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1
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Sync by havoc
2
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Who the hell's Roderick Blank?
3
00:02:20,999 --> 00:02:22,840
That would be me.
4
00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:26,479
You ever see a guy
walking down the street
5
00:02:26,561 --> 00:02:28,720
looking so happy and content
you wanna find the nearest brick
6
00:02:28,801 --> 00:02:31,280
and turn his face
into hamburger meat?
7
00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:33,880
I'm sorry. That April morning,
I was that guy.
8
00:02:33,961 --> 00:02:35,120
I couldn't help it.
9
00:02:35,201 --> 00:02:37,040
I had what I thought
at the time to be it all:
10
00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:39,241
excellent job,
excellent soon-to-be wife,
11
00:02:39,321 --> 00:02:40,881
excellent life.
12
00:02:40,961 --> 00:02:43,121
If only I hadn't let Trixie
open that last e-mail.
13
00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:45,602
What would you say if I broke out
into song right now?
14
00:02:45,681 --> 00:02:48,561
You know how this good mood thing
of yours is killing me, Rod.
15
00:02:48,641 --> 00:02:51,441
And yet... you persist.
16
00:02:51,522 --> 00:02:53,361
Stop.
17
00:02:53,441 --> 00:02:56,362
Stop! Or we're never gonna
get through these e-mails.
18
00:02:56,441 --> 00:02:59,681
Oh. Here's a beauty from Lester.
19
00:02:59,762 --> 00:03:02,961
"'Re: Bachelor Party Stripper Crisis. "
20
00:03:03,041 --> 00:03:05,122
Have I told you how grateful I am
that I'm a lesbian?
21
00:03:05,202 --> 00:03:06,962
Delete! Delete!
My God.
22
00:03:07,042 --> 00:03:09,681
Men like Lester are the reason
Death Nell was invented.
23
00:03:09,762 --> 00:03:12,560
I was a man above temptation.
24
00:03:12,642 --> 00:03:14,922
Other woman had lost all appeal.
25
00:03:15,002 --> 00:03:17,203
One in particular.
26
00:03:17,282 --> 00:03:19,281
They called her Death Nell,
27
00:03:19,361 --> 00:03:21,723
even though, technically,
she hadn't killed anyone.
28
00:03:21,802 --> 00:03:23,801
Different hairstyles,
different outfits,
29
00:03:23,882 --> 00:03:26,162
different spray-painted messages.
30
00:03:29,762 --> 00:03:32,403
The same comatose result.
31
00:03:33,681 --> 00:03:35,843
It was all we could
talk about that spring.
32
00:03:35,922 --> 00:03:38,482
Five dates leading
to subversive seduction
33
00:03:38,562 --> 00:03:41,362
and ending in endless slumber.
34
00:03:41,443 --> 00:03:42,722
She was the worst thing
to happen to men,
35
00:03:42,803 --> 00:03:44,203
and the best thing
to happen to media
36
00:03:44,282 --> 00:03:46,763
in quite some time.
37
00:03:46,842 --> 00:03:49,042
Needless to say, I had
picked the perfect moment
38
00:03:49,122 --> 00:03:50,842
to be getting out of the game.
39
00:03:52,163 --> 00:03:54,643
For every guy or gal,
there comes a time
40
00:03:54,722 --> 00:03:57,282
when you say, it’s time.
41
00:03:58,724 --> 00:04:01,963
Meet Fiona Wormwood,
my wife-to-be.
42
00:04:02,043 --> 00:04:04,123
Stop staring, perv.
43
00:04:04,204 --> 00:04:07,283
It's funny, looking back.
44
00:04:07,364 --> 00:04:09,203
She was not the sweetest girl in the world.
45
00:04:09,283 --> 00:04:10,603
Just, I- I like- okay.
46
00:04:10,683 --> 00:04:12,083
But when it comes to
the person you're spending
47
00:04:12,163 --> 00:04:14,962
the rest of your life with,
you want a bit of a sting.
48
00:04:15,043 --> 00:04:16,404
There.
49
00:04:16,483 --> 00:04:18,764
Your married friends
call you up for a barbecue.
50
00:04:20,803 --> 00:04:23,043
- They tell you...
- It's time.
51
00:04:23,123 --> 00:04:24,564
Your parents tell you...
52
00:04:24,644 --> 00:04:26,883
Son, it's time.
53
00:04:28,123 --> 00:04:29,964
The whole damn universe tells you.
54
00:04:34,204 --> 00:04:35,843
Don't make me the villain.
55
00:04:35,924 --> 00:04:36,923
I told your sister
56
00:04:37,004 --> 00:04:38,964
exactly how many pounds
she had to drop
57
00:04:39,044 --> 00:04:41,443
to fit into that bridesmaid's dress.
58
00:04:41,524 --> 00:04:45,164
Enough.
Let's talk about orchids. Orchids.
59
00:04:45,245 --> 00:04:46,643
Yep. It was time.
60
00:04:46,724 --> 00:04:48,605
Okay, if you can
tear yourself back to work...
61
00:04:48,685 --> 00:04:50,484
Thank you.
I've downloaded the Big Mac.
62
00:04:50,565 --> 00:04:53,364
I mean The Matador!
I don't know.
63
00:04:53,445 --> 00:04:55,324
It looks like two all-beef patties,
special sauce,
64
00:04:55,405 --> 00:04:58,164
lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions
on a sesame seed bun to me.
65
00:04:58,244 --> 00:04:59,124
Boss.
66
00:04:59,204 --> 00:05:01,044
Hey, that's very special sauce-
67
00:05:01,125 --> 00:05:04,364
As for the "excellent job" part of my life,
68
00:05:04,445 --> 00:05:05,845
I like to tell reporters,
69
00:05:05,925 --> 00:05:07,404
"It's always been
my dream to work
70
00:05:07,484 --> 00:05:09,004
in a fast-food restaurant. "
71
00:05:09,085 --> 00:05:10,325
I was being cute.
72
00:05:10,405 --> 00:05:12,765
Our place was different.
You know... classy.
73
00:05:12,844 --> 00:05:14,245
The plan was simple.
74
00:05:14,325 --> 00:05:16,245
Swallow up the food names,
sleek the uniforms,
75
00:05:16,326 --> 00:05:17,564
Starbuck the decor.
76
00:05:17,645 --> 00:05:19,565
Welcome to Swallows.
77
00:05:19,645 --> 00:05:21,045
One Swallow Cornucopia to go!
78
00:05:22,525 --> 00:05:24,565
Have a startling and unique day.
79
00:05:24,644 --> 00:05:26,005
You, too.
80
00:05:26,086 --> 00:05:28,805
Please, Trixie, tell me that was
the last goddamn e-mail.
81
00:05:28,885 --> 00:05:30,646
No, there's one more.
82
00:05:30,725 --> 00:05:32,045
Hold on.
83
00:05:32,126 --> 00:05:33,525
Doesn't say who it's from.
84
00:05:35,045 --> 00:05:36,086
I don't know.
85
00:05:36,165 --> 00:05:38,245
I'm getting, like, a virus vibe here.
86
00:05:39,405 --> 00:05:40,486
Okay! It's your life.
87
00:05:43,366 --> 00:05:44,326
Oh, that's weird.
88
00:05:46,326 --> 00:05:47,607
It's a list of names.
89
00:05:47,686 --> 00:05:49,045
Must be more wedding bullshit.
90
00:05:49,125 --> 00:05:50,965
Well, they're all women's names.
91
00:05:51,046 --> 00:05:53,806
Number one- does the name
Patricia Francini ring a bell?
92
00:05:53,885 --> 00:05:55,286
Patricia Francini?
93
00:05:55,366 --> 00:05:57,166
Whoa, I haven't heard that name in...
94
00:05:57,247 --> 00:06:00,166
Patty and I were co-captains
of my high school debate team,
95
00:06:00,246 --> 00:06:01,727
her main claim
to fame being that,
96
00:06:01,806 --> 00:06:03,446
in classic backseat drive-in fashion,
97
00:06:03,527 --> 00:06:05,366
she took my virginity.
98
00:06:05,446 --> 00:06:07,966
Clan of the Cave Bear
was the movie.
99
00:06:08,047 --> 00:06:09,326
Drive-in's now a Staples.
100
00:06:09,406 --> 00:06:10,846
What did you say this list was?
101
00:06:10,926 --> 00:06:12,526
I didn't, unless Allison Bradbury
102
00:06:12,607 --> 00:06:14,966
is the second girl
you ever had sex with.
103
00:06:15,046 --> 00:06:16,927
- Whoa.
- No way.
104
00:06:17,007 --> 00:06:19,766
Are you saying this is a list of
everyone you ever had sex with?
105
00:06:19,847 --> 00:06:21,447
Who's number three?
106
00:06:21,527 --> 00:06:22,687
Well, that would be Debbie Roberts.
107
00:06:22,767 --> 00:06:23,886
No, wait. She was four.
108
00:06:26,166 --> 00:06:28,807
Who was the spooky
drunk girl at the 4-H fair?
109
00:06:28,887 --> 00:06:31,407
I had to drive her home,
'cause her brother was, uh-
110
00:06:31,487 --> 00:06:33,728
Daisy Milos Ross?
111
00:06:33,807 --> 00:06:35,126
Yes! Crazy Daisy!
112
00:06:35,206 --> 00:06:37,887
Milos- what? Ross?
113
00:06:37,967 --> 00:06:38,847
Who sent this?
114
00:06:38,928 --> 00:06:39,927
Is this some...
115
00:06:40,007 --> 00:06:40,886
pre-bachelor party trick,
116
00:06:40,967 --> 00:06:43,048
of all the girls I've loved before?
117
00:06:43,127 --> 00:06:46,086
But who would know
about Daisy Milos Ross?
118
00:06:46,167 --> 00:06:48,488
Damn, Roderick, this is
an insane amount of pussy.
119
00:06:48,567 --> 00:06:50,049
Well, thanks.
120
00:06:50,128 --> 00:06:52,407
I don't know if I'd
call 29 women insane.
121
00:06:52,487 --> 00:06:54,888
I guess some guys might be impressed
by the big two-nine,
122
00:06:54,968 --> 00:06:57,288
but I racked up most of those numbers
as an undergrad.
123
00:06:57,367 --> 00:06:58,968
Uh, Sparky?
124
00:06:59,047 --> 00:07:02,048
There's more than 29 wild oats
on this list, a lot more.
125
00:07:02,128 --> 00:07:05,568
Trix. T. Now, it's not like
I'm one of those silly guys
126
00:07:05,648 --> 00:07:06,928
that keeps track
of how many, uh-
127
00:07:07,007 --> 00:07:08,047
All right. Fine.
128
00:07:08,128 --> 00:07:09,687
Every guy is one
of those silly guys-
129
00:07:09,769 --> 00:07:11,927
Stop! The ever-delightful
Fiona Wormwood,
130
00:07:12,007 --> 00:07:14,569
soon to be Fiona Blank,
is indeed numero 29.
131
00:07:14,648 --> 00:07:16,888
But, dude, the list keeps going.
132
00:07:16,967 --> 00:07:19,287
Closing out at...
133
00:07:19,369 --> 00:07:20,288
a hundred and one.
134
00:07:20,369 --> 00:07:22,048
That's impossible.
135
00:07:22,128 --> 00:07:23,848
Wait. April Fool's Day today, isn't it?
136
00:07:23,929 --> 00:07:26,169
That was yesterday.
Today's the second.
137
00:07:26,249 --> 00:07:27,687
Hmm...
138
00:07:27,769 --> 00:07:28,888
One of the guys.
139
00:07:28,968 --> 00:07:30,808
Zack, Chico, Lester-
no, Lester.
140
00:07:30,889 --> 00:07:31,889
Especially Lester.
141
00:07:31,969 --> 00:07:33,408
What better way to mess with me
142
00:07:33,488 --> 00:07:34,688
than by sending me the names of
143
00:07:34,769 --> 00:07:36,609
all the women I've had sex with?
144
00:07:36,689 --> 00:07:39,248
Teasing me
with an obviously made-up roster.
145
00:07:39,329 --> 00:07:41,369
72 more tantalizing
female names to, uh-
146
00:07:41,449 --> 00:07:43,369
Symbolize all the fine trim you'll be sacrificing
147
00:07:43,448 --> 00:07:44,329
once you get married.
148
00:07:44,408 --> 00:07:45,889
Exactly. Yes.
149
00:07:45,969 --> 00:07:46,849
- Hmm.
- Thank you.
150
00:07:46,929 --> 00:07:48,409
Mm-hmm.
151
00:07:48,528 --> 00:07:51,049
You sure you don't have
a Carlotta Valdes shacked up somewhere?
152
00:07:51,129 --> 00:07:53,168
I mean, according to the list,
she's next up.
153
00:07:53,249 --> 00:07:56,530
Carlotta Valdes.
154
00:07:56,609 --> 00:08:00,169
Followed by Cynthia Rose.
155
00:08:00,249 --> 00:08:01,409
Followed by-
156
00:08:01,489 --> 00:08:03,448
Well, whoever did this
sure put in the hours.
157
00:08:03,529 --> 00:08:04,448
Print it.
158
00:08:06,410 --> 00:08:08,210
Sayonara!
159
00:08:09,290 --> 00:08:11,090
So, now you know.
160
00:08:11,169 --> 00:08:13,649
The last goddamn e-mail.
161
00:08:13,728 --> 00:08:15,450
The list.
162
00:08:15,529 --> 00:08:18,730
Every woman I ever,
followed by every woman I-
163
00:08:18,809 --> 00:08:21,490
You're not still staring at that list.
164
00:08:21,570 --> 00:08:23,770
No comment.
165
00:08:23,851 --> 00:08:25,650
Oh, did I remember to warn you
166
00:08:25,730 --> 00:08:27,850
that you're gonna be kidnapped
from work for your bachelor party?
167
00:08:35,170 --> 00:08:36,210
Whoa!
168
00:08:36,290 --> 00:08:38,371
Hey, Roderick.
How are you doing?
169
00:08:40,010 --> 00:08:41,850
- Ready to party, Rod?
- Oh, no, no.
170
00:08:41,931 --> 00:08:44,011
No one said anything about
this going down at my house.
171
00:08:44,091 --> 00:08:44,970
- Lester.
- What?
172
00:08:45,050 --> 00:08:46,290
This is my house.
173
00:08:46,370 --> 00:08:47,930
Fiona gave us permission.
174
00:08:48,010 --> 00:08:50,450
Oh, you're insane.
175
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:52,611
- Interesting e-mail today.
- Mmm!
176
00:08:52,690 --> 00:08:54,330
Worry not.
I found a new stripper.
177
00:08:54,412 --> 00:08:55,530
Oh, no. Not the stripper crisis.
178
00:08:55,610 --> 00:08:58,531
The, uh, kooky one. The list.
179
00:08:58,611 --> 00:09:00,251
- What list?
- The list of-
180
00:09:00,332 --> 00:09:01,531
What are you talking about?
181
00:09:01,610 --> 00:09:04,011
- Names.
- Well, our fair lady's here, gentlemen!
182
00:09:04,091 --> 00:09:05,372
Turn that up!
183
00:09:05,451 --> 00:09:07,051
Rule six.
184
00:09:07,131 --> 00:09:09,691
No ham radio operating.
185
00:09:09,771 --> 00:09:11,610
- Get it? Breasts?
- Aww...
186
00:09:11,691 --> 00:09:13,691
No ham radio operating.
187
00:09:13,772 --> 00:09:16,130
Rule seven.
No checking the oil.
188
00:09:16,211 --> 00:09:18,012
- Checking the oil?
- Get it?
189
00:09:18,091 --> 00:09:19,291
Vagina!
190
00:09:19,372 --> 00:09:21,091
No checking the oil.
191
00:09:21,211 --> 00:09:24,931
- And I loved the touch of adding to the list
- Rule eight...
192
00:09:25,012 --> 00:09:26,691
the names of women
I've yet to have sex with.
193
00:09:26,771 --> 00:09:29,171
- No cotton candy.
- What do you mean, man? What list?
194
00:09:29,252 --> 00:09:30,372
Oh. Yeah. "What list?"
195
00:09:30,451 --> 00:09:32,812
Hey! You two jokers
in the back!
196
00:09:32,891 --> 00:09:34,452
Show Precious some respect!
197
00:09:34,531 --> 00:09:35,611
This is a bachelor party.
198
00:09:35,692 --> 00:09:37,251
It ain't fun and games.
199
00:09:37,332 --> 00:09:39,451
Who wants to play
musical lap dances?
200
00:09:39,532 --> 00:09:41,371
**
201
00:10:03,693 --> 00:10:05,372
Aw! Too bad!
202
00:10:06,893 --> 00:10:07,773
Goodbye!
203
00:10:07,852 --> 00:10:10,253
**
204
00:10:19,853 --> 00:10:22,653
Mm. You call this decadence?
205
00:10:22,734 --> 00:10:24,572
Bro, it was you!
206
00:10:24,653 --> 00:10:26,492
If only women knew.
The bachelor party.
207
00:10:26,574 --> 00:10:28,573
The best commercial for marriage.
208
00:10:29,932 --> 00:10:31,213
Cream for your coffee?
209
00:10:31,292 --> 00:10:34,253
Mm! Uh, no thanks. Carbs.
210
00:10:38,093 --> 00:10:38,973
You laughing at the old coot?
211
00:10:39,053 --> 00:10:40,854
Yeah, I'm sorry. I am.
212
00:10:40,933 --> 00:10:41,853
Hey, what about you?
213
00:10:41,933 --> 00:10:43,493
You're walking around
your own party, here,
214
00:10:43,574 --> 00:10:45,693
obsessing about
your former conquests.
215
00:10:45,773 --> 00:10:47,093
Well, it's actually
a little more complicated.
216
00:10:47,174 --> 00:10:48,214
I was fine until this morning.
217
00:10:48,293 --> 00:10:49,853
I got this crazy list of women-
218
00:10:49,933 --> 00:10:52,133
No! No! No!
I don't wanna see it.
219
00:10:52,214 --> 00:10:53,533
You don't wanna see it.
220
00:10:53,615 --> 00:10:55,693
Hell, you probably sent it
to yourself when you were drunk.
221
00:10:55,773 --> 00:10:58,095
If you're looking for a way out...
222
00:10:58,174 --> 00:11:00,093
Rod, you'll find it.
223
00:11:00,174 --> 00:11:02,014
No, it- it's nothing like that.
224
00:11:02,094 --> 00:11:03,374
Stop looking.
225
00:11:03,454 --> 00:11:04,855
Hang in here for another hour.
226
00:11:04,934 --> 00:11:06,334
Get married next week.
Have a kid.
227
00:11:06,413 --> 00:11:08,734
Reinvent the tater tot! Make a lot
of money! Have another kid.
228
00:11:08,815 --> 00:11:11,134
- Say, "Thanks, Zack. "
- Okay. Thanks, Zack.
229
00:11:11,213 --> 00:11:12,935
- Mm-hmm.
- Maybe you're right.
230
00:11:13,014 --> 00:11:15,494
Yo! Groom.
231
00:11:15,575 --> 00:11:17,373
Grand finale.
232
00:11:17,455 --> 00:11:19,935
Don't worry.
Lester's paid for it.
233
00:11:20,974 --> 00:11:22,054
Yikes.
234
00:11:22,134 --> 00:11:24,494
How's that for
ham radio, buddy?
235
00:11:24,575 --> 00:11:26,214
Yeah!
236
00:11:26,294 --> 00:11:28,535
Oh, yeah! Yeah!
237
00:11:28,614 --> 00:11:30,616
Give it to me, big boy!
238
00:11:30,695 --> 00:11:31,935
Oh, that's the way you like it?
239
00:11:32,015 --> 00:11:34,374
Oh, yeah! Harder!
240
00:11:34,455 --> 00:11:36,574
This is my oldest. He's four.
241
00:11:36,654 --> 00:11:38,815
- Fuck me!
- This is your oldest?
242
00:11:38,894 --> 00:11:40,215
Wow. He's a good-looking kid.
243
00:11:40,295 --> 00:11:41,534
He's gonna break a lot of hearts.
244
00:11:41,615 --> 00:11:43,735
Yes! Yes!
245
00:11:43,815 --> 00:11:46,175
- Yes!
- Goddammit! Harder!
246
00:11:46,256 --> 00:11:47,935
So are you planning on
having kids with your wife?
247
00:11:48,015 --> 00:11:48,975
Well, definitely. Yeah.
248
00:11:49,055 --> 00:11:51,175
But you know, right now, we can't even
agree on what kind of dog to-
249
00:11:51,256 --> 00:11:52,856
Whoa! Precious,
I told you I don't want
250
00:11:52,935 --> 00:11:54,216
to cross the line of-
251
00:11:54,295 --> 00:11:55,776
Whoa!
252
00:11:55,856 --> 00:11:57,175
Oh, gosh.
253
00:11:57,255 --> 00:11:58,696
I'm so sorry.
254
00:11:58,776 --> 00:12:00,455
I honestly thought
you were kidding about
255
00:12:00,536 --> 00:12:02,336
all that "men can be feminists, too" stuff.
256
00:12:03,536 --> 00:12:05,255
Can you blame me for the confusion?
257
00:12:05,336 --> 00:12:06,417
Well, just because I'm giving you
258
00:12:06,496 --> 00:12:07,935
a standing ovation, my darling,
259
00:12:08,016 --> 00:12:10,256
doesn't mean that we
have to, you know- I-
260
00:12:10,336 --> 00:12:12,217
- I think we better-
- Got it.
261
00:12:12,296 --> 00:12:14,015
That's what I'm talking about.
Doin' it-
262
00:12:14,095 --> 00:12:16,697
Hey, I don't want you to take
any of this personally.
263
00:12:16,776 --> 00:12:17,976
I just- you know.
264
00:12:18,056 --> 00:12:20,736
Goddamn, what kind
of condom is this?
265
00:12:20,816 --> 00:12:21,937
Your fiancée is lucky.
266
00:12:22,016 --> 00:12:23,576
She's got one of the good ones.
267
00:12:23,656 --> 00:12:25,376
I wish I was more into
successful white dudes,
268
00:12:25,456 --> 00:12:26,576
but, um-
269
00:12:26,656 --> 00:12:28,456
two broke Latin husbands, and-
270
00:12:28,536 --> 00:12:29,816
Jesus, stop me.
271
00:12:29,897 --> 00:12:32,337
Anyway, man, gracias.
Seriously.
272
00:12:32,416 --> 00:12:33,696
Gracias?
273
00:12:33,776 --> 00:12:36,697
Um, Precious, your real name
274
00:12:36,776 --> 00:12:39,416
wouldn't happen to be Carlotta...
275
00:12:39,496 --> 00:12:42,297
Valdes?
276
00:12:42,377 --> 00:12:43,497
How did y-
277
00:12:43,576 --> 00:12:45,296
Who told you that?
278
00:12:45,377 --> 00:12:48,337
Um, I think your bodyguard
might have mentioned it.
279
00:12:48,418 --> 00:12:51,456
Like that asshole
knows my real name.
