Original subtitles

[lion roaring]

[music playing]

(CHORUS SINGING) First, you take a drum beat.

And then you add a clarinet.

You sweeten with a trombone, then

let the other cats get set.

Season with a sprinkling of Gabriel's horn, and presto!

A song is born!

[street noise]

[clarinet playing]

[pushes button]

[other instruments join in]

They're here.

They're here.

They just drove up.

Who is here?

You know, whatchamacallit-- the lawyer for the foundation.

And Miss Totten's with him.

[men groaning]

I saw them getting out of the car.

And this place looking like a flicker's nest.

We're in for our semiannual wigging, I suppose.

Put your coat on, Frisbee.

Yeah, fix your tie, too.

Fix your hair a little bit.

It looks so funny.

Straighten him up. That's it.

What is all this nonsense?

This nonsense is Miss Totten.

And will you please smile at her.

Gentlemen, this is very undignified.

If you think you're being funny, I--

Good morning, gentlemen.

Good morning, Miss Totten.

- Good morning, Miss Totten. - Good morning.

- Miss Totten. - Won't you sit here?

Very nice day, Miss Totten.

Would you like to speak, Miss Totten, or shall I?

No, you go ahead Mr. Setter.

I will be brief as possible.

Gentlemen, to date $283,000 have been expended on the writing

of this history of music.

I hope you realize that Miss Totten's father,

the late Daniel S. Totten, left only a quarter of a million

dollars for this project.

Every additional penny has to come from Miss Totten's pocket.

You've been at it for 10 years now.

Nine!

All right, nine.

I want your frank estimate of how much longer you will take.

Well, three years, maybe four.

It cannot be!

It just cannot be!

Oh, my dear Miss Totten, surely you

don't want to discontinue your father's

great gesture towards human enlightenment, do you?

Human enlightenment?

Nonsense, professor!

My father was a disappointed musician.

He was never able to master a single instrument.

So he decided to manufacture pianos.

And because his name was not included

with Steinway and Meyer and Chickering,

he decided to finance this project.

Exactly-- and you'll have to get it done with quickly.

Slap it together.

Excuse me, Mr. Setter.

May I have a word?

Hello, Professor Frisbee.

Hello, Miss Totten.

You said slap it together.

We're not the slapping together kind.

He's right.

And this is not an ordinary encyclopedia of music.

What's different about this, except that it's taking longer?

Don't interrupt, Mr. Setter!

In what way is this different, Professor Frisbee?

Well, as far as I know, this is the first history of music

which, in addition to its written volumes,

will have albums of recorded music.

Now in my own field of folk music--

I'm not interested.

Don't interrupt, Mr. Setter.

Go on, professor.

I'm appealing to you, Miss Totten--

to your vision and to your heart.

Perhaps I'm maybe a little inarticulate.

But I've somehow always regarded you as--

[nervous laugh]---- you know what I mean, Miss Totten.

Of course.

Well, it was my father's dying wish,

and you do make such an eloquent plea.

But all this seems so useless.

Exactly, it's not only useless, dull,

unromantic, but unprofitable.

My dear Mr. Setter, bringing the peoples of the world

closer together through the universal language of music

can hardly be termed useless, dull, and unromantic.

Our work is anything but that.

It's often very exciting.

Oh, fiddlesticks,

Yes, even emotional.

Really?

Yes, Miss Totten.

We-- only the other day, we were recording a Polynesian chant,

love chant.

West Indian, wasn't it?

Samoan, I believe.

Get to the point.

The point is, Mr. Setter, the chant was exciting

and it was emotional.

It concerned itself with the relation of music to courtship.

Courtship?

My dear Frisbee, if you think that--

There just a minute, Mr. Setter.

I'm very interested, Professor.

Well, perhaps we can demonstrate it for Miss Totten.

Yes, let's demonstrate it.

Oh, I don't think that would be the logical thing.

It's a very good idea.

Oh, please, please do.

I'd love to hear it.

Well, all right, gentlemen, if you'd--

Yes!

Let's do it.

Now Miss Totten, imagine the setting in an island courtship.

There's a vacant hut.

The nuptial hut all bedecked with flowers.

And nearby, a maiden awaits the arrival of her lover.

Oh, excuse me.

Professor Oddly, you will be the maiden.

Professor-- Professor Frisbee, I--

Oddly.

Must I, Professor Frisbee?

If you will just stand over there, Oddly, please.

Now Miss Totten, as the lover approaches

from the opposite side of the village,

he is laden down with gifts.

And the beating of the drums signalizes

the beginning of the courtship.

[drum sounding]

As he comes nearer the village, his relatives

take up the drumming.

Then he spies the maiden and calls to her, and she answers.

Professor?

Would you give us the maiden call, please?

[maiden call sounding]

That's the maiden call.

Now imagine I'm coming around the corner of the hut.

He spies the maiden.

(SINGING) [non-english speech]

Uh, just one moment, gentlemen.

Oddly, that was quite adequate for the recording.

But I feel the air of reality is somewhat strained here.

But Professor Frisbee, I didn't want to do it anyways.

Oh, I know that, Oddly.

Professor, perhaps I could?

Very well, if you will just stand here, Miss Totten.

And when I give you the mating call--

Yes?

--you give it right back to me.

Now imagine I'm coming around the corner of the same hut.

[drums sounding]

[SINGING MATING CALL) [non-english speech]

(singing mating call off key, voice

cracking) [non-english speech]

(CHORUS SINGING) [non-english speech]

No.

May I interrupt just one moment?

I'm afraid, Miss Totten, you'll have

to employ a great deal more abandon,

both in voice and posture.

Oh, I neglected to tell you about the posture.

It's the native position, being somewhat more like this.

And it has a--

yes, that's fine, Miss Totten.

Now imagine I'm coming around the corner of the hut.

[drums sounding]

(SINGING MATING CALL) [non-english speech]

(SINGING MATING CALL) [non-english speech]

Oh, that's fine, Miss Totten.

It's a considerable improvement.

Now more abandon, Miss Totten.

Yes.

Now as the man nears the maiden, the beat

of the drums intensifies.

The fever of the music has entered into his blood.

His nostrils are distended and his eyes are gleamed.

And the singing goes on like this.

(GRUNTING) Yeah! Oh!

Oh! Oh!

Yeah! Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

[speaking] Oh, dear, I'm sorry, Miss Totten.

I'm merely assuming the role of the lover

and you, the role of the maiden.

I-- oh, this call is the lovers' greeting.

And it is accomplished by the diaphramatic pressure

so necessary to the primitive sound in this fashion.

[grunting] Would you try that, Miss Totten, please?

[grunting]

Oh, that's very good, Miss Totten.

You seem to have caught the spirit quite well.

Now would you try that once with me?

[drumming and grunting]

(SINGING MATING CALL) [non-english speech]

[grunting]

[speaking] Uh, that's fine, Miss Totten.

Miss Totten?

I don't like to interrupt, Miss Totten.

[stumbling to find words]

Miss Totten?

I don't like to interrupt.

But you've caught the spirit extremely well, Miss Totten.

Now from this point on, the dance just

continues until the lover takes the maiden in his arms

and carries her away.

But I don't think there's any point in demonstrating that.

It was wonderful, simply wonderful!

Miss Totten, I thought you had decided--

I liked it.

I liked it!

Oh, professor, the work at the foundation must continue.

I'll see to that.

Miss Totten, you forgot your--

Oh, thank you.

--bag.

Oh, goodbye, professor.

And thank you!

I enjoyed every second of it.

[grunts]

Miss Totten, you know that your previous intention--

[grunting]

Most amazing performance.

We are very much indebted to you, Frisbee.

I don't know, Jim.

And I don't know--

I don't know whether our behavior

was in keeping with the seriousness of our work.

- Oh, well-- - Oh.

However, I do feel our actions were justified.

We beg your pardon, gentlemen.

Yes, indeed.

We-- we hope you don't mind.

We came through the window.

Who are you?

We're the window washers.

Oh!

What is it you want?

Well, you gentlemen are long hairs, aren't you?

Well, I hadn't noticed.

I don't know that it's particularly long.

This place got some connection with music, ain't it?

Well, there's some.

Some.

Well, we've been watching on the other side for a couple of days

and listening to you.

We figured maybe you could help us out.

In what way?

With this quiz program on the radio.

What is it?

It's a musical quiz.

It has questions and answers, and you've

got to play the tune.

Maybe we should have got a radio.

Well, just what is your trouble?

I can play the answers if I know the answers.

But he can't play them if he don't know them.

That's logical.

Have you got the questions with you?

He's got 'em.

Yes.

Here it is, right here.

Question-- first question is number one.

And it says.

"What eminent contro-- contra--"

What eminent contrapuntalist literally gave

his name to a musical work?

Oh.

That is obvious.

Oh, yeah, that would be my department--

Johann Sebastian Bach.

- Pleased to meet you. - How do you do?

How are you, Mr. Bach.

How are you doing, Mr. Bach?

I'm not Mr. Bach!

Mr. Bach was born in Eisenach in Germany in the year 1750

and died in 1685.

Are you sure about that, Mister?

Yes, I'm sure he died.

They buried him on account of that, you see.

Well, the way you got it, he didn't even get born.

Oh, well, maybe I'm wrong.

He was born in 1685 and died in 1750.

Mr. Bach wrote beautiful music, beautiful music.

He makes good beer, too.

That's right?

I didn't know that yet.

The conversation referred to is a fugue written

by Mr. Bach with the letters of his name,

B flat, A, C, and B natural.

B, A, C, B--

Bach?

Doesn't sound right, does it?

I'm asking you!

The Germans, of course, use the letter H for our B natural,

meaning B-flat when they say B.

Oh, Mister, I don't need all of that.

He just needs to know the tune.

You mean just a few bars for recognition?

That's it.

I'd be very happy to play it for you.

[piano playing]

There you are.

Is that all there is to it?

That's all there is, just the four notes.

Well, I'm going to lay some stuff in my left hand

and the bass, there.

When I give you the nod with my head,

you give me them four notes up there.

Very good.

