Original subtitles

Previously onFive Bedrooms...

The commune is being sold. It all became a bit of a debacle.

I'm bankrupt and I'm divorced.

I need to get a place that's better for my daughter.

Plus romantic complications.

I don't want to be the thing that stops you.

- You deserve to be happy. - Yeah, but so do you.

Given Mum's current situation, I have to move back home.

MANJU: You're not gay.

HEATHER: Tying yourself to that man is insanity.

I know we've got a complicated past, but I've put that behind me now.

I'm pregnant. It's yours.

Mel is pregnant too.

You should be surgically castrated.

AINSLEY: I just want to get through today and sell this house!

We are ready to open bidding...

I'm having this baby.

..on this incredible family home.

You're not gonna do it on your own.

- Who wants to start me off? - I'll be on hand 24 hours a day.

- You'll have me too. - 2.5!

I don't want to lose this house. These five people.

- Bugger it. - 2.6.

- The five of us. - Three times!

- Right here. - Sold! To the lady on my left.

LIZ: This was not what I'd imagined for my life.

I mean, being at another auction, sure,

buying a family home, yes,

but I'd imagined buying it with a family.

They cut back the shrubbery. That was a mistake.

I don't mind seeing out to the street.

Yeah, but you hate the street seeing back to you.

- Seriously? - That makes a lot of sense.

I hadn't imagined my gay best friend,

a middle-aged nurse, a pregnant woman or a tradie.

- (GASPS EXCITEDLY) - Uh-uh. No, no, no, no.

Pull yourself together. Remember, we show no emotion.

OK, we emit an aura of entitlement and generational wealth.

Um, obviously, Heather, you just...

..be yourself.

I'm gonna register.

We'd been apart for months. We'd looked at 24 open homes.

So I was determined. Today was the day.

- Hello. It's Anton, is it? - Yeah.

Hi. I'm Elizabeth Wendell. I'd like to register to bid today.

Yeah, of course. Have we met?

No, I think you've been dealing mainly with Ainsley Elling.

Uh, redhead. Pregnant.

Um, excitable almost to the point of self-injury.

- (BOTH LAUGH) - No.

Harry Sethi? Heather Doyle?

How many of you are purchasing?

- Oh, five of us. Yeah. - Ah. OK.

You're a company or...?

Um, more of a collection of friends or, um...

..a consortium - I'm not quite sure of the collective noun.

- Maybe a...a mob or a gaggle. - (BOTH LAUGH)

OK. Wow!

And that works?

So, cot over there and then the...

..bookshelf and change table on this side.

No. No. That's too close to the lounge.

- Isn't that a good thing? - No.

The feeding chair next to the window. Or is that too draughty?

What?

Oh, I...I just remember putting the nursery together for Timmy.

- Course, he never used it. - What?

Well, he only slept with me. If he slept at all.

And he wailed if I put him in the feeding chair

or tried to dress him, so...

..most of the time, I just cranked the heater up

and let him cruise around naked.

Never left the house. It was a magical time.

OK, this is it.

Shoulders back.

Any final words?

Are we still 100% on this place?

What?! Yes, Ben. Yes, we are.

The four-bedroom place is not an option.

If you just saw it...

Ben, the five of us are not built for a reno.

And I'm...I'm sorry, but I'm not interested in a possibility.

We need a reality, you know, with at least...

..two bathrooms and central heating.

OK, any other, less destabilising final words?

Heather, can I just have my phone back?

- No. - What's this?

She's infatuated with my dating app.

I'm just doing a final assessment of the local talent,

as I would any other aspect of the surrounds.

We're not gonna judge this house

based on the abdominal definition of the neighbours.

- It's looking pretty top-tier. - (PHONE CHIMES)

Sweet Jesus! We've got a live one 20 metres away.

OK, I'm gonna do the final words, OK,

'cause you guys have all just really let me down.

OK, this has been a long road. We've been apart for many months.

But when we go out there, we are unified.

We feel neither pity nor pain. Because this is our home.

So let's go out there like we already own it.

Ladies and gentlemen, we'll be commencing the auction momentarily,

so if we could please ensure that all bidders are registered.

I'm thinking back flank position, quiet power.

Or should we go forward and prominent?

Ains? Professional opinion?

Makes absolutely no difference. We just have to spend the most money.

- BEN: Oh. - HEATHER: Psst!

