Original subtitles

Previously onFive Bedrooms...

How are you feeling about coming home?

I just want to be around people who...

..don't look at me like I'm the lady who just lost her baby.

I just don't want to hurt you anymore.

Xavier dumped me. Doesn't love me.

- Stuart. - HARRY: Liz's ex-husband.

I was humiliated. I lost my career because of you.

It's not about who did what to whom in what order.

Are you seriously seeing Stuart again?

Have you gone beyond casual sex in the garage?

LIZ: I know you think that I'm going backwards, but I'm not.

I poured years of love into that man for a reason.

Uh, that's for you. It's a start.

It's $65,000.

STUART: Liz, I can't erase the last two years,

but at least now you have options.

And, if I haven't been clear enough,

one of those options is absolutely me.

LIZ: I was always convinced one of us would leave the house.

(BIRDSONG)

I was pretty sure it'd be Harry, or maybe Ainsley.

I never for a moment thought it'd be me.

STUART: Should I give him a call, maybe,

after you've told him?

No. Why?

Because he's gonna think that I'm behind all of this.

Yeah, but you're not.

Yes, but I am part of the equation, though.

- Barely. - (LAUGHS)

No, I'm just... I'm gonna go with the truth.

It's...70% Cambridge,

20% because I love the UK summer...

..10% you.

Wow! 10%? That much?

Actually, no. It's 6% Camden Markets.

(ZIPS UP BOOT) 4% you.

You nervous?

No.

Iwas nervous.

Not about my decision, but telling a heartbroken Harry?

That was a different matter.

Why are you wearing the Chanel Grand?

'Cause I have news.

I have been accepted to do my master's of law.

At Cambridge.

- What?! At Cambridge? - (GIGGLES)

What? You didn't even tell me you applied, Liz!

I didn't expect to get in. I thought I had zero chance.

I still think it's a clerical error.

I think someone's obviously dropped out at the last minute.

- I think I've done a Steven Bradbury. - Oh, my God!

I mean, I haven't accepted yet.

Well, you're absolutely going to, right?

- Yep. I mean, it's expensive. - How expensive?

Well, I...I think I... I can cover the fees,

but I'm gonna need to rent out my room for the year.

- Yeah. - So I was thinking maybe Simmo.

Oh, yeah. Well, he basically lives here anyways.

- Yep. (LAUGHS) - (LAUGHS)

God, for a second, I thought you were gonna tell me

you were running away with Stuart or something. (LAUGHS)

SIMMO: Sounds awesome!

LIZ: After Harry, I needed to tell someone

I was certain would see it as a winning situation.

And there was one obvious choice.

Is that the one all the royals go to?

LIZ: No. No, not all of them.

Well, a lot of them. Yeah.

- Will I have to call you Doctor? - No.

Well, I'd be happy to.

I-I won't be a doctor, Simmo.

Oh. It's a gutsy move.

I get a bit nervy flying solo.

Yeah, even driving long distances.

I won't head to Echuca on my own.

Oh, well, uh, I won't be on my own.

I'll...I'll be with Stuart.

Ah! That's even better.

Oh, yeah. He's a lovely fella. He...he's a listener...

Oi! ..and a giver.

- Oh, I'm stoked for ya. - Oh, thanks, Simmo.

Well, I'm actually hoping

that it'll work out well for everyone, including you.

Right.

Obviously, I need someone

to take my room for the academic year,

but that person needs to be someone

that the entire house approves of,

and there's really only one person

who fits that particular bill.

It's you, Simmo. (LAUGHS)

Whoa. That's...

Well, first of all, thank you. That's just...what an honour.

But, um...

..yeah, that's...that's not a good idea, I'm afraid.

The...the rent would be... extremely reasonable,

if that's your concern.

Nah, it's a bit more complicated than that. It's, um...

Uh, it's Benny.

Yeah, it's just not a good idea

for the two of us to live together.

Since when?

Since the 2012 grand final.

Look, when Benny and I spend too much time together,

we can rub off on each other in some pretty funky ways.

Best-case scenario, we end up with a beautiful home-brew.

Worst-case, one of us ends up in jail. Yeah.