280
00:12:51,537 --> 00:12:54,736
So, you staying back there, or...
281
00:12:56,057 --> 00:12:57,457
Why is it so quiet in there?
282
00:12:59,217 --> 00:13:01,138
Carlotta Valdes.
283
00:13:01,217 --> 00:13:02,737
Number 30.
284
00:13:02,818 --> 00:13:05,856
This was more than
a bachelor party trick,
285
00:13:05,937 --> 00:13:08,457
more than a loyalty test.
286
00:13:08,537 --> 00:13:10,257
This was sex.
287
00:13:10,337 --> 00:13:12,258
And I had a print-out.
288
00:13:13,738 --> 00:13:16,217
I was in the throes of
a sacrilegious epiphany,
289
00:13:16,297 --> 00:13:18,737
in possession of
a magical document
290
00:13:18,818 --> 00:13:21,578
that promised
an embarrassment of bitches.
291
00:13:21,657 --> 00:13:23,337
And yet, did it
void my earlier,
292
00:13:23,418 --> 00:13:25,897
rather impassioned soliloquy
about how it's time?
293
00:13:25,978 --> 00:13:27,938
To settle down?
To marry Fiona?
294
00:13:28,018 --> 00:13:30,377
Right then, I nobly revowed
295
00:13:30,458 --> 00:13:32,098
my eternal resistance
to other women.
296
00:13:32,177 --> 00:13:34,098
Remember how freaked out you were
when you first noticed
297
00:13:34,178 --> 00:13:36,738
the centerfold was
younger than you?
298
00:13:38,058 --> 00:13:39,457
Ah, yes, the...
299
00:13:39,539 --> 00:13:42,098
central trauma of
every American male.
300
00:13:43,379 --> 00:13:44,979
Look at this baby.
301
00:13:45,059 --> 00:13:47,137
And I mean baby.
302
00:13:47,219 --> 00:13:51,499
Born in 1984. 1984.
303
00:13:51,578 --> 00:13:53,858
My life was, like, done by '84.
304
00:13:53,938 --> 00:13:57,178
- What are her turn-ons?
- Mmm...
305
00:13:57,259 --> 00:13:59,939
Pudding, air hockey,
and pudding.
306
00:14:00,018 --> 00:14:02,898
Bimbo said "pudding" twice.
307
00:14:05,219 --> 00:14:06,580
I do like air hockey.
308
00:14:06,658 --> 00:14:09,219
"Cynthia Rose is
looking for a man
309
00:14:09,299 --> 00:14:13,059
who's confident, successful,
with a nice set of abs. "
310
00:14:13,139 --> 00:14:15,459
Well, zero out of three ain't bad.
311
00:14:15,538 --> 00:14:17,499
What did you say her name was?
312
00:14:19,139 --> 00:14:21,859
Cynthia Rose.
313
00:14:21,940 --> 00:14:23,019
Nice.
314
00:14:25,100 --> 00:14:27,419
Oh...
315
00:14:27,499 --> 00:14:28,659
Thank you.
316
00:14:28,739 --> 00:14:31,299
Dude, you're not
gonna buy the issue?
317
00:14:38,140 --> 00:14:40,580
You look like a Carl.
Can I call you Carl?
318
00:14:40,659 --> 00:14:42,259
You talking to me?
319
00:14:42,341 --> 00:14:45,699
You ever fantasize
about escaping, Carl?
320
00:14:45,780 --> 00:14:47,540
Escaping this land,
321
00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:50,020
this magical land
of the newsstand,
322
00:14:50,100 --> 00:14:52,980
where all the girls
are right about
323
00:14:53,061 --> 00:14:56,340
to pull off their panties,
but they never quite do.
324
00:14:57,821 --> 00:15:00,100
Must be kind of frustrating.
325
00:15:00,180 --> 00:15:02,020
Look, if you don't like
the merchandise, babe,
326
00:15:02,101 --> 00:15:03,261
pssht!
327
00:15:05,580 --> 00:15:07,621
Found this on
your dashboard.
328
00:15:08,861 --> 00:15:10,820
It's a unique color.
329
00:15:10,900 --> 00:15:14,061
Kinda like the one
the Parkside Peeper wears.
330
00:15:15,180 --> 00:15:16,941
Wait. Uh...
331
00:15:17,020 --> 00:15:18,781
Look, I have a disease.
332
00:15:18,861 --> 00:15:20,220
- Okay?
- Okay.
333
00:15:20,301 --> 00:15:22,180
And you could say that
I, too, am a victim,
334
00:15:22,261 --> 00:15:23,861
- because-
- Hey! No. Carl.
335
00:15:23,942 --> 00:15:25,740
Don't get me wrong.
336
00:15:25,821 --> 00:15:27,062
I think it's kinda hot.
337
00:15:28,702 --> 00:15:30,900
I mean, how would I know
you were watching
338
00:15:30,981 --> 00:15:33,902
if I wasn't watching you?
339
00:15:33,981 --> 00:15:37,541
Wha- You've been
peeping on me peeping?
340
00:15:37,621 --> 00:15:39,342
Mm-hmm.
341
00:15:39,422 --> 00:15:41,540
Oh. That is hot.
342
00:15:41,622 --> 00:15:43,301
Wait, I c-
343
00:15:43,381 --> 00:15:44,462
I can't tell if you're playing
344
00:15:44,542 --> 00:15:47,062
some feminazi mindfuck game on me
345
00:15:47,141 --> 00:15:49,822
or if you're really trying to seduce me.
346
00:15:49,901 --> 00:15:54,902
Well, Carl, why don't we go back
to my hotel and find out?
347
00:15:56,102 --> 00:15:58,742
Pussy is da' bomb. No?
348
00:15:59,942 --> 00:16:02,101
This is a joke, right?
349
00:16:03,702 --> 00:16:06,542
Ten seconds on
the shot clock, Kobe.
350
00:16:08,902 --> 00:16:11,142
Come on! I-
351
00:16:11,223 --> 00:16:13,422
- This stuff only happens in the movies-
- Five-
352
00:16:13,502 --> 00:16:16,103
I'm the only one
working this shift, I-
353
00:16:16,183 --> 00:16:17,621
Get out of here.
354
00:16:17,703 --> 00:16:19,782
Are you gay?
355
00:16:19,862 --> 00:16:22,862
Are you impotent?
356
00:16:22,942 --> 00:16:25,223
Or are you just chicken?
357
00:16:39,743 --> 00:16:40,743
Honey?
358
00:16:40,823 --> 00:16:41,863
Sweetie, look.
359
00:16:41,943 --> 00:16:43,783
Your tuxedo.
360
00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:51,663
- Rod?
- Perhaps it wasn't
361
00:16:51,743 --> 00:16:53,783
time after all.
362
00:16:53,863 --> 00:16:56,064
Don't worry, I didn't cancel
the wedding or anything.
363
00:16:56,143 --> 00:16:57,704
I'm not an asshole.
364
00:16:57,783 --> 00:17:00,624
I needed to figure things out.
365
00:17:00,703 --> 00:17:02,864
Of course, I didn't
bring up number 31,
366
00:17:02,944 --> 00:17:05,104
Cynthia "Miss April" Rose.
367
00:17:05,183 --> 00:17:07,783
I stuck to the basics.
368
00:17:07,864 --> 00:17:10,663
"It's not you, it's me. "
369
00:17:10,743 --> 00:17:12,704
"I don't want to get married
just to get married. "
370
00:17:12,784 --> 00:17:16,024
I think I even threw in
a "things have been crazy at work. "
371
00:17:16,104 --> 00:17:19,143
Fiona took it well... too well.
372
00:17:20,344 --> 00:17:23,705
I think my sweetie has
a little case of cold feet.
373
00:17:23,785 --> 00:17:25,064
You're nervous.
374
00:17:25,144 --> 00:17:26,464
I'd be scared if you weren't.
375
00:17:26,544 --> 00:17:27,824
It's more than that, Fi.
376
00:17:27,905 --> 00:17:31,784
I said, I think my sweetie
has a little case of cold feet.
377
00:17:31,864 --> 00:17:32,944
You're nervous.
378
00:17:33,025 --> 00:17:34,424
I'd be scared if you weren't.
379
00:17:34,504 --> 00:17:35,624
I'm being honest.
380
00:17:35,704 --> 00:17:36,984
We're getting married
in 11 days, Roderick.
381
00:17:37,064 --> 00:17:39,465
We are past the point of honesty.
382
00:17:39,544 --> 00:17:41,383
We have a goddamn church booked.
383
00:17:41,465 --> 00:17:43,864
Deposits...
384
00:17:43,945 --> 00:17:45,184
orchids.
385
00:17:45,265 --> 00:17:46,464
And you drop this
on me right now
386
00:17:46,545 --> 00:17:48,065
before I'm about
to get on a plane
387
00:17:48,144 --> 00:17:50,745
to go away with the girls
to a spa for the weekend,
388
00:17:50,825 --> 00:17:52,545
you goddamn son of a-
389
00:17:54,785 --> 00:17:55,905
Orchids...
390
00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:01,625
It was one thing to upheave my own life,
391
00:18:01,705 --> 00:18:03,666
but to break the heart of another
392
00:18:03,745 --> 00:18:05,824
was too much for me.
393
00:18:07,105 --> 00:18:09,025
I told Fiona what
she needed to hear
394
00:18:09,106 --> 00:18:12,264
and provided
the requisite snuggles.
395
00:18:12,346 --> 00:18:14,305
That's when I saw it.
396
00:18:16,104 --> 00:18:17,865
No, not that.
397
00:18:17,945 --> 00:18:19,466
This.
398
00:18:19,546 --> 00:18:21,666
Pardon my fucking French,
399
00:18:21,745 --> 00:18:24,065
but we're talking about
a fucking centerfold here.
400
00:18:24,146 --> 00:18:26,705
Fucking a fucking
centerfold, if you will.
401
00:18:26,784 --> 00:18:28,825
And believe me, I will.
402
00:18:28,946 --> 00:18:32,865
Last fling like this, I'll never have to look
at another woman again, right?
403
00:18:32,946 --> 00:18:34,066
Right?
404
00:18:47,506 --> 00:18:49,387
Back of the line, bro.
405
00:18:54,146 --> 00:18:56,347
Okay, gentlemen, don't rush.
406
00:18:59,787 --> 00:19:01,707
Get out of the way,
will you?
407
00:19:03,986 --> 00:19:05,707
- Don't push! Get out of my way!
- Come on, man!
408
00:19:08,506 --> 00:19:09,466
Hey, stay in line, please.
409
00:19:09,547 --> 00:19:10,747
I know how to play air hockey!
410
00:19:10,826 --> 00:19:12,147
You each get a chance.
411
00:19:25,907 --> 00:19:27,947
Fiona.
412
00:19:29,627 --> 00:19:31,187
Hey, Fi...
413
00:19:31,268 --> 00:19:32,588
you're probably
already on the plane.
414
00:19:32,668 --> 00:19:35,627
I just wanted to apologize
again for this morning.
415
00:19:35,707 --> 00:19:38,108
I don't know what's
going through my head.
416
00:19:38,188 --> 00:19:39,627
- I just-
- Is that your car?
417
00:19:40,987 --> 00:19:42,988
Bad connection. Yeah.
418
00:19:44,347 --> 00:19:46,627
The geeks are revolting.
Like, literally.
419
00:19:46,709 --> 00:19:48,069
My name's Cynthia Rose.
420
00:19:48,148 --> 00:19:49,827
- You can call me Cyn.
- Okay.
421
00:19:53,668 --> 00:19:54,908
The guy was so serious.
422
00:19:54,987 --> 00:19:56,468
"You must be
so proud of those. "
423
00:19:56,548 --> 00:19:58,468
I was like,
"Dude, they're my breasts,
424
00:19:58,548 --> 00:19:59,668
they're not my S.A.T. scores. "
425
00:19:59,748 --> 00:20:02,148
So, I thought if I flashed him
he'd shut up,
426
00:20:02,228 --> 00:20:04,429
but who knew the whole store
would flip out?
427
00:20:04,509 --> 00:20:05,628
I'm sorry, I forgot.
428
00:20:05,708 --> 00:20:07,548
How long did you say
you've been living on this planet?
429
00:20:09,909 --> 00:20:11,428
Coffee became cocktails,
430
00:20:11,509 --> 00:20:15,070
cocktails became dinner,
and dinner became...
431
00:20:16,388 --> 00:20:17,629
You guessed it.
432
00:20:18,868 --> 00:20:19,989
Air hockey.
433
00:20:20,948 --> 00:20:22,268
Darn it!
434
00:20:22,349 --> 00:20:23,509
I thought your centerfold
435
00:20:23,589 --> 00:20:25,149
said air hockey was your game.
436
00:20:25,229 --> 00:20:27,709
Are you always this
suave and arrogant?
437
00:20:27,789 --> 00:20:30,989
Well, it's only two
of my many adjectives.
438
00:20:31,068 --> 00:20:32,509
I can't believe
I'm talking like this.
439
00:20:32,589 --> 00:20:34,909
I'm getting married
in less than two weeks.
440
00:20:34,989 --> 00:20:38,989
My fiancée is doing this
bachelorette spa thing this weekend-
441
00:20:39,069 --> 00:20:39,949
Wait a minute,
you're getting married?
442
00:20:40,029 --> 00:20:41,030
Yep.
443
00:20:41,109 --> 00:20:42,829
Well, why didn't you say so?
444
00:20:42,909 --> 00:20:45,670
That changes everything!
445
00:20:45,750 --> 00:20:46,989
How would you like
to do me a favor?
446
00:20:47,069 --> 00:20:49,069
A favor?
What kind of fav-
447
00:20:50,590 --> 00:20:53,149
Don't worry.
It'll end in sex.
448
00:20:54,390 --> 00:20:56,269
Yes, number 31, Cynthia Rose.
449
00:20:56,350 --> 00:20:58,550
You know this is the most
maniacal shit ever, right?
450
00:20:58,629 --> 00:21:01,749
Trix, I'm sure there's some
logical explanation for all this.
451
00:21:03,430 --> 00:21:04,710
I'm not going to
wait around for it.
452
00:21:04,790 --> 00:21:05,951
Keys?
453
00:21:07,630 --> 00:21:08,950
Cynthia Rose wanted to bring
454
00:21:09,029 --> 00:21:11,431
a presentable man
home to Daddy.
455
00:21:11,510 --> 00:21:14,830
The favor would last
another 24 hours.
456
00:21:14,909 --> 00:21:17,190
Meeting another father
under the guise of boyfriend
457
00:21:17,271 --> 00:21:19,590
felt more like cheating
than the cheating.
458
00:21:19,670 --> 00:21:23,790
But as paper beats rock,
desire beats guilt.
459
00:21:23,870 --> 00:21:25,711
Desire beats everything.
460
00:21:25,790 --> 00:21:27,271
I just said that I like baking,
461
00:21:27,351 --> 00:21:29,870
and the next day, the centerfold
family came up with this concept.
462
00:21:29,950 --> 00:21:31,791
It was like
a built-in kitchen set
463
00:21:31,871 --> 00:21:32,751
with this apron that-
464
00:21:32,831 --> 00:21:34,670
Don't abuse the word "family. ”
465
00:21:34,751 --> 00:21:35,991
You know as well as I do,
466
00:21:36,070 --> 00:21:37,351
they're just making you
an accomplice
467
00:21:37,430 --> 00:21:38,950
in your own exploitation.
468
00:21:39,030 --> 00:21:40,431
Well, that's better than
not being an accomplice
469
00:21:40,511 --> 00:21:42,351
in my own exploitation.
470
00:21:42,431 --> 00:21:45,191
You asked me what makes a man,
Roderick, and I'm going to tell you.
471
00:21:45,271 --> 00:21:48,271
Actually, I hadn't asked.
472
00:21:48,352 --> 00:21:50,791
But there was no stopping Victor Rose III.
473
00:21:50,871 --> 00:21:53,432
Yes, her father
was the Victor Rose,
474
00:21:53,511 --> 00:21:55,790
entrepreneur extraordinaire.
475
00:21:55,872 --> 00:21:56,751
Getting to have sex tonight
476
00:21:56,831 --> 00:21:58,111
was going to be more complicated
477
00:21:58,192 --> 00:21:59,230
than I could ever imagine.
478
00:21:59,311 --> 00:22:01,031
My parents believed in tradition,
479
00:22:01,112 --> 00:22:03,911
honor, dignity, faith, and free trade,
480
00:22:03,992 --> 00:22:07,152
and separate bedrooms for couples
that are not married.
481
00:22:08,793 --> 00:22:11,392
A toast to the fiery Rose family.
482
00:22:11,471 --> 00:22:13,071
May you-
483
00:22:13,152 --> 00:22:14,870
Sorry, Roderick.
484
00:22:14,952 --> 00:22:16,791
Every family has
a sick grandmother,
485
00:22:16,872 --> 00:22:18,592
and Granny C just happens to be
486
00:22:18,672 --> 00:22:20,471
really old and really scary.
487
00:22:20,551 --> 00:22:22,672
Stop! Mother deserves
some respect,
488
00:22:22,752 --> 00:22:24,152
not to be treated like a leper.
489
00:22:24,233 --> 00:22:27,272
Despite her grotesque skin disease.
490
00:22:30,872 --> 00:22:33,073
Dessert, Roderick?
491
00:22:34,273 --> 00:22:35,152
Are you decent?
492
00:22:35,233 --> 00:22:37,153
Absolutely!
493
00:22:40,073 --> 00:22:41,713
Dessert, Roderick?
494
00:22:43,353 --> 00:22:46,111
Oh. Uh...
495
00:22:46,192 --> 00:22:47,833
You asked if I was decent.
You didn't ask if-
496
00:22:47,912 --> 00:22:51,191
Yes, my roommate in college
always used to do that gag.
497
00:22:51,272 --> 00:22:52,432
It plays better with you.
498
00:22:52,512 --> 00:22:53,392
Lots.
499
00:22:53,472 --> 00:22:56,033
Believe it or not,
you did pretty good tonight.
500
00:22:56,114 --> 00:22:57,272
Great.
501
00:22:57,353 --> 00:22:58,993
That old bear down the hall
502
00:22:59,073 --> 00:23:01,153
is going to be simply crushed
when we break up.
503
00:23:01,233 --> 00:23:03,273
You know, your father
seems pretty serious
504
00:23:03,353 --> 00:23:05,633
about the separate bedroom edict.
505
00:23:05,713 --> 00:23:08,993
The greater the danger,
the greater the thrill.
506
00:23:09,073 --> 00:23:11,073
That's what I say.
507
00:23:11,153 --> 00:23:12,793
Give me five minutes.
508
00:23:12,873 --> 00:23:15,233
I'm two doors down to the left.
509
00:23:15,314 --> 00:23:17,793
Some guys have this annoying habit
of stopping to ask me
510
00:23:17,873 --> 00:23:20,274
if they're boinking me too hard.
511
00:23:20,354 --> 00:23:22,873
Don't ask and don't stop.
512
00:23:23,833 --> 00:23:25,913
Foreplay's for losers.
513
00:23:27,553 --> 00:23:28,632
Hmm.
514
00:23:28,714 --> 00:23:30,674
Better make that three minutes.
515
00:23:30,754 --> 00:23:32,274
Yeah.
516
00:24:13,595 --> 00:24:16,035
Oh... yes.
517
00:24:18,795 --> 00:24:19,875
What's going on in there?
518
00:24:31,675 --> 00:24:33,795
Ooh, who died?
519
00:24:33,876 --> 00:24:36,514
It's all right, Roderick.
520
00:24:36,595 --> 00:24:39,036
Mother prayed for
this day many times.
521
00:24:39,116 --> 00:24:41,515
She's at peace now.
522
00:24:41,595 --> 00:24:43,796
She can keep my son company.
523
00:24:43,876 --> 00:24:45,875
Say hello to Vic, Jr., Mommy!
524
00:24:45,956 --> 00:24:50,395
Cyn. Sir, I'm so sorry.
525
00:24:50,476 --> 00:24:52,516
- You must really-
- Yeah, whatever.
526
00:24:52,595 --> 00:24:54,756
She was ancient
and my brother was a jerk.
527
00:24:54,836 --> 00:24:56,675
What was with you last night?
528
00:24:56,756 --> 00:24:57,835
Why didn't you come?
529
00:24:57,916 --> 00:24:59,155
Come?
530
00:24:59,237 --> 00:25:00,516
With your father
barging in like that,
531
00:25:00,597 --> 00:25:01,796
didn't really leave a lot of time
532
00:25:01,876 --> 00:25:03,836
for either one of us
to hit the jackpot.
533
00:25:03,916 --> 00:25:05,556
You know, as they say,
534
00:25:05,637 --> 00:25:06,716
if at first you don't succeed,
535
00:25:06,796 --> 00:25:08,756
try, try again.
536
00:25:08,837 --> 00:25:09,636
What are you talking about?
537
00:25:09,716 --> 00:25:10,956
Why didn't you come to my room?
538
00:25:11,037 --> 00:25:12,116
I didn't see you at all.
539
00:25:12,196 --> 00:25:13,397
I guess it was
pretty dark, but-
540
00:25:13,476 --> 00:25:14,717
Mother had the strangest,
541
00:25:14,796 --> 00:25:16,676
sweetest, little smile on her face.
542
00:25:16,756 --> 00:25:18,676
I'm convinced that her last moments
543
00:25:18,756 --> 00:25:21,357
on this mortal coil
were ones of pleasure.
544
00:25:22,676 --> 00:25:24,116
When you said
two doors to the left,
545
00:25:24,197 --> 00:25:25,957
did you mean
your left or my left?
546
00:25:26,037 --> 00:25:27,556
What are you talking-
547
00:25:27,637 --> 00:25:30,517
I don't know, I guess
it was my left. Why?
548
00:25:33,717 --> 00:25:36,558
Granny C happens to be
really old and...
549
00:25:36,637 --> 00:25:39,597
C. as in Cynthia,
as in Cynthia Rose,
550
00:25:39,677 --> 00:25:41,397
as in number 31 on your list,
551
00:25:41,478 --> 00:25:44,317
as in there's more than one, dipshit!
552
00:25:44,398 --> 00:25:46,397
You fucked my mother!
553
00:26:02,478 --> 00:26:04,918
And if you were to put
your hand on the bun...
554
00:26:06,718 --> 00:26:09,198
I raced home to tell Fiona everything.
555
00:26:09,277 --> 00:26:10,518
Okay, not everything.
556
00:26:10,597 --> 00:26:11,837
Not anything.
557
00:26:11,918 --> 00:26:13,398
What woman, a week
before her wedding,
558
00:26:13,477 --> 00:26:15,558
wants to hear about
some crazy list of women?
559
00:26:15,638 --> 00:26:17,638
Not to mention, I mean
really not to mention,
560
00:26:17,718 --> 00:26:18,997
her future husband's involvement
561
00:26:19,078 --> 00:26:21,038
with an 88-year-old leper.
562
00:26:21,118 --> 00:26:23,638
I was sure Fiona would
take me into her arms.
