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1
00:00:52,642 --> 00:00:54,813
(Cheering and applause)
*THE GRAND TOUR*
Season 02 Episode 09
Title:
"Breaking, Badly"
2
00:00:58,513 --> 00:01:00,296
- Hello.
- Hello, everybody!
3
00:01:00,364 --> 00:01:02,381
Thank you so much.
4
00:01:04,360 --> 00:01:06,552
- Thank you!
- Thank you.
5
00:01:06,632 --> 00:01:07,992
Greetings!
6
00:01:08,120 --> 00:01:10,643
Thank you, thank you,
thank you.
7
00:01:12,130 --> 00:01:15,384
- Thank you, everybody.
- Thank you.
8
00:01:16,116 --> 00:01:18,432
And welcome,
and thank you all
9
00:01:18,500 --> 00:01:21,987
for braving these treacherous
conditions to get here.
10
00:01:22,095 --> 00:01:24,385
It took me nearly nine minutes
this morning.
11
00:01:24,453 --> 00:01:26,864
His slippers got all soggy on the way.
12
00:01:26,932 --> 00:01:28,993
I nearly fell over once,
but I made it.
13
00:01:29,061 --> 00:01:30,141
Don't worry,
14
00:01:30,209 --> 00:01:32,489
because we have an incredible
reward for you all.
15
00:01:32,585 --> 00:01:35,922
Because, in this
action-packed show...
16
00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:39,546
..James wears a red anorak...
17
00:01:40,645 --> 00:01:43,399
..Richard looks at a pipe
of some sort...
18
00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:47,640
..and I make a cup of tea.
19
00:01:51,520 --> 00:01:54,306
It is non-stop action.
20
00:01:54,528 --> 00:01:59,117
Non-stop. But...
but we begin with mankind.
21
00:01:59,185 --> 00:02:01,395
- Wow! Big start!
- It is a big start.
22
00:02:01,480 --> 00:02:03,237
You see, the thing is,
as a species,
23
00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:04,929
we are very pleased
with ourselves,
24
00:02:05,035 --> 00:02:07,582
because we have
the Porsche 918
25
00:02:07,720 --> 00:02:08,960
and the Ferrari TheFerrari:
26
00:02:09,044 --> 00:02:13,652
cars that can travel at
212mph, an incredible speed.
27
00:02:13,874 --> 00:02:15,489
Whereas cows and ants and...
28
00:02:15,593 --> 00:02:19,172
- What are you going on about?
- Well, think about it, OK.
29
00:02:19,294 --> 00:02:21,605
A cow is exactly the same now
30
00:02:21,676 --> 00:02:22,877
as it was
a million years ago.
31
00:02:22,988 --> 00:02:24,688
Well, maybe a bit more
delicious now,
32
00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:25,920
but basically the same.
33
00:02:26,015 --> 00:02:28,480
It still stands around
all day long
34
00:02:28,565 --> 00:02:29,920
in a field eating grass.
35
00:02:30,035 --> 00:02:32,817
Whereas we think
that we've improved.
36
00:02:32,999 --> 00:02:34,360
But have we?
37
00:02:34,437 --> 00:02:35,480
- Yes.
- Yeah, we have.
38
00:02:35,556 --> 00:02:36,789
Well, now, you say that,
39
00:02:36,871 --> 00:02:40,188
but we were travelling
at way more than 212mph
40
00:02:40,256 --> 00:02:43,890
in our cars 25 years ago.
41
00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:57,650
This is
the Jaguar XJ220.
42
00:03:00,840 --> 00:03:05,890
And with a top speed
of 217mph,
43
00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:08,730
it was the fastest car
in the world.
44
00:03:10,040 --> 00:03:12,450
For about five minutes.
45
00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:14,890
And then this came along.
46
00:03:17,880 --> 00:03:24,050
The 218mph
Bugatti EB 110 Super Sport.
47
00:03:31,680 --> 00:03:34,730
Both these cars
were conceived in the '80s,
48
00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:36,690
when Gordon Gekko
was running amok,
49
00:03:36,760 --> 00:03:40,090
and the world
was awash with money.
50
00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:44,170
But by the time they went
on sale in the early '90s...
51
00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:46,170
An incredible day
on Wall Street.
52
00:03:46,240 --> 00:03:48,210
The market has fallen
over 400 points.
53
00:03:48,280 --> 00:03:50,650
The stock market
had crashed.
54
00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:52,653
There's only one word to
describe what's happening,
55
00:03:52,720 --> 00:03:54,768
and that is "panic".
56
00:03:55,221 --> 00:03:57,652
So, the only people
who might have bought them
57
00:03:57,720 --> 00:04:00,570
were too busy hurling themselves
out of their office windows
58
00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:02,410
on Wall Street.
59
00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:07,730
So, these cars,
they came, they conquered,
60
00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:10,170
and no-one noticed.
61
00:04:11,008 --> 00:04:14,563
Today, though,
25 years later,
62
00:04:14,780 --> 00:04:17,964
there are only three cars
in current production
63
00:04:18,196 --> 00:04:20,606
that are faster than this.
64
00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:23,610
However, while there is
a lot of performance,
65
00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:26,934
the way it's delivered is...
quite old-fashioned.
66
00:04:27,116 --> 00:04:29,240
You put your foot down,
and then you wait
67
00:04:29,308 --> 00:04:31,838
while the turbo-chargers
spool up.
68
00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:35,133
It takes quite a while,
cos there are four of them.
69
00:04:41,182 --> 00:04:42,712
Talk among yourselves.
70
00:04:42,831 --> 00:04:46,410
However, when the 3.5l V12
71
00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:49,410
is finally getting
all the food it needs...
72
00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:51,933
Oh, God!
73
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,690
..all hell breaks loose.
74
00:04:58,040 --> 00:04:59,468
Oh!
75
00:05:03,199 --> 00:05:04,849
Through the corner.
76
00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:08,191
Mild terror.
77
00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:13,250
The speed is hilarious!
78
00:05:15,320 --> 00:05:17,290
And terrifying.
79
00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:20,490
That's probably why
they fitted it
80
00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:23,770
with this plastic sheeting
rather than carpets,
81
00:05:23,840 --> 00:05:27,930
because they knew that one
day you would soil yourself.
82
00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:32,010
You did have to be good
83
00:05:32,080 --> 00:05:34,322
to get the best
out of this thing.
84
00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:37,170
Which brings me on to
Michael Schumacher.
85
00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:41,450
He could have had any car
he wanted back in the day,
86
00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:43,610
but he had one of these.
87
00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:45,250
Weirdly, however,
88
00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:48,022
and mainly because
I think it looks better,
89
00:05:48,339 --> 00:05:51,149
I'd have chosen the Jag.
90
00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:05,772
It was supposed to have been
a four-wheel drive V12,
91
00:06:05,840 --> 00:06:08,810
like the Bugatti,
92
00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:11,306
but Jaguar found that
much too complicated.
93
00:06:11,529 --> 00:06:13,650
So, they gave it
the turbo-charged V6
94
00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:15,590
from a Metro rally car,
95
00:06:15,764 --> 00:06:19,650
rear-wheel drive, the rear
lights from a Rover 200,
96
00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:22,580
and then they said,
"That'll do,"
97
00:06:22,654 --> 00:06:25,344
and went to the pub.
98
00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:33,215
So, does that mean the Jag
is embarrassed by the Bugatti
99
00:06:33,283 --> 00:06:35,573
in a drag race?
100
00:06:39,226 --> 00:06:40,853
Right, before we do this,
101
00:06:40,923 --> 00:06:44,159
I have to tape
the cassette player in place,
102
00:06:44,227 --> 00:06:48,295
because the last time I did
a full-bore standing start
103
00:06:48,363 --> 00:06:50,173
in an XJ220,
104
00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:52,413
the acceleration
was so vivid,
105
00:06:52,483 --> 00:06:55,433
the stereo shot out
of its slot in the dashboard,
106
00:06:55,501 --> 00:06:58,973
ricocheted
off the gear lever,
107
00:06:59,043 --> 00:07:01,423
and then speared
into my left plum.
108
00:07:01,491 --> 00:07:04,021
It was very uncomfortable.
109
00:07:04,941 --> 00:07:07,311
Oh, the end's come off.
110
00:07:09,134 --> 00:07:11,941
That's good.
Right, window up.
111
00:07:27,140 --> 00:07:29,390
Right, let's do this!
112
00:07:50,285 --> 00:07:51,691
Don't know when
to change gear,
113
00:07:51,759 --> 00:07:54,351
because the rev counter's
broken.
114
00:07:59,041 --> 00:08:00,971
This is close.
115
00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:05,436
Oh, my word! Ha!
116
00:08:09,082 --> 00:08:12,372
Score one for the Jag!
117
00:08:12,763 --> 00:08:16,748
Whoa! That was some speed!
118
00:08:17,801 --> 00:08:19,291
After a quarter of a mile,
119
00:08:19,361 --> 00:08:23,971
the badly-made Jag
was doing 135mph,
120
00:08:24,039 --> 00:08:28,009
and a modern day Lamborghini
Huracan couldn't do that.
121
00:08:28,441 --> 00:08:33,691
Which proves that in the last
25 years, we've come nowhere.
122
00:08:33,805 --> 00:08:35,455
Except, we have.
123
00:08:37,041 --> 00:08:39,451
You see, back in '92 and '93,
124
00:08:39,521 --> 00:08:42,211
there was no Wi-Fi,
there was no PlayStation,
125
00:08:42,281 --> 00:08:44,691
DVD hadn't been invented,
126
00:08:44,761 --> 00:08:47,571
Justin Bieber
hadn't been born.
127
00:08:47,641 --> 00:08:49,971
There was no Google,
Amazon was a river.
128
00:08:50,041 --> 00:08:51,891
There was no
internet pornography.
129
00:08:51,961 --> 00:08:53,411
Well, that's probably
a good thing,
130
00:08:53,481 --> 00:08:54,931
cos there was no Viagra,
either.
131
00:08:55,001 --> 00:08:57,691
The early '90s
were the dark ages,
132
00:08:57,761 --> 00:09:01,971
and when you drive
these cars, it shows.
133
00:09:10,969 --> 00:09:14,259
In here,
there's no power-steering.
134
00:09:14,731 --> 00:09:16,381
No air conditioning.
135
00:09:17,098 --> 00:09:18,988
No anti-lock brakes.
136
00:09:20,881 --> 00:09:24,691
And obviously,
no driver aids of any kind.
137
00:09:29,762 --> 00:09:34,999
Got a 525bhp engine
back there.
138
00:09:38,259 --> 00:09:39,909
Ooh, shi...
139
00:09:41,402 --> 00:09:45,732
Being fed by a turbo-charger
the size of a wheelie bin.
140
00:09:48,250 --> 00:09:53,260
And all there is in here
to tame it is me!
141
00:10:00,321 --> 00:10:01,521
Ah!
142
00:10:02,922 --> 00:10:04,236
Oh!
143
00:10:09,681 --> 00:10:11,731
After a couple of laps
in this thing,
144
00:10:11,801 --> 00:10:13,611
you really are aching.
145
00:10:13,681 --> 00:10:15,091
And sweating.
146
00:10:15,161 --> 00:10:17,371
And you're frightened.
You really are.
147
00:10:17,441 --> 00:10:20,971
Cos this is not a car that's
just gonna forgive you.
148
00:10:21,041 --> 00:10:24,491
If you overdo it,
you're gonna hit a tree,
149
00:10:24,561 --> 00:10:26,851
and that's just an end of it.
150
00:10:39,121 --> 00:10:41,371
So, there we are.
151
00:10:42,897 --> 00:10:45,315
A modern supercar
may be no faster
152
00:10:45,383 --> 00:10:47,626
than these monsters
from the past,
153
00:10:47,841 --> 00:10:51,691
but a modern supercar
makes the speed fun and easy,
154
00:10:51,761 --> 00:10:57,851
not terrifying and bathed in an
unholy mix of sweat and faeces.
155
00:11:05,041 --> 00:11:06,401
Well done.
156
00:11:07,401 --> 00:11:09,011
Covered it all there.
157
00:11:09,487 --> 00:11:10,577
No, seriously, well done,
158
00:11:10,647 --> 00:11:12,773
because nobody's ever
finished a road test
159
00:11:12,841 --> 00:11:14,377
with the word "faeces"
before.
160
00:11:14,447 --> 00:11:15,617
No, that was a first.
161
00:11:15,687 --> 00:11:16,777
But I'm just thinking,
162
00:11:16,847 --> 00:11:19,217
it isn't just supercars
that are getting slower,
163
00:11:19,287 --> 00:11:21,217
because you remember
the Lotus Sunbeam?
164
00:11:21,287 --> 00:11:24,057
- When was that, 1979, '78?
- Yeah.
165
00:11:24,127 --> 00:11:26,817
That did 0-60 in 6.6 seconds,
166
00:11:26,887 --> 00:11:28,140
and there aren't many
hot hatches
167
00:11:28,207 --> 00:11:29,817
that would keep up with that,
even today.
168
00:11:29,887 --> 00:11:32,100
And then you've got trains.
The Mallard, the steam train,
169
00:11:32,167 --> 00:11:33,540
is quicker
than most electric trains.
170
00:11:33,607 --> 00:11:37,457
SR-71 Blackbird, nothing
in the skies as fast as that.
171
00:11:37,527 --> 00:11:38,780
I suppose, if you think about
it, we used to be able
172
00:11:38,847 --> 00:11:40,897
to get across the Atlantic
in three hours,
173
00:11:40,967 --> 00:11:42,697
- and now it takes us seven.
- Exactly.
174
00:11:42,767 --> 00:11:45,657
And now we must put some
numbers on our argument
175
00:11:45,727 --> 00:11:49,377
by sending the Bugatti
round the Eboladrome.
176
00:11:51,327 --> 00:11:53,497
Come on, old-timer!
177
00:11:54,927 --> 00:11:56,977
And she's off.
178
00:11:57,047 --> 00:11:58,319
A smooth start.
179
00:11:58,398 --> 00:12:00,633
Four-wheel drive system
maintaining traction
180
00:12:00,701 --> 00:12:03,076
in these wet conditions.
181
00:12:03,203 --> 00:12:06,097
It really is soaking
out there today!
182
00:12:06,167 --> 00:12:09,657
Right, a measured line
through the first curve,
183
00:12:09,727 --> 00:12:12,346
and then carefully
working the throttle
184
00:12:12,426 --> 00:12:13,897
to keep things in check.