I don't talk about it too much.

I don't want to put the negative energy out there.

But, yeah, that's... that's the...that's the scoop.

Um...you haven't said anything to him yet, have ya?

No. Um, the house doesn't know yet. Only Harry.

But, um, I'm about to tell the others.

Maybe, could I just...

..ask you not to mention...

..anything I just said, to...to Benny?

- He's pretty sensitive. - Oh, no. No, of course.

Hope I haven't upset the applecart.

No, no. I'm...sure there's gonna be someone else.

- Alright. - Um, I should let you go...

LIZ: There wouldn't be.

And now my nerves about telling the house

had turned into pure terror.

- BEN: They're out of parmas. - HEATHER: What?!

BEN: Yeah, I got you the steak and chips.

Can I at least see the menu?

You'll want the steak and chips.

Give me two seconds, I'll tell you what I want.

- AINSLEY: Look at you out of the house. - I want steak and chips.

Those bags under your eyes

are settling down a bit now, aren't they?

You starting to feel a bit better?

No. I'm just here because Liz has something to say.

Oh, thanks...for that, Harry.

Um, have we all ordered yet?

- What is it? - BEN: Yep.

I have a bit of news. Um...

My circumstances have changed unexpectedly.

- Dramatically... - Liz is leaving us.

On-only for a year. Maybe two.

Um, I've been accepted to do my master's at Cambridge.

- Oh, my God! - Oh, wow! In London?

- In Cambridge. - Yeah, in Cambridge. Yeah.

- It's in the UK. - LIZ: It is.

And...and it's also been my professional dream

since I finished law school.

Um, it's the golden ticket I honestly never thought I'd get.

Stuart's going with her.

Yes, he is.

Um, I've decided to test my relationship with Stuart

beyond the confines of the garage.

BEN: He never said a word.

Yeah, no, we had a bit of a back-and-forth on the emails.

Couple of memes.

Well, I...I wanted to be the one to tell you.

Um, it...it feels sudden. Well, it issudden. Um...

The first semester starts next week.

Are you shitting me?

And I'm very mindful of the fact that this impacts all of you,

particularly as I'll need to find somebody

to rent out my room.

- What?! - I'll have tuition fees.

And, obviously, I'm still paying Harry back.

Oh, I...Simmo!

Get...ask him. He'd be stoked. He's desperate to move in.

- AINSLEY: Yeah, of course. - Hadn't noticed he was gone.

Unfortunately, I tested out the waters with Simmo,

and he has other housing arrangements in place

during that time period.

Yeah, with his mum.

Yeah.

Righto. Lizzie, if you're, um, worried about the...

..hygienic integrity of your room moving forward...

No, it's...it's not that.

What is it, then?

Oh, um, I just think that Simmo feels that

you already spend so much time together...

- What? - Time that he...he cherishes.

Well, you mean he...he doesn't want to move in 'cause of me?

He didn't say that.

- What did he say exactly? - I don't remember.

(LAUGHS) Wait. Hang on. Lizzie.

It feels like four decades of my life are in question here.

You're in your mid-30s, Ben.

Our mums were mates too. We basically met in utero.

As delightful as it would have been to have Simmo move in,

we will find someone else, probably,

if we're patient and persistent.

Ains, I know this is sudden

and this probably couldn't have come at a worse time for you.

No, that's not true. The timing could have been much worse.

I'm probably ready for a project now anyway.

I don't want a random moving in.

Well, we will put the call out on our social media,

make it friends only and find someone we know.

I don't want to live with anyone I know.

Yeah, what if we found someone who could really cook?

No...j...

Obviously, we're never gonna find anyone

to replace ya, Lizzie.

Sorry, it's just...

This is not the end of our story.

BEN: Of course it's not.

- It's just 12 months. - Or two years.

HEATHER: If you start putting on a British accent,

I'm gonna run you down in Ben's ute.

Well, I think they took that pretty well.

Heather threatened to run you over.

In a good way.

You pitched her a fantasy.

You pretended it was all about Cambridge.

I wasn't pretending.

It's not about Cambridge and you know it.

It is a...

..complicated...

..soup of...

..emotions and possibilities, and...

