Original subtitles

[♪♪♪]

Did you blow the candles out downstairs?

[TOILET FLUSHES]

Uh...

Yeah.

Look at this.

A Thanksgiving cornucopia made of pie plates and spackle.

What the heck is a cornucopia?

It's like a horn of plenty.

Oh, dear, can't it wait?

We just finished decorating for Halloween.

Well, good night. Good night.

[MOM SCREAMING]

Go look!

Just a prank, that's all. Anton.

Anton?

Our little Scooter would never do something like that.

Quit calling him that baby name.

Anton would not scoot his behind off the couch if the house was on fire.

God knows he didn't help me with the Halloween decorations.

[GLASS SHATTERS]

Did you hear that? I heard something downstairs.

Well, the dog's out in the yard.

It's probably just the cat.

Well, go see!

[CREAKING]

[THUD]

[DOG BARKING]

[CREAKING]

[CAT CATERWAULS]

[CHUCKLES]

[MEOWS]

Hey, Bones. Hey.

[CLATTERING AND MAN GROANING]

[♪♪♪]

Gary?

[MEOWS]

[WHISPERING] Anton?

[CLATTERING]

Gary?

[♪♪♪]

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Gary, you said you...

The house could burn down!

[GASPS THEN GRUNTS]

[♪♪♪]

[GASPS THEN SCREAMS]

[♪♪♪]

Anton! Anton! Anton! Wake up!

[DOOR OPENS]

Anton, is that you?

Oh!

[SCREAMING]

[LAMP SHATTERS]

OPERATOR [ON PHONE]: If you'd like to make a call, hang up and try again.

If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator.

[BTK'S "PEPPYROCK"] PLAYING OVER HEADPHONES]

♪ Whoo, whoo ♪

♪ Ah, here we go ♪

♪ Whoo, whoo ♪

♪ That's what we gonna do We're gonna go ♪

[MEOWS]

♪ Everybody get up Jump up and go ♪

♪ Whoo, whoo ♪

♪ Everybody get up Jump up and go ♪

♪ Whoo, whoo ♪

♪ Come on, everybody, come on 'Cause I said, "Hey" ♪

♪ Don't care what your brother say ♪

[COUGHING]

♪ Too busy skippin' down and playin' ♪

♪ On such a lovely summer's day ♪

♪ I realize my crown Yeah ♪

♪ And I'm down, down Down, down, down ♪

♪ And I'm a stone I'm a stone ♪

♪ Out of my time ♪♪

[RANCID'S "BLOODCLOT" PLAYING OVER HEADPHONES]

♪ We're like crazy upset ♪

♪ Driving me insane ♪

Hey, Mom! We're out of milk!

[DOG BARKING]

[WHIMPERING]

Mom, we're out of dog food!

♪ Now my guns are blazin' ♪

♪ Bloodclot I can see 360 ♪

♪ Now my guns are blazin' ♪

♪ Pick it back up And start it all over again ♪

♪ Hey, ho Hey ♪

ANNOUNCER [ON TV]: Murder in Bolan: A Special Report.

Four bodies were found. And the killer is still at large.

Bolan is gripped with fear,

as killings spread from a postal route

to the bowling alley and now to our own Burger Jungle.

With Halloween only one day away,

Bolan officials have set a 9 p.m. Curfew for all teenagers.

[MR. MAGOO SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

♪ Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah Hey, ho ♪

♪ Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah ♪

♪ Hey, ho ♪♪

[KEYPAD BEEPING]

[LINE RINGING]

MAN [ON PHONE]: Yeah? Hey, what's up, man?

What's up with you? I'm dry.

So? So why don't you bring me a dimer?

This ain't Domino's, you lazy bitch. Come over and get it.

Come on, man. I'm comfortable.

[LINE DISCONNECTS]

Hello?

[MÖTLEY CRÜE'S "SHOUT AT THE DEVIL" PLAYING]

♪ He's a wolf Screaming lonely in the night ♪

♪ He's the bloodstain On the stage ♪

♪ But in the seasons of the wither We'll stand and deliver ♪

♪ Be strong Laugh and ♪

♪ Shout, shout, shout ♪

What's up, Anton?

♪ Shout, shout, shout ♪

Nice outfit!

♪ Shout, shout, shout Shout at the devil ♪♪

[SUBLIME'S "SANTERIA" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

Yeah? If your mom had teeth, she wouldn't suck dick so well.

What's your point?

What's up, Anton?

PNUB: How's it going, brother?

Nice boxers.

[ANTON SIGHS]

Pass the chronic.

I'm sorry, man. This bong is cashed.

You said you was holding.

I didn't say what I was holding.

[BOTH CHUCKLE THEN LAUGHING]

"Ha-ha-ha."

That's messed up.

I hear if you combine nutmeg and oregano you can get pretty wasted.

MICK: All you do is smoke pot

and watch TV all day.

Don't get me wrong. That's what life is all about.

But don't you think you should have some ambition, a goal?

Yeah. I mean, my dream life would be

to lie around and watch TV while some hot broad delivers me food.

Until your parents kick your oily ass out.

[PNUB & MICK CHUCKLE]

I haven't seen my parents in a couple days.

Maybe they're dead. Party at Anton's. What are you doing?

With a killer loose, you can't rule out murder.

What killer?

Don't you watch the news?

I hate that fucking show.

Our little town is in the national spotlight.

Local mailman, iced.

Barmaid at the bowling alley, iced.

You haven't heard about the twins?

They were jerking off in the milkshake-maker again?

Iced times two. Last night, when they were working at Burger Jungle.

Damn.

