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Almost got hung myself once.

Didn't care for it much.

How about you?

We'll leave you now.

Don't want anyone to see me here...

get the crazy notion that I was
somehow connected with your...

accidental death.

On the other hand...

it's not good for a man
to be out here alone.

The mind can do terrible things.

Enjoy the company.

Oh, snakes.

Don't go without me,
all right, Ollie?

Lord...

whatever I've done
to piss you off...

if you'd just
get me out of this...

let me know what it was,
I'll rectify the situation.

It had just been a shitty week
for me from the beginning.

It all started when I was heading
into Crystal River...

to take some money
from the bank.

I should've known there was
bad luck on the horizon...

when my horse got stolen...

and I had to replace it with
something less than a thoroughbred.

My luck had to change fast.

The poker game of the century
was four days away in St. Louis...

and I was still $3,000 short
of the entrance fee.

There was no way in hell
I would miss that game.

Not just because there was
a half-million dollar pot to be won...

although that kind of money
certainly demands attention...

but because I needed to know
how good I really was.

Once and for all.

I had to hole up here
for the night.

Business would have to wait
till morning.

Big fella.

- Hello, sir.
- Hi, son.

How much?

By the day, week or month?

No, no. Not how much to take care of him,
how much to just take him. Permanently.

Pa! This man wants to know
if you wanna buy a burro.

That burro ain't worth a dollar.

Well, sir,
I say you got yourself a deal.

Here's your dollar.

He doesn't eat much,
but he's a regular jackass.

And he-aw, he-aw, he always likes
to be called Arthur.

From the moment I slapped eyes
on this hombre, I smelled trouble...

and refried beans.

Something else told me that this
was not just a chance meeting.

I'll see your 10 and I'll raise you 10.

I call.

- What do you got?
- Full house.

That beats me.

Damn. You are a lucky lady.

Is this seat taken?

It is now.

My name is Annabelle Bransford.

What do they call you?

Bret Maverick.
I'm pleased to meet you.

I like the game the way it is.

Well, I bring all sorts
of pluses to the table.

I hardly ever bluff
and I never, ever cheat.

I don't believe it.

Neither do I.

I like the game just the way it is.

What good is an empty chair?

Indeed.

I'll bet I can change your mind.

I promise that I will lose
for at least an hour.

- I like that.
- Sounds good.

My kind of player.

We're playing five-card draw.

Please, sit down.

My name is
Mrs. Annabelle Bransford.

I caught that before, ma'am.
Except the "Mrs."

Ante up.

I'm in.

Same game. Chips, sir.

You can lose as much as you want.

Two hundred.

- You did say you'd lose for an hour.
- I'm a man of my word.

I know.

Place your bets.

It's about time.

I'll see you...

and raise you 20.

Slow down,
I'm running low on chips.

I'll see your bet and...

I'll call.

Two pair. Aces over queens.

Lucky for me, I had 3 sixes.

Sorry.

Nice pot.

Broke your losing streak.

That one shouldn't count.

Beg your pardon?

I don't think
that hand should count.

You got any logical reasons
why not?

My mind wasn't on the game.

His mind wasn't on the...

What's your name, son?

- Johnny.
- You got a last name?

Johnny Hardin.

What's your occupation?

I'm a gunfighter.

I have to assume
since you're still alive...

and playing cards with us...

that you're good at it.

Care to find out?

Gentlemen, this hand definitely
does not count. Take it all.

Whatever you think's fair, and
I'll be content with the leavings.

You always been gutless?

I think so. For as long
as I can remember, at any rate.

My old pappy used to say,
"He who fights and runs away...

can run away another day."

What?

Look, I don't see...

Slow down there.

Where's the fire, son?

Slow down. Don't shoot me, okay?
I'm just trying to expound.

I was saying, I don't see
what's so great about being brave.

I mean, I'm a card player.
You know, I play cards.

Call me a gambler.
I want to become an old gambler.

You are a gunfighter.

An exceptional one at that,
from what I hear.

If I went up against you, what
chance would I have had? Answer?

Zero.

Absolutely none whatsoever.

Wanna see it again?

Damn thing won't stay
in the holster.

Whoop! I must have a spring in there.

Come on, let's just play poker.

Who wants to play poker?

Who wants to see
someone get killed?

No. Let's play poker.

I'd rather be rich than dead.

Was that fast?
I thought that was fast.

Was it fast? Was it?

Yeah.

Now, what was it? Stud?

I think I prefer draw!

Just kidding.

Sorry. I couldn't resist it.

My ante's in.

- I'll raise you 75.
- Oh, 75.

Well, that's...
That more than takes care of your bet.

And I'll raise you whatever that is,
looks like 100.

Shit! I fold.

Hey, you never paid to look...

You said you never bluffed.

I had a pair of aces!

No, I said I never cheated
and I also said I hardly ever bluff.

This is one of the "hardlys."

You've been cheating
the whole game.

What do you think I was doing
during that first hour?

I was learning your tells.

Your weakness comes
when you get your hand...

shuffle the cards back and forth
and act a little fidgety.

I just called you a cheat.

You also called me gutless...

but I figured
you were just teasing.

Get your hands off him!

We get him first!

When I seen you through the window,
I believed in the Almighty.

You were drinking.

A lot. And you played bad.
Whose fault is that?

Yours, you bastard!
It's all your fault!

It's our time now.

- I think there's gonna be a fight.
- Come here, son.

I want you
to hold onto this for me.

If they get to whupping me...

you have my permission
to shoot me.

- Shoot you?
- Shoot me.

See this gets no dirt on it.
Thank you.

Good luck! I get to hold it.

I'm going to cut you up...

fancy man!

- You're a pretty good fighter.
- Thank you.

- I'm glad I didn't have to kill you.
- Me too.

- By the way, I won 20 cents.
- Twenty cents?

Thanks to my lucky shirt.

Speaking of my 20 cents...

All right. All right! My shirt's damaged!
Damn!

What the hell else bad
can happen? You!

What did you say before?
You called me something.

- Nothing important.
- He called you a gutless coward.

I did not say that. I might've said
a gutless cheat...

