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♪ Boy, the way
Glenn Miller played
2
00:00:05,006 --> 00:00:08,040
♪ Songs that made the hit parade
3
00:00:08,109 --> 00:00:11,210
♪ Guys like us, we had it made
4
00:00:11,278 --> 00:00:13,678
♪ Those were the days
5
00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:17,116
♪ And you knew
where you were then
6
00:00:17,184 --> 00:00:20,352
♪ Girls were girls
and men were men
7
00:00:20,421 --> 00:00:22,587
♪ Mister, we could use a man
8
00:00:22,656 --> 00:00:25,891
♪ Like Herbert Hoover again
9
00:00:25,959 --> 00:00:28,660
♪ Didn't need no welfare state
10
00:00:28,729 --> 00:00:31,897
♪ Everybody pulled his weight
11
00:00:31,965 --> 00:00:36,101
♪ Gee, our old LaSalle ran great
12
00:00:36,169 --> 00:00:41,440
♪ Those were the days ♪
13
00:00:58,158 --> 00:01:00,525
Hello, may I speak
to Dr. Ruston, please?
14
00:01:00,594 --> 00:01:02,761
This is Nurse Winslow calling.
15
00:01:03,731 --> 00:01:06,732
Hi, Sam, honey.
It's me, Dorothy.
16
00:01:09,737 --> 00:01:11,470
I had to call you.
17
00:01:11,539 --> 00:01:14,339
You can't come over tonight.
18
00:01:14,408 --> 00:01:17,810
Bernice won't leave the house.
19
00:01:17,878 --> 00:01:21,680
I'm sorry, too. You'll just have
to have dinner with your wife.
20
00:01:24,251 --> 00:01:28,086
Do you know how
much I hate Bernice?
21
00:01:28,155 --> 00:01:31,423
Yes, I know she's my sister, but
do you know what she did last night?
22
00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:40,199
She rearranged the furniture in
the entire house, that's what she did.
23
00:01:40,267 --> 00:01:43,435
Nurse, excuse me, excuse me.
Could I speak to you for a minute?
24
00:01:43,503 --> 00:01:45,248
Just a minute, Sam. Yes?
25
00:01:45,272 --> 00:01:48,873
Could you please tell me
what room my daughter is in?
26
00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:52,877
Her name is Gloria Stivic
and she's havin' a baby.
27
00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:56,415
Uh, no, sorry, we
have no Stivic here.
28
00:01:56,484 --> 00:01:58,261
So, anyway, Sam... Oh, yeah.
29
00:01:58,285 --> 00:02:02,221
Yeah, she's gotta be
here. Excuse me, miss.
30
00:02:02,289 --> 00:02:05,357
You see, my son-in-law
Mike just called
31
00:02:05,426 --> 00:02:09,861
from the Mount Vesuvius
Italian restaurant an hour ago,
32
00:02:09,930 --> 00:02:14,099
and that ain't far from
here, so she's gotta be here.
33
00:02:14,168 --> 00:02:17,488
I'll have to put you on
hold, Doctor, on hold.
34
00:02:20,807 --> 00:02:23,775
Oh, Sam, you're so sick.
35
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:28,046
Now, what was that name?
36
00:02:28,615 --> 00:02:29,681
Edith Bunker.
37
00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:32,050
Bunker, Bunker, Bunker.
38
00:02:32,118 --> 00:02:34,620
No, there's no
Edith Bunker here.
39
00:02:34,688 --> 00:02:37,489
Well, I ain't lookin'
for Edith Bunker.
40
00:02:38,159 --> 00:02:39,858
I'm Edith Bunker.
41
00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:45,063
I'm lookin' for Gloria Stivic.
42
00:02:45,132 --> 00:02:47,548
She's my daughter,
and... and she's supposed
43
00:02:47,572 --> 00:02:49,568
to be here right
now, havin' a baby.
44
00:02:49,637 --> 00:02:50,746
Edith.
45
00:02:50,770 --> 00:02:52,103
Oh, Archie!
46
00:03:01,047 --> 00:03:04,516
The parking lot out there
is overflowin' with cars.
47
00:03:04,585 --> 00:03:07,419
What in the hell... Is
there an epidemic here?