[MOTORCYCLE ENGINE REVVING]

Anton, here comes your woman.

PNUB: Heh, heh. He's got serious problems.

[♪♪♪]

MICK: Molly's lived across the street for, like, what, ever?

Tell her about your obsession with her.

Start by telling her your name. Yeah, man. She's waiting for you.

She's not waiting for me.

Would you stop being such a puss and go, like, ask her to the dance?

What dance?

If you'd been to school recently, you'd know.

Halloween thing in the gym?

9:00 curfew? No trick-or-treating allowed?

Dumb dance is the only option.

You guys going?

Hell, no. Can you see us in stupid-ass costumes?

Grooving to Hanson and Jewel?

What do we look like, total losers, man?

[SNIFFING]

I see your point.

[♪♪♪]

She dropped her lyrics book.

She'll catch you reading that over her shoulder in biology.

Her songs are badass. She's like a poet or something.

Go bring it back to her. Be like a knight in shining armor.

[IMITATES FANFARE]

She'd be all grateful, invite me in, offer me a drink, I'd accept.

She'd rip your clothes off

and make sweet love to you, Red Shoe Diary-style.

[IMITATES PORNO MUSIC]

Right. MICK: Could happen.

Just go talk to her, man!

Maybe she'll think you're funny.

[SNICKERS THEN LAUGHS]

You know what?

I think I'm going to.

You wanna borrow some pants, chief?

First impressions and all.

You're a bud.

Think he's gonna do it? No.

So you gotta reach.

You're getting Cheezy Poofs everywhere.

MICK: You gotta open your mouth, man.

Ooh. Lookie what I found.

I thought you were dry.

I guess not.

Fire me up.

[BUBBLING]

[DAVID GARZA'S "CORE (IN TIME)" PLAYING]

♪ Think like you haven't ever Try to remember the day ♪

[SNIFFS]

♪ When we would talk till the light Before morning ♪

♪ Your summer neck is burned With salt and sand ♪

These are great.

♪ I lost my fingers Trying to find your old hands ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ In time maybe we'll discover we Could've been closer to the core ♪♪

My book!

Thank you for

returning it. Hey.

Hey. Hey.

[♪♪♪]

[CHATTERING]

You're certain this is the right man?

Well, I'll tell you, Sister Liquor...

That's LeCure.

Debi's fine. COP: All right, Sister Debi.

He's right here.

Whoa.

[GRUNTING]

[♪♪♪]

DEBI: It's gone!

Shit!

Missed it again.

[♪♪♪]

Where did it go?

[♪♪♪]

Beaver.

"Bolan."

Oh.

Bolan.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

[♪♪♪]

Holy shit!

[♪♪♪]

[ENGINE STARTS]

[ANTON GRUNTS]

MAN: Don't move!

Roll over!

[GUN COCKS]

Anton Tobias.

You got a reason for prowling around here?

I live here.

Since when is it illegal to grocery shop?

Hey, I know you guys.

You guys were seniors when I was a freshman.

Let's talk about high school.

You and your stoner friends zipping around on skateboards.

Thought you were too cool for us.

Did you ever, even once, invite us to get high behind the gym?

You were dorks.

[GRUNTS]

Either of you holding?

What?

I'm desperate. I know you can get in the evidence room...

You asshole! You're trying to score from a cop?

That's it. Complete personal-effects search.

Ah, ah, ah.

What's this?

Stupid, that's an asthma inhaler.

Don't you know anything?

[SIGHS]

Empty your pockets, boy.

They're not my pants.

Let's go!

All right.

George has found a new home.

Ah, what have we here?

[SNIFFS]

Officer?

Smells like marijuana to me.

Write it up, Ruck.

What? It's empty.

You can't cite me for possession of a baggie.

Littering.

Maximum fine.

Two hundred dollars.

Right.

[TWO'S "I AM A PIG" PLAYING ON TV]

♪ Who put all this ♪

♪ Dirt in my machine? ♪

[CREAKING]

♪ All I did was ♪

♪ Try to keep it clean ♪

[MUSIC STOPS]

[CREAKING CONTINUES]

[DOG PANTING]

[TWO'S "I AM A PIG" CONTINUES PLAYING]

♪ Don't be stupid ♪

♪ Everybody knows ♪

♪ I was only ♪

[COUGHING]

♪ Straightening my clothes ♪

♪ What do we got ♪

♪ What do we got here ♪

♪ What do we got ♪

[♪♪♪]

♪ What do we got ♪

♪ What do we got here ♪

♪ What do we got ♪♪

[♪♪♪]

Oh, shit! The killer's here!

The killer's in my house!

[CAT LICKING]

[MEOWS]

[♪♪♪]

[WHIMPERING]

[♪♪♪]

Okay, Dukey.

It'll be okay.

Come on, come on.

Everything's gonna be fine.

Yes, it is.

All right.

Okay.

All right, boy.

[SCREAMS]

He's not dead!

[♪♪♪]

Duke! Duke, come on, just lay down.

Get down, Duke!

All right.

Okay. Okay.

Hold on, Duke. Hold on.

Where's the phone?

[ALARM CLOCK BUZZES]

[♪♪♪]

Run, Duke, run!

He's under the bed!

Ow!

[WHIMPERS]

[♪♪♪]

Mom?

Dad?

[COUGHING]

[VOMITS]

[♪♪♪]

Whoa. What's the matter? Bad shrooms?

You got a fever? Here you go.

I'm gonna show you. MICK: All right.

[2 LIVE CREW'S "POP THAT COOCHIE" PLAYING ON TV]

♪ Pop that coochie ♪

♪ Hey, pop that coochie, baby ♪

Whoa!

