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1
00:01:17,040 --> 00:01:18,712
Last week on Married With Children...
2
00:01:18,920 --> 00:01:22,356
...Kelly got her own talk show
on public-access TV.
3
00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:26,878
Who do you think
has the cutest butt?
4
00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:28,348
Mel Gibson.
5
00:01:28,560 --> 00:01:32,473
Lethal Weapon opening tomorrow!
6
00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:35,911
It was a success,
and everyone auditioned.
7
00:01:54,160 --> 00:01:57,072
Kelly said she'd think about it.
8
00:01:58,160 --> 00:02:02,597
But she went it alone.
And that strategy paid off, because.
9
00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:04,995
A real network wants
to put my show on primetime.
10
00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:06,553
- I'm going to Hollywood!
- What?
11
00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:07,749
- Hollywood?
- Yes! Yes!
12
00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:12,078
And now,
Married With Children continues.
13
00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:15,430
I can't believe
we're going to Hollywood.
14
00:02:15,640 --> 00:02:17,119
It's a dream come true.
15
00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:20,670
The place where any guy with a cheap
chain can call himself a producer...
16
00:02:20,880 --> 00:02:24,156
...to dumb babes getting off the bus
from Des Moines.
17
00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:29,678
Dad, your little boy's going home.
18
00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:35,716
I'm sure that Grumpy, Dopey, Sleepy
and Doc will be glad to have you back.
19
00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:39,350
Now, kids, before we go
to the land of broken dreams...
20
00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:43,678
...and cheap bikini love,
I want you to be prepared.
21
00:02:43,880 --> 00:02:47,793
Because Hollywood is not like
our quaint little hometown of Chicago.
22
00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:55,279
People in Hollywood are
always out for the quick buck.
23
00:02:55,480 --> 00:02:57,516
They're nothing
but a bunch of brownnosers.
24
00:02:57,720 --> 00:02:59,073
Now, I want you to remember...
25
00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:04,400
...that the only people who really care
about you as a person is your family.
26
00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:09,194
Hi, everyone. I hear you're going to
Hollywood and I wanted to come by...
27
00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:12,551
...and give you my best wishes.
And I don't want anything.
28
00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:15,268
Well, that's nice,
but you're blocking the door.
29
00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:20,155
Oh, really? Oh, well, I didn't mean to.
30
00:03:22,040 --> 00:03:23,314
Goodbye.
31
00:03:23,880 --> 00:03:27,475
Oh, but before you go,
there's just one thing I wanna say.
32
00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:34,029
I am willing to leave my husband
if you will just take me with you.
33
00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:35,508
I will do anything for you.
34
00:03:35,720 --> 00:03:41,989
I will procure for your little brother,
I will brush your father's teeth.
35
00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:43,792
Hey, I will even be your bodyguard.
36
00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:46,468
Let me prove myself
by killing someone.
37
00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:50,070
Just point to someone you don't like
and I'll happily kill him.
38
00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:56,630
- Kiss him goodbye.
- Now, Marcie, just a second, here!
39
00:03:56,880 --> 00:04:00,668
Now, why don't you just... out of here.
40
00:04:05,240 --> 00:04:07,071
I mean, we got a plane to catch.
41
00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:09,754
Oh, please, take me with you.
42
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:14,471
I'm a pregnant banker jet-skiing
towards 40, for God's sake!
43
00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:17,069
I was voted Most Likely to Succeed
in high school...
44
00:04:17,280 --> 00:04:18,872
...and I have a reunion coming up.
45
00:04:19,080 --> 00:04:22,709
At least let me be able to say
that I slept with Chuck Woolery.
46
00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:27,277
Ease by her carefully, kids.
They say the mad have strength.
47
00:04:30,880 --> 00:04:32,916
Hey, hey, at least let me be
Slut of the Week.
48
00:04:33,120 --> 00:04:35,429
I'm already pregnant!
49
00:05:01,440 --> 00:05:05,069
Take a deep breath, kids,
and smell that show biz.