- But not a coward.
- Cheat? Cheat?

I was teasing.

- Teasing?
- Teasing.

I don't like being teased.

Hey. My friend, I'm sorry.

Now I'm teasing you.

Let's play poker.

Oh, ma'am. Here. Let me get your chair.

That was truly amazing.

I just get lucky sometimes.

Whose deal was it? Mine?

Excuse me. Think I'm through
with y'all for the evening.

- Good night, ma'am.
- Good night.

Good night, son.

Five-card draw all right?

Whatever.

Mind if I take six?

Little poker humor.
I'm just teasing you again.

Who is it?

Annabelle Bransford.

I shouldn't be doing this.

You're just standing
in the hallway.

That's still legal in this state.

If only I weren't a married woman.

I couldn't help myself.

My very being cried out
to hold you.

Stop by anytime.

I know we may never
see each other again...

so I think it's safe to say...

you are the most...

blindingly attractive man
that I've ever seen.

Goodbye.

How can I possibly go on...

without my wallet?

If you don't give back my money,
I'll have your ass in jail.

Damn!

Don't get mad at me. I can't help it
if you're a miserable thief.

I'm a very good thief.
I just been having bad luck.

I know what that's all about.

Where're you from?
Your accent could use some work too.

- Most gentlemen enjoy my Southern.
- That's not in dispute.

But I'll bet there is
no Mr. Bransford, is there?

No, and there never will be,
thank you very much.

Now what do we do?
You're not going to turn me in, are you?

I am law-abiding.
It's my duty to turn you in.

I'm afraid I'll have to...

What the hell. I got my money back
and there's no harm done.

Let's just call it square,
shall we?

Damn!

What?

You're just so irritating
and likable.

I have to work on that, I guess.

There you go, all likable again.

You know, I...

I think that had we known each other
under different circumstances...

we'd have hated each other.

There's no Mrs. Maverick?

I'm sure I would've remembered.

May I?

I wish we'd never met.

Goodbye.

She did it.

Son of a bitch.

Can I be of some help?

What?

You have to admit
I was much better the second time.

Not just better. You were good.

- I was?
- Very good.

Thank you.

And now
it's time you do something I want.

How dare you? I'm a lady.
Not in a million years!

Not if you or I were 100 years old...

Shut up! I don't want
to go to bed with you.

Why not?

Why not? I'd be too frightened!

If I dozed, God knows
what parts of me you'd steal.

I'd wake up
with all sorts of things missing.

But I don't know
how to clean this...

and, obviously,
you must know how to.

The laundry's closed,
I leave early and you owe me.

Easy on the starch.

If I can't touch you,
I can touch your shirt and dream.

- Want a hand?
- Yes, thank you.

Thank you.

Good night, Bert.

Bret.

Bret. That's my name. Bret.

- Good morning.
- Morning.

- Is Eugene in?
- Yes, sir, but he's bus...

Eugene?

Get up,
you bald-headed reprobate!

- On your feet!
- Don't shoot.

- I need some cash.
- I know a desert flower...

Shut up!

- Put the cash on the table.
- I don't have any.

Robbery!

Robert, no! It's all right.

It's my friend Bret saying hello.

- Tell everybody everything's okay.
- Yes, sir.

- Son of a bitch.
- Silly bastard.

- How are things going?
- Things couldn't be worse.

I know I owe you $1,000.

- That's what I came for.
- Would you take 100?

I've never welshed on a debt.
Give me to year's end.

The end of the?
I need that money right now.

Oh, for the?

For the poker championship,
the All Rivers.

How much to enter?

Twenty-five thousand dollars.

I'm $3,000 short,
but with Joseph and you...

Pork Chop Slim owed me...

but his widow used the money
for his funeral.

They never found the body.

- What?
- They never found his body.

The widow Pork Chop conned me.

What's with people nowadays?

I know. You can't trust them.
Take my last 100.

I can't.
What about Matilda and the kid?

- Bank robbery!
- I told you...

You heard him! Bank robbery!

I'll take this, gunslinger.

Empty your pockets, old man.

I got a silver dollar.

Do better!
My trigger finger's itchy.

All right, don't shoot, don't shoot.

- Take it.
- What? Look at this.

Well, I'll be. Jesus.

Hundreds and thousands.

- You said you were broke!
- I am now! He's got it.

- And I'll get the rest too!
- I don't have any more.

Pull those pockets out.
Turn around!

- Hurry up! Hey!
- I'm sorry.

Give me that!

- Nah.
- Nah.

Let's blow the safe!

- Light up!
- Heads down, everybody!

- I'm younger than you.
- I should be under...

I'm getting too old for this shit.

Hi-yah! Yah!

You sons of bitches
beat me by a day!

Eugene!

You're holding out.

Bret, that's all I got left!

Maverick!

Hey!

Bret Maverick!

Nothing to worry about.

We want to talk to you, pal.

Where are you going?

Got you now!

- Anybody see you?
- Not a soul.

You fellas come in any later last night...

that monster would've eaten me alive.

We saw that.
Anybody suspect anything?

Not a thing. You were great!

We enjoyed it.

No kidding.

Thanks for taking it easy on us.

Easy? Those were my best shots.

The one there rung my bell a little bit.

That's good.

You owe us $5 apiece.

- Five bucks.
- Damn right, $5 a beating.

You boys may or
may not believe this.

They cleaned the bank and me out.
I'll have to owe you.

Are you saying...

you don't have our money
for taking your best shots?

- Killing me won't make you richer.
- Sure gonna make me feel better.

You got a point there.

Let's see here.

I'm sorry. I forgot!

I honestly forgot.

I always keep something pinned
inside my vest...

for such a rainy day occasion.

It's a good thing.
It was clouding up pretty quick.

That's a $100 bill.

- A $100 bill?
- But I do need some change.

- Eighty will be close enough, 75...
- Let's see what we got.

- I got 17 here.
- Seventeen dollars?

- That's right.
- You owe me $8 for a month.

- We'll settle that later.
- You always cheat me.

- I can't believe you!
- Close enough.

You came out better
than you think. Nice working with you.

You keep this
under your hats, okay?

News travels fast in the old West.

