --> 00:06:14,243
Are you all right?
169
00:06:14,286 --> 00:06:17,551
No, Jeff! I am definitely not
[bleep] all right!
170
00:06:17,594 --> 00:06:19,683
I have to get rid of anything
related to my mom!
171
00:06:19,727 --> 00:06:22,207
What about that dress?
172
00:06:22,251 --> 00:06:23,905
[gasps]
173
00:06:23,948 --> 00:06:25,472
[groaning]
174
00:06:25,515 --> 00:06:32,783
♪
175
00:06:32,827 --> 00:06:34,350
- [screams]
- [screams]
176
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:36,613
♪
177
00:06:36,657 --> 00:06:37,788
[screams]
178
00:06:37,832 --> 00:06:40,008
♪
179
00:06:40,051 --> 00:06:42,619
I hereby sentence you
to become...
180
00:06:42,663 --> 00:06:45,709
your mother!
181
00:06:45,753 --> 00:06:48,843
[gasps, breathing heavily]
182
00:06:48,886 --> 00:06:50,410
If you just had a nightmare,
183
00:06:50,453 --> 00:06:51,933
please don't tell me about it.
184
00:06:51,976 --> 00:06:54,109
No need for both of us
to get scared.
185
00:06:54,152 --> 00:06:56,720
Wait a minute.
That's it.
186
00:06:56,764 --> 00:06:59,244
A way I'm not anything
like my mom.
187
00:06:59,288 --> 00:07:00,594
You.
188
00:07:00,637 --> 00:07:02,465
Oh, she would never marry
someone like you.
189
00:07:02,509 --> 00:07:04,119
Almost nobody would.
190
00:07:04,162 --> 00:07:05,816
Ah, thanks, babe.
191
00:07:05,860 --> 00:07:07,035
[sighs]
192
00:07:07,078 --> 00:07:08,689
I'm not becoming my mother.
193
00:07:08,732 --> 00:07:10,212
I'm glad, too.
194
00:07:10,255 --> 00:07:13,650
No offense, but being
married to Mrs. S?
195
00:07:13,694 --> 00:07:15,043
Barf City,
196
00:07:15,086 --> 00:07:17,349
population no thank you.
197
00:07:17,393 --> 00:07:19,047
[Hayley gulps]
198
00:07:19,090 --> 00:07:20,546
KLAUS: Laid-back except
for quick bursts of anger.
199
00:07:20,570 --> 00:07:23,791
Why is this mother-[bleep]
Junior Jumble so hard?!
200
00:07:23,834 --> 00:07:25,575
-Gaah!
-Lazy.
201
00:07:25,619 --> 00:07:26,576
[yawning] Oh, man.
202
00:07:26,620 --> 00:07:27,882
I sure am tired
203
00:07:27,925 --> 00:07:29,710
from that quick burst of anger.
204
00:07:29,753 --> 00:07:31,451
Heavy substance abuse.
205
00:07:31,494 --> 00:07:34,497
[bubbling]
206
00:07:34,541 --> 00:07:35,933
Oh, my God.
207
00:07:35,977 --> 00:07:38,240
I'm not becoming my mother.
208
00:07:38,283 --> 00:07:39,459
I married her.
209
00:07:39,502 --> 00:07:41,896
Now, give Momma some sugar
210
00:07:41,939 --> 00:07:44,768
[distorted] so she can
have them sweet dreams.
211
00:07:44,812 --> 00:07:46,640
[thunder crashes]
212
00:07:46,683 --> 00:07:47,771
[Hayley screams]
213
00:07:47,815 --> 00:07:49,730
[both screaming]
214
00:07:50,208 --> 00:07:52,733
[Hayley and Jeff scream]
215
00:07:52,776 --> 00:07:54,517
[door opens]
216
00:07:54,561 --> 00:07:55,562
[blankets rustle]
217
00:07:57,651 --> 00:08:01,132
Mrs. S, can I sleep with
you and Mr. S tonight?
218
00:08:01,176 --> 00:08:03,918
Hayley realized
it's actually me who's like you,
219
00:08:03,961 --> 00:08:06,224
and now she's madder than Wario!
220
00:08:06,268 --> 00:08:08,096
[muffled screams]
221
00:08:08,139 --> 00:08:12,317
It's you who's like me, huh?