50
00:05:08,080 --> 00:05:11,152
I can't believe we're at the hub
of the NBS network.
51
00:05:11,360 --> 00:05:13,191
This is where it all happens.
52
00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:14,674
Did you see the bathroom?
53
00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:17,997
I tell you, I'm still giddy
with the thought that just possibly...
54
00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:21,351
...I might have sat on
the same toilet seat as Bob Hope.
55
00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:25,238
Yeah, Dad, but I'm sure Bob Hope
didn't walk out of the stall...
56
00:05:25,440 --> 00:05:29,353
...with his pants around his ankles
proudly singing "That's Entertainment."
57
00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:31,912
You loved it when you were 3.
58
00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:36,873
I can't believe we're actually here.
And it's all because of my little girl.
59
00:05:37,400 --> 00:05:40,756
It's times like this that I wish
I'd stayed home nights and studied...
60
00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:43,349
...so I could make something
of myself, like Bud.
61
00:05:46,440 --> 00:05:48,431
Okay, kids, enough fun.
62
00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:50,437
We don't wanna miss
the big picture here.
63
00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:51,914
We are in the loop.
64
00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:53,712
Just look at those walls.
65
00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:56,229
Kids, we can be among the first...
66
00:05:56,440 --> 00:06:00,638
...to see the new, exciting shows
on the fall schedule.
67
00:06:00,840 --> 00:06:02,398
Gaze proudly, kids.
68
00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:03,828
Oh, just think.
69
00:06:04,040 --> 00:06:07,749
Someday my picture will be hanging
next to such exciting shows as...
70
00:06:08,480 --> 00:06:11,597
"Ellen and Her Dog"?
71
00:06:11,800 --> 00:06:15,315
"Spik e Le Bee,
New York City School Teacher"?
72
00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:19,957
"Art Allante, PI."
73
00:06:20,920 --> 00:06:23,878
"Black Cop, White Girl."
74
00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:30,754
"Me and the Shiksa"?
75
00:06:33,120 --> 00:06:36,157
"The Homeless Detective."
76
00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:40,474
Oh, come on.
77
00:06:41,760 --> 00:06:43,876
Daddy, do they
have to hang my picture here?
78
00:06:44,080 --> 00:06:46,116
- It's Gig!
- Gig, can I have your autograph?
79
00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:50,916
Oh, my God. It's Gig Fontaine,
star of Tugboat Danger.
80
00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:52,639
Gig, please, please.
81
00:06:52,840 --> 00:06:57,152
I love you. I love you all.
But I'll love you first.
82
00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:58,753
I can't believe this.
83
00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:01,269
- Give us a smile, Gig.
- Just an autograph, please?
84
00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:04,199
Gig! Gig!
85
00:07:05,760 --> 00:07:07,637
What's that guy got that I don't?
86
00:07:07,840 --> 00:07:10,673
Shall I start above
or below the waist?
87
00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:13,553
Daddy, did you see how
those people were surrounding him...
88
00:07:13,760 --> 00:07:16,877
...just so he'd sign his name?
Do you think that'll happen to me?
89
00:07:17,320 --> 00:07:20,995
Well, probably not until
you learn how to spell your name.
90
00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:23,117
Well, I have something to say.
91
00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:24,673
If I become rich and famous...
92
00:07:24,880 --> 00:07:27,440
...I am gonna share it
with everyone that I love.
93
00:07:27,640 --> 00:07:29,835
Oh, and you guys too.
94
00:07:30,560 --> 00:07:34,519
Daddy, I am gonna get you a car
with door handles and a gas cap.
95
00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:36,517
And a rear-view mirror...
96
00:07:36,720 --> 00:07:39,837
...not just one of Mom's old compacts
glued to the window.
97
00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:43,789
- And windshield wipers?
- You got it, big guy.
98
00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:47,030
And I'm gonna get Mom
what she's always wanted.
99
00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:49,674
Maybe that young guy
down the block who paints houses.