Oh, man! PNUB: Yeah.

I love this video. I didn't think they could show it anymore.

ANTON: Guys!

Someone killed my parents!

Shh! This is the best part.

♪ Pop that coochie Pop that coochie, baby ♪

MICK: Shake them, baby.

♪ Pop that coochie, baby Pop, pop ♪♪

[TV TURNS OFF]

Hey. Look. Look!

[♪♪♪]

Shit! ANTON: Yeah, you see?

Huh?

Mr. Tobias?

Ms. T?

Is this some kind of Halloween gag? Your parents always go all-out.

What the fuck are you doing? That's my dad!

CPR, man. I saw it on Baywatch.

Hey, check it out.

A clue.

[♪♪♪]

"Ant"? They were killed by ants?

Please, don't be stupid.

Do you have an evil aunt?

Holy shit!

[♪♪♪]

MICK: Are those ears?

Ear rings?

They're both lefts.

You know what that means.

Feldstein twins.

[♪♪♪]

The killer was wearing your shirt.

The killer was wearing me.

I'm the killer.

I'm gonna call 911.

What's the number?

Yeah.

There's something wrong with my friend.

I think he took some nutmeg or something.

Yeah.

[SCREAMS]

Mick, buddy.

I would remember something like that. You would.

I'm not the killer. You know?

Yeah, I know. But if O.J. Could get off, then I'm sure...

Do you want a beer?

No, thanks. You sure?

[MICK SCREAMS]

Whoa.

[THUDS]

Mick.

Mick!

Mick. Hey, Mick. Mick!

Talk to me!

What the hell is happening to me?

Pnub, man. I didn't do it.

Okay, I did it. But it was an accident.

I can't believe you told me to smoke that shit!

Okay, Anton.

I have to leave now.

Yeah, that's probably a good idea.

[♪♪♪]

[GRUNTING]

[LOCK CLICKS]

It's the basement! You can't get out that way!

Aah.

Why are you doing this?

I don't know!

It's me, Pnub! Your buddy!

I know who you are. I don't wanna hurt you.

Then don't!

It's not me!

It's my hand!

It's like I have no control over my hand! Aah!

I don't know how long I can hold it. Run!

Get out of my way!

Just go!

PNUB: It's gonna be okay. I won't tell anybody.

I swear.

Everything will be cool.

Everything will be...

[SQUISHING]

[GROANS]

Cool.

[SCREAMS]

[PANTING]

What have I done?

Oh.

[MAN 1 SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY THEN LAUGHING ON TV]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[MAN 2 SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ON TV]

[YELLS]

[GRUNTING]

[MEOWS]

Get out of here, Bones!

Git!

[LAUGHING]

Ha!

[CAT SCREECHING]

[MEOWS]

Bones?

[♪♪♪]

Bones?

Bones.

Here, kitty, kitty.

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.

[♪♪♪]

[DOORBELL BUZZING]

Aren't you a little old for ding-dong ditch?

Sorry about your bush.

[♪♪♪]

[GRUNTING]

No problem.

What were you doing out there anyway?

[ANTON SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY THEN CONTINUES GRUNTING]

Jesus, look at you.

Yeah.

I was looking for my cat.

We got in a fight. Ahem.

You sure got your ass kicked.

I did okay.

So you ran and hid in my bush.

Uh, Molly?

I shouldn't be here.

I'm not myself today.

Ha, ha. I'm someone completely different.

You're so shy.

It's okay, I get it.

So let's skip this chickening-out, sneaking-around stage.

No, you don't understand. I'm...

[♪♪♪]

Do you wanna come inside and talk? No.

Yeah? No.

Okay.

[♪♪♪]

[SCREECHING]

You never gave me a chance to thank you. That book is important to me.

So

nothing cooler than a chick bass-guitar player.

Especially one that writes her own lyrics.

You read them?

Uh, I couldn't help looking in the book. They're amazing.

Look, I even got my favorites memorized.

♪ Devil girl with nothing to lose ♪

♪ She got wind in her hair And gum on her shoes ♪♪

[LAUGHS]

Huh?

I was 13 when I wrote that.

Yeah, well,

they're amazing.

Thanks.

[♪♪♪]

I should not be here, Molly.

Safer in here than on the streets. There's a killer out there.

[VANESSA DAOU'S "HOW DO YOU FEEL" PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

That's exactly what I'm saying. I'm dangerous.

Oh, yeah?

How dangerous?

I'm not kidding.

I've done stuff, you know?

♪ In the dark ♪

I'm impressed.

I never would've thought you'd have the balls to just grab me like that.

Me neither.

♪ Do you sleep? ♪

♪ Do you sigh? ♪

♪ Do you lie awake at night And wonder why? ♪

[GRUNTING]

♪ Is your spirit spent? ♪

♪ This time there's no ♪

[GRUNTING]

♪ There's no need to pretend ♪

♪ How do you feel? ♪

♪ You need to tell someone ♪

[BOTH GRUNTING]

♪ Do you feel good When the day is done? ♪

♪ When the day is done ♪

[CHUCKLES]

♪ When you seek ♪

♪ Do you find? ♪

You're kinky.

That's me.

♪ When you stand at the door ♪

♪ How do you feel? ♪♪

[HONKING]

Move it, people! Let's go!

Some of us are on serious missions here.

There's evil out there and I gotta kick its ass!

[GARAGE DOOR CLOSING]

Shit, my parents are home.

We'll pick this up later.

My parents might take offense to some bloody boy banging their daughter.

Tomorrow.

You wanna see me? Come by around 7.

The curfew's annihilated our options, but we can go to the dance.

