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1
00:00:02,668 --> 00:00:06,004
Now for the question that I'm
famous for asking on Fridays...
2
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,939
What's everyone doing this weekend?
3
00:00:07,941 --> 00:00:10,542
Me and Dick are gonna go
check out this Cranberry Bog
4
00:00:10,544 --> 00:00:12,010
down in the Chimdale wetlands.
5
00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:13,878
How about you, Deputy Director?
6
00:00:13,880 --> 00:00:16,948
Oh, I'm going
to a different Cranberry Bog.
7
00:00:16,950 --> 00:00:19,351
♪ With a girl ♪
8
00:00:20,620 --> 00:00:21,953
Oh, nice!
9
00:00:21,955 --> 00:00:23,755
Alright, men. Back to work.
10
00:00:23,757 --> 00:00:27,025
We're in the middle of a giant mission!
11
00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:29,493
Do you have any plans
this weekend, Stan?
12
00:00:29,495 --> 00:00:31,363
Hey, would you mind
asking the other guys?
13
00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:32,830
I feel like if I answer,
14
00:00:32,832 --> 00:00:34,599
I'll get trapped in a
conversation with you.
15
00:00:34,651 --> 00:00:36,118
But you're the only one with a family,
16
00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:38,452
and families have always fascinated me
17
00:00:38,454 --> 00:00:40,855
because I don't have one.
18
00:00:40,857 --> 00:00:43,325
That's a stupid reason to
be fascinated by something.
19
00:00:43,327 --> 00:00:46,260
I don't have a vagina and
I never think about those.
20
00:00:46,262 --> 00:00:48,330
Well, now I'm thinking
about them a little bit.
21
00:00:48,332 --> 00:00:50,999
Thanks a lot, Weitzman.
Now I have to go home at lunch.
22
00:00:51,001 --> 00:00:52,200
Hey, wait!
23
00:00:52,202 --> 00:00:54,669
I have a coupon to take a
whole family to a buffet.
24
00:00:54,671 --> 00:00:56,804
Zoinks! Thanks, Dr. Weitzman!
25
00:00:56,806 --> 00:00:58,072
Maybe I could join you guys.
26
00:00:58,074 --> 00:00:59,741
Oh, I couldn't ask you to do that.
27
00:00:59,743 --> 00:01:01,343
After all, you gave us the coupon.
28
00:01:01,345 --> 00:01:02,944
You've done enough.
29
00:01:07,083 --> 00:01:08,282
So how's your day going?
30
00:01:08,284 --> 00:01:10,685
Sorry. I don't like a lot of chitchat
31
00:01:10,687 --> 00:01:12,286
while I'm getting my nails done.
32
00:01:14,290 --> 00:01:16,758
Buckle, what's good, my man?!
33
00:01:20,096 --> 00:01:22,764
Everyone...
everyone get in the [BLEEP] car!
34
00:01:22,766 --> 00:01:25,099
Stan, you can't just kick the door
35
00:01:25,101 --> 00:01:27,035
off its hinges and scream at us.
36
00:01:27,573 --> 00:01:30,104
There's a new buffet in town.
37
00:01:30,106 --> 00:01:33,908
And I got us a coupon
for free everything.
38
00:01:34,450 --> 00:01:37,512
Everyone get in the [BLEEP] car!
39
00:01:40,223 --> 00:01:43,106
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
40
00:01:43,141 --> 00:01:46,320
♪ I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
41
00:01:46,322 --> 00:01:49,323
♪ The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face ♪
42
00:01:49,325 --> 00:01:53,962
♪ And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race ♪
43
00:01:55,665 --> 00:01:59,000
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
44
00:01:59,002 --> 00:02:01,936
- ♪ Good... ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
45
00:02:01,938 --> 00:02:03,004
Aah!
46
00:02:03,940 --> 00:02:07,475
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
47
00:02:09,813 --> 00:02:13,081
Hey, Rog, is dad forcing
you to go to the buffet too?
48
00:02:13,083 --> 00:02:15,016
What... what's that? I'm sorry.
49
00:02:15,018 --> 00:02:16,484
It's just that I am thinking about,
like,
50
00:02:16,486 --> 00:02:18,220
a billion things right now.
51
00:02:19,347 --> 00:02:20,354
What were you asking me?
52
00:02:20,356 --> 00:02:23,691
I just wanted to know if you
were coming to the buffet.
53
00:02:24,276 --> 00:02:26,028
He thinks I can go to a buffet!
54
00:02:26,030 --> 00:02:29,497
Now. In the middle of this chaos!
55
00:02:29,499 --> 00:02:31,699
You don't look stressed, Roger.
56
00:02:31,701 --> 00:02:33,167
You're... you're just sitting here.
57
00:02:33,169 --> 00:02:34,969
Steven! Leave him!
58
00:02:34,971 --> 00:02:36,504
Maybe it looks that way.