563
00:26:23,719 --> 00:26:26,678
- Honey, I'm home!
- Instead, she just took.
564
00:26:26,758 --> 00:26:28,638
I never liked this couch.
565
00:26:28,719 --> 00:26:30,318
Fi?
566
00:26:36,919 --> 00:26:38,279
Fiona, what have you done?
567
00:26:38,399 --> 00:26:41,159
- Why are you-
- You're getting off easy and you know it.
568
00:26:43,759 --> 00:26:45,679
I don't understand.
I adore you.
569
00:26:45,758 --> 00:26:47,238
I want to make you my wife.
570
00:26:47,319 --> 00:26:51,399
It's like you've got
this lost, far-away look,
571
00:26:51,478 --> 00:26:53,599
like you're thinking about
the hundreds of other women
572
00:26:53,679 --> 00:26:55,479
you plan to sleep with
before you die.
573
00:26:55,559 --> 00:26:57,239
Hundreds?
574
00:26:57,319 --> 00:26:58,440
70 at most.
575
00:26:58,519 --> 00:26:59,680
Keep going.
576
00:27:00,798 --> 00:27:03,840
You're the guy
who notices haircuts.
577
00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:06,718
- You never forget Valentine's Day.
- No.
578
00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:09,360
You always have the right,
supportive thing to say,
579
00:27:09,439 --> 00:27:11,679
even if you don't mean it.
580
00:27:14,560 --> 00:27:17,360
You're not some evil,
sexist jerk, Rod.
581
00:27:17,439 --> 00:27:20,120
So who are you?
582
00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:21,880
I am someone that will
love and support you-
583
00:27:21,959 --> 00:27:23,439
Oh.
584
00:27:25,320 --> 00:27:26,999
It's not an oral exam.
585
00:27:29,961 --> 00:27:32,320
I'm going to get up
off this couch now.
586
00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:35,520
I'm going to walk to the door.
587
00:27:38,361 --> 00:27:40,760
Do I want you to stop me?
588
00:27:41,719 --> 00:27:43,719
Yes.
589
00:27:43,801 --> 00:27:49,480
Just as my hand is on the knob,
590
00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:52,119
I want you to tackle me
591
00:27:52,201 --> 00:27:56,681
and hold me and tell me
that you can never let me go,
592
00:27:56,761 --> 00:27:58,880
while tears stream
down both our faces.
593
00:28:00,001 --> 00:28:02,841
But you better mean it, Rod.
594
00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:05,960
Because right now,
595
00:28:06,042 --> 00:28:07,201
you're just one
of the bigger mistakes
596
00:28:07,281 --> 00:28:09,120
I've ever made.
597
00:28:10,121 --> 00:28:12,602
But if you convince me to stay,
598
00:28:12,681 --> 00:28:18,361
and you can't back it up
with every inch of your soul,
599
00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:20,641
then you will be a true villain.
600
00:28:31,282 --> 00:28:32,922
- Good call, buddy!
- Ah!
601
00:28:33,001 --> 00:28:34,361
You made the right
decision, Mr. Blank,
602
00:28:34,442 --> 00:28:36,161
but it's not like
you had much of a choice.
603
00:28:36,242 --> 00:28:37,642
Whoo!
604
00:28:41,601 --> 00:28:42,922
Okay, what's happening?
605
00:28:44,281 --> 00:28:46,882
Where am I?
606
00:28:46,962 --> 00:28:48,642
Who are you people?
607
00:28:48,723 --> 00:28:50,041
Hello, Mr. Blank.
608
00:28:50,121 --> 00:28:52,563
I'm Alpha, he's Beta,
609
00:28:52,642 --> 00:28:54,203
and that's Fred.
610
00:28:54,323 --> 00:28:57,042
We're here to tell you everything, Mr. Blank.
611
00:28:57,122 --> 00:28:58,243
This isn't a dream,
612
00:28:58,323 --> 00:29:00,522
and it isn't a dream
within a dream, either.
613
00:29:00,602 --> 00:29:02,041
You're not going
to wake up at the end,
614
00:29:02,123 --> 00:29:04,802
and I'm your gardener
and these are your pool boys.
615
00:29:04,882 --> 00:29:06,883
This is about the list, isn't it?
616
00:29:06,963 --> 00:29:09,163
Of course it's about the list!
617
00:29:09,243 --> 00:29:10,962
You must be freaking out.
618
00:29:11,042 --> 00:29:13,282
Seriously, what number
are you at right now-
619
00:29:13,363 --> 00:29:14,644
Down, Fred.
620
00:29:16,362 --> 00:29:19,323
Mr. Blank...
621
00:29:19,403 --> 00:29:20,962
some people you don't know
622
00:29:21,042 --> 00:29:22,083
found some things you don't know
623
00:29:22,163 --> 00:29:24,243
in a place you don't know.
624
00:29:24,324 --> 00:29:27,482
And these things have been
very useful in making a new thing.
625
00:29:27,563 --> 00:29:29,523
One that apparently
knows everything.
626
00:29:30,484 --> 00:29:31,923
A thing that knows everything,
627
00:29:32,002 --> 00:29:37,083
like a computer, a supercomputer.
628
00:29:38,043 --> 00:29:40,603
I prefer the word "machine. "
629
00:29:40,684 --> 00:29:43,523
Now, this machine will take
a few lifetimes to figure out,
630
00:29:43,602 --> 00:29:46,164
and I wouldn't go as far
as to call it an oracle,
631
00:29:46,244 --> 00:29:49,604
but it is... oraclesque.
632
00:29:49,683 --> 00:29:53,083
Last week, it sent out
about 2,900 e-mails,
633
00:29:53,164 --> 00:29:55,205
answers to questions nobody asked-
634
00:29:55,284 --> 00:29:58,524
not us, not the e-mail recipients.
635
00:29:58,604 --> 00:30:02,004
Almost everyone received nothing more
than an individual date-
636
00:30:02,084 --> 00:30:05,885
day, month, year.
637
00:30:05,964 --> 00:30:07,883
You're very lucky you didn't
get that one, Mr. Blank.
638
00:30:07,964 --> 00:30:10,764
It was the day
of the recipient's death.
639
00:30:10,844 --> 00:30:13,124
But then there's you.
640
00:30:14,364 --> 00:30:15,764
Yes, a few of the e-mails
641
00:30:15,845 --> 00:30:17,884
drew an unnatural
attention to themselves.
642
00:30:17,964 --> 00:30:22,085
Well, yeah, but yours
is the best, far and away.
643
00:30:22,164 --> 00:30:25,685
A list of everyone you're
going to have sex with?
644
00:30:25,764 --> 00:30:28,324
Oh man, this other poor dick
got the same list.
645
00:30:28,405 --> 00:30:29,525
One name!
646
00:30:29,604 --> 00:30:32,765
The wife that he lost
his virginity to.
647
00:30:32,844 --> 00:30:33,724
What a sap!
648
00:30:33,804 --> 00:30:34,804
- Fred-
- I mean, can you imagine?
649
00:30:34,884 --> 00:30:36,684
Fred!
650
00:30:37,965 --> 00:30:41,085
Mr. Blank, I think you know
where I'm going with this.
651
00:30:42,686 --> 00:30:44,685
If people were to find out
about the machine,
652
00:30:44,764 --> 00:30:46,684
it would cause panic
and confusion and-
653
00:30:46,766 --> 00:30:48,325
You're threatening me?
654
00:30:48,406 --> 00:30:52,606
Not to be a smart-ass.
655
00:30:52,686 --> 00:30:56,285
If your little oracle is for real,
656
00:30:56,365 --> 00:30:58,046
then I can't die
before bedding down
657
00:30:58,126 --> 00:31:00,245
the last lady on the list.
658
00:31:01,606 --> 00:31:03,806
Grand to finally
meet you, Mr. Blank.
659
00:31:03,886 --> 00:31:05,766
The door is at
the end of the hall.
660
00:31:05,846 --> 00:31:08,286
Yeah, and if you
have any questions,
661
00:31:08,366 --> 00:31:10,405
drop in any time, bro.
662
00:31:11,926 --> 00:31:14,126
Can't believe
I believe all this.
663
00:31:14,207 --> 00:31:16,686
But you do,
and we appreciate it.
664
00:31:16,766 --> 00:31:19,687
You've been guaranteed
a robust sex life, Mr. Blank.
665
00:31:19,765 --> 00:31:21,446
That should be enough for you.
666
00:31:21,525 --> 00:31:22,886
Lose the list.
667
00:31:22,966 --> 00:31:25,726
Burn it, bury it,
whatever you need to do.
668
00:31:25,806 --> 00:31:27,406
If you let the list in your life,
669
00:31:27,486 --> 00:31:31,207
it will infect
every fiber of your being.
670
00:31:32,847 --> 00:31:33,766
Bye-bye.
671
00:31:49,647 --> 00:31:51,847
I like him.
672
00:31:51,927 --> 00:31:53,927
He seems sensible.
673
00:31:54,007 --> 00:31:57,246
Hey, hey, uh, almighty, all-knowing guys?
674
00:31:57,327 --> 00:32:02,006
You just confirmed the validity
of a list of 101 sure things.
675
00:32:02,087 --> 00:32:06,607
Okay? So, a list like that,
doesn't get burned or buried.
676
00:32:06,687 --> 00:32:08,007
It gets used.
677
00:32:08,087 --> 00:32:12,406
And I mean, it gets, like,
crazy-montage-sequence used.
678
00:32:12,487 --> 00:32:15,008
"French-New Wave,
learning Gymkata,
679
00:32:15,088 --> 00:32:17,327
I can't believe they could afford
that song" montage.
680
00:32:17,407 --> 00:32:19,568
It's gonna be fucking nuts!
681
00:32:19,648 --> 00:32:20,848
He's just-
682
00:32:20,928 --> 00:32:26,008
He's going to fuck a lot.
683
00:32:33,208 --> 00:32:36,248
**
684
00:32:50,288 --> 00:32:54,288
* I'm surrounded softly *
685
00:32:54,368 --> 00:32:56,688
* By the beat *
686
00:32:58,289 --> 00:33:00,008
* Still dumbfounded *
687
00:33:00,088 --> 00:33:05,768
* By the intolerable heat *
688
00:33:05,849 --> 00:33:09,688
* You came close to me *
689
00:33:09,769 --> 00:33:12,489
* And you danced *
690
00:33:13,889 --> 00:33:17,250
* It came close to *
691
00:33:17,329 --> 00:33:21,809
* Being my last *
692
00:33:21,889 --> 00:33:24,369
* I'll take what's mine *
693
00:33:24,449 --> 00:33:28,929
* Before I regret it *
694
00:33:29,010 --> 00:33:31,209
I'm saving that seat
for a friend.
695
00:33:31,289 --> 00:33:32,209
What's your name?
696
00:33:32,289 --> 00:33:35,049
Kathleen, Mr. Manners.
697
00:33:35,129 --> 00:33:37,449
- That's a shame.
- What did you say?
698
00:33:37,530 --> 00:33:39,850
Oh, I said, it's a nice name.
699
00:33:39,929 --> 00:33:41,409
Roderick Blank.
700
00:33:41,490 --> 00:33:43,770
Ooh, first and last names,
how formal.
701
00:33:44,010 --> 00:33:45,969
- Well...
- Ah.
702
00:33:46,050 --> 00:33:50,091
Here's my standing up friend
and colleague Greta Sampsa.
703
00:33:50,171 --> 00:33:51,970
This is the guy who took your seat.
704
00:33:52,050 --> 00:33:55,050
Greta Sampsa, now that's
a fantastic name.
705
00:33:55,130 --> 00:33:56,129
What would you like?
706
00:33:56,209 --> 00:33:58,210
A slow, nasty fuck
on the coffee table.
707
00:33:58,290 --> 00:34:00,091
Would you like that
with Bacardi or Myer's?
708
00:34:00,171 --> 00:34:02,529
Bacardi.
709
00:34:03,731 --> 00:34:05,371
Did you know I was
talking about a drink?
710
00:34:05,450 --> 00:34:07,370
Maybe, maybe not.
711
00:34:09,970 --> 00:34:13,971
* I'll take what's mine before I... *
712
00:34:14,050 --> 00:34:15,812
This your only piece of ID?
713
00:34:15,891 --> 00:34:16,891
You swear you're
not named after
714
00:34:16,970 --> 00:34:18,491
anyone else in your family?
715
00:34:18,570 --> 00:34:20,451
Listen, you're cute and I'm drunk,
716
00:34:20,531 --> 00:34:22,290
and my plane is grounded
until tomorrow,
717
00:34:22,371 --> 00:34:23,450
but if you want to-
718
00:34:23,530 --> 00:34:26,091
* I'll take what's mine *
719
00:34:26,171 --> 00:34:28,811
* Before I... *
720
00:34:34,852 --> 00:34:36,811
Noreen!
721
00:34:41,652 --> 00:34:43,810
Leslie and Yuca!
722
00:34:45,972 --> 00:34:46,892
- Here you go.
- Thanks, Bill.
723
00:34:46,971 --> 00:34:48,971
Enjoy.
724
00:34:50,531 --> 00:34:51,692
Julie!
725
00:34:51,771 --> 00:34:53,212
* You're having my sex *
726
00:34:53,291 --> 00:34:54,812
* You're sleeping with my wife *
727
00:34:54,892 --> 00:34:58,211
* You're having my kids
and the time of my life *
728
00:34:58,291 --> 00:34:59,611
* You're writing my book *
729
00:34:59,692 --> 00:35:01,372
* You're starring in my film *
730
00:35:01,452 --> 00:35:05,092
* You have the number one
and my number ten *
731
00:35:07,332 --> 00:35:10,411
* We could be such
very good friends *
732
00:35:10,492 --> 00:35:12,652
* If you let me in *
733
00:35:13,971 --> 00:35:16,852
* The higher the gates,
the longer the wait *
734
00:35:16,932 --> 00:35:19,812
* Please let this poor boy sin *
735
00:35:19,891 --> 00:35:21,492
* You're having my sex *
736
00:35:21,573 --> 00:35:23,092
* You're sleeping with my wife *
737
00:35:23,173 --> 00:35:26,092
* You're having my kids
and the time of my life *
738
00:35:26,173 --> 00:35:28,093
* You're writing my book *
739
00:35:28,173 --> 00:35:30,532
* You're starring in my film *
740
00:35:30,612 --> 00:35:33,732
I'd say that
I was mature and content.
741
00:35:33,813 --> 00:35:35,812
But if you have to say
that stuff out loud,
742
00:35:35,893 --> 00:35:37,572
it can't possibly be true.
743
00:35:37,653 --> 00:35:39,932
I thought I was above
all the hot chicks,
744
00:35:40,013 --> 00:35:42,494
high-five,
beer-commercial bullshit.
745
00:35:42,573 --> 00:35:44,852
I was above nothing.
746
00:35:47,014 --> 00:35:48,654
The list was life.
747
00:35:48,733 --> 00:35:50,372
Have a startling and unique day,
748
00:35:50,452 --> 00:35:53,013
- Mr. Blank.
- Thank you.
749
00:35:54,534 --> 00:35:56,893
Wait a second,
how did you know my name?
750
00:35:56,974 --> 00:35:59,694
Swallows is the case study
in my business class.
751
00:35:59,774 --> 00:36:01,452
I thought I'd get some first-hand experience
752
00:36:01,534 --> 00:36:03,013
and make a little money
at the same time.
753
00:36:03,094 --> 00:36:03,973
Very little money.
754
00:36:04,054 --> 00:36:06,734
That's fascinating...
755
00:36:06,813 --> 00:36:08,173
Alexis.
756
00:36:08,254 --> 00:36:10,175
Alexis de Large.
757
00:36:10,254 --> 00:36:11,534
Wait a minute.
758
00:36:11,613 --> 00:36:12,894
How did you know my last name?
759
00:36:12,973 --> 00:36:14,934
Yeah, yeah!
760
00:36:15,014 --> 00:36:16,294
That's the way you like it.
761
00:36:16,373 --> 00:36:18,574
Well, yes, I find
the honey mustard sauce
762
00:36:18,654 --> 00:36:21,053
really brings out the flavor.
763
00:36:21,134 --> 00:36:22,174
Pull my hair.
764
00:36:22,254 --> 00:36:23,214
What?
765
00:36:23,294 --> 00:36:24,574
Up to the window.
766
00:36:25,614 --> 00:36:30,254
Have a startling
and u- u- u-
767
00:36:30,335 --> 00:36:32,293
Is it too late
to squeeze in a cherry pie?
768
00:36:37,974 --> 00:36:39,094
April to August,
769
00:36:39,174 --> 00:36:42,054
I went from number 29
to number 62.
770
00:36:42,135 --> 00:36:44,335
Maybe I was moving too fast.
771
00:36:44,415 --> 00:36:46,575
But then, I guess
I was supposed to.
772
00:36:46,655 --> 00:36:50,254
I crossed out the names,
but remembered the faces.
773
00:36:50,335 --> 00:36:53,414
Their stare, my stare.
774
00:36:53,495 --> 00:36:56,135
We think if we exchange
the meaningful stare,
775
00:36:56,215 --> 00:36:58,214
the meaning will kick in later.
776
00:36:58,295 --> 00:36:59,935
But does it?
777
00:37:00,014 --> 00:37:02,095
One or both of you
try to say something like,
778
00:37:02,176 --> 00:37:03,735
"It's just sex. "
779
00:37:03,815 --> 00:37:04,775
But is it?
780
00:37:06,216 --> 00:37:07,814
You think sending me
a bunch of roses
781
00:37:07,895 --> 00:37:09,535
is going to make me-
782
00:37:09,615 --> 00:37:11,216
You think paying my car insurance
783
00:37:11,335 --> 00:37:13,294
is going to make me forget that you cheat-
784
00:37:13,375 --> 00:37:14,735
A stuffed animal?
785
00:37:14,815 --> 00:37:16,936
I overheard a waitress say
you paid off her car ins-
786
00:37:18,295 --> 00:37:19,375
Earth to Roderick Blank!
787
00:37:19,456 --> 00:37:20,935
Stop having hot sex.
788
00:37:21,015 --> 00:37:23,174
Get your ass up to the house
for a barbeque.
789
00:37:23,255 --> 00:37:25,056
It is my boy Max's birthday.
790
00:37:25,135 --> 00:37:27,256
Or my son Kyle. Be here!
791
00:37:36,576 --> 00:37:37,817
When my wedding was canceled,
792
00:37:37,896 --> 00:37:41,056
there had been a chill
among the married folk.
793
00:37:41,136 --> 00:37:43,257
You'd have thought
I'd left them at the altar.
794
00:37:43,336 --> 00:37:47,297
But now they kind of
like having me around.
795
00:37:50,335 --> 00:37:52,376
The ladies' man.
796
00:37:54,455 --> 00:37:57,696
Lizzie is an amazing
woman, Zack.
797
00:37:57,777 --> 00:37:59,975
I mean, what she's done with that clinic.
798
00:38:00,056 --> 00:38:01,256
The way she's raised
your two kids.
799
00:38:01,336 --> 00:38:03,216
Yeah, yeah, my wife's
a goddamn saint.
800
00:38:03,297 --> 00:38:05,016
Now, this stewardess,
did she say,
801
00:38:05,096 --> 00:38:08,296
"Come on my ass"
or "Come in my ass?"
802
00:38:08,376 --> 00:38:10,216
Oh, Roderick's definition
of having children
803
00:38:10,296 --> 00:38:12,136
is a little different than ours.
804
00:38:12,216 --> 00:38:13,816
Why raise them
when you can pork them?
805
00:38:13,898 --> 00:38:15,017
Ooh!
806
00:38:15,096 --> 00:38:16,736
Lizzie, how many times
do I have to tell you?
807
00:38:16,817 --> 00:38:18,296
I didn't know
she was your niece.
808
00:38:18,378 --> 00:38:22,258
Besides, she's 19- and a half.
809
00:38:22,337 --> 00:38:24,818
And I found her to be
very mature for her age.
810
00:38:25,937 --> 00:38:27,537
- Rod!
- So bad.
811
00:38:28,577 --> 00:38:30,977
Husbands, wives,
812
00:38:31,056 --> 00:38:33,457
kids, families.
813
00:38:33,537 --> 00:38:35,737
It was not just a world
I was supposed to want,
814
00:38:35,818 --> 00:38:38,178
it was a world
I genuinely wanted.
815
00:38:38,257 --> 00:38:39,778
What's life without experiencing
816
00:38:39,857 --> 00:38:41,777
the wonder of a child?
817
00:38:43,057 --> 00:38:45,859
- I named my hamster Dog.
- Oh.
818
00:38:45,938 --> 00:38:49,338
And when I get a dog, I'm going
to name him after you.
819
00:38:49,418 --> 00:38:52,817
Mr. Butt.
820
00:38:58,257 --> 00:38:59,898
You about ready?
821
00:39:01,698 --> 00:39:03,898
Yeah.
822
00:39:06,819 --> 00:39:07,858
You know,
maybe they're right.
823
00:39:07,938 --> 00:39:09,778
I should lower the old periscope
for a while,
824
00:39:09,858 --> 00:39:11,219
hold out for someone special.
825
00:39:11,299 --> 00:39:12,337
Special?
826
00:39:12,418 --> 00:39:14,499
If the subject is
cooking or crab grass,
827
00:39:14,578 --> 00:39:16,178
then you can listen
to married people.
828
00:39:16,259 --> 00:39:17,538
Come on.
829
00:39:17,618 --> 00:39:19,579
You're hitting baskets
from everywhere on the court.
830
00:39:19,659 --> 00:39:21,739
This is no time
to go back to the bench.
831
00:39:21,818 --> 00:39:23,418
Hey. I'm Bob.
832
00:39:23,498 --> 00:39:25,059
- Rod, is it?
- Yeah.
833
00:39:25,139 --> 00:39:28,138
My apologies, I just-
I couldn't help overhearing
834
00:39:28,218 --> 00:39:30,419
your good fortune with
the female of the species.
835
00:39:30,498 --> 00:39:31,819
I'm hoping it'll rub off.
836
00:39:31,899 --> 00:39:33,579
And why is that, kind sir?
837
00:39:33,658 --> 00:39:35,780
Oh, funny story.
838
00:39:35,859 --> 00:39:37,620
One morning
about five months ago,
839
00:39:37,700 --> 00:39:40,099
I came to work, and right there
on my computer screen,
840
00:39:40,178 --> 00:39:42,259
a day, a month and a year.
841
00:39:42,339 --> 00:39:44,779
A date. Today's date.
842
00:39:44,859 --> 00:39:47,219
I'm utterly convinced
that it's a sign.
843
00:39:47,300 --> 00:39:49,620
The night that
I'm to meet my soul mate.
844
00:39:49,699 --> 00:39:51,220
- You had to ask him.
- I've gone as far
845
00:39:51,299 --> 00:39:52,580
as to procure lodgings
down the street
846
00:39:52,659 --> 00:39:54,459
at the Hotel Taboo.
847
00:39:55,859 --> 00:39:57,100
Kind of spicy.