A $100 bill! That's...

25 apiece.

Ever since I was a kid,
I believed I had a gift.

That if I thought hard enough
about a card...

I'd be able
to cut straight to it.

My old pappy always said
I was a damn fool.

But I knew if I really believed
and made it happen, then that...

would be
nothing short of magic.

Damn!

Of course, it didn't always work.

What do I expect?

In fact, it had never worked.

You sweet woman.

Lucky shirt. Yes.

Mrs. Bransford. Mrs. Bransford!

Wait! You!

Wait there. I'm... No! You...
Wait!

Hold up the ferry!
Don't go without me!

You did this on purpose.

You bet I did.

This is my lucky shirt.

Do your own laundry then.

My underwear comes from New York.

Got any idea
where this shirt was made?

Paris, France, that's where!

I can't go to the nearest dry goods store
to pick up another one!

Why don't you try
the kiddie department?

Remove your hands from the lady.

When you least expect it,
your hero arrives. Mister?

Zane Cooper.
Folks call me Coop.

- Suits me just fine.
- Coop.

This creature's named Maverick.
I'm Annabelle Bransford.

- I'll be taking this coach.
- So am I.

That ought to be fun.

Lord knows what that ruffian might've done
had we been alone on the stage for two days.

I hope you can relax
and enjoy the journey now.

My feeling is that
if there weren't any women...

none of us would be here.

What kind of sense does that make?

If there were no men,
we wouldn't be here either.

Are you mocking me?

Don't get ruffled.
I was agreeing with you...

in a totally unusual way.

What would this world come to
without gentlemen like yourself?

A passenger! Come ahead.

Right this way, sir. Want a hand?

I'm the driver.

Are you all right?

Why does everybody ask me that?

Get me up there so
we can get this thing going.

I think it's about time
we get to know each other.

Mr. Maverick has aspirations
to be a card player.

I'm not ignorant of cards.
Can't be in my line of work.

- And pray, what might that be?
- Lawman.

I bet you're the best there is.
I can tell things about a man.

I can't quite place your accent.
Where in the South are you from?

Ever been to Mobile?

That's where I'm from.

Mobile, Alabama?
Hell, I been there.

I'll bet we know the same people.
You start.

I've tried so hard
to forget that place.

I endured
such personal tragedy there.

A woman's suffering
is not a funny thing, Bertie.

There are exceptions.

Watch your billfold.

Hey, old-timer!

The thief and the old guy
find it bumpy back here!

How could you face them all down?
Nine men, all of them armed?

A man gives his word to do his job,
he's honor bound to do it.

- Weren't you afraid?
- A mite.

Maverick doesn't believe in bravery.

I think bravery's a fine thing...

just overrated is all,
and doesn't suit me personally.

- I just realized something.
- What's that?

You're spineless.

That's right.
It's kept me alive a long time.

You fellas got a problem?

Heavens to Betsy, no!

What's the joke?

- You, Pancho. You're the joke.
- Explain that.

You'll have to pay us
more money than Maverick did.

He paid you to fall down?

Paid us good too.

That's right. A $100 bill.

- That's a good day's work.
- That's right.

You fellas ought to see me first.

I'd have let you fall down for free.

Maverick is mine, anyway.

But this time it's personal.

Hundred dollar bill. Ha!

Is he taking a short cut?

Hey, old-timer, wake up!
Wake...

- Is he asleep?
- It's more serious than that.

- He's dead.
- Dead?

Yeah.

- Get up and stop the stage.
- Me? I just put a fresh shirt on.

- You stop the stage!
- Because this wheel's loose.

If it comes off, we're all dead.
Stop the stage.

- I'll take care of the wheel.
- All right.

- Give me your hat.
- It better fit when I come back.

Now, Bert, stop playing around
and stop those horses.

- Help!
- This is serious!

- He'll be fine. He looks handy.
- He is?

- Why don't you fix the wheel?
- The wheel is perfect.

Then help him.
He'll kill you when he gets back.

No, in the long run,
he'll thank me in his prayers.

What's he doing back there?

Sorry!

- Stop fooling around!
- You poked me in the eye!

Get up there and stop the horses!

Horses! Stop!

Stop!

- Let me help you.
- I got it.

Here.

So, what's with the wheel?

- Oh! It's fine.
- Nothing was wrong with it. It...

I know. I got a real good...

close look at the wheels
from underneath.

Don't you feel better
about yourself for being so brave?

- Wasn't that exciting?
- I get it.

This was all for my benefit.

- Yes!
- To help me build character.

- Exactly.
- He's bursting with pride.

That's funny.
You'd think I'd be mad, wouldn't you?

Give me your hand.

Don't you ever try
and help me again.

You either.

Now back off.
Go ahead, back off!

Go away.

Ungrateful.

Help.

What?

Help.

What did you say?

Please help me.

Oh! Okay, take my hand.

You take my hand.

Take my other hand.

- Easy.
- Oh, watch the cactus!

I don't care about it.
Just get me up there.

You're doing good.

Now get your hands off me!

Ungrateful.

Somebody ought to say
something nice about the deceased.

How do we know he was nice?
We don't know anything about him.

The only thing in his wallet
is names of whorehouses.

Amazing grace

How sweet the sound

That saved a wretch

Like me

"Don't let Maverick reach the game."

Trouble.

Pull up!

We sing praises
unto the Lord, our God!

Here.

We'll do everything we can.

Though I walk through
the valley of the shadow of death...

Maverick!

- They got hit by Indians.
- Yeah, they were Injuns.

Ma'am, it was not Indians.

I seen them.
They were wearing war paint...

If it was Indians...

I said we'd take them
to Cristal City.

- That's backtracking.
- Just a day.

- I have a game to get to.
- I know what you have to get to.

- Took my girl's music box.
- My favorite!

And the wagon with our money.

Hold it. Simmer down. Simmer down.

Exactly how much money?

- What kind of animal are you?
- Vulture.

Exactly how much money?

Thirty thousand dollars.

We were starting a mission.

If I get it back,
is it worth 10 percent to you?

Five. Five percent.

No, 10 percent, Mary Margaret.
I want my wedding dress back...

for when I find a husband.

