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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,940 --> 00:00:08,280 Kids, I'm gonna tell you an incredible story ; 2 00:00:08,280 --> 00:00:10,650 the story of how I met your mother. 3 00:00:10,650 --> 00:00:13,040 Are we being punished for something ? 4 00:00:13,040 --> 00:00:13,690 No. 5 00:00:13,690 --> 00:00:15,670 Yeah, is this gonna take a while ? 6 00:00:15,670 --> 00:00:19,740 Yes. 25 years ago, before I was Dad, 7 00:00:19,740 --> 00:00:21,970 I had this whole other life. 8 00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:27,950 It was way back in 2005. 9 00:00:27,950 --> 00:00:30,870 I was 27, just starting to make it as an architect 10 00:00:30,870 --> 00:00:33,910 and living in New York with Marshall, my best friend from college. 11 00:00:33,910 --> 00:00:35,190 My life was good. 12 00:00:35,190 --> 00:00:38,120 And then Uncle Marshall went and screwed the whole thing up. 13 00:00:39,090 --> 00:00:40,850 Will you marry me ? 14 00:00:41,650 --> 00:00:42,760 Yes. Perfect ! 15 00:00:42,760 --> 00:00:44,930 And then you're engaged. You pop the champagne. 16 00:00:44,930 --> 00:00:45,710 You drink a toast. 17 00:00:45,710 --> 00:00:47,630 You have sex on the kitchen floor. 18 00:00:47,630 --> 00:00:49,530 Don't have sex on our kitchen floor. 19 00:00:49,530 --> 00:00:50,270 Got it. 20 00:00:50,270 --> 00:00:51,810 Thanks for helping me plan this out, Ted. 21 00:00:51,810 --> 00:00:54,240 Dude, are you kidding ? It's you and Lilly. 22 00:00:54,240 --> 00:00:56,830 I've been there for all the big moments of you and Lilly : 23 00:00:56,830 --> 00:01:01,500 night you met, your first date, other first things. 24 00:01:01,500 --> 00:01:04,440 Yeah, sorry. We thought you were asleep. 25 00:01:04,440 --> 00:01:05,540 It's physics, Marshall. 26 00:01:05,540 --> 00:01:08,420 If the bottom bunk moves, the top bunk moves, too. 27 00:01:09,790 --> 00:01:11,120 My God. 28 00:01:11,980 --> 00:01:13,980 You're getting engaged tonight. 29 00:01:14,820 --> 00:01:17,640 Yeah. What are you doin' tonight ? 30 00:01:18,130 --> 00:01:19,640 What was I doing ? 31 00:01:19,640 --> 00:01:22,340 Here Uncle Marshall was taking the biggest step of his life. 32 00:01:22,340 --> 00:01:23,250 And me ? 33 00:01:23,250 --> 00:01:25,300 I'm calling up your Uncle Barney. 34 00:01:25,450 --> 00:01:28,740 Hey, so you know how I've always had a thing for half-Asian girls ? 35 00:01:29,980 --> 00:01:34,080 Well, now I've got a new favorite... Lebanese girls. 36 00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:36,370 Lebanese girls are the new half-Asians. 37 00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:38,430 Hey, you want to do somethin' tonight ? 38 00:01:38,430 --> 00:01:41,680 Okay, meet me at the bar in 15 minutes. And suit up ! 39 00:01:45,660 --> 00:01:46,910 Where's your suit ? 40 00:01:46,910 --> 00:01:49,660 Just once, when I say suit up, I wish you'd put on a suit. 41 00:01:49,660 --> 00:01:51,490 I did that one time. 42 00:01:51,490 --> 00:01:53,750 It was a blazer ! 43 00:01:54,700 --> 00:01:58,220 You know, ever since college it's been, Marshall and Lilly and me. 44 00:01:58,430 --> 00:02:01,190 Now, it's gonna be Marshall and Lilly... and me. 45 00:02:01,190 --> 00:02:02,920 They'll get married, start a family. 46 00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:07,750 Before long, I'm that weird, middle-aged bachelor their kids call Uncle Ted. 47 00:02:09,850 --> 00:02:11,330 I see what this is about. 48 00:02:11,330 --> 00:02:13,770 Have you forgotten what I said to you the night we met ? 49 00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:18,610 Ted, I'm gonna teach you how to live. 50 00:02:19,340 --> 00:02:21,340 Barney. We met at the urinal. 51 00:02:21,340 --> 00:02:22,760 Oh, right. Right. 52 00:02:22,760 --> 00:02:24,850 Lesson one : lose the goatee. 53 00:02:24,850 --> 00:02:26,070 It doesn't go with your suit. 54 00:02:26,070 --> 00:02:28,890 - I'm not wearing a suit. - Lesson two : get a suit. 55 00:02:28,890 --> 00:02:30,790 Suits are cool. Exhibit "A." 56 00:02:31,470 --> 00:02:36,040 Lesson three : don't even think about getting married till you're 30. 57 00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:38,410 30. Right. You're right. 