848
00:39:57,179 --> 00:39:59,539
Wait.
849
00:39:59,620 --> 00:40:02,500
You received an unexplained date
as an e-mail?
850
00:40:02,580 --> 00:40:03,620
Yeah.
851
00:40:03,700 --> 00:40:06,259
Your next drink's on me.
852
00:40:06,340 --> 00:40:08,740
Oh, how very kind of you.
853
00:40:14,899 --> 00:40:16,900
**
854
00:40:22,620 --> 00:40:24,980
**
855
00:40:25,060 --> 00:40:26,300
Oh...
856
00:40:34,620 --> 00:40:37,541
I'd like to be the meat
in that fairy sandwich.
857
00:40:37,621 --> 00:40:41,100
So out of your league
in so many ways.
858
00:40:43,421 --> 00:40:46,661
* I need two girls *
859
00:40:46,740 --> 00:40:48,621
* If I can't have you *
860
00:40:48,701 --> 00:40:50,541
Holy lesbo.
861
00:40:50,621 --> 00:40:52,381
Is that Bambi and Thumper?
862
00:40:52,460 --> 00:40:53,941
* I need two girls *
863
00:40:54,021 --> 00:40:56,100
* If I can't have you *
864
00:40:56,180 --> 00:40:58,100
All right, Trix, they're all yours.
865
00:40:58,182 --> 00:40:59,061
I'm out.
866
00:40:59,261 --> 00:41:00,621
Where's he-
867
00:41:00,701 --> 00:41:02,181
What league are we
talking about here?
868
00:41:02,261 --> 00:41:04,861
You don't know Bambi Kidd
and Thumper Wint?
869
00:41:04,941 --> 00:41:06,661
The Euro-Prague rock superstar
870
00:41:06,740 --> 00:41:08,541
and the British astronaut?
871
00:41:08,622 --> 00:41:10,621
Rod! The Blog!
872
00:41:10,701 --> 00:41:12,101
The reality show.
873
00:41:12,181 --> 00:41:14,742
The daily streaming video.
874
00:41:14,821 --> 00:41:17,502
They are the Beyond-Ultimate
Lesbian Power Couple.
875
00:41:17,581 --> 00:41:19,142
They go from town to town,
876
00:41:19,221 --> 00:41:21,742
mm, raising awareness
on important issues
877
00:41:21,822 --> 00:41:23,581
by empowering young women...
878
00:41:23,662 --> 00:41:25,342
and then seducing them.
879
00:41:25,422 --> 00:41:26,983
I'm hoping for an autograph.
880
00:41:28,701 --> 00:41:30,902
Or a three-way.
881
00:41:30,982 --> 00:41:32,861
Oh, back off,
they're looking over here.
882
00:41:32,942 --> 00:41:36,902
My friends,
it's not about buying them flowers.
883
00:41:36,983 --> 00:41:40,222
It's not about pretending
to ignore them.
884
00:41:40,302 --> 00:41:43,462
It's all about just knowing.
885
00:41:43,542 --> 00:41:46,702
I know, easy for me to say.
886
00:41:47,823 --> 00:41:50,742
Bambi and Thumper, was it?
887
00:41:52,822 --> 00:41:55,422
Bambi and Thumper.
888
00:41:55,503 --> 00:41:58,662
W- Why are they staring at you?
889
00:41:58,742 --> 00:41:59,903
Oh, you've got to be kidding.
890
00:41:59,982 --> 00:42:01,862
Don't tell me one of them
is on that fucking list.
891
00:42:01,944 --> 00:42:06,422
- That list of fucking-
- No, one of them is not on the list.
892
00:42:12,624 --> 00:42:15,623
But you see, even before the list,
893
00:42:15,702 --> 00:42:17,983
I always knew just knowing
894
00:42:18,064 --> 00:42:21,623
beats any gift, tactic,
or opening line,
895
00:42:21,704 --> 00:42:23,744
no matter what
the sexual orientation.
896
00:42:23,823 --> 00:42:27,184
* If I can't have you *
897
00:42:28,623 --> 00:42:30,383
* One that I can love *
898
00:42:30,463 --> 00:42:32,264
* To have and to hold *
899
00:42:32,344 --> 00:42:33,264
* One for at the club *
900
00:42:33,344 --> 00:42:36,063
Wish me luck.
901
00:42:36,143 --> 00:42:39,184
I may be coming in late tomorrow.
902
00:42:39,264 --> 00:42:40,223
Rod?
903
00:42:47,983 --> 00:42:50,264
Hey, Rod! Hey!
904
00:42:50,344 --> 00:42:52,424
Hey, I found her!
905
00:42:52,504 --> 00:42:53,704
She's the one!
906
00:42:53,784 --> 00:42:55,703
Can you- What a night!
907
00:42:58,104 --> 00:43:00,385
What a night, indeed.
908
00:43:00,464 --> 00:43:03,704
Hey, have you thought any more
about my offer, my love?
909
00:43:03,785 --> 00:43:05,864
I mean, yours are nice,
don't get me wrong.
910
00:43:05,944 --> 00:43:07,584
Really, really nice,
911
00:43:07,665 --> 00:43:09,985
but is there really
such a thing as too big?
912
00:43:10,065 --> 00:43:13,905
- Let's just enjoy this moment.
- All right.
913
00:43:13,984 --> 00:43:16,026
Just, you know, with my position
at the company,
914
00:43:16,105 --> 00:43:18,505
I get a 40% discount on
whatever kind of implant you want.
915
00:43:18,584 --> 00:43:19,465
Hey, Bob.
916
00:43:19,545 --> 00:43:21,984
Seriously, enjoy the moment.
917
00:43:22,065 --> 00:43:23,825
Okay. You win.
918
00:43:25,625 --> 00:43:29,065
"My wounds are deeper
than your desires. "
919
00:43:29,145 --> 00:43:32,945
"My wounds are deeper
than your desires. "
920
00:43:33,025 --> 00:43:36,826
"My wounds are deeper
than your desires. "
921
00:43:36,905 --> 00:43:40,546
"My wounds are deeper
than your desires. "
922
00:43:41,745 --> 00:43:42,625
Drink?
923
00:43:44,625 --> 00:43:46,505
Don't mind if I do.
924
00:43:50,105 --> 00:43:53,025
Is the gentleman surprised
that he's here?
925
00:43:53,105 --> 00:43:54,265
No, the gentleman is not.
926
00:43:54,345 --> 00:43:56,627
Oh! Did you hear that,
Miss Kidd?
927
00:43:56,706 --> 00:43:58,505
He's very cocky.
928
00:43:58,586 --> 00:44:01,346
Accent on the cock, Miss Wint.
929
00:44:04,946 --> 00:44:06,466
Boy, my assistant
is gonna kill me-
930
00:44:06,546 --> 00:44:09,266
That is so sweet.
He is trying to talk to us.
931
00:44:09,346 --> 00:44:13,706
Man-guy, just sign the confidentiality
agreement on the table.
932
00:44:13,786 --> 00:44:14,666
Now.
933
00:44:14,746 --> 00:44:17,547
The kind sir does understand
934
00:44:17,626 --> 00:44:20,147
a vegan doesn't tell her friends
935
00:44:20,226 --> 00:44:23,067
that she just wolfed down
a greasy cheeseburger.
936
00:44:25,667 --> 00:44:28,746
Yes, the kind sir
understands... kind of.
937
00:44:29,866 --> 00:44:31,346
Bottoms up.
938
00:45:18,509 --> 00:45:20,069
Whoa!
939
00:45:20,149 --> 00:45:23,269
Looks like everyone's having
a good time tonight, huh?
940
00:45:23,348 --> 00:45:24,788
So what do you say
about round two?
941
00:45:24,868 --> 00:45:26,188
I may need a little
in about 30 minutes.
942
00:45:26,268 --> 00:45:28,188
And I'd like you to meet
my family, if that's okay.
943
00:45:28,268 --> 00:45:30,069
I was thinking, I'm from, uh-
944
00:45:32,548 --> 00:45:34,389
Oh, my God!
Is that paint?
945
00:45:34,468 --> 00:45:35,949
Does that come off?
946
00:45:36,029 --> 00:45:37,108
Wh- why would you do that?
947
00:45:37,188 --> 00:45:38,588
I put this room
on my credit card.
948
00:45:38,668 --> 00:45:40,628
What are you trying to do,
imitate that disturbed woman
949
00:45:40,709 --> 00:45:41,868
who's going around...
950
00:45:43,589 --> 00:45:44,468
Oh, dear.
951
00:45:46,108 --> 00:45:48,069
What can I say, Bob?
952
00:45:48,148 --> 00:45:51,149
Some dreams are
too true to be good.
953
00:45:51,229 --> 00:45:53,909
Well, I must say,
you're being a real cun-
954
00:45:53,989 --> 00:45:55,789
uh- I didn't say it-
955
00:45:55,869 --> 00:45:58,148
cunning woman, you are.
956
00:45:58,229 --> 00:46:00,389
That's what I was-
I was g- help?
957
00:46:00,470 --> 00:46:02,389
Ow! I was faking it!
958
00:46:02,468 --> 00:46:04,189
Don't tell me you
were faking it, Miss Kidd.
959
00:46:04,269 --> 00:46:06,510
I know when you're faking it,
and you did that thing with your toes!
960
00:46:06,589 --> 00:46:09,709
- No...
- Bambi, Thumper, please, don't fight.
961
00:46:09,790 --> 00:46:11,390
You said you wouldn't
get jealous, Miss Wint!
962
00:46:13,230 --> 00:46:14,989
Okay. Maybe fight
a little more.
963
00:46:15,069 --> 00:46:17,949
This is not about sex!
This is about intimacy!
964
00:46:18,030 --> 00:46:19,110
Real intimacy!
965
00:46:19,189 --> 00:46:20,310
That's it.
Turn the cameras off.
966
00:46:20,389 --> 00:46:21,910
Keep the camera rolling!
967
00:46:21,990 --> 00:46:23,749
Cameras? Rolling?
968
00:46:23,829 --> 00:46:26,549
Oh, no, no. No, this is crazy.
You can't film this!
969
00:46:26,630 --> 00:46:29,429
Well, you did know the confidentiality
agreement's really a release form.
970
00:46:29,509 --> 00:46:30,630
Haven't you seen our show?
971
00:46:30,710 --> 00:46:33,709
Don't you change
the subject, Star Whore.
972
00:46:39,150 --> 00:46:41,270
Help me, somebody!
It's her! She's here!
973
00:46:41,350 --> 00:46:42,951
I think they're kind of having
974
00:46:43,030 --> 00:46:45,349
some problems of
their own there, Bob.
975
00:46:45,431 --> 00:46:46,630
Please! Just tell me
what you want from me!
976
00:46:46,710 --> 00:46:48,431
Why don't you sleep on it, Bob?
977
00:46:49,310 --> 00:46:51,390
Take forever, if you have to.
978
00:46:51,470 --> 00:46:52,470
Don't. Please. Please.
979
00:46:52,551 --> 00:46:54,031
Please wait. Just wait. Wait.
980
00:46:54,111 --> 00:46:55,270
I- This is not fair.
981
00:46:55,349 --> 00:46:57,111
It's not like I hit you,
or roofied you,
982
00:46:57,190 --> 00:46:59,470
or openly exploited you in-
983
00:46:59,550 --> 00:47:01,751
Oh, this is the breast
implant thing? Okay.
984
00:47:01,831 --> 00:47:03,030
Look, I'm just
the company accountant.
985
00:47:03,111 --> 00:47:05,471
I keep the books! Please!
986
00:47:05,550 --> 00:47:08,311
All I need to know is, why?
I deserve a good reason-
987
00:47:08,391 --> 00:47:10,231
Why do men always
get to have reasons?
988
00:47:10,310 --> 00:47:13,471
Did you think women get to have
reasons when they get attacked?
989
00:47:13,552 --> 00:47:15,510
I want everyone on red alert here.
990
00:47:15,591 --> 00:47:18,671
Although you do bring up
a legitimate point.
991
00:47:18,751 --> 00:47:20,591
I mean, you're not
Master Bitchslap
992
00:47:20,671 --> 00:47:22,751
or the Parkside Peeper.
993
00:47:22,831 --> 00:47:25,152
Or even that captain
of the lacrosse team, who-
994
00:47:25,232 --> 00:47:26,351
Whoap!
995
00:47:29,232 --> 00:47:30,111
Bob?
996
00:47:30,192 --> 00:47:32,391
Oh... Bob.
997
00:47:34,272 --> 00:47:37,231
Aw, pilgrim.
998
00:47:39,111 --> 00:47:40,792
Guess it was just your time.
999
00:47:47,952 --> 00:47:49,992
Oh, yeah...
1000
00:47:50,071 --> 00:47:51,671
What a night.
1001
00:48:01,632 --> 00:48:03,671
What time do you have to
be down at the new location?
1002
00:48:03,753 --> 00:48:05,712
Trixie?
1003
00:48:05,793 --> 00:48:07,632
Hey, I'm sorry about last night.
1004
00:48:07,712 --> 00:48:08,912
If it makes you feel any better,
1005
00:48:08,992 --> 00:48:11,434
it was the most
traumatic night of my-
1006
00:48:11,513 --> 00:48:13,192
Okay, well, it wasn't all bad, but...
1007
00:48:13,272 --> 00:48:15,793
I'm sorry. It's always been a fantasy
to be with two women at once.
1008
00:48:15,872 --> 00:48:19,352
You know, lesbians,
rock stars, astronauts.
1009
00:48:19,432 --> 00:48:20,513
Okay, maybe not astronauts.
1010
00:48:20,593 --> 00:48:23,073
But you know, sexy female
space travelers.
1011
00:48:23,152 --> 00:48:24,792
You're giving the finger
to the intercom box, aren't you?
1012
00:48:24,873 --> 00:48:27,073
I know. I know.
1013
00:48:27,153 --> 00:48:28,593
I lied about 'em
being on the list.
1014
00:48:28,673 --> 00:48:30,754
The list. Damn it!
1015
00:48:31,033 --> 00:48:32,713
Don't get me wrong,
a piece of paper that tells me
1016
00:48:32,794 --> 00:48:34,073
whether or not
I'm gonna get lucky,
1017
00:48:34,153 --> 00:48:36,033
you're not gonna say
anything bad about, but...
1018
00:48:36,113 --> 00:48:38,352
it's- it's like...
1019
00:48:38,433 --> 00:48:40,114
watching a tape
of a football game,
1020
00:48:40,193 --> 00:48:41,033
and you know your team wins.
1021
00:48:41,113 --> 00:48:42,593
It's not unenjoyable,
1022
00:48:42,674 --> 00:48:44,873
but can it really compare
to watching the game live,
1023
00:48:44,953 --> 00:48:46,433
and they're going for it
on the fourth down?
1024
00:48:46,513 --> 00:48:48,314
- And you don't know if-
- Sports metaphors...
1025
00:48:48,393 --> 00:48:49,794
aren't my thing.
1026
00:48:49,873 --> 00:48:51,593
But it sounds like you're going for
1027
00:48:51,673 --> 00:48:52,674
"The thrill of the pursuit
1028
00:48:52,754 --> 00:48:54,473
is more exciting than the conquest. "
1029
00:48:54,553 --> 00:48:55,433
I can't help it!
1030
00:48:55,513 --> 00:48:56,554
I mean, I see the name,
1031
00:48:56,634 --> 00:48:58,393
I want to find her and meet her,
1032
00:48:58,475 --> 00:49:01,074
so I can cross her out,
and I can get to the next name.
1033
00:49:01,874 --> 00:49:03,593
I'm not in control
of my own destiny.
1034
00:49:03,675 --> 00:49:04,953
That may be true.
1035
00:49:05,034 --> 00:49:06,793
But you're not
supposed to know that!
1036
00:49:06,874 --> 00:49:10,234
You're meddling with
the primal forces of nature.
1037
00:49:10,313 --> 00:49:13,715
I mean, my God.
Am I on the list, too?
1038
00:49:13,794 --> 00:49:15,513
I mean-
1039
00:49:20,514 --> 00:49:21,994
Ah. Whew.
1040
00:49:23,354 --> 00:49:25,235
You got scared
there a little, didn't you?
1041
00:49:25,314 --> 00:49:27,354
- Oh, you were more scared.
- Yes.
1042
00:49:28,115 --> 00:49:29,835
Trixie?
1043
00:49:29,914 --> 00:49:31,554
What if I were meant
to be with these women,
1044
00:49:31,635 --> 00:49:32,874
no matter what?
1045
00:49:32,955 --> 00:49:35,314
What if you were meant
to bury the list,
1046
00:49:35,394 --> 00:49:37,435
and calm the heck down?
1047
00:49:37,515 --> 00:49:38,875
You know...
1048
00:49:38,954 --> 00:49:42,515
if we bury the list, guess what?
1049
00:49:42,595 --> 00:49:45,315
You were meant to bury the list.
1050
00:49:45,396 --> 00:49:46,634
Live your life.
1051
00:49:46,714 --> 00:49:49,835
Whatever happens, happens.
1052
00:49:52,154 --> 00:49:54,195
You know, it's a sheet
of paper, not a body.
1053
00:49:55,796 --> 00:49:57,395
Sheet of paper, not a body!
1054
00:49:59,955 --> 00:50:00,956
Yeah. It's time.
1055
00:50:02,834 --> 00:50:04,516
- Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho.
- Breathe.
1056
00:50:04,596 --> 00:50:05,636
Breathe, Roderick!
1057
00:50:05,715 --> 00:50:08,275
Yeah! Breathe!
1058
00:50:08,356 --> 00:50:10,396
Yes, I have deleted
all remnants of the list
1059
00:50:10,476 --> 00:50:11,956
on my hard drive.
1060
00:50:12,035 --> 00:50:14,596
But remember, oh weak one, we are
putting a tulip to mark this spot.
1061
00:50:14,676 --> 00:50:16,756
If you wuss out, we will dig it up.
1062
00:50:16,835 --> 00:50:18,315
- Wait. One more name?
- Oh, Rod!
1063
00:50:18,396 --> 00:50:19,996
Please?
1064
00:50:21,116 --> 00:50:22,995
Couple of letters
I'm gonna give ya.
1065
00:50:23,955 --> 00:50:24,836
Dr. Mir-
1066
00:50:26,196 --> 00:50:27,915
Please, one more letter.
1067
00:50:27,996 --> 00:50:30,076
What's that gonna make?
One letter- no!
1068
00:50:32,036 --> 00:50:34,036
Don't grab it!
1069
00:50:34,116 --> 00:50:35,036
Mir- Mir-
1070
00:50:35,117 --> 00:50:36,117
- One more letter!
- That's it!
1071
00:50:36,196 --> 00:50:37,876
We're ready!
1072
00:50:40,156 --> 00:50:42,076
I'm starting to take
a liking to Trixie.
1073
00:50:42,157 --> 00:50:43,716
I think she's
a very good influence.
1074
00:50:43,797 --> 00:50:45,476
It's not gonna happen, Beta.
1075
00:50:45,557 --> 00:50:48,196
You can't bury
something that precious.
1076
00:50:50,476 --> 00:50:53,196
Death Nell took
her tenth victim last night.
1077
00:50:53,277 --> 00:50:54,477
- Hm?
- That double-digit rule.
1078
00:50:54,556 --> 00:50:56,997
When a serial killer
hits ten, we get called.
1079
00:50:57,077 --> 00:50:59,157
We- Like we don't have
enough on our plate?
1080
00:50:59,236 --> 00:51:00,797
I thought she only did comas!
1081
00:51:00,877 --> 00:51:02,558
Not last night.
1082
00:51:02,637 --> 00:51:03,837
But on the side of the bright,
1083
00:51:03,917 --> 00:51:05,916
home base says the machine
has taken an interest.
1084
00:51:05,997 --> 00:51:08,597
No way he's really doing it!
1085
00:51:08,677 --> 00:51:10,436
- Ready?
- Quick. Before I change my mind.
1086
00:51:10,518 --> 00:51:13,518
Way to go, Roderick.
1087
00:51:13,597 --> 00:51:15,236
Way to go.
1088
00:51:18,919 --> 00:51:20,077
Rod, you're missing this.
1089
00:51:20,157 --> 00:51:21,437
They crossed into our territory.
1090
00:51:21,518 --> 00:51:22,838
We could lose this.
1091
00:51:22,917 --> 00:51:25,078
I know. Isn't it exciting?
1092
00:51:25,157 --> 00:51:26,998
If we blow it again in their red zone,
1093
00:51:27,078 --> 00:51:28,638
it's gonna leave a bad
taste in my mouth.
1094
00:51:28,718 --> 00:51:29,878
That's what your boyfriend
said last night.
1095
00:51:29,997 --> 00:51:32,518
- Hey...
- Lester, what are you feeding your turtle?
1096
00:51:32,598 --> 00:51:34,717
Ugh. Anything that
will make him sick.
1097
00:51:34,798 --> 00:51:36,237
I'm sorry, Skippy.
1098
00:51:36,318 --> 00:51:38,558
But Daddy's gotta see
that veterinarian.
1099
00:51:38,638 --> 00:51:40,158
What?
This is nothing!
1100
00:51:40,238 --> 00:51:41,958
I saw this freak in a parking lot
1101
00:51:42,037 --> 00:51:44,038
try to shove a bottle opener
in a Great Dane's ass,
1102
00:51:44,119 --> 00:51:45,238
just to get an
emergency appointment.
1103
00:51:45,318 --> 00:51:47,038
Are you talking about
the vet over on Vera Donna?
1104
00:51:47,158 --> 00:51:49,319
- Oh...
- Lizzie threatened to put Mr. Whiskers to sleep
1105
00:51:49,398 --> 00:51:50,598
if I went near that place again.
1106
00:51:50,678 --> 00:51:52,799
- She is so pretty.
- Mmm.
1107
00:51:52,878 --> 00:51:54,318
But not in like a, "I'm a model,
1108
00:51:54,399 --> 00:51:55,557
don't fucking look at me" way.
1109
00:51:55,638 --> 00:51:58,399
- And she's just so smart and funny.
- Yes.
1110
00:51:58,478 --> 00:52:00,558
And you know what I love about her?
My favorite thing.
1111
00:52:00,637 --> 00:52:01,839
- The way she cracks her neck.
- Mmm-mm-mm.
1112
00:52:01,918 --> 00:52:04,359
- What about that silver anklet of hers?
- Ohh...
1113
00:52:04,439 --> 00:52:06,078
You know, if you can't
make it to the clinic,
1114
00:52:06,158 --> 00:52:07,438
you should try the gym
on Wednesday,
1115
00:52:07,518 --> 00:52:09,159
or Trader Joe's on Thursday.
1116
00:52:09,239 --> 00:52:10,760
- Well, I do like Trader Joe's.
- Yeah.
1117
00:52:10,839 --> 00:52:12,158
It's all on the
Dr. Miranda Storm website.
1118
00:52:12,239 --> 00:52:13,439
Yeah, it's a website.
I've been there.
1119
00:52:13,518 --> 00:52:16,599
It's put together by one of these
real stalker geek types.