All right. Can you do it?

- I know we can.
- What's this "we" stuff? Ma'am.

I'll give you 10 percent,
but make those savages suffer.

I'm telling you, there are
no hostile Indians around here.

Oh, my God! Come on...

Drums.
Those are definitely drums.

Right again, Bert.

It's Bret.

- Well?
- They may look like dimples in dirt to you.

But they're shod horse tracks. Indians don't
shoe their ponies. So it wasn't Indians.

They're Indians.
They probably stole the ponies.

- Not everybody's like you.
- What is it with you and Indians?

Nothing. I try to shoot one a day. If
possible, before noon. How about you, Coop?

It's their fault for being
on our land before we got here.

- What are you doing here?
- We're partners. 50-50.

Sounds like 50-50 to me.

You want 50% too?

I want those ladies
to get their money.

Oh, fine!
I don't split my bounty with anybody.

Would 60-40 be agreeable?

- What'll you do for your 40 percent?
- I'll help.

Oh.

Seventy-thirty?

Now, Mrs. Bransford, 70-30,
I don't know.

You're not exactly
an experienced tracker.

Some tracker you are,
following horses. Anybody can do that.

Anybody? Oh...

you see that hawk?

- No!
- I won't shoot the hawk.

- You know what that hawk means?
- What?

Nothing. But you didn't know that.

- I did!
- You didn't.

Children!

What?
Smell some Indians in Montana?

No. Now be quiet.

What is it?

- What do you hear?
- Nothing.

I thought I'd nap before sundown.
Sneak up on them in the dark.

What are you laughing at?

Here you go.

There's 6 horses.
It's got to be them.

- You got good eyes.
- We got to tie these up.

Can you
teach me to be a better poker player?

- What? Now?
- You might be dead later.

You're all heart.
Poker's about observing.

Observe the U.S. Cavalry brand
and the shoes.

They're not Indian.
These are tells.

- You got tells too.
- Do not.

- You play with your hair at cards.
- I never...

Would you two shut up?
Just listen!

Sounds like a music box,
doesn't it?

Oh, hey. There they are.

There's the music box she talked about.

And look at that fella in the back.

He's wearing your sweetheart's
wedding dress, Mary Margaret.

Margaret Mary. She's not...

You're on a first-name basis.

Would you two be quiet!

Be quiet!

You're crazy.

Did you see any money over there?

No.

Can't see anything.

We could take them easy.
They're half drunk...

That's a strange new word in your
vocabulary, "we." This is your show.

You'd just stand there
and let me face six guys with six guns?

Yeah.

I have one gun, that's six bullets.
They got six guns, that's 36 bullets.

What if they got 2? That's 72 bullets.
Maybe they got rifles.

Shut up. You're babbling.

You're babbling.

- No, I wasn't.
- You are babbling.

Don't worry,
they're probably drunk.

Coop faced nine men dead sober,
didn't you?

He's always dead sober.

- She didn't mean that.
- That's what she said.

I said the outlaws were sober!

Shut up!

Here he comes.

What if there's trouble? Seriously.

- I'm right behind you.
- You are?

No "wheels coming off" shit.

That was broken bones.
This is dying.

Other way.

Dying. Right.

- Give it to me.
- What?

It may be my last chance.
Hand it over.

- How dare you?
- I need all I can get.

- No, just take your own.
- Got to be under there.

- All right, 50 percent.
- Fifty percent?

- No!
- Fifty-fifty.

- No.
- Sixty-forty. Sixty-forty.

- Sixty-forty.
- All right, 60-40.

You're the fastest draw.
Why do you need my tiny gun?

Who said that?

It's true. I am fast, but...

I can't hit shit, especially when
I aim at people, so I need bullets.

- You back me up?
- Yeah.

- Bert.
- Bret. My name is Bret.

You're Annabelle, he's Coop.
It's like you're shooting me.

Be careful, okay?

Of course. You too.

Hey, everyone.

Wake up!
No need to get alarmed.

I saw your fire and thought
I'd come visit for a while.

Who are you?

Bert Maverick.

No. I'm Bret Maverick, and I'm here
to say each one of you has a gun...

pointed at your heads.

Just whistle, so they can hear you.

You're surrounded.

Did another wheel come off?
Clap if you can't whistle!

See? They're out there.

Marshal Zane Cooper will blow
your brains out. Probably heard of him.

I know you're thinking he's old, decrepit,
gums his food and his women.

But he can still shoot straight.

After you is Ugly Annie Bransford.

When she was born, she came out
backwards and no one noticed.

Her parents had to tie a pork chop
to her so the dog would play with her.

When making love, she has to pretend
she's somebody else.

You're all right, Bart.

Admit it. That was funny.

I didn't think so.

Well, some Indians
attacked a wagon train.

They said it might be whites acting
like Indians, but I don't believe it.

If you come along with me, we'll settle this matter.
We can all get some more sleep.

So if you just follow me.
Get up.

Get up. Get in a straight
line and let's go. Come on.

I'll give you something to remember!

- Aren't you helping him?
- A man could get killed like that.

Did you just help him?

Shot my whiskey bottle!

My hand!

Oh, that's my gun!

Damn you!

Oh, isn't he wonderful?

Oh, yeah.

Look at that!

They're all gone.
Isn't it wonderful?

- It's wonderful. I'll be rich!
- It was nothing, really.

- I'll tell you what you did wrong.
- Now where's the money?

You tell me where it is.

There it is!

I've never seen
such beautiful money!

- Take off that dress!
- How dare you!

- Not you. Him.
- Put that cash down!

- I found it!
- I nearly got blown away!

- I'll take the money.
- I'll count it for you.

Don't let her touch it!

Where are you going?
Stay and clean up your mess.

Be mature. Clean up this mess.

Get back!
Put those guns down and line up.

Don't let her get
within 10 yards of that cash!

I have found you.
For He said, "Seek and ye shall find."

And I have found you. Oh, rejoice!

Bless you for finding my wedding dress.
Now I can get married.

The Lord says it's good
to bear children. The Lord says...

- It's a beautiful dress.
- Thank you.