59
00:02:36,506 --> 00:02:38,440
But up here, full meltdown.
60
00:02:38,442 --> 00:02:41,976
Imagine a thousand Chernobyls
and you're halfway there.
61
00:02:41,978 --> 00:02:44,112
So... 2,000 Chernobyls?
62
00:02:44,114 --> 00:02:45,647
You can't put a number on it, Steve!
63
00:02:45,649 --> 00:02:47,916
It's one meltdown!
64
00:02:50,854 --> 00:02:52,120
Why are we speeding?
65
00:02:52,122 --> 00:02:54,322
We just spent 45 minutes
decorating the car.
66
00:02:54,324 --> 00:02:56,791
What do I love most about buffets?
67
00:02:56,793 --> 00:02:58,460
In a word... camaraderie.
68
00:02:58,462 --> 00:03:00,528
I thought we'd get together
and do something fun,
69
00:03:00,530 --> 00:03:02,864
go eat cafeteria style, like at camp.
70
00:03:02,866 --> 00:03:04,266
Camp isn't fun.
71
00:03:04,268 --> 00:03:07,201
They force you to sing
and ride horses all day.
72
00:03:07,203 --> 00:03:09,403
You chose musical horse camp.
73
00:03:09,405 --> 00:03:12,206
Oh, I thought the horses
were gonna make the music.
74
00:03:12,208 --> 00:03:15,277
Well, forcing us to eat
together isn't camaraderie.
75
00:03:15,279 --> 00:03:17,946
Steve, I'm hearing
that you feel "forced."
76
00:03:17,948 --> 00:03:19,481
Could you expand on that?
77
00:03:19,483 --> 00:03:22,617
I guess these handcuffs give me
that "forced" feeling.
78
00:03:22,619 --> 00:03:24,018
The feelings you're feeling
79
00:03:24,020 --> 00:03:26,220
are very natural family time feelings.
80
00:03:26,222 --> 00:03:29,591
Would anyone like to know
how I feel about buffets?
81
00:03:34,364 --> 00:03:37,132
This long silence has
got to be tough for you.
82
00:03:40,704 --> 00:03:42,436
Make way! Coupon holder!
83
00:03:42,438 --> 00:03:45,107
Man with a coupon coming through!
84
00:03:45,109 --> 00:03:47,709
Welcome to the
King's Choice buffet.
85
00:03:47,711 --> 00:03:49,043
♪ Da-da-da ♪
86
00:03:49,045 --> 00:03:50,512
When you're royalty, you're here.
87
00:03:50,514 --> 00:03:52,647
The VIP section is located in the back.
88
00:03:52,649 --> 00:03:53,848
Here's your wristbands.
89
00:03:53,850 --> 00:03:55,850
Ew.
90
00:03:56,488 --> 00:03:59,921
It's a little weird that this
buffet has a VIP section, right?
91
00:03:59,923 --> 00:04:01,455
You wanna hear something weird?
92
00:04:01,457 --> 00:04:03,858
The goodyear blimp is the official bird
93
00:04:03,860 --> 00:04:05,593
of Redondo Beach, California.
94
00:04:05,595 --> 00:04:08,730
Oh, you guys wanna hear
something really weird?
95
00:04:08,732 --> 00:04:11,666
Zerp znap za-noodle!
96
00:04:11,668 --> 00:04:13,067
Sit yo ass down.
97
00:04:13,069 --> 00:04:15,737
You need to hear my patented
rules of the buffet.
98
00:04:15,739 --> 00:04:19,874
♪ Stan's patented
rules of the buffet ♪
99
00:04:19,876 --> 00:04:23,011
Rule one... there are no rules.
100
00:04:23,013 --> 00:04:24,412
Wowwww.
101
00:04:24,414 --> 00:04:27,281
Rule two... never fill up on bread.
102
00:04:27,283 --> 00:04:29,551
Rule three... plates are for losers.
103
00:04:29,553 --> 00:04:31,153
Cut out the middleman and pile your food
104
00:04:31,155 --> 00:04:32,754
directly onto your tray.
105
00:04:32,756 --> 00:04:33,955
Rules 4 through 100
106
00:04:33,957 --> 00:04:36,158
only apply to buffets at strip clubs.
107
00:04:36,160 --> 00:04:39,161
And most important, rule 101...
108
00:04:39,163 --> 00:04:42,897
you can never have a
bad time at the buffet.
109
00:04:42,899 --> 00:04:46,368
Cold Melon and Scallop Soup?
110
00:04:46,370 --> 00:04:50,372
Uhhh, I'll take nasty-ass soups
for $200, Alex.
111
00:04:53,377 --> 00:04:54,776
Survey says...
112
00:04:54,778 --> 00:04:56,444
I have to smell it!
113
00:04:57,647 --> 00:05:00,248
Ugh! Aah!