185
00:12:13,967 --> 00:12:16,790
Approaching the sweep
down to Your Name Here,
186
00:12:16,858 --> 00:12:18,137
and smoothly done.
187
00:12:19,607 --> 00:12:22,457
Crikey! Managing to get
the tyres squealing,
188
00:12:22,527 --> 00:12:24,657
even on this damp section.
189
00:12:24,727 --> 00:12:26,817
And then winding up
the little V12
190
00:12:26,887 --> 00:12:30,097
to fire it back
onto the Isn't.
191
00:12:30,167 --> 00:12:32,777
Single wiper
batting away the drizzle,
192
00:12:32,847 --> 00:12:34,937
as she hustles it
towards the braking zone
193
00:12:35,007 --> 00:12:37,937
for the tricky
Old Lady's House complex.
194
00:12:38,007 --> 00:12:39,977
How will it get on here?
195
00:12:40,047 --> 00:12:41,700
Very neat.
196
00:12:41,767 --> 00:12:44,057
Very controlled.
197
00:12:44,127 --> 00:12:47,657
And now back on the gas
for the run to Substation.
198
00:12:47,727 --> 00:12:49,537
And you can hear the fizz
199
00:12:49,607 --> 00:12:52,577
from those four
furiously spinning turbos.
200
00:12:52,647 --> 00:12:54,897
Keeping it together there
nicely.
201
00:12:54,967 --> 00:12:56,097
Field Of Sheep to go.
202
00:12:56,167 --> 00:12:58,977
Glides through there,
and across the line.
203
00:13:04,567 --> 00:13:07,577
So, let's see where
it goes on the board.
204
00:13:07,647 --> 00:13:09,584
I'm imagining pretty high up.
205
00:13:09,652 --> 00:13:10,812
Oh.
206
00:13:11,807 --> 00:13:13,620
- That's not very fast.
- No, it isn't very fast.
207
00:13:13,687 --> 00:13:15,897
But we put the Jag round,
as well,
208
00:13:15,967 --> 00:13:17,551
and that did it in...
209
00:13:17,619 --> 00:13:19,697
Hang on, I've got the time here.
Just bear with me.
210
00:13:19,767 --> 00:13:21,737
..one thirty-five one.
211
00:13:21,807 --> 00:13:24,817
So...
slower than the Bugatti?
212
00:13:24,887 --> 00:13:26,700
Yes.
213
00:13:26,767 --> 00:13:28,137
Slower, in fact,
than everything
214
00:13:28,207 --> 00:13:30,697
except a small, cheap
Volkswagen hatchback,
215
00:13:30,767 --> 00:13:33,112
which also went round
in the soaking wet.
216
00:13:33,239 --> 00:13:35,500
Yes.
217
00:13:35,567 --> 00:13:37,340
So, contrary to what
you were saying earlier on,
218
00:13:37,407 --> 00:13:39,577
supercars have got
much faster
219
00:13:39,647 --> 00:13:42,057
over the last 25 years.
220
00:13:43,367 --> 00:13:45,180
Yes.
221
00:13:45,247 --> 00:13:46,657
Right! Moving on!
222
00:13:46,727 --> 00:13:48,177
Because now it's time
223
00:13:48,247 --> 00:13:50,497
to order
some doughnuts of debate
224
00:13:50,567 --> 00:13:55,537
from the Chat Café,
on Conversation Street.
225
00:14:01,407 --> 00:14:04,257
- I was terrified.
- Yeah.
226
00:14:04,447 --> 00:14:06,297
Right, good. Now...
227
00:14:06,887 --> 00:14:08,977
- ..you know the BMW Z4?
- Yes.
228
00:14:09,047 --> 00:14:10,100
The only car, incidentally,
229
00:14:10,167 --> 00:14:13,057
designed on the interior
and the exterior by women.
230
00:14:13,127 --> 00:14:14,177
- OK?
- It was.
231
00:14:14,249 --> 00:14:17,139
Well, they're dropping it,
and replacing it with this.
232
00:14:17,207 --> 00:14:19,977
This has been designed
by a man, so...
233
00:14:20,047 --> 00:14:23,137
Mm-hm. And where are you
going with this one, Jeremy?
234
00:14:23,207 --> 00:14:27,417
So, it won't be able
to take its jumper off
235
00:14:27,487 --> 00:14:29,257
by folding its arms.
236
00:14:29,327 --> 00:14:31,617
- What?
- What are you on about?
237
00:14:31,687 --> 00:14:34,657
Men can't take their jumpers
off like women do,
238
00:14:34,727 --> 00:14:37,257
- crossing their arms.
- I can do that!
239
00:14:37,327 --> 00:14:40,217
- You're not a man.
- Oh, right.
240
00:14:40,287 --> 00:14:41,457
I take my jumper...
241
00:14:41,527 --> 00:14:43,377
That's how you take
a jumper off, like that.
242
00:14:43,447 --> 00:14:44,897
How do you know?
243
00:14:44,967 --> 00:14:47,177
You just wait for the
paramedics to come along,
244
00:14:47,247 --> 00:14:49,057
cut it off
after your accident.
245
00:14:49,127 --> 00:14:51,377
Yes, but that's how
you take a jumper off.
246
00:14:51,447 --> 00:14:53,780
- I don't know what you're talking about.
- Take your jumper off.
247
00:14:53,847 --> 00:14:56,817
Just take your jumper off. Watch this.
How does he take it off?
248
00:14:56,887 --> 00:14:58,257
Er, like this.
249
00:14:58,327 --> 00:14:59,697
There, you see?
Like a man.
250
00:14:59,767 --> 00:15:01,217
Are there any women
wanna take...
251
00:15:01,287 --> 00:15:03,737
Oh, no, we can't do that.
252
00:15:03,807 --> 00:15:06,097
Seriously, women, do you know
what I'm on about?
253
00:15:06,167 --> 00:15:07,337
Yes.
254
00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:08,457
Women cross...
255
00:15:08,527 --> 00:15:11,097
If I tried to do that,
I'd dislocate my shoulder!
256
00:15:11,167 --> 00:15:13,337
Thank you for that nonsense,
Jeremy.
257
00:15:13,409 --> 00:15:16,379
Can we maybe get back to
the BMW now, which is a car?
258
00:15:16,447 --> 00:15:17,954
Yes, it is.
Now, I have to say,
259
00:15:18,022 --> 00:15:19,857
the old one was never
as good to drive
260
00:15:19,927 --> 00:15:21,540
- as it was to look at.
- I know what you mean.
261
00:15:21,607 --> 00:15:23,260
It wasn't. It was sort of
baggy, wasn't it?
262
00:15:23,327 --> 00:15:24,897
Yeah, and there was never
an M version.
263
00:15:24,967 --> 00:15:27,097
You know,
it was all just unexciting.
264
00:15:27,167 --> 00:15:28,817
But I'm hoping this new one
265
00:15:28,887 --> 00:15:30,537
is as good to drive
as it looks,
266
00:15:30,607 --> 00:15:32,017
and it does look very good,
267
00:15:32,087 --> 00:15:34,540
even though it will struggle
with its jumper. -Yeah, whatever.
268
00:15:34,607 --> 00:15:37,177
Anyway, if I was looking
for a new BMW Z4,
269
00:15:37,247 --> 00:15:40,097
actually, I'd have
one of these,
270
00:15:40,167 --> 00:15:41,777
because this is
the new Toyota Supra.
271
00:15:41,847 --> 00:15:43,297
I know, it looks phenomenal!
272
00:15:43,367 --> 00:15:45,897
And that underneath
is basically a Z4.
273
00:15:45,967 --> 00:15:47,333
- Same engine and everything.
- Same chassis.
274
00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:49,539
It is a Z4,
but with that body.
275
00:15:49,607 --> 00:15:51,651
And that body,
I have to say, looks amazing.
276
00:15:51,719 --> 00:15:53,140
And do you know
the most amazing thing is,
277
00:15:53,207 --> 00:15:55,417
they're talking about a price
between 40,000 and 60,000,
278
00:15:55,487 --> 00:15:57,457
which is much less
than it looks like.
279
00:15:57,527 --> 00:16:00,100
See, I think that is
actually filling a gap in the market.
280
00:16:00,167 --> 00:16:03,097
There is a need right now
for a mid-price sportscar,
281
00:16:03,167 --> 00:16:05,417
because there really
aren't many, if any.
282
00:16:05,487 --> 00:16:07,057
There's the Audi TT RS.
283
00:16:07,127 --> 00:16:09,857
Well, that'll definitely take its
jumper off like that, won't it?
284
00:16:09,927 --> 00:16:11,617
And then stow it
in the overhead lockers,
285
00:16:11,687 --> 00:16:13,617
tell you where the doors are.
286
00:16:13,687 --> 00:16:15,657
Now, Volkswagen's
US Head of Regulation -
287
00:16:15,727 --> 00:16:18,697
that was his job title -
a guy called Oliver Schmidt.
288
00:16:18,767 --> 00:16:21,417
He's just been done
for his part in Dieselgate.
289
00:16:21,487 --> 00:16:24,377
And they've given him
seven years in jail.
290
00:16:24,447 --> 00:16:27,137
Or, as he would put it,
4.2 years.
291
00:16:32,007 --> 00:16:33,657
And a fine of £400,000,
292
00:16:33,727 --> 00:16:35,817
or whatever that translates
into VW money.
293
00:16:35,887 --> 00:16:38,537
Two hundred
and seventy thousand.
294
00:16:38,607 --> 00:16:41,977
The fascinating thing is, there was a
warrant out for his arrest in America,
295
00:16:42,047 --> 00:16:43,297
but he was in Germany.
296
00:16:43,367 --> 00:16:44,897
And then, for some reason,
297
00:16:44,967 --> 00:16:48,217
he decided to take his
annual holiday in Florida,
298
00:16:48,287 --> 00:16:49,697
and got arrested
at the airport.
299
00:16:49,767 --> 00:16:52,017
"Oh, nein!"
300
00:16:52,087 --> 00:16:54,097
- Why did he do that?
- Because he's a moron?
301
00:16:54,167 --> 00:16:55,417
- Oh, yeah.
- Well, he must be!
302
00:16:55,487 --> 00:16:57,417
He must be!
The only thing I can think of
303
00:16:57,487 --> 00:17:00,817
is that Volkswagen needed
someone to do some jail time
304
00:17:00,887 --> 00:17:03,097
- for what had happened.
- And he volunteered to do it?
305
00:17:03,167 --> 00:17:04,497
No, I reckon
they probably said,
306
00:17:04,567 --> 00:17:06,497
"You are ze employee
of ze month, Mr Schmidt,
307
00:17:06,567 --> 00:17:08,697
and you have won
a fortnight's holiday
308
00:17:08,767 --> 00:17:10,177
in Disney World!"
309
00:17:10,247 --> 00:17:12,577
- "Ah, danke!"
- And off he toddled.
310
00:17:12,647 --> 00:17:14,937
"Oh, no,
they have arrested me!"
311
00:17:15,007 --> 00:17:18,417
That's actually a seven-year
holiday, Mr Schmidt,
312
00:17:18,487 --> 00:17:20,777
and the catering is terrible.
313
00:17:20,847 --> 00:17:22,657
Now, do you remember
the Rimac we had
314
00:17:22,727 --> 00:17:24,097
in programme one
of this season?
315
00:17:24,167 --> 00:17:25,337
- There it is.
- Yeah.
316
00:17:25,407 --> 00:17:28,217
Well, they've announced
there is a new one coming out.
317
00:17:28,287 --> 00:17:30,977
Well, what happened
to that one?
318
00:17:31,047 --> 00:17:33,577
No, that was called
the Concept One.
319
00:17:33,647 --> 00:17:35,860
Mm-hm. And they only
made eight of those, actually.
320
00:17:35,927 --> 00:17:38,257
- How many are left?
- Seven. Shut up!
321
00:17:38,327 --> 00:17:39,580
What happened
to the other one, Hammond?
322
00:17:39,647 --> 00:17:41,297
Just stop saying things!
323
00:17:41,367 --> 00:17:43,257
The new one is gonna be
called the Concept Two,
324
00:17:43,327 --> 00:17:46,097
and amazingly they're saying
it's gonna be even faster,
325
00:17:46,167 --> 00:17:47,577
and that was blindingly fast.
326
00:17:47,647 --> 00:17:49,658
I actually don't believe
that you can make a car go...
327
00:17:49,725 --> 00:17:51,060
Well, they say
it's gonna be faster,
328
00:17:51,127 --> 00:17:52,120
and it's a bit bigger inside.
329
00:17:52,188 --> 00:17:53,723
Which you did need, cos
that one was quite cramped.
330
00:17:53,790 --> 00:17:55,956
- You can fit in this one.
- I could fit in the last one.
331
00:17:56,023 --> 00:17:57,260
You'd be less like Spam,
though,
332
00:17:57,327 --> 00:17:58,977
if you rolled it
over and over and over.
333
00:17:59,047 --> 00:18:00,697
It should be more dangerous,
you're right.
334
00:18:00,767 --> 00:18:02,380
We've actually got a picture
of the new Concept Two.
335
00:18:02,447 --> 00:18:04,297
Here it is, Hammond.
You'll like this.
336
00:18:04,367 --> 00:18:07,377
Oh, God.
337
00:18:08,167 --> 00:18:09,897
Ooh, now,
there's a new McLaren, OK?
338
00:18:09,967 --> 00:18:11,417
I've got a picture
of it here.
339
00:18:11,487 --> 00:18:14,297
This is staggering. OK?
I've got some of the details.
340
00:18:14,367 --> 00:18:17,257
It's their new flagship,
kinda replaces the P1.
341
00:18:17,327 --> 00:18:22,137
Super hard-core. 789 horsepower
mentalist that thing.
342
00:18:22,207 --> 00:18:24,777
And they've called it... And this
is a tremendous name, I think.
343
00:18:24,847 --> 00:18:26,817
- They've called it the Senna.
- Ooh, cool.
344
00:18:26,887 --> 00:18:29,184
I mean, that is a really
cool name for a car like that.
345
00:18:29,251 --> 00:18:31,017
I'm glad they didn't
call it the Mansell.
346
00:18:31,087 --> 00:18:33,537
No, less cool. -With its
droning engine note.
347
00:18:33,607 --> 00:18:36,377
And it would have a stupid
moustache above its number place.