God, it's about me and my life.

And if I don't try this now,

am I ever gonna have a chance like this again?

Are you talking about your master's or Stuart?

Harry...

..I have loved him...

..for 13 years.

All that love... it doesn't go away.

Maybe it should.

But it's still there.

When I look at him...

..it's all still there.

Well, maybe when...

..you've been in a relationship a bit longer, you'll understand.

What's that supposed to mean?

You've been in love for about five minutes, Harry.

It's not the same.

(DOOR SLAMS)

Heather, just loosen up your jaw a little.

Harry, your brow's just looking a little sunken. If you can...

Ideally, we want the housemates...

I'm just gonna say it. Why can't she leave the room empty?

I mean, didn't she just get a huge cash windfall?

Yeah, but it'll all go on tuition fees.

How much are her tuition fees?

- That's not important now. - 30,000. Pounds.

OK, you know what? Like, just, um...

..get up and just shake it out for me.

- Just...shake it out. - You know, that'd be right.

I can't afford a bargain master's

at the University of Who Cares,

but Liz, ooh, she can splash out £30,000 to go to Cambridge.

- Enough shaking... - She's running back to Stuart.

- She basically admitted it. - AINSLEY: OK...

This is what he does.

He plants these grandiose ideas in her head

and makes her believe they're hers

and she starts drinking the Kool-Aid!

Do you know what?

Liz has made an informed decision about her own life

and she deserves our support.

So can you just try for a smile?

I might as well just take a picture of an empty room!

PAT: What are the odds of Heather joining us?

LIZ: Oh, it's...roughly zero.

Um, we're on the hunt for a new housemate.

She's very involved in the process.

Thanks, everyone, for being here.

If I could have your ears for just a moment

as we bid farewell to Liz.

Oh!

I'd like to take this opportunity

to thank you for being a part of our community.

You've transferred calls very efficiently

and you've made that jacket look better than it has any right to.

We've all put in for a $20 gift card from JB Hi-Fi.

Oh. Oh, thank you.

So thoughtful. Thank you, Pat. Thank you, everyone.

Um...

Uh, I've...I've also prepared a...a few words.

Uh, in my former life,

reception desks were something I just passed by,

occasionally requesting taxis.

Uh, I never imagined

that I would find myself sitting behind one.

And I never imagined the experience would be

such a profound and personal gift.

PAT: Nance? Nancy?

- LIZ: To sit in one place... - Nance. It's me, Pat.

- NANCY: Where are we going? - Just heading back inside.

Um, to sit in one place...

PAT: Let's get her inside, please. We're fine. As you were.

Quinn, could you stay with Mr Barrett, please?

..and...and watch the... the world go by -

families and friends, the ebb and flow of life.

Stanley, can you make sure that Mr Samson doesn't get any cake?

..and comings and goings...

Just thank you all.

This has been an honour and an absolute privilege.

Lovely, Laura.

- Benny! - Mate.

- What's going on? - What's going on, mate?

Is it something I said? Or did?

'Cause if you've been sitting on something...

I'm not sitting on anything.

If it's about the bloody grand final,

I don't know how many times that I can apologise, mate.

- I didn't see ya. - It's not about you.

I was panicked and I was spinning shit

and I couldn't think of anything else to say.

Oi, Joe. That goes around here.

- You gotta let me in, mate. - I can't.

You have to help me understand.

It's Ains, mate.

Yeah, I thought my feelings would die down, but...

I made it to the end of the reno,

but I nearly came a cropper a few times.

I just...I couldn't handle being around her 24/7.

- Why didn't you say something? - Well, there's no point.

You thought about telling her?

Mate, she's gonna be healing for a long, long time.

Last thing she needs is someone else to worry about.

Yeah, she doesn't need that.

Oi, do us a favour.

Just for now, can...can we just pretend it's about you and me?

Just till you get a new housemate or whatever?

- That's not square. - You're shitting me.

I'm gonna say this one more time.

This really is not necessary.

I cannot leave the country without at least saying goodbye.

Just send her a postcard with the Queen on it or something.

I'm happy to go in alone.

We both know that'd be even weirder.