114
00:05:00,250 --> 00:05:02,717
I'd like to solve the puzzle, Pat.
115
00:05:02,719 --> 00:05:06,521
This. Is. A. Disaster.
116
00:05:12,196 --> 00:05:13,995
I thought a walk would clear my head
117
00:05:13,997 --> 00:05:16,798
but I'm just getting more stressed out!
118
00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:18,733
Look at those flowers.
119
00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:20,334
Not a care in the world.
120
00:05:20,336 --> 00:05:23,137
Sitting around eating bees all day.
121
00:05:23,139 --> 00:05:24,206
Do I dare?
122
00:05:24,208 --> 00:05:25,673
No, no, you're being silly, Roger,
123
00:05:25,675 --> 00:05:28,009
with all the irons you have in the fire.
124
00:05:28,011 --> 00:05:29,343
But on the other hand...
125
00:05:29,345 --> 00:05:32,947
Ahhh, meltdown averted.
126
00:05:38,422 --> 00:05:41,289
Yuck, I don't like the taste,
but I'm a flower,
127
00:05:41,291 --> 00:05:43,625
so I gotta get used to eating bees.
128
00:05:46,096 --> 00:05:48,963
Can we leave now? The place is closing.
129
00:05:48,965 --> 00:05:52,634
Not until we get the special
VIP dessert we were promised.
130
00:05:52,636 --> 00:05:53,768
What the...
131
00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:56,104
Welcome, Smith family.
132
00:05:56,106 --> 00:05:59,041
I'm so glad you joined us for dinner,
133
00:05:59,043 --> 00:06:01,509
but your time here is just...
134
00:06:02,051 --> 00:06:03,111
Oh!
135
00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:04,846
Okay, who left this cart out?
136
00:06:04,848 --> 00:06:07,181
Oh, I just bashed my shin!
137
00:06:07,183 --> 00:06:08,917
Oh, turn on the lights!
138
00:06:08,919 --> 00:06:09,919
♪ Let's go ♪
139
00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:11,185
Not those lights!
140
00:06:11,187 --> 00:06:13,455
Why would I want the disco lights?!
141
00:06:14,791 --> 00:06:16,658
Dr. Weitzman?!
142
00:06:16,660 --> 00:06:18,860
That's right! Oh, sorry.
143
00:06:18,862 --> 00:06:20,394
My evil genius voice
144
00:06:20,396 --> 00:06:21,996
sounded cool, though, right?
145
00:06:21,998 --> 00:06:23,932
Sorry about my real voice.
146
00:06:23,934 --> 00:06:25,901
I'm making you my family!
147
00:06:28,538 --> 00:06:29,804
What is happening?!
148
00:06:29,806 --> 00:06:32,206
Geez, Hayley, are you dense?
149
00:06:32,208 --> 00:06:34,876
Dr. Weitzman is a lonely person.
150
00:06:34,878 --> 00:06:36,278
He wants a family.
151
00:06:36,280 --> 00:06:39,547
He's gonna force us to live
with him forever in accordance
152
00:06:39,549 --> 00:06:43,085
to whatever his demented idea
of a "family" is.
153
00:06:43,087 --> 00:06:45,753
I'm assuming these VIP wristbands
154
00:06:45,755 --> 00:06:47,221
are rigged with explosives
155
00:06:47,223 --> 00:06:49,491
and we've been drugged with a neurotoxin
156
00:06:49,493 --> 00:06:53,361
to temporarily paralyze... us.
157
00:06:53,363 --> 00:06:56,564
I don't know if I'd call my ideas
"demented."
158
00:06:56,566 --> 00:07:00,168
Plus I wanted to be the one
to say all my demented shit.
159
00:07:08,745 --> 00:07:11,646
Home sweet home.
160
00:07:13,083 --> 00:07:15,617
- Stan, are you okay?
- Okay?
161
00:07:15,619 --> 00:07:17,685
- I'm having a blast!
- You are?
162
00:07:17,687 --> 00:07:19,153
Of course!
163
00:07:19,155 --> 00:07:22,268
Rule 101... you can't have
a bad time at the buffet.
164
00:07:22,303 --> 00:07:25,827
Huh. That's an interesting way
of looking at things, honey.
165
00:07:25,829 --> 00:07:27,429
Excuse me, ma'am.
166
00:07:27,431 --> 00:07:29,097
My sheets are a little tight.
167
00:07:29,099 --> 00:07:30,965
Oh, no, are they a little tight?
168
00:07:30,967 --> 00:07:33,035
They're supposed to be very tight.
169
00:07:33,037 --> 00:07:36,170
What about all the other
people at the restaurant?
170
00:07:36,172 --> 00:07:37,505
- Were they...
- Background actors.
171
00:07:37,507 --> 00:07:39,307
They actually were all extras
172
00:07:39,309 --> 00:07:40,842
from the "Marvelous Mrs. Maisel" set.