- Harry. - What?

The 20-metres-away hot guy is the real estate agent.

What?!

You wouldn't pick it at first glance, but...

Jesus Christ! Are they implants?

- That's not a real photo. - I don't know.

That shirt's hanging off him like no-one's business.

His name's Anton and we have a match.

Do not tell me you're swiping right!

I'm just sending a winky face and a water-splashing emoji.

Oh, my God. Heather, just give me the phone!

- I can't do that! - Yes, you can!

- Shh! - Mate, mate, come on.

You banged on about all the life you were gonna live when you came out.

I hate to break it to you, but you're out, mate. This is it.

- I did not 'bang on' about it. - You totally did.

If you don't get your rocks off now, what was the point

of putting yourself through all that trauma?

- Just give me the... - You owe it to yourself!

- (HEATHER AND HARRY ARGUE) - (BABY FUSSES)

- MAN: Is it too late to register? - ANTON: No, no, no, no.

- Not at all. - Fantastic!

- Great. - Fill that out.

(BABY FUSSES)

Bit of a rush to get here, but...we're here.

- What? What's wrong? - Stuart.

That's Liz's ex-husband.

There was no conscious logic to my sudden bolt.

Certainly no destination.

Nothing made sense.

It hadn't even been a year

since Stuart and I were declared bankrupt.

How can he be buying property...

..with a partner?

And a baby?

In the 10 years we were together,

I'd never even seen Stuart hold a baby.

- (BABY FUSSES) - (MAN SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)

It's getting a little better. I mean...you know.

I'm helping with the feeds.

I mean, it's closer to 50/50 now she's off the breast.

WOMAN: You did two night feeds last month.

(LAUGHS) Well, maybe 60/40.

Every single time it came up...

What about you two?

..he deflected.

Yeah, I'm keen, but, um...that's really Lizzie's department.

I leave all the important decisions to her.

When I pushed the point, he delayed.

Look, if we wait two... three years tops,

we could actually be in a position to retire.

Hey, imagine what kind of parents we could be then.

Stuart, I'm already considered geriatric.

Yeah, the most attractive geriatric I've ever seen.

- That's...that's not helping. - It's helping a little bit.

And when everything was falling apart,

I wondered if part of him was actually relieved.

One month.

One month on the ground in London.

I swear.

This is millions of dollars' worth of debt.

I know it doesn't feel like it right now,

but we're still on track for everything, sweetheart. (KISSES)

He said all the right things.

Look, this is...it's a comma, not a full stop.

But I honestly didn't believe he wanted kids.

But clearly...

(DOOR BANGS)

..he just didn't want them with me.

- Hey. You OK? - Sorry.

How could he be buying... a house like that already?

And with a baby?

You alright?

- We missed out. It's gone. - To Stuart?

Nope. Some smug baby boomer outbid everyone, again.

And you were the only one registered.

Oh! God, sorry...

You kept saying if we didn't lock something in this weekend,

we were basically fucked!

- Heather! - Well, she did!

You're in your second trimester

and...I'm about three syllables away from killing Colin.

Whoa, whoa! How...how about we just take a breath?

Maybe grab a...a quiet beer, get some chips or a meat platter,

do a bit of a regroup?

- Do you need some time, Liz? - Oh, no, God. Let's...

Is that the first time you've seen him since...

The apocalypse? Yeah.

Last time I heard, he was unemployed and living with the religious cousin.

And you didn't know about the kid?

We have zero confirmation he's anyone's father.

Hey, Heather, can I have my phone now?

- You're driving. - What?

AINSLEY: OK. I'm starting a new spreadsheet.

All our remaining options.

I think that'll make the whole situation a lot more manageable.

HEATHER: You are the only person alive

who is comforted by a spreadsheet.

- (PHONE CHIMES) - Oh! Hot real estate guy!

(SIGHS) OK. Can we just...

"Shame you left so quickly.

"Should I interpret that as a lack of interest?"

Does he mean interest in him or in the house?

- Doesn't matter. - I think you'll find it does.

Mate, I'd go back with, "Still very much in the market."

Winky face. Open flame. Eggplant emoji.

No, no, no, no! Wait! No.

You need to say, um...well, "If we want to talk real estate,

"maybe let's use emails, and we can use this for personal stuff."

No! Jesus! That'll kill it like a bullet to the head.