Yeah?

I thought you said the streets weren't safe.

I'll protect you.

[♪♪♪]

Dearly beloved,

we're gathered here today because you're all dead.

And it's my fault.

Mom, Dad,

what can I say? I mean,

you brought me into this world,

you put a roof over my head, you fed me until I killed you.

If you look at it that way, I haven't been a good son, but I'm really,

really, really sorry.

And wherever you are,

I just want you to forgive me

because I'm gonna try to change.

Mick,

Pnub, guys.

You guys were the greatest.

I'm never gonna forget the way we sat around all day,

watched TV and got really stoned.

And all those other times where we just...

I guess that's all we did.

[SIGHING]

Amen.

[MAN GROANING]

Mick?

MICK: Over here.

Anton, help me.

Come on, man. I can't breathe down here.

Anton?

Anton, can you hear me?

Mick? Yeah, man, Mick.

Now get me out of here.

You're dead. No, I'm not.

You conked my head pretty good. I must've been unconscious.

You think? I know, fucker, now dig me up!

[♪♪♪]

Stay where you are, Mick! Mick!

Mick.

Please don't kill me.

Hey!

Watch it, man!

[YELLS]

[GASPS THEN PANTING]

What did I take last night?

That dream was intense.

Intense.

[BTK LYRICS' "PEPPYROCK"] PLAYING OVER HEADPHONES]

♪ Everybody get up Jump up and go ♪♪

MICK: Turn it up. Check it out. PNUB: Yeah, I'm watching.

Did you see?

Guys! MICK: That's funny.

Thank God you're alive, because I had this dream that I killed...

[♪♪♪]

Hey. Ahh...

Oh, shit!

Sorry about that thing with the shovel.

You're dead. MICK: Easy, tiger.

Undead, actually.

ANTON: You said you were unconscious. You lied.

You killed me, all right? Try and keep this thing in perspective.

I was bitter about the getting-killed- by-my-best-friend thing

but I got over it.

Ah... Ah...

[CLATTERING]

So why you here?

We need a place to kick it.

Don't be selfish. No one else's parents are dead.

No, not why are you "here" here. I mean...

Are you flesh-eating zombies back from hell to exact revenge?

Is that it?

Why would we go to hell?

Duh. We're not bad.

It's not like we're good, but at least we don't kill people!

I didn't kill anybody on purpose.

Yeah, well, we weren't in hell.

There was this bright light at the end of a long tunnel.

There were all these chicks' voices. And that music.

Music?

Kind of uncool music, like Enya.

And these chicks were saying:

"Come to us. Come towards the light."

Whoo... Ha, ha.

So what happened?

We figured, fuck it.

I mean, it was really far.

[♪♪♪]

I've gotta ask. What's with the hand?

It doesn't obey me at all.

The only thing I can come up with is it's gotta be possessed.

Hm...

Do you guys know anything about Satan or evil or?

No.

But we know somebody who does.

[MÖTLEY CRÜE'S "SHOUT AT THE DEVIL" PLAYING]

♪ Shout at the devil ♪

♪ He's a wolf Screaming lonely in the night ♪

♪ He's the bloodstain On the stage ♪

♪ He's the tear in your eye Being tempted by his lies ♪

Did you know them well?

Not really.

You?

Yeah, they were great.

I just feel really bad, you know?

Because I was always so mean to them.

Like this one time, they asked me to go out on a double-date

and I thought they were 'tards, because there's only one of me.

So I told them to go blow each other.

[SOBBING]

Wow.

[WHISPERS] Did they?

[GRUNTING]

[♪♪♪]

The way you treated them,

the guilt must be making you feel like shit inside.

Randy!

You still in high school?

Yeah, me, I got out about three years ago.

I need your help.

What are you playing, a little two-ball? Ha-ha-ha.

Look, I gotta talk to you. Serious stuff is going on.

Anton, can't you see I'm getting a little action over here?

Oh, man. I can't believe you cock-blocked me like that.

I thought we were buds.

Randy, wait!

I didn't mean to mess you up. Listen.

I need your help. Hey.

[ENGINE STARTS]

Hey.

Piss off!

Randy.

[WOMEN SHRIEKING]

♪ Shout at the devil ♪♪

Fresh tomatoes...

Unh! Hey! Who are you? Uh, new. Uh, drive-thru duty.

Excuse me.

Uh, sorry.

[♪♪♪]

Break time. All right.

RANDY: Give me the Big Five with the Spicy Safari Fries,

the African Apple Turnover

and the Raspberry Rainforest Shake.

Slap some extra mustard on that Jungle Burger.

ANTON [OVER INTERCOM]: Tell me everything you know about the devil.

Anton?

Are you out of your fucking mind?

You listen to satanic music. You must've picked up something.

Look, it's just music.

Like Mozart and that other fag, uh, uh...

Keep it clean.

Who, Beethoven?

That's the guy. It's just like their music, only louder.

You gotta know. I'm desperate.

Oh, man!

[CAR HORN HONKING]

Here!

MAN: Asshole!

It's my hand. It's like it's got a mind of its own.

It makes me do things I don't want it to do.

I used to be like that.

Get into all kinds of stupid shit.

Look, the trick is,

to keep yourself busy.

That's why I'm always working on the Ford.

Keeps me out of trouble.

Idle hands are the devil's playground.

Keep my hands busy.

Yeah, that actually makes sense.

Thanks. You're the coolest.

♪ Dead I am the one Exterminate his son ♪

♪ Slipping through the trees Strangling the breeze ♪

♪ Dead I am the sky Watching angels fry ♪

So do you, like, knit now?

Don't take this the wrong way, but you look queer doing that.