58 00:02:38,410 --> 00:02:40,310 I guess it's just, your best friend gets engaged, 59 00:02:40,310 --> 00:02:41,620 you start thinking about that stuff. 60 00:02:41,620 --> 00:02:43,370 I thought I was your best friend. 61 00:02:43,770 --> 00:02:46,850 Ted, say I'm your best friend. 62 00:02:47,900 --> 00:02:48,960 You're my best friend, Barney. 63 00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:49,870 Good. Then, as your best friend, 64 00:02:49,870 --> 00:02:51,760 I suggest we play a little game I like to call 65 00:02:51,760 --> 00:02:53,930 - "Have you met Ted ?" - Wait. No, no, no. 66 00:02:53,930 --> 00:02:55,090 We're not playing "Have you met Ted ?" 67 00:02:55,090 --> 00:02:56,550 Hi, have you met Ted ? 68 00:02:57,300 --> 00:02:59,780 Hi, I'm Ted. 69 00:02:59,780 --> 00:03:00,700 Yasmine. 70 00:03:00,700 --> 00:03:02,030 That's a very pretty name. 71 00:03:02,030 --> 00:03:03,920 Thanks. It's Lebanese. 72 00:03:09,410 --> 00:03:10,850 I'm exhausted. 73 00:03:10,850 --> 00:03:12,550 It was finger-painting day at school, 74 00:03:12,550 --> 00:03:16,440 and a five year-old boy got to second base with me. 75 00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:19,530 Wow ! You're cooking ? 76 00:03:19,530 --> 00:03:21,270 Yes, I am. 77 00:03:21,270 --> 00:03:22,420 Aw... 78 00:03:23,750 --> 00:03:25,090 Are you sure that's a good idea ? 79 00:03:25,090 --> 00:03:28,310 After last time, you looked really creepy without eyebrows. 80 00:03:28,910 --> 00:03:29,730 I can handle this. 81 00:03:29,730 --> 00:03:32,100 I think you'll find I'm full of surprises tonight. 82 00:03:32,100 --> 00:03:34,530 So, there's more surprises ? Like what ? 83 00:03:34,700 --> 00:03:36,670 Marshall was in his second year of law school, 84 00:03:36,670 --> 00:03:39,160 so he was pretty good at thinking on his feet. 85 00:03:39,160 --> 00:03:40,520 Boogedyboo ! 86 00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:42,350 And that's all of 'em. 87 00:03:44,150 --> 00:03:46,060 I'm gonna go... cook. 88 00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:48,580 I'm so happy for Marshall, I really am. 89 00:03:48,580 --> 00:03:50,860 I just couldn't imagine settling down right now. 90 00:03:50,860 --> 00:03:52,510 So, do you think you'll ever get married ? 91 00:03:52,900 --> 00:03:54,450 Well, maybe eventually... 92 00:03:54,650 --> 00:03:57,700 some fall day, possibly in Central Park. 93 00:03:58,350 --> 00:04:00,430 Simple ceremony. We'll write our own vows. 94 00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:02,620 Band, no DJ. People will dance ! 95 00:04:02,620 --> 00:04:04,370 I'm not gonna worry about it ! 96 00:04:05,440 --> 00:04:07,870 Damn it, why did Marshall have to get engaged ? 97 00:04:08,580 --> 00:04:11,970 Yeah, nothing hotter than a guy planning out his own imaginary wedding, huh ? 98 00:04:11,970 --> 00:04:15,640 - Actually, I think it's cute. - Well, you're clearly drunk. 99 00:04:16,030 --> 00:04:17,570 One more for the lady ! 100 00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:20,350 Oh, hey, look what I got. 101 00:04:24,340 --> 00:04:27,490 Oh, honey ! Champagne. 102 00:04:28,730 --> 00:04:29,620 Yeah. 103 00:04:31,110 --> 00:04:35,140 No. You are too old to be scared to open a bottle of champagne. 104 00:04:35,140 --> 00:04:36,860 - I'm not scared. - Then open it. 105 00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:37,950 Fine. 106 00:04:39,610 --> 00:04:40,830 Please open it ? 107 00:04:41,300 --> 00:04:43,140 You are unbelievable, Marshall. 108 00:04:43,140 --> 00:04:45,770 There are two big questions a man has to ask in life. 109 00:04:45,770 --> 00:04:47,550 One, you plan out for months. 110 00:04:47,550 --> 00:04:50,520 The other just slips out when you're half drunk at some bar. 111 00:04:50,520 --> 00:04:51,920 Will you marry me ? 112 00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:53,330 You wanna go out sometime ? 113 00:04:54,040 --> 00:04:56,020 Of course, you idiot ! 114 00:04:57,060 --> 00:04:59,830 I'm sorry, Carl's my boyfriend. 115 00:05:02,310 --> 00:05:03,520 'Sup, Carl ? 116 00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:09,930 I promised Ted we wouldn't do that. 117 00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:13,720 Did you know there's a Pop Tart under your fridge ? 