Original subtitles

Fansubbed by Base @ Cinemageddon

Company, halt!

Bring her out.

Let me go. I�m innocent. Let me goooo...

-By God, I�m innocent. -Blasphemy. You empty shell.

I will get you no matter how beautiful and innocent you look. You don�t fool me.

Forward march.

Let me go! I�m innocent! I�m not a witch.

She is a witch. She floats. She is guilty.

As I said, you are guilty. You will be judged.

-Would I be innocent if I sunk? -Yes.

-But then I would have drowned. -Yes, but your soul would be saved.

The court sentence the witch Marta Barbrosdotter...

...to deatch by burning on the stake.

May God save her soul.

Start the burning.

-Have mercy, I�m innocent. -No.

You must burn for your sins.

You must burn in front of the ones who exposed you, witch.

Just you wait, vicar, I will be back for revenge even if it will take me....

The vicar called her a witch but she was as meek as a lamb.

Everybody thought it was both a pity and a shame

Many cried and some cursed and there was talk on the town.

The vicar is the devil and he must be punished.

But as most of us know, time heal all wounds.

The leaves fall, death comes, time passes.

The next generation got a strange legacy.

The witches daughter become a devil and the vicars son a lamb.

The witches daughter became a devils whore.

The vicars son became timid and wellbehaved.

Nohting can get worse, not him, nore her.

The year is 1812 and there are war and revolution.

The Lustful Vicar

There are no young men left in the village, they have all been conscripted.

As long as the war goes on the villagers lives in celibacy.

You should feel sorry for the new vicar because...

...the witches daughter who seeks revenge lives in the same village.

-Good day. -Good day.

I am the new vicar in Fors.

-I will assume the position... -Yes.

But first I would like to meet my patron, countess H�ckert.

-If you maybe can annonce my arrival? -I�m sure the countess will be glad to see you.

Welcome.

My sister in Paris has sent me magnificent art and furniture.

As soon as the war is over we will modernize la maison.

I have already alloted the funds.

I can show you around if you have finished your tea.

-Come on. -Thank you.

Have a seat.

My dear vicar...

Would you like to spend this wonderful evening with me?

Spritually and lovingly.

I am so happy you are here.

Unfortunately, dear countess, due to the travel.

I have not had the time to prepare my sermon.

I must retire to my quarters.

The sooner I start preparing my sermon...

Vicar, promise me to take a tour of the village.

-Yes. -Until next time.

The vicar!

It�s the new vicar.

Hurry up.

It�s him.

It really is him.

I have waited a long time for this.

Look.

Good day. Good day, good day.

Dagmar and Greta, bring the luggage.

Birgit, you help them.

Lisa, take the horse to the stable.

Welcome, mr vicar.

I am Sibyll.

As the chairman of "the sisters of mercy" I welcome you.

Thank you.

-We will support and help you in every way. -Thank you.

Would you please select two girls as your servants of the girls outside.

And who do you represent, my child?

Those who are not "sisters of mercy".

Would you select two servants of the girls outside, please.

Oh, yes... of course.

-How nice. -I thought it was a bit damp.

-Yes, I see. -And the servant girls...

Oh, wow.

Here they all are.

I suggest Birgit.

She�s the first from the left.

A good and decent girl.

And Dagmar is good. Very good.

No. Sanna and Agneta is much better.

And the vicar might benefit from looking at something beautiful-

-when you write your sermons.

Yes. Yes. You�re right.

The sins approach the vicar from left and right.

He doesn�t know it yet but he�s about to loose all control.

Foul play make him stiff, not all of him but one special part.

Sanna.

Agneta.

And the woman...

The woman they brought him-

-was not without sin.

No, she was full of sin.

Oh my God.

A little later.

We must not stop

to fight our temptations.

The sin who

sometimes

surround us completely.

Also in our daily lives

when we seem to be safe.

Please vicar, close your eyes, turn away

from the round shapes that makes you horny.

Pretend you don�t see that the nymphs are naked.

Think of something else, turn your attention away.

Oh no, dear vicar, it�s a shame

no matter where you turn the devil lure.

I am the one who sells wine, and I know the plot.

Upon the witches cunning face

you can se a cruel plan.

Didn�t he fire you and pick that fat Sylfidia as servant girl?

Didn�t he turn his back towards you and your pleasures?

It�s time to show a little more.

Lay down, Agneta.