Randy broke it down for me.

"Idle hands are the devil's playpen." So I'm thinking,

keep my hands occupied, right?

Man, that saying's not literal.

It's more like, uh,

you know...

Metaphorical?

Right.

This is the noise complaint. Hey,

ain't this the Tobias residence?

♪ Dead I am the rat Feast upon the cat ♪

[♪♪♪]

Holy shit! It's Anton. He's the killer!

I better call for backup. Are you crazy?

And let the feds get the credit? If we collar him, we'll be heroes.

We can't go in without a warrant.

Piss on the Bill of Rights! We got just cause.

Freeze! Now, freeze!

♪ Do it, baby ♪

Guys, what do I do?

I think you... Aah!

[GROANS]

[ALL GASP]

I was gonna say do what the officers tell you,

but now I changed my mind.

You should just kill them.

They're alive! They are not!

You shot one in the head! They're morgue-meat.

Look, guys. I don't wanna kill anybody else.

Hey.

You don't wanna go to jail, though.

Jail. That's it!

They'll throw me in a rubber room. I can't hurt anybody else.

Cuff me!

Okay. Just...

drop the knitting needles.

That's not a good idea. Why don't you just cuff me?

Drop the needles and put your hands on your head!

I can't!

Put down the needles and come quietly.

Cuff me! Put the needles down! Now!

Cuff me! Put them down!

RUCK: Put them down! ANTON: Cuff me!

McMACY: Put them down! ANTON: Cuff me!

Cuff me! BOTH: Put them down!

Cuff me!

Oh, no.

[BOTH GRUNT]

[SCREAMS]

♪ Dig through the ditches And burn through the witches ♪

♪ And slam At the back of my Dragula ♪

[GROANING]

Go, go, Buffalo!

♪ And slam At the back of my Dragula ♪

Stop!

I didn't do it. It was my hand.

It's like, the knitting didn't help at all.

I told you that saying was more, like, metaphorical.

[♪♪♪]

I can't keep doing this!

I'm losing my mind.

♪ And burn through the witches And slam in the back ♪♪

[CHUCKLING]

[♪♪♪]

[TV TURNS OFF]

Get your head.

No way. Whoa.

It's the only thing I can think of.

Once that hand is gone, how will you cut off the other one?

The left one's a keeper.

I mean, I guess it wasn't idle enough.

Are you sure?

Yeah.

I use it for a lot of things. I light up, I change the remote,

I relieve a little tension.

This is the answer. I know it.

Those things won't even cut my bagel.

[SCREAMS]

Shit!

Mick, grab the electric carver.

[CHUCKLES]

Look at me!

I'm Leatherface!

Thanks, Mick.

I'll just use this one.

I can't watch.

[YELLS]

[♪♪♪]

You missed.

Pnub,

bite down.

Don't cut me, man!

[YELLS]

[ANTON SCREAMS]

You scream like a girl.

What the hell are you doing?

[GROANING]

I gotta stop the blood flow. Don't you watch ER?

Look at that nasty thing. That'll be infected for sure.

You got any antiseptic, Anton?

I don't know.

Pnub's got some in a first-aid kit in his house.

Ooh. And burritos.

You'll be okay, buddy.

We'll be back in a sec to fix you up, Anton.

Catch you on the flip-flop.

[GRUNTS]

[RUSTLING]

Oh, shit!

[♪♪♪]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Anton, are you home?

Hello?

ANTON: Molly!

Don't come in! Just stay there, okay?

Very funny, Anton.

Stay out there, Molly!

I'm freezing my butt off.

[SIGHS]

[♪♪♪]

[GRUNTING]

Anton, we're gonna be late.

[POTS CLATTERING]

[KNOCKING]

Anton, I can hear you in there!

ANTON: Stay outside!

MOLLY: Come on, Anton!

Anton!

Let's go! We're gonna be late!

[MICROWAVE BEEPS]

We're gonna miss the band.

Fry! Ha-ha-ha.

[MICROWAVE BEEPING]

Gross.

Anton, I'm coming in.

Wait! Wait, wait, wait!

Wow.

You look incredible.

Thanks. But you should've called.

If you needed more time with your costume, fine. But I hate waiting.

So what are you supposed to be, anyway?

I'm a...

fast-food employee that cut off his own hand.

Cute.

[GASPS]

[♪♪♪]

Come on!

PNUB: Hey, Anton. Anton.

Anton, we're back!

We got antiseptic and adhesive bandages!

The ouch-free kind!

Anton!

"Microwave for three minutes and enjoy."

This is getting on my nerves.

Aah!

Ow!

What are you doing?

Yeah.

Whoa. Could you?

This way.

Easy.

[BOTH GRUNTING]

Yeah. That's better.

All right.

Wow. Thanks, man!

Ew, gross!

Maybe we should clean it first.

Hey, yeah. While we're at it, we can clean the whole house.

This ain't our mess.

[♪♪♪]

Whoa.

Huh.

[♪♪♪]

Look, I can't go to the dance yet, okay? I'm sorry.

My parents will be home in a few minutes.

If they see the mess I made, they'll kill me.

Look, I won't be too long.

I'll meet you there.

Is something wrong?

You need to go there now

and you can't stop till you're inside with everyone.

Okay?

You wouldn't stand me up, would you?

Not a chance, babysnakes.

[LIONROCK'S "RUDE BOY ROCK" PLAYING]

I'll get the next one.

♪ People, wake up ♪♪

Aw. Shit! I burned my tongue.

Ooh.

Ooh. Oh, ew! That's disgusting.

I bet I can fix that for you.

Hold still.

That's better.