118 00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:15,380 No, but dibs. 119 00:05:16,350 --> 00:05:18,030 Where's that champagne ? 120 00:05:18,750 --> 00:05:22,210 I wanna drink a toast with my fiancée. 121 00:05:25,100 --> 00:05:27,130 I don't know why I was so scared of this. 122 00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:29,150 It's pretty easy, right ? 123 00:05:31,830 --> 00:05:33,480 Why am I freaking out all of a sudden ? 124 00:05:33,480 --> 00:05:35,860 This is crazy. I'm not ready to settle down. 125 00:05:35,860 --> 00:05:38,400 How does Carl land a Lebanese girl ? 126 00:05:38,950 --> 00:05:41,640 The plan has always been don't even think about it until you're 30. 127 00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:43,880 Exactly. The guy doesn't even own a suit. 128 00:05:44,450 --> 00:05:46,420 Plus, Marshall's found the love of his life. 129 00:05:46,420 --> 00:05:48,590 Even if I was ready, which I'm not... 130 00:05:48,590 --> 00:05:53,270 but if I was, it's, like, "Okay, I'm ready. Where is she ?" 131 00:05:57,600 --> 00:05:59,490 And there she was. 132 00:06:05,570 --> 00:06:07,450 It was like something from an old movie, 133 00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:10,840 where the sailor sees the girl across the crowded dance floor, 134 00:06:10,840 --> 00:06:13,780 turns to his buddy and says, "See that girl ? 135 00:06:13,780 --> 00:06:15,930 I'm gonna marry her someday." 136 00:06:16,280 --> 00:06:18,860 Hey, Barney, see that girl ? 137 00:06:18,860 --> 00:06:21,770 Oh, yeah. You just know she likes it dirty. 138 00:06:22,450 --> 00:06:23,420 Go say hi. 139 00:06:23,930 --> 00:06:25,370 I can't just go say hi. 140 00:06:25,370 --> 00:06:26,640 I need a plan. 141 00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:28,780 I'm gonna wait until she goes to the bathroom, 142 00:06:28,780 --> 00:06:30,820 then I'll strategically place myself by the jukebox... 143 00:06:30,820 --> 00:06:32,290 Hi, have you met Ted ? 144 00:06:36,360 --> 00:06:39,230 Let me guess... Ted. 145 00:06:41,900 --> 00:06:44,310 Sorry, Lilly. I'm so sorry. 146 00:06:44,310 --> 00:06:46,610 - Take us to the hospital. - Whoa, whoa, whoa. 147 00:06:46,610 --> 00:06:47,930 Did you hit her ? 148 00:06:49,610 --> 00:06:51,270 Hit me ? Please ! 149 00:06:51,270 --> 00:06:54,320 This guy can barely even spank me in bed for fun. 150 00:06:54,320 --> 00:06:57,000 He's all like, "Oh, honey. Did that hurt ?" 151 00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:59,790 And, I'm like, "Come on ! Let me have it, you pansy !" 152 00:07:00,830 --> 00:07:03,430 - Wow, a complete stranger. - No, no, no, no ! It's okay. 153 00:07:03,430 --> 00:07:04,340 Go on. 154 00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:06,500 So, these, uh, spankings... 155 00:07:06,500 --> 00:07:09,500 you in pajamas or au naturel ? 156 00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:11,940 So, what do you do ? 157 00:07:11,940 --> 00:07:14,120 I'm a reporter for Metro News One. 158 00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:16,390 Well, kind of a reporter. 159 00:07:16,390 --> 00:07:18,860 I do those dumb little fluff pieces at the end of the news. 160 00:07:18,860 --> 00:07:20,350 You know, like, um... 161 00:07:20,930 --> 00:07:22,980 monkey who can play the ukulele. 162 00:07:23,070 --> 00:07:25,170 I'm hoping to get some bigger stories soon. 163 00:07:25,170 --> 00:07:27,970 Bigger, like, uh... gorilla with an upright bass ? 164 00:07:28,750 --> 00:07:30,420 Sorry. You're really pretty. 165 00:07:34,450 --> 00:07:36,120 Oh, your friends don't seem to happy. 166 00:07:36,120 --> 00:07:38,380 Yeah, see, the one in the middle just got dumped by her boyfriend. 167 00:07:38,380 --> 00:07:41,000 So, tonight, every guy is "the enemy." 168 00:07:41,350 --> 00:07:42,540 You know if it'll make your friend feel better, 169 00:07:42,540 --> 00:07:44,760 you could throw a drink in my face. I don't mind. 170 00:07:45,150 --> 00:07:46,770 She would love that ! 171 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:49,210 And it does look fun in the movies. 172 00:07:49,900 --> 00:07:51,500 Hey, you wanna have dinner with me Saturday night ? 