48
00:03:07,487 --> 00:03:11,022
I had to park three blocks
away. I ran all the way, Edith,
49
00:03:11,091 --> 00:03:14,137
with a dog chasing me and
the kids threw sticks at me.
50
00:03:14,161 --> 00:03:15,894
Archie,
51
00:03:15,963 --> 00:03:18,708
Gloria ain't here. What do
you mean? She's gotta be here.
52
00:03:18,732 --> 00:03:21,400
No, she ain't here. I'm
afraid somethin' happened.
53
00:03:21,468 --> 00:03:23,579
Maybe she had the baby in the
restaurant, Come on, take it easy.
54
00:03:23,603 --> 00:03:27,205
Or in a taxi... Will you take
it easy? Let me handle this.
55
00:03:27,273 --> 00:03:30,975
Hey, Nurse. Hey, Nurse. Nurse.
56
00:03:32,879 --> 00:03:35,079
Hey, Nurse. Hey, Nurse!
57
00:03:39,586 --> 00:03:41,753
Just a minute, Sam.
58
00:03:41,822 --> 00:03:44,823
Aren't you a little
old for trick-or-treat?
59
00:03:44,892 --> 00:03:48,193
Uh, I'm only dressed this way
because I was in a menstrual show.
60
00:03:48,762 --> 00:03:50,562
A what?
61
00:03:50,630 --> 00:03:54,065
A menstrual show.
A menstrual show.
62
00:03:57,972 --> 00:03:59,471
Minstrel.
63
00:04:03,010 --> 00:04:05,176
I mean, I wanna
find my daughter.
64
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:09,447
I will be right with you as
soon as I am off the phone.
65
00:04:09,516 --> 00:04:12,884
Nurse, you are off the phone
now. So, Sam, what she did was...
66
00:04:22,496 --> 00:04:24,206
Admissions.
67
00:04:24,230 --> 00:04:25,708
No, Bernice, I do not...
68
00:04:25,732 --> 00:04:27,877
No, no, Bernice. Oh,
Jesus, isn't this terrible?
69
00:04:27,901 --> 00:04:29,512
It is your turn to do
the grocery shopping
70
00:04:29,536 --> 00:04:31,836
and I do not want liver tonight.
71
00:04:31,905 --> 00:04:34,238
Bernice. Bernice.
72
00:04:34,308 --> 00:04:38,142
All right, Bernice. You
buy liver and I'll kill you.
73
00:04:38,211 --> 00:04:43,415
Nurse, we're lookin' for our
daughter and this is her first baby.
74
00:04:43,483 --> 00:04:45,495
I'm sorry. Now, what
was the doctor's name?
75
00:04:45,519 --> 00:04:47,285
Dr. Shapiro. Shapiro.
76
00:04:47,354 --> 00:04:48,886
Which Dr. Shapiro?
77
00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:51,156
Shapiro, the groinecologist.
78
00:04:56,663 --> 00:04:58,763
Well, what is his first name?
79
00:04:58,832 --> 00:05:00,431
What is it?
80
00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:05,070
I don't remember. We don't
remember, we didn't name the guy.
81
00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:08,306
Isn't it just possible that you've
come to the wrong hospital?
82
00:05:08,375 --> 00:05:10,575
You know, this is
Presbyterian Hospital.
83
00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:14,912
I know it's Presbyterian. I wouldn't
send my daughter to Hebrew National.
84
00:05:18,051 --> 00:05:21,653
I'm very busy, and I'd just
as soon see less of you.
85
00:05:21,722 --> 00:05:24,802
Well, until we find my
daughter, you're gonna see more.
86
00:05:25,859 --> 00:05:27,303
That's it! Huh?
87
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:28,893
Seymour! Huh?
88
00:05:28,962 --> 00:05:30,862
Seymour Shapiro.
89
00:05:30,930 --> 00:05:33,531
Seymour Shapiro.
90
00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:36,401
Yes. There it is.
91
00:05:36,470 --> 00:05:40,105
Dr. Seymour Shapiro, and he's
made a reservation for Gloria Stivic.
92
00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:42,118
Yes. But she hasn't arrived yet.
93
00:05:42,142 --> 00:05:44,153
What do you mean? She should
have been here an hour ago.
94
00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:45,910
Go call the
restaurant, will you?
95
00:05:45,979 --> 00:05:47,590
Oh, yeah, I'll go
call Mount Vesuvius.