I'm sure you'll find a husband.

Two thousand five hundred...

$2,600...

$2,800...

Two thousand seven hundred,
ma'am.

- Are you sure?
- I'm sure.

She'd know.

Two thousand seven hundred,
2,800...

900.

Three thousand dollars.
Here you go, the 10 percent we promised.

That leaves us
with $27,000, Margaret Mary.

That's not enough to start a mission.

Don't worry. We are honorable
women. We promised Mr. Maverick...

$3,000 and we delivered.
The Lord will provide for us.

My pappy used to say:

"Never sneeze when you hide
or smile when you lie."

And never,
under any circumstances...

"...take money from women who've lost
a dog, a wedding dress and a wagon."

Hallelujah!

I lost a wedding dress! Bret!

We have got
our money back. Saint Maverick!

You owe me my 30 percent.

I'm a man of my word.
You can have 30 percent of whatever I got.

I hate to interrupt,
but I got a problem.

If those renegades
weren't real Indians...

who was beating those drums?

Maybe it was them.

I'll take care of this.

Anybody get that?

You know about Indians.
Can you speak to him?

I'll do my best.

What's he say?

It seems
we've committed a terrible sin.

We're on sacred ground.

We didn't know that.
Can't you tell him?

Yeah.

His gods demand a sacrifice.

There's no other way.
Sacred ground is sacred ground.

Sacrifice?

Human.

We can go if one of us
passes a bravery test...

but one of us must go with him.

What's the bravery test?

He cuts off your hands.
If you don't make a sound, you pass.

I'll die before I let him touch you.

There's too many of them.
You can't protect me.

You're right. Don't show fear.
It makes them crazy.

One of us must go,
or there'll be bloodshed.

- I'll go.
- No, I'll go.

I owe you.
I almost got you killed twice.

I can't do what you can.
You get these people to safety.

I'll go, but it's okay.
Third time lucky.

Oh, Bret.

I liked it just now
when you called me Bret.

- One thing.
- What, Bret?

When you bluff, never tap
your fingernails on your teeth.

That's your second giveaway.
You gotta work on that.

Even at a time like this,
you think of others.

Goodbye, my lady.

You were right, Coop.

I never felt better
than I do right now.

Take care of yourself.

Now when they...

Cut my hands off,
my lucky shirt'll fit.

- Bye.
- Bye, Bret.

What was
that about? My throat's killing me.

- Tell you later.
- Tell me later.

Bye.

I could die happy right now.

I'm just trying to...
Will you slow down?

I can't get my... Where'd you get
this useless piece of junk?

I won it off a Russian guy in
a card game. Okay, okay. Watch out!

My bicycle. Look at that.

I'll stick with a horse.

What are they laughing at?

Nobody's ever ridden it before.

You sure do pick the spots.

Yeah, I know.

Next time you people drive us off,
I'll find...

some swampland so awful
you'll leave us alone.

- Is that good?
- Nah.

What's with the drums
and war paint and horses?

We had a lousy year.

Not much left to hunt. So when this
Russian archduke, where I got the bike...

came and wanted to see
the real West, I said, "Okay."

He pays well.

We get dressed up in war paint
and whoop around like idiots.

He wants me to speak like
they say in books, "How, white man."

You people are such assholes.

And he's got to hear
the war drums all the time!

Gets on my nerves.

You'll move on, you'll have
the cash. What's eating you?

- Bret.
- What?

I don't have the $1,000 I owe you.

Oh, I knew you'd say that.

I'm sorry. You'll get it as soon
as I change my rubles into dollars.

When will that be? I've got
a few days to make it to that big game.

Oh, the big game, the big game. You need
$25,000 to get into that. You're crazy.

I know that.
I suppose I have to win the $3,000.

If I get your $1,000 in time,
I'll only have to win $2,000.

- Wait a minute, wait a minute.
- What?

You've got $22,000?

Cash?

It's not frog skins.

I've never seen $22,000.

I've never seen 25.
This is terrible!

Where is it? Can I see it?

Why not?

- Can I touch it?
- You can roll in it.

- Where is it?
- Where else?

What is this stuff?

- Oh, ha, ha, ha. Very funny.
- What?

It's... It's newspaper.

- You all right? Was it the food?
- No, no, no!

I'm gonna kill her.
I'm gonna kill her. Annabelle.

- What?
- Annabelle.

How could she rob me of $22,000
when I was off to face my doom?

You were gonna cut my hands off,
she robbed me anyway!

- What are you talking about?
- No decency!

Pull yourself together!
Everyone's looking.

I got your money.
I wanted to see how you'd react.

I was just teasing you.

Teasing? I don't like being teased.

I'll kill you.
You'll be dead, I'll be happy.

- Wait!
- What?

- Did you say dead?
- Yes.

I just got an idea.

Big asshole.

How, white man!

Hello, noble savage.
I've had a terrible day.

I kill every animal in sight
and it's boring me.

Boring?

Maybe His Largeness be interested
in greatest Western thrill of all.

What is it? What?

Come, come!

What is greatest Western thrill?

Kill Injun.

Kill...?

Is it legal?

White man been doing it for years,
but much wampum needed.

How much?

One thousand.

One thousand?

Don't tie him.
That wouldn't be sporting.

No, he'll lose, but easy hit.
Dying anyway.

Smoke too much tobacco.

Very sick. Put out of misery.
Deal?

Deal.

Me go find
and give him courage.

Indian law say death private thing.
You wait here.

Psst! Hey!

- Bret?
- Who else? Did you fix his gun?

I couldn't.
He wouldn't let go of it.

Great
What's in it for me if I die?

I got him up to $500.

Five hundred? Worth the risk.
Let's get it over with.

Two-fifty a piece.

I'm the one taking all the risk.
Why do you need $250?

So, Arch!

Look sick.

Tell him to run.

No, no, no. Wrong!

What's wrong?
I don't want to lose the light.

Injun shot by white man's weapon
not reach Happy Hunting Ground.

Injun die by Indian way.

- I never used one of those.
- Psst!

Real easy, see?

No wonder you people
were so easy to conquer. Give me it!

Two thousand dollars.

Two thousand dollars?