173
00:07:40,844 --> 00:07:42,911
Great show. Getting worse every year.
174
00:07:42,913 --> 00:07:45,647
- Can you help us get out of here?
- No.
175
00:07:45,649 --> 00:07:47,582
What kind of person are you?
176
00:07:47,584 --> 00:07:49,918
I'm not a person. I'm a robot.
177
00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:52,520
Dr. Weitzman made me.
178
00:07:52,522 --> 00:07:53,588
And then he named me after a stripper
179
00:07:53,590 --> 00:07:54,989
he once fell in love with.
180
00:07:56,296 --> 00:07:58,059
Okay, put your face back on, Chardonnay.
181
00:07:58,061 --> 00:07:59,461
No one likes when you do that.
182
00:07:59,463 --> 00:08:01,395
Oh, god, are you two...
183
00:08:01,397 --> 00:08:02,597
I wish!
184
00:08:02,599 --> 00:08:04,466
No, my hostess robot became sentient,
185
00:08:04,468 --> 00:08:07,936
and as per usual I'm stuck
in the "friend zone."
186
00:08:07,938 --> 00:08:11,873
Okay, it's nigh-nighs, my sweet family.
187
00:08:11,875 --> 00:08:16,410
♪ Hush, little family,
it's time to hit the hay ♪
188
00:08:16,412 --> 00:08:21,883
♪ You all live with Dr.
Weitzman in a big buffet ♪
189
00:08:21,885 --> 00:08:24,018
♪ You're down here for forever ♪
190
00:08:24,020 --> 00:08:26,288
♪ Now, isn't that fun? ♪
191
00:08:26,290 --> 00:08:33,929
♪ Eat whatever you want
and never see the sun ♪
192
00:08:37,101 --> 00:08:40,568
Ahhh, this is the life. No stress.
193
00:08:40,570 --> 00:08:44,473
Just eating bees,
not thinking a million miles an hour.
194
00:08:46,977 --> 00:08:49,644
I wonder why bees aren't
more afraid of flowers.
195
00:08:52,382 --> 00:08:53,915
Oh, no.
196
00:08:53,917 --> 00:08:55,317
Let's go!
197
00:08:55,319 --> 00:08:58,653
Steal as many flowers
as you can for the shop!
198
00:08:58,655 --> 00:09:00,655
I don't like this one bit.
199
00:09:03,059 --> 00:09:04,392
What's that thing?
200
00:09:04,394 --> 00:09:07,129
I thought it was a flower,
but I'm not so sure now.
201
00:09:07,131 --> 00:09:09,664
Check out its nasty root bulb.
202
00:09:09,666 --> 00:09:12,867
It looks like a gross, gray ass.
203
00:09:12,869 --> 00:09:14,536
Eh, let's put it in the van.
204
00:09:14,538 --> 00:09:16,004
Maybe some freak will like it.
205
00:09:17,473 --> 00:09:22,144
And now to the cemetery
for more free flowers!
206
00:09:22,146 --> 00:09:24,479
This is so stressful.
207
00:09:25,749 --> 00:09:28,150
_
208
00:09:28,152 --> 00:09:30,485
Dr. Weitzman must've woken me up
209
00:09:30,487 --> 00:09:34,088
seven times last night walking
to the bathroom to pee.
210
00:09:34,090 --> 00:09:37,759
If you ask me, he should spend
less time imprisoning families
211
00:09:37,761 --> 00:09:40,094
and more time imprisoning urologists.
212
00:09:40,096 --> 00:09:41,229
But counterpoint...
213
00:09:41,231 --> 00:09:42,564
what a great night!
214
00:09:42,566 --> 00:09:43,832
I mean, when was the last time
215
00:09:43,834 --> 00:09:45,900
we all slept together in the same room?
216
00:09:45,902 --> 00:09:47,769
Obviously I'm not
counting our annual trip
217
00:09:47,771 --> 00:09:49,771
to the gathering of the juggalos.
218
00:09:49,773 --> 00:09:51,706
Good morning, my beautiful children.
219
00:09:51,708 --> 00:09:53,575
Can you please let us go?!
220
00:09:53,577 --> 00:09:55,977
There must be some humanity inside you!
221
00:09:55,979 --> 00:09:58,513
Sounds like you guys are hangry.
222
00:09:58,515 --> 00:09:59,981
Who wants Monte Cristos?
223
00:09:59,983 --> 00:10:02,316
The American riff on a croque monsieur?!
224
00:10:02,318 --> 00:10:03,651
Sign me up!
225
00:10:03,653 --> 00:10:06,188
Now, two simple rules here
in the Weitzman home...
226
00:10:06,190 --> 00:10:08,256
I'm in control of everything,
227
00:10:08,258 --> 00:10:12,727
and that door over there is off limits.
228
00:10:12,729 --> 00:10:15,263
I think that door might be significant.