173 00:07:51,500 --> 00:07:52,760 Oh, I can't. 174 00:07:52,760 --> 00:07:54,870 I'm going to Orlando for a week on Friday. 175 00:07:54,870 --> 00:07:57,330 Some guy's attempting to make the world's biggest pancake. 176 00:07:57,330 --> 00:07:58,900 Guess who's covering it ? 177 00:07:58,900 --> 00:08:00,040 That's gonna take a week ? 178 00:08:00,040 --> 00:08:02,080 Yeah, he's gonna eat it, too. It's another record. 179 00:08:02,460 --> 00:08:04,650 Hey ! What's takin' so long ? 180 00:08:05,490 --> 00:08:08,380 Uh, I know this is a long shot, but how 'bout tomorrow night ? 181 00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:12,320 Yeah. What the hell ? 182 00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:18,850 Jerk ! 183 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:21,160 That was fun. 184 00:08:22,470 --> 00:08:25,320 De... wait for it... nied ! 185 00:08:25,320 --> 00:08:26,790 Denied ! 186 00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:28,570 We're goin' out tomorrow night. 187 00:08:28,570 --> 00:08:31,080 I thought we were playin' laser tag tomorrow night. 188 00:08:31,080 --> 00:08:33,670 Yeah, I was never gonna go play laser tag. 189 00:08:36,900 --> 00:08:40,340 The next night, I took her out to this little bistro in Brooklyn. 190 00:08:41,770 --> 00:08:44,100 That is one badass blue French horn. 191 00:08:44,100 --> 00:08:44,750 Yeah. 192 00:08:45,100 --> 00:08:47,570 Sort of looks like a Smurf penis. 193 00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:50,310 Son, a piece of advice : 194 00:08:50,310 --> 00:08:53,930 when you go on a first date, you really don't wanna say "Smurf penis." 195 00:08:54,280 --> 00:08:56,480 Girls don't ordinarily like that. 196 00:08:57,900 --> 00:09:01,070 But this was no ordinary girl. 197 00:09:04,950 --> 00:09:05,700 Lilly ? 198 00:09:07,350 --> 00:09:09,530 How long have you been sitting there ? 199 00:09:09,530 --> 00:09:11,530 Stupid eye patch. 200 00:09:13,980 --> 00:09:18,360 Mom, Dad, I have found the future Mrs. Ted Mosby. 201 00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:20,740 Marshall, how have I always described my perfect woman ? 202 00:09:20,740 --> 00:09:23,630 Now, let's see... she likes dogs ? 203 00:09:23,630 --> 00:09:25,170 I've got five dogs. 204 00:09:25,170 --> 00:09:26,110 She drinks scotch ? 205 00:09:26,110 --> 00:09:29,120 I love a scotch that's old enough to order its own scotch. 206 00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:31,220 Can quote obscure lines from Ghostbusters ? 207 00:09:31,220 --> 00:09:35,110 Ray ! When someone asks you if you're a god, you say "Yes !" 208 00:09:36,290 --> 00:09:38,530 And I'm saving the best for last. 209 00:09:38,530 --> 00:09:41,090 Do you want these ? I hate olives. 210 00:09:41,090 --> 00:09:43,120 She hates olives ! Awesome ! 211 00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:44,970 The olive theory. 212 00:09:44,970 --> 00:09:47,880 The olive theory is based on my friends Marshall and Lilly. 213 00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:49,640 He hates olives, she loves them. 214 00:09:49,640 --> 00:09:51,590 In a weird way, that's what makes them such a great couple. 215 00:09:51,590 --> 00:09:53,130 Perfect balance. 216 00:09:54,130 --> 00:09:58,230 You know, I've had a jar of olives just sitting in my fridge forever. 217 00:09:59,900 --> 00:10:01,480 I could take 'em off your hands. 218 00:10:02,940 --> 00:10:04,360 They're all yours. 219 00:10:04,760 --> 00:10:06,530 Oh, it is on ! 220 00:10:06,530 --> 00:10:09,320 It is on till the break of dawn. 221 00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:11,830 But wait. 222 00:10:11,830 --> 00:10:14,480 It's only the break of 10:30. What happened ? 223 00:10:15,430 --> 00:10:18,700 I gotta get one of those blue French horns for over my fireplace. 224 00:10:18,700 --> 00:10:20,550 It's gotta be blue. It's gotta be French. 225 00:10:20,550 --> 00:10:21,860 - No green clarinet ? - Nope. 226 00:10:21,860 --> 00:10:23,470 Come on. No purple tuba ? 227 00:10:23,470 --> 00:10:25,610 It's a Smurf penis or no dice. 228 00:10:26,940 --> 00:10:27,910 There you are ! 229 00:10:27,910 --> 00:10:29,060 We got a jumper. 230 00:10:29,060 --> 00:10:31,060 Some crazy guy on the Manhattan Bridge. 231 00:10:31,060 --> 00:10:32,670 Come on. You're coverin' it ! 