Listen to me. Out Loud Harry lives in the blurry spaces.

- He doesn't shut down possibilities. - (PHONE CHIMES)

- Who is 'Out Loud Harry'? - What'd he say?

Um, "Would love to present you with some options."

"And I could not be more open to seeing what you've got on offer."

- HEATHER: Yes! - No!

Please, just... please put it down. God.

- (BABY CRIES) - STUART: ..give him this little toy.

LIZ: (GASPS) Oh, my God!

- Oh! - Is that...

- That's Stuart. - Oh.

She's driving. Interesting.

- Is it? - Well, he's on reach-back duty.

You're only on reach-back duty

if you're a competent human the child trusts.

Colin never got there.

- Harry, follow that car. - LIZ: What?!

Liz, we all know you're gonna be in a mental loop

till you get answers, so let's get answers.

I don't even know what the questions are!

And we really should prioritise the schedule.

Some of our options might only be available this afternoon.

We can spare half an hour for a bit of light surveillance.

We're just gonna establish an address

for further reconnaissance purposes

and then we're outta there.

OK, go. Go.

- A bit further back. - (PHONE CHIMES)

Oh! Hot real estate guy.

- Oh! Can we just drop... - Nope. He's come back hard.

"Obviously, I aim to please. What in particular are you looking for?"

OK, he's clearly talking about real estate.

Oh, Harry, there is a long, sordid history of estate agents

using open homes for their own, you know, purposes.

No, that is a total industry cliché.

Yeah, but it's true.

- Hardly ever. - Thank you.

I would go back with, "I'm looking for something big,

"something long...term."

Do not write that.

"Looking for a welcoming central hallway."

OK, can someone just grab the phone from Heather?

- Just use force if you have to. - He's turning.

LIZ: No, th-this is too visible. It's way too visible.

HEATHER: It's fine.

LIZ: How could he have bought a house like that?

HARRY: We don't know anything.

OK. We're just gonna sit here for half an hour.

You said we were just gonna get the address!

First rule of sleuthing -

always stay half an hour longer than you planned.

Well, does anyone mind if I return to our unfolding real estate crisis?

Can't promise I'll listen.

I think there's a few places we might have rejected hastily.

Uh, there's the house with the disturbing smell. Hmm?

The house with the wall shade Heather described as 'bile'.

Or there...I mean, there is the six-bedroom,

which looks pretty good, but I've been avoiding it

because it's listed by Lachlan.

- I'll go. - That's not reassuring.

BEN: At the risk of sounding like a broken record,

that four-bedder...

Ben, I really think that we're all in agreement...

Yeah, but if you just saw it.

This wicked space coming off the garage.

It's got high ceilings, exposed beams.

OK. He's on the move.

Well, are we following him?

- No! - HEATHER: Just sit tight.

OK. Ains, grab your folder. You're with me.

- What?! What are you doing? - Why am I with you?

Two minutes. I'll have your answers.

Wait! Wait! Heather!

What i...what is she doing?

Wh-what is she doing?

- (DOOR CLOSES) - Oh, my God.

HARRY: Oh, God.

(KNOCKS)

AINSLEY: What am I supposed to do?

Don't say anything. Just follow my lead.

Surely one of us should say something.

(DOOR OPENS)

HEATHER: Sorry to disturb you.

I'm Heather Fitzpatrick and this is Ainsley Rapsomanikis.

We're from the council.

Just, uh, completing routine smoke detector checks.

According to our records, there are four smoke detectors here.

Is that correct?

- Um, I think so. I'm not sure. - Well, you mind if we step in?

We're just trying to settle the baby, so...

(WHISPERS) Happy to whisper.

Oh.

- Oh. - (DOOR CLOSES)

There's, uh...there's definitely one in the kitchen.

- Yep, here. - Right, yep. Yep.

And there's also one...

..here.

Oh, right. Yeah, yeah.

Your, uh, basic, uh, 240-volt BQR model. Mmm.

I just have to confess,

I'm not 100% sure there's a battery in there.

I think I might have taken it out.

I'm...I'm so sorry. Every time I cooked steak, it went off.

- It's fine. - HEATHER: Can I just get your name, please?

Uh, Caitlyn Higgins.

Look, uh, Caitlyn. You seem like a nice kid.

And, you know, 'cause you were up-front,

we're gonna turn a blind eye this time.