Is he having financial problems again?

N-n...no. Actually, quite the opposite.

Stuart is pursuing a number of opportunities himself in the UK.

Usually after a divorce,

the man moves on to a younger lady to have babies.

Oh, well, that...that's... that's not on the cards for us.

But to move back to his old, broke wife makes no sense.

Uh, I think, um, that he...

..missed my company.

Then he must be a very unique and beautiful soul

not to judge a book by its cover.

OK. That's enough. Should we...

Thank...thank you. Um, I...I just...

Manju, I...I couldn't... I couldn't leave without...

..thanking you for...

..all of your support over the years.

You know, your... your meals and...

..your hospitality.

You're most welcome, Elizabeth.

- I'm sad to see you go. - Oh.

After all, you were my favourite.

What?

Seriously? What...what about Ainsley?

Lovely, but you're much more sensible.

What about Heather?

So many opinions.

Ben?

I don't understand a word he says.

See? This is why I don't like to show affection.

It's about a 3-minute walk from campus. It's small, but look.

See, there's this really sweet little courtyard.

- Sweet! - Yeah.

STUART: I was in charge of selecting the flat,

and I have been known to be wrong in the past, but...

- More than once. - Ha.

Well, I think I'm on a winner this time.

Well, I have an early start, so...

Uh, look, just before you all go, um...

..I just wanted to say, um...

..I haven't known you all for too long -

well, most of you anyway -

but I know how much you all mean to Liz.

So, please note that it is a two-bedroom flat

and you're all welcome to stay, if you decide to pop on over.

- Aww! - Best not all at once, though.

(OTHERS LAUGH)

But we'd love to have you, all of you, all of you,

because...well...

..you're family.

- That's beautiful, Stuart. - Yeah. Cheers, mate.

And, Liz?

I just wanted to say to you that...

..thank you for...

..letting me back into your life.

I love you.

I always will.

HEATHER: Oh, no. What?

No... No, it's a phone.

It's a...it's a phone! (LAUGHS) It's just a pho...

It's a phone with a UK SIM card

and a...and a new number,

which I've had, um, printed on a card for everyone.

It's set up on a plan

where there's free calls from the UK to Oz any time.

So, um, you know, feel free.

I thought it might just, um... help you all...

(SIGHS) ..stay in contact. (LAUGHS)

That's so thoughtful.

So, do we all get a phone, do we, or...?

No, Liz gets the phone. We get her phone number.

What a lovely handset.

Thanks, mate. Cheers.

Harry. Got a sec?

Look. I get it.

You don't trust me.

I respect that. I do.

But Liz is my wife, and I love her,

and I'm never gonna hurt her again.

She could really use your support right now.

Well, she's always had my support.

I'm not sure she's really feeling it.

Thanks for that, Stuart. Any other pearls of wisdom for me?

No.

Don't you look lovely?

- AINSLEY: Please don't. - Copy that.

Well, there were a few energies,

but optimism was definitely one of them.

You're not wearing that?

- I think you'll find I am. - Get changed.

I'm not the one auditioning here.

Heather, we're all auditioning, OK?

This process will be a lot easier for everyone

if we all just put our best foot forward.

Doesn't it make more sense to show the poor bastard

who he or she is actually gonna be living with?

Absolutely not. Get changed.

AINSLEY: OK, so...we have four candidates coming through,

all drawn from our own social networks.

I would like to flag from the outset that some of them

might not immediately, uh, draw a positive response,

but I felt really strongly that we owed them all a hearing.

Who are we talking?

Hmm. Well, first up, we have Marty.

Well, Ains, he just broke up with my mother!

What was I supposed to say to him?

"Sorry you're so heartbroken,

"but no-one wants to live with you"?

- Yes. - OK.

Then we have Ben's mate Rowan Mullins.

Fridgey! Didn't even know he was on Facebook.

Then we have, uh, Liz's former colleague Edwina Crowe.

She is fastidiously clean.

OK. And finally, an associate of Heather's, Ray Maplethorpe.

- Who? - Ray Maplethorpe.

Never heard of him.

Well, he's definitely your contact, Heather.

He's friends with you on Facebook

and he's the first like on almost all of your posts.