232 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:35,570 Um... all right. I'll be right there. 233 00:10:36,750 --> 00:10:38,010 I'm sorry. 234 00:10:38,890 --> 00:10:40,990 I had a really great time tonight. 235 00:10:42,100 --> 00:10:43,160 Yeah. 236 00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:45,250 So ?! Did you kiss her ? 237 00:10:45,610 --> 00:10:47,520 No. The moment wasn't right. 238 00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:49,870 Look, this woman could actually be my future wife. 239 00:10:49,870 --> 00:10:51,450 I want our first kiss to be amazing. 240 00:10:51,450 --> 00:10:54,290 Aw, Ted, that is so sweet. 241 00:10:54,670 --> 00:10:56,830 So you chickened out like a little bitch. 242 00:10:58,590 --> 00:11:00,710 What ? I did not chicken out. 243 00:11:00,710 --> 00:11:01,370 You know what ? 244 00:11:01,370 --> 00:11:04,120 I don't need to take first kiss advice from some pirate 245 00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:06,250 who hasn't been single since the first week of college. 246 00:11:06,250 --> 00:11:08,940 Anyone who's single would tell you the same thing, 247 00:11:08,940 --> 00:11:11,560 even the dumbest single person alive. 248 00:11:11,560 --> 00:11:14,080 And if you don't believe me, call him. 249 00:11:15,930 --> 00:11:16,720 Hey, loser. 250 00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:17,920 How's not playing laser tag ? 251 00:11:17,920 --> 00:11:20,300 Because playing laser tag is awesome ! 252 00:11:20,850 --> 00:11:23,180 - Oh, I killed you, Conner ! - Don't make me get your mom ! 253 00:11:23,180 --> 00:11:25,350 Hey, listen. I need your opinion on something. 254 00:11:25,350 --> 00:11:26,970 Okay, meet me at the bar in 15 minutes. 255 00:11:26,970 --> 00:11:28,100 And suit up ! 256 00:11:29,450 --> 00:11:31,580 So, these guys think I chickened out. 257 00:11:31,580 --> 00:11:32,740 What do you think ? 258 00:11:32,740 --> 00:11:36,710 I can't believe you're still not wearing a suit. 259 00:11:37,830 --> 00:11:39,170 She didn't even give me the signal. 260 00:11:39,170 --> 00:11:42,150 What, is she gonna, she gonna bat her eyes ayou in Morse code ? 261 00:11:42,150 --> 00:11:47,360 "Ted... kiss me." No ! You just kiss her ! 262 00:11:47,360 --> 00:11:49,450 Not if you don't get the signal. 263 00:11:52,570 --> 00:11:54,260 Did Marshall give me the signal ? 264 00:11:54,260 --> 00:11:56,770 No ! I didn't. I swear. 265 00:11:58,710 --> 00:11:59,840 But, see, at least tonight, 266 00:11:59,840 --> 00:12:01,470 I get to sleep knowing Marshall and me, 267 00:12:01,470 --> 00:12:02,280 never gonna happen. 268 00:12:02,280 --> 00:12:03,610 You should have kissed her. 269 00:12:04,220 --> 00:12:05,730 Oh, I should have kissed her. 270 00:12:05,730 --> 00:12:07,920 Well, maybe in a week when she gets back from Orlando. 271 00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:10,290 A week ? That's like a year in hot girl time. 272 00:12:10,290 --> 00:12:11,560 She'll forget all about you. 273 00:12:11,560 --> 00:12:15,030 Mark my words... you will never see that one again. 274 00:12:15,510 --> 00:12:16,700 There she is. 275 00:12:16,700 --> 00:12:19,880 Ooh ! She's cute. Hey, Carl, turn it up. 276 00:12:19,880 --> 00:12:21,930 ...persuaded him to reconsider. 277 00:12:21,930 --> 00:12:24,090 At which point, the man came down off the ledge, 278 00:12:24,090 --> 00:12:27,100 giving this bizarre story a happy ending. 279 00:12:27,100 --> 00:12:29,650 - Reporting from Metro One News... - Guy didn't jump. 280 00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:32,730 I'm gonna go kiss her. 281 00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:33,920 Right now. 282 00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,370 Look, dude. It's midnight. 283 00:12:35,370 --> 00:12:39,280 As your future lawyer, I'm gonna advise you that's freakin' crazy. 284 00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:40,830 I never do anything crazy. 285 00:12:40,830 --> 00:12:43,480 I'm always waiting for the moment, planning the moment. 286 00:12:43,890 --> 00:12:44,920 Well, she's leaving tomorrow. 287 00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:46,480 This may be the only moment I'm gonna get. 288 00:12:47,080 --> 00:12:48,410 I gotta do what that guy couldn't. 289 00:12:48,410 --> 00:12:50,170 I gotta take the leap ! 