100
00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:55,351
And, Bud, get me a Coke, will you?
101
00:07:57,520 --> 00:08:00,876
Hi, I'm Jeff Littlehead. Now...
102
00:08:02,920 --> 00:08:05,753
Which one of you is Kelly Bundy?
103
00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:07,595
That would be I.
104
00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:12,917
Welcome to NBS,
where we say quality counts.
105
00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:15,156
We don't believe it, but we say it.
106
00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:19,680
You reek of avocado.
107
00:08:19,880 --> 00:08:23,555
Now, be nice, Bud.
They eat vegetables in Hollywood.
108
00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:25,671
And we are a stranger in his land.
109
00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:27,797
Now, there are no strangers
here at NBS...
110
00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:31,959
...if you don't mind me kissing
a little heinie for a moment.
111
00:08:32,160 --> 00:08:34,151
We're like a big family.
That's what we are.
112
00:08:34,360 --> 00:08:37,989
A big, happy family. Living, loving,
nurturing and supporting our talent.
113
00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:40,236
Here we never forget your name.
114
00:08:40,440 --> 00:08:42,078
Mr. Littlehead?
115
00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:44,949
- Who are you?
- Rock Turboman.
116
00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:48,237
Oh, glad to meet you.
I'll have a hamburger.
117
00:08:48,480 --> 00:08:51,597
No, I'm the star of your new series,
Young Ben Franklin.
118
00:08:51,840 --> 00:08:54,957
Yes, yes, I know.
Well, what can I do for you?
119
00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:57,031
Well, I know the ratings
have been low...
120
00:08:57,240 --> 00:08:59,708
...but I'm kind of thinking
of buying a new house.
121
00:08:59,920 --> 00:09:02,434
You think I should?
We're not being cancelled, are we?
122
00:09:02,680 --> 00:09:05,148
Oh, son, son, damn the ratings.
We love the show.
123
00:09:05,360 --> 00:09:07,510
America loves the show.
It'll be on forever.
124
00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:09,153
You, you buy that house.
125
00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:12,238
- Oh, thank you. Thank you.
- All right. All right, Ben Franklin.
126
00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:15,910
Electricity! Bifocals! Kites!
127
00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:19,157
He's gone.
I cancelled him this morning.
128
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:22,155
You'll have his time slot.
129
00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:25,040
Hey, Dad, are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
130
00:09:25,240 --> 00:09:28,516
- That he can get both of us chicks?
- Yeah.
131
00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:31,556
Well, are you ready to see your set?
132
00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:34,514
Lead on, Mr. Littlething.
133
00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:42,478
Well, it's Littlehead,
but, well, you can call me anything.
134
00:09:42,680 --> 00:09:46,229
Just don't call me late
to a Dick Chamberlain miniseries.
135
00:09:51,680 --> 00:09:53,910
Oh, Daddy, we're gonna
go look at my set.
136
00:09:54,120 --> 00:09:55,439
I really feel like a star.
137
00:09:55,680 --> 00:09:57,989
Pumpkin, to me
you've always been a star.
138
00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:01,988
Oh, please. Just the other day you
were saying when you were a boy...
139
00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:05,158
...you used to water things
smarter than her.
140
00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:08,915
Well, you said, "What's the difference
between Kelly Bundy and an elephant?
141
00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:12,396
One is grey, has four legs and a tail,
and the other's a moron."
142
00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:16,278
- Well, you told me that joke about...
- Okay, now, time-out, guys.
143
00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:20,439
Let's not fight. This should be
a happy moment. Okay?
144
00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:24,599
I'd like my checks
sent to me directly.
145
00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:27,400
I'll deliver them personally.
146
00:10:31,920 --> 00:10:35,117
Right this way, Miss Bundy.
147
00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:39,548
Arigato, gentlemen.
148
00:10:42,080 --> 00:10:44,958
This, Miss Bundy, is all yours.
149
00:11:09,720 --> 00:11:11,517
Yes!
150
00:11:22,960 --> 00:11:28,956
Oh, God, I don't believe this.