348
00:18:36,447 --> 00:18:40,017
And if it were a
convertible, a tweed roof.
349
00:18:40,647 --> 00:18:43,177
McLaren Hunt could work,
cos he was quite cool.
350
00:18:43,247 --> 00:18:44,820
A terrible thirst, though,
it would have.
351
00:18:44,887 --> 00:18:46,137
Yeah, a lot of smoke
coming out.
352
00:18:46,207 --> 00:18:49,577
Every now and again it would try and
mount another car. But it'd be cool.
353
00:18:49,647 --> 00:18:51,737
On balance, I think Senna's
probably the best name
354
00:18:51,807 --> 00:18:53,097
they could have come up with.
355
00:18:53,167 --> 00:18:54,980
Right. Now, what else? What
more conversation have we got?
356
00:18:55,047 --> 00:18:57,180
- I have some conversation.
- You have some conversation?
357
00:18:57,247 --> 00:18:58,860
You know last week,
you were talking about
358
00:18:58,927 --> 00:19:00,337
how you ended up
following a pigeon?
359
00:19:00,407 --> 00:19:03,377
- How fast did you reckon it was going?
- Thirty-five?
360
00:19:03,447 --> 00:19:04,617
Thirty-five,
I think you said.
361
00:19:04,687 --> 00:19:06,380
The other day, I was going
down a country lane
362
00:19:06,447 --> 00:19:08,053
and I ended up following
a blackbird,
363
00:19:08,121 --> 00:19:10,817
and that only does 28.
364
00:19:10,887 --> 00:19:13,817
And that's interesting, cos that
means a blackbird, in level flight,
365
00:19:13,887 --> 00:19:15,137
is slower than a pigeon.
366
00:19:15,207 --> 00:19:17,457
What is wrong with you two?
367
00:19:17,527 --> 00:19:18,777
Why are you following birds?
368
00:19:18,847 --> 00:19:20,817
Why not follow Russian spies
or straying husbands?
369
00:19:20,887 --> 00:19:22,817
No, listen, Hammond.
Pay attention.
370
00:19:22,887 --> 00:19:24,660
- Oh, God.
- I did some research on this.
371
00:19:24,727 --> 00:19:26,657
You know
the top speed of a pigeon,
372
00:19:26,727 --> 00:19:28,497
if it really puts
its foot down, is 90,
373
00:19:28,567 --> 00:19:29,777
in level flight.
374
00:19:29,847 --> 00:19:32,297
- Ninety miles an hour!
- Ninety? That is amazing,
375
00:19:32,367 --> 00:19:34,780
cos you wouldn't think a pigeon's
wings could shift enough air.
376
00:19:34,847 --> 00:19:37,377
- No, I wouldn't think about it!
- No, no, stop!
377
00:19:37,447 --> 00:19:40,857
You say that: a hummingbird
can fly faster than a goose.
378
00:19:40,927 --> 00:19:42,777
- Can it?
- Even though it's like that.
379
00:19:42,847 --> 00:19:44,217
- Nobody cares!
- They do!
380
00:19:44,287 --> 00:19:46,537
Stop ranking birds!
381
00:19:46,607 --> 00:19:47,700
What?
382
00:19:47,767 --> 00:19:50,177
R-r-r-ranking.
383
00:19:50,247 --> 00:19:54,257
Anyway, I think that the top speed
of birds is a new hit show.
384
00:19:54,327 --> 00:19:55,497
And you and I can host it,
385
00:19:55,567 --> 00:19:59,177
and you'll end up as Buttons
in panto in Swindon.
386
00:19:59,247 --> 00:20:00,537
And then
you'll shoot yourself
387
00:20:00,607 --> 00:20:02,377
in a room
in a Premier Inn one night.
388
00:20:02,447 --> 00:20:04,577
Yeah. -There'll only be
one police car outside,
389
00:20:04,647 --> 00:20:06,057
and it'll be
a Vauxhall Astra.
390
00:20:06,127 --> 00:20:08,257
That's your future!
391
00:20:08,327 --> 00:20:11,147
Anyway, that is enough Conversation
Street this week, so let's move it on.
392
00:20:11,214 --> 00:20:12,737
Thank you very much.
393
00:20:16,833 --> 00:20:19,255
Now...
Now, as I'm sure you know,
394
00:20:19,331 --> 00:20:22,530
trying to set a speed record
is very, very dangerous,
395
00:20:22,744 --> 00:20:25,369
and especially if you try
to do it on water.
396
00:20:25,487 --> 00:20:28,537
In fact, over the years,
and this is a true fact,
397
00:20:28,607 --> 00:20:30,417
85% of everyone
398
00:20:30,487 --> 00:20:33,657
who's tried to break
a speed record on water
399
00:20:33,727 --> 00:20:35,537
has been killed
in the process.
400
00:20:35,607 --> 00:20:37,737
- Eighty-five percent!
- Yeah.
401
00:20:37,807 --> 00:20:40,217
But that's not the sort
of figure that puts us off!
402
00:20:40,287 --> 00:20:44,457
Exactly. Because there was
a 15% chance of surviving it,
403
00:20:44,527 --> 00:20:48,457
we decided to try and break
the UK speed record
404
00:20:48,527 --> 00:20:50,497
for amphibious vehicles.
405
00:20:50,565 --> 00:20:52,972
Yeah, first, though,
we had to build a car
406
00:20:53,040 --> 00:20:55,399
that could be driven legally
on the road,
407
00:20:55,567 --> 00:20:58,137
but that would also go
very quickly on the water.
408
00:20:58,207 --> 00:21:01,049
Mm. And how hard can that be?
409
00:21:02,167 --> 00:21:03,500
Since we were trying to break
410
00:21:03,567 --> 00:21:05,381
an amphibious
speed record,
411
00:21:05,497 --> 00:21:08,645
the obvious
starting point... was here.
412
00:21:09,450 --> 00:21:13,041
At Huddersfield
International Airport.
413
00:21:15,931 --> 00:21:18,497
Why are we at Huddersfield
International Airport?
414
00:21:18,567 --> 00:21:19,897
Yeah,
why aren't we at a lake?
415
00:21:19,967 --> 00:21:21,857
Because I'm project leader,
416
00:21:21,927 --> 00:21:24,497
and one of the many, many
things that I know
417
00:21:24,567 --> 00:21:27,017
is that to go fast on water,
418
00:21:27,087 --> 00:21:30,737
you have to have
a lot of power.
419
00:21:31,447 --> 00:21:33,977
To demonstrate
what I was on about,
420
00:21:34,047 --> 00:21:35,352
I'd set up a test,
421
00:21:35,420 --> 00:21:39,257
using the jet engine
from an RAF Nimrod.
422
00:21:43,687 --> 00:21:44,977
- Did you build all this?
- Yes.
423
00:21:45,047 --> 00:21:46,657
- Can I just ask...
- What?
424
00:21:46,727 --> 00:21:50,377
What is the current speed
record for amphibious vehicles?
425
00:21:50,447 --> 00:21:53,457
Thirty-nine point one
miles an hour.
426
00:21:53,527 --> 00:21:56,857
Well, isn't this
rather overkill?
427
00:21:56,927 --> 00:22:01,377
Listen, Usain Bolt can run
at 27mph on land, OK?
428
00:22:01,447 --> 00:22:03,217
If he were waist-deep
in water,
429
00:22:03,287 --> 00:22:05,017
he'd have a top speed
of about one.
430
00:22:05,087 --> 00:22:07,977
Water's really sticky,
you need loads of power.
431
00:22:08,047 --> 00:22:11,257
I've got a word in my head for all
this, and it's "impractical".
432
00:22:11,327 --> 00:22:12,657
I've got a word,
it's "shut up".
433
00:22:12,727 --> 00:22:13,777
- All right.
- We're going.
434
00:22:16,087 --> 00:22:17,657
- Is it loud?
- Very.
435
00:22:17,727 --> 00:22:20,238
That's fired up.
436
00:22:20,388 --> 00:22:22,617
That's gonna drive air
into the big engine.
437
00:22:22,687 --> 00:22:25,377
- We've gotta
get those in the green.
438
00:22:25,447 --> 00:22:27,377
I hate it
when you've got buttons.
439
00:22:27,447 --> 00:22:29,337
I can't hear anything.
440
00:22:29,407 --> 00:22:31,297
Ignitors on.
441
00:22:32,807 --> 00:22:35,697
I'm gonna give it
some thrust now.
442
00:22:46,807 --> 00:22:49,577
Gonna go up to 100% power.
443
00:23:33,007 --> 00:23:35,217
You are a witless dodo!
444
00:23:35,287 --> 00:23:37,537
Look at it!
445
00:23:40,816 --> 00:23:41,866
Ah!
446
00:23:41,934 --> 00:23:45,344
On the upside -
there is an upside here -
447
00:23:45,424 --> 00:23:48,274
if it's capable
of doing that,
448
00:23:48,487 --> 00:23:51,457
imagine how fast
we're gonna go on the lake.
449
00:23:51,527 --> 00:23:53,060
- You're a cretin.
- Yes. Yes, yes, yes.
450
00:23:53,127 --> 00:23:55,617
None of this is based on any
scientific reasoning whatsoever.
451
00:23:55,687 --> 00:23:57,137
You say,
"It's got a lot of power."
452
00:23:57,207 --> 00:23:58,620
"How much thrust has it got?"
"A lot!"
453
00:23:58,687 --> 00:24:00,460
Look what it's done,
it's blown two aeroplanes over
454
00:24:00,527 --> 00:24:01,937
and given us
a massive bill...
455
00:24:02,007 --> 00:24:04,657
Having proved
to my sceptical colleagues
456
00:24:04,727 --> 00:24:06,537
that jet power
was the way forward,
457
00:24:06,607 --> 00:24:11,017
we moved
to our technology centre.
458
00:24:11,087 --> 00:24:15,137
Here, we would fuse together
this Russian jet...
459
00:24:15,967 --> 00:24:17,617
..this speedboat...
460
00:24:18,056 --> 00:24:19,899
..and this Suzuki Jimny,
461
00:24:19,967 --> 00:24:23,463
and we'd end up with the
fastest amphibious vehicle
462
00:24:23,565 --> 00:24:25,855
Britain had ever seen.
463
00:24:26,567 --> 00:24:29,177
- We have an old Suzuki car.
- Yes.
464
00:24:29,247 --> 00:24:32,097
A small, old, plastic boat
and a jet engine.
465
00:24:32,167 --> 00:24:34,417
And you're suggesting that
somehow we unite them all
466
00:24:34,487 --> 00:24:36,857
into some sort of symphony
of success and glory?
467
00:24:36,927 --> 00:24:38,100
Yes.
468
00:24:38,167 --> 00:24:41,097
This is the stupidest thing
I've ever been involved with.
469
00:24:41,167 --> 00:24:43,457
It's idiotic.
470
00:24:43,527 --> 00:24:46,417
Having convinced my
sceptical colleagues once more
471
00:24:46,487 --> 00:24:50,617
that my plan was a good one,
we set to work.
472
00:24:56,111 --> 00:25:00,481
And soon, our amazing
creation was ready.
473
00:25:22,127 --> 00:25:23,777
Right, as you can see,
everyone,
474
00:25:23,847 --> 00:25:25,657
this is fully road legal.
475
00:25:25,727 --> 00:25:28,497
Lights, indicators,
number plate.
476
00:25:28,567 --> 00:25:30,457
And a massive jet engine
just behind us.
477
00:25:30,527 --> 00:25:31,617
Yes.
478
00:25:31,687 --> 00:25:33,697
More of an issue, though,
479
00:25:33,767 --> 00:25:36,137
was the passenger's
seat layout.
480
00:25:36,207 --> 00:25:37,257
I've gotta change gear,
481
00:25:37,327 --> 00:25:39,297
and it's right where
your penis is.
482
00:25:39,367 --> 00:25:42,937
I never want your hand that
near my gentleman's sausage!
483
00:25:45,727 --> 00:25:47,540
What are these things
above our heads exactly?
484
00:25:47,607 --> 00:25:49,297
These are the
stabilisation tanks, yeah?
485
00:25:49,367 --> 00:25:52,060
When we go in the water, you lower
them down and they keep us afloat.
486
00:25:52,127 --> 00:25:54,257
I've got that. I've got that
when we fitted them,
487
00:25:54,327 --> 00:25:55,697
but what
we're now discovering
488
00:25:55,767 --> 00:25:57,737
is they make us more stable
on water,
489
00:25:57,807 --> 00:25:59,657
but a lot less on land!
490
00:25:59,727 --> 00:26:01,457
James,
why are you being so quiet?
491
00:26:01,527 --> 00:26:03,097
I'm waiting for it
to fall over.
492
00:26:03,167 --> 00:26:05,217
Whoa!
493
00:26:05,287 --> 00:26:09,297
Will you stop making
stupid, childish noises!
494
00:26:09,367 --> 00:26:12,177
I think we've done
an incredible job,
495
00:26:12,247 --> 00:26:15,497
and I think I've been
a remarkable project leader.
496
00:26:15,567 --> 00:26:18,497
Why has no-one
thought to do this before?
497
00:26:18,567 --> 00:26:20,937
It's so logical
when you look at it.
498
00:26:22,047 --> 00:26:24,297
The car bit of it's working,
but it was already a car.
499
00:26:24,367 --> 00:26:26,537
That's not much
of an achievement.
500
00:26:27,487 --> 00:26:29,177
I'm gonna do a brake test.
501
00:26:29,247 --> 00:26:31,017
Ah! Oh! Oh.
502
00:26:31,087 --> 00:26:32,257
- What?
- Wait.
503
00:26:32,327 --> 00:26:33,377
Is that that...
504
00:26:33,621 --> 00:26:34,751
- Ooh!
- Oh!
505
00:26:34,947 --> 00:26:36,067
Yeah.
506
00:26:38,118 --> 00:26:41,208
Eventually,
we arrived at the lake.
507
00:26:43,367 --> 00:26:46,857
For our first
high-speed test run.
508
00:26:47,767 --> 00:26:51,697
And immediately,
Hammond chickened out.
509
00:26:53,287 --> 00:26:54,937
Why aren't you wearing
a fire suit?
510
00:26:55,007 --> 00:26:58,217
Um, jet engines
just aren't my thing.
511
00:26:58,287 --> 00:27:00,137
I'm gonna watch this
from the bank.