- Did he work at Dawes Court? - One of Timmy's mates, is he?

I've been through his profile. He's a prime candidate.

"A leisure industry provider,

"loves travel, fun times and cryptic crosswords."

- I do not know this man. - Well, he's coming.

I just want to thank you all.

I realise this is very sudden,

and I...really, erm, appreciate you all doing this

and...and considering these options.

(DOOR SLAMS)

MARTY: People come in and out of your life.

But only once in a quarter of a century do you find yourpeople.

I haven't felt this kind of kinship since...the mid '70s.

Marty, you do realise my mother is here every second day?

And given the fact that the two of you

aren't seeing each other anymore,

you don't think that might be a bit awkward?

I would absolutely respect the boundaries there.

More than happy to evacuate the premises prior to her arrival.

She generally shows up with no notice.

I'm a lot quicker than I look.

Can I just confirm

this isn't an attempt to rekindle things with her?

Do you think a...a strategy like that might be effective?

Now, one observation that I've observed,

the only, uh, fly in the ointment, so to speak,

has been that you've all had a little bit of trouble

keeping your pants on.

With each other.

Just with Liz and Benny, and...

..Ains and Ben, and then Heather.

That's not gonna be a problem with me.

I do have a little bit of a weakness

for a well-dressed lady on the wrong side of 40,

but you're gonna be on the other side of the world,

so...no problems there.

Heather, you are a very attractive older lady.

But you terrify me. And you're spoken for.

And, Ains...

..you remind me of my prep teacher.

And I couldn't do that to Simmo.

Uh...Simmo? No, no, no. We thought of Simmo.

And he would have moved in too.

He's just sick of the sight of me.

Nah, mate, it's all about Ains.

It's an absolute tragedy.

But, Ains, good news - I'm not attracted to you at all.

- Thank you, Fridge. - More than welcome.

Is that really why Simmo didn't want to move in?

Hey? Oh, bloody Fridgey? (LAUGHS) He gets confused.

You know, he means well, but...

..no, it's... it's about me, Ains.

He's just worried about overexposure.

Really?

I had no idea I was causing him pain.

Oh, he likes a bit of pain.

Not...not in a weirdo way.

He just...he... he feels things very deeply.

But...he's also got a shithouse memory.

So, normally, one thing...

..sorts out the other.

He did not draw breath for 15 solid minutes.

He did not shut his face once.

He'd just put a lot of thought into what he wanted to say.

HEATHER: We didn't even ask him a question!

OK. Um, uh, there'll just be one more.

'Cause Edwina has texted and she's pulled out.

- What? - Oh, of course she did.

Yeah, she's changed her mind.

I mean, in hindsight, I think she was probably medicated

when she expressed her interest.

(CAR DOOR CLOSES)

OK, well, lucky last. Heather's friend Ray Maplethorpe.

HEATHER: I told you, I've never heard of this person.

Fuck's sake.

Apologies for the deception.

I used my nom de plume, uh, for obvious reasons.

Uh, I've had one for a while,

mainly just to kick off comments on my Airbnb listings.

I'm not even...

That's it. Show's over, folks.

Hey, let's just... Hold your bloody horses, Heath. I'm...

I'm not here to...stick up my hand to...to live here.

I'm here with a proposal for the entire house, not just you.

As you may know, I've become quite the Airbnb entrepreneur.

Got the granny flat turning over 500 bucks a week.

And I think, if you're open to the idea

of renting out your self-contained space out there,

you could make upwards of $750.

That area's spoken for.

Well, I've taken the liberty of drawing up a business plan.

Huh?

So, I'd like to extend an invitation to the house

to operate under the...

..Colin Doyle family of abodes.

I will, uh, require a small commission,

but I think you'll find I'm very reasonable.

- This is an interesting idea. - COLIN: Yes, it is.

Is it? Just force me into business with my ex-husband?

I'm not forcing anyone to do anything.

COLIN: Yeah, just think about it, Heath.

You want to go to uni, you've got to cover fees.

I think it makes a lot of sense.

As I said, that room belongs to Ainsley,

and I don't want a...a constant stream of total losers...