[playing blues piano]

Most unusual.

It's amazing.

A very remarkable construction in the bass pattern.

You think so?

I'd like to hear more of it.

Well, I can't do much with this Bob guy.

No, he's too square.

Maybe the next cat's got a little more beat.

Who's got the next question?

He's got it over there.

Frisbee?

The second question, please.

Hm?

Oh, I-- yes, right here.

"What bit of African terpsichore came from the pen

of a Norwegian composer?"

That would be you.

That is easy.

That would be Anitra's Dance.

You know the melody, Magenbruch.

Yes, I know it.

"Anitra's Dance" is from Grieg's incidental music

for Ibsen's "Peer Gynt."

Would you like to play it for us, Magenbruch?

[playing "anitra's dance"]

[several men hum along]

Lovely melody.

Oh, I heard that before.

Will you play it again, fellows, please?

It will be very interesting to note what

he accomplishes with this one.

Yeah, that's right.

I think I got it.

Now play it once more for me.

["ANITRA'S DANCE" MELODY OVER PIANO JAZZ]

[piano gradually accelerates]

[CLARINET STOPS, PIANO HAS TAKEN OVER]

Very good.

Very good.

Wow.

Reminds me of the "Chaconne ou Passacaille,"

except that the amazing variations on the melody

depend so much on their peculiar passing

forms and leading notes.

It is a curious combination of harmonium--

It moves constantly on the tonic and subdominant.

I particularly noticed a double quadruple figuration.

I didn't do all that, did I?

I was just playing boogie woogie.

- Boogie woogie, what's that? - What is boogie woogie?

You never heard of that? Never heard of boogie woogie?

Well, you see, we've been shut in here for a long time.

Too long.

Has this boogie woogie been going on for some time?

Man alive.

And are there any other forms of this new folk

music besides that?

Sure, there's swing, jive, jump, blues,

two beat Dixie, rebop, and--

Well, what's that?

Lee bop a da boobity, la da va de dee, rebop?

- Rebop. - Yeah.

Amazing!

Did you hear that, Professor Frisbee?

And your book on folk music is almost finished.

Gentlemen, I'm an idiot, an absolute idiot!

And I'm terribly grateful to both of you

for making me aware of it.

Do you realize that since we've been cooped up here,

music has changed, and changed considerably.

I've been completely unaware of this situation.

However, I intend to rectify it immediately.

What are you going to do?

I don't know.

I don't know.

I think perhaps the only solution is--

gentlemen, I'm going out.

Out?

Out-- out into the world, out of this house,

out to tap the major sources of this new music.

Oogie boogie?

- Two beat Dixie? - Jump?

- Jive? - Swing?

Blues?

Rebop a da boobity da dip, rebop?

Exactly.

And I should be leaving now.

Oh.

He's going out.

I should like to go, too.

Frisbee, could I go with you?

Why couldn't we all go?

Oh, I don't know.

Yes, Frisbee, why couldn't we?

No, really, please gentlemen.

No, as much as I would love to have you come along,

it was my oversight.

And you'd be losing a full day's work.

After all, this is my field.

Just where would you go, Frisbee?

I'm going out to the nightclubs, the dance halls--

yes, even the honky tonks.

Well, aren't you frightened?

No.

Goodbye, Alfini.

Goodbye, Frisbee. - Good luck.

Goodbye.

Good luck to you.

Oh, would you mind leaving the key under the mat?

I may not be home until nine this evening.

Uh, goodbye.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

I'm worried about the whole thing.

[street noise]

[whistling]

Uh--

Hi ya, bud.

Hi.

Oh, I beg your pardon.

Could you tell me what time the music starts?

You're pretty early, fella.

The joint don't open for another couple of hours.

Another couple of--

thank you.

Thank you.

[jazz music playing]

Oh, how do you do?

Mr. eh-- - Mel Powell.

Mel Powell?

How do-- how do you do?

My name is--

Frisbee.

--Frisbee.

And this card is self-explanatory, Mr. Powell.

We're conducting a round table of research.

And we'd like very much for you to attend.

[jazz music playing]

[MUSIC TRANSITIONS TO A NEW SONG]

(SINGING) --blind man stood on the way and cried.

The blind man stood on the way and cried, cried.

Well, old Blind Barnabas stood on the way.

Blind Barnabas stood on the way.

Well, old Blind Barnabas stood on the way, blind, oh Lordy,

have mercy on me.

Well, in my God's Bible in the book of James,

Christ was a healing the crippled and the lame,

giving the poor and the needy bread, healing the sick

and raising the dead.

Well they, tell me when he passed through Galilee,

he passed by a man that couldn't see.

The man was blind and crippled from birth.

Tell me that his name was Blind Barnabas.

When Barnabas heard that the Lord was nigh,

he fell on his knees and began to cry.

Crying oh, thou man of Galilee, great God almighty,

have mercy on me.

[music transitions]

[crowd noise]

[clapping]

Yeah!

[applause]

[car horn sounds]

[jazz music playing]

[applause]

(SINGING) Daddy-o, I'm going to teach you some blues.

From now on, that's all you'll be able to use.

Do you hear me, Daddy-o?

I'm going to teach you some blues.

However you wanted it, I say your song.

Whenever you wanted me, I tagged along.

But that lipstick on your shirt isn't mine, so I'm getting off.

It's the end of the line.

Do you hear me, Daddy-o?

I'm going to teach you some blues.

(MALE CHORUS SINGING) He told you

that a woman was his religion.

But I didn't hear him mention that he meant them all.

(MALE CHORUS SINGING) So now where you're concerned

he's just a dead pigeon.

Well, I've got to be the only filly in the stall.

(MALE CHORUS SINGING) You've got a lot of fish

a-waiting round to nibble.

And your baby's got a mind that they can't overload.

(MALE CHORUS SINGING) So baby, ooh, you're hardly in the mood

to quibble.

Uh huh, he'll make me very happy if he'll hit the road.

You gave me the run around and that was wrong.

You wanted to run around, so run along.

If we never meet again, it's too soon.

And I'll make a bet you'll be changing your tune.

Do you hear me, Daddy-o?

I'm going to teach you some blues.

However you wanted it, I sang your song.

Whenever you wanted me, I tagged along.

But that lipstick on your shirt isn't mine, so I'm getting off.

It's the end of the line.

Do you hear me, Daddy-o?

I'm going to teach you some blues.

I'll teach you.

I'll teach you.

I'll teach you.

I'm going to teach you some blues.

[applause]

Come on, quick!

Quick is right!

What's the fever?

Miss, we'd better take it on the lam.

They're looking for you!

Wait a minute.

Who's looking for me?

The district attorney.

Why?

You got to get dressed and get out of here before they

slap a subpoenee on you. - A subpoena?

Shh! Come on.

We'll talk about in in the dressing room.

Why can't you tell me here?

Now what is all this subpoena business?

It's on account of Tony?

- What happened to him? - Nothing.

But something happened to Ernie Hart.

Ernie Hart?

Oh, I told Tony not to monkey with him.

Well, he won't anymore.

The funeral's tomorrow.

But Tony didn't have nothing to do with it, did he, Monty?

Oh, no!

Tony's as innocent as the new-mown hay.

Who said Tony had anything to do with it?

He was framed, honey.

Hones, he was.

The DA's trying to pin it on him just because they

found that ring near the body.

What ring?

That ring you gave Tony for his birthday.

Yeah, it was a little too big for him, remember?

Well, it slipped off, and Tony lost it someplace.

That's why you got to beat it, and stay under cover.

What for?

What's it got to do with me?

Well, right now, they can't prove that ring was Tony's.

But when the DA finds out you bought it,

and everybody knows about you and Tony,

well, it'd look awful bad for him.

You're what they call a maternal witness.

Tony mixed up in a murder.

I don't believe it.

Well, we've got to get you out of here before they

slap a subponee on you.

[knocking on door]

Who is it?

Uh, I'd like to have a few words with you in regard

to an investigation I'm conducting.

Uh, just a minute.

Let him in.

We'll handle him.

Yeah?

How do you do, Miss Swanson.

Hello.

I hate to intrude like this, but this inquiry

is really very important.

Get this.

I don't know from nothing.

Oh, but I'm sure you do.

You could probably help me more than anyone.

All I would like is a little of your time,

say an hour or so a day.

Say, are you a cop, or aren't you?

A-- a cop?

No, I'm not a cop.

Well, then what are you selling?

Selling?

Nothing.

I'm from the Totten Foundation.

I don't wear any.

Oh, no, no, I'm Professional Frisbee at the Totten

Musical Foundation.

Oh.

Well, then what is this investigation, professor?

Oh, well, it concerns itself with modern jazz and

other forms of popular music.

I'd like you to help me.

Would you mind?

Yes, I would.

Bye.

Well, in case you change your mind, here's my card.

It's-- - OK, yeah.

It's the address of the foundation and also my--

- Goodbye! - --address.

- Goodbye! - I--

[door slams]

Honey Swanson?

What do you want?

Oh.

Just put the coat on.

We'll get out the window.

Right in there.

[knocking on door]

Open up.

District attorney's office.

[rattles door knob]

[banging]

Where to?

Just keep cruising, Jack.

Where are we going?

Well, how about that warehouse on West 11th?

No, too many rats.

Say-- wait a minute.

Where are you taking me?

We can't take you to your place.

They'll have it covered.

But you live someplace, don't you?

Yeah, sure.

And the cops know where.

I thought of a hotel, but they'll

fan every hotel in town.

I could change my name.

Listen, honey, why take chances?

It's an awful nice warehouse.

He says rats.

Well, maybe a few, little bitty mice or something--

Uh uh.

That's out.

Say, I got an uncle who's an undertaker.

And with business the way it is, he's always

bound to have an extra slab.

That's fine.

That's all I need.

Ah, no.

Keep thinking.

[street noise in background]

Hey, what's this?

Totten Foundation-- Hobart Frisbee.

Oh, that's that professor jerk.

He must have-- uh, oh.

Hm.

I never would have believed it.

It seems impossible.

Have I missed anything?

No, Oddly.