96
00:05:47,614 --> 00:05:49,125
Where's the phone?
In the waiting room.
97
00:05:49,149 --> 00:05:51,027
Oh, thank you. Wait a
minute, wait a minute...
98
00:05:51,051 --> 00:05:53,151
I see it right over
here. Can't you read?
99
00:05:53,220 --> 00:05:56,888
I can see it upside down.
Mrs. Stivic, room 118.
100
00:05:56,957 --> 00:05:58,168
That is Stipic.
101
00:05:58,192 --> 00:06:01,826
It is Stivic. "P", as in pest.
102
00:06:02,763 --> 00:06:04,896
"P" as in "nuts to you."
103
00:06:06,966 --> 00:06:09,034
Well, you're just
fine, Miss Stipic.
104
00:06:09,102 --> 00:06:11,881
You'll be a little groggy till
the anesthesia wears off.
105
00:06:11,905 --> 00:06:15,140
Now, if you need me for
anything, you just press this button.
106
00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:18,510
Right here, it's right by
the bed. Pleasant dreams.
107
00:06:36,930 --> 00:06:38,897
Hey, Gloria.
108
00:06:38,966 --> 00:06:40,206
Aw, jeez.
109
00:06:44,304 --> 00:06:47,439
I was comin' in here
looking for a young girl.
110
00:06:54,548 --> 00:06:57,649
Listen, while I'm here,
you got any cold cream?
111
00:06:59,018 --> 00:07:00,452
What for?
112
00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:03,087
Can't you look at me
and figure that out?
113
00:07:05,225 --> 00:07:07,192
Take anything you want!
114
00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:08,527
Oh, all right.
115
00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:11,696
Okay, okay. Hey, here we are.
116
00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:14,065
Get in here, fast!
117
00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:16,902
There's a fat black man in here,
118
00:07:18,739 --> 00:07:22,173
and I'm in no
condition to be raped!
119
00:07:25,345 --> 00:07:29,848
What the hell are you talkin'
about? "A fat black man in here"?
120
00:07:29,917 --> 00:07:31,483
Rape! Rape!
121
00:07:31,552 --> 00:07:34,419
Who'd want to rape you, anyway?
122
00:07:34,488 --> 00:07:36,955
Nobody. Not even one of us guys.
123
00:07:38,992 --> 00:07:41,359
Dr. Seymour Shapiro, please.
124
00:07:41,428 --> 00:07:43,628
Yes, I'll hold on.
125
00:07:43,696 --> 00:07:45,374
Where's my husband? Shh!
126
00:07:45,398 --> 00:07:47,376
Please, I'm waiting
for Dr. Shapiro now.
127
00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:49,879
Hey, Nurse, have you got a
place where I can take this off...
128
00:07:49,903 --> 00:07:52,737
I couldn't get through to the
restaurant, the line was busy.
129
00:07:52,805 --> 00:07:54,650
Now, listen, Nurse.
Listen, Nurse.
130
00:07:54,674 --> 00:07:58,476
If you can't find my daughter, then
get off your private conversations
131
00:07:58,545 --> 00:08:01,145
and get me my
daughter's Dr. Shapiro.
132
00:08:04,951 --> 00:08:07,118
That was Dr. Shapiro.
133
00:08:21,134 --> 00:08:25,069
You Meathead you.
134
00:08:25,138 --> 00:08:27,817
You couldn't get here on
time with a pregnant wife,
135
00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:29,519
me and the
mother-in-law so worried,
136
00:08:29,543 --> 00:08:33,011
you should see how she's been
drivin' the poor nurse crazy here.
137
00:08:35,282 --> 00:08:36,981
Didn't I see you in Show Boat?
138
00:08:41,988 --> 00:08:45,490
What happened to you?
You had us all worried here.
139
00:08:45,559 --> 00:08:47,925
Daddy, is that you?
140
00:08:48,895 --> 00:08:50,728
It ain't your Aunt Jemima.
141
00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:55,567
♪ Old man river ♪
142
00:08:56,670 --> 00:08:58,269
Come on, come on.
143
00:08:58,338 --> 00:09:00,850
I can't believe it! I
was trying to get it off...
144
00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:04,075
I'm sorry, Daddy, I know
you rushed over here.