But I'm gonna need you to get some 9-volt batteries asap,

and I'd, you know, suggest you get yourself a fan.

I will absolutely do that. Thank you.

Could I just ask, um...

..how many people...

..live here at the moment?

Uh, just my husband and I and our son.

And your husband, he's out at the moment?

Uh, no, he's home. I'll...I'll just get him.

Can you...

- MAN: Who are these women? - I don't know.

I think they're from the council.

MAN: Where?!

Uh, these are smoke detector...

- Checkers. - ..checkers, from the council.

- MAN: Sorry? - Uh, just confirming.

It's just the three of you here, yeah?

- Well... - Oh.

We...we do have a friend staying with us at the moment.

- Yeah. - Um, just temporarily.

A friend of Nick's. He's been through bit of a rough time.

Aww. That's no good, is it?

Since when do the council have smoke detector checkers?

(BABY FUSSES)

Should I call...I'm just... I'm gonna call her.

Good.

Oh, my God!

(STOPS ENGINE)

Oh, God! He's seen me. He's seen me.

- BEN: It's OK, Lizzie. - LIZ: How?

STUART: Liz?

What are...

- Hey, Liz. - Oh!

H-hi...hi, Stuart.

- Harry. - Hi, Stuart.

Uh, what are you doing here?

HEATHER: I don't know what to tell you, Nick.

Go to the council website, see the legislation for yourself.

I'm really sorry if I've offended you.

Yeah, well, you know what? That ship's sailed.

I just hope you show a bit more respect

to the council compost checkers,

'cause they're not quite as personable as me.

Um...Stuart, these are my housemates.

This is, uh, Ainsley, Heather,

uh, this is Ben, and...and you know Harry.

Liz, this is, uh, Caitlyn.

She's Stuart's friend. Just his friend.

He's just staying with her and her husband temporarily.

- Sorry, you know Stuart? - Are you all from the council?

STUART: The council?!

This is Liz.

CAITLYN: Oh, that's who you mean.

- Liz. - Did you think... Caitlyn and I were...

(LAUGHS)

Hey...

I've been trying to contact you for months.

You know that, right? You didn't read any of the emails?

I've been kind of busy, Stuart.

Look, they all pretty much said the same thing.

I just want an opportunity for us to...talk.

Just for an hour.

Tomorrow?

- OK. - OK.

Sorry, sorry.

The boys swore they were going out

and they ended up playing some video game.

Mass Murder on a Beach or something.

- Hello. - Oh...

OK.

- (SIGHS) Come on! - Wait, wait, wait, wait.

We gonna be sneaking around like this forever?

- Not if we get a new house, no. - And wait. Wait.

So when we get this new joint,

what are you thinkin', that we'll...we'll share a room?

Is this about the four-bedder? 'Cause you know that's...

- No, no, no. Aside from that. - OK.

I'm...I'm up for it.

I'm more than up for it. I'm keen. I want to wake up with ya.

Oh.

- You're not with me? - Oh, no, no. You know.

Of course I want to wake up with you.

It's...it's just, you know... it's just bigger than that.

Bigger than what?

You don't know what people say about us.

People don't say anything,

'cause we're always doing this bloody sneaking around.

Want to know what I would say if I saw us?

Yeah. What... what would you say?

"Who does she think she is? Old enough to be his mother.

- "That kid's in his prime." - Oh, that's not...

"He should be out breeding.

"He's obviously got mummy issues

"or he's a...he's a bit," you know, "simple."

(LAUGHS) That's a bit harsh.

Look, I am a simple fella,

but I'm all clear on the mummy issues,

and I just think...I mean...

..this spark...

..would have been there any time,

when we were teenagers, old people, whenever.

When I was 18, you were...

- Oh... - ..how...how old were you?

What I'm saying is... (SIGHS)

Jesus!

You were three, Ben. You were three years old.

I wasn't meaning literally.

I was meaning, like, if magically I can transport us...

Yeah, OK. Alright. Yep. Yep. Just...just give me a sec.

What was your favourite song when you were 18?

(SIGHS) Going Down by the Cosmic Psychos.

Cosmic Psychos, yeah.

Yeah, me too.

- Bullshit. - It was.

Let's see if I can't dig it up here.

- You've never heard it. - Shh.

Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

(BASS RIFF PLAYS)

Oh, yeah. This was their first bass player.