I was just explaining.

And I repeat, gentlemen--

I actually heard Rimsky-Korsakov played on a washboard.

A washboard?

A bicycle pump.

Bicycle pump?

Plunger of some sort and pots and pans.

Heaven only knows what else.

You can't make music out of pots and pans.

You sure you had nothing to drink but buttermilk?

Oh, I'm quite sure.

What else was there?

Please, tell us.

I heard remarkable music-- strange rhythms.

I talked to people.

What kind of people?

All sorts of people--

musicians, singers--

- Chorus girls? - All sorts.

Prima donna?

And did you go backstage?

- Yes, yes. - Backstage?

I had one conversation with a young girl

in her dressing room. - Dressing room!

But unfortunately, she wasn't interested in our project.

Blond or brunette?

Oh, I don't remember, Oddly.

I didn't notice.

I once went backstage to see Pavlova.

Imagine, ballerinas and all that.

In tights, I suppose.

Naturally, in tights.

That inevitable smell of rice powder.

On bare shoulders.

[clears throat] It's getting late, gentlemen.

Perhaps we should go to bed.

Oh, I'd like to have heard a lot more.

Oh, me, too.

Oh, Frisbee.

Yes?

Frisbee, in your travels this evening,

did you encounter any music where

the melodic figure in straight eights

is changed to one of Umpateedle character?

What's that?

Umpateedle.

What are you reading here, Magenbruch?

Well, that's one of the books I procured this afternoon.

"Jazz- Hot and Hybrid."

That's very interesting.

I should like to read it after you get through with it.

I particularly like the chapter on hot rhythm.

Holds a strange fascination for me.

I can understand that, but I wouldn't

allow myself to neglect the Palestrina research.

[doorbell ringing] - Hold on.

[doorbell ringing]

Why, that's our doorbell.

At three o'clock in the morning?

Oh, that will be the revisions on Stravinsky's new ballet.

I asked them to be sent by air mail special.

I'll get it.

[lock rattling]

Oh!

Hi ya, professor.

Hi.

Am I late for school?

Hm?

Oh, my goodness.

Well.

Are those kids in my class?

Oh, no.

Those are just my colleagues.

Oh.

I must apologize for their lack of attire.

Oh, that's all right, professor.

And for the fact that I don't have any coat on.

You know, once I watched my big brother shave.

Oh, you did?

Frankly, your coming here was the last thing I expected.

Your no was so definite.

Well, I got to thinking it over.

Music has done a lot for me, and well, here was a chance

to do something for music.

Well, then I take it you've reconsidered.

Yep, you talked me into it, professor.

Oh, my goodness!

What was that?

Oh, that was Professor Oddly.

Any more of them around?

I hope not.

Boy, this place sure is loaded with antiques--

present company accepted.

Thank you.

Oh, thank you.

May I have your coat?

Yeah, thanks.

[gasps] Oh.

Oh, Mozart!

Say I've got a copy like this with a radio inside.

Are you sure you don't want your coat?

No, I'm fine.

Except I've got a run in this stocking.

Well, when do we start, Professor?

What's your method?

Oh, it's quite simple, really.

If you'll be here no later than 9:30 tomorrow morning--

Tomorrow morning?

Yes. Yes.

We've arranged a roundtable discussion

with a group of people of various musical backgrounds--

You don't think we could sort of begin right now?

Begin-- well, Miss Honey, it's past 3 o'clock.

Oh, pooh, Professor.

Let's get ourselves a couple of drinks.

You light the fire maybe, and you could

start working on me right away

Oh, I wouldn't dream of imposing at this hour.

Listen, I figured on working all night.

Oh, you-- well, any random discussion would prove of no

scientific value whatsoever.

You see, I must have my notes thoroughly prepared

for tomorrow morning's seminar.

OK.

Where do I sleep?

I beg your pardon?

Where do I sleep?

I don't know where do you usually sleep?

Well, usually in Brooklyn, but tonight,

I'm going to sleep here.

Oh-- [stuttering] uh-- right-- uh [stuttering] oh, here?

Why not?

Well, I mean, we're all bachelors

here, Miss Honey, except maybe Professor Oddly and--

Oh, Professor!

--he was a widower.

But there's a sleep here--

oh, no, there'd be-- see--

no woman has ever-- even Miss Bragg, our housekeeper,

goes home every night at 7:30.

Listen, if you want me here tomorrow morning at 9:30--

Yes, I do, Miss Honey.

I definitely do.

But even the most free-thinking people will have to respect--

Now wait a minute!

Feel that.

Go on, feel that foot.

Heh.

Now what have you got to say?

Uh, it's cold.

Mhm.

It's cold, and it's wet.

Now come here.

Come here!

Closer.

Hi ya, kids. - Hi.

- How you doing? - How do you do?

Now look down my throat.

Oh, come on.

What do you see, huh?

I don't know what to look for.

Well, there's a slight rosiness

is in the laryngeal region.

There!

You see, he knows.

Who are you? - Me?

I'm--

Oh, this is Professor Twinkle and Professor Gerkikoff,

Dr. Elfini.

Oh, wait a minute-- not so fast.

I'll get to know them.

Come in, Twinkie.

I think I've got a fever. Feel.

Oh, yeah. She definitely has.

Oh, yes. - Certainly.

And he wants to put me out.

Oh no.

Frisbee, that is unkind.

You know, it's been raining and the streets are still wet.

There'll be no 9:30 for me if he puts me out in that.

Oh.

But you don't understand--

And the street's cold and the subway's hot and full of germs.

Oh, and I'm a pushover for streptococcus.

Oh.

Could I have this, kid?

Oh, excuse me.

Really I don't understand you, Frisbee.

Why take chances?

With such valuable material!

Think of your work, Professor Frisbee.

I am thinking of my work.

You see, they get the point.

I get the point, too.

What I'm trying to desperately to explain--

May I make a suggestion here?

Why not let the young lady sleep in my room?

What?

Well.

I often bunk with Dr. Elfini during an electrical storm.

Ha ha.

He's afraid of thunder.

Yeah.

Well, then it's all settled.

I guess I'll turn in.

Oh, well--

Could I have my coat?

Couldn't you possibly reconsider?

I--

This way, please.

I'll show you to my room.

Yes, we all will.

Oh, no.

I know where my own room is without help from anyone.

Well, now, why couldn't we all--

Gentlemen, please.

Don't bother.

I'll find it.

Just rough out the directions.

Top of the stairs, first door to the right.

Could I have my coat?

Oh, yes.

Thank you.

Heidi-ho.

Heidi-ho.

Just one moment, please?

Gentlemen, this is all highly irregular.

Suppose this came to the attention of the Foundation

And what about Miss Brag in the morning?

What are you talking about?

This is research, isn't it?

Is it?

Sure, and I'm the guinea pig.

A specimen under the microscope.

Wonderful thing, research.

It is the searchlight of truth.

Without research people would still think the Earth was flat.

Oh, that's ridiculous.

And they'd still look upon a tomato as a poisonous fruit.

There, you see?

And I want you to look at me, Professor Frisbee,

as another tomato.

What?

Just another tomato.

That shall be sufficient to the balance, gentlemen.

Shall we record it now? - Sure.

By all means.

Yes, even Beethoven seems nice and gay this morning.

Gentlemen, before you start, I should like to talk to you.

May I ask what all your trousers are doing in my kitchen?

Well, I wanted mine pressed.

That accounts for one pair.

So did I.

And I.

All six pairs at once.

What's going on in this house anyway?

No constitutional this morning, you scarcely touched

your breakfast, and Professor Frisbee,

this suitcase just came for you.

For me?

The man who left it, strange looking character,

said you'd understand.

He left a message, he said-- - Understand?

I don't understand at all.

Well, why don't you open it up, Frisbee?

Well.

You say he left a message?

Oh.

Well.

What we're saying about the message, Miss Bragg?

I'm waiting for you to explain.

- Explain what? - That.

He's--

Oh--

He's taken on an assistant.

Very charming.

Hi, kids.

Good morning.

Morning.

Say, where can I get a cup of coffee?

Hi. How are you?

Oh, Miss Honey, may I present Miss Bragg, our housekeeper.

Hi.

This must be your apron I'm wearing?

Oh, this suitcase came for you with a message.

Yeah, what message?

I don't know.

The message was it's getting hotter and hotter,

and stay in the icebox like a good little salad.

Salad, huh?

What could that mean?

Oh, what time is your clam bake, Professor?

Oh, my clambake is at--

we start at 9:30 in the morning, and please try not to be late.

Give me a little help with this suitcase, and I won't be.

Glad to.

See you later, kids.

Well.

Oh.

Oh.

Excuse me.

Please, continue without me for a while, gentlemen.

Now, to get back to the subject under discussion.

If we can classify the various forms of jazz

along with a series of cross-references,

and make a record of the history of this type of music,

I believe the work will be invaluable to the foundation.

Don't you agree, gentlemen?

Yes.

That's good.

Now that we're all agreed, in the vernacular

I heard last night, let's start on the downbeat and take off.

Is that the correct way of phrasing it?

That's a good deal.

Yes.

Well, I believe in order to start--

Gentlemen, we've accomplished a lot in the last three days,

and we have many valuable records.

Now before we start on the history of jazz,

someone mentioned yesterday a small combo doing

jump with a head arrangement.

I believe it was Mr.--

Tommy Dorsey.

Jimmy's brother.

Oh, yes, I'm sorry.

You spoke of--

It wasn't me, Professor.

That's not my type.

It could have been Mel, Pyle, or Ham.

Yeah, they're experts at that jive.

Well, then perhaps you gentlemen could help me?

Oh, sure, Mel and I used to play a lot of that stuff

for Benny Goodman.

Oh, is that so?

Well, could you play an example of the type of music?

Oh, we'd we be glad to, but Joe,

our clarinetist couldn't come.

Oh, that's too bad.

Can anyone here blow a clarinet?

Well, that's quite simple.

Our Professor Magenbruch plays the clarinet.

Oh, is he a professor?

I hardly think--

Oh, he'd apt to be a little too square.