145
00:09:04,144 --> 00:09:08,613
It's just that you
look so... Oh!
146
00:09:08,682 --> 00:09:10,660
How fast are the pains coming?
147
00:09:10,684 --> 00:09:12,450
I'm in constant pain here.
148
00:09:13,854 --> 00:09:15,534
Mrs. Stivic? Oh!
149
00:09:18,625 --> 00:09:20,725
They're comin'
about every five...
150
00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:25,129
Every five minutes,
151
00:09:25,198 --> 00:09:28,800
and they're stronger
and sharper now.
152
00:09:31,038 --> 00:09:32,170
I can't stop...
153
00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:35,740
I guess it just must
be the nervous tension.
154
00:09:35,808 --> 00:09:39,310
Well, I can't stand
this. I'm sorry, Daddy.
155
00:09:39,378 --> 00:09:42,224
Oh, well, that's all right, little girl,
you can laugh at me if you want.
156
00:09:42,248 --> 00:09:44,048
Yeah, that's all right.
157
00:09:44,117 --> 00:09:45,850
But not you!
158
00:09:49,222 --> 00:09:50,622
I wasn't laughin'.
159
00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:53,290
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
160
00:09:58,665 --> 00:10:00,364
Where's that wheelchair?
161
00:10:02,669 --> 00:10:05,837
Oh, well, I certainly
hope it's on its way.
162
00:10:10,543 --> 00:10:12,783
Here's the chair.
Here's the chair.
163
00:10:18,584 --> 00:10:20,484
That's my father!
164
00:10:23,423 --> 00:10:26,390
Good luck, Mrs.
Stivic, and thanks.
165
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:27,959
I haven't laughed this much
166
00:10:28,028 --> 00:10:31,562
since my sister, Bernice,
sat down on a hot stove.
167
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:37,035
Get her into the delivery room
and let her deliver, will you?
168
00:10:37,904 --> 00:10:39,404
Good luck.
169
00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:43,575
Next time I see you,
you're going to be a mother.
170
00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:47,912
And the next time I see you,
you're going to be a grandmother.
171
00:10:47,980 --> 00:10:52,016
And the next time I see
Daddy, he'll be white.
172
00:11:03,362 --> 00:11:05,063
Hey, Nurse.
173
00:11:06,232 --> 00:11:09,000
I got this stuff to take
it off my face, see?
174
00:11:09,069 --> 00:11:11,309
Can you direct me
to a toilet at least?
175
00:11:11,337 --> 00:11:14,305
Yeah, follow me.
176
00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:21,645
Well, I guess it is kind
of funny after all, huh?
177
00:11:27,386 --> 00:11:29,954
Oh, my God, what
the hell is this?
178
00:11:46,239 --> 00:11:48,740
Well, here we are.
179
00:11:51,244 --> 00:11:54,512
We've waited nine and a
half months and here it is.
180
00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:57,916
The big moment.
181
00:11:57,984 --> 00:12:01,786
Michael, we've been in this
labor room for six hours now
182
00:12:01,854 --> 00:12:06,591
and I think that's about the 18th
time you've said "the big moment."
183
00:12:08,060 --> 00:12:10,161
Well, it is. It is a big moment.
184
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:12,363
That's 19.
185
00:12:14,467 --> 00:12:19,570
Oh, honey, I'm sorry it's taking
so long. You must be bored.
186
00:12:19,639 --> 00:12:23,274
Bored? Honey, how
can you say I'm bored?
187
00:12:23,342 --> 00:12:26,677
I mean, my wife is gonna have
a baby, how can you be bored?
188
00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:35,920
That wasn't a bored yawn,
that was a tired yawn, that was...
189
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:41,025
Hey. Hey, I know what.
190
00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:43,394
Why don't we play
20 questions again?
191
00:12:43,463 --> 00:12:46,264
Okay. All right, I got one.
192
00:12:46,333 --> 00:12:47,932
Ask the first question.
193
00:12:48,468 --> 00:12:49,708
All right.
194
00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:52,536
Why did you do this to me?
195
00:12:56,409 --> 00:12:59,249
Because one night we got
tired of playin' 20 questions.
196
00:13:15,127 --> 00:13:19,530
♪ Oklahoma, where the wind
comes sweepin' down the plain ♪
197
00:13:19,599 --> 00:13:24,168
Oklahoma, Oklahoma,
Okla... Nothin'.