222
00:08:12,361 --> 00:08:14,929
♪
223
00:08:14,972 --> 00:08:16,365
Aren't you happy?
224
00:08:16,408 --> 00:08:18,323
You're not going
to become your mom.
225
00:08:18,367 --> 00:08:19,727
Yeah, but I sure
as hell don't want
226
00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:21,544
to be married to her, either.
227
00:08:21,588 --> 00:08:24,504
Jeff needs to be
de-Francine-ified.
228
00:08:24,547 --> 00:08:28,856
Starting with those
beloved golden locks of his.
229
00:08:28,899 --> 00:08:30,988
- Say, where is Jeff?
- No idea.
230
00:08:31,032 --> 00:08:32,642
I've been working like a dog
231
00:08:32,686 --> 00:08:34,644
on my man-cave all morning.
232
00:08:34,688 --> 00:08:36,341
That's right.
I'm still doing that.
233
00:08:36,385 --> 00:08:37,865
[sighs]
234
00:08:37,908 --> 00:08:39,780
Brother, I need to hydrate.
235
00:08:39,823 --> 00:08:41,869
[door opens, laughter]
236
00:08:44,132 --> 00:08:45,873
Oh, hey there.
237
00:08:45,916 --> 00:08:49,616
We just got back from
the most amazing girls' day out.
238
00:08:49,659 --> 00:08:52,880
Look, babe!
We got mani-ped-a-files!
239
00:08:52,923 --> 00:08:54,988
You're just doing this
to get back at me, aren't you?
240
00:08:55,012 --> 00:08:57,711
Actually, Hayley,
maybe I'm just happy
241
00:08:57,754 --> 00:08:59,234
to finally have a "daughter"
242
00:08:59,277 --> 00:09:01,628
who wants to do things with me.
243
00:09:01,671 --> 00:09:03,368
You know what?
I don't have time for this.
244
00:09:03,412 --> 00:09:05,066
My study group
got moved up to noon.
245
00:09:05,109 --> 00:09:06,415
Eunice sent me a text.
246
00:09:06,458 --> 00:09:09,287
On what?
A telegraph?
247
00:09:09,331 --> 00:09:12,160
No, Francine, on her phone.
248
00:09:12,203 --> 00:09:15,555
Which she did mail to me
in an envelope.
249
00:09:15,598 --> 00:09:17,034
I gotta get this back to her.
250
00:09:18,601 --> 00:09:21,430
♪
251
00:09:21,473 --> 00:09:24,955
TOGETHER: Splooch Magooch,
there's a monkey in my cooch,
252
00:09:24,999 --> 00:09:27,697
and he came out
to give me a...
253
00:09:27,741 --> 00:09:29,307
And then, Barry, bud, you say
254
00:09:29,351 --> 00:09:31,614
an adjective and noun
that start with "A".
255
00:09:31,658 --> 00:09:32,809
Whatever pops into your head.
256
00:09:32,833 --> 00:09:33,940
Don't worry about
trying to be funny.
257
00:09:33,964 --> 00:09:34,922
Doesn't have to be funny.
258
00:09:34,965 --> 00:09:36,793
Angry apple.
259
00:09:36,837 --> 00:09:38,055
How is that funny?
I...
260
00:09:38,099 --> 00:09:40,014
Oh, my God,
we are so screwed.
261
00:09:40,057 --> 00:09:41,363
Now, if I'm up next,
262
00:09:41,406 --> 00:09:43,234
for example,
and I've got "B",
263
00:09:43,278 --> 00:09:45,497
I'm just gonna fire off
something super funny, like...
264
00:09:51,416 --> 00:09:53,244
How about Bronx banana?
265
00:09:53,288 --> 00:09:57,379
Heh. You know, like a...
like a tough New Yawk banana?
266
00:09:57,422 --> 00:09:59,686
Like, "'Ey,
I'm peelin' here!"
267
00:09:59,729 --> 00:10:02,123
[laughter]
268
00:10:02,166 --> 00:10:03,428
"You peelin' to me?"
269
00:10:03,472 --> 00:10:06,518
All right.
That's more like it.
270
00:10:06,562 --> 00:10:08,738
There may be hope for us yet.
[laughs]
271
00:10:08,782 --> 00:10:11,349
[laughter continues]
272
00:10:11,393 --> 00:10:14,222
[thinking] Looks like we got
ourselves a funnyman here.