He's quite proficient, I assure you.

If you'll just get ready, I'll go and fetch him.

Gentlemen?

Sh.

Gentlemen, I don't wish to interrupt,

but we seem to need a clarinet to illustrate

a new form of music.

Certainly.

Thank you very much.

No, Magenbruch, we need you with it.

You mean to play jazz?

Yes.

It's very likely you might be able to play your Umpateedle.

Oh, then, I'd better take my book along with me.

Good, then we'll all go along.

I think not, gentlemen.

Perhaps you'd better continue with your work?

Oh, I wish we could go too.

This is our Professor Magenbruch, gentlemen.

Hello.

I see you have everything ready.

Is this the music here?

No, we don't use any music.

We haven't got anything written down, Professor.

Well, we can't play it without music.

Well, Benny Goodman used to.

Benny Goodman, I never--

Frisbee, did you ever hear of him?

No. No, I haven't.

Perhaps there's something in this book that might help you?

Oh, yes.

Just sit down, Professor, and if you feel like it,

you can join in.

Thank you.

Mel, let's steal some apples.

[music playing]

That's fine, Professor.

Now anything we do, just follow up.

[music playing]

Young lady?

Young lady?

Come with me, please?

Young lady, there are a couple of gentlemen,

I use the word loosely, who would like to see you.

They're in the garden right through that door.

Thanks, Cookie.

Well, it's about time.

I thought you two had amnesia and forgot where you parked me.

We had trouble getting here.

DA's got hundred men looking for you.

You're hotter than a firecracker.

Squeezing this town through a sieve.

Well, OK, you wait here.

I'll get my things. - Now, wait a minute.

You're not leaving.

Not now.

Where's Tony?

He's on his way to Jersey.

He'll call you from there.

That's part of the big surprise.

I don't like surprises.

Oh, you'll like this one.

Flash it on her. Go on.

Put on your sunglasses.

Oh, boy.

Seven grand boiled into that one.

Oh, well, Tony doesn't have to bribe me just because I

do him a little favor.

I'd like to see him try and get it back.

It's a little big.

Third finger, left hand.

Say, who do you think you're kidding?

The future Mrs. Tony Crow.

What?

Tony's finally decided to use that license

you took out last June.

Well, it's about time.

It was his mouthpieces ID.

A wife can't testify against her husband, see?

Oh.

Don't put it that way, you dope.

Say, he's been crazy about you since you met.

Yeah, but it took the DA to make him pop the question.

He's really got a big crush on you.

Oh, sure.

Only the other day, he said to me,

I get a bigger bang out of that Honey than anything

I've ever known.

You don't know how lucky you are.

Oh, don't I though?

Mrs. Tony Crow.

Diamonds and ermine and a house in Westchester.

The wedding's got to be a fast one.

Now, lay low and stick close by the phone.

We'll call you tomorrow morning.

Yeah, the ride will be waiting.

Hey, here's the paper.

It's got the whole story.

Read it in your room, Mrs. Crow.

Oh, fine.

Gentlemen, if I may have just one moment.

Gentlemen, if you please.

I think we're just about ready to record.

The Top Musical Encyclopedia recording number

684J, illustrating chapters 22 to 29 in Volume 11,

the history of jazz.

From Africa, came the first musical instrument, a drum.

The hollow trunk of a tree or a taut animal hide

supplied the rhythm or beat.

To the basic rhythm was added a human voice.

Next, the first wind instrument, the shepherd's flute.

The basic beat of the tom tom, and the same thematic strain

of the chat that was carried across oceans

and contained an early Spanish music after the invention

of the guitar.

Spread to countries, which shared the Spanish language.

Cuba, West Indies, and South America

where the rhythm or beat assumed a new form of expression.

The ever winding cycle finally reached the shores

of southern United States where the beat was momentarily lost,

but the melody was woven into pure Negro spirit.

(SINGING) Mockingbird sang at morn and her song was warm.

Mockingbird sang at morn and her song was warm.

Then the beat returned.

(SINGING) Well, the mockingbird,

mockingbird, mockingbird, oh, mockingbird.

The Lord looked down and he gave the Word and the angels

put the song in the mockingbird.

When man was born, he liked what he heard, and sang to the Lord

with the mockingbird.

Singing, Lord, hear me.

Well, he sang to the Lord with the mockingbird.

Praise be and the good Lord, liked everything he heard.

They took the tune and the Word right from the mockingbird.

That's how a song was born.

And then the soft evening breeze hummed

through the willow trees.

That's how a song was born.

The tingling rain from the sky became a lullaby,

and the blues must have come from a sigh.

And went two hearts beat in time, bluebells began to chime.

That's how a song was born.

They took a beat, and made it reet.

They took a beat and brought it down to Basil Street.

Now we got it jumping.

Satchmo, get on that horn.

Let's hear, let's hear, let's hear how jazz was born.

1, 2, 3, 4.

(SINGING) They took a real jungle beat,

brought it to Basil Street, and that's how jazz was born.

And then some one played a whale all up and down the scale,

and that's how jazz was born.

They simply played what they liked, as long as it would fit.

If it just had a beat, that was it.

And when a horn gave a scream, it took it as a theme,

and that's how jazz was born.

[music playing]

Hiya, kids.

The expert is here.

We need you.

What's the trouble?

We've been listening to the music from across the hall.

It's been very nice.

They've been having jam sessions.

A jam session.

Sounds like a lot of fun.

- We'd like to try it. - Why don't you?

We don't know how to begin.

They don't seem to have any kind of set form.

Well, you're right there.

That's exactly what a jam session is.

The first thing you want to do is let a to little light

in here.

OK, kids, now all kind of gather around, we'll get into it.

A jam session is taking a little tune you all now

and doing things with it.

Doing things?

Sort of kicking it around.

Well, what music do you know?

- You mean jump? - A few jives.

Swing.

Blues.

Reboppity boobity debap.

Rebop.

Oh, hello. How are you?

Miss Honey, these are two good friends of ours.

We're the window washers.

- He's Buck. - And he's Bubbles.

Hi.

We're about to have a little jam session.

Would you care to join us?

We sure would.

OK, let's get back.

Now, where were we?

We were talking about jump.

- Jives. - Swing.

Well then, you kids know all that.

No, we don't know any of that kind of music.

They taught us those words.

Well, that makes it kind of tough.

Now, what do you know?

Well, we know Beethoven.

- Bizet. - Wagner.

Brahms.

Don't you know anything lighter than that?

Symphonies.

- Concertos. - Operas.

- Operas? - Oh, yeah.

We know all of them.

This will be a new kind of jam session, a long haired one.

Can you sing?

We don't know the words to the operas.

Oh, any words will do.

You got a newspaper or a timetable or something?

I'm sure he's got something.

What have you got there, Bubbles?

Oh, this is fine.

But we've got to do a little rehearsing.

Now, this is what I want you to do.

You're to sing the words from the piece I give you.

Here's yours.

Here's yours.

Just sing whatever you read.

Tartan Musical Encyclopedia, long haired jam session.

Already, kids? - Sure am.

Yes.

All right.

OK, let's go.

Now, watch it.

[music playing]

(SINGING) Daily racing form selections,

post positions and the odds.

Whether raining and it's muddy and the track is very slow.

I think I like Sad Sack.

It says he worked the mile in 1:57 flat.

(SINGING) Too bad he scratched.

(SINGING) Oh why did poor old Sad Sack have to go--

(SINGING) Why did poor old Sad Sack, why did poor old Sad

Sack have to go and scratch?

They're off.

Giddy up. Giddy up.

Giddy up. Giddy up.

Giddy up. Giddy up.

Giddy up, yup, yup.

(SINGING) Who's ahead, who's ahead?

(SINGING) Gallorett's in front.

(SINGING) By a nose, by a leg, by half a length.

(SINGING) Man O' War's at the clubhouse turn.

(SINGING) Flying Schmo's last.

(SINGING) 40 lengths behind.

(SINGING) Run, run, run, run.

Go, go, go, go.

Run, run, Honeymoon.

We're nearly in the backstretch.

Thank you, gentlemen.

Same time tomorrow?

See you tomorrow.

OK, professor.

Nice going, Magenbruch.

MAN: That was swell, Mag.

MAN #2: OK, Fris.

MISS BRAGG: Just listen to that.

Professor Frisbee, either that woman leaves this house,

or I do.

Are you speaking of Miss Honey?

I am.

Ever since that woman crossed this threshold,

a prairie fire of orgiastic events

has swept through this house.

[playing "the anvil chorus"]

[music crescendoes]

[cymbals crash]

[all laughing, shouting]

Frisbee!

Are you hurt?

No, it merely startled me.

Must have fallen from that shelf.

Yes.

I'll put it back.

It was probably sympathetic vibration

that caused it to fall.

Oh, resonance can be a very powerful thing.

That has been proved.

That's true.

Seven trumpets tumbled down the walls of Jericho.

Russo shattered a wine glass by merely singing at it.

True.

That's all very interesting, gentlemen,

but our whole project seems to be suffering

from some sort of vibration.

(TOGETHER) What do you mean?

I'd like to talk to Miss Honey alone.

But we were--

If you don't mind.

Now, Miss Honey, would you, uh, take this chair, please?

That particular chair?

Yes.

If you don't mind.

OK.

Would you open your mouth?

A little wider?

Thank you.

Can I close it now?

Oh, please do.

Miss Honey--

Yeah?

Circumstances under which-- that is, over which--

none of us has the least control forced me to a step

I am most reluctant to take.

The sky is perfectly clear, the thermometer is at 76,

your throat appears quite normal.

I'm afraid I must ask you to leave.

Leave here?

Why?

I want you to look at this project--

this history of music-- as a voyage.

A long, hard, tedious voyage.

And when the foundation first launched its vessel,

it wisely followed an old rule of the sea--

no women aboard.

Consequently, they chose a crew of single men,

with nothing to distract them from the course

they were about to sail.

Say, junior-- you couldn't stop walking up and down, here?

For the last four days, Miss Honey,

we have been doing nothing but just drifting.