What do you think, Sanna?

We better show more skin since he has such a hard time with the ladies.

-Don�t forget to wave the hat. -No no.

Oh my God!

-Greta, what�s wrong? -I saw a naked man.

-What was he doing? -He ran towards the village.

Poor Greta is hallucinating.

I hope it will end when her fianc� returns.

-Were there a lot of people at the market? -Yes it was.

-What is it? -The vicar wants to talk to you.

-Where is he then? -At the cooper.

-The cooper? He�s at the market. -But not the barrels.

-Yes.. -He wants you to bring clothes.

Really? Ok, let�s go then. Good bye.

Are you sure it was the vicar?

I don�t understand this...

-But vicar, are you naked? -Give me the clothes.

-How will this end? -He must be crazy. Talking to a barrel.

Weird.

God bless the vicar, he�s hurt.

He gets massage from a woman, both front and back.

He has no real damage but the vicar lets her rub him.

It turns into magic with awaken a special wand..

When the witch is done, we all feel sorry for his... body.

Sylfidia.

-New bandages. -And water.

Water, Sylfidia.

Isn�t it lucky we are here? Helping you in your need.

How did you manage to get this badly hurt?

Both your head and your body.

I have heard that you were naked when you got here.

I brought some oil.

Feel how good it feels.

Relax, vicar. Relax.

Worse things than this happened.

The one who got burned on the stake will cause chaos, just you wait.

Here comes the mailman for the second time this year.

What will happen now?

When the witch is done, we all feel sorry for the vicars... body.

It�s the mailman. Maybe he�s got letters from my husband.

His holyness, the bishop of Domstad

hereby invites the vicar of Fors

to a visitation on wednesday the 5th of August 1812.

followed by a dinner party.

My God, that�s tomorrow.

Oh dear. You better go to bed early then. Sylfidia, you must prepare the cassock.

Next morning.

Vicar!?!? What�s happened?

I really don�t need to ask.

Sylfidia, oh my, and I am going to see the bishop.

This is no good.

It isn�t that bad.

Something must be done.

No breakfast then?

No. No, it must wait.

-Something must be done about this. -Yes.

-It would be bad if you can�t see the bishop. -Yes.

-I would really like to help you vicar. -Yes.

I will help you vicar. I will help you vicar.

I�m so hot. Can I take the dress off?

Yes. Yes my child. If you are hot then...

I can�t see anything wrong with that.

Sylfidia.

I wonder what to do.

That�s it. There it is. Sylfidia.

Another great day.

Watch it, old man. Tell the vicar that I am the one who made him stiff.

-Made him what? -Look for yourself.

-Dear vicar, didn�t it help? -No.

But I am soo satisfied.

It must be witchcraft, Sylfidia.

It�s magic stiffness. Oh my, is it that bad?

I forgot to knock, please forgive me.

-But the girl there, wouldn�t you be.. -Simpleton.

I guess it didn�t help since it was Barbro who used her magic.

You have to pray and work then... if you are going to see the bishop today.

The devils work is often faught in vain.

Let�s get Sibyll, she can organize help.

Good luck, vicar.

Do we agree about the chores?

I will move those chores around, just wait.

I must urgently see the vicar.

Didn�t I tell you? The witchcraft is working.

Everyghing is going as I planned.

I heard that you are ill, vicar.

Ill? ILL?

The devil has got me, and today of all days. My future may depend on the meeting.

-And the bishops dinner party. -Cam down, vicar.

This matter can be taken care of with appropriate treatment.

-Oh, it doesn�t go down. -No.

I know a lot of people that wished they had your problem.

Let us have a look.

Oh my!

I have seen a lot but this is extraordinary.

-This must be the working of the devil. -Yes, it�s the devil. The devil.

This is a matter for "the sisters of mercy". We help in any need.

-I think there is only one way to help. -Yes, we know, vicar.

In the fight against evil, no sacrifice is too much.

-No, no. Don�t do that. -No false modesty, dear vicar.

We must approach it.

Can you give me the oil I brought, sexton?

I think it can help.

-You must suffer a lot, vicar. -Yes, oh yes.

But what are you doing with my scarf?

Oh, take it off, my dear vicar.

It�s all for a good cause.

Oh, yes. Don�t jerk it like that.

Use the buttonse.

Wait, I will do it myself. Oh, vicar. Not under my skirt.

What are you looking at, sexton? I am helping a man of God.