512
00:27:00,327 --> 00:27:01,617
Are you really
not coming in it?
513
00:27:01,687 --> 00:27:04,177
No, I'm gonna watch...
I'm gonna be the observer.
514
00:27:04,247 --> 00:27:05,727
Oof!
515
00:27:12,967 --> 00:27:15,137
Oh. She's ready.
516
00:27:15,607 --> 00:27:17,977
My big fear is,
let's be modest
517
00:27:18,047 --> 00:27:20,457
and let's say we reached 80.
518
00:27:20,527 --> 00:27:24,257
So from here, we've got to
just use drag to slow us down
519
00:27:24,327 --> 00:27:25,497
before we hit the far bank.
520
00:27:25,567 --> 00:27:28,137
Well,
we have to think ahead, yes.
521
00:27:28,207 --> 00:27:30,897
Start decelerating
when you pass that mid-point,
522
00:27:30,967 --> 00:27:32,980
- you should be all right.
- I think he's right.
523
00:27:33,047 --> 00:27:34,377
The middle
is the critical point.
524
00:27:34,447 --> 00:27:36,060
Then just back off
the throttles.
525
00:27:36,127 --> 00:27:38,857
And then we'll use the drag of the
pontoons to slow us down? -Yeah.
526
00:27:38,927 --> 00:27:40,460
Ok.
527
00:27:40,527 --> 00:27:42,820
Right.
528
00:27:42,887 --> 00:27:46,057
Soon, James and I
were ready for the test,
529
00:27:46,127 --> 00:27:48,457
and not at all nervous.
530
00:27:49,567 --> 00:27:53,777
When we fire up the jet, this
Perspex that I put in here,
531
00:27:53,847 --> 00:27:55,577
I put it in.
532
00:27:55,647 --> 00:27:57,897
So what if that just goes?
533
00:27:57,967 --> 00:27:59,377
You shouldn't have said that.
534
00:27:59,740 --> 00:28:01,510
You know in Die Hard 2,
535
00:28:01,686 --> 00:28:04,257
when the enormous soldier
is sucked into the engine?
536
00:28:04,327 --> 00:28:06,017
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, that's like that.
537
00:28:06,087 --> 00:28:07,377
It will be like that,
won't it?
538
00:28:08,647 --> 00:28:11,017
Ready?
539
00:28:13,367 --> 00:28:14,977
We are going in.
540
00:28:17,864 --> 00:28:19,834
Oh, I feel buoyancy.
541
00:28:21,287 --> 00:28:23,217
I am proud
of my two colleagues.
542
00:28:23,287 --> 00:28:26,257
This is... this is historic.
543
00:28:26,327 --> 00:28:28,537
We are now
gonna fire up the jet engine.
544
00:28:28,607 --> 00:28:30,657
Right. Put your thing on,
it's gonna be bloody loud.
545
00:28:30,727 --> 00:28:31,780
- What thing?
- These things.
546
00:28:31,847 --> 00:28:33,137
That's a good point.
547
00:28:33,207 --> 00:28:35,737
- Right.
- Comms check, comms check.
548
00:28:35,807 --> 00:28:37,857
Dials are engaged.
549
00:28:37,927 --> 00:28:39,017
This is the speedometer.
550
00:28:39,087 --> 00:28:40,977
OK, we've got ignitor on,
bilge pump off,
551
00:28:41,047 --> 00:28:42,097
throttle set at idle.
552
00:28:42,167 --> 00:28:44,937
- Go.
- Starting jet.
553
00:28:46,927 --> 00:28:48,140
Holy shit!
554
00:28:49,367 --> 00:28:51,377
It's going...
Don't look at it!
555
00:28:51,447 --> 00:28:53,777
Don't look
in the rear-view mirror.
556
00:29:04,567 --> 00:29:06,737
Oh, this is phenomenal!
557
00:29:07,887 --> 00:29:09,977
Taking up the power now.
Fifty percent.
558
00:29:10,047 --> 00:29:11,537
Is that 50%?
559
00:29:11,607 --> 00:29:14,537
Yeah, that's about 50,
but 70 is 100.
560
00:29:14,607 --> 00:29:16,377
What do you mean,
"70 is 100"?
561
00:29:16,447 --> 00:29:19,457
I couldn't find a dial that
exactly matched the revs,
562
00:29:19,527 --> 00:29:23,657
so 70 on here is 100% thrust.
563
00:29:24,527 --> 00:29:26,937
I'm going full power.
Here we go.
564
00:29:28,367 --> 00:29:30,617
Hold tight. You wanna hold
on to something, seriously.
565
00:29:30,687 --> 00:29:32,007
Right, go.
566
00:29:36,007 --> 00:29:38,297
That's 100% thrust.
567
00:29:56,167 --> 00:29:58,226
Right, well,
we're doing 2mph.
568
00:29:58,313 --> 00:30:00,339
Come on!
569
00:30:00,409 --> 00:30:02,539
We're doing three!
570
00:30:02,607 --> 00:30:04,617
Why is it so slow?
571
00:30:04,687 --> 00:30:07,417
I mean, that jet
is from a Russian fighter!
572
00:30:07,487 --> 00:30:10,377
That is capable of keeping
a Russian fighter in the air.
573
00:30:10,447 --> 00:30:13,017
Why won't it make us
go more than three?
574
00:30:13,087 --> 00:30:17,617
In the air,
that's the point - the air!
575
00:30:18,927 --> 00:30:21,617
Hammond is keeping up
with us.
576
00:30:22,767 --> 00:30:23,887
That's it?
577
00:30:24,405 --> 00:30:26,820
Come on!
578
00:30:26,887 --> 00:30:29,257
- Can I just say something?
- We're sinking.
579
00:30:29,327 --> 00:30:31,177
No, my half is sinking.
580
00:30:31,247 --> 00:30:35,137
Oh, God! We really do need...
I'm gonna go in to shore.
581
00:30:37,767 --> 00:30:41,017
I don't think they needed
the neck braces in the end.
582
00:30:45,927 --> 00:30:47,857
And throttle back.
583
00:30:53,328 --> 00:30:54,698
- Speed?
- Three.
584
00:30:54,887 --> 00:30:57,168
- Three?
- Yeah, it does three.
585
00:30:57,236 --> 00:30:59,366
That's your top speed,
it's three?
586
00:31:00,007 --> 00:31:03,177
You could row at 3mph.
587
00:31:03,402 --> 00:31:05,637
On the upside,
and there is one,
588
00:31:05,847 --> 00:31:07,742
neither of us were killed.
589
00:31:07,916 --> 00:31:09,577
And that's an upside?
590
00:31:09,647 --> 00:31:11,697
No, the issue at hand is...
591
00:31:11,767 --> 00:31:13,257
- It doesn't work.
- Yes.
592
00:31:13,327 --> 00:31:14,977
Why doesn't it work?
593
00:31:15,047 --> 00:31:18,217
Well, it's mainly to do with
the shape of the car,
594
00:31:18,287 --> 00:31:20,697
the shape of the sawn-up bits
of tatty old boat
595
00:31:20,767 --> 00:31:22,257
that you've Blu-Tacked to it.
596
00:31:22,327 --> 00:31:23,857
The drag of the pontoons,
597
00:31:23,927 --> 00:31:26,297
the size and power
and position of the engine,
598
00:31:26,367 --> 00:31:27,777
the amount of fuel
it will run,
599
00:31:27,849 --> 00:31:29,139
the basic physics.
600
00:31:29,207 --> 00:31:32,697
The fact that water is
750 times as dense as air...
601
00:31:34,407 --> 00:31:38,297
It was time to go back
to the drawing board.
602
00:31:38,367 --> 00:31:42,737
And this time, we gave Jeremy
a job he could actually do.
603
00:31:45,207 --> 00:31:47,657
Now, this is the car that
currently holds the record
604
00:31:47,727 --> 00:31:49,457
for amphibious vehicles.
605
00:31:49,527 --> 00:31:51,417
It's the Gibbs Humdinga,
606
00:31:51,487 --> 00:31:53,977
and, as you can see,
it is not an ancient Suzuki
607
00:31:54,047 --> 00:31:56,097
with an old Russian
jet engine on the back.
608
00:31:56,167 --> 00:31:58,977
No, it's a light, plastic car
with a hull,
609
00:31:59,047 --> 00:32:02,137
and, as you can see,
retractable wheels.
610
00:32:02,207 --> 00:32:04,737
Exactly. And that's why
we have chosen,
611
00:32:04,807 --> 00:32:08,817
as the basis for our project,
this.
612
00:32:14,527 --> 00:32:19,377
Which is a Reliant Robin
in a 1970s leisure suit.
613
00:32:19,447 --> 00:32:21,497
No, it is a Bond Bug:
614
00:32:21,567 --> 00:32:24,377
one of the coolest cars
from the '70s.
615
00:32:24,447 --> 00:32:27,977
And I can see why you chose
this particular one, Hammond.
616
00:32:28,047 --> 00:32:30,457
It's got your name on it.
617
00:32:30,527 --> 00:32:33,417
Shut up. The only reason these
things never really caught on
618
00:32:33,487 --> 00:32:36,537
was because nobody thought
of making them amphibious.
619
00:32:36,607 --> 00:32:37,897
Yes, but we have, you see.
620
00:32:37,967 --> 00:32:41,457
So we're gonna fit it with retractable
wheels, same as the Gibbs,
621
00:32:41,527 --> 00:32:43,577
and we're gonna use the
engine from one of these.
622
00:32:43,647 --> 00:32:45,977
- A jet engine.
- Yes. Sort of, but different.
623
00:32:46,047 --> 00:32:47,097
It's my idea.
624
00:32:47,167 --> 00:32:48,897
The jet engine
was not your idea.
625
00:32:48,967 --> 00:32:50,617
No, the jet engine
isn't my idea,
626
00:32:50,687 --> 00:32:52,337
but the idea of making
an amphibious car
627
00:32:52,407 --> 00:32:54,297
using a jet engine
was my idea.
628
00:32:54,367 --> 00:32:56,777
This is a water jet,
it's different.
629
00:32:56,847 --> 00:32:58,497
And anyway, this is genius,
630
00:32:58,567 --> 00:33:00,457
because you can rent
one of these
631
00:33:00,527 --> 00:33:01,940
from pretty much
any beach in the world,
632
00:33:02,007 --> 00:33:03,857
that will do 50mph
out of the box.
633
00:33:03,927 --> 00:33:05,897
- This one will do 67.
- It will. Exactly.
634
00:33:05,967 --> 00:33:07,057
Well, that's plenty.
635
00:33:07,127 --> 00:33:08,740
So, all we've gotta do
is incorporate this
636
00:33:08,807 --> 00:33:11,017
into the roadworthy shell
of the Bond Bug,
637
00:33:11,087 --> 00:33:15,497
and we've got a very fast car and a
very fast boat in the same thing.
638
00:33:15,567 --> 00:33:18,377
Which is exactly
what I was doing.
639
00:33:18,447 --> 00:33:20,337
At this point,
we sent Jeremy home
640
00:33:20,407 --> 00:33:24,497
and set to work
on building our masterpiece.
641
00:33:36,482 --> 00:33:38,612
I don't know
why you're applauding.
642
00:33:38,680 --> 00:33:40,377
They know nothing
about boats.
643
00:33:40,447 --> 00:33:41,817
Absolutely nothing.
644
00:33:41,887 --> 00:33:44,097
Old planes? Yes.
Helicopters? Yes.
645
00:33:44,167 --> 00:33:47,137
Old motorcycles? A lot.
But boats? Nothing!
646
00:33:47,207 --> 00:33:50,537
But, we shall see what
they came up with later on.
647
00:33:50,607 --> 00:33:54,897
Now, though, it is time
for Celebrity Face-Off.
648
00:34:05,447 --> 00:34:08,220
It's a simple question
this week.
649
00:34:08,355 --> 00:34:10,857
Who is the world's
fastest magician?
650
00:34:10,927 --> 00:34:12,977
To find out, would you please
welcome Dynamo,
651
00:34:13,047 --> 00:34:15,697
and Penn and
his silent partner, Teller.
652
00:34:20,767 --> 00:34:22,220
Amazing!
653
00:34:22,287 --> 00:34:24,439
I'm already amazed!
654
00:34:24,614 --> 00:34:28,088
I've gotta be honest, magic is my
favourite thing in the entire world.
655
00:34:28,156 --> 00:34:29,937
Apart from boating
in the south of France.
656
00:34:30,007 --> 00:34:32,537
But we must begin with cars,
obviously.
657
00:34:32,607 --> 00:34:34,617
This being a car show,
occasionally.
658
00:34:34,687 --> 00:34:36,977
You both started with 4x4s,
as far as I can work out,
659
00:34:37,047 --> 00:34:38,457
or they have featured
in your life.
660
00:34:38,527 --> 00:34:41,217
You are a G-Wagen man, yeah?
661
00:34:41,287 --> 00:34:42,377
Yeah, yeah.
662
00:34:42,447 --> 00:34:45,262
So, at the beginning, when my
TV show got a bit of success,
663
00:34:45,396 --> 00:34:47,948
Mercedes came and they
would give me cars to drive.
664
00:34:48,067 --> 00:34:50,354
But then,
I did a commercial with Fiat,
665
00:34:50,545 --> 00:34:52,617
and Mercedes weren't
too happy about that.
666
00:34:54,567 --> 00:34:56,244
I used some of the money
from Fiat to...
667
00:34:56,506 --> 00:34:58,377
I still love the G-Wagen,
so I bought one.
668
00:34:58,447 --> 00:35:01,337
So, you used Fiat money
to buy a Mercedes?
669
00:35:01,407 --> 00:35:04,442
Yeah. -That is quite good.
But you had a Ford Bronco.
670
00:35:04,510 --> 00:35:08,139
But only because
I watched OJ do the...
671
00:35:08,207 --> 00:35:11,097
- And I said,
"He's kind of a big guy.
672
00:35:11,167 --> 00:35:12,377
Maybe I'd fit in that car."
673
00:35:12,447 --> 00:35:16,057
And I got the whole thing,
and it was all too masculine,
674
00:35:16,127 --> 00:35:19,337
so I painted it stripper pink
for Vegas.
675
00:35:19,620 --> 00:35:21,620
When you're driving to work, do
they think you're a stripper?
676
00:35:21,687 --> 00:35:23,177
I hope so.