The needle of the compass no longer

points to the magnetic pole.

It points, if I may say so, to your ankles.

Oh, come now, Admiral-- a bunch of grown men.

They've all seen a pair of ankles before.

Not in nine years, they haven't.

Except for the singularly uninspired

underpinnings of miss Bragg.

Well, then, if you think I'm bothering them,

I'll sit on my legs.

And I'll do it in my room, or in the kitchen.

It's too late.

You must leave now.

But I can't leave now.

What about your work?

It isn't even finished.

There are a lot of things we haven't even touched on.

Oh, make no mistake, Miss Honey.

I shall regret deeply the absence of your keen mind.

But unfortunately, it's inseparable from an extremely

disturbing body.

[whistles] All right, I'll go.

Only don't shove.

I'll leave some time tomorrow. - No.

Not tomorrow. Right away.

But I tell you, I can't--

I insist.

Old Crabapple Annie.

Listen, Frisbee--

"Crabapple Annie?"

Why, that implies that I'm puritanical and narrow-minded.

- Yeah. - Well, I'm not.

I'm a perfectly normal man, with perfectly normal instincts.

And an awful high boiling point.

Not even that.

I, too, have been acutely aware of your presence.

But-- - You have?

--fortunately, I'm strong enough to be able to resist

its demoralizing effects.

Oh, really?

I admit-- at times, it was quite a struggle.

But--

Like when?

Well, twice, to be exact.

The first time, when you leaned over my shoulder to explain

the meaning of the word "riff."

And the second time?

I'm not finished with the first time.

You leaned over my shoulder, and I felt your breath on my ear.

And?

And the second time, you were standing up against the window

with the sunlight in your hair.

But you didn't do anything about it?

Yes, I did.

I left the room.

I went upstairs, dipped my handkerchief into cold water,

and put it on the back of my neck--

right here, where the nerve center is.

Oh, you're cute.

Just a little sunlight in my hair, and you

had to water your neck.

Well, perhaps I shouldn't have mentioned it.

But I'm trying to explain that the whole success

of the project depends on--

on this-- I want you to coop--

cooperate.

I'd-- I'd like you to (VOICE CRACKS) leave.

[clears throat] Leave.

Do really mean that?

Yes, I (VOICE CRACKS) do.

I do.

[clears throat]

Well, as long as I'm leaving anyway, I may as well spill it.

Spill it?

Spill what?

Why do you think I came here in the first place?

Well, I imagine to help me in my research.

No. I came on account of you.

On account of me?

Yeah.

Of all the men I've ever met, I had

to fall for a strong, silent man of distinction.

Distinction?

A man of unbending will power.

A man who could just flip me away

like an old cigarette butt.

Oh, now, don't let it upset you, Miss Honey.

But it does upset me.

Unfortunately, I don't happen to be strong.

I can't steel myself against you.

Against me?

Yeah.

You.

Maybe it sounds crazy, but to me, you're a--

a regular yum-yum type.

A (STUTTERS) yum-yum?

Yeah.

You know what that means? - No.

We-- we haven't gotten to that, yet.

We've got to it now.

And I'm glad it's out.

Oh, I don't give a hoop if the others went for me.

It's you I'm wacky about.

Just plain wacky.

Can you understand that?

Please, Miss Honey--

Oh, "please" nothing.

Maybe you can generate, or whatever it is,

for all that suppressed business.

But I can't.

Come here.

Oh-- you're so tall.

What are you doing?

You'll find out.

That's an extremely valuable reference book.

And that's just too bad.

Just perfect.

What are you going to do?

I'm going to show you what "yum-yum" is.

Hm?

Here's yum.

And here's the other yum.

[womanly sigh]

And here's yum-yum.

Pardon me.

Hey!

Where are you going?

Did you see?

He almost stepped on my hand!

Three steps at a time!

- Shot out of a gun. - Why?

I don't know.

To get a razor strap, I hope.

And I hope he knows where to apply it.

[door closes]

MISS BRAGG: Well, Professor Frisbee?

Oh-- yes, Miss Bragg.

Would, uh-- would someone call a taxi cab for Miss Honey,

please?

Of course.

Right away.

Huh!

A fine business.

I beg your pardon?

What's the big idea, running out on me like that?

Oh, nothing.

Nothing.

I have been thinking, Miss Honey, and--

well, the last few minutes have confirmed my former decision.

Your further presence here would be fatal.

You must get me out of your mind,

just as I must get you out of this house.

Your hair's wet.

Well-- never mind, please.

Well, it is wet.

Well, what of it?

Nothing.

I just happened to notice it.

Well, forget it. Please.

OK.

OK.

But it is wet.

Now, to get back to the subject under discussion--

it would be idle for me to deny that I, too,

feel very strongly this affinity that you

spoke about a few minutes ago.

But after three years, when my work is finished,

perhaps we can take up where we left off.

[breathing heavily] In the meantime,

I hope that we may continue with some sort of correspondence.

Would you, Miss Honey?

Oh, Frizzy.

I know.

That's the way I feel, too.

But it has to be.

Just one more thing before you go, Miss Honey.

I will probably be a long time, and I thought perhaps--

well, that is--

I, uh-- would you "yum" me, just once more?

It seems so unnecessary.

(ALL) Yes.

MISS BRAGG: Well, I think it's very--

Taxi is here.

I'll tell him.

Professor Frisbee!

The taxi for that young woman is here.

Professor Frisbee!

The taxi!

The taxi!

(WOOZY VOICE) Yes?

What is it?

The taxi is here.

Taxi?

[giggles] What taxi?

Miss Swanson's, or mine.

It's all yours, Crabapple Annie.

Get some coffee.

Yes-- some coffee.

Now, you just sit down, and we'll get you something to eat.

Miss Bragg kept something warm.

Just sit down, here.

Here's your coffee, Frisbee.

Where have you been, Frisbee?

Yeah.

It's almost 4 o'clock in the morning.

What happened to you?

Hm?

[high-pitched giggle]

Come on.

Drink your coffee.

Yes.

Here's the sugar.

Sugar, Frisbee.

No, that's salt!

No!

Oh, get another cup of coffee.

Now, Frisbee, you left before dinner.

Where have you been?

Hm?

[giggling]

Not on the cake!

That's mustard!

Here's some more coffee.

Now, Frisbee, won't you please tell us where you've been?

Oh, wait a minute.

What the--

No!

[giggles]

Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no.

Frisbee.

Frisbee, please.

Have some toast.

Please tell us--

what's the matter?

Please, Frisbee-- Frisbee!

What is the matter?

What's the matter?

I'm in love, that's what's the matter.

I'm in love.

I'm going upstairs to propose to her, right now.

Frisbee--

Oh, thank you, gentlemen, for the food.

It was delicious.

Frisbee--

Well, good night.

[crashing, tumbling]

Frisbee!

Package for Frisbee.

Oh, well, that's me. Thank you very much.

Sign here.

What was the delay, young man?

Just sign there.

I trust the engraving is all right?

I guess so.

Thank you.

Oh-- just a moment.

Here you are.

Thanks.

You're quite welcome.

(STUTTERING) Are you sure it's a real diamond, Frisbee?

Oh, I'm certain that it is.

The ring cost me $83.95--

which didn't include the $2 for the engraving charge.

Let's see, Frisbee!

I'm trying to open it.

Oh, here.

You do it.

Yes, sir.

[all sigh]

There it is.

DR. ELFINI: Lovely.

Lovely.

It isn't very big, is it?

But it is in extremely good taste.

Lovely. Lovely.

Frisbee, as a man of experience,

I assure you that I like it.

Thank you, very much.

Here's the breakfast you ordered, Professor Frisbee.

Oh-- thank you, Miss Bragg.

Room service!

Now it's room service!

Elfini, would you please put the ring under the toast?

Why, certainly.

Thank you.

Well-- goodbye.

Good luck.

Don't take "no" for an answer, Frisbee.

Be careful!

If I were the cream for that woman's coffee, I'd curdle.

Miss Bragg, I thought you were leaving us.

A nurse doesn't desert her post when

an epidemic reaches its crisis!

Hm.

[knocking at door]

MISS HONEY: Come in.

Good morning.

Oh-- good morning, Frizzy!

I brought you breakfast.

Good!

I'll have it right here.

Thank you.

How do you take it?

Just jav, no cow.

Just what?

Black.

Oh.

Sugar? - Mm-mm.

Straight.

Toast?

Mm-mm.

No, thanks.

You sure you don't want some toast?

Mm-mm.

No toast, eh?

Mm-mm.

Never use it.

Not even a small bite?

Mm-mm.

Sit down.

Take a load off your feet.

Hm.

No toast.

Oh, that's a book I was reading last night.

I couldn't sleep last night, either.

I just kept walking and walking, until the sun

came up over the East 60s.

I had to have time to gather my thoughts

together, and kind of--

clarify our relationship.

Have we got one of those?

Oh, yes, Miss Honey.

It's very important to me, too.

You see, it's new--

and rather strange.

Up until now, my life has been like--

well, like-- like an unorchestrated theme.

Say-- you couldn't talk a little plainer, could you?

Well, not unless you have a piece of toast.

Or, at least look under the lid, anyway.

Aww-- you went and bought me a present.

I hope it fits.

I went all over town last night, trying to find

a jewelry store that was open.

Now, isn't that sweet?

It's a lovely ring.

Really, it is, Frizzy.

I'd hoped you'd like it.

It's, uh-- it's our engagement ring.

Frizzy!

Do you mean that--

Yes, I do.

Do you mean you really--

Well, I-- yes.

What am I supposed to say?

Why, just say "yes."

After what you told me yesterday--

the way you feel about me--

all you have to do now is say "yes."

Frizzy-- don't you think you're being a bit hasty?

I'm just as surprised as you are.

Marriage.

I always thought I was married to my music.

I thought the only thing could stir me was Piatigorsky

on the cello, Heifetz on the violin, Toscanini

conducting a symphony.

And then-- then you.

You see, I've had rather a curious background.

I was graduated from Princeton when I was 13.

When I was a year old, I could sing "Three Blind Mice."