273
00:10:14,265 --> 00:10:16,616
Okay, Steve, you think
you can push me out?
274
00:10:16,659 --> 00:10:17,921
Game on.
275
00:10:17,965 --> 00:10:20,315
SNOT:
Mr. Steve's Uncle, sir?
276
00:10:20,358 --> 00:10:22,970
[growls]
277
00:10:23,013 --> 00:10:24,798
What should I do here?
278
00:10:24,841 --> 00:10:26,756
Well, whatever you do,
don't blow him.
279
00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:29,716
He just keeps coming back
again and again.
280
00:10:29,759 --> 00:10:32,327
♪
281
00:10:32,370 --> 00:10:33,720
HAYLEY: Wow, Eunice.
282
00:10:33,763 --> 00:10:36,200
Look at all these
incredible things you've done.
283
00:10:36,244 --> 00:10:38,202
Professional female wrestling,
284
00:10:38,246 --> 00:10:40,814
fighting alongside Jane Fonda
and the Viet Cong,
285
00:10:40,857 --> 00:10:44,208
founding member of
the Shangri-Las and Buckcherry,
286
00:10:44,252 --> 00:10:46,994
hang gliding,
bang gliding.
287
00:10:47,037 --> 00:10:49,997
How did you make such
an amazing life for yourself?
288
00:10:50,040 --> 00:10:52,913
I decided early on
I wanted an exciting life.
289
00:10:52,956 --> 00:10:54,741
My own life.
290
00:10:54,784 --> 00:10:56,656
So, I left home at 12.
291
00:10:56,699 --> 00:10:58,266
Cut all ties.
292
00:10:58,309 --> 00:11:00,268
It had to be done.
293
00:11:00,311 --> 00:11:02,705
I didn't want to be anything
like my parents.
294
00:11:02,749 --> 00:11:04,838
- Are you?
- Heavens no.
295
00:11:04,881 --> 00:11:08,711
And neither, for that matter,
is Milford, my husband.
296
00:11:08,755 --> 00:11:10,191
Husband?
297
00:11:10,234 --> 00:11:12,672
Any of you study buddies call
298
00:11:12,715 --> 00:11:15,283
for an old fuddy duddy?
299
00:11:15,326 --> 00:11:17,415
- [chuckles]
- Ha!
300
00:11:17,459 --> 00:11:19,983
That's us in our younger days.
301
00:11:20,027 --> 00:11:22,246
But you are only ever
as old as you feel.
302
00:11:22,290 --> 00:11:25,423
Milford here is 102
and still sharp as a tack.
303
00:11:25,467 --> 00:11:26,947
That's right.
304
00:11:26,990 --> 00:11:29,036
Well, I'm off to the lab
305
00:11:29,079 --> 00:11:31,865
to play tiddlywinks with Morbo.
306
00:11:31,908 --> 00:11:33,823
Goodbye, Constance!
307
00:11:37,131 --> 00:11:38,610
[brakes squeak]
308
00:11:38,654 --> 00:11:40,047
[upbeat music plays]
309
00:11:40,090 --> 00:11:42,223
♪ I take two steps forward ♪
310
00:11:42,266 --> 00:11:44,486
♪ And I do, too ♪
311
00:11:44,529 --> 00:11:46,444
♪ We stay together ♪
312
00:11:46,488 --> 00:11:48,882
BOTH:
♪ 'Cause I am just like you ♪
313
00:11:48,925 --> 00:11:51,101
Give your momma some sugar
314
00:11:51,145 --> 00:11:54,104
so we can have
them sweet dreams!
315
00:11:54,148 --> 00:11:56,237
No!
316
00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:59,370
Your personality is not
going to dictate who I am!
317
00:11:59,414 --> 00:12:00,850
Or who I'm with!
318
00:12:00,894 --> 00:12:03,766
- Ah don't want your life!
- [gasps]
319
00:12:03,810 --> 00:12:07,117
- And ah don't want your wife!
- [gasps]
320
00:12:07,161 --> 00:12:09,903
I am cutting all ties with you!
Forever!
321
00:12:12,035 --> 00:12:14,124
- [door slams]
- All right.
322
00:12:14,168 --> 00:12:17,388
Next up, we got Tuttle
with "Magic Stick".
323
00:12:17,432 --> 00:12:19,347
Pizza Party Weekenders!