[MICROWAVE BEEPING]

MICK: ♪ Burrito, burritos ♪

♪ Uh, uh, burrito ♪♪

Wait, wait! Don't open it!

No! I'm sorry, there were only two.

No! You let the hand out!

We brought you a first-aid kit.

Where did it go? What? You mean the hand?

Of course, the hand.

Try looking up your ass.

[♪♪♪]

[DAVID GARZA'S "GLOW IN THE DARK" PLAYS]

Damn.

♪ Yeah, I got big lips, woman Kisses and flames ♪

♪ Don't bother me 'Cause I'm in my own pain ♪

♪ Shirt so tight Skirt so high ♪

♪ In the not so sweet by-and-by ♪

♪ But I glow in the dark And I won't sit still ♪

♪ Till my teeth tear apart Every scrap of your will ♪

♪ I don't got such a brave lionheart ♪♪

Hey, foxy.

Looking for a ball?

Because I could help you find one that's the right size for you.

What the hell?

Try and keep up.

I'd be happy to keep up with you, sweet thing.

Didn't you have a dance to go to?

Oh, that's right. We gotta do our costumes.

You coming, Randy? No, no. Uh,

I think I can find myself a ride.

All right.

So what brings you to Bolan?

[CHUCKLES]

You don't wanna know.

No, seriously. I'm interested.

Really? Yeah.

Okay. Here it goes.

I'm a Druidic priestess sworn to fight a certain evil force

that possesses the laziest fuckup it can find.

It will kill as many people as possible

and then drag a free soul into the Netherworld.

That's some weighty shit there. Yeah.

Here's the kicker.

I have the one thing that can stop this from happening.

I just need to find the bastard whose hand is possessed.

Weird.

Earlier today, this guy, Anton, told me that his hand was doing stuff

that he didn't want it to do.

Don't you fuck with me!

Ease up, there, kitten.

I'm telling you the truth. This guy was freaked!

Show me where he lives.

[♪♪♪]

[CAR HORN HONKING]

Left! Turn left!

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[♪♪♪]

[SCREAMING]

Guys! We gotta go to the dance.

The hand, it's after Molly.

Let's check out the dance. I'll win Best Costume.

Chicks dig winners. I'll probably hook up.

Yeah, because severed heads are one of the top ten big turn-ons.

Anton. It kills me to see you stressed out.

You cut off your hand

in the interest of however many others.

It's not your problem anymore.

So what I want you to do is take a little Anton-time.

Okay?

Just relax and kick back, my man.

No, no. You know what?

[ZEBRAHEAD'S "MINDTRIP" PLAYING]

Not this time, okay?

I'm through with that. All I do is sit around.

I veg out, I watch TV, I smoke pot...

No Kevin Costner speeches. Let's just go.

♪ It's a mindtrip, it's a mindtrip It's a mind ♪

♪ It's a mindtrip It's a mindtrip ♪

Come on!

♪ It's a mind, it's a mindtrip It's a mindtrip ♪♪

ANTON: Let's go! Come on, come on!

That's him! They're getting into my Ford!

Wait here. He's dangerous.

Wait. Don't let him steal my Ford.

Trust me. I know what I'm doing.

That's lucky.

Shit.

Couldn't be automatic.

Want me to drive?

No, just shift for me.

[OVER SPEAKERS] ♪ Shout, shout, shout ♪

♪ Shout at the devil ♪

Anton! Wait!

No!

[SCREAMS]

MICK: What was that?

PNUB: Who cares?

♪ He's a wolf Screaming lonely in the night ♪

♪ He's the bloodstain On the stage, yeah ♪♪

Hey! Get back here!

[♪♪♪]

[COUGHING]

Yuck.

Who's got the barf breath?

[ACE FREHLEY'S "NEW YORK GROOVE" PLAYS]

♪ Many years since I was here ♪

Damn! It's hot in here.

So are you, babe.

I'm sweating my costume off, Curtis.

Better? Yeah.

[♪♪♪]

♪ And, baby, you better believe ♪

♪ I'm back Back in the New York groove ♪

[MOANING]

Help me get this off.

♪ I'm back Back in the New York groove ♪

♪ Back in the New York groove ♪

♪ In the New York groove ♪♪

[♪♪♪]

Oh, right there.

Oh, Curtis.

[SCREAMING]

[GASPING]

[NECK CRACKING]

[SCREAMS]

[GRUNTS]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

♪ Shout Shout at the devil ♪

♪ Shout, shout, shout ♪

♪ Shout at the devil ♪

[♪♪♪]

It's here.

You guys go in the dance, protect Molly.

I'll go after the fucking hand.

PNUB: What a waste. MICK: You didn't like Curtis.

PNUB: I'm talking about that ass!

MICK: Well, at least he died happy.

[BAND PLAYING "I WANNA BE SEDATED"]

♪ Twenty, twenty Twenty-four hours ago ♪

♪ I wanna be sedated ♪

♪ Nothing to do Nowhere to go ♪

♪ I wanna be sedated ♪

♪ Just get me to the airport And put me on a plane ♪

♪ Hurry, hurry, hurry Before I go insane ♪

♪ I can't control my fingers I can't control my brain ♪

♪ No, no, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

Molly.

What's bugging you?

Just thinking.

And I know who about.

Just thought he'd be here by now.

He'll be here.

I'll go get punch. Want some?

Okay, I'll be right back.

♪ I can't control my brain No, no, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Twenty, twenty Twenty-four hours ago ♪

♪ I wanna be sedated ♪

♪ Nothing to do Nowhere to go ♪

♪ I wanna be sedated ♪

♪ Just put me in a wheelchair And get me to the show ♪

♪ Hurry, hurry, hurry Before I go loco ♪

Wow!