1120
00:52:16,678 --> 00:52:18,798
Oh, thank God
you're not one of those.
1121
00:52:18,879 --> 00:52:20,760
Ladies, we've got
a football game going on here.
1122
00:52:20,839 --> 00:52:22,719
Enough talking about
the X chromosome.
1123
00:52:22,799 --> 00:52:25,799
Especially the almighty
Dr. Miranda-
1124
00:52:27,798 --> 00:52:29,280
Dr. Mir-
1125
00:52:32,119 --> 00:52:33,199
Is he smirking?
1126
00:52:33,278 --> 00:52:34,238
You're smirking.
Why is Rod smirking?
1127
00:52:34,320 --> 00:52:35,720
Interception!
1128
00:52:35,799 --> 00:52:37,079
You see it?
1129
00:52:38,679 --> 00:52:39,999
I told you!
I told you!
1130
00:52:40,080 --> 00:52:42,399
Yes! Oh, yes!
1131
00:52:45,881 --> 00:52:47,520
Phew. Perfecto.
1132
00:52:47,599 --> 00:52:50,039
I can still make Miranda's
4:20 Starbucks appearance.
1133
00:52:50,120 --> 00:52:51,120
She orders a...
1134
00:52:51,200 --> 00:52:52,599
Macchiato with extra foam.
1135
00:52:52,680 --> 00:52:54,760
I could use some caffeine myself.
I'll come with.
1136
00:52:54,839 --> 00:52:57,201
No, you're not getting anywhere
near her, Midas Dick.
1137
00:52:57,280 --> 00:52:58,399
Fine. I'll go to Deitrich's, then.
1138
00:52:58,480 --> 00:52:59,560
I got work to do, anyway.
1139
00:52:59,639 --> 00:53:00,840
Please, Rod.
1140
00:53:00,920 --> 00:53:02,681
Just this one time,
don't seduce this-
1141
00:53:04,080 --> 00:53:06,920
Oh, diarrhea! Yes!
1142
00:53:47,442 --> 00:53:47,520
You always carry
a bottle opener?
1143
00:53:47,521 --> 00:53:50,841
This little guy?
He's been through a lot.
1144
00:53:50,920 --> 00:53:53,641
I quit my job today because
of this bottle opener.
1145
00:53:53,722 --> 00:53:56,442
Not-so-great day.
Long story.
1146
00:53:59,482 --> 00:54:00,962
Why were you staring at me?
1147
00:54:01,041 --> 00:54:03,242
Oh, don't worry, Doc.
I'm not one of your stalkers.
1148
00:54:03,322 --> 00:54:06,442
If I were, I'd be at Starbucks
about now, wouldn't I?
1149
00:54:06,522 --> 00:54:08,842
You've seen the website.
1150
00:54:08,922 --> 00:54:10,362
No. I've-
I've heard about it.
1151
00:54:10,441 --> 00:54:11,801
I've heard about you.
1152
00:54:11,882 --> 00:54:14,522
Really. Well, you missed out.
1153
00:54:14,603 --> 00:54:15,921
It's quite good.
1154
00:54:16,001 --> 00:54:19,403
It's got great graphics,
challenging quizzes.
1155
00:54:19,482 --> 00:54:23,243
It's obviously caused me
to rearrange my rituals.
1156
00:54:27,001 --> 00:54:28,802
You're not gonna use
your spoon, are you?
1157
00:54:44,242 --> 00:54:46,404
Okay. The bottle opener,
I'm gonna let slide.
1158
00:54:46,483 --> 00:54:49,163
But the spoon?
Start talking.
1159
00:54:49,283 --> 00:54:51,363
A place like this,
it gives you a knife,
1160
00:54:51,443 --> 00:54:53,683
a fork, a spoon,
wrapped in a napkin.
1161
00:54:53,762 --> 00:54:55,244
Now the knife,
the fork, the napkin,
1162
00:54:55,323 --> 00:54:56,683
they all get used.
1163
00:54:56,763 --> 00:54:59,324
Most cafe items,
they don't call for a spoon.
1164
00:54:59,403 --> 00:55:01,924
But that little guy, he gets thrown
in the washing machine,
1165
00:55:02,003 --> 00:55:04,643
over and over,
time and time again.
1166
00:55:04,722 --> 00:55:06,643
Without a sense of worth.
1167
00:55:07,882 --> 00:55:09,523
Not only compassionate
to furry creatures,
1168
00:55:09,604 --> 00:55:11,244
but inanimate objects as well.
1169
00:55:11,323 --> 00:55:14,723
There's gonna be some fun
in the chat room tonight.
1170
00:55:16,003 --> 00:55:18,243
You're doing it again.
1171
00:55:18,323 --> 00:55:22,724
That funny, charming
staring thing.
1172
00:55:25,244 --> 00:55:26,523
It's not unpleasant.
1173
00:55:28,203 --> 00:55:32,164
But you should know that I... recently got out
1174
00:55:32,245 --> 00:55:34,324
of a very bad relationship, so I'm-
1175
00:55:34,404 --> 00:55:38,005
Yeah, I just got out of
a lot of bad relationships.
1176
00:55:38,084 --> 00:55:39,604
I promise I won't
fall in love with you
1177
00:55:39,684 --> 00:55:42,324
as long as you promise you won't
fall in love with me.
1178
00:55:45,524 --> 00:55:46,884
Oh, I promise.
1179
00:55:52,765 --> 00:55:55,045
Favorite Vonnegut.
One, two, three.
1180
00:55:55,124 --> 00:55:56,405
Cat's Cradle.
1181
00:55:56,484 --> 00:55:58,685
Favorite Dylan.
One, two, three.
1182
00:55:58,764 --> 00:56:00,885
Nashville Skyline.
1183
00:56:02,685 --> 00:56:05,845
Funniest movie ever made.
One, two, three.
1184
00:56:05,924 --> 00:56:07,405
- Some Like It Hot.
- Caddyshack.
1185
00:56:07,485 --> 00:56:08,685
Oh. Guys in dresses.
1186
00:56:08,765 --> 00:56:11,165
That's really reinventing
the wheel there, Roderick.
1187
00:56:11,244 --> 00:56:13,045
A woman who likes
Caddyshack.
1188
00:56:13,126 --> 00:56:14,205
Who wouldn't like Caddyshack?
1189
00:56:14,285 --> 00:56:16,165
Favorite porno? One, two, three.
1190
00:56:18,045 --> 00:56:20,085
All those tingling thrill-of-the-pursuit
1191
00:56:20,165 --> 00:56:21,645
feelings came flooding back.
1192
00:56:21,725 --> 00:56:23,965
So then came wish three.
1193
00:56:24,046 --> 00:56:25,725
I said I wanted
a pumpkin as a head.
1194
00:56:27,965 --> 00:56:30,127
Sure, I had the whole
"Dr. Mir" thing,
1195
00:56:30,206 --> 00:56:32,886
from my peek at the list, to clue me
into where Miranda and I were heading.
1196
00:56:32,965 --> 00:56:35,206
But this would be
more than a romance.
1197
00:56:35,286 --> 00:56:38,125
More than a mere
checking-off of a name.
1198
00:56:39,085 --> 00:56:41,126
This would be love.
1199
00:56:41,205 --> 00:56:42,886
Why rush the sex?
1200
00:56:42,965 --> 00:56:44,967
- Okay.
- All day, people wheel
1201
00:56:45,046 --> 00:56:46,726
and take back
the carts in the front.
1202
00:56:46,805 --> 00:56:48,487
And this poor bastard
in the middle
1203
00:56:48,606 --> 00:56:50,646
- probably hasn't been pushed in months.
- Tragic.
1204
00:56:50,727 --> 00:56:52,245
It's tr- you know what?
It is. Help.
1205
00:56:52,325 --> 00:56:54,566
You know, you say you've been looking
for an idea for a children's book.
1206
00:56:54,647 --> 00:56:56,606
How about all these
inanimate objects of yours?
1207
00:56:56,686 --> 00:56:59,246
The spoon that never gets used.
1208
00:56:59,326 --> 00:57:02,126
The missing sock that
reunites with his twin.
1209
00:57:02,206 --> 00:57:05,206
The multi-CD player that
tragically gets turned off
1210
00:57:05,287 --> 00:57:07,246
seconds before proudly finishing
1211
00:57:07,326 --> 00:57:09,326
a five-disc shuffle.
1212
00:57:11,688 --> 00:57:12,966
That's so it.
1213
00:57:13,047 --> 00:57:14,447
Yes, it is.
1214
00:57:15,647 --> 00:57:16,607
Roderick...
1215
00:57:18,967 --> 00:57:21,287
I've been looking
for you all my life.
1216
00:57:28,326 --> 00:57:29,927
You're the best!
1217
00:57:30,006 --> 00:57:32,608
Come on. Get out.
1218
00:57:32,768 --> 00:57:35,607
Okay. The cheek thing had thrown me a bit.
1219
00:57:35,687 --> 00:57:37,769
But there's nothing
like a warm kiss
1220
00:57:37,848 --> 00:57:39,767
coming after a delicious
home-cooked meal.
1221
00:57:39,847 --> 00:57:41,927
Compliments to the chef.
1222
00:57:42,008 --> 00:57:45,887
Hmm.
1223
00:57:45,968 --> 00:57:48,606
- Yup. I was back in the kitchen.
- Yeah?
1224
00:57:48,687 --> 00:57:51,328
And the chef thinks
you're pretty great, too.
1225
00:57:53,128 --> 00:57:55,048
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm just- just not-
1226
00:57:55,127 --> 00:57:56,727
- No, no, no, no. It's okay.
- I'm just feeling-
1227
00:57:56,809 --> 00:57:57,888
Just relax. It's okay-
1228
00:57:57,968 --> 00:58:00,208
- No, Roderick.
- It's all right.
1229
00:58:02,808 --> 00:58:04,648
I adore you.
1230
00:58:04,727 --> 00:58:06,688
I do.
1231
00:58:06,768 --> 00:58:08,409
I'm just...
1232
00:58:08,489 --> 00:58:09,768
screwed up about sex.
1233
00:58:09,848 --> 00:58:11,008
Ah, it's okay-
1234
00:58:11,088 --> 00:58:13,088
I mean, you're handsome.
1235
00:58:13,168 --> 00:58:14,848
Devilishly so,
if you must know.
1236
00:58:15,968 --> 00:58:20,248
It's just... you so remind me
1237
00:58:20,328 --> 00:58:21,929
of the guy my mom went out with,
1238
00:58:22,009 --> 00:58:23,649
after the divorce, Rockin' Randy.
1239
00:58:23,728 --> 00:58:24,649
He ran the surf shop.
1240
00:58:24,728 --> 00:58:28,408
And he was a cross
between you and Bam-Bam
1241
00:58:28,409 --> 00:58:30,528
from The Flintstones.
1242
00:58:30,608 --> 00:58:31,968
Listen, okay, look.
1243
00:58:32,049 --> 00:58:33,889
I'm not saying nothing's
ever gonna happen between us.
1244
00:58:33,969 --> 00:58:35,808
I'm not saying that. I'm just-
1245
00:58:37,889 --> 00:58:39,649
I'm just saying
if it's gonna happen...
1246
00:58:41,008 --> 00:58:42,210
it's just gonna happen.
1247
00:58:42,289 --> 00:58:44,169
- Yeah.
- Right?
1248
00:58:44,250 --> 00:58:45,568
Yeah.
1249
00:58:45,649 --> 00:58:47,049
Really, why worry about it?
1250
00:58:49,449 --> 00:58:50,450
You're the best.
1251
00:58:51,729 --> 00:58:53,249
I'm gonna clean up.
1252
00:58:54,450 --> 00:58:56,849
You can pick out another DVD.
1253
00:58:56,928 --> 00:58:58,330
Something funny.
1254
00:59:07,050 --> 00:59:08,330
I guess you could say
1255
00:59:08,410 --> 00:59:10,970
that's when the madness set in.
1256
00:59:11,050 --> 00:59:12,930
Thanks.
1257
00:59:13,009 --> 00:59:15,691
So Miranda and I went to
the Fellini retrospective yesterday.
1258
00:59:15,770 --> 00:59:18,530
Oh, she said the coolest thing.
1259
00:59:18,610 --> 00:59:21,011
- If Marcelo were alive-
- Have you fucked her yet?
1260
00:59:23,130 --> 00:59:24,570
What is with that question?
1261
00:59:24,650 --> 00:59:26,210
Have you fucked her yet?
1262
00:59:26,290 --> 00:59:27,529
Have you fucked her yet?
1263
00:59:27,611 --> 00:59:29,570
Son...
1264
00:59:29,651 --> 00:59:30,891
have you fucked her yet?
1265
00:59:30,970 --> 00:59:32,050
Yo, Rod, have you fucked her-
1266
00:59:32,132 --> 00:59:33,290
Hey, have you-
1267
00:59:40,371 --> 00:59:41,531
Let me tell you something.
1268
00:59:41,611 --> 00:59:44,770
Miranda and I are building
a bond of trust and respect.
1269
00:59:44,851 --> 00:59:47,250
Excuse me for still believing
that love is something
1270
00:59:47,331 --> 00:59:50,371
more than a sloppy
fusion of genitalia.
1271
00:59:50,450 --> 00:59:52,611
Miranda, we need
to discuss something.
1272
00:59:52,691 --> 00:59:55,490
- I-
- Oh, shit.
1273
00:59:55,571 --> 00:59:57,411
- Shit, shit, shit.
- You okay?
1274
00:59:57,491 --> 00:59:59,011
Hide me.
No, just hide me.
1275
00:59:59,090 --> 01:00:00,051
Sure.
1276
01:00:00,130 --> 01:00:02,852
There's
a Frida Kahlo-looking dude.
1277
01:00:02,931 --> 01:00:03,811
No, no, right-
1278
01:00:03,890 --> 01:00:04,971
Oh, no, I got it.
1279
01:00:05,052 --> 01:00:08,770
I met him at this Halloween
Poe poetry reading thing.
1280
01:00:08,851 --> 01:00:10,411
I can't believe
I slept with him.
1281
01:00:10,492 --> 01:00:11,452
I was wasted.
1282
01:00:11,531 --> 01:00:13,651
Halloween, two weeks
ago Halloween?
1283
01:00:13,731 --> 01:00:15,891
I told you,
I'm totally screwed up about sex.
1284
01:00:15,972 --> 01:00:18,332
Screwed up about sex?
Screwed up about sex?
1285
01:00:18,411 --> 01:00:19,971
It's more like you're screwing.
1286
01:00:20,051 --> 01:00:21,412
That's funny.
1287
01:00:21,492 --> 01:00:22,732
Come on, let's go
somewhere else.
1288
01:00:24,211 --> 01:00:25,371
Bam-Bam.
1289
01:00:30,091 --> 01:00:31,532
Back in the day,
1290
01:00:31,612 --> 01:00:35,012
if a woman didn't have
sex with you it was okay,
1291
01:00:35,131 --> 01:00:38,812
because it wasn't like she was having sex
with anyone else.
1292
01:00:38,893 --> 01:00:41,331
Where is that whore-bitch
Jane Austen when you need her?
1293
01:00:41,412 --> 01:00:44,133
I chose to remember
the good times.
1294
01:00:44,212 --> 01:00:45,332
The way Miranda
made you feel
1295
01:00:45,411 --> 01:00:47,933
like you were the only
one in the world.
1296
01:00:48,012 --> 01:00:50,532
That time she read
my slaughterhouse reform bill.
1297
01:00:53,812 --> 01:00:56,932
It's wonderful, just wonderful.
1298
01:00:58,853 --> 01:01:01,172
But then there was
that next day at lunch.
1299
01:01:01,252 --> 01:01:02,452
How was that salad for you?
1300
01:01:02,532 --> 01:01:03,413
Oh...
1301
01:01:06,172 --> 01:01:08,853
Wonderful, just wonderful.
1302
01:01:15,773 --> 01:01:19,053
And in conclusion, yeah,
go ahead, crucify me,
1303
01:01:19,133 --> 01:01:20,854
but I refuse to live in a society
1304
01:01:20,933 --> 01:01:23,493
that has reduced the world
to the question,
1305
01:01:23,574 --> 01:01:25,014
"Have you fucked her yet?"
1306
01:01:25,093 --> 01:01:27,412
That would be a no.
1307
01:01:29,213 --> 01:01:30,293
I don't even think
he's seen her naked.
1308
01:01:37,013 --> 01:01:38,854
Oh...
1309
01:01:38,933 --> 01:01:42,173
Wonderful, just wonderful.
1310
01:01:42,254 --> 01:01:43,374
What the fuck?
1311
01:01:47,333 --> 01:01:51,534
I'm not saying nothing's
ever gonna happen between us.
1312
01:02:03,214 --> 01:02:04,774
Doctor...
1313
01:02:04,854 --> 01:02:06,495
Mir- hah!
1314
01:02:06,575 --> 01:02:08,013
That's what I'm talking about.
1315
01:02:08,094 --> 01:02:10,775
Yes, Dr. Mirabella Stone!
1316
01:02:10,854 --> 01:02:14,133
No! No!
1317
01:02:14,215 --> 01:02:18,335
No!
1318
01:02:26,095 --> 01:02:27,294
Don't mock me.
1319
01:02:27,376 --> 01:02:28,775
Miranda told me
she was coming out
1320
01:02:28,854 --> 01:02:29,975
of a bad relationship.
1321
01:02:30,054 --> 01:02:32,815
And no one has ever had sex
coming out of a bad relationship.
1322
01:02:32,896 --> 01:02:35,575
Oh, we're moving way too fast,
1323
01:02:35,654 --> 01:02:38,455
I'm not feeling well.
1324
01:02:38,535 --> 01:02:39,975
If someone wants
to have sex with you,
1325
01:02:40,055 --> 01:02:41,495
they'll have sex with you.
1326
01:02:41,575 --> 01:02:43,256
The rest is just dinner theater.
1327
01:02:43,335 --> 01:02:46,375
So that's it. The machine.
1328
01:02:46,456 --> 01:02:48,696
Oh, no, the machine is much-
1329
01:02:48,776 --> 01:02:51,696
Sure. The wall has a connection.
1330
01:02:51,775 --> 01:02:53,415
Thing's going to be
the death of me.
1331
01:02:53,496 --> 01:02:56,535
Oh, come on, cheer up,
droopy drawers.
1332
01:02:56,615 --> 01:02:58,256
I mean, look on the side
of the bright.
1333
01:02:58,336 --> 01:03:01,936
Even if you went down
to a tropical island, all right?
1334
01:03:02,015 --> 01:03:04,736
The remaining 34 chicks
on this list
1335
01:03:04,817 --> 01:03:07,255
would be renting jet skis
to zoom down there
1336
01:03:07,336 --> 01:03:09,657
and party with you
whether you liked it or not.
1337
01:03:09,736 --> 01:03:12,015
I don't like it.
I don't want other women.
1338
01:03:12,096 --> 01:03:13,176
I want Miranda!
1339
01:03:14,376 --> 01:03:15,736
I've been a good
sport with this thing.
1340
01:03:15,816 --> 01:03:17,176
There was a little weirdness
at the beginning,
1341
01:03:17,255 --> 01:03:19,176
but I went with the flow.
1342
01:03:19,257 --> 01:03:21,376
I sabotaged a wedding,
I lost deposits,
1343
01:03:21,456 --> 01:03:22,856
I toyed with a lot
of people's feelings,
1344
01:03:22,936 --> 01:03:26,496
including my own,
but I didn't care.
1345
01:03:26,575 --> 01:03:28,417
I care now.
1346
01:03:28,496 --> 01:03:30,857
I have found someone
that touches me
1347
01:03:30,937 --> 01:03:32,216
down to my marrow.
1348
01:03:32,296 --> 01:03:34,857
And if you think that
some contraption is gonna-
1349
01:03:34,936 --> 01:03:35,937
You know, you know-
1350
01:03:36,017 --> 01:03:38,177
sometimes love is stronger than-
1351
01:03:38,257 --> 01:03:39,538
No, it's not!
1352
01:03:48,937 --> 01:03:51,057
I was so proud of you when you...
1353
01:03:51,138 --> 01:03:52,896
were burying the list in the backyard.
1354
01:03:52,977 --> 01:03:56,338
Horoscopes, psychics,
Tarot cards,
1355
01:03:56,418 --> 01:03:59,456
coming attractions that
give away the whole movie.
1356
01:03:59,538 --> 01:04:02,497
Why must you people
know everything?
1357
01:04:02,577 --> 01:04:04,137
That's a good point, Alpha, sir.
1358
01:04:04,217 --> 01:04:06,138
Remember when you said
the machine was a mystery?
1359
01:04:06,217 --> 01:04:08,618
That could mean that there's
some kind of kink or flaw,
1360
01:04:08,697 --> 01:04:09,697
something that
we don't know about-
1361
01:04:09,777 --> 01:04:11,498
Stop thinking about
the machine, Mr. Blank.
1362
01:04:11,578 --> 01:04:12,698
It's progress.
1363
01:04:12,777 --> 01:04:15,378
There's nothing
you can do about it.
1364
01:04:15,458 --> 01:04:18,618
Science and technology
don't care whether we live or die.
1365
01:04:20,138 --> 01:04:21,498
Excuse me.
1366
01:04:24,778 --> 01:04:26,898
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
1367
01:04:26,979 --> 01:04:29,178
The solution's been right
in front of us the whole time!
1368
01:04:29,258 --> 01:04:30,618
What, what is it?
1369
01:04:30,698 --> 01:04:31,578
Blow jobs.
1370
01:04:31,658 --> 01:04:33,698
Blow jobs!
Oh, man, what a loophole.
1371
01:04:33,778 --> 01:04:36,418
All right, sex is work.
1372
01:04:36,498 --> 01:04:38,418
Is she having a good time?
Am I meeting her needs?
1373
01:04:38,498 --> 01:04:40,057
You got to think
about her feelings,
1374
01:04:40,139 --> 01:04:42,899
but with a blow job,
you just lie back,
1375
01:04:42,979 --> 01:04:44,577
every now and then touch
the back of her head
1376
01:04:44,898 --> 01:04:45,978
if you think she's getting tentative.
1377
01:04:46,059 --> 01:04:48,738
I mean, seriously, if someone
gives me an intercourse buffet,
1378
01:04:48,820 --> 01:04:50,819
or just a blow job on a stick,
1379
01:04:50,898 --> 01:04:52,380
I'll take blow job
on a stick, dude.
1380
01:04:52,459 --> 01:04:54,857
No, you people-
you people are sick.
1381
01:04:54,939 --> 01:04:57,058
I've given my heart to Miranda.
1382
01:04:57,138 --> 01:04:58,499
I want to cradle her
in my arms,
1383
01:04:58,579 --> 01:05:00,298
I want to make the kind of love
where you feel
1384
01:05:00,379 --> 01:05:02,819
as though you're one
living, breathing...
1385
01:05:02,899 --> 01:05:04,180
You really think
she might go down on me?
1386
01:05:05,219 --> 01:05:08,859
Death Nell has just put to sleep
1387
01:05:08,939 --> 01:05:11,139
an entire fraternity in Fresno.