229
00:10:15,265 --> 00:10:16,598
Yeah, no shit.
230
00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:17,665
Dr. Weitzman...
231
00:10:17,667 --> 00:10:19,267
- Call me Dad.
- No.
232
00:10:19,269 --> 00:10:20,802
- Uncle?
- That's worse.
233
00:10:20,804 --> 00:10:23,671
Dr. Weitzman, why are you doing this?
234
00:10:23,673 --> 00:10:25,540
Great question, Franny.
235
00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:28,210
Chardonnay, roll tape and do it like...
236
00:10:28,212 --> 00:10:29,744
Christoph Waltz.
237
00:10:29,746 --> 00:10:32,948
Christoph Waltz mode initiated.
238
00:10:36,220 --> 00:10:40,889
No one knows when or where
Dr. Weitzman was born.
239
00:10:40,891 --> 00:10:44,426
He was abandoned as a baby
in the Lanceton sewers,
240
00:10:44,428 --> 00:10:49,163
where even the rats
refused to be his family.
241
00:10:49,165 --> 00:10:51,766
Dr. Weitzman's adolescence
242
00:10:51,768 --> 00:10:55,169
was spent in and out of orphanages.
243
00:10:55,171 --> 00:10:59,173
He briefly appeared on
"the Mickey Mouse club"
244
00:10:59,175 --> 00:11:03,578
until he caught the attention
of the show's legendary producer
245
00:11:03,580 --> 00:11:05,513
and was quickly removed.
246
00:11:05,515 --> 00:11:08,850
Then back to his sewers
for doctor school.
247
00:11:08,852 --> 00:11:13,922
But even after becoming a
successful C.I.A. Doctor,
248
00:11:13,924 --> 00:11:16,591
he could never find the right woman.
249
00:11:16,593 --> 00:11:19,794
So he was never able to start the family
250
00:11:19,796 --> 00:11:21,729
he dreamt of his whole life.
251
00:11:21,731 --> 00:11:23,998
And adoption was out of the question
252
00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:28,937
because obviously his
appearance terrifies children...
253
00:11:28,939 --> 00:11:31,373
Chardonnay,
did I sign off on this artwork?
254
00:11:34,659 --> 00:11:37,145
We're screwed.
You know how stubborn dad is.
255
00:11:37,147 --> 00:11:40,214
He'll never admit you can
have a bad time at the buffet.
256
00:11:40,216 --> 00:11:41,283
You're right.
257
00:11:41,285 --> 00:11:43,785
If we're getting out of here,
it's up to us.
258
00:11:45,822 --> 00:11:48,222
I did it.
259
00:11:48,224 --> 00:11:51,093
I ate all that disgusting soup.
260
00:11:51,095 --> 00:11:52,661
And now to...
261
00:11:53,297 --> 00:11:55,063
Well, shit.
262
00:11:57,567 --> 00:12:00,034
Come on, that door has to be the exit!
263
00:12:05,405 --> 00:12:06,641
Oh, you goofy kids!
264
00:12:06,643 --> 00:12:08,176
Always playing pranks.
265
00:12:08,178 --> 00:12:10,444
I think you all will love it here.
266
00:12:10,446 --> 00:12:12,114
The days are gonna fly by.
267
00:12:12,116 --> 00:12:15,083
If you don't believe me,
check out this montage.
268
00:12:15,084 --> 00:12:16,084
_
269
00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:19,354
♪ We are family ♪
270
00:12:19,355 --> 00:12:20,355
_
271
00:12:20,424 --> 00:12:23,425
♪ I got all my sisters with me ♪
272
00:12:23,426 --> 00:12:24,426
_
273
00:12:24,461 --> 00:12:27,129
♪ We are family ♪
274
00:12:28,798 --> 00:12:31,566
♪ Get up, everybody, and sing ♪
275
00:12:31,567 --> 00:12:32,567
_
276
00:12:32,602 --> 00:12:37,872
♪ We are fami-lay! ♪
277
00:12:37,874 --> 00:12:43,277
♪ I trapped the Smiths in a buffet! ♪
278
00:12:43,279 --> 00:12:45,113
- ♪ We are family ♪
- _
279
00:12:47,217 --> 00:12:49,483
- ♪ I got all my sisters with me ♪
- _
280
00:12:50,177 --> 00:12:51,419
"Who framed Roger Rabbit"!
281
00:12:51,421 --> 00:12:53,955
- ♪ We are family ♪
- _
282
00:12:55,225 --> 00:12:56,758
♪ Get up, everybody ♪
283
00:12:57,346 --> 00:12:58,760
Okay, gang, just checked the time
284
00:12:58,762 --> 00:13:00,829
and it's "rock" o'clock.
285
00:13:00,831 --> 00:13:03,165
Be right back with the acoustic.
286
00:13:03,167 --> 00:13:04,632
I can't do it.