They won't be losers. Some will be interstate travellers.

HEATHER: I don't want a stream of anybody or anything

in our home on a weekly, if not daily, basis!

Sorry, Liz.

I'll just leave these here. Sometimes she softens overnight.

The night I proposed,

there were six hours of yelling and slamming doors.

3am in the morning, a simple "Yes."

Why am I the only arsehole saying it?

We're all thinking it.

The way you're leaving feels abrupt and unfair.

BEN: I'm not thinking that.

You give us four and a half minutes' notice.

It's been longer than that, Heath.

I know that the...the time line is ridiculously tight,

but...but the academic year is just about to start.

Oh, for fuck's sake! It's not about the bloody course.

- What? - I thought it was.

You admitted it to Harry. It's...it's all Stuart.

He puts these ideas in your head.

Look, I get it. He's a sexy unit.

I made this decision on my own terms.

- Did you? - Yes.

And I came to you for understanding...

Well, I don't understand it.

..and I have had nothing but judgement.

Well, how do you expect me to feel?

I was there the last time he up-ended your life...

- (PHONE CHIMES) - ..and broke your heart.

Harry, you have your whole romantic life ahead of you.

You have no absolutely no idea where I am right now.

HARRY: If you go back to him, if you choose him again, I...

- LIZ: What? - Well, I've cleaned you up off the floor once.

- I'm not gonna do it again. - What is it?

I'm sorry, Liz, but I'm just not!

Ains.

Mel had the baby.

(PUTS PHONE DOWN)

Sorry.

(DOOR OPENS)

- BEN: "Ains..." - (DOOR BANGS)

"..sorry to do this in a text.

"Just thought you'd want to know, Mel had the baby.

"Her name is Starlette Belle. She's 3.7 kegs.

"Sorry if this wasn't the right thing to do.

"Hope you're OK. Lachlan."

HARRY: Charlotte Belle?

BEN: Starlette. Starlette Belle.

(DOOR OPENS)

HARRY: Are you OK?

I'm going to give all of Evie's stuff to Mel.

HEATHER: What's this?

I'm going to Lachlan's in the morning.

Gonna drop all this off.

- Oh... (SIGHS) - I know what you're gonna say.

Maybe not tomorrow, Ains.

Definitely tomorrow.

I want to do it before she's home from hospital,

so it has to be first thing.

HARRY: It's...it's a lovely thought, Ains.

HEATHER: You don't have to rush into this.

It's what I want.

So, if you want to help me, you can help me pack.

(KNOCK AT DOOR, DOOR OPENS)

Hey.

Thought you were spending your last night with your housemates.

You've packed?

Yes. Generally what you do when you're about to move overseas.

Are you right?

I can't fly out tomorrow.

I'm so sorry.

Why, because you...'cause you can't find a housemate?

Oh, no.

I mean, that was...

(LAUGHS) ..disastrous.

But it...it's so much more than that.

Is it Harry?

It's everything.

I mean, yes, Harry and I are completely at sea.

Ainsley's, um...

..she's living in a... in a waking nightmare,

and I...I can't...I can't leave them in this much pain.

OK. OK.

Well, um... how much time do you need?

I don't know.

What?

What about Cambridge?

I'll defer.

Liz, I know he's your best friend,

but if he loved you, he would want you to go.

I know.

Do you know, when...

..I was...

..penniless...

..and...alone...

..he kept me alive.

They...they all did. And most of them didn't even know me.

So, for me to walk out like this...

Is it too late to...to get...

- No, don't... - ..flight credits?

Don't worry about all that.

Is this really about your housemates?

Or is this just about us?

So, everything in the boot is for the nursery,

and then everything in the back

is just miscellaneous clothes and toys.

HEATHER: Gotcha. No worries.

(DOOR CLOSES)

I thought you'd still be at the hospital.

I was supposed to be, but I...

Is Mel OK?

Yeah, Mel's fine. She's already home.

I was gonna call,

but I didn't think you'd be around this early.

Her mum was driving her insane,

so she basically discharged herself and Starlette at 3am.

Ains? Why don't you wait in the car?

- Is she awake? - Yeah, she is.