324
00:12:19,390 --> 00:12:21,915
Some of you have expressed,
both to me directly
325
00:12:21,958 --> 00:12:24,047
and to one another
in private phone calls,
326
00:12:24,091 --> 00:12:26,397
concerns about
my "mental state"
327
00:12:26,441 --> 00:12:30,271
and how hard I've been
riding our rising star here,
328
00:12:30,314 --> 00:12:31,794
so I just wanted you to know
329
00:12:31,838 --> 00:12:33,187
that Steve and I had a good talk
330
00:12:33,230 --> 00:12:35,929
and, well, he agrees,
and I do, too,
331
00:12:35,972 --> 00:12:38,148
- that he's out of the group.
- What?!
332
00:12:38,192 --> 00:12:40,281
Can't be trusted.
He's out. Steve's out.
333
00:12:40,324 --> 00:12:42,457
- And Buck-Knife Joe is in.
- [growling]
334
00:12:42,500 --> 00:12:44,328
Are you sure that's a good idea?
335
00:12:44,372 --> 00:12:47,157
Look, Buck-Knife Joe might
have a knife around his neck,
336
00:12:47,201 --> 00:12:48,521
but you know
what he doesn't have?
337
00:12:48,550 --> 00:12:50,073
An agenda.
338
00:12:50,117 --> 00:12:52,815
Now, let's have some fun,
you buncha damn Judases!
339
00:12:52,859 --> 00:12:56,863
[thunder crashes]
340
00:12:56,906 --> 00:12:58,473
I'm sorry to barge in
on you like this.
341
00:12:58,516 --> 00:13:00,475
I-I-I just didn't know
where else to go.
342
00:13:00,518 --> 00:13:02,433
That's all right, dear.
343
00:13:02,477 --> 00:13:05,219
You just go on and get yourself
out of those wet clothes.
344
00:13:05,262 --> 00:13:07,134
You can borrow some of ours.
345
00:13:07,177 --> 00:13:08,396
Don't worry!
346
00:13:08,439 --> 00:13:10,398
You're not going
to be your mother!
347
00:13:10,441 --> 00:13:13,357
And neither is your husband!
348
00:13:13,401 --> 00:13:17,535
Because you and your husband
are going to be...
349
00:13:17,579 --> 00:13:18,754
us.
350
00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:20,930
[both laugh maniacally]
351
00:13:20,974 --> 00:13:22,062
[click!]
352
00:13:22,105 --> 00:13:35,336
♪
353
00:13:35,379 --> 00:13:38,034
[laughing continues]
354
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:42,169
Oh, it seems like
I saw something
355
00:13:42,212 --> 00:13:44,867
I'm not supposed to,
but rest assured,
356
00:13:44,911 --> 00:13:47,739
I have absolutely no idea
what's happening.
357
00:13:47,783 --> 00:13:50,220
Please, do go on.
358
00:13:50,264 --> 00:13:52,614
[laughing continues]
359
00:13:52,657 --> 00:13:55,747
[Jeff laughs]
360
00:13:56,009 --> 00:14:00,187
♪
361
00:14:00,230 --> 00:14:03,320
Yo, U-Dog,
you sure you don't mind us
362
00:14:03,364 --> 00:14:05,975
wearing your fancy
old threads, kemosabe?
363
00:14:06,019 --> 00:14:08,891
Oh, not at all, dear.
364
00:14:08,935 --> 00:14:13,200
My, don't they just
fit you perfectly.
365
00:14:14,679 --> 00:14:18,292
Ugh! Do you have any other
tattoos I should know about?
366
00:14:18,335 --> 00:14:21,469
I got a Jill Stein riding
a surfboard on my upper thigh,
367
00:14:21,512 --> 00:14:23,601
but it's usually
covered up with pubes.
368
00:14:23,645 --> 00:14:25,168
Wait. Why?
369
00:14:25,212 --> 00:14:27,257
That's enough
damn pecan sandies!
370
00:14:27,301 --> 00:14:28,780
They'll go straight to my...
371
00:14:28,824 --> 00:14:31,609
Eh, your calves.
372
00:14:31,653 --> 00:14:33,655
[doorbell rings]
373
00:14:33,698 --> 00:14:34,656
Ba-duh!
374
00:14:34,699 --> 00:14:36,658
Mom?
375
00:14:36,701 --> 00:14:39,226
I thought you convinced the girl
to cut all ties!