He quit.

Five years in, he's kicking himself.

(COSMIC PSYCHOS SING INDISTINCTLY)

(BEN MOUTHS WORDS)

This is the first time you've heard this song.

Shush! I love it.

(SINGS ALONG)

Hang on, hang on, hang on.

It's a limerick. It's a limerick rhyme scheme. I used to know it.

(SINGS INDISTINCTLY)

(HEATHER LAUGHS)

(TRAIN HORN HONKS)

LIZ: The next morning,

my housemates were all back on the hunt,

all of them pushing forward.

But I found myself staring at my past.

- Hey. - Hey.

- Uh... (LAUGHS) - No, it's...

Mwah!

So, thanks for meeting with me.

Uh, here's pretty good,

or, uh, there are a couple of decent cafes further up.

Uh...

..first dilemma.

Obviously, I should buy you lunch.

But at the moment, my budget kind of lends itself to...

..a couple of McValue Meals

or perhaps fish and chips in the park.

Uh, there's fish and chips further up.

- On the corner. - Great.

- HEATHER: You ready? - Yeah.

Oh! You lost the place that you wanted?

- Yes. - No.

We did.

But we like the look of this one. Do you have a brochure?

Could we have a word in private, please?

Lachlan, I already know what you're gonna say.

- You've said it several times. - You're running late.

You need to open up.

Uh, I have almost seven minutes, Heather.

And I'm not legally allowed on the property

before the allotted time.

- That's bullshit. - Standard practice, actually.

Why don't you pull up the Constitution of Australia

and show me where it says that?

Ainsley, I'm telling you, this is not the place that you want.

It is wall-to-wall concrete floors. It's just a deathtrap!

Look, if you just saw my new place.

The only step down is into the sunken lounge,

which is a shag carpet - it's perfect for a newborn.

Don't you want our baby to grow up with its father over four randoms?

What I want is for you to do your job and open up this house.

Fine. I'll bring the opening forward, then, shall I?

For the sake of those who refuse to live

within the boundaries of Australian law.

I'll just break the law myself.

Yeah.

(OPENS GATE)

I hate to admit it, but he's right.

Concrete floors are a deathtrap.

The kid would need a safety helmet. Come on.

Well...

(SIGHS)

STUART: Do you remember our macrobiotic era?

LIZ: I do.

I remember our Paleo era. Organic. 5:2.

I pretty much exist on what we ate at uni -

tinned fruit and baked beans.

- Oh. - Well...obviously not together.

One thing is for sure - I will never pay 80 bucks for goat's cheese again. (LAUGHS)

LIZ: That look.

I lost a decade to that look.

So, your...

..living situation, they're... they're Harry's friends, right?

Kind of. (CLEARS THROAT)

We, um...we all met at Harry's cousin's wedding.

Right. But it's good, yeah?

I mean, it's...

..complicated, but...

..it's also kind of lovely.

You think in some...

..stupid, fucked-up way that it was just meant to be?

No, Stuart. No, I don't.

I was humiliated.

Sorry. That was a poor choice of words.

I-I lost my career because of you.

I lost all my clients. I was...I was...

Marched out of the firm. I know.

You had to borrow off Harry and take an office job.

Well...

..you weren't returning my emails, but...

..I was kind of keeping tabs.

Look.

The main reason that I needed to talk to you...

..is that... (SIGHS)

..I can't stop thinking...

..that I really pushed us to delay having kids.

And it wasn't deliberate,

but it happened, and I let it happen.

I just want to tell you, I am...

..so sorry.

And I realise that saying that,

it's probably worse than not saying anything at all.

I...I just...

..I'm just sor...sorry.

OK.

So, I don't know what's going on with you personally

and whether...

..motherhood is still something you see in you...

Obviously, I understand there's nothing between us anymore,

but I remember the plans.

I know we've got...

..things frozen, embryos.

So, Liz, if you wanted to use that without me,

I wouldn't stand in your way.

Hang...hang on. Wait. Wait.

Have...our baby without you?

Oh, I don't know.

I'm sorry if it sounds ridiculous or if it's painful.

I just had to say it.

Because I can't bear the thought

of costing you any more than I already have.

- (PHONE CHIMES) - Oop! Hello, sailor.

He's written, "Front door is open.

"Let yourself in. Meet me inside."