I mean, all this for me.
151
00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:33,797
I just want you to know that if I become
a success, I will never change.
152
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:35,672
Great.
153
00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:39,957
Are you really the guy
in Home Alone?
154
00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:47,872
Yes!
155
00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:53,234
Now, listen, if you two lovely young
ladies would like to be in the sequel...
156
00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:56,193
...Home Alone With Sex Toy...
157
00:11:57,320 --> 00:12:00,278
...just write down your names
and numbers here.
158
00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:06,236
I also wrote down my special talents.
159
00:12:11,120 --> 00:12:14,396
There's five minutes to rehearsal,
Miss Bundy.
160
00:12:14,880 --> 00:12:17,075
Oh, God. Oh, God.
161
00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:20,473
- Daddy?
- Oh, just a second, pumpkin.
162
00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:22,233
Now, Jeff, I've been thinking.
163
00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:26,479
Just in case this new fall season,
you know, shall we say, blows...
164
00:12:26,680 --> 00:12:29,274
...l've been fooling around
with some ideas for new shows.
165
00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:32,517
Let's run this up the flagpole,
see if it waves. Stay with me here.
166
00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:34,073
There's this mystic guy...
167
00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:37,317
...wandering across the West
in search of his long-lost brother.
168
00:12:37,520 --> 00:12:39,078
Now, instead of guns...
169
00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:40,679
Get this.
170
00:12:40,880 --> 00:12:44,759
- he's fitted with an assortment
of fighting footwear.
171
00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:48,755
It's called Kung Shoe.
172
00:12:54,760 --> 00:12:57,115
- Now, Daddy?
- Not quite yet, pumpkin.
173
00:12:57,320 --> 00:12:59,231
I think I got him hooked.
174
00:12:59,440 --> 00:13:00,953
Okay, here's another idea.
175
00:13:01,160 --> 00:13:03,833
Let's toss this in the oven,
see if it bakes.
176
00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:11,473
Now, there's a shoe salesman
in the 23rd century, called Shoe Trek.
177
00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:17,113
Okay, I got another idea.
178
00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:20,630
Let's toss this in the bed with Madonna
and see if she sleeps with it.
179
00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:24,353
Now, this has nothing
to do with shoes...
180
00:13:24,560 --> 00:13:27,950
...but it's a hot idea
and I'd like to be personally involved.
181
00:13:28,160 --> 00:13:30,276
It's called Breasts.
182
00:13:31,760 --> 00:13:33,671
I just don't feel it.
183
00:13:36,280 --> 00:13:38,555
What a surprise, huh?
184
00:13:39,560 --> 00:13:41,516
All right, pumpkin, I want a five.
185
00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:45,515
Daddy, I'm scared.
I mean, what if I'm not any good?
186
00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:47,438
What if my intellectual bons mots...
187
00:13:47,640 --> 00:13:51,633
...and witty little intersections
are only appreciated in Chicago?
188
00:13:51,840 --> 00:13:55,594
I mean, back there
I was a big fish in a small bottle...
189
00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:59,793
...but now I'm in Los Angeles,
the Big Apple.
190
00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:02,308
What if I stink?
191
00:14:02,720 --> 00:14:06,759
Pumpkin, I want you to have
as much confidence in yourself...
192
00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:08,837
...as I had in my own self.
193
00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:11,554
Of course, my present lack
of faith is understandable...
194
00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:15,036
...since your average parking meter
makes more a day than I do.
195
00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:16,753
But don't you worry.
196
00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:21,272
You can be a huge success because
you have what every Bundy has:
197
00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:23,038
Cute.
198
00:14:23,480 --> 00:14:25,550
We're irresistible.
199
00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:29,310
So you can succeed at anything.
200
00:14:29,560 --> 00:14:32,074
- Because I'm special?
- No! Because it's show business.
201
00:14:32,280 --> 00:14:34,316
You don't need talent or brains.
202
00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:38,150
Thank you, Daddy.