198
00:13:25,672 --> 00:13:27,171
Knock, knock.
199
00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:29,807
Who's there? Armageddon.
200
00:13:29,876 --> 00:13:31,642
Armageddon who?
201
00:13:31,711 --> 00:13:34,011
Armageddon tired
waiting for the baby.
202
00:13:41,954 --> 00:13:44,522
Yeah, it's almost
here, the big moment.
203
00:13:45,959 --> 00:13:47,458
That's 20.
204
00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:52,508
Hey, I got something
we can do. What?
205
00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:55,300
We can time this contraction.
206
00:13:55,368 --> 00:13:57,268
Okay, all right.
207
00:13:57,337 --> 00:13:59,514
Hello. MIKE: Oh,
hi, Dr. Shapiro.
208
00:13:59,538 --> 00:14:01,339
How you doing? I'm fine.
209
00:14:07,046 --> 00:14:09,780
That's nice, but I meant Gloria.
210
00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:11,883
How are the contractions, coach?
211
00:14:11,951 --> 00:14:15,464
Well, they're comin' about four
minutes apart. That's 15 seconds, honey.
212
00:14:15,488 --> 00:14:17,899
Don't you think we should
take her into the delivery room?
213
00:14:17,923 --> 00:14:22,260
Well, I respect your diagnosis, Doctor,
but would you mind a second opinion?
214
00:14:22,328 --> 00:14:23,606
Doctor. MIKE: Thirty seconds.
215
00:14:23,630 --> 00:14:27,064
I've prepared delivery
room A. Oh, we're using B.
216
00:14:27,133 --> 00:14:30,468
I thought we were
using A. No, B, please.
217
00:14:30,536 --> 00:14:32,903
I wish we could make
up our minds around here.
218
00:14:32,972 --> 00:14:35,005
Well, I have. B.
219
00:14:36,609 --> 00:14:40,878
Forty-five seconds. She's
so grouchy. Is she mad at us?
220
00:14:40,947 --> 00:14:44,348
No, Bernice isn't mad at you.
She's mad at her sister, Dorothy.
221
00:14:47,820 --> 00:14:50,321
Here you go. Good girl.
222
00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:55,125
I could tell you stories about those
two nurses that would curl your hair.
223
00:14:55,194 --> 00:14:58,629
But I wanna talk about
you. How about it?
224
00:14:58,698 --> 00:15:00,731
Are you ready for
the big moment?
225
00:15:05,338 --> 00:15:07,338
That's 21. That's 21.
226
00:15:21,354 --> 00:15:23,521
Mmm. Mmm.
227
00:15:23,589 --> 00:15:26,190
Can't you eat without chewing?
228
00:15:28,128 --> 00:15:31,296
I'm sorry, Archie. Mmm.
229
00:15:31,364 --> 00:15:36,301
I don't know why I'm so
hungry. This is terrible.
230
00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:39,081
If it's so terrible, why
the hell are you eatin' it?
231
00:15:39,105 --> 00:15:41,239
Oh, the chicken ain't terrible.
232
00:15:41,308 --> 00:15:43,274
It's good, I'm enjoyin' it.
233
00:15:43,343 --> 00:15:45,310
That's what's terrible.
234
00:15:45,378 --> 00:15:50,381
When I'm worried, I ain't
hungry. I can't eat nothin'.
235
00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:53,784
But now, here I am stuffin' myself
and that means I ain't worried
236
00:15:53,853 --> 00:15:57,121
and I should be worried, 'cause
my daughter's havin' a baby.
237
00:15:58,858 --> 00:16:00,758
Why can't I stop
eatin' this chicken?
238
00:16:00,827 --> 00:16:03,227
You must be in
love with the Colonel.
239
00:16:04,230 --> 00:16:05,230
Oh!
240
00:16:11,838 --> 00:16:15,640
I wonder what that Meathead
is doin' in there all this time.
241
00:16:15,708 --> 00:16:17,641
He's helpin' Gloria.
242
00:16:17,710 --> 00:16:19,750
What do you mean, helpin' her?
243
00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:22,813
He couldn't even get his
wife out of a phone booth.
244
00:16:22,882 --> 00:16:25,349
How's he gonna get
a baby out of his wife?