You guys look great!

Wow. Who did your makeup?

I guess Anton did. Based on my design, though.

You wanna dance? Hell, yeah!

Okay. Ha, ha.

Uh, no, no.

We should find Molly. Quit being a skirt.

We'll look for her while we dance. There's plenty of chicks here.

Careful, it's on kind of loose. Cool!

♪ No, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Bam, bam, ba-bam Ba-bam, bam, ba-bam ♪

♪ I wanna be sedated ♪

♪ Bam, bam, ba-bam Ba-bam, bam, ba-bam ♪

♪ I wanna be sedated ♪

♪ Bam, bam, ba-bam Ba-bam, bam, ba-bam ♪

♪ I wanna be sedated ♪♪

[CROWD CHEERING]

[♪♪♪]

MAN: Don't put me on hold again. I wanna talk to your supervisor.

What?

Yes, of course.

No.

What's taking so long? Is this the supervisor?

What do you mean my credit card is no good?

Well, you must have the wrong number.

No, it's 8-4-6-8.

Yes.

Yes. Okay, yes, yes. That's good.

Okay, I think you've been a bad girl

and I want to spank you with my ruler. Ha-ha-ha.

Oh, yes, that's nice.

That is nice. Ha-ha-ha.

Now I'm hot.

Ah, I'm hot.

You got me so hot, it's like I can feel you touching me.

I can feel you touching me. Heh.

[SCREAMING]

[♪♪♪]

Bingo!

Come on! We gotta find Anton!

Yeah. And kick his ass!

[PENCIL SHARPENER WHIRRING]

Are you Anton?

If you're a teacher, we'll discuss my attendance later...

I found you! My name is Debi LeCure.

I know what's happening. I could stop it.

Really, how?

Die! Aah!

[♪♪♪]

Yeah, fuck him up, Debi!

The host of evil must die!

Whoa. Isn't that knife a little extreme, kitten?

[BOTH GRUNTING]

[SCREAMS]

You won't go anywhere, evil-hosting fuck-stick.

Nobody touches my Ford!

Come on, Debi. Give him what for.

Wait, wait! I'm not a host.

Okay, look.

The evil was in my hand, all right?

I cut it off. Okay?

Oh, shit! Oh, shit!

You let it loose?

That was probably a mistake.

No kidding. And now it's after my girlfriend.

You got a girlfriend? I gotta stop it.

It's out for blood. That ain't all it's out for.

If your girl's the one it's after, then at midnight,

it's taking her to hell.

BOTH: Hell? Yeah.

It's not even 9:00 yet. We got some time.

No.

It's actually

six minutes till midnight, druid time.

Druid time.

Right. Let's go!

♪ Mommy doesn't have her head anymore ♪

♪ Keep it underneath My bed on the floor ♪

♪ Well, that's all right That's okay ♪

♪ She never really used her head anyway ♪

Oh, God!

That's disgusting.

Come on, man. You're dead.

You know, think about it. It's illegal.

♪ Bloody mess all over my clothes ♪

♪ All my collection ♪

♪ Adorns my room On bamboo poles ♪

♪ Off with her head ♪

Move! Look out!

Move!

♪ Watch my girlfriend Come to the door ♪

♪ Chop off her head... ♪♪

Everybody, go home! There's a psycho killer here!

[JEERING]

I cut off my hand and it'll kill you all.

GIRL: Get off the stage!

[BOOING]

It's true. His hand killed us yesterday.

Yeah, it sliced me up real good. Ha-ha-ha.

Molly, you out there? Get out of here, kid!

BOY: Crank it up!

You had your fun! Now it's time...

[SCREAMING]

[CROWD SCREAMING AND CLAMORING]

Shit!

[♪♪♪]

God! Did you see that thing? I have to get Anton!

No, screw him! I mean, he'll be fine! Um...

Come on!

In there?

You wanna stay out here and get killed and or trampled?

I was gonna get some.

I really doubt it.

Pnub's a lot more creative than I thought.

I mean, he's actually kind of cool.

He had that costume... Maybe we should go faster.

I don't know if he did it or...

Wait, wait! Shh! What, what...

[CLATTERING]

Go!

Oh, shit! We're trapped in here!

It's gonna get me! It's not gonna get you!

It's not gonna get you! Aah!

We can't go through the blade! We'll be pulverized!

Give me your shoe!

TANYA: What are you gonna do?

No, no. Oh, God, it's too far!

I can't drop that far!

We'll die in this vent!

We won't die. We'll die here.

The rats will eat us, and nobody will find us.

Okay, we're good.

Be careful. All right, let's go!

[♪♪♪]

This would be more comfortable if your ass wasn't so wide.

This is dumb. Anton needs our help.

The best thing about being dead is zero responsibility.

TANYA: It's gonna get me!

That's Tanya. Let's save her. Come on!

Hurry up. She needs me. She needs you like a fish needs...

Okay, this sucks.

[CHUCKLES]

Grab the cord and come down!

I can't. I can't, I'm scared!

Do it, Tanya! Come on!

I can't. It's here.

It's in here, I know it.

Why'd you pull the rope up?

I didn't pull the rope up.

[SCREAMING]

Tanya, where are you? I can't see you!

Tanya, talk to me, please!

Just jump! Just jump!

Tanya, grab the rope!

Get it off!

[CHOKING]

[♪♪♪]

MOLLY: Get it off!

[TANYA & MOLLY SCREAMING]

Ow.

I'm not going through all this Tanya. Go back that way.

Now you really won't get any. It's unfair.