203
00:14:40,040 --> 00:14:41,871
We're ready for rehearsal,
Miss Bundy.
204
00:14:42,320 --> 00:14:45,835
- Wish me luck.
- Pumpkin, I wish you more than luck.
205
00:14:46,040 --> 00:14:49,794
I wish you satisfaction and success.
206
00:14:53,320 --> 00:14:55,880
Because if you are a success,
I'll be so rich...
207
00:14:56,080 --> 00:14:59,629
...l'll be able to hire somebody else to
put their hands down my pants for me.
208
00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:09,636
Rehearsal in three, two, one...
209
00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:12,638
Welcome to
Vital Social Issues 'N Stuff with Kelly.
210
00:15:12,840 --> 00:15:14,717
I'm Kelly.
211
00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:18,394
Okay, be cool. We're on TV.
212
00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:22,832
Now, as you know if you were watching
channel 99 in Chicago last week...
213
00:15:23,040 --> 00:15:25,156
...our topic was men's butts.
214
00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:28,989
Now, we all felt that we didn't
explore men's butts sufficiently.
215
00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:32,909
In fact, one butt
was left totally uncovered.
216
00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:35,199
So to make it up to him...
217
00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:39,313
...the Vital Social Issues 'N Stuff
with Kelly Butt of the Year is...
218
00:15:41,720 --> 00:15:43,392
...Jason Priestley.
219
00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:47,275
Beverly Hills, 90210!
220
00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:51,515
Two palms up.
221
00:16:01,240 --> 00:16:05,233
And if he is watching, we are staying
at the fabulous Motel Two...
222
00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:08,318
...on the corner of Ghetto and Gang.
223
00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:13,436
Oh, turn left at the hobo
who calls himself Moondoggie.
224
00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:17,349
And now, on to an issue and stuff
that really sticks in my drawer.
225
00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:19,312
Bad dates.
226
00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:22,597
Roberta, why don't you tell us
and the entire nation...
227
00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:26,429
...the story you told us after we all
swore that we would never tell anyone?
228
00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:28,717
Sure.
229
00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:32,674
Johnny DiBedetto.
He takes me to a movie...
230
00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:34,757
...and you know how he likes
to put his tongue in your ear?
231
00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:37,150
- Yeah.
- Yeah, that's right.
232
00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:41,919
Well, he goes at it,
and the next thing I know...
233
00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:45,032
...he sucked my earring
down his throat.
234
00:16:46,080 --> 00:16:48,150
Not the blue ones
with the chains that hang?
235
00:16:49,760 --> 00:16:53,912
He can't do anything right.
He once stuck his tongue in my eye.
236
00:16:54,720 --> 00:16:58,998
Me too. He swallowed my contacts.
237
00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:03,513
He missed my entire head
and got my dog, Wilbur.
238
00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:07,914
Well, girls, what we've learned here is
that if you ever go out with Johnny...
239
00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:12,830
...don't wear anything that'll fit down
his throat. You stink, Johnny.
240
00:17:17,520 --> 00:17:20,512
- He is kind of cute, though, isn't he?
- Yeah.
241
00:17:20,720 --> 00:17:23,792
Okay. Now I would like
to introduce our band:
242
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:26,355
Joanie and the Slashettes.
243
00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:30,439
Girls?
244
00:17:30,640 --> 00:17:32,995
Two, three, four...
245
00:17:34,280 --> 00:17:36,077
Sex!
246
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:43,956
Well, I'm jelly.
247
00:17:45,360 --> 00:17:49,433
We'll be right back with our resident
bad-perm victim, Jeannie.
248
00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:57,310
This week, Jeannie has agreed
to let us shave her head.
249
00:17:57,560 --> 00:18:00,393
Might as well. It's ruined.
250
00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:04,799
Cut!
251
00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:09,550
That was great. God, it was fabulous.
252
00:18:09,760 --> 00:18:13,070
It was now, brown cow.
253
00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:15,788
Thank you, Mr. Littlepants.