1388
01:05:11,219 --> 01:05:12,179
Eight members.
1389
01:05:12,259 --> 01:05:13,819
Death Nell?
1390
01:05:13,900 --> 01:05:15,419
What do you guys do
for a living again?
1391
01:05:15,498 --> 01:05:16,739
It's the double-digit rule.
1392
01:05:16,819 --> 01:05:19,139
When a serial killer hits ten victims,
we get called.
1393
01:05:19,220 --> 01:05:21,700
No, I'm still getting details.
1394
01:05:21,779 --> 01:05:23,459
Apparently...
1395
01:05:24,900 --> 01:05:26,819
Well, apparently it was
the same frat house
1396
01:05:26,900 --> 01:05:27,820
that was acquitted last year
1397
01:05:27,900 --> 01:05:29,660
for manufacturing
the date rape drug.
1398
01:05:40,300 --> 01:05:43,340
D.N. put her own drug in the keg.
1399
01:05:45,740 --> 01:05:47,019
Is that amusing to you, Roderick?
1400
01:05:47,101 --> 01:05:48,701
No, I'm just checking
my messages.
1401
01:05:48,780 --> 01:05:51,300
The almighty machine's rep's
about to take another hit.
1402
01:05:52,820 --> 01:05:54,901
They love the concepts,
they love the drawings,
1403
01:05:54,980 --> 01:05:57,699
they- they're going
to publish the book!
1404
01:05:57,781 --> 01:06:00,942
Rod, I owe you so, so, much!
1405
01:06:01,021 --> 01:06:02,861
There's no way
we are not celebrating tonight.
1406
01:06:02,940 --> 01:06:04,661
Okay? So I'm going
to be at your place,
1407
01:06:04,740 --> 01:06:07,501
8:00 sharp, ready for action.
1408
01:06:08,461 --> 01:06:09,940
I so love you.
1409
01:06:11,581 --> 01:06:14,541
You're a very lucky man to have
found such a soulmate, Mr. Blank,
1410
01:06:14,621 --> 01:06:15,701
but unfortunately-
1411
01:06:15,781 --> 01:06:17,420
It's in her voice!
1412
01:06:17,501 --> 01:06:19,101
You don't even need
the bizarro list.
1413
01:06:19,181 --> 01:06:21,021
She doesn't think of you in-
1414
01:06:21,101 --> 01:06:23,060
Roderick...
1415
01:06:24,341 --> 01:06:26,862
I'm certain that some
very interesting things
1416
01:06:26,941 --> 01:06:29,061
will occur this evening.
1417
01:06:29,141 --> 01:06:31,501
Your penis going into her vagina
will not be one them.
1418
01:06:34,700 --> 01:06:36,021
But have a lovely evening.
1419
01:06:37,302 --> 01:06:38,821
Gentlemen, I'd love
to stay and chat,
1420
01:06:38,901 --> 01:06:42,141
but I got a date with a lady.
1421
01:06:52,662 --> 01:06:55,021
I don't think he's even seen her naked.
1422
01:07:02,463 --> 01:07:03,423
Hey!
1423
01:07:03,502 --> 01:07:04,582
Author!
1424
01:07:04,661 --> 01:07:05,942
Author!
1425
01:07:06,022 --> 01:07:07,862
Thank you.
J.K. Rowling, eat shit.
1426
01:07:07,943 --> 01:07:11,303
I'm so sorry I'm late,
it's just-
1427
01:07:11,382 --> 01:07:12,863
It's been crazy.
1428
01:07:12,943 --> 01:07:14,502
But I told everyone that
we'd meet them at the bar.
1429
01:07:14,582 --> 01:07:16,142
- It's my treat, for once.
- Everyone?
1430
01:07:16,222 --> 01:07:17,743
I thought tonight
was between you and-
1431
01:07:17,822 --> 01:07:19,702
I made pesto.
1432
01:07:21,863 --> 01:07:23,343
You did.
1433
01:07:23,423 --> 01:07:26,103
That's so sweet,
but Rod, we gotta go out.
1434
01:07:26,182 --> 01:07:27,782
We're celebrating!
1435
01:07:27,863 --> 01:07:29,623
My brother and the two Jessicas,
they're already there,
1436
01:07:29,703 --> 01:07:31,143
but you know what,
it's no big deal.
1437
01:07:31,222 --> 01:07:32,863
- Hey, hey, just relax.
- Listen, if you- what?
1438
01:07:32,943 --> 01:07:34,303
Let's just hang for a bit,
1439
01:07:34,383 --> 01:07:37,023
you know, a little pre-party.
1440
01:07:37,102 --> 01:07:40,463
Dude, I thought
we were past this.
1441
01:07:42,543 --> 01:07:43,703
No?
1442
01:07:47,103 --> 01:07:49,623
Miranda, I know you once said
you weren't attracted to me,
1443
01:07:49,704 --> 01:07:52,103
but that was before
we went on the camping trip.
1444
01:07:52,184 --> 01:07:55,064
That was before I loaded
the graphics program into your laptop.
1445
01:07:55,144 --> 01:07:57,823
- Before-
- Why is it that men think that women-
1446
01:07:57,904 --> 01:08:03,344
women are like these giant
thermometers at those telethons,
1447
01:08:03,424 --> 01:08:05,024
where every time you do
something nice for them,
1448
01:08:05,104 --> 01:08:07,423
they get a little redder,
and a little redder,
1449
01:08:07,503 --> 01:08:09,103
and a little redder,
and a little redder,
1450
01:08:09,185 --> 01:08:10,825
and when you hit the top,
we have to fuck you?
1451
01:08:10,904 --> 01:08:12,543
That is not funny!
1452
01:08:12,623 --> 01:08:13,863
Shit!
1453
01:08:13,944 --> 01:08:14,864
Okay, I'm sorry.
1454
01:08:14,945 --> 01:08:16,944
All right, just slip on down here,
1455
01:08:17,023 --> 01:08:18,784
just do a little clean-up.
1456
01:08:22,464 --> 01:08:25,265
Hey, what are the five
scariest words a woman can say?
1457
01:08:25,345 --> 01:08:27,624
- I wanna be-
- Just friends.
1458
01:08:33,144 --> 01:08:37,025
You know, it's like
some bad stand-up routine.
1459
01:08:37,105 --> 01:08:40,185
Just? Just.
1460
01:08:40,265 --> 01:08:42,943
Do you know how
important it was for me
1461
01:08:43,025 --> 01:08:44,864
to make one real friend
in this city?
1462
01:08:48,024 --> 01:08:50,545
I would die for you.
1463
01:08:50,624 --> 01:08:53,345
Who do you think
I'm dedicating my book to?
1464
01:08:53,425 --> 01:08:55,266
My insane parents?
1465
01:08:56,705 --> 01:09:01,826
"To Roderick Blank, my friend. "
1466
01:09:08,785 --> 01:09:10,945
Nice celebration.
1467
01:09:22,346 --> 01:09:24,905
Oh, Miranda.
1468
01:09:25,105 --> 01:09:26,626
Man, that is one tough break.
1469
01:09:26,705 --> 01:09:28,666
Girlfriend finds out her little book's
1470
01:09:28,746 --> 01:09:31,066
getting published and then...
1471
01:09:31,146 --> 01:09:32,106
It's terrible.
1472
01:09:34,746 --> 01:09:37,546
Not my girlfriend.
1473
01:09:38,786 --> 01:09:40,426
For what it's worth, from our end,
1474
01:09:40,506 --> 01:09:42,466
we're satisfied the death
was just an accident.
1475
01:09:42,546 --> 01:09:44,106
Just-
1476
01:09:44,187 --> 01:09:45,105
Excuse me, officer,
1477
01:09:45,187 --> 01:09:47,707
I wanted to give
Mr. Blank the opportunity
1478
01:09:47,787 --> 01:09:50,545
- to say goodbye to his girlfriend.
- Not my-
1479
01:09:50,627 --> 01:09:51,987
Can I be alone with her?
1480
01:09:56,946 --> 01:09:59,107
Miranda.
1481
01:09:59,186 --> 01:10:01,587
Oh, precious Miranda.
1482
01:10:03,828 --> 01:10:06,346
You know, I never wanted this.
1483
01:10:06,427 --> 01:10:09,387
I- I only wanted-
1484
01:10:09,468 --> 01:10:11,387
They said that we could never,
1485
01:10:11,466 --> 01:10:13,308
never ever be together.
1486
01:10:15,547 --> 01:10:17,707
But hey,
1487
01:10:17,787 --> 01:10:19,787
we're gonna have the last laugh,
1488
01:10:19,867 --> 01:10:21,146
are we not, my love?
1489
01:10:31,707 --> 01:10:34,987
Okay, now that I think about it,
1490
01:10:35,068 --> 01:10:37,028
maybe this is where
the madness set in.
1491
01:10:37,107 --> 01:10:39,948
Yes, I know,
my beacon of light.
1492
01:10:40,028 --> 01:10:43,188
This is sad,
this is desperate,
1493
01:10:43,268 --> 01:10:45,789
this is disgusting,
1494
01:10:45,868 --> 01:10:48,588
but aren't all revolutions?
1495
01:10:49,629 --> 01:10:52,189
We have to stand up to the list.
1496
01:10:52,268 --> 01:10:55,027
Stand up to the machine.
1497
01:10:55,109 --> 01:10:58,148
Stand up to fate.
1498
01:10:58,227 --> 01:11:00,309
Stand up, soldier.
1499
01:11:00,388 --> 01:11:02,229
Oh, come on, stand up.
1500
01:11:42,229 --> 01:11:45,310
Oh, let it out, Mr. Blank.
1501
01:11:45,389 --> 01:11:47,709
It's okay. Let it out.
1502
01:11:49,069 --> 01:11:51,830
You poor, sweet man.
1503
01:11:51,910 --> 01:11:55,829
You poor, sweet, handsome man.
1504
01:12:05,470 --> 01:12:08,350
Oh, shh...
1505
01:12:08,430 --> 01:12:10,589
It's okay.
1506
01:12:28,871 --> 01:12:30,392
Sorry.
1507
01:12:30,471 --> 01:12:33,711
Believe me, I'd hoped it was
a dream sequence, too.
1508
01:12:34,870 --> 01:12:36,230
If it makes you feel any better,
1509
01:12:36,311 --> 01:12:39,472
my tale has a satisfying ending.
1510
01:12:39,551 --> 01:12:41,870
But this isn't it.
1511
01:12:41,950 --> 01:12:44,511
It's only number 67.
1512
01:13:34,873 --> 01:13:37,593
Six, five, four,
1513
01:13:37,672 --> 01:13:42,512
three, two, one,
Happy New Year!
1514
01:13:52,072 --> 01:13:53,873
Nobody has said
"Happy New Year" to you.
1515
01:13:53,954 --> 01:13:55,833
Thank you. Roderick Blank.
1516
01:13:55,912 --> 01:13:57,794
Ester Fenchel.
1517
01:13:57,873 --> 01:13:59,512
But your friends call you Terry.
1518
01:13:59,593 --> 01:14:01,392
No, but that's strange
1519
01:14:01,473 --> 01:14:04,673
because that's
my husband's name, Terry.
1520
01:14:04,752 --> 01:14:06,193
Nice tie.
1521
01:14:10,793 --> 01:14:12,953
Just leave the bottle.
1522
01:14:14,234 --> 01:14:17,193
Gentlemen, I give you the Matador.
1523
01:14:20,073 --> 01:14:22,194
Oh! No!
Not the prototype!
1524
01:14:22,273 --> 01:14:24,674
Eating and starving,
1525
01:14:24,754 --> 01:14:27,033
and eating and starving.
1526
01:14:27,114 --> 01:14:29,954
I was told to take some time off,
1527
01:14:30,035 --> 01:14:32,515
to get away from it all for a while.
1528
01:14:32,594 --> 01:14:35,115
But there was no escape.
1529
01:14:35,194 --> 01:14:37,193
I had noticed a lot
of French, German,
1530
01:14:37,274 --> 01:14:38,994
and Italian names on the list,
1531
01:14:39,074 --> 01:14:41,274
so I dutifully booked
passage to Europe.
1532
01:14:41,354 --> 01:14:43,514
Hearing of all
the magnifique women,
1533
01:14:43,594 --> 01:14:44,874
my friends concluded
that I had had
1534
01:14:44,954 --> 01:14:48,194
the greatest vacation
of all time.
1535
01:14:48,275 --> 01:14:49,915
I'm glad they enjoyed it.
1536
01:15:10,355 --> 01:15:11,355
Good evening.
1537
01:15:11,435 --> 01:15:14,716
You have to fuck me,
so come over and fuck me.
1538
01:15:14,795 --> 01:15:17,114
No dinner.
Do you have a pen?
1539
01:15:17,194 --> 01:15:18,395
Let me give you directions.
1540
01:15:18,474 --> 01:15:19,675
Ew!
1541
01:15:26,316 --> 01:15:27,276
Hello.
1542
01:15:27,356 --> 01:15:30,755
Oh, star 69.
Yes, it was a crank.
1543
01:15:30,836 --> 01:15:32,795
I'm sorry.
1544
01:15:32,875 --> 01:15:34,515
Your mother picked up?
Fainted?
1545
01:15:34,595 --> 01:15:36,796
- Yes.
- Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
1546
01:15:38,675 --> 01:15:40,275
Why are you laughing?
1547
01:15:40,355 --> 01:15:42,636
In my own feeble way,
1548
01:15:42,717 --> 01:15:44,516
I had tried to defy the list.
1549
01:15:44,595 --> 01:15:45,636
But once again,
1550
01:15:45,716 --> 01:15:47,596
the list knew what it was doing,
1551
01:15:47,676 --> 01:15:49,595
what I was doing.
1552
01:15:49,676 --> 01:15:50,956
But guess what.
1553
01:15:51,036 --> 01:15:52,116
I was about to meet a woman
1554
01:15:52,197 --> 01:15:55,396
that was the answer
to all my problems.
1555
01:15:55,476 --> 01:15:57,877
- Hope?
- Amber Anne.
1556
01:15:57,957 --> 01:15:59,436
Roderick?
1557
01:16:03,557 --> 01:16:07,397
I've been trying for years
to get a rise out of my mother.
1558
01:16:07,476 --> 01:16:09,877
You did it in five seconds.
1559
01:16:11,356 --> 01:16:13,117
Name your poison.
1560
01:16:13,196 --> 01:16:14,677
Hope Hartlight was the author
1561
01:16:14,756 --> 01:16:16,756
of a best-selling self-help book.
1562
01:16:16,836 --> 01:16:19,877
I found her to be
warm, compassionate,
1563
01:16:19,956 --> 01:16:21,517
and a little old.
1564
01:16:21,596 --> 01:16:23,797
So I wasn't attracted
to Hope Hartlight.
1565
01:16:23,877 --> 01:16:26,277
It's not like I was going to get out
of having sex with her.
1566
01:16:26,356 --> 01:16:29,397
So, to her surprise,
I asked her out again,
1567
01:16:29,478 --> 01:16:31,957
figuring we'd eventually
accidentally end up having sex,
1568
01:16:32,037 --> 01:16:34,357
and I could move on.
1569
01:16:34,438 --> 01:16:37,357
But a funny thing happened.
1570
01:16:37,437 --> 01:16:39,198
Hope listened.
1571
01:16:39,277 --> 01:16:41,517
Hope guided.
1572
01:16:41,596 --> 01:16:44,958
Hope was literature
after ten months of pop-up books,
1573
01:16:45,037 --> 01:16:47,237
chess after ten months
of checkers.
1574
01:16:47,318 --> 01:16:49,277
You're a chapter 17.
1575
01:16:49,358 --> 01:16:50,837
May she spring eternal-
1576
01:16:50,916 --> 01:16:53,437
As for my friends,
what do you think?
1577
01:16:53,517 --> 01:16:55,398
Hope was an Earth-mother goddess,
1578
01:16:55,477 --> 01:16:57,558
put down here to save
the sinner's soul.
1579
01:16:57,637 --> 01:16:59,957
If you let her go,
I'll bring her back.
1580
01:17:00,039 --> 01:17:02,037
You know, you strike me
as the kind of guy
1581
01:17:02,118 --> 01:17:04,077
who would make fun
of a one-month
1582
01:17:04,158 --> 01:17:06,317
anniversary celebration.
1583
01:17:06,397 --> 01:17:08,838
You've changed me.
1584
01:17:08,918 --> 01:17:10,518
You've healed me.
1585
01:17:15,719 --> 01:17:17,677
That's a really
beautiful thing to say.
1586
01:17:17,759 --> 01:17:19,399
Thank you.
1587
01:17:19,478 --> 01:17:21,757
You know, I've got
that book signing
1588
01:17:21,838 --> 01:17:23,837
next week in Vermont.
1589
01:17:23,919 --> 01:17:26,279
I'm thinking maybe
you should come with me.
1590
01:17:26,359 --> 01:17:28,558
They've got a terrific
bed and breakfast up there.
1591
01:17:28,638 --> 01:17:29,559
Oh, my God.
1592
01:17:29,639 --> 01:17:30,959
We could just sleep late,
1593
01:17:31,039 --> 01:17:33,758
on the day I don't
have to work, of course.
1594
01:17:33,839 --> 01:17:35,959
But you could just
hang out all day.
1595
01:17:36,038 --> 01:17:37,838
You can walk around naked
in the backyard.
1596
01:17:37,918 --> 01:17:39,799
There's nobody there,
it's off-season.
1597
01:17:41,518 --> 01:17:42,919
Hope Hartlight didn't really vanish
1598
01:17:42,999 --> 01:17:45,200
into thin air like that.
1599
01:17:45,279 --> 01:17:46,679
It took a couple of weeks.
1600
01:17:46,759 --> 01:17:48,318
How could being the answer
to all my problems
1601
01:17:48,399 --> 01:17:49,639
not be enough?
1602
01:17:49,719 --> 01:17:51,719
If a friend of mine had
been going out with Hope,
1603
01:17:51,799 --> 01:17:53,359
I'd be so proud of him.
1604
01:17:53,438 --> 01:17:54,839
Guess that's the problem.
1605
01:17:54,919 --> 01:17:56,840
I'd be proud,
but I wouldn’t be jealous.
1606
01:17:56,919 --> 01:17:58,679
And a man would rather have
another man's jealousy
1607
01:17:58,759 --> 01:18:00,640
than another man's respect.
1608
01:18:00,719 --> 01:18:03,959
Man, hate to say
that one out loud.
1609
01:18:05,679 --> 01:18:07,080
Okay.
1610
01:18:07,159 --> 01:18:09,600
So, maybe Hope wasn't
the hottest piece of pie
1611
01:18:09,679 --> 01:18:11,039
you've ever been with,
1612
01:18:11,120 --> 01:18:13,280
but Roderick,
I was so proud of you.
1613
01:18:13,360 --> 01:18:15,440
Us married guys are taking a lot
of heat over this one, big guy.
1614
01:18:16,120 --> 01:18:17,599
It seems that you broke some
1615
01:18:17,681 --> 01:18:20,040
"messing with the feelings
of a woman over 35" covenant.
1616
01:18:20,119 --> 01:18:23,079
I thought we agreed we weren't
going to do an intervention.
1617
01:18:23,161 --> 01:18:25,640
No, we agreed we wouldn't use
the word "intervention. "
1618
01:18:25,720 --> 01:18:27,961
- Of course it's an intervention.
- Okay.
1619
01:18:28,040 --> 01:18:29,519
Poor Rod, still under the illusion
1620
01:18:29,600 --> 01:18:31,000
that out there walking around
1621
01:18:31,080 --> 01:18:33,161
is the perfect girl, just for him.
1622
01:18:33,321 --> 01:18:35,440
News break! This just in.
1623
01:18:35,520 --> 01:18:37,200
The woman known to
the world as Death Nell
1624
01:18:37,280 --> 01:18:39,200
has apparently left
her driver's license
1625
01:18:39,281 --> 01:18:41,320
at the site of her latest attack.
1626
01:18:41,400 --> 01:18:42,400
It is the break in the case
1627
01:18:42,481 --> 01:18:45,480
investigators have been hoping
and praying for all year.
1628
01:18:45,560 --> 01:18:48,440
And now, Channel Nine gives you
an exclusive first look
1629
01:18:48,521 --> 01:18:51,080
at this dramatic license.
1630
01:18:51,161 --> 01:18:52,360
If you're just joining us,
1631
01:18:52,441 --> 01:18:54,481
Death Nell seduced and sedated
1632
01:18:54,561 --> 01:18:57,401
misogynist shock jock D.J. Harry Hunt
1633
01:18:57,481 --> 01:18:58,641
during a commercial break
1634
01:18:58,721 --> 01:19:00,001
on his morning drive-time program.
1635
01:19:00,081 --> 01:19:02,320
I appreciate everyone's
concern here.
1636
01:19:02,401 --> 01:19:04,841
I, um...
1637
01:19:04,921 --> 01:19:05,801
Hello?
1638
01:19:05,880 --> 01:19:07,281
Hey, Trixie, turn that up.
1639
01:19:07,361 --> 01:19:10,162
Did they really catch
that satanic succubus?
1640
01:19:10,241 --> 01:19:13,361
No, and the word's
"freedom fighter. "
1641
01:19:13,441 --> 01:19:15,682
- Can we go in closer on that license-
- Let me guess.
1642
01:19:15,762 --> 01:19:18,001
I'm gonna bet that
her real name is not Death Nell!
1643
01:19:18,081 --> 01:19:20,721
This is some intervention.
1644
01:19:20,802 --> 01:19:22,402
Gillian De Raisx.
1645
01:19:22,481 --> 01:19:25,963
That name again, folks,
Gillian De Raisx.
1646
01:19:26,042 --> 01:19:29,202
Death Nell is Gillian De Raisx.
1647
01:19:29,282 --> 01:19:32,842
Gillian De Raisx. The X is silent.
1648
01:19:32,921 --> 01:19:34,801
It was a name that sounded familiar.
1649
01:19:34,882 --> 01:19:37,802
And when a name sounded
familiar, it usually meant...
1650
01:19:40,162 --> 01:19:43,722
Okay, this wasn't happening.
1651
01:19:43,802 --> 01:19:45,402
I know what you're thinking.
1652
01:19:45,483 --> 01:19:47,961
Surely I would have memorized
the last name on the list.
1653
01:19:48,042 --> 01:19:51,282
Not to put too fine
a point on it, but why?
1654
01:19:51,362 --> 01:19:53,762
No one wants to think about
the last name on the list,
1655
01:19:53,842 --> 01:19:56,963
because the last name
on the list means...
1656
01:19:58,483 --> 01:20:00,403
What did you say to him?
Where's he going?
1657
01:20:13,082 --> 01:20:14,003
Fred!
1658
01:20:14,083 --> 01:20:15,842
Oh, man, it's kind of funny.
1659
01:20:15,924 --> 01:20:17,964
It's not like she's the next one.
1660
01:20:18,043 --> 01:20:19,323
She may not be the next one,
1661
01:20:19,403 --> 01:20:20,602
but she sure as hell is the last one.