OK.

We're clearly walking into a deeply sexual situation here,

and I'm not about to be the third wheel,

so I'll see you at the four-bedder

at 3:15, if you make it.

Ben, those are simple instructions

for entering an open home.

That is a person who intends to be

sprawled naked in broad daylight when you arrive,

and... (LAUGHS) ..all power to him.

Oh, God.

Am I ready for that? I just...

..I don't know if I'm built for sudden sexual adventure.

Guess the question is, do you want to be?

Uh, no... Ben!

(SIGHS)

Hello?

Anton?

WOMAN: And this kind of yard space is incredibly rare.

It's been in the same family for generations...

Oh. Excuse me. Uh, can I help you at all?

Uh, I was meeting Anton.

Oh! Janelle, this is Mr Sethi. I mentioned him earlier.

Looking for the five-bedder plus nursery.

Would you mind giving him the tour?

Yeah, absolutely. Uh, Janelle Belle.

Anton tells me you're looking for a long central passage.

I think you'll find that this will not disappoint.

I-is that correct or...?

Oh, yeah...yes. It wasn't a prerequisite.

Great. Um, so, let's head outside.

We're just gonna go and have a look at this wonderful yard.

Actually, there's a garden setting out there, be more comf...

- No, no, let me see it. - Um...

This is a...a literal garage.

- Yeah. - (BOTTLES CLINK)

It's just...

..I...I thought it was Stuart-speak

for 'stylish apartment adjacent to garage'.

No, no. I live with a distinct smell of brake fluid.

How...how long have you been here?

About, uh, six months or so.

Um...Nick's been really great, actually.

Lets me stay here in exchange for being his PA or...

..nanny or...whatever I am.

So this is where you imagine

Stuart Jr would come on weekends?

Yeah. Least for the first year.

Kidding.

To be honest, you know...

..I kind of feel we both got caught up

in that whole "let's find the perfect family home" thing.

- 'We'? That was you, Stuart. - No.

- That was both of us. - That was 100% you.

Look.

I'm willing to accept all other charges,

but you were addicted to realestate.com.

Oh, I was happy in the Camberwell place.

That was you that convinced me that we could do better.

The first night in the Brighton house

in the garden, in that swing seat,

you turned to me and you actually said this -

"People who say money doesn't buy happiness, they're wrong."

(LAUGHS) That was clearly a joke.

- No, it wasn't. - OK, it wasn't.

In fact, you'd never been happier.

Still haven't.

- (PHONE RINGS) - I've got to...

Yes! I have to get this.

Hello?

OK, I was an idiot. Ben and Heather are also idiots.

The man just wanted to show me a house.

- Oh, God. - Yeah, there are other buyers here.

And another agent.

This is the least sexual situation anyone's ever been in.

- Oh. - How'd you go with Stuart?

- Oh, still going. - OK. Quick headlines?

Oh, he's just...suggesting

that I unfreeze our embryos and have our baby. (LAUGHS)

- What?! - Yeah.

Have a baby, with him?

I think...I think he means more like a gift.

- What?! - Yeah.

Are you tempted?

No.

- You hesitated. - No, no.

That wasn't hesitation. That was umbrage. I'm leaving.

Um, I'll...I'll meet you at Ben's open house.

OK. Do you want me to call you one more time?

No. I'm literally walking out now.

- Coffee? Tea? Cask wine? - (LAUGHS)

I don't think adding alcohol to this equation would be a good idea.

And I...I've got to go.

I'm on a brutal house-hunting schedule, so...

Before you do...um...

..I've had this drawn up, in legal-speak.

And I've signed it...

..for you to take.

You might never use it, but...

..basically, it gives up all my paternal rights.

- I'm...I'm...I don't want it. - Just take it, as an option.

Stuart, I'm never gonna have our child without you.

Things change. One day, you might want to have a...

- Stuart, I'm never gonna do it. - Oh, I don't know. Burn it, then!

If...if I did this...

..you would always be part of my life.

And I...I still...

(SIGHS)

Sorry. I, uh...I thought if I came here and I...

..I saw you one last time and you apologised

and I yelled at you and I saw how shit your life is now,

I'd be...

..released.

But...

Honestly, all...all I wanted to do was the right thing by you.

- That's all. - (LAUGHS)

Well, if you want to do the right thing by me, just...

I...I know. Uh...uh, I get it.