And before I was three, I knew that

the major chord on flattened supertonic was D-flat,

F, and A-flat--

in the key of C, of course.

People like that-- hm.

I don't know.

Dust just piles up on their hearts.

It kind of took you to blow it away.

Yeah, but--

I didn't mean to blow it smack into your eyes.

That's what happened.

Why don't you look inside the ring?

There's some writing.

Musical notes. - Yes.

There wasn't enough room for all the words,

so I used notes, instead.

Notes from the opening phrase of an aria from the opera

"Paris and Helen."

Quote, "O thou beloved, whom so long my heart desired,

when will the day e'er be that my heart thou doth bless

with a softly whispered yes?"

Unquote, I suppose.

I hope you don't think it's too corny.

Oh, Frizzy, I--

[knocking at door]

Yes?

Come in.

Miss Honey, there's a telephone call for you.

For me?

Yes.

We hate to interrupt you, but it is a long-distance call.

The man on the wire said it was from your "daddy."

"Daddy?"

That's what he said.

Oh!

Oh, my daddy!

Oh, yeah-- I'll take it right away!

How did it go, Frisbee?

Oh, very well.

She seemed quite overwhelmed.

That was to be expected, though.

Excuse me, but, uh, the-- the customary

procedure is to approach the parents of a young lady first.

Hello?

Hello, Honey.

This is Monte.

The boss wants to talk to you.

Only we're really in the call, so it won't be traced.

Get me?

Here she is, boss.

Ready?

OK, now, Honey.

Don't use no names, though.

Oh, boy, did you call at the right minute.

Where are you?

Little one-horse town in New Jersey.

Rancocas, it's called.

How you been, baby?

Everything under control?

Not anymore.

Things are getting complicated.

No, no-- nothing like that.

It's-- it's just that one of the kitties

has broken out in a rash.

Yeah.

Slight case of spring fever.

Well, don't let the old boy run you down in his wheelchair.

Everything's set, baby.

Got a Justice of the Peace all lined up.

Hm?

That's what we're trying to figure

out-- how to get you down here.

No.

I don't want you to take a train.

They'll spot you like a lead dime.

They'll be watching everything--

Holland Tunnel, George Washington Bridge, everything.

I don't care if I have to hitchhike

out of here in a hearse!

I've got to get out of here!

I don't like it!

I want-- oh, well, what other news is there, daddy?

Everything fine at home?

How's mom's lumbago?

How's whose what?

Home for her birthday?

Well, I don't know, daddy, I--

I won't be long.

Just wait in the library, please.

If-- if you don't mind, I'd like to have

a few words with your father.

Oh.

Sure.

Uh, Daddy-- this is the professor

I was telling you about.

[clears throat] Hello, Mr. Swanson?

This is Hobart Frisbee.

I gather your daughter has told you of our intentions?

Say, what is all this double-talk?

Before asking for her hand, I realize I should

have asked your permission.

Please, Frizzy.

Are you crazy?

Oh, you're so right, Mr. Swanson.

I-- I realize this must come as a great shock to you.

One of these old dotards has got a yen for Honey.

Well, uh, speak up, son.

What have you got to offer?

Oh, well-- as character references,

you may call the head of the Curtis

Institute in Philadelphia, and the president of Princeton.

That's my university.

Except for occasional trouble with my, uh, left sinus,

I'm in excellent physical condition.

How's your digestion, son?

Oh, excellent, sir.

Excellent.

I draw a salary of $3,200 per year,

and-- boy, it's, uh, not very large, but we'll watch

our nickels, and--

hm?

Do I what?

Gamble?

Oh, no, sir.

That's fine.

That's fine.

Adams, I think I got a brain flash.

Son?

What did you say your first name was?

Hobart?

All right, uh, Hobart.

I don't know whether Honey told you this,

or not, but she's our only child.

Well, we hadn't figured on having

a professor in the family, but if that's what she wants,

it's OK by us.

Well, I--

I shall do everything in my power to make her very happy.

Uh, one other thing, Hobart.

You see, we're not young anymore.

Her mother is an invalid, and it'd just about break her heart

not to see her Honey married.

You understand?

Oh, of course, Mr. Swanson.

My own mother is dead, but I realize what it would have

meant to her to be present.

Well, suppose you bring the kid right down here.

We want to meet you, and we'll have the ceremony right

here, in our own home town.

Of course.

May I-- may I call you "father?"

Thank you, Father.

This is more than I'd hoped for.

Father wants to talk to you.

Yes?

Well, that takes care of the transportation, baby.

Who's going to question the Curtis Institute

and Princeton University?

Oh, listen to--

Daddy, maybe there's some other way.

I don't want to take 'em for that kind of a ride.

Oh, it's quite all right.

I'll take a few days off.

(ALL TALKING) We all will.

Anyway, they don't have a car.

We'll rent one.

I can drive.

I think.

Never mind the alibis, baby.

This gets you to Rancocas.

I don't want any argument, understand?

Hello?

What's the matter, my dear?

Oh, he's always in such a rush.

Father?

Well, that's my good fortune.

The sooner, the better.

Gentlemen, I have the honor to announce our engagement.

Oh, good!

Congratulations!

There now, Miss Bragg.

Don't cry.

I hope you're doing the right thing, Professor.

I know I am.

Why don't you go upstairs, and pack some things for my fiance?

All right.

Thank you.

I want to be an usher.

I want to be an usher.

We'll all be ushers.

One kisses the bride.

Yeah.

We'll all kiss the bride.

DR. ELFINI: That's right.

MAGENBRUCH: May we, Frisbee?

Oh, go right ahead, gentlemen.

Thank you.

You've made us very happy.

Very happy.

Um-- we feel that--

that you're marrying all of us.

A little.

Yes.

We all do.

We wish you all the happiness in the world, my dear.

Yes. Yes.

Yes, indeed.

Well, I-- well, if we're going to get started this afternoon,

I'd better get my things together.

Kind of a cheesy picture of me, isn't it?

Now I know you better, I'd say it's a little flattering.

Check.

Out of consideration for Professor Frisbee,

I'll let you get your things together

and get down the back stairs.

And then you'll call the police?

No.

That would be too humiliating for Professor Frisbee.

Just get out and disappear.

I've already made other arrangements.

Oh, don't worry-- I'm not marrying any professor.

You're certainly not.

The guy I'm getting is going to keep me in diamonds and mink

coats, not bungalow aprons.

That's pretty good for a gal who came up the hard way, huh?

We'll have this room fumigated.

You can do that after we're gone.

You're not taking professor Frisbee.

I'm taking all of them!

Oh, you are?

Oh, no.

Let me pass.

You are forcing me to phone the police.

Look, cookie-- any spilling there's to be done, I'll do.

But not yet.

Not while it'll bug up everything.

If you think I'm letting you take my professors, you can--

Oh, look at it this way, cookie.

The harm has been done.

Frizzy's going to wear his heart in a sling

whether he finds out sooner or later.

Here, in Jersey-- it doesn't make any difference to him.

Only in Jersey is a darn sight better for me.

Better for you, indeed.

Oh, no.

Let me through that door.

No!

Let me through that door, or I'll scream!

Oh, no-- can't have you screaming!

Sorry, cookie.

[wedding theme playing]

(MUMBLING) To be my lawful wedded wife,

for better or worse-- - What did you say?

What?

Oh, nothing.

I was just rehearsing the wedding ceremony.

"To be my lawful wedded wife, for better or worse,

for richer or poorer."

Oh, please, Frizzy.

- What? - Don't.

Please.

Oh, you're very nervous, darling, aren't you?

I know it's been a very exciting day.

Look out!

[tires squealing]

MAGENBRUCH: Careful, Frisbee!

Careful!

Frisbee!

[phone ringing]

[banging]

[ringing continues]

Help!

Help!

Police!

Never mind, operator.

Cancel it.

They must have left, Tony.

There's no answer.

They should've been here hours ago.

Not the way those old fogeys will be driving.

You know what's funny about people?

The older they get, the more careful they are.

You'd think when a guy's seen everything that--

[phone rings]

Hello?

It's Honey!

Hello, Honey.

Where are you?

Now, look-- we're not down here for fun.

We're having a wedding!

Oh-- you had an accident?

Oh, nothing serious.

It just shook the old boys up a little.

I couldn't get to a phone before.

I don't know.

Some little hotel near Kingston.

Twin Oaks Inn, it's called.

Yeah.

[men laughing in background]

Sure, Tony.

There's a midnight bus.

I can grab that.

Midnight bus?

What are you talking about?

I'll have Monte and Joe pick you up in 40 minutes.

Yeah.

Tonight.

I've got a Justice of the Peace waiting.

There'll be a Justice of the Peace tomorrow.

Why not do this thing right?

I want to wait until the old boys have gone to bed.

I can't walk out on them cold.

Maybe you'd like to sit down and knit 'em seven blue

sweaters to remember you by.

I've told you how it's going to be.

Now stop barking orders.

So long.

Get the car ready.

DR. ELFINI: I can prove to you by the laws of relativity

that it wasn't Frisbee that ran into the signpost,

but that it was the signpost that ran--

Oh, that's all right.

Sit down.

Go ahead.

--but that it was the signpost that ran into Frisbee.

Now, let me explain.

If you do, by the same law, your head

will run into this bottle.

But before you do, I'd like a drink.

All right.

And then I think I'll hit the hay.

Get some sleep. - Why?

The evening is yet young.

Stay with us.

Oh, no.

I don't belong here.

This is a bachelor dinner.

Well-- but this is different.

No.

That's the law.

We've heard from the garage.

The car will be ready in the morning.

Perhaps it'll stay together long enough

for us to get to Rancocas.

Yeah.

If we get an early start.

After issuing an urgent appeal to

all signposts not to charge at us.

What time should we wake you?

Around 7:30?

Oh, I'll be awake, all right.

Well, kids-- here's to you.

Wassail.

You know, you boys still have time to warn him.

A man is a goof to marry any woman.

Just let them try and warn me.

He'll have to console us that there

aren't six more, just like you.

One for each of us.