290 00:12:51,180 --> 00:12:52,460 Okay, not a perfect metaphor, 291 00:12:52,460 --> 00:12:54,020 'cause for me it's fall in love and get married, 292 00:12:54,020 --> 00:12:56,160 and for him it's... death. 293 00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:58,890 Actually, that is a perfect metaphor. 294 00:12:59,470 --> 00:13:01,670 By the way, did I congratulate you two ? 295 00:13:03,350 --> 00:13:04,880 I'm doing this. 296 00:13:05,220 --> 00:13:06,140 Let's go. 297 00:13:06,140 --> 00:13:07,980 - Word up. - We're coming with you. 298 00:13:08,950 --> 00:13:09,860 Barney ? 299 00:13:11,320 --> 00:13:13,640 All right, but under one condition. 300 00:13:15,150 --> 00:13:17,830 Look at you, you beautiful bastard. You suited up ! 301 00:13:17,830 --> 00:13:19,680 This is totally going in my blog ! 302 00:13:20,980 --> 00:13:21,720 Stop the car. 303 00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:23,220 Uh, pull over right here. 304 00:13:24,750 --> 00:13:26,150 I gotta do something. 305 00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:29,090 Excuse me. Pardon me. Just a sec'. 306 00:13:29,570 --> 00:13:30,780 Enjoy your coffee. 307 00:13:33,060 --> 00:13:34,480 Go ! Go ! Go ! 308 00:13:37,330 --> 00:13:39,260 Everybody brings flowers. 309 00:13:46,060 --> 00:13:47,150 Okay. 310 00:13:47,150 --> 00:13:48,400 Moment of truth. 311 00:13:49,370 --> 00:13:50,430 Wish me luck. 312 00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:53,370 Ted's gonna get it on with a TV reporter. 313 00:13:53,370 --> 00:13:55,930 "This just in." Okay. 314 00:13:59,060 --> 00:14:01,010 Kiss her, Ted ! Kiss her good ! 315 00:14:01,010 --> 00:14:02,440 Kiss the crap outta that girl ! 316 00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:04,660 Marshall, remember this night. 317 00:14:04,660 --> 00:14:06,930 When you're the best man at our wedding and you give a speech, 318 00:14:06,930 --> 00:14:09,130 you're gonna tell this story. 319 00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:12,620 Why does he get to be the best man ? 320 00:14:12,620 --> 00:14:14,760 I'm your best friend ! 321 00:14:15,740 --> 00:14:19,360 As I walked up to that door, a million thoughts raced through my mind. 322 00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:21,940 Unfortunately, one particular thought did not. 323 00:14:21,940 --> 00:14:23,800 I've got five dogs. 324 00:14:25,900 --> 00:14:27,380 Not good. Not good. 325 00:14:27,380 --> 00:14:29,130 - No ! - Get back in there ! 326 00:14:29,130 --> 00:14:30,820 You're wearing a suit ! 327 00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:35,560 Ted ? 328 00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:37,500 Hi. 329 00:14:40,130 --> 00:14:41,580 I was just, uh... 330 00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:47,100 Come on up. 331 00:14:49,500 --> 00:14:50,350 He's in. 332 00:14:51,730 --> 00:14:52,740 So... 333 00:14:52,740 --> 00:14:56,050 Ranjit, you must have done it with a Lebanese girl ? 334 00:14:56,050 --> 00:14:58,380 Okay, that's my Barney limit. 335 00:14:58,380 --> 00:15:01,030 I'm gonna see if that bodega has a bathroom. 336 00:15:01,780 --> 00:15:04,770 Actually, I'm from Bangladesh. 337 00:15:04,770 --> 00:15:06,350 The women hot there ? 338 00:15:06,350 --> 00:15:08,780 Here's a picture of my wife. 339 00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:12,880 A simple "no" would have sufficed. 340 00:15:14,110 --> 00:15:15,580 She's lovely. 341 00:15:16,890 --> 00:15:21,750 So, Ted, what brings you back to Brooklyn at 1:00 in the morning in a suit ? 342 00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:24,980 I was just hoping to... 343 00:15:25,750 --> 00:15:27,210 get those olives... 344 00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:29,140 that you said I could have. 345 00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:32,320 Would you like those olives with some gin and vermouth ? 346 00:15:32,860 --> 00:15:34,950 Are you trying to get me drunk ? 347 00:15:39,090 --> 00:15:40,440 For starters. 348 00:15:48,090 --> 00:15:51,670 So, Marshall, this olive theory, based on you and Lilly ? 