You can go back if you wanna get a piece. Ha, ha.

[♪♪♪]

Fucking hand, I got you now!

[♪♪♪]

[GRUNTING]

Who's your daddy now?

Huh? Who's your fucking...?

MICK: Whoa.

Hey. We're here for you, don't worry.

I made that ashtray! Really?

You let it go again! Fuck you, then.

Fine, then! You know what?

You aren't crashing at my house.

[CLATTERING]

Did you guys hear that?

[MOLLY SCREAMS]

Molly.

Help! Help! Molly!

[♪♪♪]

Anton! Help me!

[GASPS]

[SCREAMS]

Bet she wins Best Costume.

MOLLY: Help me!

Anton!

ANTON: The hand's raising the car!

Help me!

Don't worry, we got it under control!

Fucker's got a grip.

[ALL GRUNTING]

MOLLY: Anton. Hurry, please! ANTON: Mick!

Those auto shop boys are true artistes.

It's Mighty Joe Bong!

I needs me spinach.

Pnub!

I made that. Pnub!

The ashtray I'd almost believe. But this? No way.

[SCREAMING]

Molly will get squished, you bastards!

This is important. For strength.

Anton!

MICK: There you go.

Now you're taking Anton-time.

You're getting stoned with your friends? Unbelievable!

[BLOWS]

[SCREAMS]

[GIGGLES]

That's some one-hit shit there!

Don't worry. I'll get you down.

[♪♪♪]

Ooh.

That's it?

That's it? No explosions, no hellfire, no...

[SCREECHES]

I'm glad everyone's all right. But that was weak.

Well, my work here is done.

Time for the ritualistic sex. You coming?

You are a pistol. Rowl.

MOLLY: Hello? I'm still up here.

[UNWRITTEN LAW'S "CAILIN" PLAYING]

Thanks, Mick.

You're a bud.

Come here.

♪ Hey, little girl Look what you do ♪

♪ And you do ♪

Huh?

As usual,

marijuana saves an otherwise disastrous day.

♪ Hey, little girl I love you ♪

I never got a hit. Light me.

[ANTON SCREAMS]

Anton!

Sweet Jesus!

That wasn't my fault!

That thing should've come down a lot slower!

[GARAGE DOOR OPENING]

[♪♪♪]

What the hell?

Don't forget my bong.

You did not make that bong. Uh-huh. I arc-welded it.

You don't take auto shop.

PNUB: Fuck you!

You coming, Anton?

[♪♪♪]

I can't even believe it.

You blew off heaven to kick it with me.

You are the coolest.

You taking care of me beats the shit out of heaven.

Really?

Time for your meds.

[SUBLIME'S "SANTERIA" PLAYING]

♪ I don't practice Santeria ♪

Guys! You blew off heaven too?

No, we're your guardian angels.

Poor thing has delirium. Visiting hours are over.

No, no.

Oh. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?

♪ And I'd slap her down ♪

♪ What I really wanna know ♪

So the deal is we're supposed to monitor you

and make sure you don't revert to your evil ways.

But you seem fine now.

Let's hit the Snack Master in the hall. You want anything?

Get me Crunch Nuggets. Those are awesome.

Hey.

Thanks, you guys.

♪ Daddy's gonna love one and all ♪♪

Hit the light.

[SCREAMS]

Mick! Pnub! Come guardian me!

Mick! Pnub!

[ANTON SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

Hey, you're right. Anton screams like a girl.

Think we should tell him we painted that on the ceiling?

Fuck it. Let's go walk through a nurse.

Watch it! Some of them are guys.

♪ Twenty, twenty Twenty-four hours ago ♪

♪ I wanna be sedated ♪

♪ Nothing to do Nowhere to go ♪

♪ I wanna be sedated ♪

♪ Just get me to the airport And put me on a plane ♪

♪ Hurry, hurry, hurry Before I go insane ♪

♪ I can't control my fingers I can't control my brain ♪

♪ No, no, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Twenty, twenty Twenty-four hours ago ♪

♪ I wanna be sedated ♪

♪ Nothing to do Nowhere to go ♪

♪ I wanna be sedated ♪

♪ Just put me in a wheelchair And get me on a plane ♪

♪ Hurry, hurry, hurry Before I go insane ♪

♪ I can't control my fingers I can't control my brain ♪

♪ No, no, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Twenty, twenty Twenty-four hours ago ♪

♪ I wanna be sedated ♪

♪ Nothing to do Nowhere to go ♪

♪ I wanna be sedated ♪

♪ Just put me in a wheelchair And get me to the show ♪

♪ Hurry, hurry, hurry Before I go loco ♪

♪ I can't control my fingers I can't control my toes ♪

♪ No, no, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

[THE LIVING END'S "SECOND SOLUTION" PLAYS]

♪ Standin' on a street light Tryin' to get away ♪

♪ Guilty, guilty I hear what you say ♪

♪ Countin' down the hours But I haven't got the time ♪

♪ Twenty-third precinct Jumpin' on the line ♪

♪ On the line ♪

♪ And what I wanna know ♪

♪ Is will I get death row ♪

♪ Or is there a second solution? ♪

♪ What I wanna say ♪

♪ Is will I die today ♪

♪ Or will I get ♪

♪ Second solution Second solution ♪

♪ Second solution ♪♪

[STATIC-X'S "PUSH IT" PLAYING]

♪ Corrosive, tainted by my sin I'm spilling blood ♪

♪ And I can hardly contain it ♪

♪ Yeah, you push it Yeah, you push it ♪

♪ Yeah, you push it ♪

♪ You You push it, push it ♪

♪ You