376
00:14:39,269 --> 00:14:40,792
I did!
377
00:14:40,836 --> 00:14:43,317
- What do you want?
- My daughter.
378
00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:44,685
Well, I am not
coming back with you.
379
00:14:44,709 --> 00:14:46,624
Not you! Jeff.
380
00:14:48,017 --> 00:14:50,193
Well, he's not going anywhere.
381
00:14:50,237 --> 00:14:52,892
Actually, none of us are
until this storm lets up.
382
00:14:52,935 --> 00:14:55,024
Road's flooded.
Just barely made it up here.
383
00:14:55,068 --> 00:14:56,634
Yo, Milhouse, this the shitter?
384
00:14:56,678 --> 00:14:58,723
I had a chalupa or two
on the drive over.
385
00:14:58,767 --> 00:15:00,725
♪
386
00:15:00,769 --> 00:15:01,509
What the...
387
00:15:01,552 --> 00:15:09,256
♪
388
00:15:09,299 --> 00:15:12,694
Oh. My. God.
389
00:15:12,737 --> 00:15:14,217
Sweet man cave!
390
00:15:14,261 --> 00:15:15,827
Love the mad scientist theme.
391
00:15:15,871 --> 00:15:17,568
Beakman's World!
392
00:15:17,612 --> 00:15:18,961
And I bet the secret entrance
393
00:15:19,005 --> 00:15:21,181
keeps the wife out
on game day, amirite?
394
00:15:22,791 --> 00:15:24,271
Holy moly!
395
00:15:24,314 --> 00:15:26,273
Can you smoke a brisket
in this baby?
396
00:15:26,316 --> 00:15:28,884
What is this, Sears? How much
this puppy put you back?
397
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:30,930
What you got going here?
Brewski fridge?
398
00:15:30,973 --> 00:15:32,757
You know,
all this place really needs is
399
00:15:32,801 --> 00:15:34,866
chili pepper lights everywhere,
and then right there...
400
00:15:34,890 --> 00:15:38,763
[banging, growling]
401
00:15:38,807 --> 00:15:41,505
And then right there,
Spuds MacKenzie poster.
402
00:15:41,549 --> 00:15:43,246
Hold up.
I got like 10 in the car.
403
00:15:44,508 --> 00:15:46,554
Cool dress, Hayley.
404
00:15:46,597 --> 00:15:49,339
I love how it does
absolutely nothing for you.
405
00:15:49,383 --> 00:15:50,775
Says the woman who dresses
406
00:15:50,819 --> 00:15:52,342
like the pink ghost
from Pac-Man.
407
00:15:52,386 --> 00:15:53,735
Enough!
408
00:15:53,778 --> 00:15:55,563
I cannot stand
the inane prattling
409
00:15:55,606 --> 00:15:57,695
of you two trifling fools
any longer!
410
00:15:57,739 --> 00:15:59,654
I'm not Eunice.
411
00:15:59,697 --> 00:16:03,527
I'm Dr. Constance Von Stroheim!
412
00:16:03,571 --> 00:16:05,007
And with my husband,
413
00:16:05,051 --> 00:16:07,662
I've discovered the key
to eternal life.
414
00:16:07,705 --> 00:16:10,839
And you shall be our vessels!
415
00:16:10,882 --> 00:16:13,624
Morbo!
416
00:16:13,668 --> 00:16:16,801
[growling, thudding]
417
00:16:16,845 --> 00:16:18,020
What's a Morbo?
418
00:16:18,064 --> 00:16:22,372
♪
419
00:16:22,416 --> 00:16:25,027
Seize them, you stupid brute!
420
00:16:25,071 --> 00:16:26,550
[Morbo growls]
421
00:16:26,594 --> 00:16:28,030
- Aaaah!
- Aaaah!
422
00:16:33,470 --> 00:16:35,995
Wow.
Biggest turnout ever.
423
00:16:36,038 --> 00:16:37,648
I know things got
a little bumpy there
424
00:16:37,692 --> 00:16:39,365
for a little while,
but I think we came out
425
00:16:39,389 --> 00:16:41,348
the other end
all the stronger for it.
426
00:16:41,391 --> 00:16:44,133
Now, why don't we warm up
with a little Vroom Zoom Kaboom?
427
00:16:44,177 --> 00:16:45,221
Vroom.
428
00:16:45,265 --> 00:16:46,570
- Zoom.