245
00:16:26,786 --> 00:16:28,852
He's just in there,
fumblin' around.
246
00:16:30,089 --> 00:16:34,225
Archie, Mike is helpin'
Gloria feel better.
247
00:16:34,293 --> 00:16:38,863
I wish you'd been with me in
the room when I had Gloria.
248
00:16:40,966 --> 00:16:43,734
I was with you when it counted.
249
00:16:50,577 --> 00:16:52,610
Archie.
250
00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:55,580
I meant when you
brung the baby home.
251
00:16:56,549 --> 00:16:57,815
Oh!
252
00:16:57,884 --> 00:17:01,719
Get your mind out of
Cosmopolitan magazine, will you?
253
00:17:05,291 --> 00:17:08,626
Oh, please don't sigh.
254
00:17:10,497 --> 00:17:13,130
I'm worried about
not bein' worried.
255
00:17:13,199 --> 00:17:16,567
When Sybil Gooley's
daughter had her baby,
256
00:17:16,636 --> 00:17:18,736
Sybil was worried to death.
257
00:17:18,805 --> 00:17:22,206
And all I can feel is happy.
258
00:17:22,275 --> 00:17:23,875
Don't you feel nothin'?
259
00:17:23,943 --> 00:17:28,078
Yeah, I feel as though my
cheeks has gone to sleep here.
260
00:17:28,147 --> 00:17:31,816
You know, this is the worst place in
the body for the blood circulation there.
261
00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:34,184
You gotta move it around, see?
262
00:17:45,164 --> 00:17:48,132
What the hell
are you lookin' at?
263
00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:52,369
I ain't worried, 'cause I'm
full of joy and happiness.
264
00:17:52,439 --> 00:17:54,505
Yeah, you're full
of chicken, too.
265
00:17:54,574 --> 00:17:58,443
Just think, Archie, we're gonna
be grandparents. Aw, jeez.
266
00:17:58,511 --> 00:18:01,913
Hello, Grandpa Archie! Come
on, come on, Edith, come on.
267
00:18:01,981 --> 00:18:04,982
Will you get your chickeny
fingers off the rented suit?
268
00:18:05,051 --> 00:18:07,819
Get over there and sit
down. Sit down, will you?
269
00:18:07,887 --> 00:18:11,088
Can't you calm yourself, huh?
Can't you just try to relax there?
270
00:18:11,157 --> 00:18:14,425
Can't think of nothing
better to do, chew on a bone.
271
00:18:16,729 --> 00:18:18,795
I ain't hungry.
272
00:18:18,865 --> 00:18:22,333
Ain't that wonderful?
I lost my appetite.
273
00:18:22,401 --> 00:18:25,002
And now, I'm gonna
begin to worry.
274
00:18:25,071 --> 00:18:27,738
Pretty soon, I'll feel
like a real grandma.
275
00:18:30,343 --> 00:18:33,622
Oh, Edith, you're a
pip, you know that?
276
00:18:33,646 --> 00:18:35,145
You're a real pip.
277
00:18:36,382 --> 00:18:38,542
But I gotta tell you somethin'.
278
00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:41,952
Just between you and me, see?
279
00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:53,464
I think that you're gonna make
280
00:18:53,533 --> 00:18:56,032
one hell of a grandma.
281
00:18:58,838 --> 00:19:02,305
Oh, Archie!
282
00:19:02,374 --> 00:19:04,642
Oh, stop. Oh, jeez.
283
00:19:04,710 --> 00:19:08,045
Oh, why do I bother
sayin' nice things?
284
00:19:08,113 --> 00:19:11,713
Don't start. The guy over
there'll think I'm hittin' you here.
285
00:19:14,754 --> 00:19:19,056
Nine, ten, eleven, twelve, push.
286
00:19:19,125 --> 00:19:24,061
Two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight...
287
00:19:24,130 --> 00:19:26,208
Okay. Okay, all
right, all right, honey.
288
00:19:26,232 --> 00:19:28,098
Okay, all right, all right.
289
00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:32,302
Oh, that felt good.
You're doing great, honey.
290
00:19:32,371 --> 00:19:35,272
You're doing great.
Won't be long now.