Two thousand. Give me that.
Two thousand.

Come, come!

Oh, shit.

I killed him. I killed him.

I really killed him.

Are you just going to leave him
for the vultures?

Never liked him much anyway.
Come, we get the money now.

Partner, we did it!

We did it. Yeah, "we" did it.

You son of a bitch.
He could have killed me.

- Arrows missing, bullets whiz...
- We had to make it look real.

Real? You knew
he'd miss me by this much!

- Shoot this.
- You shoot it.

You shoot it. I'll show you something.

You go run.
I'll give you a 5-second start.

- Hey, gratitude! I saved your life!
- What?

Shoot it. I'll show you.

- That's not funny.
- Hurts, doesn't it?

Anybody who uses my bow
can't use their hand for half a day.

And fresh from the mint.
All yours. You earned it.

I'd kiss you if there weren't
so many people.

Don't do that.

So I guess you'll be going now.

How will I explain I got away...

with my hands still attached?

Tell them you got us drunk
and escaped in the confusion.

Nobody'll believe that.
It's stupid.

You people believe anything.
Besides, that's not $500.

- I got the big dunce up to $1,000.
- From $500 to $1,000?

- Who's the best?
- He would've gone for $2,000.

No! That's pushing it, really.

All I need now is another $2,000
and I'm in the game.

With your luck, you'll win it soon.

With my luck,
I'll lose this 1,000.

- Hey, what's this?
- What?

You insult me by counting it
in front of me? It's all there.

I'm sorry Joseph, but lately,
even my close friends...

have stiffed me.

Oh, hey, Mav!
What are friends for?

Yeah. It's all there, isn't it?

It was high time I hotfooted it
out of there...

because I knew it wouldn't be long
before Joseph had a scheme...

to help me reinvest
my newly-acquired thousand.

Goodbye, Bert.

The $2,000 wasn't the only thing
I was short on.

I was really getting short on time.

Hey!

Hey!

Should've paid your cowhands
a little more.

Lucky for you,
I don't mind being made a fool of.

I'd never let you make that poker game.

But if you hadn't done
what you did, I might've let you live.

But now I won't.

It occurred to me, before I
blacked out, he might be teasing.

And then again...

maybe not.

All right, Lord.

That's enough. I've... I've found humility.

If you could get me out of this,
I don't mean to be...

too presumptuous, but...

Let's go! Go, Ollie, go!

Thank you, Lord.

All right, Ollie.
You can stop now.

Ollie, you can stop.

You can stop, Ollie.

You can stop. Attaboy, attaboy.

All right, Ollie.

Don't go, Ollie. Please don't.

Stay there, pal. Come on!

No! No, no. Don't run!

Ollie!

Bret! Bret!

Bret Maverick. Look at you.

- My hero's alive and well.
- You actually seem glad to see me.

Well, I am.

How ever did you escape
from those hostiles?

I'm not exactly
a whole man anymore.

Oh, Bret.
My beautiful, beautiful, perfect male.

I don't want to seem forward, but...

I was wondering,
could you loan me $4,000?

I've only broken even
at the poker tables these last few days.

That means you can't enter.

Mrs. B., if it was within my power,
I'd give you that money in a heartbeat.

The problem is,
I'm $2,000 short myself.

And my poor, pure heart
was just set on it.

This wine is for peasants!

Set on this, Mrs. Bransford.

Just stay as pure as you are
right now and I'll be back soon.

Hunting savages,
wasn't that dangerous?

It's primitive,
but I like killing.

Excuse me, sir,
could I have a word with you?

Do you know who I am?

No, but I know who I am.
Maverick, Indian Affairs.

It's over for you, Dukey.
Joseph talked.

I know no one with that name.

Funny. That's exactly what he said of you
when I started investigating the murder.

But once in jail,
he told the truth, and so will you.

But I no American.

Murder's murder, Dukey.
You're looking at...

a minimum of 10 years in jail
and a $6,000 fine.

Six? Wait, wait! I have...

six... Six... Six thousand.

I have 6,000. Please help me.

Do you know the penalty involved
in bribing someone from Indian Affairs?

No, please, I'm going home.
Please. Take the 6. Fix it. Please.

- Take, take!
- All right.

The courts are overworked.
I'll give you a break.

Don't shoot any more Indians.

- All right?
- No, no.

Excuse me,
has there been an accident?

Miss Annabelle, can I speak with you?
Excuse me, gentlemen.

- Good luck, Miss Annabelle.
- Gentlemen.

I got something to show you.

Close your eyes, Annabelle.

You're in the game!

I'm in the game!

- Best be quiet.
- Is there no end to your goodness?

Apparently not.

Heaven will kiss you for this one,
Mr. Maverick.

I just realized something.

What?

You can't help it, can you?

You are irresistible.

If by some small chance you happen
to win, I'll expect my 50 percent.

Then I'll be expecting
50 percent of your winnings.

Perhaps we should
consider that a loan.

Let him go!

How'd you get here? Tell me!

No, you tell me...

what did you mean when you said
you'd never let me make it to this game?

Who's trying to stop me?

It's gonna be a pleasure
playing you again.

The pleasure's all yours.

Come on.

All right, all right!

All right, come on.

Hey!

My, my, my.

Hit it!

Welcome to my ship,
the Lauren Belle.

And welcome to the first annual...

All River's
Draw Poker Championship.

Rules are simple.

We play till we drop.
Winner takes all.

The dealer can call one break
of one hour.

As soon as you're busted, you're gone.

Twenty of us playing, which means
there's going to be 19 broken hearts.

Let's make it a great contest.

An honest, great contest.

For that reason...

I've imported one of the West's
most remarkable lawmen.

Marshal Zane Cooper.

He'll show us how to run things.

Come on up here, Coop.
Tell us how you're gonna do it.

Thank you, Commodore Duvall.

Now players,
anyone caught cheating...

will forfeit his entry fee
and be banned.

See these?

They're the only two allowed here.
Anyone breaking rules...

better be a faster draw than me.
And better learn how to swim.

Thank you, sir.

- Commodore.
- All right, gamblers...

step right up
and bring your money.

After you.