Assorted ages, of course.

Naturally.

I'd like to keep you all in a locket.

Always.

Seven squirrelly cherubs-- right out of this world.

Goodbye, kids.

(ALL) Goodbye.

Did you hear that, Frisbee?

Hm?

I'm a squirrelly cherub!

[all laughing]

I object, Gerkikoff.

I must insist--

Why?

Because I know I'm right!

You are all speaking very glibly on a subject about which

you know practically nothing.

Frisbee, if you feel the need of any guidance,

may I suggest that you turn to me?

That's right-- you were married once, weren't you?

Genevieve has been dead for some years.

But I have relived every moment of our happiness so many times.

And my experience is entirely at your disposal.

I'm very much obliged to you, Oddly.

But I feel, in this--

Please, Frisbee-- think of me as an older brother or father,

anxious to send you off properly.

Well, so are we all.

Now, uh-- tenderness.

That is what I advocate.

Tenderness and patience.

Genevieve was a pianist.

And we both dabbled at composing.

After our wedding ceremony, we went straight

to the Salzburg Festival.

We spent there a beautiful week, filled with promise.

And returned home with three excellent compositions

for the piano, and a short nocturne for flute,

two horns, strings, and oboe.

Ah, me-- I remember, for three months,

every time I bid her good night, I kissed

the palm of her little hand.

Astonished at my own boldness.

Genevieve was a blonde.

Here is a lock of her hair.

That's lovely, Oddly.

I remember, it used to shine a great deal.

There was a song at that time everyone sang.

I always enjoyed listening to it.

[humming]

That's it.

Oh, please-- sing it all.

(SINGING) Oh, Genevieve, sweet Genevieve--

Does anyone else know it?

(SINGING) The days may come--

[men singing downstairs]

[singing continues]

(SINGING) Along the row.

Please, go on.

(SINGING) Oh, Genevieve, sweet Genevieve--

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

(SINGING) The days may come.

The days may go.

But still the hands of merry we a blissful dream along the row.

[humming]

That's good. That's good.

Good.

[all singing, non-english]

What did you make out of what Oddly was saying?

Ask him.

He's the expert.

What's his bungalow number?

Number six.

[singing continues]

Oddly?

Oddly, I'm sorry, but I've got to talk this thing out.

I'm all confused.

I'm glad we're here in the dark, because this

is extremely personal.

What you said before, about tenderness--

I mean, about your honeymoon--

sounds like a beautiful and aesthetic relationship.

But I'm afraid I don't trust myself.

I'm afraid I'm a lot bolder than you are.

Oddly, do you think that would ruin everything?

Why, the very idea that I should have

to spend my honeymoon watching her compose

nocturnes and sonatas--

I'm a man in love.

It's the first time in my life.

I think of her every waking moment.

I want to take her in my arms.

If this marriage should have been delayed--

that is, should be delayed--

I mean, could-- listen to me, Oddly.

I'm all mixed up.

Can a man like that keep his mind on Johann Sebastian Bach?

Oh, Frizzy.

What?

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

I don't know how I could have made such a mistake.

I-- to say such things to a woman!

Don't apologize.

DR. ELFINI: Frisbee?

Frisbee!

Someone's calling me.

Are they?

Mm-hmm.

DR. ELFINI: Frisbee, where are you?

It's just as well.

DR. ELFINI: Oh, Frisbee!

[clears throat] I'll be back.

[water running]

Did you call me?

Yes, Frisbee, we did.

Uh, Frisbee-- something came up.

Oh, really? What is it?

Well, you see, as we were sitting-- hm?

You'd better tell him.

No, no.

I-- I think he'd better tell him.

Who?

Well, you see, there's a gentleman--

I mean, a man-- there's four men, or six--

Uh, he will tell you.

Yeah, he'll tell you.

I don't understand.

Well, if you'll come right inside, you'll understand.

Just come in.

Yes.

Oh.

Uh, how-- how do you do?

TONY CROW: So you're the bridegroom?

Hm? - Yes.

This is Professor Frisbee.

TONY CROW: Hiya, Hobart.

How do you do?

I thought you'd look like the rest of these squats--

except for a beard with pea soup in it.

Squats?

Well, what about me evoked this interest on your part?

Sounds like it's engraved, don't it?

What's this all about?

It's about Miss Honey.

If you'd talk to him first--

No.

We've had enough detours, already.

Maybe you recognize the voice, Hobart?

Or don't you?

How's the sinus?

Oh-- oh, are you her father?

Well, how do you do, mister--

You're getting warm.

I'm her daddy.

Shut up.

I believe I'm entitled to some clarification.

I would think so.

So am I. Lipstick.

Hey!

Hey, you can't-- - No.

No.

Take it easy.

I was kind of counting on Honey to tell you the score.

And the trouble with her, she's OK

giving out with the wisecracks and the twists,

but when it comes to leveling off, she gets chicken.

He's trying to tell us our wedding trip

was nothing but a vast lie.

"Vast lie?"

Don't you believe that, Hobart.

It's going to be a wedding.

Honey's going to be the bride--

only I'm going to be the bridegroom.

MONTE: [laughing]

Shake it off.

I'm very obliged to you guys for delivering a hot cargo.

She had to be handled with a lot of care.

Frisbee, it seems that your bride-to-be--

TONY CROW: His bride?

That's a laugh.

It seems that Miss Honey has used

us to circumvent the police.

I don't believe it.

Professor, you thought she was going to marry you, with

your $3,000-what-is-it a year?

She spends that much having her toenails painted.

She sulks if she has to wear last year's ermine.

He don't believe it.

Look at him.

All right, Professor.

Suppose you go tell Honey daddy's here.

Tony Crow is the name.

MONTE: [laughing]

[car engine approaching]

MISS BRAGG: Mr. Frisbee!

Oh, Professor!

Why, Miss Bragg!

I hope we're not too late.

Have you married that girl?

You know, she knocked me out!

Nine hours in a closet!

Something told me all along--

Hold the phone, sister.

Hold the phone.

We traced you through your accident.

There's a warrant from the DA's office for that

girlfriend of Tony Crow's.

Where is she?

Uh--

[car engine receding]

There's a Mr. Crow waiting for you.

Yeah?

The situation has been explained

to me in simple terms.

You needn't worry about the police.

I just spoke to them.

Told them you'd left an hour ago.

Probably were in Trenton, by now.

Thanks, Frizzy.

Thanks for what?

You've given us a fine course in the theory

and practice of being a sucker.

Perhaps it wasn't quite worthy of you,

choosing us as the subject of the demonstration.

Seven pushovers.

Like shooting fish in a barrel.

I didn't mean for you to get it this way--

right in the face.

I've been trying to write you a letter.

Here are all my excuses.

And the handwriting of a-- what would be your word for it?

A tramp.

[sobs]

MAGENBRUCH: Good morning, Miss Bragg.

Good morning, gentlemen.

(ALL) Morning.

How about some nice, hot breakfast?

(ALL) No, no.

I made Parkerhouse rolls.

No, no. Don't care for any.

Professor Oddly?

You may have some jam or apple butter.

No, I don't think so, Miss Bragg.

Thank you.

What?

Nobody wants any breakfast?

Miss Bragg, would you mind very much-- please,

would you mind leaving us?

Well!

[record playing]

HONEY (ON RECORD): (SINGING) Flying Schmo's

last, 40 lengths behind.

[record stops]

Now gentleman, before we attempt to go back to work,

I should like to say a few words.

You've all been very kind and very tactful.

Overly tactful, if I may say so.

Now, let's face it--

I made an ass of myself, and I know it.

Oh, well, we all did, Frisbee.

Yes.

But I was the lead donkey.

Good morning.

(ALL) Good morning.

Well, you've had quite an eventful night,

last night, gentlemen.

At least so we see by the papers.

It's cost the estate some $300,000

to have its name spread across every tabloid in New York.

"Nightclub cutie hides out in Totten Foundation."

And this one.

Yes.

"Professor smuggles Honey across state lines."

A Honey smuggler.

I'm sorry, Miss Totten.

For the aforesaid reasons, Miss Totten has decided

to discontinue this project.

What?

[womanly sigh]

Don't do that.

One word, Miss Totten.

In your very understandable excitement,

a great injustice is being done.

I am the guilty one, and I accept my dishonorable

discharge without any protest.

But I don't believe the others should

be made to suffer for my--

[glass shattering]

Goodness!

What happened?

Good mornin', teachers.

Yeah.

Good mornin'.

Now, everybody line up over there.

MONTE: Just like for a photograph.

JOE: With you, Hobart, in the foreground.

Come on.

Let's get going.

MONTE: Get around. Get around.

Go on. - Faster, faster.

Keep moving.

Come on.

Hurry up.

All right, now.

Sit down, everybody.

Make yourself comfortable.

Hey, Louie!

LOUIE: Yeah?

Phone the boss and tell him we got everything in cold storage.

How much longer are we going to argue this thing?

Now come on, Honey.

I said, "no."

And "no" is no.

Listen, Honey-- when I was nine years old, I fell

in love with my piano teacher.

She played classical.

Now, you're not nine years old.

I love him.

She loves him.

Yes, I love him.

I love those hick shirts he wears, with the boiled collars.

And the way he always has his coat buttoned wrong.

He looks like a giraffe, and I love him.

I love him because he's the sort of a guy that gets

drunk on a glass of buttermilk.

And I love the way he blushes right up over his ears.

I love him because he-- he doesn't know how to kiss.

The jerk.

I love him, Tony.

That's what I'm trying to tell you.

I'll never see him again.

But I'm not going to marry you.

Even if you fill me full of lead,

like you did your friend, Ernie Hart.

I told you, I was framed.

I'm beginning to have my own ideas about that.

[phone ringing] - Hello?

Yeah.

OK.

Louie just phoned, boss.

They got 'em on ice.

This kind of changes things.

Come on, baby.

Let's go.

Go where?

Back to town.

What is this?

Well, let's call it a sort of a shotgun wedding.

Say, what are you trying to pull?

Baby, you've been floating around on a pink cloud.