-Yes she is! -No time to waste if you want to make it to the visitation.

Why has Sibyll sent for me?

What are the vicar and Sibyll doing?

Oh, are they really?

The devil has made the vicar like this.

"The sisters of mercy" are fighting the evil in every way they can.

They are in a hurry. His meeting with the bishop is at 3 o�clock.

And I am going to help.

Yes, it�s supposed so. All in good order.

I think you can begin to help now.

Come in.

You are so beautiful, my child.

Come closer. C-c-closer.

Is it market at L�vsj� tomorrow?

With the mess you�re making it won�t be there the day after tomorrow.

Are you not packed yet? I want you out. You annoy me.

Can�t you go away so that it will be peaceful here again?

I will go away. And it will be peaceful.

What are you doing?

You wont starve in here. I will let you out when I get back.

You were planning something, I�m sure of it.

OPEN!

We must be able to get it down.

Not the two of us right now. We have gotten ours.

But there are more of sisters of mercy.

I have sent for mrs Paular. She should be here soon.

I got an idea, even if it seems impossible.

But we are running out of time, we must hurry up.

Are you nuts? Why would I undo what took so much effert to do?

He is not going to see the bishop.

But think of us "sisters of mercy", we have worked hard to save the vicar.

It seems that you enjoyed the work, you sanctimonious cow.

You better watch yourself or I may do something even worse to you and your sisters.

Poor vicar. No relief yet.

It�s so hot.

I think we should give the vicar a glass of wine or two. And some supper.

We can try tomorrow again after a good nights sleep.

Maybe it will be better when I sleep.

What do you think?

We will bring Sanna and Agneta tomorrow.

Doesn�t that damn vicar even show up for supper?

I can oversee not coming to the visitation, but this is insulting to me and my chef.

Can you please take his seat.

Gentlemen, you are welcome to sit down.

It�s a big one.

The largest so far tonight.

Hands up! Get in!

Hurry up!

Don�t say a word, or I�ll shoot.

Aren�t you brave.

Running from the army? And you commit more crimes to be sure that they will hang you?

If they find you. Shoot!

-Are you hungry? -Yes.

-Don�t think food is gonna.. -Gonna what?

Haven�t you got it yet? You are my prisoner, I am not yours.

-You mean that I should... -You can stay here until the war is over.

-You�ll have to pay, of course. -Pay? What am I going to pay you with?

I got no pay since I ran away. What would I pay you with?

I think you can pay me... If you mobilize your assets.

You don�t want to get hanged, do you?

Early the following morning.

Honey.

Isn�t it beautiful?

Are you hungry?

Yes.

What do you want? Pancakes?

Fried eel?

Pork in jelly?

Hurry. Hide under the bed.

-Again? -Hurry up!

Hide the food too.

Noo! Under the bed!

Just disappear!

Sanna!

Sanna, open up!

-We are waiting for you. -I can�t, I don�t feel well.

-You are a real bad girl. -What do you mean?

We have always shared everything as sisters, but I guess we don�t do that anymore...

Oh, there he is.

Agneta, wait. I found him. You cannot have him.

Wait a second.

But we are the only one who knows he is here.

We can�t just share him, can we?

I know. We can have him one night each.

Yes, but what if he can�t perform every night?

I know. I know!

Gustav, you can come out now.

We have a guest I would like you to know... really well.

Isn�t he going to wake up soon?

Enjoy it while it lasts.

The sleep, I mean.

-Poor vicar. -He missed the bishops dinner party.

-We must try harder today. -Yes, you are right.

We must bring Sanna and Agneta.

And where is mrs Paular? She should have been here yesterday.

Can you bring the girls while I prepare breakfast?

Don�t wake him until I�m back.

I promise.

Hurry, or noone knows what will happen.

Please Sanna. Can you and Agneta help with the vicar. He needs help and you are really good at it.

Dear Sulfidia, nothing would please us more than to assist our vicar.

But we already have enough, thanks to Barbro.

Hello! Are you Emma? Carlssons daughter? Hello!

Good day, mrs Paular.

Come here, dear.

You got to help me. I got locked in.

No, I mean the door just slammed shut.

I can�t open it from the inside, you must help me.

-Please go into the kitchen and I will show you. -Ok.

Emma, you�ll get a penny if you unlock the dorr.

Two pennies.

-Emma, please answer me. -Where is the key?