- You're out.
429
00:16:46,614 --> 00:16:47,919
You're all out.
I'm sorry.
430
00:16:47,963 --> 00:16:49,965
I-I just can't work with people
I can't trust.
431
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:52,141
Buck-Knife Joe has some friends.
They're in.
432
00:16:52,185 --> 00:16:53,597
No time to practice,
so we'll just have
433
00:16:53,621 --> 00:16:55,101
to do warm-up games
for the show.
434
00:16:56,624 --> 00:17:00,715
TOGETHER: Splooch Magooch,
there's a monkey in my cooch,
435
00:17:00,758 --> 00:17:03,674
and he came out to give me a...
436
00:17:03,718 --> 00:17:05,894
Big surprise!
437
00:17:05,937 --> 00:17:09,593
[gasps] The original members
of Pizza Party Weekend?
438
00:17:09,637 --> 00:17:11,726
Can't do characters, can we?
439
00:17:11,769 --> 00:17:14,555
Well, now that we have
a majority again,
440
00:17:14,598 --> 00:17:16,644
you are out!
441
00:17:16,687 --> 00:17:20,082
[laughter]
442
00:17:20,126 --> 00:17:22,954
The lesson from this adventure
is clear.
443
00:17:22,998 --> 00:17:24,913
I'm just too trusting.
444
00:17:24,956 --> 00:17:27,524
[thunder crashes]
445
00:17:27,568 --> 00:17:31,485
So, the hubby called an audible,
and for the time being,
446
00:17:31,528 --> 00:17:34,966
he will be taking the body
of your vivacious mother here.
447
00:17:35,010 --> 00:17:37,056
- Ow!
- And we decided to use
448
00:17:37,099 --> 00:17:40,233
Jeff's body for the brain
of our beloved cat,
449
00:17:40,276 --> 00:17:42,626
Mr. Poopie.
450
00:17:42,670 --> 00:17:45,064
And what have you
done with Stan...
451
00:17:45,107 --> 00:17:46,239
you nutcase?
452
00:17:46,282 --> 00:17:48,067
Oh, nothing too bad.
453
00:17:48,110 --> 00:17:50,939
I crushed up an allergy pill
into his malt liquor.
454
00:17:50,982 --> 00:17:52,723
He's sleeping like
a little angel
455
00:17:52,767 --> 00:17:54,856
on the upstairs Davenport.
456
00:17:54,899 --> 00:17:57,032
[thudding]
457
00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:59,208
[breathing heavily, growls]
458
00:17:59,252 --> 00:18:01,906
Get your filthy hands
off my body,
459
00:18:01,950 --> 00:18:03,995
you putrid oaf!
460
00:18:04,039 --> 00:18:05,562
This will just take a sec.
461
00:18:05,606 --> 00:18:07,390
[Morbo screams]
462
00:18:07,434 --> 00:18:10,219
I shouldn't have
taken off with Jeff like that.
463
00:18:10,263 --> 00:18:11,414
Otherwise, you wouldn't
have come here,
464
00:18:11,438 --> 00:18:13,004
and you'd be safe.
465
00:18:13,048 --> 00:18:16,834
Oh, Hayley,
I didn't really come for Jeff.
466
00:18:16,878 --> 00:18:18,619
I came to meet Eunice.
467
00:18:18,662 --> 00:18:20,142
What? Why?
468
00:18:20,186 --> 00:18:22,057
Because you seem to want
469
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:25,016
to follow in her footsteps
so much.
470
00:18:25,060 --> 00:18:29,282
I really never did want you
to be just like me.
471
00:18:29,325 --> 00:18:33,155
But I did wanna be someone
you'd want to be like.
472
00:18:33,199 --> 00:18:35,766
Oh, Mom.
You are.
473
00:18:35,810 --> 00:18:37,768
There's a lot of things
about me...
474
00:18:37,812 --> 00:18:39,814
that I'm glad I got from you.
475
00:18:41,424 --> 00:18:44,123
Oof. Arm's cramping
from all that whipping.
476
00:18:44,166 --> 00:18:47,038
[chuckles]
What a putrid oaf, right?
477
00:18:47,082 --> 00:18:49,519
Anywho, time to make some space
478
00:18:49,563 --> 00:18:53,958
in those pretty heads
for our beautiful minds.