677
00:35:24,087 --> 00:35:25,937
Didn't you have a Ford Falcon
at some stage?
678
00:35:26,007 --> 00:35:28,777
Well, when I was
in high school...
679
00:35:28,847 --> 00:35:31,307
I'm from a rural area.
680
00:35:31,474 --> 00:35:34,177
..my mother gave me her car,
which was a Ford Falcon.
681
00:35:34,247 --> 00:35:38,257
But for me, that was just a place
to have sex in high school.
682
00:35:38,327 --> 00:35:40,497
And then
you started touring together.
683
00:35:40,567 --> 00:35:43,537
Mm-hm. -So you presumably
needed some kind of tour...
684
00:35:43,607 --> 00:35:44,777
You know, we're carny trash.
685
00:35:44,847 --> 00:35:47,177
We did carnivals and outdoor
shows and all of that.
686
00:35:47,247 --> 00:35:48,977
We're the worst
kind of people.
687
00:35:49,047 --> 00:35:51,777
And we had to drive all over
the United States of America.
688
00:35:51,847 --> 00:35:53,257
So, we went
to an auction place
689
00:35:53,327 --> 00:35:56,057
and bought a Datsun 210
station wagon,
690
00:35:56,127 --> 00:35:59,857
with the back seat down, and then our
trunks in there with all our stuff.
691
00:35:59,927 --> 00:36:03,857
We were so terrified
of having our props stolen,
692
00:36:03,927 --> 00:36:06,417
that we had a magnetic sign
we put on the side
693
00:36:06,487 --> 00:36:09,777
that said, "Atlanta Centre
for Disease Control
694
00:36:09,847 --> 00:36:11,737
Specimen Transfer Unit."
695
00:36:11,807 --> 00:36:14,617
We put that on the side, with
the big boxes in the back,
696
00:36:14,687 --> 00:36:16,097
and that worked really well,
697
00:36:16,167 --> 00:36:18,657
until the sign was stolen.
698
00:36:19,767 --> 00:36:20,977
I wanna talk about cars,
699
00:36:21,047 --> 00:36:23,137
but who would rather here
see some magic?
700
00:36:23,209 --> 00:36:24,779
Yes!
701
00:36:24,847 --> 00:36:26,337
I know
we're supposed to do cars.
702
00:36:26,407 --> 00:36:29,126
Would you mind awfully
if you now do some?
703
00:36:29,194 --> 00:36:30,780
Have you actually... You've
brought something with you?
704
00:36:30,847 --> 00:36:32,137
I'm gonna try something
with you.
705
00:36:32,207 --> 00:36:34,937
Just hold your hands out
for me.
706
00:36:35,007 --> 00:36:36,297
- What, both?
- Both, like this.
707
00:36:36,367 --> 00:36:37,777
- Like that?
- A little bit wider.
708
00:36:37,847 --> 00:36:39,377
Are you left or right-handed?
709
00:36:39,447 --> 00:36:41,737
Right-handed. Unless
we're talking about shooting.
710
00:36:41,807 --> 00:36:43,537
- Close it in a fist.
- Like that? That one?
711
00:36:43,607 --> 00:36:45,897
Yeah, then turn
this left one over.
712
00:36:46,527 --> 00:36:48,857
I'm gonna put a little cross
right there.
713
00:36:48,927 --> 00:36:50,337
Can you show that
to everyone?
714
00:36:50,407 --> 00:36:52,540
- Show the cross to everybody.
- I've got a cross there.
715
00:36:52,607 --> 00:36:53,857
Let's have a look.
716
00:36:53,927 --> 00:36:55,657
So, make sure it's dry.
717
00:36:55,727 --> 00:36:57,257
It's Sharpie,
so it shouldn't come off.
718
00:36:57,327 --> 00:36:58,417
Yeah, it's still there.
719
00:36:58,487 --> 00:37:00,217
The idea...
720
00:37:00,457 --> 00:37:02,067
..is to make it...
721
00:37:03,007 --> 00:37:05,257
..disappear from there...
722
00:37:08,247 --> 00:37:10,457
If it's in this hand now,
I'm going to be...
723
00:37:10,527 --> 00:37:13,057
sake!
724
00:37:14,487 --> 00:37:16,097
How is that?
725
00:37:24,287 --> 00:37:26,330
Go on, do another one. Who'd
like to see another one?
726
00:37:26,397 --> 00:37:27,647
Yes!
727
00:37:27,715 --> 00:37:30,164
Come on, what have you got? -Have
you got a piece of paper there?
728
00:37:30,231 --> 00:37:31,844
Er, yes.
729
00:37:31,967 --> 00:37:33,617
I've got a pen here.
730
00:37:33,687 --> 00:37:37,097
I'm just gonna just do
some markings for you.
731
00:37:37,167 --> 00:37:38,217
We'll start here.
732
00:37:38,287 --> 00:37:39,377
Take the pen.
733
00:37:39,447 --> 00:37:40,817
- Take the pen.
- Yeah.
734
00:37:40,887 --> 00:37:43,777
Give me a number
from, say, one to ten.
735
00:37:43,847 --> 00:37:45,020
Nine.
736
00:37:45,087 --> 00:37:46,457
Nine. Write it down.
737
00:37:46,527 --> 00:37:47,737
- Nine.
- Great.
738
00:37:47,807 --> 00:37:49,497
We'll go for, let's see,
739
00:37:49,567 --> 00:37:52,257
the lady right there
with the glasses.
740
00:37:52,327 --> 00:37:56,057
Yeah. I need another number,
from 9 to 19.
741
00:37:56,127 --> 00:37:57,780
Er, 11.
742
00:37:57,847 --> 00:37:59,137
- Eleven.
- I think it was a man.
743
00:37:59,207 --> 00:38:01,417
That's a bit embarrassing.
744
00:38:03,807 --> 00:38:05,697
We may be
in a world of trouble here.
745
00:38:11,647 --> 00:38:12,977
Let's move it on, quickly!
746
00:38:13,047 --> 00:38:14,100
Yes.
747
00:38:14,167 --> 00:38:15,777
- Richard!
- Yes?
748
00:38:15,847 --> 00:38:18,257
A number from 11 to 21.
749
00:38:18,327 --> 00:38:19,740
Nineteen.
750
00:38:19,807 --> 00:38:21,777
- Are you sure?
- Yes.
751
00:38:21,847 --> 00:38:23,457
- Nineteen, write it down.
- There, yeah?
752
00:38:23,527 --> 00:38:24,697
Perfect. Yes
753
00:38:24,767 --> 00:38:28,017
Uh, we'll go for this guy
here in the blue jacket.
754
00:38:28,087 --> 00:38:30,377
- How you doing?
- Actually, that's a woman.
755
00:38:34,247 --> 00:38:37,977
It's so hard to tell.
756
00:38:39,287 --> 00:38:41,737
A number from 19 to 29,
please.
757
00:38:41,807 --> 00:38:43,420
27.
758
00:38:43,487 --> 00:38:45,417
Twenty-seven,
write that down.
759
00:38:46,047 --> 00:38:47,497
Gilles Villeneuve's
old number.
760
00:38:47,567 --> 00:38:50,977
We'll go for this gentleman right
here with a white t-shirt.
761
00:38:51,047 --> 00:38:53,657
- The gender-fluid gentleman.
- Yes. Yes!
762
00:38:53,727 --> 00:38:56,377
A number
from 27 to 37.
763
00:38:56,447 --> 00:38:57,577
Thirty-three.
764
00:38:57,647 --> 00:38:58,897
Thirty-three,
write that down.
765
00:38:58,967 --> 00:39:01,377
Finally, the lady at the end
with the long hair.
766
00:39:01,447 --> 00:39:04,763
Can we have a number
between 33 and 49?
767
00:39:04,874 --> 00:39:07,020
- Forty-two.
- Forty-two.
768
00:39:07,163 --> 00:39:10,617
So, nine, 11, 19,
27, 33 and 42.
769
00:39:10,687 --> 00:39:13,537
These are the numbers
we randomly generated today.
770
00:39:13,607 --> 00:39:15,097
A couple of years ago,
771
00:39:15,167 --> 00:39:17,217
I picked six numbers myself.
772
00:39:17,287 --> 00:39:18,577
They're like
my lucky numbers,
773
00:39:18,647 --> 00:39:21,097
and I went to a shop and
I bought a lottery ticket.
774
00:39:21,167 --> 00:39:22,420
And I won.
775
00:39:22,487 --> 00:39:25,497
Only a tenner, but, you know,
I won something.
776
00:39:25,567 --> 00:39:28,537
And I actually keep
that ticket in my wallet.
777
00:39:29,127 --> 00:39:31,417
- There we go.
- No, no, no. No!
778
00:39:31,487 --> 00:39:33,817
Keep it in my wallet
for good luck.
779
00:39:33,887 --> 00:39:35,097
Where's the camera?
780
00:39:35,167 --> 00:39:36,537
Can you see that?
781
00:39:36,607 --> 00:39:38,817
There's one ticket there.
782
00:39:38,887 --> 00:39:41,580
This is a lottery ticket? -I think you'll
find the numbers quite interesting,
783
00:39:41,647 --> 00:39:43,137
if you wanna read them
out loud.
784
00:39:43,207 --> 00:39:45,580
So, you...
785
00:39:45,647 --> 00:39:48,097
I'll need my glasses
on a lottery ticket.
786
00:39:48,456 --> 00:39:49,586
So, let's just...
787
00:39:49,767 --> 00:39:51,497
- What was the first number?
- Nine.
788
00:39:51,567 --> 00:39:52,657
Nine, right there.
789
00:39:52,727 --> 00:39:53,817
- Eleven.
- Eleven.
790
00:39:53,887 --> 00:39:55,457
- Nineteen.
- Nineteen for Richard.
791
00:39:55,527 --> 00:39:57,257
- Twenty-seven.
- Twenty-seven.
792
00:39:57,327 --> 00:39:59,057
- Thirty-three.
- Thirty-three.
793
00:39:59,127 --> 00:40:00,697
- The last one?
- Forty-two.
794
00:40:10,127 --> 00:40:12,977
That's actually a lottery
ticket. It is a lott...
795
00:40:13,047 --> 00:40:15,217
I'm...
Well, I'm staggered.
796
00:40:15,287 --> 00:40:17,497
But anyway, look,
we haven't finished yet.
797
00:40:17,567 --> 00:40:20,017
Shall we see
what the Americans can do?
798
00:40:20,087 --> 00:40:22,820
Yes! Come on, you two, let's
have a look. What have you got?
799
00:40:22,887 --> 00:40:25,537
Well, you know,
I was asking Dynamo,
800
00:40:25,607 --> 00:40:27,260
you're a member
of the Magic Circle, right?
801
00:40:27,327 --> 00:40:28,497
- Yeah.
- We are not.
802
00:40:28,567 --> 00:40:30,177
Teller and I
have a reputation,
803
00:40:30,247 --> 00:40:33,457
not ill-deserved, for
giving away magic secrets.
804
00:40:33,527 --> 00:40:35,100
You do. You always say
how your tricks work.
805
00:40:35,167 --> 00:40:37,417
We have done that, so they
will not let us be members.
806
00:40:37,487 --> 00:40:38,577
So that got us thinking.
807
00:40:38,647 --> 00:40:42,177
Could we do a trick that
would fool the Magic Circle,
808
00:40:42,247 --> 00:40:44,377
while giving away...
809
00:40:45,047 --> 00:40:46,817
..all the very principles
we've given away?
810
00:40:46,887 --> 00:40:49,737
And the first thing we gave
away, in 1985, way back then,
811
00:40:49,807 --> 00:40:51,497
we're on
the David Letterman programme,
812
00:40:51,567 --> 00:40:54,337
and gave away the idea
of fake blindfolds
813
00:40:54,407 --> 00:40:55,817
that are used by magicians.
814
00:40:55,887 --> 00:41:00,377
We said, "Every blindfold used by a
magician is fake," which we've stood by.
815
00:41:00,447 --> 00:41:03,777
We're gonna have a blindfold that
can't be faked, which is... Dynamo.
816
00:41:03,847 --> 00:41:05,057
Teller's gonna stand up here,
817
00:41:05,127 --> 00:41:08,177
and, Dynamo, just make sure
that Teller can't see.
818
00:41:08,247 --> 00:41:11,377
Come over there and
just make sure that Teller...
819
00:41:11,447 --> 00:41:14,457
Not permanently, but just for now.
820
00:41:14,527 --> 00:41:17,737
Just put your hands right over
his eyes there so he can't see.
821
00:41:17,807 --> 00:41:19,377
No need to be gentle,
it's not me.
822
00:41:19,447 --> 00:41:22,177
Cool, cool. -All you've gotta
do is make sure he can't see.
823
00:41:22,247 --> 00:41:24,097
How many fingers
am I holding up?
824
00:41:25,447 --> 00:41:26,977
Now, we've been accused
825
00:41:27,047 --> 00:41:29,777
of giving away the idea
of marked cards.
826
00:41:29,847 --> 00:41:31,377
Marked cards
are very hard to...
827
00:41:31,447 --> 00:41:33,057
Even professional gamblers
828
00:41:33,127 --> 00:41:34,500
sometimes can't determine
if they're marked.
829
00:41:34,567 --> 00:41:36,260
But Dynamo's gonna
make sure they're not marked.
830
00:41:36,327 --> 00:41:38,897
The cards will be dealt face-down
in Teller's right hand.
831
00:41:38,967 --> 00:41:40,937
If the cards were marked,
which they're not,
832
00:41:41,007 --> 00:41:42,057
Teller would have to see,
833
00:41:42,127 --> 00:41:43,817
and Dynamo's
making sure he can't see.
834
00:41:43,887 --> 00:41:45,660
- He can't see.
- The other thing we gave away
835
00:41:45,727 --> 00:41:47,897
was on the Johnny Carson
programme.
836
00:41:47,967 --> 00:41:50,417
We gave away
the idea of a card force:
837
00:41:50,487 --> 00:41:52,257
that it's easy to do a trick
838
00:41:52,327 --> 00:41:54,300
if you know in advance
what card's gonna be picked.
839
00:41:54,367 --> 00:41:57,257
And one of the ways you can
do a force like that, Jeremy,
840
00:41:57,327 --> 00:42:00,577
is to have all the cards
be the same.
841
00:42:00,647 --> 00:42:01,940
- Yeah.
- Then just have a card selected,
842
00:42:02,007 --> 00:42:03,697
where you know what's
it's gonna be.