Well, she was when I came outside,

but it changes pretty quickly.

You can come in if you want to.

- Ains... - HARRY: Heather, just...

HEATHER: She's not ready for this.

Here.

How was her labour?

Um, it was, uh, good in the end. It was fast.

I can't stop thinking about Evie.

Me too.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Hi, Mel.

(SOBS) I'm sorry.

It's OK.

LACHLAN: It's probably not about you, Ains.

It isabout her.

- Partially about her. - (STARLETTE FUSSES)

Oh, she's so beautiful.

She's so beautiful.

Hello, Starlette.

MELANIE: Well, she looks like Lachlan right now.

Apparently they all look like their dads at first,

so they don't eat them in the wild, but... (SNIFFS)

..it'll change.

She'll start looking more like me later on, so... (SNIFFS)

I've brought some baby stuff.

It's OK if you don't need it. I'll just come and pick it up.

But it's there if you want.

They're happy tears.

Don't speak for me, Lachlan!

I'm overwhelmed.

I'm exhausted. I can't wipe my bum properly.

My nipples are killing me.

(STARLETTE GRUNTS)

Did you want a hold?

I'm OK.

(DOOR OPENS)

- HARRY: Liz? - Out here.

- She's on the beers. - What?

I offered her a G&T, but she wanted beer.

AINSLEY: Isn't she supposed to be leaving about now?

She said she's not going anywhere.

- Why? - (CHUCKLES)

- What's happening here? - Beer is happening.

- Uh, what time's your flight? - Doesn't matter.

What do you mean?

I'm not going.

What's happened?

I understand this may be confusing,

but I just... I don't want to talk about it.

HEATHER: Are you fucking kidding me?

Look, I...I appreciate your interest...

Look, if this is about all the shit I said, I'm sorry.

I lived hand to mouth all my life

and worrying about money is just what I do.

The thing is, and...and I take no pleasure in saying this,

it turns out that with you pissing off,

I could actually be better off.

She re-read Col's idea at 3am. Turns out it's genius.

I...I did not say genius.

I said that if we did put the room on Airbnb

and if you guys are happy for me to handle it,

then maybe...you'd get your rent

and...I'd clear enough cash to go back to uni too.

It's genius.

So if that's why you've changed your mind, go get your bags.

LIZ: It's not just that.

It's...

It was all happening... way too fast.

And the timing just felt... just felt...

..wrong, on so many levels.

And the bottom line is it's done.

I've told Stuart to cancel.

What are you doing?

- Harry, what are you doing? - (RINGING TONE)

- STUART: Liz? - Harry.

- Stuart. It's Harry. - Oh, my God!

Have you actually cancelled Liz's ticket?

Mate, she doesn't want to go.

But have you cancelled the flight?

- Honestly, Harry... - Well, there's no point.

I couldn't cancel at such late notice anyway.

- What time is the flight? - (SIGHS)

It's at 2pm.

- 2pm. - 2pm. We can do it.

- No, we can't! - Grab your bags, get an Uber.

- I didn't finish packing. - She'll meet you at check-in.

AINSLEY: I'm on it!

Hang on. Is...is Liz there?

She's packing. I'll text updates. Go.

Harry. It's OK.

No, Liz, it isn't. I...I've been an arsehole.

I'm heartbroken and I'm a little jealous,

and I was dragging you down with me,

but you are getting on that flight.

- HEATHER: Yep, that goes. - BEN: Look out. Whoa, whoa.

LIZ: No, Ben, those are Heather's toiletries.

HEATHER: Yeah, just keep the Olay. It's half empty.

- Taken out the big boofy coat. - You're gonna have to wear it.

We're not gonna get to the airport in time anyway.

Absolutely we will.

Um, I've got the cashmere and the Chanel in here.

- Which one? - Uh, the fur collar. Come on.

SONG: * Life is hard

* And so am I... *

If Heather's driving, I will not get in the car.

Oh, just relax!

I think Ben's got the keys!

* Novocaine for the soul

* Before I sputter out... *

HARRY: This is... Where arewe, Heather?

HEATHER: It's the best car park. Trust me.

AINSLEY: Shouldn't we be at Departure Drive?