1662
01:20:20,683 --> 01:20:22,964
Hey, there's got to be
another woman on the planet
1663
01:20:23,044 --> 01:20:24,722
whose name is Gillian De aisx.
1664
01:20:24,803 --> 01:20:26,763
With her last name
spelled with a silent X?
1665
01:20:26,844 --> 01:20:28,484
- I don't think so.
- Calm down.
1666
01:20:28,562 --> 01:20:32,644
Gillian de Raisx may not be
the Gillian de Raisx.
1667
01:20:32,724 --> 01:20:35,003
As you can see,
the machine is closing in
1668
01:20:35,083 --> 01:20:36,884
on the one known as Death Nell.
1669
01:20:36,963 --> 01:20:38,804
The timelines have been
just a little off, but-
1670
01:20:38,884 --> 01:20:39,843
Oh, great.
1671
01:20:46,123 --> 01:20:47,684
More coordinates.
1672
01:20:47,764 --> 01:20:50,363
At this rate, I'd say
a couple of weeks from now
1673
01:20:50,444 --> 01:20:52,284
by the end of March,
the Oracle will tell us
1674
01:20:52,364 --> 01:20:53,523
where Gillian de Raisx is staying
1675
01:20:53,605 --> 01:20:55,363
at the precise moment
she's staying there.
1676
01:20:55,443 --> 01:20:57,885
Now, I'm assuming,
Mr. Blank,
1677
01:20:57,964 --> 01:20:59,804
that you can hold off from
having sex with how many?
1678
01:20:59,883 --> 01:21:01,004
- Twenty.
- Twenty.
1679
01:21:01,084 --> 01:21:03,084
Twenty different women
in the next two weeks.
1680
01:21:03,164 --> 01:21:05,644
Hey, I've had sex with three women
in my entire life-
1681
01:21:05,723 --> 01:21:07,885
none if you don't count paying for it.
1682
01:21:07,964 --> 01:21:09,365
I could live off 20 women.
1683
01:21:09,444 --> 01:21:11,924
Now, we can tell you
not to have sex,
1684
01:21:12,005 --> 01:21:14,765
but you have to go beyond that now.
1685
01:21:14,845 --> 01:21:18,565
You have to take your mind
to a whole other realm.
1686
01:21:18,644 --> 01:21:20,563
Read a book you've
always wanted to read.
1687
01:21:20,645 --> 01:21:22,685
I find model airplanes
can be an exacting
1688
01:21:22,764 --> 01:21:23,885
but ultimately rewarding-
1689
01:21:23,964 --> 01:21:24,965
Model airplanes are great,
1690
01:21:25,045 --> 01:21:26,324
but I got to go back
to the blow jobs.
1691
01:21:26,405 --> 01:21:29,125
Fred. Not constructive.
1692
01:21:29,205 --> 01:21:31,124
How do you feel about biking?
1693
01:21:32,645 --> 01:21:34,685
I can't believe these are
the kind of conversations
1694
01:21:34,765 --> 01:21:36,805
I've become a part of.
1695
01:21:36,884 --> 01:21:38,205
He's still in torment.
Give him one.
1696
01:21:38,285 --> 01:21:39,485
One what?
1697
01:21:39,565 --> 01:21:41,285
Ah, yes, yes.
1698
01:21:41,365 --> 01:21:43,765
Our aforementioned Oracle,
1699
01:21:43,845 --> 01:21:47,605
while rather erratic
in capturing criminals,
1700
01:21:47,685 --> 01:21:50,086
has come up with the answers
1701
01:21:50,165 --> 01:21:53,245
to some of our culture's
most significant mysteries.
1702
01:21:53,325 --> 01:21:55,406
And I think we can
give you one of them.
1703
01:21:55,486 --> 01:21:57,045
Any of the biggies?
1704
01:21:57,126 --> 01:22:00,485
Okay, uh, who killed
Nicole Simpson and Ron Goldman?
1705
01:22:00,567 --> 01:22:01,966
- You're kidding.
- Yeah, I'm kidding.
1706
01:22:02,045 --> 01:22:03,125
Let me see.
Let me see.
1707
01:22:03,205 --> 01:22:04,965
How about who really shot JFK?
1708
01:22:05,045 --> 01:22:05,886
Oh, pick another one.
1709
01:22:06,606 --> 01:22:07,686
It takes, like, 20 minutes to print out.
1710
01:22:07,765 --> 01:22:08,726
Okay, life on other planets.
1711
01:22:08,805 --> 01:22:10,086
How many planets
in the universe have-
1712
01:22:10,166 --> 01:22:12,327
- Eleven.
- Eleven? That's it?
1713
01:22:12,405 --> 01:22:14,366
That's it. How many
more do you want?
1714
01:22:14,446 --> 01:22:16,246
Wait a sec.
Does God exist?
1715
01:22:16,326 --> 01:22:18,006
Cut it out. You only get one.
1716
01:22:18,086 --> 01:22:20,126
Please.
You guys are mean.
1717
01:22:20,206 --> 01:22:22,126
You don't want to be in L.A.
on July 4th weekend.
1718
01:22:22,207 --> 01:22:24,806
Beta, enough.
1719
01:22:29,846 --> 01:22:32,487
There are 20 human shields
between you and Miss de Raisx.
1720
01:22:32,567 --> 01:22:34,566
Be conservative.
1721
01:22:34,646 --> 01:22:38,207
Don't use up any of them
until we catch the villainess.
1722
01:22:39,927 --> 01:22:41,046
And remember...
1723
01:22:42,847 --> 01:22:45,127
a new realm of existence.
1724
01:22:45,206 --> 01:22:47,687
A new realm of existence.
1725
01:22:47,767 --> 01:22:50,727
No sex...
1726
01:22:50,807 --> 01:22:51,887
no death.
1727
01:22:52,847 --> 01:22:54,486
Good luck.
1728
01:22:54,567 --> 01:22:56,648
**
1729
01:23:10,847 --> 01:23:13,888
* On my own again *
1730
01:23:13,967 --> 01:23:15,327
* Oh, oh *
1731
01:23:15,407 --> 01:23:18,208
* On my own again *
1732
01:23:18,288 --> 01:23:19,447
* Oh, oh *
1733
01:23:19,529 --> 01:23:22,408
* On the move again *
1734
01:23:37,808 --> 01:23:39,489
* I need to be *
1735
01:23:39,569 --> 01:23:41,967
* On my own again *
1736
01:23:42,049 --> 01:23:44,008
* I want to be *
1737
01:23:44,089 --> 01:23:46,088
* On my own again *
1738
01:23:46,168 --> 01:23:47,048
Yay!
1739
01:23:47,128 --> 01:23:48,248
Whoo!
1740
01:23:50,969 --> 01:23:53,009
"I never believed the wild and lascivious
1741
01:23:53,088 --> 01:23:56,529
letters in your magazine
were true until now. "
1742
01:23:57,809 --> 01:23:59,849
"My best friend was cycling upstate
1743
01:23:59,929 --> 01:24:01,688
"when his bike hit a pothole,
1744
01:24:01,769 --> 01:24:03,609
"sending him head over heels.
1745
01:24:03,689 --> 01:24:06,009
"Lucky for my buddy,
a bus on its way
1746
01:24:06,089 --> 01:24:08,129
"up to an 'Up With Jesus'
jamboree, stopped,
1747
01:24:08,249 --> 01:24:11,370
"and the students of
a nondenominational Idaho Bible college
1748
01:24:11,449 --> 01:24:13,689
"lifted his dazed, bruised body
1749
01:24:13,769 --> 01:24:15,809
"and put it in the middle
of the aisle.
1750
01:24:15,890 --> 01:24:17,969
"He thought they were
going to help him.
1751
01:24:18,048 --> 01:24:20,810
"Instead, they helped themselves.
1752
01:24:20,889 --> 01:24:22,568
"Among the girls of the bus,
1753
01:24:22,650 --> 01:24:24,729
"there had been much talk
of the albatross
1754
01:24:24,809 --> 01:24:27,609
"of not having lost one's virginity.
1755
01:24:27,689 --> 01:24:29,090
"My friend's appearance
on the road
1756
01:24:29,169 --> 01:24:31,130
"was taken as a sign.
1757
01:24:31,209 --> 01:24:32,969
"A pact was made.
1758
01:24:33,050 --> 01:24:34,890
"Everyone's virginity must go,
1759
01:24:34,970 --> 01:24:37,410
"and he would be the chosen vessel.
1760
01:24:37,490 --> 01:24:39,329
"All virgins.
1761
01:24:39,410 --> 01:24:41,730
"All 18-year-olds.
1762
01:24:41,810 --> 01:24:43,169
"Uniforms.
1763
01:24:43,249 --> 01:24:47,730
"Nineteen 18-year-old
virgins in uniforms.
1764
01:24:47,811 --> 01:24:50,650
Straws were drawn,
and first up was Mona Farlow. "
1765
01:24:52,611 --> 01:24:55,571
Fuck. Fuck!
1766
01:24:55,650 --> 01:24:57,530
Fuck.
1767
01:25:00,210 --> 01:25:03,809
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
1768
01:25:03,890 --> 01:25:07,211
Fuck, fuckity,
fuck, fuck, fuck.
1769
01:25:09,011 --> 01:25:11,250
Fuck.
1770
01:25:11,331 --> 01:25:14,570
Fuck. Fuck!
1771
01:25:14,650 --> 01:25:18,771
"It was a day my friend
would never forget. "
1772
01:25:18,851 --> 01:25:20,450
Any changes
before we mail it in?
1773
01:25:20,531 --> 01:25:22,730
Please stop. I can't take it.
1774
01:25:24,291 --> 01:25:25,890
I'm curious.
Was there a lot of blood?
1775
01:25:29,251 --> 01:25:30,531
Sorry. Never mind. Wow!
1776
01:25:30,611 --> 01:25:32,411
- The ultimate male perversion.
- God!
1777
01:25:32,490 --> 01:25:33,771
You can die now.
1778
01:25:33,851 --> 01:25:35,731
Well, that seems
to be the problem.
1779
01:25:46,011 --> 01:25:48,131
Have I told you all
the good news?
1780
01:25:48,212 --> 01:25:49,612
I'm getting married.
1781
01:25:49,692 --> 01:25:51,691
The lucky gal's name
is Ethel Walters.
1782
01:25:51,771 --> 01:25:53,173
I hope you can all
make the wedding.
1783
01:25:53,252 --> 01:25:54,773
Ethel Walters?
1784
01:25:54,852 --> 01:25:55,811
Do we know her?
1785
01:25:55,892 --> 01:25:57,412
I don't know. Do you?
1786
01:25:57,492 --> 01:25:59,532
I really need to get in touch
with her right away.
1787
01:25:59,613 --> 01:26:01,731
Does the name ring a bell
with anyone?
1788
01:26:01,812 --> 01:26:04,011
Maybe you should
lie back down.
1789
01:26:04,093 --> 01:26:05,453
Hey, you know what?
1790
01:26:05,532 --> 01:26:07,332
Where was the driver
in all this?
1791
01:26:07,412 --> 01:26:08,933
Because I get that
the church group chaperone
1792
01:26:09,012 --> 01:26:11,212
was on another bus,
but you can't tell me
1793
01:26:11,291 --> 01:26:12,772
they let the second group of girls
just transport themselves.
1794
01:26:12,852 --> 01:26:15,213
The driver, yeah.
1795
01:26:15,292 --> 01:26:17,973
I don't seem to r-
1796
01:26:18,052 --> 01:26:20,492
That's funny. The driver...
1797
01:26:20,573 --> 01:26:22,652
There's a whole lot of action
going on back here.
1798
01:26:22,732 --> 01:26:24,533
Figure I'd get myself a piece.
1799
01:26:24,612 --> 01:26:25,933
Now, now, you relax.
1800
01:26:26,013 --> 01:26:28,532
You skinny little white girls
ain't tattling on nobody.
1801
01:26:28,613 --> 01:26:32,453
Fuck!
1802
01:26:36,053 --> 01:26:37,372
You can't have sex with me!
1803
01:26:37,453 --> 01:26:39,693
Roderick, it's me, Trixie.
1804
01:26:39,773 --> 01:26:41,053
I'm not going to rape you.
1805
01:26:41,134 --> 01:26:42,933
- You know that.
- Just leave me alone.
1806
01:26:43,012 --> 01:26:45,053
Get up, you big baby.
1807
01:26:45,974 --> 01:26:47,693
Got one word for you:
Qantas.
1808
01:26:47,772 --> 01:26:49,254
You are going to Australia.
1809
01:26:49,333 --> 01:26:51,653
Your flight leaves in the morning,
so start packing.
1810
01:26:51,734 --> 01:26:53,972
You don't get it. I can't escape.
1811
01:26:54,054 --> 01:26:56,573
She'll rent a jet ski,
and she'll track me down.
1812
01:26:56,654 --> 01:26:58,213
I was on the Net all night.
1813
01:26:58,293 --> 01:26:59,693
I found another Gillian de Raisx.
1814
01:26:59,773 --> 01:27:01,534
Oh, yeah, that spells
her last name with a-
1815
01:27:01,613 --> 01:27:03,293
Yes, with a silent X.
1816
01:27:04,334 --> 01:27:07,014
She's a marine biologist
based outside of Sydney.
1817
01:27:10,894 --> 01:27:11,934
Oh, this picture.
1818
01:27:12,014 --> 01:27:13,734
Which one's the walrus?
1819
01:27:14,813 --> 01:27:16,054
She's big-boned
1820
01:27:16,134 --> 01:27:18,295
with a healthy appetite
for life, asshole.
1821
01:27:18,454 --> 01:27:20,334
What is- What is that
on her face?
1822
01:27:20,494 --> 01:27:21,533
It's a rash
1823
01:27:21,534 --> 01:27:23,974
from her exploration
of the Barrier Reef.
1824
01:27:24,054 --> 01:27:25,654
- Ooh.
- Oh, God!
1825
01:27:25,734 --> 01:27:27,294
Roderick,
1826
01:27:27,375 --> 01:27:28,654
you'd rather die than have sex
1827
01:27:28,735 --> 01:27:31,735
with an overweight woman
with a slight skin condition?
1828
01:27:31,814 --> 01:27:33,095
But it's-
1829
01:27:33,174 --> 01:27:34,414
it's not that slight.
1830
01:27:34,494 --> 01:27:37,694
Trixie, I'm sure she's a great-
1831
01:27:37,774 --> 01:27:39,614
I got you some books
to read on the plane.
1832
01:27:39,694 --> 01:27:42,415
I have underlined some
very good conversation starters.
1833
01:27:42,494 --> 01:27:44,295
So help me, if you
do not go Down Under
1834
01:27:44,376 --> 01:27:45,654
and seduce this Sheila-
1835
01:27:45,734 --> 01:27:47,935
Well, I do like dolphins.
1836
01:27:48,015 --> 01:27:49,255
Trixie.
1837
01:27:51,255 --> 01:27:53,495
No matter what happens,
1838
01:27:53,575 --> 01:27:54,936
thank you for being there.
1839
01:27:55,014 --> 01:27:56,614
You're a true pal.
1840
01:27:58,895 --> 01:28:00,894
It's good to be a lesbian, isn't it?
1841
01:28:00,975 --> 01:28:03,016
Send me a postcard, jerk.
1842
01:28:04,616 --> 01:28:06,215
With a koala on it.
1843
01:28:23,696 --> 01:28:26,056
* Doot-doo doot-doo
doo-doo-doo-doo *
1844
01:28:26,136 --> 01:28:28,736
* Doot-doo doot-doo
doo-doo-doo-doo *
1845
01:28:28,816 --> 01:28:31,535
* Doot-doo doot-doo
doo-doo-doo-doo *
1846
01:28:31,615 --> 01:28:34,336
* Doo-doo-doo-doo
doot-doo-doo doo-doo-doo *
1847
01:28:34,416 --> 01:28:37,096
* Doot-doo doot-doo
doo-doo-doo-doo *
1848
01:28:38,616 --> 01:28:39,736
* Doo-doo-doo-doo *
1849
01:28:39,816 --> 01:28:42,016
* Doot-doo doot-doo
doo-doo-doo-doo *
1850
01:28:42,096 --> 01:28:43,056
* Doo-doo-doo-doo *
1851
01:28:54,696 --> 01:28:56,056
Please don't pork me.
1852
01:28:56,137 --> 01:28:58,936
Hey, if you insist, hot rod.
1853
01:28:59,016 --> 01:29:02,736
Listen, the Almighty Oracle
has come through.
1854
01:29:02,816 --> 01:29:04,617
We have confirmation
1855
01:29:04,696 --> 01:29:07,017
that Death Nell
is going to be down here
1856
01:29:07,098 --> 01:29:08,896
at the Mayfair Hotel.
1857
01:29:10,217 --> 01:29:11,216
I've entered her room.
1858
01:29:11,297 --> 01:29:13,416
Mr. A's not here
at this precise moment,
1859
01:29:13,497 --> 01:29:15,417
but her things
most certainly are.
1860
01:29:15,497 --> 01:29:18,137
Friends, I've got chills.
1861
01:29:19,377 --> 01:29:21,657
Fred, Beta, you guys-
1862
01:29:21,737 --> 01:29:23,497
Wait. It's April Fool's Day,
isn't it?
1863
01:29:23,577 --> 01:29:24,617
It's 10 after midnight,
1864
01:29:24,697 --> 01:29:27,058
- officially April 2.
- Ha.
1865
01:29:27,137 --> 01:29:28,378
Yes, Roderick.
1866
01:29:28,457 --> 01:29:30,497
We have quite
a welcoming party
1867
01:29:30,577 --> 01:29:31,937
planned for the nasty minx.
1868
01:29:32,018 --> 01:29:33,498
Oh.
1869
01:29:33,578 --> 01:29:36,657
Oh, this is-
this is amazing.
1870
01:29:36,738 --> 01:29:40,378
You don't know
what it's been like.
1871
01:29:40,457 --> 01:29:42,698
And I have found the loophole
1872
01:29:42,777 --> 01:29:43,858
of all loopholes.
1873
01:29:43,938 --> 01:29:45,178
It's not blow jobs,
1874
01:29:45,257 --> 01:29:46,578
and it's not hand jobs.
1875
01:29:46,657 --> 01:29:47,938
It's exes.
1876
01:29:48,018 --> 01:29:50,737
It's ex,
as in ex-girlfriends, all right?
1877
01:29:50,818 --> 01:29:52,137
I want- just- listen.
1878
01:29:52,219 --> 01:29:53,979
Check the names on the list.
1879
01:29:54,058 --> 01:29:55,937
Do any names appear twice?
1880
01:29:56,019 --> 01:29:57,858
Any doubles? All right, no.
1881
01:29:57,938 --> 01:29:59,658
Then don't tell me...
1882
01:29:59,738 --> 01:30:02,139
that you've never hooked up
with some ex-girlfriend
1883
01:30:02,219 --> 01:30:04,779
for a little, uh, you know,
"remember when" sex.
1884
01:30:04,858 --> 01:30:07,379
No, you're right.
I had sex with Laura Baxter
1885
01:30:07,458 --> 01:30:09,459
every time I came
home for Christmas.
1886
01:30:09,538 --> 01:30:10,978
And she's only listed once.
1887
01:30:11,058 --> 01:30:12,819
And whenever I travel
through St. Louis,
1888
01:30:12,899 --> 01:30:14,859
I always stop in on Diana Scott.
1889
01:30:14,939 --> 01:30:17,218
We're going to get you
some reelection sex, all right?
1890
01:30:17,299 --> 01:30:19,659
I'm talking about
Grover Cleveland poontang.
1891
01:30:19,739 --> 01:30:21,858
Go back to Hope, number 80.
1892
01:30:21,939 --> 01:30:23,859
What you had was real.
She'll take you back.
1893
01:30:23,939 --> 01:30:25,698
Yes. There's Hope.
1894
01:30:25,779 --> 01:30:28,059
I've had so many wonderful,
fascinating women in my life.
1895
01:30:28,139 --> 01:30:30,060
I've never really been
worthy of any of them.
1896
01:30:30,139 --> 01:30:31,979
Uhh! Don't listen to Beta.
1897
01:30:32,058 --> 01:30:33,259
Do not listen to him.
1898
01:30:33,339 --> 01:30:35,420
He hates boners
and fun, all right?
1899
01:30:35,499 --> 01:30:38,459
What you have to do is you got
to find that school bus,
1900
01:30:38,540 --> 01:30:40,939
and you got to hook up
with those little Bible brats
1901
01:30:41,020 --> 01:30:43,060
numbers 81 through 99,
1902
01:30:43,139 --> 01:30:45,981
and maybe give 84 a pass
with the back zits.
1903
01:30:46,060 --> 01:30:48,900
- And you just get- get-
- Sir?
1904
01:30:48,980 --> 01:30:52,219
Yes. It's right there.
1905
01:30:52,299 --> 01:30:55,459
Get one of them to change
her name to Gillian de Raisx.
1906
01:30:55,540 --> 01:30:56,621
And you perfect-
1907
01:30:56,699 --> 01:30:58,260
Stop it.
1908
01:30:59,860 --> 01:31:01,979
The theories
on the table are adorable.
1909
01:31:02,060 --> 01:31:03,940
But Roderick, be cool.
1910
01:31:04,020 --> 01:31:06,020
Gillian will be
at the hotel any minute,
1911
01:31:06,100 --> 01:31:07,740
and our organization-
1912
01:31:07,819 --> 01:31:11,380
well, we don't believe
in trials and arrests.
1913
01:31:11,461 --> 01:31:12,860
So I want you
to hang tight,
1914
01:31:12,939 --> 01:31:14,700
and do not, I repeat,
1915
01:31:14,781 --> 01:31:17,020
do not leave your house.
1916
01:31:17,101 --> 01:31:18,340
Okay.
1917
01:31:18,420 --> 01:31:19,460
Call you when she's dead.
1918
01:31:19,541 --> 01:31:21,780
All right. I'll be here.
1919
01:31:21,861 --> 01:31:23,540
Thank you. Good-bye.
1920
01:31:25,061 --> 01:31:26,381
Ohh...
1921
01:32:38,103 --> 01:32:41,182
Did you really think
I was gonna get off easy?
1922
01:32:41,262 --> 01:32:43,783
Did you want me to?
1923
01:32:43,863 --> 01:32:45,823
I know I promised you
a satisfying ending,
1924
01:32:45,902 --> 01:32:47,102
but there will be
no triumphant return
1925
01:32:47,183 --> 01:32:49,743
to Fiona, Hope,
or anybody else.
1926
01:32:49,823 --> 01:32:52,263
There will be no chasing a cab,
1927
01:32:52,342 --> 01:32:53,623
no stopping a wedding,
1928
01:32:53,702 --> 01:32:57,463
no tearful reconciliations
on a train platform,
1929
01:32:57,542 --> 01:33:01,583
and no morning flights
to Australia.