349 00:15:51,670 --> 00:15:53,300 You hate olives. 350 00:15:53,300 --> 00:15:55,320 Lilly loves 'em. You can't stand 'em. 351 00:15:55,320 --> 00:15:56,730 Yeah. Hate olives. 352 00:15:56,730 --> 00:16:01,570 Two weeks ago, Spanish bar on 79th street, dish of olives, you had some... what up ? 353 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:08,140 You have to swear that this does not leave this cab. 354 00:16:08,140 --> 00:16:10,230 - I swear. - I swear. 355 00:16:12,220 --> 00:16:14,820 On our first date, I ordered a Greek salad. 356 00:16:14,820 --> 00:16:16,810 Lilly asked if she could have my olives. 357 00:16:16,810 --> 00:16:21,300 - I said, "Sure. I hate olives." - But, you like olives. 358 00:16:21,300 --> 00:16:23,890 Well, I was 18, okay ? I was a virgin. 359 00:16:23,890 --> 00:16:27,250 Been waitin' my whole life for a pretty girl to want my olives. 360 00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:30,970 Marshall, I'm gonna give you an early wedding present. 361 00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:33,210 Don't get married. 362 00:16:41,900 --> 00:16:43,900 I think I like your olive theory. 363 00:16:44,500 --> 00:16:46,680 I think I like your new French horn. 364 00:16:47,730 --> 00:16:49,630 I think I like your nose. 365 00:16:50,900 --> 00:16:52,930 I think I'm in love with you. 366 00:16:52,930 --> 00:16:55,750 What ?! What ?! What ?! 367 00:16:56,500 --> 00:16:58,300 Come on, man, you said your stomach's been hurting, right ? 368 00:16:58,300 --> 00:16:59,670 You know what that is. 369 00:16:59,670 --> 00:17:00,430 Hunger. 370 00:17:00,430 --> 00:17:02,360 You're hungry for experience. 371 00:17:02,360 --> 00:17:03,930 Hungry for something new. 372 00:17:03,930 --> 00:17:06,090 Hungry for olives. 373 00:17:06,530 --> 00:17:09,330 But you're too scared to do anything about it. 374 00:17:09,330 --> 00:17:11,260 Yeah, I'm scared, okay ? 375 00:17:12,850 --> 00:17:15,340 But, when I think of spending the rest of my life with Lilly... 376 00:17:15,950 --> 00:17:18,970 committing, forever, no other women... 377 00:17:19,570 --> 00:17:21,500 doesn't scare me at all. 378 00:17:22,250 --> 00:17:24,310 I'm marrying that girl. 379 00:17:25,780 --> 00:17:27,010 Lilly. 380 00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:29,750 Lilly, I like olives. 381 00:17:30,540 --> 00:17:32,350 We'll make it work. 382 00:17:44,620 --> 00:17:46,990 So, Orlando. You gonna hit Disneyworld ? 383 00:17:48,700 --> 00:17:50,410 You love me ?! 384 00:17:51,120 --> 00:17:52,880 I-I-I can't believe I said that. 385 00:17:52,880 --> 00:17:55,450 Why did I say that ? Who says that ? 386 00:17:55,990 --> 00:17:57,410 I should just go. 387 00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:58,610 Hold on. 388 00:17:58,610 --> 00:18:00,080 Wait a minute. 389 00:18:02,700 --> 00:18:03,980 Promised you these. 390 00:18:03,980 --> 00:18:07,100 Olives. Thanks. I love you. 391 00:18:07,100 --> 00:18:09,170 What is wrong with me ? 392 00:18:10,990 --> 00:18:12,190 Why are we still sitting here ? 393 00:18:12,190 --> 00:18:13,890 Let's go. We can still make last call. 394 00:18:13,890 --> 00:18:14,780 What do you say, Lil ? 395 00:18:14,780 --> 00:18:17,440 Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum ? 396 00:18:19,980 --> 00:18:21,210 'Cause you're a pirate. 397 00:18:21,650 --> 00:18:23,610 Okay, eye patch, gone. 398 00:18:24,100 --> 00:18:26,440 And we can't just abandon Ted. 399 00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:29,290 If it doesn't go well up there, he's gonna need some support. 400 00:18:29,290 --> 00:18:31,180 It's been, like, 20 minutes. 401 00:18:31,180 --> 00:18:32,540 You think they're doin' it ? 402 00:18:32,540 --> 00:18:33,970 You think they're doin' it in front of the dogs ? 403 00:18:33,970 --> 00:18:35,340 Doggy style. 404 00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:37,800 Hey, there was a girl in college, she had this golden retriever... 405 00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:40,340 Okay, we can go to the bar. Just stop talking. 406 00:18:40,340 --> 00:18:41,570 Hit it, Ranjit. 407 00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:49,070 So, when you tell this story to your friends, 408 00:18:49,070 --> 00:18:51,230 could you avoid the word "psycho ?" 