- (SIGHS) - I'm sorry.

Thanks for hearing me out.

- (DOOR CLOSES) - (SIGHS)

Heading off?

Oh, yeah. It's a...a lovely property.

But I think maybe not the one for me. Or for us.

Anything in particular you were after that I didn't offer you?

Uh...uh, no. I-I think...I...

Sorry.

I don't know if I misread the situation, but...

..the way you were messaging me, I thought maybe today was...

- Sorry. I gotta go. - No, no.

I...thought I was making my position pretty clear,

but then your answers got so formal,

I just thought, "OK. He's not into it."

But...you are?

Wait here.

Janelle, this isn't the one for Mr Sethi,

so I'll run him through some other options

and finish up here if you want to head back to the office.

JANELLE: Oh, lovely. Has Mr Sethi seen the Shelley Street property?

ANTON: Good thought. Thanks, Janelle.

- It's OK? - Uh, yeah.

It's alright. I got it.

- (LAUGHS) - Whoa.

- You OK? - Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Can we maybe just slow it down?

The owners will be home in an hour, so...

OK. Alright.

Oh, sorry. I'm sorry.

Sorry.

- Still too fast? - (PANTS)

I don't want it to be, but...but...yeah, it is.

- I'm sorry. - No, don't be. That's alright.

I think I-I'm maybe not a...

.."have sex in someone else's home with a complete stranger" kind of guy.

Yeah.

Maybe you're more of a "have a drink, maybe a bite to eat, ease into it" kind of guy.

I do want to be impulsive and wild, but I...

(SIGHS)

..I think my soul is already

a timid, slightly terrified late-50s man.

I actually really respect that.

You're very sweet.

But I'm very much a hook-up guy. Sorry.

Oh. No. Of cour...of course.

(LAUGHS) That's... fair enough. Fair enough.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Any interest in viewing the Shelley property at all, though?

Oh, uh...uh, no. Thank you, but...

Yeah, cool.

Might just get you to stand up. Sorry.

LIZ: After months of meticulous planning,

strategising and house hunting,

it had taken me 15 minutes

to throw my life into total disarray.

Oh, Jesus.

Um, I...I've gotta go.

I've got four people waiting for me and I...

..exploded our best option yesterday, so...

..I don't have a lot of credit.

So, was that, like, the last hurrah?

Or...can I call you later?

I'll call you.

- (DOOR OPENS) - Bye.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Uh, you need the remote.

- Oh. - Just use this one.

Oh. Thank you. Thanks.

It's, um... it's very generous of you to...

..have a house guest when you've got a newborn.

To be honest, I think Maxie likes him

better than either of us.

- (LAUGHS) - Seriously.

Stuart was the only thing between us and total chaos

those first months.

Thanks.

HEATHER: Where is she?

HARRY: Just...can we just give her, like, five more minutes?

HEATHER: Come on!

- I'll just call her again. - Oh...

- I'm so sorry for keeping you all waiting. - Lizzie.

- HEATHER: You alright? - Should we get inside or...

Oh, Lizzie, I would dearly love to go the full group pitch here.

- Well, we don't have much time. - I know.

But you have mentioned the idea of a reno makes you feel crook

a couple of times now, and I'd just like the opportunity

to give you the big picture, tell you what I'm seeing.

Well, can you give us the big picture in five minutes or less?

Alright. Follow me.

Uh, where are you?

Uh, no simple answer to that question right now.

OK. OK.

So, what I want us all to do

is to imagine Ainsley, actually, a year from now.

Ains, I'm just gonna need a temp name for the kid.

I don't want to reveal my favourite names just yet.

It's alright - for the purposes of this exercise,

we'll just run with Benny Jr.

So it's 2021. Alright?

- Ainsley and little BJ are... - Evie.

That was my mum's name. Um, if she's a girl.

Alright. So Ainsley's rocking up with little Evie on the hip.

And she's walking past...

..awesome established gardens.

Could use a bit more colour, but that's easy fixed.

Follow me.

Every time Evie gets home, boom, she's straight into...

..a living area,

filled with all her uncles and aunties, spiritual figures,

standing by ready to cough up advice, cash, tenners, whatever.

And I'll tell you what, if they're not in here,

they'll be out here.

Nice kitchen.

It's pretty big.

Actually, you know what, Ains?