287
00:13:04,634 --> 00:13:06,168
I can't listen to him play
288
00:13:06,170 --> 00:13:08,570
another Death Cab for Cutie song.
289
00:13:08,572 --> 00:13:11,507
I guess some of them are
technically postal service.
290
00:13:11,542 --> 00:13:13,375
I've been trying to
smile through all this,
291
00:13:13,377 --> 00:13:14,576
'cause rules are rules.
292
00:13:14,578 --> 00:13:17,311
- But some rules are meant to be...
- Broken?
293
00:13:17,313 --> 00:13:19,047
To a crisp.
294
00:13:19,049 --> 00:13:20,448
I have a plan.
295
00:13:20,450 --> 00:13:24,452
Everybody sneak a Monte Cristo
sandwich into bed tonight.
296
00:13:24,454 --> 00:13:26,388
This plan sounds delicious, Dad.
297
00:13:26,390 --> 00:13:28,490
Don't be cute, Steve.
298
00:13:30,591 --> 00:13:31,593
Dad!
299
00:13:31,595 --> 00:13:33,461
We all brought sandwiches to bed.
300
00:13:33,463 --> 00:13:34,529
What's the plan?
301
00:13:34,531 --> 00:13:36,198
Five minutes, Son.
302
00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:37,465
Stan!
303
00:13:37,467 --> 00:13:39,734
Chumbawumba! Okay.
304
00:13:39,736 --> 00:13:41,135
Everything we need for our escape
305
00:13:41,137 --> 00:13:43,605
is right here in the
Monte Cristo sandwich.
306
00:13:43,607 --> 00:13:46,208
I'll remove it from the
baggie and just lightly touch
307
00:13:46,210 --> 00:13:48,810
the grease-soaked bread to the sheets.
308
00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:52,748
Wow. And gross.
309
00:13:56,352 --> 00:13:58,220
Next we use the jam.
310
00:14:02,426 --> 00:14:04,559
Wow, that's strong jam.
311
00:14:04,561 --> 00:14:07,662
I think I just figured out
why I almost died of diarrhea.
312
00:14:08,832 --> 00:14:11,633
Wait. It's powdered sugar time.
313
00:14:15,906 --> 00:14:18,740
We're not going this way,
but it looks cool, right?
314
00:14:20,644 --> 00:14:22,828
Wait, we should grab Klaus!
315
00:14:22,863 --> 00:14:23,978
There's no time!
316
00:14:23,980 --> 00:14:27,649
Next, everyone take the ham out
of your sandwich and eat it.
317
00:14:27,651 --> 00:14:29,784
It's the perfect protein-rich snack
318
00:14:29,786 --> 00:14:31,920
to keep our motors humming.
319
00:14:31,922 --> 00:14:33,655
Is anyone there?!
320
00:14:33,657 --> 00:14:36,458
It sounds like four people eating ham!
321
00:14:36,460 --> 00:14:38,093
Good ham.
322
00:14:41,798 --> 00:14:44,466
Oh, man, the forbidden door is locked!
323
00:14:44,468 --> 00:14:48,803
Luckily, the "giving sandwich"
has one last thing to give.
324
00:14:48,805 --> 00:14:50,038
The bread.
325
00:14:54,878 --> 00:14:57,279
This isn't an exit.
326
00:14:57,281 --> 00:14:59,013
It's a graveyard.
327
00:14:59,015 --> 00:15:00,949
Look at the way they're grouped.
328
00:15:00,951 --> 00:15:04,986
I think they're... other families.
329
00:15:06,156 --> 00:15:08,222
Yes, there are a lot of dead bodies,
330
00:15:08,224 --> 00:15:09,958
but at least it's not a gift shop.
331
00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:11,826
I hate crass commercialism.
332
00:15:11,828 --> 00:15:13,828
But the skeletons are for sale.
333
00:15:13,830 --> 00:15:15,029
I make keychains!
334
00:15:15,031 --> 00:15:17,165
Perfect for a gas station bathroom!
335
00:15:17,167 --> 00:15:18,967
Do you have any gas
station owner friends
336
00:15:18,969 --> 00:15:21,136
who have a birthday coming up?
337
00:15:24,775 --> 00:15:28,710
You killed all those families?
338
00:15:28,712 --> 00:15:31,779
What? No, they killed themselves.
339
00:15:31,781 --> 00:15:33,381
On average, most offed themselves
340
00:15:33,383 --> 00:15:35,650
after living with Dr.
Weitzman for three days.
341
00:15:35,652 --> 00:15:37,719
Though the current record
is the Shelmerdines,
342
00:15:37,721 --> 00:15:39,787
who only lasted 45 minutes.
343
00:15:39,789 --> 00:15:41,255
That hurt my feelings.
344
00:15:41,257 --> 00:15:44,526
But you guys really hurt my
feelings trying to escape.
345
00:15:44,528 --> 00:15:46,260
I thought you loved me.