843
00:42:03,767 --> 00:42:06,100
- Stand up for a second, Jeremy.
- Yeah, I can become vertical.
844
00:42:06,167 --> 00:42:08,177
I want you to make sure
you look over these,
845
00:42:08,247 --> 00:42:11,226
and make sure
they are not all the same.
846
00:42:11,294 --> 00:42:13,260
- I'll try to fan them all out.
- No, that's a pack of cards.
847
00:42:13,327 --> 00:42:14,417
Yeah, it's a pack of cards.
848
00:42:14,487 --> 00:42:17,534
Now, another way
you can do a card force
849
00:42:17,602 --> 00:42:19,003
is you can use
sleight of hand
850
00:42:19,071 --> 00:42:20,791
to force the bottom card
or the top card,
851
00:42:20,859 --> 00:42:22,291
or even a card in the middle.
852
00:42:22,359 --> 00:42:24,998
I'm gonna eliminate sleight
of hand by using your hands.
853
00:42:25,110 --> 00:42:29,065
Ok? So, I'm gonna give you
most of the deck right there.
854
00:42:29,247 --> 00:42:30,377
And I'm gonna...
855
00:42:30,447 --> 00:42:32,060
Just fan them out like this.
Fan them out.
856
00:42:32,127 --> 00:42:34,257
Don't let me see,
but just think of one.
857
00:42:34,327 --> 00:42:36,457
Don't even point to it,
don't cut to it.
858
00:42:36,527 --> 00:42:38,540
Just look over all the cards.
You have most of the deck.
859
00:42:38,607 --> 00:42:40,457
And then just think
of one card.
860
00:42:40,527 --> 00:42:41,780
Don't look at it,
just think of it.
861
00:42:41,847 --> 00:42:43,620
Then close them up so I can't
see what you're doing.
862
00:42:43,687 --> 00:42:45,537
And then give those cards
a good shuffle.
863
00:42:45,607 --> 00:42:47,177
Or give them
that kind of shuffle.
864
00:42:47,247 --> 00:42:48,457
Good. That's good.
865
00:42:48,527 --> 00:42:50,817
But face-down so I can't tell
what you're shuffling.
866
00:42:50,887 --> 00:42:52,577
- So you've thought of one card?
- Mm-hm.
867
00:42:52,647 --> 00:42:55,937
You have no idea where it is in the deck?
Is that right? -No. No.
868
00:42:56,007 --> 00:42:59,217
Now, magicians often
want you to misremember
869
00:42:59,287 --> 00:43:00,577
the sequence of events.
870
00:43:00,647 --> 00:43:02,697
We want you to very much
remember the sequence.
871
00:43:02,767 --> 00:43:04,817
The card is only
in your head, is that right?
872
00:43:04,887 --> 00:43:06,217
- Yeah.
- It's nowhere else?
873
00:43:06,287 --> 00:43:09,100
Nowhere else. -The cards are all mixed
up, you have no idea where it is.
874
00:43:09,167 --> 00:43:10,817
Now, I'm gonna put these
in your hand.
875
00:43:10,887 --> 00:43:13,100
Now, the order of these will
not change. It will not change.
876
00:43:13,167 --> 00:43:14,300
I'm not gonna
touch them again.
877
00:43:14,367 --> 00:43:15,577
I will no touch them again,
OK?
878
00:43:15,647 --> 00:43:18,017
Now that my hands are off,
and I won't touch them again,
879
00:43:18,087 --> 00:43:19,220
what was the name
of the card?
880
00:43:19,287 --> 00:43:20,337
- King of Hearts.
- OK.
881
00:43:20,407 --> 00:43:23,420
Now, you're gonna go over there and you're
gonna deal the cards, one at a time,
882
00:43:23,487 --> 00:43:25,897
from the top, face-down,
to Teller's right hand, OK?
883
00:43:25,967 --> 00:43:27,657
- Into his hand?
- Into his right hand.
884
00:43:27,727 --> 00:43:29,017
Face-down?
- Yeah.
885
00:43:29,087 --> 00:43:30,500
Dynamo, make sure
he can't see.
886
00:43:30,567 --> 00:43:32,217
He can't see nothing.
887
00:43:34,527 --> 00:43:36,777
See, we are just being
whipping boys again, Dynamo,
888
00:43:36,847 --> 00:43:39,177
us English.
889
00:43:48,007 --> 00:43:50,697
OK, Dynamo, was he able to see,
even for a moment? -Nothing.
890
00:43:50,767 --> 00:43:52,860
- Jeremy, what was the name of your card?
- King of Hearts.
891
00:43:52,927 --> 00:43:54,557
Look at the next card.
892
00:43:55,207 --> 00:43:58,814
- Oh, for Christ's sake.
- Thought of card out of a shuffled deck.
893
00:44:03,327 --> 00:44:05,057
Well...
894
00:44:10,247 --> 00:44:12,097
You came here, of course,
to do your laps.
895
00:44:12,167 --> 00:44:15,457
And, as we can see,
in the rapidly fading light,
896
00:44:15,527 --> 00:44:17,177
the weather
has not been clement.
897
00:44:17,247 --> 00:44:19,537
In fact, when we arrived
at the track this morning,
898
00:44:19,607 --> 00:44:20,897
it looked like this.
899
00:44:20,967 --> 00:44:22,897
And then...
You can see the problem.
900
00:44:22,967 --> 00:44:25,177
That bit, you can sort of see
where the track goes.
901
00:44:25,247 --> 00:44:27,340
But if we've got another shot... I
think we've got a moving shot.
902
00:44:27,407 --> 00:44:30,057
Now, somewhere in there
is a racetrack.
903
00:44:31,327 --> 00:44:33,457
Which makes it quite tricky,
I should imagine,
904
00:44:33,527 --> 00:44:34,580
to see where you were going.
905
00:44:34,647 --> 00:44:35,860
- You did it first, didn't you?
- Yeah.
906
00:44:35,927 --> 00:44:39,657
And there was a particularly fine
moment, I have to say, on the...
907
00:44:39,727 --> 00:44:42,617
It's supposed to be a flat-out
corner when it's dry,
908
00:44:42,687 --> 00:44:44,137
but it really wasn't.
909
00:44:44,207 --> 00:44:46,657
The weather was improving,
it was thawing.
910
00:44:47,207 --> 00:44:48,897
And it all went, really,
brilliantly wrong.
911
00:44:48,967 --> 00:44:52,417
Who'd like to see Dynamo
going round in a few circles?
912
00:44:52,487 --> 00:44:54,020
- Yeah, we all wanna see that?
- Yes!
913
00:44:54,087 --> 00:44:55,217
Let's have a look at this.
914
00:44:55,287 --> 00:44:56,577
This is a flat-out corner,
915
00:44:56,647 --> 00:44:58,617
and then
you just can see it's going,
916
00:44:58,687 --> 00:44:59,817
and then...
917
00:44:59,887 --> 00:45:02,937
That's a properly big
slide-off, that one is.
918
00:45:03,007 --> 00:45:05,297
Round of applause for that,
though.
919
00:45:05,367 --> 00:45:07,417
We like that.
920
00:45:08,167 --> 00:45:11,074
- Was that scary?
- No, it was well fun!
921
00:45:11,142 --> 00:45:12,740
I was like, "I could have
done this all day,
922
00:45:12,807 --> 00:45:13,897
it's so much fun."
923
00:45:13,967 --> 00:45:16,377
Who'd like to see the lap
that eventually resulted?
924
00:45:16,447 --> 00:45:18,417
- Yes!
- Let's have a look.
925
00:45:18,487 --> 00:45:19,897
Dynamo's lap, here it comes.
926
00:45:19,967 --> 00:45:21,417
Thawed out.
927
00:45:21,487 --> 00:45:24,217
A nice, smooth, quiet start.
And he's away.
928
00:45:24,287 --> 00:45:26,177
Right, let's do this!
929
00:45:26,247 --> 00:45:27,577
OK, that's...
930
00:45:27,647 --> 00:45:28,977
Ooh, that's quick through...
931
00:45:29,047 --> 00:45:32,057
Oh! Yes, that's cutting
that corner, but nicely done.
932
00:45:32,127 --> 00:45:33,457
Nicely held.
933
00:45:33,527 --> 00:45:38,177
And now we go on to what
is normally gravel, but...
934
00:45:38,247 --> 00:45:40,937
What does it look like now?
It's just mud and slush.
935
00:45:41,007 --> 00:45:42,217
God, that looks tricky!
936
00:45:42,287 --> 00:45:43,537
But you're keeping it...
937
00:45:43,607 --> 00:45:46,897
Ooh, a bit wide through
there, but not bad at all.
938
00:45:48,567 --> 00:45:49,617
Again, not bad.
939
00:45:49,687 --> 00:45:52,377
Not fast, but...
940
00:45:52,447 --> 00:45:55,257
I don't think I'm on
the track any more, guys.
941
00:45:55,767 --> 00:45:57,097
No, it's still brown...
942
00:45:57,167 --> 00:46:00,577
No, that is a James May cornering
speed through that one.
943
00:46:00,647 --> 00:46:02,377
Is the car putting
traction down all right?
944
00:46:02,447 --> 00:46:05,457
No,
it was all over the place!
945
00:46:05,527 --> 00:46:06,817
No, that's nice.
946
00:46:06,887 --> 00:46:08,817
Yeah, splashing through
the last bit.
947
00:46:08,887 --> 00:46:10,337
Difficult Bit 2
as we call it.
948
00:46:10,407 --> 00:46:11,657
It's driving on water,
this is.
949
00:46:11,727 --> 00:46:13,977
It is, yeah.
It's almost Jesus-esque.
950
00:46:14,047 --> 00:46:16,697
And then now we get
back onto the tarmac.
951
00:46:16,767 --> 00:46:19,377
Ooh, I say, that was tonnes
of front-end grip there
952
00:46:19,447 --> 00:46:21,057
all of a sudden.
953
00:46:21,127 --> 00:46:22,660
And look at the way
the front's turning in.
954
00:46:22,727 --> 00:46:23,977
That's unbelievable!
955
00:46:24,047 --> 00:46:27,497
Now, we go onto the
really fast bit, ordinarily.
956
00:46:27,567 --> 00:46:29,937
Come on, then. Here we go.
957
00:46:30,007 --> 00:46:33,097
This is where
you lost it in the practice.
958
00:46:33,167 --> 00:46:34,577
But you haven't lost it
this time.
959
00:46:34,647 --> 00:46:37,377
That front is suddenly
sticking really well!
960
00:46:37,447 --> 00:46:39,657
Coming up to the last corner.
961
00:46:39,727 --> 00:46:43,017
And a little bit of understeer
through there, but nicely tamed.
962
00:46:43,087 --> 00:46:45,257
And there we are,
across the line, everybody!
963
00:46:47,967 --> 00:46:50,417
Nicely done. Not easy.
964
00:46:50,487 --> 00:46:53,260
Not easy.
965
00:46:53,327 --> 00:46:57,137
Now then, after you'd had
a go, it was your turn.
966
00:46:57,207 --> 00:46:58,897
- Yes.
- Did you enjoy yourself?
967
00:46:58,967 --> 00:47:02,060
I had a very good time, yeah. And I had
Teller as a passenger, which was helpful.
968
00:47:02,127 --> 00:47:04,617
Oh, that would help!
Balance it out nicely.
969
00:47:04,687 --> 00:47:05,977
Sure.
970
00:47:06,047 --> 00:47:07,577
You also had a moment,
shall we say.
971
00:47:07,647 --> 00:47:09,257
I did. I did, yeah.
972
00:47:09,327 --> 00:47:10,740
Would anybody like to see
this moment?
973
00:47:10,807 --> 00:47:12,537
- Yes!
- Let's have a look.
974
00:47:12,607 --> 00:47:14,497
This is quick
coming into the last corner.
975
00:47:14,567 --> 00:47:15,697
That's understeer.
976
00:47:15,767 --> 00:47:17,537
Oh, somebody's been off there
already,
977
00:47:17,607 --> 00:47:20,217
you can see the tyre marks,
but not as far you went.
978
00:47:20,287 --> 00:47:21,577
That is impressive.
979
00:47:21,647 --> 00:47:24,937
That's the furthest anybody's
been off that track,
980
00:47:25,007 --> 00:47:26,377
by a long way.
981
00:47:26,447 --> 00:47:29,257
You're definitely winning that, so far.
Definitely.
982
00:47:29,327 --> 00:47:31,617
Furthest off the track,
I got that.
983
00:47:31,687 --> 00:47:34,097
But then you got a lap
together, both of you. -I did.
984
00:47:34,167 --> 00:47:36,257
Let's have a look
at this lap.
985
00:47:36,327 --> 00:47:39,497
Yeah, another nice,
tidy start.
986
00:47:39,567 --> 00:47:41,297
Roaring off
down to the first corner.
987
00:47:41,367 --> 00:47:44,377
So, we're going, Teller.
Can you feel that?
988
00:47:45,167 --> 00:47:47,417
It's not at all
scary in there.
989
00:47:48,007 --> 00:47:49,617
Right, that's tidily done
through there,
990
00:47:49,687 --> 00:47:51,017
keeping it really
on the island,
991
00:47:51,087 --> 00:47:53,257
unlike Dynamo,
who was a bit mad.
992
00:47:53,327 --> 00:47:54,897
And onto the gravel.
993
00:47:54,967 --> 00:47:56,297
Well, the mud.
Well, the slush.
994
00:47:56,367 --> 00:47:57,657
Whatever you wanna call it.
995
00:47:59,194 --> 00:48:00,487
Ahhh!
996
00:48:01,767 --> 00:48:03,057
I'm going quickly there.
997
00:48:03,127 --> 00:48:04,417
Oh-hoo-hoo!
998
00:48:04,487 --> 00:48:06,537
- That was well held there.
- Thank you.
999
00:48:06,607 --> 00:48:08,177
That's nice driving.
1000
00:48:08,247 --> 00:48:11,657
I'm under control.
Shut up, Teller! I got it!
1001
00:48:12,287 --> 00:48:13,577
Is he putting you off?
1002
00:48:13,647 --> 00:48:14,697
Now, this is...
1003
00:48:14,767 --> 00:48:17,057
Sometimes, when it appears
to be slow, it's fast,
1004
00:48:17,127 --> 00:48:20,457
and sometimes, when
it looks fast, it's slow.