I could drill a spot right here

for Evie to sit, on the bench, so she can watch us.

Or we could just buy a highchair.

Ooh, yeah, mate. This is where she'll perch.

She'll have a bird's-eye view of Aunty Lizzie on the blender,

making juices out of stuff that scares the crap out of me.

But...you wait till you see out the back.

Come on.

Ooh.

Ains and Evie's room.

Eh? Now, you gotta use your imagination.

But just imagine...

..polished floorboards...

..skylight...

..and big beautiful French doors opening out onto the decking,

aka outdoor chill-out/dining area.

And this...this will be the hub.

So every night, little Evie will...

..go to sleep hearing all her uncles and aunties,

all the chatter, all of us, talking about our days and...

..figuring out the universe.

Ains, you look like you're stressing out,

and I know there's a ton of work to be done...

No. Is it possible that I could feel the baby move this early?

Could be.

I think... I just got butterflies.

- Oh, can I? - Yeah, yeah.

(LAUGHS)

AINSLEY: Whoa! Did you feel that?

- BEN: Yeah... Did you get it? - HARRY: I don't think so.

BEN: There it is. There it is.

- (AINSLEY LAUGHS) - HEATHER: Come on!

BEN: No. Well, I think we can say...

Do not say this is a sign. 'Cause it's not.

If Evie got a vote, all I'm saying is I reckon I know where she'd stand.

- (SIGHS) - AINSLEY: Liz?

(DOG BARKS IN DISTANCE)

Uh, just FYI,

Liz's ex kind of just put the idea of them having a baby

back on the table.

Jesus!

BEN: (SIGHS) Oh, well.

On the upside, if Lizzie does bail and get back with her ex,

you've dodged a bullet.

You won't have to shack up with me.

Look, If you'd asked me a year ago if I wanted to...

..cohabit with another man...

..I would have laughed you out of the room.

(CHUCKLES)

But here we are.

We're in the room...

..and I'm looking at you.

And I want to wake up with you.

Yeah?

Yeah.

(LAUGHS)

I mean, you know.

You'll want to keep that extra room on stand-by,

'cause I'm not a morning person.

There's a 5:30am version of me you will not be able to unsee.

HARRY: You OK?

We should go.

I just...I need to say something.

Just, uh, before we do.

Look, I have no idea what happened today.

I mean, it's...

..it's pretty clear there was sex

and God knows what other upheavals.

But, um...

..if having a baby really is something that you want,

I just...I hope you don't feel like Stuart is your only option.

- Because he's not, and... - Harry.

..I know we used to joke about having...a gayby, but, um...

I mean, Daddy Harry could not be any more inept

than Out and Loud Harry, and...

I love you.

I-I always thought that if...

..I got the opportunity to have a baby...

..I'd do it.

You know, I'd drop everything and I'd do it.

Because if I didn't...

..I'd regret it forever.

But I'm here now and...

..I've got the opportunity...

..and I don't think I want it.

Maybe I'm not meant to be a mum.

(RINGING TONE)

- STUART: Hey. - Hey.

Is now a bad time?

No. No.

Where are you? Do you want me to come and get you?

No, no. I just, um...

..I just wanted to let you know that I...I really...

..I appreciate everything you said today,

and that I...I do know that...

..the offer was genuine.

I mean, not terribly well thought out or executed.

(LAUGHS) But, um...

..I can see that you've grown.

Well...thank you. That actually means a lot.

But I have too.

And, um...

..the situation that I'm in,

I never would have chosen, and I'm...

..I'm a long way from comfortable,

but we've just found a new home for ourselves and...

..it is where I want to be.

There is still something between us, Liz.

And there probably always will be.

But we missed our time.

You know, for what it's worth, one of the reasons I married you

was 'cause I thought you'd be an incredible father.

And...

..I really hope you get a shot at it.

It just won't be with me.

Bye.

Liz... (SIGHS)

Next time onFive Bedrooms...

- Look who's just dropped in. - Xavier's my nephew.

- (LAUGHTER) - Terrific stuff.

Do you think I'm a wanker if I post this as my pregnancy announcement?

This is your moment with your baby.

You can share it however you like.

"Shame, shame, shame on you, you home-wrecking whore."

My stepmother called to let me know she'd seen the comments.

- No! - Yes.

- Very much so. - Oh, my God!

What the fuck are you doing here?