346
00:15:46,262 --> 00:15:48,262
Wait, the other families
killed themselves
347
00:15:48,264 --> 00:15:49,597
without trying to escape?
348
00:15:49,599 --> 00:15:52,467
Well, it was before
my online guitar lessons.
349
00:15:53,392 --> 00:15:55,269
Before I got really good.
350
00:15:55,271 --> 00:15:56,404
You suck at guitar.
351
00:15:56,406 --> 00:15:58,340
Yeah, man, you suck at guitar.
352
00:16:00,276 --> 00:16:02,944
Keep it up, guys.
I think this is working.
353
00:16:02,946 --> 00:16:04,278
Keep mocking him.
354
00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:07,281
- You have long, beautiful eyelashes.
- No, honey!
355
00:16:07,283 --> 00:16:10,552
Aaand you always cuff
your sleeves like Cam
356
00:16:10,554 --> 00:16:12,754
from "Modern Family."
357
00:16:12,756 --> 00:16:14,956
That's not good?
358
00:16:14,958 --> 00:16:16,825
Wizard alert!
359
00:16:18,494 --> 00:16:22,096
Get out! Get out!
360
00:16:22,966 --> 00:16:24,366
How'd you know he'd let us go?
361
00:16:24,368 --> 00:16:26,234
Actually I was sure
he was gonna kill us,
362
00:16:26,236 --> 00:16:29,171
so I just wanted to get it over with.
363
00:16:31,375 --> 00:16:33,908
I can't believe it. We're home!
364
00:16:33,910 --> 00:16:35,844
There you all are!
365
00:16:35,846 --> 00:16:37,311
You're good hiders!
366
00:16:37,313 --> 00:16:38,980
I've been looking for months.
367
00:16:38,982 --> 00:16:41,183
Jeff, did you think we were playing
368
00:16:41,185 --> 00:16:42,517
hide and seek this whole time?
369
00:16:42,519 --> 00:16:45,720
In September I doubted it for a second.
370
00:16:45,722 --> 00:16:48,190
But then I found this clue.
371
00:16:48,192 --> 00:16:50,525
So I took apart the water heater,
372
00:16:50,527 --> 00:16:52,060
but you guys weren't in there.
373
00:16:52,062 --> 00:16:54,128
There certainly was a smell, though.
374
00:16:54,130 --> 00:16:56,398
And a lot of scalding water.
375
00:16:56,400 --> 00:16:59,000
And you guys stayed true to the game.
376
00:16:59,002 --> 00:17:02,670
When I screamed in agony for help,
you stayed hidden.
377
00:17:02,672 --> 00:17:05,874
And you didn't visit
me in the burn ward.
378
00:17:05,876 --> 00:17:08,476
I can't tell you how
much I respect that.
379
00:17:08,478 --> 00:17:12,814
And now the game is over
and I don't know why.
380
00:17:12,816 --> 00:17:15,417
I guess I can return to my life.
381
00:17:15,419 --> 00:17:17,519
Right back in.
382
00:17:18,688 --> 00:17:20,154
Hi.
383
00:17:24,428 --> 00:17:26,628
- Flower delivery!
- Whoo!
384
00:17:26,630 --> 00:17:29,097
Smells like dead bees and cigarettes.
385
00:17:29,099 --> 00:17:31,099
It's been in the shop for two months.
386
00:17:31,101 --> 00:17:34,368
Your sweetheart got an
unbelievable price on it.
387
00:17:34,370 --> 00:17:37,039
Adam, you got me flowers?!
388
00:17:37,041 --> 00:17:39,841
I am Adam and I am guilty.
389
00:17:39,843 --> 00:17:41,976
Whoaaaa, that guy's hot.
390
00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:44,779
The dang door's blockin' the hot body!
391
00:17:44,781 --> 00:17:46,448
I love it!
392
00:17:47,517 --> 00:17:49,851
So I'm a symbol of love.
393
00:17:49,853 --> 00:17:51,185
That's nice.
394
00:17:51,187 --> 00:17:52,721
I can't believe you remembered
395
00:17:52,723 --> 00:17:55,189
that I love grotesque flowers.
396
00:17:57,994 --> 00:17:59,394
- Ooh!
- Mm.
397
00:18:02,132 --> 00:18:04,132
Stan, I'm happy to be home,
398
00:18:04,134 --> 00:18:08,069
but does something feel... off to you?
399
00:18:08,071 --> 00:18:09,671
There's no buffet and I hate it.
400
00:18:09,673 --> 00:18:11,139
I'm feelin' it too, Dad.
401
00:18:11,141 --> 00:18:13,007
There was just so much food.
402
00:18:13,009 --> 00:18:15,009
I think that's what I loved about it.
403
00:18:15,011 --> 00:18:18,012
Sounds crazy, but maybe we're all...
404
00:18:18,014 --> 00:18:19,614
Concerned about Jeff? Me too.