1005
00:48:20,527 --> 00:48:23,177
This is looking fast,
I'm gonna be honest,
1006
00:48:23,247 --> 00:48:24,737
but there's a lot
of sideways action,
1007
00:48:24,807 --> 00:48:27,177
which, of course,
isn't forward motion,
1008
00:48:27,247 --> 00:48:29,977
- which is a problem.
- But it looks really good.
1009
00:48:30,047 --> 00:48:32,937
It looks tremendous.
This is great television.
1010
00:48:36,287 --> 00:48:38,377
And you can hear the bark
of the two-litre there
1011
00:48:38,447 --> 00:48:39,617
as you hit the straight.
1012
00:48:39,687 --> 00:48:41,017
- We're going!
- Ahh!
1013
00:48:41,087 --> 00:48:43,177
- Now! Boom!
- Oh!
1014
00:48:43,247 --> 00:48:45,377
And coming up to the...
1015
00:48:45,447 --> 00:48:47,777
This is the corner - not
this one, but the next one,
1016
00:48:47,847 --> 00:48:49,817
that caught you out
practising.
1017
00:48:49,887 --> 00:48:52,057
Ooh, you're trying to get
a Scandi flick going there,
1018
00:48:52,127 --> 00:48:53,417
but a bit too soon.
1019
00:48:53,487 --> 00:48:54,537
Understeer again,
1020
00:48:54,607 --> 00:48:56,137
but you've held it this time.
1021
00:48:56,207 --> 00:48:58,217
And there we are, yeah,
across the line, everybody!
1022
00:49:08,927 --> 00:49:10,577
Right, I have the times here.
1023
00:49:10,647 --> 00:49:11,727
Ok.
1024
00:49:13,407 --> 00:49:15,457
We'll start with you, Dynamo.
1025
00:49:15,527 --> 00:49:18,708
One thirty-nine point three.
1026
00:49:19,232 --> 00:49:20,897
- That's all right
- That's really slow.
1027
00:49:24,705 --> 00:49:27,379
But you've got
the snow symbol.
1028
00:49:27,447 --> 00:49:30,329
So far, you're
the fastest person ever
1029
00:49:30,397 --> 00:49:33,367
to go round our track
in the snow.
1030
00:49:33,847 --> 00:49:36,775
But are you faster
than Penn and Teller?
1031
00:49:36,843 --> 00:49:38,779
There's actually
excitement here, isn't there?
1032
00:49:38,847 --> 00:49:40,254
- Yeah.
- There's nervousness.
1033
00:49:40,321 --> 00:49:42,331
You did it in one...
1034
00:49:43,351 --> 00:49:45,001
..thirty...
1035
00:49:46,465 --> 00:49:48,117
..three point eight.
1036
00:49:52,567 --> 00:49:53,777
Bad boy.
1037
00:49:53,847 --> 00:49:57,462
Commiserations.
Commiserations.
1038
00:49:57,699 --> 00:50:00,491
Congratulations, gentlemen.
Congratulations.
1039
00:50:00,559 --> 00:50:02,699
That was fantastic!
1040
00:50:02,767 --> 00:50:04,638
And thank you so much,
all of you,
1041
00:50:04,706 --> 00:50:06,553
for coming along
and doing all this magic.
1042
00:50:06,621 --> 00:50:08,887
But we must now say goodbye
to Dynamo
1043
00:50:08,955 --> 00:50:11,979
and the world's fastest
magicians, Penn and Teller!
1044
00:50:12,047 --> 00:50:15,257
World's fastest magicians!
1045
00:50:19,927 --> 00:50:23,697
Now, tonight,
we are attempting to break
1046
00:50:23,767 --> 00:50:27,057
the British water speed
record for amphibious cars.
1047
00:50:27,127 --> 00:50:29,657
Now, earlier on, Jeremy
had a go at making something,
1048
00:50:29,727 --> 00:50:32,297
and his effort
was, frankly, terrible.
1049
00:50:32,367 --> 00:50:33,617
- No, it wasn't.
- It was.
1050
00:50:33,687 --> 00:50:36,297
Yeah, so, Hammond and I
took control of the project,
1051
00:50:36,367 --> 00:50:39,937
and what we decided to do was
take a 1970s three-wheeler
1052
00:50:40,007 --> 00:50:41,977
with a removable roof,
called a Bond Bug...
1053
00:50:42,047 --> 00:50:43,097
Here's a picture of it.
1054
00:50:43,167 --> 00:50:45,497
..and mate that
with a jet ski,
1055
00:50:45,567 --> 00:50:49,097
to create something that we
had christened the Pond Bug.
1056
00:50:49,167 --> 00:50:51,209
And then,
when it was finished,
1057
00:50:51,344 --> 00:50:52,460
take it to the Lake District,
1058
00:50:52,527 --> 00:50:57,137
and something called
Coniston Speed Week.
1059
00:50:58,167 --> 00:51:00,777
Over the decades,
many fearless daredevils
1060
00:51:00,847 --> 00:51:04,137
have powered across this
five-mile stretch of water,
1061
00:51:04,207 --> 00:51:07,114
in the pursuit
of new records.
1062
00:51:12,007 --> 00:51:15,697
One was the legendary
Donald Campbell.
1063
00:51:16,247 --> 00:51:18,617
Who was killed here in 1967,
1064
00:51:18,687 --> 00:51:23,257
whilst trying to break
the 300mph barrier.
1065
00:51:30,807 --> 00:51:34,457
Today, in Speed Week, that
spirit of adventure lives on,
1066
00:51:34,527 --> 00:51:36,417
as people
from all over the world
1067
00:51:36,487 --> 00:51:38,977
come to push their boats,
their engines,
1068
00:51:39,047 --> 00:51:42,537
and themselves
to the absolute limit.
1069
00:51:43,025 --> 00:51:45,269
This was speed heaven,
1070
00:51:45,337 --> 00:51:48,875
and I felt sure
our fully road legal Pond Bug
1071
00:51:48,943 --> 00:51:51,497
would blend in perfectly.
1072
00:52:13,502 --> 00:52:14,877
Morning!
1073
00:52:21,021 --> 00:52:23,151
Look at all this!
1074
00:52:25,609 --> 00:52:30,052
Having parked up, I went off
to find Hammond and Clarkson,
1075
00:52:30,218 --> 00:52:33,457
who reckoned he'd come up
with something better.
1076
00:52:37,167 --> 00:52:38,457
Are you ready?
1077
00:52:38,527 --> 00:52:40,497
You're gonna not
believe this.
1078
00:52:40,567 --> 00:52:41,697
Ok.
1079
00:52:41,767 --> 00:52:44,977
Behold my genius!
1080
00:52:45,967 --> 00:52:47,617
Oh, hello!
1081
00:52:50,127 --> 00:52:51,177
Oh, yeah!
1082
00:52:51,247 --> 00:52:54,817
That is actually
quite surprising.
1083
00:52:54,885 --> 00:52:58,023
So, the tracks drop
down when you're near land.
1084
00:52:58,200 --> 00:53:00,417
Oh, very clever!
1085
00:53:01,247 --> 00:53:02,457
I mean, I'm sorry...
1086
00:53:02,527 --> 00:53:04,137
I'm gonna stand back
a little bit.
1087
00:53:04,207 --> 00:53:08,177
..have I, or have I not
created something brilliant?
1088
00:53:08,247 --> 00:53:10,177
- No.
- You didn't build it.
1089
00:53:10,247 --> 00:53:12,017
And it's very cool,
but you can't use it.
1090
00:53:12,087 --> 00:53:14,097
- Why not?
- Because it's not road legal!
1091
00:53:14,167 --> 00:53:15,417
Well,
put a number plate on it.
1092
00:53:15,487 --> 00:53:17,697
It's not an amphibious car,
it's a boat.
1093
00:53:17,767 --> 00:53:19,377
That's a boat
with legs on it.
1094
00:53:19,447 --> 00:53:21,657
It's not eligible
for what we're doing.
1095
00:53:21,727 --> 00:53:24,457
- Well, where's your car?
- Ah!
1096
00:53:30,632 --> 00:53:32,482
- What do you think?
- Oh, yeah!
1097
00:53:33,407 --> 00:53:34,777
Look at it!
1098
00:53:34,847 --> 00:53:36,937
That is a quality job.
1099
00:53:37,316 --> 00:53:39,046
Why are you pulling
that face?
1100
00:53:39,267 --> 00:53:40,940
It's the stupidest thing
I've ever seen in my life.
1101
00:53:41,007 --> 00:53:43,097
It's the coolest thing
that has ever been!
1102
00:53:43,167 --> 00:53:45,137
- Look at it!
- What are they?
1103
00:53:45,207 --> 00:53:47,300
- These are the doors.
- Yes, undercarriage doors.
1104
00:53:47,367 --> 00:53:48,417
What doors?
1105
00:53:48,487 --> 00:53:49,700
You retract
the undercarriage.
1106
00:53:49,767 --> 00:53:51,737
The front wheel goes up,
then these doors shut,
1107
00:53:51,807 --> 00:53:53,897
you've got a smooth hull.
1108
00:53:53,967 --> 00:53:55,657
So those...
What do the back wheels do?
1109
00:53:57,447 --> 00:53:58,577
What about the chine?
1110
00:53:58,647 --> 00:54:00,377
What do you mean,
"What about the chine"?
1111
00:54:00,447 --> 00:54:01,897
Look at the chine
at the back.
1112
00:54:01,967 --> 00:54:04,697
This is to attempt
a water speed record.
1113
00:54:04,767 --> 00:54:05,703
I know!
1114
00:54:05,771 --> 00:54:08,995
This is what you need for
a high-speed run,
1115
00:54:09,063 --> 00:54:11,124
a smooth, rounded chine.
1116
00:54:11,291 --> 00:54:14,017
When this is up here,
it's sharp.
1117
00:54:14,087 --> 00:54:16,657
So, as you're going along,
you catch that,
1118
00:54:16,727 --> 00:54:18,377
and it's gonna go.
1119
00:54:18,445 --> 00:54:20,074
We had to make it fit
round the wheel,
1120
00:54:20,141 --> 00:54:21,425
otherwise it wouldn't work
on the road.
1121
00:54:21,492 --> 00:54:22,702
You could have made it round!
1122
00:54:22,770 --> 00:54:25,573
That was a difficult fabrication job.
It was much easier to do it like that.
1123
00:54:25,640 --> 00:54:28,290
I'm sure it's easier, but
you've created a death trap!
1124
00:54:29,527 --> 00:54:31,537
Weight. Keep the nose down.
1125
00:54:31,607 --> 00:54:33,540
- I know what it's for.
- Well, there you go then.
1126
00:54:33,607 --> 00:54:36,257
Isn't this thing
just gonna porpoise?
1127
00:54:36,327 --> 00:54:38,297
- We don't know.
- No. Probably.
1128
00:54:38,367 --> 00:54:39,817
Anyone who gets in that
1129
00:54:39,887 --> 00:54:42,337
- is effectively committing suicide.
- No, they're not!
1130
00:54:42,407 --> 00:54:46,372
Anyone who gets in that is gonna look the
coolest person here, that's fact one.
1131
00:54:46,443 --> 00:54:48,337
Which one of
you two's driving it?
1132
00:54:48,407 --> 00:54:49,700
Now, that's interesting,
because...
1133
00:54:49,767 --> 00:54:51,937
We've had a think about that.
It's gotta be somebody
1134
00:54:52,007 --> 00:54:53,737
with a speedboat,
powerboat racing licence.
1135
00:54:53,807 --> 00:54:55,780
- Yes. Have you got one of those?
- I haven't got one.
1136
00:54:55,847 --> 00:54:59,537
I haven't got one. Do I know
anybody who does have one?
1137
00:54:59,607 --> 00:55:00,857
Yes, I do have
a racing licence.
1138
00:55:00,927 --> 00:55:03,337
- Well, there you go, then.
- And here is your racing boat.
1139
00:55:03,407 --> 00:55:06,257
Look what
we've built for you.
1140
00:55:06,327 --> 00:55:08,937
- I am not getting in that.
- Yes, you are.
1141
00:55:09,007 --> 00:55:10,337
No, I'm not doing...
1142
00:55:10,407 --> 00:55:12,537
- No!
- Well, you have to.
1143
00:55:12,607 --> 00:55:15,697
- You have to.
- I am not.
1144
00:55:15,767 --> 00:55:18,617
And with that,
back to the tent.
1145
00:55:20,727 --> 00:55:22,817
- This is broken.
- No, line it up with the...
1146
00:55:22,887 --> 00:55:24,417
It is broken,
otherwise it would...
1147
00:55:24,487 --> 00:55:26,937
You've used a removable
steering wheel before.
1148
00:55:27,007 --> 00:55:28,260
Line up the...
There you go!
1149
00:55:28,327 --> 00:55:30,497
I've mended it.
1150
00:55:30,567 --> 00:55:32,657
Knowing
that 85% of people
1151
00:55:32,727 --> 00:55:35,017
who attempt speed records
are killed,
1152
00:55:35,087 --> 00:55:37,617
and that the boat had been
designed by imbeciles,
1153
00:55:37,687 --> 00:55:42,177
I was fervently hoping that it
would, at least, be easy to operate.
1154
00:55:42,247 --> 00:55:44,535
However...
1155
00:55:45,247 --> 00:55:48,537
You have to drive it into the water first.
It's still in road mode.
1156
00:55:48,607 --> 00:55:51,257
And you do that using this.
That just teases it in.
1157
00:55:51,327 --> 00:55:53,060
A little push, a little push,
and it goes in.
1158
00:55:53,127 --> 00:55:56,497
Once you're in the water, you
have to retract the wheels,
1159
00:55:56,567 --> 00:55:59,857
and then you disengage
the fan and the clutch.
1160
00:55:59,927 --> 00:56:01,817
Then you have to close
the nose wheel doors...
1161
00:56:01,887 --> 00:56:04,040
If you push it down once,
you're in neutral.
1162
00:56:04,127 --> 00:56:06,497
You'll still rotate round, cos
the jet's still running...
1163
00:56:06,567 --> 00:56:09,457
Push it up, you'll see the current
will flow on the ammeter.
1164
00:56:09,527 --> 00:56:10,817
When you get
a current surge...
1165
00:56:10,887 --> 00:56:12,057
Jet thrust trim is here,
1166
00:56:12,127 --> 00:56:13,700
and it will appear
on your screen here...