254
00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:19,315
And thank you for
letting me do my own vision.
255
00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:23,069
My own creation.
The fruit of my own loins.
256
00:18:23,280 --> 00:18:25,271
- You really liked it?
- Oh, it was great.
257
00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:28,233
You stepped up to the plate
in the bottom of the ninth...
258
00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:31,750
...with the bases loaded, trailing
4-1 in St. Louis on a hot afternoon...
259
00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:34,394
...100 degrees,
120 on the natural turf.
260
00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:37,114
And the wind-up,
and here's the pitch. It's a hit!
261
00:18:37,320 --> 00:18:40,312
That ball's going back, back,
way back, to the back of the wall.
262
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:44,638
Grand slam! And look!
Some lucky fan's got the ball right now.
263
00:18:44,840 --> 00:18:48,071
And he wants your autograph!
Where's your pen?
264
00:18:56,920 --> 00:18:59,593
Daddy, what the hell
is he talking about?
265
00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:02,918
Just smile at the suit, pumpkin.
266
00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:07,549
What I'm saying is, we love what
you're doing. Don't change a thing.
267
00:19:07,760 --> 00:19:12,276
But before you go on, we just have
a few tiny little suggestions.
268
00:19:16,760 --> 00:19:19,957
I can't believe they ruined
then cancelled my show.
269
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:24,358
Now, pumpkin, they just used research
and testing to mould the show...
270
00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:27,074
...into something they felt
really related to the teens.
271
00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:29,396
As we shall see,
research is never wrong.
272
00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:36,358
And now, here's Kelly Bundy.
273
00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:41,270
Hi. Welcome to my show. I'm Kelly.
274
00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:46,031
Today we're gonna talk about
making our parents' lives easier.
275
00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:49,678
- Neat.
- Keen.
276
00:19:49,880 --> 00:19:51,757
Dy-no-mite.
277
00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:54,912
You kids aren't just whistling Dixie.
278
00:19:55,120 --> 00:19:58,157
Now let's hear a number
from our band.
279
00:19:59,960 --> 00:20:02,428
Two, three, four...
280
00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:09,278
Milk.
281
00:20:11,680 --> 00:20:14,831
Thank you, Joanie and the Hepcats.
282
00:20:15,040 --> 00:20:17,508
Now, let's talk seriously
for a moment.
283
00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:19,438
We all wanna make
our parents happy...
284
00:20:19,640 --> 00:20:22,393
...because they gave us
this precious gift of life.
285
00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:25,034
Isn't that right,
fellow virgin teens just waiting...
286
00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:27,151
...for the right man to come along?
287
00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:31,315
- Neato.
- Right.
288
00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:36,475
We'll be right back with library books,
the perfect Friday-night date.
289
00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:37,954
Band?
290
00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:45,474
Book.
291
00:20:56,280 --> 00:21:00,273
- I didn't like my hair.
- Please.
292
00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:04,473
You know something?
There is a bright side to all of this.
293
00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:08,878
- What's that, Daddy?
- It's that nothing bad happened to me.
294
00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:13,236
I mean, it's possible
that the Bundy cloud of failure...
295
00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:17,558
...passed through me onto my children,
as I only dared to dream.
296
00:21:18,080 --> 00:21:21,197
I mean, imagine,
nothing bad happened to me.
297
00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:25,190
Next week, NBS presents
a new, exciting miniseries.
298
00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:28,790
Joe Piscopo in Shoe Trek.
299
00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:34,193
The shoe sizes are down, captain.
300
00:21:35,360 --> 00:21:38,796
Mr. Sock, heels on stun.
301
00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:42,754
Well, that's it. From now on,
nothing but cable for me.
302
00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:45,952
Send money for the children.
303
00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:51,237
Loofa the wrinkles away
the Ernest Borgnine way.
304
00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:56,958
Hey, senior citizens,
are you losing your hearing?
305
00:21:57,400 --> 00:22:01,439
Are you man enough
for a penile implant?
24988
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