1930
01:33:01,662 --> 01:33:05,584
To escape the sins of
my April 2nd to April 2nd saga
1931
01:33:05,663 --> 01:33:08,863
would feel so, so wrong.
1932
01:33:08,943 --> 01:33:10,463
Yes, my true destiny
1933
01:33:10,543 --> 01:33:13,623
was staying in a hotel downtown.
1934
01:33:13,703 --> 01:33:17,384
I was going out with
a lady called Death.
1935
01:33:17,463 --> 01:33:19,743
No God or Machine
could help me now.
1936
01:33:21,544 --> 01:33:23,264
And that felt so,
1937
01:33:23,343 --> 01:33:24,464
so right.
1938
01:33:31,104 --> 01:33:35,304
You live by the sword,
you die by the sword.
1939
01:33:35,383 --> 01:33:38,183
One sexual position left.
1940
01:33:38,263 --> 01:33:40,104
Call it the karma sutra.
1941
01:33:42,384 --> 01:33:44,184
The end is coming.
1942
01:33:44,264 --> 01:33:46,584
And coming is the end.
1943
01:33:46,744 --> 01:33:48,384
We've checked all
the sectors, Fred.
1944
01:33:48,464 --> 01:33:49,464
Okay, you know what?
1945
01:33:49,543 --> 01:33:52,225
My name is not Fred.
It's Commander Delta.
1946
01:33:52,305 --> 01:33:54,303
- It- just go. In.
- Move.
1947
01:33:59,824 --> 01:34:00,865
Excuse me.
1948
01:34:00,945 --> 01:34:02,985
Miss Death? Nell?
1949
01:34:03,064 --> 01:34:05,385
Or do you prefer Gillian?
1950
01:34:05,465 --> 01:34:07,145
I'm not afraid
of you anymore.
1951
01:34:09,625 --> 01:34:11,704
Death Nell's alive
and inside us.
1952
01:34:13,025 --> 01:34:14,425
Look at him!
He's so scared!
1953
01:34:14,504 --> 01:34:17,385
Aww!
1954
01:34:20,065 --> 01:34:22,825
Oh, where you going?
Come back, ladies' man!
1955
01:34:35,745 --> 01:34:37,225
Whew...
1956
01:34:37,306 --> 01:34:40,384
Well, you caused
quite a commotion out there.
1957
01:34:40,466 --> 01:34:42,585
Is there something
you wanted to tell me?
1958
01:34:42,665 --> 01:34:44,625
Tell you? No. I, uh-
1959
01:34:48,226 --> 01:34:49,267
Oh.
1960
01:34:50,466 --> 01:34:51,705
Hi.
1961
01:34:53,347 --> 01:34:54,466
Agents.
1962
01:34:54,546 --> 01:34:57,746
There's agents staked out
at your hotel.
1963
01:34:57,825 --> 01:35:00,227
In your room.
1964
01:35:00,306 --> 01:35:01,426
Thanks.
1965
01:35:03,626 --> 01:35:05,187
You know I'm not innocent, right?
1966
01:35:05,267 --> 01:35:06,906
Yeah.
1967
01:35:10,266 --> 01:35:12,506
Can I- Can I join...
1968
01:35:34,107 --> 01:35:35,187
Wow.
1969
01:35:36,187 --> 01:35:38,467
This, uh, place is amazing.
1970
01:35:38,547 --> 01:35:39,748
You know, I'm kind of
in the business.
1971
01:35:39,827 --> 01:35:41,587
I've never heard of it.
1972
01:35:41,668 --> 01:35:44,187
Yeah, I just discovered it
the other night.
1973
01:35:44,268 --> 01:35:47,149
There are not a lot of places
in this town that stay open late.
1974
01:35:47,228 --> 01:35:49,188
Yeah.
1975
01:35:49,267 --> 01:35:51,627
- Do- You know, I-
- I- Well-
1976
01:35:51,708 --> 01:35:52,707
Sorry.
1977
01:35:52,786 --> 01:35:55,027
- You go.
- No, you go.
1978
01:35:55,108 --> 01:35:58,867
You know, this is-
this is strange for me.
1979
01:35:58,948 --> 01:36:00,748
I've never had
a volunteer before.
1980
01:36:02,028 --> 01:36:03,948
Some guys will do
anything to get laid.
1981
01:36:07,988 --> 01:36:09,148
Uh-oh.
1982
01:36:16,508 --> 01:36:17,789
This has a...
1983
01:36:17,869 --> 01:36:19,947
a grape aftertaste.
1984
01:36:20,989 --> 01:36:22,828
And you do realize that
1985
01:36:22,909 --> 01:36:25,829
I can't guarantee when or-
1986
01:36:25,908 --> 01:36:28,588
or even if you'll wake up.
1987
01:36:28,669 --> 01:36:30,989
Yeah. No, I understand.
1988
01:36:38,269 --> 01:36:39,349
You mind if I ask you-
1989
01:36:39,428 --> 01:36:41,068
you tell me
if this is too personal,
1990
01:36:41,149 --> 01:36:45,469
but, uh...
how did you get here?
1991
01:36:45,549 --> 01:36:48,670
You know, in the larger sense?
1992
01:36:48,749 --> 01:36:50,268
It's not like I'm gonna
be telling anyone
1993
01:36:50,349 --> 01:36:52,429
for an indefinitely
long period of time.
1994
01:36:56,189 --> 01:36:57,429
I don't know.
1995
01:36:57,510 --> 01:36:59,469
I don't-
1996
01:36:59,550 --> 01:37:01,469
I'm not gonna talk
about my childhood.
1997
01:37:01,549 --> 01:37:04,590
You know?
'Cause that's not what-
1998
01:37:04,669 --> 01:37:08,030
My childhood wasn't any better
or worse than anyone else-
1999
01:37:08,109 --> 01:37:10,430
Oh, well, okay.
It was a little worse.
2000
01:37:10,509 --> 01:37:12,909
But, uh- but I escaped.
2001
01:37:14,429 --> 01:37:17,429
That's where I studied
poetry and chemistry.
2002
01:37:17,510 --> 01:37:20,271
Obviously better
at the latter than the former.
2003
01:37:20,350 --> 01:37:21,590
No, I wouldn't say that.
2004
01:37:21,669 --> 01:37:23,230
I really enjoy your writing.
2005
01:37:28,870 --> 01:37:31,469
You're right,
these spices do look amazing.
2006
01:37:31,550 --> 01:37:33,590
I mean, I've only read the stuff
that gets printed in the paper,
2007
01:37:33,670 --> 01:37:34,910
after each incident.
2008
01:37:34,990 --> 01:37:38,190
But what was it you spray-painted
after Number Seven?
2009
01:37:38,269 --> 01:37:40,150
"My ecstasy, your annihilation. "
2010
01:37:40,231 --> 01:37:43,990
"Our mess, nothing left to transgress. "
2011
01:37:44,071 --> 01:37:45,911
That's good.
2012
01:37:45,990 --> 01:37:48,830
But where was I?
Oh! Yes, of course.
2013
01:37:48,911 --> 01:37:54,111
Before I could graduate,
I was swept off my feet.
2014
01:37:54,190 --> 01:37:56,351
My husband was this, uh-
2015
01:37:58,070 --> 01:38:00,031
everything a girl's
supposed to want, right?
2016
01:38:00,110 --> 01:38:03,151
You know. I was his-
his princess.
2017
01:38:03,230 --> 01:38:06,632
He was my Prince Charming.
2018
01:38:07,591 --> 01:38:09,591
Can I try some of your kale?
2019
01:38:09,671 --> 01:38:13,471
- Trade you for that cherry tomato.
- All right.
2020
01:38:20,231 --> 01:38:23,311
You don't have to go on
if you don't want to.
2021
01:38:23,391 --> 01:38:24,951
No...
2022
01:38:25,031 --> 01:38:28,991
It actually feels good
to say the bad out loud.
2023
01:38:30,632 --> 01:38:34,472
But when I said
I was his princess,
2024
01:38:34,551 --> 01:38:36,992
I wasn't being metaphorical.
2025
01:38:38,352 --> 01:38:39,311
Every week,
2026
01:38:39,391 --> 01:38:42,031
a new princess costume
and a new wig.
2027
01:38:42,112 --> 01:38:43,432
"This way, I won't cheat,"
2028
01:38:43,513 --> 01:38:45,911
was the charming way he put it.
2029
01:38:45,993 --> 01:38:48,593
At first, it was... fun?
2030
01:38:48,672 --> 01:38:50,671
But then it wasn't.
2031
01:38:50,753 --> 01:38:52,192
It got rough, and I-
2032
01:39:06,432 --> 01:39:07,993
Did he hit you?
2033
01:39:08,073 --> 01:39:09,713
Aw...
2034
01:39:09,793 --> 01:39:12,873
You know, I've put
over 20 men into a coma.
2035
01:39:12,952 --> 01:39:15,832
When you're handing out
that kind of punishment-
2036
01:39:15,912 --> 01:39:17,873
The short answer is yes.
2037
01:39:17,952 --> 01:39:19,913
Yeah, he hit me.
2038
01:39:19,993 --> 01:39:21,753
And pretty much
every other verb
2039
01:39:21,833 --> 01:39:23,592
you could come up with.
2040
01:39:23,674 --> 01:39:25,473
But nothing above the neck.
2041
01:39:25,553 --> 01:39:27,514
The Princess and the Pirate.
2042
01:39:27,593 --> 01:39:29,673
The Princess and the Viking.
2043
01:39:29,753 --> 01:39:33,034
The Princess and
the Mongol Warlord.
2044
01:39:33,113 --> 01:39:34,513
Occasionally, he'd mix it up
2045
01:39:34,594 --> 01:39:37,073
and we'd do
The Sound of Music,
2046
01:39:37,153 --> 01:39:39,953
as if the Nazis won.
2047
01:39:40,033 --> 01:39:41,473
You know,
it couldn't be a crime.
2048
01:39:41,552 --> 01:39:42,833
He was my husband.
2049
01:39:42,912 --> 01:39:46,393
I did not complain.
I did not ask questions.
2050
01:39:46,473 --> 01:39:49,273
Although, why anyone
would want to treat
2051
01:39:49,354 --> 01:39:51,395
Julie Andrews
as a human ashtray...
2052
01:39:51,473 --> 01:39:54,473
As far as questions go,
that's a pretty good one.
2053
01:39:55,874 --> 01:39:57,873
It did improve my poetry, though.
2054
01:39:57,954 --> 01:40:00,594
It gave me a lot of good
material to work with.
2055
01:40:00,675 --> 01:40:02,954
God, you're a good listener, man.
2056
01:40:03,034 --> 01:40:04,834
You really are.
2057
01:40:05,794 --> 01:40:07,234
Oh, God- oh.
2058
01:40:07,314 --> 01:40:09,994
Then came Valentine's Day.
2059
01:40:10,074 --> 01:40:13,194
Oh, that was on a good one.
2060
01:40:13,274 --> 01:40:16,555
My hopeless situation,
my inability to change.
2061
01:40:16,635 --> 01:40:20,035
But all in iambic
pentameter, of course.
2062
01:40:22,714 --> 01:40:25,475
And then...
2063
01:40:25,754 --> 01:40:27,756
F-
2064
01:40:43,075 --> 01:40:45,115
I should have
been happy, right?
2065
01:40:45,195 --> 01:40:48,316
They tried everything.
They couldn't wake me up.
2066
01:40:48,396 --> 01:40:50,596
They thought
I was in a coma.
2067
01:40:50,675 --> 01:40:52,636
And that's when
I had the vision.
2068
01:41:21,795 --> 01:41:24,437
I had become my own
Prince Charming.
2069
01:41:24,517 --> 01:41:27,677
But there was much work
to be done in my kingdom.
2070
01:41:27,756 --> 01:41:29,717
Battles to be fought,
2071
01:41:29,796 --> 01:41:31,956
wars to be won.
2072
01:41:34,077 --> 01:41:37,036
You can pretty much
connect the dots from there.
2073
01:41:37,117 --> 01:41:40,277
Costumes, chemistry, poetry,
2074
01:41:40,357 --> 01:41:42,716
mutually degrading sexuality,
2075
01:41:42,797 --> 01:41:45,358
comas, "men suck. "
2076
01:41:45,437 --> 01:41:47,876
I don't know how much longer
I can keep running around like this.
2077
01:41:47,957 --> 01:41:49,277
It's not like I can't afford it.
2078
01:41:49,357 --> 01:41:52,157
I mean, my husband
was Victor Rose IV.
2079
01:41:52,237 --> 01:41:54,277
Victor R- wow.
2080
01:41:54,357 --> 01:41:55,518
Small world.
2081
01:41:55,597 --> 01:41:57,957
I kind of had a one-night stand
with his grandma.
2082
01:41:58,037 --> 01:41:59,878
Granny C?
2083
01:41:59,957 --> 01:42:01,917
My story's not
as compelling as yours,
2084
01:42:01,996 --> 01:42:03,517
but, uh, exactly a year ago,
2085
01:42:03,597 --> 01:42:06,038
I received a list of everyone
I'd ever had sex with
2086
01:42:06,117 --> 01:42:07,876
and ever would have sex with.
2087
01:42:07,957 --> 01:42:10,637
I find that very compelling.
2088
01:42:10,718 --> 01:42:13,438
I- I think we should
order dessert.
2089
01:42:13,517 --> 01:42:15,877
Raspberry tart?
Two forks?
2090
01:42:17,237 --> 01:42:19,638
You think I'm lying?
2091
01:42:19,717 --> 01:42:21,038
- You think I'm insane.
- No!
2092
01:42:21,118 --> 01:42:22,758
No. I-
2093
01:42:22,837 --> 01:42:24,917
And believe me,
I am an expert on both.
2094
01:42:25,798 --> 01:42:29,558
But Bambi and Thumper.
Seriously.
2095
01:42:29,638 --> 01:42:31,599
The Beyond-Ultimate
Lesbian Power Couple.
2096
01:42:31,678 --> 01:42:33,918
Yes. What a night.
2097
01:42:35,798 --> 01:42:38,438
Ohhh, fuck.
2098
01:42:39,838 --> 01:42:41,199
Fuck.
2099
01:42:45,078 --> 01:42:46,799
You know, uh-
2100
01:42:46,879 --> 01:42:48,598
I'd like to think that I-
2101
01:42:48,678 --> 01:42:50,358
I put something
interesting out there
2102
01:42:50,439 --> 01:42:52,159
into the atmosphere.
2103
01:42:52,239 --> 01:42:54,237
You know?
2104
01:42:54,319 --> 01:42:56,718
Just the whole idea of a...
2105
01:42:56,799 --> 01:43:00,119
a woman being able
to put a man down like a dog
2106
01:43:00,199 --> 01:43:01,918
for being bad, or...
2107
01:43:03,718 --> 01:43:06,639
for no reason at all.
2108
01:43:06,718 --> 01:43:08,319
I mean, well...
2109
01:43:08,399 --> 01:43:10,199
well, women have
had to deal with
2110
01:43:10,278 --> 01:43:14,079
the anytime, anywhere
dark impulses of men
2111
01:43:14,158 --> 01:43:15,559
forever, so...
2112
01:43:15,639 --> 01:43:18,360
God, I thought...
2113
01:43:18,439 --> 01:43:19,599
it was time to make the men
2114
01:43:19,678 --> 01:43:22,519
shake in their boots
for a while, you know?
2115
01:43:22,599 --> 01:43:25,399
I guess...
2116
01:43:25,479 --> 01:43:28,279
that's how I-
I rationalized it.
2117
01:43:28,360 --> 01:43:30,599
I- I am gone-
2118
01:43:30,679 --> 01:43:32,839
No, that's okay.
2119
01:43:32,919 --> 01:43:34,520
We're all gone.
You know, it's-
2120
01:43:35,519 --> 01:43:39,320
So many games, names.
2121
01:43:39,400 --> 01:43:40,680
Who did you love?
2122
01:43:40,759 --> 01:43:43,360
And who did you really love?
2123
01:43:43,440 --> 01:43:45,679
Did you break their heart?
2124
01:43:45,759 --> 01:43:48,600
Or did they break yours? Or-
2125
01:43:48,679 --> 01:43:52,040
You know there's some
real bliss in there somewhere.
2126
01:43:52,119 --> 01:43:55,000
And all you're left with is...
2127
01:43:56,160 --> 01:43:57,841
exhaustion.
2128
01:44:02,400 --> 01:44:03,720
I always liked that word.
2129
01:44:07,480 --> 01:44:10,240
Oh, and "depleted,"
2130
01:44:10,322 --> 01:44:14,001
"dissipated," and "spent. "
2131
01:44:14,080 --> 01:44:16,241
Those are good ones.
2132
01:44:16,320 --> 01:44:19,441
But "exhaustion... "
2133
01:44:19,521 --> 01:44:21,361
sounds like what it is.
2134
01:44:23,521 --> 01:44:25,842
And what better cure than sleep?
2135
01:44:27,040 --> 01:44:28,961
Lots of sleep.
2136
01:44:31,921 --> 01:44:33,440
I'll get this.
2137
01:44:33,522 --> 01:44:35,361
I insist.
2138
01:44:37,161 --> 01:44:38,880
Roderick.
2139
01:44:44,441 --> 01:44:45,442
Do you mind?
2140
01:44:47,042 --> 01:44:48,481
What, do you want me
to take two,
2141
01:44:48,561 --> 01:44:50,401
in case the first one
doesn't do the trick?
2142
01:44:50,482 --> 01:44:51,442
No!
2143
01:44:54,281 --> 01:44:57,562
I was just thinking,
since we're together...
2144
01:44:59,442 --> 01:45:02,563
while I'm putting one
in your mouth, you could...
2145
01:45:02,642 --> 01:45:04,281
put one...
2146
01:45:06,122 --> 01:45:08,003
Oh.
2147
01:45:08,083 --> 01:45:10,683
You-
You sure about this?
2148
01:45:10,762 --> 01:45:11,843
Yeah.
2149
01:45:11,923 --> 01:45:12,883
You know, I'm not gonna lie.
2150
01:45:12,963 --> 01:45:14,681
I'm a little flattered.
2151
01:45:16,962 --> 01:45:19,442
You should be.
2152
01:45:20,602 --> 01:45:21,562
Go back to my room?
2153
01:45:22,563 --> 01:45:23,602
Oh, no, no, no.
2154
01:45:23,682 --> 01:45:25,483
Not that room.
2155
01:45:26,443 --> 01:45:27,922
A different room.
2156
01:45:31,523 --> 01:45:32,923
Yeah.
2157
01:46:16,364 --> 01:46:17,363
So that's it.
2158
01:46:17,444 --> 01:46:19,644
The end of my story.
2159
01:46:19,724 --> 01:46:22,603
Well, one of my stories.
2160
01:46:22,684 --> 01:46:23,564
Mommy! Daddy!
2161
01:46:23,644 --> 01:46:26,203
I found a totato for the picnic!
2162
01:46:26,284 --> 01:46:28,524
- A totato!
- Totat-
2163
01:46:28,604 --> 01:46:31,444
Boy, you really are
the farmer in the family.
2164
01:46:31,524 --> 01:46:33,525
- That's-
- Let's see that.
2165
01:46:33,604 --> 01:46:35,805
I think I know what
we're having for the picnic!
2166
01:46:35,884 --> 01:46:37,404
Make some totato soup!
2167
01:46:37,484 --> 01:46:39,564
Buddy, what do you think?
That sound good?
2168
01:46:39,644 --> 01:46:42,044
The story of how I settled down,
2169
01:46:42,124 --> 01:46:43,244
how I met my wife.
2170
01:46:45,965 --> 01:46:47,444
Of how I learned that sometimes,
2171
01:46:47,524 --> 01:46:50,765
what seem to be answers
are really questions in disguise.
2172
01:46:52,044 --> 01:46:53,525
The Machine's list
taught me the who,
2173
01:46:53,604 --> 01:46:56,246
the what, the where,
and the when
2174
01:46:56,325 --> 01:46:58,845
is never as important as the why.
2175
01:46:58,924 --> 01:47:01,405
And the why's not all
that important, either.
2176
01:47:01,486 --> 01:47:06,045
* I want to unmake every bed *
2177
01:47:06,125 --> 01:47:10,365
* That I laid down on *
2178
01:47:10,445 --> 01:47:15,445
* Give back everything I've won *
2179
01:47:18,005 --> 01:47:20,325
* Good days *
2180
01:47:20,406 --> 01:47:22,366
* There'll be *
2181
01:47:22,446 --> 01:47:25,326
* Bad days *
2182
01:47:26,605 --> 01:47:31,206
* I want to unread every book *
2183
01:47:31,285 --> 01:47:35,086
* That my eyes laid on *
2184
01:47:35,165 --> 01:47:37,286
If it really is all a game,
2185
01:47:37,366 --> 01:47:38,926
sometimes the best
thing you can do
2186
01:47:39,005 --> 01:47:40,806
is press the reset button.
2187
01:47:41,926 --> 01:47:46,487
* I want to unsing every song *
2188
01:47:46,566 --> 01:47:50,885
* Unwrite every line *
2189
01:47:50,967 --> 01:47:54,046
For the first time in my life, I am.
2190
01:47:54,127 --> 01:47:56,046
I dare not add an adjective-
2191
01:47:56,126 --> 01:47:59,407
mature, content, happy.
2192
01:47:59,486 --> 01:48:01,886
"I am" is good enough for now.
2193
01:48:03,047 --> 01:48:05,846
Life is a lot like death.
2194
01:48:05,927 --> 01:48:09,527
It happens to everyone,
whether they like it or not.
2195
01:48:09,607 --> 01:48:11,407
The meaning of it all?
2196
01:48:11,486 --> 01:48:13,407
Honestly?
2197
01:48:13,487 --> 01:48:14,808
Who gives a fuck?
2198
01:48:34,568 --> 01:48:39,128
* I want to unsew every seam *
2199
01:48:39,207 --> 01:48:43,368
* Unwind every clock *
2200
01:48:43,447 --> 01:48:48,487
* Unbreathe every
breath I've made *
2201
01:48:52,127 --> 01:48:56,448
* I want to unset every sun *
2202
01:48:56,528 --> 01:49:01,049
* That my eyes fell on *
2203
01:49:01,128 --> 01:49:06,169
* Till I give back all I've won *
2204
01:49:09,848 --> 01:49:11,969
* Good days *
2205
01:49:12,049 --> 01:49:13,888
* There'll be *
2206
01:49:13,968 --> 01:49:16,689
* Bad days *
2207
01:49:18,649 --> 01:49:20,689
* Good days *
2208
01:49:20,768 --> 01:49:22,767
* There'll be *
2209
01:49:22,849 --> 01:49:25,609
* Bad days *
2210
01:49:27,329 --> 01:49:29,449
* Good days *
2211
01:49:29,528 --> 01:49:31,569
* There'll be *
2212
01:49:31,649 --> 01:49:34,129
* Bad days *
2213
01:49:36,089 --> 01:49:38,289
* Good days *
2214
01:49:38,369 --> 01:49:40,570
* There'll be *
2215
01:49:40,649 --> 01:49:43,449
* Bad days *
157262
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