Twenty-five thousand dollars.

That's correct. Here.

Make your mark right here.

Thank you, sir.

Put in the money
and make your mark, gentlemen.

Good luck to you.

There it is.

I'll take good care of it.

Count that, would you?

- It's all there.
- I'm sure it is.

The games will begin in 10 minutes.

Ladies and gentlemen, if we had
$25,000 more, we'd have a half-million.

- We're minus one entry fee.
- What?

I believe it's yours.

Do I need to count it?

I don't think so.

Even half-million.

This safe was brought in
specially for this contest.

I selected the combination.
I'm the only one that knows it.

Commodore, the money's as protected
as I can make it.

There it is. Gamblers...

find your designated table
and let's play some poker!

Four aces.

Five thousand.

Mr. Maverick wins the pot.

Dumb ass.

I'll call you.

Gentlemen...

four kings.

All right, young man. Let's go.

Hey! A cheater!

You cheating son of a bitch!

Sit down! I'll handle this.

I knew it was him!

Don't touch my chips!

Hang on a second.
Hang on a second!

Where are you taking me?

I can't swim!

Gentlemen, my pleasure.

Kings over tens, gentlemen.

Ripped my shirt!

Time to go for a swim.
Divide the chips among the players.

You son of a bitch!

Sorry, old-timer, that's it.

- Sir.
- If you don't mind.

- At your pleasure.
- Thank you, Mr. Coop.

Thank you, gentlemen.

- Good game, Hightower.
- Hightower retires.

Oh.

Four queens.

Congratulations.

Chips'll be waiting at the main table.
Good luck in the final game.

Full house, kings over ace.

That's a good hand.
That beats one...

two...

three sevens.

But not four.

What?

I didn't...

Sir, why don't we go get a drink?

Get some fresh air.
You'll feel better if you get fresh air.

There we go. Watch your step.

- I hate those sad losers.
- Don't play if you can't afford it.

How's it look?

It looks like you,
Mrs. Bransford, the Spaniard...

and, unless a miracle happens,
Maverick.

Maverick?

When it's decided,
call a break for an hour...

and let's set it up at that table.

I was going to leave you
something, but I'm cleaned out.

You're a hell of a player.

Ma'am, that's the most I ever
enjoyed losing.

- A thousand for you.
- Thank you, ma'am.

Congratulations. I'll see that your chips
are set up for the next game.

Good luck to you, son.

Leave your chips here, I'll make sure
they're transferred for the final game.

Congratulations.

The players can take
a one-hour break.

Anyone not back in their seat at
the stroke of 5 forfeits their winnings.

- Annabelle.
- Bret.

Annabelle

I thought you were...

Good morning.

Sorry.

Thirty minutes, everybody.

Thirty minutes to the final game.

He's a good four minutes fast.

30 minutes...

Positions, sir?

Dealer over there.
Give me the cards.

Fifteen minutes, everybody.

- Fifteen minutes.
- Maybe we better get serious.

Here.

I got it, if you don't mind.

Madam, we have rules
about that on board ship.

That's my gun.

- It's your gun?
- Yeah, it's mine.

Do you swim?

Swim? No.
But she does and it's her gun.

And this one?

- Is this hers too?
- I'm carrying it for her.

- What?
- Madam, is this your husband?

- How about a little boat?
- A little boat?

Well, you look particularly
ravishing for 5 in the morning.

Nice glow about you.
Five minutes, Mr. Maverick!

Four minutes!
Four minutes to game time, folks!

Dealer...

start dividing up Maverick's chips.

- Looks like he's a no-show.
- Yes, sir.

Wait!

Excuse me.

Dealer, you can start the game.

Ante up, everyone, 50 dollars.

A thousand and two more.

I'll see your 2,000 and...

Can I bid everything I have left?

Yes, ma'am.

That'll be $12,000.

- Too rich for my blood.
- I'm out.

What the hell.
I feel like being silly. I'll call.

It's just a pair of sixes.

If you can beat that,
you got me licked.

That's not a totally unpleasant prospect.

I'm out of the game.

You put me out of the game.

Yes, I did.

I didn't do any of my tells.

I didn't twirl my hair
or flick my teeth.

You held your breath.

No, I wasn't.

- Did I hold my breath?
- Yes.

Did I hold my breath?

Did I?

See?

Sorry. See, usually...

when you get excited,
you breathe heavily.

How do you? Oh.

I'll just pretend I was playing
with somebody else's money.

- Shouldn't be hard.
- Gentlemen.

You did hold your breath.

Ante up.

It's up to you, commodore, to open.

I'll open for 5,000.

Five thousand?

I'll see your 5...

and raise you 5.

Ten thousand to you, Mr. Maverick.

Call.

And 5 more to me.

Cards, gentlemen.

Two cards, please.

- Sir?
- Two.

Mr. Maverick.

One card, but not from you.
Put the deck down.

What?

I'd like a new deck,
new cut and a new shuffle.

I'm sorry, that isn't permitted.

You can have a new dealer if you'd like,
but that's it.

In that case,
I'd like you to deal.

- Me?
- Just one from the top would be sufficient.

I like that.

Shows trust.

The commodore has four of a kind,
Angel has a small straight flush...

and I don't have the least idea
what Maverick has.

It's up to you, commodore.

Since it looks like I'm sucking hind tit,
I think I'll just bet my whole tray.

The Commodore wagers $25,000.

I'll see your 25.

I guess we're even.

I'll raise you everything I've got.

That's half a million dollars
to the winner.

That should cover the commodore.

Aren't you gonna look at your card?

No need.

What are you playing at?
Look at it.

I'd look at my card if I were you.

This is your portion of the pot.

What kind of poker you playing?
Look at that card!

Cards have been called, commodore.
Show your cards.

I have two small pair.

Eights...

and eights.

Thank you.

You're not gonna look at your card?

Well...

how you gonna know
if you can beat my straight flush?

Unbeatable!

Ten of spades.

Jack of spades.

Queen of spades
and king of spades.

A possible royal flush.

Quiet! Quiet!

You beat him.

You miserable, cheating son of a bitch!

You all right?

I can't believe
I pulled that card. I...