291
00:19:35,341 --> 00:19:38,509
Hey, Seymour, remember
in the labor room,
292
00:19:38,578 --> 00:19:42,379
when you started to tell us those
juicy stories about the two nurses?
293
00:19:42,448 --> 00:19:44,949
I sure would like
to hear one now.
294
00:19:45,018 --> 00:19:49,453
Honey, do you think we need
stories now? I wanna hear stories.
295
00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:52,356
Bernice was engaged
to a young med student,
296
00:19:52,424 --> 00:19:55,926
when Dorothy introduced him to
the daughter of a shipping magnate
297
00:19:55,995 --> 00:19:59,162
who was in the hospital
with a nervous breakdown.
298
00:19:59,232 --> 00:20:02,233
I don't believe this.
299
00:20:02,301 --> 00:20:04,801
My wife is havin' a baby and
I'm listening to a soap opera.
300
00:20:06,205 --> 00:20:09,005
Who cares about
Dorothy and Bernice?
301
00:20:09,074 --> 00:20:10,974
Oh, hello, Bernice.
How's Dorothy?
302
00:20:11,844 --> 00:20:13,678
She's terrible.
303
00:20:13,746 --> 00:20:15,846
The whole world should
know what my sister is.
304
00:20:15,915 --> 00:20:17,781
Do you want to know
what she did to me?
305
00:20:17,850 --> 00:20:19,883
Sure, that's why we're all here.
306
00:20:21,820 --> 00:20:24,355
I wanna know. I
gotta push again.
307
00:20:24,423 --> 00:20:26,223
All right, all right,
inhale, exhale.
308
00:20:26,292 --> 00:20:28,458
Inhale, swallow,
push. Here it is.
309
00:20:28,527 --> 00:20:30,194
Two, three, four. Here it is.
310
00:20:30,262 --> 00:20:31,740
The head is coming.
The head is coming.
311
00:20:31,764 --> 00:20:34,365
Now take it nice and
easy. Six, seven, eight.
312
00:20:34,433 --> 00:20:37,167
One, two, three, four,
313
00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:40,404
five, six, seven,
eight. Attagirl.
314
00:20:40,472 --> 00:20:42,039
Okay, okay. Attagirl.
315
00:20:42,108 --> 00:20:43,740
One, two. Now keep pushing.
316
00:20:43,809 --> 00:20:46,121
Like stepping on the
accelerator of a car.
317
00:20:46,145 --> 00:20:47,645
I don't drive.
318
00:20:49,949 --> 00:20:52,917
Keep pushing. Did you hear
that? Did you hear what she said?
319
00:20:52,985 --> 00:20:54,718
She said she doesn't drive.
320
00:20:54,787 --> 00:20:57,332
She's sittin' here panting and
pushing, and she's making jokes.
321
00:20:57,356 --> 00:20:58,923
Isn't she terrific?
322
00:20:58,991 --> 00:21:00,569
She's terrific! You're terrific,
honey. You're just terrific!
323
00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:02,359
Isn't she terrific?
She's terrific.
324
00:21:02,428 --> 00:21:06,163
Keep calm, Mr. Stivic.
We haven't lost a father yet.
325
00:21:06,232 --> 00:21:09,411
You hear what she said, honey? We haven't
lost a father yet. Isn't she terrific?
326
00:21:09,435 --> 00:21:10,767
Everybody's terrific.
327
00:21:10,836 --> 00:21:13,871
Gloria, you're doing fine, fine.
328
00:21:13,939 --> 00:21:16,206
Now stop pushing
and look at the mirror.
329
00:21:16,275 --> 00:21:18,576
Just blow, honey, just
blow, don't push. Blow.
330
00:21:18,644 --> 00:21:21,846
Now the head is
coming. Here's the head.
331
00:21:21,914 --> 00:21:24,548
Beautiful. Beautiful.
332
00:21:24,617 --> 00:21:25,761
Is it a boy or a girl?
333
00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:27,985
I can't tell from just the ears.
334
00:21:31,090 --> 00:21:33,502
Gloria, Gloria, just
one more little push.
335
00:21:33,526 --> 00:21:36,627
One little push,
honey. One little push.
336
00:21:36,696 --> 00:21:39,174
You have a son. We have a son!
337
00:21:39,198 --> 00:21:41,599
A healthy son. We have a son!
338
00:21:44,704 --> 00:21:46,269
We have a son.