409 00:18:51,620 --> 00:18:54,300 I'd prefer. "eccentric." 410 00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:56,910 Good night... psycho. 411 00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:02,090 Great. 412 00:19:02,090 --> 00:19:03,880 Um, how do I get to the F train ? 413 00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:08,410 Oh, um, two blocks that way and take a right. 414 00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:13,060 You know what ? 415 00:19:14,500 --> 00:19:16,210 I'm done being single. 416 00:19:16,670 --> 00:19:18,120 I'm not good at it. 417 00:19:18,120 --> 00:19:21,950 Look, obviously, you can't tell a woman you just met you love her. 418 00:19:21,950 --> 00:19:24,870 But... it sucks that you can't. 419 00:19:26,250 --> 00:19:27,180 I'll tell you something, though. 420 00:19:27,180 --> 00:19:31,100 If a woman... not you, just some hypothetical woman... 421 00:19:31,100 --> 00:19:32,960 were to bear with me through all this, 422 00:19:33,950 --> 00:19:35,610 I think I'd make a damn good husband. 423 00:19:35,610 --> 00:19:37,490 Because, that's the stuff I'd be good at, 424 00:19:37,490 --> 00:19:41,100 stuff like making her laugh and being a good father. 425 00:19:42,420 --> 00:19:44,670 And walking her five hypothetical dogs. 426 00:19:46,430 --> 00:19:47,790 Being a good kisser. 427 00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:50,930 Everyone thinks they're a good kisser. 428 00:19:50,930 --> 00:19:52,560 Oh, I've got references. 429 00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:54,940 Good night, Ted. 430 00:20:01,450 --> 00:20:03,790 And I'm a good handshaker. 431 00:20:03,790 --> 00:20:06,360 That's a pretty great handshake. 432 00:20:09,900 --> 00:20:11,100 And that was it. 433 00:20:11,100 --> 00:20:12,980 I'll probably never see her again. 434 00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:16,800 What ? 435 00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:18,040 That was the signal. 436 00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:21,950 That long, lingering handshake ? You should have kissed her. 437 00:20:22,190 --> 00:20:24,240 There's no such thing as "the signal." 438 00:20:24,650 --> 00:20:26,560 But, yeah, that was the signal. 439 00:20:27,350 --> 00:20:28,600 Signal. 440 00:20:29,620 --> 00:20:31,170 Ah, Carl, thank you. 441 00:20:31,170 --> 00:20:33,140 Something I gotta do. 442 00:20:34,110 --> 00:20:36,680 By the way, you should have kissed her. 443 00:20:37,030 --> 00:20:39,180 Carl ! You guys weren't there. 444 00:20:40,900 --> 00:20:43,760 I am so turned on right now. 445 00:20:44,120 --> 00:20:45,420 Guys, trust me. 446 00:20:45,420 --> 00:20:46,890 I've seen the signal. 447 00:20:46,890 --> 00:20:48,570 That was not the signal. 448 00:20:48,570 --> 00:20:50,590 Yeah, Ted, we're not on you anymore. 449 00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:55,170 - To my fiancée. - To the future. 450 00:20:55,170 --> 00:20:57,080 To one hell of a night ! 451 00:21:00,300 --> 00:21:03,010 That was not the signal. 452 00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:05,430 I asked her about it years later. 453 00:21:05,430 --> 00:21:07,600 And, yeah, that was the signal. 454 00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:09,160 I could have kissed her. 455 00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:11,120 But that's the funny thing about destiny. 456 00:21:11,120 --> 00:21:13,250 It happens whether you plan it or not. 457 00:21:13,250 --> 00:21:15,220 I mean, I never thought I'd see that girl again, 458 00:21:15,220 --> 00:21:18,070 but it turns out I was just too close to the puzzle 459 00:21:18,070 --> 00:21:19,890 to see the picture that was forming. 460 00:21:19,890 --> 00:21:24,450 Because, that, kids, is the true story of how I met your Aunt Robin. 461 00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:27,180 Aunt Robin ? 462 00:21:27,180 --> 00:21:29,260 I thought this was how you met mom ! 463 00:21:29,260 --> 00:21:31,390 Will you relax ? I'm getting to it. 464 00:21:31,740 --> 00:21:35,610 Like I said, it's a long story. 465 00:21:36,950 --> 00:21:42,220 Transcripts : Raceman Subtitles : Willow's Team 33955

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