479
00:18:54,002 --> 00:18:57,484
♪
480
00:18:57,527 --> 00:18:58,963
[whirring]
481
00:18:59,007 --> 00:19:00,661
Hold hands...
482
00:19:00,704 --> 00:19:01,879
while we die?
483
00:19:01,923 --> 00:19:03,011
Can't.
484
00:19:03,054 --> 00:19:04,186
Strapped down.
485
00:19:04,230 --> 00:19:05,622
Yes, you can.
486
00:19:05,666 --> 00:19:06,971
You're...
487
00:19:07,015 --> 00:19:08,538
double-jointed.
488
00:19:08,582 --> 00:19:10,192
Oh, yeah.
489
00:19:10,236 --> 00:19:12,020
[bones crack]
490
00:19:12,063 --> 00:19:14,153
Oh, yeah!
491
00:19:14,196 --> 00:19:16,372
♪
492
00:19:16,416 --> 00:19:17,417
[bones crack]
493
00:19:18,592 --> 00:19:19,810
[bones crack]
494
00:19:19,854 --> 00:19:22,161
♪
495
00:19:22,204 --> 00:19:25,120
Raaahhh!
496
00:19:26,382 --> 00:19:28,645
Mom, wake up!
Let's go!
497
00:19:28,689 --> 00:19:30,734
Morbo, you beastly fool!
498
00:19:30,778 --> 00:19:32,083
Attack!
499
00:19:32,127 --> 00:19:34,216
[Morbo growls]
500
00:19:35,783 --> 00:19:39,090
Morbo! What the hell?
Why do you do what she says?
501
00:19:39,134 --> 00:19:41,354
Seriously.
Wa-peesh!
502
00:19:41,397 --> 00:19:43,878
Ha-ha!
Very funny.
503
00:19:43,921 --> 00:19:47,098
But Morbo not "whipped", okay?
504
00:19:47,142 --> 00:19:49,100
Morbo, you're quite
literally whipped,
505
00:19:49,144 --> 00:19:51,233
like all the time.
506
00:19:51,277 --> 00:19:55,759
What are you waiting for,
you stupid, hideous fiend?!
507
00:19:55,803 --> 00:19:56,934
Get them!
508
00:19:57,631 --> 00:19:59,415
[Morbo growls]
509
00:19:59,459 --> 00:20:01,374
[screams]
510
00:20:01,417 --> 00:20:03,027
[blows landing, Morbo growling]
511
00:20:03,071 --> 00:20:04,333
♪
512
00:20:04,377 --> 00:20:05,552
[snores] Wha...?!
513
00:20:05,595 --> 00:20:08,381
[both breathing heavily]
514
00:20:08,424 --> 00:20:10,383
Mom, listen.
I'm so...
515
00:20:10,426 --> 00:20:12,472
Hayley, excuse me,
but I had a crazy dream
516
00:20:12,515 --> 00:20:14,256
just now that made me
realize something.
517
00:20:14,300 --> 00:20:17,041
I should be spending time
with my family,
518
00:20:17,085 --> 00:20:19,087
not hiding away from them
in a cave.
519
00:20:19,130 --> 00:20:20,499
- Dad, that's not what we...
- Hold on.
520
00:20:20,523 --> 00:20:23,265
Wanna get Steve on speaker
for this, too.
521
00:20:23,309 --> 00:20:24,397
STEVE: Hey, Dad, what's up?
522
00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:26,007
I see now that a cave
523
00:20:26,050 --> 00:20:28,052
is a place for a bear,
not a man.
524
00:20:28,096 --> 00:20:29,271
The only kind of cave
525
00:20:29,315 --> 00:20:31,099
I want to be in from now on
526
00:20:31,142 --> 00:20:33,928
- is a family cave.
- [tab pops]
527
00:20:33,971 --> 00:20:36,800
Well, your father just
cracked open another 40,
528
00:20:36,844 --> 00:20:38,976
so guess I'm driving.
529
00:20:39,020 --> 00:20:40,630
You want to follow me home?
530
00:20:40,674 --> 00:20:43,111
I wouldn't have it
any other way, Mom.
531
00:20:47,985 --> 00:20:50,553
[Jeff purrs]
532
00:20:50,597 --> 00:20:56,472
♪
533
00:20:56,516 --> 00:20:58,213
Bye! Have a great time!
534
00:20:58,263 --> 00:21:02,813
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