I want you to take a good look at your friend, Frizzy.

Then maybe you'll come back down to earth.

Come on.

Let's go.

What's the set-up?

Joe and Monte have got him in there.

This room, over here, is empty.

You wait here.

Hiya, boss.

Everything's under control.

Where'd you get all the people?

I thought there were only seven of 'em?

JOE: Oh, they wandered in.

Said they were musicians.

TONY CROW: Yeah.

I recognize them.

What are hepcats doing in a place like this?

MONTE: Louie grabbed 'em.

They said they was here to play music.

Hello, Hobart.

Uh-- How-- how do you do?

OK.

Hold him here.

Come on in.

Take a look, baby.

Maybe it'll change your mind.

Well?

We'll be in the room across the hall.

Can we make a deal now, baby?

Sure we can, brother rat.

Adams has gone to get a guy to marry us.

Bring them in as soon as they get here.

Knock off that walkin', Hobart.

You make me nervous.

Hobart!

Will you sit down?

I beg your pardon?

Sit down!

Here, now.

All we have to do is wait for the "all-clear" signal.

We'll dismiss the class right after the ceremony.

Did you say "right after the ceremony?"

MONTE: That's what the man said.

He said that.

You can hear, can't you?

You mean they're not married yet?

Why do you think we're fooling around with these?

I don't know.

Why?

A little trouble with Honey's vocal cords.

She wouldn't say "yes."

Wouldn't say "yes?"

Gentlemen, I've been wrong.

This-- this visit is no longer a mystery.

Apparently, it requires those guns leveled on us to force

Miss Honey to marry Mr. Crow!

You mean to say that--

Yes, I do.

[all talking]

I believe she loves me.

She really loves me!

[voices overlapping]

Hey!

Hey!

She loves you, she loves you not.

So what? - Well, don't you see?

I couldn't possibly permit Miss Honey to marry Mr.

Crow under these circumstances.

Don't you agree, gentlemen?

Oh, absolutely!

[all talking]

Shut up!

Now sit down, all of you.

Go on.

Gentlemen, we--

Sit down!

Hobart!

[laughs nervously]

Here you are, Tony.

He can't hear, but he can marry you.

Hello.

I'm the groom, and that's the bride.

Get going.

I can't hear you.

(SHOUTING) I said, I'm the groom, and that's--

Whoa!

Too loud!

(NORMAL VOICE) I'm the groom, and that's the bride.

Oh. Pleased to meet you, ma'am.

Hello.

You too, sir.

I presume you have a license?

Oh, yeah.

Here it is.

I must have lost my glasses.

- This is going to be great. - Sure.

The best part of it is, he's so near-sighted,

he can't recognize you.

I got them right here.

They don't Looks so big now, them big musical brains, eh?

MONTE: Not to me, they don't.

You gentlemen think you're big because you have firearms--

because you know how to load them and pull the trigger.

It would be very interesting to teach

you the contrary, wouldn't it--

Button it up, understand?

Beg your pardon, gentlemen.

We hate to bother you again.

Why do you say, Hep!

Hey, bother!

Excuse us, professor.

We got some more questions maybe you could help us answer.

The first question is, "how did music secure

a great military victory?"

We couldn't see what music had to do with winning a battle.

What y'all doing, having a meeting here, or something?

More like a wake, maybe.

- Excuse us. - Never mind.

Sit down.

We got a nice, low seat for you, right in the front row.

I'll get over there first.

[clears throat] Uh, mister, uh--

Just call me Joe.

Mr. Joe, do you know anything about music?

It's not one of my best points.

I never went in for that kind of stuff.

At least, not very much. - Oh, yes.

Well, there was a question put to the assemblage

a little while ago, which I would like very much to answer.

You don't mind if we talk, do you?

Just keep it funny.

Your question was about music winning a battle.

[all talking]

No, no, no-- it's a very interesting subject.

I believe the correct answer would

be the Battle of Jericho, in which

music played a vital part--

a very vital part.

That ain't funny, professor.

Well, I'm hoping it will be, in just a moment.

Are you gentlemen familiar with the Battle of Jericho?

(ALL) Yeah. Sure.

Would you mind singing a few phrases, please?

(ALL) Sure.

Now, I'd like you to pay particular attention

to the meaning of the words.

All right, gentlemen-- please.

The meaning of the words.

(ALL SINGING) Well, Joshua fought

the battle around Jericho, around Jericho, around Jericho.

Well, Joshua fought the battle around Jericho,

and the walls come tumbling down.

God knows that Joshua fought the battle around Jericho,

around Jericho, around Jericho.

Well, Joshua fought the battle around Jericho,

and the walls come tumbling down.

Good morning, Sister Mary.

Good morning, Brother John.

I just want to stop and tell you, just how I came along.

You've heard about good old Joshua.

Well, he was the son of none.

And he never stopped his working--

well, until his work was done.

Well, Joshua fought the battle around Jericho,

around Jericho-- - Uh-uh!

Hey! Break it up.

We don't want any whispering.

Oh.

Uh, well, I believe we've gone far enough,

and we all understand the answer to our problem.

Don't we, gentlemen? - (ALL) Yes, yes.

- Now, I suggest that-- - Ah, go on-- get to it.

What do you want to do?

Well, we would like to try a little demonstration

on the effect of resonance and reverberation.

I don't know nothing about it.

Well, we'll try and teach you.

Go ahead. Go ahead.

Thank you.

Now, gentlemen-- suppose you play

the piece you were playing the other day,

as I came into the room.

You-- you mean "The Anvil Chorus?"

Yes.

Yes, indeed. - Oh.

Wonderful.

Wonderful.

Now, I've--

Can we play, too, Professor?

Oh, by all means.

All of you, please, join in.

Now, our hope is-- in the words of Mr. Armstrong--

that this particular music might send you out of this world.

Yeah?

Yes?

Would you, uh-- sit down, please?

Yeah.

Yes.

Oh-- perhaps you'll be a little more comfortable right--

right here.

Yes.

We'll, uh-- [chuckles] All right, gentlemen.

If we are all ready, now, I suggest that we proceed.

Ready?

[playing "the anvil chorus"]

[tempo increases]

[tempo increases]

Whoa!

I-- I-- I chose the wrong piece.

You didn't send me at all.

- Me neither. - Yes.

It was definitely the wrong piece.

I don't like that kind of stuff, anyway.

Oh, I quite agree with you.

We must go the other way.

Isn't that true, gentlemen?

We must go the other way.

We must change our style.

Can we help, professor?

Oh, that's an excellent idea, Mr. Dorsey.

Perhaps, if we change our style to Swing,

that will help produce the, uh-- the desired result.

Hey-- less talk and more music.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'd almost forgotten about you.

Just one more thing.

As they are playing, would you boys be prepared to, uh--

"cut a rug" for this gentleman?

Oh, we dig it.

We dig it, Professor.

Yes, indeed.

Now you're talking.

That's more like it.

Yes.

I thought it was pretty good, myself.

What are you gentlemen going to play?

We'd like to try "Flying Home."

That's fine.

OK, Mel.

"Flying Home."

[playing "flying home"]

Now, repeat after me.

"I, Anthony Crow--"

[music pounding in background]

I, Anthony Crow--

Louder, please.

I, Anthony Crow--

First-class muderer.

"Take thee, Honey Swanson--"

Take thee, Honey Swanson--

Who hates and despises and loathes you--

JUSTICE OF THE PEACE: "To be my lawful wedded wife--"

To be my lawful wedded wife--

JUSTICE OF THE PEACE: "For better or for worse--"

For better or for worse--

For worse.

"For richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health--"

For richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health--

I'm sick already.

- You cut that out. - What?

Never mind. Go on.

What say?

(SHOUTING) Go ahead!

Oh.

[horns blaring]

Did-- did you say something?

No, it's that music, in there.

Oh.

"In sickness and in health--"

You just said that.

What?

Shall I cut out that racket, boss?

Yeah. Yeah.

Go ahead.

Hey-- where is he going?

He's going to stop the music.

Well, he can't go!

He's a witness.

He's got to remain here through the entire ceremony!

OK, Adams-- forget it.

Go ahead.

Well, now I forgot where I was.

I've got to start all over again.

Oh, this is going to take all day.

Begin where you left off!

What'd you say?

Go ahead!

Not so loud!

You hurt my ears!

[clears throat] Now, repeat after me.

"I, Anthony Crow--"

I, Anthony Crow--

[music blaring]

[music crescendoes]

[joe laughing]

DR. ELFINI: Get his gun!

Get his gun!

And do you, Honey Swanson, take

this man to be your lawful wedded husband,

to live together-- - No!

No, I don't!

[men singing in baritone]

Pick them up.

Take their guns away.

Hey, wait!

I ain't finished yet!

I'm very glad of that.

Put up your hands, Mr. Crow.

Put 'em up!

[horn section blaring]

Now, Mr. Crow, we'll settle our differences as man-to-man.

Without the use of firearms.

OK, Hobart!

[honey gasps]

Take it easy, Tony.

Attaboy, Frizzy!

Give it to him!

[BAND PLAYING "THE ANVIL CHORUS" IN TIME TO PUNCHES]

Go on!

Hit him!

Attaboy!

Give it to him!

Konk him!

Konk him!

Hit him again!

Listen, you seven wise idiots.

It wouldn't work.

Remember, Frizzy-- no women aboard.

Now, of all women, you want to take a dizzy dame like me.

Now, if you'll allow me, I can cite many examples

of love stories from the operas to prove

the inevitability of the step.

Yes.

I have proof, even from the older classics.

From the laws of harmony.

Yes, indeed.

And the laws of counterpoint.

The music of the masters is sufficient.

That hasn't anything to do with it!

Yes, it has.

Gentlemen, I know when words cease to be of use,

there remains but one argument.

Come here, Miss Honey.

Oh, no, Frizzy. Please.

FRISBEE: On the book.

Please.

But Frizzy-- but it isn't fair.

Isn't it?

No.

It isn't fair.

My goodness, Hobart, remember my advice--

[shushing]

Whoo!

[laughs]

[music playing]