1167
00:56:13,767 --> 00:56:15,177
Hold that, and that goes...
1168
00:56:15,247 --> 00:56:17,977
This one,
you pull it fully back.
1169
00:56:18,847 --> 00:56:22,973
If you knew, and you
obviously did know all along,
1170
00:56:23,041 --> 00:56:24,321
that I was gonna be
driving this,
1171
00:56:24,456 --> 00:56:26,177
why have you made this thing
so complicated?
1172
00:56:26,247 --> 00:56:29,217
- That's not complicated.
- We've simplified it.
1173
00:56:29,287 --> 00:56:31,097
These instruments
are from the jet ski.
1174
00:56:31,167 --> 00:56:32,897
Comforting.
1175
00:56:32,967 --> 00:56:34,697
Comforting.
When you're on holiday,
1176
00:56:34,767 --> 00:56:36,060
you've looked at those
and thought,
1177
00:56:36,127 --> 00:56:37,337
"I'm having a lovely time."
1178
00:56:37,407 --> 00:56:39,300
That's what you're doing today.
The water will be colder.
1179
00:56:39,367 --> 00:56:42,537
- Why don't you take the checklist with you?
- Because it will blow...
1180
00:56:42,607 --> 00:56:44,940
- It tells you the things you've got to do.
- It's so easy!
1181
00:56:45,007 --> 00:56:46,657
We've spent hours on that!
1182
00:56:46,727 --> 00:56:48,457
The thing to remember
is that it's...
1183
00:56:48,527 --> 00:56:50,217
Thirty-nine miles an hour
is really fast.
1184
00:56:50,287 --> 00:56:51,980
- It is quite fast.
- It is really fast.
1185
00:56:52,047 --> 00:56:54,737
But if you do 40, then
you're a world record holder.
1186
00:56:54,807 --> 00:56:57,377
- Step out of here...
- Not world. It's a British record.
1187
00:56:57,447 --> 00:57:01,057
What better record to break? -What
other sort of record would you want?
1188
00:57:05,007 --> 00:57:06,417
To set a speed record,
1189
00:57:06,487 --> 00:57:10,017
you have to drive past the
start line marker buoys.
1190
00:57:12,247 --> 00:57:14,857
You're then timed
over a kilometre,
1191
00:57:14,927 --> 00:57:17,097
after which,
you turn round...
1192
00:57:17,927 --> 00:57:20,217
..and do exactly
the same thing
1193
00:57:20,287 --> 00:57:22,497
in the opposite direction.
1194
00:57:23,847 --> 00:57:28,577
Your result is an average speed
taken from the two runs.
1195
00:57:30,727 --> 00:57:34,417
It all sounded
very terrifying.
1196
00:57:38,807 --> 00:57:41,137
Please sink like a stone.
Please sink!
1197
00:57:41,207 --> 00:57:44,617
Sink! Sink!
1198
00:57:45,167 --> 00:57:47,057
No, it isn't. Damn it!
1199
00:57:47,127 --> 00:57:49,897
- It looks good.
- It looks brilliant!
1200
00:57:49,967 --> 00:57:51,620
We have every faith in you.
1201
00:57:51,687 --> 00:57:53,257
- We don't have every faith.
- No.
1202
00:57:53,327 --> 00:57:55,500
No faith.
1203
00:57:55,567 --> 00:57:56,657
Wheels!
1204
00:57:56,727 --> 00:57:58,577
Wheels coming up.
1205
00:58:01,327 --> 00:58:04,177
It was now time
for the checklist.
1206
00:58:04,247 --> 00:58:06,577
What do I do with the clutch?
I've forgotten that.
1207
00:58:06,647 --> 00:58:09,737
Doors.
Doors. Is that right?
1208
00:58:09,807 --> 00:58:12,297
How do I get it out...
Wait a minute. Right, bilge.
1209
00:58:12,367 --> 00:58:13,700
No, that's bilge,
that's not right.
1210
00:58:13,767 --> 00:58:14,977
No, it's just...
1211
00:58:15,047 --> 00:58:16,617
Oh, this is terrible!
1212
00:58:16,687 --> 00:58:18,697
Hammond! May! You idiots!
1213
00:58:18,767 --> 00:58:20,617
Why is he just
going round and round?
1214
00:58:20,687 --> 00:58:22,457
Is there a record
for going round and round?
1215
00:58:22,527 --> 00:58:25,737
Don't know, but if
there is, it's in the bag.
1216
00:58:25,807 --> 00:58:28,260
Right. I think we need to go to a
better viewing position to see his run.
1217
00:58:28,327 --> 00:58:30,097
Let's go over there.
1218
00:58:30,167 --> 00:58:32,595
With the ridiculous
checklist completed,
1219
00:58:32,663 --> 00:58:34,368
I had to get some speed up,
1220
00:58:34,436 --> 00:58:37,137
so I could cross
the start line at full chat.
1221
00:58:40,098 --> 00:58:42,308
Visor down.
1222
00:58:44,750 --> 00:58:47,360
It's on the plain now.
We're on the plain.
1223
00:58:48,207 --> 00:58:49,657
It's very spray-y.
1224
00:58:49,727 --> 00:58:53,537
It's a badly-designed hull.
1225
00:58:53,607 --> 00:58:56,217
But the hull
was the least of my problems.
1226
00:58:56,287 --> 00:58:58,906
Jesus Christ! This steering!
1227
00:59:02,687 --> 00:59:04,340
Oh...
1228
00:59:04,407 --> 00:59:06,337
It's a nightmare!
1229
00:59:06,927 --> 00:59:08,272
I can't steer it!
1230
00:59:08,372 --> 00:59:10,862
I literally cannot steer it!
1231
00:59:11,440 --> 00:59:13,210
I think
he's experimenting with it.
1232
00:59:13,278 --> 00:59:15,097
I think he's sort of testing.
1233
00:59:15,167 --> 00:59:16,977
Oh, my God!
1234
00:59:20,367 --> 00:59:22,460
- It looks pretty good.
- It looks fabulous!
1235
00:59:22,527 --> 00:59:23,937
I bet it handles
like a dream!
1236
00:59:24,007 --> 00:59:25,377
Oh, come on!
1237
00:59:25,447 --> 00:59:28,004
I'm gonna crash
into the bloody safety boat!
1238
00:59:30,007 --> 00:59:33,657
- Look, he's making turns. Yes!
- That looks tremendous!
1239
00:59:33,727 --> 00:59:36,424
Three times
I tried to get the Pond Bug
1240
00:59:36,533 --> 00:59:39,023
pointing in the
right direction.
1241
00:59:40,127 --> 00:59:42,417
Absolutely impossible!
1242
00:59:42,487 --> 00:59:46,057
And then I thought, "Sod it,"
put my foot down,
1243
00:59:46,254 --> 00:59:48,504
and went for it.
1244
00:59:51,327 --> 00:59:53,057
Oh, Christ!
1245
00:59:53,127 --> 00:59:58,017
It's only my skill that is keeping
this pointing in a straight line.
1246
01:00:00,663 --> 01:00:03,590
And, to make matters worse
for a man on a speed run,
1247
01:00:03,658 --> 01:00:07,057
I had no idea
how fast I was going.
1248
01:00:07,127 --> 01:00:11,034
I've got a GPS speedo,
but I can't read it,
1249
01:00:11,102 --> 01:00:13,577
because there isn't any GPS.
1250
01:00:16,327 --> 01:00:19,937
Why have they given me
such shoddy workmanship?
1251
01:00:21,024 --> 01:00:22,674
Oh, heavens!
1252
01:00:26,367 --> 01:00:27,417
Oh, Christ!
1253
01:00:27,485 --> 01:00:30,375
That's the worst thing
I've ever done, ever.
1254
01:00:30,487 --> 01:00:33,537
And now, I've gotta
turn round and do it again.
1255
01:00:33,607 --> 01:00:36,057
I've gotta wait
for my own wash to die down.
1256
01:00:36,127 --> 01:00:39,537
That's what did for Campbell.
He went back too quickly.
1257
01:00:43,207 --> 01:00:44,937
Here we go.
1258
01:00:49,407 --> 01:00:51,937
That is my foot
pinned to the floor!
1259
01:00:54,607 --> 01:00:58,417
Jesus!
It's starting to chain lock!
1260
01:00:59,527 --> 01:01:02,017
It's really bad.
1261
01:01:03,607 --> 01:01:04,687
Ahhh!
1262
01:01:05,847 --> 01:01:07,417
And then...
1263
01:01:07,487 --> 01:01:08,697
Oh, my God!
1264
01:01:08,767 --> 01:01:10,657
Oh, no,
we've got a power problem!
1265
01:01:10,727 --> 01:01:12,897
I'm losing power!
1266
01:01:14,247 --> 01:01:17,897
May and Hammond have built
a piece of shit here.
1267
01:01:19,047 --> 01:01:22,352
It sounds
a little bit inconsistent.
1268
01:01:22,471 --> 01:01:24,297
That's maybe him
feathering the throttle.
1269
01:01:24,367 --> 01:01:27,617
He is possibly finessing it
to keep it on the plain.
1270
01:01:28,847 --> 01:01:30,977
Oh, no! Come on!
1271
01:01:38,847 --> 01:01:41,577
Jesus! A lot of smoke.
1272
01:01:42,167 --> 01:01:44,003
Well, that was a disaster!
1273
01:01:44,090 --> 01:01:47,323
I've got no GPS, so I don't
know how fast that was.
1274
01:01:47,458 --> 01:01:50,577
And the engine
is cutting out all the time.
1275
01:01:51,529 --> 01:01:54,054
Basically, it was time
for a stern word
1276
01:01:54,122 --> 01:01:56,692
with the
engineering department.
1277
01:01:57,647 --> 01:01:59,177
- Right, you two...
- Yeah?
1278
01:01:59,247 --> 01:02:00,460
Not only have you
built something
1279
01:02:00,527 --> 01:02:02,020
- ugly and complicated...
- It's not...
1280
01:02:02,087 --> 01:02:03,937
No,
it's rubbish and lethal.
1281
01:02:04,007 --> 01:02:06,497
- In what way?
- The worst thing is the steering.
1282
01:02:06,567 --> 01:02:08,898
You cannot get it going
in a straight line.
1283
01:02:08,966 --> 01:02:10,463
The steering
is a horrible compromise,
1284
01:02:10,531 --> 01:02:13,495
cos it's gotta work the steering
wheel and steer the boat.
1285
01:02:13,567 --> 01:02:15,340
"Horrible compromise"
is a way of describing it.
1286
01:02:15,407 --> 01:02:17,857
"Lethal" is another way.
1287
01:02:18,407 --> 01:02:19,940
- It looked great!
- Looked great out there.
1288
01:02:20,007 --> 01:02:21,137
- Did it?
- Yeah.
1289
01:02:21,207 --> 01:02:24,937
- I was doing about 4mph.
- Well, that's a start.
1290
01:02:25,007 --> 01:02:27,017
Then, an official
came on the Tannoy
1291
01:02:27,087 --> 01:02:29,537
to announce my result.
1292
01:02:46,527 --> 01:02:48,617
There you go!
1293
01:02:48,687 --> 01:02:50,100
We did it!
1294
01:02:50,167 --> 01:02:51,377
What do you mean "we" did it?
1295
01:02:51,447 --> 01:02:52,657
Would you have swam it?
1296
01:02:52,727 --> 01:02:54,777
- I did it!
- We did it!
1297
01:02:57,087 --> 01:02:58,777
Thank you so much.
1298
01:02:59,727 --> 01:03:01,377
Thank you, thank you.
1299
01:03:03,287 --> 01:03:07,300
Thank you! Thank you all
for applauding me!
1300
01:03:07,368 --> 01:03:09,737
No, wait, they're applauding
us as a team.
1301
01:03:09,807 --> 01:03:11,977
Listen! I'm sorry
to go on about this,
1302
01:03:12,047 --> 01:03:14,330
but Roger Bannister
was the first
1303
01:03:14,398 --> 01:03:15,617
to break
the four-minute mile.
1304
01:03:15,687 --> 01:03:17,337
Not the man
who made his shoes.
1305
01:03:17,407 --> 01:03:20,678
Edmund Hillary was the first
to go up Everest.
1306
01:03:20,746 --> 01:03:22,139
Not the man
who made his rucksack.
1307
01:03:22,207 --> 01:03:23,762
- So?
- So, I was the first...
1308
01:03:23,830 --> 01:03:24,860
I was the first to do that!
1309
01:03:24,927 --> 01:03:27,177
I broke the record,
not you two!
1310
01:03:27,247 --> 01:03:30,057
Yeah, the truth is,
to be honest, we failed.
1311
01:03:30,376 --> 01:03:31,537
You didn't fail.
1312
01:03:31,607 --> 01:03:33,368
I mean, if you'd spent less
time getting your hair cut
1313
01:03:33,435 --> 01:03:36,857
and more time working on the
engine so that it ran properly,
1314
01:03:36,927 --> 01:03:40,257
I reckon that thing
would probably do 60 or 70.
1315
01:03:40,327 --> 01:03:42,057
On flat water,
it definitely would.
1316
01:03:42,127 --> 01:03:45,188
Yeah, but the thing is,
we gave it the square chines,
1317
01:03:45,338 --> 01:03:47,537
that really terrible
steering,
1318
01:03:47,607 --> 01:03:50,737
the fantastically complicated
knobs and buttons and things.
1319
01:03:50,807 --> 01:03:55,577
Basically, we built a death
trap, and it didn't work.
1320
01:03:56,567 --> 01:03:58,777
Well, so you're...
Let me get this straight.
1321
01:03:58,847 --> 01:04:01,817
You were hoping I would
become one of the 85%
1322
01:04:01,887 --> 01:04:03,537
who died
trying to break a record?
1323
01:04:03,607 --> 01:04:06,100
Yes.
1324
01:04:06,167 --> 01:04:08,377
So we're now actively trying
to kill each other?
1325
01:04:08,447 --> 01:04:10,737
Yes, and we can't even
do that properly!
1326
01:04:10,807 --> 01:04:13,617
And on that terrible
disappointment, it's time to end.
1327
01:04:13,687 --> 01:04:14,860
Thank you so much
for watching.
1328
01:04:14,927 --> 01:04:16,417
- Goodbye!
- Bye-bye.
1329
01:04:17,995 --> 01:04:19,995
Sync corrections by
srjanapala
101151