I think it�s on top of the molding.

Strange door.

There it is.

Please Emma, hurry up!

-Can�t you go through the window? -No, the entire village will see me.

-He�s got a broad back this one. -But nothing on the front side.

Especially not compared to the one in here.

Good, you�re here. You can help with the pancakes and be reinforcements.

Yes, we heard Anita talk about it, and since we are "sisters of mercy"...

Sylfidia, don�t go. I�m not even halfway done yet.

-Where is the eggs you should bring? -We forgot it in the haste.

-What haste? -We wanted to come as soon as possible.

They are right Sylfidia.

Go to the vicar and show your curtsey, begin with that...

-We are sisters of mercy. -Oh, yes.

What should we do?

Let us start by getting undressed.

Sylfidia, life must go on. That�s the way it is.

Can you bring me some suger?

We need to eat if we are to beat the devil.

-Turn it counter-clockwise, my dear. -What do you mean?

The other way.

No, the other way around.

Emma, run outside and throw me the key.

We will not put up with Sibyls oppression.

She and her friend are doing everything to court the vicar.

What�s she got that we don�t?

-Is there an uprising? -Sit down!

You should be ashamed of yourself.

We are here in our place, the "the sisters of mercy�s" house.

-And you thank us by slandering us. -We don�t slander.

-NO! We just want to know what you do at night in the vicars house.

-That is none of your business.

But I assure you... you should ask Barbro who�s behind it all.

Pish posh! I put the ladle in the bowl, but I didn�t ask you to stir.

No, we don�t slander.

Here are some soup with saffron in it. It�s supposedly good for "that condition".

My grandmother said so.

-You�re late, M�rta. -But now I�m here to serve God and the vicar.

Is he alone?

I hear our sisters.

Well, I�m going in.

-Go get the eggs. -Oh, the eggs.

But.. mrs Paular.

Oh, yes.

Dear vicar.

What�s going on?

Ellinor?

What are you whispering about?

It�s about the vicar, countess.

C'est comme ca.

That is outrageous!

I demand the hardest punishement possible for these criminals.

According to the canon law, that is.

Why do they get to have all the fun while we are working?

Shut up, Vera!

Can I get som more wine?

Report him to the bishop.

Good, you are on the right path now.

Cheers! Cheers!

Here are paper and pen.

To the bishop in Domstad.

-The vicar in Fors... -His holyness the bishop.

-His holyness commits adultery. -Nooo! -Yes!

-The countess is here. -Girls, drop everything. The countess is here.

Let�s start singing and restore order.

-Good day. -Good day, countess.

I have heard some disturbing things regarding Sibyll.

You are the leader of the sisterhood. Is it true what they say?

Countess, It�s not just about her, it�s about her and 4 more sisters.

When it�s about defeating evil, we should all be included.

-We all want to be a part of it. -But they will be punished.

Maybe it�s not just the devil who�s behind this?

-Give me their names. -Sibyll, Alma, Berlack, Sylfidia, Anita, M�rta.

They are motivated by lust and not by God.

We have written a letter to the bishop, demanding an inquiry.

Well done.

Take this to the bishop.

Good bye, countess.

Dear vicar, I�m very sorry, but these things happens to my husband aswell.

When he has been away for a week, or if I ask him to think of something exciting...

usually makes it work within a couple of minutes. I think you must concentrate and think of something pleasant.

Pious thoughts are no good in this situation.

Thank you anyway. It was great to be able to help although it didn�t work.

I consider this health care.

I am really not like that... Good bye then, vicar.

-Good day again, mrs Paular. -Good day, little Ebba.

-Do you want to play find the key? -Yes. I would love to.

Calm thoughts...

Not the palace...

Je t'aime.

Vicar! Vicar! Something horrible has happened.

The women in the village has written to the bishop about you.

The countess has signed the letter.

-This will be my undoing. -Please don�t say that.

What is the meaning of this?

I don�t know, your holyness. The countess sent me.

These are terrible accusations.

That�s why he missed my dinner party.

And the visitation. This is outrageous.

You must go back. This is my order:

The vicar must come here now, even if you have to carry him.

Yes, mr bishop.

Careful, careful!

Have you no shame?!?

Coming here like that after the reports that I got.

Well, I have a report from the women in Fors.

You are said to have carnal relations with several women.

Yes, your holyness. It�s correct regarding Sibyll.

And Alma.