405
00:18:19,616 --> 00:18:21,749
I think there's something
really wrong there.
406
00:18:21,751 --> 00:18:24,218
He's not, like, fun stupid, ya know.
407
00:18:24,220 --> 00:18:26,354
I worry Hayley might
be committing a crime
408
00:18:26,356 --> 00:18:27,555
being married to him.
409
00:18:27,557 --> 00:18:29,223
Maybe we meet with the lawyer,
410
00:18:29,225 --> 00:18:31,025
get on record what we knew when...
411
00:18:31,027 --> 00:18:32,160
We're talking about the buffet.
412
00:18:32,162 --> 00:18:33,895
Oh, my God, the buffet!
413
00:18:33,897 --> 00:18:35,429
I miss the buffet!
414
00:18:35,431 --> 00:18:37,499
- We all do!
- We gotta go back!
415
00:18:37,501 --> 00:18:39,567
Maybe we just have Stockholm syndrome?
416
00:18:39,569 --> 00:18:43,838
If that means overwhelming
desire to break into a buffet,
417
00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:46,574
then I got the stock, homes.
418
00:18:55,319 --> 00:18:57,986
And now for dessert.
419
00:19:03,660 --> 00:19:05,794
They're so in love.
420
00:19:05,796 --> 00:19:07,996
And I'm so relaxed.
421
00:19:08,847 --> 00:19:11,933
- Get off me! He's home early!
- Now, who the hell is this?
422
00:19:11,935 --> 00:19:13,201
Jennifer, what's going on?
423
00:19:13,203 --> 00:19:14,402
What is that hideous flower?
424
00:19:14,404 --> 00:19:16,738
Your wife happens to
love hideous flowers!
425
00:19:17,416 --> 00:19:20,208
My best friend and business partner!
426
00:19:20,210 --> 00:19:22,210
Oh, my jangled nerves!
427
00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:25,547
Oh, good, they're all gun owners.
428
00:19:25,549 --> 00:19:27,149
This should de-escalate quickly.
429
00:19:30,086 --> 00:19:31,953
That's a tip for everyone at home...
430
00:19:31,955 --> 00:19:35,089
No one ever shoots the flower.
431
00:19:37,761 --> 00:19:40,762
Dr. Weitzman is never
gonna let us back in.
432
00:19:40,764 --> 00:19:44,232
Remember how we used
the Monte Cristo sandwich to get out?
433
00:19:44,234 --> 00:19:46,368
Here's a sandwich to help us get in...
434
00:19:46,370 --> 00:19:48,603
a C-4 sandwich.
435
00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:52,040
There are also some tuna
sandwiches in the bag
436
00:19:52,042 --> 00:19:53,975
in case anyone wants to scarf.
437
00:19:55,179 --> 00:19:58,180
Wait, this is the C-4 sandwich.
438
00:20:02,182 --> 00:20:04,519
Wait a second. That means the tuna...
439
00:20:04,521 --> 00:20:06,921
Stan, did you buy the cheap tuna again?
440
00:20:06,923 --> 00:20:09,191
No! It was me!
441
00:20:09,193 --> 00:20:10,859
You bought the cheap tuna?
442
00:20:10,861 --> 00:20:14,262
No, I blew up the wall from the inside.
443
00:20:14,264 --> 00:20:16,598
What a twist! Why?
444
00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:19,333
Because my family came back to me.
445
00:20:19,335 --> 00:20:20,935
I'm just so excited!
446
00:20:20,937 --> 00:20:22,204
This guy's not cool.
447
00:20:22,206 --> 00:20:24,338
I'm starting to think
this was a mistake.
448
00:20:24,340 --> 00:20:27,008
No, no, no, no, let me get my guitar!
449
00:20:27,010 --> 00:20:28,610
And some legos!
450
00:20:31,882 --> 00:20:34,216
You guys came to rescue me!
451
00:20:34,218 --> 00:20:35,950
Yes. Yes, we did.
452
00:20:35,952 --> 00:20:38,420
Let's not be here when
Dr. Weitzman comes back.
453
00:20:38,422 --> 00:20:40,154
But the buffet!
454
00:20:40,156 --> 00:20:42,356
I still want a dried-out
piece of Dover sole
455
00:20:42,358 --> 00:20:44,292
and a sweaty sweet potato pie.
456
00:20:44,294 --> 00:20:47,429
I guess we could try the
buffet across the street.
457
00:20:47,431 --> 00:20:50,232
"Smiths eat free"?
458
00:20:50,234 --> 00:20:51,733
I like that price.
459
00:20:52,368 --> 00:20:54,969
Come on in! Leave whenever you like!
460
00:20:54,971 --> 00:20:56,905
I'm not lonely!
461
00:20:56,907 --> 00:20:58,607
Bye-bye! See you soon!
462
00:21:00,721 --> 00:21:02,494
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