339
00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:48,872
We have a son.
340
00:21:51,477 --> 00:21:54,811
With a complete inventory.
341
00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:58,349
Look at him. He's
getting pinker and pinker.
342
00:21:58,417 --> 00:22:00,651
We've got a terrific boy.
343
00:22:01,687 --> 00:22:03,520
He's beautiful.
344
00:22:05,291 --> 00:22:06,523
So are you.
345
00:22:08,928 --> 00:22:10,994
So are you. I love you, honey.
346
00:22:11,063 --> 00:22:12,395
I love you.
347
00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:16,611
Wasn't too bad, was it?
348
00:22:16,635 --> 00:22:19,636
Oh, no, Michael. Not
with you here to help.
349
00:22:19,705 --> 00:22:21,672
How you feel about a second one?
350
00:22:25,377 --> 00:22:27,878
Not now, Michael,
I have a headache.
351
00:22:43,429 --> 00:22:46,964
Hey, Arch. Hi, Edith.
Has it happened yet?
352
00:22:47,032 --> 00:22:49,266
Oh, no, Barney.
353
00:22:49,335 --> 00:22:52,369
My ex-lodge brother. What
are you doin' around here?
354
00:22:52,438 --> 00:22:56,006
Us guys at the lodge talked it over
and you was right to go to your daughter.
355
00:22:56,075 --> 00:22:59,777
Oh, jeez. So we ain't gonna kick
you out for missing the minstrel show.
356
00:23:00,679 --> 00:23:02,045
Oh, ain't that nice.
357
00:23:02,114 --> 00:23:04,214
Edith, this is for Gloria.
358
00:23:04,283 --> 00:23:08,551
Oh, look, Archie. Oh,
thank you, Barney.
359
00:23:08,620 --> 00:23:10,854
Oh, yeah, well, it
ain't only from me.
360
00:23:10,923 --> 00:23:13,268
All the guys in the show
chipped in a buck apiece.
361
00:23:13,292 --> 00:23:17,127
Look at that. I told you, didn't I?
The most wonderful guys in the world.
362
00:23:17,195 --> 00:23:19,530
Yeah. Hey, you owe us your buck.
363
00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:25,069
All right, all right, Barney,
sure. Give him a buck, will you?
364
00:23:25,137 --> 00:23:27,950
Oh, sure. Thanks a lot,
Barney. It was swell of you.
365
00:23:27,974 --> 00:23:29,751
Arch, our pleasure.
Here you are.
366
00:23:29,775 --> 00:23:32,075
Thanks, Edith.
367
00:23:32,144 --> 00:23:35,491
Well, I'm gonna be runnin' along now. Good
luck, folks, and the best of everything.
368
00:23:35,515 --> 00:23:37,759
Thank you very much,
Barney. Thank you, Barney.
369
00:23:37,783 --> 00:23:41,785
Let me ask you somethin'. How come
you always got money, and I got nothin'?
370
00:23:41,854 --> 00:23:43,754
Look at the time.
371
00:23:43,823 --> 00:23:46,156
Mr. and Mrs. Bunker, it's a boy.
372
00:23:47,993 --> 00:23:50,861
A boy, jeez, a boy!
373
00:23:50,930 --> 00:23:53,831
Oh, jeez, I never thought
the Meathead had it in him.
374
00:23:55,501 --> 00:23:57,782
Oh, thank you very much, Doctor.
375
00:23:58,236 --> 00:23:59,769
You're welcome, Arch.
376
00:24:01,073 --> 00:24:02,906
Ma, we did it!
377
00:24:02,975 --> 00:24:04,674
We got a boy!
378
00:24:04,743 --> 00:24:07,903
Hey, look what I just run
out and bought for youse.
379
00:24:08,481 --> 00:24:10,914
Thanks, Arch. How's Gloria?
380
00:24:10,983 --> 00:24:13,517
She's terrific, Ma. Oh, Mike!
381
00:24:17,689 --> 00:24:19,223
What?
382
00:24:20,692 --> 00:24:22,092
Huh?
383
00:24:36,108 --> 00:24:38,041
Oh, what the hell.
384
00:25:02,401 --> 00:25:04,546
All in the Family
was recorded on tape
385
00:25:04,570 --> 00:25:06,236
before a live audience.
29560
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