- Yeah, it's two minutes away! - I can't even see Departures.

HARRY: We're here. Two minutes away.

Righto. Looks like it's gonna be a bit of a dump-and-run.

We'll have to say our goodbyes on the move. Who's first?

- Where's the other suitcase? - BEN: Huh?

- There were three suitcases. - HEATHER: This way!

Alright. I'll go.

Uh, Lizzie, I've never had more genuine love

for a lady I let down in the sack.

- Oh, God. - No, no.

I thought I'd put you off for a while there

when you had your dry spell.

Good to see you back in the saddle.

Oh, Jesus Christ!

Well, I guess the main thing I want to say is,

you kept me out of jail, you really classed the place up.

- I love ya. - Are you sure this is the way?

- Thank you, Ben. - That's alright.

Through these doors, up the stairs,

and then you're basically at check-in!

- LIZ: Platinum check-in? - What?

Stuart's platinum. He booked us platinum. We need that check-in.

- What the hell is that? - I've got it. Just follow me.

- Should we drive? - No, no, let's just walk.

It'll be faster. Come on.

HEATHER: What the hell is platinum?

It's the, um, special entrance

with the little palm trees and the red carpet.

- You would have seen it. - How?! I don't fly.

How would I know anything about a little fuckin' red carpet?

Righto, Heath, you're up. Go.

Uh...look, I'm, um...

Oh, I'm shit at goodbyes and I'm out of breath.

I just want to say, look, I'm sorry for being a nightmare

since you said you were going.

You know it's just 'cause I'm gonna miss ya.

Really?

I was starting to see the two of us

as a menopausal version of Thelma & Louise.

- I'm...I'm just not menopausal. - Oh, yeah.

- Just... It's not important. - Don't slow down. Come on.

- BEN: Ains, that's you. - No, no, no.

I will call you at the departure gate.

I just...no, I want to say...

..don't feel bad about leaving, because you were here.

You...were here when it mattered, and it helped.

Oh, God.

HARRY: Liz, seriously!

If you miss that flight, it's on you.

- You sure it's the right way? - HARRY: Yeah.

HEATHER: I'm...I'm... OK.

There. There. She's here. She's here.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

You're overestimating your importance, Liz.

We're all gonna be fine.

- Yeah, but am Igoing to be? - AINSLEY: Yes.

Lizzie. You don't have to go.

HEATHER: Yes, she does. AINSLEY: She wants to.

None of us really want you to go.

You know, we're supporting you, but...

..if you think we're pushing ya, mate, just don't go.

(RINGING TONE)

(PHONE RINGS)

Oi. If it feels like we're pushing ya, just don't go, mate.

It's alright.

What if you're right about Stuart and I?

I was just being an arsehole.

But what if you're an accurate arsehole?

Am...am I walking away from the best place I've ever been

into a guaranteed disaster?

Maybe.

But you've watched me walk into total disasters

time and time again,

and on the other side of...of every failure,

you were there with a 14-hour phone call.

If it wasn't for that,

I wouldn't be living the incredible life I'm living.

OK.

- OK. - HEATHER: Yes! And we're off!

- BEN: Alright, Lizzie. - AINSLEY: Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Here she comes. Here she comes. Great. She's coming.

- OK. Bags, bags, bags, bags. - Um, they're carry-on.

- Carry-on. It's carry-on. - HEATHER: Take these.

- Yep. - OK. Got 'em?

STUART: Yep.

BEN: See ya.

- HEATHER: Oh, God. - AINSLEY: No!

HEATHER: Come here. Oh, my darling!

Take care of yourself, yeah? Take care.

LIZ: I walked into this arrangement

convinced it would be a disaster.

And I walked out convinced

it was a one-in-a-billion connection.

Pure kismet.

But it was neither of those things.

SONG: * Novocaine for the soul

* You'd better give me something

* To fill the hole...*

LIZ: It was five people...

* Before I sputter out... *

..walking together for a time...

* Before I sputter out... *

..sometimes with severe discomfort...

* Before I sputter out

* Before I sputter out. *

..but still walking...

..always walking...

..even when it's easier to stand still.