-Berlack, Anita, Sylfidia, M�rta and... -Alma, Berlack...

-Stop stop stop! There are only six on my list.

Yes, your holyness. These women performed an act of mercy.

And how long has this blessed... cursed condition lasted?

Since early yesterday morning. Nothing has changed since then.

Uncover the devils work.

Oh my!

This has to be a work of the devil.

Cover it.

Very interesting.

Highly unlikely, I would say.

A subterfuge, as far as I can tell.

No no. Stories about saints has many similar incidents.

Vicar, you mean that these women

has helped you with their bodies, day and night?

As it is said in the Vulgate about Susan, Mary Magdalene and the desciples.

-Luke, chapter 8, verse 2-3. -Yes, your holyness.

It�s been just like that.

It has been a very hard ordeal for me.

I do believe it is as you say, vicar.

But I do believe we should let a specialist examine you.

Maybe he can find a cure that is more in line with the church.

What if he gets well, that would be terrible.

-You said you were overly erotic? -Yes.

Temporarily since yesterday.

Now we are getting somewhere.

You suffer from, as far as I can tell that is,

saturiasis, that won�t go down.

Professor. He thinks his condition is a work by the devil.

-Don�t you? -Yes, yes.

That�s a bold statement today, 1812, after the fall of Napoleon.

We must find a cure that works, no matter if it is the devil or Venus that�s in charge.

The devil....

-Bartolomeus! -Yes, mr professor.

No italian injection. No french soup.

No, no, no.

We will try the english de-sexificator.

He�s already sitting in it.

Hand me the instructions.

The instructions...

Here you are.

Lets see. No, no, no, no.

We don�t need instructions for meatballs.

Yes, this is it. Three jugs of icecold...

No, no, wait. Lets put some up here aswell.

Stop the machine! Stop it!

My machine!

It is gone! Yes, look!

Where did it go?

We are all going home in a parade, hey little girl, are you not glad?

Hey little girl, why are you so sad? The vicar is fine now, is he not?

Every earthly delight, with joy and merriment.

Disappear so suddenly.

All glory, riches and pleasures.

Enter!

My dear vicar. I am truly sorry about all thats happened.

I didn�t know that you suffered from saturiasis.

I am also a "sister of mercy".

My uncle suffer from the same thing. I understand perfectly.

If you ever need me... I am at your service.

Whenever you want.

There he stand at the square, as before. As usual I mean.

If it was the professors treatment or the fire that did it, we�ll never know.

-But it is gone. -Yes, it�s a shame.

That�s the situation right now, but the witch is still planning something.

The vicar seems to think that the matter is over.

But many pains remain.

My beloved, sweet, wonderful wife.

Forgive me, I thought that...

You scoundrel. Is it time to let me out now?

You let me sit here for nights and days.

-There will change around here! -My dear, sweet, little M�rta.

How can I thank you vicar? It has been truly wonderful.

-Til we meet again. -Au revoir, countess.

Bonjour sisters.

I brought some wine, I hope you will like it.

-Thank you. -Au revoir.

-She was remarkably polite. -That bodes well.

Here we are, with food and wine.

Everything is as it used to be, the vicars wood is gone.

The illness is cured at last, everything is pretty boring now.

Was that really all, dear vicar.

I guess that�s all.

Good night, Sylfidia. Sleep well.

The following morning.

He has risen!

He has risen!

He has risen.

-No? It�s the same? -Yes.

But he is resting now.

The entire village is eager to see how this battle against evil will turn out.

I will wave a towel from the window if we succeed.

Is there no way... I must chop it off!

No, vicar! No!

-Please, vicar. Don�t say like that. -You scare me to death.

-There must be another solution. -I think I know.

It is all my fault.

I regret it.

I want to get rid of all my guilt.

Please forgive me.

All is forgiven.

We will help each other.

I think it�s time. Is the floor clean?

-Why do you ask? -Let�s put the cover on the floor.

A hard piece of wood need a hard floor.

Oh, that was easy.

Don�t close your eyes, vicar.

Remain seated for half a minute. The ordeal is over.

The wood is gone too.

It couldn�t possibly remain.

But what the vicar has still, noone can complain about.

He makes love to his wife as best as he can.

If he ever suffer from soft wood, the witch is there to help him out.

And that has a strange effekt on his ability.

Everything is as normal as it can, we all feel sorry for the vicars... body.

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