Did I ever tell you how I was in the desert?
The snakes...

You're babbling.

You're babbling.

Your security isn't worth a damn!

Everybody's got a gun!

Ladies and gents...

for our presentation of one-half
million dollars to our winner...

Mr. Maverick!

I want to congratulate you
on a game well played.

I wish your moment
could last longer...

but I see all this money.
Hell, I just...

got to take it.

What?

I'll have regrets, I'm sure,
but I'm going to take it nevertheless.

Move down the steps.

- Cut it out.
- This is no time to be brave, Bertie boy.

Down the stairs, now.

You too, commodore. Move it!

- I'll take your bag.
- Get your hands off.

Get away from here!
Down the stairs. Move!

You sidewinding son of a bitch!

I worked my ass off for that.
I'll be coming for it.

I'll look for you.

Look real hard! That's my money.

Was your money.

Do as he said!

I don't want to see any faces
looking this way.

- Captain!
- Yes, sir?

- Get my gun.
- Yes, sir.

He's headed for the lifeboat.

- Try and stop him!
- Yes, sir.

Out of my way!
I'll kill that son of a bitch.

Go, go, go!

There he is.

Let him go!

- Let him go?
- The man saved my life!

I can always win more money.

Anyway, I found out
what I came here for.

Do I have to remind you
that's $500,000 that bastard's taking?

And it grieves me,
but it's my half million.

It's only money, right?

Right!

- Only money?
- It's not worth killing a man.

No!

I won't swear out
a warrant against him.

Well, I'll be damned!

I will be damned.

Let's toast our champion.

Our champion!

Fiddle that Coop!

Goodbye!

Well...

Oh, here.

I meant to give you this.
I took it from you on the stage.

You should have it.

I meant to give you this cufflink...

I took before you left
with the Indians.

I been looking for it.
Yeah, I have. It's all right.

Well...

bye.

You gonna miss me?

You are gonna miss me.

- How do you know?
- You were holding your breath.

I was not.

Maybe I was.

Well, I...

I guess I better go make my stage.

See you in Abilene.

New Orleans, wasn't it?

Either.

Where have you been?

I had to say goodbye
to a lot of people.

I didn't want them thinking
I was off to meet someone.

And I did a lot of twists and turns
and backtracked a lot...

to keep anyone from following me.

I thought
we were in this together.

You win, I do nothing.
Someone else wins, I do what I did.

You didn't tell me
Angel was in it too.

Oh.

If Angel had won,
we'd split it the same way.

The reason I brought him in...

I telegraphed him
to keep Maverick out of the game.

He messed up on that.

Poor, dead bastard.

I don't like secrets.

Yes, well, you're probably not gonna like
this one either.

I don't know what it is,
I guess it's my greedy nature.

But I've decided...

not to share it with you.

Uncock it.

Sit down, gentlemen.

Let's get real cozy.

Parlay some.

Put your hands down.
You look ridiculous.

I admit, you had me fooled.

Not many can.

But you did save my life.
It wouldn't be neighborly to kill you.

Besides...

everybody knows
what you are now, anyway.

All your life's work,
all the good you did...

it's all been wiped away.

Was it worth it?

You got nothing to show for it.

What you said is all true.

I traded every decent thing I know
for that money.

You can't leave me alive.

I don't care where you go...

one night you'll relax.

Guess who'll be waiting.

You couldn't
sneak up on a corpse, Coop.

Not anymore.

You're a decrepit old has-been.

Well, what're you going to do?

Maybe the fairest thing would be...

let one of you kill the other.

I'll let you decide which.

Give me that!

That, as they say, is that!

Oh, shit!

You dirty, rotten, double-crossed...

I've never committed
a cold-blooded murder in my life.

And I won't.

Not till I find Maverick.

Decrepit old has-been?
Couldn't sneak up on a corpse?

You got $500,000 in that satchel
and your gun is 8 feet away.

Not smart. Not smart at all.

Guess not.

It's plain to see
who won the toss-up.

You shoot the commodore
in the back?

No.

Good idea, but no.

I really enjoyed
nailing that bastard.

No room in poker for cheats.

He won't be able to touch a deck of cards
this side of the Mississippi.

My old pappy used to say:

"There is no more deeply moving
religious experience...

than cheating a cheater."

I never said that once.
You've misquoted me all your life.

- Are we quibbling fine points?
- I'm sick of it!

The things you said were so dumb
I had to improve on them.

Dumb?

Will you cut that out, Pappy!

These are a buck apiece.
You taught me to save money.

Really? Let me have one.

- Yeah, those are the good ones.
- They are?

You got a match?

Bret, Coop, everything good?
Enough cigars, brandy, hot water?

- Yell if you need anything.
- Yes, Mrs. D.

I certainly hope
this shirt fits you.

It's from the best
shirtmaker in San Francisco.

Isn't she sweet?

Hell of a shirt,
but she's robbing us.

Look! Here's a lot of money
and your gun is 6 feet away.

Eight.

What a remarkable family.

How'd she...?
How'd you figure that?

You don't have
the exclusive on tells.

You both have the same
height and build. You both...

kiss the same way, you both...

draw your guns alike and sing
the wrong words to "Amazing Grace."

We do not.

My! Such...

splendid similarities.

From the looks of things, the lady
better bring more hot water.

Bye.

Bret, son, you know
what we ended up with?

What?

A half-a-million-dollar silk shirt.

Nope. We ended up with
a quarter-of-a-million-dollar silk shirt...

because my old pappy used to say,
"Never put the cart..."

No. "Don't count..." No.
"Don't put your eggs in one basket."

Now that, I said.

- So I have a boot for you.
- A boot?

And the other one's twice as heavy.

Bret, that's my boy.

What are kids for?
I'd like the boot back, though.

Be my guest.

Thank you.

I don't know why I left
the other half in the satchel.

- I do.
- So do I.

It'll be lots of fun getting it back.

- Bret.
- Yes, sir?

Something I got to know, son.

How did you come up
with that ace of spades?

You won't believe me.

I'm your father, I'll believe you.

Magic.

Magic?

Magic.

I believe you.

Thanks.

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